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Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio

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Speaker 1: and The Black Effect and just like that, be back

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Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another Canfully Reckless

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Speaker 1: episode with your girl Jess.

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Speaker 2: Hilarious.

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Speaker 1: So I'm fixing mess. Fixing mess is what I do.

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Speaker 1: I also do it on the Breakfast Club as well.

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Speaker 2: On B E T. Nine Am.

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Speaker 1: Make sure y'all catch that whenever I'm there, which is

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Speaker 1: more than likely almost all the time.

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Speaker 2: All Right, we're gonna jump straight in.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell some stories that I got from fixing

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Speaker 1: people's mess on Breakfast Club, one that I actually was

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Speaker 1: pissed off about.

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Speaker 2: And it's rabbit quick, So I'm just gonna jump straight

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Speaker 2: in with that.

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Speaker 1: So this woman calls up Ray and she has a boyfriend, okay,

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Speaker 1: but she's upset because he's married.

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Speaker 2: I'm pissed off about it. My boyfriend is married, star duh.

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Speaker 1: And I know I had to do my own sound effect,

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Speaker 1: but duh, someone what should I do?

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Speaker 2: So this is the thing.

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Speaker 1: She met her man in jail. Right, of course, he

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Speaker 1: sold her dreams of what they were gonna be when he.

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Speaker 2: Got out of jail. When he got out of jail,

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Speaker 2: he went to get engaged.

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Speaker 1: To someone else, right, And not only did he get engaged,

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Speaker 1: he actually jumped that broom. He got married and then

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Speaker 1: went to go find the girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: So when she found out about the wife, she didn't leave.

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Speaker 1: She tells me she mad at the wife for not

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Speaker 1: holding her man down. How you not mad at your

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Speaker 1: boyfriend because he's somebody else's husband, but she mad at

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Speaker 1: his wife for not holding her husband down who just

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Speaker 1: happens to.

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Speaker 2: Be your boyfriend?

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Speaker 1: And then another fucked up thing about it is, you're

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Speaker 1: mad at this man's wife.

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Speaker 2: But he got married when he came home, he wasn't

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Speaker 2: already married. So you were never first. You were always

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Speaker 2: second and was always gonna be second. And you're asking

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Speaker 2: me what you should do.

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Speaker 1: What you should do is get some fucking dignity, wake

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Speaker 1: up and go find you your own fucking man. Because

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Speaker 1: he's not yours, he will never be yours. You've already

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Speaker 1: allowed too much. You think a man actually wants to

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Speaker 1: be with someone who was okay with them cheating on

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Speaker 1: their wives, or was okay with being second anyway, you

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Speaker 1: think you'll ever deserve in his eyes to be number one.

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Speaker 1: These men only do to us what we allow mentally,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And then some women are

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Speaker 1: not as strong minded as others. But I just couldn't

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Speaker 1: understand like she had some nerve, she was upset. Oh

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Speaker 1: she wouldn't hold him down, And I just felt like

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Speaker 1: that's crazy, Like how could you not hold him down

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Speaker 1: because he wasn't married to a yet?

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Speaker 2: Right? You was holding him down? Did you get a ring?

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Speaker 1: You have to realize who you are, what you are,

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Speaker 1: what you want, what you're gonna take, what you ain't

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Speaker 1: gonna take, and realize the consequence instance of your actions

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Speaker 1: are because of what you allowed or what you did.

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Speaker 1: So the consequence is you always gonna be the side bitch.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that's what it is. Get back to me

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Speaker 1: if you can. I know she's gonna be calling up

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Speaker 1: after she had a shit like I ain't tell you

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Speaker 1: going there and say, Audi, well you made yourself look

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Speaker 1: dumber on a huger platform, a bigger player. She said,

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Speaker 1: it's on be et, crazy ass. But I hope she

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Speaker 1: gets the help that she needs, because lord, she's delusional.

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Speaker 1: All right, moving on, We got a voice note y'all,

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Speaker 1: y'all know how I feel about these there.

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Speaker 2: We go hi Ja.

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Speaker 3: So before, sir, I'm just gonna give you a little

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Speaker 3: background about myself before I ask you the original question

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Speaker 3: that I have for you. So, I am twenty one

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Speaker 3: years old, born and raised in Minnesota. I'm currently worked

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Speaker 3: at three jobs. Also want to school for nail technician.

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Speaker 3: I have no kids, I am single. I have my

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Speaker 3: own car and apartment that I share with my sister. Okay,

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Speaker 3: the question I have to ask you is, I don't

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Speaker 3: know if anybody else is having this problem, but from

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Speaker 3: my early twenties, I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I truly can't find myself. I don't

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Speaker 3: know what direction I want to go in. I'm trying

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Speaker 3: to find love, I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying

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Speaker 3: to achieve goals.

