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Speaker 1: I ran into my third grade bully twenty nine years later,

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Speaker 1: who teased me for being a krit boy. I tried

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Speaker 1: to get revenge, but it did not go how I expected.

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Speaker 2: I have a I have a story. But when when

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Speaker 2: I was a kid, people tease me for being a

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Speaker 2: salad boy.

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Speaker 1: Bro.

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Speaker 3: Literally all of Sam.

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Speaker 1: The things that people tease Sam for are literally like

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Speaker 1: grade A traits in a human, like having a six pack.

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Speaker 2: They called me vagina stomach.

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Speaker 3: Like my mind, my mind was blown at that one.

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Speaker 3: I cannot lie.

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Speaker 2: I remember they were like, oh, dude, your stomach looks

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Speaker 2: so weird and like no, like having like a six

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Speaker 2: pack is good, and like, uh, it's not a real

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Speaker 2: six pack.

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Speaker 1: It looks like a vagina. This was the all boys school,

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Speaker 1: that right, This was in high school. No, yeah, oh

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Speaker 1: my god. That wow, wow wow wow. I'll tell you

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Speaker 1: guys about salad boy after. Yes, about nine years ago,

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Speaker 1: I was in third grade. I took one of those

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Speaker 1: carrot PACs. Damn it, it's got.

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Speaker 3: Me already, the carrot origin story.

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Speaker 1: I took out one of those carrot PACs out of

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Speaker 1: my lunch box, the kind of come in a little

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Speaker 1: cup with oraanch dressing. All of a sudden, this kid,

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Speaker 1: balth Azar, balth Azar, bro, this kid, this kid should

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Speaker 1: have been bullied into oblivion.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Not balth As are like, bro, I'm gonna catch you.

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Speaker 3: You're fucking Pokemon.

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Speaker 1: So Baldazzar said, everyone looked a carrot boy. Everyone I

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Speaker 1: had the whole lunch Shable started to laugh and I

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Speaker 1: couldn't believe it.

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Speaker 3: It's so fucking dumb. Although people called me.

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Speaker 1: Uh uh a fry and that was like derogatory, I guess.

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Speaker 1: But then I've created a game where everyone I tagged

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Speaker 1: was a nut, and then I became a god nut.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it didn't make any sense.

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Speaker 2: But everyone you tagged was a nut, so you'd be

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Speaker 2: like nut.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like it was basically tagged, but like I, it

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Speaker 1: was god tag where like I was the only one

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Speaker 1: that could tag people and get them out, so they

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Speaker 1: like inadvertently like like brought me from like bullying victim

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Speaker 1: to god.

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Speaker 2: Let me let me just understand this perspect So people

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Speaker 2: were bullying you call you fry, Yeah, okay, and then yeah,

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Speaker 2: and then you made up a game in your head

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Speaker 2: where you were attacking people saying saying nut for everyone

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Speaker 2: you tagged I forgive me when you tagged with a nut.

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Speaker 3: I forget who created it.

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Speaker 4: I don't.

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Speaker 3: I actually don't think I created it.

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Speaker 1: I think it might have been them and they thought

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Speaker 1: that this was like part of like.

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Speaker 2: You gave you the pistona. I'm just trying to understand

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Speaker 2: the logistics of that someone else bestowed a game upon

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Speaker 2: you where you would tag someone and they would become like,

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Speaker 2: how would you play a game? Would I would like?

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Speaker 2: Would it be like I'm like, hey, fry.

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Speaker 3: I'd be like, tag your nut?

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Speaker 1: And then and then like they couldn't like it's not

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Speaker 1: like they can tag anyone or anything else.

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Speaker 3: They would just like be out, They would be done.

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Speaker 3: They would be dead.

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Speaker 1: Fry dude, I was just a hot fucking French fry

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Speaker 1: just like tapping nuts, just tapping nuts. It makes no sense.

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Speaker 1: And you know whatever, I turned lemons into lemonade, that's all.

