1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,840 Speaker 1: Dear Governor is a production of I Heart Media and 2 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:09,760 Speaker 1: three Months Media. Dear Governor Newsom, Dear Mr Governor Newsom. 3 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: This is an open letter to Governor Gavin Newsom. Dear 4 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 1: Governor news Dear Governor Newsom, as you know. In late 5 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:24,119 Speaker 1: May one, twenty one incarcerated men from a COVID hotspot, 6 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: the California Institute for Men and Chino, were transferred to 7 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,480 Speaker 1: San Quentin. Since then, over half of the men at 8 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:34,280 Speaker 1: San Quentin have become infected. To add insult to injury. 9 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 1: As of the time of this recording, all communications have 10 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 1: been severed in or out of the prison. Mothers, spouses, children, 11 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,280 Speaker 1: friends have no idea how their loved ones are faring, 12 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:50,560 Speaker 1: whether alive, on respirator or dead. As of yesterday, thirteen 13 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,480 Speaker 1: of the men have died, eight on death row. The 14 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,240 Speaker 1: last we heard from our friend Jarvis Masters, he had 15 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: been ravaged by COVID but was believed to be on 16 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: the end, but we can't know for sure. Considering all 17 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,959 Speaker 1: phone privileges have been revoked. This is cruel and inhumane 18 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: punishment for all involved. It was also in late May 19 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 1: that Jarvis published a prescient op ed in the Guardian 20 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,680 Speaker 1: newspaper advocating for why, now more than ever, monitored cell 21 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:20,120 Speaker 1: phone usage should be permitted in prisons. We hope you 22 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 1: will hear his message and considered as a possible solution 23 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 1: to the dire circumstances we are witnessing now. To help 24 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: share Jarvis's vital message, we have enlisted actor and advocate 25 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: Dion Graham to read portions of Jarvis's appeal in his 26 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:38,400 Speaker 1: May twenty second op ed, Letting prisoners use cell phones 27 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: make sense now more than ever. Not long before the 28 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 1: COVID nineteen outbreak was declared a worldwide pandemic, there was 29 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 1: a shakedown here on death Row at San Quentin State Prison. 30 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: It was a massive search, and I wasn't surprised to 31 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: learn officials confiscated at least sixties cell phones. I know 32 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 1: what it feels like to be caught with a contraband phone. 33 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: It happened two years ago, and as punishment I was 34 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: sent to the Adjustment Center solitary confinement for two months. 35 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 1: I was set the solitary for the crime of wanting connection. 36 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 1: With almost forty years as a prisoner, I'm old enough 37 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,919 Speaker 1: to remember a time when a shakedown wouldn't have resulted 38 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:17,639 Speaker 1: in the confiscation of sixty phones. It would have been 39 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:22,000 Speaker 1: sixty shanks and other deadly weapons. This demonstrates what most 40 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: prisoners really want now, to communicate with their family and friends, 41 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,120 Speaker 1: those precious parts of our lives not caged up in here. 42 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 1: This basic need is all the more pronounced in the 43 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: shadow of the coronavirus. A friend of mine told me 44 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,720 Speaker 1: that he won't be able to make it if the 45 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 1: pandemic lasts for another few weeks. He's managed to survive 46 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: for fifteen years as a condemned man, but the fact 47 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,640 Speaker 1: that the outside world is in such a state of 48 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 1: pandemonium as a bridge too far. He's not concerned about 49 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: catching the virus himself, but he's scared to death about 50 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 1: the safety of his friends and family. The last time 51 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 1: Jervis's voice was recorded prior of the phone prohibition was 52 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 1: July twelve. Here he is talking about COVID and COVID 53 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 1: related deaths with the local group coordinator for Amnesty International 54 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:13,799 Speaker 1: in San Francisco, Gavrilla. Wells, have you talked in compared 55 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,760 Speaker 1: notes to any guard who have also had COVID? Have 56 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:21,920 Speaker 1: you commiserated about the experience? I did, Yeah, it's the 57 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 1: same thing. One of the guards who was on the 58 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: ventilator are he was getting fed out at two. It 59 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 1: was his first day back today. It was his first 60 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,520 Speaker 1: day back today, and I talked to him and he 61 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: said it was He said it was rough. He said 62 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: he's glad he made it through it, and he's glad 63 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 1: he didn't affect his family. We all got the same string, 64 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: you know. I believe we all got the same string. 