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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, Sophia Bush here. Welcome to Work in Progress,

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Speaker 1: where I talked to people who inspire me about how

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Speaker 1: they got to where they are and where they think

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Speaker 1: they're still going. Oh how I love Today's guest, love

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Speaker 1: the Agi E Jones is a New York Times best

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Speaker 1: selling author, speaker, and podcast host whose work combines comedy, justice, and,

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Speaker 1: as she says, professional troublemaking. I was so excited to

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Speaker 1: have my soul sister friend on the show. This has

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Speaker 1: been a long time coming. We spoke about how we

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Speaker 1: actually met, which was through Oprah, Yes, Queen Oprah's super

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Speaker 1: Soul One, so of course we bonded over our mutual

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Speaker 1: Oprah session, and we talked about many of the adventures

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Speaker 1: we've been able to go on since, including traveling around

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Speaker 1: in the country speaking to incredible audiences and women on

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Speaker 1: the Together Tour. We also went backwards talking about Lovees

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Speaker 1: moved to Chicago from Nigeria at nine, the changes that

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Speaker 1: she made so she could feel like she fit in,

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Speaker 1: when she finally embraced her interactivist and the importance of

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Speaker 1: her writing. And if you haven't read I'm judging you

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Speaker 1: the Do Better Manual. It's a must, and now she's

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Speaker 1: working on her second book, The Fear Fighter Manual. I

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Speaker 1: cannot wait to read it, and I cannot wait for

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Speaker 1: you all to get to know, love you better enjoy.

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Speaker 1: When we did share them like now, and we did

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Speaker 1: our lives so many people. I was so touched by

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Speaker 1: the comments of people saying, it's so special to see

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Speaker 1: your friendship and your intimacy and your clear affection for

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Speaker 1: each other, and and and people wanted to know how

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Speaker 1: we knew each other, and so god, how long has

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Speaker 1: it been? Now? Six hears me something like that. We

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Speaker 1: were introduced thanks to our friends over at the Together Tour,

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Speaker 1: Glenn and Doyle started this incredible No, Sophia, it was beforehand.

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Speaker 1: You forgot where we actually met. Okay, it's a very

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Speaker 1: much story, But where you and I met and connected

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Speaker 1: before Together Tour was Oprah Winfrey's super soul one hund

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, of course. Literally know when we've talked

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Speaker 1: about it, my brain. The first time we ever spoke

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Speaker 1: publicly together was Together Tour. You're right, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I gotta go back. Quarantine brain is real. No, you're right,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, of course, because okay, so we all

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Speaker 1: get we all get to the Super Soul one hundred

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Speaker 1: and everyone in the room is amazing. And actually, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm just given some some some some like background on

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Speaker 1: that what super Soul one yes, which is so that's

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Speaker 1: why me and Sophia became obsessed with each other because

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Speaker 1: so super So one D is a list of a

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Speaker 1: hundred people who Oprah when if he chose as people

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Speaker 1: who are elevating humanity. And it was two thousand and sixteen,

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Speaker 1: four and a half years ago, four and a half

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Speaker 1: years ago. It was four and a half years ago,

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Speaker 1: was right before my book came out, because I remember

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Speaker 1: I still had locks, Okay, I still had locks of

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Speaker 1: my hair, and so Oprah did a special brunch just

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Speaker 1: for the Super Soul one hundred and this list is insane,

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Speaker 1: Like this list is like Deepak Chopra, Arianna Huffington, Ava

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Speaker 1: do Renee and d I read Jesse Williams like it's

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Speaker 1: basically this crazy list that I when I first got

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Speaker 1: the notification that like they chose me to be a

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Speaker 1: part super So one hundred, I think I deleted the

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Speaker 1: email because I didn't think it was really I thought

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Speaker 1: it was spam. I was like I was like this

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Speaker 1: whatever this is spam. Somebody's messing with me. It was

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Speaker 1: when my manager called to tell me about it, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I get to do it.

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Speaker 1: I get to go on Super Soul Sunday. And she

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Speaker 1: was like, no, no, no, she's not asking you to

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Speaker 1: be on the talk show. She nominated you to be

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Speaker 1: one of the one hundred. And I was like the

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Speaker 1: one hundred what I couldn't It was like suddenly I

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Speaker 1: couldn't speak English. I was like, I don't understand what

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Speaker 1: you're saying. Because there are so many people in the world.

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Speaker 1: Why why am I on this list? I don't get

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Speaker 1: it correct? Same question I had, Oh my god. And

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Speaker 1: we got to that brunch Everyone's amazing, and you and

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Speaker 1: me and Sarah Elizabeth Lewis from Harvard sat at a

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Speaker 1: table together and we were like we were like kids

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Speaker 1: with the church giggles. We were just in the corner,

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Speaker 1: like gathering two hours giggling. I we were supposed to mingle,

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Speaker 1: and I did it. I don't think I'm mingled. I

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Speaker 1: think I was just talking to you and Sarah because

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Speaker 1: that was when you were in Chicago and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm from Chicago and you were like, yeah, wait, a minute,

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Speaker 1: wait do you? And that's how we really got into

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Speaker 1: the giggles. And I was just like all I got.

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Speaker 1: And there's a picture of us walking because there was

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Speaker 1: a brunch piece and there was another piece where we

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Speaker 1: had to take photos with Oprah and we had to

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Speaker 1: use golf carts because we want the owning. So I

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Speaker 1: have a pink Cardie God card po. I have that photo.

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Speaker 1: It's me you, um Arianna and like two other people

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Speaker 1: in the golf cart. So I have that tolfy and

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Speaker 1: so good. That was so fun. That was so so fun.

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Speaker 1: And then and then we got to speak together for

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Speaker 1: the first time in Chicago for together to it when

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Speaker 1: Glennan put that hook and we're talking about our other

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Speaker 1: favorite working progress friend and just real life friend and

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Speaker 1: share to my friend Glen Beyond and and she invited

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Speaker 1: me to come and speak at the Chicago event and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, Corseri here. So fun. Fact that tour,

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Speaker 1: when um we were picking the people who were going

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Speaker 1: to be on the tour, the moment your name came up,

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Speaker 1: everybody was like yes, please, yes, yes, please make sure

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Speaker 1: Sofia is on this. So you were like always high

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Speaker 1: on the list as one of the people we wanted

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Speaker 1: on that first together tour, Like the moment your name

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Speaker 1: came up, everybody who was like, absolutely, please make your

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Speaker 1: Sofia as part of this, This would be amazing. So

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Speaker 1: just so you know, I love that. Thank you. It

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Speaker 1: was really it was really cool, you know, to be

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Speaker 1: able to to be in this incredible. I mean, god,

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Speaker 1: we were in like a like what do you call that?

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Speaker 1: A stadium and auditorium? I don't even We were in

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Speaker 1: this ship the historic Chicago Theater. But it's that it

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Speaker 1: was like I sold out thing. I guess I always

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Speaker 1: think of theaters as feeling smaller. That felt like that

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Speaker 1: felt to me like going and presenting at a at

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Speaker 1: a thing like in the music world where you walk

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Speaker 1: out on stage and I'm like, this is not my universe.

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Speaker 1: I am not used to standing in front of as

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Speaker 1: many people. I'm gonna vomit or like pass out or

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Speaker 1: fall off the stage. I don't know how to do

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Speaker 1: this and it and it was cool because I remember

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Speaker 1: the feeling of walking out there and just thinking, wow,

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Speaker 1: this is this is big. The space is physically big,

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Speaker 1: and yet what we got to create on that stage

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Speaker 1: felt so intimate. Yeah, and the conversations that we've been

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Speaker 1: able to have year after year on those stages together

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Speaker 1: have been so vulnerable and and raw and real, and

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Speaker 1: it's been so special for us and for for the

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Speaker 1: audiences who come. The feedback is so amazing that people

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Speaker 1: need more of that honest and open communication with each other.

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Speaker 1: They don't want to be afraid to say the thing

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Speaker 1: that might make them look you know, quote unquote weak

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Speaker 1: or scared or or maybe they don't have the answer.

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Speaker 1: And it's cool then by giving that permission to ourselves

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Speaker 1: to help other people give it to themselves. Agreed, It's

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Speaker 1: it's pretty amazing. Like together, it was just such an

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Speaker 1: incredible thing. Like I just remember that fall that was

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Speaker 1: fall t seventeen. It was really special because I was

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Speaker 1: on all tensities. I was in all tensities. And actually

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Speaker 1: I have, um the I have the what's called the plugger,

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Speaker 1: not the plugger? What do you call those thingis? Uh?

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Speaker 1: The program? The program? I found the program the other

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Speaker 1: day and it just brought me so much joy. And

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Speaker 1: I think I took a picture and standing to Glenna

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Speaker 1: like it was in my desk somewhere, and it was

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Speaker 1: so cool because I'm doing a purge of my office,

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Speaker 1: but I kept that. I was like, this is something

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Speaker 1: that I'm going to keep because it was such a

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Speaker 1: special moment. I remember taking the stage and sticking on

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Speaker 1: top of sitting on the stage just for two and

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Speaker 1: a half hours twice a week for seven weeks basically,

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Speaker 1: and I always tried to take in how historic where

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Speaker 1: we were was, Like, so the Chicago theater we did

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Speaker 1: in Chicago won't I was also there for Shaka Kan concert, right,

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Speaker 1: It's where it's where people come who are legends to

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Speaker 1: perform in Chicago. And here we are and here we

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Speaker 1: were on the stage, so that was extra special. My

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Speaker 1: whole family was there, so it was really cool. It

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Speaker 1: was really cool. I love that. Did do you think

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Speaker 1: because for you being from Chicago and talking about how

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Speaker 1: that's a that's a theater where you've seen people who

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Speaker 1: for you were legendary. Can you imagine what your little

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Speaker 1: girl self would think if you could could rewind and

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Speaker 1: tell her she was going to be up there one day,

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Speaker 1: Little Lovey would be like, your stop it. That's a

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Speaker 1: lot like I honestly, I'm honestly blown away because so

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Speaker 1: many of my experiences, including the Super Soul one hundred

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Speaker 1: are so big and so epic that I didn't even

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Speaker 1: have the nerve to dream them right, Like who would

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Speaker 1: have I didn't have the permission to think to myself,

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Speaker 1: one day, you're gonna step on the stage of the

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Speaker 1: Chicago Theater and your name will be on the marquis

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Speaker 1: Like that just feels so big that I don't even

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Speaker 1: think I had the audacity to even have the dreams.

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Speaker 1: So when it came true, I was like whoa. And

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Speaker 1: related to the super Soul one hundred story, the thing

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Speaker 1: is Apra Winfrey is you know, matron Saints of anybody

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Speaker 1: who wants to make a change in this world. And

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Speaker 1: then she's a Chicago woman and she's a Black girl,

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Speaker 1: so she Oprah is like the beacon. Over the years,

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Speaker 1: I've been in the room with Oprah no less than

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Speaker 1: seven times, like where I've been in the same rooms

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Speaker 1: as her, but I never introduced myself. I've never gone

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Speaker 1: up to Oprah to say, Hey, my name is Levy.

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Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan. The first time I ever was

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Speaker 1: in the room with Oprah was in the fifth grade.

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Speaker 1: It was right after we moved to the US. Somehow

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Speaker 1: my fifth grade class was chosen to go to the

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Speaker 1: Oprah Winfrey Show because they were gonna pick five of

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Speaker 1: us to join her on stage at some point. So

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Speaker 1: I was one of the ten kids who was chosen

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Speaker 1: to go to Harpo Studios. So I go to Harpow Studios.

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Speaker 1: I end up sitting in the in the green room

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Speaker 1: and just watching the show. And afterwards they gave us

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Speaker 1: a little tour of like the actual studio, and I

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Speaker 1: remember walking past Oprah and she was speaking to somebody

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, that's I didn't

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Speaker 1: try to go up to introduce myself. College. I end

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Speaker 1: up getting tickets to the Opra Winfrey Show. I come

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Speaker 1: to talk with my friend. They put me in row

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Speaker 1: two in the aisle. Oprah walks past me when she's

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Speaker 1: coming when the show is starting. Year after, I get

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Speaker 1: tickets again to her anniversary show. Like in the most

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Speaker 1: random ways, I kept on being in Oprah space. But

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Speaker 1: the last yeme that I went to she walked past me.

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Speaker 1: She was like, oh, I like your jeans, and I

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Speaker 1: was like thank you. Still did not try to introduce

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Speaker 1: myself like hello, No, I was just like thank you.

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Speaker 1: So when super So one hundred happened, it was actually

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Speaker 1: a manifestation of dreams that I keep spoken because outside

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Speaker 1: of college, I go to the Essence Black Women in

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Speaker 1: Hollywood event every years, their invite only event where their

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Speaker 1: honor amazing black women who are in the industry, and

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Speaker 1: every year Opras there like but I remember one year,

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Speaker 1: it was a year that my It was a year

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Speaker 1: probably Oprah was sitting at a table with Abra DuVernay

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Speaker 1: and Shan Durance at this event. So I said, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna walk up and introduce myself to one of them.

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Speaker 1: Who will I do it? I chose Shonda. I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, It's not my time to be Oprah yet.

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Speaker 1: So I went up to Shanda, and Shinda knew who

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Speaker 1: I was because she reads my scandal recap. So her

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Speaker 1: and I had a moment. Shanda ends up, Shinda ends

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Speaker 1: up blurbing my my book. She her quotas on the

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Speaker 1: cover of my book. But when super So one hundred

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Speaker 1: happened and I got on the list, I literally was like,

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Speaker 1: holy sh it, I've actually predicted this because I found

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Speaker 1: three tweets that I've written over the years that says

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Speaker 1: one day I would meet Oprah and when I do,

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Speaker 1: she would know my name wow. And when I finally

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Speaker 1: met her, she knew my name because she chose me

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Speaker 1: to be on Super So one hundred Wow. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: love that. I just love that so much. I used

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Speaker 1: to as a kid because her show was always my

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Speaker 1: favorite show. But as a little girl, like I didn't

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Speaker 1: watch kid TV. I liked grown up TV. I watched

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Speaker 1: Jeopardy and Were a Fortune and Seinfeld and my parents,

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Speaker 1: I like Murphy Brown was like my favorite show. I

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Speaker 1: was like, she's a journalist and she's single, and she's

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Speaker 1: so cool, you know I. I my parents were like,

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Speaker 1: our kid is weird. But the thing I was the

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Speaker 1: most obsessed with was Oprah. And I used to beg

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Speaker 1: my mom, beg if I get straight, as, will you

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Speaker 1: pick me up fifteen minutes early from school every day

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Speaker 1: so I can be home before Oprah starts all And

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Speaker 1: my mom was like, no, you're a child, you go

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Speaker 1: to school. I will pick you up at the end

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Speaker 1: of the day. And so I would beg her and

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Speaker 1: I'd say, please just come, please come five minutes before

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Speaker 1: the ending bell. Be be the first mom in mine.

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Speaker 1: So because I got gotta get I gotta get home mom.

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Speaker 1: I can't miss I can't miss any more than the

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Speaker 1: first eight minutes of Oprah and oh what is happening?

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Speaker 1: And running the house and s down in front of

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Speaker 1: the TV. And I wouldn't sit on the couch, I'd

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Speaker 1: sit on the floor right in front of the TV

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Speaker 1: and I just watch her, and I I just I

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Speaker 1: loved I just loved her so much. And when I

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Speaker 1: moved to Chicago, I moved three blocks from Harpo. She

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Speaker 1: wasn't working there anymore, but it felt I was like,

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Speaker 1: I just by osmosis, I must wear the energy of

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Speaker 1: this woman, this world change truth telling person who is

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Speaker 1: my idol um. And I, you know, I think about

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Speaker 1: I think about what it was like to have her

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Speaker 1: to look up to as a woman and then to

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Speaker 1: hear your story, and what it was like to have

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Speaker 1: her to look up to as a young black girl

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Speaker 1: and a young black girl from Chicago, and and you know,

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Speaker 1: I think about Oprah starting her show and like, there

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Speaker 1: weren't women who looked like Oprah who had talk shows.

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Speaker 1: That was not a thing. There were beery actors on

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Speaker 1: TV who looked like Oprah, And just what a I know,

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Speaker 1: what a revolution that was for me, And like I'm

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Speaker 1: having this nostalgic friend moment for you, I'm like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, little love me most have just been so happy,

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Speaker 1: little lovey right now would be like, I can't believe

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Speaker 1: your life. What Because I also went to high school

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Speaker 1: three black pot from Harpo Studios. I went to Whitney

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Speaker 1: Young High School, which is where Yeah, so I would

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Speaker 1: walk past Harpo Studios often just to be like, so

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Speaker 1: Oprah's in there right now. Oh man, that is really cool.

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Speaker 1: And so what Oprah represents, and I think for a

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Speaker 1: lot of black girls is Oprah gave us permission to dream.

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Speaker 1: Because Oprah's life represented all types of dreams come true.

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Speaker 1: Like this woman from Mississippi who was abandoned by her

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Speaker 1: parents becomes the first black woman billionaire. It's the true.

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Speaker 1: It's the rags to richest story that you think is

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Speaker 1: too good to be true, but it's true in her.

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Speaker 1: So she's the proof to be like, Okay, so even

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Speaker 1: though my dream might sound crazy, there's a tiny chance

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Speaker 1: that it is possible for it to happen because it

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Speaker 1: happened for her and to which is why that super

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Speaker 1: so one things felt so unreal, which is why I

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Speaker 1: thought somebody's tricking me. That didn't happen. Even when we

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Speaker 1: showed up for the brunch and her staff was around,

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Speaker 1: I literally walked up to them and I said, so,

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Speaker 1: let me get this straight. Oprah actually knows who I am.

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Speaker 1: And they were like yes, because Oprah literally was picking

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Speaker 1: the people who was She picked every single person on

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Speaker 1: this list yes, yes, no, no, no, yes, So I said, wow,

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Speaker 1: she actually said yes to me. So then it culminates

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Speaker 1: in the wildest thing. A year after Super Soul, in

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Speaker 1: the middle of That's Together tour, Oprah does a Sunday

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Speaker 1: brunch at her house. Yes, and I got an invitation yep.

