1 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:13,720 Speaker 1: Hi, How are you. 2 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,000 Speaker 2: I'm good. How are you? 3 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:19,479 Speaker 1: I'm well. So we met at that event in New York. 4 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:25,079 Speaker 3: City briefly Outshine, Yes, and we were talking about your 5 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:26,320 Speaker 3: is it a new bar? 6 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:27,160 Speaker 1: How new is it? 7 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:28,520 Speaker 2: Almost three months? 8 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: Do you live in New York? 9 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,160 Speaker 2: I live in green Point, Brooklyn full time. 10 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:34,519 Speaker 1: And where were you raised? 11 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 2: I was born in Chicago. I was raised in Pittsburgh, PA. 12 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:41,240 Speaker 3: Okay, And so those cocktails behind you are mocktails. 13 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 2: These are all non alcoholic beverages. 14 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,120 Speaker 1: They are Yeah, like, is it on purpose? 15 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 2: It was literally just where I happened to be sitting. 16 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,519 Speaker 2: It's not. It wasn't like an intentional thing. 17 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,880 Speaker 3: No, no, no, I just saw it and I thought, 18 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 3: does he have cocktails around him? Because he doesn't need 19 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 3: to drink them? And he happens to also have a softbar. 20 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 3: I love. 21 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 2: I've been in the industry for seven years with Loverboy, 22 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,200 Speaker 2: we launched an alcohol brand and then I got sober 23 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,240 Speaker 2: in twenty twenty one. 24 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:07,920 Speaker 1: And how does that work? 25 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 3: Like, as far as the brand goes, as long as 26 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,720 Speaker 3: you're honest about it, people understand or you don't really 27 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 3: promote it, because I too have a mocktail brand. And 28 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 3: also I've had different cocktail brands, but I drink less. 29 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 3: Not this week, I don't drink less, but overall, I 30 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 3: drink less. And also when I was pregnant, I was 31 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 3: promoting a cocktail, which was uncomfortable at best. 32 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 2: I think he's just being honest. Like I've been on 33 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 2: a TV show for ten years talking about my ups 34 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:38,319 Speaker 2: and downs, so people have seen firsthand that, like, I 35 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:43,320 Speaker 2: probably shouldn't be drinking. So if anything, people were like 36 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 2: excited and happy that I was being really honest about 37 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 2: my struggle with alcohol and other substances. So if anything, 38 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 2: it was like, no, guys, I can't drink this. But 39 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 2: we launched a non alcoholic version of lover Boy. 40 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,840 Speaker 3: And how is your partnership, how is that working out? 41 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 3: How's the relationship business? And otherwise it's been great. 42 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 2: I mean I helped start the company with Kyle and 43 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,920 Speaker 2: Amanda back in twenty eighteen. You know, I realized in 44 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 2: twenty twenty one that I needed to get sober. Prior 45 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,120 Speaker 2: to getting sober, my brother passed from a drug overdose, 46 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 2: which was a big pivotal moment for me personally to 47 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,120 Speaker 2: look in the mirror and you know, recognize that I 48 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 2: also struggled with it. So I've been very lucky to 49 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 2: be a part of an alcohol company but also not 50 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:33,519 Speaker 2: drink alcohol. And Kyle and Amanda have been incredibly supportive 51 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 2: of me, and I wouldn't be in the position I'm 52 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 2: in with opening a bar and cafe and building a 53 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 2: brand in a company like Softbar if I didn't start 54 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,519 Speaker 2: an alcohol company with Kyle and Amanda and lobb Boy. 55 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 2: So all these things have led me to where I 56 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 2: am now. I started an alcohol company, my brother passes 57 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,840 Speaker 2: away from a drug overdose. I realized I'm an alcoholic 58 00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:55,959 Speaker 2: and a drug addict, still working for the alcohol company, 59 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,639 Speaker 2: but then saying out loud, I cannot drink anymore because 60 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 2: I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. We then launched 61 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,640 Speaker 2: a non alcoholic lover Boy. I realized there's nowhere to 62 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:08,359 Speaker 2: drink non alcoholic lover Boy because most bars and restaurants, 63 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,239 Speaker 2: it's just like an afterthought, it's not something that's a 64 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,839 Speaker 2: focal point. A lot of non alc also is very 65 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 2: unhealthy and sugary. So through my own personal experiences and 66 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 2: professional experiences, I saw an opportunity to create not just 67 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 2: a beverage that's not alcoholic, but a place where you 68 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 2: drink all of these non alcoholic beverages, where you learn 69 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 2: about them, where you come together as a community. It's 70 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 2: a third space. So that's what I've been working on 71 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 2: in soft Bar. But because of my experience working with 72 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 2: Kyle Amanda and starting an alcohol company, and how is 73 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 2: it going Softbar so far in the first you know, 74 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 2: fifty days, we've done really really well. We've done over 75 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:53,119 Speaker 2: three hundred thousand dollars in revenue. That's comprised of events, beverage, sales, 76 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 2: you know, all the different things that we do within 77 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 2: our four walls. Now listen, brick and Mortar's not easy. 78 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 2: We've certainly had chatallenges. We will have a ten out 79 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 2: of ten review and then I got a message the 80 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 2: other day someone went in and didn't have a great experience, 81 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:11,000 Speaker 2: and like that happens. But for the most part, I mean, 82 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 2: I'm very very honest, Like we've had a lot of 83 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:17,599 Speaker 2: great stuff. We still have just general startup challenges like 84 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:18,479 Speaker 2: any company. 