Speaker 1: I remember your because it's forever maybe my favorite. So
Speaker 1: what would be your last meal? And you were like,
Speaker 1: what beyond the rations that the prison provides?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: I thought I was so cool. I thought I was
Speaker 3: so funny. Who beyond what the rations the prison provides?
Speaker 1: Just be quicken? It was really that was really good?
Speaker 3: Yeah it was. Yeah, I was trying to be funny.
Speaker 3: I think I was trying to be funny the first time.
Speaker 1: Hello, I'm mini driver. I've always loved Proust's questionnaire. It
Speaker 1: was originally in nineteenth century parlor game where players would
Speaker 1: ask each other thirty five questions aimed at revealing the
Speaker 1: other player's true nature.
Speaker 2: In asking different people the same set of questions.
Speaker 1: You can make observations about which truths appear to be universal.
Speaker 1: And it made me wonder, what if these questions were
Speaker 1: just the jumping off point, what greater depths would be
Speaker 1: revealed if I asked these questions as conversation starters. So
Speaker 1: I adapted Pru's questionnaire and I wrote my own seven
Speaker 1: questions that I personally think are pertinent to a person's story.
Speaker 2: They are when and where were you happiest? What is
Speaker 2: the quality you like least about yourself. What relationship, real
Speaker 2: or fictionalized, defines.
Speaker 3: Love for you?
Speaker 2: What question would you most like answered, What person, place,
Speaker 2: or experience has shaped you the most? What would be
Speaker 2: your last meal? And can you tell me something in
Speaker 2: your life that's grown out of a personal disaster? And
Speaker 2: I've gathered a group of really remarkable people, ones that
Speaker 2: I am honored and humbled to have had the chance
Speaker 2: to engage with. You may not hear their answers to
Speaker 2: all seven of these questions. We've whittled it down to
Speaker 2: which questions felt closest to their experience, or the most surprising,
Speaker 2: or created the most fertile ground to connect.
Speaker 1: My guest today on many questions is once again my son,
Speaker 1: Henry Driver. It has it's been amazing to have recorded
Speaker 1: with Henry over the four years that I've done this podcast,
Speaker 1: and to hear him grow up, to hear how his
Speaker 1: answers have changed. And I know he's my son and
Speaker 1: that all mothers feel this way about their children, but
Speaker 1: I think it's really interesting, particularly given what children are
Speaker 1: going through and have gone through since COVID, to actually
Speaker 1: keep checking in with their development and where they're at.
Speaker 1: And as you can hear in this interview, my son
Speaker 1: is extremely candid and explicit about his own journey with
Speaker 1: mental health and how it has been for him and
Speaker 1: how he faced those challenges. And it was quite shocking. Actually,
Speaker 1: I didn't know he was going to talk about that.
Speaker 1: I really tried to listen and let him talk and
Speaker 1: not get emotional. But I think this generation of kids
Speaker 1: has this extraordinary emotional articulation or an emotional EQ, and
Speaker 1: they're facing their challenges. They're not hiding them away, they're
Speaker 1: not burying them with tools of distraction, even though those
Speaker 1: are all available, and they do do all of that stuff,
Speaker 1: but they're really showing up for who they are. And
Speaker 1: I found it both encouraging and enlightening as a human
Speaker 1: and I felt deeply proud as a mother. I hope
Speaker 1: you really enjoy this third interview with my boy. It
Speaker 1: was recorded with lots of love. Where and when were
Speaker 1: you happiest?
Speaker 3: Okay? I feel like I have two answers. I have,
Speaker 3: like the real answer that I know is true, and
Speaker 3: then the answer that you, as my mom, probably want
Speaker 3: to hear.
Speaker 1: And well played, well played, my son, I have taught you.
Speaker 3: Which I'll say both. I'll start with the one that
Speaker 3: I guess that you know is true. I'd say I
Speaker 3: was happiest sitting on the beach in Cornwall with our family.
Speaker 3: I think it was before COVID. I think it was
Speaker 3: the first time we ever went to Cornwall and just
Speaker 3: sitting grilling sausages on the beach, watching the tide, just
Speaker 3: sitting with everyone talking. I must have been like, I
Speaker 3: don't know how old was I on the first time
Speaker 3: we went to Cornwall.
Speaker 1: I mean you were probably sex.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I still remember. I still remember it. And I
Speaker 3: remember walking along the beach and finding a crystal or
Speaker 3: something something like, like a really beautiful rock.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we were turning over rocks and we were splitting
Speaker 1: them in half, and inside were gears.
Speaker 3: I got a really nice one that I really I
Speaker 3: still have it in my room, So I think that
Speaker 3: definitely was what I hope you think is what my
Speaker 3: happiest moment is now. Truly for me, my happiest moment
Speaker 3: is sat on my back on my bed watching TV
Speaker 3: by myself, after maybe taking a warm shower, some popcorn
Speaker 3: in my hands. That's truly where I am happiest.
Speaker 1: I'm not surprised you're so nice to have offered up
Speaker 1: to different answers the pastoral what my mum wants to
Speaker 1: hear version, which is embarrassingly accurate.
Speaker 3: I mean, of course, is anyone like I don't know
Speaker 3: if anyone's objectively happiest anywhere. I think it's sort of
Speaker 3: it depends on what you're feeling in that moment. So
Speaker 3: I know that my truth is I'm happiest when I'm
Speaker 3: sat by myself watching house my truth.
Speaker 1: My truth is when I'm on my bed, I'm eating
Speaker 1: my popcorn, I'm watching my.
