WEBVTT - PARENTING: Joy & Worry

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have

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<v Speaker 1>put together some of my favorite radio moments here to

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<v Speaker 1>share with you on our daily podcast. Are you a

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<v Speaker 1>little stressed out? Maybe your mom or a dad, Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you're a single mom or dad. Parenthood brings such joy.

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<v Speaker 1>There's nothing in the world, nothing that compares to the

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<v Speaker 1>joy I feel loving my kids. But it also brings stress.

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<v Speaker 1>And when that stress is complicated by a lack of funds,

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<v Speaker 1>by a lack of time, and you feel guilty, guilty, guilty,

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<v Speaker 1>all the time. I hope this show helps to relieve

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<v Speaker 1>some of that stress, some of that guilt, and helps

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<v Speaker 1>you connect in a very real way with your kids. Hi,

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<v Speaker 1>good evening, Welcome to the Delilah Show. Who is this,

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<v Speaker 1>hike Calima?

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<v Speaker 2>It's Aamara.

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<v Speaker 1>How are you Amara? I am wonderful. How are you?

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<v Speaker 2>I am doing good? You can't complain?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, you could, but it wouldn't do any good.

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<v Speaker 2>Right right. I was calling because I was hoping you

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<v Speaker 2>can help me. I well, I just had a baby

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<v Speaker 2>three months ago, and I just have had some emotional

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<v Speaker 2>problem and I've been taking it out on my fiance

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<v Speaker 2>and I just was hoping you could dedicate a song.

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<v Speaker 2>We both listened to you every single night, and he's

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<v Speaker 2>at work and he's not here, and we just love.

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<v Speaker 2>Things off on a bad note and I was hoping

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<v Speaker 2>you can play a song that might, you know, help

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<v Speaker 2>me sing better.

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<v Speaker 1>Have you talked to anyone to see if you are

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<v Speaker 1>dealing with postpartum? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I have a therapist. I'm definitely taking the route

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm trying. I just feel like sometimes I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>the nicest person, and he doesn't deserve and he's a

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<v Speaker 2>really good man and he works really hard for us,

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<v Speaker 2>and I just sometimes my path and my trauma tends

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<v Speaker 2>to really kind of take a hold of me, and

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<v Speaker 2>I just I want him to know I love him.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to lose him because of my craziness.

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<v Speaker 1>Amara, You're not crazy, because crazy people don't recognize that

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<v Speaker 1>they've gone through trauma. They don't recognize how it's impacted them.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't have any self awareness. They're just crazy. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you have been traumatized, and you probably have PTSD and

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<v Speaker 1>it doesn't just go away.

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<v Speaker 2>You said it perfectly.

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<v Speaker 1>You're doing all the right things, so cut yourself a brak.

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<v Speaker 1>It's good you're apologizing, you're owning your behavior. Now, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to ask you to make a vow to me,

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<v Speaker 1>a promise to me, because you won't keep it to yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>but I know you'll keep it to me. Okay, promise

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<v Speaker 1>me next time you start spiraling and you go into

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<v Speaker 1>that fight or flight, because that's what you're doing. You're

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<v Speaker 1>going into fight or flight and you're fighting like a

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<v Speaker 1>horse and you're turning around and you're kicking him and

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<v Speaker 1>the teeth with your words.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>So when you start to go into that fighter flight

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<v Speaker 1>and you feel the panic and you feel your your

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<v Speaker 1>emotions losing control, I want you to stop and breathe

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<v Speaker 1>and say I'm going to do this for Delilah. I

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<v Speaker 1>am not going to say the words that are about

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<v Speaker 1>to come through my teeth. I'm going to stop and breathe.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm going to do this for Deliah.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, thank you? All right, You have a good night,

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<v Speaker 1>darling if.

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<v Speaker 2>You thinks Delena.

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, welcome to a winter night. Who is this?

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<v Speaker 3>My name is James?

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<v Speaker 1>What can I do for you? James?

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<v Speaker 3>My kids are grown up during college, but I still

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<v Speaker 3>worry all the time. And I know they're doing the

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<v Speaker 3>best they can, but as a parent, there's always this

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<v Speaker 3>worrying happening, and I trust that they can do what

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<v Speaker 3>they have to. And as a kid growing up, I

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<v Speaker 3>remember the times when I didn't know what to do.

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<v Speaker 3>But they're doing so well and I'm so blessed.

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<v Speaker 1>So what kind of things do you worry about? Are

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<v Speaker 1>you talking about you worry about them being heard on campus?

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<v Speaker 1>Are you talking about you worry about them making bad choices?

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<v Speaker 1>What are you worrying about?

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<v Speaker 3>It's about doing their best, you know, not taking the

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<v Speaker 3>easy way out in terms of like oh I don't

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<v Speaker 3>want to do an assignment or I'm not going to

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<v Speaker 3>try and get into something. And you know, now they're

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<v Speaker 3>going to graduate from college and they have to find

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<v Speaker 3>a job, and I'm like, you really have to do it.

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<v Speaker 1>So take a deep breath here, because I'm about to

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<v Speaker 1>I'm about to dump some Mama Delilah wisdom on you.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, I love it.

