Speaker 1: Forever. Look man, oh I see you? Why why and
Speaker 1: look over there? How is that nulture? Yes? Goodness, Matt,
Speaker 1: you had a big night last night. Yeah, okay, Um,
Speaker 1: I had history making. I had sex, Yes with Sudi Green.
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. We woke up in the same bed
Speaker 1: and it was a bit that really she forced upon
Speaker 1: the upon the upon it that we had had sex,
Speaker 1: and I was like, look, I'll go with it, and
Speaker 1: if people want to believe that we had sex, I'm
Speaker 1: fine with that because I've delated out a statement. Are
Speaker 1: you tweeted out? I tweeted out a statement that confirmed
Speaker 1: that we had sex. We did not, But um, I
Speaker 1: think it's fun. And STUDI has for nearly a decade
Speaker 1: loved to push this narrative that we've had sex and
Speaker 1: have a sexual relations with and Stud and we have
Speaker 1: fake had sex on stage and my parents and her
Speaker 1: parents both watched. You guys did not fake make out?
Speaker 1: Was that we were talking about, like just stick Study
Speaker 1: is the woman in this world that I have made
Speaker 1: out with the most. And then it really hurt my
Speaker 1: feelings one day when like we were going to do
Speaker 1: a sketch Billy Domino Rota sketch where we played this
Speaker 1: isn't in very college sketch. We played children who woke
Speaker 1: up on Christmas morning and we're so excited that they fucked,
Speaker 1: and that was very much studio and ized. It was
Speaker 1: such a sketchule relationship. I remember that that day and
Speaker 1: we were running at one time. It was like the
Speaker 1: best of show at the end of the year, and
Speaker 1: Sudi expressed frustration that we had to kiss and it
Speaker 1: hurt me. What was her frustration? She didn't want to
Speaker 1: kiss me, And it was weird because she had gasolate
Speaker 1: me into thinking I was a good kisser, and then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden on day she was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I really don't want to kiss you tonight. And I
Speaker 1: was like, well, we don't have to, but I'm like, out,
Speaker 1: chansky something anytime, anytime me, you, Sudi and your mother
Speaker 1: could train her in a room together. You never failed
Speaker 1: to bring up the time when Sudi, like we were
Speaker 1: all together at a bar after a show, because Sudi
Speaker 1: does this thing where she likes to kiss people on
Speaker 1: the mouth, and I want to ask my st if
Speaker 1: she's experienced this this phenomenon, because she's very close with Sudi,
Speaker 1: but he likes to kiss on the mouth. Let me,
Speaker 1: let me finish this story. So then Sudi and I
Speaker 1: kissed in the mouth just as a way to say
Speaker 1: goodbye or to show affection. And then I can't believe
Speaker 1: this happened. And then Katrina, your mother asked me, asked
Speaker 1: you a me, so, how long have Bone and Sudie
Speaker 1: been dating? And I was like, oh my god. It
Speaker 1: made me stick to my stomach. Was it was that?
Speaker 1: Because this is what I have to ask you stop?
Speaker 1: Was that was that born of jealousy? I was jealous,
Speaker 1: jealous of both parties and also like I was just like, Mom,
Speaker 1: do you can't think this? I was like, I just like,
Speaker 1: it's so I don't know the fact that she sexualized
Speaker 1: you both and you now it seems she's sexualizing you.
Speaker 1: She sexualizes everyone. And let's bring our guests in on
Speaker 1: this because we need to get hurt. I want to know,
Speaker 1: I want the tea well our guest is. I'm so
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for this is a really good one
Speaker 1: for me because I don't think our guests knows this,
Speaker 1: but we love I tell study this because I'm very
Speaker 1: gagged that they're so close, and I love our guests
Speaker 1: very deeply. In fact, this our guest was the reason
Speaker 1: I became obsessed with you CB, and I used to
Speaker 1: seek out your performances and go a lot to your show.
Speaker 1: Let's get it. She was my favorite amperviser you see
Speaker 1: me when I when I was first, going first, going Okay.
Speaker 1: She always talked about a scene that she did with
Speaker 1: Middle Ditch where they played the sun in the moon.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, she doesn't remember that scene because she's
Speaker 1: done so many. Her action as you played the moon
Speaker 1: and your action was boo boo, which sounds right. It
Speaker 1: sounds it sounds right when the credits come rolling down,
Speaker 1: they come rolling down. She is a writer at Saturday
Speaker 1: Night Live, supervising writer writing supervising UM the title doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: but it does, and she's written for UM Hot American
Speaker 1: Summer ten years later and Big Mouth, which UM, so
Speaker 1: so funny. Please welcome. Yeah, you are my favorite. I
Speaker 1: am learning this now and it's brassing me. Don't I
Speaker 1: don't be embarrassed, because I truly, I genuinely love. Also,
Speaker 1: Studio always tells me don't ever tell her that, because
Speaker 1: she says, don't be a fan. Yeah, it's funny when
Speaker 1: people are like, oh, my god, I saw all of
Speaker 1: your improv shows or whatever, because I just can't imagine
Speaker 1: how many bad shows that was. Like, it is true,
Speaker 1: I was doing UCB most days of the week for
Speaker 1: the better part of a decade. I can't remember any
Speaker 1: single scene, never a single one. I mean truly cannot
Speaker 1: remember one improv scene. I don't know. Well, I guess
Speaker 1: watching it with you like your own, you don't remember. So.
Speaker 1: But I'm when I say, like I saw it out
Speaker 1: your improv shows, I mean I went to like five
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I really enjoyed five
Speaker 1: good and the memories are only positive. But it is
Speaker 1: just like there are so many thousands of shows that
Speaker 1: it's like the percentage, Just like I would say, what
Speaker 1: do you think the improv percentages good? I mean, when
Speaker 1: you're very talented, for you, it might be. I mean,
Speaker 1: I would say, half the time I walk off stage,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, there goes that night. But then half
Speaker 1: the time I'm like, yeah, let's get a drink, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Then those are the extremes of it.
Speaker 1: It's like you walk off stage and you like, I
Speaker 1: guess my worst shows are ones that are just completely
Speaker 1: fucking off the rails, but not in a fun way.
Speaker 1: There's like off the Rails were like everyone is being
Speaker 1: insane and then you're like out of breath at the
Speaker 1: end of the show and you're like that was crazy.
Speaker 1: And there's off the Rails where it's like the audience
Speaker 1: wasn't even laughing. We were all definitely screaming, definitely improvising,
Speaker 1: but like I peeped like the first row and like
Speaker 1: people were frowning. We did the assignment but wasn't fun,
Speaker 1: which is like, honestly a lot of improv from me.
Speaker 1: I never got improv. I don't know. We've talked about
Speaker 1: this a whole bunch of this podcast. Like I was
Speaker 1: very much on the sketch side of things because improv
Speaker 1: just terrified me. So when people like like we would
Speaker 1: sometimes do a sketch show after an improv show is
Speaker 1: getting out and it'd be like all the really good
Speaker 1: improvisers and they would like talk about the set, and
Speaker 1: I would be like trying to listen in like how
Speaker 1: do they talk about it? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: I just language I never understood, but discussing an improv
Speaker 1: show after an improv show, like there might not be
Speaker 1: anything more disgusting about like, oh I'm sorry, Oh no,
Speaker 1: this is great when you're like first on a herald
Speaker 1: team and um, after the herald you go backstage and
Speaker 1: then just like people are apologizing to each other because
Speaker 1: you just like I don't know each other that well,
Speaker 1: and you're like, you know, there's so much pressure and
Speaker 1: the steaks are so high that you put on yourself
Speaker 1: and then you like go backstage and it's like, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry for that second beat. Were you thinking analogies?
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, oh, were you thinking analogus? Like the
Speaker 1: group game, we were all dogs right, okay, we ye
Speaker 1: and I thought that, but it was like so discussing
Speaker 1: when they were when I think. I think I had
Speaker 1: a Brandon Gardner for two o one and he was
Speaker 1: like explaining what analogous in time jump time lap because
Speaker 1: when he was explaining it, I was like performing so
Speaker 1: hard that I understood. That's what being twenty years old
Speaker 1: in classes that I was like absolutely that. I get
Speaker 1: thinking about how how much you understand and you're not
Speaker 1: hearing any of the information, which is unfortunately when I
Speaker 1: started saying classes when I was nineteen years old, the
Speaker 1: same with me. Actually, I started when I was eighteen.
Speaker 1: I went to ny U just like you guys, and
Speaker 1: I when I got to ny U, who cares about
Speaker 1: this back story? But I'll just know a lot of
Speaker 1: people care, Okay. So I went to n y U.
Speaker 1: And I grew up in Chicago, and I went to
Speaker 1: n y U. And when I went to audition and
Speaker 1: why it was the first time I had ever been
Speaker 1: on a plane. I knew absolutely no one on the
Speaker 1: East Coast. I'm midwell, Midwest born and raised, like all
Speaker 1: my family lives in the Midwest. We'd only got on
Speaker 1: like car vacations, not only they're incredible, but um and
Speaker 1: I love a car vacation. Do you have like a
Speaker 1: nice good van for it? No, we had. We had
Speaker 1: a Volvo station Wagon and I sat in the way
Speaker 1: way back because all my other siblings said they got
Speaker 1: car sick, which I found out later they didn't one
Speaker 1: of those Oh it's like, oh yeah, I can't sit
Speaker 1: the middle cartick car sick like I can't. And my
Speaker 1: sister said I kicked in my sleep, so I would
Speaker 1: sleep on the floor and she would get like a
Speaker 1: queen size bed. When we went on vacations. It was brutal,
Speaker 1: but we had a Volvo station Wagon and I sat
Speaker 1: in the way way back, sometimes with my little brother,
Speaker 1: sometimes just with a cooler of food, and the only
Speaker 1: time people would interact with me would be like, excuse me,
Speaker 1: turkey sandwich, and that would just be like And these
Speaker 1: were these were short drives, fourteen hours stops. Oh. Yes.
Speaker 1: We went from Chicago to up state well you would
Speaker 1: call it northern Minnesota. It's like almost Canada. And we
Speaker 1: went every summer upstate Minnesota. It's like uh. And we
Speaker 1: went every single year for twenty years and it was great.
Speaker 1: But I had never been on a plane. And then
Speaker 1: so when I went to ny U, obviously knew nobody,
Speaker 1: knew nothing, had nothing, which just like completely lost. Sobbing
Speaker 1: to my mom and she's like, just join a club,
Speaker 1: Just go and join a club, just like have you know.
Speaker 1: She was over it too. Well, she was like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna pay for you to do like one of those
Speaker 1: orientation activities. It was the Sex and the City bus tour. Um.
Speaker 1: I did sit with a nursing student who was like
Speaker 1: in her forties. I was like, okay, no friends there. Um.
Speaker 1: But so then the same day I auditioned for an
Speaker 1: Acapella group and Harmonic. Actually I think it was was
Speaker 1: that the Tische one there was like, oh well maybe
Speaker 1: that was like well they were like the third thing
Speaker 1: was like they were fierce. Oh my god, I think
Speaker 1: it was. I've never thought of that name, probably since
Speaker 1: I audition. But then I also auditioned for Hammercats and
Speaker 1: Hammercats was in its second semester because it started mid year,
Speaker 1: the year before I got to n y U, and
Speaker 1: so it was like the second semester of hammer Cats.
Speaker 1: And then amost like Donald and Derek and d C.
Speaker 1: It was we're talking about Donald and Dominic. D C
Speaker 1: was my age, and so he was also auditioning. He
Speaker 1: knew the head of Hammercrats um because they had grown
Speaker 1: up in Arizona together. It was his name was a j.
Speaker 1: And I think he writes, um, uh no, um, what's
Speaker 1: it like? What's like a gamer? Video games? What's like
Speaker 1: a gamer? And she made a little drummer boy sorry,
Speaker 1: was like a gamer? Yes? Um? And who else was
Speaker 1: in it? Oh, Dan, Gregor, Doug Man, Perez, Greg Broke.