Speaker 3: TV exactly, and I know my dad from work truth exactly.
Speaker 1: I will live by it, and I will die.
Speaker 3: That's very true, a man, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1: You know. It's funny, though the more I've asked this question,
Speaker 1: the more I've queried. More people as we've gotten further
Speaker 1: away from COVID and deeper into kind of wherever we
Speaker 1: are now, have queried the notion of happiness being the objective.
Speaker 1: Perhaps we're setting ourselves up for real hardship by going
Speaker 1: what's your happiest moment, you know, the pinnacle of your happiness,
Speaker 1: as opposed to that being something that is really transitional.
Speaker 1: It is never an arrival. It's a sort of a
Speaker 1: state of being exactly might have things attached to it.
Speaker 3: There's no objective happiest because it's so you know, it's
Speaker 3: so interpretable. You're always feeling different feelings about where you are. Like,
Speaker 3: even those two answers, neither of them are when I
Speaker 3: was happiest. It's just two times that I remember and
Speaker 3: I think, wow, I absolutely loved that, and I would
Speaker 3: go back to I would do either of those right now.
Speaker 3: I think when people say, oh, yeah, I'm objectively happiest here,
Speaker 3: that's just a time you're remembering that you were in
Speaker 3: love with just that moment. But I think like we're
Speaker 3: always experiencing happiness the moment that you're remembering as you're answering.
Speaker 3: So I think, I don't know, my answer could be
Speaker 3: different tomorrow, We'll have to see. I think that's just
Speaker 3: kind of I think that's what life is.
Speaker 1: I agree. My friend's parents were married for like sixty years,
Speaker 1: and I remember asking my friend's mother. I was like,
Speaker 1: do you think that it was like meant and it
Speaker 1: was all preordained and this moment of love and incandescent love,
Speaker 1: this lasted all this time And she was like she
Speaker 1: was like, no, I think if I met him the
Speaker 1: week before, I probably wouldn't have got out with him,
Speaker 1: And if I met him the week after, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: have gone out with him either. I would just happen
Speaker 1: to get me at the right moment.
Speaker 3: I think that's such a great answer, though, because I
Speaker 3: feel like so many people would be like, yeah, you know,
Speaker 3: it was just Yestiny brought us together, and I could
Speaker 3: have met him sixty years ago, I could have met
Speaker 3: him yesterday. No, you wouldn't have. Let's be honest. It
Speaker 3: happened when it happened, and that's just how it went,
Speaker 3: and that's life.
Speaker 1: But this is also like how our household runs, which
Speaker 1: is you and Addison have the pragmatic, practical approach to life,
Speaker 1: and I'm always looking for signs, you know, and your
Speaker 1: corn flax.
Speaker 3: Mercury's in retro grade, guys.
Speaker 1: I know, by the way, it is still in retrograde,
Speaker 1: but it's out of retrograde tomorrow. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 3: Thanks mom. Great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what was the thing the other day? I was
Speaker 1: looking at the state of Henry's room, which is messy
Speaker 1: like most kids' rooms, but not a double virgo. A
Speaker 1: double virgo, you would think that things would be lined
Speaker 1: up like you were in the army. And I said
Speaker 1: to him, I was like, god, I can't believe that
Speaker 1: you're a double virgo. And he very slowly looked back
Speaker 1: over his shoulder at me, and he was like, it's
Speaker 1: almost like astrological signs don't mean anything at all.
Speaker 3: It's completely true.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's almost like it's all total bull.
Speaker 3: It's fun, you know. Ooh, I was born in September.
Speaker 3: I'm going to be clean.
Speaker 1: I won't hear a word against it. You know.
Speaker 3: I'm glad you like it, Mom, But personally, I don't
Speaker 3: think it matters when you're born. It's just who you are.
Speaker 3: So yes, I'm going to be messy. No, I'm not
Speaker 3: going to clean my room.
Speaker 1: Wow, all right, Yes, you're going to do your own laundry.
Speaker 3: I believe in facts. It's science.
Speaker 1: I believe in science and popcorn exactly, many, my love.
Speaker 1: What quality do you like least about yourself? Now here
Speaker 1: at sixteen?
Speaker 3: Ooh, what quality do I like least about myself? I
Speaker 3: don't know.
Speaker 1: You better come up with something because that's question too.
Speaker 3: Thanks, Mom. Yeah, put pressure on me. That always makes
Speaker 3: things easier.
Speaker 1: You're good at self examination.
Speaker 3: But I'm going to give multiple answers again, I'm going
Speaker 3: to be pretentious. Yes, yes, I am. On a surface level.
Speaker 3: I think I talk a lot and I think a
Speaker 3: lot of the time. I don't make up statistics necessarily.
Speaker 3: I don't like make facts up. But sometimes I'll kind
Speaker 3: of more than over exaggerate something, you know, I'm talking about,
Speaker 3: like how many people in the grocery store. I would
Speaker 3: be like, oh my god, there was fifty people in
Speaker 3: the grocery store, and there's there was one hundred of
Speaker 3: them and they all had knives and it was going
Speaker 3: to be terrible, when realistically it was like it was
Speaker 3: like four people and one guy was just budging up
Speaker 3: against me. So I think I have a tendency to
Speaker 3: not lie, but maybe just sort of, you know, to
Speaker 3: dramatize exactly.
Speaker 1: I don't know where you get that from.
Speaker 3: I neither do I.
Speaker 1: I mean, you could be anywhere.
Speaker 3: I think that when I'm talking to people. I noticed that.
