WEBVTT - Anicia: A Seat at the Table 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:05.720 After a difficult yet enchanting four years, I finally got 0:00:05.760 --> 0:00:10.399 to graduate from Columbia University. Looking out at that sea 0:00:10.440 --> 0:00:14.240 of baby blue Columbia robes, I couldn't help but be 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:17.560 grateful that I've been able to achieve this moment and 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:20.360 have my parents, my brother, my Boila, and the crowd 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:23.479 looking on. And yet I felt this bitter sweetness that 0:00:23.520 --> 0:00:26.600 the guys who kept me from dropping out weren't among 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:31.520 those faces. Because of how tightly packed this sea of 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:35.720 people ends up being and the general chaos of the day, 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:38.800 I didn't get to see them. The guys from the 0:00:38.840 --> 0:00:41.960 package center were the people I never got to say 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:45.960 goodbye to that day. As I packed up my stuff 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:50.960 into the car and we rolled on down to Lower Manhattan, 0:00:51.720 --> 0:00:56.920 I didn't realize what life would become. Well, I knew 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:58.960 I would have to get a day job and grind. 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:03.000 I still, at the time believed in the glamorized version 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:05.959 of the dream that with my theater degree from Columbia 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:09.040 University and my own grit, there's only a matter of 0:01:09.080 --> 0:01:11.640 time that I'd get to act with some of my favorites, 0:01:11.680 --> 0:01:15.800 whether it be Karenelivo, Chris Jackson, Viola Davis and record 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:19.280 with artists like Jake Cole, the Jasmine Sullivan, the Three Tenors, 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:23.880 and the Likes. What I didn't realize is in this 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:32.120 city of dreams, anything can truly happen. Just as much 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:34.360 as you could dream to the top, there was a 0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:38.119 deeper bottom. Ralph was right when he described the city 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:44.200 as concrete, gray, treeless, and everywhere you look there can 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:48.800 be piles of trash and it smells like trash. On 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:56.680 top of that, even your ears are overwhelmed sirens, cars honking, 0:01:57.800 --> 0:02:04.680 people yelling, crying, laughing, chatting, phones, lasting music on boom boxes. 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:11.080 People say the most private moment you can cry is 0:02:11.120 --> 0:02:16.880 on the subway because everyone will ignore you. While there 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:22.040 are some New York magic moments. When you're in the city, 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:27.160 everything costs a lot. Being someone who didn't come from money, 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:30.320 a job was absolutely necessary and the faster the better. 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:33.680 But I still wanted to and I had the privilege 0:02:33.760 --> 0:02:38.600 of pursuing my dream, which was to be an artist, 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:42.240 being an actor, be a creator. And in order to 0:02:42.280 --> 0:02:44.800 do that, I went hunting for what we call in 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:50.360 the entertainment industry a day job, and that was so 0:02:50.440 --> 0:02:53.320 many things under the sun for me. I at one 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:57.080 point was a reservationist. I was a receptionist. I was 0:02:57.120 --> 0:03:00.160 a server, and the reality was in order to make 0:03:00.320 --> 0:03:03.560 ends meet in New York, even as a single person 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:05.680 who has no one else to take care of, I 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:09.120 was working crazy hours to not just make a living 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:12.320 and not just pay off my student loan, but also 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:17.840 to pursue my dream. And eventually I fell into the 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:24.800 tutoring and nannying world in New York City. Welcome to 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:28.360 When You're Invisible. My name is Maria Fernando b. S. 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:30.959 But I know not everyone can will there are, so 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:34.079 it's also fine to call me Maria. In today's world, 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:36.840 we love to tell stories about people who have reached 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:39.760 the top, like people who have achieved positions of cloud 0:03:39.960 --> 0:03:43.320 wealth power. On this show, I won't be doing that. 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:46.680 When You're Invisible is my love letter to the working 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:50.880 class and others who are seemingly invisible in our society. 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:54.240 Helped to build a community here that will inspire you 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:57.160 to have generous conversations with others that are different from you, 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:02.840 conversations that might help you see life in an entirely 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:12.960 different way. The tutoring in nannying world in New York 0:04:13.000 --> 0:04:17.039 City it's actually a decent gig in many ways. You're 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.640 paid a decent amount, right because it's New York and 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:21.840 most of the families who are asking for your help 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:26.039 are the upper echelon. One day, at this photo shoot 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:29.000 that I was at, I happen to mention that nanny 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:32.680 and tutor for wealthy families, and this girl turns to 0:04:32.720 --> 0:04:34.600 me and she looks at me and she goes, oh 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:37.440 my god, I do too. She's like, girl, I've been 0:04:37.480 --> 0:04:41.560 doing this for a long time. Let's chat. That person 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:46.719 was an Asia. It's been a very interesting journey because 0:04:47.000 --> 0:04:50.160 I've been in different roles inside of household staffing. And 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:53.960 I started as a nanny and then household management, and 0:04:54.000 --> 0:04:57.159 then I went into being a private chef. Anicia did 0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:01.599 have a before working as a nanny and personal chef, 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:05.200 but she has health issues which restrict what she's able 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:09.360 to do. She had to change into something somewhat more 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:13.160 flexible to accommodate the doctor appointments and all of these 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:16.039 things that she has to do to maintain her own health. 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:18.720 I do want to point out, though, too, that these 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:24.039 jobs aren't always flexible. In every single arena, people get 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:28.719 their boundaries pushed we expect people to answer emails after hours, 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:32.560 to be available on weekends. You can't take sick days, right, 0:05:33.120 --> 0:05:36.800 And that's in the regular workforce, where there's HR departments, 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:41.520 there's legal departments, there's a contract involved. Now imagine walking 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:45.200 into a space where there's no contract, there's no HR. 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:50.720 You don't necessarily clock in, so it's solely based off 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:53.760 of the person who pays you. The more degrees of 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:56.599 separation you have in between you and the family that 0:05:56.640 --> 0:05:59.159 you're working for, whether it's like your family friends, or 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:03.360 you overlapping culture or where you grew up, the more 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:07.359 you get separated from that, the more invisible pieces of 0:06:07.440 --> 0:06:10.400 you become. Depending on where you sit on that ladder, 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:13.720 the pay can be different and at times you can 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:18.680 then become hate using this term, but like the stereotypical 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:22.240 help where they don't know you as people and you're 0:06:22.320 --> 0:06:26.840 seen to be there to just serve. Anisia being a 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:30.800 Nigerian American and me being a Mexican American can mean 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:34.320 different things when we walk in the room. We're both 0:06:34.360 --> 0:06:38.080 first gen children of immigrants, but people who have gone 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:41.159 to college, and also an understanding of yes, I need 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:44.320 to work, I can't be without a job. But if 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:49.120 I really needed to, I could leave this particular job. Today, 0:06:49.160 --> 0:06:51.000 Anisya and I are going to talk a little bit 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:54.440 more about this complicated dance and different things we've seen 0:06:55.000 --> 0:06:59.640 throughout our experiences walking through the room with some privilege 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:03.920 and some invisibility. More when we come back from a 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:13.520 break and we are back to this show doing these jobs, 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:16.920 there's bonds that are awesome that you can form, and 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:20.320 that's so beautiful. I know Nisa has this pair of 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:22.440 kids that she's taken care of for a long time. 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:25.640 She kind of terms them her best friends. May hang 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:28.200 out all the time even when she's not there nanny, 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:31.560 and she's close with their parents. When clients are amazing, 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:34.600 they're amazing. I have a family. They make me dinner 0:07:34.680 --> 0:07:37.679 every time I come over. Some families you're not allowed 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:41.600 to touch their food, like at all, can't touch it 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:44.120 even if you're there at dinner time. I can't even 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:46.760 have his neck. And there's families who will be like, yeah, 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:50.640 take whatever you want from the fridge. That's really loving 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:53.120 in a really gentle kind of way. This is why 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:56.120 I'm sharing this range. Is like, sometimes the client can 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:59.600 treat you like a person and be interested in your 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:02.440 day when you have such good people, you can be 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:05.200 shocked when you don't have that, like, wow, we just 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:09.360 went from warmth. Who here's an ice bucket. Sometimes when 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:14.040 you walk into these homes, you become an object. You 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:19.240 eventually find out there's a dehumanization that happens. And it's 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:25.320 in these situations that you realize how unprotected folks who 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:29.160 are part of household staffs are. You don't even signed 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:33.679 an independent contractor contract when you walk into these homes. 