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Speaker 2: And he still does it. Whenever y'all write me and

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Speaker 2: comments about us, John lives for it, bro I becomes

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Speaker 2: more powerful.

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Speaker 1: I literally all of your hate truly feels me. It's

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Speaker 1: it's actually it's insane. It's insane. I honestly am glad

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Speaker 1: John's by my side. Because I cried in the little corner.

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Speaker 5: John's like, yes, its powerful.

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Speaker 1: Literally, all right, let's get back to caraboy over here.

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Speaker 1: For some reason, the incident really stuck with me. Nobody

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Speaker 1: ever really brought it up again. But I became self

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Speaker 1: conscious in elementary school for eating carrots. Later I lost

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Speaker 1: the self consciousness.

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Speaker 3: Uh.

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Speaker 1: But all through school and onto adulthood, I always thought

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Speaker 1: of that and built it up into my head as

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Speaker 1: this big, disrespectful insult to me. Whenever I eat carrots,

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Speaker 1: the memory just pops up, basically involuntarily. This man is

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Speaker 1: just being assaulted. Balthazar just fucking like dude, both the

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Speaker 1: bully is the greatest, the greatest bully name of all time.

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Speaker 1: So evil, Oh my god, It's like a like a medieval.

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Speaker 2: Like a mythological creature, evil wizard sorcerers.

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Speaker 1: Balfsi is Garretts. Whenever I see carrots, I remember Balthasar going, hey,

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Speaker 1: every way, look Jim's carrot boy, and hear the cruel,

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Speaker 1: evil laughter. What you should know is that I'm from

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Speaker 1: a small town, and although I left a lot of

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Speaker 1: the kids, although I left a lot of the kids

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Speaker 1: I knew are still there. I saw that over the holidays.

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Speaker 1: There was an impromptu high school reunion events scheduled. I

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Speaker 1: decided to show up. I haven't seen any of these

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Speaker 1: people regularly in a long time, like twenty nine years, right,

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Speaker 1: like twenty nine years high school so lit twenty years,

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Speaker 1: basically two decades.

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Speaker 3: Well, who should have been there? But big old buffs are.

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Speaker 1: Big old baldy all of a sudden, the old anger,

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Speaker 1: well of a densiety, my anger for both his.

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Speaker 3: I only grew.

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Speaker 5: Of my laying hiding for two decades, waiting, waiting, growing

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Speaker 5: more powerful, hoading my skins, just eating more.

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Speaker 1: Carrots, gaining pedisles, gaining bt eye signed to watch both

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Speaker 1: his odd die, watch a scam. Uh here you go. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I was thinking. It seems so

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Speaker 1: ridiculous now, but lo and behold. I spotted a big

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Speaker 1: fat tray of carrots meant for everybody at the buffet table.

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Speaker 1: I picked up the entire tray and carried up to

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Speaker 1: old Balthi's table. I started eating the carrots angrily and waiting.

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Speaker 2: For someone to say something.

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Speaker 1: Everyone, everyone at, everyone at the table and surrounding tables

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Speaker 1: was staring at me. I then said, I guess I'm

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Speaker 1: still a current boy. I almost immediately realized my fuck up,

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Speaker 1: and everyone looked.

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Speaker 2: At me, I guess I'm still a carrot boy.

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Speaker 4: Bro.

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Speaker 1: Literally literally, I guess I'm still a carrot boy. I

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Speaker 1: almost immediately realized my f up when everyone looked at

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Speaker 1: me like I was insane and had no idea what

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Speaker 1: I was referencing. Bro.

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Speaker 3: He literally he was in the clear. He was in

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Speaker 3: the clear.

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Speaker 1: So I awkwardly asked balthough I love how he keeps

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Speaker 1: like changing the ball Bazaar's like name a little bit.

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Speaker 1: So I awkwardly asked Baltho and some other people around

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Speaker 1: if they remembered him calling me a carrot boy in

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Speaker 1: third grade, and literally nobody did. Literally nobody who would

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Speaker 1: remember that?