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Speaker 4: I just feel like.

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Speaker 3: I'm everywhere right now, and it's to the point where

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Speaker 3: it's giving me overwhelmed and depressed and drained and feeling

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Speaker 3: like I'm behind in a way.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: Like, for example, when I was in school, I was

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Speaker 3: way smaller than what I am now, so I've gained

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Speaker 3: a little bit more weight. So I just been feeling like,

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Speaker 3: you know, I just don't look as prettier as everybody else.

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Speaker 3: And of course I feel like social media for me,

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Speaker 3: it takes a part of that. So I have took

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Speaker 3: a break from that to help a little bit. Another

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Speaker 3: example is with love.

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Speaker 4: I'm such a.

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Speaker 2: Freaking lover girl, like I love love, but.

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Speaker 3: The relationship is just not going well for me, the

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Speaker 3: dating era, all that stuff like, it's just not going

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Speaker 3: well for me. Even if I want, like a little

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Speaker 3: sneakily like it never works out. And then with my school,

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Speaker 3: and I've been in school for a two years trying

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Speaker 3: to get my nail license.

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Speaker 4: Because I'm just like stick.

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Speaker 3: Dis harder for me to pass the quizzes and it's

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Speaker 3: been taking me longer. But everybody else is an entrepreneur

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Speaker 3: at my age, so I just feel like I'm just

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Speaker 3: way behind all the things I need to do.

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Speaker 4: So just give me some clarity to help me.

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Speaker 2: Just thanks love you, heyy First of all, I love

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Speaker 2: you too.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for being vulnerable enough to open up to

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Speaker 1: me about that, because you know what you do. You

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Speaker 1: open up the floor for other younger females, younger women

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Speaker 1: to feel like they're not alone in this, you know,

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Speaker 1: because y'all generation are going through some shit.

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Speaker 2: Too. Of course, a lot of identity crisis going on.

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Speaker 1: Of course, when you have media constantly shoving in your face,

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Speaker 1: you can change who you are. You can change any

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Speaker 1: part of your body now and everybody has access to

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Speaker 1: these surgeons and just you know, all types of things

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Speaker 1: that can help you rid of your flaws. You know,

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Speaker 1: But I think it's internal for you. You did say

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Speaker 1: exactly what I was going to tell you. Social media

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Speaker 1: will play a big part in this and how the

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Speaker 1: media constantly tries to manipulate our minds with just certain

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Speaker 1: standards that we're supposed to follow, like you know. And

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Speaker 1: then influencers that I thank God for them because I

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Speaker 1: started off as one, but I say their work would

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Speaker 1: be a gift in accurse because they open up your

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Speaker 1: eyes to seeing I can own my own business, I

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Speaker 1: can own something. I can be a young black creator.

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Speaker 1: I don't have to work for nobody for the rest

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Speaker 1: of my life. I am in a position where I

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Speaker 1: can run my own business. At the same time, what

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Speaker 1: it does is it shows another side where it makes

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Speaker 1: working a nine to five or being who you really

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Speaker 1: are off of social media, it looks uncool, It makes

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Speaker 1: you uncol What makes you feel that you're not enough,

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Speaker 1: and I really don't agree with anybody having to feel

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Speaker 1: that way. Oh man, I'm very conflicted about your situation

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Speaker 1: just because I don't want you to ever feel like

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Speaker 1: because you are.

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Speaker 2: You know, you consider yourself a.

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Speaker 1: Little overweight or a lot overweight, whatever, you know, whether

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Speaker 1: you're obese, fat, you know, it's levels to it. But

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Speaker 1: however you feel about it, you still shouldn't let that

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Speaker 1: depict how you go on in your love life. And

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Speaker 1: then also listening you're twenty one, you're still trying to

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Speaker 1: figure out you. I wouldn't be asking for love right now.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say you don't know what love is.

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Speaker 2: I would never say that.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't even say that to an eighteen year old

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Speaker 1: because what love is to you maybe different for what

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Speaker 1: love is to me. Love has no one fucking meaning,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, So it goes by experience

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Speaker 1: of what you feel. But I will say, you have

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Speaker 1: a lot going on, so you can't focus on one thing.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, You can't focus on love

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Speaker 1: right now because you also told me in the same

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Speaker 1: breath you're trying to figure out who you are. There's

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Speaker 1: no way that you could be ready for a relationship

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Speaker 1: and you don't know who you are. So what I

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Speaker 1: think is that you love the idea of love. You know,

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Speaker 1: you love what it looks like. You know, you love

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Speaker 1: what it can be. You love all the possibilities. You

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Speaker 1: love what you see visually, what looks good visually to you,

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Speaker 1: and then you probably see a lot of relationship goals too,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: And that's good.

