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Speaker 1: My girlfriend says she's depressed, but I just think she's lazy.

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Speaker 2: I'm so supportive of her mental health.

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Speaker 1: I've a whole so supportive, so supportive, Like you just

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Speaker 1: really have a significant other you can count on here.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's like, hey, I'm tired, go to the

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Speaker 1: gym and run for five hours on a treadmill.

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Speaker 3: You know, like, hey, I'm you know, like mentally exhausted.

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Speaker 3: Hey have you tried peering over cliffs?

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Speaker 2: Wow?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know you tried that, you know, get a

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Speaker 3: little perspective and then allow that perspective to get closer quickly.

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Speaker 1: How how great that this person is so brutally honest?

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Speaker 1: You know, we love a brutally honest person podcast.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that that is what you need when you're going

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Speaker 3: through a mental health crisis.

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Speaker 2: Is so honesty? Who can give you brutal honesty? That

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Speaker 2: is also terrible? Yes?

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Speaker 1: All right, So I twenty nine male, have always supported

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: Twenty three female. Sounds like it.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you're really doing your part, buddy. We have been

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Speaker 1: together for four years now and lived together for one.

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Speaker 1: She has always had anxiety as well as depression, where

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Speaker 1: some months are worse than others. I have supported her

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Speaker 1: through all of this and understand that it's very hard

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Speaker 1: for her. In January, she lost her job due to

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Speaker 1: the current world circumstances. By March she hit a low

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Speaker 1: point with not eating as much, crying and irritability, typical

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Speaker 1: traits of depression. I have comforted her as much as possible,

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Speaker 1: as much as possible, as much as possible.

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Speaker 2: What have you done? List it out? Yeah, tell me

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Speaker 2: what you've done.

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Speaker 1: She came to me crying and I was like, Babe,

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Speaker 1: simple solution to stop beings it Just listen to David

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Speaker 1: Gagats and rip some seafod.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Log that's David.

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Speaker 3: Ga Gotta love it.

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Speaker 1: I have comforted her as much as possible and taken

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Speaker 1: care of everything, whatever that means.

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Speaker 2: The glazing, Yeah, the glaze.

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Speaker 1: However, at the beginning of June I was allowed back

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Speaker 1: to work, and since the house has fallen to shambles,

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Speaker 1: I am too tired by the time I come home

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Speaker 1: to do anything, even cook. Most nights we order takeout

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Speaker 1: and on the rare occasion she makes food. God, I

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Speaker 1: just ask her every time, like, Babe, why don't I

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Speaker 1: have a five star meal in front of me when

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Speaker 1: I get home?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Where's my steak and blow job.

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Speaker 1: Babe.

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Speaker 4: All I ask of you is one Michelin star, Like

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Speaker 4: I don't, I'm gonna ask for two.

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Speaker 2: I don't ask for three.

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Speaker 4: Is that too Michelin star and a porn star? Yeah,

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Speaker 4: come on, that's what you both the two stars, babe.

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Speaker 2: It's the bit of five about the other three stars

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Speaker 2: that I did. God, wow, I get some wars.

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Speaker 1: The floors aren't being washed, hovering, vacuuming I'm assuming isn't

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Speaker 1: being done long the mountain, and dishes are everywhere.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god. Wow.

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Speaker 3: Are they her dishes or are they your collective dishes?

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Speaker 3: That's question because if they're her dishes, then it's like okay,

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Speaker 3: yeah yeah. If it's like you're expecting her to do

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Speaker 3: your dishes. Yeah, even if she's at home, like with

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Speaker 3: nothing to do, you know, yeah, dear part.

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Speaker 1: I try to keep on top of it, but with work,

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Speaker 1: it's almost impossible.

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Speaker 2: She is home all day.

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Speaker 1: She lies in bed till late in the afternoon, watches Netflix,

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Speaker 1: eats a bowl of cereal, and naps.

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Speaker 2: That's about it. I mean that she's definitely depressed. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: for sure.

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Speaker 3: That's like all the signs of fashion. If you're watching Netflix.

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Speaker 3: You're depressed.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean fair enough.

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Speaker 1: I've generally tried to coax her to do more and

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Speaker 1: she says that she will but never does. Okay, I've

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Speaker 1: got thoughts on this, but more on that later. I

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Speaker 1: finally snapped and told her I was sick of her

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Speaker 1: doing nothing all day and leaving the housework to me.