85 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 3: Would have, you know, and who's we do you investors 86 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,240 Speaker 3: or how's what's the business struggle? 87 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,599 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I have a co founder, so it's me 88 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,840 Speaker 2: and my business partner, and then I have a team. 89 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,920 Speaker 2: I brought in a general manager, a COO, and then 90 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 2: I've also raised money, so I've over twenty investors and 91 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:40,200 Speaker 2: a team of bartenders, Barista's events, social It sounds. 92 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: Like the staff is expensive. 93 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 3: I just started a dating community self funded for the 94 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,920 Speaker 3: first time. I've done something completely on my own, meaning 95 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 3: I've always invested in things and people usually throwing money 96 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 3: at it for me to do it, but I invested 97 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 3: in it and staff to facilitate what you need. 98 00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 1: Feels like the biggest. 99 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 2: Number, labor costs is always a very pretty big number. However, 100 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:08,159 Speaker 2: we run a leaner operation. My business model is different 101 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 2: than like a typical restaurant or bar. A lot of 102 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,400 Speaker 2: restaurants and bars make money off of alcohol and the 103 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 2: margin you break even on food and labor. Typically we 104 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 2: don't have that because I'm not selling alcohol, but we 105 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:26,560 Speaker 2: still sell a premium beverage. We also host events. I 106 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,760 Speaker 2: mean this past weekend, we had a day long Saturday. 107 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,719 Speaker 2: It's called a Tea Party, and we had DJs and 108 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:37,839 Speaker 2: different events happening all day at Softbar. So it's a 109 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 2: playground for brands. We've hosted a brand You're very connected 110 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 2: to mingle a whole takeover of Softbar to launch their 111 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 2: new Mingle Mood, which is a functional, canned non alcoholic 112 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 2: beverage that I personally like. I helped develop it, and 113 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,440 Speaker 2: I love this story. I love Laura is a great entrepreneur. 114 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 2: But we launched in our four walls that night, the 115 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 2: new Mingle Mood. Two different labors, but it's a playground 116 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:06,359 Speaker 2: for brands. It's a beautiful upscale bar and cafe that 117 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:10,719 Speaker 2: is connected and colorful and beautiful. But we don't serve alcohol. 118 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,920 Speaker 2: We serve great drinks that you feel kind of like 119 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 2: Mingle Mood, like I drink Mood. And I literally was like, Laura. 120 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,200 Speaker 3: I feel this, Yes, me too. It's the Ashwagan at 121 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 3: night at to night time. I'll take it and you 122 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 3: get a little buzz, like a little something. It's a 123 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 3: little it's an altered state, which is what people do want, 124 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 3: some version of an altered state, but not too much. 125 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 2: I love what Mingole's doing, We love their brand. We 126 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 2: serve it, but that's an example of what we are 127 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,040 Speaker 2: doing at Softbar. 128 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:38,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's one of the fastest growing mocktails, So thank 129 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 3: you for supporting it. So how does this affect do 130 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,159 Speaker 3: you talk about relationships you talk about dating, like, what 131 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:49,480 Speaker 3: was your last significant relationship, whether it's public or private. 132 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,680 Speaker 2: My last significant relationship is very public. You know, we 133 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 2: broke up over two years ago, so I've been single 134 00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:00,159 Speaker 2: for the last two years. I was engaged, but we 135 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 2: did not get married that. 136 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,919 Speaker 3: Yes, I know we're not going towards like public you know, 137 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 3: I'm in clich bait. I just meant like, if there's 138 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 3: anything I've been seeing someone that no one knows about. 139 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 3: So I was sort of asking if, like, have you 140 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:16,239 Speaker 3: had any meaningful relationships that have been private and learned 141 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 3: that maybe you don't want to share them publicly, et cetera, 142 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 3: And how do you navigate that. 143 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 2: I'm just an open book. I like being very honest 144 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 2: and authentic, and I think more and more on social 145 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 2: and publicly, like we need authenticity and honesty. There's a 146 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 2: lot of just like people present themselves perfect or I'll 147 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 2: have it all figured out. I'm the opposite, like I'm messy. 148 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 2: I don't have it all figured out. I'm learning just 149 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 2: like everybody else. But I just try to be really 150 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 2: honest and authentic with what I share. So my relationship stuff, 151 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 2: I've been on TV for ten years now, so I 152 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 2: you know, a lot of my relationships, whether I want 153 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 2: them private or not, typically are always very public. 