WEBVTT - Do You Compare Yourself or Your Relationship to Others? 5 Surprising Ways to Stop Letting Comparison Steal Your Happiness

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<v Speaker 1>I find that we spend more time comparing ourselves to

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<v Speaker 1>others when we don't have our own goals. If you're

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<v Speaker 1>watching a comedy movie and your goal is to laugh,

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<v Speaker 1>you're not going to compare the comedy movie to a

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<v Speaker 1>horror movie because you knew what you wanted, Whereas if

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<v Speaker 1>you didn't know what you wanted and you turned up

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<v Speaker 1>at the theaters, you'll be going, well, should we go

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<v Speaker 1>see a comedy movie? Or do we go see a

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<v Speaker 1>horror movie? Or but I don't like that actor and

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<v Speaker 1>I don't like that actress, and you're making it based

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<v Speaker 1>on no direction. The number one Health and Wellness Podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>Jay Setty Jay Sheetty Jet. Hey everyone, welcome back to

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<v Speaker 1>On a Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn

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<v Speaker 1>and grow, whether you're walking your dog, whether you're driving

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<v Speaker 1>to work or back, or whether you're cooking right now.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much for tuning in to On Purpose.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for your amazing reviews. Thank you for sharing

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<v Speaker 1>the episodes. I love seeing what you're all posting on

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<v Speaker 1>you are with the content insights. We've had some amazing

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<v Speaker 1>guests lately. I love, how much Love you showed, the

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<v Speaker 1>Charles laclerk episode, the Anita episode. We have so many

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<v Speaker 1>great experts coming up this month as well, and we're

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<v Speaker 1>just getting stronger, bigger, better thanks to each and every

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<v Speaker 1>one of you. I promise you I don't take you

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<v Speaker 1>for granted. I'm so grateful for your love and trust

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<v Speaker 1>every single week. Now, today, I wanted to talk to

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<v Speaker 1>you about this idea around comparison, and I feel like

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of us spend a lot of time comparing

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<v Speaker 1>ourselves to other people's relationships. Now, whether you're single, this

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<v Speaker 1>episode is for you, or whether you're in a relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>this episode is for you. If you're single, you may

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<v Speaker 1>compare your love life to other people's dating, love lives

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<v Speaker 1>to other people who are in relationships, And if you're

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<v Speaker 1>in a relationship, you might be comparing your relationship to

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<v Speaker 1>other people's relationships. Think of White Lotus season two. If

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<v Speaker 1>you didn't see it, I'm sorry a bad reference. But

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<v Speaker 1>if you did see it, you remember this idea where

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<v Speaker 1>you've got these couples comparing themselves to each other. You've

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<v Speaker 1>got these couples comparing their partners to other people's partners.

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<v Speaker 1>So what we find is that we often compare ourself

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<v Speaker 1>as a person to other people. We compare our partner

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<v Speaker 1>to other people, and we compare our relationship to other

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<v Speaker 1>people's relationships. So you may have heard something like, oh, well,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, like I don't think they really get along,

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<v Speaker 1>Like I don't think that they really have that much

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<v Speaker 1>in common. Oh my gosh, did you see those two

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<v Speaker 1>people together. They didn't look good for each other at all,

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<v Speaker 1>did they. Oh my gosh, have you seen how much

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<v Speaker 1>they argue? At least we don't argue that much. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>there's all these ways we're constantly comparing us, our partners,

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<v Speaker 1>and our relationships to other people. Now this may sound

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<v Speaker 1>harmless and it may sound like not a big deal,

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<v Speaker 1>but the studies actually show the opposite. A research study

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<v Speaker 1>from over ten years ago, so I can't even imagine

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<v Speaker 1>how much this is scaled up now, showed that individuals

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<v Speaker 1>who compare themselves to others are more likely to experience guilt, regret,

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<v Speaker 1>and envy. Comparing ourselves to others makes us feel more guilty,

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<v Speaker 1>more regretful, and more envious. And the core reason for

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<v Speaker 1>that is because when we compare ourself to someone else,

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<v Speaker 1>we're usually looking at what we don't have. We're usually

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<v Speaker 1>looking at what we could be. We're usually looking at

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<v Speaker 1>how we're behind, how we're late, how we're wrong, how

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<v Speaker 1>we're not good enough. We're not comparing with the idea

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<v Speaker 1>of studying. We're not comparing with the idea of learning.

