Speaker 1: All day long. Your body is saying fire alarm, fire alarm, fireflight, run,
Speaker 1: And I was like, mmm, Like I was sitting with him,
Speaker 1: in my back felt like it was on fire. I
Speaker 1: was like, see, it's crazy, it's happening right now. It's
Speaker 1: feel it. I think it's really hot. He's like, no,
Speaker 1: your chemicals are so messed up that your body doesn't
Speaker 1: know where you're supposed to be here adrenals are on fire.
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one
Speaker 1: health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every
Speaker 1: single one of you who come back every week to listen, learn,
Speaker 1: and grow. And I am so excited to be talking
Speaker 1: to you today. I can't believe it. My new book,
Speaker 1: Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot wait
Speaker 1: to share it with you. I am so so excited
Speaker 1: for you to read this book, for you to listen
Speaker 1: to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't
Speaker 1: got it already, make sure you go to eight Rules
Speaker 1: of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying
Speaker 1: to find, keep, or let go of love. So if
Speaker 1: you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling
Speaker 1: with love, make sure you grab this book and I'd
Speaker 1: love to invite you to come and see me for
Speaker 1: my global tour Love Rules. Go to Jay shettytour dot
Speaker 1: com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences and more.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see you this year. Now, you
Speaker 1: know that I love sitting down with people from different backgrounds,
Speaker 1: different walks of life who are adding meaning, impact and
Speaker 1: purpose into the world, that have an incredible presence and
Speaker 1: use it to do so much good in the world.
Speaker 1: And today's guest is someone who has been so kind
Speaker 1: to me, so gracious to me online and offline. And
Speaker 1: our first interaction was actually this January when I announced
Speaker 1: me being the Chief Purpose Officer at Calm and we
Speaker 1: did a series of lives and when this guest today
Speaker 1: said yes, I was over the moon because I love
Speaker 1: her energy. I followed her for a long long time,
Speaker 1: admire her work, and for her to say yes was
Speaker 1: dream come true. So today's guest is none other than
Speaker 1: Megan Trainer. And Megan first made history in twenty fourteen
Speaker 1: with her Diamonds certified hit single All About That Bass.
Speaker 1: Since then, the award winning singer, songwriter and multi instrumentalist
Speaker 1: has garnered a Grammy for Best new artist, achieved eight
Speaker 1: multi platinum singles and two platinum albums, sold out three
Speaker 1: world tours, penned multi platinum hits for peers across pop
Speaker 1: and country, and received countless industry awards and nominations. Now
Speaker 1: on top of all of that, last fall, we got
Speaker 1: to watch Megan as the host of Top Share Family
Speaker 1: Style on Peacock and as a judge on Clash of
Speaker 1: the Cover Bands on e In September of twenty twenty one,
Speaker 1: she also launched her podcast Working on It, which she
Speaker 1: hosts alongside her brother Ryan. Megan has recently released her
Speaker 1: new single bad for Me, which by the way, my
Speaker 1: producer has been singing and listening to all week, featuring
Speaker 1: Teddy Swims, along with the announcement of her fourth full
Speaker 1: length album, Taking It Back, arriving October twenty first, twenty
Speaker 1: twenty two, mark the date. Welcome Megan, Training Up, Megan,
Speaker 1: thank you for being here. You're amazing. You're amazing. You
Speaker 1: did all of that. You had to you had to
Speaker 1: live it, you had to create it, you had to
Speaker 1: write it. I mean it's incredible. Wow. Congratulation, Thank you.
Speaker 1: I sound so cool. You are you say it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Even just your energy. Walking in today and I saw
Speaker 1: you come out in the car and just your presence,
Speaker 1: your energy, everything that you said. I was just like,
Speaker 1: this is my kind of human, Like, this is the
Speaker 1: kind of person that I want to be around. You
Speaker 1: will adopt me. Okay, yeah, thank you. Thank you for
Speaker 1: being here. Honestly, thanks for having me. I'm honored that
Speaker 1: you are. You're like, Oprah, You're amazing what you do
Speaker 1: for everyone in the world, and I'm honored and I'll
Speaker 1: do whatever you tell me to do. So thank you.
Speaker 1: Thanks for letting me be here. I'm humbled and touched
Speaker 1: by that. I actually got to say that Oprah because
Speaker 1: she I grew up watching her and so for me
Speaker 1: when I finally got to interview her, her book was
Speaker 1: coming out and we got to do the first interview,
Speaker 1: is very exciting for me, and I said her afterwards.
Speaker 1: I said, hey, Oprah, you know, I think I do
Speaker 1: what I do because I grew up watching you, and
Speaker 1: you showed me that you can make meaningful stuff really
Speaker 1: powerful and it can be really mainstream. It doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be in this little box over here. And what
Speaker 1: she said to me is really special. She said that
Speaker 1: Maya Angelou said to her that her best work will
Speaker 1: not be the impact she makes, but the impact that
Speaker 1: the people she impacts make. And I just thought that,
Speaker 1: so anyway, I appreciate, but I'm passing it on to Oprah.
Speaker 1: And but I want to dive into so many things
Speaker 1: with you today because you just such an interesting, fascinating persona.
Speaker 1: But the first thing I want to ask you is
Speaker 1: you have a secret door in your home? I do.
Speaker 1: I want to know all about it because because to me, yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, because to me, secret doors like that's the
Speaker 1: guy when you just showed me your garden too. And
Speaker 1: I'm not going to give anything away, but those are
Speaker 1: the kind of homes I get fascinated about because they're
Speaker 1: the kind of homes you dreamed of as a kid. Yeah. Literally,
Speaker 1: so tell me about this. I'm creating my dream house
Speaker 1: for when I was a child. Yeah, that's what I'm
Speaker 1: doing right now for my future four children. I have
Speaker 1: one now, but he can barely walk, so we'll get there. Um.
Speaker 1: But I have a secret door in my house. And
Speaker 1: the house I bought is really cool. Not a lot
Speaker 1: of houses in LA have addicts in basement, and I
Speaker 1: have both in this house. And my husband we did
Speaker 1: so much construction, and he was like, the only thing
Speaker 1: I want. I'm like, oh, yes, what would you like?
Speaker 1: Maybe he's like a secret door so it looks like
Speaker 1: a bookshelf. And I was like, done, Absolutely, we're doing that.
Speaker 1: Um And it's the best part of our tour. When
Speaker 1: we give tours of our house, Everyone's like, what, um
Speaker 1: an attic and that I'm turning into like the best
Speaker 1: kids playground ever that I want to do like homeschooling
Speaker 1: eventually in so Yeah, we got like slides up there
Speaker 1: and that's incredible. I'm inviting myself over just right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my house is going to be sick one day when
Speaker 1: it's done. I love it. I'm very excited. I went
Speaker 1: to home when I first moved to La I think
Speaker 1: I was living here already, and it's the coolest house
Speaker 1: I've ever been to. His name's Frank Learns, and he's
Speaker 1: a speech writer for most of the presidents of the
Speaker 1: United States and that's his career to write speeches teach
Speaker 1: people communication. And we spoke at a conference together in
Speaker 1: Singapore and his presentation was amazing, and somehow he liked
Speaker 1: mine and so we became friends over it at the
Speaker 1: end and we got connected and he lives in La
Speaker 1: two and he was like, all right, when you back,
Speaker 1: come over to my house. I was like, great, he's
Speaker 1: in his mid fifties or something, and so I went
Speaker 1: over for dinner at his house. And his house is
Speaker 1: like a museum, Like he has the first shirt that
Speaker 1: Nelson Mandela wore to the United States, and he has
Speaker 1: like all of these incredible documents, like the invite that
Speaker 1: JFK received before the assassination, like he has He's just
Speaker 1: like these really amazing things. And we went into this
Speaker 1: room and it had this It wasn't the Titanic, it
Speaker 1: was another famous boat, like a structure of it, and
Speaker 1: there was a little Winston Churchill in the corner. And
Speaker 1: he asked me to stroke Winston Churchill's head. And that's
Speaker 1: when things got really weird. And then I looked at
Speaker 1: my phone. I had no data and no signal. I
Speaker 1: was really scared. And so I saw the little Winston
Speaker 1: Churchill and he goes, yeah, stroke his head three times,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is getting really weird. But okay,
Speaker 1: I stroked Winston Churchill's head three times, and this trapdoor
Speaker 1: open and it was so cool. And I'll say the
Speaker 1: rest of it later, but anyway, my point being, I
Speaker 1: love trapdoors. You also have you also have not trapdoors?
Speaker 1: I love. I love dungeons. Dungeons. I'm from London. Dungeons
Speaker 1: are a big thing in London. The London Dungeons is
Speaker 1: a great attraction for anyone is wondering. But you also
Speaker 1: have two toilets? Can you? Can you explain that too? Wow?
Speaker 1: You really got to come over my house. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: very fascinated by esthetic. Okay, So in our bedroom upstairs,
Speaker 1: there's one bathroom and the other bedrooms are farther away,
Speaker 1: and my husband and I get up all night long
Speaker 1: with the baby. We used to. Now he sleeps, he's great,
Speaker 1: but we used to get up all night long and
Speaker 1: every time I had to pee, Darrel would have to
Speaker 1: pee at the same time, and I'd be like, get oh,
Speaker 1: there's my turn. And I remember in this new house,
Speaker 1: we literally like built rooms from scratch, and they had
Speaker 1: a bidet next to the bathroom and I was like,
Speaker 1: we'll never use that, but there was an extra hole.
