1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:04,000 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,960 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of two and soon to be three, 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,159 Speaker 1: and a practicing position. We are two working parents who 5 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 1: love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of 6 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 1: both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,760 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to episode two, The 10 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:42,280 Speaker 1: second Shift. Surviving and maybe even enjoying evenings with little kids. 11 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 1: Both Sarah and I have spent many evenings with our kids, 12 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 1: and certainly this is time as a working parent that 13 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: you can have with your young ones. On the other hand, 14 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 1: everyone's tired, so we got to make sure how to 15 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 1: make the most of it. Of Course, you know, evenings 16 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 1: with the little kids aren't the only thing we do 17 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: in our evenings. We were talking earlier about our date nights. 18 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 1: Sarah's had some fun ones on weekends recently. Although you 19 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 1: were car shopping for a date night, Yeah, tell me 20 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,800 Speaker 1: about that. Totally a date night. So since we are 21 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 1: adding to our family, we need a bigger car, and 22 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: I decided that it would be a great use of 23 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: time together to spend one of our date nights this 24 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,039 Speaker 1: month going out to a cheap and easy dinner and 25 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 1: then driving some cars, because you know, we'll still get 26 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: to talk and hang out, and I don't really know 27 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 1: when else we're going to get that nice uninterrupted time 28 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 1: to figure out what the best car is for us, 29 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:38,760 Speaker 1: So I'm actually pretty excited for that one. I got 30 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,319 Speaker 1: to say, like, maybe you need the kids in the 31 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,039 Speaker 1: car so that you know exactly how it will be 32 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 1: dealt with in the course of we We took the 33 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 1: plunge and got the mini van for kid number four, 34 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 1: and I think basically the kids just trash the car. 35 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:56,480 Speaker 1: That's that's all I can say about that. That part 36 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: doesn't bother me. Yeah, get an expensive car. I think 37 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:06,120 Speaker 1: that this is not going to be a glamorous if 38 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: you guys are on glamorous like Miami Beach, right, don't you? 39 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:11,240 Speaker 1: Do you guys ever like go clubbing or anything like that, 40 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: have your goal parties on the sand or something like. No, 41 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 1: I'm sure there are people that do. I have seen 42 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: friends post Instagram photos literally out at clubs, but I've 43 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,080 Speaker 1: found that I like my date night's best when they 44 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 1: end at like nine or ten pm. Then I can 45 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,200 Speaker 1: get a lot of sleep and not feel like horrible 46 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 1: the next morning, because in reality, six forty five am 47 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,840 Speaker 1: is gonna come the next day, whether or not we 48 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 1: were out late or not. So that's true my dates. 49 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: Pretty much. Kids do not care if you are up late. 50 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: In fact, if you are out late, sometimes they want 51 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 1: to get up early because they really want to see you. 52 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: I know, it's like a terrible paradox. What about you guys, 53 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: What do you guys usually do for date nights? So 54 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 1: we now have regular babysitting on Friday nights, which is 55 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 1: great because sometimes we can go do a casual Friday 56 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:02,519 Speaker 1: night dinner. I'll if my husband's working downtown we're in 57 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,239 Speaker 1: the Philadelphia area, I can sometimes go downtown and meet 58 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 1: him there. Sarah and I had dinner at this place 59 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: called Tallulas a couple of weeks ago, and we went 60 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: back there. My good went there and had dinner, so 61 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: that was a fun date night. We have started sometimes 62 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,079 Speaker 1: bringing our big kids, so it's not a date night, 63 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 1: but dinner out with people who aren't going to be 64 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 1: throwing food on the floor on some of those Friday 65 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 1: nights too, So I'd say we probably alternate it in 66 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 1: terms of having a kid focused Friday or a couple 67 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,200 Speaker 1: focused Friday. But I'm really excited. We're going to do 68 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 1: a couple overnight in Cape may Oh. I love those 69 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,040 Speaker 1: we've done. We usually do a one to two of 70 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 1: those every year, and it's amazing how just one or 71 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 1: two nights away can feel so good. We did in Austin, 72 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:55,360 Speaker 1: Texas one once, and then there have been conferences I've 73 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: tagged along with my husband too, and I love it. 74 00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: I think it's a great You know, the kids are 75 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 1: going to miss you too much in two days, but 76 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,240 Speaker 1: it means so much for your relationship, it really does it. 77 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: The conference one is good. I mean, you have to 78 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 1: deal with the fact that you're around his work colleagues 79 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 1: then so if that's going to like detract from your happiness, 80 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 1: so you got to know that about yourself. If you 81 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 1: like them, it can be fun as long as you 82 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 1: get some couple time too. I don't know, are you 83 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 1: the planner of the date nights in your family? Are you? Oh? 84 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 1: My god, I'm totally the planner. So we don't have 85 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: we don't have regular babysitting. Instead, I just sort of 86 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,960 Speaker 1: plan ahead for a month or two in advance. Friday 87 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 1: nights actually don't work for us ever, because to be honest, 88 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 1: he's rarely home at a reasonable hour on Friday, so 89 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,839 Speaker 1: that would fail. But Saturdays are our typical date night. 