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<v Speaker 1>We're not comparing with the idea of curiosity. So comparing

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<v Speaker 1>in and of itself doesn't need to be a negative thing.

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<v Speaker 1>We don't need to shame or guilt ourselves for comparing ourselves,

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<v Speaker 1>and I think society has done that sometimes where we

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<v Speaker 1>feel that the act of comparison or the act of

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<v Speaker 1>comparing ourselves to others, is something that we should look

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<v Speaker 1>down upon, But actually it can be useful. It can

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<v Speaker 1>be helpful, it can be insightful in guiding you towards

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<v Speaker 1>your greatest self. Now, I want to share a few

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<v Speaker 1>more studies to really dive into this topic. One study

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<v Speaker 1>revealed that forty percent of women feel more unhappy about

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<v Speaker 1>their relationship due to viewing other couples on social media.

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<v Speaker 1>How many of you have ever saw someone getting proposed to,

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<v Speaker 1>someone's engagement party, someone's bridal shower, someone's wedding pictures, and

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<v Speaker 1>all of a sudden your blood is boiling, your thinking

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<v Speaker 1>to yourself, like I wish that was me? Why can

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<v Speaker 1>that be me? What's it about me? Right? We make

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<v Speaker 1>it all about our deficiencies, our flaws, our fallibilities, our inadequacies.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's why comparison can be so unhealthy because what

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<v Speaker 1>it does is it puts this spotlight on all of

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<v Speaker 1>our weaknesses and everything we don't have, as opposed to

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<v Speaker 1>focusing on what we can learn and how we can

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<v Speaker 1>grow and what we could improve. Now, in psychology, there's

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<v Speaker 1>something known as social comparison theory, and there are two

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<v Speaker 1>types of social comparison. One's upward social comparison and the

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<v Speaker 1>others downward social comparison. So, upward comparison is when we

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<v Speaker 1>compare ourselves with people we believe to be better than us.

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<v Speaker 1>So these comparisons are often looking at how we could

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<v Speaker 1>make more money, how we could look better, how we

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<v Speaker 1>could appear better, how we could improve our status. And

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<v Speaker 1>this tends to make us feel worse about ourselves because

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<v Speaker 1>we do it from a position of envy, because we

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<v Speaker 1>do it from a position of envy. Now, the other

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<v Speaker 1>type is downward social comparison. This is when we compare

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<v Speaker 1>ourselves to others who are worse off than us, So

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<v Speaker 1>we say things like, oh, well, at least I'm more educated,

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<v Speaker 1>at least I work harder, at least I'm doing better

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<v Speaker 1>than that person is. Now, it's natural for us to

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<v Speaker 1>do both of these, but the upward comparison, when we're

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<v Speaker 1>comparing ourselves to people who we think are better, better looking,

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<v Speaker 1>make more money, smarter, When we do that through envy

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<v Speaker 1>rather than study, it makes us feel really down. Now.

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<v Speaker 1>One of the most interesting things about this is we

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<v Speaker 1>often do it to our partners behind closed doors. So

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<v Speaker 1>now you may not stay in front of someone else,

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<v Speaker 1>but how many times if you looked at your partner

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<v Speaker 1>and said, oh, yeah, you know so and so did

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<v Speaker 1>you know they just got promoted? Now you're not comparing

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<v Speaker 1>or criticizing, but you're passively making a point which almost

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<v Speaker 1>really devalues the individual in front of you. Maybe you've

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<v Speaker 1>said something like, oh, did you know so and So's

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<v Speaker 1>partner they just start their own company? Like how bold?

