1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,559 Speaker 1: I believe that I feel my mother more now than 2 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,799 Speaker 1: I did when she was in human flesh. Like when 3 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: I miss her. I open the window and I can 4 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,720 Speaker 1: hear her singing in the trees. When I'm standing outside, 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:18,320 Speaker 1: I can feel her blow through my fingertips. When I'm 6 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:22,079 Speaker 1: laying on a beach, I can feel her warmth, like 7 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 1: on this from the sun. I can hear her in 8 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 1: the waves of the ocean. And so when I feel her, 9 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 1: I trust that that feeling is real, I trust that 10 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: it's her. To anyone who has lost, or even more so, 11 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: anyone who's recently lost, maybe this is your first or 12 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,960 Speaker 1: second Mother's Day without your mother, look to the sky like, 13 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 1: feel that she's still there. If you can silence all 14 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: of the outside noise, you'll recognize, you'll realize, you'll notice 15 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: that she never left. She never left. 16 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, Emily a body here bring you another special 17 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 2: installment of this week's Motherhood in Focus series on Hurdle 18 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 2: leading up to Mother's Day. This week, I am chatting 19 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 2: with six extraordinary woman, some moms, some not, but each 20 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 2: with a story to tell that has forever been shaped 21 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:37,119 Speaker 2: by the woman that came before them. Today, I am 22 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 2: so humbled to bring you my conversation with Tunday Oining, peloton, 23 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:46,680 Speaker 2: instructor and all around just beautiful, beautiful person. 24 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 3: As I compliment her. 25 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 2: At the start of today's episode when Today and I 26 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 2: recorded the last time for the show, and I'll link 27 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 2: her first episode in the show notes, I was just 28 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:05,520 Speaker 2: so taken by her bravery and tenacity and strength. Tunday 29 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,440 Speaker 2: not only lost her brother, but also her father and 30 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 2: her mother within a six year period six years ago, 31 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 2: and so today on the show, I am so grateful 32 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:24,360 Speaker 2: for her openness and willingness to talk about that chapter 33 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,079 Speaker 2: of her life and to talk about what life's been 34 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 2: like for her since those devastating losses and how she 35 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,800 Speaker 2: carries on in her day to day remembering her mother's spirit. 36 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 2: There are so many beautiful parts of today's conversation. I 37 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,960 Speaker 2: love Tunday talking about how she still feels her mother's 38 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 2: presence so much. 39 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 3: On the regular. She talks about how. 40 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 2: She navigated these losses and how she took care of 41 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 2: herself when it felt downright impossible. Tunday shares her advice 42 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 2: for anyone who may share in her struggle and offers 43 00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 2: up some essential words of wisdom for those strugglings specifically 44 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,520 Speaker 2: during this week. I recognize that for some Mother's Day 45 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,800 Speaker 2: can be a day that brings some sadness, and I 46 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 2: want to hold space for that. 47 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 3: I want to hold space for. 48 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 2: This community in whatever way that you'll let me, so 49 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 2: feel free to shoot me a DM a message. I'm 50 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,400 Speaker 2: sure we'll be chatting about this over in the Secret 51 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 2: Hurdler's Facebook group, and I would love for you to 52 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 2: be a part of that as well. The link to 53 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 2: join us is in the show notes. If you haven't 54 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,320 Speaker 2: done so yet, make sure to rate and review the 55 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 2: show in the Apple Podcasts Store, and make sure you're 56 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 2: following along with Hurdle over on Instagram, Facebook at Hurdle podcast. 57 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 2: I am over at Emily Body. With that, let's get 58 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 2: to hurdling. 59 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 4: Today. 60 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 2: I am chatting with Tunday oy and A and she 61 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 2: is a Peloton instructor and so many more wonderful things. 62 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 3: How you doing tune day? 63 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 4: Hey girl? Hey? How are you? 64 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 3: I'm so good? I'm so happy to be here talking 65 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 3: to you again. I need to. Can I give you 66 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 3: a compliment right off the bat? 67 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 4: I mean, I will never turned out a compliment? 68 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 2: Okay, the hair is amazing. I haven't talked to you 69 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,599 Speaker 2: since we did this. We did this, like I'm involved 70 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 2: and also literally sometimes like your content crosses my feed 71 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:27,600 Speaker 2: and I am just so struck by your beauty of 72 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,880 Speaker 2: course physical but just the inner man. 73 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 4: Thank you so much. Thank you. That's the best compliment. 74 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:34,359 Speaker 3: Thank you. 75 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 1: And we we did do this together. You were there, 76 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 1: you held the shears and we made this happen. But 77 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: thank you so much. I appreciate that beautiful compliment. 78 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 3: Of course. Girl. So how are you? How are you doing? 79 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 4: I'm doing good. I am doing good. Yeah, yeah, how 80 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:48,919 Speaker 4: are you? You know? 81 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 2: No complaints over here. I am excited that it's getting 82 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 2: nicer out. It's funny for me because I feel like 83 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 2: when it gets nicer out, like everyone also becomes nicer. 84 00:04:58,279 --> 00:04:59,360 Speaker 2: Humans in New York. 85 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 4: Yeah. 86 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:05,200 Speaker 1: I was walking my dog, Caesar this morning and something. 