Speaker 3: I wish I did that less. I feel like it's
Speaker 3: sort of just to make things more interesting. I don't
Speaker 3: know why I do it.
Speaker 1: I wonder what that is that to do with feeling
Speaker 1: like you need to beef up your argument, like as
Speaker 1: if people are automatically not going to believe you, so
Speaker 1: you have to kind of augment what you're saying with
Speaker 1: stuff that is perhaps exaggerated.
Speaker 3: I think it sort of depends on what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3: I think if I'm trying to make like a story
Speaker 3: more interesting, I'll exaggerate certain sort of specifics, like.
Speaker 1: I'm afraid that's called being an act on mine.
Speaker 3: Being an actor, my darling, my god.
Speaker 1: By the way, it is literally that I do that.
Speaker 3: I also think being my generation, we talk at each
Speaker 3: other and try to convince each other, and a very
Speaker 3: stubborn I think I get sucked into that sometimes when
Speaker 3: I'm sort of having a debate with someone, and when
Speaker 3: I get sucked in, I get very passionate about what
Speaker 3: I'm arguing for, and so sometimes I'll just like slip
Speaker 3: out maybe a little maybe something that's not really that true,
Speaker 3: just slip out a little bit, not a lie, just
Speaker 3: maybe a little a fact that isn't exactly correct, just
Speaker 3: to try to make myself more right.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's interesting.
Speaker 3: And I noticed myself doing it, and in the moment,
Speaker 3: I don't like it, but yeah, I know that it
Speaker 3: means I'm going to win the debate. So I don't
Speaker 3: correct myself. Oh my god, it's so I wish I
Speaker 3: didn't do that. But I mean, I think that's also
Speaker 3: just kind of being a teenager and wanting to be right.
Speaker 1: It's so weird because you can like pull back and
Speaker 1: have a hawk's eye view of like your behavior and go,
Speaker 1: this is definitely teen behavior. I think this is in
Speaker 1: this compartment and then this is where I would like
Speaker 1: to be again.
Speaker 3: I don't really want to sound pretentious, but it's like, no,
Speaker 3: thank you, mom, thank you for your permission. Right, I think, like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I can definitely see traits that I didn't see when
Speaker 3: I was like ten or eleven that I have now
Speaker 3: that I know have definitely developed as I've gone through
Speaker 3: being a teenager. I can see what being a teenager,
Speaker 3: what traits have come up from that? And so I
Speaker 3: think having that standpoint, it's interesting. You know.
Speaker 1: What's interesting is and I feel like I talk to
Speaker 1: you about this sometimes that there are still behavioral patterns
Speaker 1: that I have that I can see them almost like
Speaker 1: a hole in the road up ahead. I can see
Speaker 1: there's the hole that I've fallen into before, and all
Speaker 1: I know I'm going to fall in again. The difference
Speaker 1: between having an awareness about something and then actually changing it,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you can stay in that place for a
Speaker 1: really long time. And I guess I wish I had
Speaker 1: had that ability to observe like you have now much earlier,
Speaker 1: because I think it would have saved a huge amount
Speaker 1: of time. Like this thing that you're identifying now about
Speaker 1: you of like I will sometimes exaggerate because I want
Speaker 1: to be right, Like that's a really honest thing to say, going.
Speaker 3: To change it, I'm not going to we all like.
Speaker 1: That, but like there's going to come a point like
Speaker 1: the fact that you're already identifying as a character that
Speaker 1: you're not crazy about in yourself is interesting, Like I
Speaker 1: wonder if that will evolve, Like it's already in your awareness,
Speaker 1: so it's more likely that it will.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's definitely conversationally and sort of on
Speaker 3: a surface level. But then more as a person, I
Speaker 3: overthink a lot, and you know that's kind of general.
Speaker 3: Everyone kind of overthinks, but I find myself just sort
Speaker 3: of coming back to the same thoughts of things that
Speaker 3: what if this happens, why is this? What is going
Speaker 3: on there? And I don't necessarily want it to go
Speaker 3: because I think that mindset is a curiosity, it's wanting
Speaker 3: to know why what's going on. But I think at
Speaker 3: the same time, having that curiosity leads to me, you know,
Speaker 3: being awake at night thinking about what is this? What
Speaker 3: is that? Which I definitely I wish I didn't do that,
Speaker 3: but I wouldn't get rid of it because I think
Speaker 3: that's just part of who I am.
Speaker 1: Do you think a lot of your friends that you're
Speaker 1: mate do you think they have this as well? And
Speaker 1: do you think that maybe part of this might stem
Speaker 1: from you a little kids during COVID and this kind
Speaker 1: of cataclysmic thing came in and reshaped I mean, God
Speaker 1: knows that reshaped your life. We moved to another country,
Speaker 1: you left everything that you'd known behind. Do you think
Speaker 1: that that over examination is indicative of kids that sort
Speaker 1: of live through that. Have you noticed that with your friends?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think on a certain level I see in
Speaker 3: my friends a lot of my friends overthink. But also
Speaker 3: I think a lot of my friends are quite like me.
Speaker 3: I mean, you've seen from my friends that come over
Speaker 3: We're not exactly completely different people.
Speaker 1: You're not, You're very similar.
Speaker 3: So I think with it being because of COVID, I
Speaker 3: think just generally, every generation has kind of has their thing.
Speaker 3: That's sort of the world. We had COVID before. You know,
Speaker 3: people were terrified of the two thousand and eight housing crisis.
Speaker 3: There was the Cold War, Spanish flu It goes back.
