Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
Speaker 1: and The Black Effect and just like that, be back
Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another Canfully Reckless
Speaker 1: episode with your girl Jess.
Speaker 2: Hilarious.
Speaker 1: So I'm fixing mess. Fixing mess is what I do.
Speaker 1: I also do it on the Breakfast Club as well.
Speaker 2: On B E T. Nine Am.
Speaker 1: Make sure y'all catch that whenever I'm there, which is
Speaker 1: more than likely almost all the time.
Speaker 2: All Right, we're gonna jump straight in.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell some stories that I got from fixing
Speaker 1: people's mess on Breakfast Club, one that I actually was
Speaker 1: pissed off about.
Speaker 2: And it's rabbit quick, So I'm just gonna jump straight
Speaker 2: in with that.
Speaker 1: So this woman calls up Ray and she has a boyfriend, okay,
Speaker 1: but she's upset because he's married.
Speaker 2: I'm pissed off about it. My boyfriend is married, star duh.
Speaker 1: And I know I had to do my own sound effect,
Speaker 1: but duh, someone what should I do?
Speaker 2: So this is the thing.
Speaker 1: She met her man in jail. Right, of course, he
Speaker 1: sold her dreams of what they were gonna be when he.
Speaker 2: Got out of jail. When he got out of jail,
Speaker 2: he went to get engaged.
Speaker 1: To someone else, right, And not only did he get engaged,
Speaker 1: he actually jumped that broom. He got married and then
Speaker 1: went to go find the girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So when she found out about the wife, she didn't leave.
Speaker 1: She tells me she mad at the wife for not
Speaker 1: holding her man down. How you not mad at your
Speaker 1: boyfriend because he's somebody else's husband, but she mad at
Speaker 1: his wife for not holding her husband down who just
Speaker 1: happens to.
Speaker 2: Be your boyfriend?
Speaker 1: And then another fucked up thing about it is, you're
Speaker 1: mad at this man's wife.
Speaker 2: But he got married when he came home, he wasn't
Speaker 2: already married. So you were never first. You were always
Speaker 2: second and was always gonna be second. And you're asking
Speaker 2: me what you should do.
Speaker 1: What you should do is get some fucking dignity, wake
Speaker 1: up and go find you your own fucking man. Because
Speaker 1: he's not yours, he will never be yours. You've already
Speaker 1: allowed too much. You think a man actually wants to
Speaker 1: be with someone who was okay with them cheating on
Speaker 1: their wives, or was okay with being second anyway, you
Speaker 1: think you'll ever deserve in his eyes to be number one.
Speaker 1: These men only do to us what we allow mentally,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And then some women are
Speaker 1: not as strong minded as others. But I just couldn't
Speaker 1: understand like she had some nerve, she was upset. Oh
Speaker 1: she wouldn't hold him down, And I just felt like
Speaker 1: that's crazy, Like how could you not hold him down
Speaker 1: because he wasn't married to a yet?
Speaker 2: Right? You was holding him down? Did you get a ring?
Speaker 1: You have to realize who you are, what you are,
Speaker 1: what you want, what you're gonna take, what you ain't
Speaker 1: gonna take, and realize the consequence instance of your actions
Speaker 1: are because of what you allowed or what you did.
Speaker 1: So the consequence is you always gonna be the side bitch.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that's what it is. Get back to me
Speaker 1: if you can. I know she's gonna be calling up
Speaker 1: after she had a shit like I ain't tell you
Speaker 1: going there and say, Audi, well you made yourself look
Speaker 1: dumber on a huger platform, a bigger player. She said,
Speaker 1: it's on be et, crazy ass. But I hope she
Speaker 1: gets the help that she needs, because lord, she's delusional.
Speaker 1: All right, moving on, We got a voice note y'all,
Speaker 1: y'all know how I feel about these there.
Speaker 2: We go hi Ja.
Speaker 3: So before, sir, I'm just gonna give you a little
Speaker 3: background about myself before I ask you the original question
Speaker 3: that I have for you. So, I am twenty one
Speaker 3: years old, born and raised in Minnesota. I'm currently worked
Speaker 3: at three jobs. Also want to school for nail technician.
Speaker 3: I have no kids, I am single. I have my
Speaker 3: own car and apartment that I share with my sister. Okay,
Speaker 3: the question I have to ask you is, I don't
Speaker 3: know if anybody else is having this problem, but from
Speaker 3: my early twenties, I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.