154 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 3: How do the women feel about that? How do you 155 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 3: present that? Because it's a hard thing to navigate. You 156 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,720 Speaker 3: don't want someone who wants that, but you can't have 157 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 3: someone who can't handle that, and sometimes you lose people 158 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:06,920 Speaker 3: in the midst of that. 159 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 2: I think it's not easy. I mean, I think just transparency, 160 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 2: being upfront. I don't try to trauma dump on the 161 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 2: first date, but I've been on first dates where they 162 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,000 Speaker 2: are aware I'm on a show of some sort and 163 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,040 Speaker 2: then that entire date people are taking pictures of me 164 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 2: and like the energy is like who is that person? 165 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 2: That is something I just have to be honest, but 166 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:34,200 Speaker 2: it's it's hard because some people just don't understand some 167 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 2: of that side of it. But I try to just 168 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 2: be upfront and honest and if they can't handle that, 169 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 2: then that's okay. 170 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: Would you walk. 171 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,760 Speaker 3: Away from the public aspect for a relationship or you 172 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:46,719 Speaker 3: love that part of it? 173 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: Like that's you love the TV part and things like that. 174 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,920 Speaker 2: I went to school for TV and film. I majored 175 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,880 Speaker 2: in communications at Syracuse University and went to the New 176 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 2: House School my high school. One of my superlatives was 177 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:01,720 Speaker 2: most likely to be on TV. I love a mic. 178 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 2: I love being in front of a camera. Now I 179 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 2: didn't know it would be maybe as personal as it's been. 180 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:10,080 Speaker 2: But where I'm at in my life, I owe directly 181 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 2: to the public part of what I've shared. I wouldn't 182 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,199 Speaker 2: be sober if I didn't ever be on the TV world. 183 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 3: Where does sobriety and someone being sober or not drinking 184 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 3: fit in? 185 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 1: Do you date people who do drink? 186 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 2: I do? I mean as long as someone has a 187 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,640 Speaker 2: healthy relationship with any substance. I mean it could be gambling, 188 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 2: it could be food, it could be alcohol, it could 189 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 2: be other substances. You know. I want someone just be 190 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 2: honest and upfront. I can learn pretty quickly how someone 191 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 2: is feeling about the fact that I don't drink. Yes, 192 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 2: you know it doesn't you know, whatever you want to do, 193 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:00,240 Speaker 2: that's what works best for you, go for it. But 194 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 2: for me, I just you know, I can't partake. 195 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,079 Speaker 3: Do you date on the apps? Do you just meet 196 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,320 Speaker 3: people in person? Through people? What's your You. 197 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:10,559 Speaker 2: Never have never dated on the apps. I'm forty, Bethany 198 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 2: not that the age is a determining factor of why 199 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:17,320 Speaker 2: I am or not on an app. But I've never 200 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,080 Speaker 2: done an app. I just like to meet people organically. 201 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 2: I think the best way to meet someone is find 202 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 2: your community, lean in in that community, and you'll find 203 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 2: someone organically through that pursuit of just being the best 204 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 2: version of yourself, surrounding yourself with the best people and 205 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 2: doing things that you're passionate about. In love, that's how 206 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,760 Speaker 2: you find the person who's connected to the world as 207 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,120 Speaker 2: you want to be, in versus looking out a picture 208 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 2: on a phone and swiping and going, she's hot, she's cute, 209 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,240 Speaker 2: she's this, that's nice, And I'm sure there's a lot 210 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 2: of success with that, but for me personally, it's not 211 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,680 Speaker 2: something that I've really done. 212 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,679 Speaker 1: So where will you be during the holidays? 213 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 2: So my parents are divorced. My mom got remarried a 214 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 2: few years ago. My mom lives in Pittsburgh, PA, which 215 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 2: is where I grew up. I will be at my 216 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 2: mom's house with my stepfather. And when my brother died 217 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 2: a few years ago, my brother had children, so my 218 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:13,680 Speaker 2: mother is the guardian and parent for my niece, who's 219 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 2: seventeen years old. So I will be home with my mom, 220 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,439 Speaker 2: my stepdad, and my niece. 221 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 1: And how is she doing? 222 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 2: I mean as good as she can. 223 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:22,080 Speaker 3: You know. 224 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,400 Speaker 2: I don't know what it's like to be in her 225 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 2: shoes at all, but I just know she's taking care 226 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 2: of my mom, she's doing well in school. Just trying 227 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,319 Speaker 2: to be supportive of her and just be a good uncle. 