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<v Speaker 1>How amazing is that? Now, even if you're saying that

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<v Speaker 1>as a genuinely true positive and you don't mean it

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<v Speaker 1>as a dig or a diss to your partner, I

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<v Speaker 1>promise you inside even if the outside they say to

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<v Speaker 1>you no doesn't affect me at all, I promise you, inside,

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<v Speaker 1>it's affecting their confidence and their self worth. When you're

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<v Speaker 1>saying things where you're pointing out amazing abilities, talents, achievements

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<v Speaker 1>in others, your partner often doesn't hear that from you.

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<v Speaker 1>Your partner often doesn't get the accolades, doesn't get that respect.

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<v Speaker 1>And you may say, oh, they know I love them,

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<v Speaker 1>they know how special I think they are. They know

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<v Speaker 1>how much I love them and how much I respect them.

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<v Speaker 1>I promise you they don't. Most of the people I

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<v Speaker 1>talk to when I'm coaching them, when I'm talking to

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<v Speaker 1>people one on one, behind the scenes, most people are

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<v Speaker 1>yearning for validation, for approval, to be seen, to be heard,

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<v Speaker 1>to be understood, for someone to notice how genuine they are,

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<v Speaker 1>how kind they are, how loving they are. Most people

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<v Speaker 1>need that. And one of the reasons why we live

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<v Speaker 1>in a world which repeats negativity is because positivity isn't rewarded.

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<v Speaker 1>If someone does something negative to us, we'll spend the

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<v Speaker 1>next week amplifying it and broadcasting it. That person cut

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<v Speaker 1>me off in traffic, that person was so rude to

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<v Speaker 1>me at work, we'll talk about it for days and

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<v Speaker 1>days and days. But if someone does something good to us,

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<v Speaker 1>we rarely tell everyone in the world saying, oh, my gosh,

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<v Speaker 1>did you know this person went out of their way?

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<v Speaker 1>Did you know this person they stood up for me? Like,

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<v Speaker 1>we don't tell this stories about positive events and emotions.

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<v Speaker 1>We tell deeper, darker stories about negative emotions, more frequently,

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<v Speaker 1>more often, and more deeply and more vividly, with more description. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>if someone swore at you, or someone did something bad

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<v Speaker 1>at the airport, like you're telling every detail. Why am

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<v Speaker 1>I sharing this? It's because often when we compare our

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<v Speaker 1>partners to others, or even if we don't compare our partners,

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<v Speaker 1>we talk about the qualities someone else that we know has,

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<v Speaker 1>it can often make them feel less than it can

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<v Speaker 1>often make them feel worse. All we have to do

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<v Speaker 1>is switch shoes. And by the way, it's really easy

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<v Speaker 1>for all of us to say, oh, this doesn't affect me,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not a big deal, but we know deep down

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<v Speaker 1>it can, and it does. So when you're looking at

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<v Speaker 1>upward social comparison or downward social comparison, generally downward social

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<v Speaker 1>comparison in saying oh, yeah, we're doing better than them,

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<v Speaker 1>we're we're doing better for ourselves. That generally doesn't have

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<v Speaker 1>as many a negative impact, although I don't recommend it,

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<v Speaker 1>because again, you're building your platform on someone else's misery,

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<v Speaker 1>You're building your confidence on someone else's lack of competence,

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<v Speaker 1>You're building your connection based on criticism, which means if

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<v Speaker 1>you're starting with a low bar and you're higher than it,

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<v Speaker 1>it may not be the most inspiring or fulfilling way

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<v Speaker 1>to think about it. An upward comparison. Telling someone that

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<v Speaker 1>you know someone who's more ambitious, telling someone you know

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<v Speaker 1>someone who's better at gardening, telling someone you know someone

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<v Speaker 1>who's better at handiwork around the house, whatever it may be,

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<v Speaker 1>actually takes away from your relationship. So what can we do?