Speaker 3: I feel like I truly can't find myself. I don't
Speaker 3: know what direction I want to go in. I'm trying
Speaker 3: to find love, I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying
Speaker 3: to achieve goals.
Speaker 4: I just feel like.
Speaker 3: I'm everywhere right now, and it's to the point where
Speaker 3: it's giving me overwhelmed and depressed and drained and feeling
Speaker 3: like I'm behind in a way.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: Like, for example, when I was in school, I was
Speaker 3: way smaller than what I am now, so I've gained
Speaker 3: a little bit more weight. So I just been feeling like,
Speaker 3: you know, I just don't look as prettier as everybody else.
Speaker 3: And of course I feel like social media for me,
Speaker 3: it takes a part of that. So I have took
Speaker 3: a break from that to help a little bit. Another
Speaker 3: example is with love.
Speaker 4: I'm such a.
Speaker 2: Freaking lover girl, like I love love, but.
Speaker 3: The relationship is just not going well for me, the
Speaker 3: dating era, all that stuff like, it's just not going
Speaker 3: well for me. Even if I want, like a little
Speaker 3: sneakily like it never works out. And then with my school,
Speaker 3: and I've been in school for a two years trying
Speaker 3: to get my nail license.
Speaker 4: Because I'm just like stick.
Speaker 3: Dis harder for me to pass the quizzes and it's
Speaker 3: been taking me longer. But everybody else is an entrepreneur
Speaker 3: at my age, so I just feel like I'm just
Speaker 3: way behind all the things I need to do.
Speaker 4: So just give me some clarity to help me.
Speaker 2: Just thanks love you, heyy First of all, I love
Speaker 2: you too.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being vulnerable enough to open up to
Speaker 1: me about that, because you know what you do. You
Speaker 1: open up the floor for other younger females, younger women
Speaker 1: to feel like they're not alone in this, you know,
Speaker 1: because y'all generation are going through some shit.
Speaker 2: Too. Of course, a lot of identity crisis going on.
Speaker 1: Of course, when you have media constantly shoving in your face,
Speaker 1: you can change who you are. You can change any
Speaker 1: part of your body now and everybody has access to
Speaker 1: these surgeons and just you know, all types of things
Speaker 1: that can help you rid of your flaws. You know,
Speaker 1: But I think it's internal for you. You did say
Speaker 1: exactly what I was going to tell you. Social media
Speaker 1: will play a big part in this and how the
Speaker 1: media constantly tries to manipulate our minds with just certain
Speaker 1: standards that we're supposed to follow, like you know. And
Speaker 1: then influencers that I thank God for them because I
Speaker 1: started off as one, but I say their work would
Speaker 1: be a gift in accurse because they open up your
Speaker 1: eyes to seeing I can own my own business, I
Speaker 1: can own something. I can be a young black creator.
Speaker 1: I don't have to work for nobody for the rest
Speaker 1: of my life. I am in a position where I
Speaker 1: can run my own business. At the same time, what
Speaker 1: it does is it shows another side where it makes
Speaker 1: working a nine to five or being who you really
Speaker 1: are off of social media, it looks uncool, It makes
Speaker 1: you uncol What makes you feel that you're not enough,
Speaker 1: and I really don't agree with anybody having to feel
Speaker 1: that way. Oh man, I'm very conflicted about your situation
Speaker 1: just because I don't want you to ever feel like
Speaker 1: because you are.
Speaker 2: You know, you consider yourself a.
Speaker 1: Little overweight or a lot overweight, whatever, you know, whether
Speaker 1: you're obese, fat, you know, it's levels to it. But
Speaker 1: however you feel about it, you still shouldn't let that
Speaker 1: depict how you go on in your love life. And
Speaker 1: then also listening you're twenty one, you're still trying to
Speaker 1: figure out you. I wouldn't be asking for love right now.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say you don't know what love is.
Speaker 2: I would never say that.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even say that to an eighteen year old
Speaker 1: because what love is to you maybe different for what
Speaker 1: love is to me. Love has no one fucking meaning,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, So it goes by experience
Speaker 1: of what you feel. But I will say, you have
Speaker 1: a lot going on, so you can't focus on one thing.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, You can't focus on love
Speaker 1: right now because you also told me in the same
Speaker 1: breath you're trying to figure out who you are. There's
Speaker 1: no way that you could be ready for a relationship
Speaker 1: and you don't know who you are. So what I
Speaker 1: think is that you love the idea of love. You know,
Speaker 1: you love what it looks like. You know, you love
Speaker 1: what it can be. You love all the possibilities. You
Speaker 1: love what you see visually, what looks good visually to you,
Speaker 1: and then you probably see a lot of relationship goals too,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: And that's good.