228 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 2: So I got some fun Christmas gifts for her. I 229 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 2: try to spoil my family, you know, and the best 230 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 2: way I can so. 231 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 3: And what do you have to say about grief? I 232 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 3: experienced an unexpected death. I can't compare it to what 233 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 3: you went through because it's not comparable. But when my 234 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 3: mother died, I also experienced just like unexpected grief, like 235 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:58,199 Speaker 3: not the stage is necessarily the way that they're laid out, 236 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 3: but definitely journey of complete unexpected turns. And like puzzle 237 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 3: work first, like piecing puzzle pieces together that don't need 238 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 3: to be pieced together, just to like make yourself feel 239 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 3: better about like wait, when that happened? 240 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:11,800 Speaker 1: Did I see that? 241 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:15,319 Speaker 3: Like telling a story and then like listening to all 242 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,840 Speaker 3: music that literally defines a generation of a person or 243 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:22,280 Speaker 3: memories and like sobbing through that and like almost like 244 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 3: a dog retreating where I don't do grief with other people. 245 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 3: So I'm just curious, like what you learned through the 246 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 3: process of grief or how you could help other people 247 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 3: through extreme, extraordinary painful grief. 248 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:39,079 Speaker 2: I mean, I would say for me grieving the loss 249 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 2: of my brother, I had to do it sober. I 250 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,560 Speaker 2: reached for alcohol and cocaine when my brother died. I 251 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 2: mean the day he died. That night I did drink, 252 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 2: but the next day I drank incessantly. For about five 253 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:57,599 Speaker 2: six months straight, I was on this roller coaster. I 254 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 2: would isolate in my apartment, drink and do cocaine by 255 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 2: myself for all whole and I was incredibly sad and depressed. 256 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 2: But then being sad and depressed while drinking and using 257 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,079 Speaker 2: cocaine only makes. 258 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,960 Speaker 3: It worse, which is hard to actually imagine that it 259 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 3: made it worse. 260 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: But did you have a rock bottom? 261 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,960 Speaker 2: It did? Yeah? I mean, listen going, I'm not a 262 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 2: grief expert in any stretch. I just only really know 263 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 2: it's kind of worked and not worked for me. But yeah, 264 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,920 Speaker 2: when my brother passed away, I was personally trying to 265 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,680 Speaker 2: figure out my own relationships with drugs and alcohol. I 266 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,240 Speaker 2: had had a long career of living in New York City, drinking, 267 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,760 Speaker 2: using cocaine, staying up all hours, and just kind of 268 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 2: going through this world. When my brother passed away, I 269 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,760 Speaker 2: had been trying to get sober already, like I knew 270 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 2: I had some challenges to work out, and when he 271 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 2: passed away, that's when I used that as like a 272 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 2: license to go and drink. And I grieved the loss 273 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 2: of my brother by drinking and using cocaine, which I 274 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 2: don't recommend to anybody. And I needed to get my 275 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:05,800 Speaker 2: head clear to really grieve properly. And it was scary. 276 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 2: I was angry, I was sad, I was all the feeling. 277 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 3: It sounds horrible, all those Sunday scaries must have been 278 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 3: really terrifying. 279 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,320 Speaker 2: I mean I was honestly suicidal at times, coming down 280 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:21,040 Speaker 2: from these antic moments and big bender weekends. And I 281 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,600 Speaker 2: was trying to grieve the loss of my brother and 282 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 2: by drinking, and I was seeing a therapist, and I 283 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 2: would show up to therapy really anxious and kind of 284 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,720 Speaker 2: on edge, and he's like trying to support me, but 285 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 2: I wasn't being honest about my drinking with the therapist, 286 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 2: so it was kind of this weird thing where I 287 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 2: finally I hit rock bottom. It was January sixth, That 288 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 2: was the last day that I drank, and I was 289 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 2: actually watching what was going on down in DC that day, 290 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:52,280 Speaker 2: January six, twenty twenty one, I was drinking red wine 291 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 2: in my Grammarcy Park apartment, watching CNN and just getting 292 00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 2: very emotional, and I just kept drinking and I ordered 293 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 2: some cocaine to my apartment and I basically stayed up 294 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 2: all night till like eight thirty nine in the morning, drinking, 295 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 2: using cocaine, calling people. And I called some people that 296 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 2: I did not normally call at nine in the morning 297 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,440 Speaker 2: and basically was saying that I'm I don't know what 298 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 2: I said exactly, but I basically threaten to kill myself. 