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Speaker 1: If she is here and I am working, she needs

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Speaker 1: to be pulling her weight. She got upset and that

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Speaker 1: she wants to do more but she can never find

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Speaker 1: the motivation and that she's tired all the time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, she's depressed.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I said, I understood she was depressed, but it

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Speaker 1: is an excuse to do nothing and be lazy. No

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Speaker 1: one likes housework, but I won't take any more excuses

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Speaker 1: about it.

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Speaker 2: She needs to start doing it or leave. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I feel like OP, like there's a way more empathetic

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Speaker 1: approach that will actually have a way better outcome.

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Speaker 3: I think there's also a disconnect between like, like it's

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Speaker 3: like Op's asking like basically her to stop being depressed. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's like, can you just you just like stop stop

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Speaker 3: being depressed at work? Could you just take your emotions

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Speaker 3: and just and turn it off? Like, could you just

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Speaker 3: do the light switch just go flick. Yeah, it's a

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Speaker 3: little Mormon trick, just turn it off. It's from the

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Speaker 3: book and Mormona don't get the reference. Yeah, but uh,

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Speaker 3: I think like I mean like therapy.

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Speaker 1: Therapy, like like literally just like okay, how about we

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Speaker 1: like working on the depression, which is like, okay, what

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Speaker 1: are things that will help you get out.

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Speaker 2: Of this middle state? Before?

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Speaker 1: But before you're like, hey, could you just just just

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Speaker 1: do more dishes?

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Speaker 2: Just do you know? Like that's that's only going to

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Speaker 2: be frustrated talking.

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Speaker 1: You know, it sounds like she already is frustrated by

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Speaker 1: the fact that she isn't doing as much as she

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Speaker 1: wants to.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's like you telling her what is that

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Speaker 2: going to help? She already knows.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think she needs to talk to someone that

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Speaker 3: can really like figure it out with her exactly. One

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Speaker 3: maybe who is paid to be empathetic.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, unlike yourself. Never pay you to be empathetic. These

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Speaker 2: flies are attacking my feet.

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Speaker 1: I know we need we need to get a spray

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Speaker 1: down by by our producer ext there. He's an expert

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Speaker 1: now and uh in defensive mosquitoes.

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Speaker 2: He has malaria.

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Speaker 1: The next day, I come home to a clean house

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Speaker 1: and a note from her saying that she's sorry and

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Speaker 1: is going to be staying with her mother. Oh, her

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Speaker 1: mom helped her clean before they left. I tried calling,

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Speaker 1: but she won't pick up. When I rang her house,

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Speaker 1: her mother answered and had a lot to say. She

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Speaker 1: was furious, telling me about how she is struggling and

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Speaker 1: that I am making her worse, that I should be

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Speaker 1: supporting her, not ignoring that she is in a bad place,

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Speaker 1: and so on. I told her my girlfriend had been

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Speaker 1: crying all day in her bedroom and I feel awful

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Speaker 1: and I had.

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Speaker 2: To listen to that shit. Oh She's going on.

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Speaker 1: And on and on, just saying how she needs some support,

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Speaker 1: and I'm just like, babe, the only support you need

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Speaker 1: is by doing more dishes.

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Speaker 2: The cookie me more Michelin star meals. You'll feel so

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Speaker 2: much better after that. God, I never wanted to hurt her.

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Speaker 2: I just snapped.

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Speaker 1: I tried to get her mother to get my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: on the phone, but she wouldn't speak to me.

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Speaker 2: It felt like a lose lose situation.

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Speaker 1: On one hand, I know depression results in a lack

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Speaker 1: of motivation and cleanliness.

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Speaker 3: Just I feel like Coop just like web MD depression yes, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and then added his own first web mded and then

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Speaker 3: he went full Wikipedia mode.

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Speaker 1: It's like, and depression doesn't clean my dishes. And on

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Speaker 1: the other hand, I can't stand to see our home

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Speaker 1: in such chaos. I have never had depression, so I

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Speaker 1: can't say for sure how bad.

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Speaker 2: It truly is.

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Speaker 3: That's why it shows that OP literally has no idea

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Speaker 3: what is happening?

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Speaker 2: You don't say, buddy.

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Speaker 1: That's why I find it more difficult to one hundred

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Speaker 1: percent empathize. Am I a hole for telling her depression

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Speaker 1: isn't an excuse?

