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Speaker 1: If you have a middle schooler and they have a phone,

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Speaker 1: check that shit.

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Speaker 2: Period. Dead ass.

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Speaker 3: And I am terrified of the idea of my boys

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Speaker 3: growing up and doing grown people's stuff.

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Speaker 2: Deadass, man, I just can't. Oh. Hey, I'm Kadeen and

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Speaker 2: I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos.

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Speaker 2: With our boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 2: form of therapy.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 4: li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: Were about to take philos off to our whole new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: I wonder if you should tell a story too. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you women don't have to tell typically

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Speaker 1: tell these stories, but I'll tell my story. You want

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Speaker 1: to tell yours?

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about.

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Speaker 1: It's right here.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I know what your story is. I know

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Speaker 2: what that means.

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Speaker 3: But I'm just saying, you typically do story times, so

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Speaker 3: I don't even have a story in my mind.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what you were thinking about.

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean, a story just says here of your

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Speaker 1: earliest sexual activity or encounter.

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Speaker 2: Oh got you?

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Speaker 1: If you would read the Runner Show, then I don't.

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Speaker 2: Typically read storytime because time you'll.

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Speaker 1: Be doing work over here, Trouble and Kate don't be

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Speaker 1: looking at none of the stuff you put on a paper.

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Speaker 1: I just want to be clear everybody at the live

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Speaker 1: shows you're talking about, I don't be reading the Runner

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Speaker 1: Show now.

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Speaker 3: Y'all see story time, y'all, I may be done two

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Speaker 3: story times in our entire existence of having it.

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Speaker 2: That's podcast. So I don't typically look at storytime. Do

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Speaker 2: you normally do it?

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Speaker 1: That's why I asked the question. I said, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to do a story. Would you like to do your story?

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Speaker 3: And you said your story? As if we prior discussed

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Speaker 3: the story. We've never discussed the story me doing today.

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Speaker 1: The bottom line is the bottom line. The bottom line is,

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Speaker 1: had you read the run of show. Right when I said,

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Speaker 1: would you like to tell your story? The context would

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Speaker 1: have been there because you would have seen here on

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Speaker 1: the paper that trip created. No, no, no, trying to finish.

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Speaker 2: You're right here because you're not.

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Speaker 1: I am somebody.

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Speaker 2: Somebody Let me ask y'all that if that typically does

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Speaker 2: story time.

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Speaker 1: I just looked at job, Josh, look at me.

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Speaker 2: Don't look at me exactly period, So y'all stay out

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Speaker 2: of it.

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Speaker 1: However, my thought is right here in the paper. It

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Speaker 1: says story time, tell us about one of your earliest

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Speaker 1: encounters with sexual activity as a younger teenager. Right, That's

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Speaker 1: what it says in the paper. So my thought is

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Speaker 1: if you would have read the run of show. When

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Speaker 1: I say, oh, it's storytime, I could tell mine, would

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Speaker 1: you like to tell yours? You would have known what

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Speaker 1: I was talking about because it's here on the paper

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Speaker 1: that trip will create. That's my thought. But if I'm

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Speaker 1: wrong for expecting you to read the run the show,

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Speaker 1: then that's on me. You can just say that.

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Speaker 3: And brand new as if you always be reading runs

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Speaker 3: of shows typically on the podcast and listen, I'm speaking.

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Speaker 2: Brand gave you your chance. I gave you writ me.

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Speaker 1: Out the paper of this, motherfuckers. I'm brand new, Okay,

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Speaker 1: rip me out the classic, writ me out the plastic

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Speaker 1: because I'm brand new.

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Speaker 3: Get the lyrics correct. Typically, y'all, when y'all listen to

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Speaker 3: that ass podcast, whether it's a live show or the recording,

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Speaker 3: who does story times nine times out of ten devo?

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Speaker 3: So I typically don't even look at storytime because that's

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Speaker 3: not my domain unless I'm giving a story about something

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Speaker 3: pertinent to me or if it's an all ladies episode.

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Speaker 3: So when you look at me and say do you

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Speaker 3: want to tell your story? I had no idea what

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Speaker 3: you were talking about.

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Speaker 1: Because you have one prepared because you didn't read this.

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Speaker 2: It didn't have one prepared.

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Speaker 1: But because you didn't read the you didn't read this.

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Speaker 2: It has nothing to do with reading.

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Speaker 3: That had everything to do with the fact that I

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Speaker 3: don't typically do storytime, nor did we discuss me doing

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Speaker 3: a storytime spoke about doing this.

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Speaker 1: That's your question.

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Speaker 2: Period.

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Speaker 1: Did you read the run of show to know what

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Speaker 1: storytime was about?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: I know, That's what the whole point is. The whole

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Speaker 1: point was that you didn't read the runner show before

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Speaker 1: the show started. That was the whole point.

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Speaker 2: How many minutes and are we doing this?

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Speaker 1: That was the whole point. I would just like for

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Speaker 1: the record to show the record showing that Kadeen didn't

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Speaker 1: read the Runner Show when she be bragging everybody that

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Speaker 1: I don't be reading the Runner Show. So since you

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Speaker 1: didn't read the run of showhow.

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Speaker 3: Me the exception that I'll show you the rule one timer.

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Speaker 3: Go ahead and just do your story, just the exception.

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Speaker 1: But you got to be accountable for this exception? Do

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Speaker 1: you accept? Do you accept the accountability of the ex.

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Speaker 3: You got?

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Speaker 1: She's taking in the story time? But once again, but

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Speaker 1: once again, I still had a question though. I had

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Speaker 1: a question though, would you like to give your first

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Speaker 1: and sexual encounter as a young teenager or not? That's

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Speaker 1: that's really what the question was about.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm saying you go ahead. I didn't even have

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Speaker 2: to think about so for.

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Speaker 1: This, you had that many as a young teenager? What

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Speaker 1: was happening in your house?

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Speaker 3: Shut up, don't say that, because they're gonna take the clips.

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Speaker 3: Then they're gonna take the ten second clip and that

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Speaker 3: go viral. How I was a hussy as a teenager?

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Speaker 3: I was not.

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Speaker 1: Whoever do that? Whoever done that? Whoever do that? Come

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Speaker 1: to see me.

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Speaker 2: Let's see you because you started it.

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Speaker 3: But what I'm saying is that I haven't even gotten

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Speaker 3: in my frame of mind to think of a story time.

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Speaker 2: So go ahead and do your thing.

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Speaker 1: How long it will take you to think about that story.

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Speaker 3: I tell you a story, Jesus story time.

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Speaker 1: God. Sorry y'all had to sit through that. But sometimes

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Speaker 1: married people are gonna do what married people do. And

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Speaker 1: that's argue, okay, because Kadeen ain't gonna never.

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Speaker 2: Admit she this is not free of the day. You

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Speaker 2: just get it, get it rolling.

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Speaker 1: So I was in sixth grade. I was twelve years

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Speaker 1: old because it was the end of the year, okay,

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Speaker 1: and we had a dance. We had our sixth grade

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Speaker 1: dance and Andrees Hoodie junior high school. I remember I

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Speaker 1: had on my white shirt with the Chinese collar because

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Speaker 1: that was big back in the days. Had on some

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Speaker 1: black slash, but I had black slacks with the hush

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Speaker 1: puppies because you know, hush Puppies was a big deal

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Speaker 1: back in the day. So I was fly, you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. My pots gave me a little chain.

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Speaker 1: I had a ring that I put on my pinky.

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Speaker 1: I was flying a d on the ls fly. So

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Speaker 1: I'm in this dance and this young lady who I liked,

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Speaker 1: and she liked me. It was just like yo, it

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Speaker 1: was dance. So I had never danced before, Like I

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Speaker 1: didn't know what the dub was like. This was this

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Speaker 1: was really my introduction to this part of Caribbean culture. Right.

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Speaker 1: So we're dancing. The lights is out in the gym.

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Speaker 1: It's a little dark, not too dark. They still had

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Speaker 1: the like they had the yellow Christmas tree lights around

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Speaker 1: the room and stuff so you could see, but it

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Speaker 1: was still like them. Right. So we dancing or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and she has my hand on her hips, she has

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Speaker 1: her hand on it, and she's like like going up

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Speaker 1: a little bit. So I was under the impression like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she wants me to grab the titties. So I come

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Speaker 1: up there and I start, I grab the titties and

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Speaker 1: she goes stop. So I stopped and we keep dancing,

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Speaker 1: and she looked back and she looked back again, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, well, what's the problem. She was like

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Speaker 1: she was just like why you stop? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: you said stop, and then she sucked her to you

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Speaker 1: said oh, and then she stormed off little to say

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Speaker 1: I was confused. I was like, I thought she said stop,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, but she didn't didn't necessarily

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Speaker 1: want me to actually stop, and I left there being confused.

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Speaker 1: And throughout my time as a young adolescent male, I

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Speaker 1: had a number of things like that. Happened to the

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Speaker 1: point later on in life that a couple of girls

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Speaker 1: just like, oh, I don't think you like me because

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Speaker 1: you ain't try hard enough. And that made me ask

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Speaker 1: a question to our producer Intrudeau, which she gave me

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Speaker 1: a very responsible answer too, okay, which is why I

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Speaker 1: wanted to ask you yours. But we'll we'll.

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Speaker 3: You know, I don't have a I have a couple

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Speaker 3: of like different like random like oh, when I was

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Speaker 3: little in the middle school type things when you try something,

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Speaker 3: you kiss somebody in the stairwell, things like that. I

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Speaker 3: know one in particular that had me a little turned

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Speaker 3: off and I was just like, I don't know about this.

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Speaker 2: We were across the street from our school.

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Speaker 1: I don't hear no more. I'm instantly jealous, instantly jealous,

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Speaker 1: like I'm like, I'm already thinking about you. We weren't together,

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Speaker 1: we don't really know each other, but I'm mad, y'all.

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Speaker 1: I'm mad, y'all.

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Speaker 2: He pressed me about this whole story time issue. Don't

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Speaker 2: want to you don't even want to hear him story.

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Speaker 1: We gotta move forward as a people. Now, go ahead.

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Speaker 3: I'm playing, But it's pretty short because it was literally

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Speaker 3: me thinking I wanted something and then being like, no,

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Speaker 3: I don't, but not for the reasons y'all. Think I'm

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Speaker 3: across the street at the park with this kid that

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Speaker 3: had a crush on like forever, right, So finally he's

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Speaker 3: noticing me. I'm like, okay, cool, it's at the school time.

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Speaker 3: I'm staying back to do some after school dance class activity.

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Speaker 2: Mom is coming to pick me up. But you know,

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Speaker 2: we always trying to work on the clock, and say, okay,

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Speaker 2: I got a couple of minutes spare time until she

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Speaker 2: get here.

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Speaker 3: Let me go do some things, right, So he's like yo, ha,

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Speaker 3: He's like, yo, you wanna go cross state to the park.

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Speaker 3: So I was like, all right, we're just taking a walk.

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Speaker 2: You know, taking a stroll, you know. I meanwhile, I'm

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Speaker 2: watching the clock.

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Speaker 3: Now I'm like all right, now, I got it because

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Speaker 3: she can't catch me coming from across.

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Speaker 2: The streetcause it's like, what were you doing with some

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Speaker 2: white in out of park?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: Good?

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Speaker 3: So I walk over there reluctantly, but also too, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: heads on a swivel because I'm nervous that somebody is

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Speaker 3: going to see me that knows my mother, and you

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Speaker 3: know how it is, especially back in the day in Brooklyn,

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Speaker 3: everybody know everybody. And we come from an era where

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Speaker 3: if your parents weren't there to see it, and somebody

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Speaker 3: else saw it, they can then enter, snatch your ass up,

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Speaker 3: tell your parents accordingly, and handle it. So I'm kind

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Speaker 3: of head on swivel, you know, and I'm walking through

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Speaker 3: the park a little nervous, but I'm just like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm getting.

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Speaker 2: Time with homeboy, right. So we go.

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Speaker 3: We sit on one of the bleachers the track is there,

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Speaker 3: watching people walk around the track, you know. Then he starts,

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Speaker 3: you know, feeling on me, feeling on my waist, giving

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Speaker 3: me a little kiss here and there, then kissing on

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Speaker 3: my neck and my ear, and I'm just like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm starting to feel things that I had never felt before.

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Speaker 1: This. Yeah, but you said it was short. This is

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Speaker 1: the longest fucking short story I ever heard of my life.

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Speaker 3: But got starting to feel things so then I had

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Speaker 3: on my dance leggings or whatever. So he then goes

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Speaker 3: to put his hand in my pants. Right, So he

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Speaker 3: goes to put his hand in my pants. And then

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Speaker 3: at this point I'm like, okay, now this is too

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Speaker 3: much because we're in public, right, So I pull his

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Speaker 3: hand from out of my pants, and I was just

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Speaker 3: like no, And I looked down at his fingernails and

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Speaker 3: I'm just just dirty, and I was like, I might

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Speaker 3: have let him go back, but after I seeing them

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Speaker 3: dirty ass fingernails, I was like, what you need to

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Speaker 3: do is go get your nails clipped first and foremost.

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Speaker 3: And that was the end of that, that one moment

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Speaker 3: that I like, finally had a moment with the guy

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Speaker 3: I liked.

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Speaker 1: That is not how I expected that to go.

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Speaker 3: His fingernails dirty as hell, like you to really reach

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Speaker 3: into those parts with those.

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Speaker 2: Kids, mina, go clip your nails and wash.

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Speaker 3: Your hands and circle back, baby. But yeah, I still

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Speaker 3: liked him after that, though, I felt.

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Speaker 1: Like you liked him with his dirty nails, Yeah I did.

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Speaker 3: I did. He did come back and with his nails

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Speaker 3: clean the next day, though, entry and cut him, so

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Speaker 3: at least he took the message.

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Speaker 2: It was the effort for me.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that's what's up. That's what's up. Fuck him. Let's

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Speaker 1: move on to karaoke before I'll go back in time.

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Speaker 1: Look at these school board and see who I gotta fight.

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Speaker 5: Let's talk about sex, babe me. Let's talk about you

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Speaker 5: and me. Let's talk about all the good things and

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Speaker 5: the bad things that made me. Let's talk about sex.

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Speaker 5: Let's talk about sex.

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Speaker 1: But we're talking about sex with our kids because we

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Speaker 1: was kids. We was kids, and I'm going to talk

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Speaker 1: about having conversations with our sons.

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Speaker 3: To talk seriously, how to talk seriously because we're getting

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Speaker 3: to that point, yes, with our.

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Speaker 2: Boys about sex and sexuality. So stay tuned.

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Speaker 3: We're going to pay some bills and come back chet

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Speaker 3: out my stomach, but not when it comes to this topic, floored.

