Speaker 1: Call It what It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington,
Speaker 1: an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew, and welcome to
Speaker 2: another episode of Short and Sweet, Sweet Sweet Sweet. Today
Speaker 2: We're we're doing best relationship advice. Uh huh, all this
Speaker 2: is I've had some bad advice too. Yeah, you should
Speaker 2: talk about good and bad advice that you and I
Speaker 2: have both gotten.
Speaker 1: Yes, Oh, I just for some reason, like a lightning
Speaker 1: rod moment, it just like came to my brain, like
Speaker 1: the worst advice when you just said that. Tell me well,
Speaker 1: and I understand why it existed, and I'm sure there's
Speaker 1: some value to it, but remember when it used to
Speaker 1: be well it probably is still my god.
Speaker 2: Wait, I'm just okay. I have a feel you're gonna
Speaker 2: say what I was thinking to.
Speaker 1: You, but go, oh, I don't know. Another's pressure. No,
Speaker 1: just this like hard to get hard to get at,
Speaker 1: like that you're meant to be unavailable and that you're
Speaker 1: meant to manufacture or somehow strategize this unavailability to then
Speaker 1: create more intrigue or like stir up the wanting. I
Speaker 1: just feel like that advice really messed with my head
Speaker 1: when I was dating.
Speaker 2: It's so hard though, because if you're the only one,
Speaker 2: I feel like everyone in their like teens twenties has
Speaker 2: that advice or feels that way. And so then if
Speaker 2: you're the only one not playing the game, yes, then
Speaker 2: that like what does that do?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Do you look desperado? Like if someone waits like five
Speaker 2: hours to write you back and then you text back immediately,
Speaker 2: are you desperate Dan? Oh?
Speaker 1: Good for you. You came up with a differ man's name.
Speaker 1: It's not desperate Bob.
Speaker 2: It's only because the saying is desperate Dan. Oh where's
Speaker 2: that saying? It's like, oh wait, now it's making me
Speaker 2: think that like a desperate Dan and I have my
Speaker 2: brother's name is Dan? Have we just been teasing him
Speaker 2: about that?
Speaker 1: I thought I was a.
Speaker 2: Real it was a worldwide thing.
Speaker 1: I've never heard about desperate Dan.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, no, no, no, it's a desperate dad. It's
Speaker 2: a is a comic book character. Yeah, it makes you
Speaker 2: for a second there, I thought we had just invented
Speaker 2: to make fun of my brother, which is completely possible. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you're then a desperate dad and like you're the and
Speaker 2: then they're like wow eager.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yes, I think I probably was when I
Speaker 1: really liked someone. I probably what I definitely wanted to
Speaker 1: answer right away.
Speaker 2: You want to, Yeah, of course you want to. You're
Speaker 2: so excited.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think the worst piece of advice I ever got
Speaker 2: was to basically, like in the early days, really keep
Speaker 2: up appearance says like there was no like yeah you
Speaker 2: can meet up and like not be all decked out makeup,
Speaker 2: ways on hair, whys like I was a full on
Speaker 2: like call Thos and Tiara, Yeah you're a red carpet ready.
Speaker 2: I was red carpet ready for good, you know, three
Speaker 2: months of dating. It was not a leg out. And
Speaker 2: also I did the whole thing in Bridesmaids where I
Speaker 2: was set out of bed and I did the makeup.
Speaker 1: Why roll out of bed, steak out of bed, make
Speaker 1: sure that you look all the ways, get back in bed,
Speaker 1: be like I just woke up. Yes, yeah, I know.
Speaker 2: I screw that. That's ridiculous.
Speaker 1: I was cute. I didn't feel cute that that part
Speaker 1: of life has been erased from my memory. And just
Speaker 1: like the even the idea of having like how did
Speaker 1: we ever get through any of it? Those early days
Speaker 1: where you still are wanting to make like just the
Speaker 1: most precious impression and never have bad breath or have
Speaker 1: to poop.
Speaker 2: Or yeah, far, I remember being on dates. This is
Speaker 2: so tragic. I'vem being on dates and feeling like I
Speaker 2: should order the salad. I wasn't gonna order this dak
Speaker 2: and mashed potatoes.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And also part of it was because, like in case
Speaker 2: later on and you're like in your underwear, I didn't
Speaker 2: want to. I don't want to look full, which is
Speaker 2: so insane.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Well, also I just remember beginning of relationships quick.
