WEBVTT - #31 Marie-Claude 0:00:15.210 --> 0:00:27.010 Pushkin, John Sorria. 0:00:26.810 --> 0:00:29.010 Do you remember that when we were kids, you had 0:00:29.050 --> 0:00:32.210 promised me. You'd said, if you live to fifty years old, 0:00:33.010 --> 0:00:37.290 Do you remember the promise that you made. No, you said, Jonathan, 0:00:37.370 --> 0:00:40.570 with your eating habits and your lack of exercise regimen, 0:00:40.930 --> 0:00:42.890 there's no chance you're going to live to fifty. But 0:00:42.930 --> 0:00:45.010 if you do make I never said that. You said, 0:00:45.010 --> 0:00:46.889 if you make it to fifty, I will send you 0:00:46.930 --> 0:00:48.610 on an all expense paid. 0:00:48.409 --> 0:00:52.569 Cruise, John, I never would have said that. 0:00:53.010 --> 0:00:55.930 Well, you know, I've got my childhood journal right here, 0:00:55.970 --> 0:00:59.850 so let's take a look. January fifth, nineteen eighty one. 0:01:00.330 --> 0:01:01.889 Today Jackie promised me a cruise. 0:01:01.930 --> 0:01:04.009 I never said that. It's never the kind of thing. 0:01:03.890 --> 0:01:04.650 I ever would have said. 0:01:04.810 --> 0:01:07.730 Yet there it is. So what are you thinking? Kokomo? 0:01:08.290 --> 0:01:12.970 Never ever Wait, it doesn't say cruise, it says booze. 0:01:13.570 --> 0:01:18.970 You'd buy me booze. My penmanship was terrible, So what 0:01:18.970 --> 0:01:28.770 do you think? In krem Dumont from Gimblet Media, I'm 0:01:28.850 --> 0:01:44.450 Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight Today's episode Mary Clode. 0:01:47.330 --> 0:01:51.010 Mary Clode, Hello, So how's your day been. 0:01:51.370 --> 0:01:54.050 That's nine forty one in the morning. I haven't done much. 0:01:53.890 --> 0:01:58.010 Yet this plucky pip is Mary Clode, and she's come 0:01:58.050 --> 0:02:01.090 to me today with a problem as well. She should, 0:02:01.610 --> 0:02:05.450 because not only are problems my metier, but Mary Clode 0:02:05.490 --> 0:02:08.170 is one of my oldest friends. We met in the 0:02:08.169 --> 0:02:11.929 fifth grade in Montreal. So you were half French, half English. 0:02:11.930 --> 0:02:15.250 The marry side represents the English and the clothed side 0:02:15.290 --> 0:02:18.970 represents the French exactly. And what does the hyphen represent 0:02:22.730 --> 0:02:25.610 as they set up the microphones? Because what's the good 0:02:25.650 --> 0:02:29.370 of problems without microphones? I make some small talk to 0:02:29.410 --> 0:02:35.090 put Mary hyphen Clode at her ease. How How was 0:02:35.090 --> 0:02:35.610 it nice. 0:02:35.810 --> 0:02:39.090 Just making conversation because we can sit in silence. It's fine. 0:02:39.610 --> 0:02:40.810 I'm just making some chit chat. 0:02:43.370 --> 0:02:44.050 Just let's go. 0:02:45.810 --> 0:02:48.370 Back when Mary Clode and I first met forty years ago. 0:02:48.690 --> 0:02:52.010 We were a couple of shy, outsider kids. Even though 0:02:52.010 --> 0:02:54.850 Mary Clode lives in Canada and I now live in America, 0:02:55.370 --> 0:02:57.770 in many ways, we still lean on each other the 0:02:57.810 --> 0:03:02.690 way we did when we were kids, which brings us 0:03:02.690 --> 0:03:06.690 to why we're talking today. Mary clodes problem dates back 0:03:06.730 --> 0:03:10.090 to our days in grade school together fifty She thought 0:03:10.130 --> 0:03:12.490 it was behind her, but in the last couple of 0:03:12.570 --> 0:03:17.730 years the problem is returned, its threat multiplied, and its 0:03:17.770 --> 0:03:23.730 size exponential. Because Mary clodes problem is a math problem. 