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Speaker 1: And I'm sitting on Oprah's lawn surrounded by the who's

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Speaker 1: who of impactful people in the world, surrounded by people

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Speaker 1: who I've read their books, who I've watched on TV.

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Speaker 1: Who who I'm like, oh my god, you are goals.

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Speaker 1: And I'm sitting in the same space as them. And

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Speaker 1: I was just like, I want to like drink this in.

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Speaker 1: I need to just I wanted to take it. Every

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Speaker 1: single site. I remember speaking at a table with Angela

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Speaker 1: Bassett and being like, what is my life? How am

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Speaker 1: I sitting a food away from Angela Bassett? So Oprah

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Speaker 1: towards the end. I actually didn't really say much to

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Speaker 1: her because she was always founded by people. So Kirby,

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Speaker 1: who is Gail's daughter, was like, have you said how

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Speaker 1: to Oprah haveyberies? I was like, you know, I've been

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Speaker 1: giving her time. Kirby was like, let's go over there

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Speaker 1: right now, and I'm over here, like I don't find

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Speaker 1: goal over anybody. I never even faind gold over her

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Speaker 1: when I first met her, But I don't know what

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Speaker 1: I was like. And Kirby was like, and oh, you know,

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Speaker 1: have you seen Lovey? She was like, of course, she

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Speaker 1: was like if that Lovey interviewed me last year, because

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Speaker 1: I also end up interviewing her, and she rubbed my

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Speaker 1: head um and I was just like, your home is beautiful,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for having us. She was like

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Speaker 1: my pleasure, and I was just like, what is my life?

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Speaker 1: I'm just internally screaming, internally screaming. But I have to

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Speaker 1: make this point about Oprah. People think about her and

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Speaker 1: think about this like larger than life woman. But one

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Speaker 1: thing that I think has really been a part of

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Speaker 1: her success and the reason why she keeps being win

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Speaker 1: being somebody who wins is how kind she is. And

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Speaker 1: I say this because we were basically the last people

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Speaker 1: at the brunch because I was like, we're gonna stay.

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Speaker 1: It was me, Bows cardoneled my husband. We were just like,

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Speaker 1: we don't have to rush out of Oprah's property, so

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Speaker 1: we just gonna take our time. We were having conversations

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Speaker 1: with people. As we were walking out, we turned around

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Speaker 1: and Oprah had gathered all the people who worked the event,

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Speaker 1: the waiter is, the servants, staff, anybody who worked, and

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Speaker 1: she had just standing in front of them and said,

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to take this time to thank you

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00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,760
Speaker 1: for making this event what it was, from making it

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Speaker 1: such a success. I see your work. I appreciate you.

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Speaker 1: And I loved that. And I was like, this woman

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Speaker 1: is stopping to be like I need to make sure

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Speaker 1: y'all see like you know, I see you. That no

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Speaker 1: work was too small that contributed to her day, and

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Speaker 1: it was something that I was like, I gotta make

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Speaker 1: sure that I never lose the person who thanks everybody,

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Speaker 1: not just the big people, but the people who are

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Speaker 1: work that is often thankless. Yes, it's such a reminder

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Speaker 1: because there's this false narrative that when you get successful,

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Speaker 1: you you turn into kind of a dick. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: Oprah is the pinnacle of success and the pinnacle of class.

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Speaker 1: And I remember that day. I mean, my god, when

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Speaker 1: I saw you, I was like, thank God because it's

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Speaker 1: intimidating to be there. And to your point, you know,

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Speaker 1: we're at her home. It's gospel brunch. It's like this

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Speaker 1: magical morning, Common and Andrew Day are singing. I'm like

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Speaker 1: where am I? What was happening? And I'm talking to

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Speaker 1: Diane Sawyer Like for a kid who went to journalism school,

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Speaker 1: I was like, helloagging my too. The two women I

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Speaker 1: have looked up to most, Oprah and Diane Sawyer are

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Speaker 1: just casually hanging. And I did the same thing I

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Speaker 1: avoided Overra. I was like, no, everybody wants to talk

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Speaker 1: to her. I'm just gonna keep my head down. And

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Speaker 1: at one point we like kind of locked eyes and

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Speaker 1: she went hello, and I was like hey. I literally

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Speaker 1: went hey, like I'm gonna I'm just gonna leave you alone.

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Speaker 1: And then I saw one of the lovely women from

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Speaker 1: her team who we met at the first Super Soul

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00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 1: one hundred things, and I was like, it's so nice

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Speaker 1: that you guys invited the Super Soul one hundred, and

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00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,800
Speaker 1: she leaned in and she goes, not all one hundred

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00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,719
Speaker 1: of you got invited to this? And I was like, wait,

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Speaker 1: for love, it wasn't just it wasn't just the whole

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Speaker 1: hunting invided h and I in that moment when you

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Speaker 1: said like, are you on the on our brunch day? Like,

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Speaker 1: are you sure Oprah knows me? I remember that day

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Speaker 1: being like when the when the hundred of us met, thinking, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure Oprah picked a lot of these people, but

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Speaker 1: I'm also sure, Mike, maybe the team picked some people.

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Speaker 1: I had this thing in my head. I had this

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Speaker 1: imposter syndrome thing where I was like, I don't think

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00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 1: Oprah knows me. I don't think Oprah you know, sure,

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Speaker 1: I've dedicated myself to being a real activist, but there's

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Speaker 1: people who, like Oprah was friends with Nelson Mandela, Like

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Speaker 1: what does she care about what I'm talking about on Instagram?

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Speaker 1: You know? So it's like there's probably there's probably like

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Speaker 1: some of the younger girls on her team who like

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00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 1: loved One Tree Hill. I told myself this whole story

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Speaker 1: about how everybody there had been picked by Oprah, but

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00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 1: she probably didn't really know me. And and when when

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00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:03,320
Speaker 1: her team was like no, Oprah picked people who she

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00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 1: believed to be doing meaningful work in the world. For this,

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00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 1: in a way, I had to realize the way that

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00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:14,040
Speaker 1: I will so often support the work of others but

403
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,160
Speaker 1: detract from the quality of my own work in myself.

404
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:23,880
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, And I remember thinking my

405
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 1: my inner little like little Sophia who used to beg

406
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 1: to go home early so she could catch the beginning

407
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:37,000
Speaker 1: of the Oprah Show, needed to know that she mattered,

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Speaker 1: that she grew up to matter to her hero, and

409
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 1: needed to know that she grew up to do something

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00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 1: of merit that warranted her inclusion in a group who

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Speaker 1: she looked up to. And and it's like I realized

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Speaker 1: that the little the little me and me it has

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Speaker 1: always been a little afraid or worried that she wasn't enough,

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00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 1: has told big big me, present day me that maybe

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Speaker 1: I'm not enough. And I thought, I gotta go back

416
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Speaker 1: and start to undo that story. You know, Oprah talk

417
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:14,479
Speaker 1: to our stories, and so I'm curious, like when we

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00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:18,160
Speaker 1: talk about are are littles And I'm like, I love

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Speaker 1: people who who are dedicated to the work and who

420
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,640
Speaker 1: go to therapy because they know how to talk about

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00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: their inner children. But I wonder, like I always like

422
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: to go back with people who come on the show

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Speaker 1: who who was a little lovely? Like what was your

424
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Speaker 1: life at eight years old? What? What was your experience

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00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:42,120
Speaker 1: being a little Nigerian girl growing up in Chicago? Like

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Speaker 1: what what was it for you picturing not keep picturing

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Speaker 1: little Sofia a little love There would have been such

428
00:24:49,840 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 1: besties that would because like little legs could carry us absolutely,

429
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:07,920
Speaker 1: Little me was very much big me in that Little

430
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 1: Me was also still audacious. She was pretty self assured.

431
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 1: But broke a little bit of that. So we moved

432
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 1: to the U S when I was nine. Little Loving

433
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 1: had never been the only or the new girl ever

434
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 1: in her life until that moment move me to Chicago

435
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: at nine, I had never been in a room where

436
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 1: everybody didn't look like me. I hadn't besides when we

437
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 1: came on vacation to the US like a few years before.

438
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,360
Speaker 1: But in terms of like you now are going to

439
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,400
Speaker 1: exist in this plane, hadn't had to deal with that

440
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,960
Speaker 1: because the school that I went to in Nigeria was

441
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:50,159
Speaker 1: a private school that was owned by a family friend.

442
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 1: Like the principle, who we call the headmistress, was like

443
00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 1: my mom's bestie. So my best friend since I was too,

444
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: because we started going to school when we were two,

445
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,480
Speaker 1: was her niece. We ran the place in terms of, like,

446
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 1: you know, this is what we do. We're really good students.

447
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,920
Speaker 1: I was a kid who I was either because I've

448
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 1: been ranked since I was too. They ranked every student

449
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 1: in each class from young age. I usually I'm usually

450
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 1: one or two because like, even though I was friends

451
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 1: with the headmistress, I'm also highly competitive, really bookish, nerd

452
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,360
Speaker 1: all day. I was a kid who would come home

453
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 1: from school do homework before she even turns on the TV.

454
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 1: Like you didn't even have to tell me have you

455
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 1: done your homework because I already did it. Yeah, because

456
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna get these a's, um And So

457
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 1: when we came to the US, it was the first

458
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,400
Speaker 1: time I was ever different. It was the first time

459
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 1: my name was every different, first time my my voice

460
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 1: sounded different right, first time my accent was weird because

461
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 1: everybody sound like me. So but it was It's interesting

462
00:26:56,280 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 1: how quick kids pick up feels different, Like nobody told

463
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 1: me you're gonna have to switch up your game. I

464
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 1: instantly knew. So I remember the first day of school.

465
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 1: I get walked into class. The teacher tells me to

466
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: introduce myself to the kids, and I had a two

467
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:20,200
Speaker 1: second debate with myself where I was like, Okay, you

468
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 1: don't know any of these people. Yeah, your name which

469
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 1: is Fila. My family calls me Fete, which is love

470
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 1: means God's love. So instantly was like, yeah, your name

471
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 1: is not gonna be good here, Um, okay, pick a

472
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 1: name that they can pronounce. I literally was two seconds

473
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 1: in my head. I was having whole whole debate, whole conversations.

474
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 1: And the name that I introduced myself as was Lovette,

475
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,199
Speaker 1: which was a nickname that my aunt called me. So

476
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,440
Speaker 1: I was like, they can say that one. Okay, Yeah,

477
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 1: my name is Lovette. Of course strong Nigerian accent, so

478
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 1: it definitely didn't sound like this, Like it probably sound like, Hi,

479
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 1: my name is Lovette. Probably sound just like that. So okay.

480
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 1: I sat down. But I was like, and I brought

481
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 1: to love Price to school. Uh, these kids have sandwiches. Yeah,

482
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 1: that's not gonna be good. So at lunch, I try

483
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,880
Speaker 1: to sit as far away from people as possible, because

484
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: I was like, when I opened my food, it's gonna

485
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 1: smell different to them, then I gonna understand, sure enough,

486
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,439
Speaker 1: what are you eating? And I'm sitting up here like

487
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 1: I don't want to answer this question, But as kids do,

488
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: I end up being like, Okay, I can adapt. I

489
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:31,479
Speaker 1: can do something different. So I started listening to how

490
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,440
Speaker 1: they were talking, and I was like, I could talk

491
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 1: like that. I could do that. And that's how I

492
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 1: actually lost my accent by just listening to my classmates

493
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: speaking and being like, Okay, I can talk like that.

494
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 1: By high school, most of my accent was gone. But

495
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 1: here's the thing that I would do before every first

496
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 1: day of school from the time I got here too yeah,

497
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 1: probably end of high school. I would show up to

498
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 1: school early for the first day of school every year

499
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 1: because I would go to each class and tell my teacher, Hey,

500
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 1: the name that's on the roll call, don't call me that.

501
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 1: Scratch it out, put this name because I got used.

502
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: And the substance teachers will show up and they'll be like, ah,

503
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 1: this name is hard to pronounce, and I'm like, I know,

504
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 1: that's me. So having to basically be two people little

505
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: love you with two people. At home, I'm still speaking yorba,

506
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 1: I am uh still eating pound of yam. I am

507
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 1: eating a goosey. And at school I had to assimilate

508
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 1: to make sure, because you don't want to be different

509
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 1: at nine, at ten, at eleven, twelve, nobody tells you

510
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 1: being different is cool. So I did my best to

511
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 1: not be that different. And you know, I got a

512
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 1: bunch of friends. My friends were like, you're not at

513
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: calls of Benetton. Like literally, my best friend and in

514
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 1: the elementary school was Indian Shahina and we had like

515
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 1: we're basically like the eyeland of Busty Toys. So we

516
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: had the Indian girl, we had me. We had one

517
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 1: girl whose red head, and you know how kids do

518
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 1: with redheads. So it was like all the people who

519
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 1: were different we found each other and we were like hey,

520
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 1: and then we kid. I love that. Do you if

521
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 1: we fast forward you you you say in your Ted

522
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 1: talk that you choose to affect change by speaking up,

523
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: and and you're talking about how you always wanted to

524
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: collect and protect and give community to people who might

525
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 1: have been, you know, considered outsiders. So do you do

526
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 1: you draw a parallel between the two, do you realize

527
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 1: that you were always speaking up and making change as

528
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 1: a kid, or or was that a specific lesson that

529
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: happened at some point in your your childhood or your

530
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 1: young adult life. Yeah, I think I've always been the

531
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,520
Speaker 1: person who who just couldn't help but speak up, like

532
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 1: I've always usually I've usually been the smallest person in

533
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 1: the class. Okay small just I'm the baby of the family.

534
00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: I was also like just petite and still am. But

535
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 1: even then I was even smaller. So I think I

536
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: had a bit of a complex that was like, just

537
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 1: because I'm small, don't mean you're about to play me, right. So,

538
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,720
Speaker 1: even when I was little, I would speak up for

539
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 1: myself if I felt like something that was happening was

540
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 1: not cool, like I did not like to feel cheated,

541
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 1: and I could not shut up about it. I just

542
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,080
Speaker 1: could not shut up about a moment where I felt

543
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 1: like somebody was being unfair to me. Like that's unfair

544
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: was my favorite phrase, to the point where when I

545
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 1: would get punished by my mom, I would take the punishment. Afterwards,

546
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: I would either write her note or I'll walk up

547
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 1: to her and I'll say, I don't think that was fair.

548
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: I actually think you owe me an apology. I would

549
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 1: ask my mother to apologize to me for punishing me

550
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 1: for something that I did at five. And this is

551
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 1: the story that my sister even tells me now that

552
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: she's like, you were so annoying. You would actually walk

553
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: up to her, asked this woman for an apology, and

554
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 1: somehow get away with it. She might not have apologized

555
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 1: to me, but she also didn't fight me because I

556
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: was not asking for an apology. So I think in

557
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 1: that way, I learned very quickly that like I am

558
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 1: allowed to say what I feel, the person might not

559
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,719
Speaker 1: receive it, or they might not do what I asked

560
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: them to do, which was the apologize, but at least

561
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 1: I have the space to do it. So I think

562
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 1: that kind of followed me in a real way. And

563
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: I literally used to write her notes even after I

564
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,959
Speaker 1: would get in trouble, even if I wasn't asking for

565
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 1: an apology, I would write her a note explaining my part,

566
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 1: my part of what happened. I would write a card

567
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 1: and I like folded up and I'll slide it to

568
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: her when she's sleeping, and I'll just go to bed,

569
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 1: and so she will wake up in the morning to

570
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 1: a note for me explaining my part in the story

571
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 1: and what was misunderstood. So, like, I've been this girl

572
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: for a long time. I still have that. I have

573
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: that thing where if I feel like something has been

574
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 1: unfair or unjust, I can't sleep. It makes me crazy.

575
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 1: I'll I'll spin on it. I mean for years, and

576
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,520
Speaker 1: and that's going for an activist because you don't let

577
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 1: go of injustice in the world, but in my personal life, Like,

578
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: I still can't believe he said that to me. And

579
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, this was five years ago. Who cares? Why

580
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 1: did I even think that's not just now? If there's

581
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 1: like a blip of blank space, I'm like, and you

582
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:24,240
Speaker 1: know what, still just burns my But I'm like, yeah, what,

583
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 1: oh we are grudge it's really good. Well not no,

584
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 1: so okay, So even from the age of five, you're like,

585
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 1: excuse me. My opinion is, yeah, how how does that?

586
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 1: How does that carry you through growing up? Because you

587
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 1: you had the same thing that I did. And I

588
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: wonder if this is being a kid who comes from

589
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 1: a family of immigrants, or is it like that women

590
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 1: are cultured, be nurture is and maybe it's boats But

591
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 1: we both were like, well, obviously we're gonna be doctors.

592
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 1: And part of me is like, well, there's the thing

593
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 1: when your parents moved to America where it's like you

594
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:10,399
Speaker 1: can be a doctor or a lawyer or a lawyer

595
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 1: or correct. But also there there's this sort of you know,

596
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 1: sainthood of of of women who serve and heal, and

597
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 1: so I think about that societal thing, and for me,

598
00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 1: I think it all kind of mixed up, and I

599
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 1: was like, well, I'll be a doctor. Yeah, But what

600
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,839
Speaker 1: was it similar for you or or were you just

601
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:36,840
Speaker 1: like super into science? What was the motivation. My motivation

602
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 1: was exactly what you just said. I was not super

603
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:42,040
Speaker 1: into science. I was not. No. No, I love writing,

604
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 1: I loved English. I wasn't a science At no point

605
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 1: did I ever enjoy my science classes. But I was like,

606
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a doctor because the immigrant thing

607
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 1: that you're going to do three things, and then also

608
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,399
Speaker 1: I want to help the world and have and think

609
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 1: and also have another people beat it into your head,

610
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: you're totally smart. You're gonna be a doctor. You're gonna

611
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,919
Speaker 1: you're gonna be a doctor. Okay, yes, yes, I will

612
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: be a doctor. Meanwhile, did not do well in science

613
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 1: in general. Like, if I did well, it was because

614
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 1: I tried, and yeah, no, I didn't enjoy it. So

615
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: I didn't have that moment of clarity of girl, this

616
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,360
Speaker 1: is not your dream until I got that D in

617
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 1: chemistry in college. My friendman year of college, and I

618
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 1: was like, girl, you don't even like hospitals. Girl, just

619
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:26,279
Speaker 1: delete that dream is dead to the world. And that

620
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 1: is what ended the dream. But yeah, no, I didn't

621
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,800
Speaker 1: want to be a doctor truly, when I think about it,

622
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:33,880
Speaker 1: it wasn't like I like woke up and thought I

623
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 1: can't wait until in a hospital helping people. No. I

624
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 1: was never that person. Mm hmmm, So how did you?