90 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,200 Speaker 1: We don't go out every night, but usually at least 91 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: two weekends a month, so usually about two months in advance, 92 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: I'll text our regular date night babysitter and say, hey, 93 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: September third and seventeenth work for you in October, you 94 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,480 Speaker 1: know X, Y or Z, so I'll have it all committed. 95 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 1: And then I do do most of the planning, and 96 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 1: I will admit that I enjoy it. And my husband 97 00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 1: doesn't usually put in much of a fight, so that 98 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 1: works for us. No, I love it that you've got 99 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,919 Speaker 1: these books like two months in advance. Anyone listening to 100 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 1: this has probably gathered a few things about Sarah and 101 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,560 Speaker 1: my personalities here that we are we are. We are 102 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,520 Speaker 1: the planning sorts. Like the idea of planning a date 103 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 1: night two months in advance seems cool to us, Like 104 00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:19,800 Speaker 1: we're like yeah, because you get you get the anticipation 105 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 1: of looking forward. To that night, and you're actually really 106 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,480 Speaker 1: more likely to be able to do cool things, like 107 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: if there was a concert you want to go to, 108 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: you're going to get the tickets. I already know we're 109 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,640 Speaker 1: seeing Arcade Fire next month, which has been on my 110 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 1: bucket list forever, and Lady Gaga November. But if I 111 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: hadn't like planned it, then it would be a lot 112 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 1: more difficult or a lot of places that you want 113 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 1: to get reservations if it's really yes, sehn, it's hard 114 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: to get a reservation last minute. And so yeah, I 115 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: love Sarah and dipity sometimes too. I mean it's kind 116 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:53,960 Speaker 1: of fun to be wandering around downtown and figure out, oh, 117 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,679 Speaker 1: here's a cool looking place that looks hot. Everyone should 118 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 1: we should go there? But I mean, come on, like 119 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: you're paying a sitter, Like you don't want to wait 120 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: for an extra hour for a table when you're paying 121 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 1: a sitter. And yeah, I think I think both of 122 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: us have sort of realized like, even if you do 123 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 1: like the serendipity aspect, if you'll want to make life 124 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 1: work with little kids, you're planning. You just got a plan, 125 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,919 Speaker 1: and you can find the serendipity in small ways, like 126 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,039 Speaker 1: for example, on our car shopping date, I do not 127 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 1: yet know where we're going to go to car shopping 128 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,840 Speaker 1: and where we're going to find ourselves for dinner. So 129 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,480 Speaker 1: even though I know what we're going to do the details, 130 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: that's enough of a surprise for me. That may just 131 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,359 Speaker 1: be my own person. I'm good with that level of 132 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 1: spontaneity myself. You know. I feel like there's many wonderful 133 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,040 Speaker 1: things in the world, and some wonderful things happen to us, 134 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 1: but others we need to make happen. And yeah, the 135 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:44,080 Speaker 1: better date nights tend to happen when we think through 136 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 1: it ahead of time. But speaking of thinking through life 137 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: ahead of time, we've also both spent a lot of 138 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 1: time thinking through our evenings, our evenings with our little kids. 139 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: And just to explain something about both of our lives, 140 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 1: we both work, you know, long hours and such ourselves. 141 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 1: Our husbands do as well, and for the way things go, 142 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: both Sarah and I have wound up being the parent 143 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: in charge on week nights more often than that. And Sarah, 144 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,080 Speaker 1: what's sort of the situation with you guys? I would 145 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 1: say that while I work, I would say regular hours, 146 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 1: I do have a commute, so I get home at 147 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 1: around six o'clock every day, and my husband every once 148 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: in a while does come home to see our kids, 149 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,760 Speaker 1: but it's not something that I can count on. So 150 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: he'll arrive any time between seven and thirty on an 151 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 1: early day to midnight on a bad day cause he's 152 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 1: in surgery here. It's it's not like that, like purposely, 153 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 1: like I don't want to go home. He's no in 154 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 1: a surgery that's run long, and you obviously can't leave 155 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 1: someone on the table, absolutely, and that's part of his 156 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: job description, is part of the expectations, and we signed 157 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 1: up for this, so I'm I'm actually completely fine with it, 158 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 1: and I will throw in as an aside. He's been 159 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 1: really he's really great about making sure that I get 160 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: time in the mornings to exercise, so that that's more 161 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 1: my time to kind of make up for the fact 162 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: that evenings, like, I'm committed to being the primary caregiver 163 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,280 Speaker 1: for our kids, so that works pretty well for us. 164 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: But it's definitely been a thought process and a lot 165 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 1: of trial and error of figuring out how to make 166 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 1: the evenings work when I'm by myself. So what does 167 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,200 Speaker 1: it look like now? Now you have the two kids 168 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: who are sort of school age. What does your evening 169 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: wind up looking for you? Yes, so my kids are 170 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: three and a half and five, and our evenings are 171 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 1: way easier than they were a few years ago, which 172 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 1: definitely gives me pause to get too overconfident because of 173 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 1: the third one I'm expecting up ahead. But I do 174 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 1: feel like we have a pretty nice routine. So I 175 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,720 Speaker 1: actually do not have dinner with the kids. I know 176 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,160 Speaker 1: that's you know, I went through a little period feeling 177 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: