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Speaker 1: I'm an on time Latino. I think only because my

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Speaker 1: dad was like, and he would talk about it a lot, like,

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Speaker 1: we're not We're not gonna be one of those Latinos.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna show up on time.

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Speaker 2: I am an on time Latino because I had friends,

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Speaker 2: and I've told you this before, I've had I had

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Speaker 2: friends sit me down once at dinner and they were like,

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Speaker 2: you cannot be fucking late anymore.

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Speaker 1: Oh my godate.

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Speaker 2: It was in New York and I was an hour

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Speaker 2: late for dinner and they were like, you can't be

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Speaker 2: late anymore. We're not gonna invite you anywhere anymore. And

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh shit, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Okay. I was like, oh okay, oh.

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Speaker 2: More more and more, better, better, more, a little bit

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Speaker 2: more better, more, Welcome to more better a podcast, or

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Speaker 2: we stop pretending to have it all together and embrace

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Speaker 2: the journey of becoming a little.

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Speaker 1: More every day, or at least trying to. That's most

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Speaker 1: of Fumero, and that's Stephanie Beatrice. Welcome back to the show.

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Speaker 1: Hi guys, what's up? What what have you done lately? That's

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Speaker 1: a little more better? Oh what's have done? That's a

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Speaker 1: little mobid I've been trying to get more better about

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Speaker 1: walking and like steps, it's really hard, you guys. I know.

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Speaker 1: There are days where like it goes really well just

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Speaker 1: because I'm like doing shit around the house and I'm

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Speaker 1: like on the go and like happened to be on

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Speaker 1: my feet more. But then like days like today, like

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting here recording a podcast, or like yesterday, I

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Speaker 1: was sitting on my couch reading scripts and then I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, let me walk the dog to like

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Speaker 1: get a walk in, and like write, my step count

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Speaker 1: was still low, so like it's okay, I know, And

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Speaker 1: I think that's why I want to say it too,

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Speaker 1: because it's like to really get like close to ten

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Speaker 1: thousand steps you need to walk for like you need

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Speaker 1: to take like an hour plus walk every day, and

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Speaker 1: like body has the time to not everybody has the time,

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Speaker 1: or sometimes you want to use that free hour to

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Speaker 1: like wait, lift or do a workout and like something else. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: something else. So I'm trying not to get down on

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Speaker 1: myself about it, and I don't want anyone else to

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Speaker 1: get down on their cells about it, yeow, even if

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Speaker 1: it just like a fifteen minute walk with the dog,

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Speaker 1: you know, before I go pick up the kids or

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Speaker 1: right after I pick up the kids. Like I'm like, whatever,

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Speaker 1: it's something like it's a little something, just I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to like lower the the pressure on myself, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, Because I think when I started, I

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Speaker 1: was like, it's going to be a forty minute walk

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Speaker 1: forty five ye walk every day, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: this is really that hard. I can't fit this endto

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Speaker 1: the day. So now I'm like, you know what, fifteen

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Speaker 1: minutes counts. Like you heard like these women's call it.

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Speaker 2: There was a culty like workout that I was doing

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Speaker 2: for a while and they would call out your booty

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Speaker 2: call and you had to take a walk every morning

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Speaker 2: before you ate anything, and like you had to like

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Speaker 2: walk around the neighborhood for X amount of minutes or whatever.

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Speaker 1: Cool, Dan you you can do that, but like who

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Speaker 1: lives that life.

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Speaker 2: I don't get children dressed out the door for this

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Speaker 2: is what I'm saying. You have to wake up super

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Speaker 2: early to be able to do that, right, And then I.

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Speaker 1: Had fifteen minutes in the morning to sit and drink

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Speaker 1: coffee before I'm fucking or or like if I want

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Speaker 1: more time, we're waking up at six am. Like we're

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Speaker 1: waking up at six thirty, and I take fifteen or

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Speaker 1: twenty minutes to sit down and want like drink coffee

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Speaker 1: and like check my email, and then it's like off

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Speaker 1: to the fucking races, races, snacks, lunch, water bottles, hoodies,

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Speaker 1: chromebook in your backpack, it's a movie. Fucking brush your teeth,

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Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, stop playing with the Rubik's cube, get dressed,

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Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's hectic. Man.

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Speaker 2: Liked adding onto that internalized pressure to you know, get

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Speaker 2: to some number every day.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: If it serves you, that's great. But if it's like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I'm aware of this and I'm not not.

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Speaker 1: And I'm being kind to myself about it, that's a

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to be more better. I'm kind to myself

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Speaker 1: about that. Yeah, that's great. How about you? What are

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Speaker 1: you doing lately? Bitch? I steamed all my shirts. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, that is such a big one.

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Speaker 3: Girl.

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Speaker 1: I bought one of those. Okay, have you ever seen like.

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Speaker 2: On TV if you're watching a show where like they're

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Speaker 2: getting styling or whatever, and they have those giant steamers

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Speaker 2: with like the big stand and the yeah, the like

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Speaker 2: I've bought myself one of those as a present. I

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Speaker 2: bought myself a motherfucking steamer as a gift to myself.

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Speaker 2: I was like, fucking by this fancy steamer, and does

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Speaker 2: that ship work in good? Oh my god, you can

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Speaker 2: I burn. I did burn my hand.

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Speaker 1: I'm learning.

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Speaker 2: You can hang the clothes on the steamer, like you

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Speaker 2: can get a shirt on the steamer, and like I

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Speaker 2: just listened to a podcast and steams like thirty shirts.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm in heaven. I can wear any

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: Like I do this thing where I wash my clothes,

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Speaker 2: I dry them. A lot of my clothes are hanging

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Speaker 2: dry because I wear a lot of vintage and they're

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Speaker 2: in the closet and they're all wrinkles. So then when

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Speaker 2: I go to get dressed, I'm wearing the same fucking

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Speaker 2: five shirts because everything is wrinkled.

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Speaker 1: So I fucking see my shit. Yes, yes, Or it's

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Speaker 1: like the most frustrating thing is like you're running a

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Speaker 1: little late and you're trying to get dressed quickly and

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Speaker 1: you have an outfit idea in your mind and you

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Speaker 1: go to grab it and it's fucking wrinkled, and you're

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Speaker 1: like shit, and then you're trying to do the math

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Speaker 1: of like do I have enough time? And like I

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Speaker 1: have a pretty good handheld steamer, but like that shit

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Speaker 1: takes a long time, like it doesn't always do the job.

