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Speaker 1: I scared my girlfriend's family by attacking them, but it

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Speaker 1: was just a prank. Now she's trying to leave me,

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Speaker 1: but I'll show her what a nice guy I am. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm super nice. I just murdered your entire family. You know,

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Speaker 1: you said you were annoying. It was a parank, and

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Speaker 1: plus you said they were annoying.

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 1: The least I could do was break your mother's kneecaps.

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Speaker 1: What a favor, What a kind? What a nice guy?

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Speaker 2: Hey, nice guy. I don't want your mom nagging you.

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Speaker 2: Now she can't nag you because she can't even get

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Speaker 2: up out of bed.

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Speaker 1: Now you have no family and a man with a

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Speaker 1: fedora and a neck beard the only family you need.

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Speaker 1: This past weekend was the big camping trip that my

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Speaker 1: girlfriend would be taking with her and her family. It

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Speaker 1: would consist of her, her parents, her younger sister, aunt

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Speaker 1: and uncle, three cousins. It was a big family trip

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Speaker 1: that was being planned once we had cooler weather. That's

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Speaker 1: kind of cool. I like big family trips. I like idea.

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Speaker 1: It's a good idea. It's also much easier to murder

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Speaker 1: all of them at once.

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Speaker 2: I know, I know, one bomb, get a whole family

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Speaker 2: out boom got them. It's kind of like a glass

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Speaker 2: onions situation, like invite everyone to a private island so

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Speaker 2: you can kill them all.

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Speaker 1: Oh, very convenient, the uber of execution. That's a startup

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Speaker 1: idea right there. It really is. Unfortunately, there are a

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Speaker 1: lot of people who would subscribe to that putin. They

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Speaker 1: have subscribed to it, that's actually true. Maw maw probably

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Speaker 1: jin Chen Ping otherwise known as Winnie the Pooh, that's right.

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Speaker 1: Do you know about that? No? No, what is that about?

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Speaker 2: He like his band pictures of comparing him to Winnie

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Speaker 2: the Pooh.

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Speaker 1: Okay, it does look like the kind of does have

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a.

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Speaker 2: Winning poo vibe going on. Yeah, less friendly way, less friendly.

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Speaker 2: Probably doesn't like honey as much.

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Speaker 1: Just get a potbelly and everything will be And wear

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Speaker 1: a tight little red shirt shirt.

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Speaker 2: We're made crop tops like in fashion. Come on, well,

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Speaker 2: like god, let's let's make it happen.

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Speaker 1: So I visited my girlfriend's house to say goodbye to

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Speaker 1: her and wish her a fun trip. When they all

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Speaker 1: took off their cars, then I got into my car

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Speaker 1: and drove to the campsite that they would be staying at.

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Speaker 1: I know the area pretty well, and I was able

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Speaker 1: to find a spot to hide my car from view,

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Speaker 1: and I was able to navigate the woods and keep

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Speaker 1: an eye on them while remaining hidden from view. Wait,

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Speaker 1: so he's stalking her entire family. How else do you

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Speaker 1: attack them? Sam? A simple logical question. Ope, I'm beginning

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Speaker 1: to not be on your side. It's simple. I need

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Speaker 1: to find them without them knowing, so I can murder exactly.

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Speaker 1: Now you get it. When it came nighttime, I put

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Speaker 1: on a Chewbacca costume and ruffled it up a little

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Speaker 1: bit to make it look wild and untamed. What do

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Speaker 1: you see with you? Can you see where this is going?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it is gonna Chewbaga jump scare this entire family

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Speaker 2: and make the eldest have heart attacks and they're gonna

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Speaker 2: haveter We rushed to the hospital and I was like, ah,

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Speaker 2: Granny's not gonna make it, and they're like, you killed her,

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Speaker 2: And he's like, well, I killed her with a Chewbacca costume.

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Speaker 2: That's pretty funny. It's like, now I'm breaking up with you.

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Speaker 2: I think that's what's gonna happen.