Speaker 1: So then I joined hammer Cats and then forever more
Speaker 1: we hung out, I would say six days a week,
Speaker 1: and that was just my social life. But then they
Speaker 1: all took QUCB classes. I had never heard of UCB,
Speaker 1: but they were like, you gotta take UCB class. So
Speaker 1: I started when I was like eighteen nineteen, which is
Speaker 1: so so embarrassing. No no, no, no no, it's embarrassing
Speaker 1: to think of who I was. You're never the best
Speaker 1: version of yourself back. Oh my god, bad behavior every
Speaker 1: single day in my life. But also like hat was
Speaker 1: so stupid and knew nothing and so like I couldn't
Speaker 1: vised about anything because I didn't know anything. Also like
Speaker 1: wasn't street smart or book smart. So it was just
Speaker 1: like but all my so all my scenes were like
Speaker 1: about having like a mom and siblings, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? What were My major ended up being English
Speaker 1: and Spanish. Originally it was musical theater and I transferred
Speaker 1: immediately because my first semester of college my classes were
Speaker 1: like voice lessons and Alexander technique and of course writing
Speaker 1: the essay. And I also didn't have friends in those
Speaker 1: classes because it was like musical theater people, which I love,
Speaker 1: But I would say, you're I was not making friends.
Speaker 1: I won't blame them. It was me. It was like
Speaker 1: I didn't have friends and the classes were insane, and
Speaker 1: I knew how much the school was costing, and so
Speaker 1: I was like, this is not happening. So I transferred
Speaker 1: immediately and was an English and Spanish major. But I
Speaker 1: did the opposite of you. I wasn't serious and transferred
Speaker 1: into dramatic writing. It tis let's makes no. I wasn't worthless.
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm happy I did it because you
Speaker 1: met people matter now, Like I know, I think about
Speaker 1: college and I'm like I had during college. I had
Speaker 1: two ny U friends and then just truly every single
Speaker 1: day doing like UCB stuff. That's where you met the people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's I mean, it's where like I was just there
Speaker 1: so so much that when I think about college, I
Speaker 1: just think about, like you know, hammercuts and you see,
Speaker 1: but I didn't. I don't think I got my Willie's out,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like I think I think
Speaker 1: I had problems later into my twenties because I was like,
Speaker 1: but I didn't really have a college experience, Like I
Speaker 1: was a person like at Torco, like talking to the
Speaker 1: improv group and being like and where is um? The
Speaker 1: party afterwards were wet and drink beer, Like I was
Speaker 1: a person that like at the Tchurko was just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: someone I connected with in this school, and where's the party?
Speaker 1: Someone be partners? Just like who just like didn't get
Speaker 1: my willies out and so like into my like late
Speaker 1: twenties was definitely like bringing like beer bongs to UCB
Speaker 1: parties and being like, who wants to play flip cops?
Speaker 1: And your ratio stands is like you know, no, like
Speaker 1: not doing like truly a child, so you didn't like
Speaker 1: get your partying um hat on in high school. You know,
Speaker 1: in high school we did party, but it was like
Speaker 1: we I wasn't cool in high school. Um but definitely
Speaker 1: I have the exact same personality now that I had
Speaker 1: in high school, and people don't like that, especially if
Speaker 1: you're just kind like always loud and mean. But also
Speaker 1: sixteen people are like friends with you because you're kind
Speaker 1: of scary. Yeah, we have to. We don't want to
Speaker 1: be on the other side of it. Because I desperately
Speaker 1: wanted to be cool. I wasn't cool. I knew I
Speaker 1: was never gonna be. It was just like whatever's happening
Speaker 1: is happening. Boys like definitely didn't like me romantically, but like,
Speaker 1: you know, I was just I don't know, but we
Speaker 1: would get we would um shoulder tap. Do you know
Speaker 1: what that is? Okay? Shoulder tapping is where you park
Speaker 1: in a parking lot of a liquor store and someone
Speaker 1: goes and taps uh stranger on the shoulder. You give
Speaker 1: them twenty bucks and say, if you get us a
Speaker 1: brick of Milwaukee's best, you can just keep the change.
Speaker 1: And I grew up basically on the Northwestern campus and
Speaker 1: so constantly called constantly, like you know, a twenty year
Speaker 1: old with a vag idea himself was like okay, fine,
Speaker 1: And so we would shoulder tap and get like a
Speaker 1: big brick of beer and then like go drink it
Speaker 1: in like someone's basement. I mean, never with boys, just
Speaker 1: like you know, just like me and my girlfriends, just
Speaker 1: like oh, we would drink a friend of mine had
Speaker 1: a pool, new a pool, and we would drink from yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, of course, wow, of course. We used to
Speaker 1: get a little plastic We would get one handle of
Speaker 1: Bacardi Ras, the first alcoholic drink, Bacardi raz. And now
Speaker 1: it's like when I say the words, we'd mix it
Speaker 1: with orange juice and just like have our little plastic
Speaker 1: cups and being my one friend who had like a
Speaker 1: cool mom's backyard and like be sipping like this like
Speaker 1: weird drink Bacardi ras and orange juice, which is that
Speaker 1: a thing that's too many flavors? Favors right time? Ifacardi
Speaker 1: raz is already a flavored thing, it's like, so is
Speaker 1: it carbonated or no? I don't think it is, but
Speaker 1: like and then we just put it together because you
Speaker 1: knew you needed a mixer, right, it's an alcoholic drink.
Speaker 1: You need a mixer, so you get that in that
Speaker 1: and like put it together and I don't know what
Speaker 1: I don't Baccardi raz was like a thing like you
Speaker 1: decide you want something. It was Bacardi raz and ninety
Speaker 1: nine apples proof like apple vodka. Right. And I had
Speaker 1: one friend, Kenny who I just referenced it like in
Speaker 1: the last episode, who would fill a water bottle up
Speaker 1: with ninety nine apples and then he loved to show
Speaker 1: off how he could chug it. He's gonna loves and
Speaker 1: literally we would be insanely fucked up and I would
Speaker 1: just like, honestly, I'd almost like it was like defining
Speaker 1: how did not drink? Like in the very first few
Speaker 1: weeks of discovering alcohol. So I guess like we got
Speaker 1: like our vicious alcohol problems out of the way very
Speaker 1: early and like really wrecked ourselves, like right there, because
Speaker 1: there's Long Island and that's just what you did. And
Speaker 1: do you guys have drinks that you can't have anymore?
Speaker 1: Because it was like when you're wheat beer because okay,
Speaker 1: at my college graduation, I went back to the island.
Speaker 1: My parents did me like a graduation party and they
Speaker 1: had um blue Moon on tap and it was like
Speaker 1: an open bar the situation they had had. So I
Speaker 1: was drinking a lot of blue Moon because I thought,
Speaker 1: for some reason it felt like it was light to me.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I didn't really know it. Whatever, we
Speaker 1: bear a sneaky though, okay, we can. And it's also
Speaker 1: like kind of tasty tastes like orange ish. It's like
Speaker 1: dessert is in a way, it comes with an orange.
Speaker 1: You can't really have more than a couple, right, but
Speaker 1: I had more than a couple. And then my uncle,
Speaker 1: my one uncle, was like buying us tequila shots. And
Speaker 1: so let me tell you, and wheat beer doesn't it
Speaker 1: tastes good going down. It does not taste good going up.
Speaker 1: Couldn't smell it for like eight years. I mean when
Speaker 1: I was young, because we didn't have money, we would
Speaker 1: get the cheapest vodka you could ever poss I mean
Speaker 1: I think I think it was like label lists, Like
Speaker 1: it was like it was so cheap that it was
Speaker 1: just like a bottle and it was like you needed
Speaker 1: to like check with the cashier what it was like.
Speaker 1: But I can't have any I can't have anybody can
Speaker 1: because it's like the easiest thing to get wrong if
Speaker 1: you buy it cheaply and if it's like an eight
Speaker 1: dollar handle of vodka and you're like, there's no way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what's your um, Like Mike's hard, but that's everybody's right. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I vividly remember a night when all my all my
Speaker 1: drama cu plans forced me to stay at this person's
Speaker 1: house when my parents were freaking out, being like come
Speaker 1: home now, it's ten pm, come home on it's a Friday.
Speaker 1: But then this was the Heroes had just come out
Speaker 1: a NBC. People were transport of people were freaking the
Speaker 1: funk out about this new show here, and so everyone's like,
Speaker 1: but when no, we're marathoning Heroes, were we have Mike's
Speaker 1: hard lemonade, you're staying, you're drinking at least three, and
Speaker 1: then you're gonna call it, and then and then John's
Speaker 1: going to give you a ride home. And then it
Speaker 1: was like the worst day of my entire the worst
Speaker 1: night of my whole life, being forced to watch Heroes
Speaker 1: while drinking Mike's Hard. Did you get like black? I
Speaker 1: didn't get blacked. I just like I got like I
Speaker 1: got like Asian blush, like red, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if this doesn't feel, but Mike's Hard
Speaker 1: doesn't have a ton of alcoholic in it, but it
Speaker 1: has so much sugargar that you're just like it's like
Speaker 1: a pounding like fruit punch. And then like, could you
Speaker 1: imagine drinking like a gallon of fruit punch? No? No,
Speaker 1: And then just like yeah, but it has that been
Speaker 1: a little thimble of vodka or something. Honestly, like the
Speaker 1: when the boys would drink like beer and the girls
Speaker 1: would drink like these like synthetic drinks, like like a
Speaker 1: smear knoff ice, and like they would get they were drinking,
Speaker 1: they were getting more fucked up because like that's a
Speaker 1: drink and you get sucked up. Also, is like basically
Speaker 1: makes hard lemonade. It's like or the mixis like, you know,
Speaker 1: like because they were sweet, they were like for girls
Speaker 1: anybody else uncomfortable with the color of smearnoff ice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't look like come yes, it's it's like watery.
Speaker 1: It's like it looks like it's so fucking insane to
Speaker 1: be like chugging. It looks like it looks like if
Speaker 1: you you know, when people like dip, they like it's
Speaker 1: like if you were doing it with like gum, Like
Speaker 1: it's disgusting. Did people do like do people dip around
Speaker 1: you in high school? Like I knew some guy I
Speaker 1: stayed far away from those dippers. Dip is a big
Speaker 1: baseball thing, and dip is well. The funny thing about
Speaker 1: dip is it's like it's something that you can get
Speaker 1: a buzz on even you know, like if I was
Speaker 1: sitting here, I could have dip in my mouth and
Speaker 1: you wouldn't know, or you would because my my lip
Speaker 1: would be bulgy. But it's not like it's like, um,
Speaker 1: it's like acceptable in an acceptable way of like even
Speaker 1: when you're working or just like in public of like
Speaker 1: getting a buzz, but it's so disgusting because it dies
Speaker 1: your drums and it's just like the most all be
Speaker 1: is like don't so, yeah, it's never. And then people
Speaker 1: have Gatorade bottles and then just be just like spitting
Speaker 1: into the like mini Gatorad bottle. Brown jees, that's the
Speaker 1: than I've ever heard in my life that it's a
Speaker 1: Gatorade bottle. Now that I'm talking about this, I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: would I feel like kind of a sexy thing for
Speaker 1: me to get into? Also started started dipping, dude, should
Speaker 1: I started getting Gatorad joke like I got I got
Speaker 1: my straight friend, um a gift and I got him
Speaker 1: an empty Gatorade bottle. Um. Okay, wait, friend, let's talk
Speaker 1: about drinking. Reminds me of a time. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you remember this as d C. I'm like three
Speaker 1: or four years ago. I hope I was nice. No,
Speaker 1: you were so nice. It was the three of us
Speaker 1: in Tarvor and I think Brandon Scott Jones were standing outside.
Speaker 1: We were all wasted. Fast was there? You have Fast
Speaker 1: is there? And we were all staying outside a corner
Speaker 1: and then we were talking about how pride was insane
Speaker 1: because pride always falls during dec about this year, but um,
Speaker 1: we were like someone was like everyone gets so naked
Speaker 1: on pride, it's like pull your pants up. And then
Speaker 1: you came darting out like like you heard us one
Speaker 1: of us say this, and then then and then the
Speaker 1: bit the entire night was like what are your fun stuff?