guilty about that. But the few times that I tried 178 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,920 Speaker 1: to get home and have dinner, it was kind of 179 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,200 Speaker 1: too late for their dinner and they were cranky or 180 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 1: else if they had a snack, then they weren't hungry 181 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,440 Speaker 1: for dinner, and it just it just really didn't work. 182 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 1: So instead I get home at six. Our nanny, you know, 183 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: sometimes a few minutes before, but she usually leaves by six. 184 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 1: They've already had their dinner with her, and they've already 185 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 1: had a bath. We really have the next two hours 186 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: to hang out together before they're both in bed. Now, 187 00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 1: since getting pregnant, I've been especially i would say angry, 188 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 1: and it works best for me lately if I let 189 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,560 Speaker 1: them watch one twenty six minute TV show while I 190 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 1: eat dinner and gather myself to kind of make the 191 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:28,200 Speaker 1: rest of the evening ahead of success. I used to 192 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: just sort of try to wait, but also that didn't 193 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,160 Speaker 1: work for me, and I had to let go of 194 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 1: that little guilt factor of getting home and putting them 195 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 1: in front of a screen for twenty six minutes. But 196 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,160 Speaker 1: really it has worked out for all of us. So 197 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: they watch a show and then when it's over, usually 198 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: they've lately requested me to write them a little note 199 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: during the show, so I write them a note, and 200 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 1: then that's kind of the signal. When it's over, they 201 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: come to the table and they try to read their 202 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: note or I read it to them, and we all 203 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,960 Speaker 1: have a snack together. We spend the next thirty to 204 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 1: forty minutes just hanging out doing something sometime that's like 205 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 1: building with magnetiles. Sometimes it's drawing. Once in a while, 206 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 1: will FaceTime my parents or something like that, but something 207 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,960 Speaker 1: kind of all together and just chill. And then by 208 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,720 Speaker 1: around seven seven fifteen, we go to brushing teeth and 209 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: getting changed and we read books together in my son's room. 210 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: He's the younger one, and my daughter listens sometimes. She's 211 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 1: lately been kind of ignoring us and looking at her 212 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 1: own book, which is fine because I kind of want 213 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 1: that to be Cameron's time. And after three or so books, 214 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,959 Speaker 1: I've been kind of lucky and I shouldn't stay it 215 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,560 Speaker 1: out loud, but he goes to bed very nicely, especially 216 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 1: since dropping his nap by seven point thirty. And then 217 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: I go to my daughter's room and we read together. Well, 218 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,280 Speaker 1: I read to her, although she's starting to want to 219 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 1: read these short little books, which is adorable, but really 220 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 1: generally I read to her like more grown up books. 221 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:53,280 Speaker 1: Right now we're reading Beesus and Ramona and then yeah, yeah, 222 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,079 Speaker 1: it's awesome when they get old enough that you actually 223 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:58,679 Speaker 1: enjoy what you're in to them. It's so cool. And 224 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 1: then I do like but with her, which is my 225 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,200 Speaker 1: sister in law's like, she's gonna be with you until 226 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 1: you're ten, But it works for us now, and I figure, 227 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,480 Speaker 1: why I mess with it? Thirteen years old? She is 228 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,599 Speaker 1: not gonna want you lie, Yeah, exactly. There's gonna be 229 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 1: an end at some point, And right now it's fine 230 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 1: because she falls asleep within ten minutes and it's just nice. 231 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,000 Speaker 1: So by eight fifteen, she's asleep and I get a 232 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 1: little slice of time for myself. So yeah, that's worked 233 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,960 Speaker 1: out really well. What about you guys, Well, so we've 234 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:31,360 Speaker 1: gone through many iterations of this over the years. My 235 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 1: husband is often traveling during the week, and it won't 236 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 1: be every night. So some nights he might be, you know, 237 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 1: Monday night, home at like six, and then we'd have 238 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 1: a family evening together. But then he might be gone 239 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,600 Speaker 1: Tuesday through Thursday or something, or maybe it's he's home 240 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,520 Speaker 1: Monday and Tuesday and gone Wednesday through Friday. It's varied 241 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: quite a bit, and that's part of how we can't 242 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 1: really have a routine in that sense. And this has 243 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 1: been a source of stress over the years to imagine 244 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 1: as the number of children has stacked up, because you know, 245 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,000 Speaker 1: it's also the sort of different nature of the work 246 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:10,200 Speaker 1: we do too. I mean, so Sarah sees patients and 247 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,319 Speaker 1: that's her work, Like she has to be focused on 248 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 1: the patients. But when she's not with the patients, there's 249 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 1: the paperwork. But it's it's not like, oh, she could 250 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 1: be marketing her practice or something, whereas there's something with 251 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,200 Speaker 1: you know, running your own business. It's like there's different 252 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,000 Speaker 1: things you could be doing, and so I always have 253 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 1: that saying like, oh, I could have been working in 254 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 1: the evening too, and so there's a lot of stress 255 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: and sort of issues with that with me and my husband, 256 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 1: and especially as I travel too sometimes. So what we 257 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 1: have finally done now is that we have childcare until 258 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 1: eight o'clock and I tend to be home during that time. 259 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 1: I'm assisting with driving the kids to activities if we 260 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: have those, getting to swimming or karate or whatever, and 261 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,440 Speaker 1: sometimes that's fun. I can