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Speaker 1: But it was a frank While the family was gathered

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Speaker 1: around the campfire, I started to rustle the bushes. The

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Speaker 1: family noticed but didn't think much of it. Then I

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Speaker 1: started to make growling noises. The family was getting noticeably

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Speaker 1: freaked out. And then my girlfriend's uncle started walking towards

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Speaker 1: where I.

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Speaker 2: Was hidingly, oh, he's about to get wiping, dude, or

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Speaker 2: like what if they have a gun? What if it's

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Speaker 2: in the South where everyone has firearms. We're gonna have

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Speaker 2: to find out, yike bro.

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Speaker 1: As soon as he got close enough, I jumped out

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Speaker 1: from behind the bushes and started making roaring noises while

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Speaker 1: running around acting like Bigfoot. I shook their tents, through

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Speaker 1: their lawn chairs around and chased after some of the cousins.

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Speaker 2: It's pretty funny, my goodness.

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Speaker 1: It's really like demolishing admitted. Usually like says like you

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Speaker 1: probably be like ah, like like.

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Speaker 2: Character, you have to stay in care of you know

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Speaker 2: what this is. This is a Hollywood professional. I probably

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Speaker 2: had like an intense Chewbacca costume too. It was like

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Speaker 2: one of those dollar tree costumes he got like photo realistic.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, exactly exactly. He's trying to recreate those those

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Speaker 2: old Bigfoot.

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Speaker 1: Man big Foot two, Return of the Nice Guy, Big

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Speaker 1: Big Fan, Big big, huge fan.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the biggest fan. You know what they say about Bigfoot?

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Speaker 2: What a big hole gaping Harry that gets immediately broken

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Speaker 2: up with yep.

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Speaker 1: But then I heard my girlfriend's dad yell, get the gun.

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Speaker 1: I knew it was gonna happen. I knew you called it, dude,

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Speaker 1: and that's when I knew I had to end the brank.

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Speaker 1: Like when he realized that everything I'm taking it too far? Yeah? Really,

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Speaker 1: I took off the costume, revealed myself, and the entire

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Speaker 1: family was pissed. Long story short, I got yelled at

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Speaker 1: by almost all of her family. How did you How

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Speaker 1: did you think it was going to go like I

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Speaker 1: was just supposed to end? Yeah? Like were like that

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Speaker 1: was so funny. You know what, I really want you

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Speaker 1: to marry my daughter. You're you're such a prank sure son?

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Speaker 1: You know what? Here's a ring by pre bout it

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Speaker 1: for you? Son? Can I call you marry you for

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Speaker 1: my daughter? That's how much I love you. Where's the

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Speaker 1: costume to turn the lights down? Low? Baby? Father in law?

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Speaker 1: And all of the noise attracted the campsite manager, who

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Speaker 1: kicked me out after hearing what happened. Honestly, justifiable deserved. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Today I heard back from my girlfriend for the first

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Speaker 1: time since the prank, and she said that she is

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Speaker 1: seriously considering breaking up with me.

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Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, yeah, dude, I think you deserve it

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Speaker 2: kind of.

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Speaker 1: She said that she just needs some time to think

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Speaker 1: and that she'll let me know when she's made her decision.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm just left wondering what to do. I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: I need to pull off a major apology and I

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Speaker 1: need some advice on what to say to save this relationship. Sam,

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Speaker 1: we have an update, but quick. Everyone. Also in the comments,

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Speaker 1: what what would you advise? What would you advise? Op?

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Speaker 1: Right now? Sam? Could you? Could you right? He asked?

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Speaker 2: Like you know how like you know, like people do

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Speaker 2: like breakup songs and they use their art or like

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Speaker 2: they use their art to say sorry. It's like, hey,

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Speaker 2: like you're painting, let me write your song. I feel

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Speaker 2: like Op's art is pranks. So let's do this a

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry prank. Wow, And it's and it's what's what's

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Speaker 2: Andy Kaufman? You know it's not method acting, but like

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Speaker 2: you know, yeah, it's like where you're like pretending staying

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Speaker 2: in character, you're staying in character basically your whole life.