87 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,280 Speaker 1: My dog did something funny, and the guy that was 88 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,800 Speaker 1: walking past me looked up and gave me a smile, 89 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,400 Speaker 1: and I smiled back, and I thought to myself, Wow, 90 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 1: why was that so weird? And then I realized he 91 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,479 Speaker 1: didn't have his mask on, so I actually saw his smile, 92 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,160 Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, wow, I haven't because New 93 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 1: York you're walking around, you pass people all the time, 94 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: and so you passed off smiles all day long. And 95 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,279 Speaker 1: so I haven't received a passed off smile from someone 96 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: in almost a year, and it just felt really good. 97 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 1: But to your point, I was just having this conversation 98 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 1: with my friends. I lived in LA for twelve years 99 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 1: before I moved to New York, and La is always beautiful. 100 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: And I don't want to say when you're in LA 101 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: you don't appreciate the weather. And I'm not saying that, 102 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,480 Speaker 1: but there is something about New York and good weather, 103 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:51,239 Speaker 1: like peep you a like in LA, every day is beautiful, 104 00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:53,479 Speaker 1: so you don't say, like, oh wow, you don't like 105 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 1: sit there and just acknowledge how beautiful this day is. 106 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 1: In New York, when the weather is beautiful, everyone is outside, 107 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,279 Speaker 1: everyone is at the park. 108 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 4: People are acknowledging it. 109 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:05,839 Speaker 1: They're like texting each other, hope you're enjoying this beautiful day, 110 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,240 Speaker 1: because it's it's like so rare here that when we 111 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 1: get one, we utilize it to the max. 112 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 4: We use it fully. 113 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 3: So I love that for us. I'm excited that it's 114 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,599 Speaker 3: nice out. I'm excited to be looking at your beautiful face. 115 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 2: I was doing a lot of thinking because I'm recording 116 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,479 Speaker 2: with you as part of this week long series leading 117 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,920 Speaker 2: up to Mother's Day on the show, and I was 118 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,120 Speaker 2: just so struck by the beautiful way you spoke about 119 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 2: your mother the first time that you and I sat 120 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 2: down together. And so I thought to myself that you 121 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,200 Speaker 2: would be just someone that I would be so excited 122 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 2: to have a conversation with as a part of this week, 123 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 2: just because I know, although not firsthand, that this week 124 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:45,920 Speaker 2: can be really challenging. 125 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:46,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, and I. 126 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,839 Speaker 1: Think, you know, social media, I think is a huge 127 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: part of that. You know, if you are somebody who's 128 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: who's lost and you look, you turn anything on your 129 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: your phone, your computer or whatever, and then you see 130 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,600 Speaker 1: of feed and timelines of people honoring and celebrating their 131 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 1: mother as they should their loved ones. But it can 132 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:10,760 Speaker 1: for somebody whose mother is no longer here, even Father's Day, 133 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: father is no longer here. It's definitely something that you know, 134 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 1: it's just a reminder, it's a reminder of how much 135 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 1: you miss your loved one. 136 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:22,480 Speaker 2: For those that may be listening today that aren't in 137 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,480 Speaker 2: the loop on your story, why don't you give us 138 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 2: a little bit talking to us about, you know, growing 139 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 2: up with your mother and how that was and and 140 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 2: some good times. 141 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 4: Yeah. 142 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: Well, I am first generation American descendant of two Nigerians, 143 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: Festus and Veronica Oyenane. 144 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 4: And you know, I always make this joke and. 145 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: Say, while I am American, I grew up in a 146 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 1: Nigerian household. Like I went to school, I went to 147 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: an American school, but when I came home, it was 148 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: a Nigerian household. Like, That's how I was brought up, 149 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 1: and that's how I was raised. You know, my favorite 150 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,520 Speaker 1: memory with my mother, I think that's tough. I don't 151 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: know that I can single out any one memory because 152 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: there were it wasn't it's not, it's less of a memory, 153 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 1: and it's just more of a my favorite how my 154 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 1: mom made me feel. I guess you know which was 155 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 1: which was so often reoccurring. She always made me feel. 156 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 4: Like I better know what my name is. Like. 157 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,280 Speaker 1: She never let me take I don't know if I 158 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 1: can curse on here bleep. You know, she never let 159 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 1: me take bleep from anybody, you know, very much like 160 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: the rather than she was always on my team, always 161 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 1: on my side, but rather than like allowing me to 162 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: just be so in my feelings about things, like it 163 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:51,480 Speaker 1: was almost her. She was such a good advocate in 164 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 1: getting me to woman up if you will, like to 165 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:58,920 Speaker 1: like step into who I am and recognize it, and 166 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 1: you know I I didn't. I didn't see it in 167 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:07,560 Speaker 1: myself then what she saw in me? And I recognize 168 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: and I realize it so fully. Now I have fully 169 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: become the woman that she knew that I was. And 170 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 1: I think that that's the saddest part about her not 171 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: being here, not that she's not here to see who 172 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: I've become, because she already knew. I think the saddest 173 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:34,199 Speaker 1: part is that she's not here to see me recognize 174 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,200 Speaker 1: it too. 175 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 4: Yeah. 176 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,120 Speaker 3: So how old were you when she passed? 