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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast and.

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Speaker 2: We have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: I regret never calling him Dad.

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Speaker 4: I'm eighteen, I am not attracted to the same gender,

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Speaker 4: but I wanted to confess something without getting closet guard comments.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from e Pendant three and

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Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 4: the our slash Okay Storytime Supreddit. I'm Angie, I'm Riley,

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Speaker 4: I'm key On, and we're here to give good advice goofily,

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Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers. We just know

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Speaker 4: what we would do in this situation, So let us

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Speaker 4: know what you would do in the comments. So Opie says,

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Speaker 4: I was a foster kid since I was a toddler.

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Speaker 4: When I was nine, I met my new half brother

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Speaker 4: and sister. They were babies and they were fostered out

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Speaker 4: to two men. I went over a couple of times,

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Speaker 4: and one time one of them, Dad number one, asked

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Speaker 4: me what.

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Speaker 2: My deal was with you?

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Speaker 5: Deal or no deal. Kid.

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Speaker 4: I was a defensive kid, and I said, what's it

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Speaker 4: got to do with you?

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Speaker 3: He said, no, wonder you don't have a home.

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Speaker 5: Oh my god, what well, we're starting off pretty intense.

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Speaker 3: That's terrible.

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Speaker 5: This is macho vi macho?

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Speaker 2: Right? You like thank to yourself?

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Speaker 4: Maybe is it like either inside thoughts or like you

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Speaker 4: gotta be really cool with each other to make jokes

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Speaker 4: like that.

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Speaker 3: But you just adopted this nine year old and now

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Speaker 3: you're fighting.

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Speaker 5: Hey, you know what this shows? The nine year old's tough.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this, this nine year old has been around the block.

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Speaker 5: That's when I started giving him a hug.

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Speaker 2: Yeah exactly.

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Speaker 4: I remember wanting to hit him, but he put his

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Speaker 4: arms around me and kept me there until I stopped interesting.

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Speaker 4: I remember him saying, I think you're a good kid

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Speaker 4: in a bad spot. I called him a bad word

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Speaker 4: and he said he liked me even more.

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Speaker 5: This is this kid a kid? Or is this like

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Speaker 5: a grown man?

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Speaker 4: The social worker in my temporary foster parents had a

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Speaker 4: chat with me not long after. Apparently the two men

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Speaker 4: were going to foster me. They showed me around my

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Speaker 4: new home and then Dad number one took me out

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Speaker 4: to play and I remember him telling me that I'm

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Speaker 4: a bad word, but that this will always be my home.

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Speaker 2: Aw you little crap, I love you.

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Speaker 4: I never had a home and just thought it was

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Speaker 4: another false promise. I was used to false promises. Never

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Speaker 4: got too comfortable. Not long after my placement, my biofather

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Speaker 4: put up a fuss at two men minding his son.

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Speaker 4: There was one day I was home alone with Dad

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Speaker 4: number one and my father came in and grabbed me

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Speaker 4: by the arm to take me away.

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Speaker 3: Dad number one.

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Speaker 4: Caught my father by his neck. Who I still remember

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Speaker 4: how angry he was. He said something like, you come

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Speaker 4: near my boy again, and I'll make sure you regret it.

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Speaker 4: I never told him, but him calling me his boy

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Speaker 4: gave me hope that it might be different this time.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, that's kind of sweet. That is sweet,

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Speaker 2: that's nice.

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Speaker 4: I never told anyone what Dad number one did that

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Speaker 4: day either. My father never troubled us again.

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Speaker 2: He was scared. He didn't want to. What was he

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Speaker 2: gonna do with you afterwards? Huh? He can't take care

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Speaker 2: of you now, does he have a plan?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 3: It's like, why would I?

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Speaker 4: I wonder why you were put in foster care in

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Speaker 4: the first place when you were three, and why is

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Speaker 4: this dad, this biofather randomly coming back and trying.

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Speaker 3: To take you away because you have two dads.

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Speaker 2: Now, it's actually better for you to have two dads. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: someone we had a therapist on I was like, what's

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Speaker 2: better two moms, a mom and a dad or two dads.

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Speaker 2: She's like, two dads is actually best case scenario eight.

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Speaker 4: Interesting. I was a prick in school. I got in

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Speaker 4: trouble a lot, fighting and stuff. Dad number two struggled

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Speaker 4: with me, but Dad one would always come into the

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Speaker 4: headmaster's office. He'd be disappointed, but he was never angry.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes he'd be interested in how the fight went. There

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Speaker 4: was a few times the fight began because another boy

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Speaker 4: was mocking my F word parents, and those times he'd

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Speaker 4: treat me to McDonald's or something. Well, I did calm

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Speaker 4: down as my life stabilized. Dad one and I used

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Speaker 4: to camp. He'd take me to football games, we'd play PlayStation.

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Speaker 4: He'd take me to work sometimes and often too the pub.

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Speaker 4: I was his favorite, whereas I think Dad number two's

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Speaker 4: favorite or my siblings. Understandably, I can remember both Dad

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Speaker 4: one and Dad two being really excited when I had

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Speaker 4: my first date, Dad one took me shopping. Dad too

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Speaker 4: styled my hair, and then Dad one unstyled my hair.

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Speaker 4: The three of us stayed up late after my first date,

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Speaker 4: and I spilled the tea.

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Speaker 2: All right, that's so cute, that's so nice.

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Speaker 4: I used Dad one and Dad two here, but I

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Speaker 4: never called either of them dad.

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Speaker 3: I didn't like the word. That's my hang up. In March,

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Speaker 3: Dad one passed away unexpectedly.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, he was my rock.

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Speaker 4: I miss him and I feel kind of alone again.

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Speaker 4: I don't really have the same bond with Dad two

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Speaker 4: or my own half siblings.

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Speaker 2: Dang, Oh my gosh. I was expecting every two dad

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Speaker 2: couple to be like the one in modern Family.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: They're both like pretty, like, oh.

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Speaker 3: My gosh, flamboyant.

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Speaker 2: But Dad one we had that spin of like football games,

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Speaker 2: pub you know, the whole like you know, you're my dad,

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Speaker 2: I'm your dad kind of thing. Yeah. Oh that's so tough, dude,

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Speaker 2: that like out of nowhere. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: The thing I regret most, however, is never calling him

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Speaker 4: my dad because of some stupid hang up. He always

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Speaker 4: made it a point to call me his boy, yet

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Speaker 4: I never called him dad. He knows that I know

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Speaker 4: it would have meant a lot to him if I

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Speaker 4: had the guilt of not doing so eats me up

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Speaker 4: most days since his passing.

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Speaker 3: I know this is probably the wrong sub.

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Speaker 4: For this, but I just wanted to put it somewhere

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Speaker 4: and I didn't want offensive comments. I miss my dad,

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Speaker 4: the one who gave me a home, loved me, and

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Speaker 4: wanted me. He was the best dad a messed up

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Speaker 4: kid could have. There's a concessus from the comments, but

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Speaker 4: I want to hear your thoughts.

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Speaker 3: What do we think here?

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Speaker 2: Keon?

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Speaker 5: It's giving you know that thing and I know it's cliche,

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Speaker 5: but like Guards of the Galaxy, where like Peter Quill

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Speaker 5: is like or Yandu's like he maybe you're you know,

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Speaker 5: He's like like you may be your father, but I'm

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Speaker 5: your daddy kind of thing, and he knew. I feel

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Speaker 5: like you didn't have to say it, Like it was

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Speaker 5: like you guys were spending so much time doing cool

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Speaker 5: stuff and yeah, it does suck you didn't say it,

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Speaker 5: and maybe that's something you'll regret. But with all the

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Speaker 5: cool moments and cool things that you guys were doing,

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Speaker 5: as with that relationship, he knows he was your daddy.

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Speaker 4: It might not seem similar to some people, but like

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Speaker 4: it feels almost similar to when like you lose someone

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Speaker 4: and you have some object that reminds you of them,

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Speaker 4: like some sort of necklace or hat or something like that,

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Speaker 4: and then you lose it or it breaks or something

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Speaker 4: like that. It's like, oh no, it's like losing this

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Speaker 4: person all over again.

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Speaker 3: But it's like, well, really, though that thing just.

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Speaker 4: Reminds you of that person, you really just have like

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Speaker 4: the good memories with that person.

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Speaker 3: How I think it relates to this is kind of like,

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Speaker 3: you know, he knew that the love was there.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like he obviously that would be a good gesture.

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Speaker 3: Sure he would understand.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure from what I heard from the therapist that

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Speaker 2: we had on a while ago that specializes in adoptions.

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Speaker 2: A lot of times adoptive parents have to fortify themselves

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Speaker 2: that whenever they bring someone in, they know they're going

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Speaker 2: to get their heart broken. And seemed like they had

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Speaker 2: one two had enough thick skin to realize what that's

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Speaker 2: going to look like. And so he knows what's going on.

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Speaker 2: Here's boy, that's all he wants, It's right. So it

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Speaker 2: was like Pris's like, I love you, I know like that.

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Speaker 2: That speaks volume that scene right there. I mean, it's

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Speaker 2: like sucks. I say, I love you. But I think

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Speaker 2: what we're really looking at is he acknowledged love and

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Speaker 2: the respect that.

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Speaker 4: The time that you spend together, the moments and memories

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Speaker 4: that you shared.

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Speaker 5: You don't have to sometimes say it to you know,

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Speaker 5: let them know it, expressing, you know, sharing those things

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Speaker 5: you were doing. That's a way saying you're my dad,

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Speaker 5: I love you kind of thing. And I think, I

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Speaker 5: come on, he knows that.