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Speaker 1: But I mean you talking about like getting the for

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Speaker 1: real steamer. I'm like literally looking around the room, like

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Speaker 1: do I have room? Could I get one? Yes?

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Speaker 2: You do. It's life changing and it has a roller

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Speaker 2: like it's on wheels. I wield it from my eyes,

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Speaker 2: stick it in my office in the corner, and I

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Speaker 2: wheeled it into my closet and I listened to a

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Speaker 2: podcast for thirty minutes and I got through so many shirts.

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Speaker 1: I was like shocked, And now I can wear them all. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I know you can wear them because that's my more better.

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Speaker 1: They're seeing they're crispy. They're crispy bitches. That's a good one.

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Speaker 1: More better. What are we talking about today, Melissa? We

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Speaker 1: are talking about getting more better at making plans? My fave.

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Speaker 1: I love making plans. You I love making plans.

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Speaker 2: Tell me I miss I do miss the spontaneity of

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Speaker 2: you know, in New York, I feel like you're always

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Speaker 2: running into people and that was something fun that would happen,

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Speaker 2: like because you're on that little island or even in

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Speaker 2: Brooklyn or Queens, you see people here. It's less likely

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Speaker 2: unless you start community building in your own community in

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Speaker 2: LA and then you run into people and that's fun. Yes,

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Speaker 2: but I love meet me at X for lunch at

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Speaker 2: one point thirty on Tuesday the twenty seventh, Delicious put

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Speaker 2: it in my calendar.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 2: Now I will over book myself and that's something that

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Speaker 2: I'm working on as a person.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but I love making plans. I love it. I

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Speaker 1: already told you when my Christmas party was, I was like,

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Speaker 1: save the day you did. I was so impressed. I

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Speaker 1: think for me, I am the opposite. I don't mind

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Speaker 1: making plans. But I think one being in this job

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Speaker 1: where it's so hard to like plan ahead, you know,

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Speaker 1: like people like you know, like you, I mean, yours

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Speaker 1: is different because it's December and we almost always know that,

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Speaker 1: like we're probably not going to be working close to Christmas, right,

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Speaker 1: but like people will be like, I'm having a party

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Speaker 1: in three months, and I'm like, I if I'm here, yes,

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Speaker 1: I'll be there. Like it's hard to commit to things.

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Speaker 1: So I think that's just like deeply ingrained in me,

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Speaker 1: and I get like nervousness around plans. And then the

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Speaker 1: other part is, like you said, living in New York

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Speaker 1: for so long, we never made fucking plans like we

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Speaker 1: occasionally did. But even those bigger plans, like we're all

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Speaker 1: like everybody meet at our police and we're going to

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Speaker 1: go to dinner and then we're gonna like we got

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Speaker 1: a reservation and we're gonna go to the club. After

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Speaker 1: that was still like week of plans. And most of

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Speaker 1: the time our plans were just like, oh, let's walk

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Speaker 1: to this restaurant and like see if so and so

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Speaker 1: is around, or somebody calling you and being like I'm

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Speaker 1: in your neighborhood. Can I stop by? Like our friends

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Speaker 1: used to stop by our apartment all the time, and

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Speaker 1: I just hold hold on and back up to like

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Speaker 1: that we're going to go to the club. Then we're

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Speaker 1: gonna tell you about like when we were I would

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Speaker 1: like live in New York in my twenties. My god,

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Speaker 1: the clur but cre those were like those were nights.

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Speaker 1: Well I brought that up because those were nights, those

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Speaker 1: were a special night. We didn't go to the club

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Speaker 1: all the time, so when we did do a club night,

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Speaker 1: and it was usually with a group of people. It

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Speaker 1: was a little bit more planned because also my bougie

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Speaker 1: husband hates waiting online, so we only went to clubs

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Speaker 1: that we knew we could get right in. So it

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Speaker 1: was like those working this weekend or so and so

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Speaker 1: knows the bouncer or whatever, and yeah, yeah, so uh

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Speaker 1: those husband also hates waiting online. He hates it, hates

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Speaker 1: it in line, in line.

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Speaker 2: For those of you that didn't spend any time in

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Speaker 2: New York. Ever, for some reason, New Yorkers say waiting

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Speaker 2: online instead of inline.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I don't know why is that a New York thing.

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Speaker 1: I think it's a New York thing. Yeah, I'm waiting online.

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Speaker 2: Like you would never say, like, oh, you in the Midwestern,

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Speaker 2: not like I'm waiting in line. You're like, I'm waiting

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Speaker 2: in line at Starbucks. No, I'm waiting online at Starbucks.

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Speaker 1: Waiting online. Yeah yeah, yeah, I guess not a Starbucks ad.

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Speaker 1: But Starbucks talk to us if you want to sponsor us.

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Speaker 1: So yeah. So then moving to LA I felt like

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Speaker 1: it was a big transition for us, like and having

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Speaker 1: the realization of, like, oh, if we want to have

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Speaker 1: more of a social life, we need to make some plans,

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Speaker 1: like if we want to see our friends, we need

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Speaker 1: to put it in the books, and you have to

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Speaker 1: put it in the calendar. You have to you have

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Speaker 1: to put it in the calendar. And it's uh, it's

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Speaker 1: not always like my go to I also like I

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Speaker 1: will also have the tendency to overbook myself sometimes and

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Speaker 1: then you know, there's no worse feeling than like it's

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Speaker 1: the day of the thing and you're like, I'm fucking

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Speaker 1: exhausted and now I have to like muster up the

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Speaker 1: energy to go to this thing.

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Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: And but sometimes like you do just have to show up,

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Speaker 1: like depending on what it is, right, because you want

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Speaker 1: to be a good friend, or you're supporting someone or

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Speaker 1: you're supporting your unity. When it's not that, when it's

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Speaker 1: like a dinner and you're like I can't today, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Sometimes that's okay.

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Speaker 2: I do think that showing up for plans with friends,

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Speaker 2: for example, I mean we're specifically really kind of talking

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Speaker 2: about like.

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Speaker 1: Socializing, right, Like I think right.

