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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: My friend crashed my birthday party, so I'm cutting her

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Speaker 2: off for context, I went through a breakup about a

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Speaker 2: month ago before this went down. A guy was breadcrumbing

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Speaker 2: me because of his emotional unavailability, and I was eating

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Speaker 2: it up because apparently I love carbs. That's so good.

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Speaker 2: I set a deadline, having my mental and emotional health

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Speaker 2: in mind, the amount of time I'd feel comfortable left

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Speaker 2: in limbo was finite. I made it clear my birthday

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Speaker 2: was when the clock struck midnight. By the way, this

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Speaker 2: comes from Pink Neon Kitten on the Arslash shokey Storytime

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Speaker 2: separate it. So with all previous breakups, I dealt with

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Speaker 2: things more or less on my own. This time was different.

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Speaker 2: Maybe it was the particular level of immaturity displayed in

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Speaker 2: my direction this go around. Who knows regardless. One friend benefited.

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Speaker 2: Let's call her Liz. I've known Liz, twenty eight female,

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Speaker 2: almost twelve years, but she exhibited some seriously not okay

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Speaker 2: behaviors that made me need to take a step back

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Speaker 2: from our friendship more than once. Each situation eventually resolved itself,

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Speaker 2: and in hindsight, she could empathize with my perspective and

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Speaker 2: would apologize appropriately.

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Speaker 3: However, she was a.

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Speaker 2: Real energy drain and incredibly presumptuous. She called herself my

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Speaker 2: best friend even though she knew about my childhood best friend,

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Speaker 2: in response to me saying, this may be the first

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Speaker 2: time I've ever felt comfortable sharing something in real time

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Speaker 2: with you. Right after that, she tried to pressure me

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Speaker 2: into moving next door and having kids at the same

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Speaker 2: time so her could could marry my one of mine.

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Speaker 2: Oh what, but are you like a only one best friend?

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Speaker 2: Because I'm like a multiple best friend. I think multiple

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Speaker 2: best friends. It's kind of like having a favorite song.

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Speaker 2: I declined, and said in the kindest way I could

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Speaker 2: muster that for me to live a happy life, I

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Speaker 2: need to be free and I won't plan my life

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Speaker 2: around someone else. Let me go. Maybe it's because she

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Speaker 2: had a rough life and I was the most loving

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Speaker 2: person in her world, but there was definitely some sort

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Speaker 2: of dependency on my friendship and presence. She would get

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Speaker 2: unnaturally upset by boundaries. She tried to pose my ideas

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Speaker 2: to me as her own. I swear, at least subconsciously,

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Speaker 2: she had to be trying to see what she could

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Speaker 2: get away with testing the waters, but it also seemed

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Speaker 2: like her lies fooled herself. Liz was involved from the

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Speaker 2: get go because I was listening to her drama before

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Speaker 2: my last phone call with Fred as my boyfriend, and

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Speaker 2: then I was listening to her poetry when Fred officially

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Speaker 2: decided he had to go on a healing journey to

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Speaker 2: be a better man for me. Oh my god, Fred.

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Speaker 2: It was entirely coincidental that I was talking to her,

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Speaker 2: but because I was, she was really in the loop

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Speaker 2: more than I was comfortable with. But I wanted to

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Speaker 2: trust her because she had been acting trustworthy. So fast

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Speaker 2: forward the Big three. Oh, my mom wants to keep

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Speaker 2: me distracted so the day after my birthday she can

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Speaker 2: throw a surprise party. I had one plan, and one

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Speaker 2: plan alone for my birthday, especially after the emotional turmoil

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Speaker 2: from the year prior and not knowing if Fred was

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Speaker 2: a prince or a frog. All I wanted was a

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Speaker 2: sleepover with my best friend of over two decades. Simple, right,

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Speaker 2: I tell my mom my sister everyone. I think, honestly,

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Speaker 2: maybe you should have kept that to yourself, that you

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Speaker 2: had that plan. Maybe it's like you don't even tell

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Speaker 2: everyone that you're ha at a party. It's just like,

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Speaker 2: I'm having a sleepover with my best friend, right like,

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Speaker 2: not to be crazy, Liz asked me on three different

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Speaker 2: occasions if I wanted to spend my birthday with her.

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Speaker 2: I politely declined every time. She first asked if I

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Speaker 2: wanted to double date with Fred once he's back on

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Speaker 2: my birthday. I said no, I'd like to spend time

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Speaker 2: alone with him. She then asked if I wanted her

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Speaker 2: and her boyfriend to spend my birthday with me if

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Speaker 2: I'm alone, I said no, we can make plans for

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Speaker 2: later on that weekend or the next weekend. Then a

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Speaker 2: few weeks later, she asked if I wanted to see

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Speaker 2: just her on my birthday, and I said no. Get

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Speaker 2: the hind, Liz, Please, what I really want, what I

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Speaker 2: really need is to spend time with my childhood best friend.

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Speaker 2: That's what's good for me. Let's plan a sleepover another time.

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Speaker 2: This is just embarrassing to be, like, please, but take

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Speaker 2: out with me. Almost two weeks past and I called

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Speaker 2: Liz the day before my birthday. I told her I'd

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Speaker 2: have time early on the day after my birthday until

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Speaker 2: dinner with my mom at five pm, and I wanted

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Speaker 2: to see if she'd be in town or if we

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Speaker 2: could FaceTime. She turned me down cold. I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: that's fine, let's talk souit. Fast forward to my birthday.

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Speaker 2: I'm having the best night ever. Went to a really cool,

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Speaker 2: spooky speakeasy with the BFF and had a blast, had

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Speaker 2: a relaxing night prepared. I was in bliss, guys. Honestly,

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Speaker 2: I felt like a kid again. It was everything I wanted.

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Speaker 2: And I could have had nothing else for my birthday,

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Speaker 2: no gifts or nothing, and felt completely fulfilled. Perfect birthday.

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Speaker 2: And and that's the end of the start. Yeah, but

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Speaker 2: just kidding, it's not. We get back to my place,

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Speaker 2: which for full context, is in the middle of the

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Speaker 2: woods with no street lights, and I'm walking up the

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Speaker 2: stairs around midnight, someone knocks on my door like a

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Speaker 2: crazy person. Oh gosh, when I tell you, so many

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Speaker 2: thoughts raced through my I mean so many. First thought

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Speaker 2: is is this spread? Did he come just in time?

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Speaker 2: Then I thought about the creepy middle aged man who

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Speaker 2: knocked on my door like that, and the seeded to

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Speaker 2: sit in his truck watching my front door from the

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Speaker 2: road and broad daylight. Oh my gosh, so part of

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Speaker 2: me was terrified it was him. Then I thought about

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Speaker 2: robbery's a gunpoint, guys. I was shook. I could have

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Speaker 2: gotten an oscar for the scream like shriek that somehow

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Speaker 2: emitted from my tiny mouth. Such a funny at least,

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Speaker 2: such a large scream. When the pounding started again, I

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Speaker 2: quickly turned off the lights and sank to the floor.

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Speaker 2: I refused to open the door. The pounding stopped, and

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Speaker 2: then a few minutes later started again. My best friend

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Speaker 2: convinced me to open the door, and turns out, dear

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Speaker 2: old Liz did the unthinkable. Oh my gosh, we knew it.

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Speaker 2: We knew it was Liss and drove over nine hours

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Speaker 2: to scare the ever living crap out of me and

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Speaker 2: barge in on my birthday evening. So she she planned

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Speaker 2: to scare you. I'm popping in surprise. Liz is got

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Speaker 2: some mess things in her head. I think, Liz, this

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Speaker 2: isn't how we do friendship. I thought I might dielessly

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Speaker 2: and then taboot. She almost let one of my precious

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Speaker 2: doggos run out of the door. No, oh my gosh.

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Speaker 2: There was something admittedly creepy af about her eyes, like

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Speaker 2: she wasn't blinking. Liz, you know what, I don't know

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Speaker 2: if this is Liz, what do you think it is.

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Speaker 2: I think it's I don't know, some sort of like ghost.

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Speaker 4: It's a ghost that's like a ghost of It's like

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Speaker 4: it's an alien, an alien apel ganger taking over Liz's bodies.

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Speaker 2: She didn't want to do anything Liz has asked, but

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Speaker 2: she was rejected. She was rejected. She's here anyway, scarier

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Speaker 2: than ever, scari weird vibes, I tell you, I mean,

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Speaker 2: she was hiding in my bushes. I was shaking, Liz,

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Speaker 2: what are you doing? Liz? Please? I went outside to

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Speaker 2: talk or well cry, to my best friend about how

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Speaker 2: absolutely uncomfortable this felt like a violation. She told me

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Speaker 2: that Liz messaged her and convinced her that Liz and

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Speaker 2: I had a sleepover overt plan, but needed help to

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Speaker 2: bring Halloween back into my world because it's one of

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Speaker 2: my favorite holidays, which I ignored because of bread crumb Fred

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Speaker 2: What kind of nice thought, I guess if it didn't

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Speaker 2: simultaneously completely ignore what I wanted. Let's get you into

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Speaker 2: the Halloween spirit and just completely terrify you. Yeah, like

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Speaker 2: I'll pretend to me the march.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and then then Dale, get you right, I don't

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Speaker 4: need Fred.

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Speaker 2: We're welcome to fear for our life. I expressed my

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Speaker 2: displeasure in many words and emotions. Everything I'd been dealing

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Speaker 2: with so well, all of the equilibrium I carefully built

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Speaker 2: up tumbled like a house of cards. No one knew

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Speaker 2: Fred ghosted me about our date, but my best friend,

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Speaker 2: and I didn't want anyone to know. That's why I

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Speaker 2: ignored Liz's texts, and even my mom's for that matter.

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Speaker 2: It was my business alone. I just wanted to say, haven.

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Speaker 2: I certainly didn't want to be forced to share my

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Speaker 2: distress to explain why I didn't appreciate this level of

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Speaker 2: lack of consideration. However, you guys, this this girl literally

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Speaker 2: packed an overnight bag. I mean, to be fair, it

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Speaker 2: was a nine hour trip. I don't know if she

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Speaker 2: can necessarily just drive back. I mean, I guess, But

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Speaker 2: then it lived so far.

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Speaker 4: Away shows you that you shouldn't presume pack that that

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Speaker 4: you shouldn't go, should no, she shouldn't have gone.

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Speaker 2: So wait is nine hours for Liz? Apparently it's seriously

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Speaker 2: as if she was betting on my caring nature for

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Speaker 2: this whole Sharad. I ended up talking a good deal

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Speaker 2: about personal autonomy and how this wasn't about me or

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Speaker 2: for me at all. It was super bizarre, though, because

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Speaker 2: she started bawling all sad that I didn't appreciate her

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Speaker 2: violating specific boundaries and almost giving me a heart attack

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Speaker 2: on my thirtieth birthday. Liz, so I ended up comforting

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Speaker 2: her no and saying I saw the intention, but her

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Speaker 2: execution was crap. I still made her leave good day, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean, yeah you should. Yeah that's good.

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Speaker 4: Like sucks like that you're falling for it and like

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Speaker 4: comforting her, but I understand.

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Speaker 2: That that's kind of like what you would do in

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Speaker 2: that situation. She's crying you like, that's so even though

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Speaker 2: it's not.

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Speaker 4: Right, But I'm totally I'm glad that you didn't, like

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Speaker 4: totally just accommodate her.

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Speaker 2: That's nice. She didn't deserve that. After I kindly booted

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Speaker 2: her out, I called my mom crying. Apparently Liz didn't

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Speaker 2: just steamroll my best friend into this She also triangulated

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Speaker 2: the situation and manipulated my mom into thinking I want

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Speaker 2: a sleepover like it was my plan. I was livid.

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Speaker 2: My mom tried to downplay things until she realized that

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Speaker 2: I actively said no to this girl on multiple occasions.

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Speaker 2: Both my mom and best friend felt really awful and

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Speaker 2: wish they would have communicated more to protect me. So

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Speaker 2: the next day I almost didn't want to go to

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Speaker 2: dinner with my mom since she knew my rocky past

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Speaker 2: with Liz. I felt she should have known something was amiss,

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Speaker 2: but my dad convinced me to talk to my mom,

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Speaker 2: who then partially gave away the surprise to convince me

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Speaker 2: to come. She said a lot of people have been

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Speaker 2: working hard, Liz included, and I got the gist. My

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Speaker 2: mom said I couldn't uninvite her from what I thought

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Speaker 2: was a small gathering of like five, but I didn't

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Speaker 2: want to be mean, so she came to my view

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Speaker 2: beutiful party and we all had a great time.

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Speaker 5: Well.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't look Liz in the eye for the first

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Speaker 2: two hours and actively avoided her, but I really felt

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Speaker 2: so very loved as a whole. We were all go

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Speaker 2: falling by the end of the night to herself included.