65 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: So we're all done to share the same stories. You know, 66 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: our chess was hurting hard to brief eggs and the 67 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 1: body had a loss of case, sometimes delirious lower back pains. 68 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 1: We all have the same thing. Are you feeling now, Jay, 69 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:07,200 Speaker 1: My bones are cracking. Like I said, it feels like 70 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: I just came out of a football game. Everything hurts, 71 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 1: everything hurts. But the nurses and the doctors told me 72 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: that that's what's going to happen. You know, if you 73 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,440 Speaker 1: make it through this, you know you're still gonna you 74 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 1: can be thick, physically thick for a month. I wish 75 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 1: there was I mean, it's just stupid thing to say. 76 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: I wish there was a way that you could just 77 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 1: get some sunlight on you. Yeah, you know the sunlight. 78 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,839 Speaker 1: I wish I could get that too. But when you 79 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:41,000 Speaker 1: say sun like, to me, that's fresh air. Yeah, to me, 80 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,159 Speaker 1: that's fresh air. And I wish I could have some 81 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:47,479 Speaker 1: of that. Now, know what fresh air means? When you 82 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: want it? We all prove it in the same same stuff. 83 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 1: It looks like a crime scene. It looks just like 84 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: a crime scene. And to me, that's exactly what it is. 85 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 1: That's thy seconds. What I've been thinking about morning anything else, 86 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 1: is that you know the guys they took out on 87 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: my chair. They never they're never took anything out their salves, 88 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:15,720 Speaker 1: their seals, just the same. One guy's TV still on. Whoa, 89 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:20,720 Speaker 1: yeah that his TVs are still on. Another guy's coffees 90 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 1: right there, and the cups sitting right down to bed. 91 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,599 Speaker 1: So cardovits TV is still on or still has coffee 92 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 1: in there. Yes, oh my god. If he walked by 93 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:36,360 Speaker 1: his sale, his TV is still on, his TV is 94 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:40,799 Speaker 1: still on, the pattering of them laying in the bed, 95 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: he's still there. M hm. And it's scary and it's painful, 96 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: and um, that's what gets me every single day. That's 97 00:05:49,360 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: what haunts me. Actor Dion Graham continues reading Jarvis's May 98 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,880 Speaker 1: twenty second op ed making a case for cell phones 99 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: behind bars. On top of the double scourge of mass 100 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:16,279 Speaker 1: incarceration and coronavirus disproportionately affecting poor people of color, the 101 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 1: current crisis magnifies the inhumane regulation that prohibits cellphones in 102 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:25,360 Speaker 1: correctional facilities. Riker's Island Prison, for instance, has a COVID 103 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,479 Speaker 1: nineteen infection rate seven times that of New York City, 104 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 1: the center of the outbreak. If cell phones were authorized there, 105 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 1: family members could keep itally on the now more than 106 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 1: eight hundred inmates who are being held in isolation or quarantined, 107 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 1: but instead they're left to agonize whether he or she 108 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,799 Speaker 1: hasn't already been ravaged by the virus throughout the prison 109 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 1: system across the country, cellphones are the lifelines that keep 110 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 1: prisoners connected to hope. It's hopeless men and women who 111 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,840 Speaker 1: are the ones who become violent and self destructive. For 112 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 1: that reason, I believe cell phones make prisoners safer, connect 113 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 1: and for any human being essential to life and ample 114 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:06,280 Speaker 1: research proves that inmates who remain connected to their families 115 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:09,479 Speaker 1: and friends are far more likely to re into society 116 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:13,640 Speaker 1: successfully and not reoffend Not only does cell phone access 117 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 1: enhance the lives of prisoners, but consider the approximately three 118 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 1: million American children who have a parent in prison today. 