Speaker 1: Lost Cultures. This is brought to you by the Forever
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Speaker 1: and give us a five star rating. Thank you all,
Speaker 1: Thank you all. Dog Lost culture just calling well, cluck cluck, cluck,
Speaker 1: cluckity cluck cluck. A couple of chickens welcome in this
Speaker 1: little pen to feel like cluck it up. I feel
Speaker 1: like a goddamn chicken. You know why? Why? Because I
Speaker 1: feel cooped up? Because you feel cooped up. We'll fly
Speaker 1: open the coop and start half flying out of it.
Speaker 1: Because you know, chickens, they don't really fly as much
Speaker 1: as they flap their wings and simply uh float off
Speaker 1: the ground for fleeting moments. They can fly, And isn't
Speaker 1: that kind of wonderful to think, you know, the chicken
Speaker 1: they can't possibly have a very you know, long memory span,
Speaker 1: so they remember lifting off the ground and realizing they
Speaker 1: can fly, and then surely they forget what's just happened.
Speaker 1: And there is, of course the flip side to that,
Speaker 1: which is the crushing fear which must be coming to
Speaker 1: your senses and plummeting to the ground. Yeah, I do
Speaker 1: want to say, and not to play devil's advocate, but
Speaker 1: there are some chickens out there. My late grandmother used
Speaker 1: to run a farm and used to raise chickens, and
Speaker 1: she was very good at that at raising chickens. But
Speaker 1: one rooster pecked her in the ankle, and she bled
Speaker 1: and she had a horrible wound. And then you know what,
Speaker 1: that night she killed the chicken. She killed the rooster,
Speaker 1: coached it for dinner. We all Yet it isn't that beautiful.
Speaker 1: That's tragical. Tragical, Now that brings me to a story.
Speaker 1: The word tragical bringing me to a story. Tragical is
Speaker 1: not a word, but it might be. I had to
Speaker 1: pretend it was a word. When I was in high school,
Speaker 1: I was a lowly buss boy at the restaurant called
Speaker 1: Nikki's on the Bay in Bayshore, Long Island, New York.
Speaker 1: And the boss's daughter, that was this the boss that
Speaker 1: you had sex with? On about I had sex with
Speaker 1: his son. Oh my god, he took my virginity. His
Speaker 1: name was Peter. No, okay, um, so, uh yeah, so
Speaker 1: this is actually the guy who took my virginity sister.
Speaker 1: That was the guy's the only restaurant's daughter. And she
Speaker 1: was literally always pregnant. From the six years that I
Speaker 1: worked there as a bus were like five, she literally pregnant.
Speaker 1: She was like that woman who's always pregnant. And there
Speaker 1: had been some like really like a terrible news story
Speaker 1: and she comes in and we're all talking about it
Speaker 1: and she's like, are you talking about this? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's tragical. It is so tragical. It's tragical. And she
Speaker 1: kept repeating it, almost like it was like comic the
Speaker 1: way she kept repeating it, because it was so not
Speaker 1: a word, and everyone knew it, like you would say
Speaker 1: it's a tragedy or it's tragic, not it's tragical. I mean,
Speaker 1: but she kept repainting, and oh boy, it was funny.
Speaker 1: I do want to just and I don't mean to
Speaker 1: correct you. Tragical is, in fact a word according to
Speaker 1: the dictionary. Um, what is the definition? It's just like
Speaker 1: how ironical is a word, but you wouldn't read yes, guarantee.
Speaker 1: I mean, is it like how booty delicious is a word?
Speaker 1: Because it became like, no, it's not a thing you guys, Um,
Speaker 1: please culturally stist listeners chime in, because I mean, you
Speaker 1: can just fact check this. It's pretty discreet. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: mentioned it in your Radar review, mentioned it in your rate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mentioned in your review. Guys. You know what's not
Speaker 1: tragical the fact that our guest is here with us tonight.
Speaker 1: It is not tragical. In fact, it's a triumph. It's
Speaker 1: a triumph. It's a triumphal Oh, let's go through the credits, baby, Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's do it. Okay, And god, you know what, the
Speaker 1: the credits we're talking to you, God, are an embarrassment
Speaker 1: of riches. Dear God, Um, here we go. She's got
Speaker 1: her Comedy Central half hour September nine. It's going to
Speaker 1: be fantastic. Which guess what is like this week? It's
Speaker 1: this week and you might have seen clips of it
Speaker 1: on Comedy Central's socials. Um, it's so funny already. I
Speaker 1: can't wait to watch. And her album she just recorded,
Speaker 1: uh a union hall for two performances, she's got, She's
Speaker 1: got lots of options to cut her together the best.
Speaker 1: Not to say that both nights weren't the best. You know,
Speaker 1: it's really good to have. It was in the same night,
Speaker 1: but it was different shows. Even if you're a famous
Speaker 1: end of like Kevin Hard or Amy Schumer, you need
Speaker 1: those options, honey. And she's of course a phenomenal writer
Speaker 1: on the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon, she's um performer.
Speaker 1: You've seen her star turns as miss Backup Ohio. I mean, god, run,
Speaker 1: don't want look those up? So funny, And of course
Speaker 1: she is. She was the erstwhile host of Doctor Game
Speaker 1: Show on WFMU. But now it's making a glorious return
Speaker 1: on Your Wolf. We're so excited. It's it's truly one
Speaker 1: of the most fantasmical, tragic, non tragical, triumphal non tragical. Also,
Speaker 1: you've probably just seen the knowing our guests from being
Speaker 1: like True New York like Live show icon Queen of
Speaker 1: New York as Josh Sharp Ward call her and she
Speaker 1: refuses the title, and that's how you know. Guys, please
Speaker 1: welcome Joe. This is a joyous moment. I think that
Speaker 1: was really a build up. Yeah, I just did. I
Speaker 1: wanted to mention you had a restaurant for I had
Speaker 1: a restaurant story thanks to work in a restaurant, and um,
Speaker 1: there was this guy there that was a cook and
Speaker 1: he was like so gross and he was dating the
Speaker 1: hostess but he would like grab us and touch us
Speaker 1: all the time because the hostess didn't know what was
Speaker 1: happening in the kitchen. And he was like just like
Speaker 1: this really bad guy. And he always like was he
Speaker 1: was always drunk, and he just was a gross guy.
Speaker 1: And one time he had he was really skinny everywhere
Speaker 1: except for he had a belly. He had skinny arms,
Speaker 1: skinny legs, skinny at, skinny neck, big belly. You know
Speaker 1: what that is alcohol And so so then one of
Speaker 1: the one of the waiters was like, hey, man, no,
Speaker 1: why do you let a skinny body but just like
Speaker 1: a big fat belly and he goes he's you don't
Speaker 1: want to know his comeback. His comeback was at midnight,
Speaker 1: this pumpkin turns into a big old dick. So the
Speaker 1: lot of thing there is my stomach turns into a cocky,
Speaker 1: fucking asshole asking another question also midnight, like it's some
Speaker 1: Cinde story. At midnight each night, my belly turns into
Speaker 1: a dick that's really zinged it in for a laugh.
Speaker 1: They're restaurants are gross places. Gross. Literally everything about them grows.
Speaker 1: The people that were there gross gross. The things that
Speaker 1: happened with the food behind the scenes gross, so gross.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was cater I used to eat
Speaker 1: the eat the people's wedding nights, and I was acting
Speaker 1: like a rat, you know, just shoveling any kind of
Speaker 1: hot order, hot oor derves. But you know what, weddings,
Speaker 1: I'm going to say, pretty hit or miss with the food. Oh,
Speaker 1: they're always miss when you had a hit, I'm going
Speaker 1: to say, And she might be listening to this. No oh,
Speaker 1: no oh, no oh no, I was gonna say my
Speaker 1: sister wedding, some of the or dervs were I was
Speaker 1: a little under round. But then the entrees were the
Speaker 1: main courses were delicious. I feel the opposite most of
Speaker 1: the time. Der that's where they really put kar into it,
Speaker 1: and the entree it's just a slop. Bo okay. You
Speaker 1: know what always crushes it for me the cocktail party
Speaker 1: when the girls and the guys are walking around with
Speaker 1: the trays and they like they're like little hot meat pa,
Speaker 1: and you're like absolute and they're like a little pick
Speaker 1: in a blanket. And you're like when like always nailing
Speaker 1: it with like the things that are being carried around
Speaker 1: on trees, and then when you sit down, people always
Speaker 1: fail to keep it simple. And this is so funny
Speaker 1: because it's actually rule number thirty eight of culture, which
Speaker 1: is at weddings, keep it simple. Okay. The problem is though,
Speaker 1: that by the time you sit down at a wedding,
Speaker 1: you've eating like six the equivalent of six hat do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true. But here's the thing. Always it's like would
Speaker 1: you like the bula base or the fucking steak on
Speaker 1: the cart or whatever. It's never like what I'm saying
Speaker 1: is you gotta do your chicken or fish. That's it.
Speaker 1: That's why you know what. I will defend airplane food
Speaker 1: till the day I fucking die in one sense because
Speaker 1: it's they keep it simple. They don't and they keep
Speaker 1: it fresh, so they don't. What airline are you flying?
