Speaker 1: I'm an on time Latino. I think only because my
Speaker 1: dad was like, and he would talk about it a lot, like,
Speaker 1: we're not We're not gonna be one of those Latinos.
Speaker 1: We're gonna show up on time.
Speaker 2: I am an on time Latino because I had friends,
Speaker 2: and I've told you this before, I've had I had
Speaker 2: friends sit me down once at dinner and they were like,
Speaker 2: you cannot be fucking late anymore.
Speaker 1: Oh my godate.
Speaker 2: It was in New York and I was an hour
Speaker 2: late for dinner and they were like, you can't be
Speaker 2: late anymore. We're not gonna invite you anywhere anymore. And
Speaker 2: I was like, oh shit, oh my god.
Speaker 1: Okay. I was like, oh okay, oh.
Speaker 2: More more and more, better, better, more, a little bit
Speaker 2: more better, more, Welcome to more better a podcast, or
Speaker 2: we stop pretending to have it all together and embrace
Speaker 2: the journey of becoming a little.
Speaker 1: More every day, or at least trying to. That's most
Speaker 1: of Fumero, and that's Stephanie Beatrice. Welcome back to the show.
Speaker 1: Hi guys, what's up? What what have you done lately? That's
Speaker 1: a little more better? Oh what's have done? That's a
Speaker 1: little mobid I've been trying to get more better about
Speaker 1: walking and like steps, it's really hard, you guys. I know.
Speaker 1: There are days where like it goes really well just
Speaker 1: because I'm like doing shit around the house and I'm
Speaker 1: like on the go and like happened to be on
Speaker 1: my feet more. But then like days like today, like
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here recording a podcast, or like yesterday, I
Speaker 1: was sitting on my couch reading scripts and then I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, let me walk the dog to like
Speaker 1: get a walk in, and like write, my step count
Speaker 1: was still low, so like it's okay, I know, And
Speaker 1: I think that's why I want to say it too,
Speaker 1: because it's like to really get like close to ten
Speaker 1: thousand steps you need to walk for like you need
Speaker 1: to take like an hour plus walk every day, and
Speaker 1: like body has the time to not everybody has the time,
Speaker 1: or sometimes you want to use that free hour to
Speaker 1: like wait, lift or do a workout and like something else. Yeah,
Speaker 1: something else. So I'm trying not to get down on
Speaker 1: myself about it, and I don't want anyone else to
Speaker 1: get down on their cells about it, yeow, even if
Speaker 1: it just like a fifteen minute walk with the dog,
Speaker 1: you know, before I go pick up the kids or
Speaker 1: right after I pick up the kids. Like I'm like, whatever,
Speaker 1: it's something like it's a little something, just I'm trying
Speaker 1: to like lower the the pressure on myself, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Because I think when I started, I
Speaker 1: was like, it's going to be a forty minute walk
Speaker 1: forty five ye walk every day, and I was like,
Speaker 1: this is really that hard. I can't fit this endto
Speaker 1: the day. So now I'm like, you know what, fifteen
Speaker 1: minutes counts. Like you heard like these women's call it.
Speaker 2: There was a culty like workout that I was doing
Speaker 2: for a while and they would call out your booty
Speaker 2: call and you had to take a walk every morning
Speaker 2: before you ate anything, and like you had to like
Speaker 2: walk around the neighborhood for X amount of minutes or whatever.
Speaker 1: Cool, Dan you you can do that, but like who
Speaker 1: lives that life.
Speaker 2: I don't get children dressed out the door for this
Speaker 2: is what I'm saying. You have to wake up super
Speaker 2: early to be able to do that, right, And then I.
Speaker 1: Had fifteen minutes in the morning to sit and drink
Speaker 1: coffee before I'm fucking or or like if I want
Speaker 1: more time, we're waking up at six am. Like we're
Speaker 1: waking up at six thirty, and I take fifteen or
Speaker 1: twenty minutes to sit down and want like drink coffee
Speaker 1: and like check my email, and then it's like off
Speaker 1: to the fucking races, races, snacks, lunch, water bottles, hoodies,
Speaker 1: chromebook in your backpack, it's a movie. Fucking brush your teeth,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, stop playing with the Rubik's cube, get dressed,
Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's hectic. Man.
Speaker 2: Liked adding onto that internalized pressure to you know, get
Speaker 2: to some number every day.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: If it serves you, that's great. But if it's like, hey,
Speaker 2: I'm aware of this and I'm not not.
Speaker 1: And I'm being kind to myself about it, that's a
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be more better. I'm kind to myself
Speaker 1: about that. Yeah, that's great. How about you? What are
Speaker 1: you doing lately? Bitch? I steamed all my shirts. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, that is such a big one.
Speaker 3: Girl.
Speaker 1: I bought one of those. Okay, have you ever seen like.
Speaker 2: On TV if you're watching a show where like they're
Speaker 2: getting styling or whatever, and they have those giant steamers
Speaker 2: with like the big stand and the yeah, the like
Speaker 2: I've bought myself one of those as a present. I
Speaker 2: bought myself a motherfucking steamer as a gift to myself.
Speaker 2: I was like, fucking by this fancy steamer, and does
Speaker 2: that ship work in good? Oh my god, you can
Speaker 2: I burn. I did burn my hand.
Speaker 1: I'm learning.
Speaker 2: You can hang the clothes on the steamer, like you
Speaker 2: can get a shirt on the steamer, and like I
Speaker 2: just listened to a podcast and steams like thirty shirts.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm in heaven. I can wear any
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Like I do this thing where I wash my clothes,
Speaker 2: I dry them. A lot of my clothes are hanging
Speaker 2: dry because I wear a lot of vintage and they're
Speaker 2: in the closet and they're all wrinkles. So then when
Speaker 2: I go to get dressed, I'm wearing the same fucking
Speaker 2: five shirts because everything is wrinkled.