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Speaker 1: But your character is like a maniac like that is

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Speaker 1: what he's doing here.

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Speaker 2: I think I think he needs to do and I'm

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Speaker 2: apology or and I'm sorry prank. What do I think

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Speaker 2: he's going to do. I don't think someone like this

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Speaker 2: knows how to unf situations. I think they only know

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Speaker 2: how to increasingly scup their life. And so I'm going

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Speaker 2: his life is going to get more up for two hundred.

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Speaker 1: You know, Sam, I think you might have a third

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Speaker 1: eye because fremini ish and it must be this. There's

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Speaker 1: some stuff licking my way to the bottom of these stories.

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Speaker 1: This also has a scorpion of it. It does poisonous.

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Speaker 1: We'll see. We'll see by the end of the story.

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Speaker 1: If same is still alive, then we'll be good. Okay,

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Speaker 1: onto the update. Last night, my girlfriend's family was holding

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Speaker 1: a barbecue in their backyard and my girlfriend was able

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Speaker 1: to talk her dad into inviting me. He was originally

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Speaker 1: family like, yeah, I hate this kid. He was originally

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Speaker 1: against the idea of me coming, but he was willing

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Speaker 1: to let me come so long as the first thing

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Speaker 1: I do is offer a genuine apology for the prank

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Speaker 1: that I pulled. On all of them. I arrived in

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Speaker 1: their backyard and everybody that I pranked at the campsite

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Speaker 1: was sitting at the table and they were all literally

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Speaker 1: waiting for me to arrive. Oh man, so everyone's like

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Speaker 1: just sitting there just like okay, we're ready for ready

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Speaker 1: apology the apology video. But I rl, yeah, Logan Paul

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Speaker 1: just crying, so sorry, Logan Paul crying while eating like

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Speaker 1: a macaroni salad and like freakin.

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Speaker 2: Ribs, wiping, like wiping like tears away bills.

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Speaker 1: Missus Smith, this is really good on, mister Smith. I

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Speaker 1: sat down next to my girlfriend and I began my apology.

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Speaker 1: I stated that my prank was ill timed, immature, and thoughtless,

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Speaker 1: and I apologized for ruining their camping trip that they

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Speaker 1: had apparently been planning for some time. Off to a

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Speaker 1: good start, start opie, all right, all right. I tried

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Speaker 1: to make it as genuine and sincere as possible, and

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Speaker 1: when I was done, I waited for some type of response.

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Speaker 2: If his apology skills are as good as his, like

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Speaker 2: being Bigfoot, I feel like he might he might he

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Speaker 2: might be ashot, he might have the the acting prop

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Speaker 2: to the acting chops.

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Speaker 1: There was a really long, awkward silence as the whole

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Speaker 1: family just stared at me. Then the uncle whispered something

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Speaker 1: into the dad's ear and they both burst out laughing,

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Speaker 1: but I couldn't make out what he said. Then the

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Speaker 1: dad said that he didn't accept my apology and he

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Speaker 1: told me to leave. My initial response was very loud,

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Speaker 1: what the f? And that made things worse. I can

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Speaker 1: imagine my girlfriend's dad kept telling me to leave, and

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Speaker 1: I lost my temper. I swiped an empty plastic cup

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Speaker 1: off the table and said to the family, fine, f

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Speaker 1: all of you, while flipping them off with both middle fingers.

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Speaker 1: What did Okay? It's very like you see what just

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Speaker 1: happened here? Though?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: The uncle is trying to put a prank on op

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Speaker 1: for sure, bro? Or sure? Or maybe it's a test.