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Speaker 2: There is more to the story. But I honestly think

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Speaker 2: if she's like repeatedly disrespected your boundaries and it doesn't

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Speaker 2: really like her that much, yebe it's time to like

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Speaker 2: cut her off. Yeah, Like it's it doesn't need to

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Speaker 2: be that big of a deal. Like it's like, hey,

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Speaker 2: this doesn't seem like her our friendship is really working out,

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Speaker 2: You're not really respecting my boundaries. Like, it's gonna take

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Speaker 2: some time for you.

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Speaker 4: Like, I think like Liz would take it as a

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Speaker 4: big deal. Sure, especially if she sounds like she has

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Speaker 4: that kind of codependency on her.

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Speaker 2: But it's not your problem. It's not your problem. So

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Speaker 2: this is not your problem. Not your problem. This may

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Speaker 2: sound petulant, but if it hadn't been for the surprise

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Speaker 2: by Liz that night of my birthday, that would have

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Speaker 2: been the most perfect and wonderful birthday of my entire life.

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Speaker 2: So fast forward, approximately a week later, Liz sent.

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Speaker 5: Me a poem.

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Speaker 2: She wrote it after the first time I stopped talking

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Speaker 2: to her. It was poignant, beautiful. I thought we turned

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Speaker 2: over a new leaf. Maybe Liz is just too good

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Speaker 2: of a writer, But she is still a bad person,

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Speaker 2: right right, I think that's possible. This is exactly why

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Speaker 2: I wanted to clear the table of the main thing

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Speaker 2: that I hadn't discussed with her, the one thing that

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Speaker 2: was my biggest issue in the lynchpin of the entire situation,

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Speaker 2: her manipulative behavior. I swear I phrased my message super kindly.

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Speaker 2: I said something along the abridged lines of, Hey, there's

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Speaker 2: one last thing I feel is important for me to address,

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Speaker 2: to leave the situation behind and move forward confidently, albeit subconscious.

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Speaker 2: The manipulative nature of how this all took place is

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Speaker 2: something I fear will be brushed under the rug if

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Speaker 2: we just label it as a silly mistake. And she

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Speaker 2: wanted to talk on the phone, I felt she took

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Speaker 2: enough emotion from me against my will and needed time

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Speaker 2: to process. And it's not like she gave me any

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Speaker 2: indication that she was picking up what I put down

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Speaker 2: at all, So I didn't have the emotional stamina, which

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Speaker 2: is good on UOP for like recognizing your boundaries and

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Speaker 2: what you can take in the moment and speaking on

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Speaker 2: them too, Yeah, which apparently was vile, and I got

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Speaker 2: a long whine any blame shifting letter of vitriol in return,

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Speaker 2: darvo in ful fur force. She even pretended not to

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Speaker 2: remember the times I said no, saying that I was

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Speaker 2: overreacting out of line, that someone deserved this anger, not her.

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Speaker 2: Wo woo, definitely one. It's not me, It's not my fault.

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Speaker 2: This is so frustrating. It's like, oh, he's finally saying,

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Speaker 2: you know what, we need to have a talk about boundaries,

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Speaker 2: respecting them, and Liz is like, ah, right, right, fus.

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Speaker 4: Liz is annoying, like she really, they don't need to

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Speaker 4: stay friends.

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Speaker 2: They don't. You don't need you not a lot of

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Speaker 2: steaks on this. It sounds like you have another great

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Speaker 2: best friend. You don't need more best friend.

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Speaker 4: This one's not even your best friend. So the curve

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Speaker 4: bad friend. From my perspective, she threw an emotional grenade

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Speaker 4: into my world and almost ruined the only surprise party

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Speaker 4: I've ever had. She blamed her bad decision making on

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Speaker 4: the stress of keeping the surprise and her boyfriend suggesting it.

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Speaker 2: She said it was for me, but in reality, I

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Speaker 2: think she got jealous and was having fomo, even though

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Speaker 2: she was invited to the party itself and could have

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Speaker 2: easily surprised me. In a less terrifying place in broad daylight.

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Speaker 2: On the next day, when I had time, she said

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Speaker 2: she already apologized and she's there for me to talk

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Speaker 2: about anything but that because she deserves better than my

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Speaker 2: hurtful words.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, it was that what she was saying, like, Oh,

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Speaker 4: I'm sorry I scared you, but I did it for you.

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Speaker 2: I did it for you. You can't be mad at me.

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Speaker 4: I did it for you. You're welcome, Yeah, geez ungrateful God.

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Speaker 4: The thing is the only hurtful word or phrase I

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Speaker 4: used was manipulative nature, which is blunt, yes, but not

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Speaker 4: intentionally hurtful.

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Speaker 2: It was the truth. I had the receipts, but she

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Speaker 2: wanted no part of that. So in reply to her

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Speaker 2: long gaslighting message, I decided to bid her farewell for good.

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Speaker 2: I sent her an email explaining everything impeccably and ending

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Speaker 2: on the note that consent is not only important on

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Speaker 2: the dating scene. I can't parlay with a person who

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Speaker 2: ignores the word no. That doesn't sit right with me. Good, good, good,

291
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Speaker 2: you know what's good? You joining us live every weekday

292
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Speaker 2: three PMPST just to have her profile and to finish

293
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Speaker 2: the story off. Opie says, Honestly, I feel pretty confident

294
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Speaker 2: about my decision. But maybe I am the a hole.

295
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Speaker 2: Maybe I steamrolled her with my ideals and ignored her efforts.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I was a birthday brat. I still miss the

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Speaker 2: good things about her friendship. I super appreciate all the

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Speaker 2: efforts she put in, but I truly wish she would

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Speaker 2: have considered what I wanted to me. That behavior is

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Speaker 2: so outside the realm of normal or appropriate it boggles

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Speaker 2: my mind this even happened. Yeah, no, I think that's

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Speaker 2: the right decision. Just get rid of it. I agree.

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Speaker 4: I mean, you don't need to put up with that behavior. Yeah, absolutely,

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Speaker 4: And like I feel like, you know, you.

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Speaker 2: Probably do enjoy her presence time. You can probably have

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Speaker 2: had fun with some and still be like this is

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Speaker 2: not the person for me, right or as you know,

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Speaker 2: people are in your life.

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Speaker 4: Reason season in lifetime, this could have just been the

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Speaker 4: very small season, you know.

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Speaker 2: Small season. She doesn't need to be a reoccurring character.

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Speaker 4: Exactly, find another one. Yeah, you already have your best

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Speaker 4: friend on default, so you're good on that.

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Speaker 2: You're good, They're set.

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Speaker 4: My coworker keeps calling her boyfriend her master. Now everyone

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Speaker 4: I work is uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable me too.

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Speaker 2: An employee.

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Speaker 4: Will call her Sally started at our workplace about a

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Speaker 4: year and a half ago. She's not my subordinate, but

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Speaker 4: is a subordinate to a peer of mine and works

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Speaker 4: frequently with my subordinates. A few months later, she got

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Speaker 4: a new boyfriend. Will call him Peter. I found out

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Speaker 4: about this through normal water cooler type conversation. By the way,

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Speaker 4: this comes from u slash deleted account on our slash

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Speaker 4: Okay storytime sub bread it so after she'd been with

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Speaker 4: the company a few more months, at Christmas time of

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Speaker 4: twenty fifteen, she invited her boyfriend to our holiday party.

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Speaker 4: This is totally normal in our workplace. People are welcome

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Speaker 4: to bring any family or friends they like to the

330
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Speaker 4: party as long as they are SVOBE.

331
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Speaker 2: Everything there seemed.

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Speaker 4: Fine as well, although at one point Peter asked Sally

333
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Speaker 4: to get him a drink, to which she replied yes,

334
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Speaker 4: Master in a very dream of Genie kind of way.

335
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Speaker 2: We all laughed it off as a joke and it

336
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Speaker 2: didn't come up again until it did. No.

337
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Speaker 4: We had an early summer party in late May, at

338
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,920
Speaker 4: which Sally and Peter both attended again bring significant others

339
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Speaker 4: and friends was totally acceptable, so that was not in

340
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,120
Speaker 4: itself a problem. At this party, there was a good

341
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,280
Speaker 4: deal more of Peter ordering Sally around and Sally calling

342
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Speaker 4: him master. He sent her to fetch drinks and hot dog.

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Speaker 4: He told her to find a place for them to sit,

344
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Speaker 4: et cetera, to which she replied consistently with yes, Master,

345
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Speaker 4: I'm so uncomfortable.

346
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Speaker 2: That's disgusting.

347
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:27,480
Speaker 4: It made a number of people, myself included, clearly uncomfortable,

348
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,040
Speaker 4: but there was.

349
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Speaker 2: Nothing objectively abusive about it.

350
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:33,680
Speaker 4: He never yelled at her or threatened her, and her

351
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 4: immediate supervisor and her supervisors supervisor weren't there, Okay.

352
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,520
Speaker 2: So needs I don't know. This is like, how do

353
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,080
Speaker 2: you bring that up to the Yeah, okay, something got

354
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,920
Speaker 2: a weird office party the other day. Like it's not

355
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Speaker 2: affecting work.

356
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Speaker 4: The morale around is going way down. No one said anything,

357
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,720
Speaker 4: perhaps incorrectly said after the party at the office, I

358
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,280
Speaker 4: over heard a conversation in which one of her coworker

359
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,640
Speaker 4: friends was like, so, uh.

360
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,240
Speaker 2: What's up with the master thing of that.

361
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,399
Speaker 4: Going on? Some of that She explains that she was

362
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,439
Speaker 4: in a twenty four to seven dominant submissive relationship and

363
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,199
Speaker 4: that he wasn't her boyfriend or her significant other or

364
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:23,920
Speaker 4: her partner, he was her master. Listen, I don't want

365
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,840
Speaker 4: a king shame. I don't want a king shame, but

366
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Speaker 4: at the same time I do want to throw up.

367
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:34,600
Speaker 2: I also, I'm not not a king shame. But people outside,

368
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,280
Speaker 2: people who have not consented to your kink should not

369
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:40,240
Speaker 2: have to be exposed to your kink. That's a good point.

370
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,880
Speaker 4: Her coworker was clearly fla mixed and didn't have much

371
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,680
Speaker 4: response to that. Later, I heard her correct someone who

372
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Speaker 4: referred to her as her boyfriend slash partner, saying that

373
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Speaker 4: he wasn't her partner, he was her master.

374
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Speaker 2: She's like, he's not my.

375
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:57,000
Speaker 4: Partner, he's not my boyfriend and should be referred to

376
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Speaker 4: using his appropriate title.

377
00:17:58,640 --> 00:17:59,320
Speaker 5: Oh my god.

378
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,199
Speaker 4: She compared it to gay rights, saying that if she

379
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,479
Speaker 4: was a man, they would erase her relationship by referring

380
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,199
Speaker 4: to Peter as Patricia, and so they shouldn't erase the

381
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:12,439
Speaker 4: dominant submissive relationship by calling him a partner instead of

382
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:12,800
Speaker 4: a master.

383
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,879
Speaker 2: What so I don't I don't think I don't know

384
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:24,320
Speaker 2: about that. So so, No, sometimes sometimes things aren't.

385
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,960
Speaker 4: It's pretty clear that her coworkers aren't comfortable asking her

386
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:33,280
Speaker 4: will your master be at the end of summer barbecue.

387
00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:35,240
Speaker 2: Literally involving them in a king that they don't want

388
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:39,960
Speaker 2: to they have not to be in. It's icky, it's ikey.

389
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,159
Speaker 4: Or ask her, did you and your master do anything

390
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 4: fun this weekend?

391
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 2: I hate that. I hate that.

392
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:48,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, so they have just stopped referring to Peter at all.

393
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,720
Speaker 4: Her direct boss, my colleague is baffled as to how

394
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:55,480
Speaker 4: to sensitively address this issue. My instinct is that there's

395
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:59,080
Speaker 4: a very big difference between insisting that colleagues acknowledge that

396
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,600
Speaker 4: you're in a gay relationship and insisting that they refer

397
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,760
Speaker 4: to your partner as your master. Huge difference, and that

398
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:08,359
Speaker 4: it borders on involving other non consenting parties into your relationship,

399
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 4: just like you said. Yes, But I can't really articulate why.

400
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,160
Speaker 4: For what it's worth, I'm a bisexual woman and our

401
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:18,880
Speaker 4: office has a number of gay, lesbian, trans poly individuals,

402
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:22,400
Speaker 4: So it's not an issue of being against non traditional relationships.

403
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 4: It just seems to be that it seems very important

404
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,359
Speaker 4: to Sally that Peter be referred to as her master,

405
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 4: and it seems equally clear that her coworkers find this

406
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,760
Speaker 4: intensely uncomfortable. Help how can I advise my colleague what

407
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,679
Speaker 4: is reasonable in this situation? And there is an update

408
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,320
Speaker 4: after that, But what do we think?