Speaker 1: I do remember that the first time we are interacted,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I actually really am remembering that now,
Speaker 1: and I'm happy that that was the memory because speaking
Speaker 1: of like a storied UCB history or if you're just
Speaker 1: like around long enough, this will happen. Things are coming
Speaker 1: back to me to bite me in my ask now
Speaker 1: where people are like six years ago you said this
Speaker 1: to me and it was not nice. You know, it's
Speaker 1: just it's never not nice, but it's like okay. So
Speaker 1: like someone puts on Instagram. And when I would go
Speaker 1: on tours to I toured so much for years. It
Speaker 1: was like my main way of making money. And whenever
Speaker 1: anybody would ask me, like for advice, like kids on
Speaker 1: these are not kids, but you know these these college
Speaker 1: kids would be like what should I do? I would
Speaker 1: always say like don't go to grad school, don't move
Speaker 1: to the MILLI in the middle of nowhere, like Jas
Speaker 1: moved to New York l A. And I do stand
Speaker 1: by that, but like multiple times now I've been like
Speaker 1: tagged in Instagram posts and it's like a br and
Speaker 1: Gillespie told me when I was, you know, twenty, like
Speaker 1: why would I do anything except moved to New York
Speaker 1: arl A. And it's never negative. But I'm like, damn,
Speaker 1: why do people remember that? Don't play me because it's
Speaker 1: hard to make it and it's not bad advice. But
Speaker 1: I'm like, but I mean it's not bad. That's the
Speaker 1: thing that keeps coming back to me because people are
Speaker 1: tagging me in a lot of posts like that. But
Speaker 1: I am haunted now by like, oh yeah, after a
Speaker 1: UCB show in two thousand five, you said to me,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh god, brace yourself. Brace yourself. Because
Speaker 1: also it's like you look back on a younger version
Speaker 1: of yourself giving advice and you're like, we're gonna listen
Speaker 1: back to this and be like to our podcast like
Speaker 1: two years from now, even no, no, no, already, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I know that there's hundreds of hours of us talking
Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, something's coming back, yeah, something. And
Speaker 1: it's also just like it's dorky to like hear advice,
Speaker 1: you get like and who am I to be giving
Speaker 1: any type of advice? But it's also just like, please
Speaker 1: don't quote me back to me because also like if
Speaker 1: it's yeah, you talk to me after a show, I
Speaker 1: was probably in a hurry to leave or get to McManus.
Speaker 1: So like right, exactly, like if you corner me after
Speaker 1: a show in two thousand six and I was like
Speaker 1: short with you, like I'm so sorry, but that's just me.
Speaker 1: Like then I see people who have so much patience
Speaker 1: are so kind of give like everybody the time today,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I just think for me, it would
Speaker 1: come off disingenuous. Sure, I mean there's there's a risk
Speaker 1: of that, Like I yeah, but you I will never
Speaker 1: forget the advice las, And that's good advice. Could let's
Speaker 1: say something about these selects on Pride. You don't look
Speaker 1: like a mess honey pants up? Um no, we love
Speaker 1: we love now when it's centered towards musslesis gendered white
Speaker 1: male body, some shame too. We went to we went
Speaker 1: to the gay bar the other night. Well you didn't
Speaker 1: come income, but I went out and I couldn't believe, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're experience in this in l A.
Speaker 1: Will you now live live sometimes in l A, sometimes
Speaker 1: in that. But because that, I couldn't believe. Like everyone
Speaker 1: here is like so hot. Like I went to the
Speaker 1: gay bar and I was like, forget it. Like if
Speaker 1: I'm like in New York, whatever number like bump me
Speaker 1: down five. Everybody is so good looking in l A.
Speaker 1: And and women too. It's like everybody is like thin, tan, blonde,
Speaker 1: and I mean truly, like everybody even just look, oh,
Speaker 1: this is mean. I was gonna say, this is so mean.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, look at the performer page no no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you're right and everyone knows it. You're right there. It's
Speaker 1: like we got some TV faces in l A and writers.
Speaker 1: But but the thing is, and they are on TV.
Speaker 1: That's true that most of them. But for them, I
Speaker 1: think it's like an active lifestyle. Well I am wait,
Speaker 1: I am a New York person through and fucking through.
Speaker 1: When people do a like nine thirty show or you know,
Speaker 1: like a UCB show ends at like nine thirty or whatever,
Speaker 1: and it's like what's everybody doing? And it's like going home.
Speaker 1: I actually need to wake up early and tomorrow morning
Speaker 1: it's like, okay. Meanwhile, it's like you do like a
Speaker 1: show on a Tuesday at UCB, We're going to the bar. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter what's happening. Right, we did a show.
Speaker 1: But it ages you, It really ages you. I've really suity.
Speaker 1: But when to night are having what we called the
Speaker 1: summer of counts where okay, we're all going to get
Speaker 1: very attractive and snatched. Do you want to join? If
Speaker 1: you text and just tell each other like what we're doing.
Speaker 1: Like the other day, I almost had a size of pizza,
Speaker 1: but I texted them and I didn't. They're like, it's
Speaker 1: like a my sponsor. Oh my god, I eat lots
Speaker 1: of pizza while I was here. Well, the like main
Speaker 1: issue in l A for me is I'm a fourth
Speaker 1: mealer before it was a thing. I got that midnight
Speaker 1: meal baby to sleep right, Yes, that's what of course.
Speaker 1: The amount of times up please, the amount of times
Speaker 1: I have woken up with remnants of sandwich on my
Speaker 1: naked chest. Truly turkey slices all day every day or
Speaker 1: just like salad baby, that's mine, my boy. I used
Speaker 1: I used to do tuna salad before I did tuna
Speaker 1: salad because it was like two dollars a container. Um.
Speaker 1: But then a girlfriend of mine, Sugawa, was like, you're
Speaker 1: going to get mercury poison because I was eating like
Speaker 1: a container, like acually resting it on my chest, eating
Speaker 1: like with my bare hands until I would fall asleep. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like three or five days a week. Oh my god. Pretzels.
Speaker 1: I love pretzels, like for the bag of pretzels, like
Speaker 1: not even like what wait what kind like variant? Okay,
Speaker 1: do you know twist? Not even like the plastic bag
Speaker 1: of pretzels. It's like a hard plastic little like tin
Speaker 1: that you get from like CVS. And the pretzel rings. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're like hard pretzel. I don't know. I'll take a
Speaker 1: picture of it and send it. Okay, Well I'm all
Speaker 1: about the Rods. Yeah, I love the Rods. All about
Speaker 1: the Rods title of epp um let me tell you okay,
Speaker 1: and now and now look at the look at the
Speaker 1: beauty glow up that we're all experiencing. Fan you came in, yes,
Speaker 1: you you you kind of strike stand affected this it's
Speaker 1: not exactly a stri stand effect, but you. But we
Speaker 1: wouldn't have noticed this if you didn't if you mentioned
Speaker 1: that you were at your baseball cap. You're like, here's
Speaker 1: here's where I'm at. She sits down and she goes,
Speaker 1: I said, oh, I have the same hat, but it
Speaker 1: says New York. Like I had a stupid over the line.
Speaker 1: And then she said, she goes, I have to tell
Speaker 1: you why I'm wearing the hat, and you had a
Speaker 1: terror in your eyes. And I literally was like, she's
Speaker 1: gonna take the hat off and she's going to be ball.
Speaker 1: Would you be weirded out if I took the hat
Speaker 1: off and my hair here was connected to the hat?
Speaker 1: And you guys, so I take the hat off, but
Speaker 1: thing here was part of that, honestly, and you're just
Speaker 1: like what And I'm like, I have to complain. I've
Speaker 1: never had hair. It's always been attached to a hat.
Speaker 1: And you guys are like you're thinking back like full
Speaker 1: guys are so say like you've never seen friend without
Speaker 1: at my god, my hair is connected to the half.
Speaker 1: I was like, the only explanation for what she ever
Speaker 1: she's going to say right now is that she's bald,
Speaker 1: like the terror in eyes. Then the explanation was micro blading. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's true. Hey, so basically in my lift over here,
Speaker 1: I was like, just don't bring it up. Nobody, just
Speaker 1: don't do it, just like who cares, Just like, don't
Speaker 1: bring it up. And then I come in here and
Speaker 1: I'm like, we've got a problem. I'm literally please sit down,
Speaker 1: Please sit down. I literally I'm not going to tell
Speaker 1: you this, but I here it is. I don't want
Speaker 1: to tell you, but I'm please sit down. Micro blading
Speaker 1: what is it? Micro Blading is when you tattoo your
Speaker 1: eyebrows on. Okay, and so talk about why I got
Speaker 1: the procedure. I was gonna say thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Talk about this. We didn't talk about the rationale leading
Speaker 1: into the procedure, right, Okay, Well here, I don't put
Speaker 1: thought into anything. I don't do research beforehand. I got
Speaker 1: an eye u D without doing any research when alone,
Speaker 1: and this is years ago, when alone, didn't know that
Speaker 1: it was like based sickly one fourth as painful as childbirth.
Speaker 1: Went alone because I hadn't done the resul Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I got an UD and they were like, um, you're
Speaker 1: probably gonna be like laid up for a few days.
Speaker 1: I was like, dope, I have a show to night
Speaker 1: that I would do. They gave me like vicating, and
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I'll trust you. But that just
Speaker 1: just like that's just to say I don't research anything,
Speaker 1: I don't put the time into it. I'm just like
Speaker 1: life would find a way, like it will all work out,
Speaker 1: just like go ahead and do it. What's the worst
Speaker 1: thing that, yeah, exactly. Well. Micro blading turns out was
Speaker 1: done by a doctor who had like microscope glasses on
Speaker 1: and I was like, sorry, what's happening here? And first
Speaker 1: of all, this please and I have been for years.
Speaker 1: The rationale was I'm bored, and I was like, what
Speaker 1: can I do that will like distract me and cost money? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like I basically have no eyebrows. And all
Speaker 1: it took was two girlfriends being like, oh, you should
Speaker 1: get microblading, and I was like okay, And then I
Speaker 1: heard it like another time and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's happening, and truly two separate occasions in the last week.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I'll just do microblading. Was like, and
Speaker 1: it's done. It came in. It was fate. So basically
Speaker 1: they thread die into your eyebrows. And what I found
Speaker 1: out after the procedure, your eyebrows completely just like absolutely
Speaker 1: poor blood. Like I'm not able to look into your
Speaker 1: own eyes. I'm not able to see what's happening because
Speaker 1: there's no mirror, but I do see her gloves are
Speaker 1: getting covered in blood, and I'm like, uh huh, yes, sorry,
Speaker 1: what else happened? Also, also I had numb I didn't
Speaker 1: know my eyebrows, which is like what's happening? Like why
Speaker 1: did I do this? But so your eyebrows like look
Speaker 1: super super dark and also scab and also you basically
Speaker 1: look bad for a week. But here's the thing, I
Speaker 1: think you look good good, you know. I I said
Speaker 1: this outside and it's the perfect analogy. It's like I'm
Speaker 1: wearing pajamas but also heels. It's like one thing. Like
Speaker 1: it's like one thing where I'm like trying, but then
Speaker 1: like if you're not trying, Like I remember one time,
Speaker 1: I like saw a picture of um, who's the person
Speaker 1: in Elizabeth Banks? I saw a picture of Elizabeth Banks
Speaker 1: with like almost white blonde hair, and I said, a Suoni,
Speaker 1: should I do white blonde hair? And She's like, no,
Speaker 1: you'll have to wear makeup every day And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're right, I can't because because I'm not doing that
Speaker 1: I'm not wearing makeup every day. I won't do it,
Speaker 1: but now that I have, I mean truly too bloody
Speaker 1: had her pillars that are now living on my spot.
Speaker 1: I was blond, but not like but not like white blonde.
Speaker 1: It was like, yeah, I had, I had. I was
Speaker 1: blonde because all of a sudden, when you said that,
Speaker 1: I pictured you with like white blond hair and I
Speaker 1: was like, no, I feel like I remember that. But
Speaker 1: then I was like no, because then you would have
Speaker 1: to put on so much makeup and I did. When
Speaker 1: I was like blond, I definitely had to wear more makeup.
Speaker 1: But then it was like I started us and out
Speaker 1: truly just the blonde all I think fell out in
Speaker 1: one day and because yeah, I have no hair now,
Speaker 1: no hair, that's me. All my blond hair fell out.
Speaker 1: And it was just like, yeah, I'm not wearing makeup
Speaker 1: and and you don't have blond hair anymore. But it
Speaker 1: is very funny because people will like not know my
Speaker 1: name who I've like spent thousands of hours with because
Speaker 1: my hair is a different color, like if I haven't
Speaker 1: seen because I lived in l A, I would say
Speaker 1: like under two years, like a year and a half
Speaker 1: maybe before moving back to New York, and people friends
Speaker 1: I made in that time will be like, hey, I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's fran it and you just it's like absolutely no
Speaker 1: ego when you're like, my name is fran We actually
Speaker 1: do know each other very very well. It's just different
Speaker 1: hair color. It's just so funny when people are like, hey, yeah,
Speaker 1: just me Fran many hours, many hours together. But did
Speaker 1: you like having a having this? Did you like having
Speaker 1: a blonde? Yeah? It kind of made me feel like
Speaker 1: I died it right before I moved to l A.
Speaker 1: And it made me feel like, I would say, dumber,
Speaker 1: and also got um more attention. Yeah. Really it could
Speaker 1: have been completely psychosomatic, but I got way more attention.