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:36.280 There's a lot of verbal agreements, and then there's like 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:41.480 no unions. There's no communication in between nanny's unless you're 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:45.120 like at the playground, And there's so many people who 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:48.840 don't have anything else lined up or this is their 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:53.200 only option. They're stuck in these places because of their 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:57.640 immigration status, because of their financial situation, and don't have 0:08:57.679 --> 0:08:59.880 a voice or a platform or a safety net like 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:03.360 I or Anicia do. A lot of what people experience 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:06.480 as part of the household staff is invisible. I was 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:11.320 telling a friend. Most people interact with like executive CEOs 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:15.000 or politicians or celebrities through their work through a TV 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:17.800 screen or like at your office or something like that. 0:09:18.320 --> 0:09:21.240 Nanny's insiders interact with these people like on a very 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:24.880 personal level, like with their children. Sometimes when you walk 0:09:24.920 --> 0:09:30.840 into a home, you become one dimensional. Your value becomes 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:35.400 these specific things in your identity. So for me, it 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:41.920 was being Columbia educated and bilingual. It can mean that, oh, 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:44.839 that's really cool. Now you have Spanish, so use your 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:49.240 Spanish in this job without it being like an additional 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:52.160 skill we asked for. And then there's people who are like, oh, no, 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:55.439 we are hiring you because we loved this skill of yours, 0:09:55.920 --> 0:10:00.280 and therefore we will compensate you accordingly. There's some people 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:04.040 where my Columbia degree doesn't mean anything just because the 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:07.080 nature of the job is simpler. I'm not gonna listen 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:09.480 to you. I'm gonna assume you're dumb, which can happen 0:10:09.520 --> 0:10:12.400 as well. And sometimes my Columbia degree gives me more 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:17.320 personhood or only just adds to my perfectly plastic Barbie 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.880 toy persona to them where it's not anything other than 0:10:20.920 --> 0:10:25.360 an accessory versus like an element of where I come from, 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:27.640 what I know, and who I am. They go to 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:29.040 their friends and they're like, oh my god, I have 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:32.559 this amazing girl. She's from Minnesota and like your kids 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:36.560 would love her. You're like, oh, I just went from 0:10:36.600 --> 0:10:40.760 being fully in color to an outline. Having this opportunity 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:46.240 to shed light on some of these behaviors, it's the 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:50.240 opportunity to share stories of many out there as well. 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:52.160 I work in this world, but I live in a 0:10:52.160 --> 0:10:56.720 different world. You really see the different realities that people have. 0:10:57.160 --> 0:11:00.160 People will leave me with their kids for Like weeks's 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:02.640 asked me like around Christmas time, where are you gonna 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:06.120 go for the holidays? Do you go to Paris or Tokyo? 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:08.800 That's where my mommy and daddy go. And I'm just 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:12.400 like no, like I've never even been. There have been 0:11:12.440 --> 0:11:15.240 clients who are like, I want salmon from Alaska, and 0:11:15.280 --> 0:11:18.640 I'm like, we're in New York, so what do you 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:20.440 want me to do? And like they will pay for 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:23.040 a private jet to go to Alaska to go to 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:25.480 a fisherman to get the fish and bring it back. 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:29.720 Like I've had clients literally, I've had a supermodel literally 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.559 tell me I'm a big name. He should be happy 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:35.679 that you're working here. This past year, I worked with 0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:38.080 this person while he was filming in that job. I 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:43.160 think I cried, probably almost every single day for two months. 0:11:43.840 --> 0:11:46.520 And it wasn't just me, it was like all the 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:49.320 staff involved. I don't know, I just really feel like 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:52.440 it's an American thing. In America, there are so so 0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:56.439 so many opportunities to you know, attain fame and fortune, 0:11:57.040 --> 0:12:01.600 and then it is super glamorized. It. It's crazy because 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:06.880 while this wealth gap continues to grow in those wealthy homes, 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:11.400 I'm finding kids are at times growing up with less 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:18.520 empathy or understanding because they lack financially, ethnically and racially 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:23.000 diverse community to help raise them. And I also think 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:27.720 about all the workers who are leaving their family and 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:31.320 their kids that next generation in order to take care 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:37.240 of the ones in the fancy