409
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,639
Speaker 2: I don't know what you do here, cause, like I've

410
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,880
Speaker 2: I've like, obviously, I think tell supervisor because it's making

411
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,240
Speaker 2: you as uncomfortable. But I don't even know what they

412
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,400
Speaker 2: would do, Like how do they They're just like, hey,

413
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:50,920
Speaker 2: you stop.

414
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,400
Speaker 4: I feel like it wouldn't have to be like a hey,

415
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:54,639
Speaker 4: I need you to stop doing this.

416
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:58,280
Speaker 2: It would have to be like full conversation. Yeah, like like, hey,

417
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:02,679
Speaker 2: so we've had some people about you making them uncomfortable

418
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,399
Speaker 2: in the office. Yeah, maybe that's the conversation. Yeah, I

419
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 2: think so.

420
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 4: And then like we just talk about what this is

421
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,480
Speaker 4: and like, can I ask, like, is it really so

422
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:14,040
Speaker 4: important to like have them call him your master.

423
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,720
Speaker 2: Or you can do whatever you want, but this, right,

424
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 2: this is you cannot control other people? Yes, And I

425
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 2: feel like they can explain that.

426
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,199
Speaker 4: It's it's like involving non consenting into the indipeduals. Like

427
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 4: I think that's totally fine and seems up to code

428
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,680
Speaker 4: in the workplace, you know, have to code. So yeah,

429
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,119
Speaker 4: I think something like that is a good move, and

430
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,240
Speaker 4: hopefully that's what happened.

431
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,400
Speaker 2: Let's find out in the.

432
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,560
Speaker 4: Interim between sending the letter and the response, we had

433
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,919
Speaker 4: already told the staff that no, they definitely didn't need

434
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 4: to refer to Peter as master, but could simply call

435
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,920
Speaker 4: him by his name, Peter Peter.

436
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 2: All right, let's just stick with Peter.

437
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,399
Speaker 4: As others have speculated, the reason the issue came to

438
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,440
Speaker 4: a head at all was because Sally brought up Peter

439
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,639
Speaker 4: a lot. But I barely know what my other coworker

440
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,160
Speaker 4: spouses are named. But and yeah, it's.

441
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 2: Like, no, I feel like that is hard if you live,

442
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 2: you work in a big office. Yeah you know your coworkers' names,

443
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,119
Speaker 2: but you don't necessarily know everyone's spouse. Yeah, exactly, Like

444
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 2: that's a lot Peter Peter.

445
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:17,120
Speaker 4: Right, so just emphasizes how uncomfortable everyone is. The actual

446
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,680
Speaker 4: result was that people basically just avoided Sally for all

447
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,800
Speaker 4: social conversations, interacting with her only on.

448
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,480
Speaker 2: And about work projects.

449
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 4: After reading the letter and responses, my coworker decided that

450
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,400
Speaker 4: Sally really needed a direct talking to about She went

451
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,880
Speaker 4: in with the same arguments that people suggested that we

452
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,040
Speaker 4: respected her relationship, but that some details of the relationship

453
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 4: are appropriate for the workplace and some are not, and

454
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:43,240
Speaker 4: insisting on certain titles can fall into the details of

455
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 4: that category.

456
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 2: That's not appropriate.

457
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 4: There I go. She used the example that we would

458
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,960
Speaker 4: of course always refer to people by the correct gender

459
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 4: and would never say friend or roommate if boyfriend or

460
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,639
Speaker 4: partner or husband was correct, but that on the other hand,

461
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 4: it would be inappropriate to call some and my lover

462
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 4: or my binky boo in the office.

463
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,120
Speaker 2: That is a level of intimate detail that your coworker

464
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 2: does not need.

465
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 4: I don't want to know who your binky boo is. Yeah,

466
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 4: be clear, And I don't need to call.

467
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 2: Your biky boo your binky boo. It's like, how should

468
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 2: binky boo doo?

469
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 4: Right?

470
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 2: I think that's such a good way to say it.

471
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 2: It is great.

472
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,880
Speaker 4: Sadly, Sally doubled down at this point, insisting that lover

473
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 4: or binky boo or snehalophagus or whatever should be used

474
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:29,680
Speaker 4: if they were accurate.

475
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 2: Oh.

476
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:34,040
Speaker 4: Interesting, So she's saying, no, that is right, this is

477
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 4: my binky boot You need to refer to him as such.

478
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 2: I don't call him my big my binky boo. Then

479
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:46,639
Speaker 2: you're disrespecting me. It's just like gay rights. This is

480
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 2: your partner and this is my binky boot. Yes, you can't, right,

481
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 2: and I me of that. It's not Adam and Eve,

482
00:22:53,840 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 2: it's Adam and my binky boo. Yes, just don't get it.

483
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 4: She said that these should be used if they were accurate,

484
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 4: because they accurately represented the relationship, and to insist on

485
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,160
Speaker 4: softening the nature of the relationship for the easily shocked

486
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 4: was a slippery slope to oppression. Girl girl sounds very

487
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 4: like art disturbs the comfortable, and comfort to disturb something

488
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 4: like that.

489
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 2: She just sounds like that, this is what you're trying

490
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 2: to You're trying to oppress me and my freedom of speech. Yeah.

491
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 4: Sorry, everyone is just so easily shocked by my my

492
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 4: canks being so public.

493
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 2: No. I think also that happens a lot with art too,

494
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 2: of like people doing really crazy art things.

495
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 4: Hmm.

496
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 2: It's like, okay, well, there's also boundaries that need to wait.

497
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 4: There's a time and a place and you don't need

498
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 4: to like subject to others to participate in that.

499
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, like that's huge for what it's worth.

500
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 4: I get the impression that Sally was not so much

501
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:55,199
Speaker 4: naive or lacking in common sense as deliberately pushing the

502
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,200
Speaker 4: boundary for some reason of her Oh, my coworker said

503
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 4: that she had every right to feel that way, but

504
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 4: at the workplace, Master and Schmuckem's and binky boo, who's

505
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 4: con banky boo, But that any of these were not appropriate.

506
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 4: That Peter could be referred to as Peter or her partner,

507
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 4: or as her boyfriend, or as her friend, or as

508
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 4: any of a variety of options, or not at all,

509
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,000
Speaker 4: But that Master was inappropriate, and that this was a

510
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 4: very very common stance for even a very liberal company

511
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 4: to take. Yeah, and that Sally had probably just ought.

512
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 2: To learn to adjust to it. Get over to Sally,

513
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,160
Speaker 2: get over it. Not gonna lie.

514
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 4: It has been so hard the past few weeks to

515
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 4: not say my lover instead of my partner.

516
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 2: I have refrained.

517
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 4: Sally threatened to go over her head. But from what

518
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,199
Speaker 4: I hear, the big boss just shut her down with

519
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 4: your manager's word stands on this issue, and I see

520
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 4: no reason to talk to you about it.

521
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, where's she gonna go the Supreme Court? Yeah, and

522
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 2: say this is a violation of my rights?

523
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 4: Right, mister president, I can't call my binky boo my

524
00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 4: binky boo.

525
00:24:58,359 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 2: What the heck?

526
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 4: Not too long after Sally quit, I don't know where

527
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 4: she is, but I've heard through the.

528
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 2: Grape mind that she's just freelancing. By the way, you

529
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:16,199
Speaker 2: can be our binkieboo. Yes, so that's the update.

530
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 4: I still don't know exactly what point Sally was trying

531
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,360
Speaker 4: to make. Our organization is really quite liberal and has

532
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 4: a lot of LGBTQI hate plus employees myself included. But

533
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 4: there are still lines she was trying to push one

534
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,199
Speaker 4: I suppose. I don't get the impression that this was

535
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,199
Speaker 4: masterminded by Peter. It's tempting to think that she was

536
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,879
Speaker 4: trying to freak the mundane, as some commenters suggested, or

537
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 4: just wanted to see how far she could push the lines.

538
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,719
Speaker 2: That'd be really funny if Peter the whole time was like,

539
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 2: I'm your master. You have to go tell the whole world, right,

540
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 2: it's just like which they won't accept us, you gotta

541
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 2: do it, which is even worse. Honestly, I could see

542
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:53,879
Speaker 2: happening though.

543
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 4: If it's a submissdominant relationship, I feel like that would

544
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 4: fit in.

545
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's still weird. It could be like the kink

546
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 2: is also like like exhibitionism, Yeah yeah, something like that,

547
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 2: which is actually this more needed. But yeah, I.

548
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 4: Think it's just it's just an interesting situation because I

549
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 4: get her. I kind of get her mindset and the

550
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 4: fact where it's like, yeah, well you should just accept

551
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 4: me and accept our choices of what.

552
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 2: We want to know. Her mindset is so skewed that

553
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 2: it's pulling from things that are correct, yes, or that

554
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,880
Speaker 2: I agree with, but brushing them too far right.

555
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 4: Because it is it. It just is different from your sexual orientation.

556
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 4: And like in those situations where someone would actually refer

557
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 4: to someone as a friend when they are more like

558
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:40,160
Speaker 4: accurately their.

559
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 2: Partner, you know, like that's different.

560
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 4: That's very different because there's like a whole bunch of

561
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 4: oppression in that history and like all you know, all

562
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 4: that kind of stuff.

563
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:51,360
Speaker 2: I think it's just background. Whenever it involves like spicy

564
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 2: sleep and act like that, like an action that is

565
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 2: connected to it. Yeah, that's where it's like, okay, yeah,

566
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,879
Speaker 2: i'd be bringing that up at the place, Yeah exactly,

567
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 2: because then it isn't about like some sort of past

568
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 2: history of like you know, shunning people for this.

569
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 4: It's just like just general like niceties, I guess, and politis.

570
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,879
Speaker 2: You know, there's a time and place. Yeah, the workplace

571
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,440
Speaker 2: is not the time and place, right. You gotta respect

572
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 2: privacy and boundaries and stuff.

573
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,400
Speaker 1: So hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna

574
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 1: get back to the stories. But here's three minutes of

575
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:23,960
Speaker 1: ads from our sponsors.

576
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:29,360
Speaker 2: My wife keeps ordering takeout, so I'm cutting her off financially.

577
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 2: I am forty one years old and male. My wife

578
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,400
Speaker 2: is thirty nine years old. My wife doesn't work due

579
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 2: to a minor disability. It's not as if she cannot work,

580
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 2: but she complains of discomfort and exhaustion all the time.

581
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 2: The discussion over her working basically ended five years ago,

582
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 2: and I have completely given up on the prospect of

583
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 2: her ever having a job again. By the way, this

584
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 2: comes from Careful Credit forty six to forty five on

585
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 2: the arslash shokey story Times subpret it. Seeing as she

586
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 2: doesn't even come close to qualifying for disability and brings

587
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 2: in no income, we currently live entirely off my sale.

588
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 2: That's pretty frustrating. Yeah, that's a lot. I do not

589
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 2: mind financially supporting her. But my wife's spending habits have

590
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 2: gradually become more and more reckless. It began with her

591
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 2: ordering takeout twice a week, and then that escalated into

592
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,639
Speaker 2: three times a week, and now she's ordering takeout nearly

593
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 2: every day. This is all the spider fridge being stocked constantly.

594
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 2: I do the shopping, and I make sure to even

595
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 2: keep her freezer full of things she would only have

596
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 2: to microwave. Last month was a particularly heavy one for her.

597
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 2: She spent eleven hundred and seventy six dollars on delivery apps.

598
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:37,439
Speaker 2: Oh we cannot afford this. Yeah, yeah. There were several

599
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 2: days that she ordered twice. I may have reacted harshly,

600
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 2: but on Friday, I pulled money out of our savings,

601
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 2: completely paid off the card, and then canceled it. I

602
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 2: then removed all the money from her joint account and

603
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 2: funneled it into my own account. Apparently my wife learned

604
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 2: this when she tried to order takeout. She tried to

605
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 2: call the company, who explained the card it had been canceled.

606
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 2: She texted me asking what had happened, and I responded

607
00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 2: that she was cut off. Well. When I walked in

608
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 2: the door that evening, my wife was lying on the

609
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 2: floor dramatically saying that she had low blood sugar. I

610
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 2: told her she could eat any of the food we

611
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 2: had in our fridge or freezer. I also noticed that

612
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 2: she took the garbage out, probably for the first time

613
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 2: in a decade. I'm surprised she even knew where the

614
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 2: outdoor bin was. I can only assume she was disposing

615
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 2: of the evidence of what she ate, as she was

616
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 2: pretending to have not eaten, But I honestly don't care

617
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 2: enough to dig through the garbage to find it. She

618
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 2: was furious at me all weekend. Was what I did

619
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 2: over the top and there are some top comments and

620
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 2: an update. I have somewhat mixed feelings about this because

621
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 2: on the one hand, like she's totally outline and should

622
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 2: not be spending that much money and is being just

623
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 2: entirely disrespectful of the relationship right. But on the other hand,

624
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 2: I think it is on Ope to break.

625
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 5: Up with her.

626
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 2: Interesting, you're going to straight for a breakup? I think

627
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 2: so because it's been a couple of years of this situation.