0:03:24.490 --> 0:03:28.889 I started failing math being grade seven. I got all 0:03:28.890 --> 0:03:32.250 the answers wrong. I did terribly. When my mother went 0:03:32.290 --> 0:03:34.970 to parent teacher interview. What was the name of the 0:03:34.970 --> 0:03:36.730 grade seven math teacher, I don't remember. 0:03:37.010 --> 0:03:38.250 Was it Monsieur spirit In. 0:03:38.650 --> 0:03:42.010 Yes, that's it, that's exactly it. Yeah, So he told 0:03:42.010 --> 0:03:45.050 my mother, no, no, there's no problem. She understands. She 0:03:45.250 --> 0:03:46.770 just gets the answers wrong. 0:03:49.850 --> 0:03:50.610 What does that mean? 0:03:51.530 --> 0:03:54.610 Exactly? That's what my mother said, if she understood to 0:03:54.730 --> 0:03:58.130 get the answers right, Just how you get a sense 0:03:58.530 --> 0:04:00.130 of how this whole nightmare started. 0:04:00.850 --> 0:04:02.810 What kind of math was it back then? Was it algebra? 0:04:03.370 --> 0:04:05.290 I don't know, you think, I know. I think there 0:04:05.290 --> 0:04:07.770 was something with brackets, you know, like there was a 0:04:07.850 --> 0:04:10.130 number and then there were numbers in brackets, and then 0:04:10.170 --> 0:04:12.330 there was something else I remember, like an a's and 0:04:12.450 --> 0:04:14.130 b's and c's or something. 0:04:14.210 --> 0:04:15.610 You know, you know there's a name for that. Actually 0:04:15.650 --> 0:04:16.490 it's called algebra. 0:04:19.330 --> 0:04:19.570 Right. 0:04:20.810 --> 0:04:23.489 Although Mary Clode knew nothing, not even the kind of 0:04:23.570 --> 0:04:26.690 math she was doing. She was so quiet and unassuming 0:04:27.049 --> 0:04:30.529 that she just got passed along herded into eighth grade math. 0:04:35.890 --> 0:04:37.330 Let me see if I can remember who the grade 0:04:37.369 --> 0:04:39.170 A teacher was. Was it mister Goyech? 0:04:40.010 --> 0:04:42.290 I think it was, yeah, nice. 0:04:42.089 --> 0:04:47.089 Guy everyone called mister Goyech, the gooch walking into class 0:04:47.169 --> 0:04:50.289 with his hockey bag slung over his shoulder, hair wet 0:04:50.409 --> 0:04:53.489 from a hockey ring shower. The gooch didn't seem like 0:04:53.529 --> 0:04:56.130 he wanted to be in class any more than we did. 0:04:56.450 --> 0:04:59.810 I remember liking mister Goyech. I remember still not understanding 0:04:59.810 --> 0:05:01.969 a bloody thing I was doing, honestly. 0:05:02.250 --> 0:05:04.650 But the gouch was too nice to fail Mary Clode, 0:05:04.929 --> 0:05:06.890 so again she got passed along. 0:05:07.570 --> 0:05:10.529 Grade nine came along and and the teacher was mister Cohen. 0:05:10.570 --> 0:05:11.330 You remember him. 0:05:11.690 --> 0:05:12.089 Yeah? 0:05:12.210 --> 0:05:14.609 Yeah. He decided he didn't like me for some reason, 0:05:14.849 --> 0:05:17.409 which was very rare because I was so quiet and shy, 0:05:17.489 --> 0:05:19.289 like there was not one teacher that didn't like me, 0:05:19.489 --> 0:05:22.210 because they probably didn't even notice me. So I don't know. 0:05:22.250 --> 0:05:24.409 I think mister Cohen just passed me so you wouldn't 0:05:24.409 --> 0:05:26.369 have to have me in his class again. A second year. 0:05:32.650 --> 0:05:36.529 After Miss Cohen, there was Missya Stehauer, then missyr Ryan. 0:05:37.210 --> 0:05:40.409 Each year Mary Clode was scooted from one monsieur to 0:05:40.489 --> 0:05:43.730 the next, one grade to the next, scooted all the 0:05:43.770 --> 0:05:47.489 way to senior year, her last year of high school math. 0:05:48.570 --> 0:05:51.169 On the first day of class, Mary Clode walked into 0:05:51.169 --> 0:05:53.609 the room and took a seat facing the teacher. 