Speaker 1: You think generationally, there's always something that's going to keep
Speaker 1: you up on line.
Speaker 3: I think there's always something that is going to create overthinkers.
Speaker 3: I just think now it's possibly on a bigger level
Speaker 3: than it has been before because now we have such
Speaker 3: greater access to other people's lives through the Internet. We're
Speaker 3: all overthinking together.
Speaker 1: It's like what it's collective, like a collective energetic overthinking. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you think that creates, Like what does that breed?
Speaker 3: I think with overthinking, especially when there are topics and
Speaker 3: there are events going on in the world that are
Speaker 3: pretty rough, that are very difficult to discuss and very
Speaker 3: difficult to think about. You know, the war in Ukraine,
Speaker 3: the situation in the Middle East that are pretty frightening.
Speaker 3: I think that can lead to people being afraid, and
Speaker 3: fear is ever a good thing for a lot of
Speaker 3: people to be experiencing, because that leads to rash decisions,
Speaker 3: It leads to anarchy of people just not listening to anyone.
Speaker 3: And so I think now that it's such a mass
Speaker 3: of people that are scared and we're all kind of
Speaker 3: fueling each other. Yeah, it's this collective fear of what's
Speaker 3: going on in the world.
Speaker 1: I was just wondering in your feeling of overthinking and
Speaker 1: of feeing. I agree. I think it's collective. Have you
Speaker 1: figured out any tools that help me unwind that just.
Speaker 3: Sort of help me unwind? I mean everyone has different
Speaker 3: techniques of how they sort of cope with anything, really,
Speaker 3: you know, physical stress, mental stress. But for me, it
Speaker 3: was really just sort of like knowing that being you know,
Speaker 3: I'm kind of a bit of a nerd and you know,
Speaker 3: I like asking Addison about history and whatnot. It's kind
Speaker 3: of knowing that these sort of things they've been present
Speaker 3: throughout history, these events that each time we've said this
Speaker 3: is the end of it all, this is the world over,
Speaker 3: everyone's gonna hate each other, and this is going to
Speaker 3: be it and every time people have come through it
Speaker 3: and we've made it to hear. So I think anytime
Speaker 3: I do sort of get that existential overthinking about what's happening,
Speaker 3: Why is this happening. Everyone's saying this. I just sort
Speaker 3: of think, like, this isn't some sort of completely unique,
Speaker 3: crazy thing anomally, this is humanity. That we have large
Speaker 3: scale events that are shocking, and this has been hundreds
Speaker 3: of hundreds of years, if not thousands of you know, war, violence, atrocities.
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying that that thought is comforting that
Speaker 3: that did happen, that you know, people had to experience that,
Speaker 3: But the fact that those things did happen and then
Speaker 3: we were able to as a society continue forward and
Speaker 3: keep on going, it's a little comforting in a way
Speaker 3: that we were able to make it.
Speaker 1: Oh, you're very wise, I know, very wise. I just
Speaker 1: have this sort of like bumper sticker philosophy. It's like,
Speaker 1: keep calm.
Speaker 3: And carry that's what.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, we observably in the observable history of mankind
Speaker 1: we have.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know about whys. I think it's just
Speaker 3: sort of.
Speaker 1: I like that though. Hen that's opening the aperture right
Speaker 1: on your perception of something. I'm going, Okay, this this
Speaker 1: microcosm of this fear and this overthinking. Right now, if
Speaker 1: I open the aperture and I look and see that
Speaker 1: people have been going through this for thousands and thousands
Speaker 1: of years, and our current situation will also evolve. I
Speaker 1: get caught up in the fear of what the collateral
Speaker 1: damage will be of the terrible things happening. But you know,
Speaker 1: ever were it?
Speaker 3: Thus, I guess, I mean everyone's different. We all have
Speaker 3: different ways of dealing with with everything. So for me
Speaker 3: that might work, but then for you may you might
Speaker 3: be thinking, but what if this, and so you're going
Speaker 3: to have to find another way of realizing that we're
Speaker 3: going to be okay? And I mean, I don't know
Speaker 3: real there's no really objective way to talk about it,
Speaker 3: because it is just it's who people are, So there's
Speaker 3: no way to say this is right, this is wrong
Speaker 3: on how to deal with sort of like a general
Speaker 3: anxiety for what's going on. But yeah, that's just what
Speaker 3: works for me, not convincing myself, but just sort of
Speaker 3: looking at the past and being like, it's gonna be,
Speaker 3: it's gonna be all right.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be okay.
Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, my love.
Speaker 1: Now, what relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you?
Speaker 3: Okay? I do remember my answer on this one from
Speaker 3: the first one.
Speaker 1: The last time we did this. What was your answer?
Speaker 3: I was talking about adventure Time.
Speaker 1: Oh, you are talking That's right, you are talking about
Speaker 1: adventure Time, talking.
Speaker 3: About Simon and his wife. And I remember that.
Speaker 1: Adventure Time is an amazing cartoon, cartoon animation, a cartoon,
Speaker 1: don't call it a cartoon, is a legendary animated.
Speaker 3: Avunch times legendary. I'm not going to say the same thing.
Speaker 3: I'm going to be different. I'm gonna think of another one.