Speaker 1: You took a break from social media. I actually have
Speaker 1: family members that have.
Speaker 2: To do that.
Speaker 1: I have friends that have to do that. I know
Speaker 1: other influencers that have to do that.
Speaker 2: I do that.
Speaker 1: We need breaks, you know, because you could kind of
Speaker 1: like feel like Instagram is the world and it's not,
Speaker 1: and you're constantly reminded when you exit out the ad. Damn,
Speaker 1: that's just one part. That's social media, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. It takes over our lives and it plays
Speaker 1: a big part in our confidence, you know. So I
Speaker 1: think you should do a lot more soul searching. You
Speaker 1: probably will not be in a relationship until you hit thirty.
Speaker 1: That don't need to scare you, that just needs to
Speaker 1: motivate you, you know, stay on your path and figure
Speaker 1: out what you're doing with your life.
Speaker 2: Girl, You ain't got no kids.
Speaker 1: You work three jobs and you're going to school to
Speaker 1: be a fucking nail tech and you fucking worried about
Speaker 1: some lift.
Speaker 2: You got three jobs? Girl, how the fuck you gonna
Speaker 2: spend time with?
Speaker 4: Girl?
Speaker 1: Listen, A man is a job too. A boyfriend is
Speaker 1: a job, just like we jobs too, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So that's four jobs.
Speaker 2: Thank god. You ain't got no damn kids. But you
Speaker 2: know what men do. They give you kids.
Speaker 1: So your little twenty one year old, but need to
Speaker 1: stay on this arrow that you're on, Stay on this
Speaker 1: path that you're on.
Speaker 2: Don't worry so much about it. And I'm looking at
Speaker 2: your picture. You are beautiful, all right. It is only
Speaker 2: from your head to the top of your.
Speaker 1: Get chests, but you're beautiful. You're beautiful, probably inside and out.
Speaker 2: I don't know you. I haven't met you, but you
Speaker 2: sound really concerned about nobody loving you. Girl. Fuck that.
Speaker 1: You gotta love yourself because when you learn how to
Speaker 1: love yourself, and I mean the railway because people hear
Speaker 1: this all the time. Oh you gotta love yourself up.
Speaker 1: People say this to people all the time, and they
Speaker 1: take it the wrong. You gotta love yourself. You gotta
Speaker 1: love yourself or I do love myself. Like nah, people
Speaker 1: get more defensive after hearing that than just actually listening. No,
Speaker 1: do you really know what it takes to love yourself,
Speaker 1: because that's probably why your relationships fail.
Speaker 2: You said, you're even just a sneaky link.
Speaker 1: I'm no, you know, even if you want some dick,
Speaker 1: just sometimes sometimes maybe that's not what you need. Maybe
Speaker 1: shit fails for a reason. Start looking at it differently.
Speaker 1: That's not in your timing right now, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So yeah, like I said, just do some
Speaker 1: more searching for who you are. You know, you're at
Speaker 1: the best time right now. And then you also at
Speaker 1: the best time to lose some more weight if that's
Speaker 1: what you want to do. Shit, if you want to
Speaker 1: lose more weight, go do that. If you feel like
Speaker 1: that's why you ain't getting no no men, lose some
Speaker 1: more and then see, and I guarantee you you'll find
Speaker 1: it wasn't even your weight.
Speaker 2: It probably is your mind.
Speaker 1: It probably is the fact that you, like I said,
Speaker 1: you don't even know what you want out of a relationship.
Speaker 1: You love the idea of love, but I do hope
Speaker 1: everything works out for you and you do get everything
Speaker 1: that you want in life.
Speaker 2: Make sure you follow up and update me, keep me posted.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
Speaker 1: then we'll be right back moving on. Last story. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I got all the babies today. Hey Joss,
Speaker 1: I'm nineteen and I'm talking to this guy and I
Speaker 1: have intimacy issues. It's hard for me to open up.