625
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: How did you decide to make the switch? How do

626
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 1: you How do you let go of the expectation and

627
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 1: start pursuing what you as an individual really care about.

628
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 1: I'm stubborn, okay, I'm I'm I am very much. I'm

629
00:35:55,160 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 1: a Capricorn where the goats. We are definitely stubborn. So

630
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 1: when I got the d in chemistry and I was like,

631
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 1: so my major was psychology premed. I actually loved psychology.

632
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:07,759
Speaker 1: I fell in love with it when I was in

633
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 1: high school. So I came in with psychology premed but

634
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:12,879
Speaker 1: I dropped the premed for the doctor dream, but I

635
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 1: thought I could still do psychology because I was like,

636
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 1: I still love it. Um, I really want to go

637
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 1: to grad school and do industrial and organizational psychology, which

638
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 1: it was really interesting to me, actually still kind of

639
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,480
Speaker 1: interesting to me. But I started blogging the same semester

640
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: that I got that D and seventeen years later, here

641
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 1: I am. But really, my blog we started as something

642
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 1: that I was doing because I was pure person to

643
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,479
Speaker 1: doing it ended up taking on life of its own

644
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 1: because once I graduated, I deleted my college blog and

645
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 1: I started awesomely Lovely dot com and it started getting

646
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 1: more attention because people are like, oh my gosh, you're

647
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 1: saying but I wanted to say, but they're not too

648
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 1: got awards. Got laid off my full time job in

649
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 1: April as a marketing coordinator, and you know, to the

650
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 1: stubburn thing. I should have been like, oh my god,

651
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,280
Speaker 1: the universe is trying to tell me you should focus

652
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 1: on writing. No, I was like, I gotta get a

653
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 1: new job. Okay, Well, in the meantime, I just keep

654
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:11,440
Speaker 1: doing this blogging thing. And then basically came a moment

655
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 1: in twelve where I couldn't deny the fact that I

656
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:17,720
Speaker 1: was a writer, because I end up doing press coverage

657
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:21,439
Speaker 1: at the Academy Awards. I had credentials on the red

658
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 1: carpet and backstage, which a lot of people don't get.

659
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:26,400
Speaker 1: And here I am like standing next to all these

660
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 1: journalists from BBC and CNN, and here's awesomely loving just

661
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: in the same room eating Wolfgang puncturing. And I literally

662
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 1: was like, holy sh it, Like you You've made it

663
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 1: in a room where people who are backed up by

664
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 1: multimillion dollar outlets are in and you made it here

665
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 1: because of your own personal words. The thing that you

666
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 1: were doing that you thought was this hobby. You are

667
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 1: a writer, this is your gift, this is your purpose.

668
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 1: You're supposed to double down on it. And it was

669
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 1: that moment that I finally stopped running from the from

670
00:37:56,480 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: the word writer. I finally owned it and stop acteel

671
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,720
Speaker 1: like it was just this cute hobby that I had.

672
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,440
Speaker 1: It was like cute hobby. It was the thing I've

673
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: been doing for nine years. Okay, Like yeah, so that

674
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,360
Speaker 1: is what that is how the plan and how this

675
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 1: whole thing accidentally happened. Why do you think it because

676
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,280
Speaker 1: I'm sure there are people at home who are listening

677
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 1: to this, We're like, yeah, I just I don't know.

678
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can call myself whatever it

679
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,880
Speaker 1: is that they do and that they love. Why do

680
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 1: you think it can take so long for us to

681
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 1: embrace our truth? Especially you know, as you're saying and

682
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 1: it's like it was smacking you in the face and

683
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 1: it's hard and it still felt scary. What do you

684
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 1: what do you think that is? I think a lot

685
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:49,800
Speaker 1: of times we're looking for permission to be that person,

686
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:52,799
Speaker 1: or we're looking for an example of that person that

687
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:54,879
Speaker 1: we want to be, and then if we don't see

688
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,360
Speaker 1: an example, we'll be like act then I can't do it.

689
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 1: Like I didn't see the version of the writer like

690
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,319
Speaker 1: me who's making a good living, like I know the

691
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 1: writers like the Tony Morrison and Terry McMillan's. But all

692
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 1: I all I was doing, in the way I put it,

693
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 1: was writing my thoughts about the world. What's the big deal? Right?

694
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,319
Speaker 1: Because I didn't see the sample of the writer that

695
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 1: felt and looked like me. But truly, I was really

696
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,800
Speaker 1: supposed to be the example for myself. I was supposed

697
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 1: to be the example for other people. We're constantly looking

698
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 1: for permission because we're like, if I haven't seen it

699
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 1: in the exact way that I do it, then it's

700
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 1: probably not possible. So sometimes you do have to become

701
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 1: the example you were looking for, because now there's a

702
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:42,359
Speaker 1: black girl somewhere who can tell her parents I want

703
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:45,760
Speaker 1: to be a writer. Here's the example of somebody who's

704
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 1: doing it in a way that makes sense for them.

705
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 1: So now I am the example that I was looking for.

706
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:51,960
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of times our work comes

707
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 1: into that too. Um sometimes you will be pushed into it,

708
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:58,800
Speaker 1: and oftentimes if it's not something that comes with the manual,

709
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 1: that comes with some type of blueprint, we are afraid

710
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:05,319
Speaker 1: of it because we're like, but what if I lose

711
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:08,879
Speaker 1: my way because there's no map, What if I lose

712
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,839
Speaker 1: my weight? Well, you know what, you draw the map,

713
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 1: so somebody else who comes behind you won't lose their

714
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 1: weight because you created the map that you didn't have.

715
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:21,439
Speaker 1: So I think we just need to understand that part

716
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 1: of the work that we do is to give ourselves

717
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:28,239
Speaker 1: a permission to be who we want to be, even

718
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 1: if we have no example of it yet. Right, like,

719
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,319
Speaker 1: you can become the example, you can be the map

720
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:36,800
Speaker 1: drawer for somebody else and be able to be like wow,

721
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:38,799
Speaker 1: like I didn't design this, but I end up on

722
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 1: this road. And if the road is leaving you the

723
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 1: greater things that you could have ever thought of, that's

724
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 1: a winning road mm hm hm. And I think when

725
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:50,800
Speaker 1: we think about that idea to I mean I have

726
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 1: that conversation with Karma on his podcast last year about

727
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 1: how you have to write your own permission slips because

728
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 1: somebody else isn't going to do it for you, and

729
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: I think it can be really hard, especially in pursuit

730
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 1: of anything that's considered a creative career, because you go, well,

731
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,759
Speaker 1: what is my opinion? Like you talk about when you

732
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 1: were blogging and you were like, it's just the thing.

733
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 1: It isn't it's just my thing? What? What is? What

734
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: is my little writing thing matter? We can wonder why

735
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 1: our voice is valuable, but for me, what I always

736
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 1: come back to is if your voice is rooted in

737
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 1: telling the truth and rooted in kindness and rooted in honesty,

738
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 1: you know, it's like I don't need any of those

739
00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 1: people like running those insane q and on blogs. I'm like,

740
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 1: stop writing like you guys, writing you're you're gonna be

741
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 1: the You're gonna be the downfall of America here, But

742
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 1: when when when you are actually pursuing truth, justice, the

743
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 1: illumination of people's experiences. When when when you're rooted in

744
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: a purpose, I think you have to keep going, And

745
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,400
Speaker 1: I think the only way to do that is is

746
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:12,799
Speaker 1: to give yourself permission. I think, and as long as

747
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 1: your permission comes with a willingness to be humble, you know,

748
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 1: to admit, look, I don't know everything. This is the

749
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: thing I'm learning or working out or working on or whatever.

750
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 1: Then I think, you know, you can feel really proud

751
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 1: of something, and I don't know. That's that's always kind

752
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:33,040
Speaker 1: of how I as a creative person, that's always how

753
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 1: I kind of try to check it. And I think

754
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 1: where we meet, you know, in in both of our

755
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:45,480
Speaker 1: differing creative outlets, is we meet an activism and and

756
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 1: being an activist very similarly to being a creative requires

757
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:55,880
Speaker 1: that you give yourself permission to go all in, to learn,

758
00:42:56,840 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 1: to to be willing to learn something new wouldn't change

759
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:04,719
Speaker 1: your opinion, um it seems to have forgotten as possible,

760
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:10,400
Speaker 1: and and to keep showing up. So I wonder you

761
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:14,440
Speaker 1: know when, because you know exactly when you gave yourself

762
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: permission to be a writer. When do you think you

763
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:20,759
Speaker 1: gave yourself permission to be an activist? Do? Man? I

764
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:25,439
Speaker 1: don't know. That one was tough. I feel like, oh man,

765
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 1: I feel like I've lived like eight years. I we

766
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:30,120
Speaker 1: forget half the things that I've done. But I realized.

767
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 1: So I actually ran a nonprofit organization for nine years

768
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: called the Red Pump Project, and it was to raise

769
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 1: awareness about HIV and AIDS and how it affects women

770
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:46,200
Speaker 1: and girls of color um and we use red shoes

771
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 1: to grab people's attention. So I came up with that one. Again.

772
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 1: It's almost like my life has been split into all

773
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 1: these different pieces that run parallel to each other where

774
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,719
Speaker 1: I'm learning everything at the same time. And then I

775
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: looked back and I go, oh, okay, that's what that

776
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:07,240
Speaker 1: experience was to teach me. So I started Red Pump

777
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:10,800
Speaker 1: off it. Starting college, really, I did a I was

778
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:14,279
Speaker 1: a counseling center pair professional, and one semester I was

779
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,520
Speaker 1: told to do a self directed project, do whatever you

780
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 1: want that's gonna be good on this campus. So I

781
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: decided to do a um A presentation on HIV and

782
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,399
Speaker 1: a's and how it's affecting women, how it's affecting sub

783
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:31,320
Speaker 1: Saharan Africa, and how it's affecting the United States. UM

784
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 1: and I end up finding out that HIV and a's

785
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,960
Speaker 1: was still really bad. I hadn't heard about any of

786
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:40,400
Speaker 1: the stats since like the Magic conversations, right, So I

787
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 1: just was like, whoa forty million people have died? Have

788
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 1: we not talked about this? More So, I actually did

789
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 1: this presentation and end up meeting somebody who had lost

790
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:55,319
Speaker 1: she she lost a bunch of aunts and uncles too,

791
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,760
Speaker 1: um AIDS related complications to where twenty of her cousins

792
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 1: were orphaned because of it in Malawi, and I was like,

793
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 1: oh my god. She was like yes. So I was like,

794
00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:07,280
Speaker 1: this is really terrible. I'm but I couldn't it couldn't.

795
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 1: I couldn't shake it. So a few years later, after college,

796
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 1: I was just having a conversation with one of my

797
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 1: friends because she just found out one of her friends

798
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 1: was HIV positive. Who's our age? And I was like,

799
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 1: why do we know? Not talk about this anymore? So

800
00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:24,120
Speaker 1: we decided to do a campaign called Rock the Red Pump,

801
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 1: where on March tenth, which is women and Girls hiving

802
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 1: a awareness day. We were gonna ask bloggers to talk

803
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,319
Speaker 1: about this issue on all their websites. We were like,

804
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 1: just so people can know this is still a thing.

805
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 1: Ended up asking ten bloggers, fifty ended up doing it

806
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:43,759
Speaker 1: a week later. You know what's funny, how I share

807
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,279
Speaker 1: the mic now came together in eight days. This Rock

808
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 1: the Red Pump campaign also came together in eight days.

809
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 1: Were in eight days we made the logo and on

810
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:56,439
Speaker 1: March ten it was two thousand and eleven. On March tenth,

811
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:00,759
Speaker 1: two thousand and nine, two thousand nine, My gosh, we

812
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 1: had fifty blogs right about this one issue and talk

813
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,319
Speaker 1: about how it's affecting people. How every At that point,

814
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 1: it was every thirty five minutes a woman test positive

815
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:13,040
Speaker 1: for HIV in the US. Imagine that, Like, what now

816
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 1: it's every forty seven minutes. So I guess we've made

817
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 1: some progress. But that's where I'm really my activism started.

818
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 1: Now I ran this organization. It ended up becoming a

819
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:25,720
Speaker 1: um a national organization. We had ambassadors in five different cities.

820
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 1: We worked with the U. S Department of Health. We

821
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 1: actually end up going to Haiti for a week long

822
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:36,440
Speaker 1: workshop that we gave two communities in Porto prints funded

823
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 1: by the U. S. Department of Health. So close the

824
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:44,000
Speaker 1: doors because I was like, Okay, the work doesn't does

825
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 1: not mean the work is done, but I was like,

826
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 1: this part of the work that I'm doing, I have

827
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,400
Speaker 1: to put it to rest because there's more other work

828
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 1: that I need to be doing. So I feel like

829
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:56,439
Speaker 1: two thousand nine started my activism. I love the work

830
00:46:56,520 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 1: that you're referencing and highlighting that it requires ongoing attention

831
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:04,000
Speaker 1: is so important. A former Work in Progress guest, Dr

832
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:10,879
Speaker 1: Celeste Watkins has quite literally has studied and and and

833
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:13,760
Speaker 1: runs conversations on these topics. And she wrote this incredible

834
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 1: book about health outcomes around HIV and AIDS as they

835
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 1: affect Black women and what is capable with with people

836
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:28,440
Speaker 1: lead activist groups that create support systems that our government

837
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 1: and our health care systems are lacking. And it's amazing.

838
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 1: So anybody who missed that episode who cares about this issue,

839
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,719
Speaker 1: please go and listen to it and and we'll we'll

840
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,879
Speaker 1: bring we'll bring Celeste into our into our little crew

841
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 1: because she's really incredible. Yeah, there are people doing so

842
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 1: much amazing work and sometimes certain titles might feel too

843
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 1: big for you, right, like there's you know, it's like

844
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:52,759
Speaker 1: it's like the people who may being afraid to call

845
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 1: myself a writer, somebody who's out there afraid to call

846
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 1: themselves a photographer, somebody's out there afraid to call themselves,

847
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 1: you know, whatever the title is, activists, because sometimes titles

848
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 1: feel bigger than you. Yeah, you know, and I think

849
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 1: a lot of times we also attach a lot of

850
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 1: power to these titles that makes it hard for us

851
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:15,919
Speaker 1: to wear it feel like we're wearing somebody else's coat.

852
00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:20,480
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. And it's almost like, okay, you know what

853
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 1: if you don't want to call yourself that, all right,

854
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,279
Speaker 1: but are you doing the work? That's really what matters.

855
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 1: Does there are some people who would throw on a

856
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:31,160
Speaker 1: title who have not done the work right. So oftentimes

857
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 1: it's the people who are actually doing the work who

858
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,879
Speaker 1: are afraid to call themselves whatever it is. So even

859
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:38,480
Speaker 1: if you're not calling yourself whatever that title is, give

860
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,880
Speaker 1: yourself permission to do the work. Take the work seriously

861
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 1: because part of the way that we do imposter syndrome

862
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 1: is that we we'll be doing the work and still

863
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:53,720
Speaker 1: think we're not worthy of the title, the good things,

864
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:58,840
Speaker 1: the access, the opportunities, all of that. You know what,

865
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 1: I have a firm believe that if you're like I

866
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:04,160
Speaker 1: can't believe I've made it in here when you're in

867
00:49:04,239 --> 00:49:08,719
Speaker 1: the room, do less of the questioning and do more

868
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: of the well, now that I am here, what can

869
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,480
Speaker 1: I make sure I do? That's gonna make sure I

870
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 1: walk out better than I was when I came in.

871
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:19,960
Speaker 1: Who was the person I need to say hi to?

872
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:22,000
Speaker 1: What is the conversation I need to have? So while

873
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:24,000
Speaker 1: you're in the room, don't spend the whole time in

874
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:26,359
Speaker 1: the corner just being like, I can't believe I'm here.

875
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 1: You have that momentary freak out to yourself, sure, but

876
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:31,359
Speaker 1: don't let the freak out be the thing that now

877
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:32,759
Speaker 1: allows you to walk out through and be like I

878
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:34,840
Speaker 1: can't be by and talk to anybody, Because that is

879
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 1: how you waste an opportunity. That's how you waste what

880
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 1: could be your blessing. That's how you miss out on

881
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 1: who could be your helper. Oh my God, love me.

882
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 1: I just need you just sit on my shoulder at

883
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 1: all times because I do like I I get, I

884
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:51,360
Speaker 1: get nervous and weird, and I spend a lot of

885
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,799
Speaker 1: time in corners. But I I love that because what

886
00:49:54,840 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 1: you're talking about is actually being proactive to get over

887
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:04,160
Speaker 1: and I mean literally like jump the hurdle, get over

888
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:09,239
Speaker 1: your fear and do something else. And I wonder, why

889
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:12,759
Speaker 1: do you think fear is so powerful? How do you

890
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 1: identify it and then start figuring out how you were

891
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 1: going to stop letting it control you when you were

892
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 1: feeling it. I love that you just asked me this

893
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,920
Speaker 1: question because that is actually what my second book is about.