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Speaker 4: But we do have some comments, so they confesses from

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Speaker 4: the comments is that everybody is ugly crying, and Katie

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Speaker 4: pollowed and says, I saw the comment everybody's ugly crying.

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Speaker 4: I'm ugly crying.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this is sad.

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Speaker 4: There are some comments by Op. I know he's struggling

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Speaker 4: big time. I'm not sure whether saying it will help

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Speaker 4: or hurt him. He wasn't just his husband, they were

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Speaker 4: best friends. I've never heard them have one fight. I

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Speaker 4: kind of try to hide my own issues around him

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Speaker 4: because of his struggle, and instead of help with my siblings.

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Speaker 4: They weren't just husbands, they were inseparable. He is struggling

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Speaker 4: a lot, and I kind of felt like I needed

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Speaker 4: to be the tough one for him and my siblings,

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Speaker 4: but maybe not.

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Speaker 3: I usually just cry in my room.

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Speaker 4: Yesterday was the anniversary of them taking me in, so

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Speaker 4: everything feels a little more raw.

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Speaker 5: Dang.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it took me a while, but I did say

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Speaker 4: that I loved him, perhaps not as often as I

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Speaker 4: should have. I said thank you a lot. On my

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Speaker 4: eighteenth birthday, I thanked them both for what they did

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Speaker 4: for me. Before we cheers, my first legal drink, I

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Speaker 4: did a little speech.

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Speaker 3: Dad too cried well.

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Speaker 4: Dad One put his arm around my neck and told

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Speaker 4: me that I'm a right softie. He and I were

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Speaker 4: never the best saying our feelings though. Okay, well, then

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Speaker 4: that's even more understandable. Like from the little that you've

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Speaker 4: told us about Dad One, I feel like he's totally.

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Speaker 3: Gonna be chill with you.

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Speaker 2: Nuts. He gets it.

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Speaker 3: Write some letters if that helps.

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Speaker 4: I hope there is an afterlife too, and he is

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Speaker 4: reading it up from there. You're right, I probably became

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Speaker 4: closer to the rest of my family. They are going

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Speaker 4: through the same as me, after all. Hopefully he's up

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Speaker 4: there looking on. After his passing, I found out that

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Speaker 4: he had a similar upbringing, although he was a little older.

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Speaker 4: It's weird, but I can always sense it. He always understood.

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Speaker 4: The thing that kind of holds me together is he

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Speaker 4: always called me his boy, so I assume he knew it,

225
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Speaker 4: even if I didn't say, Dad too is kind of struggling,

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Speaker 4: and I didn't want to burden him. I tried being

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Speaker 4: the tough one. I do love Dad too too, It's

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Speaker 4: just a different bond. He knew what it was like

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Speaker 4: to have guardians who didn't care enough to do anything

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Speaker 4: with me, which made me love Dad one and Dad

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Speaker 4: two even more. Despite my regret, Dad one has given

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Speaker 4: me many great memories. Strangely, I think I've become a

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Speaker 4: better brother since his passing, probably to help Dad two

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Speaker 4: more than any other reason.

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Speaker 3: I think I will share it with him.

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Speaker 4: I don't want him to think I don't care either,

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Speaker 4: and I do love him too. I am as grateful

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Speaker 4: to him for taking me in and loving me. Oh,

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Speaker 4: I should learn to cherish the one I still have.

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Speaker 4: And there is an update.

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Speaker 3: But oh, this is so sweet.

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Speaker 2: This is sweet, sad, so sad. All the feelings. Don't

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Speaker 2: make it a movie. You'll make us all crying.

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00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,920
Speaker 4: Right, it's too late Miss kiddy Kat says, who's shopping

245
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:59,199
Speaker 4: all these onions? This is so sweet and so sad.

246
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Speaker 4: But I think, I think that it seems to be

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Speaker 4: going as well as it could.

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Speaker 2: The healing process and journey that you're going on right

249
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Speaker 2: now is hard. You can see the light at the

250
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Speaker 2: end of the tunnel. That's what I'm seeing right now. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Everyone processes, you know, grieving in their own way. I

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Speaker 5: just think I hopefully you do it in a positive

253
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Speaker 5: way and you look back on things and you got

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Speaker 5: to realize that he knew and you knew, and you

255
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Speaker 5: shared a bond real quick.

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Speaker 2: If either of you passed away, Angie, if you passed away,

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Speaker 2: on every single clothing I have, I'd put a little

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Speaker 2: A on it. I'd stitch it in there.

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Speaker 3: That's cute.

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Speaker 2: Try to remember you. And for Keon, I'd probably wear

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Speaker 2: that hat you got me every single day.

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Speaker 5: Good to know, Good to know.

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Speaker 4: We do have an update two and a half months later.

264
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Speaker 4: I don't know if anyone remembers me.

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Speaker 3: We do we just met you.

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 4: I was a foster kid and had two men took

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Speaker 4: me in. Dad and her way passed away suddenly. I

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00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,440
Speaker 4: regret never calling him Dad, it's probably rude not to

270
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Speaker 4: tell you guys sooner after all the replies you gave me.

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Speaker 4: I did tell Dad too a few weeks after I

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Speaker 4: posted about my regrets.

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Speaker 3: It really upset him, but in a good way. I think.

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Speaker 4: He said he was glad that I told him, as

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00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,400
Speaker 4: he was really worried about how I was coping. He

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Speaker 4: told me Dad one was the driver behind them taking

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Speaker 4: me in. He saw himself and me. Apparently Dad too

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Speaker 4: told me about Dad one's upbringing. I knew bits, but

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00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,800
Speaker 4: not a lot, he said. Our social worker told them

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00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,920
Speaker 4: that I was a different case to my half siblings,

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00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,959
Speaker 4: which he knew. They were warned not to expect any

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00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,959
Speaker 4: affection from me, including being called Dad. He also told

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00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,040
Speaker 4: me how his parents came over when I was twelve

284
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Speaker 4: or thirteen. His parents told them it was rude that

285
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Speaker 4: I didn't call them Dad. Apparently Dad Number one told

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Speaker 4: them if they say that again, especially in front of me,

287
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:38,960
Speaker 4: they would not be allowed.

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00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:40,839
Speaker 3: In the house again. Oh my gosh, this is the

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00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:42,960
Speaker 3: best thing we could hear right now.

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Speaker 2: Is the amount of times I've seen Dad one protect

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Speaker 2: your emotional space. Yeah, crazy, That's like so awesome. The

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Speaker 2: way he's done that.

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Speaker 4: And the fact that this is like directly involving the

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00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,120
Speaker 4: thing that you regret, that's so wonderful. Dad number two

295
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,440
Speaker 4: told me that Dad one never cared about being called

296
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,920
Speaker 4: Dad by me because he never expected it. He said,

297
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,839
Speaker 4: I went beyond Dad one's expectations by giving him a

298
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,559
Speaker 4: hug now and then, and by being his best butt.

299
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,560
Speaker 4: He said, Dad one and I couldn't be a part

300
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,680
Speaker 4: for a couple of hours without a bunch of texts

301
00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:13,640
Speaker 4: being swapped, which was kind of true.

302
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,840
Speaker 3: I read over them sometimes it was often stupid stuff.

303
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,200
Speaker 3: There is a little bit more to the story.

304
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Speaker 2: We love stories, we sure do.

305
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,520
Speaker 4: Let's just roll right in unless you have some comments.

306
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:26,160
Speaker 4: This one's so sad, is pulling on the hard strings.

307
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,600
Speaker 4: Everyone's crying in the chat right now, too.

308
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:30,800
Speaker 2: Early.

309
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,360
Speaker 4: I'm at UNI now, so we don't live together as much,

310
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,560
Speaker 4: but Dad too, and I have been far closer than

311
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,199
Speaker 4: we've ever been.

312
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,079
Speaker 3: We do a lot more stuff together.

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Speaker 4: Saying Dad is still a bit of a hang up

314
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,280
Speaker 4: for me, but I've began calling him pops.

315
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Speaker 3: I still miss Dad one. I still cry.

316
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,400
Speaker 4: I'd have been nothing without him, and I'm everything because

317
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,480
Speaker 4: of him. I'm mostly made peace with never calling him

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Speaker 4: some variation of dad.

319
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,280
Speaker 3: I can't change what I didn't say.

320
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Speaker 4: If there is an afterlife, it'll be the first thing

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00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,120
Speaker 4: that I'll say to him as we sit down to

322
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,719
Speaker 4: a game of PlayStation. Anyway, I've brought down the mood

323
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,640
Speaker 4: and a but thanks for the encouragement. I'm very glad

324
00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:03,880
Speaker 4: I made the original post.

325
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Speaker 2: Look, if you've done Opie, isn't.

326
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:10,400
Speaker 3: So sad and so sweet at the same time.

327
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Speaker 2: The thing I learned reading the story, protecting your child's

328
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:19,480
Speaker 2: emotional space is very, very important. That's when I took away.

329
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Speaker 4: But yeah, I mean if you still are kind of

330
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,280
Speaker 4: having a hang up over it, I mean, that's kind

331
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:25,439
Speaker 4: of just how it is.

332
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,320
Speaker 3: You can't really be mad at yourself for like not

333
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,160
Speaker 3: feeling weird about that earlier.

334
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,360
Speaker 4: That's kind of just how you felt. That's just how

335
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,120
Speaker 4: it was. Didn't change anything that about your love for him.