Speaker 1: I want to bump up to that. Honestly, you guys,
Speaker 1: honest to goodness, and we're speaking to God right now.
Speaker 1: This is for you, God, Koreer and airlines they have
Speaker 1: make your own beeping box. They don't make it, where
Speaker 1: do you make it? They give you a bowl of rice. No,
Speaker 1: they don't. They give you the toppings and the sauces
Speaker 1: and they go to jong and you mix it yourself
Speaker 1: and it's like a fucking Chipotle burritable in the sky, baby,
Speaker 1: and it's delicious. Korean airlines go to Korea. Okay, so
Speaker 1: let me walk this back. They give you the ingredients
Speaker 1: that you're to use. It's like make your own meal
Speaker 1: and you don't have to put everything in it. Oh,
Speaker 1: I guess that's true. That's true. And and I will
Speaker 1: always love a disgusting beef meal in an aluminium tray
Speaker 1: on an airplane. I don't know. I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: at war, honestly. Maybe it's just because I've literally never
Speaker 1: been served real food on an airplane. You know. Sometimes
Speaker 1: they do make it hot, That's what I'm saying. I
Speaker 1: like the hot food, so hot to the point where
Speaker 1: it's not supposed to be eating yet, but you eat
Speaker 1: it because your senses are off because you're in the sky.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, you get that, Like your brain starts
Speaker 1: to melt and you're like eat this, yes, yeah. Like
Speaker 1: you're like people in the in the airports at like
Speaker 1: four in the morning, they'll be eating like a pizza,
Speaker 1: because it's just like, like, why are you eating that?
Speaker 1: Why are you eating combos? Like I don't know, it's breakfast.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It doesn't make any since what's the
Speaker 1: longest fight you've been on? I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: go in long I don't know if I've been on
Speaker 1: a lung. Have you been to Europe ever? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: guess I've been to Europe. Well, I would consider that
Speaker 1: must be it must be Europe must be, must be,
Speaker 1: Europe must be. Forgot to say that when we went
Speaker 1: through what was that, babe, uh right, France rights Frans.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that the cool way France or whatever.
Speaker 1: I used to when I was at cater I used
Speaker 1: to um serve these things that were very popular, um
Speaker 1: and they didn't realize I guess they didn't realize. But
Speaker 1: they named them chicken blue balls, and it was like
Speaker 1: a chicken cord of blue bite. But oh my god, chicken,
Speaker 1: they know, they don't him that. Now I want to ask,
Speaker 1: because I feel like you're catering past life is so
Speaker 1: woven into your tapestry, into your history job don't and
Speaker 1: so tell us would you ever consider revisiting it and okay,
Speaker 1: all right, well that's a show. I'm just down, like,
Speaker 1: would you create a show a show around one woman show? No? No, no,
Speaker 1: don't no. I mean but Joe is so invented with
Speaker 1: her show premises. Oh no, we can't do it. Catering.
Speaker 1: I remember one time I got a text. I was
Speaker 1: at a catering job, and I hated catering so much
Speaker 1: because they always put me on bathroom duty. What just
Speaker 1: because of my personality? And bathroom duty at a catering
Speaker 1: job cleaning him up? Because your personality? What does that?
Speaker 1: What does that mean? Week? They find the weak people,
Speaker 1: and I say, do the worst thing you Okay, but
Speaker 1: listen they the thing is about Katie. I remember one
Speaker 1: time I got a text, you know, I got a
Speaker 1: Facebook message and it was it was hey, congratulations, And
Speaker 1: I thought that it wasn't that I tried out for
Speaker 1: it anything or applied for anything. But I thought that
Speaker 1: I had got my big break. And I thought that
Speaker 1: I could just run out of there, like rip off
Speaker 1: my uniform, run out the door. And I found out
Speaker 1: it was to someone else. Wasn't going to be anything?
Speaker 1: Are you at liberty to say to who it was
Speaker 1: meant to go to or from who it was sent.
Speaker 1: I think it was from this comedian named Tyler, and
Speaker 1: I forget who it was. To have the art coves
Speaker 1: anymore without Facebook, I have it delete after two weeks
Speaker 1: my text what really to save room and also like
Speaker 1: to forget even like with Bowen with addresses unfortunately. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's probably one of the reasons why I have
Speaker 1: to sleep and save room is because me and her
Speaker 1: go back and forth and sack forth and back forth
Speaker 1: and back, back and forth and fourth and back. That's
Speaker 1: rual number seventy. Yeah, you text, you better go back
Speaker 1: back and forth and fourth and back. But no, I was.
Speaker 1: I was almost to and fro for the kids. I
Speaker 1: almost did that today because I was trying to save
Speaker 1: it from my phone and I was like, should I
Speaker 1: just do that setting? Should I just make the leap?
Speaker 1: You won't miss the old duck, I know, because I never.
Speaker 1: I never go back for posterity, you know, but maybe will.
Speaker 1: But I want to get into this with Joe. Joe.
Speaker 1: I think for some reason, your absence on Facebook is
Speaker 1: the most felt for me, and I'm constantly as more time,
Speaker 1: no stop, let me finish as more as time and
Speaker 1: time passes as time passes and passes as time as
Speaker 1: passes time and time passed a real song, and then
Speaker 1: it could be it could be I go Joe this
Speaker 1: and you Oh I thought it was. I believe in
Speaker 1: Miss Joe like she's a fortune teller. As time and
Speaker 1: time passes, I believe I missed Joe right right right.
Speaker 1: So the hook is un fast book on fast book.
Speaker 1: Oh see, I'm Facebook with Facebook because something about hot
Speaker 1: music nowadays, it's also sible. I had a dream, I
Speaker 1: was sipping whiskey. Neat. That's all you got to say
Speaker 1: for a whole song. Put put something beat under that
Speaker 1: headed dream whiskey literal melody. I'm sorry, not sorry. You
Speaker 1: heard that one. Screaming screaming like an eagle. That's what
Speaker 1: she does, screaming eagle gets notes every two hours, that dummy.
Speaker 1: It's amazing that she can still say I she will,
Speaker 1: she will her, she will shoot out her chords in
Speaker 1: the next year. You don't think it would have happened already.
Speaker 1: She had the song on her last album called for You,
Speaker 1: and she she got into it. Well, there's just one part.
Speaker 1: I mean, like the chorus its office, which is nuts.
Speaker 1: But then but then up to the up to the bridge,
Speaker 1: she goes fucking insane and she goes um and so
Speaker 1: the chorus ends it nothing at all, and then in
Speaker 1: the second time she does the course, she ends in
Speaker 1: with it to It's so. There was a song, there's
Speaker 1: a song called stone Cold that she did live on
Speaker 1: the Saturday Night Live and it was like and she's
Speaker 1: wiving her tits off, like so so hot, and it
Speaker 1: was like everyone was like, oh oh, and Facebook afterwards
Speaker 1: was oh, josh our bafterwards, I was like, oh, Demmick
Speaker 1: you she was screaming her little ass. She was scrolled
Speaker 1: saying her ass. But I do love Demi And guess
Speaker 1: is so good. Whenever I'm not sorry, it's really it's
Speaker 1: really good. And whenever I have to do something stressful,
Speaker 1: I listen to them. It's so it's feeling so bad
Speaker 1: and feelings so good. Do you know, like the beat
Speaker 1: comes in and out of sorry not sorry, No that's
Speaker 1: not true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, reveal when this happens. When
Speaker 1: it's like that, when the man comes in, which man,
Speaker 1: it's like, um, baby, do you know what I'm talking about? Okay, wait,
Speaker 1: how's the beginning going. It's like it's like I look
Speaker 1: good at what is it? The beginning of the song,
Speaker 1: it's like baby, yeah, yeah, see now I'm out here baby.
Speaker 1: But she's right. The beat goes out, he goes during
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, because a minute. That's so true, Joe.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry I doubted. We should never have done that.
Speaker 1: Should never we should never have done never ended. Um, Joe,
Speaker 1: let's at We're gonna ask you what we ask all
Speaker 1: of our guests. Yeah, because now I'm really interested. I've
Speaker 1: always been before in Joe's cultural upbringing. In Joe, the
Speaker 1: question we will ask you is, what was the culture
Speaker 1: that made you say? Cultures? For me, I want to
Speaker 1: step in a cultural direction, truly formative, formative. So I
Speaker 1: wasn't really allowed to watch many movies growing up, Like
Speaker 1: we were allowed to rent a movie like once every
Speaker 1: two weeks. Yes, this is because why we didn't have cable.
Speaker 1: I don't my dad just didn't think it was worth it, Okay,
Speaker 1: and um, and so we my brother would always choose
Speaker 1: Death Becomes Her And so I watched that over and
Speaker 1: over again. And then but I got to go over
Speaker 1: to my friend at Dina's house, and we watched over there.
Speaker 1: We watched uh, We alternated between Rackul Horror Picture Show
Speaker 1: and Blue Lagoon, which is where we saw our first penis.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, there's a full penis in it. Blue Lagoon?