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Speaker 3: We talk about sex a lot on this show, but

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Speaker 3: god damn Yeah.

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Speaker 1: The reason why we thought this was important to talk

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Speaker 1: about is because I proposed this question to Trible downstairs.

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Speaker 1: Jesse and I think we're probably going to do a

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Speaker 1: devoused man Cave episode on it because we actually had

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Speaker 1: a full conversation. But as a young adolescent, pre adolescent male,

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Speaker 1: when you're growing up and a lot of my friends

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Speaker 1: have the same instances that I've had, where you're with

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Speaker 1: a young lady and she says no or stop or don't,

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Speaker 1: and then when you don't, then it's like, oh, you

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Speaker 1: was lame. You didn't try hard enough. Like I was

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Speaker 1: called lame a bunch of times in middle school and

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Speaker 1: in high school. And I was called lame because my

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Speaker 1: father and my uncle. My uncle was a detective. My

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Speaker 1: father they both always had, you know, always good with women.

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Speaker 1: Both said Listen, if a woman not only says no

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Speaker 1: or says stop, but you can feel in her presence,

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Speaker 1: in her body that she's not comfortable or doesn't want

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Speaker 1: you to continue, you automatically stop. It doesn't matter with

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Speaker 1: you trying to figure out how what the stop means,

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Speaker 1: what kind of no is it. It was always just

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Speaker 1: say no. And I feel like I was able to

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Speaker 1: avoid a lot of issues because of that, because you

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Speaker 1: see a lot of issues happen now with he says

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Speaker 1: she said or she said no, but she didn't really

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Speaker 1: mean knowing women saying I did say no, but I

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Speaker 1: did ask her, I said, how does how would you

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Speaker 1: tell your son to navigate that? Considering the fact that

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Speaker 1: a young lady said stop, and then you did stop,

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Speaker 1: and then you will call Laine because of it, Like,

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Speaker 1: does that mean the next time you keep going? And

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Speaker 1: then what triple set was She would tell young men

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Speaker 1: that if a young lady is saying no, but she

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Speaker 1: means yes, she's not mature enough to consent to any

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Speaker 1: sexual activity anyway. It's interesting, which is great. And I said,

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Speaker 1: that's a great thing to think about because I never

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Speaker 1: thought about saying it that way. Well, I never thought

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Speaker 1: about articulating it that way to a young.

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Speaker 3: Man, meaning the woman's emotional maturity or just maturity in general,

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Speaker 3: just because to be able to even decipher what she

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Speaker 3: wants in that moment right now.

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Speaker 1: Like my father and my uncle just said, the no

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Speaker 1: is no when you feel like it's a no, it's

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Speaker 1: just no. They never explain to me why I should stop.

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Speaker 1: It was just no, because no is no, right, That's

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Speaker 1: that's it no means.

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Speaker 3: But I think, if I'm being honest, I think that

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Speaker 3: that's aerring on the side of caution. And I can

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Speaker 3: see why they would say that to avoid you having any.

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Speaker 2: Doubt of he said.

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Speaker 3: She said, It's like, then what remove yourself from the

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Speaker 3: situation or what would what's the next step in something

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Speaker 3: like that, for example, Well, if a girl says no

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Speaker 3: and you say no, and then it's awkward after that,

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Speaker 3: Like it's.

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Speaker 1: Always it's always. Well, my experience was it always happened

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Speaker 1: like it was at a dance, or we'd be in school,

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Speaker 1: or we'd be somewhere. For example, you know, a girl

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Speaker 1: come get you out of the classroom, and she knock

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Speaker 1: on the door. She got to pass and she come outside.

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Speaker 1: So then you come outside the classroom and then y'all

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Speaker 1: go on the staircase, and now y'all kiss and finaling,

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Speaker 1: and you put your hand somewhere, and then it's just like, okay, stop,

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Speaker 1: so then you stop and then you know, okay, let's

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Speaker 1: go back to class. So we go back to class.

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Speaker 1: And then later on in the day, your boys said, yo,

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Speaker 1: you mad, whack, you lame, you corny. I'm like, why,

351
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Speaker 1: it's because you didn't do excellent. I'm like, she says stop.

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Speaker 1: And then it gets back to me that she told

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Speaker 1: her friends that I was laying I wouldn't do X

354
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Speaker 1: y Z like, but she said stop. So for me,

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Speaker 1: it was confusing, But I was always going to error

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Speaker 1: on the side of caution because of what my uncle

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Speaker 1: and my dad said. But what I'm what I like

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Speaker 1: now is you know how they say when you learn more,

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Speaker 1: when you learn better, you do better. Right, Understanding the

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Speaker 1: why is now more important. No means no is a

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Speaker 1: great statement, but why there's no mean no. Why no

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Speaker 1: means no is because if a woman says yes, and

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Speaker 1: then well, if a woman says no but she means yes,

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Speaker 1: even if she says no, that means she's not emotionally

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Speaker 1: or intellectually mature enough to understand what the type of

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Speaker 1: consent is needed to participate in that activity. If you

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Speaker 1: explain it to boys that way, then it's like oh,

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Speaker 1: because then the whole idea of well, no may sometimes

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Speaker 1: mean yes is now void because you made it clear

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Speaker 1: to them no can never mean yes because if no

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Speaker 1: is supposed to mean yes, that means that she's not

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Speaker 1: mature enough to actually give you a yes. It's the

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Speaker 1: same thing with alcohol, right If a woman doesn't say no,

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Speaker 1: but she's under the influence, she can't be held with

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Speaker 1: the responsibility of being accountable because she was under the influence.

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Speaker 1: Once a woman already says no, it's kind of like

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Speaker 1: she's under the influence of her own immaturity and can't

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Speaker 1: even consent because she's too immature to consent. That opened

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Speaker 1: up my mind as a way to explain it to Jackson,

380
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Speaker 1: because I felt like, I felt like, dang, like this

381
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Speaker 1: isn't fair to me as a young boy. I felt

382
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Speaker 1: like I used to get clown and kid on all

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Speaker 1: the time because I wasn't willing to push to get it,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And then I asked her, well,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to ask you while we have this conversation,

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Speaker 1: why do young ladies Because I know what I've we

387
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Speaker 1: had this conversation, so I know where I'm going to

388
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Speaker 1: come up with. Why do you think so many young

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Speaker 1: ladies do the no or the choy stop when they

390
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,720
Speaker 1: really mean yes? Why do you think that's something that happens?

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Speaker 3: I mean, I thought from my experience, because I've definitely

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Speaker 3: been in those situations where I would say, thankfully, I

393
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Speaker 3: was fortunate enough to not be in situations where I

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Speaker 3: felt super uncomfortable and had to, you know, fight for

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Speaker 3: my life almost in situations like that. I think in

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Speaker 3: part it was probably my nice, sheltered background where I

397
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Speaker 3: can go no where anywhay but in the moments that

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Speaker 3: I did try to get out there and explore, because

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Speaker 3: typically this is the age range where kids are starting

400
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Speaker 3: to explore, explore, you know, the the hormones are revving

401
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,119
Speaker 3: up and all that is happening all at once, and

402
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,760
Speaker 3: it can be very very confusing. For me, there was

403
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Speaker 3: always and this is personally so I'm not sure if

404
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,919
Speaker 3: anyone else feels this way as a but for me,

405
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,359
Speaker 3: there was always a standard to be upheld where the

406
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:08,440
Speaker 3: expectation was that I did not want to disappoint myself

407
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Speaker 3: disappoint my family. So it was a way of trying

408
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Speaker 3: to find out that way I can toll the line

409
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Speaker 3: between experimenting and figuring out things and you know, having

410
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Speaker 3: moments with the guy I liked at the time, but

411
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Speaker 3: also to not going far enough where I would have

412
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Speaker 3: moments of regret. And I think that's ultimately what tends

413
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Speaker 3: to happen even with women who I've spoken to, a

414
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Speaker 3: young women who I've spoken to who are younger than

415
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Speaker 3: me that I try to help navigate and mentor through

416
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Speaker 3: life in general, when they have these moments, there's sometimes

417
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Speaker 3: buyers remorse, There's moments where you're like, man, I really

418
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Speaker 3: in the moment, it felt like the right thing, and

419
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Speaker 3: then after the fact, when you think about it or

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Speaker 3: it settles in, you're just like, damn, I maybe shouldn't

421
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Speaker 3: have done that. So I think that may be what

422
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Speaker 3: a large overarching issue is for some women when it

423
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Speaker 3: comes to that. It's like, in that moment, it may

424
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Speaker 3: feel good again, it may be the environment, it may

425
00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:00,320
Speaker 3: be you had a drink, it may be any of

426
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Speaker 3: those things, and it's like, you really like this guy,

427
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Speaker 3: or you really like the moment. So it's like, Okay,

428
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,879
Speaker 3: I want to try something, But then your mind is

429
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,160
Speaker 3: essentially taking over and you're just debating all the things

430
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Speaker 3: that could potentially go wrong in this moment where I

431
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,040
Speaker 3: really want to do this. I could possibly get pregnant,

432
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Speaker 3: Oh my god, my parents find out, or whatever the

433
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,480
Speaker 3: case may be. There's just so many things that go

434
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Speaker 3: on in the mind that I think that is the

435
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:26,359
Speaker 3: reason why some women in those situations may feel a

436
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:27,760
Speaker 3: bit conflicted or confused.

437
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,240
Speaker 1: You know that that makes sense. It actually goes in

438
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,960
Speaker 1: the line in alignment with what I was thinking. When

439
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,840
Speaker 1: I was growing up, me and my cousin Porsche were

440
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:41,120
Speaker 1: very close, and I remember the differences in conversations. Right,

441
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,239
Speaker 1: Porscha is one year younger than me, and for me,

442
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:47,879
Speaker 1: I think it's unfair for both young men and young women.

443
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,840
Speaker 1: Right for us to tell our young men to go

444
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:58,400
Speaker 1: explore and protect yourself, protect yourself, be safe, respect women, Right,

445
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,959
Speaker 1: that's what people do. Always respect the women, but protect yourself,

446
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,240
Speaker 1: be safe. Then they'll have fun. Right. But then when

447
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,879
Speaker 1: this young women is don't have sex to your forty,

448
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,440
Speaker 1: don't talk to me about sex, don't think about sex,

449
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,479
Speaker 1: and then you get stagmatized and you get labeled if

450
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:13,040
Speaker 1: you have sex.

451
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 2: So there's a shame around it for sure.

452
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,679
Speaker 1: So my thing is if we have and this is

453
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,439
Speaker 1: just for heterosexual couples. So I'm giving an example. You

454
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 1: have a group of people telling boys to go out

455
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 1: have sex, have fun, or protect women, but then we're

456
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,920
Speaker 1: telling young women don't have sex. You're going to be shunned.

457
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 1: How are they supposed to know how to interact with

458
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,400
Speaker 1: each other.

459
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,440
Speaker 2: Going into it? Yes, men are like going to be free.

460
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 1: I can do this and I can't.

461
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 2: I can't.

462
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,480
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. And I feel like it's

463
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,439
Speaker 1: unfair that we don't have these conversations with young ladies.

464
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,640
Speaker 1: So that they know how to navigate these situations. Right,

465
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 1: Trible and I were talking, and Triple doesn't have kids.

466
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 1: But Trible is a young lady and she grew up

467
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 1: a young lady. And what she said was, well, what

468
00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:00,919
Speaker 1: we what we deduce is that young men typically commit

469
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:04,840
Speaker 1: sexual assaults or feel uneasy around women when they don't

470
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,639
Speaker 1: have confidence about themselves or about what it is to

471
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,320
Speaker 1: be with a woman in that way. Right, So what

472
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 1: do they do? They behave poorly because they don't know

473
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 1: how to act. There's an immaturity young women. We don't

474
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,320
Speaker 1: have the conversations with them. So what do they do?

475
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,400
Speaker 1: They behave immaturely and they don't know how to consent.

476
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 1: So you have one group here who we have conversations

477
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,480
Speaker 1: with about go have sex, but we don't speak to

478
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,760
Speaker 1: them about how to respect women. Then we have a

479
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 1: group over here who we don't talk to with sex

480
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 1: at all. Then you have young people trying to experiment,

481
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 1: and bad things happen. I think that we as a

482
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,960
Speaker 1: community of people are doing our children a disservice, yes,

483
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 1: by not speaking openly to both parties about what sex

484
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 1: looks like. And we have to stop stigmatizing it so

485
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:54,159
Speaker 1: that men can feel more comfortable with showing their sexual nature,

486
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,959
Speaker 1: and women can feel more comfortable expressing that they have

487
00:21:58,080 --> 00:21:59,919
Speaker 1: sexual needs and desires.

488
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 3: As well, and early on as twelve as twelve two? Right,

489
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 3: how do you happened?

490
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 1: Twelve and thirteen year old girl going through hormones, going

491
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 1: through puberty, getting boobs, getting attention from guys to ignore

492
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,479
Speaker 1: all of your sexual desires until you get married at

493
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,919
Speaker 1: forty Like, how do we tell women that?

494
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, the complete avoidance of the topic to me is astounding,

495
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,440
Speaker 3: and I look at how the parenting, you know, approach

496
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 3: has changed a lot, even just in speaking to a

497
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,680
Speaker 3: friends of mine who have children that are a bit

498
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:34,160
Speaker 3: older than mine, and the approach is so different. I'm

499
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 3: one of my friends has four daughters and she's just like,

500
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 3: from as early as I can remember, I've been having

501
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 3: this conversation with the girls about it, and to this day,

502
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 3: you know, to her knowledge, at least you know her daughters.

503
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,520
Speaker 2: You are aware of what's going on.

504
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 3: I don't know who's having sex from who's not, but

505
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 3: in the event that they were, or one decided like

506
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 3: I have a boyfriend, now this is something I may

507
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 3: be exploring. She was almost in tears at the fact

508
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,280
Speaker 3: that she was able to come to her and ask

509
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 3: her about it and say, well, like, I'm like this

510
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:05,960
Speaker 3: with such and such like I'm confused, And for her,

511
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 3: I said, that was a major win as a mom,

512
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,439
Speaker 3: because your teenage daughter felt comfortable enough to come to

513
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 3: you and say, Mom, I'm feeling these things and I'm confused.

514
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 2: What should I do?