336
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,520
Speaker 2: If we were parents adopting kids, what kind of dynamic

337
00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:40,800
Speaker 2: would we have? What do you mean, like, like, would

338
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,280
Speaker 2: it be like who'd be the bad cop, who'd be

339
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:42,800
Speaker 2: the good cop?

340
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,400
Speaker 3: I think it might depend on the situation.

341
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Speaker 4: Something that my parents did that I appreciated with me

342
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,720
Speaker 4: was like if one person is already chewing the kid out.

343
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,200
Speaker 4: The other person backs off, you know, so it's not

344
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,080
Speaker 4: like it's not both people like yeah, ganging up.

345
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Speaker 5: It's like, dang, that sounds cool. Yeah, I wish I had.

346
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:00,680
Speaker 2: Up on Keon.

347
00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:04,679
Speaker 3: It didn't happen all the time, but definitely, Like when

348
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,240
Speaker 3: I got older, I remember noticing it.

349
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:06,960
Speaker 2: Oh that's nice.

350
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it was like, thank god, you can get

351
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:09,320
Speaker 3: a break.

352
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,000
Speaker 2: If me and Kean were Dad's go on be a

353
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,320
Speaker 2: great time. First thing we would always do is we'd

354
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:17,120
Speaker 2: wait for if we had a son to show them

355
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,920
Speaker 2: how to shave. It would be like our first thing,

356
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,120
Speaker 2: like this is how you do a mustache. All your

357
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:24,200
Speaker 2: mustache isn't good enough yet. Boys couldn't get that your

358
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,360
Speaker 2: dad's it looked like your dad's.

359
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,480
Speaker 5: One day, even if it was a daughter. If it

360
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,320
Speaker 5: was a daughter, I'd be like, I'm wish I had

361
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:30,760
Speaker 5: to shave.

362
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,960
Speaker 2: Hey, my grandma shaves their mustache every day.

363
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,600
Speaker 3: But yeah, that's a very sweet thing.

364
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,920
Speaker 4: I'm so glad that he got that story of like

365
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:44,200
Speaker 4: dad one's reaction like his son not calling him dad,

366
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:45,720
Speaker 4: Like that's the.

367
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,720
Speaker 3: Best story that we could have heard in this situation.

368
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:49,600
Speaker 3: And I am.

369
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,280
Speaker 4: Also glad that OPI shared his feelings with his dad

370
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:52,840
Speaker 4: number two.

371
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:53,520
Speaker 3: It's always sad.

372
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:54,960
Speaker 4: I mean, it makes sense why he kind of fell

373
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,200
Speaker 4: into that role of trying to help other people, and

374
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,400
Speaker 4: it was very sweet of him for.

375
00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,880
Speaker 3: Not trying to burden his dad.

376
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,040
Speaker 4: But I mean, you know, he's still hurting too, and

377
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,440
Speaker 4: he's still a kid in the situation, even if he's older.

378
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,680
Speaker 2: My mother used Google Maps to find me after I

379
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:08,240
Speaker 2: cut her off.

380
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:09,880
Speaker 3: I cut you off, get on my life.

381
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,520
Speaker 2: I'm about to go no contact with my mom and

382
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,000
Speaker 2: my stepdad, who is an enabler even after the divorce,

383
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,560
Speaker 2: and who has recently started mistreating me as well. By

384
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,400
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from deleted and if you want

385
00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,400
Speaker 2: to speak your own stories, you know where to go.

386
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,840
Speaker 2: Go to the rsash Okay story. I'm Subreddit and we're

387
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,440
Speaker 2: here to give good advice. Goofully. That's our only job.

388
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,040
Speaker 2: We really don't know that much. If you have anything

389
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,560
Speaker 2: you want to say, let us know in the comments.

390
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,600
Speaker 2: You're born to do it, oh, he continues. My mother's mother,

391
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,840
Speaker 2: while sometimes being problematic, was an amazing grandma who treated

392
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,800
Speaker 2: me with love and warmth overall. However, she never wanted

393
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,320
Speaker 2: to hear it when I talked about the abuse my

394
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,720
Speaker 2: mom put me through. Since you're not supposed to talk

395
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:53,040
Speaker 2: ill about your mother, well, Grandma, she's putting me through

396
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,480
Speaker 2: HG double hockey sticks.

397
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,080
Speaker 3: There's only things to talk ill about, or else you

398
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,480
Speaker 3: just have to not talk about her.

399
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:02,600
Speaker 2: She genuinely likes to ignore issues because she values family

400
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,760
Speaker 2: so much and probably honestly doesn't know any better. Well,

401
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,360
Speaker 2: I'd like to stay in contact with my grandmother. She

402
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,360
Speaker 2: has a history of getting extremely upset and angry whenever

403
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,560
Speaker 2: someone doesn't adhere to her standards or values.

404
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:21,880
Speaker 4: Oh lovely perfect trait in a person I'd love to

405
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:22,280
Speaker 4: see it.

406
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,600
Speaker 2: Got a royal flush here, hopie. That includes anything to

407
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:29,200
Speaker 2: do with marriage, kids. She gets extremely upset over me

408
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:33,560
Speaker 2: mentioning not wanting kids and family in general. I have

409
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,160
Speaker 2: no doubts that she will take on her role as

410
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,720
Speaker 2: a flying monkey, as she has always done that, and

411
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:43,360
Speaker 2: at anytime I talk to her, she criticized me my

412
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,600
Speaker 2: lifestyle and my decision to go no contact or beg

413
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,560
Speaker 2: me and try to work it out with my mom.

414
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,840
Speaker 2: I also wouldn't put it past her to try and

415
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:56,960
Speaker 2: invite my mother along whenever I'd visit her. What I

416
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,560
Speaker 2: don't understand why people don't understand these kind of things.

417
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,600
Speaker 3: We're taking the whole like respect your elders thing way

418
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:04,880
Speaker 3: way too far.

419
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,520
Speaker 2: Sometimes elders suck, right, Keon.

420
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,200
Speaker 5: They do sometimes more than just suck.

421
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,560
Speaker 2: Uh Oh, what else do they do? Keon? Huh.

422
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,439
Speaker 5: I'll leave that to your imagination. Riley put it in.

423
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:15,919
Speaker 3: The comments what else elders do?

424
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,640
Speaker 2: However, thinking about Connor off along with my parents feels

425
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,880
Speaker 2: cruel since she was kind and loving towards me most

426
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,879
Speaker 2: of the time. It took good care of me. I

427
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,920
Speaker 2: like to hear about y'all's experiences with grandparents after going

428
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,760
Speaker 2: no contact. Have you gone no contact with your whole family,

429
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,840
Speaker 2: including grandparents or do you still talk to them? If yes,

430
00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:39,479
Speaker 2: what was that like and did they try to make

431
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,160
Speaker 2: you apologize or talk to your no contact parent?

432
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:42,760
Speaker 3: Huh?

433
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:47,760
Speaker 2: I kind of have a grandparent that I don't talk to,

434
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,200
Speaker 2: but we also aren't close.

435
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,480
Speaker 3: Like it's not really because of like a dramatic situation.

436
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,200
Speaker 3: It's just kind of vibes just.

437
00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:56,119
Speaker 2: They don't really have a tie to the family anymore,

438
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,160
Speaker 2: so we don't really talk and I don't reach out.

439
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,000
Speaker 2: I feel kind of bad, but that's just how it is.

440
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, I went no contact with my grandparents.

441
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 5: Really I never knew them.

442
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:11,080
Speaker 3: Oh well, I was never contacted. My parents unfortunately not alive.

443
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,520
Speaker 5: I had my grandpa and my grandma on my mom's side,

444
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,959
Speaker 5: but my grandpa passed away when he was when I

445
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,080
Speaker 5: was like maybe four, So don't really remember that. My

446
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:22,680
Speaker 5: Grandma's still alive and I talked to her from time

447
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:22,960
Speaker 5: to time.

448
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:23,520
Speaker 3: It's nice.

449
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:24,680
Speaker 5: That's about it, dude.

450
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:28,600
Speaker 2: Sammy Lee says, omg, this sounds so familiar to my life.

451
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,280
Speaker 2: I'm currently no contact with my mom doing a physical

452
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,159
Speaker 2: confrontation over the summer. I'm actually gonna type it up

453
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,680
Speaker 2: and ride it in a Reddit post. I also get

454
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 2: the but she's your mom. She's been sitting her flying

455
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,600
Speaker 2: monkeys yesterday and today. Then I get a message from

456
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:46,160
Speaker 2: her asking for a truce. Oh gosh, that is so

457
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 2: complicated to navigate.

458
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, let us know in the comments, like how you

459
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,359
Speaker 4: would go about that, because I'm sure it's a Even

460
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 4: if there's a reason for going no contact, there's some

461
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,800
Speaker 4: sort of state and level of grieving that relationship, Like

462
00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,479
Speaker 4: even if you don't like them and you don't want

463
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,320
Speaker 4: to be around them. You wish you would, you wish

464
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,760
Speaker 4: they would be someone worth being around.

465
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,439
Speaker 2: Ohp, it sounds like your foundation is with your family

466
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,879
Speaker 2: at the moment. To go no contact, you have to

467
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:12,160
Speaker 2: set up another foundation somewhere else. M you should be set.

468
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,119
Speaker 2: It's gonna be tough to set up that foundation with

469
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,400
Speaker 2: friends and everything, but you really do need that community support.

470
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, or you'll have some good time being alone and

471
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,520
Speaker 4: learning how to do that.

