Speaker 1: Peaks of the planet.
Speaker 2: Charlamagnea god here And as we come closer to closing
Speaker 2: out this year, I just want to say thank you
Speaker 2: for tuning into the Black Effect podcast Network. There have
Speaker 2: been so many great moments over the past year. Take
Speaker 2: a listen to some of those captivating moments in this
Speaker 2: special best of episodes.
Speaker 3: This is the season for seasonal depression. And when I
Speaker 3: look back over the times that I've experienced seasonal depression,
Speaker 3: especially when I was living in Illinois, it was something
Speaker 3: about the changing of the seasons. But now I deal
Speaker 3: with it so much better, especially I live in Georgia.
Speaker 3: I live in Atlanta now, so it doesn't get as
Speaker 3: cold and gloomy it seems. You know, it's been raining
Speaker 3: a lot or windy, but I don't know the weather.
Speaker 3: At least the weather's a little better. But seasonal depression
Speaker 3: and is a real thing. It really does affect people.
Speaker 3: So how do you know if you're going through seasonal depression? Well, literally,
Speaker 3: when the seasons change, you get down and it occurs
Speaker 3: at the same time every year. Seasonal effective disorder occurs
Speaker 3: in climates where there is less sunlight at certain times
Speaker 3: of the year. Okay, so I want to just encourage
Speaker 3: you guys who deal with that. Again, it is triggered
Speaker 3: by changes in season. This form of depression usually occurs
Speaker 3: during the fall and winter months when there is less
Speaker 3: light and the days get shorter, and it's called SAD.
Speaker 3: SAD again, seasonal effective disorder usually lifts during the spring
Speaker 3: and summer months. I promise you it never failed from
Speaker 3: about who November to around March. It definitely affected me
Speaker 3: living in the Midwest with all the snow and so
Speaker 3: you know, I had to get away and get in
Speaker 3: the climate where it was warmer out for me. I
Speaker 3: have to have warmth, even though Atlanta can get cold.
Speaker 3: But yes, that is so true. So during the winter
Speaker 3: months when there's less sunlight and the days get shorter,
Speaker 3: all right not. According to sam HSA dot gov, not
Speaker 3: everyone with SAD has the same symptoms, but they can
Speaker 3: include sad, anxious or empty feelings, feelings of hopelessness, guilt,
Speaker 3: worthlessness or helplessness, loss of interest or pleasure, and activities
Speaker 3: you used to enjoy. Fatigue and decreased energy, difficulty concentrating,
Speaker 3: remembering details and making decisions, thoughts of death or suicide, oversleeping, overeating,
Speaker 3: particularly with the craving for carbohydrates. What if I'm just greedy, honey,
Speaker 3: I love a good Texas toast, honey. Yah, yeah, I
Speaker 3: love just putting bread with butter on it and putting
Speaker 3: it in the oven on the broiler is different than
Speaker 3: putting your toast in a toaster. You gotta let that
Speaker 3: butter kind of bake into and melt into the Breadge out,
Speaker 3: yes and okay, okay, okay, greedy smurf over here.
Speaker 1: Symptoms.
Speaker 3: Let's get back to the symptoms. Weight gain, social withdrawing,
Speaker 3: kind of you feel like hibernating, difficulty sleeping, lack of
Speaker 3: that tiet, irritability, and agitation. Okay. There is a such
Speaker 3: thing as a light. It's called light. It's like light
Speaker 3: therapy or a happy light. You can literally go on
Speaker 3: Amazon and get this light and you can put it
Speaker 3: on your desk, you know, and people absolutely love it.
Speaker 3: Or therapy to antidepressants. Vitamin D supplements may improve symptoms.
Speaker 3: And I don't know. For some reason, I feel like
Speaker 3: I've heard it before that black people are prone to
Speaker 3: having more of a vitamin D deficiencyne So these symptoms
Speaker 3: sound similar and are exactly what depression is. It is
Speaker 3: a form it is a form of depression, all right.