Speaker 1: Is that with Brookshields? Yes, and Mr Feenie and tell
Speaker 1: you something by the time this episode releases tomorrow, So
Speaker 1: it's not something you guys can come to now because
Speaker 1: it will already happened, have happened when you guys hear this.
Speaker 1: But I'm like the sidekick from Night Late with Brookshields,
Speaker 1: and I've never met Brookshelves. I don't know what's about
Speaker 1: to happen, but you're going to have to riff off
Speaker 1: of her. How did her How did she choose you?
Speaker 1: I don't think she did. I think I was suggested
Speaker 1: by someone that she must have. No, I think she
Speaker 1: might have chosen She must have chosen you, because she
Speaker 1: must have Here's what happened a bit okay, because celebrities,
Speaker 1: you know, they like to pick. But I think what
Speaker 1: happened is that they the producers at Night Late, were like,
Speaker 1: you could choose this person, this person, and this person.
Speaker 1: Here are their videos, and she was like, I'm in
Speaker 1: love with Matt Rodge because you know she had to
Speaker 1: feel passionately for you to be yes. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: the first question I'll ask her tomorrow is, Hi, I
Speaker 1: thought it was going to be. Have you seen my work?
Speaker 1: I think you're going to become best friends. You're gonna
Speaker 1: get free latinos. Honestly, I will make it my golden
Speaker 1: befriend her. I think I'll try to get her on
Speaker 1: the bod. You're going to get get her on the pody.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine if we interviewed Brookshields of Blue Lagoon, God,
Speaker 1: Spin City, Spin City, what was the show that was like,
Speaker 1: it was the same, Um, it's not. It wasn't news radio.
Speaker 1: It was David Spade was a boss. Don't shoot me,
Speaker 1: dot shoot me. No, she wasn't on that, Oh God,
Speaker 1: were suddenly suddenly Susan Okay, I mean Blue Lagoon suddenly
Speaker 1: Susan She sus lipstick Jungle. Of course. Wait, I feel
Speaker 1: bad because you literally it feels like faith that you
Speaker 1: said that, because that's literally happening. So I hadn't mentioned.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I'll let you guys know how it goes.
Speaker 1: Please do um, but continue, So you would go over
Speaker 1: and you'd watch Rocky Horror and Blue Lagoon and rotationally,
Speaker 1: and you would be also frequently watching death because and
Speaker 1: so I watched these movies over and over and over,
Speaker 1: And would you like get something out of them every time?
Speaker 1: Or was it just like something that just it became
Speaker 1: someone green in your memory? That's me out of it
Speaker 1: every time every time? Amazing? What are those things you
Speaker 1: got out of it? Like different understandings of what the
Speaker 1: penis was, and different understandings of sexuality, because it was
Speaker 1: just like because I remember it was like at first
Speaker 1: we were really afraid of regular Picture Show and then
Speaker 1: we were like we understand right, we're you know, so
Speaker 1: are you a kind of person? Are you the kind
Speaker 1: of rocky horror person who will go to a screening? Have?
Speaker 1: I only been one screening? But I liked it a lot.
Speaker 1: I like those screenings where people engage. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: did you dress up? No? I'm not a big fan
Speaker 1: of costumes. I understand why other people like them, right,
Speaker 1: you know what I miss? I missed the room screenings.
Speaker 1: I feel like you don't. Yeah, they don't do it.
Speaker 1: They were doing it for a while, like three years ago. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they were happening a lot. They even did. We're in college.
Speaker 1: We were in college and they did them, but they
Speaker 1: I would go freshman year. It was very funny, and
Speaker 1: the first time is always so funny, and then the
Speaker 1: second time you're like, I know what's happening. In the
Speaker 1: third time you're like, I gotta go. You can. But
Speaker 1: have you guys heard about the new movie The Disaster
Speaker 1: Artist that James Franco directed, so he plays Tommy Was.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh this is about to come out, and
Speaker 1: it's apparently it's hilarious. So it's a biopic essentially of
Speaker 1: Tommy Was and his creating of the room. Maybe the
Speaker 1: biopic is the wrong word. It's it's a depiction of
Speaker 1: the creation of the room. And James Franco plays Tommy Was.
Speaker 1: Dave Franco plays Greg sss like the best friend who's
Speaker 1: in the movie. And I think Alison Bree is also
Speaker 1: in it. Um it was the hilarious actress who plays
Speaker 1: the blonde girl in the movie. She also was in
Speaker 1: Brookshields Brookshields. No, I feel bad. I'm gonna find out
Speaker 1: who who she is later and I'll say, but she's
Speaker 1: a grainer um and like lots of cameos too, so
Speaker 1: um gotta. But apparently it just premiered at, like I guess,
Speaker 1: the Toronto International Film Festival. It was like a huge hit,
Speaker 1: like everyone thought it was the most hilarious thing ever.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see it. UM, But I just
Speaker 1: just just to get back to Joe's culture. UM. Now
Speaker 1: has this informed how? How would you say this has
Speaker 1: informed you now? As an adult? UM? And an adult?
Speaker 1: An adult? An adult, I think that I like, UM,
Speaker 1: I used to you know, another culture I used to
Speaker 1: really enjoy. I used to want to, UM. I used
Speaker 1: to want to own a candy shop. That's what I
Speaker 1: wanted to do when I grew up, either that or
Speaker 1: celebrity psychiatrist. And UM I was I realized I just
Speaker 1: wanted to do something that was like like frivolous and
Speaker 1: like didn't canny does kind of hurt people, But I
Speaker 1: just wanted to do something that was like made people
Speaker 1: feel good in the room. And I guess that's kind
Speaker 1: of what I try to do now, even though sometimes
Speaker 1: I get a little angry or now, I think stand
Speaker 1: up comedy has brought out an edge in me that
Speaker 1: makes me hateful and scared of people. Know it rounds
Speaker 1: you out, I would say it rounds out the other
Speaker 1: facets of your personality. Maybe because because you know, you
Speaker 1: balance out the joy making in a small room with
Speaker 1: the hatefulness. I guess so I do find it made
Speaker 1: me become a bad person. I've never seen you ever
Speaker 1: once be hateful or angry. I agree. I have seen
Speaker 1: you get flustered. I never even seen you get flustered.
Speaker 1: I'm always flustered. I'm flustered right now. But I was
Speaker 1: I like, I was at a show in l A.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I was saying a joke and
Speaker 1: it was like a sex joke and nobody was laughing. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I said the words, what are
Speaker 1: y'all virgins? And I thought, what's happened to me? You
Speaker 1: believed that you should say that in the moment, and
Speaker 1: the moment I was like, I know what'll get them?
Speaker 1: And it's like, what the hell's what? What if they
Speaker 1: are virgins? You know, like something, Yeah, but what if
Speaker 1: it's a religious group coming in wanting to see comedy
Speaker 1: for the first time? They say in the front row,
Speaker 1: and I said, what are y'all virgins? And they were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we are. We're waiting for the love of our life.
Speaker 1: It just made me turn into a bad You think
Speaker 1: comedies made you guys bad? Yes, Um, I think it's
Speaker 1: exposed me to horrors. I've if anything comedy is just
Speaker 1: flipped flipped my own underbelly. Yeah, so I'm seeing parts
Speaker 1: of myself I don't like. Yeah, maybe it's not that
Speaker 1: it's like turning you bad, but it exposes It's like
Speaker 1: when you lift up that like the drain, you know, cover,
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh my god, that's where the animals live.
Speaker 1: Right well, I guess to be totally serious about it,
Speaker 1: it's like what's funny is like the truth, and the
Speaker 1: truth is not always like a cool thing to find
Speaker 1: out about yourself or other people and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: And I would imagine like working in late night right
Speaker 1: now is frustrating because you have to react to a
Speaker 1: lot of truth and truth is bad. Truth. The truth
Speaker 1: right now is bad. I know there's only one news
Speaker 1: story every day that's like whale escapes from zoo, and
Speaker 1: it's like the rest of it is horrified. And even
Speaker 1: the whale escaping from the zoo could have die or consequences.
Speaker 1: I mean, what's the whale state of mind? Who's around?
Speaker 1: Where did it escape to? Like did it escape to
Speaker 1: some place where there's so many questions. Right, there's no,
Speaker 1: there's not there. I mean, maybe there was never fun news.
Speaker 1: Maybe there was never ever fun news. That's that actually
Speaker 1: is comforting. No. I remember as a kid, as a kid,
Speaker 1: when I would watch the news, they'd be like, um,
Speaker 1: nothing like no crime, blah blah blah blah blah. And
Speaker 1: then they'd be like, oh, just so you know, there's
Speaker 1: razors in your soup and in your noodles and in
Speaker 1: your cookies. And it's like, oh, just like, even if
Speaker 1: there isn't something to be afraid of, the news will
Speaker 1: be like, there's something to be afraid, but right now
Speaker 1: there is even even razors in your soup. Is like,
Speaker 1: you know, I'd rather take that for sure. Can I'd
Speaker 1: rather there be a guarantee that if you order a
Speaker 1: soup as a razor then have trump. Yeah, I'd rather
Speaker 1: have for sure? Can I say something? And this is yeah,
Speaker 1: this is this is a Joe memory. And I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, years from now, we'll remember the people we
Speaker 1: were with the day of the election, the day after
Speaker 1: the election, and I would extend that to the week
Speaker 1: of the election and the week of the election, I
Speaker 1: was supposed to. I went on Joe's uh now may
Speaker 1: she rest her show dedications on w M at w
Speaker 1: fm U. It was it was very fun. I was
Speaker 1: very excited to do it, and then this and then
Speaker 1: on November eight, November nine, Trump got elected, but I
Speaker 1: was still supposed to go in the following week, UM
Speaker 1: and Joe UM was just like, Hey, it's just gonna
Speaker 1: be really it's gonna be really rough, but come in anyway,
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna make this show all Selene Dion songs.
