WEBVTT - Best Of Outweigh! 0:00:01.240 --> 0:00:03.880 Maybe that's Lisa, and we're just two girls that want 0:00:03.880 --> 0:00:07.360 to have a conversation with you. Dear sixteen year old Andrea, 0:00:07.480 --> 0:00:12.360 Hey gorgeous, Dear younger Lauren. Each episode is stories from people. 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:15.760 I would deprive myself by myself obsessively because I was 0:00:15.800 --> 0:00:18.360 eating healthy. I couldn't understand that I had a problem 0:00:18.360 --> 0:00:21.079 with food. Losing my period scared me the most. My 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:24.159 story starts when I was around seven. That's when I 0:00:24.160 --> 0:00:27.400 started to hate my body. Body image is like our 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:31.319 inner picture of our outer self. Healthy behaviors play a 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:33.720 much bigger role at all health than the actual number 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:37.199 on the scales. Internal dialogue could be so powerful, and 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:40.080 often it's super negative and critical in a way that 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:42.360 we wouldn't talk to other people that we care about. 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:44.760 When you start to share your story, that gives other 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:46.920 people the courage to share theirs. I know you would 0:00:46.960 --> 0:00:49.159 be proud now of how far you have come in 0:00:49.159 --> 0:00:53.640 your relationship to food, exercise, and to yourself. I felt freedom, 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:57.560 I've gained relationships. I've found my true sense of self worth. 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:01.360 There's one thing I need you to take away. You're 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:06.759 going to be okay, all right. It's the day after Christmas. 0:01:07.240 --> 0:01:10.000 And uh, for some people, you might be waking up 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:13.080 to a cozy cup of coffee, hanging out with your family. 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:15.200 But for some people, the reality is you might be 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:19.160 waking up alone because Christmas looks a lot different this year, 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:23.160 and maybe you had to self quarantine, or you weren't 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:26.160 able to travel, or you weren't able to be with 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:28.280 your family. And I want to recognize too that we 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:31.319 keep talking about how is different, but also there's the 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:35.400 reality that some years holidays are just never awesome for 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:40.360 some people, depending on their family circumstances or their family dynamic. 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:44.160 So that's not lost on us either. It's just sometimes 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:46.920 we speak to what we're in and has been weird 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:49.320 because maybe normally, yeah, you would be with family, but 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:53.400 you're not today, or again maybe you are. But our 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:57.520 hope is that wherever you are, that this holiday season 0:01:57.600 --> 0:01:59.800 and it will continue because we got new year, or 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:02.880 on the corner around the horizon, different things going on. 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:06.960 There might be leftovers from yesterday in the fridge, pie 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:10.520 calling your name, whatever, And I hope that this year 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:13.600 for you looks so different because for me, I think 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:18.480 of Christmas pasts where I would have eaten everything that 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.160 was prepared by all the amazing people in my family 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:24.120 that can cook so well. And then the day after 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:27.200 I was like at the gym, juicing, doing all the 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:31.480 things to undo the damage I had done. So I 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:35.040 just hope that you've joined us in outweigh the last 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:39.040 several months, and maybe you've learned some stuff and you've 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:42.280 been given the tools to give yourself that permission to 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:45.200 no matter what you ate yesterday on Christmas Day, and 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:48.400 no matter how you're waking up today, you can eat 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:51.960 breakfast however much you want, whatever you want. You don't 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:55.079 have to go to the gym. You can go get 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:56.919 the pie out, it doesn't matter. I mean, Leasa, you 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.120 might be able to speak to this more because I 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:02.480 thank Lisa lot for my growth in this area. There 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:06.240 was several different things that contributed to me finding this 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:09.079 piece that I now have with food, but Lesa is 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:11.680 a huge reason for that. Thank you, And I mean 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:14.240 they're I've been there too, So I'm not just speaking 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:16.960 as you know, the the expert. I'm speaking right now 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:19.040 from the person that also has been there, whether it 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:21.880 was Thanksgiving or even just you know, a Sunday night 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:24.320 or whatever it was, when we put these days on 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:29.560 pedestals for whatever reasons, that the shift really happens when 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:33.960 you recognize the noise. You know, I call my courses 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:36.000 forth the noise, but you don't need to take my 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:38.920 courses to understand the concept. The concept is when you 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:43.360 were caught up in either inner noise, which can be worry, guilt, shame, 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:46.600 feeling like you need to