894
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:30,879
Speaker 1: I just finished it two months ago. It's actually being

895
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 1: edited right now, pre orders to be available soon. The

896
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,640
Speaker 1: reason why I wanted to write my book, which is

897
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:40,440
Speaker 1: called The Fear Fighter Manual, is because I realized how

898
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:45,240
Speaker 1: many times in my life I have let fear stop

899
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 1: me from doing something, saying something, being something right like

900
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 1: fear oftentimes has us. It's the thing that has us

901
00:50:57,239 --> 00:51:01,040
Speaker 1: questioning this title, whether it's ours to air right as

902
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 1: a coat. And I think the times when not actively

903
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:09,440
Speaker 1: remember being afraid and being like I acknowledge it, I

904
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:12,319
Speaker 1: feel it, I know it's here and I still made

905
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 1: the decision to move forward are the times that amazing

906
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:19,960
Speaker 1: things happened for me. The times when I said something

907
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 1: that felt bigger than me, the times I did something

908
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:25,760
Speaker 1: that felt difficult. And I think it's a universal problem.

909
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 1: We all are afraid, even those of us who are

910
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 1: considered bold and I'm a professional troublemaker, but even we're

911
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:36,920
Speaker 1: afraid because here's what happens. As our lives change, the

912
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 1: things we fear change. We don't ever stop being afraid

913
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 1: or fearless, because I consider being fearless being afraid, but

914
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:49,920
Speaker 1: they're considering and doing it anyway. That is what fearless is.

915
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 1: Does not mean I'm without fear. It means I am

916
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 1: not letting fear let me do less. So what I

917
00:51:57,400 --> 00:52:00,040
Speaker 1: want people to understand is what I want to a

918
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:03,400
Speaker 1: little loving from ten years ago who was afraid to

919
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:06,920
Speaker 1: call herself a writer? Is that why not you? Have

920
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 1: you not been putting in the work. Yes you're afraid

921
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,719
Speaker 1: of it. Yes you're not sure all the things that

922
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 1: might come with writer. No you're not sure how you're

923
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:20,280
Speaker 1: gonna make exact money. But the thing that's that's compelled

924
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 1: you so much, the thing that you wake up thinking

925
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 1: about being afraid of it, but still own it because

926
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:29,319
Speaker 1: you're not doing yourself any favor by not owning it.

927
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:34,840
Speaker 1: So it just comes with acknowledge it that you feel

928
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:37,279
Speaker 1: the fear, even if you're telling to yourself, even if

929
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 1: you're writing it down, yes I am afraid, and then

930
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:42,480
Speaker 1: being like, okay, now that I acknowledge that, got that

931
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,759
Speaker 1: out the way, I just gotta do it anyway. It's

932
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:48,120
Speaker 1: like jumping into a putter feet first. You can dip

933
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:50,600
Speaker 1: in a toe. It's not gonna make it more comfortable

934
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:52,239
Speaker 1: when you jump in. You might as well just jump

935
00:52:52,239 --> 00:52:55,200
Speaker 1: all the way in. But if you notice your body

936
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 1: adapts very quickly, you spend more time being afraid of

937
00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:03,160
Speaker 1: the coal to water then the time it actually takes

938
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:05,359
Speaker 1: for your body to be like, oh this is not bad.

939
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:10,560
Speaker 1: So just given fear perspective and just making sure that

940
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:19,279
Speaker 1: the fear cannot stop you. So choosing to write The

941
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:24,840
Speaker 1: Fear Fighter Manual as your second book. How I'm curious

942
00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 1: about the order because of your first book, which you

943
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:31,319
Speaker 1: know I love so much. I'm judging you. But Do

944
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:37,160
Speaker 1: Better Manual? Why how did you figure out the order

945
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:39,440
Speaker 1: of these things? Was it? Was it really important to

946
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:44,280
Speaker 1: get people thinking and focusing on doing better before teaching

947
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:46,720
Speaker 1: them to be less afraid to go do things because

948
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:50,440
Speaker 1: obviously we want people to do good things, better things. Well,

949
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 1: I write organically, so I'm judging you to do better.

950
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:56,800
Speaker 1: Manual was written first because that was the book that

951
00:53:56,800 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 1: I wanted to write at that point. I didn't get

952
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 1: the idea, the concept of the fear of Fight of

953
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:07,400
Speaker 1: Manuel until two years ago, until I was like, uh, like,

954
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 1: I started understanding that the pattern of my life is

955
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:16,440
Speaker 1: that I have continuously done really scary things, and every

956
00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:20,280
Speaker 1: time I've done something that scared me shitless, something amazing

957
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:22,760
Speaker 1: has happened because of it, And then I always reflect

958
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 1: back on so what if I didn't do it? So

959
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:28,480
Speaker 1: I My TED talk, for example, is a really great

960
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 1: example of that, because I turned that down twice. It

961
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 1: was I did my TED talk in the middle of

962
00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 1: the Together tour. I did not think I was prepared.

963
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,520
Speaker 1: I turned TED down twice and said no, no, I'm

964
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 1: too busy. I don't have time to write a new talk. Uh.

965
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:48,840
Speaker 1: I end up doing this talk, which I wrote in

966
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:51,520
Speaker 1: an uber on the way to the airport two weeks

967
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:55,239
Speaker 1: before Ted women thinking they will be like, you know what,

968
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,359
Speaker 1: we're good, never mind, we even sorry, we asked you

969
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:01,359
Speaker 1: and they say yes, and everything about that Ted Talk.

970
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 1: Everything that led to the Ted Talk was proof of

971
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:06,279
Speaker 1: doing scary things and me trying to get out of

972
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:08,919
Speaker 1: it each time. But they'm not giving me permission, which

973
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:12,200
Speaker 1: I'm thankful for because Pat Mitchell asked me first, like

974
00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:14,480
Speaker 1: one of the one of the first speakers that was

975
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:18,520
Speaker 1: requested for Ted women was me that year. I said no.

976
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:21,319
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I'm doing it together tour. I'm

977
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 1: definitely not gonna have time because I know Ted ask

978
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 1: people to be like focused on Ted. They get you

979
00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:30,920
Speaker 1: a speaking coach, they get you, they make you rehearse

980
00:55:31,719 --> 00:55:34,120
Speaker 1: multiple times. They will make sure they edit your talk

981
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:36,120
Speaker 1: down to the word because they want to make sure

982
00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:38,759
Speaker 1: what's on that stage is like good. And I was like, oh,

983
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:40,239
Speaker 1: I really don't have time for this because I have

984
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:42,799
Speaker 1: a tendency tour. I have two others speaking engagements all

985
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:45,920
Speaker 1: in two months. So I said no. A couple of

986
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 1: months later, they came back and said, you know what,

987
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:50,799
Speaker 1: we're happening together panel at Ted. Just come speak on that,

988
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:53,160
Speaker 1: and I was like I can't. I've already booked another

989
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:58,279
Speaker 1: speaking engagement same day. Two weeks before Ted, I found

990
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:00,799
Speaker 1: out my other speaking engagement at didn't have to be

991
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:02,359
Speaker 1: there to the day after. So I was like, oh,

992
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:03,799
Speaker 1: you know what, I just come on there and cheer

993
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 1: all my together life sisters, Pat Mitchell, here's that. And

994
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:10,720
Speaker 1: she goes, oh, well, if you can come for that panel,

995
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:13,239
Speaker 1: why don't you speak? And I was like, Pat, I

996
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:15,080
Speaker 1: can't do that because I gotta be out of New

997
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:17,359
Speaker 1: Orleans by a PM to get to New York. She goes,

998
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:23,440
Speaker 1: we'll just have you opened up Ted women. Oh like

999
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 1: what she was like, you would be She was like,

1000
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:26,719
Speaker 1: you would make it to your flight. We'll just have

1001
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:30,960
Speaker 1: to be the opening speaker. And I tried to say no.

1002
00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:32,600
Speaker 1: I was like, ah, you know what, I'm gonna send

1003
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:34,080
Speaker 1: them a speech that right in the uber that they

1004
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:36,120
Speaker 1: don't think it's crap and just be like, you're right

1005
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:38,320
Speaker 1: loving we can't make it. I sent them the speech

1006
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:41,720
Speaker 1: I landed and whatever city I was in, and Pat

1007
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:45,239
Speaker 1: was like, we love it. It's great. Well, can't you

1008
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 1: just be here to, you know, rehearse the day before.

1009
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:49,200
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, this is gonna be the part

1010
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:51,040
Speaker 1: where they say I can't make it because I'm like

1011
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 1: Champagne problem. I gotta get an award in Chicago the

1012
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 1: day before Ted, So I actually only can be there

1013
00:56:57,719 --> 00:56:59,920
Speaker 1: the day of and they go, would you do a

1014
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:05,760
Speaker 1: rtual rehearsal for you? Every single excuse that I had

1015
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,360
Speaker 1: they were not hearing it. And finally one of my

1016
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 1: friends I called her and was like, I literally want

1017
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:13,080
Speaker 1: to send this email to Pat Mitchell to just be like,

1018
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 1: you know, I take this very seriously. I don't want

1019
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 1: to take this opportunity for granted. Can I just do

1020
00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:20,760
Speaker 1: it the next one? So when I called my friend

1021
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 1: to be like, yes, I want to send her this

1022
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:25,360
Speaker 1: email because everybody else has had a coach. Everybody else

1023
00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:28,760
Speaker 1: has been rehearsing their talk for the last four months,

1024
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:30,480
Speaker 1: and I'm afraid I'm gonna get up there and bomb.

1025
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:37,080
Speaker 1: She goes, but you're not everybody. Oh. I was like damn.

1026
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:39,240
Speaker 1: She was like all the speaking you've been doing has

1027
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 1: been your coach. So you got this. You're just afraid,

1028
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 1: get off my phone and go write this talk. And

1029
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:50,440
Speaker 1: I got on the TED stage after scrapping my talk

1030
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:55,479
Speaker 1: the day before at two am, having given the talk

1031
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:59,960
Speaker 1: anywhere before, have not memorized it. I sat on my

1032
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:03,640
Speaker 1: on the plane repeating lines to myself. Got to New Orleans.

1033
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,120
Speaker 1: I did one rehearsal on the stage with my iPad

1034
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:10,000
Speaker 1: where I read my talk to them because I still

1035
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:11,840
Speaker 1: didn't have it memorized, and they were like, oh my god,

1036
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 1: it's great. You're like, can I get a teleprompter? Right?

1037
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 1: I was like, oh god, I don't have this memorize.

1038
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:21,560
Speaker 1: And then the talk six o'clock happens and they called

1039
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:24,480
Speaker 1: me up on stage. My mic falls off first and foremost.

1040
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:26,960
Speaker 1: Oh my god. So then the guy has to come

1041
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:28,960
Speaker 1: on stage and fix my money, and then I do

1042
00:58:29,080 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 1: the talk and Sophia, I did this talk as if

1043
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 1: I had done it fifteen times already. I didn't stumble

1044
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 1: over words the Ted talk that everybody sees right now

1045
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:40,000
Speaker 1: as the Ted talk I gave. There were no edits,

1046
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 1: there were no um, what was I gonna say? None

1047
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,200
Speaker 1: of that. It was like an out of body experience,

1048
00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:48,800
Speaker 1: and it proved, and I stepped off the stage. I

1049
00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 1: said thank you, ran off the stage. So I was like,

1050
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:53,920
Speaker 1: I got this flight to cash at eight o'clock and

1051
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:58,000
Speaker 1: it's six thirty and the stage manager stops me and says,

1052
00:58:58,040 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 1: I need you to see the standard ovation that you're

1053
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 1: getting and pushes me back on stage. And everybody's on

1054
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:07,120
Speaker 1: their feet, and I remember just being like whoa, and

1055
00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:08,800
Speaker 1: I say thank you, and I go off the stage,

1056
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 1: run into the car that already has my luggage in it.

1057
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:15,760
Speaker 1: That Ted Talk changed my life. Yeah, that Ted Talk.

1058
00:59:16,360 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 1: I get a note about it every single day from

1059
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:21,760
Speaker 1: somebody in the world that's like, I read this talk.

1060
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:24,320
Speaker 1: It changed my life. It made me do this thing

1061
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:26,919
Speaker 1: that was bold. That Ted Talk is the reason why

1062
00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:30,320
Speaker 1: I get I still get speaking engagement requests twice a

1063
00:59:30,360 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 1: week at least because somebody saw the Ted Talk and said,

1064
00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:36,520
Speaker 1: come speak at our company. So one day I literally

1065
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:39,520
Speaker 1: stopped and said, Imagine if I did not do this

1066
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:43,160
Speaker 1: Ted Talk because I was afraid of it. Imagine if

1067
00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:47,920
Speaker 1: I did not do this thing that transformed my career

1068
00:59:48,560 --> 00:59:51,360
Speaker 1: because I was afraid. Imagine if I said no and

1069
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:54,720
Speaker 1: they let me say no to them because I was afraid.

1070
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 1: So how many times have we bypassed the thing that

1071
00:59:58,800 --> 01:00:02,760
Speaker 1: can change our lives for the greater good because we're afraid?

1072
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,920
Speaker 1: How many times have we said no to yes things

1073
01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:10,920
Speaker 1: because we're afraid. We operate like this as a default.

1074
01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:14,120
Speaker 1: But what happens when we start saying, you know what,

1075
01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:16,680
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start recognizing it and I'm not going to

1076
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 1: let fear be the reason why I miss out on

1077
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:21,640
Speaker 1: the opportunity of a lifetime. I'm not gonna let fear

1078
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:23,840
Speaker 1: be the reason why I missed out on the love

1079
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 1: of my life. I'm not gonna let fear be the

1080
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:29,479
Speaker 1: reason why I don't have this conversation with my best

1081
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 1: friend that could transform her life. Right. So it's knowing

1082
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:39,080
Speaker 1: that every day we're making choices based on fear that

1083
01:00:39,120 --> 01:00:44,240
Speaker 1: are affecting our outcomes. So we cannot operate from that space.

1084
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 1: It is literally stifling and suffocating us, and we have

1085
01:00:48,760 --> 01:00:51,640
Speaker 1: to not do it. So but two, I was like, boo,

1086
01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:53,480
Speaker 1: two has to be about this. It has to be

1087
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:56,160
Speaker 1: because I want me from ten years ago to even

1088
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:58,240
Speaker 1: have this to read. There's a girl somewhere who was

1089
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:00,920
Speaker 1: just like me from ten years ago who needs to

1090
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 1: hear this because when she wants to go ask her

1091
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 1: bass for a raise, or when she wants to ask

1092
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:08,280
Speaker 1: out the man she has a crush on, or the

1093
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:10,640
Speaker 1: girl she has a crush on, what is the thing

1094
01:01:10,680 --> 01:01:13,320
Speaker 1: that's gonna tell her? Listen, I know it's scary, do

1095
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:15,680
Speaker 1: this ship. Do not ask out of the best case

1096
01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:18,080
Speaker 1: scenario because you're afraid of the worst case scenario, don't

1097
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:21,919
Speaker 1: do it. And I think that that relates. But that's

1098
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:24,440
Speaker 1: such a powerful lesson for us in our lives, for

1099
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 1: claiming our success, for claiming who we are, for claiming

1100
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:33,840
Speaker 1: our dreams. And I also think it's a really important

1101
01:01:33,920 --> 01:01:39,440
Speaker 1: lesson for claiming community, for standing up for each other.

1102
01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:43,480
Speaker 1: Like again, it comes back to this ability to advocate,

1103
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:46,560
Speaker 1: to be an activist. And and you know, you've said

1104
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:50,320
Speaker 1: time and time again that too few people are willing

1105
01:01:50,360 --> 01:01:53,920
Speaker 1: to be that first domino and take the fall. And

1106
01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:56,040
Speaker 1: it's the same kind of thing, right like you're letting

1107
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:59,000
Speaker 1: the fear get in the way when you know there's

1108
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:02,160
Speaker 1: an injustice, when you know someone deserves better treatment, and

1109
01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:06,120
Speaker 1: you're so afraid to put yourself out there. Yep. But

1110
01:02:06,600 --> 01:02:09,800
Speaker 1: we're we're seeing we're in this moment right now. We've

1111
01:02:09,840 --> 01:02:13,640
Speaker 1: seen over and over again, especially lately, that that when

1112
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:17,960
Speaker 1: one person does speak up, when one person does decide

1113
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 1: to record this thing on video, so many other people

1114
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:27,120
Speaker 1: follow and and and I'm curious, you know, what, what

1115
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:33,360
Speaker 1: are some of the experiences that you can look at

1116
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:35,640
Speaker 1: in your own life where you go yep, that's where

1117
01:02:35,640 --> 01:02:39,200
Speaker 1: I was in the domino. Mm hmmm. I mean there

1118
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:41,760
Speaker 1: is the time when I actually had to when I

1119
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:45,040
Speaker 1: was asked to speak at this uh European tech conference

1120
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:49,960
Speaker 1: that brings in fifteen million euros. Huh, And it makes

1121
01:02:49,960 --> 01:02:55,200
Speaker 1: me so mad, so bad. Literally emailed me to ask

1122
01:02:55,240 --> 01:02:57,520
Speaker 1: me to speak, and you know, my manager hits them

1123
01:02:57,600 --> 01:03:00,000
Speaker 1: up and says, you know, here's her feet and travel,

1124
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:02,600
Speaker 1: and they apply back that they don't pay speakers, that

1125
01:03:02,760 --> 01:03:04,760
Speaker 1: the exposure that I would get on that stage is

1126
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 1: a lot, so I need to pay my own way there.

1127
01:03:08,760 --> 01:03:11,080
Speaker 1: And I remember asking my friends who were in the

1128
01:03:11,120 --> 01:03:15,040
Speaker 1: list and being like, hey, have you ever spoken here?

1129
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:17,440
Speaker 1: Did they actually make you pay? And I quickly found

1130
01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:20,400
Speaker 1: out that white men who were asked to speak there,

1131
01:03:21,280 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 1: we're paid or they'll buy their books, they'll pay their travel.

