Speaker 1: Episode three hundred, how to say no to family and
Speaker 1: friends who want you to spend. Welcome to the Frugal
Speaker 1: Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money, embrace simplicity,
Speaker 1: rice and liver rich your life. Here are your host
Speaker 1: Jen and Jill. Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the three hundredth episode of Frugal Friends podcast. My
Speaker 1: name is Jen, my name is Jill, and we're saving
Speaker 1: our special like I know, normally podcasts will do something
Speaker 1: special on their like you know, every hundredth episode, but
Speaker 1: we're saving, not us. We're saving that for our fifth
Speaker 1: anniversary episode, which is coming out in like two weeks,
Speaker 1: so don't worry, it's coming. But this is episode three hundred,
Speaker 1: and we will be ogling at that. The fact that
Speaker 1: we've talked about frugality for over three hundred hours. Whoa Together,
Speaker 1: So we've looked at then. That means like six hundred
Speaker 1: articles about frugality. We have scoured the internet for you
Speaker 1: and brought it to you in all my three hundred episodes.
Speaker 1: Who are still here, and we're still here, and we
Speaker 1: still have more to give. We still have more to
Speaker 1: give if you want to take it. Ben, We're here
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Speaker 1: All right, so today we are talking about boundaries because
Speaker 1: after three hundred episodes, the lines have blurred between our relationship.
Speaker 1: Jill and I just think it's time to talk about boundaries.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, this is how you're going to choose to
Speaker 1: tell me? Now this is an intervention. Yeah, okay, all right,
Speaker 1: you're all here for it. Didn't know that until we
Speaker 1: pressed record, but right, you know, I'm all about boundaries,
Speaker 1: So let's do it. I think we can handle it.
Speaker 1: Our friendship can withstand this. Yeah, after five years, I
Speaker 1: think we're there. But in all honesty, today is more
Speaker 1: about I would say boundaries with family, because that is
Speaker 1: really who can get you to spend. But some of
Speaker 1: us interact with our friends ends more than our family.
Speaker 1: It's just seasons in life, right in your twenties, I
Speaker 1: think you interact more with friends and they can be
Speaker 1: the ones that get you to spend more. And then
Speaker 1: once you're into your thirties, forties beyond, sometimes it can
Speaker 1: be families. So we're going to talk about both of those.
Speaker 1: How to build boundaries in kindness that still acknowledge reality,
Speaker 1: but that take a little stress off your plate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: with the ability to say no. This article, we're just
Speaker 1: going to go through one article today and it is
Speaker 1: titled how to say no to others and why you
Speaker 1: Shouldn't feel guilty. But we're going to go through it
Speaker 1: in two parts, the first kind of looking at why
Speaker 1: is it so hard to say no, why it's important,
Speaker 1: and then the next part giving some more tangible tools
Speaker 1: and how to do so. One of the things that
Speaker 1: stood out to me though about this article is it's
Speaker 1: covering the entire gamut of boundaries and the ability to
Speaker 1: say no. This is just a helpful topic an article
Speaker 1: when it comes to identifying our own personal needs, how
Speaker 1: to navigate ourselves in the world and in other relationships,
Speaker 1: and what is and isn't okay. But it is certainly
Speaker 1: helpful and beneficial when it comes to finances because this
Speaker 1: can be one of the number one areas where it's
Speaker 1: particularly difficult to set a boundary line because not only
Speaker 1: is it difficult to say no, it's also difficult to
Speaker 1: talk about money with family and friends. So we're just
Speaker 1: diving in three hundred. We're here and we're talking about
Speaker 1: the hard stuff. Right. We've built up to talking about
Speaker 1: difficult things like this, and we want to like start
Speaker 1: off by saying like there's typically between family and friends.
Speaker 1: There's nothing malicious about having to build these boundaries. Your
Speaker 1: friends and family are not trying to get you to
Speaker 1: spend out of malintent. There are so many reasons that
Speaker 1: people can try and get you to spend, and they
Speaker 1: are typically not bad, but it is hard to say no.
Speaker 1: And I loved We're only doing this article because I
Speaker 1: loved how robust it is. This is one of those
Speaker 1: articles where you google something and you want to find
Speaker 1: the best content to answer your questions, and then you
Speaker 1: want it to answer questions that pop up as you're
Speaker 1: reading it that you didn't know you had when you started.
Speaker 1: And that's this article and that's what and it goes
Speaker 1: through everything that we wanted to cover, and so that's
Speaker 1: why we're only doing this one, but it starts with
Speaker 1: why is it so hard to say no? So if
Speaker 1: you're like sitting there and you're like, I'm a people pleaser.
Speaker 1: I already know it's hard for me to say no,
Speaker 1: then you acknowledge that about yourself. Maybe you don't yet
Speaker 1: know you're a people pleaser. Maybe we'll talk about it
Speaker 1: a little and you might see that in yourself. But
Speaker 1: even if you are not a people pleaser, it can
Speaker 1: still be really hard to say no when somebody invites
Speaker 1: you to a place that you don't want to go
Speaker 1: and it costs money, when family asks you to chip
Speaker 1: in for a gift that is really outside of your budget,
Speaker 1: and this happens like more than I like to see.
Speaker 1: But when someone in your family just like asks you
Speaker 1: for money because they see you're doing well, and you
Speaker 1: know that they are struggling and that they really they
Speaker 1: need it, but you're not sure how they'll use it.
Speaker 1: You don't have any control over how they use it,
Speaker 1: and you don't know if they'll use it well. So
Speaker 1: there are all of these factors that even if you
Speaker 1: are not a people pleaser, can still make it really
Speaker 1: hard to say no, and not you shouldn't say no
Speaker 1: one hundred percent of the time, so it makes it
Speaker 1: hard to figure out when to say no. For some adults,
Speaker 1: the inability to say no stems from childhood. Children are
Speaker 1: taught to be polite and forthcoming, especially to parents. I
Speaker 1: think like we're always set like honor your father and
Speaker 1: mother and pretty much do whatever they say, which is
Speaker 1: good and bad advice, I guess when you're a toddler,
Speaker 1: but beyond that it becomes a little messier. And then
Speaker 1: there's also issues around communication and self assertion, so not
Speaker 1: all families will have the best communication. Not every personality
Speaker 1: is going to self assert the same way says. Being
Speaker 1: raised to believe that saying no is bad makes it
Speaker 1: difficult for children to communicate their preferences, and for some people,
Speaker 1: this inability to speak up for themselves continues into adulthood,
Speaker 1: and then you've got things like imposter syndrome, so you
Speaker 1: feel like you're not good enough to be thinking the
Speaker 1: way that you're thinking. You're afraid they will think you're
Speaker 1: unable to perform your roles and responsibilities. So these are
Speaker 1: just a few reasons why it's hard to say no. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think as I consider myself, I would not consider
Speaker 1: myself to be a people pleaser or unable to establish boundaries.
Speaker 1: But some of the areas that make it hard for
Speaker 1: me to say no is I don't want to miss out.