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Speaker 2: My question to you is like, at what point is

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Speaker 2: depression too much?

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Speaker 4: So?

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Speaker 2: Because it's like it's like.

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Speaker 3: Like OP, obviously it shows that he's never been depressed

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Speaker 3: and has never experienced that and just doesn't understand right,

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Speaker 3: which is like not necessarily his faults, but like you

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Speaker 3: can just see that he's ignorant of yes, what it

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Speaker 3: has to deal with this, and so there are ways

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Speaker 3: I think to help and deal with the depressed person,

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Speaker 3: which he's not doing. But like, like, I think there

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Speaker 3: there is some validity in saying like, I mean, being

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Speaker 3: in a relationship with a depressed person I had a

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Speaker 3: relationship with a depressed person, it's like or a person

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Speaker 3: experienced depression. It's it's definitely, it's hard a million, it's

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Speaker 3: it's a.

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Speaker 2: And like.

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Speaker 3: Saying like saying like you know, just suck it up

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Speaker 3: and uh, not expecting any change. I don't think is

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Speaker 3: fair to the person in the relationship, like you should

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Speaker 3: like you should be both working to make the relationship better. Yes,

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Speaker 3: and did a press party included, so I kind of

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Speaker 3: I do believe there should be changes, but yeah, like

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Speaker 3: like when is it too much?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I think the biggest, most glaring problem is the way

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Speaker 1: he's approaching it will have the exact opposite effect. And

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Speaker 1: I think there's also nothing wrong with sitting down and

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Speaker 1: having a open conversation of like, uh, well, so backing

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Speaker 1: up a little bit first, I think he really needs

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Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, I don't understand, so let me

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Speaker 1: try to figure out like the easiest solution. Even I

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Speaker 1: think this guy can think of as like therapist, Like

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Speaker 1: let's talk to a therapist. Let's get you with someone

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Speaker 1: who actually like is a trained professional in this to

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Speaker 1: get you to get you help with that. And that's first,

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Speaker 1: and that alone should already just improve the situation. Like

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Speaker 1: maybe or maybe she goes to a psychiatrist and maybe

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Speaker 1: it's like, okay, maybe let's try anti presence. Maybe that

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Speaker 1: helps them that you know, there's just just taking that

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Speaker 1: first step alone could actually get the result he wanted

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Speaker 1: without him even having to ask for you know, hey,

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Speaker 1: could you help around the house more like contribute more

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Speaker 1: to the household.

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Speaker 3: So maybe him going to therapy too, because like Hunt's

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Speaker 3: obviously not very well.

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Speaker 2: Equipped to have a relationship. I think it's a great person.

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Speaker 3: Maybe it would help to have like, you know, an

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Speaker 3: explanation from a professional totally of how he can navigate

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Speaker 3: this situation too, because again, like I don't want to

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Speaker 3: be dismissive of his situation either. It is hard to

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Speaker 3: be in a relationship with a depressed person, and for

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Speaker 3: someone who has never experienced depression even harder because it's

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Speaker 3: like what do you even do?

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Speaker 1: And and well, what's also like the expectations of the

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Speaker 1: uh that specific relationship, Like if before all of this happened,

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Speaker 1: if they were like you know, cooking every other night

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Speaker 1: and like like generally like on the same page and

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Speaker 1: doing things, and all of a sudden that stopped and

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Speaker 1: that was like, you know, hard.

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Speaker 2: Hard for oph.

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Speaker 1: Then it's like, yeah, I I totally I agree with

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Speaker 1: you in that, Like, I don't think there's anything wrong

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Speaker 1: with sitting down and being like, hey, I would like

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Speaker 1: to talk about like what can we do to kind

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Speaker 1: of like contribute to the household together.

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Speaker 2: So I'm not pulling all of the weight.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's necessarily fair for OPI to pull

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent of the way, especially if that was a.

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Speaker 2: Setup that they had pride exactly.

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Speaker 1: Especially, but yeah, like literally, if you just lead with first,

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Speaker 1: like hey, let's get you help, maybe Opie gets therapy,

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Speaker 1: all those things that should give some sort of progress

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Speaker 1: and what he's where he's hoping to, and then he

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Speaker 1: could also sit down and make potential further progress by

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Speaker 1: having an open conversation about it like that, but not

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Speaker 1: the way he's approaching him.