472
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 5: I don't know. I feel like, especially with grandparents, they're

473
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,439
Speaker 5: from a different time, so like obviously they may have

474
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 5: a different mindset and they don't believe in no contact

475
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,240
Speaker 5: or like putting up boundaries that you know may work

476
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,880
Speaker 5: for you. They're like, whatever work around it kind of thing.

477
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 2: So, yeah, update, my mother wants to show up at

478
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,640
Speaker 2: my doorstep. I live across the world, almost one year

479
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:44,680
Speaker 2: since the previous post.

480
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:45,960
Speaker 5: A lot could happen in a year.

481
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 3: A long flight to get to me unannounced.

482
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:50,840
Speaker 5: That's a really funny knock knock joke.

483
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, right. I've talked to my stepfather and he told

484
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:58,919
Speaker 2: me that he met my mother who asked him about me.

485
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,880
Speaker 2: When he said he'd he doesn't know anything, he promised

486
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,640
Speaker 2: he wouldn't talk to her about me. She dropped that

487
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 2: she plans to fly over to the country I moved

488
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 2: to a year ago and just show up to my doorstep.

489
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:15,359
Speaker 2: Mind you, I win no contact before moving and was

490
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 2: always afraid of her just showing up while I was

491
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,920
Speaker 2: still in the country. She does not know my current address.

492
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 2: She knows nothing besides some pictures my grandma has probably

493
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,080
Speaker 2: sent her and the workplace of my husband. But now

494
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 2: I'm scared she'll just show up there and find him

495
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,160
Speaker 2: or something, or that someone gives her our address if

496
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,000
Speaker 2: she tells them a good enough lie. Goodness, gracious, I

497
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 2: had a bad day and it now just got worse.

498
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 2: When will this be over? And we got an update

499
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 2: two and a half months later. It's a possibility. Yeah.

500
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,040
Speaker 4: Oh, and if she did all that, I would not

501
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 4: be surprised. I would be shocked and upset if.

502
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,440
Speaker 3: She did everything else, but I wouldn't be surprised.

503
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,680
Speaker 2: A just home alone in your house, yeah right, and booby.

504
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 3: Trap that that place.

505
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 4: Gosh, that is so stressful, though, I mean, I wonder

506
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,720
Speaker 4: if you could. I'm assuming that eventually we're gonna find

507
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,440
Speaker 4: out that you were being tracked on Google Maps and

508
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,880
Speaker 4: My advice will probably eventually be like, change your password,

509
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 4: get her out off of their all that good stuff,

510
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 4: because you have to like approve that you're sharing your

511
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 4: location with Google. So she probably logged into like your

512
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 4: email or something and then did all that.

513
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 3: But my goodness, that is truly so stressful. Restraining order

514
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:25,639
Speaker 3: if you need it.

515
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,439
Speaker 2: No, I'm gonna tell your grandson, my grandson better not

516
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:33,160
Speaker 2: go no contact with me. That's right, that's right. Update

517
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,639
Speaker 2: two and a half months later, my mother has found

518
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,560
Speaker 2: my new address through pictures.

519
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:42,359
Speaker 6: She got from other family that I stupidly shared a

520
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 6: year ago. Dude, Oh, she used Google street View to

521
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 6: locate the buildings and found the exact address.

522
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 5: I'll just say, she's like that one person who like like,

523
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,439
Speaker 5: she's yeah, GEO, guess her she saw the rock. He's like,

524
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 5: that's the rock.

525
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 4: See that stuff terrifies me because if you have to

526
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:00,959
Speaker 4: do this, I feel like you have to do this

527
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 4: just kind of in general now with the internet these days,

528
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 4: but like if you have to be so careful to

529
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 4: not show pictures of your house just to your family

530
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 4: because your mom is gonna like do all this stocker crab.

531
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,440
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, yeah, I know that some people know

532
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,959
Speaker 2: where we live. That's we'll know where I live. I

533
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 2: heard from my stepfather they are divorced, and she doesn't

534
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,679
Speaker 2: know we still speak. That she has booked a flight

535
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 2: for October and will try to find me.

536
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:28,440
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

537
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:32,640
Speaker 2: She also located my husband's workplace because he is listed

538
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 2: on their website and wants to show up there too.

539
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 2: I am shaking. I don't know what to do. I

540
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,400
Speaker 2: will call the police if I can't find a way

541
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,439
Speaker 2: to prevent this. Yeah, but it's going to be really

542
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 2: hard to communicate because we don't speak the language well

543
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 2: enough yet, and the police is generally not that very

544
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 2: helpful when it comes to stalking. I don't know whether

545
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 2: to contact her or tell her to f off, or

546
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,640
Speaker 2: whether to try and convince the family members that are

547
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 2: in contact with her. I am back in my home

548
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 2: country for the time being. I don't know what to

549
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 2: do at all. If anyone has dealt with this and

550
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:10,120
Speaker 2: has any advice, please help me. We have some comments.

551
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 2: I need some advice.

552
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,160
Speaker 5: I have thought. I don't know what to do here,

553
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 5: especially since in this I was gonna say get a

554
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 5: restraining order, but since I don't know what country you're in. Yeah,

555
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,919
Speaker 5: it sounds like they don't really have stuff to prevent that, right.

556
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 5: I would message her and be like, where are you

557
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 5: going to stay? Because you're not staying in my house?

558
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 2: Yeah?

559
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 4: Okay, So that I wonder if you can, Yeah, if

560
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,720
Speaker 4: you can talk to her and like tell her off

561
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 4: at the real least, because I think restraining orders need

562
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 4: to have some sort of proof of a threat and

563
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 4: like a safety concern. So if it's just harassment, I

564
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,159
Speaker 4: don't know what the deal is.

565
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 2: I was gonna say firefighters, bikers or any group of

566
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 2: I don't know, burly men, because if like, let's say

567
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 2: this happened in the States, I don't know it'd help.

568
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,719
Speaker 2: If I were you in this scenario, i'd go up

569
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 2: to a biker and be like, hey, the police won't

570
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 2: help me. Just have the sob story, be like I

571
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,959
Speaker 2: feel like harassed, abused, all this stuff. Can you help me,

572
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 2: like make sure she doesn't come or herd you scare

573
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:02,720
Speaker 2: her off?

574
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 5: Like I really really need your help, And that biker says, no,

575
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,160
Speaker 5: let me alone. I don't know you. You're a stranger. Oh really,

576
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:10,360
Speaker 5: it sounds like your problem.

577
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 2: I feel like if you buy a biker a drink

578
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:13,399
Speaker 2: and maybe ask for me.

579
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,440
Speaker 5: He'd be like, thanks for the drink, your problem, good luck. Really,

580
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 5: what bikers are you talking to?

581
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 2: That was a biker gang. I feel like they'd help

582
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 2: out the community.

583
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,959
Speaker 3: Okay, maybe maybe if you join the biker gang. If

584
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 3: you join the biker gang, it's like, all right, all right, gang,

585
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 3: I need your help. Huddle, uh, I need my mom

586
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 3: off my back.

587
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 5: I would just say, what are you trying to do,

588
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 5: because it's, if anything, it's not helping. Don't even waste

589
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 5: your breath and or your money to do this.

590
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 4: Yeah awesome, actually says have her arrested when she shows up.

591
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 4: I feel like we've heard a lot of stories about

592
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 4: that of like get off of my property. And then

593
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 4: if they don't, then you're like, all right, popo, come

594
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 4: on over, yeah, get get her out of here.

595
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 2: We could help if you give them some substances, the bikers. Okay, no, oh,

596
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,479
Speaker 2: there are police biker gangs that help out like that.

597
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 2: Oh that's really nice.

598
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 5: Well, I don't think we're in the states.

599
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 2: Oh, biker gangs do help, especially with kids.

600
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,720
Speaker 5: So you're gonna act like a kid and be like

601
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:08,680
Speaker 5: Google Gaga.

602
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 2: No, that would not help me out. That would probably

603
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 2: I'd probably hire my brother. Hey, go talk to those bikers,

604
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 2: all right, revelic comments. Can you take a trip or

605
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,360
Speaker 2: stay in a hotel when she comes, make her think

606
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 2: she was wrong and that you've moved, because I wish

607
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,360
Speaker 2: I could, but we are tied on money. I've considered

608
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,360
Speaker 2: lying to family that I know speaks to her and

609
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 2: telling them that I'm returning to my home country. Maybe

610
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,359
Speaker 2: she'll cancel the flight then, and then we'll be safe

611
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 2: from her for a little while longer, so we could

612
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 2: figure out what to do.

613
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 5: Oh, I was gonna say, maybe for like the time being,

614
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 5: swap with maybe like a fan, like a friend, like

615
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 5: swap houses for like a little bit.

616
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 3: Go on that old show family swap yeah, or like wife.

617
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 4: House Yeah yeah, and then they show up this is

618
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:52,679
Speaker 4: a different family whit wait.

619
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 2: Nikki Wolf. If I had a biker group find out

620
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,959
Speaker 2: I needed help with medical expenses and they put together

621
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,880
Speaker 2: several poker runs, I would go to a biker for help,

622
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 2: hire them for security if you have two. But bikers

623
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 2: do help, That's that's good to know, all right.

624
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 3: Sure they're nice people.

625
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 2: I've also briefly considered having a friend she doesn't know,

626
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 2: open the door and act like they live there. That's

627
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 2: also smart.

628
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:15,840
Speaker 5: Yeah likely that, Yeah, that would be good.

629
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 3: Just we gotta do an old trick or rooney.

630
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 2: I'd like that. I feel like that's the best case

631
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 2: scenario here.