Speaker 1: I've never been in a relationship before, so this part
Speaker 1: of intimacy is new and hard. It's hard to talk
Speaker 1: about my feelings. I had a lot of trauma, so
Speaker 1: I don't want it to change our dynamic. The guy
Speaker 1: is amazing. I don't want him to think he is
Speaker 1: a problem. My question is do you think I'm ready
Speaker 1: for a relationship or should I just continue to explore
Speaker 1: being alone for a bit longer. By the way, you
Speaker 1: can use this for the podcast in case you want consent.
Speaker 2: Oh that's nice, thank you all. Was gonna use it anyway.
Speaker 3: Girl.
Speaker 1: I don't know your name, so that's good and can't
Speaker 1: bite see your face, but no, I appreciate you for
Speaker 1: reaching out and I'm happy that A lot of a
Speaker 1: lot more younger people are reaching out because this younger generation,
Speaker 1: they are facing a lot, you know, and they're seeing
Speaker 1: a lot, and they are much more.
Speaker 2: Exposed to a lot of shit too than we.
Speaker 1: Ever were that I that I ever was at nineteen,
Speaker 1: you know, so they could really be the main ones
Speaker 1: that need some mental tending to.
Speaker 2: You know. It's a lot, a lot of shit that
Speaker 2: these babies are seeing.
Speaker 1: But yeah, to get into what you have going on,
Speaker 1: you've never been in a relationship before, so you don't
Speaker 1: really know what it takes.
Speaker 2: I understand. You got to think about it, though, every.
Speaker 1: Person on this earth has been in that situation. Everybody
Speaker 1: ain't born with boyfriends. Everybody has to have has to
Speaker 1: jump in it some type of way.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Every guy ain't born with no girlfriend. You know, everybody
Speaker 1: has to jump into us some type of way. You
Speaker 1: don't like talking about your feelings. You feel like that
Speaker 1: will hinder you from a healthy relationship. I think you
Speaker 1: need to dig deeper and figure out where that comes from.
Speaker 1: You know, doesn't have anything to do with your upbringing
Speaker 1: with people that you grew up with. You constantly seeing
Speaker 1: things because I know you said you had trauma, you know,
Speaker 1: but you didn't go into depth about the trauma, and
Speaker 1: that's it's okay.
Speaker 2: I'm glad that you even you.
Speaker 1: Know, we don't have to so obviously you know, I
Speaker 1: just don't know what the trauma is from. It could
Speaker 1: it could be something more recent, it could be deeply rooted,
Speaker 1: but that's probably, you know, more than likely where it
Speaker 1: comes from. And I understand you said, this guy is amazing,
Speaker 1: he's understanding. You don't want him to think he's the problem. No,
Speaker 1: you don't. You don't because then in restrospect, that's not
Speaker 1: fair to him. But no, I don't think that you're
Speaker 1: ready for a relationship. I think you should start some counseling,
Speaker 1: or you should start some therapy. It's nothing wrong with it.
Speaker 1: You see that you do have issues that you want
Speaker 1: to move past. You do see that, and that's good
Speaker 1: that you see that. A lot of people's fear of
Speaker 1: therapy is because they don't want to open up. They
Speaker 1: don't even want to go talk to somebody. But this
Speaker 1: first step for you, you come in to me. I think
Speaker 1: that's amazing. I do think that you should seek further therapy.
Speaker 1: Because I'm not a licensed professional, I can only give
Speaker 1: you good advice. Figure yourself out. Then you also still nineteen.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you, like I told her the last baby, girl,
Speaker 1: you're nineteen. See more years til you hit twenty one,
Speaker 1: But in my eyes, you're still a baby. I got
Speaker 1: a little sister that's nineteen, you know, and I just
Speaker 1: watching her navigate through her social life. You know, it's
Speaker 1: way different than mine was. You know, when I was nineteen,
Speaker 1: we weren't doing something. The first of all, y'all even
Speaker 1: look already, and y'all need to look nineteen. Now y'all
Speaker 1: starting to look like. Y'all already got bbls and shit.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And y'all bodies just all just full figure like that,
Speaker 1: y'all developing more, y'all just exposed to everything.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: So I do think that you just need to explore
Speaker 1: just being alone for a bit longer. And you already
Speaker 1: knew that. You just needed to clarity, and I'm here
Speaker 1: to give it to you, girls, So keep me updated,
Speaker 1: let me know what's going on. Yeah, don't mess that
Speaker 1: man up. Girls, that's one good one obviously. Don't mess
Speaker 1: them up. Just fix yourself and go back and get them.