Speaker 3: So and if you notice that you literally get sad
Speaker 3: in the fall and it lasts till about the springtime,
Speaker 3: it literally is called sad. Now, light therapy. Let's go
Speaker 3: talk about light therapy. Okay, there literally is a light
Speaker 3: therapy lamp. Y'all their online for as low. I see
Speaker 3: one for twenty nine to ninety nine child at CBS.
Speaker 3: You can get go on Amazon right now and get
Speaker 3: you a light therapy lamp fifty one dollars, thirty nine dollars,
Speaker 3: twenty dollars, thirty dollars, seventy dollars.
Speaker 2: Child.
Speaker 3: They got light therapy lamps in all brackets as far
Speaker 3: as you know what you would want to pay for it.
Speaker 3: But I always say, definitely consult your doctor first. And
Speaker 3: I am dealing with sad at the moment, but I
Speaker 3: still think I'm gonna order me a lamp, child, And
Speaker 3: that's why I love. I love. I think, you know,
Speaker 3: having doing you know Florida ceiling windows, being able to
Speaker 3: have a lot of light come in come in in
Speaker 3: your house, having a lot of light in. Now, if
Speaker 3: you walk around your house naked all the time, you
Speaker 3: might want to, you know, get you some shears, or
Speaker 3: maybe you don't care. Maybe you're free, maybe you don't
Speaker 3: mind people walking down the street and they look in
Speaker 3: your condo or your brownstone, your apartment and see your
Speaker 3: sweet cheeks in the window because you like to walk
Speaker 3: around naked in e KK I D So I definitely
Speaker 3: wanted to speak into those that have sad. I have
Speaker 3: had it. It is not fun, especially when you already
Speaker 3: you know, I have dealt with depression in the past that.
Speaker 1: Had nothing to do with this season.
Speaker 3: You know, I've had depression in July, and you know,
Speaker 3: so I get it. But again I do. I do
Speaker 3: know what sad feels like. I could call oh and
Speaker 3: maybe about two years ago I could feel it trying
Speaker 3: to come on, and I was like, uh so, now
Speaker 3: that I know what it is, and if I feel
Speaker 3: something similar, I just counter it. I was like, no,
Speaker 3: And that's the good thing about having the tools, you know,
Speaker 3: going through enough therapy, going through enough healing. You know,
Speaker 3: if I didn't have enough healing, you know, I would
Speaker 3: probably be in a moment of sad. But now when
Speaker 3: it's cloudy out, I pray for rain, like, oh Lord,
Speaker 3: let the rain come and wash this patio of you know,
Speaker 3: if it's cloudy, like all right, even though it's caudy,
Speaker 3: I know the sun is still shining up there somewhere,
Speaker 3: and that's for life. It may seem cloudy, it may
Speaker 3: seem dim, but just know the sun is still up there.
Speaker 3: I began to think about the difference between living and
Speaker 3: existing and just trying to gauge the areas that I've
Speaker 3: just been existing in and areas that I think I'm
Speaker 3: thriving in. Thriving and living because life is going to
Speaker 3: always present a set of challenges, and my desire is
Speaker 3: for divine strategy and divine wisdom on how to navigate
Speaker 3: the obstacles.
Speaker 1: And challenges that come my way.
Speaker 3: Not only divine wisdom and strategies on how to overcome
Speaker 3: those those obstacles. It's like, okay, also, Lord, place divine
Speaker 3: help around me. But that is going to require trust,
Speaker 3: which I think I've said before, I haven't had an assistant. Ooh,
Speaker 3: I haven't had a real assistant in over ten years
Speaker 3: because of my lack of trust. And I've got to
Speaker 3: get over that. I've got to give people an opportunity
Speaker 3: not to prove themselves, because I wouldn't want anyone to
Speaker 3: work for me and think they have to perform for
Speaker 3: my trust. Now what do I mean perform? Well, let
Speaker 3: me do this to make sure that she no, no,
Speaker 3: no, no no. I want you to be you. And I've
Speaker 3: been reading this book. It's a brand new book by
Speaker 3: doctor Henry Cloud called Trust. So y'all know doctor Henry
Speaker 3: Cloud is one of my favorite author of Safe People
Speaker 3: and Boundaries. He's got a few different versions of boundaries.