Speaker 1: I bet it's not psychostat really, I guarantee that guys
Speaker 1: are just that dumb. But you know what's so funny
Speaker 1: is at bars or like at a party, it would
Speaker 1: be like a different type of attention where a dude
Speaker 1: would be like, I grab you a drink instead of
Speaker 1: like I mean, when you're like a brunette. I mean,
Speaker 1: now nobody hits I mean, but like back then, when
Speaker 1: I was a brunette, it would be like you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, like, uh, you watch Killing Eve. But
Speaker 1: but then it was like when I was bun it
Speaker 1: was just like no effort, absolutely like take a drink. Yeah,
Speaker 1: totally different attentions. Yes, oh oh eight to ten hours.
Speaker 1: You know I always look forward to getting my eight
Speaker 1: to ten hours of What do you think I'm talking
Speaker 1: about eight to ten hours? Uh? No, I wish, I
Speaker 1: wish I was a machine like that. No, I'm talking
Speaker 1: about sleep. Wait a minute, But the way you sleep
Speaker 1: is different from the way I sleep. Well, the good
Speaker 1: news is bowing we can both get what we need
Speaker 1: from Hell Sleep Mattress and Pillow. Bit I love he
Speaker 1: looks Sleep Mattress and Pillow because they work with the
Speaker 1: world's leading sleep experts and they've developed a mattress that's
Speaker 1: customized to your specific height, weight, and sleep preferences, so
Speaker 1: you can have the best sleep of your life at
Speaker 1: an imbeatable price. Okay, so here's how it works. People,
Speaker 1: You go to Helix sleep dot Com, fill out there
Speaker 1: two minutes sleep quiz, and they'll design your custom mattress.
Speaker 1: They can even customize each side of the mattress for
Speaker 1: you and a partner. If you guys have different situations
Speaker 1: in terms of how you like to lay, how you
Speaker 1: like to lay? And I think we've talked about this
Speaker 1: before on the pod. It's two gigs in one mattress,
Speaker 1: two gigs in one mattress, and you rarely get two
Speaker 1: gigs in one Oh no, I'm lucky if I get
Speaker 1: one gig a month. You know what I mean to day?
Speaker 1: You know. In two thousand eighteen, he looks Sleep has
Speaker 1: taken customized sleep to the next level with the Helix Pillow.
Speaker 1: The only pillows are fully adjustable, so you can achieve
Speaker 1: perfect comfort regardless of sleep position or body type. Helix
Speaker 1: Sleep has thousands of five star reviews, plus you get
Speaker 1: a hundred nights to try them out. This is the
Speaker 1: gig people a hundred nights to try these mattresses and
Speaker 1: pillows out for free. I mean, it's it's unbelievable. It's
Speaker 1: an unbelievable deal. Unbelievable deal. I love the quiz, the
Speaker 1: two minute quiz, and the mattress. I cannot wait to
Speaker 1: get this mattress because I bought a new bed frame.
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to get a move up to a
Speaker 1: queen size. Honey, did you buy a new bed frame?
Speaker 1: I did? Queen for Queen Queen for Queen and I
Speaker 1: can't wait for this fully customizable gig Darling. Here's the
Speaker 1: call to action. Here is the call to action. Everyone.
Speaker 1: Are you ready for the call to action? Go to
Speaker 1: Helix sleep dot com slash Lost Culture restas right now
Speaker 1: and get up to one five dollars towards your mattress order,
Speaker 1: which is a chunka change coming to the stage. Chunka change,
Speaker 1: chunka change. That's Helix Sleep dot com slash Lost Culture
Speaker 1: restas for up to one twenty five dollars off your
Speaker 1: mattress order Helix, sleep dot com Forward slash Last Culture
Speaker 1: restas for your sleep do sleep. I very I felt
Speaker 1: different when I was When I was, Yeah, do you
Speaker 1: felt like guys were approaching you? Not that guys are
Speaker 1: approaching me, but people would approach me in a more
Speaker 1: like they were more compelled to be speaking to speak
Speaker 1: to me, and they were like, Hi, um wow, I
Speaker 1: love your hand, and like, you know, it would just
Speaker 1: be like a confidence. The only king I ever dyed
Speaker 1: my hair was I dyed my hair jet black in
Speaker 1: college to do like a part. I don't think I
Speaker 1: honestly don't think it looked good on you. I thought
Speaker 1: it looked so good, but I looked in the mirror
Speaker 1: and the shooty was like, it's bad. You look bad.
Speaker 1: And I sometimes mentioned wanting to do it again, and
Speaker 1: she's like, don't because I remember it was bad, so
Speaker 1: he will always give you the What was the It
Speaker 1: was called murat Sad. It was like a performance of
Speaker 1: the assassination of by by the market as Sad and
Speaker 1: it was like a punk rock musical version that Liz
Speaker 1: Suados was doing at Nyuka. It was just like crazy
Speaker 1: and I was playing the market to saw because it
Speaker 1: and it was controversial because I was a dramatic writing
Speaker 1: student doing it as a drama mainstairs. Very controversial, and
Speaker 1: I got a lot of shade from the musical theater
Speaker 1: kids who wanted the role. Wow. I had a relationship
Speaker 1: with the director, Liz Suados, and so I got the
Speaker 1: part um thank you Rest in peace, Liz um. But
Speaker 1: I thought, I'm playing an evil character. We must dye
Speaker 1: my hair black. Right of course that means mean. So
Speaker 1: I went and did my hair black. And I had
Speaker 1: just seen the movie Black Swan and I had a
Speaker 1: bad interaction with a voice teacher. I did this scene
Speaker 1: in Black Swan where she like menacingly marches to like
Speaker 1: like Lincoln Senator to go dance. I swear to god
Speaker 1: I had black hair. I became an evil person was
Speaker 1: storming in like and I walked in and like I
Speaker 1: told everyone, I just had a fight with my voice teacher,
Speaker 1: and my hair is black. The performance of my life.
Speaker 1: And I went in to give like a fine performance
Speaker 1: because I didn't know how to sing or thing. But
Speaker 1: having black hair like changed me chemically, and so now
Speaker 1: whenever I'm like I kind of do want to like
Speaker 1: die my hair or something fun, but I can't do
Speaker 1: black hair because it really literally changes me inside, Like
Speaker 1: it makes me mean well, it's like I want to
Speaker 1: be blind because I want to be fun, but I
Speaker 1: already feel fun. Microplaning has changed me. Now I'm a
Speaker 1: shell of a person. I don't want to do anything.
Speaker 1: Why don't you a party? Last? Nay, absolutely the entire time,
Speaker 1: which just like could only think about it, like I
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, what are you doing this sumhere? I'm like, well, eyebrows.
Speaker 1: Put one thing, eyebrows. I'm the same way, in the
Speaker 1: same way as you, like when you came in and
Speaker 1: I couldn't help it. That's how I was. I was
Speaker 1: telling you guys, like a year and a half, two
Speaker 1: years ago, I had like a herpe scare where I
Speaker 1: really thought I had herpes, and I have since found
Speaker 1: out I do not, although it is fine if you do,
Speaker 1: I love you in support um, but everyone knows. Everyone
Speaker 1: knew that I thought I had herpes. Everyone like extended
Speaker 1: friends of mine. I was like, they're like, I was like,
Speaker 1: how are you, and like they're really good? How doing
Speaker 1: things are going on? Good? How are you as probably
Speaker 1: have herpes? Yeah, it's just sometimes you gotta wear your
Speaker 1: heart on your sleeve. And also you want to get
Speaker 1: out in front of it. Yeah, I know. It's like
Speaker 1: the worst thing in the entire world is for me
Speaker 1: to find out that people are talking about my eyebrows
Speaker 1: behind my back. I'm like doing in front of my face. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you want to be in on the joke. I think
Speaker 1: it's like it's like a thing of like never having
Speaker 1: feeling cool and like, you know, like that kind of
Speaker 1: deal where it's like you have to just get ahet
Speaker 1: of it. You gotta be on top of the right.
Speaker 1: And I also, like, you know, I was never cool,
Speaker 1: which is why I think I was a bully but
Speaker 1: I'm like, I also get bullied because I'm a bully
Speaker 1: and also had many siblings and like just was bullied
Speaker 1: and became a big, bad bully. And so I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: you can't believe me. You tell me you're talking about
Speaker 1: as a bully. Now, yes, really, that's why you're ensuing
Speaker 1: it along you. Yeah, absolutely, Like sometimes truly I will
Speaker 1: just go in on someone only friends. Yeah, like it
Speaker 1: hurts to be close to me because only friends ripped
Speaker 1: them to shreds. And then truly, sometimes it will just
Speaker 1: be like, dude, you're like mean, no, I mean, look
Speaker 1: when you when you get especially when you get with
Speaker 1: someone else that's like that. It's like, but then you
Speaker 1: have to be able to take it. You can probably
Speaker 1: take it. I mean I actually think I can't. I'm
Speaker 1: not one of those people where it's like then I
Speaker 1: get insulted and all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: you broke the rule. I'm getting insulted all the fucking time.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, duh, I put a target on
Speaker 1: my back because I'm throwing darts all the time. It
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. And also, like, I truly think you can't
Speaker 1: say something about me that I haven't already thought about
Speaker 1: myself and if it's like anything you think about me,
Speaker 1: it's already already hurt it or like I've already thought it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I believe people, but it would never be
Speaker 1: in a cruel way. Sometimes when I'm like dipping into
Speaker 1: that water with like I'm you know, I've gotten to
Speaker 1: a point with a friend where it's like and now
Speaker 1: I'm just ripping their ass to shreds and then I
Speaker 1: like see their face fall and I need to be
Speaker 1: like I'm only doing it because I love you. I wait, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: So just to go back to the thing of like
Speaker 1: you can take it, like you have to be able
Speaker 1: to take it. Does that matter who it's coming from,
Speaker 1: Like let's say it was Sudi or like a friend, close, collaborator, whatever.
Speaker 1: If Sudi were to say something like got like a
Speaker 1: gut punch to you, like it wouldn't be it wouldn't
Speaker 1: be a good punch. She talked about this on her
Speaker 1: episode because we just had an episode with her and
Speaker 1: she said that now it's like at the point with
Speaker 1: you guys were like funny, you said something like you
Speaker 1: can just be like no, it's not funny. It's like
Speaker 1: it's not she and I always were too when we
Speaker 1: ran had well, I gotta say, like, time is not
Speaker 1: on your side at SNL. Right, you don't really have
Speaker 1: time to be like maybe I could work, let's think
Speaker 1: about it, TikTok, bitch, Like we literally need to do
Speaker 1: things in a time frame where it's like I don't
Speaker 1: have time to think about the humanity. No, And so
Speaker 1: now there's just a shorthand where it's like no. And
Speaker 1: there will be times where like we will not be
Speaker 1: have the same opinion, and sometimes it's like one person's
Speaker 1: got to give. And I do think that there's like
Speaker 1: a fifty fifty there where it's like sometimes she gives,
Speaker 1: sometimes I get because it's like if we're absolutely not
Speaker 1: on the same page, and it's like dude, you can
Speaker 1: push it, and then you know it's like give it
Speaker 1: a minute, and then one person has to be like
Speaker 1: we have to move on, we have to move forward
Speaker 1: because we don't have time to be doing this. But
Speaker 1: like I mean, Sudio, whenever, oh one time, this does
Speaker 1: not mean because this, but this is a full example.
Speaker 1: I came into work and Sudi was like, you need
Speaker 1: to get natural light in your bathroom where you do
Speaker 1: your makeup. Oh, that is but it was and it
Speaker 1: was true. She's one of the few people who will
Speaker 1: do that. Is it was true. I like, like went
Speaker 1: to the bathroom and it was like the bronze are
Speaker 1: looked crazy and it was like a Monday pitch day.
Speaker 1: We're like, you're going to be with every single one
Speaker 1: of your coworkers speaking in front of them. And I
Speaker 1: looked like and she was right. I didn't have natural
Speaker 1: light in my bathroom. I mean she didn't even know,
Speaker 1: but she was like, you gotta get natural light where
Speaker 1: where you're doing your makeup. Was like, oh, yeah, it
Speaker 1: doesn't hurt my feelings, it doesn't. It's a good note.
