1 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: So I cried on the internet, and there's a conversation. 2 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:20,319 Speaker 1: I've talked about it a while ago. I talked about 3 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,640 Speaker 1: it with michaela On here. So I think people call 4 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:28,880 Speaker 1: the relationship between people and their followers a paris social relationship, 5 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: but I guess it's this different type of social relationship 6 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,360 Speaker 1: where you don't really know the people. And so when 7 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 1: I first came on TikTok a long time ago, more 8 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: than even Instagram, I would see people really emoting and 9 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 1: crying about their skin, about their life, about their weight, 10 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:49,520 Speaker 1: about their loneliness, about their depression or anxiety. And I 11 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: felt that sometimes that seemed dangerous. I thought that it 12 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 1: seemed like, if you're doing it too much, you're kind 13 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: of using these followers as your therapists, and some this 14 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: boomerang can smack you, like a therapist is not only 15 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:12,880 Speaker 1: professionally trained, but they're there to support and listen. Sometimes 16 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 1: people can really sting you on social media. So you 17 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,640 Speaker 1: could be crying about something and one day they have 18 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,479 Speaker 1: compassion for you and they're telling you everything you want 19 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,399 Speaker 1: to hear, and we're here for you. And then you 20 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,880 Speaker 1: do something wrong and unlike your therapist or your parents 21 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,200 Speaker 1: or your family, they're going to like come back and 22 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,120 Speaker 1: cancel you. So that's why it's a unique relationship and 23 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: why I don't really advocate for people like all the 24 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: time going on social media to treat your followers like 25 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 1: your therapists or like your best friends or like your family, 26 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: because the pendulum can swing and in a way that 27 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 1: unconditional love family members wouldn't. And of course unconditional love 28 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 1: family members can can, you know, cut you off, and 29 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 1: there can be extreme circumstances. But by in law, you 30 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 1: can make mistakes and tell people that you know that 31 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 1: you messed up, and they will be a nice cushion 32 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 1: for you. This is an environment where it could be 33 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: oh my god, we support you, we love you. And 34 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 1: also sometimes people like when someone's not happy and like 35 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: they want you to be down, and then once you 36 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,359 Speaker 1: get happy, they're not. I mean, there's a lot of 37 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 1: stuff that goes on because these are not professional So 38 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 1: I don't really emote that much. I'll communicate and express, 39 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,680 Speaker 1: but I don't really emote, and I haven't really cried 40 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 1: on the internet, and I have sometimes cringe when I've 41 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: seen people do it, and I've done it on reality TV, 42 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,239 Speaker 1: and it's a cousin of this too, because it's a 43 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: similar situation, and then there's an edited situation which is 44 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: more scary. But after experiencing the loss of my mother 45 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:53,720 Speaker 1: and some traumatic events, I chose to post something that 46 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,880 Speaker 1: I thought was fascinating because before my mother passed away, 47 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:02,919 Speaker 1: I was really I just had sort of an emotional breakdown. 48 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:08,080 Speaker 1: I just was I just was not doing that great. 49 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 1: Like I just wasn't feeling right, I was feeling unsettled, 50 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: I was feeling not balanced. And I recorded this short 51 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:20,160 Speaker 1: video during a period of that, saying like I don't 52 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: want I'm not I'm not doing that great, and like 53 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 1: I basically need to stop. I need to stop this 54 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:31,560 Speaker 1: meaning social media. I need to stop working the way 55 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: that I've worked. And I just I just it was 56 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 1: not long. It was just very brief. It was just 57 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,360 Speaker 1: like a break and I said, I probably won't have 58 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,480 Speaker 1: the courage to post this and it's a little embarrassing. 59 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: And then I was looking through my drafts today because 60 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 1: I haven't been posting at all really on social media, 61 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 1: very very minimal since my mother passed, and said, since 62 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: I've been going through it and experiencing and not wanting 63 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: to distract and divert because social media, when people say 64 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 1: doom scrolling, you're diverting, You're just it's eating junk food, 65 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: you're just watching crap to like just yourself. And I 66 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,920 Speaker 1: really have chosen, as I've talked to you about grief, 67 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 1: the method of going through this stuff, so not like 68 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 1: just taking the easy way out and not really medicating, 69 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 1: not distracting, not going out, not you know, doing other 70 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,840 Speaker 1: things to distract. And so I was looked today and 71 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,600 Speaker 1: saw that video and I posted it saying how crazy 72 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,599 Speaker 1: that this is right before my mother passed away. And 73 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 1: it was interesting because I really do believe in energy 74 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 1: and signs and things like it's almost like your body, 75 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 1: you know your body, or the temperature outside, or like 76 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:36,599 Speaker 1: there's her there's actually earthquake weather, like people in La 77 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 1: I remember there used to be earthquake weather, Like it's 78 