515
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,439
Speaker 3: But that is a testimony to the fact that she

516
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 3: has always had open dialogue and conversation with them about

517
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 3: it early and it wasn't from a place of fear

518
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 3: per se, but it was a place of fact. When

519
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,199
Speaker 3: we're speaking to our children, particularly middle school children, we

520
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 3: have to speak to them without the fear being instilled

521
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:40,160
Speaker 3: in them. But instead of presenting facts, presenting statistics, presenting images,

522
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 3: I mean, she says, she pulled up all every std

523
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 3: you could think of and just show what it did

524
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 3: to the genitalia for men and women, and those things

525
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,200
Speaker 3: were again just stating the facts of what can happen

526
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 3: if you were to engage in any kind of sexual activity.

527
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 3: And sexual activity there's a broad scope of what it

528
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 3: looks like for heterosexual couples. For couples who are heterosexual,

529
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, some people think it's not sex

530
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 3: if it's oral, you know, and then not sex if

531
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:09,199
Speaker 3: it's anal you know. There's so many different mindset surround it,

532
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,359
Speaker 3: and people skew it sometimes to their advantage. But I

533
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 3: think us as parents, which and I joke, you know,

534
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,879
Speaker 3: about not wanting my children to grow up. Of course

535
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 3: that it's inevitable, but I prefer to take the approach

536
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 3: where they feel comfortable, whether mom or dad. Us having

537
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 3: four boys, you know, I can see how they can think,

538
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 3: you know, maybe I don't want to talk to mom

539
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:33,800
Speaker 3: about this, but I am hoping that I'm establishing open

540
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 3: lines of communication, the no boundaries where they feel like

541
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 3: they can talk to me and maybe get a woman's

542
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,879
Speaker 3: perspective when needed, because that's essential for boys too as well,

543
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,960
Speaker 3: so to have a women's perspective, and I just hope

544
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,199
Speaker 3: that I can be that for them when the time comes.

545
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,959
Speaker 3: And of course the conversations happen in appropriately as they

546
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 3: get older, but middle school is usually where it starts.

547
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 3: So that's why we were important to speak about it

548
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,720
Speaker 3: with Jackson going into the seventh grade. You know, kids

549
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 3: become more independent and more curious, yeah, but influenced by peers.

550
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 3: We got the note home about sex ed right, you know.

551
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 1: So I think one of the biggest things still plaguing

552
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,640
Speaker 1: our culture, especially in America, is rape culture. Right like

553
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:16,120
Speaker 1: other countries and other contents don't have the same exact

554
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 1: don't have the same ideals as we have. You know,

555
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 1: some places sex isn't as taboo. You know, you go

556
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 1: different places in Europe and people walk around topless and

557
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,120
Speaker 1: it's not that big a deal. But also rape doesn't

558
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 1: happen as often asn't happen as in America, and we

559
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 1: talk about rape being more of a power thing and

560
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: not a sexual thing. But I think that we can

561
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 1: start to eliminate rape culture by educating people at younger ages,

562
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,680
Speaker 1: you know. And also we can stop and eliminate rape

563
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:45,399
Speaker 1: culture by not stigmatizing young women for wanting to engage

564
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 1: in sexual activity, but then also not championing boys to

565
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 1: engage in sexual activity. And in a way, because this is

566
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 1: what rape culture is. Rape culture is the idea that

567
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 1: women don't know what they want and it's a man's

568
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 1: idea to show her what she wants, because that's really

569
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 1: what the idea is. Oh, if she said no, she

570
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,160
Speaker 1: she'll say no. Till she say yes, like she doesn't

571
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 1: know what she wants. That's how rape culture really started.

572
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 1: And then what adds to rape culture is not talking

573
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 1: to women about sex, so they really don't know what

574
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,680
Speaker 1: they want. So now they're a young woman having these

575
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: feelings and they're engaged with a young man, and this

576
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: young man has been told like, tell her what she

577
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: wants because she or show her. And then this young

578
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 1: woman's like, well, no one's ever talked to me, so

579
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: I guess this is what it is. And I feel

580
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 1: like we can eliminate that by starting at a younger age.

581
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 1: And we have some facts and stats here. Yes, more

582
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 1: than twenty percent of adults in the US say they

583
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 1: are not planning to have a conversation about the birds

584
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: and the bees with their kids. New research says. A

585
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 1: recent survey revealed that sixty percent of American parents were

586
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,159
Speaker 1: raised thinking sex was taboo, which may affect how they

587
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 1: approach the subject with their children. Indeed, most females will

588
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,679
Speaker 1: start puberty when they're eight to thirteen years old, and

589
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,119
Speaker 1: most males will start between nine and fourteen, but it

590
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 1: can also be normal to start earlier or later. Among

591
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 1: fifteen to seventeen year olds, sixty nine percent of boys

592
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:07,159
Speaker 1: and seventy two percent of girls have never had sexual intercourse.

593
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 2: That's higher than I thought the percentage.

594
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,959
Speaker 1: I don't know who they asking or they asking. Niggas's lying.

595
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 2: She thought it was going to be the other way around.

596
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,200
Speaker 3: I thought they were going to say sixty nine percent

597
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,159
Speaker 3: of boys and seventy percent are having sex.

598
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 1: Not I think this is fake. I think they asked

599
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 1: the young people who were just like, I'm not I'm

600
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,640
Speaker 1: minting to you. Yeah, no, no, no, I'm a brogia in fact,

601
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:30,120
Speaker 1: because if my parents were asked me if I when

602
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: I was sixteen and seventeen, I definitely would have lied.

603
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:33,959
Speaker 2: I'm not telling the absolutely.

604
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,920
Speaker 1: Research shows the average age children are now exposed to pornography.

605
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 2: It's thirteen thirteen.

606
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 3: And this is what I'm than thinking about how accessible

607
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:44,440
Speaker 3: it is nowadays.

608
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 1: Lord, this is why. And I want to get into

609
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 1: how we plan on talking to our boys.

610
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 2: About before we do that. How were you taught about sex?

611
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: How was who taught about sex?

612
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 2: How were you taught?

613
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 1: Who was taught about sex you?

614
00:27:57,920 --> 00:27:59,119
Speaker 2: How were you taught about sex?

615
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:02,119
Speaker 1: Who was taught about sex? That's my point? Oh you

616
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: know how my father taught me about sex and I

617
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 1: had a great dad.

618
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

619
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: One morning I was in his room, I was sixteen.

620
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,200
Speaker 1: I was getting all my stuff out of his room.

621
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 1: I was getting my socks because we all did laundry together,

622
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 1: get my five dollars for lunch, and he goes, yo.

623
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 1: So yeah, he said, you know I got comments in

624
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,640
Speaker 1: my bottom drawer, right, I said, yeah, right there about

625
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:27,360
Speaker 1: the socks. He said, Okay. That was the only conversation

626
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 1: my father had with me about sex. Really, yes, And

627
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: then my brother had a baby two years later.

628
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:33,879
Speaker 2: Wow.

629
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,160
Speaker 1: So I guess he expected me to tell Brian about

630
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 1: the condomy because he clearly didn't tell Brian.

631
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 3: I know, I know, but it just I was similar,

632
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 3: Well that's similar, but it was just awkward. My mom

633
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 3: was very vocal with me about like, my body so changes.

634
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 3: So she got me this book that talked about, you know,

635
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 3: the woman's body and what to expect when you become

636
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 3: a woman having your periods.

637
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 2: So I was very prepared for that.

638
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 3: She even had a little kit that she put together

639
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,959
Speaker 3: for me with like change of under where pad wipes

640
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 3: this that they had all.

641
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 1: That I was walking around.

642
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, so she was like that, I think and I

643
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 3: think for her it was just like, this is my daughter,

644
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:09,959
Speaker 3: my first daughter. I wanted to be prepared and never

645
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,120
Speaker 3: be caught out there embarrassed, right because for her, she said,

646
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:15,239
Speaker 3: growing up in Jamaica, it was an embarrassing thing if

647
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 3: anybody ever knew. Like she was like, if you have

648
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,480
Speaker 3: your period, you never let anyone know. You know, it's

649
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 3: a private thing.

650
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 2: You have your little pouch or your bathroom, take yourself

651
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 2: and stuff like that.

652
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 3: The sex part left a bit to be imagined. Okay,

653
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,280
Speaker 3: there was a book and again it came with another book,

654
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 3: and it was kind of.

655
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 2: Just like, here's this book. Take a look.

656
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 3: See, let me know if you have any questions. Meanwhile,

657
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 3: I took the book, then took it to school and

658
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 3: then showed my friends, and then it became the topic

659
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 3: of discussion with the friends and then we're all comparing

660
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 3: notes about what we've learned at some point, which essentially,

661
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 3: you know, there was two kids who got expelled from

662
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 3: our school for having sex in the.

663
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 2: Bathroom in eighth grade. You know, like that's the kind

664
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 2: of stuff I married. They are they are married to

665
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 2: this day, so I it works biblical times.

666
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: They could have been married at fourteen because that's the

667
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 1: early day was so they do nothing wrong. That's how

668
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 1: I looked at it, begging it's the funny part.

669
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 2: I could have expected that, but shout out to them

670
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 2: for still be together.

671
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 1: This is how men typically talk to other men when

672
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: it comes to sex. Right, you heard what my father said.

673
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: My uncle goes, it's me and my brother, right, and

674
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 1: my cousin Porsche that is his daughter. She he's just

675
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: like your porscha, Yo, go go another room talking to

676
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 1: your cousins. She's like all got like she mad like

677
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 1: all got a way I talk about Right. So I'm

678
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: in high school. Brian's in I think ninth grade. He

679
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: in high school too. My uncle goes, Yo, when it rains,

680
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 1: make sure you have your rain boots, that's what he said.

681
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: And I was just like your rain bowts. She said,

682
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: you feel me? Do you feel me? When it rains,

683
00:30:55,640 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 1: make sure you have your rain boots on. And I

684
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: was like I knew what he was saying. So I

685
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: was just like, I got your guy. He's like, you

686
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: got me. He's like Brian, and Brian's like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

687
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 1: I got you. Like it was reading it no, because

688
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:13,440
Speaker 1: because also it's not just it's just awkward and embarrassing

689
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 1: for parents. It's also awkward and embarrassing because I asked Jackson,

690
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 1: and any girls in your school? I'm like, Yo, why

691
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 1: are you acting like that? I'm asking a question, right,

692
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,959
Speaker 1: ain't nobody? No dad? Come on yo, chill, chill, all right, bro, Like,

693
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 1: I won't bring it up and thank you, I said,

694
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 1: until I'm ready to talk about it, which is gonna

695
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 1: happen real sy real soon. He's like, oh, God, should

696
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 1: just just be prepared. I'm going to talk to you

697
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 1: about sex.

698
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 3: I am just like a little like we'll scroll past,

699
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 3: you know, He'll be on YouTube, I'll be on Instagram

700
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 3: and scrolling past and he'd be like, oh, mom, who's that. Like,

701
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, recently it was what's her name?

702
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 1: Her?

703
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 2: Her, the singer her. Yeah, he was like, she's really pretty.

704
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 2: I was like, she really is.

705
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 3: And he's just like, can't she looks so much pretty

706
00:31:58,160 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 3: when she takes her glasses off to it her here's

707
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 3: not her face. I was like, he be watching, but

708
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 3: he saw a picture of her without it and he

709
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 3: was like, she looks so pretty without it.

710
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, we had, we've had, We've gotten to

711
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,560
Speaker 1: certain levels. Of talks like we haven't gotten into the

712
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: penetration and orgasm and this type stuff of women and

713
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 1: stuff and birds and the beest. But we got to

714
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: the part of the conversation where it's just like, if

715
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 1: there's a young lady that you like, there's a certain

716
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 1: level of respect you have to have. And you know,

717
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 1: he was just like, what do you mean. I was like, well,

718
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 1: you see your mother. How about youat your mother? And

719
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:36,600
Speaker 1: she's like, that's the queen, protect the queen. I see

720
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 1: how open doors put out things. If there's anything your

721
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: mom wants or needs, I got her, right, yeah, I said,

722
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 1: but you also see me smack your mom on the ass, right,

723
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: And he was just like yeah, I said, you know,

724
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: before I could just do that, I had to get

725
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 1: permission from your mom first. So when we started talking

726
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 1: and we started dating, and first I didn't just walk

727
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: up to her because I liked her and smacked her

728
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 1: on the ass. That's not how that works. We had

729
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: a conversation, talked about the things we like with each other.

730
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 1: We start to like each other, you always feel out

731
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 1: and see if things are okay, and once she gives

732
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 1: me the approval, then that becomes the norm. That's that's

733
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: what becomes the norm. But it's not a thing where

734
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 1: you can just ruam up here on and grab a

735
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 1: woman's ass because you see your mom your dad do it.

736
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 1: And he looked at me and say, okay, okay, And

737
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 1: I thought that that was important because for.

738
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 3: Sure, that's where it starts, just having the own control

739
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 3: over your body, giving him the autonomy over his body,

740
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 3: knowing that she, whoever she is, has full autonomy over hers.

741
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 1: Well, that's actually a point I missed. Before we talked

742
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:37,959
Speaker 1: about sex, I talked to them about their private parts

743
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 1: and about no one has the right to touch you

744
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,440
Speaker 1: down there, no one has the right to make you

745
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 1: touch them down there. So we've had all of that

746
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 1: conversation about consent with them as children first. So the

747
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 1: fact that they know that, I feel like it'll be

748
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 1: easier for me to teach them, like, well, the same

749
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 1: way you have rules about your body, women have rules

750
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: about theirs, right, and you have to abide by the

751
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 1: same rules that you require people to abide about your body.

752
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 1: So before we even talked about sex, I talked to

753
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,319
Speaker 1: them about that, Like when we used to bathe them

754
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,359
Speaker 1: and we had showers, it got to a certain point

755
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 1: when the kids were like three, I told Cairo, I

756
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 1: told Cassayo, I'm not washing you up no more. And

757
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,960
Speaker 1: then they watch it. That's your body. You have to

758
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 1: take care of your body. I can't touch your privates.

759
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:23,399
Speaker 1: No one should touch your booty, No one should touch

760
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 1: your boom boom your penis, nobody should touch that, No

761
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,319
Speaker 1: one should touch your nipples. No one should be touching

762
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: your body except you, not me, as your dad or

763
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: your mom. And that's then now they you know, they

764
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 1: got They get to point out I need privacy. I

765
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 1: need privacy, you know what I'm saying. Like, they start

766
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 1: to understand the privacy thing, which is crazy because they'll

767
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 1: just walk in that back.

768
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 3: They don't walk into our unannounced. And I'm just like, listen,

769
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 3: it was different when I was breastfeeding babies. Tity is

770
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 3: flying everywhere. I'm like, now mom is getting snatched again.

771
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 3: You don't need to walk up it. So do tell

772
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 3: themselves several times, not until you get an answer. If

773
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 3: you don't get an you're on the side of caution

774
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:58,120
Speaker 3: and don't come in period.