Speaker 1: I actually genuinely wasn't very hungry, like I was all
Speaker 1: I was full of full of or full of infatuation,
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I was always like I didn't
Speaker 1: I was not hungry. Does the captains have a tiny
Speaker 1: little tomato? Oh?
Speaker 2: No, I wanted. I wanted the mac and cheese with
Speaker 2: the with all the trimmings. Yeah, but I wasn't gonna
Speaker 2: do it, which is insane because, by the way, who
Speaker 2: cares if in underwear you look like you've had a
Speaker 2: full meal. That's life in my twenties.
Speaker 1: Well, it's our life now. Definitely is our life now?
Speaker 2: Definitely, I'm like, hold the tomato, a.
Speaker 1: Bucket of wings, and then a bikini. I'm with them,
Speaker 1: thank god.
Speaker 2: Okay, best piece of my relationship advice. I had someone
Speaker 2: I was bad in my early twenties with name calling
Speaker 2: and I in fights with my boyfriend. Oh really bad mean,
Speaker 2: oh mean, not like but I would call asshole, you know,
Speaker 2: like I would like go for I would do some
Speaker 2: low blows in my twenties, you know. And I realized
Speaker 2: someone said to me, like, the second you lose respect
Speaker 2: for each other and do that like, there's really no
Speaker 2: coming back some most of the time. And I realized
Speaker 2: that was true. And so when I got into relationship
Speaker 2: with I want, probably Matt, but maybe even the boyfriend
Speaker 2: before Matt, I started to really watch myself. And now
Speaker 2: I'm much way.
Speaker 1: Better at that. You're a real firecracker, aren't you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I got I had to tone it down.
Speaker 1: You were at like a twelve.
Speaker 2: I was at thirteen, and I.
Speaker 1: Really wanted you at like an eight.
Speaker 2: Even an eight. It was a little feisty.
Speaker 1: I had to really put some water on it. I
Speaker 1: remember being fighting. I remember some feisty times.
Speaker 2: Were you ever like you listen you fucking did you
Speaker 2: ever like do those in fights?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not a good thing. It's not a good thing.
Speaker 1: I was. It took a lot to get me there,
Speaker 1: but then it was like you kind of wished I'd
Speaker 1: gone there earlier because then it might not be so big.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So like I should have said I don't really
Speaker 1: love this so much, or hey can you cut that out?
Speaker 1: When I was at like at the eight. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I waited till I got pushed.
Speaker 2: I waited to the thirteen.
Speaker 1: I think I waited until like twenty nine. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then I was like, hold my purse, you mother. It
Speaker 1: would be like everything came sized that. I think that
Speaker 1: like the other person would be like, wow, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: good advice.
Speaker 2: That's good advice. The call the crew also has some advice,
Speaker 2: had some advice.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: We didn't ask for the bad advice.
Speaker 1: Wait, sorry, wait, one more thing to add to this.
Speaker 1: Only because I think that it's like it's something that
Speaker 1: some either you will easily guess about me or you won't.
Speaker 1: I in middle school you had to take debate in
Speaker 1: seventh grade, and when you take debate, proper debate, you
Speaker 1: have to argue. You don't know which side you're going
Speaker 1: to argue. So every year, like the debate whatever they
Speaker 1: are at the conferences, they have like a topic and
Speaker 1: you research them and then you debate and you have
Speaker 1: to take a position. And I remember that really cut
Speaker 1: my teeth and I became really expert at and I
Speaker 1: loved it. Loved it arguing. And by the way, both sides,
Speaker 1: Oh you could have been a lawyer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I would have made a
Speaker 2: good lawyer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just I loved I loved the logic of it.
Speaker 1: I loved I actually also really loved walking my talk here.
Speaker 1: I loved trying to see it from someone else's point
Speaker 1: of view. Right. I found it incredibly hard to argue
Speaker 1: some of the things that I did because they were
Speaker 1: not my opinion, my personal opinion, but having to argue
Speaker 1: them was a really really good exercise and it made
Speaker 1: me understand the other side a lot more. I remember
Speaker 1: one of my you know, one of the first jobs
Speaker 1: I ever the real jobs I ever had, was for
Speaker 1: David Kelly, who's just one of the most genius wordsmiths
Speaker 1: of all time. I've gotten to work for some pretty
Speaker 1: great I announcements and you know, the show. It was
Speaker 1: a law show, and I remember starting an episode and
Speaker 1: there would be a case, and I would almost instantly
Speaker 1: know exactly which side of the case that I know
Speaker 1: agreed with or I was aligned with. And his writing
Speaker 1: was so good that by the end of it I
Speaker 1: would have or by the middle of it, I would
Speaker 1: have switched sides, and by the end of it, I
Speaker 1: would have switched back to where I started. But it
Speaker 1: was just he was so good at it. So I
Speaker 1: think that stuff's really exciting and fun. Prove people wrong,
Speaker 1: is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 2: Yay, I love that too. Who doesn't love that? Come on, Okay.