just take one kid and 262 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,479 Speaker 1: then I don't have to be with all four of them. 263 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: I have, in fact, taken all four to karate, and 264 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 1: I wish to never experpet that sounds unreal. It was 265 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: pretty unreal, and you know, my nanny doesn't like doing 266 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,320 Speaker 1: it either. So usually she and I are treading off 267 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 1: right that where we have some of the kids with 268 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: each of us, So it's really more of a team 269 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 1: approach that and if my husband's home then he can 270 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,680 Speaker 1: be part of it as well. The family dinner thing, 271 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,040 Speaker 1: if we're all home, we will eat together. Otherwise it's 272 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,040 Speaker 1: me and the nanny and our kids will often have 273 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: dinner together. But I don't think it's like any sort 274 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 1: of sacred thing. Honestly, I know family dinner gets this 275 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 1: total put it up on a pedestal in you know, 276 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:51,200 Speaker 1: as we talk about family life, but as you and 277 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,720 Speaker 1: I have both discovered, like little kids wake up early, 278 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 1: like evening is not the only time you have the family, 279 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,920 Speaker 1: breakfast is totally underrated, and we do that a lot, 280 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 1: all four of us, and I love it. I have 281 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 1: that time before everyone goes off to work, and probably 282 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,280 Speaker 1: many people are actually better behaved in the morning than 283 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 1: they add it or not. I also bet you're probably 284 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: not trying to make your kids eat broccoli for breakfast. 285 00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 1: The food they're eating is probably more kid friendly food 286 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 1: people like yogurt or pancakes or eggs cheese. It's yes, well, 287 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: I will admit that my two year old has been 288 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 1: worn to eat cheese it's for breakfast, but that that's 289 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,480 Speaker 1: where everything falls apart by kid number four. So the 290 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 1: older the older three do not do that, and they 291 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,280 Speaker 1: never even think that it's a possibility. So they haven't 292 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,280 Speaker 1: they haven't totally grasped that the rules appear to be 293 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,640 Speaker 1: totally different for their little brother than for the rest 294 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 1: of them. But that's okay. Maybe they can continue in 295 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 1: that for a while, but the evening is we have 296 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 1: homework obviously that needs to get done. Our general rule 297 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: is that homework before TV and video games, and my 298 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:04,560 Speaker 1: seven year old loves video games, so that has been 299 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 1: a good thing for getting him to do his homework promptly. 300 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 1: He walks right off the bus and does it just 301 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: so that then he's got the rest of the evening 302 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:16,320 Speaker 1: to do what he wants to do. My issue more 303 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 1: is have it as the kids get older, and even 304 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 1: to some degree before, Some of my children don't need 305 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 1: much sleep, so the evening can be pretty long when 306 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: I just had one. My oldest son does not need 307 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: much sleep, and it's not that I'm letting him stay 308 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,360 Speaker 1: up watching stuff. I mean, he'll just lie awake in 309 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: bed if he's there with the light out, and I 310 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,440 Speaker 1: will come in an hour later, need still be awake, 311 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: and at some point I feel like this is just cruel, 312 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,760 Speaker 1: so I will let him stay up later, and he 313 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,680 Speaker 1: will honestly stay up later than me. So there's not 314 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 1: really much time that has not kid in the evening, 315 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,360 Speaker 1: which is that he's at least at an age where 316 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 1: he can be pretty independent, right, I mean reading? Yeah, 317 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 1: So he reads, he writes his little stories and stuff. 318 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: And that's another reason we wound up having the childcare 319 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 1: till ten, not till ten till eight, Sorry we don't 320 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:11,720 Speaker 1: have until ten, huh till eight? Is that I can 321 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 1: have a little downtime for me sometimes between like seven 322 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 1: and eight, and then if I don't get it later, 323 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: I'm less upset about it. So that is another upside 324 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,320 Speaker 1: of that. For one thing I did want to talk 325 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 1: about though, because I sometimes work at night, I used 326 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,200 Speaker 1: to do more work at night after the kids went 327 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 1: to bed. That's become less of an option as they 328 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 1: get older and they want to talk with you during 329 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,200 Speaker 1: that time. There's just not a huge slice of time 330 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:41,200 Speaker 1: anymore between when I'm trying to get the big kids 331 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,960 Speaker 1: in bed and when I need to be in bed. 332 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 1: If I'm waking up with the little guy who will 333 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 1: wake up at five point thirty in the morning, you know, 334 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,160 Speaker 1: to get my seven and a half hours, I have 335 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 1: to be in bed at ten, and you know my 336 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 1: kids don't even want to be in bed at ten. 337 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,760 Speaker 1: There's not as much time. But for years I would 338 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: do more of that what I call the split shift. 339 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,240 Speaker 1: And I know a lot of professional women, this is 340 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,440 Speaker 1: what you do. You come home at a reasonable hour, 341 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 1: spend the evening with your kids, do more work at 342 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,359 Speaker 1: night after they go to bed. And I've studied a 343 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 1: lot of time logs over the years, and this is 344 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,600 Speaker 1: how this is how women work the hours they need 345 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 1: to and yet still have family time too. And there's 346 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: been a lot of articles out there saying, well, women 347 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 1: will never work fifty hours a week because you know 348 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,359 Speaker 1: you'd be working till eight o'clock at night, and so 349 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,360 Speaker 1: you'd never see your kids since, first of all, like, well, 350 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 1: I don't know about you. My kids wake up in 351 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:28,679 Speaker 1: the morning, so even if I didn't see them at night, 352 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,040 Speaker 1: I'd be seeing two hours of them in the morning. 