Speaker 1: And I was like, you know what this is. It
Speaker 1: was one of the first uplifting It was one of
Speaker 1: the first moments in the week or in the aftermath,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, there are still these little
Speaker 1: touchstones like Selene, like Joe, like her like dedications. And
Speaker 1: so we went on. We did We did all Selene songs.
Speaker 1: People called in, UM, a couple of people I think
Speaker 1: justin Linville called in and was like genuinely scared about
Speaker 1: what the election meant. And we and Joe and I
Speaker 1: just had to be like had to like tow the
Speaker 1: line between being like fun and silly and talking about
Speaker 1: silly things but also like, oh, but the world is
Speaker 1: really bad. And that was just like freshly like the
Speaker 1: world is bad and like I feel like now like
Speaker 1: whenever someone says that, it's like, yeah, of course it is.
Speaker 1: But back then mid mid November was like a cool
Speaker 1: novel thing to say. But anyway, Joe was Joe was
Speaker 1: the beacon and was the beacon. That's not how I
Speaker 1: would have handled that, Okay, I would have said to
Speaker 1: that first, calling in scared, I would have said, well,
Speaker 1: that's not what this show. We're picking our favorites ley
Speaker 1: Indian songs. So I'm sorry that you're scared. Um eventually
Speaker 1: it's a member of the company community, you see again. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just like, I'm sorry that you're afraid. I mean,
Speaker 1: this is not what the show is. And we do
Speaker 1: have a we're gonna you know, we don't have so
Speaker 1: much time, so I don't know. But here's a question,
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry. Did you guys hear that Justin wants
Speaker 1: flew to He flew to the Dallas for airport because
Speaker 1: he was craving what a burger which is a which
Speaker 1: is a burger chain in the South. You gotta be kidding.
Speaker 1: But he gets free flights because his mother works for
Speaker 1: one of the airlines and so he gets free flights
Speaker 1: and he was really craving water burger and Joe Joe
Speaker 1: told me the story and it was shocking. The same
Speaker 1: day after the meal, my dad once we were we
Speaker 1: were we were in and um, we were in a
Speaker 1: all you can eat sea food restaurant outside of Orlando.
Speaker 1: You could have oh you can eat lobster tails, and
Speaker 1: we're having such a good time that my dad said,
Speaker 1: you know what, it's almost worth it to fly here
Speaker 1: for this and fly back. It's almost worth it. And
Speaker 1: he was fully convinced. We never did it, but I
Speaker 1: was like, I wanted to really push him on and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, if you say, let's do it,
Speaker 1: is to come down next Thursday night. Is your dad
Speaker 1: as good energy as you? He's He's good energy. He's
Speaker 1: bridg is good energy. Um, he is. I would say
Speaker 1: the better energy is my mother. They're both good energy,
Speaker 1: but my dad's good energy. I would say my dad
Speaker 1: can his his like temper and frustrations can act up
Speaker 1: in a way that my mother's do not sure my
Speaker 1: mother has like I think out of the three six
Speaker 1: five days a year, I think she's got has like
Speaker 1: four or five bad days she she's a very kind
Speaker 1: of resiliant, positive person. And my dad, I see get
Speaker 1: like frustrated and his temper gets the better of him
Speaker 1: more than my mother. So yeah, but but he is
Speaker 1: eight out of ten days or you know, nine out
Speaker 1: at ten days in a good mood, I think. But
Speaker 1: like there's moments during the day where it's like, well,
Speaker 1: do you mean this is happening? I'm not ridiculous. Um.
Speaker 1: He came up to me one time and said, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna do his voice. He goes phone in, Um,
Speaker 1: your Instagram is really is really something else. You're out
Speaker 1: of your goddamn mind. And I was like one time
Speaker 1: he saw my he saw our friend Dave Mazzoni, and
Speaker 1: we had just done a promotional picture for Papa Roulette,
Speaker 1: and on the back of it you saw Dave's butt,
Speaker 1: and my dad to Dave's face, goes, that's a big
Speaker 1: as you got a big ass. You don't think about
Speaker 1: it when you see it and not out. But then yeah,
Speaker 1: I got a big and I saw Dave's eyes just
Speaker 1: like I saw him, like just like us out speaking
Speaker 1: of asses, speaking of asses, And this is something I
Speaker 1: literally thought of today, Joe, and I didn't even put
Speaker 1: this just connect the dots that I was seeing you tonight.
Speaker 1: But I put on I put on some underwear. I
Speaker 1: felt my ass and I was like, I I think
Speaker 1: I'm like Joe Firestone and that I don't have an
Speaker 1: ass either. Joe has a joke in her in her
Speaker 1: half hour about her not having a butt, which which
Speaker 1: I don't think is necessarily true. I don't think it's
Speaker 1: like a flat I don't think it's a straight drop.
Speaker 1: And then my legs indent, so like that's how you know,
Speaker 1: but the the indent means that there's something there. No,
Speaker 1: it's like the residue from my back, like the back
Speaker 1: extends and maybe it's some kind of tail memory and
Speaker 1: then it goes it's like a cliff that goes into
Speaker 1: the like I don't I don't think so, like I
Speaker 1: have two dimensions to my body and it's back and
Speaker 1: leg and there's but I'm sorry that you don't have
Speaker 1: a but it's really it's butts are in right now?
Speaker 1: How do you deal with it? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: was thinking about getting those pants that um not your
Speaker 1: mama's jeans. You know, these aren't your mama's jeans. These
Speaker 1: aren't your flat asked mama's jeans. Let me tell you
Speaker 1: your mom with that flat ass and her stupid jeans,
Speaker 1: and are adding Yeah. I think it's like the way
Speaker 1: it's stitched. It's really tight. You loose as dumb stuff.
Speaker 1: I feel like it must press the kings apart. So
Speaker 1: you do silent farts. We all know the trick that's
Speaker 1: never worked. You're pulling apart and it's just like you're
Speaker 1: if you're trying to be discreet and fart silently, why
Speaker 1: would you take your both of your hands and pull
Speaker 1: apart your button? I do. I do it literally day where.
Speaker 1: That's why no one ever hears me. But where are you?
Speaker 1: Are you in public? Yeah, in front, in front of
Speaker 1: crowds of thousands. You don't take your hands and fly
Speaker 1: your butt. I do. I I don't. When I'm at work,
Speaker 1: I go hold on everyone. No, so you sing, but
Speaker 1: you won't fart. Very clear you're parting no matter what.
Speaker 1: Um No, I don't think it's clear. I think I
Speaker 1: get away with it each time. But yea, but Matt's
Speaker 1: also working with different equipment. Matt has a very I
Speaker 1: would say, um globular ass. I think I've seen it
Speaker 1: on Instagram. Yes, you have shown it on Instagram. I
Speaker 1: have taken almost nude pictures. I've taken some almost new pictures,
Speaker 1: not because of like a vain thing, because I think
Speaker 1: it's funny. It's very funny. You're you really do do
Speaker 1: that funny because it's funny, because it's also like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's like it's like, this is a good picture, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. But it's also like, you know,
Speaker 1: he knows he knew me a good picture for us.
Speaker 1: I think that Yeah, for us, globular does not sound
Speaker 1: like a good thing. But I'll take it like globe
Speaker 1: like a little, like a little it's honestly, it's not
Speaker 1: not there. I will say this is a new this
Speaker 1: is this is new lexicon for the for the listeners
Speaker 1: out there. Matt famously refers to his ass as his world.
Speaker 1: My whole is my world. Like if you're ever going
Speaker 1: to show someone, if you if anyone ever is going
Speaker 1: to go down there and you know, see it or
Speaker 1: do things to it, I say, you show them your world.
Speaker 1: You can invite them into your world. Yeah, Or He'll say,
Speaker 1: I'm about to show you my world, and then and
Speaker 1: then and then I'll simply raise my legs high like
Speaker 1: lady Liberty holds a torch and spread them. You got
Speaker 1: holding your leg like so up in the right hand
Speaker 1: like that. Yes, he's doing it. Now, he's doing it. Now.
Speaker 1: It does look like Lady Liberty. It's beautiful. But if
Speaker 1: it's slowly turning, um here for your huddled it's like
Speaker 1: a shock. That would be the next word. That's what
Speaker 1: it says. Really, no one's actually looked at her little book,
Speaker 1: her little book. That's what it says. On her little book,
Speaker 1: her little black book, her little black book. Who do
Speaker 1: you think is in the statue of Liberties? A little
Speaker 1: black book? Carry and all the guys she slept with? Who?