628
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 2: Either he needs to have a conversation with her. Yeah,

629
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 2: I think that controlling the finances and kind of taking

630
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 2: a like like as if you would do with the

631
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 2: child is a really slippery slew. There's some coup comments

632
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 2: in an update. Comment to one says, not the a

633
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 2: whole eleven hundred and seventy six dollars in takeout, that's

634
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 2: how half a month's wages for me. No, this needs

635
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 2: to stop. And the manipulation with a blood sugar thing

636
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 2: is beyond over dramatic. And the fact that she took

637
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 2: the garbage out after years of not doing it proof

638
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 2: she knows what she's doing. And comfort two not the ale. Wow,

639
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 2: your wife's spent close to my food, fuel, entertainment, clothing,

640
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 2: et cetera budget for the month just on takeout. She

641
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 2: needs to get a job part time at a minimum.

642
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 2: Why are you still married? That is my question?

643
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:33,160
Speaker 5: True?

644
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 2: There is an update. Nine days ago, I made a

645
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,160
Speaker 2: post about how my unemployed wife has spent eleven hundred

646
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 2: and seventy six dollars on delivery apps in just a month.

647
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 2: This is egregiously out of what we can afford to

648
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 2: spend on takeout, and said she didn't seem willing to stop.

649
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 2: I canceled our credit card and moved the money from

650
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 2: our joint account into my own. For the following few days,

651
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 2: my wife kept talking about how I was financially abusing her.

652
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 2: She threw several tantrums, despite apparently being severely malnourished, threat

653
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 2: divorced through a bunch of the food we had in

654
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 2: the fridge away to try and stop strong army into

655
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 2: letting her get her takeout, and even tried to guess

656
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,560
Speaker 2: my bank account password a bunch of times. Sorry, my

657
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 2: password isn't Taco Bell one to three? Is this woman?

658
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Oh yeah, yeah, it's we just like

659
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 2: reveal it. It's just Grimace McDonald's. That last one was

660
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 2: how I learned if you try to guess someone's bank

661
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 2: account password enough times, the bank will send them an

662
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 2: automated email. But last Friday, the complaints and threats stop.

663
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 2: She seemed to go back to normal. I figured she

664
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 2: had given up. That was until today, which was garbage day.

665
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 2: When I took the last bag out before taking the

666
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 2: bin down to the curb, I discovered half a dozen

667
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 2: fast food bags, another takeout containers. Heads Where's she get

668
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 2: the money? She was quiet because she figured out a

669
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 2: way to do it. My wife wasn't supposed to have

670
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 2: access to the money. I have no idea how she

671
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 2: was affording the food. I confronted her about it, and

672
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 2: first she denied everything. I had to bring all of

673
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 2: her fast food garbage in to get her to fess up.

674
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 2: She had taken out alone just to eat fast for

675
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 2: fast food. She's addicted.

676
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 4: Now.

677
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 2: I thought that she had borrowed money from a friend

678
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 2: or family member, but she had taken out one of

679
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 2: the predatory payday loans. Before you ask, no, I have

680
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 2: no idea how she was approved. Within the next hour,

681
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 2: I froze my credit. I then drove her to the

682
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 2: payday loan place, where I paid the loan off in cash.

683
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 2: I will now have to dip further into my savings

684
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 2: to pay the rent. Why does he have to pay

685
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 2: it off?

686
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 4: I feel like, if you're married, oh, and she doesn't

687
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 4: have the funds to pay it, it falls on him.

688
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, which sucks. I suppose in a certain way,

689
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 2: cutting her off was successful. She didn't order takeout anymore.

690
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 2: She just drove to the restaurants to pick up her

691
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,680
Speaker 2: food for the low low price of twenty dollars for

692
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 2: every one hundred dollars she borrowed, or sixty dollars in

693
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 2: fees in total. Oh my gosh, Oh my god. In addition,

694
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 2: I told her that we would be getting a divorced

695
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 2: good go ahead, thank goodness, seed it. Oh my gosh.

696
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 2: I wonder if he could sue her. You probably can.

697
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 2: I'm sure I think that there was another story where

698
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 2: someone racked up a bunch of day and the other

699
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 2: partner didn't know, and you can sue for like, oh

700
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 2: like if you didn't know, that's just they don't like

701
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 2: screw you over. That's that's so maybe that's what you

702
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 2: can do. Yeah, so, yeah, my marriage is over. I

703
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,520
Speaker 2: don't even know what alimony laws and my state are like,

704
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 2: but I assume she'll happily live in a cardboard box

705
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 2: under a bridge if Uber eats will bring her food there.

706
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 2: And there are some relevant comments to finish this story off,

707
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 2: But what are your thoughts That just blows my mind?

708
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 2: All her fast food.

709
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, when you said that she took out alone, I

710
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 4: was like, Okay, she needs to actually go to therapy now,

711
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 4: like this is.

712
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 2: Actually a bigger problem, Like what, yeah, this is like

713
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 2: she has food in the fridge. It's not even like laziness.

714
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 2: This is yeah, the fridge that can be heated up. Yeah,

715
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 2: like easy stuff. Yeah, And I mean no, I need

716
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 2: I need my fast food, I need my takeout right

717
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 2: because I mean I don't, I don't know.

718
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 4: Like I under I feel like if it was really

719
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 4: just avoidant of like actually doing work of it, then

720
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 4: she maybe just wouldn't eat, which of course is not good.

721
00:33:59,680 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 5: Yeah.

722
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 2: Like, but spending all that money and having no control

723
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 2: over it, it's like something is wrong with her fight

724
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 2: like her impulse control.

725
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,760
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, because especially too, like when when she stopped

726
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 4: treating delivery, she would drive there to do it, which

727
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 4: saves a lot of the money that you're spending. Ok,

728
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 4: So it's like why Yeah, like fast food in general

729
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 4: is just expensive to keep eating all the time, but

730
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,239
Speaker 4: then delivering it every single time.

731
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:26,799
Speaker 2: Very expensive, very very very pal much of one says,

732
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 2: I think divorce is the best course of action. She

733
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 2: needs professional help, but that's not your problem anymore. I'm

734
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 2: glad you took steps to protect yourself financially. Sadly, there

735
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:39,279
Speaker 2: is just fundamentally something wrong with her, and soon she'll

736
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 2: self destruct, starting with the divorce, Opie says. When I

737
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:45,200
Speaker 2: paid off the paint a loan, I decided that would

738
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 2: be the last thing I ever did for her. It

739
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 2: was far more than she deserved. My sister has been

740
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 2: added two substances for over twenty years. I haven't talked

741
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 2: to her in about a decade, but this was the

742
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 2: kind of crap that she would pull. I remember how

743
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 2: she and her loser boyfriend would steal crap from my

744
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 2: room pond so they could buy more, And I honestly

745
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 2: wouldn't put it past my wife at this point to

746
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 2: start selling my things so she could buy more vass food.

747
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,839
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm just so furious. As I worked every day,

748
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,880
Speaker 2: my wife sat around ordering takeout and living like a queen,

749
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 2: and when the almost literal gravy train stopped, she decided

750
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 2: to imperil our financial future for more food. And my god,

751
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 2: she has gotten so fat she's basically waddling around like

752
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 2: a penguin now. But what really freaking pissed me off

753
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 2: is that after taking out that payday loan, instead of

754
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 2: putting it into a new account to order takeout, she

755
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 2: went to the restaurant drive throughs. It was almost as

756
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 2: if she wanted to stretch it to last for as

757
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 2: long as possible, which wasn't an issue when it was

758
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 2: money that I earned. She knew that the payday loan

759
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,160
Speaker 2: was probably a one time ail Mary, so she actually,

760
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 2: in her own twisted way, tried to exercise financial responsibility.

761
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

762
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,319
Speaker 2: People in the last post yelled at me for not communicating.

763
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 2: We have thought about this dozens of time. Every time

764
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 2: the credit card bill rolled in. I would tell her

765
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 2: she needed to stop, that we were losing everything because

766
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 2: of her habit. I told her again and again and again.

767
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 2: But she didn't give a crap. She needed more of

768
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 2: that garbage. Oh my god, I honestly don't give a

769
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 2: crap either. If she's depressed, I don't care. If she's

770
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 2: a gooraphobic, which I don't know, which I doubt, I

771
00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,839
Speaker 2: don't care. She has never shown even the slightest bit

772
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:18,880
Speaker 2: of remorse. Eventually, even my sister, with her substance addle brain,

773
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,480
Speaker 2: apologize for stealing my GameCube. My wife couldn't even do that.

774
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 2: She's a lazy piece of crap faking a disability, and

775
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 2: people were blaming me as if that absolved her of

776
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,759
Speaker 2: all wrongdoing. If it makes me an a hole, fine,

777
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 2: I'm not effing up the rest of my life because

778
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 2: some dim witted sloth with the disability can only muster

779
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 2: up the energy to get off her butt when it

780
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:42,480
Speaker 2: involved food she bought with money that someone else earned. Wow.

781
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,280
Speaker 2: Common Trairt two says, I'm sorry to read this update, Opee.

782
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 2: Given that she risked taking her credit for something as

783
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 2: dumb as a paida alone, it seems like this might

784
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,960
Speaker 2: be about more than takeout and could indicate a deeper

785
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,360
Speaker 2: emotional problem for her. I hope that she addresses it

786
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 2: before her life unravels, and that you find some peace

787
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:00,959
Speaker 2: after the separation. But you can find peace with us

788
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 2: by joining us live every weekday through PMPST. Just tap

789
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 2: her profile. And finally, op says, I honestly don't even

790
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,839
Speaker 2: care about her anymore. I'm actually kind of happy about

791
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:12,800
Speaker 2: the payday loan. I read through every common in the

792
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:15,440
Speaker 2: last post, all of them, and I tried to understand

793
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 2: her feelings. People kept telling me that she had mental

794
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:20,360
Speaker 2: health issues or that she needed therapy. I did my

795
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,720
Speaker 2: best to understand, and I was actually going to start

796
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 2: giving her three hundred dollars of pre prayed credit card

797
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:28,360
Speaker 2: spending money every month, as we suggested. Could we typically

798
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 2: afford three hundred dollars a month on to her takeout.

799
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:32,960
Speaker 2: Not really no, but it would have been something for

800
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,239
Speaker 2: her to look forward to. Now, all I can think

801
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 2: of is that with her issues, she was allowed to

802
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,840
Speaker 2: be as self centers as she wanted. But when was

803
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:41,960
Speaker 2: it going to be my turned up something for myself.

804
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 2: My work boots have a giant hole in them that

805
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 2: I've duct taped clothed twice, and that eleven hundred and

806
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 2: seventy six dollars would have bought me the best work

807
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 2: boots out there. So I had people wagging a finger

808
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:52,879
Speaker 2: at me in the last post, You're an a hole

809
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 2: for how you treat her for her disability effort disability. Ever,

810
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,360
Speaker 2: and after people who said this was somehow all my fault.

811
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:01,440
Speaker 2: But I'm sure the same people will show up with

812
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 2: some delusional fantasy about her having a wonderful post breakup

813
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 2: glow up or something and that is the end of

814
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:11,839
Speaker 2: that story. But my gosh, Yeah, I again, I think

815
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 2: I'm still of the mind like obviously she's the whole

816
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 2: or is maybe going through some sort of breakdown or

817
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:17,799
Speaker 2: some sort of a thing.

818
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:18,320
Speaker 4: Yeah.

819
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,359
Speaker 2: Again, I still think that when you're in a relationship,

820
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,839
Speaker 2: especially when seemingly you've agreed to have like a stay

821
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 2: at home partner. I think it's a really slippery slope

822
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 2: to have financial control over them, right, And so I

823
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 2: think at that point, if you're like, this isn't working,

824
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:36,760
Speaker 2: then just go with the divorce route. Yeah. Then having

825
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 2: that dependency on like your finances is just not for

826
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 2: each It's not for you. And that makes sense.

827
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,920
Speaker 4: And I feel like too, like if it was like

828
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,720
Speaker 4: an additioner or whatever, like a lot of the fall

829
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:50,360
Speaker 4: is falling on him, you know, yeah, because the financial

830
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 4: burden is being put on him, right, and it's not

831
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 4: his responsibility to deal with it in that way.

832
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Like I don't think that he should have to

833
00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:59,240
Speaker 2: deal with that at all. Which, yeah, just divorce.

834
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 3: My boyfriend kept a secret album of his ex. I

835
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:04,239
Speaker 3: think he's still in love with her.

836
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 5: Delete no delete.

837
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 3: So it's as the title says, but I'll give you

838
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,800
Speaker 3: the full context. I twenty eight female and my boyfriend

839
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 3: let's call him Michael, twenty nine male, have been together

840
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,880
Speaker 3: for three years. By the way, this comes from silver

841
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 3: Mary and Barry thirteen on the Best of Reddit Updates subreddit.