0:05:53.849 --> 0:05:56.330 He's reading the attendance list, and then he sees my 0:05:56.409 --> 0:05:59.649 name and he says, Marie, Marie, what are you doing 0:05:59.729 --> 0:06:02.770 in this class? You don't belong here. You're never going 0:06:02.849 --> 0:06:04.049 to pass. 0:06:04.729 --> 0:06:08.529 Under the teacher's advisement, Mary Clode dropped the class. We 0:06:08.570 --> 0:06:12.529 went to a terrible, terrible I remember. Their way of 0:06:12.570 --> 0:06:15.570 trying to inspire us was like, I think you and 0:06:15.609 --> 0:06:17.130 I sat in the dumb row together. 0:06:18.130 --> 0:06:18.570 We did. 0:06:18.690 --> 0:06:21.089 They called it the dumb row, and they tried to 0:06:21.130 --> 0:06:24.210 inspire us to get out of the dumb row. There 0:06:24.250 --> 0:06:26.050 was like five rows, and I remember there was the 0:06:26.130 --> 0:06:28.289 really dumb row behind us, but then there was just 0:06:28.369 --> 0:06:31.849 the dumb row, which was like a second from the wall. 0:06:32.369 --> 0:06:35.370 And we were trying, like we were working really really 0:06:35.409 --> 0:06:37.010 hard to get into that middle row. 0:06:38.130 --> 0:06:38.969 Did we make it? 0:06:39.289 --> 0:06:39.890 I don't think so. 0:06:40.729 --> 0:06:49.369 I don't think so either. You know, every year, the 0:06:49.409 --> 0:06:52.169 same thing I'd sit in class, I would try I'd 0:06:52.210 --> 0:06:56.249 copy down the examples from the board. It seems so simple. 0:06:56.690 --> 0:07:00.009 There's a disconnect, you know, like it's on the board 0:07:00.049 --> 0:07:02.129 or it's in the book. It seems simple. I say, yeah, 0:07:02.169 --> 0:07:04.890 I can do that. I understand that, and then it 0:07:04.890 --> 0:07:08.210 comes down to applying it, and I just I can't 0:07:08.289 --> 0:07:10.970 apply it. And then you know how it is, once 0:07:11.010 --> 0:07:12.970 you start failing, you don't do well in the exam, 0:07:13.130 --> 0:07:17.369 then you're discouraged, and I just I didn't understand it. 0:07:17.450 --> 0:07:26.730 You know, but didn't you have to pass math in 0:07:26.850 --> 0:07:28.410 order to graduate high school? 0:07:28.970 --> 0:07:31.530 What are you saying? I don't have a high school diploma. 0:07:31.770 --> 0:07:34.570 I don't remember seeing you in a yearbook. 0:07:35.130 --> 0:07:36.850 You signed my yearbook, you jerk. 0:07:37.730 --> 0:07:40.449 Despite not taking her final year of high school math, 0:07:40.850 --> 0:07:44.970 the administration allowed Mary Clode to graduate, but only because 0:07:45.010 --> 0:07:47.530 of what happened in the last few months of the semester. 0:07:48.170 --> 0:07:51.130 If you remember, my father was very sick growing up, 0:07:51.970 --> 0:07:54.210 and in the spring of the last year of high school, 0:07:54.410 --> 0:07:56.810 my dad went into the hospital, I see you, and 0:07:56.850 --> 0:08:00.889 he never came out, So you know, we basically kept 0:08:01.010 --> 0:08:05.009 a vigil by his bed, and you know, I was 0:08:05.050 --> 0:08:08.650 holding my father's hand when he died. And to get 0:08:08.650 --> 0:08:12.410 back to reality, that really could not. I just I 0:08:12.450 --> 0:08:15.449 didn't care. I didn't feel normal, I didn't feel like 0:08:15.489 --> 0:08:18.850 everybody else, and I didn't want to hang out with them, 0:08:19.010 --> 0:08:23.689 you know what I mean. Yeah, it changed all my friendships. Really, 0:08:23.730 --> 0:08:26.290 like you and I stayed friends because you're very good. 0:08:26.090 --> 0:08:28.010 With death, by the way, thank you. 0:08:28.010 --> 0:08:32.329 You were different. But yeah, so just it changed everything, 0:08:32.370 --> 0:08:32.570 you know. 0:08:33.570 --> 0:08:34.210 Yeah, so. 0:08:37.090 --> 0:08:39.730 I never went back to school, never wrote my final 0:08:39.970 --> 0:08:43.449 end of year exams. I guess my mom made arrangements 0:08:43.530 --> 0:08:46.730 with the school, and because of the circumstances, they just 0:08:48.330 --> 0:08:52.290 passed me. Basically, they graduated me. So yes, I did 0:08:52.290 --> 0:08:55.490 pass high school, Jonathan, maybe not the conventional way, but 0:08:55.570 --> 0:08:57.130 I passed not in the last. 0:09:02.290 --> 0:09:05.010 High school ended and Mary Clode put math behind her. 0:09:05.410 --> 0:09:08.010 She met her husband, had two daughters, and worked at 0:09:08.010 --> 0:09:11.410 their family country store. Over the years, she's done all 0:09:11.490 --> 0:09:14.770 kinds of jobs, from waitressing to sales to working in 0:09:14.810 --> 0:09:17.250 a funeral home, but none of it ever felt like 0:09:17.290 --> 0:09:19.570 a calling, not the way being a mom did. 0:09:20.130 --> 0:09:23.210 I always worked school hours, as I call them, meaning, 0:09:23.290 --> 0:09:25.010 you know, I walk my girls to school every day 0:09:25.010 --> 0:09:27.410 and I pick them up every day whether they wanted 0:09:27.450 --> 0:09:31.050 me to or not, even in grade six. So really, 0:09:31.090 --> 0:09:33.770 my focus has always been, you know, really being a 0:09:33.810 --> 0:09:34.530 stay at home mother. 0:09:35.410 --> 0:09:38.210 But Mary Clode's daughters are now entering college and don't 0:09:38.250 --> 0:09:40.850 need her as much, so she's begun thinking about what 0:09:40.890 --> 0:09:42.010 she wants to do next. 0:09:42.490 --> 0:09:44.530 And I thought, like, this is it, Like you know, 0:09:44.570 --> 0:09:46.810 I want to I'm going to finally get some sort 0:09:46.850 --> 0:09:50.050 of a career going for myself that I enjoy, that 0:09:50.130 --> 0:09:52.370 I can do that I like. So I got the 0:09:52.410 --> 0:09:55.490 idea in my head that I wanted to be a 0:09:55.530 --> 0:09:59.090 real estate agent, and I sign up for this course. 0:10:00.010 --> 0:10:02.810 Over the next year, Mary Clode began the requisite real 0:10:02.930 --> 0:10:07.650 estate classes real estate law, real estate appraisal, real estate architecture, 0:10:07.690 --> 0:10:11.130 and construction. She passed them all and really enjoyed it. 0:10:12.050 --> 0:10:15.170 But then Mary Clode got to the final class and 0:10:15.290 --> 0:10:18.690 ran headlong into her old problem and thus the reason 0:10:18.730 --> 0:10:22.770 I'm talking to her today, because that final class was 0:10:22.810 --> 0:10:28.810 a real estate math, geometry, percentages, and algebra, in other words, 0:10:29.530 --> 0:10:30.650 high school math. 0:10:31.330 --> 0:10:35.130 So that's where I find myself. Now. I need to 0:10:35.770 --> 0:10:38.410 pass high school math to get my real estate license, 0:10:38.850 --> 0:10:43.530 and it's killing me. It's really killing me. 0:10:48.690 --> 0:10:52.170 Mary Clode is living a classic anxiety dream, the one 0:10:52.170 --> 0:10:55.770 where you're back in school. Unprepared for a test. But 0:10:55.810 --> 0:10:59.610 for Mary Clode, it isn't a dream, it's a living nightmare. 0:11:00.450 --> 0:11:02.530 The one thing that's standing in the way of her 0:11:02.570 --> 0:11:05.170 new life is math. 0:11:06.570 --> 0:11:11.210 It's haunting me. Really, I can't. I just all these 0:11:11.370 --> 0:11:16.090 old fears and feelings of anxiety and feelings of hostility, 0:11:16.210 --> 0:11:17.530 like I really hate it, you know. 0:11:23.290 --> 0:11:25.610 Each time she opens her math book to work on 0:11:25.650 --> 0:11:29.410 her homework, Mary Clode is instantly plunged back into adolescence. 