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Speaker 3: He's approaching it poorly from a place of like being

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Speaker 3: empathetic to his girlfriend, yes, and from a place of

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Speaker 3: seeing the change that he wishes to see.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I would actually be very curious of I'm sure

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Speaker 1: we have some really cute stories of our our wonderful

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Speaker 1: fans watching. If you had a partner spouse, et cetera

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Speaker 1: that supported you through a really low moment.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, that like, you know, I think actually that

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Speaker 3: brings up a good question. I imagine a lot of

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Speaker 3: people in the audience have had experiences with depression, Like

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Speaker 3: how how do you want help?

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Speaker 2: Yes, Like, what is.

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Speaker 3: The best way to receive help either from a friend

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Speaker 3: or from a significant or from a significant other. What

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Speaker 3: is the best way for you to receive help from

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Speaker 3: a friend or a significant other when you're experiencing depression.

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Speaker 3: I think that's something that not a lot of people

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Speaker 3: necessarily know how to navigate, and I think that could

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Speaker 3: be super helpful.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: I love the beautiful sweet turn that this is not

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Speaker 1: one not one glazed penis joke insight.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but we're about to get story.

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Speaker 2: Let me tell you lots of opportunities. All right, let's

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Speaker 2: get into the next let's do it.

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Speaker 3: I made sure my friend wouldn't be at my party

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Speaker 3: because I knew she'd ruin it.

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Speaker 2: Now she won't speak to me. Am I the a hole.

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Speaker 1: I just hate your guts and I never want to

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Speaker 1: see you. Why are you stopping this friendship? I don't understand.

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Speaker 1: You're terrible and I hate you but why do we have.

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Speaker 2: To end this friendship? Yeah? Yeah, just suck it up, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and still be my friend.

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Speaker 3: Just let me hate you, but as friends, I will

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Speaker 3: hate you, but please still love me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I like that. Let's do that.

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Speaker 3: This is a love hate relationship. I want your undying affection.

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Speaker 2: Appreciate me.

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Speaker 3: I twenty nine female, started a small online book club

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Speaker 3: for book lovers in my city about a year ago.

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Speaker 3: I know it sounds a little nerdy, but it's not

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Speaker 3: like that's so cool jockey, Oh god. We're all just

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Speaker 3: some girls who like to read and share our thoughts,

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Speaker 3: especially on historical fiction.

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Speaker 2: Well.

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Speaker 3: I've been seeing a lot of those book balls on

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Speaker 3: TikTok recently, where people throw huge parties where everyone dresses

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Speaker 3: up extravagantly in ball gowns and those intricate masks and

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Speaker 3: parasols and whatnot, and thought it looked super fun, Only

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Speaker 3: there weren't any being held anywhere near me. So I

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Speaker 3: decided to hold it intimate one with the girls from

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Speaker 3: my book club.

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Speaker 2: I need some intimate O big old balls. Yeah, oh yeah.

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Speaker 3: They're about a dozen of us and we've met at

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Speaker 3: multiple times, so we're all good friends. One of the

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Speaker 3: girls is a close friend of mine. I'll call her Sam.

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Speaker 3: Oh God, twenty nine females same. You have something you

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Speaker 3: want to tell us. I'm transitioning into a book talker.

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Speaker 2: You're getting rid of your book balls.

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Speaker 3: I'm getting rid of my book balls for some book sheets.

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Speaker 2: Ooh.

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Speaker 3: She does not like to dress up at all. She's

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Speaker 3: always in sweats and athletic clothes, never does her makeup

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Speaker 3: or hair, just doesn't really care about her appearance in

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Speaker 3: any formal events. I remember she skipped our prom and

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Speaker 3: wore jeans to her ceremony, which is fine. She's a

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Speaker 3: beautiful girl, but I didn't want that at my ball,

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Speaker 3: so I didn't invite her. Interesting, if you're not going

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Speaker 3: to play by my ball rules, get out. I sent

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Speaker 3: out beautiful invites that I spent a good chunk of

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Speaker 3: money for, rented out a small hall that fit my budget, catered,

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Speaker 3: and only asked my friends to pitch in about twenty

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Speaker 3: dollars each to cover some costs. Everyone bought a beautiful,

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Speaker 3: extravagant gown and accessories, and I got even more excited.

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Speaker 2: Booh.