177 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 4: That's a great question. I was. I think I was 178 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 4: twenty nine? 179 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 1: Wow? 180 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:46,959 Speaker 3: Yeah, wow? 181 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,840 Speaker 2: And now yeah, being twenty nine certainly being a woman 182 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,080 Speaker 2: well on your way in your career, How did you 183 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 2: navigate that time? 184 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 3: What was that like for you and your family? 185 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 1: Well, you know, I experienced a lot of trauma, a 186 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 1: lot of tragedy, somewhat at once. Three years before my 187 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 1: mother passed away, my dad had passed away. And three 188 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: years before my dad had passed away, my little brother 189 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:16,439 Speaker 1: had passed away, and so it was I don't want 190 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 1: to say it was like a numbness, but it was 191 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 1: also wildly familiar, like meaning, you know, you go through 192 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 1: the different stages of loss and grief, and so because 193 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:37,200 Speaker 1: those feelings were so fresh, it was almost as if 194 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 1: I knew how it was going to go. Meaning when 195 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 1: you lose someone, people tell you that you'll be okay, 196 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 1: even though you know you're not okay right now, you 197 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 1: will one day be okay again, not necessarily even meaning 198 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: you'll be yourself again, but you'll be a new version 199 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:01,319 Speaker 1: of yourself. You'll be okay again, right And so after 200 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: I lost my mom, it was almost like it was 201 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 1: that knowing it was the It was the no I 202 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 1: knew that I would one day. It was almost like 203 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 1: I was able to give myself the pep talk that 204 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: somebody else would give me, if you will, Like I 205 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,240 Speaker 1: knew that I needed to allow myself time to feel. 206 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 1: I knew I needed to allow myself the time to grieve. 207 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 1: I knew that the worst thing imaginable had just happened. 208 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 4: To me again. 209 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: But I also was able to recognize that I was 210 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: still lucky. I have have I have an incredible mother, 211 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 1: and I got to spend twenty nine years with her. 212 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:51,080 Speaker 1: Some people aren't able to say that, you know, And 213 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:55,400 Speaker 1: so I got for twenty nine years the most excellent human. 214 00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:00,440 Speaker 1: When my father passed away, and when my father and 215 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 1: my brother passed away, I wasn't there to get to 216 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: say goodbye to that. When my mother passed away, her 217 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:11,680 Speaker 1: health started to decline very rapidly, and I was able 218 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 1: to fly from LA to Houston to be with her 219 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: for I think it was about a week or two, 220 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,679 Speaker 1: although she was in and out and you know, of 221 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 1: knowing what was going on and not within I guess 222 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,320 Speaker 1: that two weeks. Said I was there, I had a 223 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: good five minutes one day where she was completely alert 224 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: and she was able to relay her final wishes to me. 225 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:40,680 Speaker 1: And so I didn't get that before. And so as 226 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 1: sad as I was, as sad as I am that 227 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:50,000 Speaker 1: she's not here, I acknowledged that it was a gift 228 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 1: to be able to have that final conversation with her, 229 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:56,920 Speaker 1: with my brother and with my dad. I wish I 230 00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:01,440 Speaker 1: got that conversation. So you know, I still look at 231 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:05,320 Speaker 1: and say, Wow, I'm lucky. I'm lucky. I had the 232 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 1: very best mother I'm lucky that I got to tell 233 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 1: her goodbye. I'm lucky that I got to know what 234 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,400 Speaker 1: her final asss were. 235 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,200 Speaker 3: Do you mind sharing any of them? 236 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 4: I mean, I'll share this, I'll say. 237 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:24,440 Speaker 1: One of her wishes was, I imagine as a mom, 238 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 1: and you have three kids still remaining here that you're leaving, 239 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 1: you have grandchildren that you're leaving. She was the glue 240 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:37,600 Speaker 1: of the family, and I think she just wanted to 241 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,439 Speaker 1: make sure that we would all still be together, especially 242 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,080 Speaker 1: me not living in Texas. 243 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:43,720 Speaker 4: She wanted me. 244 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,480 Speaker 1: She asked me to never forget my family, to never 245 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 1: forget my brothers, to not leave them. And I don't 246 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 1: think she meant it like physically, like don't leave Texas, 247 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:56,920 Speaker 1: stay here, move back, but more of now that you know, 248 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 1: every time I went home, obviously I'm going home to 249 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,839 Speaker 1: visit my nets and my brothers and all that, but 250 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:05,560 Speaker 1: like I was very very regular about going home because 251 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 1: I needed to see my mom, my mom, my mom, 252 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,720 Speaker 1: my mom. And I think she was her ask was 253 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:13,120 Speaker 1: what she was saying there was you won't have me 254 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 1: here to come back to, but don't forget the rest 255 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,079 Speaker 1: of your family. And it's funny, one of my brothers. 256 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 1: We fight a lot, and that's just like our thing. 