0:11:30.050 --> 0:11:32.410 She's reminded of the teachers who told her she couldn't 0:11:32.410 --> 0:11:36.250 do it, that she shouldn't even bother trying. Worst of all, 0:11:36.570 --> 0:11:37.929 she's reminded of her dad. 0:11:38.490 --> 0:11:41.330 At my daughter's high school graduation, there was awards given 0:11:41.570 --> 0:11:45.090 to a couple of kids, three kids actually, who basically 0:11:45.170 --> 0:11:48.450 accomplished so much despite I think all these three kids 0:11:48.490 --> 0:11:51.410 in the graduating class have lost a parent. And meanwhile, 0:11:51.410 --> 0:11:53.570 they were all straight A students. And I remember I 0:11:53.610 --> 0:11:57.530 left that graduation. I said to the kids like, basically 0:11:57.650 --> 0:12:00.890 like what the fuck? You know, Like, how come these 0:12:00.970 --> 0:12:03.610 kids were able to stay focused and stay on track 0:12:03.650 --> 0:12:06.770 and do so well in school? And yet that event 0:12:07.010 --> 0:12:10.770 for me, basically his followed me for thirty five years. 0:12:10.970 --> 0:12:14.170 Because I never finish anything like that's that's me, right, 0:12:14.250 --> 0:12:16.610 you know me. I can't close the deal like I 0:12:16.730 --> 0:12:20.290 just I can't finish. 0:12:20.650 --> 0:12:23.250 Mary Clode says that high school math was just the 0:12:23.250 --> 0:12:26.250 first in a series of things she never finished, from 0:12:26.290 --> 0:12:29.530 her bachelor's degree in polly CSCI to joining the Peace Corps, 0:12:29.690 --> 0:12:33.250 from opening a bookstore cafe to becoming a civil rights activist. 0:12:33.730 --> 0:12:36.010 Mary Clode is dreamt of doing all kinds of things. 0:12:36.490 --> 0:12:38.970 So there's there's always all this stuff I want to do, 0:12:39.050 --> 0:12:41.610 but I can't get there. And I think somewhere along 0:12:41.650 --> 0:12:44.450 the line, like I didn't get that lesson, you know, 0:12:45.330 --> 0:12:47.410 how to get from point A to point B. 0:12:49.170 --> 0:12:52.130 And now before Mary Clode can make it to point B, 0:12:52.970 --> 0:12:56.290 she has to go back to point A. And I'm 0:12:56.410 --> 0:13:02.090 going back with her. You're my friend, right, yeah, but 0:13:02.370 --> 0:13:07.130 I believe in you, yeah, and I want to help. 0:13:08.170 --> 0:13:11.250 I'm going to make sure Mary Clode passes that class 0:13:12.010 --> 0:13:14.570 like one of those teachers in one of those movies 0:13:14.730 --> 0:13:17.850 who walk the school hallways carrying a bullhorn and a 0:13:17.890 --> 0:13:20.970 baseball bat. I'm going to be there through the hard 0:13:21.050 --> 0:13:25.130 times so Mary Clode can lean on me until she's 0:13:25.170 --> 0:13:29.809 able to stand and deliver and I'm going to be 0:13:29.850 --> 0:13:33.050 waiting outside the door after you take your exam flashdance style, 0:13:33.370 --> 0:13:35.450 and you're gonna come running down the hall. And instead 0:13:35.450 --> 0:13:38.090 of a bouquet of flowers behind my back, you know what, 0:13:38.090 --> 0:13:42.130 I'm gonna have what big plate of poutine? 0:13:44.210 --> 0:13:47.770 I would honestly love that. That would be lovely. Can 0:13:47.770 --> 0:13:51.410 we go out for drinks after celebratory whiskey? Yeah, on 0:13:51.530 --> 0:13:51.970 your dime. 0:13:52.170 --> 0:13:58.930 It's all taken care of. I'm gonna do it, except 0:13:59.410 --> 0:14:03.770 she doesn't. After we bid goodbye that day, so full 0:14:03.810 --> 0:14:07.690 of hope and determination, Mary Clode refused to take a 0:14:07.730 --> 0:14:11.690 single one of my phone calls for an entire year. 0:14:13.050 --> 0:14:19.450 What the hell happened after the break? After my last 0:14:19.490 --> 0:14:22.410 conversation with Mary Clode, I was ready for us to 0:14:22.450 --> 0:14:25.450 hit the ground running. I saw myself as a cross 0:14:25.490 --> 0:14:29.650 between mister Miaggi, Julie Andrews, a pre math Walter White, 0:14:29.930 --> 0:14:32.850 and that droopy eyelidded teacher who really seemed to care 0:14:32.930 --> 0:14:35.330 from that TV show I can't remember the name of. 0:14:36.210 --> 0:14:38.850 The point is I was going to make a difference. 