Speaker 1: Who hoo hoo? You know, tell Mr Jeffson, I think
Speaker 1: she the Stonehenges. I think she sucked the Colossus of Routes.
Speaker 1: Oh no, mo wash moore boys, she sucked the Rio
Speaker 1: de Janeiro. Jesus, I just I just want to I
Speaker 1: want to listen to Joe just talking in this masculine accent.
Speaker 1: The shiny andy wohole, the shiny she fucked the Eastern Island, guys.
Speaker 1: The whole horses she fucked up were horses on Eastern
Speaker 1: Park where there you know those um by the Brooklyn Museum. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's like that big arch. Yes, oh yes, the
Speaker 1: granity process. Of course. I'm so sorry. You know, she
Speaker 1: sucked everyone on Rushmore but Teddy Roosevelt because she was like,
Speaker 1: why are you up there? Because the sculptor wanted to
Speaker 1: show off that they could do glasses. Wow, okay, special skills.
Speaker 1: Um Joe. I think I think you were really amazing, amazing,
Speaker 1: and you're showing America the breath of of the characters
Speaker 1: that we see in real life, such as Betsy. Back
Speaker 1: up Ohio us his back up ohio tell us what
Speaker 1: goes into everyday life? What goes into making these people
Speaker 1: come to life? Talk about that, Well, you get like
Speaker 1: one hour before you know it's happening, and then that
Speaker 1: hour is spent in makeup. So but the time you
Speaker 1: get out there, it's really just exploring. Oh well, exploring
Speaker 1: and heightening, but it's successful exploration, and it's sometimes it's
Speaker 1: it's like a very it feels like um, like you wrote,
Speaker 1: like it feels like someone did a TV. It's like
Speaker 1: what you would have imagine, and like working in a
Speaker 1: late night shows, you're just like oh and then you
Speaker 1: just get in bakeup and then you run on stage
Speaker 1: and then you're like, oh, that's what it is? Actually,
Speaker 1: what is it really is? Makes it not? I mean
Speaker 1: it's yeah, I don't know. So you are enjoying working there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a hard job, but I you know, I don't
Speaker 1: really sleep very much, no Joe. But apart from that,
Speaker 1: it's okay. They have Helen Hardy soup in the basement.
Speaker 1: I love that. Do you have you had the Totalini Florentine? No, god,
Speaker 1: I need to try that. Is that a staple day?
Speaker 1: It's not okay. I get email blasts from them whenever
Speaker 1: they have my favorite flavors. Oh my god. And I
Speaker 1: got an email from them today and they were flirting
Speaker 1: with me because they said it was total Leaning but
Speaker 1: it had mushrooms in it, and I knew they were
Speaker 1: being bad and that did that? Did that make you
Speaker 1: say I really want to go or you didn't want to?
Speaker 1: Deal breaker? No? I I don't mind much room because
Speaker 1: I put it on my list. But that's true. You
Speaker 1: did put it on the lest you did ask for it.
Speaker 1: I did. I do feel like I said to myself,
Speaker 1: the large isn't large enough, and I thought that's so
Speaker 1: fucking stupid that I get mad about a soup. No,
Speaker 1: I get mad about soup all the time that I'm
Speaker 1: going to that soup place so much. But it's good.
Speaker 1: And also it's like, isn't it healthier? No? No, um,
Speaker 1: but the cream of tomato. My favorite is the cream
Speaker 1: of tomato with ours out? And what do you get?
Speaker 1: Do you get those seven s seven seven seven time
Speaker 1: passes back and forth? Sour? It's the seven grain sour
Speaker 1: do crackers? I got it sour grubs. Diday, I had
Speaker 1: four halfs of cupcakes so too, because I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to go to the super place. Do
Speaker 1: you know what I always get when I go to
Speaker 1: Helen Hardy The seafood chowder, the lobster biss that's expensive.
Speaker 1: It is expensive. It's sometimes upwards of eleven. I had
Speaker 1: the big one too, because I have a big stomach
Speaker 1: turned into a dick at night, midnight, precisely, it's all
Speaker 1: that lobster bisk. Hey, why you got the biggest stuppocket
Speaker 1: A little body with a globular ass, Well, if you
Speaker 1: must know, my big gass tummy turns into a cock
Speaker 1: at night, and then I lift on my legs to
Speaker 1: the sky like Lady liberty her goddamn self and show
Speaker 1: my world. Can you imagine why own belly? Dick? You're
Speaker 1: in somebody, you're in somebody else and you're like this
Speaker 1: used to be and they go and in just moments
Speaker 1: it's going to turn back quick quick, let me come.
Speaker 1: It's not it's and and you're your old boss or
Speaker 1: your whatever. That guy that that's Jeff. He's saying it
Speaker 1: as if the belly is the is like the carriages, like,
Speaker 1: and the dick is the pumpkins. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like the belly is like the drafts. But did you
Speaker 1: guys what I'm trying to say, It's like, the belly
Speaker 1: is not the curse. The belly is the He was
Speaker 1: clearly horrified and put on the spot and honestly objectified physically,
Speaker 1: like he might have been a nightmare to work with,
Speaker 1: but he was being cruelly, cruelly addressed. He was put
Speaker 1: in a bad situation. I do remember that was like
Speaker 1: the only Jeb the only time I've been ever like
Speaker 1: sexually harassed. But it was this guy kept saying, I
Speaker 1: looked like, who's the woman that's since world? Um, which
Speaker 1: woman she's really politically active. She was like five years ago.
Speaker 1: She doesn't have any hair. Oh, she was in the
Speaker 1: league of our own sister. You're talking about um? Oh god, No,
Speaker 1: I don't think it. Wait Lori petty. Yes, and they'd
Speaker 1: be like, girl, you look like Lori petty, girl, young, petty,
Speaker 1: scrappy one from their own little sister. Yeah, a little
Speaker 1: she was annoying. Yeah, what's her name? In the movie Ki? Ki? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Do you know that that baseball stadium is still intact? What?
Speaker 1: It's perfectly intact because the mayor of that town was like,
Speaker 1: you got to make it built to last. It didn't
Speaker 1: used to be my playground still now, but now the
Speaker 1: Rockford Peaches are a cheerleading team for the boys baseball. No,
Speaker 1: that's horrible. I honestly think, oh my god. Option this
Speaker 1: make a fucking reboot where the cheerleaders want to play
Speaker 1: the plot of play. Yeah. I don't know, gus. Option this,
Speaker 1: Option this is that that should be a new that
Speaker 1: should be a new segment on the show. Option that's good.
Speaker 1: That's what got her on the tonight. The segments. It's
Speaker 1: a crazy bit called option this with Jimmy Fahlon where Jimmy,
Speaker 1: he goes option this and and he chooses a choice. Joe,
Speaker 1: I just got get you know what, that joke and
Speaker 1: just toss off these premises and their gold. And but
Speaker 1: it's like it's like she doesn't mean, well, last we
Speaker 1: got one fucking bit. I don't think we got one
Speaker 1: fucking bit. Don't they're going to put it on our Goddamn.
Speaker 1: I just I think it would be really hard. I
Speaker 1: really don't think either of you should die first. I
Speaker 1: think you should. We have to die together. We have
Speaker 1: to die, and you know what, I think it's time.
Speaker 1: I think I don't think so Honey. I think this,
Speaker 1: this might be the last one. This is going to be.
Speaker 1: I think after this we're gonna die. We're gonna die.
Speaker 1: And come up with the backup. Please just come up
Speaker 1: with the backup. What would you do? I want to
Speaker 1: I want to pose a question to the to the listeners.
Speaker 1: What would the listeners do? Would would you do anything
Speaker 1: to keep I don't think so honey alive anything? What
Speaker 1: would you do for us? What's in it for us? Please?
Speaker 1: Don't think that they would continue the lost cultures this
Speaker 1: brand with oh you're trying if we diet I'm talking
Speaker 1: about h p J producer Jo think he would cast
Speaker 1: two people that looked and sounded like us to keep going,
Speaker 1: Why do they need to look like you? Because he
Speaker 1: wants to fool them them. He thinks that they're all dumb,
Speaker 1: the listeners, right right right. You can You can't fool
Speaker 1: someone with your voice, but you can fool someone with
Speaker 1: their looks. Or no, that's the other way around. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the other way around. But you know what, it's
Speaker 1: because listener, Because the listeners are all guys coming, don't.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say this to you on the side,
Speaker 1: Our listeners are dumb. Listen, you don't switch switch us
Speaker 1: out at all? So dumb? You know, one of them?
Speaker 1: Half of them? Half of them what half of them education?
Speaker 1: Half of your listeners have a fifth grade education? Like
Speaker 1: they fucking so stupid. They think all this matters. They
Speaker 1: got grade and patient and a sixth grade and the
Speaker 1: seventh grade and a college okay and dare you? Oh
Speaker 1: option this a seventh straight to college? It's perfect. Okay,
Speaker 1: So the Emmy's happened, yes, oh yes, so we're lovely.