Speaker 1: So I fucking see my shit. Yes, yes, Or it's
Speaker 1: like the most frustrating thing is like you're running a
Speaker 1: little late and you're trying to get dressed quickly and
Speaker 1: you have an outfit idea in your mind and you
Speaker 1: go to grab it and it's fucking wrinkled, and you're
Speaker 1: like shit, and then you're trying to do the math
Speaker 1: of like do I have enough time? And like I
Speaker 1: have a pretty good handheld steamer, but like that shit
Speaker 1: takes a long time, like it doesn't always do the job.
Speaker 1: But I mean you talking about like getting the for
Speaker 1: real steamer. I'm like literally looking around the room, like
Speaker 1: do I have room? Could I get one? Yes?
Speaker 2: You do. It's life changing and it has a roller
Speaker 2: like it's on wheels. I wield it from my eyes,
Speaker 2: stick it in my office in the corner, and I
Speaker 2: wheeled it into my closet and I listened to a
Speaker 2: podcast for thirty minutes and I got through so many shirts.
Speaker 1: I was like shocked, And now I can wear them all. Oh,
Speaker 1: I know you can wear them because that's my more better.
Speaker 1: They're seeing they're crispy. They're crispy bitches. That's a good one.
Speaker 1: More better. What are we talking about today, Melissa? We
Speaker 1: are talking about getting more better at making plans? My fave.
Speaker 1: I love making plans. You I love making plans.
Speaker 2: Tell me I miss I do miss the spontaneity of
Speaker 2: you know, in New York, I feel like you're always
Speaker 2: running into people and that was something fun that would happen,
Speaker 2: like because you're on that little island or even in
Speaker 2: Brooklyn or Queens, you see people here. It's less likely
Speaker 2: unless you start community building in your own community in
Speaker 2: LA and then you run into people and that's fun. Yes,
Speaker 2: but I love meet me at X for lunch at
Speaker 2: one point thirty on Tuesday the twenty seventh, Delicious put
Speaker 2: it in my calendar.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: Now I will over book myself and that's something that
Speaker 2: I'm working on as a person.
Speaker 1: Yes, but I love making plans. I love it. I
Speaker 1: already told you when my Christmas party was, I was like,
Speaker 1: save the day you did. I was so impressed. I
Speaker 1: think for me, I am the opposite. I don't mind
Speaker 1: making plans. But I think one being in this job
Speaker 1: where it's so hard to like plan ahead, you know,
Speaker 1: like people like you know, like you, I mean, yours
Speaker 1: is different because it's December and we almost always know that,
Speaker 1: like we're probably not going to be working close to Christmas, right,
Speaker 1: but like people will be like, I'm having a party
Speaker 1: in three months, and I'm like, I if I'm here, yes,
Speaker 1: I'll be there. Like it's hard to commit to things.
Speaker 1: So I think that's just like deeply ingrained in me,
Speaker 1: and I get like nervousness around plans. And then the
Speaker 1: other part is, like you said, living in New York
Speaker 1: for so long, we never made fucking plans like we
Speaker 1: occasionally did. But even those bigger plans, like we're all
Speaker 1: like everybody meet at our police and we're going to
Speaker 1: go to dinner and then we're gonna like we got
Speaker 1: a reservation and we're gonna go to the club. After
Speaker 1: that was still like week of plans. And most of
Speaker 1: the time our plans were just like, oh, let's walk
Speaker 1: to this restaurant and like see if so and so
Speaker 1: is around, or somebody calling you and being like I'm
Speaker 1: in your neighborhood. Can I stop by? Like our friends
Speaker 1: used to stop by our apartment all the time, and
Speaker 1: I just hold hold on and back up to like
Speaker 1: that we're going to go to the club. Then we're
Speaker 1: gonna tell you about like when we were I would
Speaker 1: like live in New York in my twenties. My god,
Speaker 1: the clur but cre those were like those were nights.
Speaker 1: Well I brought that up because those were nights, those
Speaker 1: were a special night. We didn't go to the club
Speaker 1: all the time, so when we did do a club night,
Speaker 1: and it was usually with a group of people. It
Speaker 1: was a little bit more planned because also my bougie
Speaker 1: husband hates waiting online, so we only went to clubs
Speaker 1: that we knew we could get right in. So it
Speaker 1: was like those working this weekend or so and so
Speaker 1: knows the bouncer or whatever, and yeah, yeah, so uh
Speaker 1: those husband also hates waiting online. He hates it, hates
Speaker 1: it in line, in line.
Speaker 2: For those of you that didn't spend any time in
Speaker 2: New York. Ever, for some reason, New Yorkers say waiting
Speaker 2: online instead of inline.
Speaker 1: Oh, I don't know why is that a New York thing.
Speaker 1: I think it's a New York thing. Yeah, I'm waiting online.
Speaker 2: Like you would never say, like, oh, you in the Midwestern,
Speaker 2: not like I'm waiting in line. You're like, I'm waiting
Speaker 2: in line at Starbucks. No, I'm waiting online at Starbucks.
Speaker 1: Waiting online. Yeah yeah, yeah, I guess not a Starbucks ad.
Speaker 1: But Starbucks talk to us if you want to sponsor us.
Speaker 1: So yeah. So then moving to LA I felt like
Speaker 1: it was a big transition for us, like and having
Speaker 1: the realization of, like, oh, if we want to have
Speaker 1: more of a social life, we need to make some plans,
Speaker 1: like if we want to see our friends, we need
Speaker 1: to put it in the books, and you have to
Speaker 1: put it in the calendar. You have to you have
Speaker 1: to put it in the calendar. And it's uh, it's
Speaker 1: not always like my go to I also like I
Speaker 1: will also have the tendency to overbook myself sometimes and
Speaker 1: then you know, there's no worse feeling than like it's
Speaker 1: the day of the thing and you're like, I'm fucking
Speaker 1: exhausted and now I have to like muster up the
Speaker 1: energy to go to this thing.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: And but sometimes like you do just have to show up,
Speaker 1: like depending on what it is, right, because you want
Speaker 1: to be a good friend, or you're supporting someone or
Speaker 1: you're supporting your unity. When it's not that, when it's
Speaker 1: like a dinner and you're like I can't today, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Sometimes that's okay.