Speaker 3: I'm going to go for another animation, do it. There's
Speaker 3: a show called Cyberpunk Edge Runners, which is an anime
Speaker 3: that's based off video game called Cyberpunk, and there are
Speaker 3: two characters. One of them is the protagonist, and they
Speaker 3: basically live inside this cyberpunk world of massive towers and
Speaker 3: huge mega corporations and robots and ai and like flying
Speaker 3: cars and everything like that. And so these two characters
Speaker 3: meet and their relationship is really complicated, but they're in
Speaker 3: a relationship together. And I'm not going to spoil the ending,
Speaker 3: but one of them has to sacrifice themselves to not
Speaker 3: only save the other but sort of complete the overarching
Speaker 3: theme of the show. And I think just sort of
Speaker 3: the love that was shown between them because it's not
Speaker 3: a sort of spoken love. It's not like said oh
Speaker 3: I love you, or to together were like this. They're
Speaker 3: just together regardless of what else is happening in the show.
Speaker 3: They never need to say anything to each other about
Speaker 3: their relationship. You know, it's known, and especially in this show,
Speaker 3: it's pretty hard to picture without having watched it, but
Speaker 3: changes very sort of it's common for them because of
Speaker 3: everything that's going on with the robots and the corporations
Speaker 3: and the gangsters and everything in this city. And the
Speaker 3: main character gets these like prosthetics. He sort of starts
Speaker 3: replacing his body with machinery, and he starts like bulking
Speaker 3: up with all this machinery. And even through all of this,
Speaker 3: you as the viewer, as you're seeing he's making this
Speaker 3: immense change in himself. She's still loving him in the
Speaker 3: same way that she did when they had first met.
Speaker 3: And I just think that's like, that's so beautiful.
Speaker 1: That's so interesting. What I would distill from that is
Speaker 1: complicity and consistency, two of the cornerstones of love. For you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think, first of all, a show is absolutely
Speaker 3: beautiful itself, it's amazing, But I think, yeah, just having
Speaker 3: sort of yeah, somebody love you through every change that
Speaker 3: we exactly inevitably go through. I think, just exactly like
Speaker 3: the inevitability of change that if someone's not gonna going
Speaker 3: to be with you, regardless of whether you need the confirmation,
Speaker 3: if someone's not going to be with you, that's not love, Like,
Speaker 3: that's not someone that you're gonna you're gonna keep with you.
Speaker 3: So I feel like, yeah, love to me is something
Speaker 3: that it doesn't need to necessarily even be expressed. It's
Speaker 3: just something. It's knowing that that person is there for you.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to stop you there. Tell please mother,
Speaker 1: when you are in a relationship, Yes, you will have
Speaker 1: to tell them that much as it would be wonderful
Speaker 1: if everything were unspoken, Unfortunately so much is spoken. Just
Speaker 1: want to manage your expectations. You more about the real
Speaker 1: world love.
Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, oh god, no, now you're making me seem
Speaker 3: like a real weirdo. Shit.
Speaker 1: I really like that though. I think consistency and complicity
Speaker 1: are I think those are really beautiful tenants to have
Speaker 1: as part of one's love. Arsenal if you.
Speaker 3: Will, Yeah, real relationships are obviously it's not TV.
Speaker 1: It's never going to be like but you've got it.
Speaker 1: I'm going to sound hugely patronizing, which I will just
Speaker 1: stand by it because I'm going to sound that way
Speaker 1: that being your beginning place of complicity and accommodating someone
Speaker 1: else's change and your own is a really beautiful way
Speaker 1: to begin thinking about relationships. I will stand by that.
Speaker 1: So I think I think it's cool.
Speaker 3: The way I said it. I don't mean like, never
Speaker 3: tell them you love them, never say anything, just make
Speaker 3: them read your mind. Just sort of like obviously having
Speaker 3: all of the relationship love things going on is beautiful,
Speaker 3: but just sort of also having that like at the
Speaker 3: back of your mind, just sort of knowing that they're
Speaker 3: there for you, just like knowing that you know. I
Speaker 3: guess that kind of goes back to my sort of
Speaker 3: like overthinking, sort of just like knowing that you don't
Speaker 3: need to worry that they're gonna change their opinion of
Speaker 3: you just because of what you're going through or who
Speaker 3: you are. It's just gonna you know, it's gonna stay,
Speaker 3: it's gonna stay constant.
Speaker 1: So I wish I could remember what your answer was before,
Speaker 1: But what question would you most like answer?
Speaker 3: I feel like like my immediate answer is, like is
Speaker 3: everything going to be, Okay, when am I going to die?
Speaker 3: How much money am I gonna have? What's my job
Speaker 3: going to be? But then I feel like I have
Speaker 3: a certain level of just sort of again like my overthinkingness.
Speaker 3: I think I'd just be like constantly thinking about that
Speaker 3: one thing and how I'm going to get there. Absolutely so,
Speaker 3: I think I don't know if I could have that.
Speaker 3: I think that would mess with me more than it
Speaker 3: would help me in a certain way.
Speaker 1: I think, Oh, there's a great I think i've quoted
Speaker 1: it before. I know I have. It's a realka quote.
Speaker 1: The point is to live everything, live the questions now.
Speaker 1: Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along
Speaker 1: some distant day into the answer. Wow, that's pretty good.
Speaker 3: That's really.
Speaker 1: You're slagging off the great German poet. I guess, hmm,
Speaker 1: I think that is actually right. It's not about knowing,
Speaker 1: it's about living.
Speaker 3: That's beautiful.
Speaker 1: I mean, Darling. I like that answer, which is essentially
Speaker 1: I don't want to know. I don't want to think about.
Speaker 1: Just get on a liver.
Speaker 3: I guess probably, like what would World War Z two
Speaker 3: have looked like if it had come out? I know
Speaker 3: something about like a movie. I would really like to know.