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Speaker 1: Maybe they're like, Okay, look, this guy might come with

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Speaker 1: a genuine apology, but we need to see, like if

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Speaker 1: we're really like assholes, will he stay considerate and like,

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Speaker 1: you know whatever? And he failed the test? Dude, I

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Speaker 1: never thought of that that. I think you're right. I

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Speaker 1: we'll see. That's good? Is that it? As I was

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Speaker 1: leaving the backyard, my girlfriend caught up to me, and

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Speaker 1: said that she was breaking up with me. Who would

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Speaker 1: have seen it coming? Who funk it?

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Speaker 2: Low key op sounds terrible. I wouldn't date him, absolutely not,

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Speaker 2: bro John, and I will not date you. Yeah, that's right,

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Speaker 2: that's right.

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Speaker 1: You keep your hairy topaccoboco wiener to yourself, mister, that's right.

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Speaker 1: She said that I was too immature and impulsive, and

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Speaker 1: she said that she wants me to leave her and

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Speaker 1: her family alone. I tried apologizing to her profusely. I

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Speaker 1: kept saying, Babe, I'm so sorry, Just give me another chance.

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Speaker 1: I promise I'll be good. I promise.

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Speaker 2: I promise I won't put on the Chewbacca costume in

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Speaker 2: the bedroom anymore.

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Speaker 1: Same unless it's like super hilarious, unless you like, really

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Speaker 1: love my hairy k once. If you're into it, you

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Speaker 1: know you want this chewkaka oh my goodness, I just

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Speaker 1: so hot, baby, I had oh God, got my fur everywhere.

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Speaker 1: I just kept saying over and over, and she'd say

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Speaker 1: that she's given me a quote millions of chances and

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Speaker 1: that she quote can't fix me. She then walked off,

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Speaker 1: and I did something that made things even worse from

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Speaker 1: I yelled at her, calling her a bish, and then

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Speaker 1: I started kicking and punching the wooden fence that separates

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Speaker 1: their front and backyard. I knocked down the part of

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Speaker 1: the fence, and then I left, Wow, there we have it.

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Speaker 1: There we have it, Ladies and gentlemen. I know, I

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Speaker 1: know you're so conflicted here. I know this is oh man,

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Speaker 1: this is this is right on the line. But guys,

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Speaker 1: you gotta let us know if if Schewbacca is the

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Speaker 1: a hole or not.

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Speaker 2: Like, please play, I mean personally, personally, man.

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Speaker 1: Just digs himself a deeper and deeper hole.

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Speaker 2: Just I think his girlfriend is completely in the right,

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Speaker 2: yes for dropping that like tubble lard tuble hair. And

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Speaker 2: also I think he was being put I think he

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Speaker 2: there was a prank being pulled on him. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: he just reacted terry. And then people are like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 2: maybe uh maybe we actually should not let this kid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah totally, he seems Yeah, the anger issues A thousand

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Speaker 2: and prank issues.

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Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Bob, Hi Bob, and I have prank issues. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm a prankoholic. What can I say? All right, Bob,

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Speaker 1: now everyone sit down, Come on, this is supposed to

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Speaker 1: be a safe space. No pranks here no pranks.

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Speaker 2: I would love to see a show called Prankoholics of

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Speaker 2: people like like like former pranksters.

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Speaker 1: And AA for pranksters serial pranksters who cannot cannot help themselves.

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Speaker 1: That's great, all right, Hey, HBO give us our series

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Speaker 1: hit us up, we want it. Am I the a

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Speaker 1: hole for asking my student not to moan in an

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Speaker 1: anime voice in my classroom. I will fight for your

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Speaker 1: right to moan in an anime voice? Do what is

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Speaker 1: happening to this country? Hey? Sorry, save the anime voice? Ah,

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Speaker 1: I don't even this is this anime voice?

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Speaker 2: Kind of like as high pitched possible. I'm twenty eight

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Speaker 2: and a new professor at an art college. I teach

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Speaker 2: core classes about politics, sociology, and anthropology. Most teaching evaluations,

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Speaker 2: feedback from my dean and share and students feedback give

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Speaker 2: me incredibly high ratings in creating a safe environment for discussion.

