WEBVTT - Second Cup: Practice friendship skills

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is to look for ways to practice your friendship skills.

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<v Speaker 1>We might think such skills are innate, but they aren't.

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<v Speaker 1>Just as we can learn to play the piano, we

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<v Speaker 1>can learn to be more socially engaged people. In both cases,

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<v Speaker 1>practice really does work and is worth building into our lives.

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<v Speaker 1>As with several other recent episodes, I'm taking this tip

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<v Speaker 1>from Audrey Monkey's book, Happy Campers. Monkey is a longtime

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<v Speaker 1>camp director, and her book looks at why exactly kids

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<v Speaker 1>find summer camp so fun how can we take those

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<v Speaker 1>lessons into our homes and working lives. She notes that

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<v Speaker 1>summer camp is basically a friendship factory. Kids report making

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<v Speaker 1>some of their best friends in the short time they

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<v Speaker 1>attend camp. You can feel closer to someone you know

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<v Speaker 1>for three weeks in summer camp than someone you've gone

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<v Speaker 1>to fifth grade with all year. When you're around people

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<v Speaker 1>constantly and doing fun things in a positive environment, you

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<v Speaker 1>wind up with all kinds of opportunities to practice your

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<v Speaker 1>friendship skills. The good news is that some of this

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<v Speaker 1>can be replicated elsewhere. Monkey breaks it down for us.

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<v Speaker 1>Part of being a good friend is showing interest in

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<v Speaker 1>another person's life, and part of this is about asking

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<v Speaker 1>good questions so the person can share a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>themselves with you. So before any social situation, brainstorm questions

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<v Speaker 1>you might like to ask the people you'll be around.

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<v Speaker 1>Think about what your friends have going on in their lives.

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<v Speaker 1>Did someone mention a new project last time you talked

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<v Speaker 1>a big event in the family. Can you connect a

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<v Speaker 1>shared memory to something that the person is dealing with now,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe some people are naturally brilliant conversationalists, but a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of us aren't. Brilliant comes through preparation. It also comes

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<v Speaker 1>from asking good follow up questions. You can completely kill

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<v Speaker 1>a conversation by saying, oh, that happened to me once too,

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<v Speaker 1>and trying to top the story, even though that sort

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<v Speaker 1>of seems to show common ground. Instead, try saying tell

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<v Speaker 1>me more or asking about details of the other person's story.

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<v Speaker 1>Eventually the conversation will turn to you or not, but

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<v Speaker 1>if so, who cares. We all know our own stories

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<v Speaker 1>and they get boring after a while. Friendships are also

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<v Speaker 1>built around shared time together, and that requires getting together,

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<v Speaker 1>which is certainly tougher when you're an adult. Monkey writes

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<v Speaker 1>about teaching children to make what are called friendship bids.

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<v Speaker 1>These are low key invitations. Do you want to play

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<v Speaker 1>basketball during recess? Can I sit here while we're all

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<v Speaker 1>on the rug listening to the teacher. As adults, we

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<v Speaker 1>can look for ways to make friendship bids too. Given

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<v Speaker 1>how busy everyone is, these are often best done through

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<v Speaker 1>shared activities that the other person might need to do anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>So brainstorm ideas and then challenge yourself to make at

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<v Speaker 1>least a bit or two a week. If I'm trying

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<v Speaker 1>to deepen a friendship, I might invite the other person

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<v Speaker 1>to go for a run or a walk with me.

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<v Speaker 1>If we have kids around the same age, a plate

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<v Speaker 1>might be more doable than an adult's only event. At

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<v Speaker 1>a conference, you could invite a person to go to

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<v Speaker 1>coffee or lunch with a small group. The key thing

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<v Speaker 1>is to think about how to incorporate people into situations,

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<v Speaker 1>and also to recognize that if the person says no,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not a big deal. Indeed, that is probably the

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<v Speaker 1>biggest friendship skill to practice, staying positive and recognizing that

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<v Speaker 1>there are lots of opportunities and lots of people is

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<v Speaker 1>the best way to seem like the kind of person

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<v Speaker 1>others might actually want to be around. Do you practice

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<v Speaker 1>friendship skills? Have you gotten better at these skills over time?

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear about it. You can email me

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<v Speaker 1>at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com. In the meantime,

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<v Speaker 1>this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

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<v Speaker 1>hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E the

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<v Speaker 1>number four then Breakfast pod. You can also shoot me

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<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in touch.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts

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