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Speaker 1: You took a break from social media. I actually have

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Speaker 1: family members that have.

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Speaker 2: To do that.

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Speaker 1: I have friends that have to do that. I know

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Speaker 1: other influencers that have to do that.

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Speaker 2: I do that.

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Speaker 1: We need breaks, you know, because you could kind of

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Speaker 1: like feel like Instagram is the world and it's not,

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Speaker 1: and you're constantly reminded when you exit out the ad. Damn,

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Speaker 1: that's just one part. That's social media, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. It takes over our lives and it plays

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Speaker 1: a big part in our confidence, you know. So I

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Speaker 1: think you should do a lot more soul searching. You

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Speaker 1: probably will not be in a relationship until you hit thirty.

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Speaker 1: That don't need to scare you, that just needs to

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Speaker 1: motivate you, you know, stay on your path and figure

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Speaker 1: out what you're doing with your life.

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Speaker 2: Girl, You ain't got no kids.

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Speaker 1: You work three jobs and you're going to school to

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Speaker 1: be a fucking nail tech and you fucking worried about

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Speaker 1: some lift.

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Speaker 2: You got three jobs? Girl, how the fuck you gonna

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Speaker 2: spend time with?

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Speaker 4: Girl?

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Speaker 1: Listen, A man is a job too. A boyfriend is

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Speaker 1: a job, just like we jobs too, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So that's four jobs.

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Speaker 2: Thank god. You ain't got no damn kids. But you

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Speaker 2: know what men do. They give you kids.

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Speaker 1: So your little twenty one year old, but need to

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Speaker 1: stay on this arrow that you're on, Stay on this

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Speaker 1: path that you're on.

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Speaker 2: Don't worry so much about it. And I'm looking at

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Speaker 2: your picture. You are beautiful, all right. It is only

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Speaker 2: from your head to the top of your.

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Speaker 1: Get chests, but you're beautiful. You're beautiful, probably inside and out.

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Speaker 2: I don't know you. I haven't met you, but you

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Speaker 2: sound really concerned about nobody loving you. Girl. Fuck that.

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Speaker 1: You gotta love yourself because when you learn how to

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Speaker 1: love yourself, and I mean the railway because people hear

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Speaker 1: this all the time. Oh you gotta love yourself up.

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Speaker 1: People say this to people all the time, and they

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Speaker 1: take it the wrong. You gotta love yourself. You gotta

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Speaker 1: love yourself or I do love myself. Like nah, people

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Speaker 1: get more defensive after hearing that than just actually listening. No,

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Speaker 1: do you really know what it takes to love yourself,

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Speaker 1: because that's probably why your relationships fail.

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Speaker 2: You said, you're even just a sneaky link.

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Speaker 1: I'm no, you know, even if you want some dick,

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Speaker 1: just sometimes sometimes maybe that's not what you need. Maybe

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Speaker 1: shit fails for a reason. Start looking at it differently.

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Speaker 1: That's not in your timing right now, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. So yeah, like I said, just do some

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Speaker 1: more searching for who you are. You know, you're at

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Speaker 1: the best time right now. And then you also at

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Speaker 1: the best time to lose some more weight if that's

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Speaker 1: what you want to do. Shit, if you want to

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Speaker 1: lose more weight, go do that. If you feel like

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Speaker 1: that's why you ain't getting no no men, lose some

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Speaker 1: more and then see, and I guarantee you you'll find

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Speaker 1: it wasn't even your weight.

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Speaker 2: It probably is your mind.

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Speaker 1: It probably is the fact that you, like I said,

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Speaker 1: you don't even know what you want out of a relationship.

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Speaker 1: You love the idea of love, but I do hope

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Speaker 1: everything works out for you and you do get everything

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Speaker 1: that you want in life.

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Speaker 2: Make sure you follow up and update me, keep me posted.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and

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Speaker 1: then we'll be right back moving on. Last story. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I got all the babies today. Hey Joss,

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Speaker 1: I'm nineteen and I'm talking to this guy and I

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Speaker 1: have intimacy issues. It's hard for me to open up.

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Speaker 1: I've never been in a relationship before, so this part

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Speaker 1: of intimacy is new and hard. It's hard to talk

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Speaker 1: about my feelings. I had a lot of trauma, so

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Speaker 1: I don't want it to change our dynamic. The guy

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Speaker 1: is amazing. I don't want him to think he is

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Speaker 1: a problem. My question is do you think I'm ready

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Speaker 1: for a relationship or should I just continue to explore

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Speaker 1: being alone for a bit longer. By the way, you

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Speaker 1: can use this for the podcast in case you want consent.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's nice, thank you all. Was gonna use it anyway.