632
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 5: But what if she comes back and like the friend's

633
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 5: not there.

634
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:27,879
Speaker 4: We'd have to just like check install cameras, check the

635
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 4: little peep hole before.

636
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 2: You'll have to get yeah, cameras and everything like that.

637
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I would say, definitely good cameras, so you

638
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,880
Speaker 4: have proof of all this stuff. I think gather proof

639
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 4: of everything anyway, just in case you are able to

640
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:41,640
Speaker 4: make a case for yourself.

641
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, ferbustrating order.

642
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 2: So we're not even halfway done, guys.

643
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,479
Speaker 1: Another update Sam Here we're gonna get back to the stories,

644
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 1: but here's three of it's bads from our sponsors.

645
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 2: Thank you to everyone who replied the post and gave

646
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 2: me advice. My husband and I have read through it

647
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:57,440
Speaker 2: all and have carefully considered our points. We have consulted

648
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 2: with the lawyer, the HR staff and security his workplace,

649
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 2: and I've talked to someone we know who works for

650
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 2: the police. Unfortunately, we have received the same feedback from

651
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,119
Speaker 2: all of them. There's nothing that we can do until

652
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:12,639
Speaker 2: the situation escalates, so we have decided to just wait

653
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,400
Speaker 2: and see. My mother did not arrive on the date

654
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 2: we were given by my stepfather, so at first we

655
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 2: were relieved, thinking she didn't go through with her plan. However,

656
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 2: about a week later, my stepfather sent me screenshots showing

657
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 2: that she was indeed here and had rented a car

658
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 2: intending to head our way. She also brought her current boyfriend.

659
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 2: They came by our apartment and stayed for forty five

660
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 2: minutes total on our property.

661
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 5: WHOA.

662
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,160
Speaker 2: They did ring our bell and knock, but we did

663
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 2: not open the door nor respond in any way. We

664
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 2: did not see them or hear them for the rest

665
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 2: of the time they were there, but a neighbor informed

666
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,160
Speaker 2: us that they rang at his door, asking him about

667
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 2: us and showing him photos of our car and my husband.

668
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,879
Speaker 2: Later that day, at about ten pm, they returned again,

669
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,120
Speaker 2: but we didn't open the door and they left fairly

670
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:03,880
Speaker 2: quickly easy.

671
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,440
Speaker 4: It's wild and like, I don't know what they were expecting,

672
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 4: because I mean they were blocked on everything. They were

673
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 4: absolutely no contact. And then what you want to show

674
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 4: up at, Like what do you want to do? Do

675
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:14,879
Speaker 4: you want to like fight it out, or do you

676
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:16,840
Speaker 4: want to try to say something to me?

677
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,879
Speaker 3: Like what is really that important that you have to

678
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 3: show up like this?

679
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 5: This could have been done over email.

680
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, like you know my email, you know my password.

681
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 4: Apparently if that was really the case, then there's different

682
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 4: ways to do this.

683
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 5: I feel like the mom was playing like the eyewitness

684
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 5: intro if you guys know what I'm talking about, Like

685
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 5: it goes through like the little museum with like it

686
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 5: starts with like the parrot flying through. Okay, do you

687
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 5: guys know that? I don't think I do you?

688
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 3: It might be the thing. If I saw it, it would

689
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 3: like bring back a memory.

690
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 5: Oh if you saw it, you like it's that Yeah,

691
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 5: And it's just playing through the mom's head like it's

692
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 5: an adventure, like I'll find her and when I get there,

693
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 5: it'll be all working out all according to plan.

694
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 3: It'll be like that song Betty by Taylor Swift.

695
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 2: Katie. Why doesnt op already have a restraining order? I

696
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 2: think of the country that she is, they need more evidence.

697
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, they said restraining orders are difficult to go through.

698
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 4: I don't think she like went to the cops yet,

699
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 4: because she also doesn't know the language very well yet

700
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 4: and might be hard to explain.

701
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 2: There's a lot of factors. It's not that easy to

702
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 2: give one. However, the next day things got a little worse,

703
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 2: with them returning a total of four times, knocking and

704
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 2: ringing the bell, as well as calling her names in

705
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 2: the front door and trying to look through the windows.

706
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 2: They again rang at the neighbor's door, but all of

707
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 2: our neighbors refused to give out any information, which I'm

708
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 2: really grateful for. Don't we usually the chat for the neighbors.

709
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 3: Let's freaking go, dude.

710
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 4: I'm making them all a plate of hookies each and

711
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 4: thanking them, apologizing for burdening their day with my problems.

712
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 2: They again left very quickly, but we could hear through

713
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 2: the door how my mother's boyfriend suggested that they catch

714
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 2: my husband on his way to work the next day.

715
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 2: Your mom's boyfriend's so smart, it's like an evil villain

716
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 2: explaining their plans. What the heck?

717
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, literally, you're monologuing over here.

718
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 2: Husband and I agreed that if they show up again,

719
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 2: we'll call the police immediately. I told my grandmother mother's

720
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 2: mother to let them know that we will be informing

721
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 2: authorities if we see them again. She responded by calling

722
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,760
Speaker 2: me cruel and stupid and saying that I'll have it

723
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 2: hard in life, and asking why I had no problem

724
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 2: letting my mother support me financially while I was still

725
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 2: in school if she's so awful. She also claimed that

726
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 2: my mother doesn't need an invitation because she's seemingly going

727
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 2: on vacation.

728
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 4: Just vacation, that's all it is. She's not stoking you

729
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 4: at all. She's not crossing insane amounts of boundaries.

730
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,520
Speaker 5: It's just a quinkadink. Yeah, oh my gosh, you're in

731
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 5: this country too.

732
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 3: Imagine telling that to immigration.

733
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 4: You're lying to immigration if you're saying that you're going

734
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 4: for vacation, No, you're going for stocking.

735
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're traveling for stocking reasons.

736
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 2: Long story short, I had to block her as well,

737
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 2: which was painful because I have beautiful memories of the

738
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 2: time I spent with her as a kid. Despite all,

739
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 2: my grandmother seems to have passed on the message because

740
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 2: they are nowhere to be seen today. They haven't ambushed

741
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 2: my husband on his way to work, nor have they

742
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 2: shown up on the property. They have not given up, though,

743
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 2: because my husband got a message from an unknown number

744
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 2: which turned out to be my mother's boyfriend. Hello, husband's name.

745
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 2: Could the two of us talk somewhere. I would like

746
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 2: to explain our actions and talk with you about the

747
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 2: situation so that you can understand it better. This is

748
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 2: a bad situation for Opie and her mother. I think

749
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 2: it would be important to discuss the causes and to

750
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 2: work on them so that they eventually can find ways

751
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 2: rebuild a new relationship and start again. It cannot be

752
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 2: the right way forward to live with this kind of

753
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 2: attitude and hatred towards one's mother. I hope you understand

754
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 2: that a mother will try anything to find her daughter,

755
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 2: to talk with her and to try and understand things,

756
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 2: to clarify things, and to work on the relationship. If

757
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 2: now is not the time for that, then maybe later.

758
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 2: But please let the two of us talk about it.

759
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,120
Speaker 2: I hope you're willing tell me when where, and I

760
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 2: will be there. That is crazy.

761
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 4: That is so crazy, because it's like, Okay, I don't know,

762
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 4: I mean, depending on the situation. Obviously, we heard about

763
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 4: their bad upbringing, and I'm sure it's like way more

764
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 4: complicated than they can explain in one post. But if

765
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 4: you did really want to rebuild a relationship, maybe there's

766
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 4: a wait for that to happen. But this is definitely

767
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 4: not the way. Like if if everyone else in the

768
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 4: family is telling Ope that they are traveling to you,

769
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 4: and we're getting so much information about mom from the

770
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 4: other family members, why can't.

771
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 3: They just pass on the message of like.

772
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 4: Hey, I really want to do everything that I can

773
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 4: to have a relationship with you.

774
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 3: Can we talk? Yeah, and a lot cheaper than flying

775
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 3: across the country.

776
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:45,680
Speaker 2: I know she should have wrote a letter.

777
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 3: Yeah.

778
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 2: My husband simply replied that there was nothing to talk

779
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 2: about when it comes to abuse and reminded them to

780
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 2: stay away and if they don't, the police will get involved.

781
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 2: The boyfriend response that was abuse is a harsh term.

782
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 2: That is what I wanted to speak to you about

783
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 2: so that you can understand and work through it whenever

784
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 2: the time is right. At the moment, the hurt clearly

785
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 2: runs very deep. Opie's mother loves Opi and only wants

786
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 2: her to do well in life. She has also acknowledged

787
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 2: that she has made mistakes and must also be in

788
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 2: your interests to give the two of them a chance

789
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,160
Speaker 2: to talk things out at some point and start anew.

790
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 2: Don't just accept the situation as it is. In the

791
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 2: long term, aiding this relationship and repressing things is the

792
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 2: wrong path, said.

793
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 3: I was repressing things. I can process things on my own.

794
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 2: It feels very manipulative. It seems like these guys in

795
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 2: a good place. But I'm not. I'm not buying it.

796
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 2: I'm just not not at all.

797
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 5: You're buying a key on, even if it was free

798
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 5: ninety nine, I'm not. I'm not taking that.

799
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 2: She could have called her face timed.

800
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 3: I know that she's blocked, like to play Devil's advocate.

801
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 4: Maybe she does really feel this way, and maybe she

802
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 4: does just like wish that they had a relationship, but

803
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 4: it really doesn't seem like she's taking any accountability for it.