Speaker 2: I do think that showing up for plans with friends,
Speaker 2: for example, I mean we're specifically really kind of talking
Speaker 2: about like.
Speaker 1: Socializing, right, Like I think right.
Speaker 2: Social plans are very important to me because if I
Speaker 2: don't plan it, I don't have friends. And that's something
Speaker 2: that like, I'm not good at texting.
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 2: I'm not on social media like all the time because
Speaker 2: I took it off my phone.
Speaker 1: I'll be back on, I'm sure.
Speaker 2: Guys like I don't message over Instagram, and I think
Speaker 2: that's how a lot of people message lately, and so
Speaker 2: like if I don't reach out and try to figure
Speaker 2: something out, we're never gonna see each other, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. So, like it's important, Like we have
Speaker 2: a small group of friends, you and I who like
Speaker 2: we plan a dinner and that dinner is prioritized and
Speaker 2: it's usually every four or five months, but we prioritize
Speaker 2: that dinner because otherwise we won't see those people.
Speaker 1: And yeah, it's important, you know. Yeah, I agree, I agree,
Speaker 1: it's true. I'm also not. I mean, I guess I
Speaker 1: am a text I try. I have a lot of
Speaker 1: long distance close friends, so we do try to schedule
Speaker 1: like phone calls because otherwise, like it's too much time
Speaker 1: and then you're like don't know what's going on with
Speaker 1: the person, and oh my god, yeah, and it's like
Speaker 1: like it makes me really sad, like and I only
Speaker 1: you know, that's only like four people, like four people
Speaker 1: really that I have that with But yeah, you're right, Like,
Speaker 1: if I don't make friend plans or social plans, like
Speaker 1: I won't see anyone. I think because of the name
Speaker 1: Ture of La too, and the way the city is
Speaker 1: and it's not a walking city, and it's everything is
Speaker 1: so spread out, and like, yeah, I'll only see like
Speaker 1: the few neighbors that I'm friends with, right Like, but that.
Speaker 2: Friends, Like, that's a lot of places, right Like, that's
Speaker 2: a lot. A lot of cities in the United States
Speaker 2: are built like their car cities. There are a few
Speaker 2: cities that are walking cities, but a lot of cities
Speaker 2: and neighborhoods and suburbs are built so that you have
Speaker 2: to get in your car to go places. And I think,
Speaker 2: I think practicing making plans is you know, my my
Speaker 2: social calendar.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not going to show you my phone
Speaker 1: because it's over there and I don't want to get up.
Speaker 2: But on my calendar, like everything's color coded and this
Speaker 2: stuff that's like for fun, I color code in a
Speaker 2: certain color so that when I open the calendar and
Speaker 2: I can look at it and I'm like, oh, okay,
Speaker 2: there's fun stuff coming up for me. Oh that's a
Speaker 2: good idea. But everything is blocked off. And not everything.
Speaker 1: I'm not cuckoo boots.
Speaker 2: But I blocked stuff off because if I don't like
Speaker 2: and now I'm talking about work stuff too, like I've
Speaker 2: had I've had double bookings in the past where I
Speaker 2: booked myself for this thing, and then I also had like,
Speaker 2: for example.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I just got like small level of
Speaker 1: panic as you yes, at.
Speaker 2: I did two jobs, Like I double booked two jobs.
Speaker 2: One time I missed a job. This was before I
Speaker 2: was like using my Google calendar. I was like so
Speaker 2: devastated and mad at myself, so mad at myself, and
Speaker 2: then I realized I just needed to start, even if
Speaker 2: I didn't have like the time yet, Like when I
Speaker 2: got the email that was like it's probably going to
Speaker 2: be on this day roughly this time, I would block
Speaker 2: that off immediately in my calendar. Yes, because and I
Speaker 2: did this, you know, this is something that I still
Speaker 2: have to work on.
Speaker 1: I did this the other day. Remember we were on
Speaker 1: the phone and I was like, I audition right now.
Speaker 2: It sucked and it was for a project that I
Speaker 2: really wanted to and like they were texting me, I
Speaker 2: was on the phone with you and they were texting
Speaker 2: me like, hey, where are you, Like you're supposed to
Speaker 2: be here, and I just didn't read the email closely
Speaker 2: close read your emails, guys.
Speaker 1: Like I just had the wrong time. I had the
Speaker 1: wrong time. It was at like noon and you thought
Speaker 1: it was at one.
Speaker 2: I just like it was so And then I you know,
Speaker 2: jumped on the audition and I was like, fuck it,
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna do it with no makeup and whatever.
Speaker 1: And it was fine. I haven't heard anything, but like
Speaker 1: so you know, probably it's gonna be a no.
Speaker 2: But I mean I think stuff like that is just
Speaker 2: a good I mean, that's side note. That's personal growth
Speaker 2: for me because five years ago, even three years ago,
Speaker 2: I would have been beating myself up for that so bad.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, you're so stupid, so.
Speaker 1: Dumb, fucked up, like I had like this job or.
Speaker 2: Whatever, and it's like, you know what, this happens, and
Speaker 2: it happens. Yeah, it really did suck.
Speaker 1: It sucks. It's also like, you know, when you're in
Speaker 1: more of a career that's freelance based like ours, where
Speaker 1: you're in different places for different times, for different things
Speaker 1: all the time, and you have kids and you have
Speaker 1: a spouse and you have friends. Like I say, my
Speaker 1: calendar is color coded, although I really like the idea
Speaker 1: of having a color for fun stuff and I think
Speaker 1: I'm going to start doing that. But we started doing
Speaker 1: a family calendar a couple of years ago, and it
Speaker 1: was life changing for us because we all, like David's
Speaker 1: also an actor, and so like we put everything in
Speaker 1: the calendar. Doctor's appointments, when we're working, how long we're working.