257 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,240 Speaker 1: Like I'm cooking something and he'll taste and he's like 258 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: it's horrible, and it's like the best thing anybody's ever eaten. 259 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: But he's like it needs more salt or it needs 260 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 1: more I'm like, get out. 261 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 4: Like we fight. 262 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,520 Speaker 1: And so she asked me not to fight with him anymore. 263 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,280 Speaker 1: And so you know, he still fights with me, Like 264 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 1: he'll bicker and do all this stuff, and I just 265 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 1: every time he says I just I say nothing. I 266 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: just like and every time I say to myself, I'm 267 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,880 Speaker 1: doing this. She asked me not to fight with this boy. 268 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna fight with this boy, and so so 269 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: so yeah, it was it was family, Like she just 270 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:57,440 Speaker 1: wanted to make sure that the family would still be 271 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 1: a family. I think that when many were relationships die, 272 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 1: or when many relationships end, it's due to a death 273 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 1: in the family. Death in the family can it when 274 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 1: you lose someone in a family, it can bring you together, 275 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 1: which I think it does in the beginning for many people. 276 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 1: It brings you together, and then it could start to 277 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:22,320 Speaker 1: rip and divide you apart. And I just think she 278 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 1: just wanted to make sure that wasn't going to be 279 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:24,440 Speaker 1: the case. 280 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:29,200 Speaker 2: You spoke about this idea that having gone through loss 281 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 2: multiple times before that you knew that you would be okay, 282 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 2: although you might not be the same as you were 283 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 2: before that loss in terms of actually integrating different coping 284 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,040 Speaker 2: strategies in like how you were grieving. 285 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 3: What did you do? How did you manage that period? 286 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 4: Hmmm? I think each time was different. Each time was different, 287 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 4: you know. 288 00:15:54,000 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 1: I will say this, I was very un apologetic about 289 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 1: being selfish with my time, meaning people were calling me 290 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 1: and texting me to check in on me, and the 291 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 1: right thing to do is, like you know, call people 292 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 1: back and message people back, let people know you're okay. 293 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,320 Speaker 4: I didn't want to. I didn't want to. 294 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 1: I just wanted to be alone, and so I was 295 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: unapologetic about taking the time that I needed. I took 296 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,200 Speaker 1: time off of work I think two or three months. 297 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,720 Speaker 1: I was really fortunate that I was able to do that. 298 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: But I just allowed myself to be I think after 299 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 1: I lost my dad, actually I didn't work out, like 300 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: I just had no desire, I think. And then when 301 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: I started feeling better, I think it was I started 302 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,360 Speaker 1: to get back into a routine. 303 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 4: And you know at. 304 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 1: That time, I was also my diet around that time 305 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,320 Speaker 1: was really really clean. Like I made a conscious decision. 306 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 1: I was like, I am gonna really protect my body 307 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,240 Speaker 1: and my health and make sure that my oh my 308 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: things are working right. 309 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 4: And you know, in order to do that, I need 310 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,159 Speaker 4: to fuel my body with the right food. 311 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:15,359 Speaker 1: I think that after I lost my dad is when 312 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 1: I think that's when I actually like boosted up my 313 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:23,640 Speaker 1: like fitness habits and like a routine, if that makes 314 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 1: any sense at all. But yeah, I don't know that 315 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:31,399 Speaker 1: I can. I don't know that I recall. I maybe 316 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: I don't even know that I remember what happened during 317 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:36,880 Speaker 1: that time because I wasn't there. 318 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to give some love 319 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 2: to my sponsor at Picky Bars for supporting this week 320 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 2: of content. Picky Bars started as a side project to 321 00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:57,399 Speaker 2: fuel iron Man and marathon training miles for pro athletes 322 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,680 Speaker 2: Lauren Fleshman, Stephanie Bruce, who you'll hear from this week, 323 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:05,080 Speaker 2: and Jesse Thomas, and it grew into multiple product lines 324 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 2: of nutritionally balanced, wholesome, real food options that you can 325 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:13,000 Speaker 2: feel great about putting into your body. 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They're also offering an additional twenty percent 339 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 2: off if you try. 340 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 3: A new Picky Club membership. 341 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:11,240 Speaker 2: That's Pickybars dot com pic ky bars dot com slash 342 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 2: kurdle to get twenty percent off your order of all 343 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 2: of their super delicious real food snacks and fuel today. 344 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 3: So interesting. 345 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:31,360 Speaker 2: Also, that takeaway on I know I should quote unquote 346 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,479 Speaker 2: be like getting back to people and saying thank you 347 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,960 Speaker 2: for checking in on me. But what you said is 348 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 2: the most important part, like being honest with yourself about 349 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 2: what you actually need. And I remember in that episode 350 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,280 Speaker 2: that we spoke for the last time talking about that 351 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,760 Speaker 2: term of soul care. 352 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,119 Speaker 3: How are you going to take care of your soul? 353 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,639 Speaker 3: What is it that you need to be your best you? 354 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,920 Speaker 2: So, now reflecting back on that, I love before how 355 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,040 Speaker 2: you said I have a great mother, and I also 356 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 2: love I think and in even in your Instagram bio 357 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:04,880 Speaker 2: it says daughter of immigrants, like this is such a 358 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:09,239 Speaker 2: proud thing for you. So when you reflect on the 359 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,960 Speaker 2: woman that your mother is, what are some of the 360 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,520 Speaker 2: values that she had that you are hoping to pass 361 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,879 Speaker 2: down to other people in your life, whether it's friends, 362 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,159 Speaker 2: other family, or perhaps maybe one day your own children. 