Speaker 1: That what person, place, or experience most altered your life.
Speaker 3: How personal should I go here? I don't really know.
Speaker 3: I don't do many podcasts.
Speaker 1: You do not have to get super super personal. You
Speaker 1: can if you want to, but you can create the boundaries.
Speaker 3: All right. You know, I'm gonna keep it vague, but
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say what first came into my mind. I
Speaker 3: think it was about probably about a year ago now.
Speaker 3: I went to my friend's house, who lives in the
Speaker 3: middle of nowhere in England, in a place called the Cotswalds.
Speaker 3: It's not in the middle of nowhere, but it's pretty
Speaker 3: out of the way of anything. And I went.
Speaker 1: There and.
Speaker 3: At night it was just it was a really freaky place.
Speaker 3: To be honest, No offense to him, he's a great guy,
Speaker 3: love him, but the Cotswolds as sort of a place
Speaker 3: I don't like how sort of out of the way
Speaker 3: it is. I don't really like how far away I
Speaker 3: am from life or like a bigger city. That's just
Speaker 3: me as a person, And so I began to get
Speaker 3: a little you know, my overthinking it all. It kind
Speaker 3: of just comes back to that again, that sort of
Speaker 3: anxiety being in a weird place that I really like.
Speaker 3: It was just like an anxiety. It overcame me, basically,
Speaker 3: and it was really strange because it had never happened
Speaker 3: to me before. It was just like this crippling anxiety
Speaker 3: of thinking. It sort of transformed into thinking about more
Speaker 3: existential questions and things.
Speaker 1: I think anxiety does that it attaches to other events
Speaker 1: or thoughts exactly, so it becomes a giant snowball.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was really sort of overcoming. And that lasted
Speaker 3: the whole weekend. It was an exy at for my school,
Speaker 3: so we had like four days. It was a longer break,
Speaker 3: and it was that whole weekend, and it sort of
Speaker 3: lasted for I want to say, like a month and
Speaker 3: a bit after that of sort of being in that
Speaker 3: really anxious, rough kind of place. And I think I'm
Speaker 3: not entirely sure how I coped with it. I think
Speaker 3: I definitely had some help from the people around me,
Speaker 3: but I think sort of beyond the physical of what
Speaker 3: was actually surrounding me, of what was going on that
Speaker 3: helped me sort of come out of this place. I
Speaker 3: think I had to just like think more. I had
Speaker 3: to think about myself. I had to think why am
Speaker 3: I thinking this? And I had to come to terms
Speaker 3: with this sort of anxiety and realizing that it is
Speaker 3: going to be okay. And I think that technique that
Speaker 3: I set of thinking back to like back to history,
Speaker 3: sort of thinking back in my own life when times
Speaker 3: have sort of been a little I was sadder, I
Speaker 3: was down, and seen that I came out of those
Speaker 3: I think that really helped me sort of come out
Speaker 3: of it and almost changed just how I looked at
Speaker 3: how I looked at myself and how I looked at
Speaker 3: my mental health. It's like such a vlogger down.
Speaker 1: You don't you do not? I know these have become words.
Speaker 1: We talk a lot about mental health now, but because
Speaker 1: we never too at it, for example, when I was
Speaker 1: your age. Yeah but tell me because it's been from
Speaker 1: one of the most sort of traumatic moment, like to
Speaker 1: watch you go through that was one of the hardest
Speaker 1: things I've ever ever been through. But the way that
Speaker 1: you have come out of that, the bounce has been
Speaker 1: so extraordinary. It's not that you are so much better,
Speaker 1: but you have this kind of ebulliance and this embracing
Speaker 1: of life and this lack of fear around these things
Speaker 1: that can show up, these scary things that can show
Speaker 1: up in our lives. It feels like you greet all
Speaker 1: of it with an enthusiasm, good, bad, and indifferent because
Speaker 1: you've been through this very, very difficult thing. And in
Speaker 1: a way, I've always believed that you can only really
Speaker 1: see it when you're feeling better, but that those hard
Speaker 1: moments have huge gifts in them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it was difficult sort of realizing that
Speaker 3: it was a gift in the moment. That first week,
Speaker 3: right after I had gone to the Cotswolds, I had
Speaker 3: an acting class with one of my teachers, whose name
Speaker 3: is Paul, and he just gave me some really amazing
Speaker 3: advice of I went through the same thing, and it's
Speaker 3: a journey and it sucks some really hard ass and
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna lie, Henry. I can't tell you how
Speaker 3: long it's gonna last. I can't tell you where it's
Speaker 3: gonna go, but it is a part of life, and
Speaker 3: you're gonna be okay, and you're gonna grow from this.
Speaker 3: And I think, just like hearing those words, it was
Speaker 3: like someone telling me it's gonna be okay without telling
Speaker 3: me it's gonna be okay. It sort of just kicked
Speaker 3: start of my mind into thinking like, I'm not in
Speaker 3: a good place right now, but I'm gonna be in
Speaker 3: a better place than i was before because of this,
Speaker 3: and just thinking of it in that way, even though
Speaker 3: it was still fucking a really sorry, I shouldn't be swearing, honey.
Speaker 1: I think if ever there were a time to swear,
Speaker 1: it's when you talking about what you went through it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a real pain, and I think just
Speaker 3: having someone having someone tell you that it's not for nothing,
Speaker 3: having someone tell you that there's going.
Speaker 1: To be well, that's good, it's not for nothing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that reassurance, because yeah, I think the biggest thing
Speaker 3: at the time, especially since it was sort of an
Speaker 3: anxiety driven moment for me. God, I really do sound
Speaker 3: like a blogger sort of.