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Speaker 2: Social plans are very important to me because if I

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Speaker 2: don't plan it, I don't have friends. And that's something

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Speaker 2: that like, I'm not good at texting.

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Speaker 1: I'm not.

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Speaker 2: I'm not on social media like all the time because

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Speaker 2: I took it off my phone.

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Speaker 1: I'll be back on, I'm sure.

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Speaker 2: Guys like I don't message over Instagram, and I think

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Speaker 2: that's how a lot of people message lately, and so

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Speaker 2: like if I don't reach out and try to figure

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Speaker 2: something out, we're never gonna see each other, you know

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Speaker 2: what I mean. So, like it's important, Like we have

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Speaker 2: a small group of friends, you and I who like

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Speaker 2: we plan a dinner and that dinner is prioritized and

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Speaker 2: it's usually every four or five months, but we prioritize

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Speaker 2: that dinner because otherwise we won't see those people.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, it's important, you know. Yeah, I agree, I agree,

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Speaker 1: it's true. I'm also not. I mean, I guess I

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Speaker 1: am a text I try. I have a lot of

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Speaker 1: long distance close friends, so we do try to schedule

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Speaker 1: like phone calls because otherwise, like it's too much time

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Speaker 1: and then you're like don't know what's going on with

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Speaker 1: the person, and oh my god, yeah, and it's like

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Speaker 1: like it makes me really sad, like and I only

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Speaker 1: you know, that's only like four people, like four people

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Speaker 1: really that I have that with But yeah, you're right, Like,

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Speaker 1: if I don't make friend plans or social plans, like

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Speaker 1: I won't see anyone. I think because of the name

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Speaker 1: Ture of La too, and the way the city is

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Speaker 1: and it's not a walking city, and it's everything is

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Speaker 1: so spread out, and like, yeah, I'll only see like

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Speaker 1: the few neighbors that I'm friends with, right Like, but that.

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Speaker 2: Friends, Like, that's a lot of places, right Like, that's

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Speaker 2: a lot. A lot of cities in the United States

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Speaker 2: are built like their car cities. There are a few

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Speaker 2: cities that are walking cities, but a lot of cities

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Speaker 2: and neighborhoods and suburbs are built so that you have

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Speaker 2: to get in your car to go places. And I think,

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Speaker 2: I think practicing making plans is you know, my my

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Speaker 2: social calendar.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not going to show you my phone

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Speaker 1: because it's over there and I don't want to get up.

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Speaker 2: But on my calendar, like everything's color coded and this

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Speaker 2: stuff that's like for fun, I color code in a

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Speaker 2: certain color so that when I open the calendar and

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Speaker 2: I can look at it and I'm like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 2: there's fun stuff coming up for me. Oh that's a

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Speaker 2: good idea. But everything is blocked off. And not everything.

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Speaker 1: I'm not cuckoo boots.

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Speaker 2: But I blocked stuff off because if I don't like

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Speaker 2: and now I'm talking about work stuff too, like I've

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Speaker 2: had I've had double bookings in the past where I

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Speaker 2: booked myself for this thing, and then I also had like,

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Speaker 2: for example.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I just got like small level of

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Speaker 1: panic as you yes, at.

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Speaker 2: I did two jobs, Like I double booked two jobs.

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Speaker 2: One time I missed a job. This was before I

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Speaker 2: was like using my Google calendar. I was like so

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Speaker 2: devastated and mad at myself, so mad at myself, and

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Speaker 2: then I realized I just needed to start, even if

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Speaker 2: I didn't have like the time yet, Like when I

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Speaker 2: got the email that was like it's probably going to

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Speaker 2: be on this day roughly this time, I would block

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Speaker 2: that off immediately in my calendar. Yes, because and I

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Speaker 2: did this, you know, this is something that I still

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Speaker 2: have to work on.

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Speaker 1: I did this the other day. Remember we were on

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Speaker 1: the phone and I was like, I audition right now.

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Speaker 2: It sucked and it was for a project that I

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Speaker 2: really wanted to and like they were texting me, I

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Speaker 2: was on the phone with you and they were texting

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Speaker 2: me like, hey, where are you, Like you're supposed to

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Speaker 2: be here, and I just didn't read the email closely

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Speaker 2: close read your emails, guys.

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Speaker 1: Like I just had the wrong time. I had the

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Speaker 1: wrong time. It was at like noon and you thought

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Speaker 1: it was at one.

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Speaker 2: I just like it was so And then I you know,

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Speaker 2: jumped on the audition and I was like, fuck it,

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna do it with no makeup and whatever.

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Speaker 1: And it was fine. I haven't heard anything, but like

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Speaker 1: so you know, probably it's gonna be a no.

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Speaker 2: But I mean I think stuff like that is just

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Speaker 2: a good I mean, that's side note. That's personal growth

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Speaker 2: for me because five years ago, even three years ago,

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Speaker 2: I would have been beating myself up for that so bad.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, you're so stupid, so.

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Speaker 1: Dumb, fucked up, like I had like this job or.

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Speaker 2: Whatever, and it's like, you know what, this happens, and

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Speaker 2: it happens. Yeah, it really did suck.

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Speaker 1: It sucks. It's also like, you know, when you're in

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Speaker 1: more of a career that's freelance based like ours, where

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Speaker 1: you're in different places for different times, for different things

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Speaker 1: all the time, and you have kids and you have

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Speaker 1: a spouse and you have friends. Like I say, my

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Speaker 1: calendar is color coded, although I really like the idea

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Speaker 1: of having a color for fun stuff and I think

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Speaker 1: I'm going to start doing that. But we started doing

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Speaker 1: a family calendar a couple of years ago, and it

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Speaker 1: was life changing for us because we all, like David's

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Speaker 1: also an actor, and so like we put everything in

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Speaker 1: the calendar. Doctor's appointments, when we're working, how long we're working.

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Speaker 1: You know, he's about to do an episode of the Pit.

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Speaker 1: So he was taking a long time to put his

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Speaker 1: days into this. And I was like, put it in

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Speaker 1: the calendar. Put in the calendar. Yeah, I need your

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Speaker 1: days on the calendar. Yeah, put it in the calendar.

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Speaker 1: You gotta put it in. And I found a conflict

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Speaker 1: like right away, and I was like shit, and you

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Speaker 1: have the school calendars in there. That was what I found.