363 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 1: Pride, I would say, great pride and humility within pride, 364 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 1: Like my mother was a very proud woman in the 365 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 1: way you could she radiated that, in the way that 366 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:41,439 Speaker 1: she walked away, that she talked, the way that she moved. 367 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 1: And I marry in the word humility to that, because 368 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 1: she was also the most humble and the most gracious 369 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,880 Speaker 1: and the most generous person. 370 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,080 Speaker 4: And I saw that. 371 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:04,320 Speaker 1: In the way in her relationships, and as a young girl, 372 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:08,440 Speaker 1: I didn't realize that it was unique because it was 373 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 1: all I saw, what I saw. And so the way 374 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:16,760 Speaker 1: that she was a friend with her friends, like I 375 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,879 Speaker 1: realized now that she was not only the glue in 376 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,480 Speaker 1: our family or within our family, but she was also 377 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,040 Speaker 1: the glue within her sisters, her sisterhood of friends. And 378 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:32,919 Speaker 1: you know, I, as now women, I realized, wow, you know, 379 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,439 Speaker 1: let's say it was my friend or an aunt that 380 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 1: was going through something, maybe it was with her children, 381 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: or even with her her relationships or with work. 382 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,480 Speaker 4: I realized that my mother was always the first person 383 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 4: that her friends call. 384 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:52,880 Speaker 1: I now as an adult realized, like my aunts or 385 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,919 Speaker 1: that maybe weren't getting along. I realized, now, wow, my 386 00:21:56,040 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 1: mom was always the one like trying to like get 387 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:05,000 Speaker 1: everybody to come together with love. And so I say 388 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,119 Speaker 1: that to say, like she there was a lot of trust. 389 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,400 Speaker 1: There was a lot of trust in her relationships with 390 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,400 Speaker 1: the people that she loved around her. 391 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,920 Speaker 2: Do you think that's because she was like super compassionate 392 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,639 Speaker 2: or a really good listener, Like what would you pinpoint 393 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 2: that quality in her? 394 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 3: Too? 395 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: Compassionate? Compassionate for sure, compassionate empathy. I would say. It's 396 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,239 Speaker 1: so funny if people ask me, like, if you were 397 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 1: to ask a handful of my five closest friends, what 398 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,879 Speaker 1: is Tounday's best quality, they would say empathy. I know 399 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,399 Speaker 1: that without a doubt. Now, if you were to also 400 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 1: ask them what is Tunday's worst quality, they would say 401 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:43,920 Speaker 1: empathy as well. 402 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,200 Speaker 3: Huh and why did you say that? 403 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:48,119 Speaker 4: Because I. 404 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:55,199 Speaker 1: Not only sympathize with people, like see things or understand 405 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,880 Speaker 1: what they're going through, I feel it with them, and 406 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: so I also like the queen of giving people the 407 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:06,880 Speaker 1: benefit of the doubt. Like I played Devil's Advocate a lot. 408 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,800 Speaker 1: I was a great debatist. I thought I was going 409 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 1: to be a lawyer at one point in my life 410 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,240 Speaker 1: because I loved to argue the other side or see 411 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 1: somebody else's perspective. I'm the queen of you know, hearing 412 00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:20,719 Speaker 1: something and I'm like, well, let's look at it from 413 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 1: a different perspective, Like to the point where my girlfriends 414 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,639 Speaker 1: are like, Okay, I'm going to tell you something my 415 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:25,120 Speaker 1: husband did. 416 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,119 Speaker 4: Please don't try to see his side, just hear my side. 417 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:28,919 Speaker 4: Be my friend. 418 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 1: But yeah and so so so yeah, So I would say, compassion. 419 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,159 Speaker 3: What a beautiful thing that she passed down to you 420 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,040 Speaker 3: though that quality. Yeah, I mean, I'm with you. 421 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,720 Speaker 2: I'm certainly like an mpath so I'm also like that, 422 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 2: let me try to see all sides. 423 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:43,840 Speaker 3: How can I help you? 424 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,800 Speaker 2: Also, like, I'll like rearrange my entire schedule if it 425 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 2: means that I can help someone. 426 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:48,480 Speaker 3: That I care about. 427 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,919 Speaker 2: Right, I feel like you're you and I probably for 428 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,719 Speaker 2: the most part within our bandwidth like share that in comment. 429 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,719 Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I just you know what it is. 430 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,840 Speaker 1: I have really really incredible friends that show up for 431 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: me for any thing whenever I need them, And so 432 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 1: it's just like this, It's the reciprocal effect kind of thing. 433 00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:11,639 Speaker 1: You know, you surround yourself with good people, and with 434 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,160 Speaker 1: good you have no choice but to then also show. 435 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:15,800 Speaker 4: Up and be good. 436 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 3: Ooh, what a takeaway. What a nugget. 