119 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 1: According to the Fragile Families and Child Well Being Study, 120 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,960 Speaker 1: kids with an incarcerated parent are three times more likely 121 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: to suffer from behavioral problems and depression and kids without one. 122 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,679 Speaker 1: Imagine the positive impact it could have on the lives 123 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 1: of these children if they could call their mother or 124 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 1: father and share what life was like in this new 125 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,120 Speaker 1: social distancing reality, how sad they are because they missed 126 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: their friends, or how happy they are to see their 127 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 1: teachers online. The ability to call a parent could be transformative, 128 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 1: and it could be life changing for prisoners like me too. 129 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: All of us in this god forsaken place would rather 130 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: stay in our own selves to talk with our families 131 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 1: and anything, and now, more than ever, for people isolated 132 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 1: from the world, hearing a loved one's voice or a 133 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: grand baby coup for the first time is healing. In addition, 134 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,040 Speaker 1: this is time spent not being violent in the yard. 135 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: It's time spent not stewing in your own rage, frustration, 136 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 1: and depression. We would have time to be normal, thinking, feeling, 137 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: human beings. We'll post a link to Jervis's article in 138 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 1: our show notes. But he goes on to make the 139 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,760 Speaker 1: case that not only would cell phone usage save money 140 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 1: for the families of the incarcerated, but with managed access 141 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: technology that exists now, prisons could track and monitor all 142 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: incoming and outgoing calls and texts. Not only that, but 143 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 1: the National Institute of Justice takes the position that managed 144 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 1: access is one more piece of the puzzle to mitigate 145 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: contraband cell phone usage. The secret that the prison system 146 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,800 Speaker 1: doesn't want to acknowledge is how much more serene and 147 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,959 Speaker 1: less disruptive it is when inmates are on their cell phones. 148 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 1: My favorite memory with my phone was staying up all 149 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 1: night talking with my brothers and sisters in a group call. 150 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,959 Speaker 1: I hadn't talked to them together like that in more 151 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: than three decades. Considering we were all separated in different 152 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 1: foster homes as children, we had a lot to remember together. 153 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 1: We laughed, we cried, whispering to my siblings. I felt 154 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: alive that night. When the world overcomes this nightmare. Who 155 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 1: knows if we'll ever get that chance again. Last week, 156 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:32,560 Speaker 1: Shambala Publications released Jervis's latest autobiographical book, Finding Freedom, How 157 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 1: Death Row broke and opened My heart. Robert L. Allen, 158 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,960 Speaker 1: Senior editor of The Black Scholar, writes of the book 159 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,680 Speaker 1: a deeply moving, life affirming memoir written from the nether 160 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 1: world of San Quentin. His book is a testament to 161 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:51,480 Speaker 1: the tenacity of the human spirit. Up next, actor Dion Graham, 162 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 1: whose voiced the audio book for Finding Freedom, will share 163 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 1: some of the amazing wisdom that Jarvis has put down 164 00:09:57,559 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 1: on the page. I'm Diana Graham, and I'm an actor 165 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 1: and also narrate things as well. And I came to 166 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:17,240 Speaker 1: know about Jarvis because Shambala Press reached out to me 167 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 1: to narrate his great book, Finding Freedom. Jarvis has said 168 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: that you two have become quite good friends during the process. Yeah, 169 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:32,320 Speaker 1: I appreciate I definitely appreciate Jarvis, and uh, you know, 170 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: I'm I'm wishing him well during these times, particularly what 171 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: the conditions are in there right now and also in 172 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: his fight to gain his freedom. This system is one 173 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 1: that disproportionately targets and holds black