842
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 3: So we met through a mutual friend let's call her

843
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 3: Amy twenty nine female who he's known and been best

844
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 3: friends with since preschool. Amy and I met through work,

845
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 3: and from the get go, Michael was honest with me

846
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 3: and told me he and Amy dated when they were

847
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 3: both in high school for about a year. Okay, we

848
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:34,920
Speaker 3: like being upfront and honest about that. They ended things

849
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,799
Speaker 3: mutually before they finished school, and Amy later came out

850
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:41,760
Speaker 3: as a lesbian and is in a long term, happy relationship. Wow,

851
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 3: we're happy for Amy, so needless to say, I've never

852
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:47,720
Speaker 3: been worried about their relationship being anything weird. She likes girls,

853
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 3: She likes girlies. We fell in love fast, and we

854
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:52,960
Speaker 3: moved in together within a year. The reason I adore

855
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,719
Speaker 3: him so much is I thought we were always open

856
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 3: and honest with each other at every step of our relationship.

857
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,800
Speaker 3: He's been open about all of his ex and it

858
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:02,880
Speaker 3: made it clear that I am it for him, so

859
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 3: onto the issue. Michael is currently out of town on

860
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:06,840
Speaker 3: a work trip. It's the time of the year that

861
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:10,000
Speaker 3: I a Halloween fanatic. I love that decorate my entire

862
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,360
Speaker 3: house for the holiday and was excited to get started

863
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 3: while I had the house to myself, so I got

864
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 3: to removing some of our everyday decor and putting them

865
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:20,400
Speaker 3: into boxes under our bed. Okum, I found a box

866
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 3: that I assumed was empty and pulled it out to

867
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 3: start packing stuff into. To my surprise, the box had

868
00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:29,920
Speaker 3: two photo albums inside of it. Never look under the bed, girl.

869
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 5: Well, he should have put that onto the bed if

870
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 5: it's what we think it is.

871
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, he should have hit it far away.

872
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 1: Now.

873
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 3: I'm easily distracted while cleaning, so if I find photos

874
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 3: are something I haven't seen in a while, I usually

875
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,319
Speaker 3: stopped to look at them and then move on. I

876
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 3: expected to see photos of my boyfriend with his family

877
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,240
Speaker 3: and being a cute kid, and I'm such a sucker

878
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 3: when it comes to that. He was the cutest kid ever.

879
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 3: But I was shocked when I opened the first album

880
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,800
Speaker 3: and it was only photos of Amy as a kid,

881
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,839
Speaker 3: with some of him included in there too. Okay, yeah,

882
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:58,400
Speaker 3: let's pause. Why did I think we were going to

883
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,720
Speaker 3: see some rated photos?

884
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:00,840
Speaker 4: No?

885
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 5: We I read a story yesterday Ready doar photos album

886
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 5: that was a crazy one. But this I did think

887
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 5: it was gonna be radiar photos, like some limited edition

888
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 5: Pokemon cards because now she's a lesbian and she's not

889
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 5: going to send those to guys anymore. She's doing some

890
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 5: of the girls. This is like, He's like, oh, I

891
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 5: have to keep these, these are like the best things ever.

892
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 5: That's what's going through his head. Oh my god, but

893
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 5: I was thinking something bad.

894
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, these are just photos of them as a kid,

895
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 3: because they've been friends forever.

896
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 2: Okay, sweet, Yeah, not too bad. Let's see, we know

897
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 2: how these stories go.

898
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 3: The further into the book I got, the more photos

899
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 3: of Amy there were through the years. Clearly these were

900
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 3: picks from school that the two of them had taken.

901
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 3: The second album was even worse. It was entirely made

902
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:42,040
Speaker 3: up of photos of their one year relationship, and it

903
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,280
Speaker 3: included pictures of them kissing, their names written in the sand,

904
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 3: and even some borderline spicy picks. Nothing explicit, just rather suggestive. Okay,

905
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 3: all right, so album two maybe now it's it's a

906
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 3: little harder. I don't know what we're doing here. I

907
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 3: don't know what to do. I don't know if this

908
00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 3: means he still loves her or whether this is just

909
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 3: him being sentimental and wanting to preserve the memories of

910
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 3: their past. I'm not sure how to confront him about this,

911
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 3: and even if I should. Any advice is appreciated. And

912
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 3: then we do have an edit.

913
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:13,280
Speaker 5: I'm the type of guy that deletes every single photo

914
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 5: of my EXI I do not have a photo. I'll

915
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 5: go back and if I see one, I will go

916
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 5: out of my way delete to delete it. I do

917
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:21,759
Speaker 5: not like that.

918
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:24,719
Speaker 3: I haven't deleted any photos of me and my ex.

919
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 5: What's your first boyfriend?

920
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 2: Though?

921
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,520
Speaker 3: That's true, and it's not because I need. I don't

922
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 3: look back at them, but like one, it feels like

923
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:32,920
Speaker 3: exhausting and like it would take a lot of time.

924
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 3: But I guess people have different relationships to photos and

925
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 3: having that there. But I guess I guess if I

926
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 3: started dating someone seriously, no, because I don't know. That's

927
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 3: your history, that's your past.

928
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:44,319
Speaker 5: They're gone.

929
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:44,879
Speaker 3: Oh they're gone.

930
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 5: I don't care.

931
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 3: They're gone.

932
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 5: You don't care. I the first album, okay.

933
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 3: That's cute.

934
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 5: Second album that should be long enough.

935
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:54,759
Speaker 3: Let me clarify, Let me clarify. I don't want the

936
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 3: spicy picks. I don't want you to have spicy picks

937
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 3: of your ex still on your eye.

938
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 5: I don't think having that or the second album we're

939
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:04,240
Speaker 5: talking here, I having pictured like those like ooh, sexy

940
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,319
Speaker 5: photos together or them kissing or like them doing all

941
00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 5: the cheesy stuff that album I would get back or gone. Dude,

942
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 5: I agree, I have a fun Okay storyteller. At the

943
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 5: end of this, okay, are you sure I would love that?

944
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 5: OPI says, thank you for so many helpful comments.

945
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 3: A lot of you have really opened my eyes to

946
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:22,719
Speaker 3: the fact that I might have some insecurities that I

947
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 3: wasn't aware of. Some stuff I mentioned in comments but

948
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 3: didn't include in the post might be helpful to add in.

949
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 3: I have not had a boyfriend before Michael. I've dated

950
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 3: but never been in a relationship, so I don't have

951
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 3: an X and don't experience sentimentality for past relationships, so

952
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,399
Speaker 3: I didn't have that perspective. I'm not really sure why

953
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:40,279
Speaker 3: so many people seem to think I want Michael and

954
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 3: Amy not to be friends, or for him to throw

955
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 3: all the photos out or something. The issue was more

956
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,719
Speaker 3: that I perceived the photo albums being hidden under our

957
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 3: bed as being hidden when people have pointed out they

958
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 3: could have been forgotten about and stored away. That's a

959
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 3: good point.

960
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:55,399
Speaker 5: That's a really good point.

961
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:57,440
Speaker 3: That is yeah, yeah, I didn't think about that like

962
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 3: he was actively hiding it from her, because that would bring.

963
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 3: I have some trust Steph.

964
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 5: I think the first album not really hiding. I'd be

965
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:06,879
Speaker 5: okay with the second album. You don't get a pass

966
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 5: the second album.

967
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 3: I love Amy. We work together in a bar for

968
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 3: years and she has become one of my friends, separate

969
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:15,240
Speaker 3: from Michael's friendship with her, which of course is much stronger.

970
00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:17,320
Speaker 3: My worry wasn't that they were going to end up together.

971
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 3: It was concerned that having photos in an album of

972
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 3: a relationship from over a decade ago was somehow Michael's

973
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 3: still having feelings for Amy. I now feel like the

974
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 3: comments have illuminated to me that this probably is not

975
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 3: the case. Michael is away until Monday, so I will

976
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 3: talk to him when he gets back. And just mentioned

977
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 3: that I was cleaning and found them, and it pretticually

978
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 3: brought out some insecurities in me. Thank you to everyone

979
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:40,240
Speaker 3: who wrote out thoughtful messages. I appreciate even the harsher

980
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 3: real talk ones that snapped me out of my initial panic.

981
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:45,360
Speaker 3: And we have some comments. But I do want to

982
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:47,880
Speaker 3: say I feel like Op's being very mature about this,

983
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 3: Like when he comes home, I'm going to bring it

984
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:51,480
Speaker 3: up and be like I was cleaning. I found it

985
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 3: feeling a little insecureep I just want to chat this out. Yeah,

986
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 3: that's all you can do.

987
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,879
Speaker 5: That's good, that's really good, just to let it all out.

988
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 3: Ah yeah, Yeah, this.

989
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 5: Tough, very tough situation.

990
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 3: It is tough. But it's like, you know, if OPI

991
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:06,879
Speaker 3: went to the boyfriend and said, hey, I would appreciate if,

992
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 3: like you didn't have these in the house, would that

993
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 3: be okay or no?

994
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:13,680
Speaker 5: Because if I found a photo album of Angie and

995
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:17,359
Speaker 5: her ex and we lived together, I would ask like, hey,

996
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 5: could we maybe put this somewhere else or could you

997
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 5: get rid of it?

998
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:21,440
Speaker 3: Could you put this in the trash?

999
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,439
Speaker 5: I I would be uncomfortable. Yeah with that the first one,

1000
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 5: Ray keep it at your parent's house. Yeah, you can

1001
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 5: do that. Could you please do that for you?

1002
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 3: Keep me with the scrap books?

1003
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, but not the second album that.

1004
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,160
Speaker 3: I'm with you. I'm with you on that. So we

1005
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 3: got some comments. No transition thirty two to fifty nine

1006
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 3: says take a deep breath, Opie, it's gonna be okay.

1007
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,279
Speaker 3: Just talk to him about it. I know it's easy

1008
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,480
Speaker 3: to jump to the worst conclusion, but he probably kept

1009
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:46,919
Speaker 3: them because he would feel bad throwing them away, Okay, Okay, Yeah,

1010
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 3: if it was an album filled with the picks, I'd

1011
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 3: be more concerned. I'm sure it's going to be okay.

1012
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 3: Oh he said this comment definitely pulled me out of

1013
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 3: my spiral. Hah. I feel kind of reassured by y'all's

1014
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,880
Speaker 3: opinions because it doesn't seem like anyone thinks it's for

1015
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 3: any weird reason. I guess I just had a moment

1016
00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:04,840
Speaker 3: of panic, especially as it was just albums of Amy.

1017
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 3: But they did grow up really close. I guess I

1018
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 3: just didn't expect he would have physical reminders of their relationship.

1019
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 3: I will definitely bring it up to him and let

1020
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 3: him know I'm not mad and don't think the worst

1021
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:16,879
Speaker 3: of him. Eloquent Philosophy says he also might have put

1022
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,280
Speaker 3: it there two ish years ago when you moved in together,

1023
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 3: meant to talk about it, didn't find the right time,

1024
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 3: and forgot about it. To imagine, he goes every night,

1025
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:28,319
Speaker 3: pulls it out and is like, Amy, we have an

1026
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:31,640
Speaker 3: update four days later, So hello again, folks. Not sure

1027
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 3: if people are still interested in this situation, but since

1028
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 3: I do have stuff to update you all on, I

1029
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 3: figured I would post here anyway. For those who are

1030
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:38,280
Speaker 3: still invested.

1031
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:38,920
Speaker 5: Nice.

1032
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,439
Speaker 3: So onto the update. Michael came back from his trip

1033
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 3: this morning, and it was so great to see him.

1034
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,520
Speaker 3: I didn't talk about the photo album situation immediately, as

1035
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 3: he had been working all weekend and needed time to

1036
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 3: relax and veg out a little haha exclamation mark. I

1037
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 3: love that the conversation actually came on pretty naturally, so

1038
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,479
Speaker 3: I'll do an abridge summary here of what went down oka.

1039
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 3: Michael said, the house looks so cute. I forgot we

1040
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 3: had most of these decorations.

1041
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 4: Me.

1042
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, me too.

1043
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 3: A lot of them were stuffed under our bed, and

1044
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 3: I found a lot of things I'd forgotten about. Michael said, God, yeah,

1045
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 3: I always just shove all my things under there and

1046
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:11,920
Speaker 3: forget to ever sort through them again.

1047
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 4: Me.

1048
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:14,439
Speaker 3: It's funny you should mention that, because I actually found

1049
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 3: a couple of year old photo albums under there too.

1050
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:20,120
Speaker 3: Michael said, oh really. At this point, Michael's face didn't change.

1051
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 3: He didn't look worried or stressed, just interested. I said,

1052
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:25,720
Speaker 3: so there were two albums of pictures of you and Amy,

1053
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 3: and he said, smiling, Oh really, I haven't seen pictures

1054
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 3: of us from school in so long. So you get

1055
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:34,360
Speaker 3: the picture. He definitely was not hiding something from me,

1056
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 3: as most of you suspected.

1057
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:35,799
Speaker 1: OK.