Speaker 1: Like she told me one day, she looks at me
Speaker 1: and she goes, I have to tell you something. The
Speaker 1: difference when you don't have facial hair and when you
Speaker 1: do is crazy. You don't look good with facial hair
Speaker 1: don't have it. And I was like, okay. Now I'm
Speaker 1: always shaved, and sometimes I'll go hang out with her
Speaker 1: and I'll be like, I have to shave because I'm
Speaker 1: scared of her. I'm scared of my wife. Here's the
Speaker 1: thing She's never like really like reading me for filth,
Speaker 1: like like hygiene appearance wise, and maybe that just means
Speaker 1: that that's not where our friendships that oh, I mean,
Speaker 1: that is the thing. It's like, if I haven't bullied you,
Speaker 1: it probably means that I don't care, right, And also
Speaker 1: like I also have scary friends that I wouldn't bullieve
Speaker 1: because um, I think that when I would open that door,
Speaker 1: it would come back to me in a way where
Speaker 1: like oh no, no, no, no no. Maybe is there
Speaker 1: someone out there who like you could become close with,
Speaker 1: who's like better at that than you. It's like, if
Speaker 1: you want you want to cut people down, here we go.
Speaker 1: But I believe people about like insane ship that I
Speaker 1: know just gets under their skin. Like I went to
Speaker 1: Disneyland a couple of days ago. Oh my god, we
Speaker 1: almost wanted It's incredible. I mean truly, You're never gonna
Speaker 1: have a bad time there. But at the end of
Speaker 1: the day we've been together like ten twelve hours. And
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, Um, I was with
Speaker 1: Kyle Mooney and he's like, all right, I gotta go
Speaker 1: grab my backpack from the lockers. And I was like,
Speaker 1: oh what, but what And He's like, my backpacks and
Speaker 1: the lockers, and I never dropped it. I mean for
Speaker 1: two days, I've been like, and you're a guy who
Speaker 1: puts his backpack in the locker, like it's not an insult,
Speaker 1: but I know it's bothering renting a locker Disney because
Speaker 1: he was coming from San Diego and I and then
Speaker 1: coming straight to l A. So he had a backpack
Speaker 1: of like, you know, like four nights worth of clothes
Speaker 1: that he locked in a locker at Disneyland and but
Speaker 1: kept it a secret until last minute. And I was like,
Speaker 1: that's psycho. A psycho. I don't know him, but I
Speaker 1: was on the same flight of him. I sat six
Speaker 1: rows behind him, and at the end of the fight,
Speaker 1: all he had checked in the above carriage was a skateboard.
Speaker 1: I thought it was so funny. I was like, he
Speaker 1: has no bags, he only has a skateboard. Bitch, I
Speaker 1: live see. I would definitely go it on that. But
Speaker 1: then last night I show up to the party and
Speaker 1: I was wearing this hat and he's like, looks like
Speaker 1: the sand lots here. I was like, oh man, I
Speaker 1: love it. If only he knew that that was attached
Speaker 1: to there, that would be a whole other level. The
Speaker 1: thing about some well though, it is like sometimes I
Speaker 1: have a hard time like reading studio, especially now that
Speaker 1: the bitch has money and she buys like good clothes
Speaker 1: and like wears good shoes and like, um, you know
Speaker 1: look snatched. I'm always like, damn bitch, Like now you
Speaker 1: get the better job than me and more money and
Speaker 1: you look better you But you can't resent her for
Speaker 1: that because now she's using her position. But I do
Speaker 1: feel I will get to a point, a point where
Speaker 1: I can be like i've and then like for maybe
Speaker 1: a six month, will be like you're also, I mean
Speaker 1: like you're you're presenting different genders like it doesn't you're
Speaker 1: not competing against each other. No, I'm just kidding. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying I would love to be able to be
Speaker 1: a bully again to her. Do you feel, oh you
Speaker 1: can still believe me? People definitely still bullied. It's like
Speaker 1: I think more fun to be like, oh you think
Speaker 1: of somebody now, like more fun for people to like try,
Speaker 1: you know, be like snatched. Here's a question, do you
Speaker 1: feel like do you ever get comfortable working at SNL
Speaker 1: or is it always a panic? God? Um? Do I
Speaker 1: get comfortable working in us. Do you feel like you
Speaker 1: walk in the because do you ever walk in the
Speaker 1: building and they're like, yeah, this is work or is
Speaker 1: it always just a little bit like okay, it's Saturday
Speaker 1: night Live. Well, I will say that the work schedule
Speaker 1: is on average, let's just say you work three weeks
Speaker 1: in a row and then get two weeks off, and
Speaker 1: then you work three weeks in a row, get two
Speaker 1: weeks off, you know, give or take. Sometimes you only
Speaker 1: get one week off, sometimes you only work two weeks
Speaker 1: at a row. Whatever. Sometimes you work four weeks in
Speaker 1: a row. And so the work schedule is such that
Speaker 1: like by the end of a run, like in week
Speaker 1: three of three out of three, I'm so tired. But
Speaker 1: also just like I have spent now at the end
Speaker 1: of three weeks, let's say I spent a hundred twenty
Speaker 1: hours there a week. At the end of three weeks,
Speaker 1: I've been there more. It's the only thing I've been doing,
Speaker 1: thinking about whatever. So it's not like Okay, I'm comfortable now.
Speaker 1: It's more just like this is what needs to be happening.
Speaker 1: Let's go. But then you at hiatus very regularly, that's
Speaker 1: like it's incredible. You get these like hiatus is where
Speaker 1: you just like sleep and watch TV. But then day
Speaker 1: one when you go back, it's like a reset and
Speaker 1: it's I always feel like I always feel like sick
Speaker 1: to my stomach the day because you're resetting and it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: i haven't been here for however many days, but now
Speaker 1: I'm starting over, like and really every week can like
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter what you did the week before because
Speaker 1: there's another week to do work, and so it's like
Speaker 1: a reset every week. But if you've been on hiatus
Speaker 1: and then you come back, it's always just like okay,
Speaker 1: and now I'm in the mindset. And you know, there's
Speaker 1: twenty one episodes a year, and so you get like
Speaker 1: seven hiatuses, so that's like seven times or like I
Speaker 1: don't even know how many, but you're just like completely
Speaker 1: re adding every time you go back, and that is
Speaker 1: the hardest day. And also the week begins with pitch,
Speaker 1: and pitches really nerve wracking because you get like a
Speaker 1: couple of seconds to be able to impress somebody and everybody,
Speaker 1: and like it is a very strange room where like
Speaker 1: sometimes things work where you're like I can't believe that worked,
Speaker 1: and sometimes things bomb. Dot com and it's like you
Speaker 1: can't figure out why. And I've worked there three years
Speaker 1: and it's like there's not a perfect formula. I mean,
Speaker 1: and we're just talking about a Monday pitch, but like
Speaker 1: there's no perfect formula. And that's the way the week begins,
Speaker 1: where you like are with all your coworkers, the host
Speaker 1: is there, all the producers obviously Lauren, and it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: every week starts with like, I hope I say something
Speaker 1: that makes people laugh. That's the rest of the week.
Speaker 1: It's so that is never I'm never comfortable pitch. I mean,
Speaker 1: the time you ever did that had to feel fucking insane. Well, actually,
Speaker 1: that is the craziest thing is when I and I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people feel his way. But when
Speaker 1: I started at sn L, I was my most confident
Speaker 1: because I had just gotten hired at SNL, right and
Speaker 1: like you know, it happened, and like you walk in
Speaker 1: and it's like, oh my god, I'm here. But you
Speaker 1: see that a lot when people are new, they're like
Speaker 1: the beginning of the year, everybody's the most confident because
Speaker 1: they don't know. And then it was like the more
Speaker 1: I knew, the more like it just becomes more intimidating
Speaker 1: the more you now. Ye, so does the atmosphere like
Speaker 1: wildly changed based on the host or is that kind
Speaker 1: of like not really? I mean only if the host
Speaker 1: is a super extreme in bad and Good or this
Speaker 1: year there were some hosts that we're friends of mine,
Speaker 1: and so that was kind of a wild feeling. I
Speaker 1: mean that really changed. Yeah, like an old it was
Speaker 1: really cool. But you know, he's someone I hung out
Speaker 1: with every day for years and then not at all,
Speaker 1: and you know, every time I see him, it's great,
Speaker 1: and you know, it's totally natural to be hanging out.
Speaker 1: But then it was like, Okay, he's coming to host.
Speaker 1: He is a legit superstar And that was such an
Speaker 1: insane week for him too, because that was when This
Speaker 1: is America was like exploding and now This is America
Speaker 1: got released during the show. Yeah, yeah, I remember I
Speaker 1: went down and got to watch that performance on the
Speaker 1: floor and I was like, this feels different, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, like there was something going on, and
Speaker 1: it's just so crazy to think about him and his
Speaker 1: trajectory because he was someone where when I was in
Speaker 1: dramatic writing and hammer cuts, he was like my sort
Speaker 1: of like an idol because it was like he was
Speaker 1: like ahead of me and did both of those things
Speaker 1: like road on thirty Rock, And it's like so crazy
Speaker 1: to think about why you um sort of like looked
Speaker 1: up to him then and then why millions of people
Speaker 1: around the world look up to him now. But it
Speaker 1: is truly wild for me because, like I you just
Speaker 1: don't really have a sense of how famous somebody is,
Speaker 1: especially if it's just like, well, it's just Donald but
Speaker 1: then it's like not really, I mean it's right, it's
Speaker 1: but it was very fun having him host. That was
Speaker 1: that was great. But like if a host is incredible
Speaker 1: or awful, those are but really that happens so infrequently.
Speaker 1: Like Will Ferrell was an incredible host, and I think
Speaker 1: everybody just felt like happy that week, that makes any sense.
Speaker 1: He was like so personal, feel he was so nice.
Speaker 1: But the cast has so much interaction with the host
Speaker 1: that I think that that affects their week more because
Speaker 1: you know, like um work with them in the scenes
Speaker 1: there with them. Yeah yeah, but yeah, so an extreme
Speaker 1: host I think can change the temperature, but it doesn't
Speaker 1: really happen a lot. I mean, for the most part,
Speaker 1: like the host is a very, very famous person that
Speaker 1: you won't really talk to a lot, right, Yeah, So
Speaker 1: was it always like a thing for you, Like, was
Speaker 1: that like where you wanted to be SNL or were
Speaker 1: you like everyone where it's like, well, I guess that's
Speaker 1: what That's what it's a leading up to, is SNL.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I have like no brain cells and
Speaker 1: don't really think about anything, and I'm just like everything
Speaker 1: will work out and it happened. Well, I think about
Speaker 1: it now, and I'm like I can't believe how lucky
Speaker 1: I am or how lucky I got, because like I didn't.
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously I was at UC before years. I
Speaker 1: saw everyone around me get hired and get work. It
Speaker 1: never really bothered me. It was I was never like dumb,
Speaker 1: like you know, I was never like drinking poison and
Speaker 1: expecting it to kill my enemies. I was never like
Speaker 1: really because I think I'm like stupid. I'm like not
Speaker 1: thinking about that. I'm like, good she got the movie.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not like, I'm not like, how can I
Speaker 1: strategize to also get work? Never anyway, but yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I relate to that. So yeah, sorry, it's just I'm
Speaker 1: never I really am just not strategizing because you don't expect,
Speaker 1: like it's like the thing of like, well, I don't
Speaker 1: expect it to happen for me, so I wouldn't dare
Speaker 1: be jealous or like covetous of a position someone else has,
Speaker 1: because it's like, I'll just keep doing my thing. I'm
Speaker 1: already surprised it's working. I truly think that. For me,
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, I don't have room in my
Speaker 1: brain to be like thinking beyond just like and tonight
Speaker 1: I'll do show, and tomorrow I'll do podcast. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't. But then, you know, I was working at
Speaker 1: Fun of Your die and I was like, it was
Speaker 1: the summer, and I was like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: think i'd like to submit to know and I had
Speaker 1: because I had been working at Fun of Your Diet. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So it just was like, here we go, there's a
Speaker 1: packet already there. Yeah. I actually had applied a few
Speaker 1: years earlier and I didn't get hired, um, and then
Speaker 1: didn't apply for a few years, and then I was like,
Speaker 1: I already have the sketches and so I and then
Speaker 1: I applied and that was the year. And that was that.
Speaker 1: Whenever that packet comes around every year, I'm always freaked
Speaker 1: out because I'm always like, I know I can write sketches,
Speaker 1: but it's like, because I'm supposed to do it for
Speaker 1: this show, and like there's a deadline on it, it's
Speaker 1: like all of a sudden, I'm like my brain breaks.