Speaker 1: Hold up, Hold up, I know the shit getting good,
Speaker 1: but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1: So this last mess, I'm a fix this in person
Speaker 1: and somebody actually came into the studio and you know
Speaker 1: this is I'm I'm trying this out because in fourth season,
Speaker 1: I may bring this to video. You know, I know
Speaker 1: we have Catholic reckless audio, but for those who want
Speaker 1: to see, I may just do it. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm raising right now. It's gonna be my first in
Speaker 1: person mass effix, so we'll see.
Speaker 2: Let's see.
Speaker 4: Hey, Jazz, So I have been a long term situationship
Speaker 4: and I just need some advice on something that I
Speaker 4: really you know, have been worried about for it. And
Speaker 4: this is because of my own personal growth.
Speaker 5: So I'm in my relationship, I'm the more communicated person
Speaker 5: and the other person is a person who needs time
Speaker 5: to walk away. Right, That's the thing, Like I need,
Speaker 5: I need to get some space clear my mind. And
Speaker 5: that's it's understandable, you know that people some people can't
Speaker 5: just get to the bottom of it real quick. They
Speaker 5: need a time to see what they're going through. But
Speaker 5: it's like when does it get like Okay. Now this
Speaker 5: is getting played out because if you think about it,
Speaker 5: the number one answer that older people will have successful relationships.
Speaker 4: Say is what communicating beyond?
Speaker 5: Like that's like the number one thing everybody say, because
Speaker 5: you have to find a way to really find that
Speaker 5: balance to communicate. Right, And it's like, well, thank god,
Speaker 5: both of us is not like that. I can't that's
Speaker 5: avoid it. But one person is begging to communicating, other
Speaker 5: person's not. So then that means that it has to
Speaker 5: be more of an aggressive like exit, which is, oh,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna hang out, I'm gonna block you or some
Speaker 5: shit like that. Right, It's not like because I'm gonna
Speaker 5: be like no, I want to talk and it's like, nah,
Speaker 5: completely block you out, and you could be literally like
Speaker 5: sending messages like just talk to me. It's okay, it's fine,
Speaker 5: let's just get this Like it's not that big of
Speaker 5: a deal. And you don't hear from them, So it's like,
Speaker 5: how do you deal with that going forward?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's actually a really really good one because I
Speaker 1: can see how both could feel. You know, I feel
Speaker 1: like you just describe introvert versus extrovert, but in a
Speaker 1: relationship that's not how it's supposed to be. There needs
Speaker 1: to be a willingness to come out of your show.
Speaker 2: A little bit more and open up, like as this guy.
Speaker 1: If I know that I'm with a person who is
Speaker 1: a bit communicator. All she does is communicate it, and
Speaker 1: I know I'm not I'm gonna try to meet her there.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like you know, and I
Speaker 1: understand because I was even like that.
Speaker 2: I was on both sides.
Speaker 1: I'm on more of your side now where I am
Speaker 1: communicating more, But at first I was the same way.
Speaker 1: I guess that's why I can kind of see where
Speaker 1: he would be coming from. But I had to change that,
Speaker 1: and I was willing to change that meeting the right person.
Speaker 1: I was always aggressive and I was always just like no, yo,
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about it. I need time
Speaker 1: because some people sometimes some people want to be mad
Speaker 1: that shit is fucked up, but some people want to
Speaker 1: be mad, they want.
Speaker 2: To get it off. That's how some people get shit
Speaker 2: off their chests.
Speaker 1: He's not really a mediator because has he seen that
Speaker 1: shit growing up? Has he always been that way because
Speaker 1: his parents didn't talk to him, or he just has
Speaker 1: never been in in a place where he felt safe
Speaker 1: enough to open up.
Speaker 2: And I don't know your past, you know, I don't
Speaker 2: even know his past.
Speaker 1: Book, from what you're telling me, you kind of had
Speaker 1: a different upbringing than he did.
Speaker 2: I don't know whether that that's household wise.
Speaker 1: Parent schooling, different groups of friends, you know, because anything
Speaker 1: can define who you are as an adult.
Speaker 2: It don't have to always be how you was raised.
Speaker 2: It be you raise yourself, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It'd be different people, different people that you met on
Speaker 1: your journey to becoming an adult and how they prophesied
Speaker 1: to you, or seeing this person come from this walk
Speaker 1: of life, so like it's just figuring out a person
Speaker 1: is this way you want to be? And you said,
Speaker 1: y'all been in a relationship for a long time. Y'all
Speaker 1: not together now, but y'all were in a long term relationship.