Speaker 1: The time of recording this, we're recording this right after
Speaker 1: the Emmi has happened. Is that crazy that you, like,
Speaker 1: all of your friends get dressed up? It's amazing on
Speaker 1: your Instagram you're like, oh my god, even if you don't,
Speaker 1: you're not friends and exactly you're like, my friends were
Speaker 1: at the Emmy's. Can I tell you my favorite bite?
Speaker 1: That's happening right now though, any it's ripping everyone apart
Speaker 1: from what they wore. Annie Domy is doing fashion police
Speaker 1: on her Instagram for all of the all of the
Speaker 1: people who went to the Emmy's, and she is really
Speaker 1: taking their prisoners, telling everyone they look bad. Villain of
Speaker 1: the Last Countries this podcast said, I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: Bowen and Matt, I don't think so, honey. Two point
Speaker 1: oh this is this is This is one of the
Speaker 1: Annie's burns from her fashion police for the Emmy. She
Speaker 1: goes meet your do harri Oh yeah, a little choker,
Speaker 1: a little goth girl. Will you look like a fucking
Speaker 1: goth girl? But she's like almost not a bird at all.
Speaker 1: But you know what an Annie's voice, anything anything is
Speaker 1: I think is it time from my virginity story? Yeah? Wait,
Speaker 1: oh yes, that wasn't part of the plan, but I
Speaker 1: will tell it. No, Well, I lost my virginity to
Speaker 1: the owner of a clam bar that I worked at
Speaker 1: in high school. He texted me a lot over the
Speaker 1: school year proceeding. When I was a freshman in college,
Speaker 1: I was slowly considering coming out and he took my
Speaker 1: V card over the summer, not on a boat. That
Speaker 1: was later. Um, he took my V card into bed
Speaker 1: and UM, I'll tell you what. I'd be working at
Speaker 1: the cash register downstairs, getting making coffee for a guests,
Speaker 1: and he would call it down and say, hey, can
Speaker 1: you send Matt Rodgers up with a coffee for me?
Speaker 1: And every weekress in the restaurant wouldn't know what that means.
Speaker 1: And I would go right up there in nineteen year
Speaker 1: old me and he was nine. Looking back, I would
Speaker 1: not have done that. But the boat story is I
Speaker 1: told him I didn't want to hook up with him anymore.
Speaker 1: He said, okay, we'll just be friends. He's like, let's
Speaker 1: go out on the boat this weekend. We went out
Speaker 1: into the Lisles Sound and he anchored the boat and
Speaker 1: he said, we're going to hook up. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that. So that's actually a
Speaker 1: shitty story. Yeah, that's really messed up. It is messed up.
Speaker 1: And I did it, like essentially, I like gave consent
Speaker 1: to it, but like but then but like I didn't
Speaker 1: realize until years later that how funked up that was,
Speaker 1: especially to a nineteen year old, where is still there?
Speaker 1: Still there? All right, well it's no, I mean, that's
Speaker 1: that's bad. But the thing is and I didn't even
Speaker 1: realize it was bad until years later. That's like the
Speaker 1: physical like you're staying put because I was going to
Speaker 1: do literally jump into the lis on sound. Oh it
Speaker 1: was so shitty. And I actually didn't tell anyone about
Speaker 1: that until last year. What I believe like it was
Speaker 1: like it was like very much not a moment for me,
Speaker 1: like the social media movement of everyone sharing their kind
Speaker 1: of stories and everything like that. But I told Henry,
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, just you know, like I
Speaker 1: feel like I didn't. I kind of didn't realize like
Speaker 1: that this happened, but this totally happened. I mean, and
Speaker 1: I brought up I asked you to bring it. I
Speaker 1: brought the boat. No, honestly, I was sharing in his
Speaker 1: lighthearted story and then I was like, and I sometimes
Speaker 1: say the boat thing and I don't really get into
Speaker 1: what happened on the boat, but that did happen. You
Speaker 1: know what, we can and it happens. I think so
Speaker 1: many people absolutely just like those situations of like you
Speaker 1: did it, but you didn't give consent, even though you
Speaker 1: technically like I didn't do a drag in your feet,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? The thing is is that
Speaker 1: you would never do that to someone else. No, And
Speaker 1: I think it's like I just wonder what those people think, Like,
Speaker 1: what what is that guy think? Is he just like him?
Speaker 1: All he thought it was like flirty and fun, but
Speaker 1: I had made it clear that I didn't want to
Speaker 1: do that anymore. You don't that's not a friend. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was really even if I took you out to
Speaker 1: seat and put an anchor down and we're not going
Speaker 1: to have sex. Even if I was just like let's
Speaker 1: just sit here for you're like I want to go back, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, let's just sit here for
Speaker 1: a while, you'd be like, this fucking crazy bitch needs
Speaker 1: to get out of my life. It was crazy. It
Speaker 1: was crazy, and then all of a sudden the relationship
Speaker 1: was like back on because I was like, well, I mean,
Speaker 1: like I guess it's gonna happen regardless, but this is
Speaker 1: these are things that you don't realize. That's like a
Speaker 1: nineteen year old who not for nothing but lives in
Speaker 1: Long Island where the patriarchy is super solid. And I
Speaker 1: mean that not only just as men have control over women,
Speaker 1: but like older men have control over younger men. And
Speaker 1: you know, he was my boss. So there was so
Speaker 1: much going into it that was like weird. Um, but yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a funked up story. But I didn't know I
Speaker 1: was going to just share. But look I was saying.
Speaker 1: I was saying, did you get rid of him when
Speaker 1: he went to college? Yeah? Yes, And then he was
Speaker 1: very upset about that because he was like, so what
Speaker 1: you have no time for anymore? Like because I I
Speaker 1: decided that when I went back to school, I would
Speaker 1: come out of the closet and like transferred to tish
Speaker 1: n y u and like try to, um, you know,
Speaker 1: pursue comedy finally, and I was gonna like really try
Speaker 1: to become who I was. And he like that was
Speaker 1: like such a bad thing. He was like, so what,
Speaker 1: You're not going to come back and work here over
Speaker 1: the summer anymore, Like we're not going to be friends
Speaker 1: and like, you know, I'm just gonna sit here and
Speaker 1: work at this place forever and etcetera, etcetera. And it
Speaker 1: was kind of like yeah, and now looking back on it,
Speaker 1: he's like very much a Trump supporter. And this I
Speaker 1: think is a common thread with a lot of those
Speaker 1: people is they're angry about them their lives and how
Speaker 1: they've turned out, and they feel very trapped situationally, and
Speaker 1: they're looking for someone to blame and it's or that
Speaker 1: they have politics in general, and they think it change
Speaker 1: up there is going to like change their lives, and
Speaker 1: they're just they're obsessed with being the victim or they're
Speaker 1: you know, they've sexually assaulted people and they identify it
Speaker 1: with that as you know whatever. I feel like that
Speaker 1: kind of like it's also like that's you're eighteen years old,
Speaker 1: he's twenty nine years he is. You have no, you
Speaker 1: have no. You don't have to dictate his life. No,
Speaker 1: he can do whatever he wants. And to be like, no,
Speaker 1: you're not, You're just gonna leave me, that's kind of manipulus.
Speaker 1: It was so weird and manipulative. And I remember at
Speaker 1: one point, like when I knew it had to end.
Speaker 1: Was there was like the real owner of the restaurant,
Speaker 1: who was his father, and he had like a much
Speaker 1: younger girlfriend who was like sixteen or seventeen young years
Speaker 1: younger than him, and she was like the manager of
Speaker 1: the restaurant, and she was always very unhappy, and you know,
Speaker 1: it just wasn't a good it was very negative atmosphere.
Speaker 1: And she looked at me one day and she was like,
Speaker 1: I just know that you and so and so we're
Speaker 1: gonna fall in love and you're just gonna you guys
Speaker 1: are gonna be just like me and my boyfriend. And
Speaker 1: I was and I was like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: have to get the funk out of here. I was
Speaker 1: like I cannot do this. I was like, this is horrifying.
Speaker 1: And also, you know what else sucks is you can't
Speaker 1: tell anyone about it when it happens because you're closeted.
Speaker 1: And I think he knew and and it was my
Speaker 1: job and everyone that and honestly, if I had said
Speaker 1: something to my coworkers, they would have just been like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's so crazy. Then no one knew that.
Speaker 1: It was like no one was had to like especially
Speaker 1: out there, and at that time, like there was no
Speaker 1: like way to express like I think I was like
Speaker 1: sexually assaulted, taking advantage of Like it was not like that.
Speaker 1: It was like it sounds hot or I guess you
Speaker 1: guys are back on men. And also you know when
Speaker 1: that grabb him by the pussy stuff came out, that
Speaker 1: group of people were all like, come on, this is
Speaker 1: just how men talk. This is ridiculous. This is how
Speaker 1: men talk. Crooked Hillary blah blah blah. And I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, maybe you guys need some better men
Speaker 1: in your lives. And that's nationwide. People didn't give a
Speaker 1: funk about that because that's the kind of men that
Speaker 1: are out there. Realized how many times I've heard that
Speaker 1: expression grabbed them by the pussy, and just it's like
Speaker 1: hasn't been a visual for a while, it just became
Speaker 1: a visual just hands. I mean, it's a horrible visual
Speaker 1: and it's just but isn't Yeah, isn't that awful? Like
Speaker 1: a combination of words that actually makes no sense, Like, no,
Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense, but I think it does. I
Speaker 1: think he would do it. I think he would do it.