Speaker 1: And then I saw the dream and I was like,
Speaker 1: I have an extra toilet. And I was to the plumber.
Speaker 1: I was like, can you pop both of these next
Speaker 1: to each other, and he was like, what are you
Speaker 1: talking about. I was like, just right there, right next
Speaker 1: to each other, and he like laughed and thought I
Speaker 1: was joking. I was like, get it done, and he did.
Speaker 1: And it was the best decision ever. Like, if you're
Speaker 1: really close to your husband, like my like we're tight,
Speaker 1: we're close to the most. We like pee together and
Speaker 1: it's the best bonding time ever. I don't know, we're
Speaker 1: not nasty with it, but like it blew up and
Speaker 1: the whole world was like, oh, and I have couple
Speaker 1: friends that are they're older than Daryl and I are.
Speaker 1: Were young. We got lucky we met each other like
Speaker 1: twenty two, but they're like, you pee in the same
Speaker 1: room as your has been. I'm like, oh, he'll chill
Speaker 1: with me if I'm going number two, Like we hang out,
Speaker 1: you know, like we don't do it at the same time. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I loves well, thank you. We wanted to start. Now
Speaker 1: everything goes deep, but no, I love it. Thank you
Speaker 1: and thank you for learning us into your home. I've
Speaker 1: been loving following you on TikTok for that real It's
Speaker 1: just it's so nice getting to know someone and then
Speaker 1: meeting someone in person and going, oh you're you're even
Speaker 1: more wonderful. Investment is a great feeling. So but but
Speaker 1: I want to go through parts of your journey that
Speaker 1: that I thought it would be interesting to us and
Speaker 1: you and just everything you talk about when it comes
Speaker 1: to mental health and you talk about like toxic relationships,
Speaker 1: and I just love your openness and vulnerability in a
Speaker 1: way that I know my community and audience really needs
Speaker 1: that insight. But I want to go all the way
Speaker 1: back to Nantucket, which is where you grew up, right,
Speaker 1: and then yea, yeah, like you know the feedback that
Speaker 1: I always hear about it's the cutest town or you know,
Speaker 1: it's like tell me about what it was like growing
Speaker 1: up there for you, and you know what you dreamed
Speaker 1: of at that time. The world was so small. Everything
Speaker 1: was so small. The buildings are small. So when we
Speaker 1: would go off island, which was like travel anywhere else,
Speaker 1: we're like, oh, are you going off island? Like the
Speaker 1: buildings were huge, and there's like traffic lights were used
Speaker 1: to stop signs, so everywhere else felt huge. And I
Speaker 1: still get scared when I go to New York. I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: these buildings are way too tall. And like when we
Speaker 1: park in a parking garage, I have full panic because
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, well, we're gonna be late. We have
Speaker 1: to find a parking spot and get a ticket. It's
Speaker 1: the whole thing. But Nantucket was great and growing up there,
Speaker 1: though there's there's no mall, there's no place for kids
Speaker 1: to hang out, so you start drinking and doing drugs
Speaker 1: at like fourteen, wow, and like hooking up at a
Speaker 1: very young age. And like, when I look back at
Speaker 1: stuff that we did, I'm like, how is I not
Speaker 1: murdered or kidnapped? Or like, how am I not a
Speaker 1: full blown drug addict? A lot of my friends are,
Speaker 1: and even my brother had problems with alcohol and drugs,
Speaker 1: but he managed it so well that we were like,
Speaker 1: you don't have a problem. You're just fun, you know.
Speaker 1: And then recently he was like, okay, I need to
Speaker 1: be sober. Wow. So it was it's like if you
Speaker 1: made it off that rock, like you won, you survived.
Speaker 1: So it was a crazy place to live. It's it's
Speaker 1: so different when I grew up in London, which is
Speaker 1: obviously this big city and you're always around big buildings,
Speaker 1: And then I moved to New York and I've lived
Speaker 1: in Mumbai and now I live in La So I've
Speaker 1: always been moving from big city to big city. You
Speaker 1: get that tough like you can handle it well, you
Speaker 1: can handle the city, but there's there's also it takes
Speaker 1: a lot more effort to feel grounded or to be
Speaker 1: in nature or you know. That took a lot of training.
Speaker 1: Took a lot of training for me to adapt to that.
Speaker 1: And I also find that you know when you when
Speaker 1: you're talking about I went to Montana recently, and that's
Speaker 1: where when I was speaking to a lot of the
Speaker 1: people that lived in the area, and a lot of
Speaker 1: the kids there were saying they'd never left, and they
Speaker 1: were saying that they all went to the same salon
Speaker 1: on a Saturday evening, and they that one of them
Speaker 1: went to Nyu for the summer, but then she moved
Speaker 1: back and she'd like she'd never seen a Chipotle before,
Speaker 1: she'd moved out of town. Stuff. And it's always interesting
Speaker 1: to me because we grow up in such bubbles where
Speaker 1: you think everyone thinks like you and everyone's living like you.
Speaker 1: When was the first time that that bubble kind of
Speaker 1: was burst or changed or switched. What was the experience
Speaker 1: where you're like, oh wow, there's a whole world and
Speaker 1: people who think differently. And um, I mean when my
Speaker 1: parents started bringing me to songwriting conventions like songwriting competitions,
Speaker 1: and I would travel, like my my brothers got a gift. Well,
Speaker 1: it'd be a whole family thing. I have two brothers,
Speaker 1: So for Christmas one year, they're like, we're going to
Speaker 1: go to California and have Megan go to this songwriting
Speaker 1: thing with ASCAP and the boys would get to go
Speaker 1: to the zoo. You know, it would always be a
Speaker 1: family thing, but they would make sure the boys got
Speaker 1: to do something fun too. But I remember like traveling
Speaker 1: with my family and seeing Hollywood and I was like
Speaker 1: you but like I was like, oh, it's it's a
Speaker 1: little different than the movies. But then I lived in
Speaker 1: Nashville for a year by myself and that was my college.
Speaker 1: I was nineteen and I was like a songwriter. I
Speaker 1: would drive to work at noon and I'd write a
Speaker 1: song and I'd come home by myself. And I did
Speaker 1: that for a year and then wrote all about that
Speaker 1: bass and got signed and like had to move to
Speaker 1: la at nineteen. So a lot of my friends were
Speaker 1: like in college and went home for the summer and
Speaker 1: I was like, I didn't. I don't know. I feel
Speaker 1: like I missed a lot of learning steps and relationships,
Speaker 1: Like there's a whole friend group out there that I
Speaker 1: would have had that I don't know them, you know,
Speaker 1: because I just went to work. But I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: it any other way. Like we did it. That's it, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's yeah. But there's there's definitely differences that I'm frustrated with,
Speaker 1: Like I don't know how to do taxes. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to do many things because at nineteen, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, there was a team that did it
Speaker 1: for me. Yeah, and so when like I don't know,
Speaker 1: there's simple tasks that I'm like, I can't I can't
Speaker 1: imagine doing that that I feel. I'm working with my
Speaker 1: therapist on I feel stupid. Sometimes I feel silly and
Speaker 1: like and she's like, you're not stupid, like look around,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, but there's simple things. I can't
Speaker 1: figure out geography. I don't know where anything is. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I want to I want to share something
Speaker 1: with you. I promise you that most people who went
Speaker 1: to college don't know how to do their taxes. Okay,
Speaker 1: I know what, you know what the problem, I'll be
Speaker 1: honest with me included and I went I went to
Speaker 1: cast Business School, Like I don't know how to do
Speaker 1: my own taxes because because and the reason I say
Speaker 1: that is because you just never trained in the simple thing.
Speaker 1: Like it's it's sad, but no one knows how to
Speaker 1: get a mortgage or how to you know, how to
Speaker 1: get taxes, Like you don't know these until you have
Speaker 1: to do it. Yeah, and then when you have to
Speaker 1: do it, you figure it out. Like for me, I
Speaker 1: had to learn a whole new system when I moved
Speaker 1: to the US, so just about when I figured it.
Speaker 1: So I moved to the US when I was twenty eight,
Speaker 1: and so at twenty eight, Yeah, there we go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you moved to when you were nineteen, so yeah, experience.
Speaker 1: But yeah, no, I moved to the US six years
Speaker 1: ago when I was twenty eight, and it was like
Speaker 1: I just figured out how to do taxes in London
Speaker 1: that I moved and had to figure it all out again.
Speaker 1: And so I you know, I don't think you should
Speaker 1: be so hard on yourself because because I'd be honest
Speaker 1: with the and I don't think most people know how
Speaker 1: to do the things you just mentioned. Yeah, yeah, everyone.