Speaker 1: You know, he's about to do an episode of the Pit.
Speaker 1: So he was taking a long time to put his
Speaker 1: days into this. And I was like, put it in
Speaker 1: the calendar. Put in the calendar. Yeah, I need your
Speaker 1: days on the calendar. Yeah, put it in the calendar.
Speaker 1: You gotta put it in. And I found a conflict
Speaker 1: like right away, and I was like shit, and you
Speaker 1: have the school calendars in there. That was what I found.
Speaker 1: I was like, shit, this is a noon dismissal day,
Speaker 1: damn it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's important, and it's like, you know, even
Speaker 2: just by us talking about this right now, I'm hopeful
Speaker 2: that somebody is listening to this going like oh shit,
Speaker 2: like maybe we could use a family calendar.
Speaker 1: Maybe we could like a family calend Everything on our
Speaker 1: phones a huge huge if you're a family and you're
Speaker 1: not using a family calendar, like it's huge. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's huge, it's huge. It's a big, big change. I like,
Speaker 1: we we were getting like like annoyed with each other
Speaker 1: so many times for like not knowing, well I didn't
Speaker 1: know that you had that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And I was like, like, just every literally everything goes
Speaker 1: in the calendar. Yeah, lunch with someone goes in the
Speaker 1: family calendar, like so like everything, yes, because like and
Speaker 1: here's the other thing.
Speaker 2: After that audition, after that audition that I fucked up
Speaker 2: the timing, I invited my agent's assistance to my calendar
Speaker 2: because I was like, that's smart. I don't need you
Speaker 2: guys to put things in here. But if I if
Speaker 2: you see that I have something, if you know that
Speaker 2: I've got an audition coming up, and you see it, conflict,
Speaker 2: just double check me. That's all Like more eyes on it.
Speaker 2: I'm not expecting them to catch all my mistakes, but right,
Speaker 2: more eyes on it couldn't hurt, right, And now they
Speaker 2: also get a little peek into when.
Speaker 1: I take bloodies more better, more better.
Speaker 2: I think one of My least favorite things is the
Speaker 2: generalized sort of like, oh, we should hang out, which
Speaker 2: happens so often in LA and like.
Speaker 1: Like the accepted tagline to the end of any conversations
Speaker 1: hang out, let's get coffee.
Speaker 2: Don't say that that shit to me unless you are
Speaker 2: fucking serious, because I yes like people.
Speaker 1: I want to make new friends.
Speaker 2: So like, if you say that shit to me, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna follow up, and then I look like the dumb ass.
Speaker 2: It's like, hey, what's up? You know, Like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: don't say that shit to me.
Speaker 1: I truly. Okay, I have a question for you. If
Speaker 1: you are the winning to say it, do you also
Speaker 1: think you should be the one to initiate it?
Speaker 2: Not necessarily okay, because I think the saying let's hang out,
Speaker 2: let's hang out, let's get coffee, is an invitation to
Speaker 2: the other person to be like I would like to
Speaker 2: do that. Oh, so you feel like if you say it,
Speaker 2: it's more on the other person to initiate it.
Speaker 1: Yes, the invitation has been given. Yeah, that's interesting. I
Speaker 1: kind of like that.
Speaker 2: If I want to get like real, like you need
Speaker 2: to be more fruit, then I will straight up be
Speaker 2: like I would love to get coffee with you. Do
Speaker 2: you do you want to let me text you right now?
Speaker 2: And blah blah blah blah blah. Right, you know, like
Speaker 2: if I'm aggressive about it, I will be aggressive about it.
Speaker 1: The problem is for me that.
Speaker 2: Aggressiveness sometimes reads as a little bit needy, and then
Speaker 2: people who were like.
Speaker 1: Ooh, I like you like you, cannot picture you giving
Speaker 1: off any needy vibes at all. I feel like I've
Speaker 1: never seen that color on you, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: I know I'm saying it like maybe it's your own
Speaker 1: insecurity about yourself. I don't know, I just really maybe.
Speaker 1: I mean, here's the thing, I have your social situation
Speaker 1: confident that I feel like I've been in social situations
Speaker 1: where I'm like, from you, I'm like, let's hang out,
Speaker 1: let's hang out, you know, give me your number and
Speaker 1: I'll text you. And I text people and then I
Speaker 1: never hear from them, And yeah, what did I do?
Speaker 1: What did I say? What did I think? I like blaky?
Speaker 1: I think people are just blaky. Okay, maybe it's I
Speaker 1: try to be really good about not saying that unless
Speaker 1: I mean it. Yes, then I have been the reason
Speaker 1: I asked about how you view like who should initiate?
Speaker 1: Is that then I haven't initiated because I've been like,
Speaker 1: well I said it, maybe they don't want to, Like
Speaker 1: I get in my head about it and then I
Speaker 1: don't do anything and then nothing happens, and then I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm one of those assholes that was like
Speaker 1: we should hang out and like didn't, so I should.
Speaker 2: Change the way we I mean, I was just thinking
Speaker 2: we should hang out, right, Like our mutual friend Lena
Speaker 2: always says, you then you should all over yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so maybe it's like I would love to hang out
Speaker 2: with you, because that's like a little more invitation, not
Speaker 2: like a generalized sort of right nothing statement. Yes, as opposed,
Speaker 2: it's very it's a very la quote unquote like thing
Speaker 2: to say let's hang out, as opposed to directly saying
Speaker 2: I would love to hang out with you sometime. Let's
Speaker 2: get coffee or something. Yeah, you know, I don't know
Speaker 2: if that be more specific.