Speaker 1: You know a blogger, is it that you're all encompassing
Speaker 1: for whatever it is you think you're doing. It's a
Speaker 1: great collective, such a blogger.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I just think having that sort of that
Speaker 3: reassurance that it's not all for nothing, that this is
Speaker 3: all it's going to happen, and then it's going to
Speaker 3: go back to life and it could happen again. Thinking
Speaker 3: that this is sort of part of me becoming a person,
Speaker 3: just sort of building who you are.
Speaker 1: Absolutely there's no getting out of it, Like everybody has
Speaker 1: got there something everybody.
Speaker 3: Yeah, even though I knew that he didn't know exactly
Speaker 3: what I was going through, He didn't know exactly what
Speaker 3: I was talking about. He might not even even gone
Speaker 3: through a similar thing himself. But just sort of hearing
Speaker 3: that you know, it is just part of life, and
Speaker 3: that it's not for nothing, it's creating who you are.
Speaker 3: That was so instrumental in me of just getting out
Speaker 3: of that place. Everyone has those moments in their lives
Speaker 3: when they're really just sort of like, God, this isn't
Speaker 3: going good right now. And obviously that varies from person
Speaker 3: to person how difficult the situation is, their response and everything,
Speaker 3: but everyone goes through these trials and so just learning
Speaker 3: how to respond, I think, yeah, that was a big
Speaker 3: part of kind of growing up for me. Obviously I'm
Speaker 3: acting like I'm forty, I'm not. I'm sixteen.
Speaker 1: But you know, listen, the fact that you're using words
Speaker 1: like respond rather than react you do constantly amaze me
Speaker 1: and I will forever be. In Paul's debt, he is
Speaker 1: an amazing teacher Paul. Yeah, and those of us lucky
Speaker 1: enough to have great teachers. No, like it's that kind
Speaker 1: of impact, like you'll remember that for absolutely. Yeah, such
Speaker 1: a painful time, Hen, and you're so articulate about it.
Speaker 1: It's really cool.
Speaker 3: I mean, if we can't talk about things, then nothing's
Speaker 3: ever going to change. No one's ever going to be
Speaker 3: able to learn how to cope with these things.
Speaker 1: I agree. What would be your last meal?
Speaker 3: Last meal? I don't want to just say my favorite food,
Speaker 3: which is I don't know, why are.
Speaker 1: You not eating your favorite food for your last monk.
Speaker 3: I've eaten my favorite food every weekend for the last
Speaker 3: like two years, which is I say it a different
Speaker 3: way every time. Hero Giro Giro. I don't know how
Speaker 3: to say it, but yero. I think it's spelled the
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1: We call it a gyro in England.
Speaker 3: The Greeks they went crazy with a hero. That is
Speaker 3: my favorite food. It's not what I'm choosing, but it's
Speaker 3: not okay. But it's definitely that you're not.
Speaker 1: Choosing your favorite food that you eat every weekend, because
Speaker 1: you do.
Speaker 3: Eat I do love a good hero. If I got
Speaker 3: to choose my last meal and you know. I've tried
Speaker 3: to think about this a lot, but I don't really
Speaker 3: know what I what I choose? I guess maybe is
Speaker 3: there like a price range? I'm on here? Am I
Speaker 3: in a place?
Speaker 1: Oh? You're not. You're not restricted by budget at all.
Speaker 1: I love that you said that, though, Henry, that is
Speaker 1: very considerate.
Speaker 3: What can I say?
Speaker 1: There's no price tag?
Speaker 3: Okay, so truffle alfredo tagle itally right there. I want
Speaker 3: baked bell peppers, stuffed with couscouse and cheese. I want
Speaker 3: a whole turkey. I want the legs to be real big.
Speaker 3: What else do I want? I want deal pickle Lais chips.
Speaker 3: I want to have a sprite a mountain dew. I
Speaker 3: want to have a foot long from subway. I want
Speaker 3: the old foot long as well. Whatever this new, this
Speaker 3: new stuff they're doing, I don't want a new one.
Speaker 1: It's more like seven and a half inches.
Speaker 3: Ain't the Italian bmt. All the toppings, don't skimp out.
Speaker 3: I don't want six olives, I want twelve. I want
Speaker 3: three pints of strawberry ice cream. I want it to
Speaker 3: be Hoggin dolls as well, and I want it all
Speaker 3: on one of those checkered picnic blankets, and that's my
Speaker 3: last one.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: If I'm dying, I'm going all out. I'm just gonna
Speaker 3: eat my little I'm gonna have a little steak. I'ma
Speaker 3: have a little wine.
Speaker 1: I want now, you're having a lot of sandwiches and
Speaker 1: a lot of pasta.
Speaker 3: I want everything in there.
Speaker 1: I'm loving it. I'm loving it. May I ask you
Speaker 1: follow up question? Very important? Why would you have three
Speaker 1: pints of the same ice cream flavor? Oh?
Speaker 3: No, that's a fantastic question right there.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. That came from my producer Karen.
Speaker 3: First of all, tell me if I'm going out, ice
Speaker 3: cream is made from milk? Am I correct? To your mother?
Speaker 3: Correct exactly. I want to maximize my carbon footprint, so
Speaker 3: I'm having as much milk because cows they produce methane,
Speaker 3: which is bad for the environment. I'm not thinking about
Speaker 3: any of.
Speaker 1: That now, not as you're dying.