1058
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:36,440
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1059
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 3: I went on to share how I initially felt and

1060
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:40,399
Speaker 3: how I had jumped the gun a little, and he

1061
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:43,440
Speaker 3: was very apologetic, which I absolutely told him not to be.

1062
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 3: I explained that all of this really came down to

1063
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:48,640
Speaker 3: me having some insecurities. He was very kind and reassuring

1064
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 3: and told me that he was absolutely does not like

1065
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 3: Amy as anything more than his oldest and most loyal friend.

1066
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 3: He explained that the albums were made by Amy when

1067
00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 3: they'd been dating for six months as a gift to him,

1068
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,680
Speaker 3: so he never the heart to throw them out, which,

1069
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 3: let me be clear, I would never ask him to do. Girl.

1070
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 3: I would, Girl, I would. I'm sorry, but.

1071
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,359
Speaker 5: Like going back to Amy and the relationship, like Amy

1072
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 5: and Op are good, so it makes sense.

1073
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 3: But if I was, But you're in a new relationship now, honey,

1074
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 3: put them away.

1075
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:17,760
Speaker 5: I think this has a pass. But in my case, okay,

1076
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:19,880
Speaker 5: but like you and your eggs or whatever, and you

1077
00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:22,359
Speaker 5: have new yeah that that's different. Yeah, but since they

1078
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,040
Speaker 5: have such a close Amy and OP have such a

1079
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:25,799
Speaker 5: close bond, then I'll give it a pass. I'll give

1080
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 5: I'll give it a beth.

1081
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 3: He asked if I was still uncomfortable with him having

1082
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 3: the albums, and I said no. I confessed about my

1083
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 3: post to this sub which he actually found very funny

1084
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 3: I had done. He tends to be the one on

1085
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:38,640
Speaker 3: Reddit I usually only come on to look at dog pictures,

1086
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:40,840
Speaker 3: and we looked through a few of the comments together

1087
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 3: to summarize We're good and had a productive talk. I

1088
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:46,240
Speaker 3: did mention I want to work on some of my insecurities.

1089
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 5: Can you see again?

1090
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 3: You know what, You're fine, You're fre not just do again,

1091
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 3: And he told me that from his perspective, this wasn't

1092
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 3: such a big deal, but if I had felt so

1093
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 3: badly about the albums that I got genuinely upset, that

1094
00:48:57,200 --> 00:49:00,560
Speaker 3: it would probably be beneficial. So I will indeed work myself.

1095
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 3: Thanks to everyone who did leave a comment on my

1096
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:05,239
Speaker 3: post with constructive advice, it really did mean a lot.

1097
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:08,319
Speaker 5: Yeah nice, Yeah cool. That worked out really well, and

1098
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 5: I'm glad that it wasn't a problem.

1099
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 3: It just sounds like they have a mature relationship. They communicate,

1100
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:16,560
Speaker 3: and I think insecurity, we all have insecurities. It's totally

1101
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,319
Speaker 3: fine to feel some type of way, just like let

1102
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:19,640
Speaker 3: your partner know, and like.

1103
00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:22,319
Speaker 5: In that moment, she was super high, gonna do some

1104
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:25,280
Speaker 5: Halloween decorations, going to be doing all these great things

1105
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 5: to find that and then boom and it's like, this

1106
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:29,359
Speaker 5: is not what my day was supposed to look like.

1107
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:31,759
Speaker 3: And he's out of town, and he's out of town,

1108
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:33,880
Speaker 3: so you can't even get that validation in the moment.

1109
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:36,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, which about it worked out?

1110
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're happy for you.

1111
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 5: Guys turn out to anything crazy.

1112
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hope you don't find that third photo album though.

1113
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:47,799
Speaker 5: Hey it's johny og Host here. We're gonna get back

1114
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:49,399
Speaker 5: to the stories. But he's a quick three minute break

1115
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:52,840
Speaker 5: of asthmim Our sponsors. I feel like I'm his caregiver

1116
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 5: rather than his partner. Is it time to move on?

1117
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:57,440
Speaker 3: I think it depends. I need to hear more.

1118
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 5: I am a thirty five year old and I've been

1119
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 5: married to my thirty nine year old husband for seven years.

1120
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,400
Speaker 5: We've been together for a total of twelve and we

1121
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 5: have a three year old son. I've always had some

1122
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:13,640
Speaker 5: underlying issues in our relationship, but recently things have escalated

1123
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:17,839
Speaker 5: and I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by the way This comes

1124
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 5: from Chris the Mermaid on the r slash okop subreddit.

1125
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:24,800
Speaker 5: So our marriage has never been perfect, but compared to others,

1126
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:27,560
Speaker 5: it was peaceful enough. My husband's been never been very

1127
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:31,800
Speaker 5: emotional or affectionate. He doesn't initiate date nights or show

1128
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 5: much spontaneity, and while that bothered me, I managed to

1129
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:38,720
Speaker 5: accept it. However, I felt like he wasn't putting enough

1130
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 5: effort into our relationship with the household, or even bonding

1131
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:45,400
Speaker 5: with our children. For instance, when I ask him to

1132
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 5: do something specific like dressing our son, he'll do it.

1133
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 5: There's no initiative or interaction beyond the task. I thought

1134
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:56,319
Speaker 5: maybe it was just because some men aren't hands on

1135
00:50:56,440 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 5: during the baby phase, and things would improve as our

1136
00:50:59,200 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 5: son got older.

1137
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 3: I would let me just stop you right there. No,

1138
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:04,239
Speaker 3: you are a parent too. I don't want this whole

1139
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,720
Speaker 3: al Well, some men aren't hands on. No, you decided

1140
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 3: to have a kid fifty to fifty.

1141
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:10,360
Speaker 5: I saw a stat that more men are changing diapers

1142
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 5: and they were fifty years ago.

1143
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:12,400
Speaker 3: Let's go.

1144
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:16,839
Speaker 5: Yes, they did, but not as much as I hope.

1145
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:19,680
Speaker 5: Almost four years my husband has been sleeping in a

1146
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:22,279
Speaker 5: different room. This started when I was pregnant because he

1147
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 5: snores and he sleep in the living room to give

1148
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 5: me space to rest. However, the baby was born, he

1149
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 5: never came back to our bedroom, despite me telling him

1150
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 5: several times that he was welcome to return. Fail Like

1151
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:35,879
Speaker 5: I know this couple. I suspect he just got used

1152
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:38,399
Speaker 5: to it and now it's our new normal. I didn't

1153
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:40,799
Speaker 5: address it at the time, but I wonder if it

1154
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:45,319
Speaker 5: had a deeper impact in our relationship, I would say, so, yes,

1155
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:47,919
Speaker 5: let's cuddle time, Yes, let's bonding time.

1156
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 3: Absolutely, absolutely, it's a big change.

1157
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 5: Also, smaller things that have been started to add up

1158
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:56,840
Speaker 5: over time. For example, my husband doesn't buy gifts for

1159
00:51:56,960 --> 00:52:00,440
Speaker 5: our son's birthday or for me on my birthday, our

1160
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 5: anniversary what. He simply expects me to handle it. It's

1161
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 5: frustrating that I have thousands of pictures of him and

1162
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 5: our son, but almost none of me and my son. Yeah,

1163
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:16,120
Speaker 5: so selfies, come on. We're currently building the second floor

1164
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:19,600
Speaker 5: of our home and I'm the one dealing with the contractors.

1165
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 5: He rarely compliments me or acknowledges my efforts, like when

1166
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 5: I work out regularly. Even though I still care about him,

1167
00:52:26,719 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 5: it feels like i'm the only one trying.

1168
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:33,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, girl, you're not feeling appreciated. It stinks you're not

1169
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:35,840
Speaker 3: feeling appreciated or valued and he's not put it in

1170
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:36,760
Speaker 3: the time and the effort.

1171
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's uh one blood work if you want to

1172
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:42,400
Speaker 5: see if the husband's energies are always low and it

1173
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 5: seems like he's not really putting in a lot of

1174
00:52:43,960 --> 00:52:46,239
Speaker 5: effort in anything in life, he might need to get

1175
00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 5: his blood work looked at. If he has a very

1176
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:51,440
Speaker 5: low B twelve in his system and iron, he may

1177
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 5: need some doses of that.

1178
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Now men are gonna be like, can't

1179
00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 3: do it low iron?

1180
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:58,799
Speaker 5: Sorry, in a bad mood. I gonna be twelve next week.

1181
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 5: Oh my, I can't do it. My mom told me

1182
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:03,799
Speaker 5: that once. I'm angry right now because I don't have

1183
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:08,839
Speaker 5: He told me that they'll tell. So then six months

1184
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 5: ago everything changed. My husband had a brain hemorrhage and

1185
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 5: ended up in the hospital for emergency surgery. He was

1186
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 5: in a coma for two weeks and the doctors warned

1187
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,960
Speaker 5: there could be permanent damage. Thankfully, when he woke up

1188
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:24,400
Speaker 5: he was able to talk and walk, that his cognitive

1189
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:27,720
Speaker 5: abilities weren't fully the same. He struggled to process thoughts

1190
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:30,760
Speaker 5: and find words sometimes, which has added a new layer

1191
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:34,200
Speaker 5: of complexity in our relationship. He also used to play

1192
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:36,759
Speaker 5: video games and chat with friends online, though he no

1193
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,799
Speaker 5: longer does that since the injury. He was in and

1194
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 5: out of the hospitals and rehabilitation for several months, and

1195
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:47,879
Speaker 5: during that time I was left to manage everything, our son,

1196
00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:50,719
Speaker 5: my job, the household. When he finally came home, I

1197
00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 5: created a list of tasks to keep him engaged and

1198
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:57,359
Speaker 5: help him reintegrate into daily life. Initially he followed it,

1199
00:53:57,440 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 5: but only last a week or two before he stopped.

1200
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:03,600
Speaker 5: I told him that I needed him to try harder

1201
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 5: and be more proactive, but he responded with, oh, I

1202
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:10,319
Speaker 5: didn't realize that. You have to tell me. I found

1203
00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 5: myself in a position where I feel like I was

1204
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 5: carrying the entire load, both emotionally and physically.

1205
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 3: But OPI felt that before, before the acts or before

1206
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:20,880
Speaker 3: the brain hemorrhaging, you know what I'm saying, Like, I

1207
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:24,440
Speaker 3: think if they had had a foundation of like balance

1208
00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:27,360
Speaker 3: and like they're both going in and showing up for

1209
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:30,040
Speaker 3: each other, and you know, OPI feels valued, then when

1210
00:54:30,080 --> 00:54:33,120
Speaker 3: this horrific, you know, situation happens OPI's like, you know what,

1211
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:36,200
Speaker 3: it's okay, I'm gonna step up. Yeah, but because everything's

1212
00:54:36,239 --> 00:54:38,799
Speaker 3: been off balance, it's just like, oh my goodness, like

1213
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 3: you already weren't showing up. Now I have to work

1214
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:43,120
Speaker 3: extra hard and like, obviously I feel for you, but

1215
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:44,720
Speaker 3: like this is not what I wanted.

1216
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:49,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know that. I Yeah, that's so tough.

1217
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:49,680
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1218
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:55,000
Speaker 5: Despite his health issues, I felt increasingly exhausted from managing everything.

1219
00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:57,279
Speaker 5: My son is now three and goes to daycare, but

1220
00:54:57,320 --> 00:55:01,320
Speaker 5: I'm the only one who handles the legiti. My husband

1221
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 5: works at my company, but even small things like ordering

1222
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:08,040
Speaker 5: food through our group chat fall on me. He never initiates,

1223
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:10,160
Speaker 5: and I often have to call him to remind him

1224
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 5: to take care of himself. It's frustrating to see him

1225
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:15,399
Speaker 5: treat his recovery as if nothing has happened at all. Yes,

1226
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 5: all the while he seems to expect me to handle everything.

1227
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:24,479
Speaker 5: Dependency dependency, very hardcore dependency. During this time, I began

1228
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,440
Speaker 5: to feel like a caretaker rather than a wife. He

1229
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:30,880
Speaker 5: hasn't shown any romantic interest in me for months. We

1230
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:35,400
Speaker 5: haven't been intimate in over six months. Oh my Aside

1231
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 5: from brief morning kisses. Our connection feels entirely platonic.

1232
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:42,120
Speaker 3: This is just I'm just processing all this because it

1233
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 3: just feels awful. It feels awful. There's so many different elements.

1234
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 3: And I think also, like with a toddler, you're already

1235
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:53,960
Speaker 3: kind of just not as much sleep and you're feeling

1236
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:56,279
Speaker 3: stressed and you're on edge, like this is just a

1237
00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:59,839
Speaker 3: recipe for them, Yeah, not to have a good relationship.