Speaker 1: So it doesn't feel like the general because literally everyone
Speaker 1: says it in LA like. Now I'm so like cynical
Speaker 1: about it. When I hear it, I'm just like okay, now,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: I I.
Speaker 1: Or I take it as like I guess I've gotten. Also,
Speaker 1: it depends on who it is, because I'm thinking about
Speaker 1: somebody that said it to me this past week and
Speaker 1: who I genuinely adore, and I do think they were
Speaker 1: going to try to hang out. Drop their name, call
Speaker 1: them out. But I it was Justina, Justina Machata. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and I but like so like when it's from someone
Speaker 1: like that, I'm like, oh, I know that she and
Speaker 1: I really mean it, and if it doesn't happen, it's
Speaker 1: not because we didn't want to, Like I don't. No, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's different because you're already friend. Like it's like almost
Speaker 1: like like it's the thought that counts, Like you know,
Speaker 1: the sentiment is there, right, whether it's of us, make
Speaker 1: it actually happen.
Speaker 2: Because you're already friends and you see each other socially already.
Speaker 2: I think that's a different thing versus like someone that
Speaker 2: you don't know that well that you want to get
Speaker 2: to know better. Better, Yes, which is that does take
Speaker 2: more effort. I find that I aggressively will be like,
Speaker 2: let's get lunch on this, give me some dates that
Speaker 2: you're available, Like I did that to my friend the
Speaker 2: other day. I was like, give me some times that
Speaker 2: you can get lunch. And he was like, well, I'm
Speaker 2: free on this day. And I was like one o'clock
Speaker 2: at joy, you know, like I was aggressive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you did that to me when I got back
Speaker 1: from Atlanta. But I loved it. It made me feel
Speaker 1: loved I loved it it. I do think it's like
Speaker 1: to see me that makes it feel good.
Speaker 2: Not everybody will do it because everybody's busy, and we
Speaker 2: don't prioritize our friendships.
Speaker 1: We oh, especially when we're.
Speaker 2: Busy, Especially like if you're younger, if you're listening to
Speaker 2: this podcast and you're in your twenties, like you might
Speaker 2: prioritize your friendships more.
Speaker 1: And that's great. That's a healthy way to be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I'm building also, like a lot of your
Speaker 1: friendship's for life, hopefully exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: So like as you get older, I think it becomes
Speaker 2: less of a priority, but is really important. I mean,
Speaker 2: when my mom moved to she lives half the year
Speaker 2: in La now and she lives half the year in Houston.
Speaker 2: She kind of goes back and forth, and when she
Speaker 2: moved here, one of her big priorities is making friends,
Speaker 2: and so she like joined a book club, she joined.
Speaker 1: The gym near her.
Speaker 2: She got a membership to the Huntington Gardens, Like she
Speaker 2: volunteers at her church, and part of that is like
Speaker 2: she was building a community here so that she knows that, like, well,
Speaker 2: on this day, I have yoga class and I'll see
Speaker 2: these ladies. And on this day I have book club
Speaker 2: and I'll see these people. This day I volunteer and
Speaker 2: I'll see these people. So like socializing is kind of
Speaker 2: built into her life because like that helps you.
Speaker 1: I don't know it helps you.
Speaker 2: I mean we have some nerd time stuff about that too,
Speaker 2: but like I do think like socializing and having plans
Speaker 2: keeps you active and your brain active in a way
Speaker 2: that I think can extend your life.
Speaker 1: I mean, oh yeah, the other side, Yeah, how important
Speaker 1: like socializing and relationships are to like longevity, and like
Speaker 1: it's there's study after study, right.
Speaker 2: Oh, but I do want to talk about this. The
Speaker 2: study that finds that the optimal amount of time to
Speaker 2: spend with friends what was it?
Speaker 1: It was like an hour? It was an hour and
Speaker 1: forty five, no, forty nine minutes.
Speaker 2: What if you came to my house to the Christmas
Speaker 2: party and then I kicked everybody out after hours?
Speaker 1: But I have so many questions about how they arrived
Speaker 1: at this in this study, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: It was like they're looking right, so they're like looking
Speaker 1: at the minutes going, and then they're like conversation, they
Speaker 1: ran out of things to say. Now just fascinating, right,
Speaker 1: and like you know, and they're like clocking the time
Speaker 1: and they're averaging. But I think that that is also
Speaker 1: I think I hard disagree with it. I am like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I need a two hour hang. I need
Speaker 1: a two hour hang at minimum. If you're a close friend.
Speaker 1: If you're like a close friend, you're like in one
Speaker 1: of my best friends just came over the other night
Speaker 1: and she came over. She was like saw that I
Speaker 1: was stressed out about some things, and she was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come over on Tuesday night and I was like, great,
Speaker 1: I'll make dinner. And she was so right, like I
Speaker 1: needed friend time. I needed to like invent about this thing.
Speaker 1: And she was here for about two hours maybe two
Speaker 1: and a half. It was perfect.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like I feel lighter, I feel so
Speaker 1: much better, Like thank you for coming over, like and
Speaker 1: seeing that I needed the top friend time and like
Speaker 1: you know, and she needed it too. She like text
Speaker 1: me the next day she was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I slept so good. I was like out by nine o'clock,
Speaker 1: like because I think I just like a lot of
Speaker 1: my stress was relieved and it was just great for
Speaker 1: both of us.
Speaker 2: And I'm glad you like accepted it too, because I
Speaker 2: think sometimes it's hard to be like, oh, I don't know,
Speaker 2: my house is a mess, so like I'm do whatever,
Speaker 2: you know, Like for some people like get really caught
Speaker 2: up in that kind of stuff, like I can only
Speaker 2: have people over when the house is clean, or I
Speaker 2: can only do this when like but I had to
Speaker 2: cook dinner. It's like you can't just make plans with
Speaker 2: a friend that's like come over while I do this thing.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, come over and hang out while I you know,
Speaker 2: she has come.