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Speaker 1: I was like, shit, this is a noon dismissal day,

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Speaker 1: damn it. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's important, and it's like, you know, even

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Speaker 2: just by us talking about this right now, I'm hopeful

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Speaker 2: that somebody is listening to this going like oh shit,

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Speaker 2: like maybe we could use a family calendar.

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Speaker 1: Maybe we could like a family calend Everything on our

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Speaker 1: phones a huge huge if you're a family and you're

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Speaker 1: not using a family calendar, like it's huge. It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's huge, it's huge. It's a big, big change. I like,

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Speaker 1: we we were getting like like annoyed with each other

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Speaker 1: so many times for like not knowing, well I didn't

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Speaker 1: know that you had that, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, like, just every literally everything goes

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Speaker 1: in the calendar. Yeah, lunch with someone goes in the

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Speaker 1: family calendar, like so like everything, yes, because like and

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Speaker 1: here's the other thing.

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Speaker 2: After that audition, after that audition that I fucked up

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Speaker 2: the timing, I invited my agent's assistance to my calendar

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Speaker 2: because I was like, that's smart. I don't need you

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Speaker 2: guys to put things in here. But if I if

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Speaker 2: you see that I have something, if you know that

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Speaker 2: I've got an audition coming up, and you see it, conflict,

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Speaker 2: just double check me. That's all Like more eyes on it.

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Speaker 2: I'm not expecting them to catch all my mistakes, but right,

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Speaker 2: more eyes on it couldn't hurt, right, And now they

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Speaker 2: also get a little peek into when.

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Speaker 1: I take bloodies more better, more better.

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Speaker 2: I think one of My least favorite things is the

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Speaker 2: generalized sort of like, oh, we should hang out, which

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00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,520
Speaker 2: happens so often in LA and like.

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Speaker 1: Like the accepted tagline to the end of any conversations

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Speaker 1: hang out, let's get coffee.

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Speaker 2: Don't say that that shit to me unless you are

365
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Speaker 2: fucking serious, because I yes like people.

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Speaker 1: I want to make new friends.

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Speaker 2: So like, if you say that shit to me, I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna follow up, and then I look like the dumb ass.

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Speaker 2: It's like, hey, what's up? You know, Like, yeah, I

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Speaker 2: don't say that shit to me.

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Speaker 1: I truly. Okay, I have a question for you. If

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Speaker 1: you are the winning to say it, do you also

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Speaker 1: think you should be the one to initiate it?

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Speaker 2: Not necessarily okay, because I think the saying let's hang out,

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Speaker 2: let's hang out, let's get coffee, is an invitation to

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Speaker 2: the other person to be like I would like to

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Speaker 2: do that. Oh, so you feel like if you say it,

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00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,560
Speaker 2: it's more on the other person to initiate it.

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Speaker 1: Yes, the invitation has been given. Yeah, that's interesting. I

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Speaker 1: kind of like that.

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Speaker 2: If I want to get like real, like you need

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Speaker 2: to be more fruit, then I will straight up be

383
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,119
Speaker 2: like I would love to get coffee with you. Do

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Speaker 2: you do you want to let me text you right now?

385
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,399
Speaker 2: And blah blah blah blah blah. Right, you know, like

386
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Speaker 2: if I'm aggressive about it, I will be aggressive about it.

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00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 1: The problem is for me that.

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Speaker 2: Aggressiveness sometimes reads as a little bit needy, and then

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Speaker 2: people who were like.

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Speaker 1: Ooh, I like you like you, cannot picture you giving

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Speaker 1: off any needy vibes at all. I feel like I've

392
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,119
Speaker 1: never seen that color on you, and I don't know,

393
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Speaker 1: I know I'm saying it like maybe it's your own

394
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Speaker 1: insecurity about yourself. I don't know, I just really maybe.

395
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Speaker 1: I mean, here's the thing, I have your social situation

396
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 1: confident that I feel like I've been in social situations

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Speaker 1: where I'm like, from you, I'm like, let's hang out,

398
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 1: let's hang out, you know, give me your number and

399
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,960
Speaker 1: I'll text you. And I text people and then I

400
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,880
Speaker 1: never hear from them, And yeah, what did I do?

401
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,520
Speaker 1: What did I say? What did I think? I like blaky?

402
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,159
Speaker 1: I think people are just blaky. Okay, maybe it's I

403
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,400
Speaker 1: try to be really good about not saying that unless

404
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,440
Speaker 1: I mean it. Yes, then I have been the reason

405
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 1: I asked about how you view like who should initiate?

406
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 1: Is that then I haven't initiated because I've been like,

407
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,399
Speaker 1: well I said it, maybe they don't want to, Like

408
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,919
Speaker 1: I get in my head about it and then I

409
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:27,879
Speaker 1: don't do anything and then nothing happens, and then I

410
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 1: feel like I'm one of those assholes that was like

411
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Speaker 1: we should hang out and like didn't, so I should.

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Speaker 2: Change the way we I mean, I was just thinking

413
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:41,160
Speaker 2: we should hang out, right, Like our mutual friend Lena

414
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 2: always says, you then you should all over yourself. Yeah,

415
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,600
Speaker 2: so maybe it's like I would love to hang out

416
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 2: with you, because that's like a little more invitation, not

417
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 2: like a generalized sort of right nothing statement. Yes, as opposed,

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00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 2: it's very it's a very la quote unquote like thing

419
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:08,520
Speaker 2: to say let's hang out, as opposed to directly saying

420
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 2: I would love to hang out with you sometime. Let's

421
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 2: get coffee or something. Yeah, you know, I don't know

422
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 2: if that be more specific.

423
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: So it doesn't feel like the general because literally everyone

424
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,920
Speaker 1: says it in LA like. Now I'm so like cynical

425
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,640
Speaker 1: about it. When I hear it, I'm just like okay, now,

426
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:26,080
Speaker 1: you know.

427
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 2: I I.