804
00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 2: I mean, yes, that's what we're missing.

805
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're totally miss seeing accountability. We're totally missing any

806
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 4: sort of understanding. Like you're already before we're even talking,

807
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 4: saying that abuse is not a good word, and you're

808
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 4: telling me what I'm feeling when you don't know me anymore.

809
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 4: I've were no contact, you've left me, you didn't take

810
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,879
Speaker 4: care of me. I'm distancing myself from you. You can't

811
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:18,840
Speaker 4: pretend like you know me.

812
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,839
Speaker 5: I just want to know the thought process of like

813
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:25,360
Speaker 5: what you were trying to achieve by doing all of this. Yeah,

814
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 5: like did you think this was gonna work out really

815
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,200
Speaker 5: to your benefit? Of Like, right, I'm not gonna tell her.

816
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 5: I'm gonna show up across in this country that I've

817
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 5: never been to. I'm just surprised, Like everything's gonna be

818
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:40,839
Speaker 5: cool and you're gonna hear me out.

819
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's gonna show how much I care and we're

820
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:46,360
Speaker 4: gonna really make a difference. She's Oh, he's gonna apologize

821
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 4: and I'm gonna.

822
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:48,840
Speaker 2: Be the victim.

823
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 5: I just want to know what the mom said to

824
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,359
Speaker 5: the boyfriend of like, yeah, just come with me, we're

825
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 5: gonna want a vacation.

826
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:57,839
Speaker 4: And the boyfriend like you especially don't know what's going on.

827
00:34:58,040 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 4: You have no right to tell me what's abuse and

828
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 4: what's you were in there?

829
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 2: This is so weird. Yeah, obviously we decided not to

830
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,279
Speaker 2: engage with him any longer, as he, just like my mother,

831
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 2: seems to fail to understand how creepy and inappropriate their

832
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 2: behavior is and how distressing it is for us. To

833
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 2: be honest, I did not expect my mother's boyfriend to

834
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 2: come along on her stalking trip, let alone enable her

835
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 2: so much. Brose whipped. He knows what he likes, he's

836
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 2: he's stuck here.

837
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 5: Maybe he's just into the crazy.

838
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:28,760
Speaker 3: No, he's just also crazy.

839
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 5: He was like, that sounds crazy.

840
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:33,280
Speaker 3: I like that sounds crazy. That's kind of hot.

841
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 2: I genuinely don't understand what stories she possibly fed him

842
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,280
Speaker 2: to make him feel like any of this is okay.

843
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 2: He seems like a reasonable person the few times I

844
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 2: have met him, but clearly that was a misjudgment on

845
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,400
Speaker 2: my part. We have documented every single one of their

846
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 2: visits and messages and will definitely alert the authorities if

847
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:56,400
Speaker 2: we see them again. My husband work is also informed

848
00:35:56,480 --> 00:36:00,359
Speaker 2: on high alert, and we have received amazing support from

849
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 2: everyone we know. Since they can't stay here forever, as

850
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 2: they both have jobs and lives to get back to,

851
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 2: I just hope it all will be over quickly and

852
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 2: that they are gone, hopefully for good, in a week.

853
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:15,880
Speaker 2: It's all been really hard emotionally, as I despite everything,

854
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 2: and feeling incredibly guilty and sad, but also extremely angry.

855
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,439
Speaker 2: I can't imagine to start or finish anything right now,

856
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:26,840
Speaker 2: as I fell on edge twenty four to seven, waiting

857
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 2: for the next ball to drop. I hope it's all

858
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 2: over soon. We got an update. Oh boy, it sounds

859
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:34,480
Speaker 2: like it's about to be over with hopefully.

860
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 3: I mean, there is a whole nother update.

861
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:40,399
Speaker 4: So it's sure mom gets entitled feelings from her mom,

862
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 4: but no one owes their parents anything. Yeah, that's true

863
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 4: because at the beginning of the story it was saying like, oh.

864
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,399
Speaker 3: You can't say that about your mom. It's like, well,

865
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 3: watch me like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it, though.

866
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 5: Just try and stop me.

867
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

868
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 2: A day four, some of you have seen my posts

869
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 2: about my mother, who has found my new address in

870
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 2: the new country photos I had sent to my grandmother

871
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 2: and has shown up with her boyfriend. Well, since everything

872
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 2: went quiet after threatening to call the police, we thought

873
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 2: that it was over and they had left the country again. However,

874
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 2: they can stop.

875
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 3: Oh.

876
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 2: I found a letter from her in my mailbox today.

877
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,480
Speaker 2: I kind of expecting it, considering that she has exhausted

878
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 2: every possible way of communication in the past except this one.

879
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,320
Speaker 2: Any predictions of what this letter contains.

880
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,439
Speaker 5: I think it's gonna be I'm gonna leave you alone now.

881
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:34,240
Speaker 4: I think it's gonna be like, well, I just wanted

882
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,440
Speaker 4: to make things right and you're not letting me. Yeah,

883
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 4: I think it's gonna be that vibe a little accusatory.

884
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 2: I'm feeling accusatory.

885
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 3: Your poor mother.

886
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 4: I just feel so sad without you in my life,

887
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 4: and I can't believe you're doing this to me.

888
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 5: I'm just trying to be a good mommy.

889
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

890
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 3: Guilt trip, guilt trip, victimization, take.

891
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 2: A trip back hold, get out of here, pack your bags.

892
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 5: Maybe it's like you ruined my vacation.

893
00:37:58,080 --> 00:37:59,839
Speaker 3: That's not so much money. You gotta pay you bag.

894
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 2: We were gonna hang out and do all these things. Yeah. Oh.

895
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 2: The letter was a very long apology letter with a

896
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 2: plea to give her another chance. I've gotten variations of

897
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 2: this in the past, with a lot of self pity,

898
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 2: and it has always been very hard for me to

899
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 2: read these. Ever, since going no contact, I carry a

900
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 2: lot of guilt inside of me. Before no contact and

901
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:23,160
Speaker 2: shortly after, she was cruel and unfair to me. But

902
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:26,800
Speaker 2: the more time passes, the more her messages and letters

903
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 2: have softened, making it hard for me not to feel

904
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,320
Speaker 2: like a piece of crap after reading them. I genuinely

905
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,839
Speaker 2: don't want her in my life. I don't love her.

906
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,760
Speaker 2: I don't think I will ever feel comfortable in her presence,

907
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,839
Speaker 2: and I am forever damaged by the abuse she has

908
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 2: put me through, finding every day to lessen the effects

909
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,399
Speaker 2: of it, to even be able to approximate the kind

910
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 2: of person I would have to be without all of

911
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 2: this abuse. I have severe anxiety depression and a panic disorder,

912
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 2: and I'm still afraid of rejection to the point of

913
00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:00,879
Speaker 2: physical pain. I am nowhere near who I am under

914
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 2: the layers of trauma. Maybe anyone has advice on how

915
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 2: to deal with this guilt or can give me a

916
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,839
Speaker 2: bit of perspective on this. Oh that was a tough

917
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 2: one to give advice on.

918
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 4: Honestly, I'm glad you're standing your ground though, and her

919
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 4: manipulation and guilt tripping wasn't working on you.

920
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 2: I love this little village we got too. Everyone's like

921
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 2: supporting you, making sure Yeah, no informations leaked.

922
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, you got people behind you. There's definitely people out

923
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 4: there that have experienced similar things. I was watching like

924
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 4: an interview on Drew Barrymoart Show with Jeanette McCarthy.

925
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:37,880
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Jeanett. Yeah, yeah, yeah, is that.

926
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 5: Her last name, McCarthy McCarty, Oh, the one for Mike Carly.

927
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm glad my mom died. She has another book coming.

928
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 3: Up, if you know what I'm talking about.

929
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:47,799
Speaker 4: They were talking about that kind of image of their

930
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 4: mom of like realizing that they both had like abusive mothers,

931
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 4: And then they were talking a little bit about like

932
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 4: feeling a kind of guilt of like defending their moms

933
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 4: like yeah, they did this, but like she really only

934
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 4: meant it like this or whatever.

935
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 3: And I'm so glad that OPI's not doing that because

936
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 3: that's something that they.

937
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,279
Speaker 4: Both said that they had to like get over and

938
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 4: really acknowledge like, no, this was harmful and this was

939
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 4: not okay for her to do and.

940
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,800
Speaker 3: Act like So yeah, I'm I'm glad.

941
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 4: So yeah, there's definitely people out there with similar situations.

942
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,719
Speaker 4: I mean even people in our own chat have been

943
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 4: in similar situations. So I am really just proud of you,

944
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:28,320
Speaker 4: Op first sticking to your beliefs and your feelings and

945
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 4: not letting her take over like she wants everyone.

946
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 2: What's your biggest regret as a parent. I'd like to

947
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 2: know whoa Lenda said's ave made mistakes on a kid.

948
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 5: You don't have to answer that.

949
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 2: Please, you don't want to. I've made mistakes with my kids.

950
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 2: I can only hope that they weren't so bad that

951
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,839
Speaker 2: my kids will ever stop talk to me. I let

952
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:50,359
Speaker 2: them know I'm here when they need me, but never

953
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 2: intrude in their business. They've all grown and made their

954
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 2: own life decisions.

955
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:55,719
Speaker 5: John here og host.

956
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

957
00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,359
Speaker 1: three minute break from has for more sponsors.

958
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 3: My mother in law abandoned me during a winter crisis.

959
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:05,320
Speaker 2: Couldn't have been a summer crisis.