Speaker 3: No, I want as much of that. It can be
Speaker 3: more than three pints. It could be one hundred pints.
Speaker 1: Why all strawberry? Why wouldn't you get one fish food?
Speaker 1: Oh god, strawberry? No, one no, because coffee.
Speaker 3: It's no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 3: it's all strawberry, because strawberry is objectively the best flavor
Speaker 3: of ice cream.
Speaker 1: I would say that's subjectively objectively to you, Strawberry is
Speaker 1: the best flavor.
Speaker 3: And I think just having three points is it's perfect.
Speaker 3: It's perfect for me. I just want to have it
Speaker 3: with me in my in my final moments, it.
Speaker 1: Will be comforting, exactly fair enough strawberry ice cream.
Speaker 3: That is exactly strawberry ice cream, very clear.
Speaker 1: Last question, Yes, I know you sort of touched on
Speaker 1: this in what experience most altoed your life, But in
Speaker 1: your life, can you tell me about something that has
Speaker 1: grown out of a personal disaster?
Speaker 3: I think, yeah, I think I covered. I won't do
Speaker 3: the same one because I feel like I did sort of.
Speaker 1: Say yeah definitely. Is there anything else that you can
Speaker 1: think of? It doesn't even have to be I think
Speaker 1: like big book. But I mean, I say personal disaster,
Speaker 1: but like you know a moment of schism in your life,
Speaker 1: a moment where things really changed, where there was you
Speaker 1: fell into an abyss, whether it was a big abyss
Speaker 1: or a small abyss, and then something good came out
Speaker 1: of this thing that looked like it was bad.
Speaker 3: Hmmm. I guess growing up from what I've seen in
Speaker 3: all of the movies that I've watched, you know, having
Speaker 3: sort of people come in and out of your life.
Speaker 3: I think that's a big part of life. But I
Speaker 3: had a friend that I was very close with for
Speaker 3: a very long time, and just sort of when I
Speaker 3: was going through that thing that I mentioned at the
Speaker 3: moment of anxiety, a little moment of anxiety, he wasn't
Speaker 3: very kind.
Speaker 1: Tell me what grew out of the realization of that,
Speaker 1: or the pain of realizing that your friend couldn't be
Speaker 1: there for you. What came out of that that was
Speaker 1: positive for you?
Speaker 3: I guess it wasn't inherently like sort of knowing of
Speaker 3: these are qualities I like in people, these are qualities
Speaker 3: I don't like, these are the type of people I
Speaker 3: want to be friends with. I think it was more
Speaker 3: just sort of knowing that people come in and out
Speaker 3: of your life. They can be amazing at times for you,
Speaker 3: and then later on not be exactly what you need.
Speaker 3: And I think this sort of goes into a whole
Speaker 3: nother thing about relationships and just like people that I'm
Speaker 3: not really smart enough to know a bunch about, but
Speaker 3: just sort of like people will come into your life
Speaker 3: and they'll be great for a moment and then maybe
Speaker 3: they're not great after a while, and realizing that that's okay,
Speaker 3: and that yeah, you're not like a terrible person because
Speaker 3: you guys aren't getting along anymore or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just sometimes you grow out of each other.
Speaker 3: And just knowing that, like you can have had great
Speaker 3: times with someone that doesn't need to be in your
Speaker 3: life anymore, Like knowing that you can remember that stuff
Speaker 3: and not be like, oh, but am I allowed to
Speaker 3: think that because now we're not really speaking anymore. No,
Speaker 3: that was those were good times. You can still think
Speaker 3: about that that you can you can still go back
Speaker 3: on those and be like, yes, that was fucking great,
Speaker 3: but know that you know now it's not like that exactly,
Speaker 3: and know that that's fine, Know that that's not that
Speaker 3: doesn't reflect you as a person, That doesn't reflect them
Speaker 3: as a person. It's just how it's gone. And I think, yeah, definitely,
Speaker 3: learning that, like relationships are fluid in the same way
Speaker 3: that life is, and that you know you don't need
Speaker 3: to be attached, you don't need to feel as though
Speaker 3: you have to feel one way about something or another
Speaker 3: just because of what's gone on between you two. If
Speaker 3: I'm saying that sort of in a clear way, and yeah,
Speaker 3: I think that was That was another thing that sort
Speaker 3: of grew out of that moment for me about a
Speaker 3: year ago.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're a wise one. Hannah's thank you, I like
Speaker 1: to think, so thank you for giving me an hour
Speaker 1: of time. I love talking to you, of course, Mom.
Speaker 1: I love talking to you. Thank you so interested. I
Speaker 1: love checking in with where you're at. And it's really
Speaker 1: interesting and you know, I know you think that there
Speaker 1: have always been historically tough moments. They have, but this
Speaker 1: has been a particularly weird time to be a kid.
Speaker 1: And I'm constantly in or of how you navigate it all.
Speaker 1: And I love your friends. They're really cool.
Speaker 3: Thanks Mom, But most of all, I love you, love you,
Speaker 3: love thank you Darling, of course mom.
Speaker 1: Mini Questions is hosted and written by Me Mini Driver,
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Me and Aaron Kaufman, with production support
Speaker 1: from Jennifer Bassett, Zoe Denkler, and Ali Perry. The theme
Speaker 1: music is also by Me and additional music by Aaron Kaufman.
Speaker 1: Special thanks to Jim Nikolay Addison, O'Day Henry Driver Lisa Castella,
Speaker 1: a Nick Oppenheim, A, Nick Muller, and Annette Wolf at
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