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<v Speaker 1>What do we do instead of compare our partners and

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<v Speaker 1>ourselves to others, or something we can do is choose

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<v Speaker 1>to connect, compliment and help people understand what qualities they

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<v Speaker 1>do have. When we can see potential in our partners

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<v Speaker 1>and remind them of that potential without comparing them to

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<v Speaker 1>other people, that spurs them forward. That pushes them forward.

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<v Speaker 1>If you have a partner who's going through a tough

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<v Speaker 1>time because they're building a company because they're trying to

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<v Speaker 1>go after that promotion at work, because they're trying to

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<v Speaker 1>figure it out. Noticing that is going to energize them more. No,

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<v Speaker 1>no ways, some of your thinking, some of your thinking, Jay,

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<v Speaker 1>But my partner's lazy. My partner doesn't work hard enough.

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<v Speaker 1>I want my partner to do better. I want my

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<v Speaker 1>partner to work out more. I want my partner to

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<v Speaker 1>do all of these things more. The first question you

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<v Speaker 1>have to ask yourself is are you doing all of

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<v Speaker 1>those things? I remember, ever since I met Radley, I've

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<v Speaker 1>talked to you about this before. She was coaching me

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<v Speaker 1>in health well being diret work outs, and what I

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<v Speaker 1>found in the way she did it was that it

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<v Speaker 1>was never out of judgment. I never felt guilty or

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<v Speaker 1>shameful that I didn't do certain things. But I saw

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<v Speaker 1>not only did she apply everything she said to me,

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<v Speaker 1>she lived it. She was actually practicing it. She also

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<v Speaker 1>was able to present it to me in a way

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<v Speaker 1>that I could digest and understand it. So the question

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<v Speaker 1>is are you practicing what you preach? And are you

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<v Speaker 1>able to present it without judgment, without guilt, without shame.

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<v Speaker 1>Those are the two tests for you to figure out

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<v Speaker 1>whether you're encouraging your partner or whether you're disempowering them.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you energizing them or are you de energizing them.

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<v Speaker 1>The other thing that I think a lot of people

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<v Speaker 1>don't realize. What we miss is that everyone has different values.

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<v Speaker 1>So when we compare ourselves to another couple, it's because

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<v Speaker 1>they may have a completely different value. Like let's say

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<v Speaker 1>you're thinking about how you spend money, and you'd be like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>my gosh, can you believe they spend that much money

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<v Speaker 1>on that? We would never do that. But maybe their

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<v Speaker 1>value is traveling and your value is saving. Right now,

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<v Speaker 1>they might be in a season of exploration and you're

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<v Speaker 1>in a season of saving to put down a deposit

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<v Speaker 1>on an apartment or a home or whatever it may be.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone can be in different seasons. This is one of

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<v Speaker 1>the reasons that I partnered up with Match dot Com

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<v Speaker 1>forwards last j and why I'm working with Match to

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<v Speaker 1>help people connect based on their values. I think what

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<v Speaker 1>often happens is we don't know our own values and

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<v Speaker 1>we don't recognize them deeply, and so what we're really

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<v Speaker 1>comparing when we compare ourselves or our relationship to anyone

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<v Speaker 1>else is values. That's why figuring out what your value

0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:02.080
<v Speaker 1>is and what your partner's value is is such an

0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:05.360
<v Speaker 1>important way of figuring out the value of your relationship,

0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:08.880
<v Speaker 1>the priorities of your relationship. And if you're looking for

0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:10.800
<v Speaker 1>someone right now, you can go check out match dot

0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:14.200
<v Speaker 1>com forwards slash j and you'll be able to connect

0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:17.280
<v Speaker 1>with people based on similar values. You don't need the

0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:21.440
<v Speaker 1>same values, but an awareness of values to have a conversation,

0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:26.120
<v Speaker 1>to have a connection is so important and so significant.