Speaker 1: I want all the things. So sometimes it's yeah, I
Speaker 1: want to do that, and I want to go have
Speaker 1: this fun time, and I want to have you in
Speaker 1: my home, and I want to I want to, I
Speaker 1: want to, And then I say yes all these things
Speaker 1: that seem really great, and then I realize my plate
Speaker 1: is really full. I should have maybe looked at that
Speaker 1: a little bit more and said no to some of
Speaker 1: these things. Just you know, it kind of happened to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel similarly. I am definitely not a people pleaser.
Speaker 1: I love saying no. I say no very easily. That's
Speaker 1: like my first response. I say no, and then I
Speaker 1: think about it, and then maybe I'll say yes if
Speaker 1: I feel strongly. Especially with my mom, I feel like
Speaker 1: there are things where she wouldn't even ask and I
Speaker 1: would just like do things for her. It's just this
Speaker 1: weird like because I know she needs it. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just very Oh it's a complex situation, and family
Speaker 1: dynamics intersect with it absolutely, I'm sure as people are listening,
Speaker 1: they're coming up with their own reasons of why it's hard.
Speaker 1: So I'm sure we only scratch the surface, but suffice
Speaker 1: to say it can be very difficult. And so it
Speaker 1: also is not this super simple fix to then begin
Speaker 1: saying no, especially in the harder areas. Right, maybe it's
Speaker 1: easy to say no to cleaning the toilet when you
Speaker 1: don't feel like it, but it's not so easy to
Speaker 1: say no to going on an amazing vacation on the
Speaker 1: other side of the world. So, like, identify what your
Speaker 1: hard thing is to say no to. And this is
Speaker 1: where we really want to begin examining, and so particularly
Speaker 1: around finances, the sticky thing. But then the article goes
Speaker 1: into when you should say no and and this is
Speaker 1: going to be another area that's just scratching the surface.
Speaker 1: But I also want to say at this juncture, as
Speaker 1: we're talking about boundaries, one really simple way of defining
Speaker 1: boundaries is just identifying what is okay and what is
Speaker 1: not okay. I think we can make boundaries really really complicated,
Speaker 1: and they are and they're different for everybody, and there's
Speaker 1: many layers, and it's hard to stick to our boundaries
Speaker 1: or other people's boundaries. And sometimes we go overboard, but
Speaker 1: it's ultimately identifying what is okay and what isn't okay
Speaker 1: that would coincide with our finances as well, it's okay
Speaker 1: for my financial situation, what's not okay for my financial situation,
Speaker 1: and then building out from there. But the article also
Speaker 1: adds that first, if you feel uncomfortable, if you've got
Speaker 1: a situation where for whatever reason, you're having maybe a
Speaker 1: visceral reaction, or you're not feeling completely safe with what's
Speaker 1: being asked or demanded or even what you're demanding of yourself.
Speaker 1: If something is coming onto your plate and you're feeling uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: that could be an indicator sign that, oh, this might
Speaker 1: be outside of the fence for me, This might be
Speaker 1: something that falls under the not okay. That doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that it's not okay for forever, or it is wrong
Speaker 1: or immoral. It just might not be okay for you
Speaker 1: right now. Another reason to maybe say no is if
Speaker 1: you are feeling guilty or obligated. It's not a great
Speaker 1: reason to say yes it just out of guilt or obligation.
Speaker 1: If that's the strongest thing that's happening for you, that's
Speaker 1: another indicator sign that this might be an opportunity to
Speaker 1: exercise your No. Another one I couldn't resonate with this
Speaker 1: one more is when you're feeling overloaded, or if you
Speaker 1: are actually overloaded, might not just be with feelings when
Speaker 1: you've got a lot on your plate. All of these
Speaker 1: things are gonna need to require a degree of knowledge
Speaker 1: about our life circumstances, our seasons, our capacities, and so
Speaker 1: again that's where all this kind of work and understanding
Speaker 1: and processing comes into place. But if you're already overloaded,
Speaker 1: and if we're talking about finances, if every dollar that
Speaker 1: you're bringing in that month already has a place to go,
Speaker 1: then your finances are overloaded or they are at capacity.
Speaker 1: There is no more space for allocation of another dollar.
Speaker 1: Set a different way, if saying yes to this thing
Speaker 1: means you have to go in debt for it, you
Speaker 1: need to take out even just a small personal loan,
Speaker 1: or borrow from next month, or borrow from your grocery budget,
Speaker 1: that might be a good indicator sign that this is
Speaker 1: outside of my capacity, This is not okay for my finances.
Speaker 1: They're overloaded. Of course, if the request crosses your own
Speaker 1: personal bound, if there is maybe something that is being
Speaker 1: asked or demanded or requested that is just outside of
Speaker 1: what you are personally comfortable with. That's a very clear
Speaker 1: indicator sign this is an opportunity to say no. And
Speaker 1: the final thing that they list on here is that
Speaker 1: if you're only saying yes just to please someone else,
Speaker 1: that's another good opportunity to exercise a no. And I
Speaker 1: would even add that if the pendulum is swinging too
Speaker 1: far to it's only looking at what's in the best
Speaker 1: interest of this other person to the detriment of yourself.
Speaker 1: It is if it's only to say yes to them
Speaker 1: and they're the only ones benefiting, but you might be
Speaker 1: hurting yourself in that process, that's another good indicator sign.
Speaker 1: Of course, we're going to get to okay, but then
Speaker 1: how so I've identified this is probably an opportunity to
Speaker 1: say no, But then how that's in our second part.
Speaker 1: But pay attention to these indicators signs, learn what they
Speaker 1: are for you. They may not be fully on this list,
Speaker 1: but begin to think through how do I know when
Speaker 1: something's not okay? And just begin to pay attention to
Speaker 1: that in yourself first, before we're even going to move
Speaker 1: on to the next steps of how to interact with
Speaker 1: and set up these boundaries. Yeah, I feel like the
Speaker 1: guilt and obligation, those are the feelings that come up
Speaker 1: most when I spend outside of either what I've budgeted
Speaker 1: for or what I feel comfortable with. And this is
Speaker 1: especially true if you are in a season where all
Speaker 1: your friends are getting married, like this can be so so,
Speaker 1: so so real. And I think around the holidays, the guilt, obligation,
Speaker 1: and especially overload, that's when those come up, where we're
Speaker 1: trying to please our parents to come home for the
Speaker 1: holidays or to buy for family members that we probably
Speaker 1: don't need to be. I feel like some of these
Speaker 1: come up more than others, but I feel like they're
Speaker 1: also kind of mingled together. Two. And I didn't like
Speaker 1: I don't really think about my personal boundaries or saying
Speaker 1: yes to please somebody. I think more about guild and
Speaker 1: obligation when I'm doing these. So, yeah, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of different reasons where it could be the reason that
Speaker 1: you should say no in that time. Kind of listen
Speaker 1: to your gut, Honestly, listen to your gut, because there
Speaker 1: could be some places where there's things that quote unquote
Speaker 1: obligations that you want to spend money on for the
Speaker 1: simple fact that it's an obligation, for the simple fact
Speaker 1: that it is there, and it is a tradition and
Speaker 1: it is pointless, But you want to spend on it,
Speaker 1: and that's totally okay. That's again like it's different for everyone.