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Speaker 2: Well, it's like sounds like Balthough like said at one time.

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Speaker 3: Like one time, and it was just like.

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Speaker 1: That's that's such a like for other kids, like if

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Speaker 1: it's happening to you, yeah, you could remember.

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Speaker 2: I thought the I thought the story was gonna go

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Speaker 2: where like you put the carrots on the table and

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Speaker 2: then both the sort took carrots and he's like, who's

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Speaker 2: carrot boy?

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Speaker 5: Now you carrot boy?

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Speaker 1: That would have been way better. I would have started

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Speaker 1: throwing the carrots out.

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Speaker 3: Oh I would have.

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Speaker 1: I would have bought like uh, like they have like

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Speaker 1: potato guns. I would have gotten one with a really

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Speaker 1: thin tube to just launch launch carrot. Yeah, pierces. So

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Speaker 1: I was like, uh, this did happen? You really did

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Speaker 1: call me a carrat boy? And he was like, okay, sorry, Bro,

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Speaker 1: he doesn't even remember.

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Speaker 2: The damage, the trauma that he's done.

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Speaker 1: Bro, so much vegetable and dooce trauma. I could never

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Speaker 1: look at vegetable the same again. Imagine what if he

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Speaker 1: became obese because he just does a version.

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Speaker 2: He just like, never ate healthy food again.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Somebody next to me put their hand on my arm

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Speaker 1: and whispered to me, are you okay? As if I

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Speaker 1: was having some sort of mental breakdown, which, to be fair,

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Speaker 1: that looks like a kind of you're a little crazy.

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Speaker 1: I was so embarrassed I just got up and left.

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Speaker 1: Multiple people have texted me asking me if I'm all

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Speaker 1: right and why did I do that? And did I

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Speaker 1: really hold a grudge for some innocuous, silly remark that

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Speaker 1: a third grader made almost thirty years ago. So it

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Speaker 1: was twenty nine years ago, dude, insanity when it was

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Speaker 1: put to me like that. When it was put to

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Speaker 1: me like that, I realized maybe I was the one

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Speaker 1: being weird. Balth az Ah wasn't like a bully or

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Speaker 1: something like that. Aside from the one insult, he never

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Speaker 1: did anything else to me, and in high school was

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Speaker 1: kind of known as a do good. I had built

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Speaker 1: this up as a major incident, but nobody else even

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Speaker 1: remember it. I was horrified to find that several people

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Speaker 1: from the reunion unfriended me on Facebook. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I guess it is. It is a bit

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Speaker 1: of an incident.

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Speaker 2: Who wants to be friends with the carrot Boy's true dude?

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Speaker 1: Fuck carrot boy. And I saw photos of the event

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Speaker 1: and someone had tagged me in the background as carrot

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Speaker 1: boy dude. You you were literally fine, You were literally clear.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: And none other than Balthasar responded to the post, asking

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Speaker 1: the poster to remove the tag, even though several people

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Speaker 1: had replied with laugh emojis.

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Speaker 3: Bro both as ours out here being a good person.

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Speaker 1: Now I feel like I've made a huge fool of

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Speaker 1: myself and can never show myself in this town again. Yeah, move, dude,

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Speaker 1: just leave leave to like the like the carrot capital

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Speaker 1: of the US, like like a like Wyoming, Wyoming wherever

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Speaker 1: it is, right, Like Sandford is like the cabbage capital

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Speaker 1: of impressed that you know that? Yeah, my uncle is there,

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Speaker 1: so well maybe that's okay. I don't like this town anyways,

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Speaker 1: but I'm so embarrassed. I can hardly sleep. And it's

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Speaker 1: only been a few weeks since the incident. Oh God, oh,

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Speaker 1: ride cat Boy. What what's what's this user name? Please

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Speaker 1: tell me? The user name is carrot Boy?

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Speaker 2: Is it good?

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Speaker 3: Carrot Man? Today I fucked up.

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Speaker 2: Carrot Boy has turned into carrot mad.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't want he doesn't want to trace back to

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Speaker 3: its original.