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Speaker 2: Students say I do a good job relating to students

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Speaker 2: from different views, backgrounds, and expressions.

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Speaker 1: That's good. Yeah, pretty good.

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Speaker 2: This is something I take seriously, especially as one of

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Speaker 2: the only that I know of out non binary professors

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Speaker 2: at the college. I also take it seriously as someone

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Speaker 2: who firmly believes in the integrity of the classroom and

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Speaker 2: empowering students to have hard discussions.

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Speaker 1: This is the teacher of all teachers. Yeah, a great teacher.

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Speaker 2: I make it a point to never complain about students,

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Speaker 2: even when they say something transphobic. I poietly encourage them

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Speaker 2: to learn, and I'm rated as pretty gentle about getting

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Speaker 2: them to think the other way. But recently I had

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Speaker 2: one of my most uncomfortable teaching experiences, which just seems silly.

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Speaker 2: I had a student who is not from Japan, has

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Speaker 2: never spent any time in Japan, but loves anime and

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Speaker 2: uses a hyper sexual, over exaggerated baby like voice known

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Speaker 2: as the anime voice. She took on what she perceives

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Speaker 2: as a Japanese name and just really acted over excited

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Speaker 2: and over the top constantly oh man, like, I'm so

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Speaker 2: excited for class.

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Speaker 1: Oh, pisan obisan, so excited for class. Dude, that is infuriating.

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Speaker 1: That'd be so annoying.

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Speaker 2: As someone who had students from Japan, I felt like

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Speaker 2: it was at least mildly racist and definitely very cringe

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Speaker 2: for everyone to listen to. So I pulled her into

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Speaker 2: a conversation and tried to let her see how I

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Speaker 2: saw it, and she has since retaliated, saying I don't

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Speaker 2: respect the accents or names of students.

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Speaker 1: She's like, respect my accent.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, this hurts. Admittedly I'm a white but the

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Speaker 2: student is not Asian. I suspected she might be on

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Speaker 2: the spectrum, so I try to be gentle but firm.

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Speaker 2: But as an autistic person, autism is not an excuse

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Speaker 2: for inappropriate behavior.

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Speaker 1: She reported me as an unsafe professor.

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Speaker 2: Oh, which I feel like ruins it for the international

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Speaker 2: students I teach, whose name I pronounce correctly, whose accents

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Speaker 2: I support, and the LGBT plus students who get to

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Speaker 2: have an out non binary professor for the first time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Literally, here's someone who's actually creating like a fantastic environment,

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Speaker 1: and someone's trying to get kicked out for the exact

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Speaker 1: opposite of what they actually do. It's like, let me

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Speaker 1: talk about editys No, no, no, bro.

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Speaker 2: The admin is mostly white and they kept asking are

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Speaker 2: you sure she is it from Japan? And I'm like, one, yes,

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Speaker 2: and two this is not how people talk in Japan.

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Speaker 2: She just did a project about where she is from,

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Speaker 2: and she admitted to just never going to Japan as

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Speaker 2: an anthropologist. I feel like it's deeply irresponsible for her

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Speaker 2: to use this voice, and since it's perceived as hypersexual,

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Speaker 2: it made me feel super uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: It's like, oh my god, I'm so happy that you're

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Speaker 3: my teacher.

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Speaker 1: This is a really big lesson that I have to

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Speaker 1: understand and cram in my little brain.

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Speaker 3: I have to cram so much information into my little

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Speaker 3: little brain, anime. I'm not sure how other students felt,

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Speaker 3: because I didn't want to give her any attention because

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Speaker 3: that's obviously what she's craving.

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Speaker 2: And people have suggested I was too harsh. That people

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Speaker 2: can take on names and accents if they want to,

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Speaker 2: So am I the a hole here?

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Speaker 1: Edit?

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Speaker 2: She has audibly moaned a couple times. The second time

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Speaker 2: is when I pulled her aside before class before many

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Speaker 2: other students were there.