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Speaker 3: Girl.

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Speaker 1: I don't know your name, so that's good and can't

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Speaker 1: bite see your face, but no, I appreciate you for

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Speaker 1: reaching out and I'm happy that A lot of a

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Speaker 1: lot more younger people are reaching out because this younger generation,

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Speaker 1: they are facing a lot, you know, and they're seeing

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Speaker 1: a lot, and they are much more.

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Speaker 2: Exposed to a lot of shit too than we.

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Speaker 1: Ever were that I that I ever was at nineteen,

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Speaker 1: you know, so they could really be the main ones

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Speaker 1: that need some mental tending to.

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Speaker 2: You know. It's a lot, a lot of shit that

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Speaker 2: these babies are seeing.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, to get into what you have going on,

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Speaker 1: you've never been in a relationship before, so you don't

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Speaker 1: really know what it takes.

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Speaker 2: I understand. You got to think about it, though, every.

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Speaker 1: Person on this earth has been in that situation. Everybody

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Speaker 1: ain't born with boyfriends. Everybody has to have has to

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Speaker 1: jump in it some type of way.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: Every guy ain't born with no girlfriend. You know, everybody

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Speaker 1: has to jump into us some type of way. You

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Speaker 1: don't like talking about your feelings. You feel like that

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Speaker 1: will hinder you from a healthy relationship. I think you

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Speaker 1: need to dig deeper and figure out where that comes from.

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Speaker 1: You know, doesn't have anything to do with your upbringing

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Speaker 1: with people that you grew up with. You constantly seeing

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Speaker 1: things because I know you said you had trauma, you know,

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Speaker 1: but you didn't go into depth about the trauma, and

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Speaker 1: that's it's okay.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad that you even you.

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Speaker 1: Know, we don't have to so obviously you know, I

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Speaker 1: just don't know what the trauma is from. It could

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Speaker 1: it could be something more recent, it could be deeply rooted,

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Speaker 1: but that's probably, you know, more than likely where it

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Speaker 1: comes from. And I understand you said, this guy is amazing,

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Speaker 1: he's understanding. You don't want him to think he's the problem. No,

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Speaker 1: you don't. You don't because then in restrospect, that's not

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Speaker 1: fair to him. But no, I don't think that you're

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Speaker 1: ready for a relationship. I think you should start some counseling,

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Speaker 1: or you should start some therapy. It's nothing wrong with it.

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Speaker 1: You see that you do have issues that you want

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Speaker 1: to move past. You do see that, and that's good

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Speaker 1: that you see that. A lot of people's fear of

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Speaker 1: therapy is because they don't want to open up. They

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Speaker 1: don't even want to go talk to somebody. But this

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Speaker 1: first step for you, you come in to me. I think

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Speaker 1: that's amazing. I do think that you should seek further therapy.

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Speaker 1: Because I'm not a licensed professional, I can only give

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Speaker 1: you good advice. Figure yourself out. Then you also still nineteen.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you, like I told her the last baby, girl,

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Speaker 1: you're nineteen. See more years til you hit twenty one,

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Speaker 1: But in my eyes, you're still a baby. I got

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Speaker 1: a little sister that's nineteen, you know, and I just

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Speaker 1: watching her navigate through her social life. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: way different than mine was. You know, when I was nineteen,

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Speaker 1: we weren't doing something. The first of all, y'all even

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Speaker 1: look already, and y'all need to look nineteen. Now y'all

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Speaker 1: starting to look like. Y'all already got bbls and shit.

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And y'all bodies just all just full figure like that,

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Speaker 1: y'all developing more, y'all just exposed to everything.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: So I do think that you just need to explore

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Speaker 1: just being alone for a bit longer. And you already

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Speaker 1: knew that. You just needed to clarity, and I'm here

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Speaker 1: to give it to you, girls, So keep me updated,

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Speaker 1: let me know what's going on. Yeah, don't mess that

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Speaker 1: man up. Girls, that's one good one obviously. Don't mess

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Speaker 1: them up. Just fix yourself and go back and get them.

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Speaker 1: Hold up, Hold up, I know the shit getting good,

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Speaker 1: but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.

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Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen.

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Speaker 1: So this last mess, I'm a fix this in person

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Speaker 1: and somebody actually came into the studio and you know

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Speaker 1: this is I'm I'm trying this out because in fourth season,

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Speaker 1: I may bring this to video. You know, I know

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Speaker 1: we have Catholic reckless audio, but for those who want

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Speaker 1: to see, I may just do it. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I'm raising right now. It's gonna be my first in

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Speaker 1: person mass effix, so we'll see.