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: so nice right before crazy earthquake. Or you can feel 79 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 1: like the swell before hurricane or before like the ocean 80 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: you could tell when a storm is coming. I feel 81 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,359 Speaker 1: like we feel that emotionally. And it was weird that 82 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: I was just crying and I was like having an undefined, 83 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,359 Speaker 1: unspecified emotional experience. And then my mother passed away, and 84 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 1: so I posted it today because I wanted to not 85 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: only post when things are perfect. This should not be 86 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 1: a habit of me just crying into the internet. But 87 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 1: by the same token, I think that we should not 88 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 1: always make it like things are perfect. Now. Forget the 89 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:28,559 Speaker 1: fact that people are showing filters and their perfect lives 90 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 1: and their perfect vacations and their expensive bags despite maybe 91 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaker 1: them being broke. They're bragging only about the good in 92 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,560 Speaker 1: a relationship. Despite the fact that social media is now 93 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:40,960 Speaker 1: a commercial marketplace. It is a television show is everything 94 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,240 Speaker 1: is for sale, and people are selling things even when 95 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 1: you don't know they're selling things. People are finaggling and 96 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,360 Speaker 1: shady about the way they're doing it, and they're not 97 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,919 Speaker 1: saying that they're a partner, they're not saying that they're paid. 98 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 1: But it goes so much deeper and so much more 99 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,359 Speaker 1: layer than that. So now you're on social media and 100 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 1: treating it as like your friend and like your therapist 101 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 1: and all this. So I think there has to be 102 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,640 Speaker 1: a balance between being authentic there and also just not 103 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,920 Speaker 1: overusing it. It shouldn't be a place to live, and a 104 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 1: lot of people that are these influencers they're gonna be 105 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: like child Stars, where it's gonna run out one day. 106 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: This is not going to go on forever, and there 107 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: are gonna be some emotional ramifications. It's just sometimes too 108 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 1: raw and too real to be expressing and emoting all 109 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,320 Speaker 1: day all the time. So I think I'm developing a 110 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 1: better relationship with it. Also, I just don't want to 111 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,200 Speaker 1: do it that often, and I want to live in 112 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 1: what I'm actually feeling and not It's a great distraction, 113 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:37,479 Speaker 1: and the pandemic again made us insular, made us in 114 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 1: our pajamas, gave us license to stay home and to 115 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,800 Speaker 1: connect with people that are, in many cases strangers. You 116 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:47,040 Speaker 1: get a familiarity with certain people, but they're not you know, 117 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 1: they're not your best friends. And people expect something from you. 118 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: Once you become an influencer or a famous person. People 119 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 1: expect you're going to tell us about your money, your 120 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 1: sex life, your relationship. You didn't tell us this, what's 121 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,679 Speaker 1: going on with that? Like as if they're owed something, 122 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,479 Speaker 1: And it's like you want to say to the people 123 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 1: that are they're like, okay with you. Tell me how much? 124 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 1: How many times a week you fuck your husband? What's 125 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 1: in your bank account? How much do you make a year? 126 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: You know, people are very very intrusive in a way 127 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: that your own therapist will be a little more patient, thoughtful, 128 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: all of that. So I think that's an interesting conversation. 129 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: Where's the line, where's the balance? How much to share? 130 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: How much not to share? Should you cry? Should you 131 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: not cry? Should you be filtering, should you be faking? 132 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 1: Should you be showing only the good and not the bad? 133 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 1: You know what? Should you be on there only to sell? 134 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,800 Speaker 1: And then it becomes, you know, it's just a commercial space. 135 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,440 Speaker 1: So for younger kids, they have to know how to 136 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 1: navigate this. This is why it's been so insane with 137 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,800 Speaker 1: all the shit that they're buying. And these kids are 138 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 1: literally they don't even know what they think. They're buying 139 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 1: peel peel products on their face at eleven years old. 140 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 1: It's why there's that problem. It's aphora. They don't even 141 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,920 Speaker 1: know what they're buying. They're just buying pretty colorful packaging 142 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,560 Speaker 1: and what's being marketed to them. I give my daughter 143 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: a lip oil today from a very major viral brand 144 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: because like, it's not good, but I just knew that 145 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: she would want it because it has this big viral 146 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 1: brand name on it, and it's not a good product. 147 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 1: I don't care if it's from the drug store or 148 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,480 Speaker 1: if it's this viral name product. But the truth is 149 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 1: she cares because they're so influenced more than when we 150 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 1: were kids. More than when we were kids. It was 151 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: around Christmas, you know, the Cabbage Patch dolls and that 152 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: shit would come and everyone will be obsessed, and yes, 153 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 1: I get that, but it wasn't every minute of every day. 154 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 1: This is all these fucking kids want is what someone 155 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 1: else told them to want. It's really insane.