Speaker 1: What you're going to say no too, So listen to
Speaker 1: your gut and if it's something that makes you squirmy,
Speaker 1: then that's probably a no. If it's something that you
Speaker 1: really want to do, then forget everything we just said
Speaker 1: and do it this one time. But at least you
Speaker 1: have the filters now to be able to fill your
Speaker 1: thoughts through. And again, not everyone's out to get us.
Speaker 1: Not people aren't trying to make us broke. They just
Speaker 1: don't know all of the other demands that are happening,
Speaker 1: nor do they. I mean, no is a full sentence.
Speaker 1: We do not need to add reasonings behind it. Sometimes
Speaker 1: we choose to because it feels more kind to be
Speaker 1: able to do that. But the problem isn't primarily external.
Speaker 1: The problem is primarily or the issue where the thing
Speaker 1: to address is primarily internal of my own identification of
Speaker 1: what is and isn't okay for me. Rather than blaming
Speaker 1: everyone else for putting these things on us. People are
Speaker 1: just asking us, can you do this? Do you want
Speaker 1: to do this? Do you want to be a part
Speaker 1: of this? And it's up to us to identify yes
Speaker 1: or no and then move forward in freedom out of
Speaker 1: whatever answer we've given yes. So, before we move into
Speaker 1: the nuts and bolts of how to say no with kindness,
Speaker 1: just a few points on just to reiterate why it's
Speaker 1: important to say no, why it's important to build these boundaries,
Speaker 1: and so the first day state is do less to
Speaker 1: deliver more. And we say this all the time. When
Speaker 1: you focus on one thing at a time, then you
Speaker 1: can do it. Well. A lot of this stuff does
Speaker 1: not mean you're going to say no forever. You may
Speaker 1: be focusing on one thing in this season and that
Speaker 1: requires you to say no to certain things, and you
Speaker 1: can be honest. We'll go through this in a second
Speaker 1: part and the how, but you can be honest in
Speaker 1: saying I can't in this season right now. They may
Speaker 1: not understand, they may not understand, and they don't have to.
Speaker 1: But when you're focusing on one thing at a time
Speaker 1: and you can be really honest, it says produce a
Speaker 1: higher quality of work, but for the purposes of personal finance,
Speaker 1: you will get your financial goals met faster and in
Speaker 1: the way that you want them to, not just arbitrary
Speaker 1: financial goals. The next is saying no can benefit your
Speaker 1: performance and career. So I think we're talking about family
Speaker 1: and friends, but so much of this is relevant for
Speaker 1: the workplace. When you are training yourself to say no
Speaker 1: and build boundaries in your personal life, it will naturally
Speaker 1: follow through to your work life. So being assertive does payoff.
Speaker 1: It may not seem like that in every situation, but
Speaker 1: in the long run, it does payoff. Next, it's important
Speaker 1: for your mental well being. We talk so much in
Speaker 1: our culture about mental wellness, mental health, and so this
Speaker 1: is one of those aspects, the practical aspects of preserving
Speaker 1: what the article says mental fitness, but really just like
Speaker 1: mental well being, mental clarity. So this is just one
Speaker 1: of the ways that you can preserve that. There's a
Speaker 1: long list, but I'll just go through a few more.
Speaker 1: It helps you prevent burnout because as my people pleasers,
Speaker 1: I love you, I love you so much, but you're
Speaker 1: so prone to burnout. I just see it in you all,
Speaker 1: and I like, I know every single one of you
Speaker 1: got enough on your play. There are beautiful people like
Speaker 1: in my life that are people pleasers, and it's just
Speaker 1: a lot of the time on the edge of a burnout.
Speaker 1: And I'm just like my friend, my good friend, say no,
Speaker 1: say no, laid down good to pick up great. And
Speaker 1: that's if it makes you feel like better, Like you
Speaker 1: can say yes to better things if you say no
Speaker 1: to things that are not as great. So sometimes that helps,
Speaker 1: it may not, but I see you when I don't
Speaker 1: want you to be burned out. I think that though,
Speaker 1: comes with the deeper knowledge of what is great, what
Speaker 1: would this allow me to do as a result of
Speaker 1: saying no? Or what are the repercussions or And I
Speaker 1: think sometimes we just say yes because we've not even
Speaker 1: had the time to explore those questions that need to
Speaker 1: come before the no, or the understanding of self that
Speaker 1: leads to the no. So there's work again that needs
Speaker 1: to be done before we can even enact that no. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so so true. So the last one I'll go
Speaker 1: through is I'll combine these. But saying yes can prevent
Speaker 1: you from achieving your personal goals. So that's like a
Speaker 1: big thing we're talking about. When you focus. When you
Speaker 1: choose one thing and you say no to the things
Speaker 1: that aren't allowing you to focus, then you will be
Speaker 1: able to reach your personal goals faster. Will things come
Speaker 1: up that you need to say yes to that really
Speaker 1: can't be avoided, that will help some progress to your
Speaker 1: personal goals? Always those things always come up, But there
Speaker 1: are things in our control that we can say no
Speaker 1: to that will not derail us. Because the last one
Speaker 1: I'll talk about is because of our capabilities to be
Speaker 1: realistic about your capabilities. We were told you can do
Speaker 1: anything anything you put your mind to. Just hustle and
Speaker 1: you can do it. You can be anything. That was
Speaker 1: a lie. It is a lie. Well, you might be
Speaker 1: able to, but you can't do everything right. I mean,
Speaker 1: and same thing with money, things like sure you could
Speaker 1: get yourself to a place of being able to get
Speaker 1: whatever you want, but you can't have everything. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: guess I we're just more prone to want everything. I
Speaker 1: think That's what I'm thinking. I'm I want everything and
Speaker 1: I get yet I just have to say no. You know,
Speaker 1: like if it's a boundary thing, it's not okay for
Speaker 1: me right now. But your brain has capacities, like it's
Speaker 1: got a limited capacity, and that we underestimate that capacity
Speaker 1: a lot, but we also overestimate it a lot. There's
Speaker 1: like there's no in between. We're either underestimating ourselves or
Speaker 1: overestimating ourselves. And I don't know where the in between is.
Speaker 1: I don't know where the radical estimating yourself accurately, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think sometimes we hit that it's
Speaker 1: impossible of estimating accurately. When you build boundaries, then you're
Speaker 1: better able to to do that, to say this is
Speaker 1: what my capacity is in this season, and go a
Speaker 1: little bit under that so that if something pops up,
Speaker 1: you can say yes to it. If something great pops up,
Speaker 1: you can say yes to it, but always try and
Speaker 1: go a little under your capabilities. I think it's building
Speaker 1: in that margin relationally and emotionally and mentally so that
Speaker 1: if something does come up that is a true yes,
Speaker 1: I want to say yes to that great because you've
Speaker 1: said no to enough other things that you've got some
Speaker 1: margin and some space. Same thing with our finances. If
Speaker 1: we can build in margin and space, then it gives
Speaker 1: us the ability to say yes to some of the
Speaker 1: things so that the no doesn't just have to be
Speaker 1: because I don't have money for it. But the no
Speaker 1: is more so for the things that I don't value,
Speaker 1: that I don't want to spend on that. But if
Speaker 1: something comes up that you do want to be a
Speaker 1: part of, you can have the space for it. That's
Speaker 1: the whole emergency fund and planning for those maybe unexpected
Speaker 1: or the long term things you know are going to happen.