775
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 1: No, seriously, I told I told you you literally, I

776
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 1: literally told Jackson two weeks ago. Remember he walked in

777
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: the bathroom, I remember, and he just started talking to me.

778
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,360
Speaker 1: I said, bro, let me explain something to you. Okay,

779
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 1: you are twelve. You are looking at your mother eye

780
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 1: to eye, so you can see her. Right, you can

781
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 1: see saying I can see her. I say, you walk

782
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 1: in the bathroom one day, you may see something in

783
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 1: parts of your mother you don't want to see it.

784
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,359
Speaker 1: And that looked that you looking at her eye ain't

785
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,719
Speaker 1: gonna be the same no more. Bro. So he's like

786
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: each other. God, I said, I'm just letting you know

787
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 1: what happens, back what happens. And I make it very

788
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 1: clear to my sons that you are my wife. And

789
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 1: I also show them this is important that I think

790
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: other people see. I show them how I treat other

791
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: women who are not my wife. Right, so they see

792
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 1: how I interact with like Crystal or a trouble, or

793
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 1: they notice who like I shake hands with, who I

794
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,360
Speaker 1: hug like every interaction or something that's a life lesson.

795
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,320
Speaker 1: I make sure I show to my son's that's the difference.

796
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,280
Speaker 1: The same way when you walk around with your shorts

797
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 1: on and I'll tap jacksonmly watch this, watch this, and

798
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 1: I'll go over there, and I'll just patch you on

799
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 1: the butt real quick. I'll be like, come here and

800
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 1: give me a kiss. And I was like, see, that's

801
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:08,840
Speaker 1: your queen. You gotta make sure your queen knows that

802
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 1: she looking good. And he'd be like, I get it, Dad,

803
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 1: I get it. He'll roll his eyes, But I always

804
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 1: want him to understand the difference of what love looks like,

805
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: what physical touch looks like, what's appropriate when physical touch

806
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 1: is appropriate for a woman in your life as opposed

807
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 1: to an acquaintance, right, and.

808
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 3: Then just got to be a gentleman, you know, like

809
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 3: they see like you know, if for example, who like Crystal.

810
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 3: For example, when Crystal comes over to the house, we

811
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 3: always make sure that you walk her to a car,

812
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:36,320
Speaker 3: just to make sure she gets there safely. You know,

813
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,040
Speaker 3: there's little things like that that I think, Now it's

814
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:42,439
Speaker 3: not a way of trying to micromanage woman, but it's

815
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,759
Speaker 3: more so just a way of making sure that you

816
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 3: be a gentleman.

817
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:46,640
Speaker 2: And that's important too.

818
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,359
Speaker 1: And the bottom line is this is the way we

819
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: want to be gentleman. Like there's also this whole thing

820
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 1: about chivalry right in the world, and it's like what

821
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 1: is required and you can't tell me what I'm supposed

822
00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:59,720
Speaker 1: to do as a man. I am going to provide

823
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 1: what I can and hopefully I find a peer or

824
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 1: partner who appreciates what I offer and we can both

825
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: agree to that. I'm not arguing with people no more

826
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: about if a man is supposed to open the door

827
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:12,959
Speaker 1: or because I had a woman telling me to open

828
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 1: the door for a woman is a microaggression of what

829
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:19,840
Speaker 1: she said. It was a microaggression of misogyny because what

830
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:22,480
Speaker 1: I'm ultimately saying is that she isn't strong enough to

831
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 1: open the door. I said, No, what I think is

832
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 1: you're not smart enough to understand that I was opening

833
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,839
Speaker 1: the door for everyone. So what I'll do is I'll

834
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 1: close the door back. But I was just trying to

835
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,319
Speaker 1: be kind. I'm like, the way I'm trying to raise

836
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 1: my boys is the way I want them to treat

837
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: their women, and not the way. Yeah, they'll find somebody

838
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 1: who appreciate it. Not the way that all men are

839
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 1: supposed to treat all women. You figure I would work

840
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 1: for you. I'm just telling you what works for me, all.

841
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 2: Right, Like I'm over there. That's how she goes That's.

842
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 1: Just how it is. But Also, this is important, and

843
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 1: this is why I wanted to talk about this to

844
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 1: these parents. Before I became an actual parent myself, I

845
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,839
Speaker 1: was a mentor over five hundred young men, mostly young men.

846
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 1: About twenty percent of them were young women, No, fifty

847
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:11,319
Speaker 1: of them were young women. We also had to do

848
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 1: random social media checks. That was part of being in

849
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 1: the program was that you had to forfeit your cell

850
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 1: phone or your social media password to random checks, and

851
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:24,400
Speaker 1: I would go through the checks with the parents in

852
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 1: the room. The stuff I've seen from these middle school kids,

853
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: I couldn't see because if I saw and kept watching

854
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 1: it, it would be considered child pornography. These young people are

855
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 1: because of snapchat and in fact that things disappear, and

856
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 1: because of all of the hyper sexualization of things on

857
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 1: social media and it not being like there's no TV

858
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 1: or no censorship, so.

859
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 2: They get to see anything nothing related.

860
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, So these kids were passing things back and forth

861
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 1: to each other that their parents had no idea that

862
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,400
Speaker 1: their child wasn't involved in that. Had one parent tell me,

863
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,279
Speaker 1: I don't have to be here for social media check

864
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 1: because my child doesn't have a cell phone, so they

865
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 1: don't have a social media, I said, I'm glad you

866
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 1: think that, because now I'm going to prove to you wrong.

867
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 1: Do you know who your child's best friend is. Your

868
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 1: child's best friend has a cell phone, so you know

869
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 1: what's on your child's best friend cell phone? Your child's

870
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:19,839
Speaker 1: social media I said, look open this up. Look whose

871
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 1: picture that is? Look at the name. If some parents

872
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 1: like I didn't even know you could have multiple social media's, yes,

873
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,359
Speaker 1: if you open up Instagram, you can have as many

874
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 1: profiles as you want on that Instagram page. And what

875
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 1: a lot of these kids are doing are They're sharing

876
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:35,799
Speaker 1: Instagram profiles with their friends on phone so that their

877
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:39,280
Speaker 1: parents won't know. They also have different apps that hide

878
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: social media apps, so you think it's a calculator, But

879
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 1: if you put in a certain amount of buttons, it's

880
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 1: a different side of the app and you get to

881
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,280
Speaker 1: see all of the wild shit these kids are doing,

882
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 1: emulating the adults they see on social media and on television.

883
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:56,320
Speaker 1: And the reason why in real life true. The reason

884
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 1: why I say this is because if we as parents

885
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: are going to be irresponsible and not speak to our

886
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 1: kids about sex, we can't then expect our children to

887
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 1: behave responsibly. For sure, in the world when it comes

888
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 1: to sex.

889
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 2: For sure.

890
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 3: I am totally, totally an advocate for it. I just

891
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 3: think it's also a generational thing like we now are

892
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 3: just no one's doing that anymore where we're just not

893
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 3: talking to our kids about it.

894
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:25,640
Speaker 1: You mad, I got just stared at you and looked

895
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 1: at you for a minute and the light was coming in.

896
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 2: Well, thank you? Who did the light today? Was that met?

897
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:31,960
Speaker 1: God did the light?

898
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:37,000
Speaker 3: God did?

899
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:41,359
Speaker 2: God? You're so stupid you just look man, goodness, I'll

900
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:43,440
Speaker 2: be looking at you like that last episode. You got

901
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 2: a nice little kissing session around the corner their.

902
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: We talk about self, you talk about kids sex.

903
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 3: But now you're over here, listen to y'all cut it

904
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 3: out to get that focus. Focus. Damn, what's my thought?

905
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 3: Let's go to the papers that trip have put together.

906
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 3: This is the guy claim that I don't read it.

907
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 3: Then you get a question over here and ask you something.

908
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 3: Do you think it's helpful to tell to your children

909
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 3: from certain representations of sexuality? No, they can't learn about

910
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 3: all of it.

911
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 1: Certain what you mean certain representations?

912
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 2: Question that?

913
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 1: So okay? So the question is do you think it's

914
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 1: helpful to shelter your kids from certain representations of sexuality. No,

915
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 1: because you can't shelter them from the things that it's

916
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:28,399
Speaker 1: already out there in the world, right. I know the

917
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: issue is, For example, there was a woman who went

918
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,879
Speaker 1: to the library in her son's school and there were

919
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: books about homosexuality, and in one of the books it

920
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 1: was a guy giving another guy oral in the book.

921
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,360
Speaker 1: And her point is is like, I don't want my

922
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:47,840
Speaker 1: son to see any form of sexuality illustrated in a cartoon.

923
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,320
Speaker 1: I don't care if it was a young woman performing

924
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,759
Speaker 1: oral or a young man perform oral. And I do

925
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 1: agree with that. I don't want my children to see

926
00:41:56,320 --> 00:42:00,319
Speaker 1: images of sex without me being able to explain them

927
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:03,040
Speaker 1: what it is. Right, So I wouldn't shelter them from it,

928
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 1: but I would have that conversation with them when the

929
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: time is right. But to shelter the means is to

930
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 1: keep it away from them at all. I would not

931
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 1: do that if they're going to find out about it anyway.

932
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:15,879
Speaker 3: Jackson recently got a note home from school asking if

933
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 3: he can or cannot participate in health class sexual education

934
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,799
Speaker 3: class at school. So I asked about of course, because

935
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 3: you know, any time we comes to a decision when

936
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 3: it comes to our children, we have to make sure

937
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 3: that you know, both are consenting to whatever it is.

938
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 3: So at first I was like, should we just not

939
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 3: have him participate in the course and then we just

940
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,840
Speaker 3: have our own conversation with him? And Deva was like,

941
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 3: you know what, let him do the course, then he

942
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 3: can come home with questions. And then they also gave

943
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 3: us kind of like a backdrop of what would be

944
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 3: discussed and in what fashion, so we felt comfortable enough

945
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 3: to say, okay, let him participate in that, and then

946
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 3: we have the follow up conversation when we come home.

947
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:55,919
Speaker 3: So some people sometimes weary of like what exactly will

948
00:42:55,960 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 3: be expressed in school environments and stuff, but never from

949
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 3: a school of relying on school for anything.

950
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 1: Anyway, We homeschool with math and they do math every

951
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:06,280
Speaker 1: day in school.

952
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 3: Right, we literally have something for everything when it comes

953
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 3: to schooling.

954
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:11,399
Speaker 1: So so I have a question for you, Well, we

955
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:13,799
Speaker 1: kind of got this from your story, but when you

956
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,720
Speaker 1: were in middle school, did you feel pressure on your sexuality,

957
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:20,240
Speaker 1: like just on being sexual as a girl.

958
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 3: I don't think so, see at that time, and it

959
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 3: could also be the environment that I was in, which

960
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 3: was also kind of structured in a bit sheltered, so

961
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 3: we try to get in our little It was.

962
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 2: A small group.

963
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 3: It was small knit, like the teachers knew all of

964
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 3: us that maybe had twenty students in my class.

965
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:37,360
Speaker 2: You know, I grew up with the same.

966
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,680
Speaker 3: Kids from nursery school pretty much straight through eighth grade,

967
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 3: so there was not a lot of pressure on that I.

968
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 1: Didn't need to have to your middle school.

969
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:47,840
Speaker 2: In my middle school.

970
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:50,320
Speaker 3: In my class, I want to say, maybe max twenty

971
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 3: five kids, two eighth grades.

972
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:54,719
Speaker 2: One there was two.

973
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 1: So that's fifty, yeah, fifty, and then.

974
00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 2: There well, no, there was one. I'm sorry, there was one.

975
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: Twenty five you have seventh grade and sixth grade. It's

976
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 1: the same thing. Seventy five kids.

977
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:05,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, roughly.

978
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: You know how many kids was in my middle school

979
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 1: over fifteen hundred. Yeah, And I think that's why you

980
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 1: didn't feel the pressures that we felt as kids. Yes,

981
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:15,359
Speaker 1: going to a public school in the inner city. I

982
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 1: definitely felt pressure.

983
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:18,320
Speaker 3: Oh, I know you did, for sure, But yeah, I

984
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,319
Speaker 3: didn't necessarily feel that though I did start to at

985
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:24,280
Speaker 3: that point get to hear from friends. Like I said,

986
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 3: it became a group activity. When I came in with

987
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 3: the book about sex with everybody just like, oh, well,

988
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:30,760
Speaker 3: here's what I know. You know, so that you're comparing

989
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,240
Speaker 3: notes and at this point now I'm going to see, okay,

990
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 3: what do I want to do to begin my exploration process.

991
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,520
Speaker 3: But for me, I think it was also like my

992
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:41,719
Speaker 3: mom didn't talk to me. My mom and dad didn't

993
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 3: talk to me about sex. But there was just this fear.

994
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 3: There was this fear around conversation, Fear in disappointing my parents,

995
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 3: Fear in doing I couldn't come home with no baby,

996
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 3: fear in just her finding out that I was talking

997
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 3: to Everything was rooted in fear at that point. And

998
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:00,880
Speaker 3: not to say my mother was big back wolf and

999
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 3: she was, you know in my face, I don't do,

1000
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 3: don't don't. It wasn't that it was just innate in

1001
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,760
Speaker 3: me that I just never wanted to disappoint my family,

1002
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 3: And to me, I felt like if I aired on

1003
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,120
Speaker 3: the side of not dealing with those things or not

1004
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 3: getting myself involved in those activities, then less serve a

1005
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 3: likelihood for me to get into any kind of problem.

1006
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 2: High school was another story. High school I was outside.

1007
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:23,839
Speaker 1: Well high school, Yeah, you went to Mid with Mid

1008
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 1: with that four thousand.

1009
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:26,960
Speaker 3: That was culture shock then now, So I went from

1010
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,120
Speaker 3: four hundred school that had four hundred kids more or

1011
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:30,319
Speaker 3: less almost, but that.

1012
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 1: Four hundred kids was from nursery.

1013
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:35,320
Speaker 2: To eighth grade, so middle classes were.

1014
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:38,360
Speaker 1: From seventy five kids to four.

1015
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:41,880
Speaker 3: Thousand kids in one school. And that's when I was like,

1016
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,560
Speaker 3: oh okay, So the freedom became more of a thing

1017
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:47,360
Speaker 3: for me. Oh you talked about getting the hall pass,

1018
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,359
Speaker 3: because you've seen Homeboy come up with his hall past,

1019
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 3: and I got it. Go to the bathroom too. My

1020
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 3: bathroom break was spent in the stairwell making out like.

1021
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 3: Those were the times that I was like, oh okay,

1022
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 3: this is when the exploration got hot and heavy and

1023
00:45:58,120 --> 00:45:59,800
Speaker 3: I became sexually active in high school.