Speaker 1: But when you look at that experience, when you talk
Speaker 1: about going into songwriting competitions, Yeah, it's really interesting because
Speaker 1: competition often turns people off art and it can often
Speaker 1: be a challenger. It's like you're competing at something and
Speaker 1: then often you lose taste for I remember I swam
Speaker 1: a lot when I was in college and high school,
Speaker 1: and I was a pretty good swimmer, and my parents
Speaker 1: really wanted me to be a competitive swimmer, and I
Speaker 1: hated the competitive side of swimming. I love competition and
Speaker 1: other areas of my life, I just didn't enjoy it
Speaker 1: in the water. For you, what was that experience like
Speaker 1: of because that was even younger than nineteen, right, you
Speaker 1: going to the competition with other kids, but it wasn't
Speaker 1: even kids, it was adults. Oh wow. Like it ranged
Speaker 1: from my age seventeen to like fifty five, where they're like,
Speaker 1: I still want to be a songwriter and here's my chance,
Speaker 1: and I would like always write on my CDs before
Speaker 1: we played it. I'd be like I produced it myself,
Speaker 1: like be easy on the production. And I was like
Speaker 1: just a young girl, I don't know what I'm doing here,
Speaker 1: And they would critique your songs in front of everyone,
Speaker 1: so it wasn't like we were competing first songwriting and
Speaker 1: if you won, you got signed. And my second year
Speaker 1: I did it and I was like, Dad, I don't
Speaker 1: want to go back, and he's like, your album's way better. Now,
Speaker 1: let's go back. The second year I got signed and
Speaker 1: everyone's like, Megan's the one that got picked this year,
Speaker 1: and I was like, that's amazing. Do you remember any
Speaker 1: feedback from the first year that like stage with me, Yeah,
Speaker 1: my lyrics didn't make sense because they didn't um my
Speaker 1: production was bad, but they saw potential. They're like it's
Speaker 1: in there. You just gotta be better at like maybe
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have said that here or this doesn't really
Speaker 1: rhyme and blah blah blah, and I was like they
Speaker 1: don't know anything. I'm like, Dad, they suck. But then
Speaker 1: I went home and I wrote a whole new album
Speaker 1: and sent it in and then it was like night
Speaker 1: and day and they're like, wow, he took our notes
Speaker 1: and you came back. So it was great and everyone
Speaker 1: should do it. And it sucked and it was great,
Speaker 1: but my parents would make fun of me because I'd
Speaker 1: be like, oh, want to go, and they would drag me.
Speaker 1: And then when I'd be like when I go, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, that was the best thing ever I rock
Speaker 1: and like, see, how do people get that courage though?
Speaker 1: Because I feel that supportive parents, that was it. Really
Speaker 1: My parents blew to me so much and I was bad,
Speaker 1: Like I wasn't horrific, but I was bad. Like I
Speaker 1: hear the songs now and I'm like, what were you
Speaker 1: guys thinking? And my mom like nowadays, she's like she's
Speaker 1: still trying to get those fifteen year old songs cut,
Speaker 1: like they're sorry, not cut. A lot of people don't
Speaker 1: know what that's what that means. When I say like
Speaker 1: get a song cut, I mean another artist sing it.
Speaker 1: So she's still trying to like sell those songs and
Speaker 1: I'm like, mom, they're embarrassing, Like there's sometimes those songs
Speaker 1: will get pitched and they'll get cut and she's like
Speaker 1: I knew it, like I knew you were good back then,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wow, you really believed in me. And
Speaker 1: my parents are those parents that are like every one
Speaker 1: should go to college, and for me, they were like
Speaker 1: go to work, like, go be a songwriter. This is
Speaker 1: what you're good at You're gonna do this forever. How
Speaker 1: do you think they noticed that? Like, what was it
Speaker 1: in you? Because obviously, and that's wonderful to hear that,
Speaker 1: but they obviously saw something yea, And they saw a habit,
Speaker 1: a trait, a pattern, some work ethic. What did they see?
Speaker 1: I think my worth ethic at a young age, Like
Speaker 1: I wasn't getting all a's in school, but I'd get
Speaker 1: like B minuses and season whatever. But I would come
Speaker 1: home after school every single day and I would use
Speaker 1: the production that my dad would get me at Christmas time.
Speaker 1: I'd use my computer and I would be in garage
Speaker 1: band to logic and I would write a song after
Speaker 1: school every day and I'd play it for them by
Speaker 1: dinner time. So in like four hours, I would write
Speaker 1: and produce a whole song and be like check this out.
Speaker 1: And it was me like loving what I'm doing. It
Speaker 1: didn't feel like work, but it was also me showing
Speaker 1: my parents like thank you for buying this for me,
Speaker 1: and like I'm gonna make you proud of with us someday.
Speaker 1: And my dad, my dad was like, this is a
Speaker 1: credit card where I'm buying all your stuff on you
Speaker 1: can pay them back later when you're successful songwriter, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I bought you a house, so there you go. How
Speaker 1: does it feel now that you're a mom? Like how
Speaker 1: does that feel? How are you taking pots of those
Speaker 1: gifts that your parents gave you to him on? And
Speaker 1: like my parents were and are the best, Like my mom,
Speaker 1: she would be here today, but like, yeah, I know what.
Speaker 1: We're trying to be nice with COVID and like keep
Speaker 1: like we're always like take one person and yeah, but she, uh,
Speaker 1: she's my assistant, full blown now, like, uh, what is
Speaker 1: that light? It's the best. It's a great I'm lucky
Speaker 1: and I have a cool mom. A lot of people
Speaker 1: don't like their mom's but my mom is my best friend,
Speaker 1: my husband's best friend. They're the same person. I think
Speaker 1: I married my mom. Wow, And they like can finish
Speaker 1: each other's sentences. It's crazy love. But she's really yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a they she's my full assistant because when I
Speaker 1: had like assistance, I've only had two. One was my
Speaker 1: best friend and then the second one became a best friend.
Speaker 1: And it's I's just like it gets uncomfortable. It's like
Speaker 1: I don't want to ask you to go get my
Speaker 1: grosser rays. But my mom's like, I'm getting grossries. You
Speaker 1: want to get something for you? I'm like, yes, please,
Speaker 1: Like she's doing it anyways. You know, my mom was
Speaker 1: always my assistant forever, but she's not She's just a
Speaker 1: loving mom. Yeah, but it's the greatest. And I think
Speaker 1: having the supportive family is the only reason why I'm here.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know it is. Yeah, that's why I
Speaker 1: keep him close. And how do you try and do
Speaker 1: that in your own way? Now? Like, how are you
Speaker 1: doing that few kids? Apart from building them amazing? My
Speaker 1: kid sees his uncle's every day because they live in
Speaker 1: my house, So I'm he's surrounded by family all the time,
Speaker 1: and I think that's a part of his speech delay.
Speaker 1: Is like like literally, they're like, it's he the only
Speaker 1: baby here. I'm like, it's all adults and we all
Speaker 1: give him whatever he wants immediately. They're like, so, let's
Speaker 1: wait till he asks, and then you may give him
Speaker 1: his snack. I'm like that, Yeah, it's a matter of
Speaker 1: too much love. But I also want to give him
Speaker 1: three siblings immediately. Yes, So you're working on that, working
Speaker 1: on that. I think December, I'm gonna try to get
Speaker 1: knocked up. I love. Yeah. I feel like for so
Speaker 1: many people, family is their contention point, right, Like that's
Speaker 1: where they experienced toxicity. It's where they experience generational negative
Speaker 1: patterns and trauma. Whereas you have this beautiful setup and
Speaker 1: you're working on it. Obviously it's not just like that.
Speaker 1: What do you think your parents or your family has
Speaker 1: done right over time to maintain that? When you just
Speaker 1: said that, you're your kids surrounded by uncles and like,
Speaker 1: that's so beautiful when it works, and then there's so
Speaker 1: many people who what is it that differently or what
Speaker 1: have you observed? I'm intrigued because I think that could
Speaker 1: be huge for people. I'm breaking a lot of uh,
Speaker 1: generational trauma and generational patterns which I've learned with my therapist.
Speaker 1: Up we were shout out my therapists, Um my new song.
Speaker 1: I said. My therapist told me to write you would
Speaker 1: Letta and she's like, you put what Yeah, I wrote
Speaker 1: about it. But as I've learned about like why I
Speaker 1: am who I am, it makes sense through my parents,
Speaker 1: like no one's perfect in my family. We look great,
Speaker 1: but there is some darkness, there's some clouds, and I've
Speaker 1: just trying my very best to break all of that.
Speaker 1: And my mom is so good at adjusting and learning
Speaker 1: and seeing like, oh we can change. We're not like
Speaker 1: this forever. Like my mom's side of the family, they
Speaker 1: never talk about what's bothering them. We call it. Her
Speaker 1: last name was Jakanowski, so we call it the Jakanowski secrets.
Speaker 1: And they never bring up how they really feel. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're not going to Jakanowski's secret this, We're
Speaker 1: gonna talk right about it. Here's how you make me feel.
Speaker 1: And that has my mother has changed significantly. The only
Speaker 1: category where she's still slacking is the self talk, self love,
Speaker 1: bad bad, which is where I got it from. And
Speaker 1: she knows. She's like I'm sorry, I'm ti, I'm tired,
Speaker 1: Like she won't take a picture, like she'll say the
Speaker 1: camera will break. I'm like, well, that's so aggressive, Like
Speaker 1: she's so mean, her hard on herself and I And
Speaker 1: she's a part of that generation too that like refuses
Speaker 1: to get therapy and my dad I told them recently,
Speaker 1: I was like, you would both benefit very well if
Speaker 1: you had therapy, and they were like, I know what's
Speaker 1: wrong with me. I don't need to talk about it,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, you're so lost. Like
Speaker 1: so I'm trying to slowly get them into therapy. And
Speaker 1: and I've noticed my brothers now they're all close to
Speaker 1: their thirties, they have all woken up and seen like, oh,
Speaker 1: we have alcohol abuse in our family. I should be sober.