Speaker 1: And I want to be able to say yes to
Speaker 1: this and not only say no just because I don't
Speaker 1: have it. So then it goes into ten different ways
Speaker 1: of how to say no. And of course you're going
Speaker 1: to have to find the script that works for you.
Speaker 1: But a couple of things and I will I'll just
Speaker 1: list all of them off and maybe you can grab
Speaker 1: what works for you. But I want to define and
Speaker 1: highlight a couple of things about this list. It doesn't
Speaker 1: give an explanation. None of these answers give a prolonged,
Speaker 1: drawn out and here's why. And I love that again,
Speaker 1: not saying that we can't give a reason, but no
Speaker 1: can be a full sentence, and people may not understand.
Speaker 1: We may upset or offend people, but if we are
Speaker 1: confident in the reality that this is not a good decision,
Speaker 1: for me then learning to carry the fact that you
Speaker 1: might not be thrilled with the fact that I just
Speaker 1: said no to you. Yeah. So this list actually makes
Speaker 1: me think of an Instagram real I saw from Elise Myers.
Speaker 1: Do you know who that is? Jill No, she is
Speaker 1: the podcast funny because it's true, and I guess she's
Speaker 1: known more for Instagram, but we know I know podcasts
Speaker 1: more so. She's a people pleaser and her friend is
Speaker 1: I think it's Miss Rachel. I don't know. She's like
Speaker 1: a children's YouTuber, but she's not, like, she's not popular
Speaker 1: in our house. But Miss Rachel's like speaking in her
Speaker 1: like voice that she talks to the kids and trying
Speaker 1: to teach Elise how to say no because she's like
Speaker 1: a super people pleaser and she's so Elise is like yes,
Speaker 1: and Miss Rachel's like no, and then Elise is like,
Speaker 1: she says something like well maybe maybe later. Miss Rachel's
Speaker 1: like no, And then the last one's like, well, I'm
Speaker 1: getting surgery at five, but maybe I can swing by later.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, like just absolutely cannot. Yeah, right, So
Speaker 1: this goes back and forth until finally she's just like no.
Speaker 1: It's just like really reluctantly. So these this makes me
Speaker 1: think of that. So if you are looking for ways,
Speaker 1: if that sounds like you, and you're looking for ways
Speaker 1: to say no, these are really kind ways to say
Speaker 1: no that are full sentences. So again some really themes
Speaker 1: that go along with each of these ways of saying no.
Speaker 1: It doesn't place blame. It's not looking to the other
Speaker 1: person or the external source as being the reason for
Speaker 1: the no, but it takes ownership of the decision that's
Speaker 1: being made, and it avoids long explanations. So if you're
Speaker 1: just kind of looking for some key things and then
Speaker 1: you can fill out your own template. But here we go.
Speaker 1: Most of them start with eye statements, as we know
Speaker 1: most statements should as far as taking ownership of things. Sadly,
Speaker 1: I have something else going on, or I have another commitment,
Speaker 1: or I wish I were able to, or I'm afraid
Speaker 1: I can't or I don't have the bandwidth for that
Speaker 1: right now, or I'm honored you ask me, but I
Speaker 1: simply cannot, or thanks for thinking of me, However I'm
Speaker 1: not able to, or I'm sorry I'm not able to
Speaker 1: fit this in, or unfortunately I already have plans. Maybe
Speaker 1: next time or no thank you, but it sounds lovely.
Speaker 1: One of the things that's important for me is to
Speaker 1: make sure that I'm not lying or even fibbing in
Speaker 1: the way that I'm doing this, So you know, unfortunately
Speaker 1: I already have plans. If I don't already have plans,
Speaker 1: this is my own personal moral code. I just I
Speaker 1: won't say that it's just maybe more of the no
Speaker 1: thank you, but it sounds lovely. Again, if we're talking
Speaker 1: financial decisions, these things easily fit in. No, I'm not
Speaker 1: able to go out with you for dinner. No, I'm
Speaker 1: not able to split that gift with you. No, I'm
Speaker 1: not able to sometimes and we're going to have to
Speaker 1: assess this for ourselves. There could be a no, but
Speaker 1: if we can identify something else that makes it more
Speaker 1: feasible for us. I'm remembering one of our Debt Free
Speaker 1: Stories for Friends podcast YouTube channel Debt Free Stories. There
Speaker 1: was a teacher who was describing a gift where all
Speaker 1: the teachers were chipping in for a gift for another teacher.
Speaker 1: And she's in her debt payoff journey and so she
Speaker 1: did that. No, but now I'm not able to chip
Speaker 1: in the ten dollars that you're asking, and no, it
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like a lot, but it's just not a
Speaker 1: part of where I'm choosing to allocate my finances. But
Speaker 1: I'll make the card, I'll gather everyone's money, i will wrap,
Speaker 1: i will do the more laborious things. I'll write the card,
Speaker 1: I'll give it to her, whatever it is. But I'm
Speaker 1: not able to commit to this. So that's a great
Speaker 1: example of finding an alternative, negotiating, finding what's feasible and
Speaker 1: comfortable for you at that time. Like I'll accept the
Speaker 1: money and then go buy the gift with the money,
Speaker 1: because some people just don't have time. Right. I love
Speaker 1: but is like the magic word. And none of these right,
Speaker 1: and none of these involved talking about money either. So
Speaker 1: if money isn't something that you want to necessarily bring
Speaker 1: up to the people that you're responding to, you don't
Speaker 1: want to really dive into your debt payoff or investing
Speaker 1: or whatever money saving journey. None of these involved like sorry,
Speaker 1: it's not in my budget, or I can't afford it. No,
Speaker 1: that's I mean, none of you don't have to say that.