1024
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 1: It started for you in high school because of the

1025
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: school you went too. It started in middle school with us.

1026
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 2: It was the environment had so much to do with it.

1027
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 1: It was the environment. But I remember it just being

1028
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 1: like it was the girls and then it was the guys,

1029
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 1: and it was just like a girl and the guy

1030
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,239
Speaker 1: would get together and they would do stuff for something

1031
00:46:18,239 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 1: would happen. Then they would come back to the guy.

1032
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 1: The guy would come back to guds like, yo, we

1033
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:23,399
Speaker 1: did this. The girl will go back to the girls

1034
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: say we did that, and then it was on the

1035
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 1: next couple who got pressure from both groups to like,

1036
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:32,239
Speaker 1: y'all gotta do this, you know what I'm saying. It

1037
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:35,480
Speaker 1: was almost like the whole group. Both sides wanted other

1038
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 1: people to experiment, to see what it was like to

1039
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:40,320
Speaker 1: come back before they got their turn. So the pressure

1040
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 1: came from yeah, we were the guinea pigs, but the

1041
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:47,839
Speaker 1: pressure came from like everybody just not knowing but being

1042
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 1: afraid to participate. So they were just like, let's watch

1043
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 1: them and see what happened, and then let's hear what

1044
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 1: they say happened, you know, And it goes from zero

1045
00:46:57,600 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 1: to one hundred quick, because it goes from a kiss,

1046
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Just a quick kiss, a

1047
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:05,399
Speaker 1: pet That's how it starts in sixth grade, or they

1048
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 1: kissed to oh, they got the pass and they went

1049
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:11,879
Speaker 1: into the hallway and they used tongue. Then it's they

1050
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 1: made out and I grabbed booze. Oh I put my

1051
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 1: hand in her pants. Oh, I jacked him off. Oh

1052
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 1: I made him come. It goes from a kiss to

1053
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:22,759
Speaker 1: I made him come. And that's all from six to

1054
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 1: seventh grade like that time, you know what I'm saying,

1055
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:28,480
Speaker 1: And then it becomes this thing where all of these

1056
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 1: kids are in this school, thousand over a thousand kids

1057
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:33,920
Speaker 1: in the school. They're all trying to figure out what

1058
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 1: this sex thing is. Most of the parents are not

1059
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: having this conversation, and middle school is where it starts

1060
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:45,400
Speaker 1: and then development happens. I remember girls coming in sixth

1061
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 1: grade looking like gum and then leaving looking like you.

1062
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,480
Speaker 1: Eighth grade, they're like a stick of gum. It's like

1063
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,319
Speaker 1: a stick of gum like in sixth grade, and then

1064
00:47:57,360 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 1: by eighth grade it's small way tits jeans and then

1065
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 1: young girls dressed for the attention that they're going to

1066
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 1: get from guys, you know what I'm saying, and guys

1067
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 1: not knowing how they realized, yeah.

1068
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 2: I can fill these jeans out. Okay.

1069
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 1: Once I got to seventh grade, that's when I seen

1070
00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:20,400
Speaker 1: how the the clothes changed. Sixth grade, it was like

1071
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: girls still wore washed, baggy jeans and they just kind

1072
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 1: of dressed like. Guys still had overalls and you couldn't

1073
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 1: really tell which guys with the girls. Got seventh grade,

1074
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 1: that's when crop tops started and they I remember, hooey,

1075
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,360
Speaker 1: they had to make crop tops not lead Like, you

1076
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 1: couldn't wear crop tops to school anymore. You couldn't wear

1077
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 1: spaghetti straps the school. The boys couldn't wear a tanks

1078
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:45,960
Speaker 1: to schools like they had all of these rules now

1079
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:48,760
Speaker 1: about the stuff that we all couldn't wear because.

1080
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 3: Of the way people's bodies developed, bodies developing, right, you

1081
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:52,600
Speaker 3: know see. And I was delayed in that too. When

1082
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 3: you think about you said that sixth seventh eighth grade

1083
00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:57,400
Speaker 3: people came into their own. I again, being sheltered in

1084
00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 3: the school that went to eighth grade, I wore a

1085
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,400
Speaker 3: uniform when I got to high school. I had no

1086
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,360
Speaker 3: sense of style, fashion, nothing. I just I was in

1087
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 3: school in baggy clothes, like, not knowing what was going on.

1088
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:09,279
Speaker 2: I had just got embraced it.

1089
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 3: I was like, man, I'm starting high school on the

1090
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 3: bottom end of the roller coaster. And then when I

1091
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 3: finally started to come into my own around the middle

1092
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:21,920
Speaker 3: of sophomore year, I was like, oh, this is how

1093
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:22,720
Speaker 3: the girls addressing.

1094
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 2: So that's when I started to get my guess.

1095
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 3: Jeans and my baby fat and my little boots, and

1096
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 3: I went from having a backpack to like a shoulder

1097
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:31,400
Speaker 3: toe bag. And you know, so you start to adapt

1098
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 3: and you developing all those sense of style based off

1099
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 3: of what your friend was.

1100
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was astounding because.

1101
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:39,960
Speaker 1: You just like a grown woman when I met you

1102
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 1: at eighteen, because the.

1103
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:44,920
Speaker 2: Point and stuff.

1104
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 3: So I was like, okay, So now I was like,

1105
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 3: all right, this is what it means to have some

1106
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 3: sort of way to you know, come into my own

1107
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,239
Speaker 3: when it came to like fashion sense and stuff, and

1108
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:57,360
Speaker 3: then body started to body a little bit, and I

1109
00:49:57,440 --> 00:49:57,799
Speaker 3: was like.

1110
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 1: Okay, be honest about this too. When we got to

1111
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 1: high school, my father said to me that there were

1112
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:04,479
Speaker 1: condoms in the drug. No one talks to me about

1113
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:06,520
Speaker 1: how to put a condom on. That's one of the

1114
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:11,279
Speaker 1: most nerve racking things a young boy can do, right

1115
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: before having sexes, put a condom on. So you know

1116
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 1: what I did didn't put condoms on. And I had

1117
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:19,760
Speaker 1: a couple of scares in high school because I didn't

1118
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,439
Speaker 1: wear a condom. Wow. And that's another thing I don't

1119
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,799
Speaker 1: want for my sons. I don't want my sons like

1120
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:29,279
Speaker 1: my cousin Kai. He's younger than me. He's twelve years

1121
00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: younger than me. When he was in seventh grade, my

1122
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,360
Speaker 1: brother and I. He was telling us about, you know,

1123
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 1: his friends and stuff, and he was just like, yeah,

1124
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 1: so was old got had here and they was doing

1125
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:41,720
Speaker 1: this and doing that. And rather than be an older

1126
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:43,880
Speaker 1: cousin and you know, do what to all, Yeah, go

1127
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:45,279
Speaker 1: ahead and do that. I said, Oh, where are you

1128
00:50:45,360 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 1: you thinking about having sex? He was just like yeah,

1129
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 1: you know, you know, I do do my best, you know,

1130
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,120
Speaker 1: trying to He don't know, he's a kid. I said,

1131
00:50:54,160 --> 00:50:56,640
Speaker 1: let's got's go to the corner store. He was like,

1132
00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:58,440
Speaker 1: what do you mean, So come on, let's go to

1133
00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 1: the corner store. It's me younger brother and God, and

1134
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:05,600
Speaker 1: I'm grown at this point. I'm twenty something years old

1135
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:09,400
Speaker 1: and he's fourteen, so I'm twenty six. So I'm like,

1136
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:14,759
Speaker 1: go into the corner store and ask for condoms. Huh,

1137
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 1: go into the corner store and ask for condoms. So

1138
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:21,719
Speaker 1: I watched him going there to the front and he

1139
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:24,760
Speaker 1: nervous because he's never done this before. But that's my point.

1140
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 1: That's the point when you're nervous and you've never done it,

1141
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,879
Speaker 1: but you want to be in a don't have sex now,

1142
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 1: you're afraid, so you don't ask, so you go and

1143
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:32,600
Speaker 1: you don't have. You don't have a condom, So I said,

1144
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 1: go ask for condoms. Tell him, you know, see what

1145
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 1: kind of condoms you want. So the guy looked at him,

1146
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 1: looked at me. He's like, what kind of condoms you want?

1147
00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:42,280
Speaker 1: He's like, oh, the purple ones.

1148
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 2: I'm like.

1149
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:48,839
Speaker 1: The rough rise it was. It was a purple rough rider.

1150
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 1: So he got some purple rough riders. Right, So I

1151
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 1: said that boom, he comes back and he gets to

1152
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 1: the Lucy's. You get a loosey condoms. It's different than

1153
00:51:56,320 --> 00:52:00,319
Speaker 1: now you gotta buy packs. He bought because you could.

1154
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 1: You could buy a cigarette in the Yeah, in the

1155
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 1: corner store, in the corner store in Brooklyn, you can

1156
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:08,440
Speaker 1: buy a pack of condoms. Or you can buy a

1157
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:10,239
Speaker 1: loosey condom like you just let let me get one.

1158
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:12,279
Speaker 1: You can do that every every place. I've got that

1159
00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:14,120
Speaker 1: by the corner store. Day. Let me tell you something.

1160
00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 1: Aout Brooklyn, you can get anything you want. In Brooklyn.

1161
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 1: You can buy one stick of gum that ass. You

1162
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 1: can buy one stick of gum. The corner store across

1163
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:26,240
Speaker 1: the streets, and the corner store across the street from Dolo.

1164
00:52:26,920 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 1: You can go in there with a dime and be like, yo,

1165
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 1: let me get a juicy fruit, and they'll give you

1166
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:36,400
Speaker 1: one stick of gum because money. Hell yeah, that's what

1167
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:40,360
Speaker 1: they think about. If a pack of gum costs twenty

1168
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 1: five cents, but you can sell the individuals and five

1169
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:45,319
Speaker 1: of them in there for ten cents, you just doubled up.

1170
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:47,719
Speaker 1: You made fifty cent per pack of gun. So they

1171
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 1: smart the condoms. So now he got the condom in

1172
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 1: his pocket. He's feeling like a you know, a tough guy.

1173
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:54,840
Speaker 1: We go back to the house in the basement, A

1174
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 1: pull a lot of hair brush. I go put the

1175
00:52:57,320 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 1: condom on the hair brush. Huh, put the condom on

1176
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:03,799
Speaker 1: the hair brush. You were talking about having sex. You

1177
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:06,399
Speaker 1: have to learn how to be smooth and comfortable doing

1178
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:08,160
Speaker 1: this so that you don't shy away from doing it

1179
00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:11,879
Speaker 1: when it's time to do the deed. Bro all right,

1180
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:16,320
Speaker 1: So he would you fucked it up a couple times,

1181
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 1: And I say, she would have been pregnant because that

1182
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 1: condom is coming off. You didn't pinch the tip, you

1183
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 1: didn't do nothing like you. There's certain things you have

1184
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 1: to do. So he was just like, all right. So

1185
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:27,359
Speaker 1: I taught him and to this day, Kai never had

1186
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 1: any kids. Thank God, you know what I'm saying. But

1187
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 1: I made him feel comfortable doing the things that's necessary

1188
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 1: for him to be safe. You know what I'm saying.

1189
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:38,680
Speaker 1: And not for nothing. I know I have boys. If

1190
00:53:38,719 --> 00:53:41,960
Speaker 1: I had a girl, I would literally do the same thing.

1191
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,080
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be that type of dad that's going

1192
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:47,520
Speaker 1: to be like, my daughter's not having sex until she's forty. No,

1193
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,200
Speaker 1: there's a good chance that if my daughter looks anything

1194
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:53,840
Speaker 1: like my wife, and if she's built anything like my wife,

1195
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 1: somebody else's son gonna be knocking on this door the

1196
00:53:56,760 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 1: same way I was knocking on her parents' door. So listen,

1197
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:04,720
Speaker 1: little kay Jr. This is you. You did You're having sex,

1198
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 1: You're interested in having sex. You know that not having sex?

1199
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 1: Shut up. Let's go to the corner store, go buy

1200
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:11,360
Speaker 1: a condom.

1201
00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 2: Period.

1202
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 1: And now I want to see you put a condom

1203
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:17,319
Speaker 1: on the brush. And why would I do that? If

1204
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:19,280
Speaker 1: a young man is nervous about putting on the condom,

1205
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:22,399
Speaker 1: you know what would make him unnervous a pretty girl

1206
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,600
Speaker 1: putting the condom on him. I'm just being honest. I

1207
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 1: was being honest the pretty girls like, don't worry about it.

1208
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:31,160
Speaker 1: I got it and push the condom on. Now she's

1209
00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:35,799
Speaker 1: making sure that he's safe, but she's protecting herself as well.

1210
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:39,000
Speaker 1: So yeah, you did do that to me twice and

1211
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 1: then that shit finished early. Boy, she's nasty. Let me

1212
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:44,920
Speaker 1: tell you something about us. The reason why we like

1213
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:47,000
Speaker 1: having these conversations because we did not live this. We

1214
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:50,400
Speaker 1: did not do this stuff. We had so many pitfalls

1215
00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 1: and so many stuff that we was like, man, I

1216
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 1: wish my parents would have told me about this because

1217
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:57,480
Speaker 1: I hated wearing a fucking rough ride of condoms and

1218
00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 1: Kay hated the fact that I had the rough ride

1219
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,239
Speaker 1: of condoms. And she was just like, man, this ship

1220
00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 1: is fucking whack.

1221
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:05,440
Speaker 2: But it served this purpose for as long as.

1222
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 1: It did them two times and.

1223
00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:09,320
Speaker 3: Then I was like, I gotta get a red drunk

1224
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:10,720
Speaker 3: this guy right here.

1225
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 2: Before we were young. We was eighteen though, like we was.

1226
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:16,440
Speaker 2: We was young babies.

1227
00:55:16,600 --> 00:55:18,959
Speaker 1: He was young. And it's the sad thing is at

1228
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 1: Hofstra Dutch trees, that's all they had the rough rider

1229
00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:27,479
Speaker 1: columns with the ridges. Then the ridges like been making

1230
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 1: noise when they go in and out. The koochie.

1231
00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:53,360
Speaker 3: Let's throw into these bills. Yeah, we'll be back, all right, y'all.

1232
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 3: We are back and we're gonna hit it with these listeners.

1233
00:55:57,440 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 2: All right, y'all.

1234
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:03,440
Speaker 3: HIV and Kadeen recently found your podcast and I absolutely

1235
00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:06,280
Speaker 3: love it. I've quickly become a fan and enjoy each episode.