apartments, etcetera. Or those 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:39.440 who are putting off families of their own because they 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:42.000 can't afford it, or they're putting all their energy into 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:45.600 raising other people's kids. That makes me wonder, like, have 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:48.679 you met someone where you feel like they have qualities 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:51.600 that are actually good or qualities. I've had a lot 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:54.400 of clients that are normal people and they just happen 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:59.720 to get rich. Mhm. But yep, I've had a client 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:03.160 you're ago, he said, They didn't want kids, and I 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:05.680 was like, why did you have three of them? He said, 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:08.160 because I didn't want to die and my money would 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:10.520 sit in the bank. It's my money. I worked for it, 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:13.440 and I will have control where it goes. And it's 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:16.920 going to be like someone that has the same genetics 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:21.559 as me. This isn't even the craziest story that Anisia has. Anisia, 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:25.559 can you share? So, like, where do I even start? 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:28.480 So I am booked on this job as a cheft 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:31.160 through like an agency or like a concier service. I 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:34.160 don't know these people. They funded Hillary Clinton's campaign and 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:37.319 things like that, so they're all very new to me. 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:39.480 It's an Upper West Side home. They give me the 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:43.120 address to give me the menu. I show up and 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:47.280 the woman comes down and she's like, are you Anisia? 0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:49.720 And I'm like yes, and she's like are you legal 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:52.520 to work in the uns? And I think that was 0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:54.959 the moment where I knew that this was going to 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:58.280 be a thing. This was the first question this woman asks, 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:02.560 and mind you Ansia coming from an agency that that's people. 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:05.120 And then I started to kind of go through the house. 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:08.640 I'm talking like statues in the middle of the living 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:11.920 room and door knobs that are like silver shines, and 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:15.920 the spiral staircases that you see in scary movies, and 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:21.280 actual maids throughout the entire home. I totally remember watching 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:24.920 those movies where you see the people in made outfits, 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:28.040 and that's what this place was. These women in black 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:31.840 and white, shining door knobs, glasses, cabinets, and even a 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:36.080 laundry person ironing linens. This woman comes down the stairs 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:40.960 and complains about its smelling like food while Anisia is cooking. 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:45.800 She even complains about Asia's attire. She's like, are you 0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:48.800 going to change your outfit? And I'm like, no, this 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:51.280 is what I'm wearing. I have a chef outfit and 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:55.160 Apron like this is it? So women Sin's housekeepers to 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:57.360 find me things to wear. I'm like this is bizarre, 0:14:57.440 --> 0:14:59.680 and then they can't find anything, and she's like can 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:01.320 you go home? And I was like, I live in 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:05.880 Brooklyn and she freaks out. Miraculously, someone does find her 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:08.120 an outfit that's up to part for the standard of 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:11.720 this woman, and Anisia goes to change the woman's husband. 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:15.240 He wasn't any better. Her husband comes down and he's like, 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:17.440 I want to block the soda. Okay, it's him in 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:21.080 the afternoon. Sure, he pours a tryan called Pelaca soda 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.640 and he drinks it, and then he just starts screaming 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:25.600 at all the different staff for all the different things, 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:28.680 things that are almost out of their control. The killer 0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:31.840 part for me was another staff member came up to 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:33.840 me with a page and she's like, you have to 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:35.520 wear this page. And I was like, what is this 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:38.800 like for what? And she's like, this is how they 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:41.760 are able to buzz you. And I was like, buzz 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:45.360 me for what. She's like, we all have to wear them, 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:48.440 and this is how they buzz for service. And so 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:52.760 I found out that under the dinner table were like buttons. 