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Speaker 2: Well, wow, that was beautiful. That was beautiful. But I

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Speaker 2: actually have a very similar story to this.

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Speaker 3: Please please enlighten it.

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Speaker 2: When I was in middle school, everyone in my middle

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Speaker 2: school eight lunchibles was cool. It was hip. You know,

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Speaker 2: you got the little pieces of meat. It was like

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Speaker 2: if you were if you had lunchables when you were

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Speaker 2: in in like fourth grade and third grade. Top of

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Speaker 2: the world.

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Speaker 3: Bro pizza lunchables another I can make my own pizza.

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Speaker 2: Don't even tell me about because my mom would not

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Speaker 2: let me eat any of that junk my mom was

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Speaker 2: super super healthy health that and so the only thing

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Speaker 2: I could ever eat was salad, and not even like

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Speaker 2: just salad, just salad. And the thing is it wasn't

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Speaker 2: even like like regular salad. It was tuna salad. And

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Speaker 2: so just just there's two things that this offense, One

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Speaker 2: healthy not cool, two smells bad even more not cool.

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Speaker 2: So to just be associated with me at the lunch tables,

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Speaker 2: you'd have to subject yourself to poor smelling tuna salad.

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Speaker 2: So so at the same time, at the same time

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Speaker 2: as I'm eating these salads, there is a very popular song,

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Speaker 2: uh known as Soldier Boy, okay, and so someone decided

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Speaker 2: one day at the lunch tables to say, hey, look

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Speaker 2: it's Sam. It's salad boy, bum bumb bomb. And it

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Speaker 2: literally stuck for years, oh my years, until like like

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Speaker 2: everyone knew me as salad boy, not because just the

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Speaker 2: one insitant, because the popular kids decided to work on

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Speaker 2: a rap the entire rest of that lunch period and

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Speaker 2: the next day. And I still remember the rap that

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Speaker 2: they made about me today and it goes salad Boy

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Speaker 2: up in the Oh, it goes salad Boy up in

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Speaker 2: the Oh. Why me cranked that? Wymy roll. Why me

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Speaker 2: cranked that parmers on on my salad all the time.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry because this is awful, but

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Speaker 1: that is kind of ba bar a little bit.

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Speaker 3: I I I mean, you do crank on a salad, so,

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Speaker 3: oh my god.

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Speaker 2: Dude, it stuck. I was salad boy until high school

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Speaker 2: and I'm probably still a salad boy. If anyone from

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Speaker 2: fucking middle school is listening to this, fuck you mom,

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Speaker 2: why do you get me lunchables?

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Speaker 3: Dude?

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Speaker 1: That that is that is actually awful? Wow wow wait

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Speaker 1: wait wait it's tuna salad. You don't crank paris on

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Speaker 1: tuna salad.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 2: I had different kinds of salad, okay, okay. Sometimes it

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Speaker 2: would often give you tuna salay. Yeah yeah oft Wow dude,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, that's you. You're the bullies in your childhood

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Speaker 2: are so so strange. They're smart, dude.

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Speaker 3: That's that. That one was smart. That one was vagina stomach.

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Speaker 2: Is high school bullies.

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Speaker 1: So that one, Doug, I was like, it was not

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Speaker 1: not bullied, but like girls are like, oh, why don't

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Speaker 1: you have a six pact?

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Like who because it looks like a fucking vagina I

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Speaker 1: would was there any women saying that? What?

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Speaker 2: I went to old boys school?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 1: So, okay, that's why. That's because theres sone secret. Okay,

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Speaker 1: of course, of course, dude, if there's one woman there,

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Speaker 1: it would have been over. Came over, it would have

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Speaker 1: been over.

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Speaker 2: Damn.

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Speaker 3: Dudes are nerds.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but if you want to release some of your

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Speaker 2: childhood trauma, go to our slash okop show and send

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Speaker 2: us and we will read it, send it in relive

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Speaker 2: it with us. Yeah. Really yeah, Well, we delive our

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Speaker 2: childhood trauma and hopefully heal the process or suffer or

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Speaker 2: software probably most likely suffer. Okayop, Hey, this is Okayop.