0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:31.560
<v Speaker 1>Some of the ways in which we can switch away

0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:36.920
<v Speaker 1>from comparing ourselves to other people's relationships is this, let

0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:39.640
<v Speaker 1>us sit down and realize what are our values, and

0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:42.120
<v Speaker 1>let's actually break down and do some thinking about what

0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:45.560
<v Speaker 1>that person's value is. Now. Sometimes you'll even be right.

0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:49.600
<v Speaker 1>Maybe some people don't value respecting their relationship and you

0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:54.360
<v Speaker 1>do value it, and that's great to point out to yourselves. Look,

0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:57.480
<v Speaker 1>this is a good thing that we're doing. But here's

0:14:57.520 --> 0:15:01.640
<v Speaker 1>the trick. Focus more on the good you're doing than

0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:06.840
<v Speaker 1>the bad someone else is doing. Someone may highlight someone's weaknesses,

0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:10.960
<v Speaker 1>may highlight your strengths, but use that as an opportunity

0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:14.880
<v Speaker 1>to amplify your strengths. Not talk more bad about them.

0:15:15.240 --> 0:15:17.600
<v Speaker 1>Like let's say you go out on a double date

0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:20.320
<v Speaker 1>and one of your friends you feel like they don't

0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:25.680
<v Speaker 1>have respectful communication. Now you can either sit there on

0:15:25.720 --> 0:15:27.880
<v Speaker 1>your car journey home or when you get into bed

0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:30.760
<v Speaker 1>and you're talking about, gosh, can you believe how disrespectful

0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:33.800
<v Speaker 1>they were and how bad they were, or you could

0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:36.680
<v Speaker 1>talk about how respectful you think your partner has been

0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:39.840
<v Speaker 1>to you or how valuable they've been to you, and

0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:42.600
<v Speaker 1>they can do the same back. And that kind of

0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:48.400
<v Speaker 1>communication is actually strengthening your relationship. It's actually building deeper

0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:52.040
<v Speaker 1>bonds with your partner, as opposed to what happens when

0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:55.760
<v Speaker 1>we just talk bad about other people. You don't want

0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:59.120
<v Speaker 1>the success of your relationship to be based on the

0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:02.800
<v Speaker 1>stress of others. You don't want the goodness of your

0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:07.840
<v Speaker 1>relationship to be based on the poor performance of someone else. Again,

0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:10.640
<v Speaker 1>where are we setting the bar? What do we truly

0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:14.120
<v Speaker 1>want from life? Another thing that I find when we're

0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:22.320
<v Speaker 1>comparing ourselves to others is we make it often feel

0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:26.120
<v Speaker 1>like it's impossible for us to reach there, for us

0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:29.480
<v Speaker 1>to get there, rather than looking at what would it take?

0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:33.200
<v Speaker 1>Instead of asking the question, what would it take for us?

0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:34.680
<v Speaker 1>To get there? What would it take for us to

0:16:34.720 --> 0:16:40.120
<v Speaker 1>build there? We talk about why theirs isn't working. One

0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:43.000
<v Speaker 1>tip that I want to give you is I find

0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:46.800
<v Speaker 1>that we spend more time comparing ourselves to others when

0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:49.840
<v Speaker 1>we don't have our own goals. If you, as a

0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:53.160
<v Speaker 1>relationship have a goal, you're going to compare yourself to

0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:59.360
<v Speaker 1>your goal, not to another relationship. Right if you're watching

0:16:59.400 --> 0:17:03.440
<v Speaker 1>a comedy movie and your goal is to laugh, you're

0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.000
<v Speaker 1>not going to compare the comedy movie to a horror

0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:09.399
<v Speaker 1>movie because you knew what you wanted, Whereas if you

0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:11.040
<v Speaker 1>didn't know what you wanted and you turned up at

0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:12.880
<v Speaker 1>the theaters, you'll be going, well, should we go see

0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:14.680
<v Speaker 1>a comedy movie? Or do we go see a horror movie?