353 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: But that's not the way many professional women work. That 354 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,400 Speaker 1: they come home in the early evening or even late afternoon, 355 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,120 Speaker 1: sometimes have family time, do more work at night after 356 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,359 Speaker 1: the kids go to bed. Can be good, But Sarah 357 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,600 Speaker 1: does not do that. I was gonna say, I'm a 358 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,439 Speaker 1: total variation on that, but one that works for me. 359 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,359 Speaker 1: I read this really fascinating book about chronotypes, and I 360 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 1: am like your classic early riser. Like for me, staying 361 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 1: up past ten o'clock is a major challenge. But I'm 362 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,600 Speaker 1: really good at waking up in the wee hours, like 363 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,720 Speaker 1: it doesn't bother me at all. So if I have 364 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 1: a project that I need to get done, I am 365 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,879 Speaker 1: pretty likely to get up at four thirty or five 366 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,879 Speaker 1: and spend a solid two hours working on it before 367 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,080 Speaker 1: the kids are awake and before the day needs to begin. 368 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 1: And for me, that works a million times better than 369 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,479 Speaker 1: attempting to do it at nine o'clock at night, when 370 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:18,159 Speaker 1: I would just be like distracted and zoning out in 371 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,040 Speaker 1: front of my computer and very slow. So that's the 372 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:23,960 Speaker 1: alternate split shift for the early birth early birth, and 373 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 1: you have to know yourself, So yeah, no, are you 374 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,520 Speaker 1: better off going to bed waking up early doing your 375 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,520 Speaker 1: work in the morning if you don't know when your 376 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,280 Speaker 1: kids will wake up, that's kind of risky proposition. If 377 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 1: you know they'll wake up later, then that can work 378 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 1: the nighttime many people. Even if you do have the 379 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:43,639 Speaker 1: ability to work at night, sometimes your mental energy level 380 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,440 Speaker 1: isn't that great, so that could be a good time 381 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,800 Speaker 1: for sort of those lower energy tasks, like if you 382 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 1: need to return the emails that absolutely have to get sent, you, 383 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,280 Speaker 1: editing a report if it's just light editing for the 384 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,359 Speaker 1: next morning, or looking over notes for a meeting in 385 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,399 Speaker 1: the morning. That's the kind of thing that's good for 386 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,879 Speaker 1: that split shift. At night. You probably are not going to, 387 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 1: I don't know, write the Great American Novel at nine 388 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,680 Speaker 1: thirty pm. At least I know I am not going. 389 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:12,480 Speaker 1: Some people can. Some people are naturally inclined to that. 390 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,800 Speaker 1: Some people are. If you are, and this is how 391 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 1: you know you are a night out is if you 392 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 1: are writing the Great American Novel at nine thirty pm, 393 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,160 Speaker 1: a lot of people, you know, will be like, oh, 394 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,280 Speaker 1: I'm not a morning person. It's like, well, okay, the 395 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:24,800 Speaker 1: reason you think you're not a morning person is because 396 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,639 Speaker 1: you're tired in the morning. But that's because you're staying 397 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,240 Speaker 1: up late at night. But if you look at what 398 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:29,920 Speaker 1: you're doing, you're just like on this like two hour 399 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 1: Instagram vender, you know, looking at photos on Facebook of 400 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,359 Speaker 1: people you didn't like in high school anyway, So that's 401 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:41,159 Speaker 1: that's that's kind of a different matter. But you know, 402 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,280 Speaker 1: if you are going to do the split shift, one 403 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 1: thing a lot of people have told me is works, 404 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,399 Speaker 1: is you got to bake a make a to do 405 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,240 Speaker 1: list for that second that split shift the you know, 406 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,920 Speaker 1: if you're working say eight pm to ten pm, because 407 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 1: the temptations are so great. I mean, it's nice to 408 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,639 Speaker 1: have a beginning and an end. Yeah, so map it out, say, 409 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,399 Speaker 1: like I'm going to answer these four email I'm going 410 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,640 Speaker 1: to look at these notes for tomorrow morning and set 411 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,120 Speaker 1: this agenda for Friday's meeting. Okay, and when I'm done 412 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:08,159 Speaker 1: with that, I'm done. I Am not gonna have that 413 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: temptation to do just one more thing, just one more thing, 414 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 1: because you're probably gonna want some me time after that, 415 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,680 Speaker 1: you know, I really do, and I do think this 416 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 1: is going to be more of a challenge when I'm 417 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,800 Speaker 1: dealing with adding pumping sessions and the baby. But I 418 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,400 Speaker 1: really make a point of having something for myself each 419 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,639 Speaker 1: night after I put the kids to bed. And it 420 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,960 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be big. It can be watching one 421 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,399 Speaker 1: thirty minute show like I'm working through the last season 422 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: of the MINDI Project right now, or reading a book 423 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: for forty five minutes in bed. And I'm a total nerd, 424 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,159 Speaker 1: but I actually often will like in the beginning of 425 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 1: the day, when I'm sort of planning my day, I'll 426 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 1: write out what I want to get to and somehow 427 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 1: just again that's part of being a natural planner, having 428 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 1: that little thing to look forward to. It really, I 429 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,639 Speaker 1: don't know, it makes the evening go smoothly. It just 430 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,000 