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Speaker 2: I'm Samuel Daughner and I'm John Fry. We tell the

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Speaker 2: funniest stories on the internet. John, what do you got

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Speaker 2: for us? Oh?

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Speaker 4: Man, we got a juicy one today.

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Speaker 1: Am I the asshole for going ballistic after my brother

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Speaker 1: in law forced my son to pee himself?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? What It's not a good situation we have going

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Speaker 4: on here.

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Speaker 1: My son has ADHD, he's hyperactive and has a medical condition.

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Speaker 1: There's lots of variables at play here. Also, days ago,

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Speaker 1: my best friend of ten years passed away.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 1: He asked her husband if he could stay with my

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Speaker 1: four year old son while I could attend the funeral.

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Speaker 1: My husband said yes, but then took him over to

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Speaker 1: my sister and her husband's house to watch him without

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Speaker 1: telling me. At the funeral, I received a text from

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Speaker 1: my sister in law telling me to come get my son.

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Speaker 1: I was all kinds of shocked and confused and had

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Speaker 1: many questions that come to mind, like how the heck

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Speaker 1: did my son end up at my sister in law's

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Speaker 1: house when I left.

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Speaker 2: She's totally blindsided, and then she comes with this information like, hey,

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Speaker 2: your kid made a puddle at my house.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And she's like, uh, why is he at your house?

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Speaker 2: Is he even there?

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Speaker 4: So I called my husband, but he didn't answer or

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Speaker 4: call back. I went over there quickly and found my

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Speaker 4: son crying. He was still wet, like he had still

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Speaker 4: not been cleaned up.

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Speaker 2: Bro. They didn't like give him a change of clothes

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Speaker 2: or somebody.

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Speaker 4: Hey, like, you know, go take a shower, We'll find

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Speaker 4: some like you know, that's.

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Speaker 2: A nice thing to do. If someone wets their pants

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Speaker 2: or just like spills something on their pants, you give

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Speaker 2: them an extra pair of pants.

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Speaker 4: Bro, it's human decency, right.

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Speaker 2: What is wrong with you people?

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Speaker 1: I asked my sister in law and her husband what happened,

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Speaker 1: and they said my son was making so much noise

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Speaker 1: while playing with the kids they had to put him

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Speaker 1: in time out.

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Speaker 4: Gollye g.

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Speaker 3: He's having too too.

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Speaker 2: Much dem fun and you can't stand to hear that.

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Speaker 4: Joy, Why are you a parent?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I don't know. You shouldn't be a parent now.

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Speaker 1: After that, my son told him that he needed to

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Speaker 1: use the bathroom, but my sister in law's husband said

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Speaker 1: he couldn't go while on time out and denied my

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Speaker 1: son access after he begged, which resulted in him peeing

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Speaker 1: right where.

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Speaker 4: He was standing.

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Speaker 2: Bro, you gotta go, you gotta go.

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Speaker 1: This isn't like, oh, he's in high school and you

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Speaker 1: want to like go to the bathroom for twenty minutes

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Speaker 1: like text his friends or whatever. No, this is a

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Speaker 1: four year old, four year old who doesn't understand.

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Speaker 2: Bro, and he just needs the pee. Let the kid pee.

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Speaker 2: The kid pee like also like with teachers that don't

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Speaker 2: let their kids pee, let them pee.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, we need to get some sort of machine so

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Speaker 1: we can like pee measure. While we were recording I

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Speaker 1: think that's a diaper.

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Speaker 2: Diaper.

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Speaker 1: I lost it on her and her husband completely. I

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Speaker 1: lost it on her husband for denying my son access

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Speaker 1: to the bathroom, damn straight, and her letting this happen

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Speaker 1: and not doing anything about it. Her husband explained to

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Speaker 1: me that he thought my son was like any other

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Speaker 1: kid and is old enough to hold it in time,

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Speaker 1: which was ninety minutes according to him. So someone goes

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Speaker 1: to you and they're like, hey, I have to pee,

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Speaker 1: and you're like, no, you have to hold it for

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Speaker 1: a ninety minutes, brandy minutes.