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<v Speaker 1>Good parents don't determine path their kids are going to take,

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<v Speaker 1>not up to us to pick whether they're going to

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<v Speaker 1>be an engineer or a doctor, or a street sweeper

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<v Speaker 1>or a disc jockey on the radio. Everybody's got their

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<v Speaker 1>path and hoping they do good or hoping they study,

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<v Speaker 1>or hoping they succeed is foolish.

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<v Speaker 3>It's still learning, and I'm still learning, and I really

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<v Speaker 3>appreciate your thoughts and your understanding.

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<v Speaker 1>I hope and pray that you find some peace and

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<v Speaker 1>that you because our adult children become our best friends,

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<v Speaker 1>they are so fun when they become adults. I hope

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<v Speaker 1>that you are able to relax and trust that God's

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<v Speaker 1>got them so that you can just enjoy these wonderful

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<v Speaker 1>human beings that you were blessed to get to raise.

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<v Speaker 1>Because it sounds like you were an extremely loving and

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<v Speaker 1>involved dad, So thank you for that.

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<v Speaker 3>I appreciate it. Good Night, I work, good night. Thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>I got a letter from a young mother who needed

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<v Speaker 1>a shoulder to lean on. She says, Dear Delilah, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>twenty five years old and just had a baby this

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<v Speaker 1>past January. When I found out I was pregnant, the

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<v Speaker 1>first person I mentioned it too was my best friend

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<v Speaker 1>of ten years. She was going through some difficulties with

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<v Speaker 1>her career and relationship and we lost touch. It's been

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<v Speaker 1>a year and a half since we last spoke, and now,

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<v Speaker 1>more than anything, I could really use my friend in

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<v Speaker 1>my life. I'm having a hard time coping with brand

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<v Speaker 1>new motherhood. Being a first time mom with a teething

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<v Speaker 1>infant test my patience as I'm sure it does other moms.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel sometimes like I'm not a good enough parent.

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<v Speaker 1>I wish I had my girlfriend here to talk to

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<v Speaker 1>someone that might understand. And I want to be all

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<v Speaker 1>that I can possibly be for my beautiful new son.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess I just need some help through these new

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<v Speaker 1>mommy hood blues. Please dedicate a song to my baby

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<v Speaker 1>from me. His name is Jaden, and I pray that

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<v Speaker 1>for many years of his life we will have this bond.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm trying to be the best mom that there

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<v Speaker 1>ever could be because I love him with all of

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<v Speaker 1>my heart. Amy, thank you for writing, and I hope

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<v Speaker 1>that you're able to reconnect with your old friend and

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<v Speaker 1>to find some new ones. All young moms need support.

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<v Speaker 4>You need friendships. You need girlfriends you can call in

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<v Speaker 4>the middle of the night, and women you can whind

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<v Speaker 4>too when you're exhausted and you have dark circles under

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<v Speaker 4>your eyes and you're feeling like you're just gonna lose

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<v Speaker 4>your mind. Amy, thank you for writing, and thank you

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<v Speaker 4>for being brave enough to reach out.

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<v Speaker 1>And I hope you surround yourself with good friends. Hello,

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<v Speaker 1>good evening. You've called the Delilah Show. Who is this?

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<v Speaker 3>This is Brandy.

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<v Speaker 2>I was calling to see if maybe you could find

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<v Speaker 2>a song to play for My husband just had our son.

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<v Speaker 1>What's your husband's name?

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<v Speaker 3>Weston?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? And what about your son?

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<v Speaker 3>We just had our son in September.

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<v Speaker 2>So things have been a little rough, and I'm thinking

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<v Speaker 2>he thinks that I'm not as attached to him as

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<v Speaker 2>they used.

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<v Speaker 1>To be because you are spending all your time and

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<v Speaker 1>energy taking care of the baby, focusing on the baby.

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<v Speaker 1>You're tired because of the baby, and your husband's like,

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<v Speaker 1>where did my wife go? Yes? Do you want to know?

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<v Speaker 1>That is one of those unspoken issues that people just

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<v Speaker 1>don't talk about. But almost every person who's partner has

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<v Speaker 1>a baby feels that way, and they're unable or unwilling

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<v Speaker 1>to articulate it because they don't want to sound like

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<v Speaker 1>their self, like they're being babies, or like they're jealous.

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<v Speaker 1>So what your husband is feeling is very real and

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<v Speaker 1>it's very common, And the sooner he can be honest

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<v Speaker 1>about how frustrated he feels and talk about it with somebody,

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<v Speaker 1>the sooner you guys will be able to come back

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<v Speaker 1>together in a new and even better way.

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<v Speaker 2>The patience saying this is for sure.

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<v Speaker 1>So do you have family that lives in the area.

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<v Speaker 2>I do, thankfully.

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<v Speaker 1>So here's what I'm going to say to you. Call

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<v Speaker 1>your mom, call your dad, call your sister, and say,

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<v Speaker 1>next Saturday night, can you come and watch the baby

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<v Speaker 1>for three or four hours and then go out on

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<v Speaker 1>a date with him, Go see a sweet movie, go

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<v Speaker 1>out to dinner, and then go make out.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I will, thank you very much.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, good night, good night, thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as

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<v Speaker 1>much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share

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<v Speaker 1>more with you each weekday on pay It's Delilah del