Speaker 1: You can just say I don't have the bandwidth or no,
Speaker 1: thank you. It sounds lovely that's it. Yea. So very
Speaker 1: few people will ask you why. Your family might ask
Speaker 1: you why. You're close friends might ask you why yeah,
Speaker 1: And those are maybe the people that you're less likely
Speaker 1: to say no to as well. But the people that
Speaker 1: probably you should be saying no to are probably also
Speaker 1: not going to ask for follow up, you know. I
Speaker 1: think that that is one of the biggest issues though
Speaker 1: with saying no, is the reality that those who are
Speaker 1: saying no too won't understand or appreciate or value the no,
Speaker 1: And that's just a reality. I think we have to
Speaker 1: be okay with that, and I think that's what can
Speaker 1: help us clearly define how confident we are in the know,
Speaker 1: because if it means that the other person's not going
Speaker 1: to understand, then I'm just going to backtrack on my no,
Speaker 1: then that totally derails all of our boundaries because all
Speaker 1: that means is we don't know how to stick to
Speaker 1: our boundaries. So it only saying no on the things
Speaker 1: that we know we can true we stick to. No
Speaker 1: means no, and if no doesn't mean no, then that's
Speaker 1: a deeper exploration that we need to look at. Why
Speaker 1: does my no not mean no? And it doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that I just am not that committed to it. It's
Speaker 1: actually not important for me to keep it a no
Speaker 1: or am I so swayed by the opinions of others
Speaker 1: or their disappointment rather whether real or perceived. And that's
Speaker 1: why I'm not able to stick to my no. And
Speaker 1: there's some deeper background work that can happen there. It
Speaker 1: can happen. You're not doomed. Absolutely So, now that you
Speaker 1: have ten different ways to say no, here are some
Speaker 1: helpful tips on how to practice these phrases. Because you
Speaker 1: want to just sit in the mirror and say no
Speaker 1: to yourself a lot. I don't think it's that no
Speaker 1: no okay, but it does say many of us could
Speaker 1: use a helping hand when it comes to being more
Speaker 1: assertive and definitely even assertive people, there are people who
Speaker 1: they have a hard time being assertive with. Those are
Speaker 1: usually the people and they need to be more assertive with.
Speaker 1: So it does help to kind of practice. Like learning
Speaker 1: how to say no can be a lifelong journey, you
Speaker 1: got to start somewhere, and these are the places to start.
Speaker 1: So the first one is to practice saying no, maybe
Speaker 1: like not in your mirror. Practice on the easy things,
Speaker 1: just like anything else. We first say no to the
Speaker 1: things in our spending that are easy to get rid
Speaker 1: of because they're not actually that important. The subscriptions we
Speaker 1: just forgot about. We practice decluttering in the easiest part
Speaker 1: of the house. First, same thing here. Start saying no
Speaker 1: to the things that are easy to say no to.
Speaker 1: That you should say no to that we're not like
Speaker 1: letting go of important responsibilities. Yes. The next this is
Speaker 1: to be clear so that you don't have to say
Speaker 1: it twice. Be clear the first time. And that comes
Speaker 1: down to like being assertive. The clearer you are about
Speaker 1: saying no, the better they'll respond, because to be unclear
Speaker 1: is to be unkind because you're leaving things up for
Speaker 1: interpretation for them. They're wondering, they're not sure if you
Speaker 1: said yes or no. They're thinking, oh, you're the type
Speaker 1: of person to say yes. I'll just think they said
Speaker 1: yes and then you said no, and then it becomes awkward.
Speaker 1: So be clear. It's gonna be much better than being unclear,
Speaker 1: much more kind. I love this one. Express gratitude for
Speaker 1: being asked. I know sometimes we want to say yes
Speaker 1: as an expression of gratitude, like oh, I'm honored they
Speaker 1: would just ask me, I'm so glad to just be included.
Speaker 1: But you can say that with your words and not
Speaker 1: with your wallet. You can express gratitude verbally without having
Speaker 1: it cost you money. Take time to make an informed decision.
Speaker 1: So if it's very hard for you to say no,
Speaker 1: don't say no immediately, but also don't say yes immediately.
Speaker 1: Just say, oh, give me, give me a few days.
Speaker 1: I have a lot on my plate right now, and
Speaker 1: I will let you know. And if they're saying, oh, no,
Speaker 1: I need an answer from me right the second, then
Speaker 1: that answer is going to be no, because that's never
Speaker 1: a good sign. Allow that indecision to be a decision. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is never a good sign. So yeah, just be
Speaker 1: honest and say I need time to make an informed decision.
Speaker 1: So then the next several ones are just reiterating like,
Speaker 1: don't beat around the bush, be assertive but respectful. And
Speaker 1: this one here we go, this one's big. And I
Speaker 1: actually just experienced this one with somebody. Understand the power
Speaker 1: of influencing tactics, And so again, people don't always use
Speaker 1: these influencing tactics maliciously, but they have learned over time
Speaker 1: that they work, and so they use them. So they
Speaker 1: are strategies used to engineer a specific outcome or a
Speaker 1: specific response. And so when you gain a better understanding
Speaker 1: of how influencing tactics were, and that would be an
Speaker 1: entirely different podcast epidose, Yeah, then you can make your
Speaker 1: decision more confidently and more assertively. So like I was
Speaker 1: recently in a situation where I ended a subscription to
Speaker 1: like a professional organization, and the person the leader of it,
Speaker 1: used influencing tactics to try and get me to stay.
Speaker 1: And I knew what those were, so I was able
Speaker 1: to recognize them and say, no, I am going to
Speaker 1: go with the decision I made, and I'm confident in
Speaker 1: the decision I made. But he was using some really
Speaker 1: good influencing tactics. Well, and that can start with you
Speaker 1: being really confident in your know from the beginning that
Speaker 1: you had thought it through, you had taken your time,
Speaker 1: you knew what was going to be best for you,
Speaker 1: So it makes it all the easier to stick to
Speaker 1: your original answer when that happens. Yeah, and sometimes these
Speaker 1: tactics can be manipulative, but they aren't always. Somebody thinks
Speaker 1: that it is in your best interests to spend this money,
Speaker 1: they really think they're helping you. They're not doing it
Speaker 1: to manipulate you. But you need to know how people
Speaker 1: are influencing you so you can tell the difference. And
Speaker 1: the article wraps up. I'm just going to go through
Speaker 1: it briefly because it's a little bit of a reiteration
Speaker 1: of the beginning portion. But how to decide when to
Speaker 1: say no? Again? Asking ourselves questions like do I actually
Speaker 1: have the time, energy capacity to do this? That's going
Speaker 1: to require us to create a pause, not having our
Speaker 1: instant answer to be yes, but valuing yourself enough to
Speaker 1: at least give yourself space to consider and process. Am
Speaker 1: I able to do this? Is it okay? And also
Speaker 1: consider you? Am I being used or valued? Does saying
Speaker 1: no to this mean I can't say yes to something
Speaker 1: more important? Is this going to take up space for me?
Speaker 1: That then I have no more margin? And if something
Speaker 1: else pops up, I'm not able to give to that?
Speaker 1: Or I love this last question that we can ask
Speaker 1: ourselves what would need to change about this in order
Speaker 1: to make it a yes? That goes back to that no,
Speaker 1: but which is also a possibility for us. What would
Speaker 1: need a change to make it a yes? Again? That's
Speaker 1: going to require a bit of a pause and understanding
Speaker 1: of ourselves, our circumstances, what we want, and then be
Speaker 1: able to potentially negotiate something within the midst of it. No,
Speaker 1: I don't want to go out to the restaurant with you,
Speaker 1: but do you want to come over? I got some leftovers.
Speaker 1: That sounds appetizing. Yeah, you know what else sounds appetizing?