299 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:20,480 Speaker 3: Wow. 300 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 2: And that was the last day that I drank and used, 301 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 2: and I came up out of that The next evening, 302 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 2: January seventh, I woke up in my bed and I 303 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 2: had like a hundred misscalls. People had been trying to 304 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,480 Speaker 2: get a hold of me, and then they were trying 305 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,440 Speaker 2: to reach me and didn't. 306 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:38,520 Speaker 1: Oh my god. 307 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 2: So it wasn't until January eighth where I really got 308 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 2: a good night's sleep. Woke up that January eighth morning 309 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,160 Speaker 2: and I called a friend of mine who i'd heard 310 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 2: was going to AA, and I said, hey, man, I 311 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 2: need help, and he's like, call this guy, and he 312 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,760 Speaker 2: put me in touch with someone who's in New York 313 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,400 Speaker 2: City who was a sponsor that, believe it or not, 314 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 2: he had a career at Goldman Sachs. Very successful man. 315 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,600 Speaker 2: And I got connected to the finance AA world. There's 316 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,120 Speaker 2: a huge contingent here in New York of AA, but 317 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 2: also people that I connected or related to more. You know, 318 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 2: this a interesting kind of the alpha male kind of overachieving, 319 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 2: hard working. I needed to be around that. My perception 320 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 2: of AA, and this is probably movies or TV related, 321 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,040 Speaker 2: was like a guy with a brown paper bag looks dirt, 322 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 2: dirty and disheveled. That's what AA is. I walked into 323 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:34,200 Speaker 2: my first AA meeting and everybody's smiling, high fiving, happy 324 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 2: like it was literally the opposite of what I thought 325 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 2: it was going to be. 326 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 3: Well, that's interesting and brings back to your community concept, 327 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,640 Speaker 3: like if you're an artist, find a community of artists. 328 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 3: Like if you're you know, a mom, or you're gay 329 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,080 Speaker 3: or whatever, maybe you could get niche with that. I've 330 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,160 Speaker 3: really never heard anyone talk about AA in a niche way, 331 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 3: but it makes sense. You wanted to be with like type, 332 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,160 Speaker 3: a sort of high functioning business people. 333 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 2: New York is of a lot of great resources and 334 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 2: support groups. It's not just limited to AA. I mean 335 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 2: there's actually an NA, which is Narcotics Anonymous, So we 336 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:13,239 Speaker 2: struggle with substances or other things. But alcohol was the 337 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,440 Speaker 2: first thing that I would drink and then I would. 338 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 1: Use That was the gay way to everything else. 339 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:19,640 Speaker 2: That's why I chose that. But yeah, I mean it's 340 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 2: there's so many I've plugged into more communities now, like 341 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 2: the running community and the wellness community, so I have 342 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,159 Speaker 2: my little communities but for various different points of what 343 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,720 Speaker 2: I connect with. The grief process in AA also is 344 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:38,120 Speaker 2: very helpful because I started to raise my hand. I'd say, 345 00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,399 Speaker 2: I'm car wreck, Hey, I'm an alcoholic, and I talk 346 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,399 Speaker 2: about my story and I would share about my brother, 347 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 2: and you know how many people in those rooms also 348 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 2: shared stories of friends or loved ones, people that had 349 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 2: even been coming into the room, that had gone out 350 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,880 Speaker 2: of the room, that are now no longer around. And 351 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 2: I just started to recognize I felt like I could 352 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,160 Speaker 2: be myself here. I could be honest. I can open 353 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,840 Speaker 2: up about my brother and people were like jumping for it. 354 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 2: They were like, oh my god, like they were before 355 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,360 Speaker 2: when I would open up about my brother. People get 356 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 2: very uncomfortable because it's a hard topic to kind of 357 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,359 Speaker 2: talk about. So I've done a lot of leaning in 358 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 2: on these communities in New York which have given me 359 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 2: just knowing that someone else is like you or similar 360 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 2: to you, and then also kind of the niche community, 361 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,880 Speaker 2: finding like an investment banker who's making ten million dollars 362 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,760 Speaker 2: a year who's an alcoholic and a coke addict, just 363 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,439 Speaker 2: like me. I want ten million dollars a year and 364 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,240 Speaker 2: be like him. 365 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 3: Now I understand, like it's like if you're finding aspirational 366 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 3: people that through, even through people who are addicts, because 367 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 3: it's like you're looking up to them and even they 368 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,880 Speaker 3: could fall Like so that means that you're not such 369 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,440 Speaker 3: a fuck up type of thing, and you know the 370 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,520 Speaker 3: way we beat ourselves up. Also interesting that your family, 371 00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 3: like everyone was on fire, having I have the chills 372 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,679 Speaker 3: having lost a siblings, so no one could reach out 373 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,360 Speaker 3: and help you, Like everyone was probably trying to help 374 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:02,240 Speaker 3: themselves too. It's like it seems like like I said, 375 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 3: everyone's on fire. They don't have any water to pour 376 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:05,320 Speaker 3: on you. 377 00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:07,760 Speaker 2: No, I mean, if anything, as I look back now, 378 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 2: I mean, it's a gift that I'm giving myself, like 379 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,000 Speaker 2: really taking care of myself and getting sober. But it 380 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,120 Speaker 2: was a gift I gave my parents, and my parents 381 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 2: I believe her. I mean, listen, when you lose the sun, 382 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,720 Speaker 2: I'm sure. I mean my mom actually said this recently. 