Speaker 1: sort of ends the day on a good note. Of course, 431 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,040 Speaker 1: sometimes I get to actually spend some time with my 432 00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:58,439 Speaker 1: husband and he gets home before I'm going to sleep, 433 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 1: so that's always nice too, But it's not necessarily something 434 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,119 Speaker 1: I can count on, whereas fifteen minutes in bed with 435 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,119 Speaker 1: my book, Like I know I can make that happen 436 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 1: one way or the other. Fifteen minutes is so much 437 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,439 Speaker 1: better than nothing. I mean, we don't have to let 438 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 1: the perfect be the enemy of the good here. But 439 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: I mean there's lots of things you can do for 440 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,120 Speaker 1: yourself at night, Like a lot of people do have 441 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 1: some time before they go to bed for fun stuff, 442 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,360 Speaker 1: and so make sure it's something you really want to do, 443 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,280 Speaker 1: that you're really looking forward to, reading a good book 444 00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:30,240 Speaker 1: or a show you really like, or anything like our hobby. 445 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,480 Speaker 1: Like some people like to do crafty stuff at night. 446 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,680 Speaker 1: That could be a great time for it. I guess 447 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,920 Speaker 1: the one other thing we've found, which is kind of fine. 448 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 1: You know, sometimes it can start to feel like the 449 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,600 Speaker 1: evenings with kids, it can start to feel like this 450 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 1: just march from you know, dinner, bath, bed, Everything is 451 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:49,359 Speaker 1: the same one night after another, and sometimes it's fun 452 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:53,240 Speaker 1: just to bust up the routine a little bit. I agree, 453 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 1: especially if it's if it really is kind of a 454 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,639 Speaker 1: special occasion kind of thing. What have you done? Have 455 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,639 Speaker 1: you done anything? Recently? We went out for ice cream 456 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,920 Speaker 1: with the big kids. My husband had taken two of 457 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,160 Speaker 1: the kids for a swim team tryout, so that went well, 458 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 1: and so we went out for ice cream afterwards to celebrate. 459 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,399 Speaker 1: So that was a fun evening activity that we could do. 460 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,359 Speaker 1: But even it could just be like playing outside or 461 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 1: going to a playground in the evening if it's summer, 462 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,240 Speaker 1: or if you're in a place where that's possible. You know, 463 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:26,800 Speaker 1: I've seen people do like a six pm movie some night, 464 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,800 Speaker 1: just for fun. You know, you don't want to do 465 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,639 Speaker 1: this every night, of course, but something that makes life 466 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,840 Speaker 1: a little bit more exciting and memorable can be fun 467 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,240 Speaker 1: for the evening, like what have you done? Well? We 468 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 1: like the post the rare swim night so not late 469 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 1: at night, because night swimming not quite working so well 470 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,200 Speaker 1: with the three year old, but especially in the days 471 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,080 Speaker 1: where I'm off, if I take them out at like 472 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 1: four thirty pm, they will totally have a great time 473 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,679 Speaker 1: and tire themselves out by six in the pool. And 474 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,720 Speaker 1: that's just kind of shakes things up a little bit 475 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,720 Speaker 1: enough that we still can get all the bedtime stuff done, 476 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,440 Speaker 1: but just breaks it up. I really like it. We've 477 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,560 Speaker 1: done movies out or even something social on a weeknight 478 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,880 Speaker 1: once in a while, and again rare, not our typical 479 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 1: because there's homework, and while there will be homework and 480 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,440 Speaker 1: there's lots of other stuff going on, but every once 481 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,680 Speaker 1: in a while having another family with the same age 482 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:20,119 Speaker 1: kids over, or even just like my friend hosted a 483 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:23,560 Speaker 1: movie night to watch The Descendants too, and we all 484 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,880 Speaker 1: came over on a Friday night with the kids at 485 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 1: like five, and that way it was sort of like 486 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,159 Speaker 1: movie played eate dinner. It was great. So broke up 487 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 1: the routine without being too Disruptive's that's great because you 488 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:37,399 Speaker 1: want to enjoy this time too. It's important to enjoy it. 489 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,840 Speaker 1: I always think life is better when it's actually fun, 490 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:45,640 Speaker 1: which brings us to our love of the Week segment. 491 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,879 Speaker 1: So this is the segment where we talk about something 492 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,199 Speaker 1: we are loving now be a strategy, a product, a 493 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,679 Speaker 1: service that is making our lives easier. Sarah, what do 494 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 1: you got this week? Well, my love of the week, 495 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,439 Speaker 1: I'm not sure everybody's gonna think of is so fun, 496 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 1: But my love of the week is our treadmill, and 497 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 1: to me it is kind of fun or I guess 498 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,080 Speaker 1: just really really useful and really beloved because I just 499 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,760 Speaker 1: find being able to do workouts either at home or 500 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,920 Speaker 1: right outside my door is one hundred percent the way 501 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,040 Speaker 1: I've wanted to go since having kids. I mean, I 502 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 1: will rarely throw in like a boutique, you know, like 503 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 1: did some flybar workouts, but I just find it with 504 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,919 Speaker 1: the driving time, I just have better things to do. 505 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,320 Speaker 1: So I got a treadmill when our daughter was about 506 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 1: four weeks old because I just knew that I'd want 507 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 1: to be working out again, but didn't want to have 508 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,120 Speaker 1: to leave her alone or try to find a babysitter 509 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,520 Speaker 1: at that age. So the treadlee was the perfect solution. 