0:17:14.760 --> 0:17:16.320
<v Speaker 1>Or but I don't like that actor and I don't

0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:19.120
<v Speaker 1>like that actress, and you're making it based on no direction,

0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:21.680
<v Speaker 1>Whereas if you said, you know what, I just need

0:17:21.720 --> 0:17:24.280
<v Speaker 1>to laugh today, you know what, I'm in the mood

0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:27.840
<v Speaker 1>for a thriller today. Now, all of a sudden, you're

0:17:27.840 --> 0:17:31.359
<v Speaker 1>not comparing as much to a random other movie with

0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:34.520
<v Speaker 1>a random set of data. You're comparing it to what's

0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:38.560
<v Speaker 1>important to you. You're comparing it to what's valuable to you.

0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:43.160
<v Speaker 1>We talk a lot about internal and external in comparison.

0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:46.240
<v Speaker 1>We always say, oh, you know, everyone's posting their highlight reel.

0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:50.040
<v Speaker 1>They're not posting what's real. And I think that's been

0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:52.200
<v Speaker 1>a really important part of my work and career. I'm

0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:56.239
<v Speaker 1>lucky to get to know people truthfully, deeply, really, and

0:17:56.280 --> 0:17:58.679
<v Speaker 1>that's why I encourage you to be vulnerable with people

0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:01.720
<v Speaker 1>and let them be vulnerable with you, because if you're

0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:06.480
<v Speaker 1>only ever seeing people's outsides, then the outsides will be perfect.

0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:09.719
<v Speaker 1>It's when you know and get to know people deeper

0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:14.560
<v Speaker 1>on the inside, or you get to realize what's really happening. Right, Often,

0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:16.800
<v Speaker 1>we look at someone we think their life is perfect,

0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:19.760
<v Speaker 1>we think everything's going great for them, and then you

0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:22.800
<v Speaker 1>talk to them and they tell you that they have

0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:26.520
<v Speaker 1>an illness with a family member, they tell you that

0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:28.920
<v Speaker 1>they've been struggling for the past six months with a

0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:31.840
<v Speaker 1>personal thing. Right, we just have no idea. I've had

0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:34.920
<v Speaker 1>so many guests on lately that they may have been

0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:37.040
<v Speaker 1>on the front cover of magazines, they may have been

0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:40.120
<v Speaker 1>the top of the charts, but actually they were going

0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:44.880
<v Speaker 1>through so much personal trauma. So get to know people deeply.

0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:47.560
<v Speaker 1>If you only ever see people at a big party,

0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:49.639
<v Speaker 1>you only ever see people at a big event, you

0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:51.919
<v Speaker 1>walk away thinking they have a perfect life, and you

0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:56.040
<v Speaker 1>don't why because you know your inside story and you

0:18:56.119 --> 0:19:01.200
<v Speaker 1>only know their outside story. You can't come compare someone's

0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:08.400
<v Speaker 1>outside story to your inside story. You can't compare someone's

0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:15.159
<v Speaker 1>external journey to your internal journey. You can't compare what

0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:20.440
<v Speaker 1>you see on someone's social media to what's happening inside

0:19:20.480 --> 0:19:26.600
<v Speaker 1>your home. We often get those so mixed up, and

0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:31.639
<v Speaker 1>we get so misled by believing that we're behind, we're wrong,

0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:34.680
<v Speaker 1>we're the worst, everyone else is doing better. One of

0:19:34.680 --> 0:19:36.240
<v Speaker 1>the ways I'm going to share with you is that

0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:38.560
<v Speaker 1>I think it's really important to be aware of how

0:19:38.600 --> 0:19:43.280
<v Speaker 1>you get triggered. Right. There are things that trigger you,

0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:45.960
<v Speaker 1>and it's not the thing that's triggering you the person.