Speaker 1: And that's what my brother has done. And he's like
Speaker 1: an amazing human. Now he was great before, but he
Speaker 1: was poisoned, you know. And then even my younger brother,
Speaker 1: like he's just there. They've grown up so much. And
Speaker 1: I think it's by watching me change my ways and
Speaker 1: change the patterns of the family and break those bad
Speaker 1: habits that we can all nails. We're doing some work.
Speaker 1: It's exhaustion with someone's going to do it because I
Speaker 1: will not have my kids have these bad patterns. Yeah
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Those are some other ones
Speaker 1: now because yeah, yeah no, But that's I love hearing that,
Speaker 1: and it's it's wonderful to understand that everyone is needing
Speaker 1: help from an individual if you want to change an
Speaker 1: area of your life. Like I just feel like one
Speaker 1: of the things I'm certain about is that if I'm
Speaker 1: serious about something, I better be accountable to someone else
Speaker 1: in that area of my life, whether that's a therapist,
Speaker 1: a coach, or personal trainer or whatever it may be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think if your privilege enough and accessible enough
Speaker 1: to have that help in your life, it can make
Speaker 1: a huge difference. But knowing that your parents aren't doing
Speaker 1: it yet yet they are using the language my mom's yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: she's much better. Yeah, she's using the language. My dad's
Speaker 1: twenty years older than my mom. Well, so yeah, he's
Speaker 1: like seventy four and she's fifty four, so she's like
Speaker 1: full young hip kids like this out that. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh no, Bunny's sweet and great. I love that. In
Speaker 1: the beginning of your journey in music today, we know
Speaker 1: that a lot of your relationships inspire you just said that.
Speaker 1: You know, your therapist told you to write a letter
Speaker 1: and said, like you you hear the toxic or poor
Speaker 1: relationships you've been in that have inspired music. What was
Speaker 1: different about what inspired you back then and what inspires
Speaker 1: you now? Like do you do you ever think about that?
Speaker 1: Like what inspired your songwriting then and now? Well, back then,
Speaker 1: I was a songwriter writing for other artists, so I
Speaker 1: was thinking, like what's not on the radio and what
Speaker 1: could be on the radio. But I when I wrote
Speaker 1: all about that bass, it was like a joke. Like
Speaker 1: it was like I was like, no one's going to
Speaker 1: cut this. We've wasted a day at work and we'll
Speaker 1: just write a therapy song for us, like because the
Speaker 1: co writer was like a man, and it was the
Speaker 1: first time meeting him, so it's kind of like a
Speaker 1: blind day and you're like, where'd you grow up? Power?
Speaker 1: And then we were we were like we were chubby
Speaker 1: kids and we had to learn how to love ourselves.
Speaker 1: And I was like, how funny it would it be?
Speaker 1: That was like I ain't, no says too, but I
Speaker 1: can't shake it, shake it. And I'm like, I'm not
Speaker 1: a confident dancer that dances in front of everyone, but
Speaker 1: imagine if I was. And I remember being like, I'll
Speaker 1: sing the demo who cares? And it was like a
Speaker 1: raw demo with no auto tune and nothing, but the
Speaker 1: lyrics hit so many people that they're like, this is
Speaker 1: gonna be huge. Who's singing it? We'll just let her
Speaker 1: do it. So it was really from like a weird,
Speaker 1: raw place, like I wasn't chasing radio. I wasn't and
Speaker 1: I fell into that before when you're talking about competition,
Speaker 1: I didn't know about charts and all that stuff. When
Speaker 1: they're like you're number one, I was like fantastic, Like
Speaker 1: what is that? Like? Number one everywhere? They're like everywhere?
Speaker 1: I was like, well that was easy. So then anytime
Speaker 1: I did another song, I was like, it's not number
Speaker 1: one everywhere? What do you mean? And then I was like, well,
Speaker 1: maybe I'm not doing what's on the radio. And then
Speaker 1: I caught myself chasing radio and just falling on my face.
Speaker 1: So with this new im taking it back. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go back to when I did do op
Speaker 1: and just didn't care about any charts and anything and
Speaker 1: just do me. Yeah, and you'll hear that come out.
Speaker 1: And the first song they put out was a emo
Speaker 1: toxic relationship song. I was like, oh, okay, coming out passionate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so it sounds like it's always been a roy
Speaker 1: emotion that that's going out, and now you're taking it
Speaker 1: back and you're going back to that and you're really
Speaker 1: owning that, like with this with this new album, would
Speaker 1: you say that we're hearing you through the healing process?
Speaker 1: Are we hearing you healed? Are we hearing you. I
Speaker 1: think you're you're hearing, You're hearing a healed what's your mother? Who?
Speaker 1: Um is just ruthlessly honest. You know, Like one song
Speaker 1: don't I Make It Look Easy? That I tease today
Speaker 1: on my Instagram, UM is like talking about don't I
Speaker 1: make this Look easy? Like everything's perfect because everyone who
Speaker 1: interviews me it is like you are so fun and
Speaker 1: you have the best family, in the best life. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, I cry so much. You just don't know
Speaker 1: it because I don't film myself and post it, you know.
Speaker 1: So I say in the first verse, like I posted
Speaker 1: a picture, I read all the comments, I hearted the
Speaker 1: good ones, and if I'm being honest, I probably spent
Speaker 1: an hour on it. Yeah, and then I'm like foo,
Speaker 1: And it's just like a fun way of being ruthlessly honest,
Speaker 1: ruthlessly that brutally honest. Yeah. Yeah, what's your take on that?
Speaker 1: What you just said? If like, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: people who will say, oh, well, if we're not taking
Speaker 1: pictures of ourselves crying, in our videos of usselves crying
Speaker 1: and posting it, we're only posting the highlight reel, Like
Speaker 1: we hear this all the time. Yeah, what's your personal
Speaker 1: take on what's showing up authentically means to you. Ah,
Speaker 1: I just noticed when I do talk about my fun
Speaker 1: private personal stuff like my bathrooms goes viral. People love it.
Speaker 1: People are like, wow, she's goofy. I'm like mmma, and
Speaker 1: it's always a good reaction, which feels great. Yeah. Like
Speaker 1: I use that as my therapy of like, oh, the
Speaker 1: world likes me for just who I am, so I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna do that. And the more I did that,
Speaker 1: like literally, the more popular I got or the more
Speaker 1: people wanted to talk to me, the more I just like,
Speaker 1: That's why I did the podcast, because we talk about
Speaker 1: per iv it stuff that I'm like, normalize it, like
Speaker 1: I have hard poops, you know, like, and it's just
Speaker 1: it makes I think it's more relatable and people are like,
Speaker 1: I have that problem too. That's in the first place
Speaker 1: I saw that was my mental health. When I saw
Speaker 1: Carson Daily on the Today Show explain a full panic attack.
Speaker 1: My mom didn't understand what was happening to me. My
Speaker 1: best friend, she couldn't understand. She couldn't help me when
Speaker 1: I said, I need to go to the emergency room
Speaker 1: because I can't breathe and she was like, just come here,
Speaker 1: I'll rub your head. I'm like, you don't get me
Speaker 1: right now. I sent her that article and she was
Speaker 1: sobbing and was like I finally get it because I
Speaker 1: couldn't put it into words. And when Carson did it,
Speaker 1: I was like, you don't know what you did for
Speaker 1: my whole family. Oh yeah, every time, save my life.
Speaker 1: You saved my family relationship. Yeah, because I resented them
Speaker 1: for that. I was like, how do you not understand
Speaker 1: what I'm going through? You're my mother, Like you're my
Speaker 1: favorite human being on this earth. Like and and now
Speaker 1: she still cries about it. She's like I didn't were
Speaker 1: you going there? And then she'll look back at her
Speaker 1: life and go, oh, I had a panic attack that day.
Speaker 1: I thought I was just having a meltdown, but my
Speaker 1: heart was stopping that day, like I thought I was
Speaker 1: going to die. And I was like, yeah, we're riddled
Speaker 1: with anxiety and you guys weren't allowed to talk about it,
Speaker 1: but we are. Yeah, here we are help. I'm like
Speaker 1: the biggest fan of screaming for help. Yeah, absolutely, like
Speaker 1: something's wrong, somebody helped me. What was your worst experience
Speaker 1: the panic that you remember so strongly, where you didn't
Speaker 1: feel anyone was there to help and you were screaming
Speaker 1: out for it. I was in New York City. My
Speaker 1: first like big real panic attack was four AM. It's
Speaker 1: one of those like never forget four Am. I was
Speaker 1: in glam getting ready to announce the Grammy nominees for
Speaker 1: the year after I won. It's like a thing you
Speaker 1: do when you win, you go announce them. And it
Speaker 1: was going to be live with Gail King and my assistant,
Speaker 1: who's my best day still is. She was reading me
Speaker 1: my schedule for that week and it was like sing here,
Speaker 1: performed there after all my vocal issues were happening, and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, if I do that, this will my
Speaker 1: voice will die and none of you will make money,
Speaker 1: you know, like we're all going down. So I was
Speaker 1: reading this calendar and I was like, but how would
Speaker 1: I if I go from there to There's no way
Speaker 1: I'm going to make that. And then I started getting light.
Speaker 1: I get a little tingly. Every time I talk about it.
Speaker 1: You start dissociating, like you start leaving your body like
Speaker 1: a ghost and like breathing. You start thinking about it
Speaker 1: and full panic comes in and I started crying because
Speaker 1: I was like, I think I'm dying and I was like,
Speaker 1: what's going on? And I just had to scream, cry
Speaker 1: and breathe and my husband, who was my boyfriend at
Speaker 1: the time, and my assistant looked at me and said,
Speaker 1: this is a panic attack. And I almost wish they
Speaker 1: never said that, because I was like, what this is?