1238
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:03,799
Speaker 5: This is not and it doesn't help his energy and

1239
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 5: his motivation before his brain issues. While as a hospital

1240
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:11,799
Speaker 5: I was constantly checking in on him, expressing my love

1241
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 5: and concern, Yet he never asked how I was coping

1242
00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 5: with the situation. I felt like I was going to

1243
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:18,720
Speaker 5: be widowed at a young age with a small child,

1244
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:23,160
Speaker 5: and realized it was incredibly stressful. As I navigated through

1245
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,640
Speaker 5: this tough period, I turned to an app to connect

1246
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 5: with others, not for dating, but to find someone who

1247
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 5: could see me as a person and not just a caregiver.

1248
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 5: Met a guy nearby and we collected well. I was

1249
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:36,120
Speaker 5: upfront about being married and having a child, clearly stating

1250
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:38,880
Speaker 5: I wasn't looking for a relationship. We met for coffee

1251
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 5: and the conversation flowed easily. Eventually he accompanied me and

1252
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 5: my son on an outing and it was evident he

1253
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:47,840
Speaker 5: connected with my child in a way my husband doesn't.

1254
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:51,200
Speaker 3: What we need to back this up a second. Back

1255
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:52,879
Speaker 3: it uh, back it up?

1256
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:56,879
Speaker 5: Is that cheating? She's alone, she's going through a hard time,

1257
00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 5: her husband will connect to her she feels alone.

1258
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:01,360
Speaker 3: Right? Is it like a motional cheating? I think people

1259
00:57:01,640 --> 00:57:05,840
Speaker 3: define cheating very differently. Also, does husband no right because

1260
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:07,799
Speaker 3: if husband, hey, you know what, I feel like I

1261
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:11,480
Speaker 3: need some connections outside of our relationship. My friendships right

1262
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:14,680
Speaker 3: now aren't really delivering, Like I would, it be okay

1263
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:17,080
Speaker 3: with you, right if they have that chat, and like

1264
00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:20,240
Speaker 3: husband really does know the deal, fine, that's their prerogative.

1265
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:23,840
Speaker 3: But I think this is kind of weird. Also, I'm

1266
00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:25,880
Speaker 3: just like I would hope that you have friendships in

1267
00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:28,240
Speaker 3: your life that are enough to support you. You don't

1268
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:31,200
Speaker 3: have to go out of me a male stranger to

1269
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:33,680
Speaker 3: hang out with your kid, you and your kid.

1270
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:34,480
Speaker 5: I don't like this.

1271
00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 3: That's weird.

1272
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 5: This is crossing a boundary. And plus, yeah, she hasn't

1273
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 5: had a physical relationship.

1274
00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 3: Within six months months. Oh, this is a recipe for disaster.

1275
00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:46,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, and you're getting all that attention.

1276
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 3: Something is going down.

1277
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:50,439
Speaker 5: I don't like this. I don't like this me either.

1278
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:54,200
Speaker 5: This led to us becoming intimate. I established boundaries, no relationship,

1279
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 5: just companionship. While I don't love him, it did make

1280
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:59,520
Speaker 5: me realize that someone can provide the attention and care

1281
00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 5: I've been missed from my husband.

1282
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:02,680
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no no. But that's a big issue.

1283
00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:05,560
Speaker 3: That's a big issue because your husband should be giving

1284
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:07,440
Speaker 3: you the love and care and attention that you deserve.

1285
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:09,880
Speaker 3: It might go up and down depending on what's going

1286
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 3: on with our lie.

1287
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, but oh my goodness.

1288
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:14,520
Speaker 1: M M.

1289
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:16,720
Speaker 3: That feels like emotional cheating to me. I would not

1290
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:17,240
Speaker 3: be cool with that.

1291
00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:19,960
Speaker 5: Yeah. No, I wouldn't be cool with that. I'd be like, no,

1292
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:23,920
Speaker 5: thank you, cannot no, thank you. Yeah. It highlighted the

1293
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:27,480
Speaker 5: lack of emotional and physical connection I've been experiencing in

1294
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:29,920
Speaker 5: my marriage. Now at a crossroads. If it weren't for

1295
00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:33,480
Speaker 5: the health crisis, I would have likely ended the marriage already.

1296
00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:35,720
Speaker 5: I still care about my husband and our family to

1297
00:58:35,720 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 5: feel like his caregiver rather than his partner. I'm grappling

1298
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:41,520
Speaker 5: with the guilt and considering leaving him after everything he's

1299
00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:44,680
Speaker 5: been through, But I also recognize that my own needs

1300
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:47,200
Speaker 5: matter too. But you matter if you join us every

1301
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 5: day at three pm PST on YouTube just to have

1302
00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 5: a profile you advice on weather. It's wrong for me

1303
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:54,800
Speaker 5: to think about ending this marriage. I've kept telling myself

1304
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:58,000
Speaker 5: things might improve, but months have passed and nothing has changed.

1305
00:58:58,040 --> 00:59:01,480
Speaker 5: I've communicated my knees expectations, but it feels back we're stuck.

1306
00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 5: Should I stay and continue to fight for this relationship

1307
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:05,760
Speaker 5: or is it time to move on? When you cheated

1308
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:07,680
Speaker 5: and you probably should have ended it before you cheated,

1309
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:10,800
Speaker 5: to just move on, it's already, it's already here. I

1310
00:59:10,880 --> 00:59:14,360
Speaker 5: think finding him the right caregivers and stuff will be great,

1311
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:15,800
Speaker 5: but it's time to move on.

1312
00:59:16,040 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 3: I know that's an interesting one because like I hope

1313
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 3: that none of us ever have to experience this, But

1314
00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:22,120
Speaker 3: I think, like if you're with someone and then something

1315
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:24,560
Speaker 3: traumatic happens, I think there is a lot of guilt

1316
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:27,080
Speaker 3: with leaving the relationship, but then of course you start

1317
00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:30,120
Speaker 3: to resent them because you do become the caregiver. So

1318
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 3: it's like kind of feels like a lose lose in

1319
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 3: a way. But I think if you're not in it

1320
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:37,520
Speaker 3: and you're trying to seek out other relationships. It's it's

1321
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 3: just not fair. It's not fair. Yeah, help set up

1322
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:43,320
Speaker 3: your husband for the care that he needs, but then

1323
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:45,280
Speaker 3: you gotta separate.

1324
00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, separate time to do that, and also bringing the

1325
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:49,360
Speaker 5: kid arounds during this time.

1326
00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:52,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's crazy.

1327
00:59:52,280 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 3: That was weird. That was weird. It's like, Okay, if

1328
00:59:54,880 --> 00:59:56,720
Speaker 3: you need a pen pal, you need to connect, you

1329
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:59,120
Speaker 3: need a vent, you need this and that. Fine, but

1330
00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:01,440
Speaker 3: then to bring it into your family, like bring the

1331
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:03,520
Speaker 3: family into it, I'm just like, not for me, so

1332
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,760
Speaker 3: not at all. Yeah, it sounds like y'all need to split.

1333
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:08,040
Speaker 3: But I'm really sorry because this sounds like a really

1334
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 3: terrible situation.

1335
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:12,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's it. That's a good one.

1336
01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:15,400
Speaker 3: That's good one. My wife has a different perspective on

1337
01:00:15,440 --> 01:00:18,200
Speaker 3: spicy sleep and is not interested. Should we get a divorce?

1338
01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:19,919
Speaker 5: You guys should bang it out and figure it out.

1339
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 3: WHOA that would be awesome, just like one time and

1340
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:26,000
Speaker 3: she's like, you know, I like this. My wife fifty

1341
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 3: four female and I fifty male, have had a dead

1342
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:31,000
Speaker 3: bedroom for most of our twenty five year marriage.

1343
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:32,680
Speaker 2: Oh that's sad.

1344
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:34,160
Speaker 3: I would say the spicy sleep was good for the

1345
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:36,760
Speaker 3: first couple of years, but after that the frequency and

1346
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:39,760
Speaker 3: the quality really declined. She just wasn't into it, and

1347
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 3: that was clear. By the ninth year, we only had

1348
01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 3: spicy sleep once, Whoa, and since then not at all.

1349
01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:50,320
Speaker 3: So no spicy sleep in sixteen years.

1350
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 5: Dude, that is insanity.

1351
01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 3: Insanity, Oh, he says, Ouch, it hurts to type that.

1352
01:00:57,120 --> 01:00:57,919
Speaker 2: It hurts us.

1353
01:00:58,320 --> 01:01:00,000
Speaker 5: I'm hurting Whoa.

1354
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Frustrated in Frisco one

1355
01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:04,720
Speaker 3: on the Okay story times.

1356
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:05,280
Speaker 2: I've read it.

1357
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:07,880
Speaker 3: I love when people's user names are like on the

1358
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:11,240
Speaker 3: vibe at your Yeah, it's really been a problem in

1359
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:13,320
Speaker 3: our marriage, and recently I told her I wanted to

1360
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:15,560
Speaker 3: divorce over it. I changed my mind about that and

1361
01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:18,040
Speaker 3: decided I wanted to try to work on things because

1362
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:20,320
Speaker 3: I do love her and we have built a life together.

1363
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:22,600
Speaker 3: We started talking a lot, and she told me two

1364
01:01:22,640 --> 01:01:25,600
Speaker 3: things that have contributed to our dead bedroom. The first

1365
01:01:25,680 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 3: is that she is in menopause now and her hormones

1366
01:01:27,960 --> 01:01:30,760
Speaker 3: are all screwy, which is fair, she says, but you're

1367
01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:33,440
Speaker 3: not in it for that long. She says, she has

1368
01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 3: no interest in spicy sleep and spends most of her

1369
01:01:35,920 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 3: day in a rage. Small me too, Small things that

1370
01:01:39,440 --> 01:01:42,160
Speaker 3: never bothered her before annoy the crap out of her now.

1371
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:44,680
Speaker 3: In fact, now she is talking about how maybe she

1372
01:01:44,840 --> 01:01:47,640
Speaker 3: wants a divorce to just be alone, since she can't

1373
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 3: believe I divorce her over lack of spicy sleep.

1374
01:01:51,160 --> 01:01:51,400
Speaker 2: I know.

1375
01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:53,960
Speaker 3: She said, it's like those men who divorce their wives

1376
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:56,200
Speaker 3: when they get cancer. I never pegged you as one

1377
01:01:56,200 --> 01:01:58,160
Speaker 3: of those men. Sorry, I didn't know PEG was gonna

1378
01:01:58,160 --> 01:02:02,200
Speaker 3: go there. That was good anyway. We talked about hormone

1379
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:04,840
Speaker 3: replacement and she said that her older sister was on

1380
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:06,920
Speaker 3: it and told her not to do it because it

1381
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:09,120
Speaker 3: messed her up. She said she wants to try to

1382
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:13,320
Speaker 3: use diet, exercise, and natural remedies to address her hormonal changes.

1383
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:16,760
Speaker 3: I mean that's definitely a thing. Yeah, right, Women's hormones

1384
01:02:16,840 --> 01:02:19,360
Speaker 3: up and down. It can really affect your mood in

1385
01:02:19,400 --> 01:02:20,120
Speaker 3: all types of ways.

1386
01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:23,280
Speaker 5: So I get you. If your hormones are going all

1387
01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:25,080
Speaker 5: over the place, I'm like, I can't deal with it.

1388
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:29,240
Speaker 5: She needs to go somewhere else right now. Oh my god. Yeah.

1389
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:32,160
Speaker 3: The second issue, it's a more fundamental problem, and I

1390
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 3: think the bigger issue. When I mentioned how we stopped

1391
01:02:34,720 --> 01:02:37,880
Speaker 3: having spicy sleep long before menopause, so that can't be

1392
01:02:37,920 --> 01:02:40,440
Speaker 3: the entire story. She said that she was never interested

1393
01:02:40,480 --> 01:02:42,760
Speaker 3: in spicy sleep and didn't see what the big deal

1394
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:43,400
Speaker 3: was about it.

1395
01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:43,920
Speaker 5: So you're a.

1396
01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:47,280
Speaker 3: Perhaps and that could have been something you talked about

1397
01:02:47,320 --> 01:02:48,160
Speaker 3: before getting married.

1398
01:02:48,240 --> 01:02:48,440
Speaker 4: You know.

1399
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:51,120
Speaker 3: I told her that I really need spicy sleep to

1400
01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:54,200
Speaker 3: feel loved and appreciated. She doesn't feel that way at all.

1401
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:56,640
Speaker 3: We had never discussed our spicy sleep life in that

1402
01:02:56,720 --> 01:02:59,680
Speaker 3: way before. Well, that's not true. I did mention before

1403
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:02,760
Speaker 3: that without spicy sleep, I felt we lost intimacy, and

1404
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:05,360
Speaker 3: she agreed to try harder, but it never happened. M

1405
01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 3: that's tough when you're not on the same page about that.

1406
01:03:08,280 --> 01:03:09,480
Speaker 2: She said that spicy sleep is.

1407
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:12,640
Speaker 3: Something new couples do, but when the mystery and excitement fades,

1408
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:16,720
Speaker 3: there's no real reason to want to keep doing it. Ah,

1409
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:18,200
Speaker 3: girl who told you that?