1236
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:06,920
Speaker 3: I've joined the.

1237
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:08,360
Speaker 2: Patreon family as well.

1238
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:09,040
Speaker 3: Thank you.

1239
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:12,040
Speaker 2: It's so dope over here, y'all. If you haven't joined yet,

1240
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:12,520
Speaker 2: you have to.

1241
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:16,319
Speaker 3: And I can't wait until to wait, And I can't

1242
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 3: wait until you all do your next set of live

1243
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:21,399
Speaker 3: shows so I can see you all in person. We're

1244
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 3: already planning for our next round of live shows.

1245
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:25,400
Speaker 1: Twenty twenty four February.

1246
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:27,480
Speaker 2: Yes, Lily beyside with.

1247
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 1: You be counting the cliff of Valentine's Day weekend maybe weekdays?

1248
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:33,239
Speaker 2: Fancy yall.

1249
00:56:33,960 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 3: I've been dating my long distance boyfriend for seventeen months,

1250
00:56:36,719 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 3: almost one point five years. I'm twenty eight and he's

1251
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:41,359
Speaker 3: twenty nine. We're in love and I planned to spend

1252
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:43,960
Speaker 3: the rest of my life with him. He's definitely everything

1253
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,759
Speaker 3: that I've prayed for. And more recently, I've decided I

1254
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,719
Speaker 3: will move to the city he is currently living in,

1255
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 3: so we no longer have to be long distance. I'm

1256
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:54,680
Speaker 3: already planning to get a place of my own so

1257
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:58,480
Speaker 3: that is close to him. A few days ago, he

1258
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 3: asked me to consider the idea of move moving in

1259
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 3: with him instead. I've always been hesitating on the idea

1260
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:05,480
Speaker 3: of that because I never imagine living with or sharing

1261
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:08,000
Speaker 3: a home with a man before he's my husband, and

1262
00:57:08,080 --> 00:57:09,759
Speaker 3: I never wanted to be in a place where I'm

1263
00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:11,680
Speaker 3: living with a man for years on end with no

1264
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:14,360
Speaker 3: plan of ever getting married. He listed off some of

1265
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,560
Speaker 3: the positives of living together and how we can build

1266
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:19,080
Speaker 3: a life together by doing so, and now I'm considering it.

1267
00:57:19,440 --> 00:57:22,480
Speaker 3: We were there, I asked him if we do this,

1268
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,400
Speaker 3: how long would it be or how long will we

1269
00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 3: be living together before we get married. I prefer no

1270
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:29,920
Speaker 3: more than two years. He told me that the idea

1271
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 3: of marrying again is nice, but he has grown to

1272
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,920
Speaker 3: be on the fence about it as he believes that

1273
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:40,840
Speaker 3: there's no advantage to marriage for men. He also said,

1274
00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:43,800
Speaker 3: marry me require some planning, and he needs time before

1275
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:46,720
Speaker 3: he proposes. My question is should I move in with

1276
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:50,480
Speaker 3: him without getting a definitive answer on when we will

1277
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:52,400
Speaker 3: be married?

1278
00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 2: Uh huh?

1279
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 3: Or should I stay in my own apartment and we

1280
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:57,480
Speaker 3: move in together once we're married.

1281
00:57:58,160 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 2: Loaded, very loaded question here he.

1282
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 1: Gave her an answer. He said he's not interested in

1283
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:06,520
Speaker 1: getting married again. He's on the fence about it, but

1284
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:08,320
Speaker 1: he wants her to come in there and move in

1285
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:10,320
Speaker 1: with him. You know what that means? He does not

1286
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:13,200
Speaker 1: plan on getting married again.

1287
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 2: He was married before.

1288
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, he said it right here. That miss that, But

1289
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:22,840
Speaker 1: that again must means he was marrying See, she says,

1290
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:25,160
Speaker 1: he told me that he had that. The idea of

1291
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:28,360
Speaker 1: marrying again is nice, but he has grown to be

1292
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:31,080
Speaker 1: on the fence about it, which he was probably married before.

1293
00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:33,000
Speaker 1: Possibly he doesn't want to be married again. Plus his

1294
00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:37,440
Speaker 1: ideas about marriage not being having value from.

1295
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 3: Men, Right, it sounds like a man scorn to if

1296
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:42,760
Speaker 3: he was married before, so that he was in a

1297
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,480
Speaker 3: situation where he felt like he had no real advantage

1298
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:46,240
Speaker 3: in that situation.

1299
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 2: Right.

1300
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:49,480
Speaker 1: It depends on how you value marriage. First of all,

1301
00:58:49,480 --> 00:58:53,120
Speaker 1: this idea that marriage has no value for men. I

1302
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:57,439
Speaker 1: understand that sentiment as a man, because, like we've talked

1303
00:58:57,480 --> 00:59:00,400
Speaker 1: about so many times in this podcast, in this day

1304
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:03,640
Speaker 1: and age, if I want to marry you, I have

1305
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:06,840
Speaker 1: to spend money to propose, spend money for an engagement.

1306
00:59:07,200 --> 00:59:10,280
Speaker 1: Then spend money for a wedding and then be the

1307
00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:13,280
Speaker 1: sole person responsible to figure out how our life is

1308
00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 1: going to live for the rest of our life because

1309
00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:17,760
Speaker 1: I have to protect and provide, right, what does a

1310
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:21,440
Speaker 1: woman have to tangibly provide in order for all of

1311
00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:23,920
Speaker 1: that to happen. She just has to be there. So

1312
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 1: a lot of men feel like all of the onus

1313
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:28,760
Speaker 1: on me is to create this life that we have.

1314
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:33,080
Speaker 1: So if I don't really see value in being with

1315
00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:37,280
Speaker 1: someone else, what's the advantage of that for me in life?

1316
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:41,080
Speaker 1: That's how men feel based on the narrative that's being created.

1317
00:59:40,720 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 2: Around marriage, around marriage.

1318
00:59:41,960 --> 00:59:46,080
Speaker 3: Today and for me, when I said that this was us,

1319
00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:49,320
Speaker 3: she mentioned the benefits of living together ahead of time,

1320
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 3: which is funny because I feel like just recently we

1321
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 3: met someone who said that they were met everything was

1322
00:59:56,800 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 3: great until with her and her boyfriend. They had a

1323
01:00:00,560 --> 01:00:04,440
Speaker 3: relationship for house so many years they were together, and

1324
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 3: then when they finally moved in together after marriage, everything

1325
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:11,160
Speaker 3: went to shit and it was the moving and living

1326
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:14,000
Speaker 3: with this person for two years. She said this was

1327
01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:16,920
Speaker 3: awful and wish she wished that she had moved in

1328
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:19,640
Speaker 3: with him ahead of time, because it's a totally different beast,

1329
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:22,160
Speaker 3: And there are advantages to living with somebody. If you're

1330
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:25,000
Speaker 3: going to be now relocating to their town, right, you're

1331
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:28,040
Speaker 3: saving money on rent financially, financially yeah, be able to

1332
01:00:28,080 --> 01:00:31,360
Speaker 3: make like a plan for how you want to spend life.

1333
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:32,680
Speaker 2: And that was something that was huge for us.

1334
01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:35,240
Speaker 3: We always lived together, and part of me misses the

1335
01:00:35,280 --> 01:00:37,720
Speaker 3: fact that I didn't have a stent of just living

1336
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:38,320
Speaker 3: on my own.

1337
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:40,360
Speaker 2: And I've said that before.

1338
01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:41,680
Speaker 1: You have never lived on your.

1339
01:00:41,560 --> 01:00:44,600
Speaker 2: Own, you know what I mean? They having my own place, I'd.

1340
01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:46,240
Speaker 1: Have been in your spot the whole time you were.

1341
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:48,440
Speaker 2: Even from college days when I had my apartment on campus.

1342
01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:50,200
Speaker 1: And I ain't gonna lie. I wish you had like

1343
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 1: a little loft apartment too. I can come there and

1344
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:55,360
Speaker 1: just fuck your brains out in your loft apartment and.

1345
01:00:55,320 --> 01:00:57,280
Speaker 2: Then you go back to your home and you know

1346
01:00:57,360 --> 01:00:57,840
Speaker 2: what happened.

1347
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:01,640
Speaker 1: You know what happened. I probably stayed the night anyway,

1348
01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:02,960
Speaker 1: got up and did stuff.

1349
01:01:04,040 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 2: Just recently, they're not just recently, said tell another thing.

1350
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:08,120
Speaker 2: I was telling somebody. I think I was just doing it.

1351
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:09,960
Speaker 3: When I was in Sweden with the Crew, I was like, listen,

1352
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:13,680
Speaker 3: I would love to have a penthouse apartment somewhere I

1353
01:01:13,680 --> 01:01:16,120
Speaker 3: don't know, like Miami or something somewhere fly or the

1354
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:21,640
Speaker 3: weather is great, it's going to be all white everywhere. No,

1355
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:24,800
Speaker 3: my kids won't even know that this place exists. They'll

1356
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:27,560
Speaker 3: just know that Mom went away for her retreat to

1357
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:30,800
Speaker 3: her place, to her apartment. And then Daddy can come

1358
01:01:30,840 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 3: and pull up and invite me. You know, I'll fly

1359
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:35,440
Speaker 3: you out. You got to fill it out though that too,

1360
01:01:35,600 --> 01:01:37,919
Speaker 3: But I'll fly you. I buy a ticket, fly you out.

1361
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:39,040
Speaker 3: You can meet me there.

1362
01:01:39,680 --> 01:01:40,120
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

1363
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:41,880
Speaker 3: We don't even have to fly together, no finish. We

1364
01:01:41,880 --> 01:01:43,600
Speaker 3: can get the effect that the affected me, that I'll

1365
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:46,240
Speaker 3: be there. Then you meet me there and you pull

1366
01:01:46,360 --> 01:01:48,960
Speaker 3: up with flowers and all sorts of romantic shit, and

1367
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:51,240
Speaker 3: I'll be there, decked out in my lingerie and whatnot.

1368
01:01:51,440 --> 01:01:52,960
Speaker 2: And it can go down for a weekend. We can

1369
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:53,800
Speaker 2: still make it happen.

1370
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:57,520
Speaker 1: We can. But you telling that stories the perfect example

1371
01:01:57,600 --> 01:01:59,600
Speaker 1: is why men feel like marriage is not fair for them.

1372
01:02:01,040 --> 01:02:03,160
Speaker 2: I just want you cannot live out my fantasy though

1373
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:05,200
Speaker 2: that I missed out.

1374
01:02:05,880 --> 01:02:08,800
Speaker 1: All I'm saying is in your mind, it would be

1375
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:10,880
Speaker 1: okay for you to have your own place with your

1376
01:02:10,920 --> 01:02:13,480
Speaker 1: own stuff, and the kids ain't there, and I gotta

1377
01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:15,000
Speaker 1: pay for it. But you get to go there and

1378
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:18,320
Speaker 1: fly and doff. No, no, even if you don't, even if

1379
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:20,800
Speaker 1: you pay for it. The idea is that you get

1380
01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 1: to have all of that and your own stuff. But

1381
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:26,840
Speaker 1: if I say I want my own apartment, hell no,

1382
01:02:27,200 --> 01:02:27,560
Speaker 1: you can.

1383
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 2: Have your OARTMENTEO.

1384
01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:33,720
Speaker 1: We're not talking about you. We're talking about what would

1385
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 1: be seen as accept Like if you said that, all

1386
01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:40,560
Speaker 1: the women would probably be like, yes, yes. But if

1387
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:42,760
Speaker 1: the minute you say Deval has his own apartment in

1388
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:46,000
Speaker 1: the city, women would then be like, no, why is

1389
01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:46,800
Speaker 1: he in his own apartment?

1390
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:49,680
Speaker 2: And starts exactly.

1391
01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:53,479
Speaker 1: And that's why men feel like, what is the ad

1392
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:56,320
Speaker 1: what what is the advantage of being married? If I'm

1393
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:59,640
Speaker 1: responsible for giving you everything and proving to you everything

1394
01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:03,160
Speaker 1: that I am worthy of when you don't really bring anything.

1395
01:03:03,200 --> 01:03:05,200
Speaker 1: That's how men think when they think about marriage.

1396
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 3: But you're not thinking of tangible things though, like what

1397
01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:10,240
Speaker 3: do you bring materialise as in terms of money. This

1398
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:12,800
Speaker 3: that that they don't think about the companionship and the

1399
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:15,479
Speaker 3: care of and that part you're thinking. You're talking about

1400
01:03:15,480 --> 01:03:17,280
Speaker 3: the tangible things that women bring because I don't think

1401
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:19,480
Speaker 3: it's fair to say that women don't bring anything, because.

1402
01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:24,080
Speaker 1: Then I'm not saying women relationship. I'm not saying women

1403
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:25,880
Speaker 1: don't bring anything, because if I really believe that, I

1404
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:29,080
Speaker 1: wouldn't be married. But what I'm saying is that what

1405
01:03:29,520 --> 01:03:31,919
Speaker 1: I'm saying is is that if you look at how

1406
01:03:32,040 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 1: marriage is designed in this country, we have to buy

1407
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:37,520
Speaker 1: a ring to propose to you, We have to pay

1408
01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:40,960
Speaker 1: for an engagement party, we have like men have to

1409
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:44,320
Speaker 1: then provide a wedding. Then men are responsible for the finances.

1410
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:46,040
Speaker 1: If something goes bad in the house, they don't say

1411
01:03:46,040 --> 01:03:48,760
Speaker 1: what's what's your wife doing? Is what is your husband doing?

1412
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:51,960
Speaker 1: So for a man, it's like the way the way

1413
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:54,560
Speaker 1: the narrative has changed, where women want all us independence

1414
01:03:54,560 --> 01:03:56,280
Speaker 1: and they want all their own stuff and they make

1415
01:03:56,320 --> 01:03:58,600
Speaker 1: all their own money. It's like, so if you want

1416
01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:00,240
Speaker 1: to make all your own money and you want to

1417
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:02,080
Speaker 1: be by yourself, and you want to be an independent,

1418
01:04:02,120 --> 01:04:04,280
Speaker 1: strong woman that can do all these other things, but

1419
01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:06,440
Speaker 1: you still want me to use my money to propose

1420
01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:08,760
Speaker 1: to you, marry you provide a life for you. How

1421
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,560
Speaker 1: is that advantageous for me as a man? And that's

1422
01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:14,120
Speaker 1: what the narrative has become when the truth of the

1423
01:04:14,160 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 1: marriage is narrative. The truth of the matter is, that's

1424
01:04:16,760 --> 01:04:20,240
Speaker 1: not even what marriage is. Marriage is a combination of

1425
01:04:20,280 --> 01:04:23,800
Speaker 1: two people coming together to create a life for themselves.