Speaker 1: What that is? Because I didn't know. I didn't really
Speaker 1: know what people were saying, like how they felt. You
Speaker 1: don't know until it's happening, and then when it ended,
Speaker 1: they were telling me what's this? I was like a lamp,
Speaker 1: a TV, a rug and that like snaps you back
Speaker 1: into your body. And once I calmed down, they were like,
Speaker 1: I was like, can that happen whenever? And they were like,
Speaker 1: m I wish I didn't say that either. Ye screwed
Speaker 1: me for the rest of the day because I was
Speaker 1: exhausted and I went on live TV and I haven't
Speaker 1: watched that clip since, but I remember I blacked out
Speaker 1: on the TV and was just on autopilot and I
Speaker 1: was like, don't pass out, don't pass out, don't die, like,
Speaker 1: don't have a freak out Live on TV with Gail King,
Speaker 1: And as soon as they were like done. I sat
Speaker 1: down on a chair and I lost it. And all
Speaker 1: the people on the Gail King show saw me and
Speaker 1: they looked at me like I was a crazy person,
Speaker 1: and they're like, a she okay. And my team looked
Speaker 1: at me and they're like, we need to stop. I
Speaker 1: was supposed to go do like eight more interviews, a
Speaker 1: whole day work, and they just said stop. I went
Speaker 1: back to the hotel room and I literally would run
Speaker 1: to the bathroom thinking I would have diarrhea. I was like, no, guys,
Speaker 1: it's cool. I just have the flu, and they were
Speaker 1: like and I would explain it to people like it
Speaker 1: was like the movies, like when a demon takes over
Speaker 1: my body and I had no control anymore. And when
Speaker 1: a doctor tells you it's your own brain, You're like, well,
Speaker 1: then I'm going to be in a psychord like this
Speaker 1: every day because I can't control that I don't know
Speaker 1: how to. And then also I overdosed on edibles, which
Speaker 1: like you can't really do, but I did it. I
Speaker 1: usually would take I was self medicating myself with five
Speaker 1: milligrams a weed with edibles at night, and it really
Speaker 1: helped in the beginning, and it would help me sleep.
Speaker 1: And one day I ran out of the specific edibles
Speaker 1: that I took and I ate like a lollipop that
Speaker 1: was twenty five milligrams. Then I was so high that
Speaker 1: I forgot I ate that and I ate another one,
Speaker 1: and I usually take five. Right, I was up to
Speaker 1: fifty day fifty milligrams in one day. I was doing
Speaker 1: a puzzle and I was like, I'm not breathing like
Speaker 1: so I'd tell people my soul left my body and
Speaker 1: I said bye bye, and I was dry heaving all night,
Speaker 1: and that is very similar to what you feel in
Speaker 1: a panic attack. So going to those places twice, my
Speaker 1: brain was like, we've been there, and we could take
Speaker 1: you there wherever, whenever we want. And so I was
Speaker 1: really unbalanced. My chemicals were off for a long time,
Speaker 1: months trying to figure out like some days would be horrific,
Speaker 1: couldn't get up, and I was madly in love. My
Speaker 1: career was great. I would tell doctors like, I'm not depressed.
Speaker 1: I didn't feel depressed. I just sometimes if I like
Speaker 1: sometimes I'll just feel like I have a migraine for
Speaker 1: the rest of the day. I'd have ice packs on
Speaker 1: my head. I'd have my mom check my temperature and
Speaker 1: was like, no, I just have a flu. Again. It
Speaker 1: says crazy. And then I finally went to a psychiatrist
Speaker 1: and he explained to me, your chemicals are like this,
Speaker 1: and all day long, your body is saying fire alarm,
Speaker 1: fire alarm, firefly run And I was like mmm. Like
Speaker 1: I was sitting with him, in my back felt like
Speaker 1: it was on fire. I was like, see, it's crazy,
Speaker 1: it's happening right now. It's feel it. I think it's
Speaker 1: really hot. He's like, no, your chemicals are so messed
Speaker 1: up that your body doesn't know where you're supposed to
Speaker 1: be here adrenals are on fire. So I went on
Speaker 1: my first ever antidepressants and I used to get complimented
Speaker 1: like wow, you're the only pop star not on antidepressants.
Speaker 1: And I used to be like, well look at me.
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, that's messed up that they said
Speaker 1: that to me, and like it made me judge people
Speaker 1: and it was horrible. And now when I was on
Speaker 1: when I was finally on the medication, I'm on like
Speaker 1: the lowest dose and after a month or two, I
Speaker 1: was like it's quiet, Like everything stopped and it was amazing,
Speaker 1: and I like would talk to my psychiatrist. I like,
Speaker 1: I only had one panic attack this month and it
Speaker 1: slowly went down. And it's been like five years now
Speaker 1: and I haven't had a terrible one since. I'll have
Speaker 1: nights if I'm over exhausted or am I'll say, my
Speaker 1: body's trying to trick me right now and trying to
Speaker 1: pretend I'm in a panic attack, and I know what
Speaker 1: you're doing. You can't basket with me right now. And
Speaker 1: my husband knows too, He knows the drill like it
Speaker 1: saved my life and I don't know what I would
Speaker 1: do without those pills. And I'm sorry I'm blabbing, but
Speaker 1: I carry on. When I was pregnant and I told
Speaker 1: people I want to get pregnant, so my doctor, I um,
Speaker 1: they were saying this pill is safe that you're on,
Speaker 1: but this low dose of atavan's not safe. Get off
Speaker 1: of that. So I did get off of that. And
Speaker 1: when I walked into my doctor appointment pregnant, like day
Speaker 1: one pregnant, as I brought my medicine, was like, this
Speaker 1: saved my life. And he was like, oh, you could
Speaker 1: throw those candies away and I was like what, Like
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to say I was so scared
Speaker 1: and I was like, it was COVID time, so I
Speaker 1: couldn't hide. Then my husband I was like what And
Speaker 1: I was in shock. And I stayed with that doctor
Speaker 1: for like weeks and just got worse, and I cried
Speaker 1: to everyone of like he just wants me to throw
Speaker 1: them away, but they saved my life. And my other
Speaker 1: doctor said it's totally safe to be on these, So
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. And I eventually changed
Speaker 1: doctors and she was I had a woman doctor, and
Speaker 1: she was like, that's insane that he said that to you.
Speaker 1: These are perfectly safe to be on. Your fine, and
Speaker 1: a happy mom is a happy baby. And I've been
Speaker 1: trying to tell every pregnant mom or anyone who's going
Speaker 1: to have a baby and on antidepressants, like you can
Speaker 1: safely stay on them and nothing bad will happen to
Speaker 1: your baby. And I never had any postpartum I didn't
Speaker 1: have any depression all pregnant, and my pregnancy was obnoxious.
Speaker 1: I had justational tabetes, but we did it. We crushed
Speaker 1: it with a good diet, diet well pregnant. I was like, what, yeah,
Speaker 1: but like it's still like the stigma's in some of
Speaker 1: the doctors and it's like, and my baby came out
Speaker 1: c section because he was sideways and my baby was
Speaker 1: in the Nikkeu for five days, and all those nurses said,
Speaker 1: were you on antidepressants? And I'm I just got soft open.
Speaker 1: I'm on drugs like trying to heal. I feel horrible.
Speaker 1: I don't get to see my prize that I went
Speaker 1: through all that more. And I'm in there trying to
Speaker 1: look at him in the NIKEU tank and they're like, well,
Speaker 1: it's because you're antidepressants. That's why he won't wake up.
Speaker 1: I'm like what. And I asked all my doctors and
Speaker 1: they're all like, dude, there's no science that backs at
Speaker 1: They're just pointing so they don't get sued. They're just saying, well,
Speaker 1: it's because you're onepressants and that's why. And it was
Speaker 1: the most discouraging thing. And I'm writing a book about
Speaker 1: it because it was. It messed me up. And I
Speaker 1: still talk to my doctor my psychiatrists recently because I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get lower on my antidepressants in case I
Speaker 1: want another baby. Even though there's no science that backs
Speaker 1: that that can hurt that baby happen my doctor's like,
Speaker 1: I got the charts later because doctor Aymon's like, what, like,
Speaker 1: show me, show me how they proved that. And all
Speaker 1: the charts said was like, he's sleepy, he's not waking up.
Speaker 1: It wakes up on his own time. But it was
Speaker 1: a C section, that's it is traumatic for a baby
Speaker 1: come out. Anything could happen, and it wrote mom twenty
Speaker 1: seven on antidepressants doesn't And I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's the worst thing you could tell a person who
Speaker 1: just had a C section. It was like, it's your
Speaker 1: fault that this kid's not awake. Wow, but I can't
Speaker 1: wait to have three more kids. But yeah, thank you
Speaker 1: for sharing that. You weren't bloving at all. It was
Speaker 1: actually really no, not at all. Honestly, it was so
Speaker 1: thank you for taking us there because I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very easy to closs over some of the detail,
Speaker 1: but actually to hear the details what allows us to
Speaker 1: really empathize in the best way possible. But also just
Speaker 1: to recognize how much stigma there is. Even hearing the
Speaker 1: statement where you were saying that, oh, you're the only
Speaker 1: music artist that's not on these Yeah, and now it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: these are going to no one in my family is
Speaker 1: on them. They should be, Yeah, they could be. I
Speaker 1: have like plenty of people in my family that I'm like, oh, bipolar, undiagnosed,
Speaker 1: like for facts, and like sometimes they know it and
Speaker 1: they use booze to help it, and I'm like, there's
Speaker 1: better ways. I take my pill and a half at
Speaker 1: night every night and I feel great and I don't
Speaker 1: have to chug a bottle of booze or eat edibles.