Speaker 3: He's got a boundaries and dating boundary. I mean, just
Speaker 3: so many. He's the bomb, amazing great psychologist, but he
Speaker 3: talks to you in a practical way. He's from Louisiana,
Speaker 3: so he's got a definite down to earth approach. And
Speaker 3: the subtitle of his book Trust is called Knowing when
Speaker 3: to give it, when to withhold it, how to earn it,
Speaker 3: and how to fix it when it gets broken. So
Speaker 3: I'm going to dive into some of those excerpts later.
Speaker 3: But I was trying to just figure out areas that
Speaker 3: I'm thriving in and then areas where man, have I
Speaker 3: just gotten so numb in certain areas? And so I
Speaker 3: just felt led to encourage some folks out there who
Speaker 3: are kind of walking through life a little numb because
Speaker 3: that's how you chosen to protect yourself. You know, like
Speaker 3: when you go to the doctor and they have to
Speaker 3: give you a shot, or you're getting some dental work
Speaker 3: done and you gotta get a shot, so they'll numb
Speaker 3: the area, and it's kind of like for your protection.
Speaker 1: So that you don't feel the pain. I will never forget.
Speaker 3: A couple of years ago, I had a dream that
Speaker 3: I was being rolled into a surgical room and I
Speaker 3: was getting surgery or they were gonna cut a leg
Speaker 3: or something, but they did not want to give me anesthesia.
Speaker 3: And I remember I kept screaming, I don't want to
Speaker 3: feel the pain. I don't want to feel the pain.
Speaker 3: I don't want to feel the pain. Like, bro, give
Speaker 3: me medicine, give me anesthesia. Numb the area. So, yes,
Speaker 3: numbing the area that's painful before you put a needle
Speaker 3: lined or do surgery or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 3: It is a form of protection so that we're not
Speaker 3: terrorized by pain later, so that we're not terrorized to
Speaker 3: go to the doctor, you know, for surgery or to
Speaker 3: get you know, a shot or medicine, and you got
Speaker 3: to get an IV I get it, I get it,
Speaker 3: But there are some times where you're gonna actually have
Speaker 3: to feel the pain in order to heal the pain.
Speaker 3: I cannot heal something that I don't feel. You cannot
Speaker 3: walk around numb your entire life, because to me, when
Speaker 3: you're walking around numb, that means there's some areas of healing.
Speaker 3: And I think we lessen the quality of life when
Speaker 3: we walk around just so numb and we just want
Speaker 3: to be so disassociated. And actually, disassociation is actually a
Speaker 3: trauma response. It's what is happening to you as you
Speaker 3: are being abused or in an unsafe environment. You literally
Speaker 3: mentally disassociate yourself. It's like out of body. I don't
Speaker 3: want to see it. I don't want to hear it,
Speaker 3: I don't want to feel it. I remember back in
Speaker 3: twenty eighteen, I had a moment of disassociation, and I
Speaker 3: don't remember the phone calls made to me. I don't
Speaker 3: remember anything that I even did in that period of time.
Speaker 1: So you can chucks.
Speaker 3: It could be disassociation, or it could even be a
Speaker 3: psychotic break, like you're so traumatized, you just now. This
Speaker 3: is different to me blacking out to do harm to
Speaker 3: somebody else. I'm talking about what happens when something has
Speaker 3: been done to you, or you've gotten some news that
Speaker 3: you just couldn't handle. Have you ever seen a love
Speaker 3: doing or maybe yourself when you got news that someone
Speaker 3: passed away and it was unexpected and you pass out,
Speaker 3: You black out, you don't remember anything right. But then
Speaker 3: there's sometimes where we are aware of the moment, but
Speaker 3: for the future, we just do things in our life
Speaker 3: where we're like, you know, I don't want to feel
Speaker 3: the pain. It's because you don't want to feel the pain.