and brown men in particular, 174 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:57,040 Speaker 1: and you know, that is something that we need to 175 00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: continue speaking out about and looking at why that is 176 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 1: and what that means In terms of of our democracy 177 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 1: and what we want our democracy actually to be, and 178 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:15,920 Speaker 1: particularly in light of current events. I think it's important, 179 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 1: and I think it's important for us to think critically 180 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:21,559 Speaker 1: about that and also to think compassionately. You know. I 181 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 1: think we can do better, and I hope that the 182 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,720 Speaker 1: governor will find it in his heart and in his 183 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 1: uh it makes sense to him that we do do better. 184 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 1: The audiobook of Finding Freedom, How Death Row Broken Open 185 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,080 Speaker 1: My Heart can be found at shambala dot com or 186 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,199 Speaker 1: audible well linked to both sites in our show notes. 187 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:47,680 Speaker 1: Now Dion Graham reading from the chapter called Scars. I 188 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: remember the first time I really noticed the scars on 189 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,120 Speaker 1: the bodies of my fellow prisoners. I was outside on 190 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 1: a maximum custody exercise yard. I stood along the fence, 191 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,560 Speaker 1: praising the air. The yard gave my lungs that my 192 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,400 Speaker 1: prison cell didn't. I wasn't in a rush to pick 193 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 1: up a basketball or do anything. I just stood in 194 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 1: my own silence. I looked at the other prisoners playing 195 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 1: basketball or handball, showering, talking to one another. I saw 196 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:17,080 Speaker 1: the inmates. I felt closest to John Pete and David 197 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:21,119 Speaker 1: lifting weights. I noticed the amazing similarity of the whiplike 198 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,880 Speaker 1: scars on their bare skin, shining with sweat from pumping 199 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 1: iron in the hot sun. A deep sadness came over 200 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,520 Speaker 1: me as I watched these powerful men lift hundreds of 201 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:34,559 Speaker 1: pounds of weights over their heads. I looked around the 202 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 1: yard and made the gruesome discovery that everyone else had 203 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:42,520 Speaker 1: the same deep gashes behind their legs, on their backs, 204 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 1: all over their ribs, evidence of the violence in our lives. 205 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,760 Speaker 1: Here were America's lost children, surviving in rage and in 206 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: refuge from society. I was certain that many of their 207 00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:57,959 Speaker 1: crimes could be traced to the horrible violence done to 208 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 1: them as children. The histories of all of us in 209 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 1: San Quentin were so similar it was as if we 210 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 1: had the same parents who I was a trusted comrade 211 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 1: of most of these inmates, and to a few of them, 212 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: I was their only family. Normally, I wouldn't dare intrude 213 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,600 Speaker 1: on their private pain. Even so, I made up my 214 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 1: mind that I would bring John, Pete and David together 215 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,600 Speaker 1: to talk about their scars. These men had probably never 216 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:26,679 Speaker 1: spoken openly of their terrible childhood experiences. I doubted that 217 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: any of them would ever have used the word abuse. 218 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,840 Speaker 1: They looked hard into the corps standing round the weight 219 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 1: lifting bench, proud of their bodies and the images they projected. 220 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: It occurred to me as I approached them that such 221 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,080 Speaker 1: a posture of pride symbolized the battles they had made 222 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 1: their bones with. This was prison talk for proved their manhood. 