Speaker 1: I honestly think that it just helped so much that
Speaker 1: I was just like looking at a backlog of things
Speaker 1: already had. I think sitting down and being like, I
Speaker 1: have one day to think of commercial parody, like, which
Speaker 1: is how the show actually. But I think when you're
Speaker 1: thinking about writing a packet, it's just like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's making a case for yourself to these people you
Speaker 1: don't know, you the like, just put your best stuff
Speaker 1: in there. Yeah, I think it's really submitting a writing packet.
Speaker 1: I just it does not work in people's favors. That's
Speaker 1: why just having like a writing sample, like a pilot
Speaker 1: you're proud of, I think it's probably more helpful than like, okay,
Speaker 1: and we need one topical joke, one joke about Britt
Speaker 1: far Also, what I think happens is when you get
Speaker 1: the late night packets and maybe this is two inside yourself,
Speaker 1: but you look at the host and then you try
Speaker 1: to write in their voice and that sucks. It's hard.
Speaker 1: It's so hard because it's like a lot of times
Speaker 1: you watch these shows and no shade, but like there
Speaker 1: aren't a lot of jokes in the monologue. It's just
Speaker 1: the host being there whatever version of their charge. But
Speaker 1: the packets are so hard. They're really hard. And also like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know how to be good at it.
Speaker 1: Is it just like I don't know whether or not
Speaker 1: it's better to like write a seamless packet that's in
Speaker 1: the voice, regardless of whether or not you like it,
Speaker 1: or to give them yourself, I think. And then it's
Speaker 1: funny to see who gets hired on these shows, and
Speaker 1: some of these people have such specific voices, like for example,
Speaker 1: I'll mention Julio Torres, like he has such a specific
Speaker 1: voice and you would never think like that he would
Speaker 1: ever compromise that, And on the show he has not
Speaker 1: compromised that. And you think, so his packet couldn't have
Speaker 1: been like a Saturday Night Live packet. It had to
Speaker 1: be a Julio packet because that's what makes him so
Speaker 1: iconically special. Well, I don't want to I don't have facts,
Speaker 1: but Um, I think Julio didn't submit a packet because
Speaker 1: he was hired at the end of he was hired
Speaker 1: writers first season. I think based off an audition. And
Speaker 1: so I mean, this is like talking about a very
Speaker 1: specific person who has like such an incredible and unique
Speaker 1: and hysterical voice. But yeah, I don't think that's the thing.
Speaker 1: Is also, I shouldn't even think too hard about like
Speaker 1: what works for everyone, because literally something different is going
Speaker 1: to work for everybody, right, Yeah, and that's the biz fran.
Speaker 1: We're going to ask Peo. We ask all of our guests,
Speaker 1: which is what is the culture that made you? Say?
Speaker 1: For me, it was the pop culture where something in
Speaker 1: your life that was like this happened and you experienced
Speaker 1: this like a movie or a television show or like
Speaker 1: a musical artist or something where you were like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm defined now I know who I am. Oh, I
Speaker 1: guess I have an answer, but it's lame. I love it. Titanic,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Titanic was huge for me. Titanic was
Speaker 1: was the thing that made me like the open the
Speaker 1: door to all of show business. Ye Titanic, Okay, So
Speaker 1: I wasn't really allowed to watch TV growing up. I
Speaker 1: could watch one show a week and it was The Simpsons.
Speaker 1: And but I did go to movies, like would go
Speaker 1: to movies a lot. But um. I also wasn't allowed
Speaker 1: to have magazines that had the word sex on the
Speaker 1: cover or sexy. Like I wasn't allowed to have like
Speaker 1: a like you know why am or seventeen. The covers
Speaker 1: would be like ten ways to blow him to Smith
Speaker 1: rains or you know what I mean, like like the
Speaker 1: tomato red nipples, and it's just like this is a routing.
Speaker 1: It's truly like they were out of control. And people
Speaker 1: had Sean Williams Scott like fully fucking naked icon. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But the thing was, it was like it made sense.
Speaker 1: I wasn't allowed to get those magazines, but I was
Speaker 1: like nine, you know, or like eight or nine or whatever,
Speaker 1: and I wanted these magazines because I became so obsessed
Speaker 1: with Leonardo di Caprio that I just wanted every single
Speaker 1: magazine that even there would be like an insert yeah. Um.
Speaker 1: And so I became really really obsessed with those like
Speaker 1: teen magazines, and I would babysit it. Of course. I
Speaker 1: was like could be in charge of an infant, but
Speaker 1: like couldn't look at the word sex. But I was
Speaker 1: like babysitting all the time, and I would use my
Speaker 1: babysitting money to go to the corner store and buy
Speaker 1: all these magazines and just hide them under my bed
Speaker 1: and I would read. I would every single one, and
Speaker 1: they came out. Well, team people came out every week.
Speaker 1: Oh no, A lot of them were monthly. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: would get like ten a month and then cut off
Speaker 1: the photos and make photo albums. Put in like a
Speaker 1: nice photo album. He was so iconically. Oh, I had
Speaker 1: a Titanic. I had two Titanic posters that I absolutely
Speaker 1: would kiss. And I was so obsessed with him. I
Speaker 1: bought the VHS. It was a double double double because
Speaker 1: you know what I did? Wait, did it end? Did
Speaker 1: the first Did the first tape end after the car
Speaker 1: fucking scene? It was like right after I think it was, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I remember because they do that late in the first
Speaker 1: tape ends. No. I think the the fucking is in
Speaker 1: the first tape because the fuck and then the first tape.
Speaker 1: I believe in Culturist his listeners. If you can contest this,
Speaker 1: let me know. I believe it's after like the glass
Speaker 1: with the water starts shaking like that's the moment that
Speaker 1: it cuts out. After the fucking after the iceberg Heads.
Speaker 1: Their sound of music was a double VHS, and I
Speaker 1: would stop after the first one because the second one
Speaker 1: was all about Nazis. So I was just always stop after.
Speaker 1: And I was like the movies over. I was like
Speaker 1: the movie ended good experiencing did experiencing Titanic. The movie
Speaker 1: also caused you to want to know everything about the
Speaker 1: actual ship itself, because well, the oscars, yeah, but not
Speaker 1: the ship itself. I was everything. I bought books about
Speaker 1: Leonardo Caaprio, like books that were clearly made in like
Speaker 1: three or four hours, where it's like, and he's popular now,
Speaker 1: and then it was just like and then, oh my god.
Speaker 1: But then I would watch like Basketball Diaries, which I
Speaker 1: was like, didn't like as a movie, but I was like,
Speaker 1: and he's here, good, Like I was so obsessed with Leonardo,
Speaker 1: and then it just that was probably God. I would
Speaker 1: have been like sixth grade, maybe fifth grade, uh, maybe
Speaker 1: fifth grade, and that just launched me and I was
Speaker 1: completely fucking boy crazy, crazy, no celeb in sync. It
Speaker 1: was like ninety degrees Backstreet Boys. I truly became the
Speaker 1: most extra person. It was like constantly. I just found
Speaker 1: this locket that I had. I was like a year ago, Um,
Speaker 1: but I have found this locket. I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I wonder whose pictures I put inside? Oh? Pop, it
Speaker 1: is Leonardo Capri and Usher, so we've got like but
Speaker 1: so I like cut their little faces out put them
Speaker 1: in this locket. And I was like wearing Usher and
Speaker 1: Leo every day, just like your heart. It was like
Speaker 1: a lock I got for like my first communion or whatever,
Speaker 1: and I I couldn't. I was so fucking boy crazy
Speaker 1: and celebrity culture crazy. But what's insane is I didn't
Speaker 1: even watch TV. I wasn't allowed to. So I'm like
Speaker 1: worshiping Matthew Fox from Party of Five. Clue what the
Speaker 1: show is about for him? Yeah. I remember the first
Speaker 1: time I saw the tarring on My Heart music video
Speaker 1: with Justin Timberlake on that bed and the white wife
Speaker 1: the white like, oh my god, I almost called it
Speaker 1: a wife beater. That's where like my long Island this
Speaker 1: comes out. What would you call that? Tank? Um like?
Speaker 1: And he just like was like so sexualized and he
Speaker 1: was had to be what sixteen seventeen years old? That
Speaker 1: changed like something Roman noodle hair. Yeah, but it didn't matter.
Speaker 1: He was the hottest person I've ever seen in my life.
Speaker 1: And like then coming into school and all the girls
Speaker 1: were talking about him, and I had to be like,
Speaker 1: I hate Justin Timberlake. I hate him because my body
Speaker 1: was just fighting with itself. It's like, no, you, you
Speaker 1: have to kill this. It was just so oh my god.
Speaker 1: But I was if I was, if I had been
Speaker 1: allowed to be, I would have been quite crazy too.
Speaker 1: I mean I was just I was just pouring over
Speaker 1: these like pop culture magazines and like even like Z pop,
Speaker 1: Like I'm just going so crazy, and I think that
Speaker 1: that is when And now I'm like so obsessed with
Speaker 1: like reading US Weekly, just cover to cover, and I
Speaker 1: don't know why. I don't care because now it's just
Speaker 1: like so stupid. I think it's so funny, like what
Speaker 1: they think are jokes and fashion police like you like
Speaker 1: growing up, like I thought it was so funny, and
Speaker 1: as this fucking nine year old, they'd be like, I
Speaker 1: have the first thing I returned to his fashion Police? Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: Like what what did they say this? Because it was comedy,
Speaker 1: remember but it wasn't. But it wasn't, but there was
Speaker 1: I literally I could it's just kind of like and
Speaker 1: this coat yellow. It's it's just like I don't like this,
Speaker 1: and here's a pithy take on it. But I remember
Speaker 1: one time, like Carol Rude. It was probably like some
Speaker 1: insane celebrity like Maria couldn't set Alonzo like was in
Speaker 1: like a fucking fluffy thing. And I'll never forget how
Speaker 1: hard I left. I couldn't get over it for two days.
Speaker 1: I was telling my mom about it until she had
Speaker 1: to tell me to shut the funk up. The caption
Speaker 1: was how many muppets do you think died to make
Speaker 1: this outfit? And I thought that was the funniest thing
Speaker 1: in the well. Remember it's the word muppets and much
Speaker 1: of them dying dark. You know. I was obsessed with
Speaker 1: trauma rama. That was something in seventeen where it was
Speaker 1: like I'm my period all over my mouth, and then
Speaker 1: it was like, I mean it was like that's like
Speaker 1: very dress and that's a dressing joke, that's an Anna
Speaker 1: dress and tweets over my mouth. The trauma truly was
Speaker 1: just like on my second date with my uncle, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, my he wait, where was this from
Speaker 1: Trauma ro The title of this episode is going to
Speaker 1: be trauma, but they were all bad, and like every
Speaker 1: third one was just like period. Shame. It was like
Speaker 1: period a little bit. It's true stupid, but I like,
Speaker 1: I ate it the funk up, and I still like,
Speaker 1: I just can't. Every time I'm in an airport, I'm
Speaker 1: getting like US Weekly. You know, I had a subscription
Speaker 1: US Weekly and then I was like this cannot go on?
Speaker 1: How long? Ago? For years? I mean I think I
Speaker 1: cut it off, maybe like when I was like going
Speaker 1: back and forth between l A and New York to
Speaker 1: which and was like missing too many No, I think
Speaker 1: I've probably cut it off like a year ago. But
Speaker 1: here's the thing. A year subscription is like they pay
Speaker 1: you like it's nothing, it's no money, But then I
Speaker 1: will shlve Like an eight dollar US Weekly, I'm like,
Speaker 1: can I get to just want to sit on? But
Speaker 1: then if you would like have a subscription to a magazine,
Speaker 1: it's truly like a dollar year, and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't have a subscription because I know, like I
Speaker 1: haven't read a book in like six or seven years.
Speaker 1: But I could like tell you that like Lincoln from
Speaker 1: this season of the Bachelorette has a history of assault
Speaker 1: on the page. Read it on the like US Weekly
Speaker 1: actually used to be like a people level, like you
Speaker 1: could go to it for real news, and now it's
Speaker 1: fully a tabloid. Well people, it's fully tabloid. People, People
Speaker 1: is a full tabloid, except you're going to get a
Speaker 1: serial killer like every other It's like she didn't know
Speaker 1: her daughter was a dog. People has like a human
Speaker 1: hinterest story. But that's and that makes it like journalism.
