Speaker 1: I want to talk about hyperfixation and being the giving tree.
Speaker 1: So I'm first going to talk about hyperfixation, which I
Speaker 1: think I'm accurately describing. But basically, if someone asks me
Speaker 1: something or gives me a task, I am not capable
Speaker 1: of doing anything until the task is finished. So let
Speaker 1: me explain. It could be something that seems small. It
Speaker 1: could be that I know I need black sequin leggings. Okay.
Speaker 1: It could be that my friend said to me she
Speaker 1: needed a dress for her daughter's wedding, and I hyper
Speaker 1: fixate on this task and I go onto different websites,
Speaker 1: which sometimes can be forty pages of dresses, and I
Speaker 1: end up looking up every single dress and gown that
Speaker 1: we would be perfect, and sending her every single link,
Speaker 1: and until I feel like I've exhausted every single option,
Speaker 1: I'm not done. So it's not even that I'm like
Speaker 1: the most generous or giving person. I mean, although it
Speaker 1: might be perceived that way, it's a hyperfixation. It's like
Speaker 1: I just I see tunnel vision, I have to finish,
Speaker 1: and I keep going until it's over. Because it's also
Speaker 1: a little obsessive. So if I have to organize a
Speaker 1: kitchen or a drawer or a closet or put things
Speaker 1: away or unpack or put away groceries or anything. I
Speaker 1: can't stop until the task is finished, so I kind
Speaker 1: of can't see things that need to be done because
Speaker 1: if I see things that need to be done and
Speaker 1: need to do them, so, yes, it's a probably it's
Speaker 1: a version of OCD, and no, I'm not a medication
Speaker 1: for it. So if someone if I that's why with
Speaker 1: my partner in relief work, if I get into something,
Speaker 1: so I'll call him and I'll say, Okay, I am
Speaker 1: really heartbroken over the Ppe situation during the pandemic, or
Speaker 1: what's going on in Ukraine or what's going on in
Speaker 1: Puerto Rico or something going on. He will get activated
Speaker 1: and he'll get excited because he has his own version
Speaker 1: of like addiction, you know, to the cause, and so
Speaker 1: he'll get all worked up. But then I'll have to
Speaker 1: control it because I'll have flipped the switch on and
Speaker 1: I'll have to say to him, but like, we have
Speaker 1: to do this to a certain point. But then I
Speaker 1: have to extricate because I used to not control myself.
Speaker 1: And by the way, years ago, I used to produce
Speaker 1: events and I was the best at producing events. I
Speaker 1: was the best at the p and L the best
Speaker 1: at the budget. Why because I didn't miss a single detail,
Speaker 1: because every single floral chair, everything was put back the
Speaker 1: way that it was. There was no waste, every single
Speaker 1: food item, every I just was, you know, obsessive, and
Speaker 1: it wasn't good for me, but I was good for it,
Speaker 1: So I was excellent at it. So I am excellent
Speaker 1: at relief work because I am thorough, I am organized,
Speaker 1: I am efficient. I execute and I don't stop until
Speaker 1: it's done. But it's not good for me because I
Speaker 1: won't be sleeping at night. And when I first started
Speaker 1: out and we were doing Hurricane Maria, I was up
Speaker 1: all night on every chat room, fixated, focused, and I
Speaker 1: have to finish. So if someone asks me to help
Speaker 1: them with something, it could be designing their house, it
Speaker 1: could be helping them get a job. It could be
Speaker 1: choosing a wardrobe. It could be setting them up with someone.
Speaker 1: It could be finding a chef for a party, or
Speaker 1: I'm finding a chef for my own party, or I
Speaker 1: need a specific food truck. It could be any or makeup.
Speaker 1: That's what happened in the beginning of the beauty journey
Speaker 1: because I was fixated on every single product, so be
Speaker 1: cream blush, the best cream blush, cream, bronzer, this powder,
Speaker 1: this eyelash curler, and I have to control myself. And
Speaker 1: the CMO of Beam Global, the company that ended up
Speaker 1: buying the Skinny Girl cocktails, he called me an idea
Speaker 1: hamster because once I got on emails with someone and
Speaker 1: I'm telling them an idea for a show, for a name,
Speaker 1: for a product, for anything, I hyper fixate. And so
Speaker 1: everyone who knows me knows I'm like a machine and
Speaker 1: I like gang, you know, would just like fire off ideas.