Speaker 1: Over both her when I was like, yeah, packing for
Speaker 1: like a family vacation. Yeah, just like laying on my
Speaker 1: bed while I like pas, yes, yes, you know, venting
Speaker 1: or bitch about whatever I need to.
Speaker 2: Yes, those those are like spontaneous, Like it is great
Speaker 2: to make plans, but it's also like those spontaneous like
Speaker 2: you seem like you need time with me or I
Speaker 2: want to spend time with you and support you through
Speaker 2: this thing, right, and like that there has to be
Speaker 2: room for that too, Like you can't just plan your
Speaker 2: calendar and life to the nth degree and then be like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, there's no room for spontaneity.
Speaker 1: That sucks. Yeah, yeah, like trying to have a little
Speaker 1: balance of both.
Speaker 2: By the way, this yeah study, this one hour and
Speaker 2: forty nine minutes. I don't know how much I believe
Speaker 2: it because it was commissioned by a coffee company, Like,
Speaker 2: so you know, it was like your top bonding experiences
Speaker 2: coffee with friends, which is like, of course the fucking
Speaker 2: study says that shit.
Speaker 1: Wait, like I do like having coffee handling canceling plans.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about canceling plans. Okay, I love say you
Speaker 1: love canceling plans? I deal, It is fun. Sometimes you
Speaker 1: just need to cancel. Sometimes you do need to cancel.
Speaker 1: Do you have a go to for canceling? Like do
Speaker 1: you do a little white lie? Do you tell the truth?
Speaker 1: Do you blame your kid? Do you more better? More better?
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell this story.
Speaker 2: I was working on a project, and I prior to
Speaker 2: working on that project, this is this is related to
Speaker 2: making plans putting things in your calendar, right, Like I
Speaker 2: can be I overbook myself all the time, and I'll
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, I'll have the energy to do that.
Speaker 1: I'm going to do that.
Speaker 2: I'm going to do that because right I still and
Speaker 2: I'm working on it still. I come from a place
Speaker 2: of black I grew up not financially secure, and so
Speaker 2: as an adult, I'm constantly thinking like, well, let me
Speaker 2: just do that job so that I can make that
Speaker 2: money for my family. And yeah, there was a voiceover
Speaker 2: that I said yes to. And I was also shooting
Speaker 2: a commercial and the commercial shoot was happening over the week,
Speaker 2: and the idea of doing this voiceover just was sitting
Speaker 2: like heavy on me, and I felt like I can't cancel.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna let everybody down. They're not gonna ask me
Speaker 2: to do it again. I'm like, I'm gonna look like
Speaker 2: a fucking fuck up. Like and I went to therapy
Speaker 2: and I talked about it with my therapists and she
Speaker 2: was like she didn't say do this or do that,
Speaker 2: but she was like, I encourage you to like do.
Speaker 1: What you really feel.
Speaker 2: And after I got out of therapy, I called my
Speaker 2: manager and I was like almost crying, but I kept.
Speaker 1: It for fresh and I was like, hey, Bob.
Speaker 2: I cannot do this today and I don't know how
Speaker 2: to get out of it, but like I feel really bad.
Speaker 2: I understand if they have to recast me, I just cannot.
Speaker 2: I do not have the bandwidth to do this today.
Speaker 2: I need this night for myself. Like I can't good
Speaker 2: for you, and that's really hard. You. It was hard,
Speaker 2: and I think I was looking for somebody to give
Speaker 2: permission to me, because immediately he was like, you work
Speaker 2: so hard.
Speaker 1: You never do this kind of thing.
Speaker 2: Like you when you cancel, it's because you have a
Speaker 2: good reason and that's okay, and you're tired and you
Speaker 2: need your energy and like, let me take.
Speaker 1: Care of it for you. And in the end it
Speaker 1: was totally fine.
Speaker 2: I was having anxiety about canceling for no reason because
Speaker 2: they rescheduled it and everybody.
Speaker 1: Was cool with it and it was a really fun job.
Speaker 2: When I ended up doing it, it's like, yeah, fine,
Speaker 2: oh it's fine, but like sometimes you just need to
Speaker 2: I don't want to be a flake and I would
Speaker 2: not call myself one, but I.
Speaker 1: Think you're not. But you know that you're not, and
Speaker 1: you're not like he said, you never do this, so
Speaker 1: if you are doing it, it's like taken with good reason,
Speaker 1: like oh shit, she must really like and also everyone
Speaker 1: wants you to show up at your best, so you
Speaker 1: exactly the best performance you can so in the spirit
Speaker 1: of let's get the best version of the thing, you
Speaker 1: were protecting that and so I but it is really hard,
Speaker 1: and like I commend you for doing that. When it's
Speaker 1: a job, especially, it feels like.
Speaker 2: Especially oh my god, because yeah, kill to have this job.
Speaker 1: And here I am being like I can't do it.
Speaker 1: But that's a yeah lad mentality, right, like right, or
Speaker 1: that's like a shit on yourself mentality.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I do think sometimes like last minute canceling.
Speaker 2: I've done it before, and sometimes it does feel really
Speaker 2: good because it's like a social event and yeah, I
Speaker 2: maybe kind of didn't want to go anyway, and I
Speaker 2: said yes, but I don't really want to get dressed,
Speaker 2: and I like, and then it just feels like so
Speaker 2: much work.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry I can't make it.
Speaker 2: And then you're like snuggled up with your blanket watching
Speaker 2: yes delicious delicious, like so pleased with your fabulous, fabulous
Speaker 2: with your little mugga tea.
Speaker 1: Sorry, and I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't use my kid as an excuse very much.
Speaker 2: I did in the beginning because it was a real
Speaker 2: excuse because it was like, I can't bro like my
Speaker 2: brain is from.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, when they're like under the age of three,
Speaker 1: it's like not really a white lie, like you just when.