Speaker 1: Is this a place where you see yourself going back
Speaker 1: to or.
Speaker 3: Do you not?
Speaker 1: Are you conflicted at times? Because that can make you
Speaker 1: be with a person. I don't want to be with
Speaker 1: him this time, but I didn't. I do want to
Speaker 1: be with him, though, But when he does something to
Speaker 1: make you man, it goes out the window, and then
Speaker 1: he comes round and y'all talk about it, and then
Speaker 1: now you want to be with him again?
Speaker 2: Is that? How do you know you want to move
Speaker 2: forward with this person? Do you see a future with
Speaker 2: this person?
Speaker 5: And I'm gaining more self worth, I don't because, like
Speaker 5: you said, when you just respond to back, it's like
Speaker 5: you move differently now because of this love that.
Speaker 4: You don't want to miss out on it.
Speaker 5: So I'm at a place where it's like I'm gonna
Speaker 5: have to be okay with realizing that maybe I can't
Speaker 5: bring that out of him mm hm. And and that
Speaker 5: hurts right, like that this man don't love me enough
Speaker 5: to be like I want to work it's out with her.
Speaker 5: I want to talk to her. So I'm at a
Speaker 5: place now I know my worth like yes, I do
Speaker 5: have my shit right like I know, and even done
Speaker 5: in my communication like you you know, I sometimes I
Speaker 5: can talk around to get to a point because I
Speaker 5: wanted us to get to a page without letting somebody
Speaker 5: go through it, right, And I'm learning that and I'm
Speaker 5: more than help.
Speaker 4: That's why I was like, you gotta walk away.
Speaker 5: I get it, but it's the extra shit hang out
Speaker 5: answering like it's it's it creates too much of a
Speaker 5: like I get I be hurt. I don't even be mad.
Speaker 5: I've hurt, like yo, this person. Now I'm not gonna
Speaker 5: talk to them for days. Now, i gotta be left
Speaker 5: here just like yeah, until when they calmed down, like
Speaker 5: a few days later, and I'm just like over it.
Speaker 2: You know, that shit is not fair, Like I said,
Speaker 2: I used to do that.
Speaker 1: I used to do that to people, and that shit
Speaker 1: is not fair because it now it leaves the person
Speaker 1: wondering whether or not you do actually really love them,
Speaker 1: like or do you even respect me? Because that's when
Speaker 1: things start getting disrespectful. It's the difference between an extrovert
Speaker 1: and just shutting down versus the disrespect. You don't have
Speaker 1: to hang up, you don't have to block me, you
Speaker 1: don't have to not talk to me for days. What
Speaker 1: are you trying to prove a point? Because that's what
Speaker 1: it comes to. Now, you're trying to prove a point.
Speaker 1: And then that's the manipulative too, because those type of
Speaker 1: people always know what to do to get back and
Speaker 1: your good graces. Like they're selfish in a way, you know,
Speaker 1: and sometimes subconsciously selfish. And those people don't like to
Speaker 1: be told about themselves. I was selfish. I never like
Speaker 1: to be told about myself. I didn't want to be
Speaker 1: in control, but I just wanted things to go my
Speaker 1: way and people to see shit my way all the time.
Speaker 1: And shit ain't gonna be like that, not in the
Speaker 1: real world, not in your household, not at your job,
Speaker 1: not with your friends, because everybody thinks differently. Communication really
Speaker 1: is a big factor with love. Sometimes you can love
Speaker 1: a motherfucker, but you feel empty because you don't feel
Speaker 1: like you're being loved. If you don't hear me, you
Speaker 1: don't give me an opportunity to be heard. You're not listening.
Speaker 1: You don't want to listen, so you don't even want
Speaker 1: to find out what the problem is, and then you
Speaker 1: don't want to fix it.
Speaker 5: And this is another note, d really really is a
Speaker 5: struggle for me because it's abuse. Yeah, Like you know
Speaker 5: how like if your maybe parent spanks you, right and
Speaker 5: they could have been wrong for it because they was
Speaker 5: doing out of anger. Then they come back I'm so sorry,
Speaker 5: Or somebody who's dating who's going through abuse, it's like, baby,
Speaker 5: next time, I'm gonna do it. It's literally that because
Speaker 5: you're coming back saying you're not even coming back apology.