Speaker 1: That is always a yes, doesn't nothing needs to change
Speaker 1: about it to be a yes, because we've made margin
Speaker 1: for this yes, and this is our three hundredth yes
Speaker 1: to it. The bill of the week. That's right, it's
Speaker 1: time for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe
Speaker 1: a baby was born and his name is William. Maybe
Speaker 1: you've paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and
Speaker 1: you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore.
Speaker 1: Build Buffalo, Build Bill Clinton. This is the bill of
Speaker 1: the week. Hey, Jen and Jill. My name is Shannon
Speaker 1: and I've been listening to the podcast for a few
Speaker 1: months now. My bill of the week is my cable
Speaker 1: internet bill. When I last negotiated my bill a couple
Speaker 1: of years ago, my quote unquote special price lasted for
Speaker 1: two years. This expired recently, so my bill went from
Speaker 1: eighty dollars up to one hundred dollars. Your podcast motivated
Speaker 1: me to call a company, and all I had to
Speaker 1: do is ask for a lower price. They not only
Speaker 1: lowered it, but reduced it to seventy dollars. So now
Speaker 1: I'm being even less than I was previously. Thanks for
Speaker 1: keeping me motivated to look for these easy ways to
Speaker 1: save girl. Yeah, what, yes, what, I've never heard of
Speaker 1: that before, Shannon, Like, maybe they keep you at your raid,
Speaker 1: or they only raise it by five dollars, but to
Speaker 1: go ten dollars less than what you were even previously
Speaker 1: paying for the past two years is insane. You've heard
Speaker 1: it here first. You can no longer say it never happens.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, he can't say that anymore. Wow. Choosing to
Speaker 1: just take a little bit of time out to call
Speaker 1: this is one of the best bills I think to negotiate.
Speaker 1: I don't know what internet companies are doing out there,
Speaker 1: but there's always wiggle room. So here it is yep,
Speaker 1: phone internet. Shannon's encouraging all of us to just call
Speaker 1: and see what you can do lower that bill. What
Speaker 1: a great three hundred Billy oh oh Man, three hundred
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that listening to us is what made
Speaker 1: you do that. Yes, oh man inspired you to do that.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Shannon, your best Yes, thanks Shannon. If you
Speaker 1: all are listening and feeling inspired by us in this
Speaker 1: three hundredth episode, or inspired by Shannon because she's our
Speaker 1: frugal friend, or just inspired by your own self out
Speaker 1: there slaying some sort of bill, submit your Bill of
Speaker 1: the Week Regal Friends podcast dot com slash bill. Oh
Speaker 1: you guys, we're not done yet. Three hundred bills. We
Speaker 1: want another three hundred more. You know us. We're just
Speaker 1: over here thirsty for some bills, and now it's time
Speaker 1: for the Lightning Run. Oh wow, you had three hundred
Speaker 1: episodes worth of energy in that. I don't think we
Speaker 1: started the Lightning Round until we didn't a little later.
Speaker 1: It's probably still like episode ten, but something I have
Speaker 1: to go back in the archives and see when the
Speaker 1: Lightning Round started. But it definitely wasn't planned, like the
Speaker 1: Bill of the Week was planned before we started the podcast.
Speaker 1: The Lightning Round came to be, much to my chagrin,
Speaker 1: but I have made it into something that I enjoy.
Speaker 1: Its Ulnerability Round, Vulnerability, Lightning Round. I made it the
Speaker 1: lightning round. Jen made it vulnerability, and I couldn't entirely
Speaker 1: say no. I was worn down because my no wasn't
Speaker 1: strong enough. You were worn down because I make the outlines. Well,
Speaker 1: I yeah, and the questions are here and now they
Speaker 1: just have to be answered. So today's lightning round. How
Speaker 1: have you said no to your family or friends in
Speaker 1: order to stay within your budget? And what was your approach? Okay,
Speaker 1: you go first. This might be a little bit of
Speaker 1: a controversial story, but it will hopefully give some encouragement
Speaker 1: to women who are in that season of life where
Speaker 1: everybody around them is getting married. So I'm not the
Speaker 1: type of friend people ask to be in their wedding
Speaker 1: for some reason, and this is probably why when my
Speaker 1: husband and I were paying off our debt, we had
Speaker 1: just gotten married. So this is my one of my
Speaker 1: best friends. I got married in October and she got
Speaker 1: married in March. Like we got married very close together,
Speaker 1: and so when we were in each other's weddings, and
Speaker 1: I made sure that everything about my wedding was very
Speaker 1: affordable for all of my right names. The only thing
Speaker 1: I regret is that I, for some reason required them
Speaker 1: all to have the same dress and I was like,
Speaker 1: why did I do that? I was like, you can
Speaker 1: pick what it is. I just wanted you all to
Speaker 1: be the same and I don't care anymore. So that
Speaker 1: was really the only thing where they had to like
Speaker 1: spend money. Also, they we all bought the same shoes,
Speaker 1: but just because they were like good shoes and they
Speaker 1: were like forty bucks and we all love the shoes.
Speaker 1: That was not a mistake. The shoes were good. The
Speaker 1: shoes are never a mistake. The shoes were never a mistake.
Speaker 1: They were flats. They were one of those things where
Speaker 1: you say, you can, you know, wear it after the wedding.
Speaker 1: The shoes are things we all we all wore the
Speaker 1: shoes after the wedding. The dresses Nevershire trash fire. So
Speaker 1: I was really cognizant of that. And then my friend
Speaker 1: who not my friend getting married, but my friend who's
Speaker 1: in both of our weddings, my friend they got married
Speaker 1: after me. She has tastes that are a little more
Speaker 1: elevated than me. We will say that refined. And so
Speaker 1: my friend, who was planning all the festivities, she really
Speaker 1: like ran with that. So everything she planned was like
Speaker 1: very expensive, Like I don't even think it was the
Speaker 1: bride that was planning these things, you know, it was
Speaker 1: our fellow friend, and so this is what this was
Speaker 1: my limit. I didn't complain about anything until the bridle shower.
Speaker 1: She rented out of venue for the bridle shower, and
Speaker 1: then after the fact was like, okay, you all owe me. Gosh,
Speaker 1: what was it like two hundred bucks for the venue
Speaker 1: rental for the bridle shower? And I was like, excuse me,
Speaker 1: it's a bridle shower. I mean, we're going to pay
Speaker 1: for her trip like across the country for a bachelorette party.
Speaker 1: Like I'm down for that. We're paying for like all
Speaker 1: of these dresses and shoes, dresses again never wore. Actually
Speaker 1: I think I went to a masquerade ball and I
Speaker 1: did wear that dress again, So one other time I
Speaker 1: wore that dress. So like all these things I had
Speaker 1: no problem paying for. But a venue rental for a
Speaker 1: bridle shower that wasn't agreed upon, right, It wasn't we
Speaker 1: talked about ahead of time. No, we were told after
Speaker 1: the fact that's never a good scenario for me either,
Speaker 1: or like we have got to communicate earlier. But it
Speaker 1: was consulted. Nobody was consulting. No one gets to make
Speaker 1: decisions for my money except for me. Yeah, And so
Speaker 1: I told her this is not in my budget right now.