223 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,599 Speaker 1: At one time I had been hardened as well and 224 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:55,200 Speaker 1: had made my own denials. The difficulty I would have 225 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,360 Speaker 1: in speaking with them would be interpreting the prison language 226 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 1: we all used when talking out our past. Shucking and 227 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:06,199 Speaker 1: driving was the way we covered up sensitive matters. John 228 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,680 Speaker 1: was a twenty eight year old bulky man serving twenty 229 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 1: five to life for murder. I had met him when 230 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,200 Speaker 1: we were both in youth homes in southern California. We 231 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 1: were only eleven years old. Throughout the years, we traveled 232 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 1: together through the juvenile system until the penitentiary became our 233 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 1: final stop. When I asked him about the scars on 234 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: his face, he said they came from kicking ass and 235 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 1: in the process getting my ass kicked, which was rare. 236 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,040 Speaker 1: John explained that his father had loved him enough to 237 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: teach him how to fight when he was only five 238 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:39,280 Speaker 1: years old. He learned from the beatings he got in 239 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 1: a sense, he said, he grew up with a loving 240 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 1: fear of his father. He pointed to a nasty scar 241 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 1: on his upper shoulder, laughing, He told us that his 242 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 1: father had hit him with a steel rod when he 243 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 1: tried to protect his mother from being beaten. Most of 244 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 1: us had seen this scar, but it never had the 245 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 1: nerve to ask about it. As we stared at it, 246 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 1: John seemed ashamed, avoiding our eyes. He mumbled a few 247 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: words before showing us. As many other scars, he can 248 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: remember every detail surrounding the violent events that had produced them. 249 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:14,120 Speaker 1: I realized that these experiences haunted him. Yet as he 250 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 1: went on talking, he became increasingly rational. He's been more 251 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,560 Speaker 1: than half his life in one institutional setting or another, 252 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,200 Speaker 1: and as a result, he projected a very cold and fearsome, 253 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 1: almost boastful smile. He wanted nothing of what he shared 254 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: with us to be interpreted even remotely as child abuse. 255 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,040 Speaker 1: This was especially apparent when he showed us a gash 256 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 1: on his back that was partially hitten by a dragon tattoo. 257 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,080 Speaker 1: It was a hideous scar, something I would have imagined 258 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:46,080 Speaker 1: finding on a slave who had been whipped. John motioned 259 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,640 Speaker 1: me closer and said, rub your finger down the dragon's spine. 260 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 1: I felt what seemed like thick, tight string that moved 261 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 1: like a worm beneath his skin. Damn, John, what did 262 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 1: the hell happened you? I asked. There was something in 263 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 1: the way I questioned him that made John laugh, and 264 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:10,560 Speaker 1: the others joined in. He explained that when it was nine, 265 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,720 Speaker 1: his father chased him with a cord. John ran under 266 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 1: a bed, grabbed the springs, and held on as his 267 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 1: father pulled him by the legs, striking his back repeatedly 268 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,880 Speaker 1: with the cord until he fell unconscious. He woke up 269 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 1: later with a deep flesh wound. John, smiling coldly, joked 270 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,680 Speaker 1: that that was the last time he ever ran from 271 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:35,760 Speaker 1: his father. David and Pete recounted similar childhood experiences. Their 272 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 1: stories said much about how all of us had come 273 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: to being one of the worst prisons in the country. 274 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 1: Most prisoners who were abused as children were taken from 275 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,680 Speaker 1: their natural parents at a very early age and placed 276 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: in foster homes, youth homes, or juvenile halls for protection, 277 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 1: where they acquired even more scars later in their lives. 278 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 1: Prisons provided the same kind of painful refuge it is 279 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: terror of trying to realize that a large percentage of 280 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:07,680 Speaker 1: prisoners will eventually re enter society, father children, and perpetuate 281 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 1: what happened to them. Throughout my many years of institutionalization, I, 282 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 1: like so many of these men, unconsciously took refuge behind 283 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,720 Speaker 1: prison walls. Not until I read a series of books 284 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,240 Speaker 1: for adults who had been abused as children that I 285 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 1: become committed to the process of examining my own childhood. 