Speaker 1: Like there's a way, that a safer way that you
Speaker 1: could do this. So yeah, those pills helped me about
Speaker 1: my whole family that they come from place it's like,
Speaker 1: you need medicine, yeah, make you feel better. I'm like,
Speaker 1: uh huh. And the best is when like a doctor
Speaker 1: said to me, well, you have asthma, right, and I
Speaker 1: was like m, He's like you have an inhaler. I
Speaker 1: was like, M, It's like, why can't you have medicine
Speaker 1: for your brain totally? Period? What do you think it
Speaker 1: was for you that drew you in that direction of
Speaker 1: wanting to change your habits, because, like we see with
Speaker 1: so many musicians, with so many artists as well, it's
Speaker 1: so easy to go down the other road and like
Speaker 1: you're saying, it's not about looking down on those people,
Speaker 1: it's just they didn't have a family, but they didn't
Speaker 1: have the support. But what was it for you, because obviously,
Speaker 1: like you're saying that, the majority of a family may
Speaker 1: not really understand why you need medicine, but you've met
Speaker 1: a psychiatrist, You've been very proactive here. Yeah, what made
Speaker 1: you so convinced that you had to make this change
Speaker 1: and that you wanted to find this way out because
Speaker 1: it's so easy and natural for you to turn towards alcohol.
Speaker 1: Was for sure spooked, and I knew something was wrong,
Speaker 1: Like I knew my chemicals were off, but I didn't
Speaker 1: know my chemicals are off. I was like, my body's broken,
Speaker 1: my brain is broken, and I need help. And I
Speaker 1: was scared. I was scared. I've saw me in a
Speaker 1: psych ward forever for the rest of my life. And
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I don't want that. I want children,
Speaker 1: I want a family, I want a career, I want
Speaker 1: to keep going. Like finally all my dreams scared true
Speaker 1: and this is happening. No way I'm going to fight this.
Speaker 1: So I wanted to fight it. But also it really
Speaker 1: really helped me, which is another reason why I talk
Speaker 1: about all my stuff in case it helps someone is
Speaker 1: people like Carson, but also my older brother Ryan. He
Speaker 1: used booze and drugs for his anxiety, and he's had
Speaker 1: huge panic attacks that he never told us about. Like
Speaker 1: he lived in our in our house, and in his room.
Speaker 1: He would he told me, oh my god, I would
Speaker 1: I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack,
Speaker 1: thinking it was the drugs, but it would be like
Speaker 1: a hangover. Convinced, and he would call it scary Sundays,
Speaker 1: And I was like, this whole time, you just crazy
Speaker 1: panic disorder. But you've been like smothering yourself with booze
Speaker 1: and drugs flying through it. He's like, yeah, stuff it down,
Speaker 1: eat some drugs, you'll be fine. Like drink your medicine.
Speaker 1: That's what do you say. I'm gonna drink my mess
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna go to bed. Like he has sleeparalysis,
Speaker 1: he has the most His brain's way worse than mine was.
Speaker 1: So when I would have my panic attacks, I would
Speaker 1: go to everyone in the house. He lives in my house,
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, something's wrong, and he go, I've
Speaker 1: been there, I know what you're feeling. Go to the
Speaker 1: emergency room. Asked for the lowest dose of medicine that
Speaker 1: you can get. Do not let them give you xanex
Speaker 1: and then come home and you're gonna be fine. And
Speaker 1: having him like my older soldier brother that could get
Speaker 1: through anything, look at me and be like, I've done this,
Speaker 1: You're okay. Instead of my mom being like, what are
Speaker 1: you talking about. You don't need a hospital, he'd be like,
Speaker 1: go go to the hospital, they'll tell you're fine, they'll
Speaker 1: give you oxygen, you'll come home, you'll be great. And
Speaker 1: having that like acceptance but also not be alone feeling
Speaker 1: was like he saved me. Wow. And that's why I
Speaker 1: do this podcast with him, because he's he's now trying
Speaker 1: to be sober. And in our first episodes of the podcast,
Speaker 1: he like you can see him freaking out and he's like,
Speaker 1: I don't get to have my medicine and I and
Speaker 1: he did it cold turkey. He didn't go to any
Speaker 1: AA and nothing, no no therapy, no help. He did
Speaker 1: it by himself, which is so dangerous. Don't ever do that.
Speaker 1: Now we're hearing like he could have had a heart
Speaker 1: attack in his sleep. I'm like, oh my god, Like yeah,
Speaker 1: he he's I would tell him I'm like, you're you're
Speaker 1: on extra time, bar you're on borrow time. I guy,
Speaker 1: But he's my hero, very looking forward to me. Now
Speaker 1: you're gonna love him him. Yeah. Wow, what an incredible
Speaker 1: story and to have you both go through that. And
Speaker 1: we we've had like amazing guests like doctor Drew on
Speaker 1: our podcast and he loves like he's so funny. He
Speaker 1: loves celebrity rehab. So he loved Doctor Drew. So when
Speaker 1: doctor I've been like, mine, you gotta go to therapy.
Speaker 1: Have demons in here, like, let's go treat them this trauma.
Speaker 1: He was like, no, you're obnoxious. I'll never do therapy.
Speaker 1: Doctor Drew him on our podcast and was like, brains
Speaker 1: heal brains. You need another brain to heal you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: He was like, you're absolutely right, went to trauma, went
Speaker 1: to trauma therapy that week. I was like, so, whatever
Speaker 1: you tell him, he'll be like, yes, sir, I will
Speaker 1: do that. So you're gonna have to write me a
Speaker 1: little list. Yeah, but it is true. We all need
Speaker 1: to hear it from different voices, different faces, different brains.
Speaker 1: Can't be a little sister. But but now you're doing
Speaker 1: that for everyone who's listening. And watching us, like, I
Speaker 1: can't imagine everyone who just heard what you just shed
Speaker 1: and everyone's watching this, It's like there's no one who
Speaker 1: could have heard that note be transformed, like genuinely hope,
Speaker 1: because like what Carson did for me is what I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to do for anyone out there, beautiful, because
Speaker 1: there's still parents out there that are like mine, that
Speaker 1: are uneducated and don't know, and they're raising babies like
Speaker 1: me who didn't know and had that stigma forever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I look at my family and I'm like, oh, man,
Speaker 1: like my grandparents would really needed this, you know, like
Speaker 1: there is there's real crazy trauma back then in my family. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that just goes down the line. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: feel you only saw it on the public figures, So
Speaker 1: I just what's the Elvis movie that just came out?
Speaker 1: And then obviously Bohemian Rhapsody about Freddie Mercury few years
Speaker 1: ago that came out. And you start studying the stories
Speaker 1: of all these incredible icons and artists and you see
Speaker 1: alcohol and you see drugs, you know, and you see
Speaker 1: that go to a bitter end, you know, and it's
Speaker 1: it's painful when your heroes and your inspirations go that way,
Speaker 1: but now when you see them go the other way,
Speaker 1: it's it's so didn't It's so cool though that now
Speaker 1: it's like the rock stars that were like our heroes,
Speaker 1: but they died of an overdose. We're like, oh, we
Speaker 1: can't do that Nowaday's like health is in right now.
Speaker 1: I hope, So I hope. I know. I want to
Speaker 1: make it more in even body type. So it's like
Speaker 1: it is hot. I'm like, I want to work tot
Speaker 1: be hot, you know, been healthy, not like and strong. Yeah,
Speaker 1: i want to be strong. I want muscles. I see
Speaker 1: muscles and my thighs now and I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm so hot, Like what do you think that got
Speaker 1: you to that place of your And it's so interesting
Speaker 1: how so much of it is chemical. And I've been
Speaker 1: thinking about that a lot lately that I know so
Speaker 1: many people who get into a negative rhetoric in their
Speaker 1: head where it's like I'm the worst, I'm that, and
Speaker 1: there's spirals and they think there's something wrong like mentally
Speaker 1: or psychologically, and there are changes they're needed, but so
Speaker 1: much of it is chemical, Like I had I've spoken
Speaker 1: about this a few times. It sounds so average, but
Speaker 1: when I heard it from my doctors and my teams,
Speaker 1: it fascinated me. So I went recently, I was not
Speaker 1: Probably in the last twelve months twenty four months, I
Speaker 1: was feeling more tired. And there's plenty of reasons for that.
Speaker 1: We were renting a house during No No, no, there's that,
Speaker 1: But we were renting a home during COVID. During the daytime,
Speaker 1: it was beautiful, and at nighttime it didn't feel so beautiful,
Speaker 1: and it was like there were animals in the floorboards
Speaker 1: and animals in the walls and like so you could
Speaker 1: hear scratching at night and like steps and like it.