1410
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:21,320
Speaker 5: She's like, I've already seen this TV episode, Let me

1411
01:03:21,520 --> 01:03:22,440
Speaker 5: watch it again.

1412
01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:24,920
Speaker 3: She said, I'm over it. She said that she has

1413
01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:28,440
Speaker 3: never associated spicy sleep with any sort of emotional connection

1414
01:03:28,640 --> 01:03:31,240
Speaker 3: or feeling love. She said it's like scratching an itch.

1415
01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:34,000
Speaker 3: She get, honey, you want to have spicy sleep, get

1416
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:36,240
Speaker 3: off and move on with her life. It meant nothing,

1417
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:38,760
Speaker 3: and the spicy sleep she had with previous partners was

1418
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:41,280
Speaker 3: always casual in that way. I was not even close

1419
01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:43,800
Speaker 3: to her first partner, but I was her first long

1420
01:03:43,880 --> 01:03:47,040
Speaker 3: term relationship, and when the relationship got more mature, she

1421
01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:49,760
Speaker 3: got on me a lot less often, and when she did,

1422
01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:52,440
Speaker 3: it was easier to just take care of it herself.

1423
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:54,720
Speaker 3: As she got older, she had that urged less and less,

1424
01:03:54,800 --> 01:03:57,439
Speaker 3: until at some point she didn't have it anymore. Oh man,

1425
01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 3: that's interesting because Opie said she never associated spicy sleep

1426
01:04:01,680 --> 01:04:04,440
Speaker 3: with any sort of emotional connection or feeling love. And

1427
01:04:04,560 --> 01:04:06,680
Speaker 3: I agree that you could have an emotional connection with

1428
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 3: someone without spicy sleep, especially like platonic relationships. But I

1429
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:14,560
Speaker 3: do think that as humans, we're animals, we have that instinct.

1430
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:17,520
Speaker 3: Like I think sometimes that spicy sleep can bring you

1431
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 3: even closer and deep in the emotional connection. So I

1432
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:23,080
Speaker 3: don't know if I agree with op on that, but

1433
01:04:23,320 --> 01:04:25,800
Speaker 3: it's your prerogative. I asked her how she thought that

1434
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:28,240
Speaker 3: impacted me, and she said, I could get myself off

1435
01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:30,280
Speaker 3: any time I want to. I told her that it's

1436
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:33,560
Speaker 3: not about getting myself off, but about feeling connected with her,

1437
01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:36,960
Speaker 3: like she is my special person. Yeah, she doesn't comprehend

1438
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:39,520
Speaker 3: that at all. She said, I've slept with lots of men,

1439
01:04:39,600 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 3: What does that have to do with love. There's only

1440
01:04:41,400 --> 01:04:43,200
Speaker 3: one man that I fell in love with, and it's you.

1441
01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:47,160
Speaker 3: I said that if she loves me, then why won't

1442
01:04:47,160 --> 01:04:49,240
Speaker 3: she have spicy sleep with me? And she said that

1443
01:04:49,280 --> 01:04:51,760
Speaker 3: there's lots of things other than spicy sleep that she

1444
01:04:51,760 --> 01:04:53,960
Speaker 3: wouldn't let me do to her body. But that doesn't

1445
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:56,000
Speaker 3: mean she doesn't love me, all right. So we're just

1446
01:04:56,040 --> 01:04:59,000
Speaker 3: on different pages here, Yeah, and we value spicy sleep

1447
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:01,200
Speaker 3: very differently to me either, just it just seems like

1448
01:05:01,240 --> 01:05:04,120
Speaker 3: a fundamental disconnect. I sort of get it. I mean,

1449
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:06,720
Speaker 3: I've had spicy sleep with two other women than her,

1450
01:05:06,800 --> 01:05:09,400
Speaker 3: and in both cases it was meaningless spicy sleep. So

1451
01:05:09,440 --> 01:05:12,240
Speaker 3: in a way, she's right, spicy sleep is spicy sleep.

1452
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:15,280
Speaker 3: It doesn't equate to love. However, I always thought that

1453
01:05:15,320 --> 01:05:19,520
Speaker 3: having spicy sleep with her, the woman I married, was meaningful.

1454
01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 5: That makes sense, right.

1455
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:23,120
Speaker 3: I really enjoyed spending that time with her, and it

1456
01:05:23,200 --> 01:05:26,080
Speaker 3: made me feel emotionally close to her. Now I am

1457
01:05:26,160 --> 01:05:28,760
Speaker 3: hearing that for her, spicy sleep was just about getting

1458
01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:32,240
Speaker 3: off and not to do with maintaining a relationship at all. Dang,

1459
01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:34,600
Speaker 3: how do you find a compromise in this? Because those

1460
01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:37,760
Speaker 3: are like values, those are fundamental like feelings of our relationships.

1461
01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:41,200
Speaker 5: So if someone has like a holds something to this

1462
01:05:41,360 --> 01:05:43,160
Speaker 5: and the other person's here and it means a lot

1463
01:05:43,240 --> 01:05:45,680
Speaker 5: to this one person, it does seem like grounds to

1464
01:05:46,040 --> 01:05:47,360
Speaker 5: find other avenues.

1465
01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:48,840
Speaker 2: I know right because I do.

1466
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:50,640
Speaker 5: I've used for spicy sleep as a way to like,

1467
01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:53,959
Speaker 5: you know, be in deep connection with someone and be like, okay,

1468
01:05:53,960 --> 01:05:56,280
Speaker 5: we're on the same page here. Yes, And then if

1469
01:05:56,280 --> 01:05:58,800
Speaker 5: I don't feel wanted or anything, like, my confidence gets

1470
01:05:58,800 --> 01:06:00,840
Speaker 5: all thrown off. It's like, oh my god, what's wrong

1471
01:06:00,880 --> 01:06:01,160
Speaker 5: with me?

1472
01:06:01,200 --> 01:06:02,120
Speaker 4: Is me?

1473
01:06:02,280 --> 01:06:04,520
Speaker 5: And I mean in this case, if that's the case, yeah,

1474
01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:07,720
Speaker 5: I feel like it is a conversation. And even though

1475
01:06:07,760 --> 01:06:10,840
Speaker 5: your wife still loves you in that way, you have needs.

1476
01:06:11,080 --> 01:06:13,280
Speaker 3: We all got needs, and not saying like.

1477
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:14,720
Speaker 5: Oh, doing a good load this month. This is the

1478
01:06:14,720 --> 01:06:16,400
Speaker 5: worst thing ever. It's like you haven't in.

1479
01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:19,480
Speaker 3: Sixteen sixteen years. Sixteen years, that's a long time.

1480
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:20,440
Speaker 5: That's crazy.

1481
01:06:20,520 --> 01:06:24,560
Speaker 3: I'd be bummed. So we are fundamentally incompatible and I

1482
01:06:24,680 --> 01:06:26,920
Speaker 3: just found out about it. Now after years of what

1483
01:06:26,960 --> 01:06:30,360
Speaker 3: I considered to be neglect, abandonment, and emotional abuse, but

1484
01:06:30,440 --> 01:06:33,480
Speaker 3: she just assumed was pretty typical for long term relationships.

1485
01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:36,800
Speaker 3: M Now she's in menopause and doesn't even have the

1486
01:06:36,960 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 3: urge to get off. So of course she's not interested

1487
01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:41,400
Speaker 3: in spicy sleep, and I doubt she ever will be,

1488
01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:44,640
Speaker 3: certainly not with me. She might try to fake enthusiasm

1489
01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:46,480
Speaker 3: to make me feel better, But now I'm back to

1490
01:06:46,520 --> 01:06:48,959
Speaker 3: thinking we should just get divorced. It makes me really

1491
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:50,760
Speaker 3: sad to lose the woman I thought was the love

1492
01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:52,760
Speaker 3: of my life. I wish I would have realized our

1493
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:55,439
Speaker 3: views on spicy sleep were so different much earlier on.

1494
01:06:55,680 --> 01:06:58,080
Speaker 3: It just never came up as a topic of conversation

1495
01:06:58,440 --> 01:07:01,120
Speaker 3: because they were having spicy sleep at the beginning. Yeah,

1496
01:07:01,160 --> 01:07:02,960
Speaker 3: you know, I think I just assumed that, of course,

1497
01:07:03,000 --> 01:07:05,880
Speaker 3: people in long term relationships bond via spicy sleep, And

1498
01:07:05,960 --> 01:07:09,040
Speaker 3: on her side, she assumed that notion is absolutely ridiculous.

1499
01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:12,040
Speaker 3: A spicy sleep is just about lustful urges. She just

1500
01:07:12,080 --> 01:07:14,120
Speaker 3: assumed I wanted to get my rocks off, and she

1501
01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:16,320
Speaker 3: wasn't about to do that for me if she wasn't

1502
01:07:16,360 --> 01:07:18,800
Speaker 3: interested as well, which was rare. She didn't think it

1503
01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:21,680
Speaker 3: was actually hurting my feelings or damaging my opinion of

1504
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:24,120
Speaker 3: the marriage. I think on her side, she wishes she

1505
01:07:24,120 --> 01:07:26,800
Speaker 3: would have given into my advances a little more often,

1506
01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:29,000
Speaker 3: if it would have made things better. But that's just

1507
01:07:29,040 --> 01:07:31,480
Speaker 3: water under the bridge, too little, too late. What is

1508
01:07:31,520 --> 01:07:34,360
Speaker 3: the way forward? My therapist would ask me what outcome

1509
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:36,160
Speaker 3: I want? And the outcome I want is for my

1510
01:07:36,200 --> 01:07:39,720
Speaker 3: wife and I to have, you know, spicy sleep situation again.

1511
01:07:39,760 --> 01:07:42,400
Speaker 3: Whenever that happens. If it doesn't mean spicy sleep, I

1512
01:07:42,440 --> 01:07:44,920
Speaker 3: can live with that, but I can't live with any

1513
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:48,160
Speaker 3: activity at all. Is that a realistic goal at this point?

1514
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,440
Speaker 3: Would it be to divorce if that's something she just

1515
01:07:50,480 --> 01:07:52,280
Speaker 3: can't do for me? I don't know if that would be.

1516
01:07:52,440 --> 01:07:54,520
Speaker 3: But you know what it is to not joining us

1517
01:07:54,560 --> 01:07:58,080
Speaker 3: live on YouTube every weekday at three PMPST. Just tap

1518
01:07:58,120 --> 01:07:58,600
Speaker 3: our profile.

1519
01:07:58,680 --> 01:07:59,240
Speaker 5: There we go.

1520
01:07:59,560 --> 01:08:01,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, he says, I'm looking for advice here, but I'm

1521
01:08:01,720 --> 01:08:04,960
Speaker 3: also giving some young couples or even older ones. Please

1522
01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:06,960
Speaker 3: make sure you have a conversation about your views on

1523
01:08:07,040 --> 01:08:09,600
Speaker 3: spicy sleep and what it means to you or doesn't

1524
01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:13,400
Speaker 3: mean to you early on in the relationship. Absolutely, honestly,

1525
01:08:13,480 --> 01:08:16,040
Speaker 3: I think that's an important conversation and one that we

1526
01:08:16,120 --> 01:08:18,720
Speaker 3: don't think about because we just assume that that's a

1527
01:08:18,920 --> 01:08:20,360
Speaker 3: natural part of a relationship.

1528
01:08:20,520 --> 01:08:21,080
Speaker 2: Mm hmmmm.

1529
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:23,479
Speaker 5: I think being in line on all fronts, like if

1530
01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:26,439
Speaker 5: someone I've been providing for my wife for like this

1531
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:28,760
Speaker 5: is like rent. If I've been paying rent this whole

1532
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:30,240
Speaker 5: time and I need some help paying rent and she

1533
01:08:30,280 --> 01:08:31,800
Speaker 5: won't pay rent, then that's a conversation.

1534
01:08:33,479 --> 01:08:35,800
Speaker 3: I don't know why. That's a funny analogy, or like.

1535
01:08:35,840 --> 01:08:38,599
Speaker 5: In an emotional way, in a physical way, like if

1536
01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:42,240
Speaker 5: you're not getting all of those aligned up right, it

1537
01:08:42,280 --> 01:08:45,000
Speaker 5: is grounds for conversation, and if your views aren't the same,

1538
01:08:45,240 --> 01:08:45,759
Speaker 5: that's okay.

1539
01:08:45,960 --> 01:08:47,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's okay to separate.

1540
01:08:47,280 --> 01:08:49,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, have a conversation, see if you can work it out.

1541
01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:52,280
Speaker 3: Are there other options? Do you open it up? You know,

1542
01:08:52,320 --> 01:08:54,320
Speaker 3: what's the deal? And then if you really can't get

1543
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:57,240
Speaker 3: somewhere and you're feeling really unfulfilled, then yeah, maybe divorce

1544
01:08:57,320 --> 01:08:59,160
Speaker 3: is on the table. That's the end of that story.