510 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,000 Speaker 1: And it actually went dormant for a while because I 511 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,520 Speaker 1: did almost all of my runs outside since moving to 512 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:50,240 Speaker 1: Miami Beach. But this summer, being pregnant in the heat 513 00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:54,359 Speaker 1: of the summer, I embraced it again and I'm just 514 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 1: loving it. I'm doing three to four runs a week. 515 00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,280 Speaker 1: I don't feel shame how incredibly slow I'm going. I 516 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 1: take walk breaks. I mean the air conditioning. Yeah, so 517 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,359 Speaker 1: that is my love of the week for this week. 518 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:07,919 Speaker 1: So I think my treadmill could be my love of 519 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,720 Speaker 1: the week every week. But treadmills are I mean, I 520 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:16,800 Speaker 1: would much rather run outside always, but the treadmill is 521 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,920 Speaker 1: the alternative that makes working out possible. I would rather 522 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 1: run outside except when it's like literally like feels like 523 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,880 Speaker 1: one hundred and that would be that would be one 524 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,320 Speaker 1: of the reasons where the treadmill is the alternative, right 525 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,240 Speaker 1: or exactly you know here I live in Pennsylvania. If 526 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,439 Speaker 1: there's ice on the roads, clearly running on those verses 527 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,400 Speaker 1: is somewhat of a not going to happen. But so yeah, 528 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,399 Speaker 1: treadmills are awesome. I'm going to have a related love 529 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:46,280 Speaker 1: of the week, which is my as you say, athleta athleta. 530 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,160 Speaker 1: I don't know how you say. I think I always 531 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:52,119 Speaker 1: said Aleta. But they have these running pants they called 532 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:55,240 Speaker 1: the Dobby B. Free Nickers. Again, when I say this 533 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 1: is not sponsored at all, I'm just saying that I 534 00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 1: like these. That's why we don't know how to pronounce. 535 00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:02,159 Speaker 1: We don't know how this was sponsored. They would have 536 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:07,200 Speaker 1: told me, right, So anyway, absolutely, the thing with running outside, 537 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,800 Speaker 1: and especially if you go for any distance kind of running, 538 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 1: is you need pockets. And I feel like a lot 539 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 1: of women's workout gear is all about looking cute. And 540 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,520 Speaker 1: the honest truth is, I don't care if I look 541 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,639 Speaker 1: like a pack mule when I am out on a 542 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 1: trail or if I'm like running ten miles on the 543 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 1: road somewhere, I don't care what I look like. I 544 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,120 Speaker 1: want my pockets, so I have my phone in one, 545 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,560 Speaker 1: I have, you know, my car keys. If I run 546 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 1: somewhere to run, I have my driver's license, and the 547 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,200 Speaker 1: other if I need like choose or gels because I'm 548 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,280 Speaker 1: going ten miles or something, you know, I need my pockets. 549 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,639 Speaker 1: These are the only running pants I've found that have 550 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,679 Speaker 1: two huge side pockets. They have a zipper pocket in 551 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,160 Speaker 1: the back so you can put your key or your 552 00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,840 Speaker 1: license in that one and it won't fall out, and 553 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,399 Speaker 1: it's awesome and yeah, okay, I don't look like the 554 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,439 Speaker 1: sleekest thing ever with a phone or like gels, on 555 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,640 Speaker 1: hanging out of my hips. But I know not all 556 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,200 Speaker 1: of us are are very excited about looking cute while 557 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,240 Speaker 1: working out, like some of us actually just want to 558 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,640 Speaker 1: get the workout in. So I appreciate these pants. Those 559 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 1: are the Dobby B free Nickers. If anyone wants to 560 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:16,160 Speaker 1: wants to look those up, I feel like I would 561 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,199 Speaker 1: probably love them, except that it's probably too hot to 562 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:23,199 Speaker 1: wear them here. That could totally be true. My body 563 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: is such that I don't know. The loose running shorts 564 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:30,000 Speaker 1: have never quite worked for me in terms of I 565 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 1: kind of need the compression away bit. Yeah, no, it's 566 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:40,440 Speaker 1: good stuff. Our last segment is our listener slash reader questions. 567 00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:44,840 Speaker 1: We're recording these first episodes now, so we'd love to 568 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,680 Speaker 1: hear from people who've listened to us. If you want 569 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,400 Speaker 1: to reach out to us through social media or our blogs, 570 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,520 Speaker 1: you can email me. I'm el Vanderkamm at yahoo dot com, 571 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:56,200 Speaker 1: but send us any questions. The first questions we have, though, 572 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,280 Speaker 1: come from Sarah's blog The shoebox dot com with her 573 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,639 Speaker 1: readers have one, so we have one this week. What 574 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,639 Speaker 1: is it screen time? Yeah, we're gonna this could be 575 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,439 Speaker 1: its own episode, as were many of the questions that 576 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,520 Speaker 1: were sent in. They were awesome questions, very thought provoking. 577 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,239 Speaker 1: But we got a comment that said, I would love 578 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,359 Speaker 1: to hear your thoughts on screen time and smartphone usage. 579 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,160 Speaker 1: My baby is only ten months old, and they refer 580 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:22,479 Speaker 1: to an article that terrified them that recently came out 581 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,720 Speaker 1: in The Atlantic, talking all about how screen time has 582 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:30,359 Speaker 1: affected our youngest generation, leading to increased risks of mental illness, 583 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,399 Speaker 1: or at least that's what the association that the article 584 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,760 Speaker 1: was making. So I'll start because I did read the 585 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 1: article after this reader pointed it out, and I was 586 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:42,080 Speaker 1: a little alarmed by the article as well, just because 587 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:47,120 Speaker 1: I do think that, you know, over reliance and over addiction, 588 00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,600 Speaker 1: I guess to these devices can be very problematic in children, 589 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,520 Speaker 1: and I feel like I've started to see the effects 590 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,080 Speaker 1: and some families and kids that I see at work. 591 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:58,720 Speaker 1: But I also don't think screens are the end all, 592 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: be all evil, and our personal philosophy is really just moderation. 