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Speaker 2: Let's see.

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Speaker 4: Hey, Jazz, So I have been a long term situationship

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Speaker 4: and I just need some advice on something that I

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Speaker 4: really you know, have been worried about for it. And

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Speaker 4: this is because of my own personal growth.

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Speaker 5: So I'm in my relationship, I'm the more communicated person

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Speaker 5: and the other person is a person who needs time

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Speaker 5: to walk away. Right, That's the thing, Like I need,

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Speaker 5: I need to get some space clear my mind. And

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Speaker 5: that's it's understandable, you know that people some people can't

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Speaker 5: just get to the bottom of it real quick. They

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Speaker 5: need a time to see what they're going through. But

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Speaker 5: it's like when does it get like Okay. Now this

355
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,960
Speaker 5: is getting played out because if you think about it,

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Speaker 5: the number one answer that older people will have successful relationships.

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Speaker 4: Say is what communicating beyond?

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Speaker 5: Like that's like the number one thing everybody say, because

359
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Speaker 5: you have to find a way to really find that

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Speaker 5: balance to communicate. Right, And it's like, well, thank god,

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Speaker 5: both of us is not like that. I can't that's

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Speaker 5: avoid it. But one person is begging to communicating, other

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Speaker 5: person's not. So then that means that it has to

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Speaker 5: be more of an aggressive like exit, which is, oh,

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna hang out, I'm gonna block you or some

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Speaker 5: shit like that. Right, It's not like because I'm gonna

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Speaker 5: be like no, I want to talk and it's like, nah,

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Speaker 5: completely block you out, and you could be literally like

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Speaker 5: sending messages like just talk to me. It's okay, it's fine,

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Speaker 5: let's just get this Like it's not that big of

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Speaker 5: a deal. And you don't hear from them, So it's like,

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Speaker 5: how do you deal with that going forward?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's actually a really really good one because I

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Speaker 1: can see how both could feel. You know, I feel

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Speaker 1: like you just describe introvert versus extrovert, but in a

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Speaker 1: relationship that's not how it's supposed to be. There needs

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00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,480
Speaker 1: to be a willingness to come out of your show.

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Speaker 2: A little bit more and open up, like as this guy.

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Speaker 1: If I know that I'm with a person who is

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Speaker 1: a bit communicator. All she does is communicate it, and

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Speaker 1: I know I'm not I'm gonna try to meet her there.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like you know, and I

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Speaker 1: understand because I was even like that.

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Speaker 2: I was on both sides.

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Speaker 1: I'm on more of your side now where I am

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Speaker 1: communicating more, But at first I was the same way.

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Speaker 1: I guess that's why I can kind of see where

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Speaker 1: he would be coming from. But I had to change that,

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Speaker 1: and I was willing to change that meeting the right person.

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00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,639
Speaker 1: I was always aggressive and I was always just like no, yo,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about it. I need time

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Speaker 1: because some people sometimes some people want to be mad

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Speaker 1: that shit is fucked up, but some people want to

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Speaker 1: be mad, they want.

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Speaker 2: To get it off. That's how some people get shit

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Speaker 2: off their chests.

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Speaker 1: He's not really a mediator because has he seen that

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Speaker 1: shit growing up? Has he always been that way because

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Speaker 1: his parents didn't talk to him, or he just has

400
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,800
Speaker 1: never been in in a place where he felt safe

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Speaker 1: enough to open up.

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Speaker 2: And I don't know your past, you know, I don't

403
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Speaker 2: even know his past.

404
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,360
Speaker 1: Book, from what you're telling me, you kind of had

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Speaker 1: a different upbringing than he did.

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Speaker 2: I don't know whether that that's household wise.

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00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:21,720
Speaker 1: Parent schooling, different groups of friends, you know, because anything

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Speaker 1: can define who you are as an adult.

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Speaker 2: It don't have to always be how you was raised.

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Speaker 2: It be you raise yourself, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: It'd be different people, different people that you met on

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Speaker 1: your journey to becoming an adult and how they prophesied

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Speaker 1: to you, or seeing this person come from this walk

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Speaker 1: of life, so like it's just figuring out a person

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Speaker 1: is this way you want to be? And you said,

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Speaker 1: y'all been in a relationship for a long time. Y'all

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Speaker 1: not together now, but y'all were in a long term relationship.

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Speaker 1: Is this a place where you see yourself going back

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Speaker 1: to or.

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Speaker 3: Do you not?