1132
01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:28,040
Speaker 1: White women they paid their travel. Black women who have

1133
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,800
Speaker 1: to speak were asked to speak. So it's a little

1134
01:03:31,760 --> 01:03:36,440
Speaker 1: White men got a fee and travel, White women got travel,

1135
01:03:36,520 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 1: no fee and use a Black women were offered no

1136
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:44,800
Speaker 1: travel and no feed. Patriarchy at work. It makes me,

1137
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:49,720
Speaker 1: it was and the wild cal was instantly was like,

1138
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 1: this is trash and I want to speak up about it,

1139
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:56,000
Speaker 1: but I know I might face the national loss because

1140
01:03:56,000 --> 01:04:00,240
Speaker 1: if other you know other companies are like, I love

1141
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:02,480
Speaker 1: you the troublemaker. We shouldn't have her. I could lose

1142
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:04,080
Speaker 1: out on a lot of my business model because I

1143
01:04:04,480 --> 01:04:07,760
Speaker 1: any percent of my company right now, the revenue that

1144
01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 1: we bring in is from speaking. So my ages were like,

1145
01:04:12,360 --> 01:04:14,040
Speaker 1: are you sure you want to do this? And I said,

1146
01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:16,800
Speaker 1: here's the moment where I'm being asked to be who

1147
01:04:16,840 --> 01:04:19,600
Speaker 1: I say I am. Here is the moment where I

1148
01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:22,240
Speaker 1: have to show and know what my own power is.

1149
01:04:22,920 --> 01:04:26,200
Speaker 1: Am I expecting the person who just started speaking yesterday

1150
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:27,840
Speaker 1: to be the one to challenge a system like this,

1151
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:30,480
Speaker 1: and I expecting somebody who's never been paid for a

1152
01:04:30,480 --> 01:04:34,160
Speaker 1: speaking gig when I'm getting my fee, my five figure fee,

1153
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:37,200
Speaker 1: I'm on all types of stages that are like rarefied air.

1154
01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:40,080
Speaker 1: I do have some power in this. Even though I

1155
01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:44,200
Speaker 1: am a black woman. I can absolutely face loss. But

1156
01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:46,920
Speaker 1: I have to exercise the power that I have in

1157
01:04:46,960 --> 01:04:50,000
Speaker 1: this moment as a professional speaker who's respecting. So I

1158
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:51,400
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I'm gonna speak on it.

1159
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:54,160
Speaker 1: So I went on Twitter and I was like, you know,

1160
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:56,400
Speaker 1: I'm being asked speaking this conference and me while they

1161
01:04:56,440 --> 01:04:59,080
Speaker 1: just don't want to pay me and all these people

1162
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:01,600
Speaker 1: started talking, Oh my gosh, me too, something like that

1163
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:03,960
Speaker 1: has happened to me. Oh my god. The same conference

1164
01:05:03,960 --> 01:05:05,520
Speaker 1: asked me to come speak. They didn't want to pay

1165
01:05:05,520 --> 01:05:10,600
Speaker 1: me either, and it started really amazing conversation about paying equality. Now,

1166
01:05:11,160 --> 01:05:14,720
Speaker 1: a Forbes writer sees it and says, hey, would you

1167
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:16,040
Speaker 1: like to go on record because I want to write

1168
01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:18,440
Speaker 1: a piece about this in Forbes? And I was like

1169
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,480
Speaker 1: all right, And they end up getting Gary Vynerchuck to

1170
01:05:21,480 --> 01:05:24,840
Speaker 1: go on record too. They end up getting so the

1171
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:27,200
Speaker 1: guy who runs a conference, who was this Eastern European

1172
01:05:27,360 --> 01:05:32,000
Speaker 1: dude bro read the piece, got in his feelings about it,

1173
01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:35,520
Speaker 1: emailed me and the Forbes writer and said like, well,

1174
01:05:35,560 --> 01:05:39,120
Speaker 1: maybe if this was a more urban demographic love you

1175
01:05:39,160 --> 01:05:42,920
Speaker 1: could command her feet. It was like such racist dog whistle.

1176
01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:46,480
Speaker 1: It was so bad, so because of his ego makes

1177
01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:52,160
Speaker 1: my blood boil. It was so bad. But the good

1178
01:05:52,200 --> 01:05:56,160
Speaker 1: part is it actually doubled down and and proved my point.

1179
01:05:56,680 --> 01:05:59,760
Speaker 1: So the Forbes writer added his email to the piece,

1180
01:06:03,240 --> 01:06:06,640
Speaker 1: and it's like put the conference up in the light.

1181
01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:08,760
Speaker 1: That was not good. A few people actually pulled out

1182
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:11,720
Speaker 1: of speaking. Some people would pull it out and deleted

1183
01:06:11,760 --> 01:06:14,800
Speaker 1: the registration But it was in that moment that I

1184
01:06:14,840 --> 01:06:17,560
Speaker 1: had to be the domino because I'm just like, if

1185
01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:21,040
Speaker 1: I don't speak up about this, because oftentimes people expect

1186
01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:24,600
Speaker 1: our silence to be what protects them. Yes, what will

1187
01:06:24,680 --> 01:06:29,520
Speaker 1: the fire fear? Correct our fear of punishment, which is valid, right,

1188
01:06:29,600 --> 01:06:31,520
Speaker 1: But I that's why I have to understand, like, will

1189
01:06:31,560 --> 01:06:33,240
Speaker 1: I be homeless if I speak up about this? If

1190
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:36,280
Speaker 1: I lost all my speaking engagements? Would I Would I

1191
01:06:36,320 --> 01:06:38,400
Speaker 1: be homeless? No? Because let's say I end up going

1192
01:06:38,400 --> 01:06:40,960
Speaker 1: through all my savings. I have a few couches I

1193
01:06:41,000 --> 01:06:43,560
Speaker 1: can crash on, I'll be all right. And I don't

1194
01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:46,040
Speaker 1: have kids, so it's not like there's a child that's

1195
01:06:46,080 --> 01:06:49,600
Speaker 1: depending on my next speaking engagement to live. So I

1196
01:06:49,640 --> 01:06:52,320
Speaker 1: have the power to make that decision and take that risk.

1197
01:06:53,080 --> 01:06:56,280
Speaker 1: I think oftentimes people I don't want to take the

1198
01:06:56,400 --> 01:06:58,560
Speaker 1: risk because they're not acknowledging the power they do have.

1199
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:03,280
Speaker 1: We're thinking this amen is gonna come, but not thinking like,

1200
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:05,320
Speaker 1: what is the power that I have is actually gonna

1201
01:07:05,360 --> 01:07:09,720
Speaker 1: mitigate that risk? Yes, me, as a professional speaker who

1202
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:12,120
Speaker 1: had been at it for ten years, that's the power

1203
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:15,360
Speaker 1: that I had. Um what worked against me was me

1204
01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:18,440
Speaker 1: being a black woman. But what worked for me was

1205
01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:21,320
Speaker 1: the fact that I had great relationships, I had great access,

1206
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:24,200
Speaker 1: I had great opportunities. So all of those let me

1207
01:07:24,240 --> 01:07:27,360
Speaker 1: know I can take this risk. If I suffer some losses,

1208
01:07:27,560 --> 01:07:30,240
Speaker 1: it won't end my life. Okay, So this is a

1209
01:07:30,400 --> 01:07:32,560
Speaker 1: this is a really important place I want to get

1210
01:07:32,600 --> 01:07:38,439
Speaker 1: to because what you're talking about is realizing what you're

1211
01:07:38,520 --> 01:07:45,400
Speaker 1: up against and also spending your privilege, the access of relationships,

1212
01:07:45,480 --> 01:07:49,000
Speaker 1: the financial security, those were your privileges in this moment,

1213
01:07:49,080 --> 01:07:51,760
Speaker 1: and you realize that, as you said, that you could

1214
01:07:51,760 --> 01:07:54,320
Speaker 1: speak up in a way that another black woman in

1215
01:07:54,360 --> 01:07:59,040
Speaker 1: your position with this conference, for example, wouldn't be able to.

1216
01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:01,720
Speaker 1: And that's the thing I really want to touch on

1217
01:08:01,800 --> 01:08:05,040
Speaker 1: because right now, okay, we're recording this at the end

1218
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:07,800
Speaker 1: of July, and and and over the past couple of

1219
01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:11,200
Speaker 1: months this summer, we have seen the world's largest civil

1220
01:08:11,280 --> 01:08:16,240
Speaker 1: rights demonstration in history. We have seen a massive, long overdue,

1221
01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:19,960
Speaker 1: but massive calling out of racism. People are standing up

1222
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:23,839
Speaker 1: for justice. We see white suburban moms in Portland taking

1223
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:26,880
Speaker 1: the front line, getting assaulted by the police and pepper

1224
01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:30,519
Speaker 1: spray to defend peaceful protesters behind them. We we are

1225
01:08:30,600 --> 01:08:35,599
Speaker 1: really seeing people step up, and yet a pole just

1226
01:08:35,720 --> 01:08:41,680
Speaker 1: came out showing how voters are breaking down and who

1227
01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:46,360
Speaker 1: they're who they're voting for, and there is still a swath,

1228
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:48,920
Speaker 1: a very large swath of white men who are like

1229
01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:52,160
Speaker 1: doubling down on Trump, which I'm just like, I don't

1230
01:08:52,240 --> 01:08:55,479
Speaker 1: understand how this is possible, but okay, But what really

1231
01:08:55,560 --> 01:09:01,000
Speaker 1: confounds me is the white women and I. One of

1232
01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:03,560
Speaker 1: the things I love about our friendship and our activism

1233
01:09:03,720 --> 01:09:06,120
Speaker 1: is that we can show up and teach together. And

1234
01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:10,960
Speaker 1: I want us to have this teaching moment because I

1235
01:09:11,120 --> 01:09:14,120
Speaker 1: need for the white women who are listening to this

1236
01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:17,680
Speaker 1: to not feel like when we talk about whiteness, you

1237
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:21,600
Speaker 1: are personally being attacked. Lovey and I are having this conversation.

1238
01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:24,120
Speaker 1: I'm the white woman on this call. I don't feel attacked.

1239
01:09:24,160 --> 01:09:26,559
Speaker 1: I don't feel vulnerable. I feel amused by my friend

1240
01:09:26,600 --> 01:09:29,479
Speaker 1: who is hilarious. I feel very loved, I feel very safe,

1241
01:09:30,240 --> 01:09:36,760
Speaker 1: And I think it's really important to understand why. I

1242
01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:41,000
Speaker 1: have a theory. I think that the the reason that

1243
01:09:41,160 --> 01:09:45,160
Speaker 1: white women can get very sensitive about these conversations is

1244
01:09:45,200 --> 01:09:47,840
Speaker 1: because of the oppression we've experienced. So let's use the

1245
01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:51,040
Speaker 1: conference as an example. White men were getting a fee

1246
01:09:51,320 --> 01:09:56,360
Speaker 1: and travel. Women were only getting travel. Black women weren't

1247
01:09:56,360 --> 01:09:59,720
Speaker 1: getting a fee or travel, and white ladies. This is

1248
01:09:59,720 --> 01:10:01,640
Speaker 1: what we have to pay attention to. Yes, we know

1249
01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:03,880
Speaker 1: what it's like to be diminished because we are women.

1250
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:06,519
Speaker 1: We know how frustrating it is. By the way, Levy,

1251
01:10:06,560 --> 01:10:08,640
Speaker 1: I quote you all the time. When conferences asked me

1252
01:10:08,680 --> 01:10:10,200
Speaker 1: to come and speak for free, and I know how

1253
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:14,759
Speaker 1: much money they're making, I'm like, no, Clearly, you inviting

1254
01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:17,960
Speaker 1: me means I'm already exposed. That's a brilliant with my friend.

1255
01:10:18,800 --> 01:10:22,519
Speaker 1: I don't need your exposure you. Yes, I'm like you,

1256
01:10:22,640 --> 01:10:25,240
Speaker 1: big corporate conference need to pay me a speaker's fee

1257
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:27,519
Speaker 1: so I can afford to fly myself and put myself

1258
01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:30,320
Speaker 1: up at the Women's march on my own time, so

1259
01:10:30,400 --> 01:10:33,200
Speaker 1: I can share for free as an activist. And it

1260
01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:36,639
Speaker 1: is That's my argument. But I think this is really

1261
01:10:36,680 --> 01:10:41,960
Speaker 1: important because sometimes I think that the oppression that women

1262
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,800
Speaker 1: who look like me have faced at the hands of

1263
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:48,280
Speaker 1: the patriarchy. When we begin talking about the intersectional impression

1264
01:10:48,280 --> 01:10:50,559
Speaker 1: of women of color, women who look like me, go,

1265
01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:53,880
Speaker 1: but I I've suffered, and I'm sad. And then we

1266
01:10:53,960 --> 01:11:00,439
Speaker 1: get into white tears, which are so dangerous because often

1267
01:11:01,160 --> 01:11:04,160
Speaker 1: white women have been cultured to like, suck it up,

1268
01:11:04,200 --> 01:11:05,880
Speaker 1: be tough, don't cry in front of the boss, and

1269
01:11:05,920 --> 01:11:09,400
Speaker 1: the boss is usually a man. So when black women

1270
01:11:09,479 --> 01:11:12,200
Speaker 1: or women of color in the workplace express that white

1271
01:11:12,200 --> 01:11:17,760
Speaker 1: women are exercising, whether it's conscious or unconscious whiteness over them,

1272
01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:22,200
Speaker 1: white women then burst into white tears in front of

1273
01:11:22,640 --> 01:11:26,040
Speaker 1: black women or Latino women. And then it's those women

1274
01:11:26,040 --> 01:11:28,599
Speaker 1: of color who get penalized by the white guy in charge,

1275
01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:31,920
Speaker 1: who is who we should all be frustrated with. So

1276
01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:37,280
Speaker 1: I think it's really important for us to examine this

1277
01:11:37,600 --> 01:11:40,720
Speaker 1: and I and I really want us to be able

1278
01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:43,479
Speaker 1: to dive into this. I wanna. I want to talk

1279
01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:46,000
Speaker 1: about that post you wrote two years ago that went

1280
01:11:46,160 --> 01:11:52,599
Speaker 1: very viral about these how weary black weaponizing. Okay, so

1281
01:11:52,680 --> 01:11:57,240
Speaker 1: let's let's dig into that a little bit. So to

1282
01:11:57,280 --> 01:12:02,360
Speaker 1: your point, the weaponizing of white women tears. So, here's

1283
01:12:02,360 --> 01:12:04,120
Speaker 1: the thing is, white women are pressed because of the

1284
01:12:04,160 --> 01:12:08,320
Speaker 1: womanhood yea. And because of that, white women tend to

1285
01:12:08,439 --> 01:12:14,360
Speaker 1: take the damsel in distress angle into conflict resolution and

1286
01:12:14,840 --> 01:12:20,080
Speaker 1: over history. Before we move on this idea of a

1287
01:12:20,160 --> 01:12:22,519
Speaker 1: damsel in distress, because this also I'm like, yeah, we

1288
01:12:22,520 --> 01:12:25,040
Speaker 1: were all raised on Disney movies. Hello, We've been told

1289
01:12:25,080 --> 01:12:28,320
Speaker 1: that it's our only way to be valuable is if

1290
01:12:28,360 --> 01:12:31,559
Speaker 1: we're sad and wounded. And I don't think we realize

1291
01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:34,559
Speaker 1: how damaging those stories are into our adulthood. So can

1292
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:37,479
Speaker 1: we unpack that a little bit before we see how

1293
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:40,320
Speaker 1: out so damsel in distress? I wouldn give you the

1294
01:12:40,320 --> 01:12:45,519
Speaker 1: best example, Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Goldilocks is this

1295
01:12:45,680 --> 01:12:48,760
Speaker 1: little blonde girl who goes into this house owned by

1296
01:12:48,760 --> 01:12:51,519
Speaker 1: these three brown bears and ends up eating all their

1297
01:12:51,560 --> 01:12:55,160
Speaker 1: food in the process, breaks their chair, breaks their bed,

1298
01:12:55,400 --> 01:12:58,640
Speaker 1: ends up napping in the bed, and really, at the

1299
01:12:58,760 --> 01:13:02,240
Speaker 1: end of the Goldilocks she ends up running away crying

1300
01:13:02,320 --> 01:13:05,200
Speaker 1: because she's afraid of the three bears, which is wild.

1301
01:13:05,720 --> 01:13:09,840
Speaker 1: You come into their house, eat their food, sit on

1302
01:13:09,880 --> 01:13:13,160
Speaker 1: their furniture, and break their property, and you end up

1303
01:13:13,200 --> 01:13:16,280
Speaker 1: crying at the end because you are afraid of their anger.

1304
01:13:16,720 --> 01:13:20,240
Speaker 1: It is the perfect capture of what the damsel in

1305
01:13:20,280 --> 01:13:25,559
Speaker 1: distress syndrome looks like, where often times you cause something

1306
01:13:26,040 --> 01:13:30,640
Speaker 1: and you now yell being attacked. So how Disney does it?

1307
01:13:30,840 --> 01:13:34,920
Speaker 1: All the princesses too, right, it's always damned undistress of

1308
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:38,559
Speaker 1: like somebody having to save this person. And historically speaking,

1309
01:13:38,640 --> 01:13:42,200
Speaker 1: it's also valid because even though a lot of society's

1310
01:13:42,280 --> 01:13:45,120
Speaker 1: ills and a lot of injustices were perpetuated by white men,

1311
01:13:45,160 --> 01:13:48,920
Speaker 1: they were enabled by white women. So even during slavery,

1312
01:13:49,520 --> 01:13:54,960
Speaker 1: like as white men are raping the enslaved women, white

1313
01:13:55,000 --> 01:13:58,519
Speaker 1: women knew about it and oftentimes will weaponize it right

1314
01:13:58,640 --> 01:14:01,280
Speaker 1: and be like, oh my gosh. And sometimes white women

1315
01:14:01,320 --> 01:14:04,840
Speaker 1: would get enslaved man in trouble because they'll say he

1316
01:14:04,920 --> 01:14:07,640
Speaker 1: looked at me. Funny, he ends up getting killed or

1317
01:14:07,720 --> 01:14:10,960
Speaker 1: lynch because of it. We think about Emmett Till and

1318
01:14:11,040 --> 01:14:14,720
Speaker 1: Matt Till was like what twelve and he ends up

1319
01:14:14,760 --> 01:14:19,240
Speaker 1: getting lynched and brutally murdered because a white woman told

1320
01:14:19,320 --> 01:14:23,080
Speaker 1: people that he looked at her. Funny. This white woman, who,

1321
01:14:23,160 --> 01:14:26,479
Speaker 1: by the way, it's still alive and has admitted that

1322
01:14:26,560 --> 01:14:33,719
Speaker 1: she lied and has spaced no penalties, no repercussions, no consequences.