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Speaker 1: Ah like that.

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Speaker 2: I'm also feminine queer, presenting an assigned female at birth,

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Speaker 2: so it made me uncomfortable. How she would also compliment

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Speaker 2: me in the voice or say how much she loved

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Speaker 2: my dresses.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, your dress is stunning.

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Speaker 2: Other students have complimented my fashion, but not like this,

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Speaker 2: with like moaning after like something is definitely off about it.

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Speaker 1: Oh dude, I mean this is like, it's so it's

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Speaker 1: so like insane because here's literally someone like trying to

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Speaker 1: make the absolute best like teaching environment possible and then

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Speaker 1: someone someone takes like the stupidest possible reason of like

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Speaker 1: I know this is how I am and want to

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Speaker 1: express myself and uses that to what was it? Uhh?

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Speaker 1: She she reported the teacher for an unsafe environment, like dude.

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Speaker 2: What, yeah, I don't I don't know what to say

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Speaker 2: to this. Don't do weird anime voices in class.

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Speaker 1: Even even though Sam was impersonating it, I still wanted

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Speaker 1: to punch him in the face.

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Speaker 2: I am so sure there's gonna be so many comments

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Speaker 2: where it's like that was.

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Speaker 1: The most annoying voice I've ever heard. You did this

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Speaker 1: annoy boys during the story unsubscribe, Yeah, just kidding. We

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Speaker 1: love you Today.

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Speaker 2: I ft up by drinking from the most vile coffee

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Speaker 2: cup in all of existence.

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Speaker 1: What is it made of? Is it made of just

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Speaker 1: like human feces?

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Speaker 2: It's a regular coffee cup, but it just has some

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Speaker 2: uh some.

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Speaker 1: Some nodgable things.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okayliness This literally happened this morning, and I'm cringing.

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Speaker 2: So it's my boyfriend's birthday today and his family always

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Speaker 2: visits for his birthday. Sit up late last night prepping

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Speaker 2: for his birthday in the balloons, Banner's Presidents, the whole shebang. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: his family arrived in the morning, so I woke up

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Speaker 2: early to clean. Wow, she's she's doing everything for real.

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Speaker 2: I'm running on two hours of sleep and don't have

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Speaker 2: any time to chill. His family arrived and I offer

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Speaker 2: them a cup of tea and everyone says yes, well

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Speaker 2: making the tea, I think I better make myself a

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Speaker 2: cup of coffee because I am so darn tied.

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Speaker 1: Of course.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I grab a random mug, not even thinking about

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Speaker 2: it because it's just a mug, Like yeah, mug.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, fast forward a couple of minutes later, but I'm

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Speaker 2: standing in front of everyone in the living room with

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Speaker 2: my cup of coffee in hand. As I'm talking, I

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Speaker 2: notice everyone is like super quiet, just staring at me

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Speaker 2: and not saying anything.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I thought maybe i'd said something, but I couldn't think

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Speaker 2: of what I may have said that offended them. It

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Speaker 2: wasn't until my fiance was doing some weird eye contact

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Speaker 2: with me, and then to the cup that I only

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Speaker 2: realized I'd been standing talking to my partner's whole family

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Speaker 2: with a mug in my hand that says nobody knows,

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Speaker 2: but I love anal.

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Speaker 1: There's also a picture. It has a little peach on

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Speaker 1: it for a little booty.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was mortified. I just stood there and in panic,

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Speaker 2: said that I didn't realize what the mug I was

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Speaker 2: holding was and it's just a bug, and I just

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Speaker 2: like to drink coffee because my partner bought it for me.

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Speaker 2: And at this point everyone's awkwardly looking at the ground

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Speaker 2: and the walls. My mother in law is just staring

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Speaker 2: at my fiance. I went to the kitchen, ditch the

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Speaker 2: mug and stood there for a good five minutes, asking

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Speaker 2: why me, Why why me?

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Speaker 1: It is a funny ass mug ass mug. The end