428
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 1: Or I take it as like I guess I've gotten. Also,

429
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 1: it depends on who it is, because I'm thinking about

430
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 1: somebody that said it to me this past week and

431
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Speaker 1: who I genuinely adore, and I do think they were

432
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Speaker 1: going to try to hang out. Drop their name, call

433
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:46,880
Speaker 1: them out. But I it was Justina, Justina Machata. Oh yeah,

434
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 1: and I but like so like when it's from someone

435
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,440
Speaker 1: like that, I'm like, oh, I know that she and

436
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 1: I really mean it, and if it doesn't happen, it's

437
00:22:55,680 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 1: not because we didn't want to, Like I don't. No, Yeah,

438
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:04,200
Speaker 1: that's different because you're already friend. Like it's like almost

439
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,439
Speaker 1: like like it's the thought that counts, Like you know,

440
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:10,920
Speaker 1: the sentiment is there, right, whether it's of us, make

441
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,199
Speaker 1: it actually happen.

442
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 2: Because you're already friends and you see each other socially already.

443
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 2: I think that's a different thing versus like someone that

444
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,640
Speaker 2: you don't know that well that you want to get

445
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 2: to know better. Better, Yes, which is that does take

446
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 2: more effort. I find that I aggressively will be like,

447
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 2: let's get lunch on this, give me some dates that

448
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 2: you're available, Like I did that to my friend the

449
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 2: other day. I was like, give me some times that

450
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 2: you can get lunch. And he was like, well, I'm

451
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,360
Speaker 2: free on this day. And I was like one o'clock

452
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 2: at joy, you know, like I was aggressive.

453
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, you did that to me when I got back

454
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,640
Speaker 1: from Atlanta. But I loved it. It made me feel

455
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: loved I loved it it. I do think it's like

456
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 1: to see me that makes it feel good.

457
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 2: Not everybody will do it because everybody's busy, and we

458
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 2: don't prioritize our friendships.

459
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: We oh, especially when we're.

460
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,919
Speaker 2: Busy, Especially like if you're younger, if you're listening to

461
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 2: this podcast and you're in your twenties, like you might

462
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 2: prioritize your friendships more.

463
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 1: And that's great. That's a healthy way to be. Yeah,

464
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,920
Speaker 1: I think I'm building also, like a lot of your

465
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 1: friendship's for life, hopefully exactly exactly.

466
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 2: So like as you get older, I think it becomes

467
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,719
Speaker 2: less of a priority, but is really important. I mean,

468
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 2: when my mom moved to she lives half the year

469
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,880
Speaker 2: in La now and she lives half the year in Houston.

470
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 2: She kind of goes back and forth, and when she

471
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:37,639
Speaker 2: moved here, one of her big priorities is making friends,

472
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 2: and so she like joined a book club, she joined.

473
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: The gym near her.

474
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:46,879
Speaker 2: She got a membership to the Huntington Gardens, Like she

475
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,359
Speaker 2: volunteers at her church, and part of that is like

476
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 2: she was building a community here so that she knows that, like, well,

477
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 2: on this day, I have yoga class and I'll see

478
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 2: these ladies. And on this day I have book club

479
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 2: and I'll see these people. This day I volunteer and

480
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 2: I'll see these people. So like socializing is kind of

481
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 2: built into her life because like that helps you.

482
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 1: I don't know it helps you.

483
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 2: I mean we have some nerd time stuff about that too,

484
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 2: but like I do think like socializing and having plans

485
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 2: keeps you active and your brain active in a way

486
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 2: that I think can extend your life.

487
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 1: I mean, oh yeah, the other side, Yeah, how important

488
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,679
Speaker 1: like socializing and relationships are to like longevity, and like

489
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 1: it's there's study after study, right.

490
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 2: Oh, but I do want to talk about this. The

491
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 2: study that finds that the optimal amount of time to

492
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 2: spend with friends what was it?

493
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 1: It was like an hour? It was an hour and

494
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 1: forty five, no, forty nine minutes.

495
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 2: What if you came to my house to the Christmas

496
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 2: party and then I kicked everybody out after hours?

497
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 1: But I have so many questions about how they arrived

498
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 1: at this in this study, do you know what I mean?

499
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 1: It was like they're looking right, so they're like looking

500
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: at the minutes going, and then they're like conversation, they

501
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 1: ran out of things to say. Now just fascinating, right,

502
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: and like you know, and they're like clocking the time

503
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 1: and they're averaging. But I think that that is also

504
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 1: I think I hard disagree with it. I am like,

505
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,640
Speaker 1: I mean, I need a two hour hang. I need

506
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: a two hour hang at minimum. If you're a close friend.

507
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 1: If you're like a close friend, you're like in one

508
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 1: of my best friends just came over the other night

509
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 1: and she came over. She was like saw that I

510
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 1: was stressed out about some things, and she was like,

511
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna come over on Tuesday night and I was like, great,

512
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: I'll make dinner. And she was so right, like I

513
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: needed friend time. I needed to like invent about this thing.

514
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 1: And she was here for about two hours maybe two

515
00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,120
Speaker 1: and a half. It was perfect.

516
00:26:59,720 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

517
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like I feel lighter, I feel so

518
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,400
Speaker 1: much better, Like thank you for coming over, like and

519
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 1: seeing that I needed the top friend time and like

520
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: you know, and she needed it too. She like text

521
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 1: me the next day she was like, oh my god,

522
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 1: I slept so good. I was like out by nine o'clock,

523
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 1: like because I think I just like a lot of

524
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 1: my stress was relieved and it was just great for

525
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 1: both of us.

526
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 2: And I'm glad you like accepted it too, because I

527
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 2: think sometimes it's hard to be like, oh, I don't know,

528
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 2: my house is a mess, so like I'm do whatever,

529
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,120
Speaker 2: you know, Like for some people like get really caught

530
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 2: up in that kind of stuff, like I can only

531
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 2: have people over when the house is clean, or I

532
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 2: can only do this when like but I had to

533
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 2: cook dinner. It's like you can't just make plans with

534
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,880
Speaker 2: a friend that's like come over while I do this thing.

535
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, come over and hang out while I you know,

536
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 2: she has come.

537
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 1: Over both her when I was like, yeah, packing for

538
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 1: like a family vacation. Yeah, just like laying on my

539
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 1: bed while I like pas, yes, yes, you know, venting

540
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 1: or bitch about whatever I need to.

541
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 2: Yes, those those are like spontaneous, Like it is great

542
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 2: to make plans, but it's also like those spontaneous like

543
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 2: you seem like you need time with me or I

544
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 2: want to spend time with you and support you through

545
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,159
Speaker 2: this thing, right, and like that there has to be

546
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 2: room for that too, Like you can't just plan your

547
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:25,639
Speaker 2: calendar and life to the nth degree and then be like,

548
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,120
Speaker 2: I don't know, there's no room for spontaneity.