1323
01:14:33,720 --> 01:14:39,040
Speaker 1: This white woman, decades after the fact, can say I lied,

1324
01:14:39,960 --> 01:14:43,320
Speaker 1: and this boy lost his life. A family lost the son,

1325
01:14:43,439 --> 01:14:46,600
Speaker 1: somebody lost a friend, somebody lost the nephew. That is

1326
01:14:46,640 --> 01:14:48,519
Speaker 1: what we talked about when we talk about the weaponizing

1327
01:14:48,560 --> 01:14:53,559
Speaker 1: of white women tears. Oftentimes it's used in meetings, it's

1328
01:14:53,640 --> 01:14:58,120
Speaker 1: used in offices. People have so many stories. Um, my

1329
01:14:58,240 --> 01:15:00,960
Speaker 1: last episode on my podcast ran to Randomness, is me

1330
01:15:01,120 --> 01:15:03,200
Speaker 1: talking about this. People have so many stories that they

1331
01:15:03,280 --> 01:15:06,160
Speaker 1: sent me oft times when they've got in trouble because

1332
01:15:06,160 --> 01:15:10,360
Speaker 1: a white woman cried and literally said, this person attacked me,

1333
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:14,320
Speaker 1: had no proof to show otherwise, and people took their

1334
01:15:14,360 --> 01:15:18,320
Speaker 1: words as bond and the other person gets punished. So

1335
01:15:18,920 --> 01:15:22,599
Speaker 1: one of the one of the stories before we move on, Sorry,

1336
01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:25,600
Speaker 1: but one of the stories that was so impactful for

1337
01:15:25,680 --> 01:15:32,040
Speaker 1: me was hearing about a professor who had who had

1338
01:15:32,080 --> 01:15:37,280
Speaker 1: this experience, a black woman professor who's who had a

1339
01:15:37,280 --> 01:15:40,599
Speaker 1: white student complain about her and say, you know, her

1340
01:15:40,720 --> 01:15:44,479
Speaker 1: tone is so aggressive, she's not nice to me. That

1341
01:15:44,560 --> 01:15:48,160
Speaker 1: this professor now will not meet with white students without

1342
01:15:48,160 --> 01:15:52,679
Speaker 1: a witness. Yes, who is not a style without someone

1343
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:58,800
Speaker 1: to back up her own account of the exchange. And

1344
01:15:59,320 --> 01:16:01,840
Speaker 1: it is incredibly important for people who were like that

1345
01:16:02,000 --> 01:16:04,840
Speaker 1: saying the saying this is why I can't believe it.

1346
01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:07,879
Speaker 1: Stop saying you can't believe it because it is historic,

1347
01:16:08,000 --> 01:16:10,679
Speaker 1: you know, to your point, Levy, when we again, ladies,

1348
01:16:10,680 --> 01:16:13,559
Speaker 1: when we think about the way the patriarchy exercises itself

1349
01:16:13,600 --> 01:16:17,120
Speaker 1: over us. When you talk about the era of slavery

1350
01:16:17,200 --> 01:16:20,679
Speaker 1: and how there were white men who raped enslaved women,

1351
01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:24,639
Speaker 1: and and the white women who were married to these

1352
01:16:24,680 --> 01:16:28,160
Speaker 1: men didn't get mad that their husbands were rapists. They

1353
01:16:28,200 --> 01:16:31,160
Speaker 1: got jealous that their husbands were attracted to other women.

1354
01:16:31,880 --> 01:16:35,599
Speaker 1: That is the patriarchy at work, hitting us against each other.

1355
01:16:35,680 --> 01:16:38,040
Speaker 1: They did it to us in the suffrage movement also,

1356
01:16:38,760 --> 01:16:42,960
Speaker 1: rather than demand votes for all Americans, they were able

1357
01:16:43,000 --> 01:16:46,519
Speaker 1: to split us and they got white suffragettes to turn

1358
01:16:46,760 --> 01:16:50,280
Speaker 1: on black people. And it is the main tool of

1359
01:16:50,320 --> 01:16:53,160
Speaker 1: the oppressor class is to look at those they oppress

1360
01:16:53,280 --> 01:16:56,160
Speaker 1: and and think, how can we get them to fight

1361
01:16:56,200 --> 01:17:01,080
Speaker 1: with each other? And if I petuates ugliness, it does.

1362
01:17:01,200 --> 01:17:05,080
Speaker 1: The patriarchy is a big thing. But I think racism

1363
01:17:05,160 --> 01:17:11,120
Speaker 1: is also incredibly powerful as outside of um. I think

1364
01:17:11,240 --> 01:17:13,599
Speaker 1: to your to your original point of how white women

1365
01:17:14,240 --> 01:17:16,439
Speaker 1: are still voting for Trump, a lot of them are

1366
01:17:16,520 --> 01:17:19,240
Speaker 1: voting for Trump because their husbands are, not necessarily because

1367
01:17:19,280 --> 01:17:21,439
Speaker 1: they like Trump. A lot of people are literally voting

1368
01:17:21,479 --> 01:17:24,200
Speaker 1: for Trump because their husbands are. And what it comes

1369
01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:26,559
Speaker 1: down to when we talk about privilege and power is

1370
01:17:26,560 --> 01:17:29,040
Speaker 1: whiteness is one of the biggest pieces of power, even

1371
01:17:29,080 --> 01:17:32,920
Speaker 1: beyond the patriarchy at all, white women are still more

1372
01:17:32,960 --> 01:17:36,960
Speaker 1: protective than black men, right like, so that whiteness is

1373
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:41,280
Speaker 1: the ultimate and privilege. And still people can really interrogate

1374
01:17:41,400 --> 01:17:44,800
Speaker 1: what roles they played because we white men are the

1375
01:17:44,960 --> 01:17:48,360
Speaker 1: ones that are known as the cartoon villains of the world.

1376
01:17:49,320 --> 01:17:53,320
Speaker 1: Science Steel Delivered admitted. But I also think white women

1377
01:17:53,760 --> 01:17:56,160
Speaker 1: have been able to get away from culpability for such

1378
01:17:56,160 --> 01:17:59,040
Speaker 1: a long time because of the damnslow in distress. Right, So,

1379
01:17:59,200 --> 01:18:01,679
Speaker 1: being the person who throws a rock and hides her hands,

1380
01:18:02,080 --> 01:18:04,320
Speaker 1: that's what the damsel in distress now does. It is

1381
01:18:04,320 --> 01:18:06,479
Speaker 1: a covering because people are now like, oh my god, no, no,

1382
01:18:06,800 --> 01:18:09,080
Speaker 1: don't hurt her feelings because she might cry, because even

1383
01:18:09,120 --> 01:18:11,719
Speaker 1: white men will sometimes bend to the will of white

1384
01:18:11,720 --> 01:18:14,519
Speaker 1: women because of the damsel in distress. And a lot

1385
01:18:14,520 --> 01:18:17,240
Speaker 1: of us now have to operate with this in the

1386
01:18:17,240 --> 01:18:22,040
Speaker 1: real world and offices in our everyday lives and try

1387
01:18:22,120 --> 01:18:25,160
Speaker 1: to maneuver to make sure we're not being too aggressive

1388
01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:27,800
Speaker 1: to hurt the damsel. Right. Well, and this is what

1389
01:18:27,880 --> 01:18:31,760
Speaker 1: I need the women listening to understand. If if you're

1390
01:18:31,760 --> 01:18:35,559
Speaker 1: a white woman and you can understand the the way

1391
01:18:35,600 --> 01:18:39,559
Speaker 1: the patriarchy flexes, and you're and and like, if you're

1392
01:18:39,640 --> 01:18:42,080
Speaker 1: understanding it, you might be sitting at home nodding right now.

1393
01:18:42,760 --> 01:18:44,920
Speaker 1: I know that it can be harder when you are

1394
01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:48,439
Speaker 1: beginning your work as an activist, when you are beginning

1395
01:18:48,439 --> 01:18:52,639
Speaker 1: to um have anti racist work illuminated for you. If

1396
01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:56,800
Speaker 1: if you're newer to that pathway, welcome, Please don't leave.

1397
01:18:56,920 --> 01:18:59,800
Speaker 1: It is long, but it is full of reward and

1398
01:19:00,320 --> 01:19:03,200
Speaker 1: the best people you'll ever meet. But I need you

1399
01:19:03,280 --> 01:19:06,519
Speaker 1: if you are willing to admit what the patriarchy looks like,

1400
01:19:07,640 --> 01:19:14,440
Speaker 1: to then admit that the patriarchy is so intertwined with racism.

1401
01:19:14,479 --> 01:19:19,400
Speaker 1: It's like basket weaving. They're all in meshed, and so

1402
01:19:20,000 --> 01:19:23,040
Speaker 1: for for women who look like me, who are listening

1403
01:19:23,040 --> 01:19:26,360
Speaker 1: to Lovey and I have this conversation. If you want

1404
01:19:26,400 --> 01:19:31,800
Speaker 1: to unpack the patriarchy, you can't do it without unpacking racism.

1405
01:19:31,840 --> 01:19:35,799
Speaker 1: And you have to understand how even if you don't

1406
01:19:35,880 --> 01:19:38,920
Speaker 1: believe you are racist, if you don't believe you have

1407
01:19:39,080 --> 01:19:46,200
Speaker 1: racist behavior, racism is a system. It's like the air

1408
01:19:46,360 --> 01:19:49,479
Speaker 1: around us. There's no way it hasn't gotten into our lungs,

1409
01:19:50,040 --> 01:19:54,040
Speaker 1: and we have to see that. And if we because

1410
01:19:54,080 --> 01:19:55,960
Speaker 1: we can't cry in front of the men at work,

1411
01:19:56,560 --> 01:19:59,680
Speaker 1: cry when a woman, you know, gives us a very

1412
01:19:59,760 --> 01:20:06,519
Speaker 1: va only the critique, we are literally weaponizing whiteness against that.

1413
01:20:06,720 --> 01:20:10,720
Speaker 1: And it's not okay. It's not okay, and it and

1414
01:20:10,840 --> 01:20:16,280
Speaker 1: it happens. It is such a detriment. We can't use

1415
01:20:16,760 --> 01:20:20,120
Speaker 1: the one sad tool that the men left us with

1416
01:20:20,680 --> 01:20:23,640
Speaker 1: to you know, win them over and make them apologize

1417
01:20:23,640 --> 01:20:26,240
Speaker 1: to us. We can't use that against each other as women.

1418
01:20:27,479 --> 01:20:32,280
Speaker 1: We cannot do it. It is it is so, it

1419
01:20:32,439 --> 01:20:35,960
Speaker 1: is so incredibly dangerous. And you you quoted something in

1420
01:20:36,040 --> 01:20:39,719
Speaker 1: your in this piece. You know, you wrote this article

1421
01:20:39,800 --> 01:20:42,799
Speaker 1: on the weaponizing of white women tears, and you linked

1422
01:20:42,800 --> 01:20:44,840
Speaker 1: because I went through and I was mentioning. I read

1423
01:20:44,880 --> 01:20:47,679
Speaker 1: all of those responses and they're heartbreaking, and we're gonna

1424
01:20:47,720 --> 01:20:51,000
Speaker 1: link to that and stories for this episode. You quoted

1425
01:20:51,000 --> 01:20:56,200
Speaker 1: this woman, Shay Stewart Wooly, who moves from Chicago to Maine.

1426
01:20:56,320 --> 01:20:59,479
Speaker 1: Her blog is amazing, and she wrote something I'd like

1427
01:20:59,560 --> 01:21:02,760
Speaker 1: to read because I think it, I think it clarifies

1428
01:21:02,800 --> 01:21:05,599
Speaker 1: a lot of this. She said, to cry as human,

1429
01:21:05,640 --> 01:21:09,120
Speaker 1: but Not all tears matter, and they particularly shouldn't matter

1430
01:21:09,160 --> 01:21:12,839
Speaker 1: when they come at the expense of someone else. Rarely

1431
01:21:12,880 --> 01:21:17,519
Speaker 1: do the tears of a non white woman carry any value. Instead,

1432
01:21:18,080 --> 01:21:22,920
Speaker 1: society conditions us not to cry. And with tears not

1433
01:21:23,080 --> 01:21:27,760
Speaker 1: having equal value, you create this archetype which we see referenced, y'all.

1434
01:21:28,040 --> 01:21:31,720
Speaker 1: You create a quote strong black woman. The damsel in

1435
01:21:31,800 --> 01:21:35,799
Speaker 1: distress is never black. We are expected to always be strong,

1436
01:21:35,880 --> 01:21:38,240
Speaker 1: and she obviously saying we as referencing black women. I

1437
01:21:38,240 --> 01:21:39,960
Speaker 1: know that might be confusing because I'm reading it, but

1438
01:21:40,560 --> 01:21:44,080
Speaker 1: you were expected to always be strong and yet also

1439
01:21:44,160 --> 01:21:46,960
Speaker 1: expected to never show anger or disappointment, to always turn

1440
01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:49,240
Speaker 1: the other cheek and be the calmest person in the room.

1441
01:21:49,680 --> 01:21:53,120
Speaker 1: White women tears are multi purpose. They derail conversation, they

1442
01:21:53,160 --> 01:21:57,240
Speaker 1: emotionally bully others, particularly people of color, and they are

1443
01:21:57,280 --> 01:22:01,400
Speaker 1: almost never questioned, which only adds to the power of

1444
01:22:01,439 --> 01:22:08,040
Speaker 1: a white woman and her tears. Yeah, yep, yes, all

1445
01:22:08,080 --> 01:22:13,360
Speaker 1: of that. Yeah, all of that. And when I when

1446
01:22:13,400 --> 01:22:16,360
Speaker 1: I reread your article, which I've read before, and when

1447
01:22:16,360 --> 01:22:21,040
Speaker 1: I read Shea's words and I really sit with them,

1448
01:22:21,080 --> 01:22:25,519
Speaker 1: it reinforces the absolute truth. But there is such a

1449
01:22:25,560 --> 01:22:31,160
Speaker 1: serious amount of cognitive dissonance happening with white women. You know,

1450
01:22:31,240 --> 01:22:33,160
Speaker 1: we have this thing where we're like, oh, the girls

1451
01:22:33,160 --> 01:22:38,559
Speaker 1: are on the same team, and and we ignore because

1452
01:22:38,600 --> 01:22:41,960
Speaker 1: we're thinking about it in terms of gender. We ignore

1453
01:22:42,240 --> 01:22:45,680
Speaker 1: the very real line that racial oppression and racism has

1454
01:22:45,800 --> 01:22:49,599
Speaker 1: drawn in the sand for black women throughout history. So

1455
01:22:50,360 --> 01:22:52,960
Speaker 1: if a black woman doesn't automatically view you as a

1456
01:22:52,960 --> 01:22:56,840
Speaker 1: white woman as like one of the girls, understand that.

1457
01:22:56,840 --> 01:22:59,960
Speaker 1: That's because white supremacy is very real, very toxic, very

1458
01:23:00,040 --> 01:23:02,920
Speaker 1: in cities. And that's so many white women who would

1459
01:23:02,960 --> 01:23:05,840
Speaker 1: say on all their socials right now, I am not

1460
01:23:05,880 --> 01:23:10,960
Speaker 1: a racist, behave in very racist ways and weaponize racism.

1461
01:23:11,000 --> 01:23:13,439
Speaker 1: And a lot of women have personal stories like this.

1462
01:23:13,600 --> 01:23:16,920
Speaker 1: That's the thing. Even beyond the history history, you know,

1463
01:23:17,080 --> 01:23:20,920
Speaker 1: historic accuracy, So many black women have stories of a

1464
01:23:21,000 --> 01:23:23,160
Speaker 1: time when a white woman has gotten them in trouble

1465
01:23:23,200 --> 01:23:27,360
Speaker 1: at school, at work, where they've been blindsided by something

1466
01:23:27,880 --> 01:23:30,240
Speaker 1: that's you know, and been like wow, Like, I find

1467
01:23:30,240 --> 01:23:33,200
Speaker 1: it really hard to be a part of this larger

1468
01:23:33,240 --> 01:23:38,320
Speaker 1: sisterhood when there's so many opportunities in my life I've

1469
01:23:38,360 --> 01:23:41,800
Speaker 1: seen where a white woman has weaponized haw whiteness. So

1470
01:23:42,600 --> 01:23:44,320
Speaker 1: it is to your point, it is the work that

1471
01:23:44,360 --> 01:23:47,200
Speaker 1: needs to be done, and it's really important work because

1472
01:23:47,760 --> 01:23:49,719
Speaker 1: none of us are free on so we are all free.

1473
01:23:49,760 --> 01:23:53,799
Speaker 1: So as we are talking about the patriarchy, white women

1474
01:23:53,840 --> 01:23:58,200
Speaker 1: can't be free until racism is also handled because they're

1475
01:23:58,240 --> 01:24:01,759
Speaker 1: also intertwined. So even if it's on a selfish level,

1476
01:24:02,760 --> 01:24:06,600
Speaker 1: understanding that it is in your own best interests to

1477
01:24:06,800 --> 01:24:11,440
Speaker 1: be anti racist because once because all of these injustices

1478
01:24:11,800 --> 01:24:14,120
Speaker 1: are webs together, it's not like we're gonna solve one

1479
01:24:14,160 --> 01:24:15,639
Speaker 1: and then there are other ones are good because there's

1480
01:24:15,640 --> 01:24:19,439
Speaker 1: also homophobia, there's transphobia. There's also woven in a whole

1481
01:24:19,479 --> 01:24:23,120
Speaker 1: lot of patriarchy and racism, there's able is um. So

1482
01:24:23,560 --> 01:24:26,880
Speaker 1: we all just outside of our own groups that we

1483
01:24:26,960 --> 01:24:31,240
Speaker 1: exist and have to understand that somebody else's fire is

1484
01:24:31,280 --> 01:24:38,080
Speaker 1: our business, somebody else's unfair injustice, like laid life is

1485
01:24:38,120 --> 01:24:41,280
Speaker 1: our business because we are so comfortable being like, well,

1486
01:24:41,320 --> 01:24:43,920
Speaker 1: that's not me, that has nothing to do with me.