Speaker 1: It was hard to sleep. And we just rented it
Speaker 1: during COVID to have a bit more space, and so
Speaker 1: I was dying to move out, and hence we got
Speaker 1: this place and moved. But during that time, I don't
Speaker 1: think my sleep quality was good. And I always sleep
Speaker 1: eight hours a night. I'm very I don't negotiate with
Speaker 1: my sleep. I sleep ten pm to six am, very
Speaker 1: important to me. But at that time, even though I
Speaker 1: was in bed for that long, I wasn't getting good
Speaker 1: quality sleep. Yeah, and so I was feeling exhausted. So
Speaker 1: I started checking with my doctor and they said, you're
Speaker 1: vitamin D levels I were at a ten. Healthy is
Speaker 1: one hundred and average is sixty. And my doctor said
Speaker 1: to me, and my nutrition is to my health team
Speaker 1: that I have, they said to me, they said, Jay,
Speaker 1: we don't know how you're not depressed. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not depressed at all. I'm absolutely fine and like
Speaker 1: with your chemicals in your body show completely And I
Speaker 1: was like that's fascinating to me. That sure, because of
Speaker 1: my meditation and mindfulness, I was able to not be
Speaker 1: but you could be depressed just because you don't have
Speaker 1: enough vitamin D in your body, Like it can be
Speaker 1: as simple as that. Well, I got a dietitian who
Speaker 1: transform my life to help me healthily lose sixty pounds,
Speaker 1: which was like one pound a week of changing my lifestyle.
Speaker 1: But food is poison, you know, like bad foods. I
Speaker 1: just saw TikTok where this guy was like I had
Speaker 1: anger issues and I was mean and I was in
Speaker 1: high school and even though I was like a smart kid,
Speaker 1: I remember I ate like the burger and the cafeteria
Speaker 1: food every day and no matter how smart I was,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna go fight today because I
Speaker 1: was angry, and when I started eating healthy, I was
Speaker 1: less angry. Like, yeah, I have a cousin who has
Speaker 1: really anger issues, but I also know he eats fast
Speaker 1: food because it's like food's expensive and they can't go
Speaker 1: to whole foods like me all the time. And so
Speaker 1: and there's three of the three kids, so Mom's trying
Speaker 1: to feed all of them. But I know that that
Speaker 1: food is just feeding his anger and his you know.
Speaker 1: So it's super sad watching that knowing like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: the rest of the world, you know. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean that's a challenge, right, It's how can we make
Speaker 1: food affordable, accessible, healthy, taste my dietitians She's like, don't
Speaker 1: even get me started on like the food in cafeterias
Speaker 1: though for kids. For children, it's like, how do you
Speaker 1: expect them to work all day? And like I have energy? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I would come I remember now when I would
Speaker 1: come home from school nap every day. Bro, I'd nap.
Speaker 1: My mom be like it's dinner, wake up. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: no wonder. I was like she'll bey and depressed and
Speaker 1: sad like yeah, and it's hard again because it's all
Speaker 1: habits yeah. I was saying recently to someone like our
Speaker 1: biggest crisis is a crisis of habits. Yea. Our life
Speaker 1: is defined by habits. Yeah, and we've just adopted a
Speaker 1: ton of bad habits mentally, physically, emotionally, and now we
Speaker 1: keep repeating though. That's what growing up is breaking. All
Speaker 1: these dietitians like you have to am my therapist. It's
Speaker 1: like you have to rewire your whole brain. Yes, everything
Speaker 1: you knew it's wrong. And I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: And even poor mom, like she was even trying to
Speaker 1: help us, like we were that family. We're all chubby,
Speaker 1: and my mom was like, we're gonna do wait watcher snacks.
Speaker 1: But like back then, like it's still crap, Like it's
Speaker 1: still like what are you eating? And she tried, she
Speaker 1: tried to get all the low calorie orange juice, and
Speaker 1: we're like, it's the orange juice is the issue. But
Speaker 1: they tried. They're uneducated, they don't know. So my mom
Speaker 1: was just doing her very best. But when I look back,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I was eating boys in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: chocolate products a day, like I see chocolates every day,
Speaker 1: chocolate bar, chocolate yogurt, and a chocolate ice cream every
Speaker 1: single day you've had, yes, And it was amazing. It
Speaker 1: was amazing. It was like you know Boys and Girls Club. No,
Speaker 1: it's like a place where kids can go after school. Okay,
Speaker 1: we have it on Nantucket and we had our little
Speaker 1: snack thing we had. I had cheese. It's Reeese's blue powerade.
Speaker 1: Every day. Oh my god, horrific. Yea, after school, I
Speaker 1: go eat that and then play. Yeah, and that's where
Speaker 1: and the ages. My wife had to powerfully train me
Speaker 1: out of my addiction to chocolate. And I know that
Speaker 1: sounds so like, no, I need to do that. I
Speaker 1: was literally addicted to sugar. He's addicted to sugar. I
Speaker 1: was addicted to sugar and my wife had to completely
Speaker 1: train me out of it. And it's been an amazing
Speaker 1: journey for me because it sounds like a sugar who cares.
Speaker 1: It's like sugars non get really bad. But yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like sugar is like the one that everyone gets away with. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like people like when someone gets sober from alcohol and drugs.
Speaker 1: We're like my brother, he's like, I'm love sugar. I'm
Speaker 1: like careful, but depending on sugar for so many years
Speaker 1: and it took ages to get off of it, and
Speaker 1: even now I found I'm now at the other side,
Speaker 1: which is really beautiful, where now even when my mind
Speaker 1: still tricks me into wanting really unhealthy food, when I
Speaker 1: have it, I actually don't enjoy it. Oh and you
Speaker 1: get sick, yes, yeah, I notice anytime I cheat now
Speaker 1: I get ill. And I'm like, like when you drink
Speaker 1: a bunch of booze and you're like again, it's like that,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, this is poison. I forgot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you have to remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: tell me about you're you're in such a and you've
Speaker 1: spoken about this into you already. You're in a healthy
Speaker 1: relationship now, you know, and you have been for a
Speaker 1: long period of time obviously with Darryl with food, and yeah,
Speaker 1: I got lucky, and I'm so grateful I got to
Speaker 1: me Daryld today because it's always funny and yeah, it's amazing.
Speaker 1: How did you know that that was how you were
Speaker 1: meant to be treated? Because I think so many people
Speaker 1: get into a pattern of accepting a certain level of treating. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always I figured like because of like relationships I've
Speaker 1: seen in my family, and like she'll deal with it
Speaker 1: and I'll just train him to be better. And when
Speaker 1: I met Darryl, he still to this day like opens
Speaker 1: every door, drives me wherever I need to go because
Speaker 1: he knows I'm scared to drive, takes care of me.
Speaker 1: No one's ever taken care of me like that except
Speaker 1: my parents, and he says, I'll take care of you
Speaker 1: so to this day. And that's when I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I want to only be with you
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life. I want to be
Speaker 1: one hundred and five and die next to you while
Speaker 1: holding your hand. And it's taught me how to care
Speaker 1: for someone and and love them like that. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like the chivalry, whatever it's called it. It
Speaker 1: was the kindness and the simple things of opening doors
Speaker 1: and making sure I was okay. And he came on
Speaker 1: tour day eleven. After day six when we said I
Speaker 1: love you. Day eleven, I was like, I have to
Speaker 1: do a tour now, would you like to come with me?
Speaker 1: And he was like, well, I got nothing else to do.
Speaker 1: And he stayed on my bus and did the whole
Speaker 1: tour with me, and after every show he caught me
Speaker 1: off stage. He would carry me to the little golf
Speaker 1: cart and he would help me take my wig off
Speaker 1: and he massaged my feet. Like month one meeting this person,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you're gonna take care of me forever.
Speaker 1: And he went through me when I had vocal surgery,
Speaker 1: Like four months of dating, I had vocal surgery. I
Speaker 1: couldn't talk, I couldn't say I love you back. I
Speaker 1: was mute for months and he still loved me. The
Speaker 1: way he treated me through my pregnancy was insane, just
Speaker 1: like and it makes me like as much as I
Speaker 1: tell the world like hey be a mentall to ask
Speaker 1: for help, I also want to say, hey, don't set off,
Speaker 1: you know, because there's a guy out there that will
Speaker 1: rub your nasty feet after a two hour show and
Speaker 1: will worship the ground you walk on. They exist, and
Speaker 1: I know it's hard in La to find him, but
Speaker 1: I found him, and if I can find him, you
Speaker 1: can find them, you know, Like they are real and
Speaker 1: it's the people you want to procreate with. But he
Speaker 1: never saw himself as a father because his father left
Speaker 1: their family when he was one years old. So he
Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna be a dad. I don't know
Speaker 1: what dad is. He saw me and was like I
Speaker 1: want babies with you, like I want to procrate. I
Speaker 1: want to make more of us, and I was like,
Speaker 1: we should make more of us. It's like that's I
Speaker 1: think that's when they're like, you know when you know
Speaker 1: that whole thing is like, oh, I want forever and
Speaker 1: I want more abuse. I want to make more abuse. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I figured out where did you get to a point
Speaker 1: where it was like it sounds like you were in
Speaker 1: you early as using your body as a way of validation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like when or where are you now at in terms
Speaker 1: of validating yourself? Like where are you looking for your
Speaker 1: validation from now? Where is it coming from? At this point,
Speaker 1: I'm still super hard on my body, Like I've lost
Speaker 1: all this weight and I still feel exactly the same.
Speaker 1: I'm still like, ah, I can't wear shorts or I
Speaker 1: can't wear sleeveless things, and my husband catches me and
Speaker 1: it's like you've been so mean to yourself. Look how
Speaker 1: gorgeous you are. And it's a thing you have to work.