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Speaker 1: Are you conflicted at times? Because that can make you

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Speaker 1: be with a person. I don't want to be with

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Speaker 1: him this time, but I didn't. I do want to

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Speaker 1: be with him, though, But when he does something to

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Speaker 1: make you man, it goes out the window, and then

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Speaker 1: he comes round and y'all talk about it, and then

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Speaker 1: now you want to be with him again?

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Speaker 2: Is that? How do you know you want to move

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Speaker 2: forward with this person? Do you see a future with

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Speaker 2: this person?

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Speaker 5: And I'm gaining more self worth, I don't because, like

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Speaker 5: you said, when you just respond to back, it's like

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Speaker 5: you move differently now because of this love that.

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Speaker 4: You don't want to miss out on it.

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Speaker 5: So I'm at a place where it's like I'm gonna

436
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Speaker 5: have to be okay with realizing that maybe I can't

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Speaker 5: bring that out of him mm hm. And and that

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Speaker 5: hurts right, like that this man don't love me enough

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00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:31,760
Speaker 5: to be like I want to work it's out with her.

440
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 5: I want to talk to her. So I'm at a

441
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,399
Speaker 5: place now I know my worth like yes, I do

442
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:40,080
Speaker 5: have my shit right like I know, and even done

443
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,800
Speaker 5: in my communication like you you know, I sometimes I

444
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 5: can talk around to get to a point because I

445
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,359
Speaker 5: wanted us to get to a page without letting somebody

446
00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:49,119
Speaker 5: go through it, right, And I'm learning that and I'm

447
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:49,600
Speaker 5: more than help.

448
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,440
Speaker 4: That's why I was like, you gotta walk away.

449
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:54,440
Speaker 5: I get it, but it's the extra shit hang out

450
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,840
Speaker 5: answering like it's it's it creates too much of a

451
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,359
Speaker 5: like I get I be hurt. I don't even be mad.

452
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 5: I've hurt, like yo, this person. Now I'm not gonna

453
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 5: talk to them for days. Now, i gotta be left

454
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:09,760
Speaker 5: here just like yeah, until when they calmed down, like

455
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 5: a few days later, and I'm just like over it.

456
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 2: You know, that shit is not fair, Like I said,

457
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:15,960
Speaker 2: I used to do that.

458
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,360
Speaker 1: I used to do that to people, and that shit

459
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:23,240
Speaker 1: is not fair because it now it leaves the person

460
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,639
Speaker 1: wondering whether or not you do actually really love them,

461
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 1: like or do you even respect me? Because that's when

462
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 1: things start getting disrespectful. It's the difference between an extrovert

463
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 1: and just shutting down versus the disrespect. You don't have

464
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 1: to hang up, you don't have to block me, you

465
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,919
Speaker 1: don't have to not talk to me for days. What

466
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,639
Speaker 1: are you trying to prove a point? Because that's what

467
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 1: it comes to. Now, you're trying to prove a point.

468
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:45,879
Speaker 1: And then that's the manipulative too, because those type of

469
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 1: people always know what to do to get back and

470
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 1: your good graces. Like they're selfish in a way, you know,

471
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:55,399
Speaker 1: and sometimes subconsciously selfish. And those people don't like to

472
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 1: be told about themselves. I was selfish. I never like

473
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,199
Speaker 1: to be told about myself. I didn't want to be

474
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 1: in control, but I just wanted things to go my

475
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 1: way and people to see shit my way all the time.

476
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 1: And shit ain't gonna be like that, not in the

477
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 1: real world, not in your household, not at your job,

478
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 1: not with your friends, because everybody thinks differently. Communication really

479
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,959
Speaker 1: is a big factor with love. Sometimes you can love

480
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 1: a motherfucker, but you feel empty because you don't feel

481
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,119
Speaker 1: like you're being loved. If you don't hear me, you

482
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 1: don't give me an opportunity to be heard. You're not listening.

483
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 1: You don't want to listen, so you don't even want

484
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 1: to find out what the problem is, and then you

485
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 1: don't want to fix it.

486
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 5: And this is another note, d really really is a

487
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 5: struggle for me because it's abuse. Yeah, Like you know

488
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 5: how like if your maybe parent spanks you, right and

489
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 5: they could have been wrong for it because they was

490
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 5: doing out of anger. Then they come back I'm so sorry,

491
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 5: Or somebody who's dating who's going through abuse, it's like, baby,

492
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,960
Speaker 5: next time, I'm gonna do it. It's literally that because

493
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 5: you're coming back saying you're not even coming back apology.

494
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 5: You just come like hey, and I'm over here, like

495
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 5: literally was hurt, Like I'm not over here, may like

496
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 5: a bitch is hurt crying about it, and it's because

497
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 5: it's like I actually like care about you and you're

498
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:12,919
Speaker 5: leaving me hanging right all because what you you just

499
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,879
Speaker 5: don't want to talk about it at all. You know,

500
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,960
Speaker 5: it should be small. Even if it was big, it's

501
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,480
Speaker 5: still okay to talk about it, Like, yeah.