549
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 1: That sucks. Yeah, yeah, like trying to have a little

550
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 1: balance of both.

551
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 2: By the way, this yeah study, this one hour and

552
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 2: forty nine minutes. I don't know how much I believe

553
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 2: it because it was commissioned by a coffee company, Like,

554
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:51,400
Speaker 2: so you know, it was like your top bonding experiences

555
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,959
Speaker 2: coffee with friends, which is like, of course the fucking

556
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 2: study says that shit.

557
00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 1: Wait, like I do like having coffee handling canceling plans.

558
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:05,719
Speaker 1: Let's talk about canceling plans. Okay, I love say you

559
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 1: love canceling plans? I deal, It is fun. Sometimes you

560
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: just need to cancel. Sometimes you do need to cancel.

561
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:16,959
Speaker 1: Do you have a go to for canceling? Like do

562
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 1: you do a little white lie? Do you tell the truth?

563
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: Do you blame your kid? Do you more better? More better?

564
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell this story.

565
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 2: I was working on a project, and I prior to

566
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 2: working on that project, this is this is related to

567
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 2: making plans putting things in your calendar, right, Like I

568
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 2: can be I overbook myself all the time, and I'll

569
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, I'll have the energy to do that.

570
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 1: I'm going to do that.

571
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:57,239
Speaker 2: I'm going to do that because right I still and

572
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 2: I'm working on it still. I come from a place

573
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 2: of black I grew up not financially secure, and so

574
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:05,760
Speaker 2: as an adult, I'm constantly thinking like, well, let me

575
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 2: just do that job so that I can make that

576
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 2: money for my family. And yeah, there was a voiceover

577
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 2: that I said yes to. And I was also shooting

578
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 2: a commercial and the commercial shoot was happening over the week,

579
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 2: and the idea of doing this voiceover just was sitting

580
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 2: like heavy on me, and I felt like I can't cancel.

581
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:32,200
Speaker 2: I'm gonna let everybody down. They're not gonna ask me

582
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 2: to do it again. I'm like, I'm gonna look like

583
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 2: a fucking fuck up. Like and I went to therapy

584
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 2: and I talked about it with my therapists and she

585
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 2: was like she didn't say do this or do that,

586
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 2: but she was like, I encourage you to like do.

587
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:46,719
Speaker 1: What you really feel.

588
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 2: And after I got out of therapy, I called my

589
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 2: manager and I was like almost crying, but I kept.

590
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 1: It for fresh and I was like, hey, Bob.

591
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 2: I cannot do this today and I don't know how

592
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 2: to get out of it, but like I feel really bad.

593
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 2: I understand if they have to recast me, I just cannot.

594
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 2: I do not have the bandwidth to do this today.

595
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 2: I need this night for myself. Like I can't good

596
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 2: for you, and that's really hard. You. It was hard,

597
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 2: and I think I was looking for somebody to give

598
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 2: permission to me, because immediately he was like, you work

599
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:21,480
Speaker 2: so hard.

600
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 1: You never do this kind of thing.

601
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 2: Like you when you cancel, it's because you have a

602
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 2: good reason and that's okay, and you're tired and you

603
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 2: need your energy and like, let me take.

604
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: Care of it for you. And in the end it

605
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 1: was totally fine.

606
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 2: I was having anxiety about canceling for no reason because

607
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,000
Speaker 2: they rescheduled it and everybody.

608
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 1: Was cool with it and it was a really fun job.

609
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 2: When I ended up doing it, it's like, yeah, fine,

610
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 2: oh it's fine, but like sometimes you just need to

611
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 2: I don't want to be a flake and I would

612
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 2: not call myself one, but I.

613
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 1: Think you're not. But you know that you're not, and

614
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: you're not like he said, you never do this, so

615
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 1: if you are doing it, it's like taken with good reason,

616
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 1: like oh shit, she must really like and also everyone

617
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 1: wants you to show up at your best, so you

618
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:11,600
Speaker 1: exactly the best performance you can so in the spirit

619
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 1: of let's get the best version of the thing, you

620
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: were protecting that and so I but it is really hard,

621
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 1: and like I commend you for doing that. When it's

622
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 1: a job, especially, it feels like.

623
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 2: Especially oh my god, because yeah, kill to have this job.

624
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 1: And here I am being like I can't do it.

625
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: But that's a yeah lad mentality, right, like right, or

626
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: that's like a shit on yourself mentality.

627
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I do think sometimes like last minute canceling.

628
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 2: I've done it before, and sometimes it does feel really

629
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 2: good because it's like a social event and yeah, I

630
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 2: maybe kind of didn't want to go anyway, and I

631
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 2: said yes, but I don't really want to get dressed,

632
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:56,479
Speaker 2: and I like, and then it just feels like so

633
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 2: much work.

634
00:32:57,960 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry I can't make it.

635
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 2: And then you're like snuggled up with your blanket watching

636
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:08,840
Speaker 2: yes delicious delicious, like so pleased with your fabulous, fabulous

637
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 2: with your little mugga tea.

638
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 1: Sorry, and I don't.

639
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 2: I don't use my kid as an excuse very much.

640
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 2: I did in the beginning because it was a real

641
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 2: excuse because it was like, I can't bro like my

642
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 2: brain is from.

643
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, when they're like under the age of three,

644
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: it's like not really a white lie, like you just when.

645
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 2: Your first kid wasn't sleeping, when Enzel wasn't sleeping, yeah yeah.

646
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 1: Two years. Yeah, and I just oh my god, I

647
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 1: would cancel plans all the time because I would just

648
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 1: be like, I'm so sorry, I'm tired, have the bandwidth.

649
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 1: I'm like so freaking tired. I have not slept this

650
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 1: whole week, like the baby, the baby. And then you

651
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 1: know it sucks though, because you do like eventually stop

652
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 1: getting invited to things. Yeah, that definitely happened to me

653
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: in the early years of Enzo. Like I stopped getting

654
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,760
Speaker 1: invited to certain social things, stop getting invited to certain

655
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: work events because I said no for like a year plus,

656
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 1: and then I will stop asking. Yeah, people will stop asking.