Speaker 5: You just come like hey, and I'm over here, like
Speaker 5: literally was hurt, Like I'm not over here, may like
Speaker 5: a bitch is hurt crying about it, and it's because
Speaker 5: it's like I actually like care about you and you're
Speaker 5: leaving me hanging right all because what you you just
Speaker 5: don't want to talk about it at all. You know,
Speaker 5: it should be small. Even if it was big, it's
Speaker 5: still okay to talk about it, Like, yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you think that he would need any benefited with
Speaker 1: uh from any type of therapy?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 4: Absolutely, and I recommend it all the time.
Speaker 2: What was his answer to it cost money?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 1: But there are a certain therapists you know, therapy y'all,
Speaker 1: lets that just take insurance some of them don't.
Speaker 4: Cause explain that to him and he was like, oh,
Speaker 4: you know, he was into it.
Speaker 1: He was into it, so he did okay, okay, So
Speaker 1: when you did explain it, he did like agree, like
Speaker 1: all right, well I might.
Speaker 2: Look into it now.
Speaker 1: Is that something that do you feel like he needs
Speaker 1: individually or do y'all want that something that you would
Speaker 1: be open to doing with him?
Speaker 4: Naw.
Speaker 5: You need to like seek your own inner piece and
Speaker 5: that's why I'm getting so a point where my self
Speaker 5: worth that I'm like, no, like I can have him.
Speaker 4: But now it's away to me that a man will
Speaker 4: actually talk to me.
Speaker 5: So in my next relationship, I'm gonna anticipate him being like,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna I feel I'm gonna pull back on my
Speaker 5: communication because I think he's gonna be like, nah, I
Speaker 5: you know, I don't really want to talk about it,
Speaker 5: instead of me being like insaid, of him.
Speaker 4: Being like, let's let's talk about it, like I'm.
Speaker 5: Be happy about it, but it's gonna be hard like
Speaker 5: going into it because I'm gonna think they're like, it's
Speaker 5: just gonna create some type of conflict.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So then that's you being scarred, like like subconsciously
Speaker 1: like you're scarred from that, and that could also build
Speaker 1: in securities for the next man from you. You know,
Speaker 1: you can also project onto other people what you've been
Speaker 1: through in your last relationship. So do you feel like
Speaker 1: you need to heal in this before you even you know, well,
Speaker 1: are you even trying to date?
Speaker 5: First of all, I'm just waiting on go as time
Speaker 5: and I'm not looking no more. I'm not even looking
Speaker 5: for him, you know, I just I just want to
Speaker 5: whatever is meant for me and my energy. That's why
Speaker 5: I'm trying to change my energy around to match. If
Speaker 5: you're not mentioning, then I'm gonna have to, you know,
Speaker 5: but not even as friends at this point, because friends
Speaker 5: don't treat each other that way, all right, yep, And.
Speaker 1: That is what defines a foundation in a relationship to
Speaker 1: actually being that person's friend, because it gets very, very
Speaker 1: toxic when you're in a relationship with somebody and y'all
Speaker 1: get mad at each other and you feel like y'all
Speaker 1: broke up. You feel like he don't love you when
Speaker 1: he mad at you, or you feel like she don't
Speaker 1: love you when she mad at you. It should never
Speaker 1: be that way because friends don't do each other like
Speaker 1: now friends plus friends fight. Friends supposed to get that good.
Speaker 1: If you go into it just straight intimacy, you skip
Speaker 1: all that building foundation and all that shit. It's never
Speaker 1: gonna work because you're supposed to know somebody deeper than
Speaker 1: what you can see. Like it's like, I know what
Speaker 1: I want to say, but you know, y'all, y'all listeners
Speaker 1: like bed with me. You know, if you can see
Speaker 1: through all the fucking like intimacy and what's on outside.
Speaker 1: He looks sexy and he's and and oh she can cook,
Speaker 1: and and oh he got his own this, that and
Speaker 1: the other. And if you strip down all that shit,
Speaker 1: y'all didn't have anything together like and y'all go through
Speaker 1: shit together and ship, then that that's what makes your friend,
Speaker 1: you know, like being able to withstand trials and shit
Speaker 1: together and obstacles together and being are when one lax
Speaker 1: like pick up that slag and shit like that. So
Speaker 1: that's what I feel like. No, everything you said was
Speaker 1: was real about the whole friendship thing.