1426
01:04:23,920 --> 01:04:26,000
Speaker 1: You make your own money, I make my own money.

1427
01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:28,120
Speaker 1: I still pay all the bills in the house. But

1428
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:30,720
Speaker 1: you still provide a lot of things to me. When

1429
01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:32,640
Speaker 1: something wants to get brought or something like that, you

1430
01:04:32,640 --> 01:04:34,400
Speaker 1: don't be like devol. Let me go into your stuff.

1431
01:04:34,400 --> 01:04:35,640
Speaker 1: You can pay for it on your own, and you

1432
01:04:35,640 --> 01:04:38,640
Speaker 1: buy me stuff. When the kids need stuff for planning

1433
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:41,120
Speaker 1: for their school and they need planning for vacation, you

1434
01:04:41,160 --> 01:04:43,560
Speaker 1: pay for that. But the truth of the matter is,

1435
01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:45,560
Speaker 1: in this day and age, people aren't even having that

1436
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:49,080
Speaker 1: conversation about what their marriage looks like. The conversation is

1437
01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:52,280
Speaker 1: always what is marriage in general look like? But no

1438
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 1: one person fits into a box of what marriage looks like. Generally.

1439
01:04:58,400 --> 01:05:00,960
Speaker 1: It's always created between the two people. And I feel

1440
01:05:00,960 --> 01:05:03,640
Speaker 1: like if he had a better idea of what marriage

1441
01:05:03,760 --> 01:05:06,280
Speaker 1: was to him, he wouldn't make that statement about what

1442
01:05:06,400 --> 01:05:10,720
Speaker 1: is advantageous to men about marriage. You understand what I'm saying.

1443
01:05:10,720 --> 01:05:13,400
Speaker 1: And I feel like if she understood what marriage was

1444
01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 1: about and knew what it was, she would start to

1445
01:05:15,120 --> 01:05:17,760
Speaker 1: understand that he's telling you how he feels about it.

1446
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:21,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm really looking at this question and listening together.

1447
01:05:21,400 --> 01:05:24,920
Speaker 3: Once we are married, I'm like girl, and it's going

1448
01:05:24,960 --> 01:05:27,080
Speaker 3: to be a resentment. It definitely will, especially if you're

1449
01:05:27,080 --> 01:05:29,680
Speaker 3: moving into it under those pretenses, whether you move in

1450
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:32,600
Speaker 3: with him or move to his city. You know, then

1451
01:05:32,600 --> 01:05:34,120
Speaker 3: it's going to be like if things don't work out,

1452
01:05:34,240 --> 01:05:35,760
Speaker 3: or he doesn't want to be married, or you're just

1453
01:05:35,800 --> 01:05:38,880
Speaker 3: there in limbo and you can't put this time frame again,

1454
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:40,040
Speaker 3: I know how it.

1455
01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:44,120
Speaker 2: Put the time frame you can listen, It's.

1456
01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:46,160
Speaker 3: Hard because you're gonna have to put him within these

1457
01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:48,200
Speaker 3: the context of this timeframe you made.

1458
01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:50,520
Speaker 1: This is what This is what we need to stop doing.

1459
01:05:50,960 --> 01:05:53,040
Speaker 1: If she puts a time frame on her life on

1460
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:55,600
Speaker 1: when she wants to get married, she's not saying that

1461
01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:58,000
Speaker 1: this is the time frame all women need to put

1462
01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:00,000
Speaker 1: on all of their lives for their marriage to work.

1463
01:06:00,280 --> 01:06:02,880
Speaker 1: This is what she wants, it's her life. If that's

1464
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:05,479
Speaker 1: what she requires in her life, she's entitled to say

1465
01:06:05,480 --> 01:06:10,160
Speaker 1: that the same way I've learned, Like with us when

1466
01:06:10,160 --> 01:06:13,600
Speaker 1: we were talking openly about the monogamy episode, and we

1467
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:17,040
Speaker 1: talked about pressure, and we talked about what was right

1468
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:20,280
Speaker 1: and what was wrong. Reading a lot of the comments,

1469
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:23,040
Speaker 1: I've watched people say that they thought this was wrong,

1470
01:06:23,080 --> 01:06:25,440
Speaker 1: and they would give examples about their life. But then

1471
01:06:25,480 --> 01:06:28,160
Speaker 1: I realized, we're not talking about your life. You can't

1472
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:31,240
Speaker 1: give examples about why what Kay did was wrong, about

1473
01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:33,440
Speaker 1: what I did was wrong with examples in your life.

1474
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:37,360
Speaker 1: We're talking about our life. If Kay says to me, Yo,

1475
01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:40,960
Speaker 1: I don't want to be engaged for two years, Kay

1476
01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:44,960
Speaker 1: is entitled to say that the same way. If Daval decides, Okay,

1477
01:06:45,600 --> 01:06:48,640
Speaker 1: if we getting married and we're doing all of this

1478
01:06:48,720 --> 01:06:52,280
Speaker 1: other stuff, I would like to have sex every day.

1479
01:06:52,360 --> 01:06:55,080
Speaker 1: You can either say yes or no. But if that's

1480
01:06:55,080 --> 01:06:58,480
Speaker 1: what I require for my life, for us to be monogamous,

1481
01:06:58,560 --> 01:07:01,560
Speaker 1: can't nobody else tell me that what I require is

1482
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:03,560
Speaker 1: too much for you because they don't want to do it.

1483
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 1: I'm not asking you. I'm asking her the same way

1484
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:10,680
Speaker 1: she is not asking y'all husbands to marry y'all and

1485
01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:14,000
Speaker 1: to or she's asking me. You know what I'm saying,

1486
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:16,240
Speaker 1: I get to do that.

1487
01:07:16,320 --> 01:07:17,880
Speaker 3: No, I know that, and I agree with that. I

1488
01:07:17,920 --> 01:07:20,160
Speaker 3: was just saying, sometimes us as women get caught up

1489
01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:22,960
Speaker 3: on this timeline that's perfection that we think in her

1490
01:07:22,960 --> 01:07:25,160
Speaker 3: mind is like here's what the age I should be

1491
01:07:25,160 --> 01:07:27,200
Speaker 3: doing all these absolutely and then if you get a

1492
01:07:27,280 --> 01:07:31,520
Speaker 3: know or denial, it's like this it's my timeline.

1493
01:07:31,560 --> 01:07:33,200
Speaker 2: So I can empathize with her in that.

1494
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:35,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, just like you know what, I understand, you have

1495
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:37,800
Speaker 3: a time frame in your mind, but sometimes you need

1496
01:07:37,840 --> 01:07:42,880
Speaker 3: to sometimes be malleable and the timeline shifting a bit

1497
01:07:43,360 --> 01:07:45,080
Speaker 3: depending on how she can present.

1498
01:07:44,800 --> 01:07:47,520
Speaker 1: The timeline, and it's up to him to take in

1499
01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:48,000
Speaker 1: her mind.

1500
01:07:48,160 --> 01:07:50,200
Speaker 2: Like I don't think it should be in your mind.

1501
01:07:50,280 --> 01:07:53,520
Speaker 1: I think she should present it and let him decide. Like,

1502
01:07:53,600 --> 01:07:56,360
Speaker 1: that's to me what's great about us. You can present

1503
01:07:56,400 --> 01:07:59,160
Speaker 1: it open, honestly and in real time, and it's up

1504
01:07:59,200 --> 01:08:01,360
Speaker 1: to me to decide if I want to meet that

1505
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:03,640
Speaker 1: timeline or talk to you about how we can at

1506
01:08:03,720 --> 01:08:05,280
Speaker 1: least move it a little bit so it works for

1507
01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:08,520
Speaker 1: you and me. That to me is what makes marriage true.

1508
01:08:08,760 --> 01:08:11,160
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Because I've.

1509
01:08:10,960 --> 01:08:12,360
Speaker 2: Gotten all the cars out there.

1510
01:08:12,200 --> 01:08:14,680
Speaker 1: That's it. Put it out there, tell me what you want.

1511
01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:18,559
Speaker 1: You know, how many men I watched say I never

1512
01:08:18,640 --> 01:08:20,680
Speaker 1: do I could never do what the vow do, like

1513
01:08:20,720 --> 01:08:23,240
Speaker 1: she required too much, she need this, she need that,

1514
01:08:23,560 --> 01:08:26,120
Speaker 1: And it really made me realize, like, wow, a lot

1515
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:28,800
Speaker 1: of men think that what you require is too much,

1516
01:08:29,640 --> 01:08:34,519
Speaker 1: but I don't mind providing it, So what I I

1517
01:08:34,560 --> 01:08:37,280
Speaker 1: would be fucked up if I was just like, well,

1518
01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:39,000
Speaker 1: they think you asking for too much, so I don't

1519
01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:41,439
Speaker 1: think I should give you that, even if I know

1520
01:08:41,560 --> 01:08:44,280
Speaker 1: I can give you that advice versa to GI yeah

1521
01:08:44,360 --> 01:08:48,320
Speaker 1: and vice versa. Right, Like for me, it's I like

1522
01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:51,120
Speaker 1: hot cooked meals when I come home my wanma plate made.

1523
01:08:51,640 --> 01:08:53,880
Speaker 1: How many women told you don't make his plate and

1524
01:08:53,920 --> 01:08:55,679
Speaker 1: you were just like why would Well, I don't mind

1525
01:08:55,680 --> 01:08:56,280
Speaker 1: making this play.

1526
01:08:56,600 --> 01:08:57,920
Speaker 2: I enjoy it, you know what I'm saying.

1527
01:08:58,600 --> 01:09:00,840
Speaker 1: So it's like, imagine if you like, I'm not gonna

1528
01:09:00,840 --> 01:09:02,640
Speaker 1: make it play because they feel like you asking for

1529
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:05,080
Speaker 1: too much. What we have to start doing as people

1530
01:09:05,200 --> 01:09:09,200
Speaker 1: is putting our needs and wants on the forefront to

1531
01:09:09,240 --> 01:09:11,120
Speaker 1: the person we want and being like, yo, this is

1532
01:09:11,160 --> 01:09:12,920
Speaker 1: what I want, it's what I need, Like what's up

1533
01:09:12,960 --> 01:09:13,360
Speaker 1: you with me?

1534
01:09:14,040 --> 01:09:16,840
Speaker 3: And then being honest about the fact of whether you

1535
01:09:16,880 --> 01:09:19,360
Speaker 3: want to or not or not deliver on that.

1536
01:09:19,439 --> 01:09:19,679
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1537
01:09:19,840 --> 01:09:21,080
Speaker 3: A lot of times we'll be like, YEA, yeah, I

1538
01:09:21,080 --> 01:09:23,320
Speaker 3: think I could do that, and it's just like, damn,

1539
01:09:23,360 --> 01:09:24,840
Speaker 3: when is the bigger things?

1540
01:09:24,640 --> 01:09:27,600
Speaker 1: A feelings changed and that and that to me is

1541
01:09:27,600 --> 01:09:29,760
Speaker 1: what the great The best answer for them too is

1542
01:09:29,880 --> 01:09:34,080
Speaker 1: for her, it's like, yo, sweetheart, tell him exactly what

1543
01:09:34,120 --> 01:09:37,320
Speaker 1: you want, telling what you require, what Jack Shacks has

1544
01:09:37,360 --> 01:09:40,759
Speaker 1: walked in. Tell him what you want, telling what you require,

1545
01:09:41,200 --> 01:09:43,479
Speaker 1: allow him to tell you how he plans on making

1546
01:09:43,520 --> 01:09:45,880
Speaker 1: that work, whether it's in the timeframe you want or not,

1547
01:09:45,960 --> 01:09:48,320
Speaker 1: and then making a decision of whether or not you

1548
01:09:48,360 --> 01:09:51,639
Speaker 1: want to be patient about that, but also allow him

1549
01:09:51,640 --> 01:09:53,880
Speaker 1: to tell you what he requires and what he wants,

1550
01:09:54,400 --> 01:09:56,280
Speaker 1: and then be patient with him. You know what I'm saying.

1551
01:09:56,320 --> 01:09:57,000
Speaker 2: I think that's fair.

1552
01:09:57,040 --> 01:09:58,360
Speaker 1: That's how she should go about this.

1553
01:09:58,640 --> 01:09:59,439
Speaker 2: I think that's fair.

1554
01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:01,679
Speaker 1: Se see what you want and figure it out.

1555
01:10:01,960 --> 01:10:04,000
Speaker 2: Good luck, sus. That was a good one.

1556
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:06,600
Speaker 1: Number two. Hey Kadeen and Davao or I see the

1557
01:10:06,680 --> 01:10:13,000
Speaker 1: GT massive. Yes, I love you one sisters as a team,

1558
01:10:13,040 --> 01:10:15,120
Speaker 1: and thank you so much. I've watched every episode.

1559
01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:15,479
Speaker 2: So.

1560
01:10:15,560 --> 01:10:18,519
Speaker 1: I'm twenty three years old and I'm from Guyana Nice.

1561
01:10:19,040 --> 01:10:21,280
Speaker 1: I'm a mother of one, and I'm a teacher. I

1562
01:10:21,360 --> 01:10:23,679
Speaker 1: was in a relationship with my child's father for three years.

1563
01:10:23,680 --> 01:10:27,400
Speaker 1: Throughout the relationship, we had financial issues and issues with infidelity.

1564
01:10:27,439 --> 01:10:29,720
Speaker 1: We ended up ending things last May. So I met

1565
01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:33,439
Speaker 1: someone else, total opposite, true sweetheart. But I'm having issues

1566
01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:36,120
Speaker 1: letting him in and just trusting him. Can you give

1567
01:10:36,160 --> 01:10:38,280
Speaker 1: me advice on how to move forward?

1568
01:10:38,479 --> 01:10:41,360
Speaker 2: He can't pay for his mistakes, sys about it? Come on,

1569
01:10:41,520 --> 01:10:43,080
Speaker 2: just be open to it. Be open to it.

1570
01:10:43,160 --> 01:10:44,840
Speaker 3: Why are we going to drag this guy who you

1571
01:10:44,880 --> 01:10:47,679
Speaker 3: said is someone else's complete opposite or true sweetheart, doing

1572
01:10:47,720 --> 01:10:49,920
Speaker 3: all the things, but he's going to have to suffer

1573
01:10:49,920 --> 01:10:52,479
Speaker 3: for someone else's mistakes. Isn't that a song Usher made?

1574
01:10:54,080 --> 01:10:56,519
Speaker 3: Usher has a song talking about paying for someone else's mistakes?