Speaker 1: But it's like, but like, I mean, that's the thing
Speaker 1: where you really have to put the lady liberties legs.
Speaker 1: But he's he's saying that as if like women are
Speaker 1: aroused by that. You know, I think that that does
Speaker 1: that is the kind of thing that arouses gas. I
Speaker 1: think that that if you are surprised and that way,
Speaker 1: it doesn't release the bowels. You. Yes, you, I'm sure
Speaker 1: that spread spread the cheek grounded by the world. Donald Trump,
Speaker 1: do you think do you think that you would be
Speaker 1: more likely if you saw Donald Trump to like, um,
Speaker 1: to like do something, would you part in him? Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to a catatonic state. So here's what happened. Um,
Speaker 1: So he walked past me. I went to I went
Speaker 1: to the taping of his Center episode two years ago
Speaker 1: and uh, okay, well, first I should start off. So
Speaker 1: Sudie invited me to Sudi invited me and Becky Shoquin
Speaker 1: and Sami says her guests, and we all go and
Speaker 1: then we got a great group. And then we all
Speaker 1: go out afterwards to where the after party is and
Speaker 1: we're some of the first people there. And then that
Speaker 1: show that episode, Ivanka had a walk on during one
Speaker 1: of the sketches and no one applauded for her. She
Speaker 1: had her one line, she was like a prompter mistake.
Speaker 1: Prompter mistake, Like, I don't think the applause thing went up, Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: so people don't applaud for her, and I think and
Speaker 1: Sudie was like, oh, that sucks, like I kind of
Speaker 1: feel bad about that, and we were like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: guess so um and and so uh And this was
Speaker 1: before you could really just like pin that on, pin
Speaker 1: all the ship on Ivanka at the time, she had
Speaker 1: our sympathy in a way, yes, um and so uh.
Speaker 1: So then the four of us go to this after
Speaker 1: party restaurant and we're just sitting there, eating, drinking, and then, uh,
Speaker 1: who should walk in, buddy, Ivanka? And Ivanka walks in
Speaker 1: and she had just announced her pregnancy like two weeks
Speaker 1: before I had seen. So she walks in and then
Speaker 1: we were pretty we were all pretty hammered at this point,
Speaker 1: so we go, yes, Ivanca, like we were her fucking
Speaker 1: best idiot girlfriend idiots, and then we're just like waving
Speaker 1: her down and then she turned sees us, clocks us,
Speaker 1: and then like smiles and waves at us as if
Speaker 1: she recognized us or something over and she walked over
Speaker 1: and it's like, oh, like you're so used to this,
Speaker 1: You're so used to doing performatively doing this. So she
Speaker 1: walks over to us. She goes, Hi, how are you
Speaker 1: great to see you? And we were like hi. We
Speaker 1: were like, we were like, we were like a great
Speaker 1: job tonight. You were so fun in the episode. And
Speaker 1: she goes and she literally said, well, thanks so much.
Speaker 1: I mean snl, what did dream come true? Am I right?
Speaker 1: And we were like yeah, And then I went just
Speaker 1: hammered at this point. I go and then I rubbed
Speaker 1: my belly. I go and congratulations. No fucking like gabbed
Speaker 1: with her and she was like, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: We're so like, she goes, Jared and I are so
Speaker 1: you didn't know he was a little boy. No, we didn't.
Speaker 1: You know, you hadn't You hadn't really seen Jared at
Speaker 1: that point. And so she said that and then she
Speaker 1: like exchanged a couple more pleasant trees and then she's
Speaker 1: like and then she's like, well, um, well I've got
Speaker 1: to go back to my section. But it was great
Speaker 1: talking to you guys. Have a great night, okay, And
Speaker 1: we were like by and then genuinely I was like, wow, um,
Speaker 1: I know her dad's a piece of ship, but I
Speaker 1: I'm really genuinely starstruck, and I kind of was she
Speaker 1: gorgeous in person? She was fine in person. Um, just
Speaker 1: this towering bird. And then so then fucking Bill O'Riley
Speaker 1: shows up too, and that was insane. But then then
Speaker 1: I'm drunk, and then um, I'm close to the bar,
Speaker 1: which is close to the door. And then towards the
Speaker 1: end of the at this point, Donald's leaving and everyone's
Speaker 1: just like, oh, make way, like like Trump is leaving,
Speaker 1: and so I like step out. Um. I stepped out
Speaker 1: of the way and he walks by me, and in
Speaker 1: that moment, I was like he's a foot away from me,
Speaker 1: Like I mean, I had that thing where it's just
Speaker 1: like I mean, I mean that you couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: I could. I could do something. I could like I
Speaker 1: could like far or like scream or something, and like
Speaker 1: I could be that insane person. But then you know,
Speaker 1: I've never I've never told anybody this before. You know
Speaker 1: what I did. What I said again drunk, I go
Speaker 1: great show tonight. You didn't didn't look at me and
Speaker 1: just waved and said yeah, thank you and then walked out.
Speaker 1: And then Bill A. Riley was right behind him, and
Speaker 1: then I walked right. Uh, I walked out, stopped and
Speaker 1: was like, Hi, grat SML when a dream come true,
Speaker 1: and thank you Darren. I are so excited. I'm fully
Speaker 1: I'm filled with shame that I complimented Donald Trump on
Speaker 1: his SML episode, and that is a true fact and
Speaker 1: I will never live that down. I don't think, as
Speaker 1: far as the media is concerned, you've done the worst
Speaker 1: thing by any means. Think he even listened to you.
Speaker 1: He didn't, didn't didn't acknowledge my existence. He wouldn't remember you.
Speaker 1: I don't think. But no, I'm just saying it's the
Speaker 1: it's the thing. It's I think it's the thing like
Speaker 1: if you could go back in time and like do
Speaker 1: the kill Hitler. Not saying I would have killed him,
Speaker 1: killed Trump, but it's just like out but it's like
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, in this moment, in this moment in
Speaker 1: time when I was, when I was that close to him,
Speaker 1: what I chose to do was to compliment. Insane. I mean,
Speaker 1: I do think that there's a thing where it's like
Speaker 1: what do you actually do when you're with you know,
Speaker 1: and like I don't think at that point people knew
Speaker 1: how bad he was, but people didn't think he was
Speaker 1: going to win anything. He was still in the primary,
Speaker 1: that was still early in the primaries, and you know,
Speaker 1: he was still one of sick ten. Yeah, And it's
Speaker 1: like it's like seeing the Baba Duke. Before you see
Speaker 1: the movie, you're just drawing, and then you watch the
Speaker 1: movie and then you're like, oh no, but the country
Speaker 1: just had not most of the country hadn't seen, hadn't
Speaker 1: seen the movie, had been to Toronto, but actually just happened.
Speaker 1: Just happened. James Franco did very well. James very well,
Speaker 1: and the Lady Ganga documentary did very well. Did you
Speaker 1: know what won the Audience Award? This is actually kind
Speaker 1: of interested. It's called Three Billboards, Big Missouri to Francis
Speaker 1: McDorman movie. It looks great, written by Martin McDonough and
Speaker 1: apparently it's real and Crtin McDonagh wrote, what else in Bruge?
Speaker 1: Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, it's fun stuff. Yes, play right.
Speaker 1: I got him mixed up with who did the pillow man?
Speaker 1: Martin mcdonna. It was, says producer Joe not quite as fun.
Speaker 1: Then it just shows young you know, who's so fun?
Speaker 1: She's so fun. She's studying a new thing to Netflix.
Speaker 1: Wait do you know? Wait, did you know that? You
Speaker 1: guys want to watch Moonstruck. I've never seen it? Was
Speaker 1: very don't really such a good movie? Yes, I remember
Speaker 1: such a good movie. Yes, it makes you so happy.
Speaker 1: Share is really good in it. Share it might be
Speaker 1: the best one in it. And there's a lot of
Speaker 1: really good people. It's written by a playwright who wrote it, oh,
Speaker 1: John Patrick Shanley. Yes, yes, and he also wrote Doubt. Yes,
Speaker 1: but it's really good. I really recommend you watch Moonstruck
Speaker 1: and then listen to that little cultural tip. Will report back.
Speaker 1: It's really funny. There's an Italian grandpa who has five dogs.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's so hilarious. There's so many good parts.
Speaker 1: Snap out of it. The cow. You've seen it, You've
Speaker 1: seen it, you love it. Share Share is the best
Speaker 1: one of the of the you know, pantheon of divas.
Speaker 1: She's really good at everything everything, She's very she's funny
Speaker 1: and good at Twitter. Oh yes, you guys, so she's
Speaker 1: really bad at putting emojis in the middle of words,
Speaker 1: and as she doesn't necessarily know what, we love her. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's time to move on. To I don't think so, honey. Now,
Speaker 1: if you listen to the show, you know this segment.