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Speaker 2: I hate that.

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Speaker 3: It's awful.

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Speaker 2: It sucks thinking about being a kid, like like childhood

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Speaker 2: innocents all that, that's great, but like you don't have

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Speaker 2: any agency over your life. No, or at least this

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Speaker 2: kid doesn't when he's over at this freaking numbskulls place.

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Speaker 1: I berated them for treating my son so cruelly yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: deservedly so, and denying him a simple request. I asked

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Speaker 1: how they could do this to a child with a

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Speaker 1: condition when they themselves are parents.

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Speaker 2: A great question, great question, you should not be parents.

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Speaker 1: So then my sister in law got offended that I

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Speaker 1: implied that her and her husband were neglectful parents.

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Speaker 2: They are you are bright? Your guests heed themselves.

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Speaker 1: So then we argued, and then I took my son

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Speaker 1: and went home, and my husband still wasn't there. Bro,

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Speaker 1: where's the husband?

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Speaker 4: Where?

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Speaker 3: Seriously he?

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Speaker 1: My husband then came home fuming, asking why the hell

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Speaker 1: I berated his sister and her husband after they've done

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Speaker 1: him a favor and watched his stepson for him because

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Speaker 1: he had an emergency. Bro No, I asked him, was

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Speaker 1: he okay with the way they treated my son? And

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Speaker 1: he said no, but the way I went about it

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Speaker 1: was totally wrong, and said I should apologize to them

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Speaker 1: both after insulting them and their parenting skills in their

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Speaker 1: own house when they were doing us. Then I said, no,

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Speaker 1: they did him a favor because I never asked them

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Speaker 1: to watch my son.

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Speaker 4: He did.

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Speaker 1: He said to still apologize, but I loudly said to him,

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Speaker 1: in your dreams after how my son was treated, he

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Speaker 1: was taken aback and described my behavior as juvenile for

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Speaker 1: refusing to take responsibility for my actions. Bro responsibility for

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Speaker 1: her actions? How about them taking responsibility for their actions.

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Speaker 1: At that point, things escalated and I had to take

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Speaker 1: my son away and go stay with a friend. My

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Speaker 1: husband kept texting me stuff like how I was avoiding

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Speaker 1: confrontation and refusing to admit I overstepped, et cetera, et cetera.

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Speaker 1: He said he expects me to come home only after

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Speaker 1: I apologize to his sister and brother in law.

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Speaker 2: First thing I disagree with here. If you're raising a

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Speaker 2: child together, you're sharing responsibility of that child. So I

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Speaker 2: don't think it's fair to say, like, oh, like, that's

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Speaker 2: your responsibility. He's doing you a favor. Like whoever's minding

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00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,960
Speaker 2: the kid is doing the favor. Yeah, for whoever's not

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Speaker 2: minding the kid.

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Speaker 4: Also, like he didn't tell her where the kid was.

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Speaker 1: It's been a simple text like hey, I have to

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Speaker 1: run out for emergency whatever, leaving son with You know, anyways,

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00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 1: a fun and nuanced discussion on the skills of parenting

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Speaker 1: from two non parents.

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Speaker 2: Editors cut that ship as long as fuck. But you

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Speaker 2: know what, you could never f up and uh uh yeah,

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Speaker 2: you subscribe, ascribe.

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Speaker 4: Deliver, deliver, you know what.

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Speaker 1: You know what, guys, if you subscribe, you will be

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Speaker 1: enjoying your life as loudly as opt.

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00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:41,920
Speaker 2: To your lung.

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Speaker 1: You'll be laughing so hard that people will be like,

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Speaker 1: you need to pee yourself because you're enjoying yourself too.

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Speaker 4: Damn see you next time.

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Speaker 3: The next time,