383 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:25,040 Speaker 2: I mean my mom was suicidal after my brother passed shit. 384 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,359 Speaker 2: You know, yeah, like what am I? Why am I here? 385 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,520 Speaker 2: And the one thing that gave her hope was me 386 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:33,720 Speaker 2: still being here and taking it a step further, being 387 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,720 Speaker 2: able to call my mom and tell her, Hey, Mom, 388 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:36,960 Speaker 2: I'm going to get help. 389 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,719 Speaker 3: I'm getting sober, one thing off her plate of like 390 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 3: misery and worry, and. 391 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 2: I don't have to wake it up to my call. 392 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 2: I used to call her in the milan I eaten 393 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 2: say crety. I mean I wouldn't. I wasn't mean to her. 394 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,520 Speaker 2: I was just calling her to say crazy things and. 395 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 1: Just ah, but she knew you were fucked up. 396 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,520 Speaker 3: And also I think it's interesting too that I thought 397 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 3: you were going to say that you checked into rehabit, 398 00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 3: not if there's anything wrong with rehabit. As I think 399 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 3: about it, rehab is like an isolated place that when 400 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,080 Speaker 3: you come out of it's like coming out of jail 401 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 3: or something probably where like you're not used to that world. 402 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,320 Speaker 1: So I guess going to. 403 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,680 Speaker 3: AA, you're dealing in your normal habitat like you're getting 404 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,040 Speaker 3: rid of the alcohol in your house and you have 405 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,920 Speaker 3: someone to talk to you, but you're on the road 406 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 3: as your real life exists. 407 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 2: With sobriety one hundred percent, it gave me tools to 408 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 2: live a more purposeful life, but to like actually like 409 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,440 Speaker 2: appreciate life. It'd be present. There's a lot of people 410 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 2: that get sober and stop drinking, but they just stay 411 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 2: at home and they don't socialize. 412 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,320 Speaker 3: It's a new life. It's a weird it's a different 413 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:36,280 Speaker 3: alternate universe. You're living your life just with interesting And 414 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,440 Speaker 3: how is the struggle like on a one to ten, 415 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 3: If it's like white knuckling, it is a ten, Like 416 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 3: what number is the struggle? 417 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:46,200 Speaker 2: It's funny, I've I have no desire for alcohol anymore. 418 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 2: I A lot of people talk about like you kind 419 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 2: of hit your rock bottom. You have like this epiphany 420 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 2: or like a spiritual awakening, and I've had that awakening 421 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,120 Speaker 2: where kind of like like I look at certain food 422 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 2: like I don't eat certain foods because it makes me. 423 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 1: Sick, like food poisoning. You never want to see it again. 424 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 2: Well that, but like, for example, if I like red 425 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,960 Speaker 2: pasta sauce right now, I would get acid reflux. Okay, 426 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,399 Speaker 2: I love pasta sauce, but I know it's going to 427 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:11,960 Speaker 2: make me sick and kind of throw me off for 428 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 2: the rest of the day. Same is alcohol, same as 429 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,919 Speaker 2: other substances. It doesn't serve me. It's going to make 430 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:21,440 Speaker 2: me sick and make me do crazy things. And over time, 431 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,720 Speaker 2: when you build on that, you become like I love 432 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:28,360 Speaker 2: the way I feel, and anything that kind of compromises 433 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,280 Speaker 2: that feeling, I just Okay, that might work for someone else, 434 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:32,399 Speaker 2: but that doesn't work for me. 435 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:50,280 Speaker 3: Have you had any extreme stressful situations, emotionally or otherwise 436 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,800 Speaker 3: that have tested this model. 437 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:54,879 Speaker 2: I'll give you an example. This is a true story. 438 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,959 Speaker 2: I mean we're talking about the relationship I had been in. 439 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 2: You know, we had a pretty public breakup. I told 440 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,880 Speaker 2: her I didn't think the wedding was right, so we 441 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,400 Speaker 2: broke up. Later that night, I ended up going. We 442 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 2: were living together, and I went to check into a 443 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:11,520 Speaker 2: hotel room just to take some space. And I showed 444 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,920 Speaker 2: up to the hotel and I walked in like i'd 445 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,480 Speaker 2: been crying. I was, you know, emotional, and the front 446 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 2: desk person basically was like, a you're right, and I'm like, honestly, 447 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,119 Speaker 2: I'm not like I'm going through a little bit personally. 448 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 2: I'm just, you know, if you could just give me 449 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,320 Speaker 2: my room key. I just wanted to get checked in. 450 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:28,840 Speaker 2: He gave me my room key, and he said, I'm 451 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,640 Speaker 2: so sorry you're going through it, you know, here's your room. 452 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 2: Have a great day. So I go up to my room. 453 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 2: I was in the room for maybe two minutes and 454 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,760 Speaker 2: I hear a knock and it's a man with like 455 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,240 Speaker 2: a nice white napkin and he's holding a bottle a lot. 456 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,240 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. 457 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,440 Speaker 2: He's like, mister radkey, We're so sorry having a tough 458 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:46,080 Speaker 2: day compliments of the front desk. And I had, you know, 459 00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 2: the strength in the moment to just say thank you 460 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 2: so much. But I don't drink. There was never a 461 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 2: moment where I clipped, But looking back, I could have 462 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 2: very easily right. 