286 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,439 Speaker 1: I began to unravel the reasons I had always just 287 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,240 Speaker 1: expected to go from one youth institution to the next. 288 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,680 Speaker 1: I never really tried to stay out of these places, 289 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: and neither did my friends. That day, I spoke openly 290 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 1: to my friends about my physical and mental abuse as 291 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,680 Speaker 1: a child. I told him that I had been neglected 292 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:48,159 Speaker 1: and then abandoned by my parents heroin addicts. When I 293 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,879 Speaker 1: was very young, I was beaten and whipped by my stepfather. 294 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,840 Speaker 1: My mother left me and my sisters alone for days 295 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,080 Speaker 1: with our newborn twin brother and sister. When I was 296 00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,400 Speaker 1: only four years old. The baby boy died a death, 297 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,719 Speaker 1: and I always believed it was my fault since I 298 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,880 Speaker 1: had been made responsible for him. I spoke to them 299 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 1: of the pain I had carried through more than a 300 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:13,080 Speaker 1: dozen institutions, pain I could never face. And I explained 301 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 1: how all of these events ultimately trapped me in a 302 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:19,840 Speaker 1: pattern of lashing out against everything. But these men could 303 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,919 Speaker 1: not think of their own experiences as abuse. What I 304 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,399 Speaker 1: had told them seemed to sadden them, Perhaps because I 305 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,679 Speaker 1: had embraced a hidden truth that they could not. They 306 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 1: avoided making the connection between my experiences and theirs. It 307 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 1: was as if they felt I had suffered more than they. 308 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:44,600 Speaker 1: That wasn't true. What they heard was their own unspoken words. Eventually, 309 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:48,439 Speaker 1: we all fell silent around the weightlifting bench, staring across 310 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,280 Speaker 1: the yard at the other men exercising. John and I 311 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:57,800 Speaker 1: spoke again privately. Later. You know something, he said, The 312 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 1: day I got used to getting beaten by my father, 313 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 1: by the counsels in all those group homes was the 314 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,920 Speaker 1: day I knew nothing whatever hurt me again. Everything I 315 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,359 Speaker 1: thought could hurt me I saw as a game. I 316 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: had nothing to lose and just about everything to gain. 317 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 1: A prison cell will always be here for me. John 318 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:20,200 Speaker 1: was speaking most for the men I had met in prison. Secretly, 319 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:24,400 Speaker 1: we like it here, this place welcomes a man who 320 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:28,400 Speaker 1: was full of rage and violence. He is not abnormal here, 321 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:34,120 Speaker 1: not different. Prison life is an extension of his inner life. Finally, 322 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,880 Speaker 1: I confided to John that I wished I had been 323 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:40,760 Speaker 1: with my mother when she died. Hey, didn't you say 324 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 1: she neglected you? He asked. John was right, she had 325 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:50,160 Speaker 1: neglected me. But am I neglected myself as well? By 326 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,200 Speaker 1: denying that I wished I had been with her when 327 00:19:52,200 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 1: she died that I still love her. As Jarvis's legal 328 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: team at Kirkland Analysis preparing for the post conviction proceedings 329 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:07,400 Speaker 1: to appeal his death sentence, we are planning season two 330 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,480 Speaker 1: of Dear Governor, in which we will follow those proceedings and, 331 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:14,439 Speaker 1: pending the reinstatement of phone privileges, Jervis is looking forward 332 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,879 Speaker 1: to continue sharing his story along the way. Thanks to 333 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:22,320 Speaker 1: Dion Graham for lending his passion and incomparable pipes. Special 334 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,639 Speaker 1: thanks to Gavrilla Wells for providing audio of Jarvis and 335 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 1: for her steadfast devotion to human rights and social justice. 336 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:33,679 Speaker 1: Today's episode was written and produced by Donna Fazzari and myself, Cornyicole. 337 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,080 Speaker 1: Our theme song sentenced his compliments of the band Stick 338 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 1: Figure from their album set in Stone. Stu Sternbach has 339 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 1: composed the original music. Nate Defort did the sound design. 340 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,560 Speaker 1: If you'd like to learn more about Jarvis and support 341 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:51,880 Speaker 1: his cause, please visit free Jarvis dot org. For more 342 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,480 Speaker 1: podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, 343 00:20:55,800 --> 00:21:01,680 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows 344 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: back at