960
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:07,919
Speaker 4: I twenty three female in my fiance twenty five male,

961
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 4: have been together for over four years, and we'll be

962
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:12,279
Speaker 4: five by the time we get married. I'm going to

963
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 4: refer to his stepmom as mother in law because it's easier,

964
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 4: even though we aren't married yet. By the way, this

965
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 4: comes from Planning Queen, and this comes directly from the

966
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 4: r slash Okay storytime subreddit. No way, and if you

967
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 4: want to submit your own stories, go to that subreddit and.

968
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 3: We'll read them.

969
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:28,759
Speaker 4: And we're here to give good advice. Goofily, But we

970
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,799
Speaker 4: don't have all the answers. We just know what we

971
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 4: would do in the situation, so let us know what

972
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 4: you would do in the comments, so Op says. My

973
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 4: fiance and I met while he was stationed near me

974
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:41,280
Speaker 4: during my freshman year of college. We are college sweethearts. Luckily,

975
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 4: I graduated with my degree and my lease was up

976
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 4: only a week before he got out of the military,

977
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:47,759
Speaker 4: so we were able to move to his home state

978
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:50,399
Speaker 4: together to start our lives. Key piece of information here.

979
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,480
Speaker 4: I am not from his home state, so I have

980
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:55,239
Speaker 4: no family or friends here outside of his. Before we

981
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 4: moved here, I visited during holidays and spent a lot

982
00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 4: of time with his family. Mother in law and I

983
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 4: became what I thought, we're best friends. We would go

984
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,720
Speaker 4: antiquing or thrifting together, go out to eat, gossip.

985
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:07,800
Speaker 3: Et cetera.

986
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,880
Speaker 2: Keyword gossip. She's a fake friend.

987
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:10,799
Speaker 3: She'd always say.

988
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 4: I was a woman after her own heart, and how

989
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 4: I'm already her daughter. That's important for later safe to

990
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,080
Speaker 4: say I thought we were a family. Also important, his

991
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 4: family is very religious and preachy about living through the

992
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 4: love and kindness of God. Now getting to the incident,

993
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 4: my fiance and I stayed with his dad and stepmom

994
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 4: in their shed on their property while we found jobs

995
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,359
Speaker 4: to get our own place. It was cramped, but we

996
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:35,240
Speaker 4: considered ourselves lucky to be taken in. We paid rent,

997
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 4: utilities and for our own groceries.

998
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:38,400
Speaker 3: Just FYI.

999
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 4: Honestly, it was bigger than my sophomore year dorm, so

1000
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 4: I was a pro at making space cat all right.

1001
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 4: And fortunately we were there longer than we wanted to be,

1002
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 4: and it was taking a toll on everyone due to

1003
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,879
Speaker 4: us only finding extremely low paying jobs in the short

1004
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:55,080
Speaker 4: term while we looked for higher paying ones now cutting

1005
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 4: to the chase. We were in that shed during the

1006
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 4: harshest winter the state has.

1007
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:03,880
Speaker 3: Seen in decades. Oh no wonder in Texas or something.

1008
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:04,719
Speaker 5: Winter is here.

1009
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 4: We kept losing power even with two inches of snow,

1010
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 4: which was quite a shock for me as I'm from

1011
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 4: a northern state in the US where there were feet

1012
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,839
Speaker 4: of snow that made me late for school growing up.

1013
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:18,280
Speaker 4: The worst of these mother in law incidents happened in February.

1014
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm guessing you're in the South. We do not

1015
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 2: know what to do when the snow hits the ground.

1016
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 6: Really, it's like, Oh, school's out, stay in and it's

1017
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 6: just like barely there.

1018
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like it's not even sticking.

1019
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:32,760
Speaker 3: That's so funny.

1020
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:34,840
Speaker 4: Well, because I'm sure if it like snow's enough and

1021
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 4: it's like, well, we can't just not go to school

1022
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 4: for the rest of the semester.

1023
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 2: US the Northern States, they know how to handle that.

1024
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:41,399
Speaker 3: They just they just stick it out.

1025
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 4: My fiance left early in the morning for work as

1026
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 4: a security guard, as well as his dad, who was

1027
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 4: a fall inteer firefighter, helping stranded people. I woke up

1028
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 4: to the sound of mother in law getting the smaller

1029
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,840
Speaker 4: kids ten male, five male, and five female in the

1030
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 4: car and leaving, which I didn't think anything of. At

1031
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,440
Speaker 4: this point, I didn't know we had lost power. Eventually,

1032
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:01,640
Speaker 4: after I drive myself out of the cozy, warm bed

1033
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 4: and into the frigid air, I realized it was so

1034
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 4: cold because the heater wasn't running. In the next few minutes,

1035
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 4: I realized no one was home except me. I texted

1036
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,800
Speaker 4: mother in law. She said she took the kids to

1037
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:14,759
Speaker 4: her parents' house, where they have heat and running water.

1038
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 4: This is a place that I've spent time at enough

1039
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:20,560
Speaker 4: that we exchanged Christmas guits. If that tells you anything, Okay,

1040
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:24,280
Speaker 4: I had never felt so uncared for in my life.

1041
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,759
Speaker 4: I was alone as a guest in a house that

1042
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 4: wasn't mine, and I had no idea what to do.

1043
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 4: I felt I didn't have autonomy over their house to

1044
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,359
Speaker 4: do anything like find the generator, which I didn't know

1045
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 4: how to operate anyway, and was locked.

1046
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:37,280
Speaker 3: In the garage somewhere.

1047
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 4: I just sat in their house with a full sweatsuit on,

1048
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 4: fuzzy socks, my winter coat, and under blankets. I decided

1049
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,920
Speaker 4: to text my family in another state because I didn't know.

1050
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 3: What else to do.

1051
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,319
Speaker 4: To my knowledge at the time, the entire city was out,

1052
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,560
Speaker 4: including businesses and gas stations.

1053
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:53,839
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Oh yeah, you can't call her them

1054
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:55,560
Speaker 2: in that case, because I would like try to have

1055
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 2: conversation with her. Yeah, see there is anything you do.

1056
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 4: Well. She did, which is so strange, like she did

1057
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 4: call her and message her and she said that she's

1058
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:04,480
Speaker 4: at their parents house.

1059
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 3: But it's like, well, can I come? Can I like

1060
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 3: keep pick me up? Can I meet you there?

1061
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:10,239
Speaker 2: People are weird like that coming out here to La,

1062
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 2: not a lot of people are welcoming, Like when it's like,

1063
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 2: oh you need some food, oh this all that. Whenever

1064
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 2: I ask people, hey, anything, They're like shocked, They're like yeah.

1065
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 5: But I would say those type of people aren't from LA.

1066
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 3: The ones that that are like not welcoming, they aren't

1067
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 3: or are from LA.

1068
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 5: They are not, Oh interest, are you welcoming? Yeah?

1069
00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:30,400
Speaker 3: We try to be welcoming. So that is something that

1070
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 3: is different though.

1071
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 4: I feel like out here, if someone offers you something,

1072
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,400
Speaker 4: it's like no, no, because you don't want to like

1073
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:38,280
Speaker 4: bother them. But then in some places, in probably most places,

1074
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 4: it's like no, it would be rude to not take

1075
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 4: what they're offering. Yea, you know, and then I always

1076
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 4: have such a mental mental war in my head when

1077
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 4: stuff like that happens. Safe to say they were as

1078
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 4: shocked and livid as I was. Later, after my fiance

1079
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 4: and father in law realized I was essentially abandoned with

1080
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,360
Speaker 4: no heat, running water, and just granola bars, there was

1081
00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 4: a huge blow up when my dad, who was a

1082
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 4: hot head, confronted father in law about my situation. I

1083
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 4: did not know he was going to do that and

1084
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:08,279
Speaker 4: talked with him later about his behavior, making things worse

1085
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:11,319
Speaker 4: even worse. During that incident, my fiance and I were

1086
00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:13,720
Speaker 4: following father in law to his friend's house who allowed

1087
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,880
Speaker 4: us to use his shower and heat. Not a good situation,

1088
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:20,160
Speaker 4: and I was crying out of sheer anxiety. The next day,

1089
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 4: we all fiance, father in law, mother in law, and

1090
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 4: I had to sit down at the dining room table

1091
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 4: to discuss what had happened. I apologized to father in

1092
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 4: law for my dad's behavior and stressed that I did

1093
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 4: not know that he was going to do that and

1094
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 4: had discussed it with my dad about it. Then I

1095
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 4: voiced my feelings about the day and what led to

1096
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:40,240
Speaker 4: my dad reacting that way. Now, mother in law's response

1097
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 4: was not what I was expecting. She said, you're an

1098
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 4: adult and I have no obligation to you.

1099
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:47,800
Speaker 2: Fair, but they ain't this your house.

1100
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like it's no obligation, sure, but that's not

1101
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 4: really what I'm talking about. I'm talking about that it

1102
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 4: was rude's frick yeah, like.

1103
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 3: Like it wasn't that.

1104
00:46:57,920 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 4: Like when I first read it, I honestly thought that

1105
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:01,760
Speaker 4: she took them to school like all the other kids

1106
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 4: to school. But the fact that she just took them

1107
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 4: out of the house because it was too cold there

1108
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:07,479
Speaker 4: and then.

1109
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 3: You left someone there, like even though she's an adult, like.

1110
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:14,360
Speaker 2: A game plan strategizing something.

1111
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:17,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, you gotta look out for your guests and your family.

1112
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 4: I was flabbergasted. Yes, I am an adult, and she

1113
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 4: has no obligation to me. Uh no one owes anything technically,

1114
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 4: But it wasn't about obligation to me.