Speaker 2: We asked the crew, We're going to go through your
Speaker 2: best relationship advice and share it. Share it with everybody.
Speaker 2: Cheryl said, communication is key, but understanding one another is
Speaker 2: even more important.
Speaker 1: Love it. Yeah, but I don't always understand sometimes. I mean,
Speaker 1: like I can, I can perspective, take, but I but
Speaker 1: I sometimes do go. Yeah, I don't really understand, Like
Speaker 1: I don't understand what it's like to be you in
Speaker 1: this moment and feel the way you do. I could
Speaker 1: respect it, but I might not always understand it.
Speaker 2: I think maybe that's what she's getting it because I
Speaker 2: agree with you too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Sienna said, the best relationship advice I've received is
Speaker 1: to put down all of my issues on paper. Odds
Speaker 1: are they are built differently than what you built them
Speaker 1: in your head to be?
Speaker 2: Mmmm, that's cool.
Speaker 1: Interesting.
Speaker 2: I like that. Uh date your spouse agree? Yes, Jennifer, Yes,
Speaker 2: I like to be wooed. So does Matt like a
Speaker 2: little wooing.
Speaker 1: Lazy said, those who don't put effort in for you
Speaker 1: aren't worth your effort into them. I agree with that.
Speaker 2: I've let them, Hannah. My mom always told me to
Speaker 2: bring a newer guy. I am seeing tour sports event,
Speaker 2: watch a big game and see if he re acts crazy.
Speaker 2: That's a good one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Chico said, the best way to get over someone
Speaker 1: is to get under someone else.
Speaker 2: Chico, I don't agree. I don't agree. Oh do you.
Speaker 1: I'm having to really think back. I think it can
Speaker 1: be a distraction, but no, does it.
Speaker 2: I think sometimes it can make you miss the other person.
Speaker 1: Especially if the one that the new one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it can make you if they're you know, you're like,
Speaker 2: oh it was gross. Say thank you often, even for
Speaker 2: the little things. Recognizing efforts makes a huge difference. I
Speaker 2: agree with that. Oh my god, it goes a long way.
Speaker 1: Yep. Juliana said, resolve the argument before you both go
Speaker 1: to bed. That's one that people talk about.
Speaker 2: I no, well, sometimes I'm too heated. I know I
Speaker 2: need to go to bed, and it's just not going
Speaker 2: to go anywhere, and I don't need to be there
Speaker 2: until two o'clock in the morning. Yeah, yeah, Emily, the
Speaker 2: best relationship advice I've ever received is that a cheater
Speaker 2: will always be a cheater. I don't agree controversial. I
Speaker 2: say this as someone who's cheated in my twenties. I definitely,
Speaker 2: you know, was not always the best girlfriend. And I
Speaker 2: just so I disagree. I've been with my husband for
Speaker 2: a long time, you guys, and I've been very faithful
Speaker 2: thirteen years. Baby. Yeah, baby, I don't know. When you're young,
Speaker 2: you do stupid stuff. I think if you're an habitual cheater,
Speaker 2: I think if you're cheating in every relationship, then the
Speaker 2: likelihood is is that, I don't know if you can
Speaker 2: turn it around.
Speaker 1: I also think that some people feel comfortable, like maybe
Speaker 1: not even necessarily relationship specific, but you know those people
Speaker 1: that just always cut corners, They always just sort of
Speaker 1: fudge yeah.
Speaker 2: The truth a little yes, why yes?
Speaker 1: And I think that that's like shares some space with cheating.
Speaker 1: There's a comfortability doing things that are not totally honest,
Speaker 1: and I do think that that's something that if you listen.
Speaker 1: I think, if you don't do your work, yeah, then
Speaker 1: that could be something that lasts for quite a while. Agreed,
Speaker 1: yep uh Raley said, if you have to beg for
Speaker 1: their attention, they aren't the one.
Speaker 2: Oh no, we're not begging you guys, No way, Lena said.