463 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:57,159 Speaker 3: And I thought about the mini bar. My thought was 464 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,320 Speaker 3: the mini bar, and I thought, do you ever have 465 00:22:58,359 --> 00:22:59,719 Speaker 3: them clear it before you get into a room. 466 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 2: I've never had to do that. Now I've heard folks 467 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,359 Speaker 2: that say that again. Okay, I've just been able to 468 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,919 Speaker 2: really leaning in on AA and doing the work and 469 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,640 Speaker 2: really understanding what made me want a drink to begin with, 470 00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:13,359 Speaker 2: and then getting back in touch with like my true 471 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,159 Speaker 2: childhood self. Like when I was a little kid, I 472 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,600 Speaker 2: didn't drink. I was happy. So I had to like 473 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,879 Speaker 2: draw upon how my personality and who I really was 474 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:24,920 Speaker 2: back before all this stuff. 475 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 3: Well, tell me about cake eater and what that name means, 476 00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 3: and tell me all about this. 477 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,120 Speaker 2: Growing up in Pittsburgh, PA, I'm from a town called 478 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:37,399 Speaker 2: Upper Saint Clair. It's a very affluent, upper middle class area. 479 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,439 Speaker 2: So from one of my early days of recollection, my 480 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,720 Speaker 2: dad would call me and my brother a cake eater. 481 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,080 Speaker 2: He'd be like, you cake eaters, and it was his 482 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,480 Speaker 2: way of making fun of us for being soft or 483 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:53,000 Speaker 2: being just weak or like expecting things to be handed 484 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,679 Speaker 2: to us. However, our family wasn't very wealthy. We were 485 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,959 Speaker 2: blue collar. We worked hard for what we had. I 486 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 2: had a job at the Dell down the street. I 487 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,720 Speaker 2: clean dishes, I cut grass, I shoveled driveways. But the 488 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 2: community we grew up in, everybody had nice cars and 489 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,880 Speaker 2: nice homes and our family just wasn't in that position. 490 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,840 Speaker 2: But I was always called a cake eater, and it 491 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 2: was always this funny juxaposition. I'm like, well, I'm not rich, 492 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,520 Speaker 2: and you're making fun of me for being rich. So 493 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,320 Speaker 2: I just was something that stuck with me, and it 494 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,240 Speaker 2: fast forward to working on the book. I wanted something 495 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,639 Speaker 2: that to find where I'm from, but also like was 496 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,679 Speaker 2: catchy and had like a deeper meaning. So I came up. 497 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,679 Speaker 2: I just put it down on the paper and this 498 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,199 Speaker 2: is a true story. So I was pulling at a 499 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,200 Speaker 2: golf outing at Sabonic in the Hamptons. It was a 500 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 2: charity golf outing and one of my favorite football players 501 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,480 Speaker 2: was there, Ben Roethlisberger. He was a former Pittsburgh Steeler. 502 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,479 Speaker 2: I never had met him, so I walk up to him. 503 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,399 Speaker 2: I say, hey, Ben, I'm Carl Radkey. I'm from Upper 504 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 2: Saint Clair in Pittsburgh. He looks at me without a beat, 505 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:56,640 Speaker 2: he goes cake eater and I was like a stunned 506 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,720 Speaker 2: and I'm like I can't believe you just said that. 507 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,760 Speaker 2: He's like you know, how it is is his kids 508 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 2: and where he's raised. His family is in another part 509 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,440 Speaker 2: of town. So I walked away and texted my publisher 510 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,359 Speaker 2: that night and I said, cake Heater is the title. 511 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:10,480 Speaker 1: I like it? 512 00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:11,879 Speaker 2: How I like it? 513 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,400 Speaker 3: Look the irony is you don't seem like you eat cake, 514 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,160 Speaker 3: maybe van cake, healthy cake. 515 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a little little more cake these days. 516 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 3: So I literally didn't have this thought until I really 517 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 3: liked you when I met you, Like you just have 518 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,040 Speaker 3: a very nice energy, a very I just calm, and 519 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:30,320 Speaker 3: you seem very intentional and soulful. So I wasn't thinking 520 00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,439 Speaker 3: about this. I don't know much about you until now. 521 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,520 Speaker 3: And it's right on the cusp of being too big 522 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,439 Speaker 3: of an age difference, because I don't believe in setting 523 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 3: people up in this community that are more than ten 524 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,640 Speaker 3: years apart. But there's a woman who's in here, who 525 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,680 Speaker 3: doesn't drink, who's stunning, who does have a social media following, 526 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:50,440 Speaker 3: but not because she's like some like basic influencer. She's 527 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:54,800 Speaker 3: a very very smart, beautiful she's in Florida. I don't 528 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 3: know what her situation is with New York I'm saying, 529 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,879 Speaker 3: and I also don't I have a thing with geography. 530 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,199 Speaker 3: I want to know if you're because I think I'm 531 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,359 Speaker 3: out of a girl that would be good for you. 532 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,680 Speaker 1: She's really beautiful. 533 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:10,119 Speaker 3: I'm really calm and mature and smart and soulful and beautiful. 