Speaker 1: If you are just listening to the show for the
Speaker 1: first time, you picked a really good one. It's very good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's our that's our segment where we take one
Speaker 1: minute to rail against culture. Um. We are so mad
Speaker 1: about these things. It's time to take one minute to say,
Speaker 1: how just how mad? Um? Now, Matt, you said you
Speaker 1: have something. I do have something. Okay, Okay, I don't
Speaker 1: know where it will go, but I know what it is.
Speaker 1: So then I'll put one minute on the clock and Matt,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see what you have. Because Matt Rodgers,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Woman on the train who locked eyes
Speaker 1: with me after two other women kissed and rolled her eyes,
Speaker 1: let me tell you something. I don't know what it
Speaker 1: wasn't about me to give you an impression that I
Speaker 1: was gonna share a home of public mobile with you, honey.
Speaker 1: But I don't think so, honey, because guess what, I'm
Speaker 1: a most sexual wow man. And I will look at
Speaker 1: you dead back in your eyes, which you've were old,
Speaker 1: and I'll tell you with my gays that you can't
Speaker 1: come for the gays, and I can't believe you, and
Speaker 1: I think I shamed her adequately. But you're in New York, honey,
Speaker 1: you're just gonna pick someone and roll your goddamn eyes
Speaker 1: like E expecting that any old person is going to
Speaker 1: be doing with you. These were two beautiful lesbian tunny
Speaker 1: and they loved each other. They were a beautiful biracial
Speaker 1: couple and I love that. And guess what, maybe it
Speaker 1: was that that made the woman a little irritated, But
Speaker 1: I don't know. All I know is, honey, you need
Speaker 1: to get together. That's one minute. Oh my god, that's
Speaker 1: setting and looked at me like can you believe this ship?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, get out of here. That's
Speaker 1: that's that's great, that's really good. Um I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: hold on, hold on to do it, okay, okay, um
Speaker 1: yeah here we go, all right, here we go. I
Speaker 1: don't think so many time starts now. I don't think
Speaker 1: so many unique black runner jeans that are supposed to
Speaker 1: stretch to fit they tore at the fucking thigh, pelvis,
Speaker 1: groin area within two weeks. Bitch, I don't think so honey,
Speaker 1: these little I can say this, these little Chinese and
Speaker 1: children making my pants, and and I don't think so
Speaker 1: honey myself for buying into the and and and you know,
Speaker 1: supporting that horrible oppressive structure and institution myself. I don't
Speaker 1: think so honey. Though these pants we're supposed to last
Speaker 1: me for many, many many days of work, of auditions,
Speaker 1: all per This is really I don't think so honey
Speaker 1: for them, for them not being there for me when
Speaker 1: I needed them most. For them, I invested time, had
Speaker 1: them tailored to my leg high I have short legs, bitch,
Speaker 1: and I needed to wait an extra day to give
Speaker 1: them to unique lo to have the adjustments made seconds.
Speaker 1: And I don't think so honey of these pants. I
Speaker 1: don't think so honey. For not being dependable. That's my minute.
Speaker 1: So many layers. There's a lot going on there, and
Speaker 1: I can my My gift is to be able to
Speaker 1: connect all those dots gracefully, thank you. And they provoke conversations,
Speaker 1: and we hope people will converse with us. And we
Speaker 1: hope Joe's I don't think so honey, it's all we
Speaker 1: hope it really lives up to what she's seen here.
Speaker 1: Not do it at all, Joe, this is gonna be
Speaker 1: one of the best, and I think we should Joe,
Speaker 1: are you ready? Yeah? This is Joe Firestones. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Why can't you eat egg salad and tuna saladub? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why can't you? They sell it? Why are you gonna
Speaker 1: go home to eat it? It's too stinky. I don't
Speaker 1: know what it smells like. Tuna smells like. We all
Speaker 1: know what that smells like. I think it's that there's
Speaker 1: a social stigma. It's two of the main three cold salads.
Speaker 1: The only other cold salad that we have left his
Speaker 1: chicken salad, and that's not a salad I want to eat.
Speaker 1: There's also ham salad, but I don't think that's sold
Speaker 1: in stores under your I just feel like it's weird
Speaker 1: that you get dirty looks. If you ate that in
Speaker 1: a room of people, people get mad at you. And
Speaker 1: that's another up they have that at the Delhi. If
Speaker 1: they didn't sell it, people obviously are buying it. And
Speaker 1: where are they eating it? Where are they eating it?
Speaker 1: If not in work, where are they eating? Are they
Speaker 1: eating it at home. It's too embarrassing. I don't know
Speaker 1: why I can't. I try to eat egg salad. Was
Speaker 1: on a subway and I that kicked out doors are closing,
Speaker 1: stand clear and that's one minute. Wo. I think that's
Speaker 1: philth You're disgusting, Joe. Why would chicken? I'm obsessed with
Speaker 1: chicken salad? Okay, what about like a tuna egg salad.
Speaker 1: I haven't come across it. And I was like every
Speaker 1: deys Like, my nephew is like he's three, and he's
Speaker 1: really cute. He has a really weird way of speaking,
Speaker 1: and he's really specific about his words because he's like
Speaker 1: learning that. And my my, my sister in love was like, Sammy,
Speaker 1: what do you want to eat for breakfast? And he
Speaker 1: goes egg. She does, how many eggs you do? You want?
Speaker 1: One egg or two eggs? And he goes one egg?
Speaker 1: And you know what you knew? What do you wanted?
Speaker 1: What do you want? Communicated it very well. Indeed, I
Speaker 1: think this trifecta of the salads, the cold salads, chicken
Speaker 1: wins out. Chicken win's out. You should try chicken salads. Okay,
Speaker 1: I've tried it. They have really good chicken salad a
Speaker 1: trader Joe's called wine Country chicken salad, and it's with
Speaker 1: raisins um delicious delicious mayonnaisees and blends of spices and seasonings,
Speaker 1: different kinds of mannaise. No, I mean like they seasoned
Speaker 1: the mayonnaise in such a way that's very good. I
Speaker 1: never heard it. Mayonaise is absolutely Joe mayonnaise mayonnaise. Do
Speaker 1: you like? Do you like cold salads? Um? I love
Speaker 1: tuna fish, and I will frequently enjoy tuna salad if
Speaker 1: there's not just a tuna fish. Okay, you eat plain
Speaker 1: out of the can. I take it out of the can,
Speaker 1: I put it in a nice bowl. I mixing some
Speaker 1: mayo and some mustard, and I'll eat it with a fork.
Speaker 1: You make your own. That's tuna salada. But that's truna
Speaker 1: salad by itself. But the salad you need a little
Speaker 1: bit of greens in it, honey. That makes it in
Speaker 1: a salad by definition, a salads creams. But is tragical.
Speaker 1: I think the title of this episode is tragical. Tragical
Speaker 1: or what was the song called Bitches and Bitches at
Speaker 1: the Beach. At the beach, I think it should be tragical,
Speaker 1: tragical bit of the beach. We really didn't get past
Speaker 1: the chorus. No, yeah, it's true. Right, I feel like
Speaker 1: I've been really shot down multiple times. Say something and
Speaker 1: we'll encourage you. I think the title of this episode
Speaker 1: should be a bitch at the beach. You know what?
Speaker 1: That's fair? Say something else? I did I talk about
Speaker 1: this last episode. My bowels are still I started taking
Speaker 1: probiotics today. I haven't done the doing it bad bows
Speaker 1: the worst they've ever been. I've very explosed to diarrhea
Speaker 1: since I moved to New York. I'm so sorry. It's
Speaker 1: something I'm used to, and um, I think that it's
Speaker 1: just kind of becomes part of your routine. But you know,
Speaker 1: I've been talking about this. Usually when I have my diarrhea, afterwards,
Speaker 1: you feel so much better. Maybe not necessarily this these
Speaker 1: past two weeks, I've had to go at least twice
Speaker 1: consecutively within ten minutes, and then you're exhausted, and you're
Speaker 1: exhausted and you feel like there's a demon inside your bowels.
Speaker 1: Yeah you got it, Maybe you got I don't know. Well,
Speaker 1: you know what. I took a nap tonight after I
Speaker 1: shout out of my globular world, and I think that
Speaker 1: this is this is this is my journey. That is
Speaker 1: like Matt just learned all his favorite words and put
Speaker 1: them all in one center. I just I'm learning. That
Speaker 1: was nice. I believe that I will me Joe. We
Speaker 1: will miss Joe so much. I believe I had so
Speaker 1: much fun doing this. Thank you so much, Joe. We
Speaker 1: love you so fun. Joe. Where can people find you?
Speaker 1: You're not on social media very much. You can't find guys.
Speaker 1: I'm Matt Rogers and our episode was with Joe Firestone.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Forever Dog. Thank you listeners, Bye, thanks thanks
Speaker 1: a listeners. I bet I bet they don't even listen
Speaker 1: to see what happens. And great education. Third grade reading level.
Speaker 1: I couldn't even read the Hard Harry Potters, the One,
Speaker 1: the hard Ones, the ones want Everything passed that second
Speaker 1: half before Lord Crux. This has been a Forever Dog
Speaker 1: production executive produced by Joe Celio, Alex Ramsay, and Brett Bom.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Productions dot com.
Speaker 1: Four