Speaker 1: And that's why I was kind of good at reality
Speaker 1: TV too, because I'd have twenty five ideas for each
Speaker 1: scene and for what we were doing. And so anyway,
Speaker 1: it can translate into doing too much and giving too much,
Speaker 1: because if you don't get back, which is impossible to
Speaker 1: get back at this kind of a clip, you feel
Speaker 1: like the giving tree and you feel like you're not
Speaker 1: someone's not meeting you halfway, and you can't force them
Speaker 1: to meet you halfway because no one is a machine
Speaker 1: like you. So what you have to do is you
Speaker 1: have to force yourself to stop giving and doing because
Speaker 1: if someone asks you for something, You're just going to
Speaker 1: do it. That's who you are. So if your friend
Speaker 1: asks you one question about a wedding dress, you're going
Speaker 1: to go off and give them fifty five wedding dresses
Speaker 1: and you're overshooting the mark. So it's kind of like
Speaker 1: someone you know. And this could happen in relationships in French,
Speaker 1: where you have to know your limitations and not expect
Speaker 1: someone else to do at the same rate as you do,
Speaker 1: but also not to overdo, and also not to set
Speaker 1: yourself up for situations like this. I've created a situation
Speaker 1: where as an accidental influencer, stuff is constantly coming to
Speaker 1: my house, so I have to look at it, I
Speaker 1: have to review it, and I keep trying to tell
Speaker 1: people not to send it. But people are also addicted
Speaker 1: to me reviewing products, so I keep getting things and
Speaker 1: they want a good review, and so I'm also trying
Speaker 1: to not get things because if I see that it's here,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to look at it and open it.
Speaker 1: And this is also extremely obsessive. I'm well aware. We
Speaker 1: don't have to criticize me. You't have to tell me.
Speaker 1: You enough to tell me. I need to seek help.
Speaker 1: I talk to someone like it's a situation. But I
Speaker 1: definitely have to intervene in my own habits because otherwise
Speaker 1: I become the giving tree and I feel depleted, and
Speaker 1: it's honestly my fault. Now, let's talk about that the
Speaker 1: post that I did not know was going to break
Speaker 1: the Internet, that I just posted the fireplace post with
Speaker 1: a heated throw and a guy. Sometimes I forget the
Speaker 1: pockets that different social media. This is why magazines. Another
Speaker 1: archaic form is magazines. Magazines. When you sat in the
Speaker 1: nail salon and looked at a glossy magazine as someone
Speaker 1: on the cover, it's like, who cares? You know? I
Speaker 1: don't do morning TV shows anymore. It means I have
Speaker 1: to leave my house, take a shower, get glam, go somewhere.
Speaker 1: For what. I have my own TV show, it's my
Speaker 1: own phone. It's archaic. So I forget that because if
Speaker 1: I want to talk about something, I want to announce something.
Speaker 1: Remember when like Beyonce dropped her album herself on iTunes,
Speaker 1: like she wasn't going through the dog and Pony show
Speaker 1: of like a label or any of that shit. It's like,
Speaker 1: I've got my own music. I did it, I'm dropping it. Remember,
Speaker 1: when like Taylor Swift took back her own fucking content
Speaker 1: because the Scooter Braun debacle. It's called like you're your
Speaker 1: own content, your own podcast, you can self publish, you
Speaker 1: could do whatever you want. So I was just I
Speaker 1: just wanted to eat. I like TikTok is a creative
Speaker 1: for me. It's like a garage band. So I'm just
Speaker 1: sitting there like Wan liking that song and it like
Speaker 1: just I saw him sitting by the fireplace making a
Speaker 1: fire and it just like was like, em my man,
Speaker 1: thank you for my man. It's a sound on TikTok.
Speaker 1: It just I just posted in two seconds and there
Speaker 1: are articles about it, and it's like everybody has to
Speaker 1: make it into something like now all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I'm like getting married, I'm registering for China. And this
Speaker 1: is what happens with relationships where everyone makes it into
Speaker 1: something like I genuinely if I don't post someone's face
Speaker 1: or say anything, it's not a hard launch, Like it
Speaker 1: was just a fun post. What if it was just
Speaker 1: it could have literally been a one night stand that
Speaker 1: a guy had a heated throw that he got me,
Speaker 1: you know, like it wasn't. But the point is like
Speaker 1: everyone's so crazy and starving, and they want to bring
Speaker 1: you up and then take you down. You know, like
Speaker 1: like you're supposed to want your own privacy, but you
Speaker 1: have to share with everybody exactly what's going on and
Speaker 1: what you're doing. And they are so loving and they
Speaker 1: glamorize your relationship into perfection and the romance and like
Speaker 1: a man making me a fire and buying me a blanket,
Speaker 1: it's as if he bought me an island and you know,
Speaker 1: a canary diamond. And everybody's got like these fantasies going
Speaker 1: on in their mind about what it is. And then
Speaker 1: you know, people want to take you on the ride,
Speaker 1: and if something doesn't work out, then everyone wants it
Speaker 1: to crash and burn, and like everyone gets dragged along.