437 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,119 Speaker 2: In your family, I mean, your mom said that she 438 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 2: wanted you to show up for one another going forward. 439 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,919 Speaker 2: How do you all do that? Have you instilled new 440 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,280 Speaker 2: traditions in your families? 441 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,879 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean this past year and a half has 442 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 1: been different because of COVID. I'm actually I'm seeing my 443 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:38,679 Speaker 1: family for the first time since December twenty nineteen, in 444 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,720 Speaker 1: just a couple of weeks, so I'm excited for that. 445 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,400 Speaker 1: But yeah, I would just say it's like just continuing 446 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:48,000 Speaker 1: to show up for each other. Like my family, we 447 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,760 Speaker 1: are very much like. We rag on each other a lot, 448 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 1: make fun of each other a lot, and that's kind 449 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,200 Speaker 1: of how we show love. And so, you know, it's 450 00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:58,240 Speaker 1: just always showing up for each other, always being there 451 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:03,879 Speaker 1: for each other. I have three one to three nephews 452 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:09,360 Speaker 1: and one niece, and you know, being there for them 453 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:13,040 Speaker 1: and watching them grow up is wildly rewarding for me. 454 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,679 Speaker 1: Whenever I I always call my brother and brothers and 455 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:16,639 Speaker 1: say where are my kids? 456 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 4: And you know, I call them my kids and treat 457 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:20,160 Speaker 4: them as my kids. 458 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 1: I always said, because I knew that I didn't live 459 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:26,120 Speaker 1: in the same state as them, My wish has always been, 460 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,879 Speaker 1: or my focus has always been, I don't want because 461 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,600 Speaker 1: I'm not there in their lives on a day to 462 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,520 Speaker 1: day I don't want to be like the aunt that 463 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,440 Speaker 1: comes around that you're like kind if I'm comfortableround because 464 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 1: you don't really know her, and she you know, I 465 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 1: was like, that's not I'm going to like discipline your 466 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,960 Speaker 1: children as if I was there every day, I'm going 467 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,840 Speaker 1: to love them hard as if I was there every day, 468 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 1: It's not going to be like the who's that auntie situation? 469 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,240 Speaker 4: And so just really just showing up for each other, 470 00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:50,680 Speaker 4: just really showing up for each other. 471 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 2: That niece, though, I mean not to downplay the three 472 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,720 Speaker 2: amazing nephews, but I'm sure she gets like a little 473 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:56,919 Speaker 2: extra special. 474 00:25:56,560 --> 00:26:00,000 Speaker 1: Love and how she gets all of the special life. 475 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 1: And she's the only girl. And so when she was 476 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:05,680 Speaker 1: really little, she used to like her The most important 477 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 1: thing for her was anytime it came we would do 478 00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:11,119 Speaker 1: things where it was girls only, as she said, no boys. 479 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:15,160 Speaker 1: And so you know, we still uphold uphold that tradition. 480 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,520 Speaker 1: So anytime that I'm in town, I always reserve one 481 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,159 Speaker 1: day where it's just girls only. 482 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 3: I love that. I love just girls only. 483 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 2: Time for someone listening to this episode, who shares in 484 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,680 Speaker 2: your struggle and who shares in your loss, what would 485 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 2: you say to them during this difficult week, I would say. 486 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 1: I believe that I feel my mother more now than 487 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:46,520 Speaker 1: I did when she was in human flesh. Like when 488 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,160 Speaker 1: I miss her, I open the window and I can 489 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 1: hear her singing in the trees. When I'm standing outside, 490 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:56,080 Speaker 1: I can feel her blow through my fingertips. When I'm 491 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,840 Speaker 1: laying on a beach, I can feel her warmth, like 492 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,320 Speaker 1: on this from the sun. I can hear her in 493 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:06,119 Speaker 1: the waves of the ocean and so thin that I 494 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 1: think that she's always there. And I believe that I'm 495 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:15,959 Speaker 1: a wildly intuitive person. I believe I have a supreme 496 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 1: gift to manifest things in my life. There came a 497 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 1: day some time ago where I made the decision to 498 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:33,560 Speaker 1: believe myself, meaning I've everything that I've asked for has happened. 499 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,040 Speaker 1: Everything that I've said was going to happen in my 500 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 1: life has happened. 501 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:43,480 Speaker 4: And so I. 502 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,679 Speaker 1: Try, like how many times does the universe have to 503 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:49,240 Speaker 1: show you like, Yes, this is real, this is real. 504 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 1: You're asking for these things, They're real. And so by 505 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 1: saying that, like, I trust myself when I feel her, 506 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:57,359 Speaker 1: I trust that that feeling is real. 507 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 4: I trust that it's her. 508 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 1: And so to anyone who is lost, or even more 509 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 1: so anyone who's recently lost. Maybe this is your first 510 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,639 Speaker 1: or second Mother's Day without your mother, look to the sky, 511 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:17,960 Speaker 1: like feel that she's still there. If you can silence 512 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:24,680 Speaker 1: all of the outside noise, You'll recognize, You'll realize. 513 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:29,320 Speaker 4: You'll notice that she never left. She never left. She's 514 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 4: still there, She's still here. 515 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:35,880 Speaker 2: Right now today, you have an opportunity to offer yourself 516 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 2: a piece of the piece of advice. Looking back on 517 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 2: the weeks and the months and perhaps the first year 518 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:46,080 Speaker 2: or two without your mother, what do you tell yourself. 