Speaker 1: There are a lot of other things that I have budgeted,
Speaker 1: but this is not one of them. And this was
Speaker 1: even before you were a frugal friend. Oh this was Yeah,
Speaker 1: this was twenty sixteen, this little baby jen practicing her boundaries,
Speaker 1: it was. And so I did put in a hundred
Speaker 1: dollars instead of two hundred. How did that go over?
Speaker 1: You've probably never talked to her or seeing her again.
Speaker 1: She's probably still talking about you on the podcast this
Speaker 1: girl we are still friends? WHOA. But she had to understand, like,
Speaker 1: there are not unlimited budgets. And I actually talked to
Speaker 1: another bridesmaid years later who was also super pissed, but
Speaker 1: she didn't say anything. So she paid the two hundreds.
Speaker 1: So this is a tough thing because oftentimes the whole
Speaker 1: wedding scene is happening for those in their younger years,
Speaker 1: and that's often where we're still learning adulthood and how
Speaker 1: to even identify for ourselves what isn't isn't okay. So
Speaker 1: it just does this really awful convergence of expensive things
Speaker 1: while we're still kind of learning. How do we say
Speaker 1: no and still feel like we can keep friends and
Speaker 1: value one another. And it's really difficult. But if I
Speaker 1: could highlight one thing in this, it's communicate as early
Speaker 1: as possible when it comes to these weddings. Hopefully we
Speaker 1: can see it coming and begin to identify, all right,
Speaker 1: who's going to be the one planning it? And if
Speaker 1: we especially know I've got some boundaries here to be
Speaker 1: talking with that person of what are we thinking. I
Speaker 1: don't want to find myself in a situation where now
Speaker 1: I'm obligated to pay something that we've not communicated about.
Speaker 1: And so being as much as assertive and as involved
Speaker 1: early on clearly communicating what you are able to do
Speaker 1: and give, and if you can't give anything, then you
Speaker 1: might not be able to commit to being in or
Speaker 1: a part of that wedding. Yeah, but like, ultimately I
Speaker 1: did want to participate in everything. I knew she had
Speaker 1: bougie tastes, but I also knew that she was going
Speaker 1: to marry this guy like a year before they got engaged,
Speaker 1: you know, like I saw it coming. But like bridle
Speaker 1: showers are supposed to take place at somebody house, Okay,
Speaker 1: and then you get a Chick fil A nugget tray
Speaker 1: and maybe some small sandwiches. You know, that's a bridle
Speaker 1: shower to me. So that was outside of my values.
Speaker 1: That's just a tough one. And it wasn't communicated beforehand,
Speaker 1: and that was the thing. If it had been communicated
Speaker 1: months in advance, I would have done it out of obligation.
Speaker 1: But I would have been happy to do it out
Speaker 1: of obligation because you would have known, yes, Jill. Okay,
Speaker 1: so the original question, how have you said no to
Speaker 1: your family or friends in order to stay within your budget?
Speaker 1: What was your approach? Okay, Yes, I often say no, Jill,
Speaker 1: and I don't have any problem saying no. We have
Speaker 1: really high boundaries, and we just we have a relationship
Speaker 1: with each other on the other side of our walls,
Speaker 1: and we kind we have a little tin can and
Speaker 1: a string where we talk to each other behind our walls.
Speaker 1: We say no to each other. We also say yes,
Speaker 1: and then how much more freedom in the yes because
Speaker 1: we know it's a full odd yes. Either of us
Speaker 1: is offended when the other says no, because we're like,
Speaker 1: that's fine, I guess, so I will say I think
Speaker 1: we are in a unique if we're going to talk
Speaker 1: a little bit about privilege. Unique situation where we have
Speaker 1: a finance podcast. So no one is surprised if I
Speaker 1: am so on top of my money decisions and saying
Speaker 1: yes or no to different things, because it's like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's like your thing. We're so perfect though. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: we're not perfect, but there are some things that we've
Speaker 1: just we're just like good at. Stay tuned for the
Speaker 1: after show if you want examples of my imperfection. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: but I I love to collect all of the things.
Speaker 1: I don't love saying no to the things that I
Speaker 1: really want to do, So I often will look for
Speaker 1: like a win win. My no is often a no
Speaker 1: but where I want to negotiate or find an a
Speaker 1: workable alternative that feels like a win win for both
Speaker 1: of us. So, for example, I've got plethoras of examples.
Speaker 1: This is a recent one. My sister and her kids
Speaker 1: and my brother in law are all coming down to Florida.
Speaker 1: They're going to Universal for the entire week. They said,
Speaker 1: you're welcome to come down join us for the whole
Speaker 1: week if you want. Obviously that means we're getting our
Speaker 1: own Universal tickets. We'd be getting our own hotel, and
Speaker 1: I say no, but I'll join you for a day.
Speaker 1: I'll buy a Universal ticket for a day because I
Speaker 1: know that that's reasonable for me and my budget. And also,
Speaker 1: just like my values, I don't value an entire week Universal.
Speaker 1: I value Universal one day's worth of fun in the hot,
Speaker 1: hot sun, and that's my win win negotiation. No, but yeah, well,
Speaker 1: thanks so much for listening. Guys. For maybe you're just
Speaker 1: joining us for the first time, maybe you've been with
Speaker 1: us for a few months, or maybe you've been with
Speaker 1: us for three hundred hours. If you have, I mean,
Speaker 1: make yourself known. If you have, send us an email.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna send you a bumper sticker, not even if
Speaker 1: you haven't been with us for all three hundred hours.
Speaker 1: If you're I mean, if you're an og and you
Speaker 1: can tell us what happens the round started in If
Speaker 1: you can tell us when the lightning round started, I
Speaker 1: will personally mail you a bumper sticker. So thanks so
Speaker 1: much for listening. Many of you know we have a
Speaker 1: membership for our listeners, whether you've been with us a
Speaker 1: few months or a few years. For anyone paying off
Speaker 1: debt or trying to reach a specific financial goal quickly.
Speaker 1: We do monthly money challenges to keep you motivated. Our
Speaker 1: members create accountability groups. We have an open accountability group
Speaker 1: for everyone every month, and we want to congratulate one
Speaker 1: of our members for a big win. This one's from Ali,
Speaker 1: she says, prescription win, y'all. I have been on this
Speaker 1: crazy expensive medicine for years. Usually found a way around
Speaker 1: paying the total price for it, but this time it
Speaker 1: looked like I was stuck paying fifteen hundred dollars for
Speaker 1: ninety days of medication after insurance. I called my doctor
Speaker 1: and told them I can't afford it. When I told
Speaker 1: them the price, the nurse actually sounded disgusted. She said,
Speaker 1: that's ridiculous. Never pay more than fifty for a prescription
Speaker 1: like this. There are plenty of options, and then they
Speaker 1: switched me to a very similar one that is way less.