Speaker 1: They've got to do the greatest hits of all my
Speaker 1: relationships and talk about my daughter. And it's just like
Speaker 1: and yet it's hard to stay private. I'll tell you
Speaker 1: why it's hard to stay private. It's hard to stay
Speaker 1: private because let's say, go to a restaurant with someone
Speaker 1: that I like. So let's say in the beginning, I'm
Speaker 1: cautious and I don't want someone to be public at
Speaker 1: all because I just don't want this to defy me,
Speaker 1: and I don't want this to be a soft launch,
Speaker 1: a lukewarm launch, or any launch. I'm just out with somebody.
Speaker 1: But let's say I get paparazzi, then it's out there.
Speaker 1: Now there's twenty seven articles. I mean, there are people
Speaker 1: who have been scene for one night. Literally. It's how
Speaker 1: Kim Kardashian started her fame. She was at I heard
Speaker 1: the story because I know the people that were there.
Speaker 1: She was out and she stood next to Nicolache and
Speaker 1: she got photographed and it went everywhere, and she just
Speaker 1: kept like raising her public stock that she wasn't really
Speaker 1: with him, you know, like maybe she went out with
Speaker 1: him once, But if you're out with someone once, it
Speaker 1: could become like a fantasy that everyone thinks you guys
Speaker 1: are in a mad, crazy relationship. So you want us
Speaker 1: sort of be careful. But let's say go to dinner
Speaker 1: with someone and we got paparazzi. Then they look them up,
Speaker 1: they find out who it is, and we're off to
Speaker 1: the races. And the relationship might not be ready for
Speaker 1: that because that person may get gunshy and scared, and
Speaker 1: you know, let's say you're just on your first date,
Speaker 1: and then other people don't want to date you because
Speaker 1: they're reading that you're out and you're like in a
Speaker 1: serious relationship. So let's say you go on a couple
Speaker 1: of dates. Let's say you like someone. Let's say you
Speaker 1: sleep with someone. Let's say they could be the one.
Speaker 1: You have no idea. It's a month and they could
Speaker 1: be the one, they could be the not one. It's
Speaker 1: a month. Then you've been photographed. You're trying to get
Speaker 1: through that. Now you know, maybe they don't want put
Speaker 1: pr they don't want it at all. They like you,
Speaker 1: they're interested in you. They don't want a public persona.
Speaker 1: Maybe their family doesn't want that. Maybe it's not good
Speaker 1: for their business. Maybe they have you know, they work
Speaker 1: in a private field. Okay. And then you're out to
Speaker 1: dinner and you're out with a bunch of people and
Speaker 1: you're out let's say REOs, or you're out at Carbone
Speaker 1: and you're taking pictures. You're like excluding them. You're taking
Speaker 1: pictures because you're living your life and like there, or
Speaker 1: you all take a group picture. Someone says you want
Speaker 1: to get a group picture. Then you want to post
Speaker 1: it because you just want to be like I was
Speaker 1: at REO's or I was somewhere, and you're excluding this
Speaker 1: person because you've decided. You've said to yourself, I don't
Speaker 1: want this to be a public thing yet. And by
Speaker 1: the way, this can apply to the cul de sac
Speaker 1: I always talk about the cul de sac doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be, you know, public domain. It could be like
Speaker 1: in your life, you're not ready for people to know,
Speaker 1: but now you're leaving people out of pictures. And now
Speaker 1: you're leaving people out of activities because you don't want
Speaker 1: other people to see it. So now you're leaving people
Speaker 1: out of pictures, and you post a picture of you
Speaker 1: at Carbone or a Rockefeller Center or something, and then
Speaker 1: it could be like marginalizing the other person. And then
Speaker 1: people think you are still single, so still reaching out
Speaker 1: to you. And I'm telling you, if the situation were reversed,
Speaker 1: I would not want someone to exclude me. I might
Speaker 1: not want to be public, but I also don't want
Speaker 1: to be invisible. I don't want to be excluded. So
Speaker 1: now there you're in a rock and a hard place.