1575
01:10:56,560 --> 01:10:59,439
Speaker 3: But anyway, that's neither here nor there. But it's actually

1576
01:10:59,479 --> 01:11:01,360
Speaker 3: that's what I'm trying to say. You just can't do

1577
01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:03,320
Speaker 3: it like as simple as that. You have to give

1578
01:11:03,360 --> 01:11:05,400
Speaker 3: this man a chance to be who he is and

1579
01:11:05,479 --> 01:11:07,760
Speaker 3: accept that. And I understand sometimes trauma leaves you a

1580
01:11:07,800 --> 01:11:09,519
Speaker 3: little guarded and it makes you feel like you don't

1581
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:11,840
Speaker 3: want to show all your cards if you will, and

1582
01:11:12,280 --> 01:11:15,600
Speaker 3: after we just talked about showing all your cards, but

1583
01:11:15,680 --> 01:11:16,599
Speaker 3: also to I don't think.

1584
01:11:16,439 --> 01:11:17,840
Speaker 2: It's fair to the person you're involved with.

1585
01:11:17,880 --> 01:11:20,679
Speaker 1: Now I agree with you. I have nothing to add

1586
01:11:20,680 --> 01:11:22,240
Speaker 1: to that. Only thing I can say is trusting is

1587
01:11:22,240 --> 01:11:27,800
Speaker 1: a choice. You choose to trust someone you don't someone else.

1588
01:11:28,640 --> 01:11:30,880
Speaker 1: Something won't let me trust this person. You're making a

1589
01:11:31,000 --> 01:11:32,960
Speaker 1: choice to trust them or not. And if you don't

1590
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:36,000
Speaker 1: trust them, you have to decipher why. If it's because

1591
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:38,000
Speaker 1: of your own traumas, Like you say, you got to

1592
01:11:38,000 --> 01:11:40,400
Speaker 1: work on your own traumas so that you can choose

1593
01:11:40,560 --> 01:11:43,800
Speaker 1: to trust trust someone. If you don't trust them because

1594
01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:46,920
Speaker 1: it's something they've done, then you need to choose whether

1595
01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:48,360
Speaker 1: or not you want to be with that person or not.

1596
01:11:48,479 --> 01:11:50,120
Speaker 3: Do you think when you enter into a relationship you

1597
01:11:50,120 --> 01:11:51,920
Speaker 3: start with the trust here at the top, and then

1598
01:11:52,240 --> 01:11:56,920
Speaker 3: you then it'll dwiddle down depending on what transpires to

1599
01:11:57,040 --> 01:11:58,400
Speaker 3: remove that trust.

1600
01:11:58,680 --> 01:12:01,280
Speaker 1: No, I think I think you're tru remains the same

1601
01:12:01,360 --> 01:12:05,760
Speaker 1: regardless because people need to have grace. People need to

1602
01:12:05,760 --> 01:12:09,280
Speaker 1: be given grace to make decisions and then to be

1603
01:12:09,439 --> 01:12:12,559
Speaker 1: told that the decision you made isn't in alignment with

1604
01:12:12,600 --> 01:12:15,840
Speaker 1: what I want from my life. Right, if we're just

1605
01:12:15,880 --> 01:12:18,519
Speaker 1: getting to know each other, say, we just started me

1606
01:12:18,600 --> 01:12:20,559
Speaker 1: and you dating, but we don't decide that we're going

1607
01:12:20,640 --> 01:12:23,200
Speaker 1: to be exclusive. We just dating, right, and I see

1608
01:12:23,200 --> 01:12:25,519
Speaker 1: you out with another guy. Do I then lose trusting

1609
01:12:25,560 --> 01:12:28,439
Speaker 1: you if there's something we didn't discuss. No, okay, So

1610
01:12:28,520 --> 01:12:30,640
Speaker 1: now I say, listen, I want to be exclusive. You

1611
01:12:30,640 --> 01:12:32,840
Speaker 1: want to be exclusive? He goes, yeah, okay, cool, so

1612
01:12:32,880 --> 01:12:35,479
Speaker 1: we're not going to date other people? All right, we're

1613
01:12:35,479 --> 01:12:39,360
Speaker 1: not dating other people? Cool? Are we exclusive? I would

1614
01:12:39,400 --> 01:12:41,479
Speaker 1: say we're exclusive. We're still figuring out, but we're choosing

1615
01:12:41,479 --> 01:12:44,280
Speaker 1: not to date other people. Then I see your phone

1616
01:12:44,400 --> 01:12:48,800
Speaker 1: and you have text message from another man. Then I'm like, dang,

1617
01:12:48,840 --> 01:12:50,800
Speaker 1: I didn't say that we I said we weren't dating.

1618
01:12:50,840 --> 01:12:53,360
Speaker 1: I didn't say we weren't entertaining other people. My point

1619
01:12:53,439 --> 01:12:56,559
Speaker 1: is there's a timeframe in life where you have to

1620
01:12:56,600 --> 01:12:58,800
Speaker 1: go through things to figure out if you guys are

1621
01:12:58,920 --> 01:13:02,920
Speaker 1: on alignment on things, and your trust can't waiver while

1622
01:13:02,920 --> 01:13:06,280
Speaker 1: you're going through that process. You can't just automatically start

1623
01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:08,880
Speaker 1: trusting because someone doesn't move perfectly the way you want

1624
01:13:08,920 --> 01:13:11,639
Speaker 1: them to move. You have to take time to figure

1625
01:13:11,680 --> 01:13:14,719
Speaker 1: out if this person is worth going through that phade,

1626
01:13:14,720 --> 01:13:17,120
Speaker 1: that dance of back and forth. If this is what

1627
01:13:17,160 --> 01:13:18,479
Speaker 1: we want to do and what we don't want to do,

1628
01:13:18,520 --> 01:13:21,360
Speaker 1: and I think trust stays there until you just say

1629
01:13:21,400 --> 01:13:24,000
Speaker 1: you know what. I just I want to trust no more.

1630
01:13:24,479 --> 01:13:26,439
Speaker 1: And once I don't want to trust this person, why

1631
01:13:26,560 --> 01:13:29,760
Speaker 1: we entertain him unless it's just a play thing. I

1632
01:13:29,800 --> 01:13:33,320
Speaker 1: don't trust you, but we bone and I enjoy that,

1633
01:13:33,479 --> 01:13:35,600
Speaker 1: So let's do that. But I don't trust you. You

1634
01:13:35,600 --> 01:13:37,479
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying that in their relationships like that,

1635
01:13:37,520 --> 01:13:38,360
Speaker 1: it's transactional.

1636
01:13:38,560 --> 01:13:39,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, we know what it is. If we know what

1637
01:13:39,840 --> 01:13:42,040
Speaker 2: it is, I know what I wet myself into. There

1638
01:13:42,040 --> 01:13:43,439
Speaker 2: you go, All right, y'all.

1639
01:13:43,479 --> 01:13:45,559
Speaker 3: If you want to refeatures as a listener letter, be

1640
01:13:45,640 --> 01:13:48,639
Speaker 3: sure to email us at the ass Advice at gmail

1641
01:13:48,680 --> 01:13:48,960
Speaker 3: dot com.

1642
01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:50,559
Speaker 2: I don't know why that stumble me up.

1643
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:53,160
Speaker 1: That's right, that's D E A D A S S

1644
01:13:53,200 --> 01:13:56,600
Speaker 1: A D V I C E at gmail dot com.

1645
01:13:56,640 --> 01:13:57,960
Speaker 2: All right, time for my own the truth.

1646
01:13:58,000 --> 01:14:01,960
Speaker 3: We're talking you go, first sex, middle school, all that stuff.

1647
01:14:02,479 --> 01:14:04,720
Speaker 3: I guess I'm my moment of truth with all being

1648
01:14:04,800 --> 01:14:08,880
Speaker 3: said about our sexual experiences, our children's future sexual experiences.

1649
01:14:08,920 --> 01:14:09,599
Speaker 2: Lord help us.

1650
01:14:10,520 --> 01:14:13,120
Speaker 1: I've I've said you kind of twitch when you started

1651
01:14:13,160 --> 01:14:14,320
Speaker 1: saying that, Yeah, I.

1652
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:16,880
Speaker 3: Think my moment of truth ultimately is just making sure

1653
01:14:16,880 --> 01:14:19,920
Speaker 3: that everything that we speak to our children about is

1654
01:14:19,960 --> 01:14:23,559
Speaker 3: coded in facts and not fear. It's coded in love

1655
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:28,840
Speaker 3: and not in love and not jaded experiences of the

1656
01:14:28,840 --> 01:14:34,200
Speaker 3: way we've existed. And it's also just learning to as parents,

1657
01:14:34,960 --> 01:14:37,920
Speaker 3: know our children, know our history and where we've come

1658
01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:41,160
Speaker 3: from in terms of our relationship with our parents, and

1659
01:14:41,200 --> 01:14:44,080
Speaker 3: seeing how that was a detriment to us, and then

1660
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:46,080
Speaker 3: kind of trying to change the approach when it comes

1661
01:14:46,080 --> 01:14:48,120
Speaker 3: to our children so their outcomes don't have to be

1662
01:14:48,280 --> 01:14:50,600
Speaker 3: the same as ours. I think that's ultimately all we

1663
01:14:50,640 --> 01:14:52,880
Speaker 3: ever want is parents right for our kids to be

1664
01:14:52,920 --> 01:14:53,519
Speaker 3: and do better.

1665
01:14:53,680 --> 01:14:57,160
Speaker 1: So I like that I'll make sure that that you

1666
01:14:57,240 --> 01:15:01,679
Speaker 1: speak to them in facts are not fear. My moment

1667
01:15:01,720 --> 01:15:04,839
Speaker 1: of truth is this, Let's protect our youth by providing

1668
01:15:04,840 --> 01:15:09,000
Speaker 1: them with education. Let's stop stigmatizing and shaming young women

1669
01:15:09,040 --> 01:15:11,400
Speaker 1: for having the same sexual urges that we all have.

1670
01:15:12,280 --> 01:15:15,000
Speaker 1: You know, Let's stop doing that to young ladies so

1671
01:15:15,040 --> 01:15:20,240
Speaker 1: that they can own their sexualities and be comfortable having

1672
01:15:20,240 --> 01:15:22,479
Speaker 1: these conversations with the young men or young women that

1673
01:15:22,520 --> 01:15:24,559
Speaker 1: they want to share with and not have to feel

1674
01:15:24,600 --> 01:15:28,759
Speaker 1: guarded and scared. Let's protect our young men by teaching

1675
01:15:28,760 --> 01:15:31,599
Speaker 1: them to have empathy for what young women go through

1676
01:15:31,800 --> 01:15:35,439
Speaker 1: Number one. But also let's give them the confidence to

1677
01:15:35,680 --> 01:15:38,200
Speaker 1: walk with well, let's give them the strength to walk

1678
01:15:38,240 --> 01:15:41,200
Speaker 1: with confidence through their sexuality so that they don't have

1679
01:15:41,280 --> 01:15:43,360
Speaker 1: to prey on people and they don't have to use

1680
01:15:43,400 --> 01:15:46,439
Speaker 1: their powers, you know, because they don't feel comfortable in

1681
01:15:46,479 --> 01:15:49,400
Speaker 1: their manhood. So let's protect our young men and our

1682
01:15:49,439 --> 01:15:51,800
Speaker 1: young women by providing them with that knowledge that they

1683
01:15:51,840 --> 01:15:53,360
Speaker 1: can be comfortable walking and comfortence.

1684
01:15:53,400 --> 01:15:55,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, and supporting them through the exploration process while they

1685
01:15:55,840 --> 01:15:57,840
Speaker 3: figure out who they like what they like, because we

1686
01:15:57,880 --> 01:15:59,920
Speaker 3: know that there's no cookie cutter way to do absolutely,

1687
01:16:00,200 --> 01:16:02,600
Speaker 3: So yeah, I feel like being the safe haven for

1688
01:16:02,640 --> 01:16:05,320
Speaker 3: our children to say, all right, maybe this is going

1689
01:16:05,360 --> 01:16:07,800
Speaker 3: against the green or the norm or what you guys expected,

1690
01:16:07,840 --> 01:16:11,080
Speaker 3: but receiving it with love and then moving forward from there.

1691
01:16:11,160 --> 01:16:12,320
Speaker 1: So yeah, I agree with you.

1692
01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:15,320
Speaker 2: All right, y'all. I closed out my run of show

1693
01:16:15,760 --> 01:16:16,360
Speaker 2: I Got You, I Got You.

1694
01:16:16,400 --> 01:16:18,000
Speaker 1: Maybe I got you because you know you, you didn't want

1695
01:16:18,000 --> 01:16:18,639
Speaker 1: to look at the run of.

1696
01:16:18,520 --> 01:16:20,960
Speaker 2: The show today, so I should have it.

1697
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:24,559
Speaker 1: Be sure to find us on Patreon Exclusive Dead Ass

1698
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:28,240
Speaker 1: podcast video content, and find us on social media at

1699
01:16:28,280 --> 01:16:31,920
Speaker 1: dead Ass, to podcast I Am and I Am Devouring.

1700
01:16:31,960 --> 01:16:34,799
Speaker 1: If you're listening on Apple podcasts.

1701
01:16:34,120 --> 01:16:38,240
Speaker 3: Be sure to rate, review and subscribe.

1702
01:16:38,520 --> 01:16:41,240
Speaker 1: Make sure that you always read the run of show.

1703
01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:42,479
Speaker 1: If you work with.

1704
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:46,080
Speaker 2: And Now, you know that they sell lucy condoms in

1705
01:16:46,120 --> 01:16:46,719
Speaker 2: the store.

1706
01:16:46,640 --> 01:16:48,719
Speaker 1: I don't know they do anymore because this was back

1707
01:16:48,760 --> 01:16:51,240
Speaker 1: in Oh, this was about ten years ago. I don't

1708
01:16:51,240 --> 01:16:54,040
Speaker 1: know what the world looking like now. I haven't brought

1709
01:16:54,040 --> 01:16:56,920
Speaker 1: a condom in god knows how long. I mean, y'all know,

1710
01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:59,400
Speaker 1: at least at least for at least for at least

1711
01:16:59,400 --> 01:16:59,760
Speaker 1: for a time.

1712
01:16:59,800 --> 01:17:02,880
Speaker 2: Then I'll see you next time.

1713
01:17:05,560 --> 01:17:08,640
Speaker 4: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

1714
01:17:08,680 --> 01:17:12,280
Speaker 4: its produced by Donor Pinya and Triple. Follow the podcast

1715
01:17:12,320 --> 01:17:14,960
Speaker 4: on social media at dead Ass the podcast and never

1716
01:17:15,000 --> 01:17:15,639
Speaker 4: miss a Thing.