Speaker 1: This week they released like a hate Spain Anthon Anthony
Speaker 1: Burgin thing and it's like it looked but it's sad,
Speaker 1: but it looks like fucking they got engaged, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like that is like the editorial treatment.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, like all about the wedding the cover
Speaker 1: of USK. We were in the supermarket, like Dave and
Speaker 1: I were getting groceries at the other AMBRYMB and we
Speaker 1: were like paying for it, and I look over at
Speaker 1: the rack of magazines and it's like US Weekly was
Speaker 1: saying like gen and Brad texting and it's like what
Speaker 1: how would you know? And also like this is like
Speaker 1: not what I remember, you know what, It's just the
Speaker 1: worst one is in touch. But it's the cheapest. How
Speaker 1: do you feel as as a reader about In Touch?
Speaker 1: In Touch has is absolutely like the most rumors. No,
Speaker 1: it's like is Chloe Kardashian dead like it has and
Speaker 1: it has evil stuff too, like it's like not scared
Speaker 1: to speculate and has been sued so many times because
Speaker 1: it's just like and truly it's really nasty ship. It's
Speaker 1: like Sharon Stone on Heroin and you're like, just I
Speaker 1: like get it because sometimes I've all the other ones.
Speaker 1: And it's also three dollars, like US Weekly will push
Speaker 1: like six dollars, but in touches, Oh my god, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I just I haven't had for Insana Jones insane around town,
Speaker 1: Like yeah, it's in Touch is and not the cover
Speaker 1: they'll have mean photos. They will never do that. In
Speaker 1: Touch will put like like a terror read on the beach,
Speaker 1: and it's like leave alone, like in Touch will do
Speaker 1: read on the beach. I have. I haven't had like
Speaker 1: the giggles like this and so long. Friend just has
Speaker 1: a knack for pulling out these random specifics. Which one
Speaker 1: is getting you the most right now? She didn't know
Speaker 1: her daughter was a dog. It's good for me. The
Speaker 1: trauma ramas and this is not this is like trauma
Speaker 1: rama is just like a new warm of joke and
Speaker 1: this is a new form of comedy, like like that
Speaker 1: could be an improv game or just like making up
Speaker 1: cover stories for these rags. It's but even though, like
Speaker 1: truly every section is like its own beat, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like they have well, US Weekly has
Speaker 1: that page where it's like quote unquotable, but it's just like,
Speaker 1: can you believe Ryan Secrets said this? And it's like
Speaker 1: a picture of Ryan's secrets and then it's like two
Speaker 1: days a week only Goldfish and you're like, okay, it's
Speaker 1: just like the wildest I can't believe you said that.
Speaker 1: Fuck where did you get it from? When did you
Speaker 1: say this? Who else is reported that he said the
Speaker 1: poor goldfish? It's and it's just like pictures of people
Speaker 1: with the quotes. But I mean, yeah, I now it's
Speaker 1: in your in your thousands and thousands of it all
Speaker 1: loving you know that much inform your opinion of Kate
Speaker 1: Winslet oh, you know, respect, I never was jealous and
Speaker 1: I'm glad they're still friends, but I gotta say, what
Speaker 1: you're doing in the Wonder Wheel movie. What you're doing
Speaker 1: in the wonder movie, what you're doing like not kind
Speaker 1: of like on Carnage, that's too I that Wonder Wheel movie.
Speaker 1: You gotta look at that cast and be like, you know,
Speaker 1: you know, honestly, come on adding on you fans of
Speaker 1: the fire there. But for him it's like okay, he
Speaker 1: doesn't do a ton of movies. For her, it's like
Speaker 1: you have options. Also, she has such an incredible resume,
Speaker 1: and it's like, yeah, exactly, you have options, Like you
Speaker 1: can't think this is a good idea. And then there
Speaker 1: was like an actress roundtable or whatever where um, she
Speaker 1: was like talking about Wonder Wheel and she like brought
Speaker 1: up Woody Allen or whatever, and it like pans the
Speaker 1: room and to just like you know, like a Marian
Speaker 1: coat are just like face dropped, just like dude, and
Speaker 1: you're still going on about it. Also, I will say this,
Speaker 1: if you aren't an actor that has worked with one
Speaker 1: of those directors, here's what you don't say. But I
Speaker 1: had a great experience, right, That is not it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: It's not the point, right, Like we don't want to
Speaker 1: hear about how great your experience was because your individual
Speaker 1: experience unfortunately doesn't literally matter, and like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just crazy, I do think, but her as an actress,
Speaker 1: I love you ever seen Little Children? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: she's one of the one of the best. And I
Speaker 1: do like that her and Leo are friends. I mean,
Speaker 1: now I don't have a Leonardocaprio thing. Also, like you know,
Speaker 1: that was for that time, and it was the gate
Speaker 1: opener to like me being absolutely just obsessed with celebrity culture.
Speaker 1: But I don't, like I will read those magazines. But
Speaker 1: now the person I would be most excited to meet
Speaker 1: would be like jy wow. Maybe, I mean, like I
Speaker 1: also think just as part of my job, like I
Speaker 1: can't feel like or you can't be like wow, We're
Speaker 1: totally different levels of humans, Like you have to be
Speaker 1: able to talk to them. And I don't really care,
Speaker 1: like I do like reading all the gossipy stuff, But like,
Speaker 1: I think the person that would get me the most
Speaker 1: excited would be like maybe Rachel Lindsay, like, honestly, are
Speaker 1: you a big Bachelor fan? And huge? Yeah? Were you
Speaker 1: with Rachel the whole time? Are you disappointed at the end?
Speaker 1: Disappointed at the end? Well, now, Peter Krause Peter him.
Speaker 1: Why wasn't he the Bachelor? Because he because I actually
Speaker 1: know Do you think he has a story? No? I
Speaker 1: think he was actually supposed to be the best and
Speaker 1: they were going to announce it. And the thing that
Speaker 1: I heard is he got so upset and nervous that
Speaker 1: he had to go through row up and like it
Speaker 1: was like a thing of like the next day he
Speaker 1: was going to be on Good Morning America and that
Speaker 1: he like literally panicked because he was like, no, this
Speaker 1: doesn't work for me. I understand that it would be
Speaker 1: good for the show and the fans want it, and
Speaker 1: I feel a lot of pressure, and he gets so
Speaker 1: upset because he's a sensitive guy. And I mean, I
Speaker 1: think that's why everyone loved him. And wait, we thought
Speaker 1: it made the most sense because they had such chemistry
Speaker 1: because he's just someone he's great. Remember her eye was
Speaker 1: still on the floor. Oh that was but that scene
Speaker 1: was so hard to watch. That's a better Peter Cross
Speaker 1: rumor than the one I made up, which is that
Speaker 1: maybe has a criminal history. I don't. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's something like that. I think it's just legit. He
Speaker 1: why wouldn't you want him to be the Bachelor? And
Speaker 1: then like the showrunner, like Mike Flice was like tweeting
Speaker 1: out like, uh, why would you want to have Peter
Speaker 1: as the Bachelor when he doesn't want He's like messy
Speaker 1: on Twitter, the like showrunner of the Bachelorette and Bachelor
Speaker 1: is like he's a lot and he'll tweet like out
Speaker 1: some ship like he take it like gossipy on Twitter,
Speaker 1: and sometimes he blows his load and his like tomorrow, guys,
Speaker 1: it's coming. And then ship goes wrong and it feels
Speaker 1: like every season of the Bachelor or Bachelor in Paradise
Speaker 1: or whatever, there's this this insane controversies Like now like
Speaker 1: apparently like one of the guys who does really well
Speaker 1: is like liking all that transphobic ship on Instagram, Like
Speaker 1: this is what I heard. This guy Garrett who got
Speaker 1: the first impression, who allegedly does well on the show. Um,
Speaker 1: he is literally like one of one of those like
Speaker 1: an al right person, you know. I gotta say, I'm
Speaker 1: not feeling good about Becca's options. They're like weird, it's
Speaker 1: not it's not a good year. They all also look
Speaker 1: the same. Do you like her? I am happy she's
Speaker 1: the Bachelorette, but I also think that like it's going
Speaker 1: to be a boring season. All the dudes look the
Speaker 1: same and they're like, something weird is going. Although I
Speaker 1: do love that the guy rolled off the bed. Oh
Speaker 1: that's just class face. Rolling off the bed had to
Speaker 1: go beautiful. Yeah, well he's gonna come back. He's gonna
Speaker 1: come back. But the thing is like, after Rachel, who
Speaker 1: I think was the best Bachelor, she's until the last episode,
Speaker 1: I don't know she Becka doesn't have that star quality
Speaker 1: she was. Rachel was the only one that like drew me,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I started watching the whole friend,
Speaker 1: I'll be I'll watch this season. Yeah, she was so great. God,
Speaker 1: I'm just remembering now that one time I was walking
Speaker 1: down the street and I thought I saw Rachel Lindsay
Speaker 1: and it wasn't her, and wow, but I was walking
Speaker 1: behind her and then and then that ask, and then
Speaker 1: I passed her, stopped, turned around and said, excuse me,
Speaker 1: are you never no on my street? I get it.
Speaker 1: I've had this happen with with every person, like like
Speaker 1: with like I've I've seen people like Matt walked down
Speaker 1: the street and I'm just like, is that Matt And
Speaker 1: it's not. It's like I understand just being so excited
Speaker 1: to see someone. Yeah, it's like manifested. I do kind
Speaker 1: of want to be the gay badge. You would be good, Well,
Speaker 1: that would be great. I really want to I don't
Speaker 1: know if I want to be the gay badge or
Speaker 1: I want to be like in a promo with a
Speaker 1: white background and like holding a rose. I don't know,
Speaker 1: not that this would be bad, but if when not if,
Speaker 1: when there's a gay bachelor, do you think that contestants
Speaker 1: will end up hooking up? So they did this with
Speaker 1: Finding Prince Charming on logo Okay, but the rule, the
Speaker 1: unspoken rule was that the contestants could not. Of course
Speaker 1: that's an unspoken rule, but like, I mean, I think
Speaker 1: it makes it more interesting that people hook up in
Speaker 1: the house, But then the whole show is just going
Speaker 1: to be I wanted to come and pull you aside
Speaker 1: and tell you that you know, these people like each other.
Speaker 1: Well what they did on what they did on Finding
Speaker 1: Prince John March, I think it is a little problematic.
Speaker 1: Is they cast like a fucking model as the bachelor,
Speaker 1: and the rest of them were kind of like a
Speaker 1: little bit more like they I don't know, it was weird.
Speaker 1: It was by design that like the contestants like we're
Speaker 1: not in the same league unquote as the bachelor himself
Speaker 1: as like the guys. Oh that's strange. So it was weird.
Speaker 1: It was like it's like everyone's aspiring to this one
Speaker 1: person because of it just didn't it didn't feel good.
Speaker 1: You know. There's a lot of like design flaws in
Speaker 1: just saying gay Bachelor, But like, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: think there is a way to hack it where it's
Speaker 1: like the contestants are allowed to look up with each
Speaker 1: other and that as an element. Here's what I want
Speaker 1: to happen with my narrative on the Gay Bachelor. I
Speaker 1: want to be a contestant and just people love it.
Speaker 1: I want to be Rachel Lindsay and then they'll bring
Speaker 1: me back and everyone's like, yes, it's his time, he
Speaker 1: needs this. I want to be on the Bachelorette because
Speaker 1: I want to go on the dates. Yeah, they're fun.
Speaker 1: I mean nobody would want to Like if I was
Speaker 1: the Bachelorette, I don't really think people would be fighting
Speaker 1: to be with me, but they would be like, and
Speaker 1: we want to make it to Italy. I want to
Speaker 1: go to Stockholm. But wait, there's one thing I want
Speaker 1: to say before we do, which is, so, when Rachel
Speaker 1: Lindsay was filming her season of The Bad, how do
Speaker 1: you say it vile or viall? Nick Vile? Who I
Speaker 1: think is hot? I'm sorry, Um, I like I like
Speaker 1: all his instagrams and I'm like, you like a stupid
Speaker 1: bit like I was, like, I mean, I really I
Speaker 1: fall for it all. He's not funny. Though he thinks
Speaker 1: he's funny, he's not. It's important to say that. Um,
Speaker 1: he does like comedy and wigs anyway, Um, because wigs
Speaker 1: are comedy. A wig got me to jfl um. That's true.
Speaker 1: But anyway, this with hair, that's different. Um. Rachel Lindsay
Speaker 1: shot her fantasy sweet date the day after the election,
Speaker 1: and it had been like three months since they were
Speaker 1: allowed to use their phones or whatever. But like and
Speaker 1: so she was very tuned out of the election. But
Speaker 1: obviously she's like, I got posted up in a bar
Speaker 1: like in like Sweden or something, and like was he
Speaker 1: was like watching and drinking at the election was happen.