Speaker 3: You won't go over grandma's house anymore because y'all are
Speaker 3: so close, and when she passed away, you just can't.
Speaker 1: You don't want to feel the pain. You don't want to.
Speaker 3: You don't want to smell fried chicken no more because
Speaker 3: it reminds you of your best friend, because y'all used
Speaker 3: to smoke weed and eat chicken wings when you had
Speaker 3: the munchies.
Speaker 1: And now they're no longer here.
Speaker 3: Or you're even grieving someone who's actually maybe y'all broke
Speaker 3: up and you just want to disassociate yourself from the memories,
Speaker 3: or you want to disassociate yourself from.
Speaker 1: The pain that they caused you.
Speaker 3: I get it, but we got to heal that pain
Speaker 3: so we can be able to feel the wind on
Speaker 3: our cheeks, the sun beat on our face. You want
Speaker 3: to be able to feel the love that someone else
Speaker 3: is trying to give you, but because you're so blocked off,
Speaker 3: you can't feel love.
Speaker 1: And I know you ain't giving love.
Speaker 3: So I just wanted to speak into that. You know,
Speaker 3: and sometimes in order to feel the pain to heal it,
Speaker 3: I would encourage you to unpack that pain with someone,
Speaker 3: a professional or someone that you deem safe. I don't
Speaker 3: know if y'all have been following me on social media,
Speaker 3: but I have really been about safe people and boundaries.
Speaker 3: And someone asks me, how do you know if you're
Speaker 3: honoring your boundaries? On the post where I said are
Speaker 3: you a safe person to yourself? I said, I know
Speaker 3: being around safe people, being in relationship with safe people
Speaker 3: is wise, but are you a safe person to yourself?
Speaker 3: Do you give yourself grace? Do you honor your boundaries?
Speaker 3: So someone asks me a really, really, really good question,
Speaker 3: what's an example of honoring my boundaries? So even at
Speaker 3: the podcast festival, I brought this up. Honoring your boundaries
Speaker 3: looks like this. Some of you are getting good at
Speaker 3: maybe setting boundaries with family members, because family members, especially
Speaker 3: when you're on a healing journey, when you've been to therapy,
Speaker 3: or when you've become self aware, when you're to the
Speaker 3: place of okay. I will not tolerate disrespect in any form.
Speaker 3: I don't care from who, because I even feel like family,
Speaker 3: especially people from the older generation, feel like they can
Speaker 3: talk to you any kind of way, and they use
Speaker 3: the excuse, honey, I'm old, tiney, so I can say
Speaker 3: whatever I want. No, just because you're seventy years old
Speaker 3: does not mean you can talk to me or my children,
Speaker 3: or my husband or wife, my dog. You just can't
Speaker 3: talk to us any kind of way. I feel like
Speaker 3: if you're twenty years old, seventy years old, ninety years old,
Speaker 3: that there is just a certain way you talk to people. Now,
Speaker 3: I have some relatives who are a little unfiltered, but
Speaker 3: because I know the posture of their heart, I don't
Speaker 3: necessarily get offended. But there are some people who are
Speaker 3: unfiltered who want to be malicious. They use their mouths
Speaker 3: as swords, as knives, as daggers. That's when it becomes problematic.
Speaker 3: Now you can probably identify one or two people in
Speaker 3: your family or friend circle.
Speaker 1: There are some of.
Speaker 3: Y'all, even me, who are like, you know what, I
Speaker 3: can only be around so and so for about thirty minutes.