657
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh shit, like I gotta get

658
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 1: I gotta get better at this. I gotta get back

659
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:22,400
Speaker 1: on this train. There's this really funny article that I

660
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:23,760
Speaker 1: just put in our nerd Time.

661
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:35,280
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, nerd Time, The Nerd Time, Nerd Time, Nerd Time.

662
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 3: That is.

663
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: About people who cancel plans last minute, like all the time,

664
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 1: tend to have darker personality traits, including machia aviliate Wait, oh,

665
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 1: this is hard to Machiaveliateavilianism, machiavellan Machiavelian machiavellianism when you

666
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: get it right though, which is being manipulative or having

667
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 1: a lack of morals and narcissism. Yeah. Yeah, Like they're like,

668
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:10,959
Speaker 1: tend to have some dark traits and then they list

669
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: like the two darkest fucking personality traits.

670
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 2: I mean think about it though, Like if you're constantly

671
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:22,240
Speaker 2: canceling plans, like you're not thinking about anybody else but you.

672
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 1: You are very self absorbed. Yeah. I did. Like at

673
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 1: first when I read the beginning of the article, I

674
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 1: was like, oh man, But then as I read I

675
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,440
Speaker 1: was like, oh, no, I'm not this person, but I

676
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 1: know people like this, and yeah, I'm pretty sure that they.

677
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: I have questioned whether they're narcissists, given that at one

678
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 1: point in time, we've all likely been the person to

679
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 1: send a last minute sorry but something's come up text,

680
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 1: Does that mean where all rotten to the core? Humans

681
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 1: who need deleting or rebooting? Thankfully not, The research explains,

682
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,840
Speaker 1: as of course, sometimes life will get in the way,

683
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 1: will need to take the odd rain check. It's when

684
00:35:56,760 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 1: canceling plans becomes a regular habit that it is Veer's

685
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: into worrying territory. Yeah.

686
00:36:03,719 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're finding yourself doing it more often than not.

687
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 1: I think you got to ask you.

688
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, that was one of the signs to

689
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 2: me that I was really depressed because I was invited

690
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:19,280
Speaker 2: to a friend's engagement party and I was so excited

691
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,279
Speaker 2: for her, really excited to go. And the day of

692
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 2: the engagement party came and I could not find anything

693
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 2: to wear. I was in my closet having an anxiety

694
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:31,360
Speaker 2: attack about like a real anxiety attack about not a

695
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 2: panic attack, but like an anxiety attack about yeah, can

696
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 2: I wear to this person's party?

697
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:37,320
Speaker 1: And I was like crying.

698
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 2: I was sitting I remember, I was sitting in the

699
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 2: chair in our bedroom and I was like crying, and

700
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 2: I was like, I feel so bad that we're not

701
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:47,360
Speaker 2: going to go, like she'd like asked for our RSVP

702
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,840
Speaker 2: and like it's not like this is a big deal.

703
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,319
Speaker 2: And I was like crying, crying, crying, and Brad was like,

704
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 2: it's not that big of a deal, and I was like, Oh,

705
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 2: something's wrong, something's off.

706
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,799
Speaker 1: With me, right, Like yeah, yeah, yeah.

707
00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 2: I feel like if you're constantly canceling plans and you're

708
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 2: having these like anxiety reactions to having plans, there might

709
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 2: be something deeper, and that might be like assigned to

710
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,399
Speaker 2: you to like reach out and get a little help

711
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 2: or ask some friends or you.

712
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,879
Speaker 1: Know, talk about it a little bit, like how can you.

713
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,280
Speaker 2: Help yourself through it, whether that's like talking to a therapist,

714
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 2: whether that's talking to friends, whether that's like I don't

715
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 2: feel comfortable right now going out to dinner, but like

716
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 2: maybe maybe you could come over a while I cook dinner.

717
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 2: Maybe we could sit and watch Netflix together. Yeah, we

718
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 2: could just like hang out in my backyard for like

719
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 2: an hour, you know, where it's not a lot of

720
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 2: pressure to help that feeling dissipate and go away, because

721
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 2: you know, if you're constantly canceling plans, I think something

722
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 2: else is going on.

723
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, agree, totally. Yeah, it's a good it's a good

724
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 1: check in wake up call.

725
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I really like the some cultural differences in planning.

726
00:37:58,560 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 3: Uh.

727
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 2: Monoiac cultures monochronic cultures like the US, Germany and the

728
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 2: UK value punctuality and strict scheduling. Polychronic cultures like Latin America,

729
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:13,880
Speaker 2: the Middle East, and Southern Europe a few times more fluidly.

730
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 1: Plans are flexible relationships schedules.

731
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 2: I'm telling you when my white husband, who is I

732
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:30,360
Speaker 2: think his he's American, and I believe his background, like

733
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 2: his DNA background or whatever, is like Europe and Germanic

734
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 2: and stuff.

735
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 1: But this motherfucker. First, the first couple of Christmases, the.

736
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 2: First couple of Christmases, he was like, what time do

737
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 2: we need to show up? And I was like, well,

738
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,080
Speaker 2: it's probably gonna start around like seven. Our asses would

739
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 2: be there at seven. My Theatuka would open the door

740
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 2: and she'd be like, oh, like shocked that we were there.

741
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 1: Everyone else is.

742
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 2: Showing up at eight thirty, right, everyone's like kind of

743
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,759
Speaker 2: I mean, and he and time, man, he started my

744
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 2: Latin time is different man, and I had to explain

745
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 2: to him, like we cannot be on time.

746
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 1: We can be like maybe we can be.

747
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,799
Speaker 2: Half an hour later than the time that we're starting that, like,

748
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 2: we can't be on time because we will be the

749
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 2: first people there and it will be really annoying for

750
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 2: the host to have to host us. Like, yes, it's different,

751
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 2: it's just different.

752
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: When we got married, there was a whole conversation round

753
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:32,319
Speaker 1: table with my parents with David about what time to

754
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:36,760
Speaker 1: put on the invitation. What time yes, because there definitely

755
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 1: we're gonna be half more than half Latino's coming, so

756
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,320
Speaker 1: we knew we had to put like at least a

757
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,879
Speaker 1: half hour before it actually started. Yes, But then we

758
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 1: were like, should we put more than a half hour,

759
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 1: But then all the white people or non Latin people

760
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:57,359
Speaker 1: are gonna come on time, show up, yeah, and they're

761
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 1: gonna be like, why are we fucking standing here for

762
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 1: forty minutes before we even sit down for the ceremony,

763
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 1: and they're going to be confused. So we had a

764
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 1: hole back and forth. We went with like thirty minutes.