519 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:51,200 Speaker 1: I wouldn't change anything, and I don't even know that 520 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:56,800 Speaker 1: I would tell myself anything different, because that would then 521 00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:02,520 Speaker 1: ultimately change the outcome of we are here right now. 522 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,720 Speaker 4: I think what I did well then. 523 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:16,160 Speaker 1: Is that I allowed myself time to grieve. I'm really 524 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:20,880 Speaker 1: proud of myself for stepping up for her, not necessarily 525 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:22,560 Speaker 1: even within her final days. And that's not what I'm 526 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:26,840 Speaker 1: speaking to. I'm more so saying, you know, arranging everything, 527 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:33,760 Speaker 1: and the words that I shared at her funeral and 528 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:39,520 Speaker 1: at her weight, I think my words did her justice. 529 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:43,800 Speaker 1: And I mentioned before that my mother was a very 530 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 1: proud woman and a humble woman and a generous woman. 531 00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:53,680 Speaker 1: And I think that my words, but the way that 532 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:59,480 Speaker 1: I told her story, and I think the message that 533 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,360 Speaker 1: I left for her loved. 534 00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,440 Speaker 4: Ones, I did her well. 535 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:09,320 Speaker 1: And I think that I continue to every day I 536 00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:15,400 Speaker 1: continue to build on her legacy. I think that I 537 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,560 Speaker 1: say I wouldn't do anything differently because I grieved and 538 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,320 Speaker 1: I was down, and I was not myself, and I 539 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 1: wasn't the same friend that I was to my friends, 540 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,080 Speaker 1: and I wasn't the same colleague or coworker. 541 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:32,680 Speaker 4: I wasn't the same, and that is and was okay. 542 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:37,000 Speaker 1: I needed to not be the same to reach where 543 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:42,120 Speaker 1: I am now, and I wouldn't apologize for that, and 544 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,920 Speaker 1: I wouldn't change it. I am different now. I'm not 545 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 1: the same person that I was. You know, before I 546 00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:50,800 Speaker 1: lost my brother, my father, and my mother, I wasn't 547 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,480 Speaker 1: the same person. But the person that I am today 548 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,000 Speaker 1: is the person that I am supposed to be. And 549 00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:00,440 Speaker 1: this person that I am now is the person who's 550 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:04,000 Speaker 1: supposed to continue the legacy. Everything I do I do 551 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:05,920 Speaker 1: for her. Everything I do I do for her. I 552 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,880 Speaker 1: do it in her name and her honor and in 553 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:14,800 Speaker 1: her legacy. Uh And so yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't 554 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 1: tell that tune day anything. I would just like I 555 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:20,920 Speaker 1: would love to to maybe have a peek and just 556 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:24,640 Speaker 1: watch her. I would rather just watch her and like 557 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,680 Speaker 1: let her figure out this journey on her own because 558 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:32,800 Speaker 1: ultimately would it's going to lead her to exactly where 559 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:33,560 Speaker 1: she needs to be. 560 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,400 Speaker 2: Have you always had this kind of like grace and 561 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,840 Speaker 2: compassion with yourself or do you think that came with 562 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,720 Speaker 2: time from all of these experiences. 563 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:48,240 Speaker 4: I don't know. I'm like, do I have grace and 564 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 4: compassion with myself? The way that you talk? 565 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:51,000 Speaker 3: You do? 566 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:53,080 Speaker 2: Like, I mean, I think it's really special for you 567 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,280 Speaker 2: to say, like, I recognize that that was a really 568 00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,640 Speaker 2: difficult time. But here I am saying you did the 569 00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 2: best you could with what you had and that was 570 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:00,720 Speaker 2: a hard time. 571 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,120 Speaker 1: I think hindsight is you know real, right? And so 572 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,280 Speaker 1: then did I know that? No? 573 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:11,760 Speaker 4: I don't know that. I knew that now? Okay, so 574 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,320 Speaker 4: have I always? But then maybe no? 575 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:18,320 Speaker 1: I think now because I am able to try. I 576 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:24,200 Speaker 1: trust myself so much. I trust myself so much, and 577 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,560 Speaker 1: I believe that everything happens for a reason. Is for 578 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,240 Speaker 1: someone who's experienced as much loss as I have to 579 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:33,520 Speaker 1: say that still, like, I believe that everything happens for 580 00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 1: a reason, in purpose, on purpose of purpose, and with 581 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:41,480 Speaker 1: great purpose. Because I believe that and I trust myself, 582 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:46,960 Speaker 1: I trust that all will be well. One of my 583 00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:50,320 Speaker 1: favorite things to say is that the truth will reveal 584 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,320 Speaker 1: itself whenever you're ready to see it. The truth will 585 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,440 Speaker 1: reveal itself whenever you're are ready to see it. Everything's 586 00:32:56,520 --> 00:33:02,040 Speaker 1: already in motion, everything's already happening. You don't realize that 587 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 1: everything is happening or was already happening, until you step 588 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:06,400 Speaker 1: out of where you are. 589 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,000 Speaker 4: So, for example. 590 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,400 Speaker 1: I'll use Peloton for example, I'm a Peloton cycling instructor. 591 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,160 Speaker 1: I never planned this dream, this thought of this when 592 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,320 Speaker 1: I was going through my battle with my weight and 593 00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:25,000 Speaker 1: on this weight loss journey and like finding out who 594 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:28,120 Speaker 1: I was and finding confidence and like falling in love 595 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:31,680 Speaker 1: with working out. Like when I was heavy and overweight, 596 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:37,040 Speaker 1: I was insecure and I didn't understand, you know why 597 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:38,920 Speaker 1: I wasn't able to wait in all these different things. 