0:19:46.000 --> 0:19:49.480
<v Speaker 1>It's your perception, your interpretation of it. And it's okay

0:19:49.520 --> 0:19:51.440
<v Speaker 1>to say, Okay, I'm gonna get off social media because

0:19:51.480 --> 0:19:53.560
<v Speaker 1>that triggers me. You know what, I'm not gonna go

0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:55.919
<v Speaker 1>to that party because when I'm around that group of

0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:58.919
<v Speaker 1>people and the way they talk, that triggers me. You know,

0:19:59.560 --> 0:20:01.359
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to go to that event because that

0:20:01.720 --> 0:20:04.640
<v Speaker 1>triggers me, and again you're not doing it going Often

0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:06.320
<v Speaker 1>what we do is all the people there are just

0:20:06.400 --> 0:20:09.199
<v Speaker 1>so like materialistic? Are the people there are so right?

0:20:09.240 --> 0:20:11.640
<v Speaker 1>It becomes about them, you know, it's about us. Let's

0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:14.959
<v Speaker 1>be really aware and conscious of what our triggers are.

0:20:15.359 --> 0:20:17.960
<v Speaker 1>What are the things that make us feel uncomfortable? What

0:20:18.040 --> 0:20:22.320
<v Speaker 1>are the things that put us in that place? And instead,

0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:25.760
<v Speaker 1>let us find the habits that allow us to deepen

0:20:25.800 --> 0:20:29.080
<v Speaker 1>our self worth, that allow us to develop our confidence.

0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:32.639
<v Speaker 1>I find that for a lot of people, we're not

0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:40.160
<v Speaker 1>building our competence and therefore our confidence doesn't grow. When

0:20:40.280 --> 0:20:44.880
<v Speaker 1>was the last time you invested in your confidence? By

0:20:45.240 --> 0:20:49.880
<v Speaker 1>investing in your competence, we get better when our skills

0:20:49.920 --> 0:20:52.760
<v Speaker 1>get better. We get better when our habits get better.

0:20:52.800 --> 0:20:55.360
<v Speaker 1>We get better when our mindset get better. But if

0:20:55.359 --> 0:20:57.520
<v Speaker 1>we're just trying to make sure our life looks better,

0:20:58.600 --> 0:21:01.840
<v Speaker 1>often we get so caught up and looking better that

0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:07.119
<v Speaker 1>we miss out on doing better, being better, being more,

0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:13.199
<v Speaker 1>doing more, taking action, being proactive. We often get so

0:21:13.480 --> 0:21:17.280
<v Speaker 1>lost in trying to look a certain way that we

0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:22.800
<v Speaker 1>miss out on the opportunity to be grow, become a

0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:28.560
<v Speaker 1>better way, make an investment in yourself, make an investment

0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:31.960
<v Speaker 1>in your relationship, and it will automatically look better because

0:21:31.960 --> 0:21:35.879
<v Speaker 1>it will actually be better. Thank you so much for

0:21:35.920 --> 0:21:40.080
<v Speaker 1>listening to Today. So grateful you tuned in. I appreciate

0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:42.520
<v Speaker 1>you being here with me, and I can't wait for

0:21:42.560 --> 0:21:44.840
<v Speaker 1>you to come back and listen to another episode of

0:21:44.880 --> 0:21:49.040
<v Speaker 1>On Purpose. Remember I forever in your corner and I'm

0:21:49.040 --> 0:21:51.920
<v Speaker 1>always rooting for you. If you love this episode, you're

0:21:51.960 --> 0:21:55.400
<v Speaker 1>going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how

0:21:55.440 --> 0:21:58.240
<v Speaker 1>to get over your ex and find true love in

0:21:58.280 --> 0:22:02.760
<v Speaker 1>your relationships. People should be compassionate to themselves, but extend

0:22:02.880 --> 0:22:07.280
<v Speaker 1>that compassion to your future self, because truly extending your

0:22:07.280 --> 0:22:10.320
<v Speaker 1>compassion to your future self is doing something that gives

0:22:10.560 --> 0:22:12.639
<v Speaker 1>him or her a shot at a happy and a

0:22:12.640 --> 0:22:13.359
<v Speaker 1>peaceful life