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Speaker 3: Eventually word made it to Sam and she asked me

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Speaker 3: about the events. She asked if I was really hosting

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Speaker 3: an event for the book club and not inviting her,

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Speaker 3: and after hesitating, I said yes only because I knew

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Speaker 3: she would never wear a ball gown or put effort

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Speaker 3: into looking good. She said she was upset that I

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Speaker 3: wouldn't want her there even if she wore regular clothes,

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Speaker 3: and told her that it's not fair that I put

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Speaker 3: in all this effort for a beautiful event where everyone

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Speaker 3: can be a little extra for one day, and I

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Speaker 3: didn't want her to ruin the aesthetic. She hasn't spoken

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Speaker 3: to me since then, and the ball was two days ago.

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Speaker 3: It was a success, by the way, everyone looked amazing.

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Speaker 3: So am I the asshole for not inviting her because.

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Speaker 1: She would ruin the events ruin I think it would

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Speaker 1: be fine to send her an invite and be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: just so you know, this is a black tie event,

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Speaker 1: like women were cocktail dresses, men where textedos, blah blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah. So it's like, all right, you've set

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Speaker 1: the expectation. If that person is like, oh, well, I

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Speaker 1: don't want.

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Speaker 3: To do this, let her be the asshole. Let her

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Speaker 3: be the asshole. Yes, And it sounds like she's part

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Speaker 3: of your book club. It's like you've noticed that she

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Speaker 3: just doesn't dress up for things, But maybe if you

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Speaker 3: explicitly asked, you would, right.

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Speaker 1: You don't know if she'd be like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: like you know what, I'm so excited, I'm gonna go all.

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Speaker 3: Out, although it does seem like in the story, the

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Speaker 3: friend says she said she was upset that I wouldn't

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Speaker 3: want her there even if she wore her regular clothes.

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Speaker 3: That's like, so it sounds like the friend is like,

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Speaker 3: I can't believe you wouldn't invite me just because I

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Speaker 3: wouldn't wear a ball gown, right, Right, In this case,

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Speaker 3: it sounds like the friend is saying I wouldn't wear

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Speaker 3: the ball gown, but I'm still upset you wouldn't invite

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Speaker 3: me just because I wouldn't wear it. Like, it sounds

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Speaker 3: like Ope was right that the friend wouldn't wear the

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Speaker 3: ball gown. Right, this is a ballgown only event.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I just like, Look, I'm not a ball guy personally,

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Speaker 1: I'm not about balls like that. But if I'm really

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Speaker 1: enjoying everyone in this book club so much to throw

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Speaker 1: this event, I would way more care about their company

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Speaker 1: and not really like it could be fun for everyone

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Speaker 1: to dress up, but like, I don't know if I

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Speaker 1: would be so offended on my I don't want you there,

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Speaker 1: Like it's just not connecting for me.

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Speaker 3: So I think it's an a whole move When Op did

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Speaker 3: not inviting her at all. I think it's also an

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Speaker 3: a hole move for the friend to say to be

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Speaker 3: invited to a themed event and for the friend to say, nah,

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Speaker 3: I just want to wear a mirago, like I'm not

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Speaker 3: going to do that. Yeah, that's an a whole move.

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Speaker 2: Maybe it isn't everyone's a hole.

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Speaker 3: I think everyone's the a hole here. Yeah, but I

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Speaker 3: would I know what everyone else thinks. Yes, one hundred percent.

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Speaker 3: And have you ever done like a theme party? And

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Speaker 3: one friend was just like, no, thank you? And how

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Speaker 3: much do you love book balls?

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Speaker 2: How much do you love those book balls? So let

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Speaker 2: us know in the comments.

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Speaker 3: I actually what I do want to know is what

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Speaker 3: is the best theme party you've ever thrown?

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Speaker 2: Yes, or just been to? Period. I threw a poetry party. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I was there, Yes, it was great. It was so fun.

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Speaker 1: Sophia actually, as many of you now know, had a

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Speaker 1: great poem about Sam. She made some great analogy to

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Speaker 1: Sam and Google calendar. I can't remember what it was,

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Speaker 1: but the whole crowd was laughing. Yeah, that was a

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Speaker 1: fun night.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, we did like a kind of like a

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Speaker 3: beat Nick poetry night where everyone prepared a poem and

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Speaker 3: snap to it. Tell us are your best theme parties?

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Speaker 3: And with that, let's get into the next one.

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Speaker 2: Let's do it.