Speaker 1: Hillary is gonna win. It's gonna be amazing, Like we're
Speaker 1: gonna bring this home then Donald Trump? Want so she
Speaker 1: proceeded to get fucking drunk. She said this on an interview,
Speaker 1: and she walked up the next day and was like
Speaker 1: really truly hungover and had to film like her fantasy
Speaker 1: sweet date. And remember when she did that with Nick
Speaker 1: and everyone was like, oh my god, she's so comfortable
Speaker 1: and dropped in and like they're so natural and comfortable
Speaker 1: with each other. She was so hungover that she says
Speaker 1: that when they got in the fantasy suite, she fell
Speaker 1: asleep immediately. They didn't talk and that's that's why he
Speaker 1: eliminated her the next day, and her energy was very
Speaker 1: like I kind of understand because she knew that literally
Speaker 1: they spoke not at all. They did not have sex
Speaker 1: in the fantasy suite. He sent her home because he's like, well,
Speaker 1: I did speak to the other two in the suite,
Speaker 1: and we didn't get a chance to talk because you
Speaker 1: passed out. That's so funny, which it worked out for
Speaker 1: her because then she got to be the bachelor rete
Speaker 1: But everyone was like, that's crazy that she didn't win.
Speaker 1: They had the best chemistry, etcetera. It's like, no, she
Speaker 1: just like got tanked from being so depressed about the election.
Speaker 1: That's so funny. And they didn't allow them to talk
Speaker 1: about and I remember the fantasy I think her date
Speaker 1: that day was like them going and like drinking during
Speaker 1: the day. Yeah, so she had like hair of the
Speaker 1: dog baby. Yeah, but she said that energy and I
Speaker 1: thought that was so classic. Here you account, I need
Speaker 1: to know what happens in the suits. I mean, I
Speaker 1: think they asked the hard questions because this is another thing.
Speaker 1: It's like like Becca, who like, if you look at
Speaker 1: her Instagram, she's like a Hillary supporter, but if she
Speaker 1: ends up choosing someone who's like an all right person,
Speaker 1: she won't. She can't. She's smart, she may have. That's
Speaker 1: the thing. They're not allowed to talk about it on
Speaker 1: the air. So you have to ask that question in
Speaker 1: the fantasy suite, and it might not be top of
Speaker 1: for me. If I'm for me, I would never go
Speaker 1: on a date, probably with a Republican. And also, like
Speaker 1: you would assume that you were attracted to this person
Speaker 1: and like they share your more. I would ask that question.
Speaker 1: And if you're in a situation where you're not allowed
Speaker 1: to look at any Instagram, you're not allowed to do anything,
Speaker 1: and you are not allowed to ask that question because
Speaker 1: it's not like cool for air, what the fuck you
Speaker 1: can end up getting on one knee or like saying
Speaker 1: you asked to someone who like has a crazy thing
Speaker 1: about that, Like don't you think you would know? Like
Speaker 1: there would be other red flags when you were hanging
Speaker 1: out with someone like I think this guy like might
Speaker 1: be like trouble. You would think, I mean, if there's
Speaker 1: like an egg row anything like you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: you would think you would think. But but also like, um,
Speaker 1: probably top of mine when you get in the fantasy
Speaker 1: sweet is like you've been hanging out with this person
Speaker 1: for months, like you want to know, and then maybe
Speaker 1: like the pillow talk afterwards, it's like, so, um, are
Speaker 1: you religious? And then you're just like that for all
Speaker 1: three of them say hal Satan when they come that
Speaker 1: would be okay historic to I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: This is our segment in the show where we take
Speaker 1: one minute to rant on something that's just getting our
Speaker 1: goat and culture and culture in life. What Frianda was on,
Speaker 1: are I don't think so honey? Live through Hilary Duff, Yes,
Speaker 1: thank you for coming out everyone, And um, I have one.
Speaker 1: I have I have a because I was jarred by
Speaker 1: something recently. Yes, yes, yes, I know what. I'm ready.
Speaker 1: This is Matt Rodgers is I don't think so many
Speaker 1: time starts now, I don't think so, honey. The name
Speaker 1: egg slut, I literally was hungry and then I saw
Speaker 1: eggs slut and I was like, I can't eat now
Speaker 1: because it's not I love eggs. I love sluts, but eggs,
Speaker 1: like the idea of being a slut for an egg
Speaker 1: I don't think so, like I don't know, like for me,
Speaker 1: eggs very specifically, I need them scrambled, I need them
Speaker 1: like in the specific way I don't need them, like
Speaker 1: in a sexual sense. And also when eggs like a
Speaker 1: little bit cold, like I get very weirded out by them,
Speaker 1: also like they have to I don't. I'm very specific
Speaker 1: about my eggs and so like you know, being a
Speaker 1: I don't know eggs slut, but those are two words
Speaker 1: that can't go together. And already I have a complicated
Speaker 1: relationship with eggs. So when you put them in a
Speaker 1: sexual thing and you want to be a slut for eggs,
Speaker 1: like I guess I would be a slut for eggs,
Speaker 1: like if I do that, I was going to enjoy them,
Speaker 1: but unfortunately I don't always have like a consistent relationship
Speaker 1: with eggs, and so you know, I consider myself like
Speaker 1: a little bit more on the slat side, and I'm
Speaker 1: proud of that. But the thing is, like I don't
Speaker 1: know about egg slut. It made me not hungry and
Speaker 1: I know I needed to eat, so I don't think
Speaker 1: so honey, and that's it turns me off. Eggs. The
Speaker 1: egg part that gets me. And also like who named it?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like could they be? There
Speaker 1: are a lot of things in l a that have
Speaker 1: names that they want to be the draw, and most
Speaker 1: of them are like a run on sentence, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like there was like a popular bar
Speaker 1: called like don't come Knocking on Mama's door, Right, I
Speaker 1: love that though, you know what I mean, Like there's
Speaker 1: so many Like it's like a Michelin star restaurant called
Speaker 1: like pigs or Home. I mean, I appreciate a stupid name.
Speaker 1: Our podcast is called, but I literally said it. I
Speaker 1: said it. I pulled it out of my asshole and
Speaker 1: Boone laughed because it was so dumb, and then we
Speaker 1: were like, Okay, yeah, this will be the name of
Speaker 1: our dumb podcast. That is the main thing we do
Speaker 1: so funny. It's I mean, ye can take you anywhere,
Speaker 1: can essentially success. Okay, let's do Boon yangs. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey, and Boon yangs. Time will start now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so many styrofoam cups and bitch here
Speaker 1: and forever, l A, what do I see a stack
Speaker 1: of styrofoam cups? Brett bo m hot producer. Brett thinks
Speaker 1: it's fine to have unsustainable stupid bit forever do l A.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. There's no ventilation in this room.
Speaker 1: There's some there's there's there's some vent in the ceiling.
Speaker 1: It's doing nothing. I cannot be in this room with
Speaker 1: where the curtains are drawn. The cups are styrofoam and
Speaker 1: will never just appear off the face of this earth,
Speaker 1: will never bio degrade and a landfill and we'll just
Speaker 1: outlive all of us. I don't think so, honey. Styrofoam
Speaker 1: cops and this brittle filter in the fridge that does
Speaker 1: not have a good pouring exits. It's not excutive, Brett.
Speaker 1: I demand better cups, better ventilation, better BARRETTA is honey.
Speaker 1: And if you cannot accommodate this, then I will be
Speaker 1: the Queen Dieva best believe of. I cannot have the
Speaker 1: styrofoam nonsense in this place. And that's when minute I
Speaker 1: have something to say about this. Two things. One Also,
Speaker 1: if you eat styrofoam, your risk of cancer goes up. Also,
Speaker 1: I don't know kids, dogs, dogs at cancer goes up.
Speaker 1: Eating cancer is Also when I was young, I did
Speaker 1: a science project which was which kind of cup will
Speaker 1: keep uh soda the coldest? And styrofoam? One? Yes, it
Speaker 1: is an insulator. Hold on, HPP, what do you have
Speaker 1: to say? Yes, robot, robot, robot? Okay, please hot producer,
Speaker 1: Bread's gonna come over and and and tell us what's
Speaker 1: what's up? I can't believe. I'm ashamed this is this
Speaker 1: is gonna be a whole fucking production. Hold on, fucking
Speaker 1: headphones and everything here? What's going on? Why? Good? Usually
Speaker 1: do not have I usually get agreeable cups from the target.
Speaker 1: That is, I'm not seeing them. Where are they? Well?
Speaker 1: She wasn't beautiful tonight? The fine? Fine, fine? What were
Speaker 1: we supposed to do? Not eat? Brett? Thank you for
Speaker 1: the pastries. They were good. I had when it was
Speaker 1: definitely friends, than thank you than fine? Well then then
Speaker 1: then fine, then shame on the bodega. There's no ethical
Speaker 1: consumption in capitalism. But don't chop there, and thank you
Speaker 1: for the for the donuts, they were delicious. Um, we
Speaker 1: love you, brat. That was not that was all a bit.
Speaker 1: We love forever dock Ally. They did roll out the
Speaker 1: red carpet for us, honey, and we love it. Okay,
Speaker 1: so now it's time for Frank. I don't think, oh god,
Speaker 1: I forgot that this is going to happen. Okay, I
Speaker 1: have one Okay, this is friend. I don't think so honey.
Speaker 1: Other time starts now. I don't think so honey. Movies
Speaker 1: that say based on a true story, I don't give
Speaker 1: a fuck. I don't care. It doesn't make it more
Speaker 1: interesting that you and your buddies had a little rundis
Speaker 1: buzz like. I don't care at all. If you're like,
Speaker 1: but can you believe it was true? It's like, okay,
Speaker 1: why not just like do something interesting? You know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like, I'll the only thing I care if
Speaker 1: it's based on a true story is the jinks and
Speaker 1: it's a documentary, so cool, or like the Staircase, like
Speaker 1: it's not a documentary. And then you're just like, oh,
Speaker 1: can you believe that this is based on a true story.
Speaker 1: We're not kidding. It's like, yeah, you're not kidding. It's boring,
Speaker 1: like based on a true story, like me and my
Speaker 1: friends hung out and that's not a lie. It's like today,
Speaker 1: I really truly don't give a ship. I will still
Speaker 1: see it, but I can't be like compelled to be like,
Speaker 1: and it was bad, but it was kind of truck
Speaker 1: and that's good anyway. I don't think so, honey, based
Speaker 1: under true story, and that's you know what's worse on
Speaker 1: that based on real events? But then does that's the
Speaker 1: new based on a true story based on real events?
Speaker 1: Like The blind Side? Based on real events? What does
Speaker 1: that mean? You took these people and like kind of
Speaker 1: sucked up their life a little bit, and now there's
Speaker 1: a film, Oh, you spend an extra fifty dollars buying
Speaker 1: people's life rights. Congrats, that's not even yeah, you're you're
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's so that's so funny. You hate it.
Speaker 1: And it's also like it's one of those things where
Speaker 1: it's like this isn't good. So what if we say, like,
Speaker 1: but it's true, it's almost true. That doesn't make it good.
Speaker 1: And it's like that the worst seasoning you could put
Speaker 1: on any bad thing. Yeah, based on a true story.
Speaker 1: Guess what. True stories are often born. That's why they're
Speaker 1: not movies. Fiction is queen. I don't want to see
Speaker 1: my own life because it's not interesting enough to be
Speaker 1: a movie. You have a film, and you have the
Speaker 1: opportunity to get together, and you're blessed and privilege enough
Speaker 1: to get people that are actors and talented, get them together,
Speaker 1: and guess what. I don't want to watch them act
Speaker 1: out a real story. I want to see spectacle, honey.
Speaker 1: I want to see Hollywood glamor. I want to see
Speaker 1: everyone wearing a dress. Here you go, amen, Amen, Amen,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is This is one of the
Speaker 1: first times I fully cried from laughing. I thank you
Speaker 1: Fran for giving me the guest. Well, thank you guys
Speaker 1: for having me. Well listen, well we do close every
Speaker 1: episode with a song. Here we go. You want to
Speaker 1: lead us, Matt, Yes, godless Mary, let sand beside God
Speaker 1: with it to the night with a light somebody for
Speaker 1: from the mountains. If you want to hear the rest
Speaker 1: of that. Uh, go to a football game. Thank you, bye, Forever.
Speaker 1: This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by
Speaker 1: Brett Ballhum, Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts,
Speaker 1: please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to
Speaker 1: our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get
Speaker 1: your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news
Speaker 1: by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team,
Speaker 1: and liking our page on Facebook.