Speaker 1: Both parties are between a rock and a hard place.
Speaker 1: So then you know you're at an event. Let's say
Speaker 1: you're at the Yellowstone premiere, and a photographer says to you,
Speaker 1: can I get a picture of you? Guys, You're out
Speaker 1: on a date with a man. You're standing next to
Speaker 1: Jay Cutler and his girlfriend who you saw wearing a ring,
Speaker 1: and you know before anybody else knows that they're engaged.
Speaker 1: You're not saying anything, and a photographer says, can we
Speaker 1: get a picture? I was already thinking, shit, the guy
Speaker 1: had a dui. Shit, the guy's engage. Are they gonna notice?
Speaker 1: But I can't be responsible for everyone? And shit, now
Speaker 1: if we get a picture taken, the guy that I'm
Speaker 1: standing with thinks this is just a picture taken at
Speaker 1: the event. He doesn't know this is going to be
Speaker 1: international news. Lo and behold the next day it's in
Speaker 1: every fucking magazine. And then you're like, shit, I want
Speaker 1: to start my diet again because last time I got fun.
Speaker 1: So then you're like, I want to start my diet again.
Speaker 1: Then you're out on another event, and then someone comes
Speaker 1: up to you because you also want to bring a
Speaker 1: guy on an event. You don't want to be invited
Speaker 1: to something and be alone, especially during the holidays. Let's
Speaker 1: say you're seeing someone you might want to bring them
Speaker 1: to something. Then a photographer comes up to you. You're like,
Speaker 1: you just went through this, and you're like, no, thank you,
Speaker 1: it's okay. And it feels awkward. It feels like you're
Speaker 1: embarrassed to the person you're with. You're in shamed, You're ashamed.
Speaker 1: You don't want to be seen with them, like you're not.
Speaker 1: You are running game. You want to sleep with other people,
Speaker 1: you want to date other people. Why don't you want
Speaker 1: to take a picture with them, even though they know
Speaker 1: they really kind of might not want it either, because
Speaker 1: the game moves quickly and the next day they're going
Speaker 1: to be in twenty articles again. But it's like you're
Speaker 1: damned if you do, damned if you don't. So you
Speaker 1: don't take a picture. And then you're sitting in front
Speaker 1: of a fireplace and it's a cute and you're like,
Speaker 1: you want to include the man, just to be like, ah, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm seeing a man, like I'm seeing someone. He's here
Speaker 1: right now, he's a nice guy. He's making me a fire.
Speaker 1: It's cute. This is a TikTok sound. I connect with
Speaker 1: my people. I want to include them, their nosy bitches,
Speaker 1: let's go. And then that thing becomes the hard launch
Speaker 1: when you've posted a picture with the back of their head,
Speaker 1: you know, just like I did on my birthday. It
Speaker 1: was a ten photo slider, and they're just happened to
Speaker 1: be me holding a man's head from behind, because it's
Speaker 1: not a soft launch and it's not a hard launch.
Speaker 1: It's just saying I was holding someone's hands, and the
Speaker 1: romance part of me and the dating adventure era of
Speaker 1: me is alive. It does not mean that I am
Speaker 1: ring shopping and shopping for China. It's just that it's
Speaker 1: not exactly and no one needs to like feel bad
Speaker 1: for me. I have a great life, I'm happy. I'm
Speaker 1: just explaining that not everything is what it seems for
Speaker 1: certain people. You know, I really really admire Ryan Gosling
Speaker 1: and his wife and their militant way of keeping their
Speaker 1: relationship private, but yet we still know wh they're in
Speaker 1: a relationship. I remember Katie Holmes was dating Jamie Fox.
Speaker 1: It was the best, it was the worst kept secret.
Speaker 1: They were fully together because they got photographed. Did she
Speaker 1: hard launch it? No? Does it make a difference. Was
Speaker 1: it still international news? Yeah? When they broke up, was
Speaker 1: it still international news? Yeah? It's pretty hard to keep
Speaker 1: something private, is what I'm saying. If people give a
Speaker 1: shit about what you're doing and not, everything is as
Speaker 1: it seems, so don't believe everything you read. Don't believe
Speaker 1: every picture you see. Don't believe hard launch soft launch
Speaker 1: paparazzi pictures like, Yes, they're an indication, but they don't
Speaker 1: mean everything. Does that make sense