534 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:11,800 Speaker 1: She doesn't drink. I remember that. 535 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,680 Speaker 2: Love that. Yeah, I mean I'm at, I have been. 536 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,280 Speaker 2: I'm okay on some dates. I've been kind of getting 537 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 2: back out there more so. 538 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,359 Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, But I mean you're embedded in Brooklyn and 539 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:24,520 Speaker 3: New York, like that's where. 540 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:25,000 Speaker 1: You're going to stay. 541 00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,399 Speaker 2: Yeah, I live here. I'm very happy here. I you know, 542 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,639 Speaker 2: build my business in Greenpoint. So for the time, what 543 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,720 Speaker 2: is your type? What is your what if you had 544 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:36,280 Speaker 2: to say you're deal breakers? And then what you like, 545 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:37,719 Speaker 2: like I've got a geography already. 546 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,120 Speaker 1: Is religion important? 547 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,240 Speaker 2: I mean I like a foundation of just some moral fabric. 548 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,440 Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be religious, but okay, that could help. 549 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,119 Speaker 1: But nobody extreme because you're not extreme, You're okay. 550 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 2: And then like someone who wants who likes adventure and 551 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,399 Speaker 2: to be active, I'm not expecting them to be working 552 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,440 Speaker 2: out alongside me every day. But I'm very I work out. 553 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,439 Speaker 2: I'm active. I like going to live sporting events and 554 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:04,800 Speaker 2: live concerts. I like to be out, but I also 555 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,520 Speaker 2: love being chill at home too. 556 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:12,399 Speaker 3: So your fifty to fifty social homebody. Yes, okay, because 557 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,600 Speaker 3: alignment is huge in this thing, and like we're being 558 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:18,639 Speaker 3: very intentional about the nuance, not just like the box checked, 559 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 3: but are you like, is it brunette or blonde or 560 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 3: it doesn't matter. 561 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,560 Speaker 2: Brid you asked, I'm looking for brunette. 562 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 1: You're looking for brunette. 563 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 3: Okay, all right, So Cake Eater is your book, and 564 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,880 Speaker 3: then I know that it's Release Recovery Foundation. So you're 565 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,159 Speaker 3: very intentional about helping other people with their recovery. And 566 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,879 Speaker 3: this is a big part of your mission, not just 567 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,959 Speaker 3: leading by example, but you're putting it into action one 568 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:39,560 Speaker 3: hundred percent. 569 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:41,680 Speaker 2: I mean, there's an organization based here in New York 570 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:47,040 Speaker 2: City called Release Recovery, and essentially it's rehab, it's counseling, 571 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,399 Speaker 2: it's services for those who struggle with substance abuse or 572 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,920 Speaker 2: mental health. I ran the New York City Marathon in November, 573 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 2: and the money that I raised and a lot of 574 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,720 Speaker 2: the work I do with their organization is to raise 575 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 2: money for scholarships for those who can't afford the treatment. 576 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 1: So got it. 577 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:06,040 Speaker 2: So the run, I just did it. 578 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,120 Speaker 1: That's a good I like that. That's a great cause. 579 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 2: Well, because these services are twenty twenty five grand for 580 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,960 Speaker 2: like a rehab or halfway program. 581 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 1: Great cause. What an amazing cause. 582 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, something that really amazing. It's important to help other 583 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:21,960 Speaker 2: people who can't afford it. When I was presented to 584 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,040 Speaker 2: go to rehab, someone sat me down back in twenty 585 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,560 Speaker 2: eighteen and nineteen, they're like, you need to go to rehab. 586 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 2: I didn't, but at the time I wouldn't have been 587 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,879 Speaker 2: able to afford it either. So interesting. It's amazing to 588 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:36,720 Speaker 2: be able to use my powers and my platform too. 589 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 3: Right, Well, I mean, I mean, college debt stresses people 590 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:40,560 Speaker 3: out and. 591 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 1: They want to drink. 592 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,120 Speaker 3: So if you go to rehab and you can't afford it, 593 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,640 Speaker 3: and then you're stressing out about paying it back, it's 594 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 3: going to be a trigger. It's the irony. Yeah, yeah, interesting, amazing. 595 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,040 Speaker 3: Well you're so interesting and so kind and thank you. 596 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:54,360 Speaker 1: So nice to talk to you again. 597 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,560 Speaker 2: I'm a huge fan of you. I've always been inspired 598 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 2: by your entrepreneur and even some of your philanthropic ways. 599 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,200 Speaker 2: We've actually did the La wildfires. You supported me and Kyle. 600 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,200 Speaker 1: That was nice City winery. And he's a nice guy. 601 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: I like him. 602 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,600 Speaker 3: I've seen him a couple of times. I like his energy. 603 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 3: I didn't watch the show. I may have seen a 604 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 3: quarter of an episode one time, so I only seemed 605 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 3: like glimpses. So I've met you both just as normal humans, 606 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,240 Speaker 3: which I prefer anyway, multiple times I met him, and 607 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 3: I met you a few times now well. 608 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 2: And I always were huge fans of you, and everything 609 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,200 Speaker 2: you've done on and off has been just really cool 610 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 2: to watch. And congrats on all your success. Thank you 611 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 2: for having me on. I really appreciate it. 612 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:31,000 Speaker 1: Likewise, anytime