593 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,120 Speaker 1: So when our kids were really little, we really didn't 594 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,840 Speaker 1: do too much. But I will say certainly my second 595 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,880 Speaker 1: one had TV at a pretty young age, just because 596 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,479 Speaker 1: I had the two under two, and sometimes I just 597 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,000 Speaker 1: needed to turn on a screen to help me with 598 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,120 Speaker 1: my toddler for a little bit. And I really don't 599 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,160 Speaker 1: think that's bad parenting or the end of the world. Again, 600 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:26,280 Speaker 1: not four hours of god knows what, but like half 601 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,480 Speaker 1: an hour or an hour or a movie, an age 602 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 1: appropriate programming. I don't see anything wrong with that, and 603 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,320 Speaker 1: I think that can help everybody. And I will say, 604 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,480 Speaker 1: we're in an era where it's so much easier to 605 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:43,200 Speaker 1: get commercial streaming content, so our kids are not inundated 606 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 1: with breakfast cereal commercials and the like if we don't 607 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,920 Speaker 1: want them to. Right now, my kids are obsessed with 608 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,840 Speaker 1: the show Wildcrats, which is a PBS show where they 609 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,960 Speaker 1: talk about wildlife and animals, and it really doesn't make 610 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 1: me feel even guilty to let them watch it, so 611 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:01,080 Speaker 1: it's great. So I guess my thoughts moderation. I think 612 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 1: in the younger ones, you do have to be a 613 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:07,600 Speaker 1: little bit careful. And I personally and my husband is 614 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,360 Speaker 1: with me on this, we tend to kind of avoid 615 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:14,000 Speaker 1: the devices because both of us find things like phones 616 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: and iPads to be much more sort of addicting and 617 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,560 Speaker 1: sucking in, and our kids are little and just don't 618 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 1: need it, so the only time they've really ever used 619 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,440 Speaker 1: those things, or on plane rides or very long car trips, 620 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:26,960 Speaker 1: because at that point anything goes Yeah, how about you. 621 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 1: I'm in the moderation camp too. I feel like some 622 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: of this it just goes in waves. And when you're 623 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,440 Speaker 1: on vacation. We're recording this during summer break, there's gonna 624 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:39,480 Speaker 1: be more screen time probably than when you're in school 625 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:42,200 Speaker 1: and you have school all day and then activities, and 626 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 1: then by the time the kids get home and do 627 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,120 Speaker 1: their Hammork there early isn't even that much time for 628 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:51,680 Speaker 1: being on screens. We definitely use it with the early 629 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 1: rising little one because it allows the adult who is 630 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,200 Speaker 1: with the two year old to lie down on the 631 00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:00,880 Speaker 1: couch and attempt to sleep while you have a super 632 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,640 Speaker 1: early I have a super early two year old, and 633 00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:05,719 Speaker 1: so you know, honestly, if I am up at five 634 00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 1: point thirty on the weekend, he can watch hours of 635 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,680 Speaker 1: cartoons for all the care. I am not going to 636 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:15,400 Speaker 1: apologize for that at all. It is what makes life 637 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:20,400 Speaker 1: kind of doable. So I feel like, you know, there's 638 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 1: probably gonna be studies coming out on whatever. You can 639 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,240 Speaker 1: come up with a study on anything you want. I mean, 640 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,000 Speaker 1: this is the reality of research and lots of people 641 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 1: doing stuff. As you find one sort of statistically significant 642 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,640 Speaker 1: outcome and then make a big headline about it, whereas 643 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,200 Speaker 1: there may be ten other hypotheses you were testing that 644 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:37,960 Speaker 1: didn't work out, and then you don't ever say, like 645 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 1: nine out of the ten things I was checking didn't 646 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 1: actually work out. That's not a headline that you ever see. 647 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 1: And yeah, that's such an issue in science. I am 648 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:52,280 Speaker 1: general and so I know that, you know, there are 649 00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 1: studies looking at for instance, when TV was introduced through 650 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,400 Speaker 1: the country at sort of different points, Different areas got 651 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:03,040 Speaker 1: accessed to more television at different points. The kids who 652 00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 1: were in the areas that got TV first were not 653 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 1: behind the others in school. They were not worse behaved. 654 00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:12,040 Speaker 1: If anything. What they found is that English language learning 655 00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,640 Speaker 1: children did better in school. That's because they were watching 656 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,440 Speaker 1: TV at home and so they you know, weren't getting 657 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 1: English from their parents. But by the time they got 658 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,960 Speaker 1: to school, they had you know, seen American TV and 659 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:25,920 Speaker 1: so they had learned English. So I think it's all 660 00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:29,640 Speaker 1: things in moderation. But screen time is not as evil 661 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:32,320 Speaker 1: as lots of parenting literature would make it out. To be. 662 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:37,040 Speaker 1: I think you're right, all right, We'll go with that. Well. 663 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to this episode. We're recording a 664 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 1: few to gather at the beginning, but we aim to 665 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:47,000 Speaker 1: be weekly by the time we're up and running with 666 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:50,800 Speaker 1: this podcast. Please feel free to send us your questions 667 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 1: and we look forward to connecting next time. Thanks for listening. 668 00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,000 Speaker 1: You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com 669 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:04,320 Speaker 1: or at the Underscore shoe Box on Instagram, and you 670 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:08,560 Speaker 1: can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This 671 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:11,920 Speaker 1: has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join 672 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,720 Speaker 1: us next time for more on making work and life 673 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 1: work together.