Speaker 2: Your first kid wasn't sleeping, when Enzel wasn't sleeping, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: Two years. Yeah, and I just oh my god, I
Speaker 1: would cancel plans all the time because I would just
Speaker 1: be like, I'm so sorry, I'm tired, have the bandwidth.
Speaker 1: I'm like so freaking tired. I have not slept this
Speaker 1: whole week, like the baby, the baby. And then you
Speaker 1: know it sucks though, because you do like eventually stop
Speaker 1: getting invited to things. Yeah, that definitely happened to me
Speaker 1: in the early years of Enzo. Like I stopped getting
Speaker 1: invited to certain social things, stop getting invited to certain
Speaker 1: work events because I said no for like a year plus,
Speaker 1: and then I will stop asking. Yeah, people will stop asking.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh shit, like I gotta get
Speaker 1: I gotta get better at this. I gotta get back
Speaker 1: on this train. There's this really funny article that I
Speaker 1: just put in our nerd Time.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, nerd Time, The Nerd Time, Nerd Time, Nerd Time.
Speaker 3: That is.
Speaker 1: About people who cancel plans last minute, like all the time,
Speaker 1: tend to have darker personality traits, including machia aviliate Wait, oh,
Speaker 1: this is hard to Machiaveliateavilianism, machiavellan Machiavelian machiavellianism when you
Speaker 1: get it right though, which is being manipulative or having
Speaker 1: a lack of morals and narcissism. Yeah. Yeah, Like they're like,
Speaker 1: tend to have some dark traits and then they list
Speaker 1: like the two darkest fucking personality traits.
Speaker 2: I mean think about it though, Like if you're constantly
Speaker 2: canceling plans, like you're not thinking about anybody else but you.
Speaker 1: You are very self absorbed. Yeah. I did. Like at
Speaker 1: first when I read the beginning of the article, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh man, But then as I read I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, no, I'm not this person, but I
Speaker 1: know people like this, and yeah, I'm pretty sure that they.
Speaker 1: I have questioned whether they're narcissists, given that at one
Speaker 1: point in time, we've all likely been the person to
Speaker 1: send a last minute sorry but something's come up text,
Speaker 1: Does that mean where all rotten to the core? Humans
Speaker 1: who need deleting or rebooting? Thankfully not, The research explains,
Speaker 1: as of course, sometimes life will get in the way,
Speaker 1: will need to take the odd rain check. It's when
Speaker 1: canceling plans becomes a regular habit that it is Veer's
Speaker 1: into worrying territory. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're finding yourself doing it more often than not.
Speaker 1: I think you got to ask you.
Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, that was one of the signs to
Speaker 2: me that I was really depressed because I was invited
Speaker 2: to a friend's engagement party and I was so excited
Speaker 2: for her, really excited to go. And the day of
Speaker 2: the engagement party came and I could not find anything
Speaker 2: to wear. I was in my closet having an anxiety
Speaker 2: attack about like a real anxiety attack about not a
Speaker 2: panic attack, but like an anxiety attack about yeah, can
Speaker 2: I wear to this person's party?
Speaker 1: And I was like crying.
Speaker 2: I was sitting I remember, I was sitting in the
Speaker 2: chair in our bedroom and I was like crying, and
Speaker 2: I was like, I feel so bad that we're not
Speaker 2: going to go, like she'd like asked for our RSVP
Speaker 2: and like it's not like this is a big deal.
Speaker 2: And I was like crying, crying, crying, and Brad was like,
Speaker 2: it's not that big of a deal, and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 2: something's wrong, something's off.
Speaker 1: With me, right, Like yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I feel like if you're constantly canceling plans and you're
Speaker 2: having these like anxiety reactions to having plans, there might
Speaker 2: be something deeper, and that might be like assigned to
Speaker 2: you to like reach out and get a little help
Speaker 2: or ask some friends or you.
Speaker 1: Know, talk about it a little bit, like how can you.
Speaker 2: Help yourself through it, whether that's like talking to a therapist,
Speaker 2: whether that's talking to friends, whether that's like I don't
Speaker 2: feel comfortable right now going out to dinner, but like
Speaker 2: maybe maybe you could come over a while I cook dinner.
Speaker 2: Maybe we could sit and watch Netflix together. Yeah, we
Speaker 2: could just like hang out in my backyard for like
Speaker 2: an hour, you know, where it's not a lot of
Speaker 2: pressure to help that feeling dissipate and go away, because
Speaker 2: you know, if you're constantly canceling plans, I think something
Speaker 2: else is going on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, agree, totally. Yeah, it's a good it's a good
Speaker 1: check in wake up call.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I really like the some cultural differences in planning.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 2: Monoiac cultures monochronic cultures like the US, Germany and the
Speaker 2: UK value punctuality and strict scheduling. Polychronic cultures like Latin America,
Speaker 2: the Middle East, and Southern Europe a few times more fluidly.
Speaker 1: Plans are flexible relationships schedules.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you when my white husband, who is I
Speaker 2: think his he's American, and I believe his background, like
Speaker 2: his DNA background or whatever, is like Europe and Germanic
Speaker 2: and stuff.
Speaker 1: But this motherfucker. First, the first couple of Christmases, the.
Speaker 2: First couple of Christmases, he was like, what time do
Speaker 2: we need to show up? And I was like, well,
Speaker 2: it's probably gonna start around like seven. Our asses would
Speaker 2: be there at seven. My Theatuka would open the door
Speaker 2: and she'd be like, oh, like shocked that we were there.
Speaker 1: Everyone else is.
Speaker 2: Showing up at eight thirty, right, everyone's like kind of
Speaker 2: I mean, and he and time, man, he started my
Speaker 2: Latin time is different man, and I had to explain
Speaker 2: to him, like we cannot be on time.
Speaker 1: We can be like maybe we can be.
Speaker 2: Half an hour later than the time that we're starting that, like,
Speaker 2: we can't be on time because we will be the
Speaker 2: first people there and it will be really annoying for
Speaker 2: the host to have to host us. Like, yes, it's different,
Speaker 2: it's just different.