0:14:39.890 --> 0:14:42.810 Personal change is hard, but if anyone was going to 0:14:42.890 --> 0:14:46.610 change personally, it would be the result of my near constant, 0:14:46.810 --> 0:14:51.090 unrelenting help. What with my twice daily emails packed with 0:14:51.130 --> 0:14:55.330 inspirational quotes, and my thrice daily voicemails in which I 0:14:55.410 --> 0:14:58.970 inspiringly yelled those quotes over the theme song from Rocky 0:14:59.730 --> 0:15:03.450 How could we fail? And yet over the course of 0:15:03.490 --> 0:15:07.290 an entire year, Mary Clode continued to ignore me. 0:15:09.210 --> 0:15:11.170 There is getting her way. 0:15:11.450 --> 0:15:15.210 You know that this is one of Mary Clode's oldest friends. 0:15:15.610 --> 0:15:18.410 Is this doctor Jackie Cohen, MD, I have on the line. 0:15:18.890 --> 0:15:22.570 She also happens to be one of mine. Because Mary 0:15:22.610 --> 0:15:26.370 Clode won't answer my calls, I phoned up Jackie to tattle. 0:15:27.170 --> 0:15:29.530 I tell her how Mary Clode hasn't spoken to me 0:15:29.850 --> 0:15:32.450 since I vowed to help her get a real estate license. 0:15:33.170 --> 0:15:34.050 You're gonna help her? 0:15:35.490 --> 0:15:36.410 How are you gonna help her? 0:15:36.810 --> 0:15:38.810 How hard can all this real estate stuff be? 0:15:38.970 --> 0:15:39.010 Like? 0:15:39.570 --> 0:15:42.890 Like like in a house, the toilet is A in 0:15:42.970 --> 0:15:47.090 the bedroom, B in the bathroom, C in the living room. 0:15:49.010 --> 0:15:51.250 I could see her thinking that the toilet goes in 0:15:51.290 --> 0:16:01.090 the living room. 0:16:01.210 --> 0:16:03.490 Jackie tells me she already went the trying to help 0:16:03.530 --> 0:16:06.090 Mary Clode route without success. 0:16:06.690 --> 0:16:11.050 Is anyone able to help her? To help her organize herself? 0:16:11.330 --> 0:16:13.330 I try to teach her how to, like, like do 0:16:13.770 --> 0:16:16.890 five pages a day, like to just make it, you know. 0:16:16.970 --> 0:16:19.650 But the problem with Mary is if she feels like 0:16:19.690 --> 0:16:21.330 anyone's pressuring her, she. 0:16:21.330 --> 0:16:23.090 Feels the need to without. 0:16:24.210 --> 0:16:27.450 Mary Clode has a problem with authority. And if my 0:16:27.530 --> 0:16:32.130 freshman semester of developmental psychology taught me anything, it's that 0:16:32.170 --> 0:16:39.530 these rebellious tendencies often begin in the home. Hello, Helen, Hi, 0:16:40.130 --> 0:16:43.610 Hi Johnny, Katie. So I phone Mary Clodes home and 0:16:43.650 --> 0:16:46.850 speak to her daughters. Helen is now a freshman in 0:16:46.890 --> 0:16:50.650 college and Katie is about to turn eighteen. They're also 0:16:51.010 --> 0:16:54.890 I'm proud to say, my god daughters. Have you guys 0:16:54.930 --> 0:16:58.050 been keeping tabs on how your mom's doing with her math? 0:16:59.250 --> 0:16:59.410 Uh? 0:17:00.210 --> 0:17:04.010 I don't know. I think she's still trying. 0:17:07.649 --> 0:17:09.330 Have you seen her doing any homework? 0:17:10.530 --> 0:17:15.010 No? 0:17:22.369 --> 0:17:25.729 Helen and Katie are both excellent students, especially when it 0:17:25.730 --> 0:17:28.609 comes to math. So at first they tried to tutor 0:17:28.649 --> 0:17:30.330 their mom. And how did it go. 0:17:35.169 --> 0:17:37.449 I feel like you shouldn't have a family member as 0:17:37.490 --> 0:17:37.969 a tutor. 0:17:38.929 --> 0:17:42.410 That is very diplomatic, very diplomatic. 