598 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:42,320 Speaker 1: I realized now that that was supposed to be my 599 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 1: story because it allows me to empathize and understand what 600 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:48,840 Speaker 1: people are going through in their journey. Now I had 601 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:52,240 Speaker 1: to go through that to be who I am in 602 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,000 Speaker 1: this moment. Maybe I still would have been in cycling instructor. 603 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,120 Speaker 1: Maybe I still would have been a Peloton in cycling costuctor. 604 00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,520 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be the tune day that I am now 605 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:04,320 Speaker 1: without having had gone through that experience. The truth will 606 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,160 Speaker 1: reveal itself when you are ready to see it. Now 607 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,799 Speaker 1: I am ready to see why that was then right. 608 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,800 Speaker 1: And so to kind of circle back to your question, 609 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 1: I've always been a deep thinker, Like I'm the person who's. 610 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:23,720 Speaker 4: Like, why do we call blue blue? Why couldn't blue 611 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,960 Speaker 4: be called orange? Like I've always challenged. 612 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:32,000 Speaker 1: Thought and perspective, and I think that's why I empathize 613 00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,120 Speaker 1: and see people's point of view, because I don't take 614 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:38,880 Speaker 1: anything just at face value. I look at things fully. 615 00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:44,640 Speaker 1: So I've always been that way. I as I get older, 616 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:50,000 Speaker 1: I have moved more into my faith in myself and 617 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:54,759 Speaker 1: my again my trust and myself. I think that authenticity 618 00:34:55,880 --> 00:35:06,279 Speaker 1: is the inner action of truth and trust. When you 619 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 1: are able to truly be yourself and trust that your 620 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:18,080 Speaker 1: truth is okay, then you are able to be your 621 00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:25,319 Speaker 1: most authentic self. When trust and truth intersect, you are 622 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,920 Speaker 1: able to be yourself your most authentic self. 623 00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:29,759 Speaker 3: Wow, that takeaway. 624 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,400 Speaker 2: This really brings it full circle to even the beginning 625 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:35,399 Speaker 2: of our conversation, when you were saying how your mother 626 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:38,200 Speaker 2: just wanted you to basically be your own hype man 627 00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:40,560 Speaker 2: to be so sure of who you are and proud 628 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:44,000 Speaker 2: of who you are, and authentic and who you are, 629 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,480 Speaker 2: and so to get to this point in our conversation 630 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:49,120 Speaker 2: as we wind down here, for you to be so 631 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,040 Speaker 2: proud and so sure. And I think what's important to 632 00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,319 Speaker 2: reiterate here is that that doesn't mean from time to 633 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,680 Speaker 2: time that you're not going to second guess yourself, right, 634 00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:58,920 Speaker 2: Because I think that some people hear stuff like this 635 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,040 Speaker 2: and they're like, how can she be just so sure 636 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:04,160 Speaker 2: all of the time? No, Like you're gonna second guess yourself. 637 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,080 Speaker 2: I second guess myself, but I know that I have 638 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 2: the best intentions of being confident in who I am. 639 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,000 Speaker 4: I second guess myself all the time. 640 00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 1: But whether it's my second guests or my third guest 641 00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:21,640 Speaker 1: or my fourth guest, whatever guess I land at wherever 642 00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:25,080 Speaker 1: I land, That's where my trust moves in. It's not 643 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,200 Speaker 1: that I don't question things or go back and forth 644 00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 1: or ask for opinions and advice, but wherever I land, 645 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:36,759 Speaker 1: whenever I land in that choice, in that decision, I 646 00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,640 Speaker 1: trust that that is true. 647 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:44,000 Speaker 4: I trust that where I land is right, period, period. 648 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:48,360 Speaker 2: And I love ending here on what you were referencing before. 649 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 2: It's like you'll you'll be ready, like when you get 650 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,319 Speaker 2: through all the lessons and you're ready to recognize, like 651 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,400 Speaker 2: what happened and you can see it for what it is, 652 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,239 Speaker 2: like you will know and you'll be grateful for it. 653 00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:00,239 Speaker 2: And so I can say without a doubt that I, 654 00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:03,400 Speaker 2: as mel as well as many are grateful for you 655 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,839 Speaker 2: getting to where you're at because your outlook and your 656 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:09,600 Speaker 2: perspective it's not just helping people you know at Peloton 657 00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,440 Speaker 2: on the bike, but in so many other aspects of 658 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,520 Speaker 2: their life. Specifically this week, as we're talking about something 659 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:19,600 Speaker 2: that's not exactly easy, but something that hearing your perspective, 660 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:21,799 Speaker 2: hearing your outlook for so many is going to be. 661 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:22,760 Speaker 3: Just so helpful. 662 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:24,160 Speaker 4: Thank you so much, Emily. 663 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:28,080 Speaker 2: Thanks girl. So how do the hurdlers keep up with you? 664 00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 2: How do they stay in the loop with you? Give 665 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,440 Speaker 2: me all your details. 666 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,160 Speaker 1: I'm the worst social media person ever, Like I have 667 00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:39,160 Speaker 1: on Instagram and kind of a Facebook. Instagram is tuned 668 00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:42,120 Speaker 1: to you n E. The number two tun day to 669 00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:45,919 Speaker 1: U n D. And my Facebook is tounday o nine 670 00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:48,520 Speaker 1: at Peloton Beautiful. 671 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,480 Speaker 2: I'm over at Emily and body and at Hurdle Podcast, 672 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:53,160 Speaker 2: Another hurdle conquered. 673 00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:54,439 Speaker 3: Catch you guys, next time 674 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:01,960 Speaker 1: You