502
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,920
Speaker 1: Do you think that he would need any benefited with

503
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,640
Speaker 1: uh from any type of therapy?

504
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 2: Yes?

505
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,679
Speaker 4: Absolutely, and I recommend it all the time.

506
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 2: What was his answer to it cost money?

507
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 4: Oh?

508
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,200
Speaker 2: Why?

509
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 1: But there are a certain therapists you know, therapy y'all,

510
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 1: lets that just take insurance some of them don't.

511
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 4: Cause explain that to him and he was like, oh,

512
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 4: you know, he was into it.

513
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,639
Speaker 1: He was into it, so he did okay, okay, So

514
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 1: when you did explain it, he did like agree, like

515
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:46,440
Speaker 1: all right, well I might.

516
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 2: Look into it now.

517
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: Is that something that do you feel like he needs

518
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 1: individually or do y'all want that something that you would

519
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:52,880
Speaker 1: be open to doing with him?

520
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:53,360
Speaker 4: Naw.

521
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,159
Speaker 5: You need to like seek your own inner piece and

522
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 5: that's why I'm getting so a point where my self

523
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 5: worth that I'm like, no, like I can have him.

524
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 4: But now it's away to me that a man will

525
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 4: actually talk to me.

526
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 5: So in my next relationship, I'm gonna anticipate him being like,

527
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 5: I'm gonna I feel I'm gonna pull back on my

528
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 5: communication because I think he's gonna be like, nah, I

529
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 5: you know, I don't really want to talk about it,

530
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:16,880
Speaker 5: instead of me being like insaid, of him.

531
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 4: Being like, let's let's talk about it, like I'm.

532
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,040
Speaker 5: Be happy about it, but it's gonna be hard like

533
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 5: going into it because I'm gonna think they're like, it's

534
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 5: just gonna create some type of conflict.

535
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:30,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, So then that's you being scarred, like like subconsciously

536
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: like you're scarred from that, and that could also build

537
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 1: in securities for the next man from you. You know,

538
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 1: you can also project onto other people what you've been

539
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 1: through in your last relationship. So do you feel like

540
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:45,159
Speaker 1: you need to heal in this before you even you know, well,

541
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 1: are you even trying to date?

542
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 5: First of all, I'm just waiting on go as time

543
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,439
Speaker 5: and I'm not looking no more. I'm not even looking

544
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 5: for him, you know, I just I just want to

545
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 5: whatever is meant for me and my energy. That's why

546
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,399
Speaker 5: I'm trying to change my energy around to match. If

547
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,639
Speaker 5: you're not mentioning, then I'm gonna have to, you know,

548
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 5: but not even as friends at this point, because friends

549
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,439
Speaker 5: don't treat each other that way, all right, yep, And.

550
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: That is what defines a foundation in a relationship to

551
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:16,159
Speaker 1: actually being that person's friend, because it gets very, very

552
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 1: toxic when you're in a relationship with somebody and y'all

553
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 1: get mad at each other and you feel like y'all

554
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:24,400
Speaker 1: broke up. You feel like he don't love you when

555
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: he mad at you, or you feel like she don't

556
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 1: love you when she mad at you. It should never

557
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 1: be that way because friends don't do each other like

558
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,200
Speaker 1: now friends plus friends fight. Friends supposed to get that good.

559
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:39,639
Speaker 1: If you go into it just straight intimacy, you skip

560
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 1: all that building foundation and all that shit. It's never

561
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 1: gonna work because you're supposed to know somebody deeper than

562
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 1: what you can see. Like it's like, I know what

563
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 1: I want to say, but you know, y'all, y'all listeners

564
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 1: like bed with me. You know, if you can see

565
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:59,159
Speaker 1: through all the fucking like intimacy and what's on outside.

566
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 1: He looks sexy and he's and and oh she can cook,

567
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 1: and and oh he got his own this, that and

568
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 1: the other. And if you strip down all that shit,

569
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 1: y'all didn't have anything together like and y'all go through

570
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 1: shit together and ship, then that that's what makes your friend,

571
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 1: you know, like being able to withstand trials and shit

572
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 1: together and obstacles together and being are when one lax

573
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 1: like pick up that slag and shit like that. So

574
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 1: that's what I feel like. No, everything you said was

575
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 1: was real about the whole friendship thing.

576
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 5: And it's top of all of you know, which is

577
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 5: the end of it all is you would think that

578
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 5: all of that meant something when you do have these

579
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 5: moments tribulationship and in this situation.