Speaker 2: My bestie once said, relationships are like a fart. If
Speaker 2: you're if you have to force it, it's probably shit.
Speaker 1: It gets me every I can't be a part of this.
Speaker 2: I'm I wish you'd read that one. Actually, Jess, we
Speaker 2: know how you feel about parts. I I love that.
Speaker 2: I think it's simple. I think that's simple, and I agree,
Speaker 2: can't force anything.
Speaker 1: Amelia says, no message is a message. I agree that's
Speaker 1: very true.
Speaker 2: Okay, Bridget, don't let friends or family's opinions influence you, Bridget.
Speaker 2: I I've had some friends that have had some blinders on,
Speaker 2: and it gets tricky because you want to help. First off,
Speaker 2: you know what, friends, unless they want advice, don't give it.
Speaker 2: Because I have given unsolicited advice before. In my past, and.
Speaker 1: You don't know if that boyfriend or girlfriend is renting
Speaker 1: or they're they're buying. You know, so you gotta be
Speaker 1: you gotta be mindful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you do, and you know yeah, yeah, it's a
Speaker 2: tricky situation. Although sometimes your friends. The truth is, sometimes
Speaker 2: your friends or families see things that you don't see,
Speaker 2: and that's the truth.
Speaker 1: Uh, Laura says, do you like him or the idea
Speaker 1: of him? This has helped me so many times.
Speaker 2: Oh that's a good one.
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like, do you like him in real life
Speaker 1: or you like him on paper?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, yeah yeah, Larissa, maintain your individuality and keep
Speaker 2: the romance alive. I think it's a death trap when
Speaker 2: you become that person becomes your identity. I've seen it happen, Jess,
Speaker 2: you've seen this happen. Oh for sure. A person's like
Speaker 2: suddenly you're like, who, where'd my friend go?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Sucks? Yep, Okay, Michelle has this is a very
Speaker 1: specific one. If there were two steaks on a plate,
Speaker 1: would he take the better one or give it to you?
Speaker 2: That's really I like that. It's kind of like, you know,
Speaker 2: it reminds me of when I said this to Matt
Speaker 2: this morning because he made two cups of coffee. He
Speaker 2: took a sip. He knows how I like my coffee.
Speaker 2: He goes and he gave it to me, and then
Speaker 2: he took a sip of the other one. He goes, wait,
Speaker 2: this one's better, you can have it, and I was like, oh.
Speaker 2: And he does stuff like that'll time, and it reminds
Speaker 2: me of the scene always in the Wedding Singer when
Speaker 2: he doesn't give her the window seat, he gives her
Speaker 2: the aisle seat and she keeps getting her uh arm
Speaker 2: bumped by the cart that goes by. Do remember this
Speaker 2: she talks about, like how if you get yes, he
Speaker 2: takes the best. It's so sweet.
Speaker 1: I'm still on sweet Matt.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he does cute things like that. He gives me
Speaker 2: the better gup of Guffy and I said, no, baby,
Speaker 2: you keep that gup because I love him big. Okay, Tatum, Oh,
Speaker 2: I like this one. If you wouldn't let your daughters
Speaker 2: go through it, don't let yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I feel like you've
Speaker 1: given me that advice sometimes in a different way where
Speaker 1: you're like, think about baby, Jess.
Speaker 2: I know we've talked about baby Jess. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1: I love that. I think we should end on that one.
Speaker 1: I like caretaking of our little selves, of our smaller selves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you might not have a daughter yet, you
Speaker 2: might be near twenties.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but just pretend like you did, Pretend like you're
Speaker 1: your own daughter, Pretend like you matter more than anyone
Speaker 1: in the world, and that you want to protect and
Speaker 1: take care of yourself.
Speaker 2: Well, we got out. We've talked about being the cheerleader
Speaker 2: for yourself, your you need to be your your number
Speaker 2: one fan for you.
Speaker 1: Yep, you gotta do it.
Speaker 2: I love this.
Speaker 1: It helps a few of other fans too.
Speaker 2: But yes, yeah, yeah, of course, of course, but sometimes yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I love it, you guys, I love all of these.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take some of these best relationship advice. Well,
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna actually now I'm gonna also. I
Speaker 1: love when we do these and then I hear more
Speaker 1: that next week I'll be like out in the world
Speaker 1: and I'll hear someone relationship advice. I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good one.
Speaker 2: Exactly, and then we can bring it back to the pod.
Speaker 2: All right, everyone, thank you for listening, and we will
Speaker 2: call this the end. Of the episode