765
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: We put thirty minutes earlier on the invitation than the

766
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 1: actual start time. But it was a hole back and

767
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 1: forth debate because we were like, we don't want to

768
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 1: offend people, but also we don't want people walking in

769
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,399
Speaker 1: in the middle of the fucking ceremony.

770
00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:29,400
Speaker 2: Dude, I the only people that were walking in in

771
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,839
Speaker 2: the middle of the ceremony or like right as I

772
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,919
Speaker 2: was like walking down the aisle, like remember.

773
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 1: Like at my wedding, it was yeah, yeah, like a

774
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 1: weird like circular way in the round. Yeah. Yeah.

775
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 2: I looked out of the corner of my eye and

776
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:44,919
Speaker 2: I saw my Latina friend and I was like, yeah,

777
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 2: she's walking in right now, like people have been here

778
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:49,720
Speaker 2: for forty minutes drinking.

779
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,720
Speaker 1: She's walking to her asses walking in right now. Yep.

780
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 1: It's just different. I mean it's different. It just it

781
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 1: just is it just it just is. Yeah. I'm I'm

782
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,760
Speaker 1: an on time Latino. I think only because my dad

783
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 1: was like, and he would talk about it a lot,

784
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:08,320
Speaker 1: like we're not We're not going to beat one of

785
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:09,919
Speaker 1: those Latinos. We're gonna show up on time.

786
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:15,960
Speaker 2: I am an on time Latino because I had friends,

787
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,319
Speaker 2: and I've told you this before, I've had I had

788
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 2: friends sit me down once at dinner and they were like,

789
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 2: you cannot be fucking late anymore.

790
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 1: Oh, my clate.

791
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:27,560
Speaker 2: It was in New York and I was an hour

792
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 2: late for dinner and they were like, you can't be

793
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:29,880
Speaker 2: late anymore.

794
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 1: We're not gonna invite you anywhere anymore. I was like,

795
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:36,320
Speaker 1: oh shit, oh my god. Okay. I was like, oh okay,

796
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,440
Speaker 1: oh like but you know what I like it. I

797
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,400
Speaker 1: like our an hour late for my first date with

798
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:47,280
Speaker 1: Brad and I lived Melissa.

799
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 2: I lived two blocks from the restaurant.

800
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,879
Speaker 1: I lived in silver Lake, and I was my god.

801
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 2: I was meeting him at ellen and I picked Ellenie

802
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 2: because I could walk.

803
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 1: No, it was a block. It was a block, an

804
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 1: hour late. I look fabulous, though, listen.

805
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:17,360
Speaker 2: More better. Okay, So what did we what did we

806
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 2: learn today? What were your big takeaways about making plans.

807
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 1: I really like the I'm going to put a different

808
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,840
Speaker 1: color on I'm going to put a different color in

809
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 1: my calendar for fun stuff. I love that idea and yeah,

810
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,880
Speaker 1: and that it is it is even though it's like

811
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 1: you don't feel like doing it. I think it's important

812
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 1: to do and that you're always like happy once you

813
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 1: like get to the plan most of the time. But

814
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 1: also like to be better about not over planning myself too,

815
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:55,840
Speaker 1: because I have been victim to that as well. So yeah,

816
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 1: this was good, like food for thought. I feel like, yeah,

817
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 1: like it's it's a out yeah, striking being maybe more

818
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 1: intentional about the balance of like making plans and also

819
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 1: like letting spontaneous thing happens.

820
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I learned. I learned a weird one. Or

821
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:14,879
Speaker 2: my big takeaway is like it's not that they don't

822
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 2: want to hang out with me.

823
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:19,240
Speaker 1: Or that they find me weird. It's that they're probably

824
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:19,760
Speaker 1: just kind.

825
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 2: Of flaky or busy. It has nothing to do with me,

826
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 2: and I just need to like let go of that.

827
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 2: Yeah that's leftover from childhood stuff. It's like if they

828
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,439
Speaker 2: don't want to hang out with me, which is like yeah, yeah, yeah,

829
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 2: maybe maybe, but maybe not.

830
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, especially like you can tell in the moment,

831
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 1: especially in LA when people are just saying it as

832
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 1: a line and when people like really mean it, you know,

833
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:42,200
Speaker 1: and then it's like you got to just like be

834
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 1: like it's it not that counts, Like I know that

835
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:46,680
Speaker 1: they meant it, like you know, yeah, fucking busy or

836
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 1: flaky or whatever.

837
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 2: You know.

838
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah that's cool. Okay, do you

839
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:54,439
Speaker 1: feel a little more better about making plans? I do.

840
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 2: I do feel about I do too, because I have

841
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,200
Speaker 2: a lunch and forty minutes with a friend and I

842
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:02,719
Speaker 2: forced into making plans.

843
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 1: Yeay, yay yay. I love that. Okay, great great y

844
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:14,359
Speaker 1: see you guys next time. See you guys next time.

845
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:18,360
Speaker 1: Let's plan on it. Bye, thought it. Let's see you

846
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 1: next week. Bye bye, More and more Better.

847
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 2: Do you have something you'd like to be more better

848
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 2: at that you want us to talk about in a

849
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 2: future episode?

850
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 1: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried

851
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:30,800
Speaker 1: one of our tips and tricks?

852
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,959
Speaker 2: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at

853
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 2: gmail dot com and include a voice note if you

854
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 2: want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better

855
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 2: with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's

856
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 2: Mikudura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Beatrice, and Melissa Fumero.

857
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: More Better is produced by isis Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zebos.

858
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 1: Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Fumero, along

859
00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:59,839
Speaker 1: with Wilmore Valderrama and Leo Klem at WV Sound and

860
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:03,319
Speaker 1: ISIS Madrid. This episode was edited by ISIS Madrid and

861
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 1: engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison

862
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 1: Davenport and Hello Boy. Our cover art is by Vincent

863
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 1: Remy's and photography by David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart,

864
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

865
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows. See you next week's suck Us Bye,