Speaker 5: And it's top of all of you know, which is
Speaker 5: the end of it all is you would think that
Speaker 5: all of that meant something when you do have these
Speaker 5: moments tribulationship and in this situation.
Speaker 4: It's given very much, it does it. We built this friendship.
Speaker 5: Up, like your friendship is way more of a priority
Speaker 5: to me than a relationship, right, but you know this, right,
Speaker 5: so you know that this is a big thing for me,
Speaker 5: and you still like so all we went through his
Speaker 5: friends and still don't make it enough of you want
Speaker 5: to talk to you because you should be. If I'm
Speaker 5: your friend, you're my friend. She'd be like, shit, no,
Speaker 5: I don't want us to be beefing right, So that
Speaker 5: so that's it. That's the part of it all is
Speaker 5: it goes back to like, really, he doesn't love me
Speaker 5: the way I.
Speaker 1: Love him, right right, and he's still stuck in that
Speaker 1: relationship part of it that, you know, like because even
Speaker 1: I think that's still even bigger you to be like,
Speaker 1: all right, look, we just need to be friends, all right,
Speaker 1: Like I want to focus on the friends. And then
Speaker 1: like so ladies, look she's still even trying to find
Speaker 1: a way to well, she was, you know, was trying
Speaker 1: to even still find a way to.
Speaker 2: Make it comfortable for him.
Speaker 1: Do you see how we like sometimes indirectly bend over
Speaker 1: backwards for these men, you know, and we still don't
Speaker 1: get the credit. We still don't get flowers, We still
Speaker 1: don't get even acknowledgment at times like yo, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to figure this shit out for you.
Speaker 2: I know how to fucking communicate, I know.
Speaker 1: And we've been friends for the past what ten plus
Speaker 1: is five plushy is whatever, and we we we've been together.
Speaker 1: You know, it's just like fuck, you would think you
Speaker 1: had some some type of respect for me or some
Speaker 1: type of like loyalty to the point.
Speaker 2: Where it's like you'll know, or it is because we
Speaker 2: came up.
Speaker 1: Like we you know, we've been through shit together, so
Speaker 1: I feel you. Some bonds are supposed to be unbreakable.
Speaker 1: But like you said, ultimately it's you loving him more
Speaker 1: than he loves you, or him not being able to
Speaker 1: even love you like you should be loved, or how
Speaker 1: you love him. And that's just the short end of
Speaker 1: the stick that us women has. We have to bear
Speaker 1: with that sometimes, or we fucking don't. We move on,
Speaker 1: but then you're still mentally held captive to a person
Speaker 1: who manipulates you into never letting them go, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, in some type of weird way.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep this leash on it.
Speaker 1: Not because they just want to torch you, because they
Speaker 1: really fucking want you to.
Speaker 2: They just don't know how. They don't know, they don't
Speaker 2: know how to say it, they don't know how to
Speaker 2: show it.
Speaker 1: But they know what they want to expect for you
Speaker 1: to read their fucking mind, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Expect for that. But no, we want to be coddled,
Speaker 1: We want to be fucking pampered. At times, I want
Speaker 1: you to read my fucking mind at times. I want
Speaker 1: you to say, all right.
Speaker 2: Yo, you ain't going away till we talk about this.
Speaker 1: I want you to initiate that fucking communication all the time,
Speaker 1: because then it's gonna feel like I wear the fucking
Speaker 1: pants all the time. I shouldn't have to wear the pants.
Speaker 1: I want a man to lead, that's what you want.
Speaker 1: You want a man to lead you. And you talk
Speaker 1: about it. You're on your spiritual journey and you talk
Speaker 1: about that. You know you want somebody else spiritual too.
Speaker 1: You want to want your man to be like, Noah,
Speaker 1: we ain't leaving up the house until we pray together.
Speaker 1: Where you going that day? You know, you know we
Speaker 1: pull off.
Speaker 2: You know you want that, and you're gonna get that.
Speaker 2: You can get that.
Speaker 1: You know something make us feel like it's impossible, it's not,
Speaker 1: you know. So I want you to check back into
Speaker 1: We come to the end of another carefully borkless episode
Speaker 1: with your girl Jess.
Speaker 2: Hilarious.
Speaker 1: I'm fixing mess not only on the Black Effect Network,
Speaker 1: but on be Et as well.
Speaker 2: Check me out on Breakfast Club. I love you, guys,
Speaker 2: I'll see you next week.
Speaker 3: Peace A
Speaker 4: Name