0:17:42.490 --> 0:17:43.410 You know what I'm saying. 0:17:43.929 --> 0:17:47.409 I hear you. I'm reading between the lines every time 0:17:47.490 --> 0:17:50.210 they tried to help, Mary Clode would get worked up 0:17:50.369 --> 0:17:53.689 and slam the book shot. The girls grew frustrated and 0:17:53.730 --> 0:17:57.570 stopped offering help, and Mary Clode stopped asking for it. 0:17:57.929 --> 0:18:00.090 She just has like an idea in her head that 0:18:00.129 --> 0:18:01.729 like she hates math and she doesn't want. 0:18:01.609 --> 0:18:01.969 To do it. 0:18:02.330 --> 0:18:05.929 Yeah, I think she doesn't have enough faith in herself. 0:18:11.649 --> 0:18:14.770 Hello Mary, thought. 0:18:14.530 --> 0:18:18.529 I wouldn't answer. Eh. 0:18:18.689 --> 0:18:21.330 After Helen and Katie make an appeal on my behalf, 0:18:21.649 --> 0:18:24.969 Mary Clode finally picks up the phone and lets me 0:18:25.090 --> 0:18:25.490 have it. 0:18:25.810 --> 0:18:30.009 You've nagged, honestly, you've nagged the desire for me to 0:18:30.090 --> 0:18:32.489 complete the I was on a roll honestly till you 0:18:32.570 --> 0:18:34.730 got involved and you turned me off the whole thing 0:18:34.770 --> 0:18:37.210 because you're such a freakin nag. I swear to God. 0:18:38.649 --> 0:18:41.810 It's hard to ask for help. But asking for help 0:18:41.970 --> 0:18:45.889 was never Mary Clode's problem. Her problem is accepting it 0:18:46.050 --> 0:18:50.090 when it arrives. So I let her have it. You know, 0:18:50.129 --> 0:18:52.449 I wouldn't be I wouldn't bother you with all of 0:18:52.490 --> 0:18:55.649 this if it weren't for the fact that that first 0:18:55.689 --> 0:18:59.250 time when we talked over a year ago, I really 0:18:59.290 --> 0:19:03.369 heard someone that wanted to build a better life. For themselves. 0:19:03.770 --> 0:19:06.810 So what happened to that? I mean, isn't that something 0:19:06.850 --> 0:19:07.689 that you still want to do? 0:19:08.169 --> 0:19:08.929 I want to do it. 0:19:08.970 --> 0:19:10.889 I just don't want to do the freaking math. I 0:19:10.929 --> 0:19:13.689 told you that I don't like maths. 0:19:15.129 --> 0:19:18.929 No shit, It's clear Mary Clode isn't going to do 0:19:18.970 --> 0:19:21.649 the work for herself, and she's certainly not going to 0:19:21.689 --> 0:19:24.449 do it for me. But there are two people for 0:19:24.530 --> 0:19:28.129 whom Mary Clode would do anything, And so I remind 0:19:28.169 --> 0:19:30.409 her of something she said way back when we first 0:19:30.449 --> 0:19:33.570 spoke a year ago, something I just so happened to 0:19:33.649 --> 0:19:34.369 have recorded. 0:19:35.409 --> 0:19:37.450 What kills me is that my kids are so so 0:19:37.490 --> 0:19:39.649 supportive of me going back to school. They were so 0:19:39.689 --> 0:19:42.689 proud of me. But it haunts me, you know, because 0:19:42.730 --> 0:19:45.729 there they work so hard in my kids, and they've 0:19:45.730 --> 0:19:49.810 accomplished so much, and they inspire me. Really, they're just 0:19:49.850 --> 0:19:51.810 so great, you know, and they're so proud of me 0:19:51.929 --> 0:19:54.450 that I don't want to let them down. Like, even 0:19:54.490 --> 0:19:56.369 if I don't even work as a real estate agent, 0:19:56.490 --> 0:20:00.369 I have to finish this class because I don't want 0:20:00.409 --> 0:20:03.490 them to think I'm a quitter, you know. I don't 0:20:03.530 --> 0:20:05.129 want my girls to see me as a quitter. 0:20:10.929 --> 0:20:12.050 That is a big motivation. 0:20:14.050 --> 0:20:15.690 You're right, You're right. 0:20:17.090 --> 0:20:18.930 Like I said, I'm gonna do it. I gotta do it. 0:20:19.090 --> 0:20:22.850 I gotta follow through. That's really not my strength, following through, 0:20:23.010 --> 0:20:25.050 but I'm gonna follow through. 