Speaker 1: When we got married, there was a whole conversation round
Speaker 1: table with my parents with David about what time to
Speaker 1: put on the invitation. What time yes, because there definitely
Speaker 1: we're gonna be half more than half Latino's coming, so
Speaker 1: we knew we had to put like at least a
Speaker 1: half hour before it actually started. Yes, But then we
Speaker 1: were like, should we put more than a half hour,
Speaker 1: But then all the white people or non Latin people
Speaker 1: are gonna come on time, show up, yeah, and they're
Speaker 1: gonna be like, why are we fucking standing here for
Speaker 1: forty minutes before we even sit down for the ceremony,
Speaker 1: and they're going to be confused. So we had a
Speaker 1: hole back and forth. We went with like thirty minutes.
Speaker 1: We put thirty minutes earlier on the invitation than the
Speaker 1: actual start time. But it was a hole back and
Speaker 1: forth debate because we were like, we don't want to
Speaker 1: offend people, but also we don't want people walking in
Speaker 1: in the middle of the fucking ceremony.
Speaker 2: Dude, I the only people that were walking in in
Speaker 2: the middle of the ceremony or like right as I
Speaker 2: was like walking down the aisle, like remember.
Speaker 1: Like at my wedding, it was yeah, yeah, like a
Speaker 1: weird like circular way in the round. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I looked out of the corner of my eye and
Speaker 2: I saw my Latina friend and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: she's walking in right now, like people have been here
Speaker 2: for forty minutes drinking.
Speaker 1: She's walking to her asses walking in right now. Yep.
Speaker 1: It's just different. I mean it's different. It just it
Speaker 1: just is it just it just is. Yeah. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: an on time Latino. I think only because my dad
Speaker 1: was like, and he would talk about it a lot,
Speaker 1: like we're not We're not going to beat one of
Speaker 1: those Latinos. We're gonna show up on time.
Speaker 2: I am an on time Latino because I had friends,
Speaker 2: and I've told you this before, I've had I had
Speaker 2: friends sit me down once at dinner and they were like,
Speaker 2: you cannot be fucking late anymore.
Speaker 1: Oh, my clate.
Speaker 2: It was in New York and I was an hour
Speaker 2: late for dinner and they were like, you can't be
Speaker 2: late anymore.
Speaker 1: We're not gonna invite you anywhere anymore. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, oh my god. Okay. I was like, oh okay,
Speaker 1: oh like but you know what I like it. I
Speaker 1: like our an hour late for my first date with
Speaker 1: Brad and I lived Melissa.
Speaker 2: I lived two blocks from the restaurant.
Speaker 1: I lived in silver Lake, and I was my god.
Speaker 2: I was meeting him at ellen and I picked Ellenie
Speaker 2: because I could walk.
Speaker 1: No, it was a block. It was a block, an
Speaker 1: hour late. I look fabulous, though, listen.
Speaker 2: More better. Okay, So what did we what did we
Speaker 2: learn today? What were your big takeaways about making plans.
Speaker 1: I really like the I'm going to put a different
Speaker 1: color on I'm going to put a different color in
Speaker 1: my calendar for fun stuff. I love that idea and yeah,
Speaker 1: and that it is it is even though it's like
Speaker 1: you don't feel like doing it. I think it's important
Speaker 1: to do and that you're always like happy once you
Speaker 1: like get to the plan most of the time. But
Speaker 1: also like to be better about not over planning myself too,
Speaker 1: because I have been victim to that as well. So yeah,
Speaker 1: this was good, like food for thought. I feel like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like it's it's a out yeah, striking being maybe more
Speaker 1: intentional about the balance of like making plans and also
Speaker 1: like letting spontaneous thing happens.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I learned. I learned a weird one. Or
Speaker 2: my big takeaway is like it's not that they don't
Speaker 2: want to hang out with me.
Speaker 1: Or that they find me weird. It's that they're probably
Speaker 1: just kind.
Speaker 2: Of flaky or busy. It has nothing to do with me,
Speaker 2: and I just need to like let go of that.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's leftover from childhood stuff. It's like if they
Speaker 2: don't want to hang out with me, which is like yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: maybe maybe, but maybe not.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, especially like you can tell in the moment,
Speaker 1: especially in LA when people are just saying it as
Speaker 1: a line and when people like really mean it, you know,
Speaker 1: and then it's like you got to just like be
Speaker 1: like it's it not that counts, Like I know that
Speaker 1: they meant it, like you know, yeah, fucking busy or
Speaker 1: flaky or whatever.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah that's cool. Okay, do you
Speaker 1: feel a little more better about making plans? I do.
Speaker 2: I do feel about I do too, because I have
Speaker 2: a lunch and forty minutes with a friend and I
Speaker 2: forced into making plans.
Speaker 1: Yeay, yay yay. I love that. Okay, great great y
Speaker 1: see you guys next time. See you guys next time.
Speaker 1: Let's plan on it. Bye, thought it. Let's see you
Speaker 1: next week. Bye bye, More and more Better.
Speaker 2: Do you have something you'd like to be more better
Speaker 2: at that you want us to talk about in a
Speaker 2: future episode?
Speaker 1: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
Speaker 1: one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 2: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
Speaker 2: gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
Speaker 2: want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better
Speaker 2: with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's
Speaker 2: Mikudura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Beatrice, and Melissa Fumero.
Speaker 1: More Better is produced by isis Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zebos.
Speaker 1: Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Fumero, along
Speaker 1: with Wilmore Valderrama and Leo Klem at WV Sound and
Speaker 1: ISIS Madrid. This episode was edited by ISIS Madrid and
Speaker 1: engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison
Speaker 1: Davenport and Hello Boy. Our cover art is by Vincent
Speaker 1: Remy's and photography by David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart,
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows. See you next week's suck Us Bye,