Speaker 1: I have to reprogram my brain to be like, no,
Speaker 1: I look good today. And the only thing that I
Speaker 1: saw actually make a difference, which I truth lishally don't
Speaker 1: do is because I gotta do it more because it's
Speaker 1: so hard. My therapist told me, stand in the mirror
Speaker 1: naked for five minutes, put a time around, and just
Speaker 1: look at yourself. Day one, I was literally shaking because
Speaker 1: I was like, like, it was already tough for me
Speaker 1: to love my body. But after the C section scar
Speaker 1: with all the stretch marks, my family's like smothered in
Speaker 1: stretch marks, like it's genetics. So I'm gonna get it.
Speaker 1: Got it. So the stretch marks go up, the C
Speaker 1: section goes across. Now I'm on myself like a lawnmower
Speaker 1: ran over me, like I've been hacked and so and
Speaker 1: there's no fix in that. So I was like staring
Speaker 1: at that, like oh and all that trauma that comes
Speaker 1: with it. But after and I was just looking at
Speaker 1: the clock like please be done. But day three, when
Speaker 1: I did it, I was like, you know what, her
Speaker 1: thighs are cute? You know. I started complimenting her, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I see my brain changing already,
Speaker 1: And if I did it more, I'd probably be better
Speaker 1: at it. But like our bathroom, we have a giant
Speaker 1: mirror in it. So when I when I get naked
Speaker 1: every day, I see it and I think that helps
Speaker 1: my mom like avoids mirrors and avoids she doesn't want
Speaker 1: to like have my my father be anywhere near the
Speaker 1: shower when she's in it. I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I used to shower with dary Are Like what, Like
Speaker 1: she's very hot, And I think that's what keeps her insecurity.
Speaker 1: Is stuck there. You know, you have to like literally
Speaker 1: get naked and start looking at yourself because like this
Speaker 1: is our shell, you know, this is our our body,
Speaker 1: this is it is what we got, so like let's
Speaker 1: treat it well. Yeah, And I think that's the idea
Speaker 1: that if we can't look in the mirror and say
Speaker 1: I'm happy with what I see today, yeah, it's really
Speaker 1: hard to think tomorrow you're gonna wake up and say
Speaker 1: I feel really happy with what I see tomorrow. In
Speaker 1: a sense of even if you've changed, whether you lose
Speaker 1: weight or gain weight, whatever you're trying to do, if
Speaker 1: you're not happy with where you are now, it's never
Speaker 1: going to feel different. On the other side, it's like
Speaker 1: because that's just a repetitive pattern. Yeah, when people are like,
Speaker 1: how are you so confident in love yourself, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm working on it every day. Yeah, exactly. I wrote
Speaker 1: a song called working on It, which is why our
Speaker 1: podcast is that, because it's about when you go to
Speaker 1: compliment and you're like you like befole, You're like shut up, you,
Speaker 1: I'm disgusting. It's like, whoa, I'm gonna work on not
Speaker 1: doing that and go thank you. Yeah, and like try
Speaker 1: to believe what they're saying. You're not saying it, They're
Speaker 1: not lying, you know. Yeah. When I was a monk,
Speaker 1: we got trained beautifully and how to receive compliments. It
Speaker 1: was like a big podcast thing. Ever, Yeah, and it was,
Speaker 1: but it was taught to us so wonderfully. The first
Speaker 1: thing was always to receive from the other person. So
Speaker 1: what you just said like thanking the other person, because
Speaker 1: what you're doing is you're rewarding them from noticing something good.
Speaker 1: So you get an opportunity to say, wow, like they're
Speaker 1: noticing something good. Whether it's in me or not, it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter for now. For now, it's just we should
Speaker 1: really acknowledge someone who decided to compliment you versus criticize you.
Speaker 1: The second step. The second step was, now that you've
Speaker 1: done that, think about who gave you that quality, Think
Speaker 1: about how you learned it, Did you get it from
Speaker 1: your parents, did you get it from your teachers? Who
Speaker 1: was it in your life that gave you that gift?
Speaker 1: And now you get to turn that compliment into gratitude
Speaker 1: and you get to thank that person. So internally, when
Speaker 1: you when you receive a thank you, not only do
Speaker 1: you get to receive it, you now get to thank
Speaker 1: someone else and pass that gratitude on. And it's just
Speaker 1: this beautiful process of compliments to gratitude, which we know
Speaker 1: are great for the brain. And it's all good. And
Speaker 1: so yeah, I love that you brought that up. It's
Speaker 1: really special. I love it. This has been even more
Speaker 1: than I expected. Yes, this has been thank you. I
Speaker 1: knew it's gonna be fun, but it's like we've done
Speaker 1: this beautiful thing where like we've gone really deep and
Speaker 1: then you're just hilarious and then and then adorable and
Speaker 1: then really deep and then hilarious, and I'm like, you've
Speaker 1: been playing with my emotions that in the most beautiful way.
Speaker 1: We end every episode of On Purpose with a final five.
Speaker 1: So this is the rapid fire to answer in one
Speaker 1: word to one sentence maximum. I'm so bad at that. Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll probably go off piece because you're so interesting that
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like, oh, tell me more so yeah, yeah, anyway,
Speaker 1: we'll start, all right. Question number one, what is the
Speaker 1: number one thing you're working on in your relationship? And
Speaker 1: what's the number one thing Daryl's working on? Understanding his feelings?
Speaker 1: That sounds good. The boy can feel. He's got a
Speaker 1: lot of feelings. And I'm like doctor Phil Tammy, perception
Speaker 1: is reality. So even though it seems like he's being irrational, yeah,
Speaker 1: because he is. I have to realize, like, oh, he's
Speaker 1: in that moment right now, and I have to take
Speaker 1: care of him as if that's real and then pull
Speaker 1: him out of it. I always do. I love that,
Speaker 1: And what's he trying to do for you? That's like
Speaker 1: the toughest part for us because I'm so I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm using so many words, but I'm so Massachusetts, like
Speaker 1: sack up, bro, Like I'm raised by brothers, Like why
Speaker 1: are you so emotional? Why are you crying? And he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, so he's trying to communicate better, yea, his
Speaker 1: feelings to me and trying to Yeah, I guess ask him.
Speaker 1: He'll tell you to ask him. It's that it's the
Speaker 1: very I'm cold and he's soft. Ye, but it works, man,
Speaker 1: it works. Question number two, what is your daily routine
Speaker 1: for your anxiety today? My husband transcendental meditations every day.
Speaker 1: That's not how I say, but twenty minutes morning and night.
Speaker 1: I do that sometimes, especially when I need it. Today,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna, oh I therapy today at four pm. We
Speaker 1: love and I'm gonna try to work out. I love that.
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. There's nice and simple. Yeah, easy, all right.
Speaker 1: Question number three, what's the best advice you've ever received?
Speaker 1: Life will get better if you let it from my father? Nice?
Speaker 1: Question number four, what's the worst advice you've ever received?
Speaker 1: I mean, this isn't the worst advice. I can't think
Speaker 1: of anything. But you know what we got a lot
Speaker 1: of when we were getting married and when we were
Speaker 1: having babies. We would ask older couples like, that's the
Speaker 1: worst thing to do. We're like, how do you have
Speaker 1: a marriage so long? And the men would say son,
Speaker 1: surrender or just like keep your head down, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, well, don't do that. And then having
Speaker 1: babies they'd be like, wow, your life's over now and
Speaker 1: now it's theirs and I'm like, that's not in my life.
Speaker 1: It's just begun. Yeah, so we hated that advice definitely.
Speaker 1: That's I'm glad you shared that. It can be really
Speaker 1: it can be so literally opposite. Yeah, it's it can
Speaker 1: be really really detrimental. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that when
Speaker 1: I when I left the monastery and I decided to
Speaker 1: start doing what I do today, and I was was
Speaker 1: my biggest fear internally was that I wouldn't be able
Speaker 1: to serve in the way I wanted to serve. And
Speaker 1: everyone's just like, oh, now you can't. You're gonna get
Speaker 1: a real job, You're gonna get married, like said, You're
Speaker 1: not gonna serve the world anymore. And I was just like,
Speaker 1: you know, now I look back and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: so glad I didn't accept that. Yeah. And same with
Speaker 1: when I got married. Everyone was like, oh, you're gonna
Speaker 1: have less time to do impact in the work in
Speaker 1: the world, and I was like, you're gonna have a
Speaker 1: partner now to help you with it exactly. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I'm glad you raised that all right. Fifteen final question,
Speaker 1: If you could create one law that everyone in the
Speaker 1: world had to follow, what would it be You cannot
Speaker 1: bully online. No, I actually like that's a great law. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we've never had a comments. We've never had a va
Speaker 1: imagine it was all positive comments. Oh yeah, my Instagram's
Speaker 1: pretty positive. But I'm like, this is great. When they're like,
Speaker 1: do you read comments, I'm like yeah, because they're nice sometimes,
Speaker 1: Like I need that a little commentables everyone, Megan Trainer.
Speaker 1: The new album is arriving October twenty first, twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1: Very very pumped to get to know you better, to
Speaker 1: deepen our relationship, deep enough friendships, meditate, um and just yeah,
Speaker 1: genuinely so so in awe of the journey you've been on,
Speaker 1: the steps you've taken, and how you're passing that on
Speaker 1: to everyone else. It's really powerful. So thank you so
Speaker 1: much for doing that. Thanks love it