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:56.920 Each seat had a button. You are coming to someone's 0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:58.840 home and sitting at their table, and you are allowed 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.800 to press a button. Don't have to get up, don't 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:05.120 have to say a word. At some point, this woman 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:10.680 finally apologized, but not to her staff, to her guests. 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:13.720 She's like clinking the glasses and she's like, hello everyone. 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:16.880 I would just like to welcome you to my beautiful home. 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:19.880 Thank you all for coming. It's been a pleasure. I 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.520 just want to make an announcement my original chef was 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:26.640 not able to make it, and unfortunately, my concierge sent 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:31.240 the most awful chef that they could find. And I'm 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:34.800 really sorry that the service is just not up to par. 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:39.160 Her outfit is not how we usually present our staff members. 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:43.200 But I can assure you that the dinner will be delicious, 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:45.880 and we've approved the food and we're going to have 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:48.680 a good time. And I'm like, I'm standing right there, 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:53.440 and I'm just like, in what world is that? Okay? 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:58.080 This kind of behavior is absolutely outrageous. And while I've 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:01.480 never experienced it to the degree you that Anicia has, 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:04.560 I have had some level of this interaction. And the 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:07.320 other element to this is not only are you dealing 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:10.919 with this emotionally and mentally, but sometimes there's even a 0:17:11.000 --> 0:17:14.640 physical changer, especially when kids try to run away from 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:17.840 you into oncoming traffic or if you have a violent 0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:22.840 adult client. And I remember specifically in those moments, I 0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:25.439 could feel my body trying to figure out if we 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:29.800 were freezing, fighting, or flying, and the mental gymnastics that 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:33.400 go along in that. Anici and I broke this down 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:37.040 a little bit together. You go into survival mode and 0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:39.439 you're like, Okay, how do I just get through the 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:43.280 next hour or the next two hours, or say it 0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:47.240 was a contracted job where you were set to work 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:50.399 for or to six weeks. We start to think about, 0:17:50.480 --> 0:17:51.840 am I going to need this money for the next 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:53.920 four or six weeks? Am I gonna need this reference 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:55.639 for the job? Am I going to be able to 0:17:55.720 --> 0:17:58.520 suck it up and finish the six weeks? I also 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:03.800 know she has very little vacation time and also deals 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:07.920 with several chronic illnesses. Not only is she dealing with 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:12.720 emotional burdens from her clients, but she's also dealing with 0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:16.480 her own personal pressures. I also know the pandemic made 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:19.840 them worse. I think the pandemic was very hard for 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:23.880 people who worked in homes because you saw different reality. 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:26.840 You watched the news and you saw people losing their jobs, 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:31.880 people not having housing, people getting evicted. You know, hospitals 0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:34.640 over booked, things like that. And you go into these 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:38.359 homes and they have private healthcare. Their businesses are still going, 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:42.359 they're not losing any jobs. In fact, they're making more money. 0:18:43.560 --> 0:18:45.720 More from an Asia. When we come back from this 0:18:45.840 --> 0:19:00.640 break and we're back while you know, us regular folks 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:07.080 experienced the pandemic. In one way, the wealthy had a 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:12.960 completely different experience. They got to have multiple nanny's, multiple tutors, 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:15.760 personal chefs, and drivers coming in and out of the 0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:18.199 city so that they didn't have to deal with the 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:22.399 potential of getting COVID while they were going on a 0:19:22.440 --> 0:19:25.679 grocery run or that kind of thing. Overall, it just 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:30.159 reminds me how these people have insane access to things 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:35.399 and don't necessarily have to endure the same way most 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:38.919 of the world has to. It's funny because even with 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:43.600 the ability to have access to so many things, these 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:46.840 people still only want to pay for things based off 0:19:46.880 --> 0:19:50.960 of their own particular definition of what that means. I 0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:52.840 was actually talking to a nanny friend about this the 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:55.199 other day. The family that she works for their actually 0:19:55.280 --> 0:19:59.040 really big restauranteers in New York, and they're just