Speaker 1: I think sometimes the doctors don't even know how insane
Speaker 1: some of these prices are until you tell them. Always
Speaker 1: tell them this is a personal win for me. Took
Speaker 1: a lot of stress off of me this year. Ah hallie.
Speaker 1: I'm like all was close to tears on this one
Speaker 1: because I feel like it's also really highlighting the boundary
Speaker 1: lines with finances, and this took courage. I think for
Speaker 1: many of us, we don't want to admit, you know,
Speaker 1: there's something stigmatized about saying this is outside of my
Speaker 1: financial capacity. And she just called and talked to someone
Speaker 1: and then was able to change it drastically just by
Speaker 1: being able to identify this is not okay for me,
Speaker 1: This would be a no. But yet I still want
Speaker 1: to care for myself. Is there an alternative here? Well done? Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is just another example of taking thirty minutes once
Speaker 1: or twice a month to make a call and just see,
Speaker 1: just check it out. See if you can get a
Speaker 1: lower rate on your cable or internet, see if this
Speaker 1: is the prescription you have to be on. You don't
Speaker 1: know what you don't know, and just taking maybe one
Speaker 1: lunch hour a month to maybe explore, to be curious
Speaker 1: about what you don't know, can really save you some money.
Speaker 1: So congrats Ali, Well done, Ali, and thank you all
Speaker 1: for listening. If you want to check out this membership
Speaker 1: where people like Alie are slicing and dison medical bills
Speaker 1: and we have courses and interviews and challenges, head to
Speaker 1: Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash club you can check
Speaker 1: it out see if it's a good fit for you.
Speaker 1: We'll see you next time maybe. Frugal Friends is produced
Speaker 1: by Eric Sirianni. So another meal kit was delivered to
Speaker 1: my house yesterday. We started our conversation this way, and
Speaker 1: I was like, hold on, let's record the episode and
Speaker 1: then you can tell me about to get this on
Speaker 1: the podcast. How another meal kid just happened to show
Speaker 1: up on your door another I know it happened to me,
Speaker 1: Like I'm helpless and defeatless, and I'm like, is I
Speaker 1: heart sending you things? Like no, no, no, no, I
Speaker 1: heard doesn't send us things sometimes they do. That's just
Speaker 1: like the not meal kids, just like yeah, okay, so
Speaker 1: and I think I had said this on a previous episode.
Speaker 1: I got this mailer in the mail about every plate
Speaker 1: and their deal that they were offering, and I thought
Speaker 1: to myself, that's it. We're all a good deal. And
Speaker 1: it was. I ordered five meals for four people, even
Speaker 1: though it's just Eric and I. They don't know, they're
Speaker 1: not questioning. I'm thinking I can make these meals. I'll
Speaker 1: have leftovers. They're freezeable. I picked meals that could be
Speaker 1: freezeable so that essentially becomes ten meals for US free
Speaker 1: delivery sixty dollars. I'm like, that's gonna last me for
Speaker 1: two weeks. That's way less than my grocery bill is
Speaker 1: going to be and there's like no food waste and
Speaker 1: it's convenient. Yes, I'm gonna do that, and then I'm
Speaker 1: going to cancel it. Well, so I did that. I
Speaker 1: got all the food. Oh, such great food. I'm not
Speaker 1: being paid by every plane to say this. I'm just
Speaker 1: telling you, like my half frugal fail, half frugal win.
Speaker 1: I don't know you decide that that happened. Then I
Speaker 1: was on top of it. I went in and I
Speaker 1: paused it. Now I could have canceled, but I did
Speaker 1: just make the decision to pause it because I'm like,
Speaker 1: even the next delivery still has a discount, and I
Speaker 1: might want that. It's a crazy, hectic season of life,
Speaker 1: and the meal plan already being established for me, the
Speaker 1: groceries already being bought, and the inexpensive amount that it is.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll unpause it. Okay, Well, then I didn't realize
Speaker 1: that if you unpause it for one week, it automatically
Speaker 1: unpauses itself, picks the meals for you and just delivers
Speaker 1: it to your house. I had the thought in my
Speaker 1: head like, maybe that's going to happen, so I went
Speaker 1: in and checked. But by the time I went in
Speaker 1: and checked, like a week and a half later, it
Speaker 1: was like, your box is arriving today. Nothing to be
Speaker 1: done about it, just the boxes here. Now, Jen, this
Speaker 1: has happened to me twice now. Oh so then after
Speaker 1: I got that box, I was like, okay, I freeze stuff.
Speaker 1: None of it has gone to waste, mind you, none
Speaker 1: of it has gone to waste because I refuse to
Speaker 1: have any level of food waste. Figured out how to
Speaker 1: freeze it, went away on vacation, hit the pause button,
Speaker 1: and then forgot how long a week was, went back
Speaker 1: to be like, okay, how do I pause it again?
Speaker 1: For another week? And it was like your meal kits
Speaker 1: arriving tomorrow, which at this point was yesterday. But I
Speaker 1: hadn't gone grocery shopping, so it's not as if I
Speaker 1: have now too much extra. And really, I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is actually good because I have back to back guests
Speaker 1: in February. We only have two days of February without guests,
Speaker 1: meaning people aren't just coming for weekends. Anymore. They're coming
Speaker 1: for long weekends, overlapping each other sometimes, So I'm like,
Speaker 1: I might continue to let this happen to me because
Speaker 1: it's enough food for more than just Eric and I.
Speaker 1: I don't have to think about going grocery shopping. It's
Speaker 1: less money than we would spend going out with all
Speaker 1: of these guests. I'm not saying I made the best decision,
Speaker 1: but I'm not saying that I'm mad about it. But
Speaker 1: next week I'll cancel. Next week I will cancel. I
Speaker 1: won't do this pause game. I'll cancel it because you
Speaker 1: know what Linda's coming. Oh my gosh, Linda's coming. We
Speaker 1: all know what that means. Yeah, you better cancel. My
Speaker 1: mother in law's here when she's going to be offended
Speaker 1: if you don't cancel. She is better than any meal
Speaker 1: kit delivery. I'm just gonna let the people decide how
Speaker 1: to Oh no, and that's the worst decision I could make.
Speaker 1: I will cancel it because the thing that I don't
Speaker 1: like about these meal kit deliveries is the packaging. It
Speaker 1: reduces food waste, but it doesn't reduce other kinds of waste.
Speaker 1: I do all of the recycling that I can. This
Speaker 1: is not a good long term solution, but it is
Speaker 1: helpful for me when I'm in seasons of chaos and
Speaker 1: I've got back to back and overlapping guests, Like, I'm
Speaker 1: not mad about it, but it did kind of happen
Speaker 1: to me. It wasn't an incredibly intentional decision. I will
Speaker 1: admit that. I'm going to say it did not happen
Speaker 1: to you, but I will say a win is a win.
Speaker 1: Thank you. It's a win for me, it's a win
Speaker 1: for every plate. I wish they gave us a promo code. Actually,
Speaker 1: do I have a promo code? Yeah? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm too lazy. No you don't. No more, every plate
Speaker 1: for you. No, no, we're done. No more.