1115
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 3: To me, we're we're family. We care about each other.

1116
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 4: You don't abandon people you love to freeze with no

1117
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 4: way to help themselves. My family would never do that

1118
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 4: to my sister's boyfriend or even a stranger. I would

1119
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 4: never do that to even my worst enemy. This was

1120
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:44,080
Speaker 4: a city wide and honestly statewide crisis. My grandma, who

1121
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 4: is as strongly Christian as them, criticized them in our

1122
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 4: group chat for preaching so much about caring for your

1123
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:52,280
Speaker 4: neighbors and then doing this to someone they called family.

1124
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 4: She never apologized and doesn't feel guilty. She had done

1125
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 4: other things before, like leaving me out of plans I

1126
00:47:58,400 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 4: invited her to originally.

1127
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:02,400
Speaker 3: I just have never been able to look at her

1128
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:02,800
Speaker 3: the same.

1129
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:05,839
Speaker 4: My heart is still broken about losing the relationship I

1130
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 4: thought we had. This winter is coming up again, which

1131
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 4: is maybe why these feelings are resurfacing so strongly. My

1132
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 4: fiance agreed with me at the time, but thinks that

1133
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:14,839
Speaker 4: I should have let it go by now. I just

1134
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 4: don't know how to her fortieth birthday party just happened,

1135
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 4: and it took everything in me to focus only on

1136
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 4: the good things, to write a sweet message in the

1137
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,560
Speaker 4: guestbook to her. It felt so shallow and I felt

1138
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 4: so heartbroken. There is a little bit more to the story,

1139
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 4: But yeah, I would feel betrayed too.

1140
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 2: I thought you would want me to be warm too, literally.

1141
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 4: If you didn't want to be in a house that

1142
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 4: had no power in this cold time.

1143
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,719
Speaker 2: I know for a heartbeat if I was at home

1144
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:44,880
Speaker 2: for Christmas and you were with me, Yeah, and we

1145
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:46,920
Speaker 2: had like a little show we ran. Yeah, if they

1146
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,239
Speaker 2: got cold, my Grandma's gonna be calling us up. Hey,

1147
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:51,839
Speaker 2: you and Edge, you should come down here and stay warm.

1148
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:55,359
Speaker 7: Totally in our ninety degree cabin right that they keep

1149
00:48:55,360 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 7: at ninety degrees all the time always, no matter if winter, summer.

1150
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 7: It's not reason it is hot, it's more like seventy two,

1151
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,439
Speaker 7: seventy six degrees.

1152
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, old joints, I gotta take care of.

1153
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:11,400
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, dude, I just just like, oh, it's warm,

1154
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 2: all right, We're here.

1155
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,280
Speaker 3: That's very rude to just be like, well, you're an adult, Like, does.

1156
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 4: Opie have a car, because that would be a good

1157
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:20,479
Speaker 4: thing to get into use the heat from the car,

1158
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:21,719
Speaker 4: if you have seat warmers.

1159
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:23,879
Speaker 3: You know, you might have to get some snow off

1160
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 3: of it or something, but you could.

1161
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 4: Drive to that same place, like if if you have

1162
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 4: a car, was that offered to you, Like, yeah, come

1163
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 4: on over, or are you gonna feel guilty for inviting

1164
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 4: yourself over or do you just not have a car

1165
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,640
Speaker 4: so you're just literally left there alone. I feel like

1166
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:41,440
Speaker 4: with how they're talking about it, that might.

1167
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:41,840
Speaker 3: Be the case.

1168
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree.

1169
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, there is a little bit more to the story.

1170
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 4: She has been greeting me and talking to me as

1171
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 4: if nothing happened, but I still feel hollow interacting with her.

1172
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 4: So am I the a hole for still being angry

1173
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 4: with my mother in law nine months after she abandoned

1174
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 4: me during a power emergency?

1175
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 3: And how do I move past this?

1176
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 4: A crucial bit I remembered she was the only person

1177
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 4: I felt close enough to come with me wedding dress

1178
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,560
Speaker 4: shopping since my family was out of state, and.

1179
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 3: Then she still did this. She was literally the only

1180
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 3: person I brought with me and that is the end

1181
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 3: of that story.

1182
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:17,480
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, so by a heater with it and

1183
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 2: get a I don't know, electric generator that might do it.

1184
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 2: But it does hurt to feel betrayed. That's gonna be

1185
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 2: hard to move through.

1186
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:27,680
Speaker 4: It seems like they were having a good heart to heart,

1187
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:30,840
Speaker 4: which I'm glad for, but not even It seems like

1188
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:34,399
Speaker 4: they had a conversation where they let their feelings out. Yeah,

1189
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 4: but I do wonder all the details of how Ope

1190
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:39,919
Speaker 4: explained her feeling because I would hope that like her

1191
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,720
Speaker 4: explaining this of like I just thought we were closer

1192
00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 4: than that, hopefully that would change their mind or get

1193
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:47,080
Speaker 4: through to them somehow.

1194
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 3: But it doesn't seem like it did.

1195
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:52,000
Speaker 2: It didn't so heartbreaking, huh, guys, that's the end of

1196
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:54,400
Speaker 2: that story. We got some comments. We're gonna let Sophia

1197
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:56,200
Speaker 2: into code read for you guys, but.

1198
00:50:56,239 --> 00:51:00,359
Speaker 8: We've got comments comments from the video my dad tried

1199
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 8: to turn my wedding into a memorial for my sister,

1200
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 8: posted on December sixth, twenty twenty five. The tilr is

1201
00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 8: Op is getting married, but her dad wants to talk

1202
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:15,359
Speaker 8: about Op's late sister during the wedding ceremony. Opi loves

1203
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:18,000
Speaker 8: her sister, but I had a very hard, painful relationship

1204
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,400
Speaker 8: with her, and thinking about her makes op break down

1205
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:25,360
Speaker 8: for days. OPI and her fiance don't want the wedding

1206
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:28,440
Speaker 8: to turn into another memorial, but OPI's dad refuses to

1207
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 8: let go and thinks not mentioning her is the same

1208
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 8: as forgetting her. With the wedding only days away, Opi

1209
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 8: must decide how to handle her dad, protect her big day,

1210
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:41,400
Speaker 8: and still respect everyone's feelings. Will she find a compromise

1211
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:44,240
Speaker 8: or will she need a new officiant. If you're curious

1212
00:51:44,239 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 8: to know the full story, you can go watch the

1213
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 8: full video and we have some comments.

1214
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 2: Come at one from Hannah Panda. She says, I went

1215
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:54,760
Speaker 2: to a wedding where the deceased loved ones. A chair

1216
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,640
Speaker 2: was saved on each side of the photos for the

1217
00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 2: loved ones were placed on the chair. Then the photos

1218
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,480
Speaker 2: got placed into a memory table, not like a full

1219
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:06,239
Speaker 2: dining room table, but a small table between the gift

1220
00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 2: table and the dessert bar. But the only mention of

1221
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:13,320
Speaker 2: any deceased guest was at the ceremony when the efficient

1222
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:17,520
Speaker 2: welcomed all the guest presents and those in the photo

1223
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 2: watching from heaven or something to that effect. I don't

1224
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 2: remember word for word exactly. A lovely compromise, I would

1225
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:28,240
Speaker 2: think that fits. My husband and I honored his parents

1226
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:30,919
Speaker 2: with a dance to my mother in law's favorite song

1227
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 2: at our wedding. We had the DJ make an announcement

1228
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:36,360
Speaker 2: and had everyone who wanted to join join us on

1229
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 2: the dance floor. We also had my mother in law's

1230
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:42,719
Speaker 2: favorite flower as part of the centerpiece, and we had

1231
00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:46,320
Speaker 2: a memorial table for all the immediate loved ones who passed.

1232
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:50,879
Speaker 2: We had my husband's parents, grandparents and grandparents and aunt.

1233
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:54,440
Speaker 2: There were so many ways to incorporate memorial pieces into

1234
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:59,400
Speaker 2: a wedding. Adding it to the efficient's ceremony speech is

1235
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 2: a definite no, because the ceremony is strictly about the

1236
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 2: bride and groom and the marriage between them. If the

1237
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 2: bride does not want her sister brought up verbally during

1238
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:11,680
Speaker 2: any part of the wedding due to it making her

1239
00:53:11,719 --> 00:53:15,360
Speaker 2: physically upset, then her father must respect it or step

1240
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:19,920
Speaker 2: down from that role if he can't. Sad anamary girl says,

1241
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,680
Speaker 2: though I can sympathize with the dad because I'm also

1242
00:53:22,719 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 2: grieving the loss of a child. He is way out

1243
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 2: of line. He needs to step back and let Op

1244
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:31,240
Speaker 2: have her wedding and not focus on the grief and pain.

1245
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:32,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not his wedding.

1246
00:53:32,719 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 2: And Emily Powell ninety five says, we had a framed

1247
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:39,440
Speaker 2: photo in an empty chair at her wedding. We had

1248
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:42,440
Speaker 2: a picture in it that mentions something about holding a

1249
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 2: seat for loved ones that are watching from heaven. Oh,

1250
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:46,000
Speaker 2: that's so cute.

1251
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:49,839
Speaker 8: All fair compromises, And if you want to find out

1252
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 8: what they did to compromise, go watch the full episode.

1253
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 2: But that is the end of this episode.

1254
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:59,120
Speaker 3: So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1255
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:01,840
Speaker 2: We love you and see you tomorrow.