580
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 4: It's given very much, it does it. We built this friendship.

581
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 5: Up, like your friendship is way more of a priority

582
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:50,120
Speaker 5: to me than a relationship, right, but you know this, right,

583
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:52,199
Speaker 5: so you know that this is a big thing for me,

584
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 5: and you still like so all we went through his

585
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 5: friends and still don't make it enough of you want

586
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 5: to talk to you because you should be. If I'm

587
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 5: your friend, you're my friend. She'd be like, shit, no,

588
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,960
Speaker 5: I don't want us to be beefing right, So that

589
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 5: so that's it. That's the part of it all is

590
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,159
Speaker 5: it goes back to like, really, he doesn't love me

591
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 5: the way I.

592
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 1: Love him, right right, and he's still stuck in that

593
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: relationship part of it that, you know, like because even

594
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: I think that's still even bigger you to be like,

595
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 1: all right, look, we just need to be friends, all right,

596
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 1: Like I want to focus on the friends. And then

597
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,920
Speaker 1: like so ladies, look she's still even trying to find

598
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 1: a way to well, she was, you know, was trying

599
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,920
Speaker 1: to even still find a way to.

600
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 2: Make it comfortable for him.

601
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,160
Speaker 1: Do you see how we like sometimes indirectly bend over

602
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 1: backwards for these men, you know, and we still don't

603
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 1: get the credit. We still don't get flowers, We still

604
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: don't get even acknowledgment at times like yo, I'm trying

605
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: to figure this shit out for you.

606
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,199
Speaker 2: I know how to fucking communicate, I know.

607
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,400
Speaker 1: And we've been friends for the past what ten plus

608
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,879
Speaker 1: is five plushy is whatever, and we we we've been together.

609
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,439
Speaker 1: You know, it's just like fuck, you would think you

610
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 1: had some some type of respect for me or some

611
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:06,200
Speaker 1: type of like loyalty to the point.

612
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,199
Speaker 2: Where it's like you'll know, or it is because we

613
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 2: came up.

614
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 1: Like we you know, we've been through shit together, so

615
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 1: I feel you. Some bonds are supposed to be unbreakable.

616
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:21,400
Speaker 1: But like you said, ultimately it's you loving him more

617
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 1: than he loves you, or him not being able to

618
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: even love you like you should be loved, or how

619
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: you love him. And that's just the short end of

620
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 1: the stick that us women has. We have to bear

621
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 1: with that sometimes, or we fucking don't. We move on,

622
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,639
Speaker 1: but then you're still mentally held captive to a person

623
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: who manipulates you into never letting them go, you know

624
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,120
Speaker 1: what I mean, in some type of weird way.

625
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep this leash on it.

626
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,880
Speaker 1: Not because they just want to torch you, because they

627
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,199
Speaker 1: really fucking want you to.

628
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 2: They just don't know how. They don't know, they don't

629
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 2: know how to say it, they don't know how to

630
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 2: show it.

631
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 1: But they know what they want to expect for you

632
00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 1: to read their fucking mind, you know what I mean,

633
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 1: Expect for that. But no, we want to be coddled,

634
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: We want to be fucking pampered. At times, I want

635
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,160
Speaker 1: you to read my fucking mind at times. I want

636
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:07,920
Speaker 1: you to say, all right.

637
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 2: Yo, you ain't going away till we talk about this.

638
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 1: I want you to initiate that fucking communication all the time,

639
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 1: because then it's gonna feel like I wear the fucking

640
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 1: pants all the time. I shouldn't have to wear the pants.

641
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: I want a man to lead, that's what you want.

642
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,360
Speaker 1: You want a man to lead you. And you talk

643
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: about it. You're on your spiritual journey and you talk

644
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,920
Speaker 1: about that. You know you want somebody else spiritual too.

645
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: You want to want your man to be like, Noah,

646
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: we ain't leaving up the house until we pray together.

647
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,879
Speaker 1: Where you going that day? You know, you know we

648
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 1: pull off.

649
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,920
Speaker 2: You know you want that, and you're gonna get that.

650
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 2: You can get that.

651
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: You know something make us feel like it's impossible, it's not,

652
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,440
Speaker 1: you know. So I want you to check back into

653
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 1: We come to the end of another carefully borkless episode

654
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 1: with your girl Jess.

655
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 2: Hilarious.

656
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,960
Speaker 1: I'm fixing mess not only on the Black Effect Network,

657
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 1: but on be Et as well.

658
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 2: Check me out on Breakfast Club. I love you, guys,

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00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 2: I'll see you next week.

660
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 3: Peace A

661
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:46,480
Speaker 4: Name