0:20:31.649 --> 0:20:34.770 To complete the math class, Mary Clode must first pass 0:20:34.889 --> 0:20:40.010 several homework assignments with a sixty percent or higher. Only 0:20:40.090 --> 0:20:43.330 then will she be eligible to take the final exam. 0:20:43.490 --> 0:20:45.889 So to get things started, I find her a tutor. 0:20:46.530 --> 0:20:48.769 Mary Clode is surprised when I tell her I'll be 0:20:48.810 --> 0:20:51.609 auditing their first class. You think I'm gonna let you 0:20:51.649 --> 0:20:53.969 go off to your first day of class by yourself. 0:20:54.250 --> 0:20:56.689 Of course, I'm going to introduce myself to your teacher. 0:20:58.730 --> 0:21:01.409 In truth, I also want to make sure Mary Clode 0:21:01.449 --> 0:21:05.369 doesn't bail. So together we phone the tutor, Suzanne. 0:21:09.169 --> 0:21:14.850 My eldest student was eighty. He survived the math class, 0:21:14.889 --> 0:21:16.850 so wow. 0:21:17.129 --> 0:21:18.810 Yeah, see there's hope for you, Mary. 0:21:22.050 --> 0:21:25.729 So if you have any questions that don't hesitate to 0:21:25.770 --> 0:21:29.010 stop me as I'm explaining stuff to you. If there's 0:21:29.050 --> 0:21:30.210 something you don't understand. 0:21:30.530 --> 0:21:33.369 Before the lesson, Mary Clode made me swear I wouldn't 0:21:33.369 --> 0:21:36.049 embarrass her in front of her new tutor. So I 0:21:36.090 --> 0:21:39.850 promise not to make a peep. I'm just here to 0:21:39.929 --> 0:21:41.330 offer silent support. 0:21:41.649 --> 0:21:44.970 We're moving, taxes becomes a challenge, so I just want 0:21:44.970 --> 0:21:47.729 to make sure that it's understood. Maybe you already know 0:21:47.889 --> 0:21:48.609 how to do that. 0:21:49.369 --> 0:21:57.369 Yeah, yeah, right, Mary Cloude is yeah, writing Suzanne the 0:21:57.409 --> 0:22:00.729 same way she used to. Yeah, write mister goyetche Only 0:22:00.770 --> 0:22:03.529 five minutes into the lesson and I can already tell 0:22:03.530 --> 0:22:08.010 Mary Cloude doesn't understand a thing, not a jot. If 0:22:08.010 --> 0:22:11.250 she hopes to pass, she needs to tell Suzanne when 0:22:11.250 --> 0:22:14.250 she doesn't understand, or someone needs. 0:22:14.010 --> 0:22:16.970 To if the bank charges you three in a quarter. 0:22:18.490 --> 0:22:24.369 Sorry Mary, Yeah, I just wanted to jump into say 0:22:24.409 --> 0:22:26.369 if there's something you don't understand. 0:22:27.290 --> 0:22:27.810 Get off. 0:22:28.730 --> 0:22:33.810 Okay, okay, okay. 0:22:32.449 --> 0:22:38.129 Ignore him. I've seen her working on it a lot 0:22:38.169 --> 0:22:38.890 more than before. 0:22:39.290 --> 0:22:39.570 Really. 0:22:41.330 --> 0:22:44.530 After a few weeks I convene a daughter's teacher conference 0:22:44.689 --> 0:22:45.850 with Helen and Katie. 0:22:46.050 --> 0:22:48.290 Like I've seen her after dinner, pull out her notes 0:22:48.330 --> 0:22:49.929 and like start doing some algebra. 0:22:51.290 --> 0:22:53.010 Seems like more motivated. 0:22:53.449 --> 0:22:55.490 She was saying how much she loved the tutor. 0:22:55.970 --> 0:22:58.810 Yeah, she said she wants her to be her life coach. 0:23:00.649 --> 0:23:04.889 Sure, Mary Clodes enthusiastic now but she was also enthusiastic 0:23:04.970 --> 0:23:07.969 when we first spoke back before she ghosted me for 0:23:08.010 --> 0:23:11.050 a whole year. I ask the girls what they think 0:23:11.090 --> 0:23:15.649 we can do to keep our problem child on task encouragement. 0:23:16.330 --> 0:23:18.609 I think we need more positive reinforcement. 0:23:19.129 --> 0:23:22.650 Yeah, she really needs like structure. 0:23:25.929 --> 0:23:27.810 So I devise a scheme. 0:23:30.490 --> 0:23:35.649