1487
01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:47,840
Speaker 1: But the person who gets killed because of their race

1488
01:24:49,520 --> 01:24:51,960
Speaker 1: makes it harder for you to also exist because you

1489
01:24:52,000 --> 01:24:54,680
Speaker 1: can get killed because of your gender. You can get

1490
01:24:54,720 --> 01:24:57,960
Speaker 1: killed because your gender orientation. You like, it is so

1491
01:24:58,080 --> 01:25:02,080
Speaker 1: much that we have to understand is interwoven. All of

1492
01:25:02,120 --> 01:25:05,479
Speaker 1: our battles are locked together, so we all have to

1493
01:25:05,520 --> 01:25:08,720
Speaker 1: fight for each other. So until white women really understand

1494
01:25:08,720 --> 01:25:11,720
Speaker 1: on a visceral level, we won't get a lot of

1495
01:25:11,760 --> 01:25:14,799
Speaker 1: progress in the way we shoot. And how does this

1496
01:25:15,760 --> 01:25:19,240
Speaker 1: Because I think there's probably people who were saying absolutely yes,

1497
01:25:19,280 --> 01:25:21,040
Speaker 1: and I'm ready for the work, and I want to

1498
01:25:21,080 --> 01:25:23,639
Speaker 1: show up. And I think some folks who are listening

1499
01:25:24,080 --> 01:25:27,240
Speaker 1: are well on their way, you know, going through the

1500
01:25:27,280 --> 01:25:31,439
Speaker 1: resources we've all been sharing for so long, and and

1501
01:25:31,439 --> 01:25:33,479
Speaker 1: and for folks who are newer to the conversation, we're

1502
01:25:33,479 --> 01:25:36,880
Speaker 1: wondering where to start. That's where I think something like

1503
01:25:37,640 --> 01:25:42,280
Speaker 1: our project like Share the Mic Now was so incredibly

1504
01:25:42,320 --> 01:25:46,960
Speaker 1: impactful because what it did is it it opened perspective.

1505
01:25:47,320 --> 01:25:49,720
Speaker 1: And so many girls, so many girls who look like

1506
01:25:49,760 --> 01:25:53,200
Speaker 1: me sent me messages saying I didn't realize how white

1507
01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:57,760
Speaker 1: my feeds were. And thanks to this project, I met

1508
01:25:57,800 --> 01:25:59,960
Speaker 1: all these other women and I'm learning all these other

1509
01:26:00,000 --> 01:26:03,439
Speaker 1: of things, and I realized, you know, I can believe

1510
01:26:03,479 --> 01:26:06,280
Speaker 1: in these causes, but if I don't follow people who

1511
01:26:06,360 --> 01:26:08,479
Speaker 1: are a part of them, if I don't follow people

1512
01:26:08,520 --> 01:26:12,400
Speaker 1: who are affected by this, I'm missing information. And I

1513
01:26:12,479 --> 01:26:17,719
Speaker 1: was like, go, ladies, yes, yes, yeah, to your point

1514
01:26:17,720 --> 01:26:20,200
Speaker 1: of where people start. That's why she left people with

1515
01:26:20,360 --> 01:26:22,200
Speaker 1: to be the Domino truth Telling Guy, which, by the way,

1516
01:26:22,200 --> 01:26:25,160
Speaker 1: four thousand of your audience downloaded. So I create a

1517
01:26:25,160 --> 01:26:28,559
Speaker 1: guide called be the Domino, a Guide to truth Telling

1518
01:26:28,600 --> 01:26:30,760
Speaker 1: because a lot of times people are like, Okay, so

1519
01:26:30,800 --> 01:26:33,000
Speaker 1: how do I do this hard thing? How do I

1520
01:26:33,040 --> 01:26:35,800
Speaker 1: show up in this way that makes sense? How do

1521
01:26:35,880 --> 01:26:38,280
Speaker 1: I make sure that I'm being the person who is

1522
01:26:38,360 --> 01:26:40,960
Speaker 1: in the room using her power and privilege even when

1523
01:26:40,960 --> 01:26:44,400
Speaker 1: it's really difficult. So I created a guide. You go

1524
01:26:44,520 --> 01:26:48,320
Speaker 1: to be the Domino dot com download that because I

1525
01:26:48,360 --> 01:26:52,840
Speaker 1: think what we need to be viscerally accepting is that

1526
01:26:53,160 --> 01:26:56,160
Speaker 1: we have power that we can use every single day,

1527
01:26:56,280 --> 01:26:59,160
Speaker 1: and that power is our voice. It's to make sure

1528
01:26:59,200 --> 01:27:01,519
Speaker 1: we are pushing people to be better than they were

1529
01:27:01,680 --> 01:27:03,519
Speaker 1: because we're in the room, just to make sure that

1530
01:27:03,560 --> 01:27:06,600
Speaker 1: we're saying, hey, this thing happened, it wasn't okay, it

1531
01:27:06,640 --> 01:27:09,240
Speaker 1: wasn't done as thoughtfully as possible. I think we should

1532
01:27:09,240 --> 01:27:11,880
Speaker 1: do it different. It's making sure we're using our power.

1533
01:27:12,439 --> 01:27:14,400
Speaker 1: You know, for the moment, we do have more power

1534
01:27:14,439 --> 01:27:18,719
Speaker 1: than somebody else in the room, and saying, hmmmm, here's

1535
01:27:18,720 --> 01:27:21,040
Speaker 1: how we need to make sure that the person who

1536
01:27:21,080 --> 01:27:23,639
Speaker 1: doesn't have as much power as me gets a voice.

1537
01:27:24,040 --> 01:27:28,360
Speaker 1: So yeah, download the guide and really start doubling down

1538
01:27:29,280 --> 01:27:32,040
Speaker 1: on being a truth teller. Start being the person who

1539
01:27:32,120 --> 01:27:35,479
Speaker 1: is challenging things that are happening around them that are

1540
01:27:35,520 --> 01:27:39,000
Speaker 1: not okay, because you know that you want somebody to

1541
01:27:39,040 --> 01:27:41,760
Speaker 1: also speak up for you if you end up become

1542
01:27:41,840 --> 01:27:44,439
Speaker 1: the victim of something. I don't want to be quiet

1543
01:27:44,520 --> 01:27:46,559
Speaker 1: because I know if something happened with me, I would

1544
01:27:46,560 --> 01:27:48,360
Speaker 1: want somebody else to speak up for me. But am

1545
01:27:48,360 --> 01:27:50,759
Speaker 1: I speaking up with somebody? Or am I just waiting?

1546
01:27:51,120 --> 01:27:53,400
Speaker 1: So we have to be the people who are willing

1547
01:27:53,439 --> 01:27:58,200
Speaker 1: to tell the truth. So if it ever requires us

1548
01:27:58,240 --> 01:28:00,679
Speaker 1: to be the person who needs somebody's up on our behalf,

1549
01:28:00,680 --> 01:28:03,760
Speaker 1: we won't be like everybody's quiet. Well, if I've been

1550
01:28:03,800 --> 01:28:06,120
Speaker 1: talking about you and making sure I'm speaking up for you,

1551
01:28:06,800 --> 01:28:11,760
Speaker 1: speak up for me. Mm hmmmmmm. I'm so glad that

1552
01:28:11,880 --> 01:28:14,760
Speaker 1: so many I mean, I love that I always talk

1553
01:28:14,800 --> 01:28:17,240
Speaker 1: about on this podcast we give people homework, and I'm like,

1554
01:28:17,280 --> 01:28:19,280
Speaker 1: and I love that the people who listen to this

1555
01:28:19,400 --> 01:28:23,080
Speaker 1: actually do it. So I love that people downloading download

1556
01:28:23,120 --> 01:28:26,920
Speaker 1: be the Domino guid what what other things did you

1557
01:28:27,000 --> 01:28:30,160
Speaker 1: see from Share the Mic? Now? I'm curious because obviously

1558
01:28:30,200 --> 01:28:33,920
Speaker 1: you helped to organize the whole thing, and for I

1559
01:28:33,920 --> 01:28:35,960
Speaker 1: don't know if there's anybody who's listening to this who

1560
01:28:36,080 --> 01:28:38,760
Speaker 1: somehow missed it. My O mind? Do we have so

1561
01:28:38,840 --> 01:28:42,240
Speaker 1: much content for you? But can you just in case

1562
01:28:42,320 --> 01:28:44,719
Speaker 1: somebody didn't see it, maybe maybe people have been taking

1563
01:28:44,720 --> 01:28:48,120
Speaker 1: breaks from their phones during this pandemic. Um, can you

1564
01:28:48,280 --> 01:28:52,599
Speaker 1: can you walk the audience through what what we did

1565
01:28:53,680 --> 01:28:55,960
Speaker 1: so Share the Mic now me and bows the thing.

1566
01:28:56,120 --> 01:28:58,879
Speaker 1: John came up with this idea. We partnered with Glennon

1567
01:28:58,960 --> 01:29:01,519
Speaker 1: Doyle and say see bend it because we wanted to

1568
01:29:01,560 --> 01:29:08,000
Speaker 1: have prominent white women who have big accounts, um yeah,

1569
01:29:08,520 --> 01:29:11,120
Speaker 1: give over their accounts for a day and allowed black

1570
01:29:11,160 --> 01:29:13,639
Speaker 1: women with great voices to take it over to really

1571
01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:18,200
Speaker 1: get those their messages amplified. So on June tenth, fifty

1572
01:29:18,240 --> 01:29:23,880
Speaker 1: four white women, black women. It was a Instagram takeover.

1573
01:29:23,960 --> 01:29:26,720
Speaker 1: So the black women took over these accounts and we

1574
01:29:26,800 --> 01:29:29,280
Speaker 1: told our stories, We talked about whatever issues were in

1575
01:29:29,280 --> 01:29:31,800
Speaker 1: our minds. We just really kind of shared who we are.

1576
01:29:32,680 --> 01:29:40,000
Speaker 1: We had It was incredible, Um, the amount of amazing

1577
01:29:40,040 --> 01:29:43,599
Speaker 1: feedback we've gotten has been mind blowing. It's it's just

1578
01:29:43,680 --> 01:29:46,120
Speaker 1: done a lot. It's no one thing we really learned

1579
01:29:46,360 --> 01:29:49,479
Speaker 1: that has been significant. Why we haven't done around two

1580
01:29:49,479 --> 01:29:52,439
Speaker 1: and we're still thinking through things and realizing what the

1581
01:29:52,479 --> 01:29:58,320
Speaker 1: deeper work needs to be is that white women who

1582
01:29:58,400 --> 01:30:03,479
Speaker 1: are still not you too, Black women's voices, who are

1583
01:30:03,479 --> 01:30:07,080
Speaker 1: still not used to Black women's stories still weaponize it

1584
01:30:07,240 --> 01:30:09,760
Speaker 1: even in the midst of something powerful like that, and

1585
01:30:09,920 --> 01:30:13,920
Speaker 1: understanding that platforms don't protect black women. One of the

1586
01:30:13,960 --> 01:30:16,680
Speaker 1: things that people don't understand is that to be a

1587
01:30:16,720 --> 01:30:19,120
Speaker 1: black creator and to be a black a prominent Black

1588
01:30:19,120 --> 01:30:23,559
Speaker 1: woman online is to face a lot of abuse. We

1589
01:30:24,520 --> 01:30:26,960
Speaker 1: just in terms of how people respond to our messages,

1590
01:30:27,000 --> 01:30:31,280
Speaker 1: there's been there's been um little experiments done where people

1591
01:30:31,720 --> 01:30:37,759
Speaker 1: have switched their um avatars on Twitter and how different

1592
01:30:38,120 --> 01:30:43,080
Speaker 1: your avatar tells people how to respond to you. So

1593
01:30:43,200 --> 01:30:46,240
Speaker 1: black women have sometimes been like, for the day, I'm

1594
01:30:46,240 --> 01:30:49,200
Speaker 1: gonna put a white person's avatar on, and the amount

1595
01:30:49,200 --> 01:30:51,240
Speaker 1: of abuse that they've gotten tweeting the exact same way

1596
01:30:51,280 --> 01:30:54,720
Speaker 1: that they typically would went all the way down. So

1597
01:30:54,760 --> 01:30:56,920
Speaker 1: what you're the mic now on Earth? For us? Because

1598
01:30:56,960 --> 01:30:59,599
Speaker 1: one of are the people who share the mic now? Yabba,

1599
01:31:00,200 --> 01:31:03,240
Speaker 1: somebody who found found her through the platform actually ended

1600
01:31:03,320 --> 01:31:05,680
Speaker 1: up reporting her posting one of her post Instagram, and

1601
01:31:05,680 --> 01:31:08,760
Speaker 1: Instagram took her post down just because this white woman

1602
01:31:09,160 --> 01:31:11,679
Speaker 1: reported Yabba's post, it got taken down. There's a great

1603
01:31:11,760 --> 01:31:15,040
Speaker 1: video that she did with Toronto Burke and Abby and

1604
01:31:15,080 --> 01:31:18,720
Speaker 1: glennon Um that really talks about this. But we really

1605
01:31:18,800 --> 01:31:22,439
Speaker 1: understood that the platforms have work to do. Everything that

1606
01:31:22,479 --> 01:31:25,919
Speaker 1: we talked about is systemic individual levels. We can absolutely

1607
01:31:25,960 --> 01:31:28,200
Speaker 1: do things like share the mic now, but what happens

1608
01:31:28,200 --> 01:31:32,280
Speaker 1: when the platform itself still has policies and algorithms that

1609
01:31:32,320 --> 01:31:34,559
Speaker 1: are racist. To the point that me you talked about

1610
01:31:34,560 --> 01:31:39,760
Speaker 1: on our first uh Instagram Live is we also have

1611
01:31:39,880 --> 01:31:43,000
Speaker 1: to work on systemic changes that have to happen. We

1612
01:31:43,080 --> 01:31:46,320
Speaker 1: have to now be like social media. Hey, Instagram, how

1613
01:31:46,320 --> 01:31:49,160
Speaker 1: are you figuring out what platforms to take down? What

1614
01:31:49,280 --> 01:31:52,799
Speaker 1: content lead? How are you figuring out what content is dangerous?

1615
01:31:52,800 --> 01:31:55,800
Speaker 1: Because it seems that across the board, the people who

1616
01:31:55,800 --> 01:31:59,960
Speaker 1: were being silenced and centered the most are black creator.

1617
01:32:00,840 --> 01:32:03,639
Speaker 1: Did you hear that episode of The Daily a couple

1618
01:32:03,680 --> 01:32:05,920
Speaker 1: of weeks ago? The Daily is the New York Times

1619
01:32:05,920 --> 01:32:11,519
Speaker 1: podcast that comes out every morning Monday, and they did

1620
01:32:11,600 --> 01:32:16,840
Speaker 1: one about Facebook and Instagram, and they they went in

1621
01:32:16,960 --> 01:32:19,640
Speaker 1: and they analyzed the data and they actually showed that

1622
01:32:19,760 --> 01:32:25,640
Speaker 1: despite conservatives and Trump constantly saying that Facebook and Instagram

1623
01:32:25,840 --> 01:32:31,160
Speaker 1: are you know, censoring conservative content, that they have like

1624
01:32:31,400 --> 01:32:36,479
Speaker 1: between an eighty and a nine advantage because because for

1625
01:32:36,520 --> 01:32:43,480
Speaker 1: whatever reason, the the conservative vitriol and tendency to report

1626
01:32:44,240 --> 01:32:48,639
Speaker 1: more liberal content, more anti racist content is so much higher,

1627
01:32:48,920 --> 01:32:51,920
Speaker 1: Like we don't bother reporting their ship, but they're coming

1628
01:32:51,920 --> 01:32:56,679
Speaker 1: after us all the time and the time all the time.

1629
01:32:56,720 --> 01:33:01,439
Speaker 1: And I thought that that was so interesting and and

1630
01:33:01,600 --> 01:33:07,200
Speaker 1: it interests me also to hear across those fifty four

1631
01:33:07,240 --> 01:33:13,040
Speaker 1: traded platforms who had um better experiences and who didn't,

1632
01:33:13,080 --> 01:33:15,080
Speaker 1: because you have to think about who's in your audience.

1633
01:33:15,920 --> 01:33:19,639
Speaker 1: And it was interesting for me being able to obviously

1634
01:33:19,680 --> 01:33:23,679
Speaker 1: stay on my account while you had it because part

1635
01:33:23,720 --> 01:33:25,519
Speaker 1: of part of what we signed up for, you know,

1636
01:33:25,520 --> 01:33:30,200
Speaker 1: I'm telling the audience this is to monitor comments d

1637
01:33:30,479 --> 01:33:33,280
Speaker 1: m s, make sure you weren't on the receiving end

1638
01:33:33,320 --> 01:33:37,960
Speaker 1: of messages you did not need to read. And I was.

1639
01:33:38,560 --> 01:33:41,800
Speaker 1: I was so heartened. And you know, I get a

1640
01:33:41,800 --> 01:33:43,320
Speaker 1: lot of hate and a lot of threat and a

1641
01:33:43,320 --> 01:33:48,719
Speaker 1: lot of whatever online because again, as an outspoken woman,

1642
01:33:48,760 --> 01:33:52,000
Speaker 1: you get it. So knowing what I'm on the receiving

1643
01:33:52,080 --> 01:33:55,400
Speaker 1: end of sometimes I was like, I I know there

1644
01:33:55,439 --> 01:33:58,800
Speaker 1: are people in my audience who are divine, wonderful here

1645
01:33:58,840 --> 01:34:00,400
Speaker 1: to learn, who are going to be so great to

1646
01:34:00,439 --> 01:34:03,000
Speaker 1: love you. But if some of those people who come

1647
01:34:03,040 --> 01:34:05,639
Speaker 1: for me come for her with that same kind of

1648
01:34:06,080 --> 01:34:09,280
Speaker 1: threat and racism, I'm gonna lose ship. So I was

1649
01:34:09,320 --> 01:34:11,240
Speaker 1: like really in the d M s all day and

1650
01:34:11,280 --> 01:34:13,120
Speaker 1: I was just crying. I was like, these people are

1651
01:34:13,200 --> 01:34:17,160
Speaker 1: so nice. You know, I never saw you. So I

1652
01:34:17,320 --> 01:34:20,800
Speaker 1: was like, I hope they're not losing Oh my god.