Speaker 1: So the boundary is you set a boundary.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm gonna go to this family picnic and I'm
Speaker 3: gonna only stay for thirty minutes. You have set a
Speaker 3: boundary because you know that after you being somewhere for
Speaker 3: thirty minutes, somebody starts acting a fool, or they start
Speaker 3: asking you questions, because once they get comfortable, it's kind
Speaker 3: of like they real you in and get comfortable, then
Speaker 3: they start being disrespectful. So honoring your boundaries also means, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go to the wedding, even though my family crazy,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go to this wedding, but I know of
Speaker 3: AIN'TI So and so says something to me disrespectful. I
Speaker 3: am going to say so and so this is disrespectful.
Speaker 3: Or you may say, if someone gets disrespectful, I'm going
Speaker 3: to leave. That is your boundary. So once someone gets disrespectful,
Speaker 3: you pick up your handbag or your pocket book or
Speaker 3: your what do you call it, your knapsack or whatever
Speaker 3: it is that folks are wearing nowadays, and you exit
Speaker 3: stage left, you get in your card, and you go home.
Speaker 3: That's what honoring your boundaries mean. Also, honoring your boundaries
Speaker 3: could be as simple as somebody you that's listening right now.
Speaker 3: You might have somebody who's always negative. They get on
Speaker 3: the phone and you might say, honoring a boundary is
Speaker 3: I'm only talking to so and so for five minutes,
Speaker 3: because when six minutes hits, they just gonna start being
Speaker 3: negative and complaining, and they're never They never want a
Speaker 3: solution anyway. They just want to vent and complain and gossip.
Speaker 1: A boundary is.
Speaker 3: I don't want to completely exit their life, nor do
Speaker 3: I want them to exit my life.
Speaker 1: I just know that I can.
Speaker 3: Only be around so and so for about five minutes
Speaker 3: because then it goes left.
Speaker 1: That's a boundary.
Speaker 3: So I have been reading something by Lisa Arbiter, but
Speaker 3: therapists Nedra Glover Tawab talks about boundaries.
Speaker 1: She's the author of Set Boundaries.
Speaker 3: Fine Piece, a Guide to rea Claiming Yourself Okay. Boundary
Speaker 3: setting is a form of self care that's just as
Speaker 3: important as eating well and getting enough sleep. We treat
Speaker 3: self care as an optional practice, y'all. Boundary setting should
Speaker 3: not be optional. Okay, it should not be optional. So
Speaker 3: I love how you know. She talks about the best
Speaker 3: way to express boundaries. She says, communicate clearly and follow
Speaker 3: up diligently. Keep your message short and to the point.
Speaker 3: She says, state your boundary in one or two sentences.
Speaker 3: She says, stick to This is my solution for this issue.
Speaker 3: For instance, I'm happy to travel to your family's house
Speaker 3: on Thanksgiving, but I don't want to stay the entire weekend.
Speaker 3: I need some time to decompress.
Speaker 1: She says. Don't bring up the past.
Speaker 3: You don't have to say that time you made us
Speaker 3: stay ten days was miserable. She said, you don't have
Speaker 3: to do that because, she said, that can cause an
Speaker 3: unnecessary argument and derail your conversation. And don't tack on
Speaker 3: too many details, which may obscure your point entirely.
Speaker 1: She says.
Speaker 3: Once the boundary is set, you need to reinforce it,
Speaker 3: which might mean repeating yourself several times. She also says,
Speaker 3: you know, how do you get started? You know, choose
Speaker 3: a few non negotiables, like I take a walk every
Speaker 3: day at lunch, or I set aside time to sit
Speaker 3: in silence every morning and do them without apology. Schedule
Speaker 3: them in your calendar if you need to. Self care
Speaker 3: practices are most effective when done daily, but every bit count.
Speaker 2: Once again, thank you for tuning into the BLACKFG podcast Network.
Speaker 2: See You Are twenty twenty five for more great moments
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