like 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:01.800 not being nice her. In the pandemic, they paid her 0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:03.879 to be off, like when we can go anywhere, and 0:20:03.880 --> 0:20:05.960 they were like, Okay, we'll still pay you until everything 0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:08.639 opens back up. And then when things open back up, 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:13.240 they were like, you always that money back. That threat 0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:19.480 of being taken advantage of is always at play. But 0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:24.320 the crazy thing is it also shifts depending on if 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:27.960 you're an American born worker or if you're an immigrant 0:20:27.960 --> 0:20:33.119 domestic worker. And not only that, but then are you 0:20:34.040 --> 0:20:37.000 like of color or are you white? And do you 0:20:37.040 --> 0:20:39.400 have an accent or do you not? All of these 0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:43.520 factors into how you treated in a household. And when 0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:46.439 I've walked into those spaces, and Anisia and I discussed this, 0:20:46.640 --> 0:20:50.080 there's a sense of responsibility of being a woman of 0:20:50.119 --> 0:20:54.399 color who is the child of immigrants. You want to 0:20:54.440 --> 0:20:57.919 take care of the people who may not have a voice. 0:20:58.400 --> 0:21:00.600 That's another like part of the job that I just 0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:03.280 took on was being almost like a defense attorney for 0:21:03.480 --> 0:21:07.119 housekeeper was a woman that barely speak English, and you 0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:10.960 know they're getting abused and they're getting underpaid. This's close 0:21:11.040 --> 0:21:14.560 to home because I think about my mom, who was 0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:20.240 the first personal chef, the first nanny, and the first 0:21:20.560 --> 0:21:23.760 personal assistant that I ever knew. I think about the 0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:29.960 fact that her immigration status didn't quite let her work 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:35.960 above table to help us through, so there was always 0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:40.840 the potential of being underpaid or abused. And I think 0:21:40.880 --> 0:21:44.640 we luked out partially when my mom ran a daycare 0:21:44.640 --> 0:21:48.480 from our house, which was mostly folks who were from 0:21:48.520 --> 0:21:53.240 our same working class or middle class background. But while 0:21:53.280 --> 0:21:55.480 that was a beautiful moment, I also know my mom 0:21:55.480 --> 0:21:59.640 worked really hard and was overworked and was looking after 0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:04.199 ten kids and trying to raise her kids at the 0:22:04.280 --> 0:22:08.920 same time. I have memories throughout my entire time growing 0:22:08.960 --> 0:22:13.160 up where my mom and sometimes my dad as well 0:22:13.200 --> 0:22:16.000 would be treated differently because of their accent. They would 0:22:16.040 --> 0:22:20.280 be seen as stupid or slow when they are brilliant 0:22:20.800 --> 0:22:28.879 and quick witted and incredibly compassionate. And knowing how people 0:22:28.920 --> 0:22:32.359 can get when they hear you or they assume something 0:22:32.440 --> 0:22:37.320 because of your position is really difficult to deal with. 0:22:37.480 --> 0:22:40.760 And the fact that I can't control how people will 0:22:40.840 --> 0:22:45.719 react to either my mom or the other workers, and 0:22:45.760 --> 0:22:49.000 I can't save them from that treatment. The only things 0:22:49.040 --> 0:22:52.600 I can do is advocate for people in the space, 0:22:53.040 --> 0:22:55.040 and I can do what I'm doing here, which is 0:22:55.080 --> 0:23:01.879 exposing it, and hopefully we can all pitching to course correct. 0:23:02.880 --> 0:23:10.439 So my parents were able to overcome, figure out, work 0:23:10.520 --> 0:23:15.160 through their difficulties and the things they endured in order 0:23:15.760 --> 0:23:19.439 to achieve the American dream, or their version of it. 0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:22.399 What do you want for your life? Where do you 0:23:22.440 --> 0:23:26.199 see yourself ten years from now? Do you personally want 0:23:26.240 --> 0:23:29.359 to continue in this industry, all right, I don't want 0:23:29.359 --> 0:23:31.960 to continue this industry. This is kind of what I've 0:23:31.960 --> 0:23:34.040 been thinking about the past couple of years and why 0:23:34.160 --> 0:23:37.320 I decided to launch my own startup. I did come 0:23:37.359 --> 0:23:39.679 to a breaking point in the pandemic, and I was like, 0:23:39.960 --> 0:23:43.080 how do I transition out of this career? Right? Eventually? 0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:45.800 I want to have kids and get married and have 0:23:45.920 --> 0:23:50.280 a house and things like that. And I thought, could 0:23:50.280 --> 0:23:54.119 I actually come home from these jobs, like to my 0:23:54.160 --> 0:23:57.040 own children, to my own family, Like absolutely not. And 0:23:57.119 --> 0:24:01.200 so that's what really inspired me to create eight Kids Table, 0:24:01.640 --> 0:24:04.000 which is like a meal delivery shot up service for 0:24:04.680 --> 0:24:07.439 families in New York and eventually will hope to branch 0:24:07.480 --> 0:24:12.840 out into other cities. I've experienced, you know, so much 0:24:12.880 --> 0:24:16.960 trauma and like mistreatment in this industry. I just feel 0:24:16.960 --> 0:24:20.480 like it is my duty to create a business and 0:24:20.520 --> 0:24:23.640 a platform that can provide jobs to people and pay 0:24:23.680 --> 0:24:27.320 them fairly, treat them well, offer them mental health, and 0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:30.399 treat them as equals. A lot of times when I 0:24:30.440 --> 0:24:32.919 was nannying, I was always like, I can't wait to 0:24:32.920 --> 0:24:35.719 be rich so that I can hire nanny and I 0:24:35.720 --> 0:24:38.360 can treat her really nice and pay her really well. 0:24:38.880 --> 0:24:41.199 It's interesting that you mentioned like when I'm rich, and 0:24:41.240 --> 0:24:44.399 I'm like, oh, so there's the aspiration. It seems like 0:24:44.480 --> 0:24:47.200 to become part of this class. In some way, there 0:24:47.280 --> 0:24:50.320 is an aspiration to become part of this class, but 0:24:50.400 --> 0:24:52.639 to like figure out a way to change it and 0:24:52.680 --> 0:24:55.800 figure out a way that there isn't this industry standard 0:24:55.840 --> 0:25:00.359 anymore as a minority, to give other minorities opportunity to 0:25:01.040 --> 0:25:03.679