1653
01:34:20,880 --> 01:34:24,000
Speaker 1: And like my mom, literally every single frame of every

1654
01:34:24,000 --> 01:34:26,760
Speaker 1: single story you posted was like, go love me, we

1655
01:34:26,880 --> 01:34:29,840
Speaker 1: love you, We're so glad you here. I'm so glad

1656
01:34:29,880 --> 01:34:31,920
Speaker 1: you partnered with my daughter. And I was like me

1657
01:34:32,040 --> 01:34:40,639
Speaker 1: reading fun I took them, but so many people were

1658
01:34:40,720 --> 01:34:44,240
Speaker 1: just like, this is amazing, We're so glad you're here.

1659
01:34:44,280 --> 01:34:47,519
Speaker 1: I'm learning so much. I'm buying your book and it

1660
01:34:47,640 --> 01:34:53,719
Speaker 1: was like it was beautiful. And and I say that

1661
01:34:54,400 --> 01:34:56,759
Speaker 1: because I hope that all the people who are listening

1662
01:34:56,760 --> 01:35:01,000
Speaker 1: to us talk, we'll hear that so often there's a disparity.

1663
01:35:01,080 --> 01:35:03,479
Speaker 1: Will hear that people who are nasty tend to be

1664
01:35:03,560 --> 01:35:07,120
Speaker 1: louder than people who are kind. And so my request

1665
01:35:07,760 --> 01:35:10,160
Speaker 1: is that you show up in these spaces with your

1666
01:35:10,240 --> 01:35:14,040
Speaker 1: kindness and let it be loud, like, help turn the

1667
01:35:14,200 --> 01:35:19,400
Speaker 1: energy of the internet around, help help combat this stuff

1668
01:35:19,600 --> 01:35:23,000
Speaker 1: so that these platforms are held more accountable, so that

1669
01:35:23,040 --> 01:35:27,800
Speaker 1: they they can't police black women and activists but leave

1670
01:35:27,920 --> 01:35:34,840
Speaker 1: like racists and antivactors up exactly, we literally were like yo, wow,

1671
01:35:34,920 --> 01:35:38,160
Speaker 1: how and and to your point, I think kindness is truth.

1672
01:35:39,360 --> 01:35:42,320
Speaker 1: Oftentimes people think kindness is me being quiet and say

1673
01:35:42,400 --> 01:35:46,599
Speaker 1: hey and just being chipper. There's nothing more kind then

1674
01:35:46,640 --> 01:35:49,280
Speaker 1: putting your power on the line for somebody else. There's

1675
01:35:49,439 --> 01:35:52,840
Speaker 1: nothing more kind in this world than that selfless act.

1676
01:35:53,160 --> 01:35:56,040
Speaker 1: To be kind is to be selfless, and people be

1677
01:35:56,240 --> 01:35:59,599
Speaker 1: kind is being nice, to be like, oh my god, bubbly.

1678
01:36:00,000 --> 01:36:02,640
Speaker 1: I don't need bubbly. If you're speaking up for me,

1679
01:36:02,680 --> 01:36:05,080
Speaker 1: I don't need you to be like, oh my god's morning.

1680
01:36:05,080 --> 01:36:08,559
Speaker 1: I'm so excited when you are working behind the scenes

1681
01:36:08,640 --> 01:36:11,840
Speaker 1: in doing thankless work that nobody would ever even know

1682
01:36:12,280 --> 01:36:14,360
Speaker 1: it's not you know, even about saying Hey, I just

1683
01:36:14,400 --> 01:36:18,840
Speaker 1: did this cool thing for somebody else. Behind is showing

1684
01:36:19,000 --> 01:36:23,000
Speaker 1: up for people. Being kind is really caring about what

1685
01:36:23,080 --> 01:36:26,200
Speaker 1: happens to my fellow human being. That's the kindness that

1686
01:36:26,280 --> 01:36:29,000
Speaker 1: we need from people. And that's the courage that we

1687
01:36:29,040 --> 01:36:34,679
Speaker 1: need from people. M hmmm mm hmmm. So we're talking

1688
01:36:34,720 --> 01:36:37,479
Speaker 1: about courage and kindness and trying to change the world

1689
01:36:37,560 --> 01:36:40,720
Speaker 1: and launching social initiatives and writing books and being an

1690
01:36:40,720 --> 01:36:43,200
Speaker 1: activist and being a TED speaker. It's a lot that

1691
01:36:43,280 --> 01:36:46,720
Speaker 1: you give of yourself and of your heart and of

1692
01:36:46,760 --> 01:36:50,240
Speaker 1: your knowledge, and you welcome a lot of people in

1693
01:36:50,880 --> 01:36:53,400
Speaker 1: not without rules, but you welcome a lot of people

1694
01:36:53,479 --> 01:36:57,280
Speaker 1: into your spaces to learn from you. That is an

1695
01:36:57,400 --> 01:37:02,800
Speaker 1: energetic commitment. And I want under in a world that

1696
01:37:02,960 --> 01:37:07,160
Speaker 1: is intense to participate in, to be a leader in,

1697
01:37:07,240 --> 01:37:10,880
Speaker 1: to be a black woman. And how do you take

1698
01:37:11,000 --> 01:37:15,479
Speaker 1: time for you? What does self care look like for you?

1699
01:37:15,600 --> 01:37:19,200
Speaker 1: How how have you learned to hold some space for

1700
01:37:19,280 --> 01:37:22,040
Speaker 1: yourself in the midst of all this. What I missed

1701
01:37:22,080 --> 01:37:26,160
Speaker 1: most about quarantine is getting massages. I missed that so much.

1702
01:37:26,280 --> 01:37:28,479
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I want a two hour

1703
01:37:28,520 --> 01:37:32,840
Speaker 1: massage so bad, like so that I just wanted two

1704
01:37:32,840 --> 01:37:34,880
Speaker 1: hour massage and I want somebody to work out all

1705
01:37:34,920 --> 01:37:38,000
Speaker 1: the cakes all of that. Um. But outside of that,

1706
01:37:38,240 --> 01:37:41,400
Speaker 1: really just you know, spending time with people. I love

1707
01:37:41,640 --> 01:37:47,040
Speaker 1: having the Zoom game nights has been being um, randomly

1708
01:37:47,120 --> 01:37:51,760
Speaker 1: video chatting them. Um. Sometimes you know what, playing the

1709
01:37:51,840 --> 01:37:57,120
Speaker 1: sims I am. That is usually when I finished writing

1710
01:37:57,200 --> 01:37:59,439
Speaker 1: my book and I was like, oh my gosh, I

1711
01:37:59,520 --> 01:38:01,920
Speaker 1: might see not on any deadlines right now, I end

1712
01:38:02,000 --> 01:38:04,519
Speaker 1: up sitting there playing the stands for six hours. Why

1713
01:38:04,640 --> 01:38:08,800
Speaker 1: because in a world where there's no tragedies, it's great

1714
01:38:08,840 --> 01:38:11,080
Speaker 1: to create a world where it's just like, you know what,

1715
01:38:11,160 --> 01:38:12,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna control of my else's world now for the

1716
01:38:12,920 --> 01:38:18,400
Speaker 1: next six hours and and just do thoughtless things and read,

1717
01:38:18,640 --> 01:38:22,920
Speaker 1: you know, read, listen to music. Um. All of that

1718
01:38:23,080 --> 01:38:25,759
Speaker 1: is part of my self care routine spent just yeah,

1719
01:38:26,200 --> 01:38:30,439
Speaker 1: I'm not maintenance. I love that. My very favorite thing

1720
01:38:30,479 --> 01:38:34,040
Speaker 1: to ask everybody who comes on the show is the

1721
01:38:34,120 --> 01:38:37,680
Speaker 1: show is called work in progress. So if it's a

1722
01:38:37,760 --> 01:38:42,320
Speaker 1: personal or a professional or a self care moment, what

1723
01:38:42,320 --> 01:38:46,040
Speaker 1: what feels like the work in progress in your life?

1724
01:38:46,160 --> 01:38:52,320
Speaker 1: Aside from needing to use your bathom, what it's related stillness?

1725
01:38:53,040 --> 01:38:58,800
Speaker 1: I need to prioritize stillness and time for myself. I

1726
01:38:58,840 --> 01:39:02,519
Speaker 1: don't do it. I eduled everything else. I don't schedule this,

1727
01:39:02,840 --> 01:39:05,519
Speaker 1: and it's something that I am constantly like, I really

1728
01:39:05,560 --> 01:39:07,960
Speaker 1: need to stop it. And it's like have them, you

1729
01:39:07,960 --> 01:39:09,400
Speaker 1: know how some people are Like I wake up and

1730
01:39:09,400 --> 01:39:14,120
Speaker 1: I journal and I meditate and I I want to

1731
01:39:14,120 --> 01:39:16,320
Speaker 1: be snappers is so bad, but I'm gonna be. And

1732
01:39:16,320 --> 01:39:19,960
Speaker 1: I'm like I wanted me too. I'm always like okay, okay,

1733
01:39:20,000 --> 01:39:21,400
Speaker 1: I just woke up and I'm like, okay, maybe now

1734
01:39:21,400 --> 01:39:23,880
Speaker 1: I can do still It's like what's going on Instagram?

1735
01:39:24,400 --> 01:39:26,439
Speaker 1: Because like I'm not that person. I want to be

1736
01:39:26,479 --> 01:39:30,439
Speaker 1: that person. So that's my work in progress. I like that. Yeah.

1737
01:39:30,800 --> 01:39:33,439
Speaker 1: I actually it's funny that you say it about scheduling

1738
01:39:33,439 --> 01:39:36,040
Speaker 1: because I'm the same. My day is scheduled within an

1739
01:39:36,080 --> 01:39:40,080
Speaker 1: inch of its life every day. And I had a

1740
01:39:40,120 --> 01:39:43,920
Speaker 1: conversation with my buddy Kyle. He's a writer, and he

1741
01:39:44,040 --> 01:39:45,880
Speaker 1: said to me, oh, I had to take back my

1742
01:39:45,920 --> 01:39:49,880
Speaker 1: mornings and he got real honest. He he talks. He's

1743
01:39:49,880 --> 01:39:54,600
Speaker 1: a really sassy, funny like recovering ad exact, super successful,

1744
01:39:55,080 --> 01:39:59,320
Speaker 1: super smart, and he opened up on Instagram maybe like

1745
01:39:59,400 --> 01:40:02,200
Speaker 1: two years of go about going through a period where

1746
01:40:02,200 --> 01:40:05,200
Speaker 1: he was really suicidal and people were so short they

1747
01:40:05,200 --> 01:40:08,920
Speaker 1: were like you, what do you mean? And and he

1748
01:40:09,000 --> 01:40:11,040
Speaker 1: just talked about how he really didn't feel like his

1749
01:40:11,120 --> 01:40:14,240
Speaker 1: life was his own. And then a big step for him,

1750
01:40:14,360 --> 01:40:17,000
Speaker 1: he said, I reclaimed my mornings. He said, I don't

1751
01:40:17,040 --> 01:40:20,479
Speaker 1: take a meeting until noon. I won't do it. And

1752
01:40:20,560 --> 01:40:25,400
Speaker 1: he and then as his methodology of healing, he would

1753
01:40:25,560 --> 01:40:29,200
Speaker 1: schedule his mornings like they were meetings, but he would

1754
01:40:29,280 --> 01:40:33,680
Speaker 1: schedule meditation, he would schedule exercise, he would schedule journaling.

1755
01:40:34,200 --> 01:40:38,000
Speaker 1: He scheduled it because that's how his brain understood how

1756
01:40:38,040 --> 01:40:41,920
Speaker 1: to do it, and and it was non negotiable for

1757
01:40:42,160 --> 01:40:44,400
Speaker 1: months and months and months, and he said it changed

1758
01:40:44,400 --> 01:40:47,480
Speaker 1: his life. So maybe we don't have to the mornings.

1759
01:40:47,640 --> 01:40:50,240
Speaker 1: I think so, because my morning started with a alright,

1760
01:40:50,280 --> 01:40:52,360
Speaker 1: I haven't meeting an excertain minutes, all right, and then

1761
01:40:52,400 --> 01:40:54,400
Speaker 1: I'll have four meetings and then by the time I

1762
01:40:54,439 --> 01:40:56,200
Speaker 1: look up, it's one pm, and I'm like, i'ven't even

1763
01:40:56,280 --> 01:41:01,679
Speaker 1: eaten anything. So it's it's absolutely something I have to fix.

1764
01:41:01,840 --> 01:41:05,880
Speaker 1: I have to I have to So yeah, okay, so

1765
01:41:06,000 --> 01:41:08,759
Speaker 1: this is the next thing we're gonna work on. Like facts.

1766
01:41:08,960 --> 01:41:11,639
Speaker 1: You and I are always texting about like news articles

1767
01:41:11,680 --> 01:41:13,960
Speaker 1: and what we're gonna do next, But we're gonna start

1768
01:41:14,040 --> 01:41:19,880
Speaker 1: texting each other accountability, self care. Let's make a morning plan. Yeah, Like,

1769
01:41:20,000 --> 01:41:23,519
Speaker 1: I haven't worked out in like six weeks. Meanwhile, I

1770
01:41:23,520 --> 01:41:25,800
Speaker 1: bought an exercise bike, not the peloton, but I bought

1771
01:41:25,800 --> 01:41:28,880
Speaker 1: an exercise bike and I was doing jump ropes for

1772
01:41:28,880 --> 01:41:31,320
Speaker 1: a hot second. I haven't done anything in a month.

1773
01:41:31,439 --> 01:41:34,599
Speaker 1: So yeah, we gotta get that that. No, we gotta

1774
01:41:34,600 --> 01:41:37,200
Speaker 1: get together. We gotta get together. We need we need

1775
01:41:37,200 --> 01:41:43,559
Speaker 1: to collect ourselves, collect ourselves correct. That needs to happen

1776
01:41:43,640 --> 01:41:46,599
Speaker 1: where it's like team, hold each other accountable. That has

1777
01:41:46,640 --> 01:41:50,400
Speaker 1: to happen, like honestly the professional piece, that's okay, but

1778
01:41:50,520 --> 01:41:55,160
Speaker 1: we were neglecting the personal. Yeah, okay, look homework for

1779
01:41:55,240 --> 01:41:58,559
Speaker 1: us to the audience has homework, work, We have homework.

1780
01:41:59,320 --> 01:42:04,840
Speaker 1: It's great. Yes, thank you for today, thank you for

1781
01:42:05,800 --> 01:42:07,680
Speaker 1: I mean thank you for every day. But thank you

1782
01:42:07,760 --> 01:42:13,519
Speaker 1: for when you you bless the folks I am privileged

1783
01:42:13,640 --> 01:42:15,760
Speaker 1: enough to speak to when when you bless them with

1784
01:42:15,960 --> 01:42:18,960
Speaker 1: with what you give me as a friend, it's it's

1785
01:42:19,040 --> 01:42:22,720
Speaker 1: just I don't have words for it. Thank you for

1786
01:42:22,840 --> 01:42:26,200
Speaker 1: having me and being an amazing, amazing human. Like it's

1787
01:42:26,840 --> 01:42:28,880
Speaker 1: honestly again, like I I am full of joy in

1788
01:42:28,920 --> 01:42:30,880
Speaker 1: my life because I haven't amazing. I have amazing people

1789
01:42:30,880 --> 01:42:34,000
Speaker 1: in my life and people like you, who, um really

1790
01:42:34,040 --> 01:42:37,280
Speaker 1: just show me that like there are other fighters in

1791
01:42:37,320 --> 01:42:40,400
Speaker 1: the world. It's not just us, right, We're not on

1792
01:42:40,479 --> 01:42:44,920
Speaker 1: islands by ourselves. And you know, I'm always disheartened by

1793
01:42:45,080 --> 01:42:47,360
Speaker 1: your friendship and just to know you and this is

1794
01:42:47,400 --> 01:42:51,599
Speaker 1: really cool and I'm just like, oh my gosh, yeah again,

1795
01:42:51,760 --> 01:42:54,400
Speaker 1: it's wild, like a little lot of things I thought

1796
01:42:54,400 --> 01:42:57,519
Speaker 1: about this life and the level of like the caliber

1797
01:42:57,520 --> 01:42:59,880
Speaker 1: of people I have in my life who even it's

1798
01:42:59,880 --> 01:43:02,280
Speaker 1: not even about the bike and they are known or visible.

1799
01:43:02,360 --> 01:43:06,639
Speaker 1: It's just like heart strong, heart led people who deeply

1800
01:43:06,720 --> 01:43:10,639
Speaker 1: care about the world, not committed to doing something about it.

1801
01:43:10,720 --> 01:43:16,000
Speaker 1: And yeah, man, so I'm honored to know you. Same,

1802
01:43:16,560 --> 01:43:23,400
Speaker 1: my sweet sister. I just love you. This show is

1803
01:43:23,439 --> 01:43:27,559
Speaker 1: executive produced by Me, Sophia Bush, and sim Sarna. Our

1804
01:43:27,640 --> 01:43:32,160
Speaker 1: supervising producer is Alison Bresnick. Our associate producer is Kate Linley,

1805
01:43:32,800 --> 01:43:35,960
Speaker 1: our editor is Josh Wendish, and our music was written

1806
01:43:35,960 --> 01:43:39,200
Speaker 1: by Jack Garrett and produced by Mark Foster. This show

1807
01:43:39,280 --> 01:43:41,800
Speaker 1: is brought to you by Clinton. Brilliant Anatomy