compensate, you can notice what 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:49.160 that feels like in your body and recognize you're not 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:51.200 your best self right now, and in order to be 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:53.720 your best self, you need to calm down and give 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:56.800 your body what it needs. And as long as we 0:03:56.880 --> 0:04:00.320 continue to you know, do the juice cleanses or you know, 0:04:00.680 --> 0:04:03.400 make up for a Christmas Day, the more we stay 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:06.960 stuck in this this really bad cycle that isn't the 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:09.880 true us. So again, you know, we've done so much 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:11.880 this year on that way, and thank you for everybody 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:14.360 who made that way possible. So feel free to also 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:18.680 just revisit any episodes because these shifts in our mindset 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:21.679 and our behavior take time, So really listen to whatever 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:24.080 feels good for you. And we kind of picked out 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:26.159 some of the best of of this year to try 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:28.400 and help you kind of get there today or whatever 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:30.320 day you're listening to this, if it's not the day 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:32.960 after Christmas. And we've had so many experts and guests 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:36.360 just hopefully just reminding you that you're not alone, your 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:39.640 body is not broken, but it is definitely time to 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:42.359 change the way we think so that we can really 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:44.840 live our fullest lives. I love that I want to 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:49.599 share a small joy from my recovery, and at least 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:51.359 so while I'm sharing it, you can be thinking of 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:54.560 one because we didn't discuss this before. But a small 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:57.560 joy for me was that I got to make a 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.440 brownie recipe that Mary and I include it in our 0:05:00.440 --> 0:05:03.520 Four Things Gratitude journal. It's it's a journal that you 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:05.839 write down what you're thankful for, but we both included 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:10.400 family recipes inside, and mine was a macaroni and cheese dish, 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:13.640 and then hers was this amazing brownie dish from her grandma, 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:17.560 and nothing was gluten free and was like all these 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:19.400 food rules I used to have around, Okay, if I'm 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:21.440 gonna have a brownie, it needs to be X y 0:05:21.520 --> 0:05:24.520 Z for me to eat it. And it was all 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:27.520 kinds of ingredients I would have never allowed myself, and 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:29.560 I whipped it up, made it with my daughter, which 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:32.360 was super fun and she thought they were so tasty. 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.120 And then earlier this week, I ate a brownie for 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:38.120 breakfast and I even just felt like that was a 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:40.800 small joy for me. I made a cup of coffee, 0:05:40.839 --> 0:05:43.279 I sat down to work on my puzzle. I ate 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:46.719 the brownie, and that, to me was a moment that 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:49.159 I don't think I would have had, and it was 0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:53.279 just me by myself, like nothing around. But I thought, Okay, 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:56.080 diet culture says no to this all day long, and 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:59.600 that's how we learned stuff like that. Society tells us 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:03.159 you're gonna eat that brownie and you're gonna eat it 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:06.720 for breakfast, and you're gonna like insert whatever. And so 0:06:06.839 --> 0:06:10.479 for me that was a small joy in my recovery. 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:12.640 And just pay even that noise. You know, Okay, you're 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:14.720 gonna eat that brownie. You're gonna eat you know it 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:17.080 for breakfast, and oh look at you, you're still going 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:20.240 you know, all those noises are clues that you're entering 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:24.120 disconnection and you're going to then, you know, partaking the 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:26.760 last chance mentality where okay, well I might as well 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:29.320 keep eating all of the brownie. And what a beautiful 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:31.760 moment that you had with yourself, Amy, like, those are 0:06:31.760 --> 0:06:35.240 the seeds of planting a really radically different relationship to 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:38.239 yourself than the one that you know, we've been taught 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:41.359 to kind of have. Okay, my joys have been not 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:44.799 so much in the actual foods that I'm eating, because 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:47.400 i feel like I've gotten some good, you know, freedoms 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:49.520 around that. But one of the things that really like 0:06:49.680 --> 0:06:51.800 lights my heart on fire and makes me feel really 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:53.920 proud of me and so grateful that I did this 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:57.360 work or I do this work every day is really like, 0:06:57.600 --> 0:07:00.120 my husband has been working crazy hours and I normly 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:02.560 really try and wait for him for dinner, but lately 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:04.560 it's just been too much to wait for him. I 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:07.360 can't eat at ten thirty at night multiple times a night, 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:10.120 so I've been eating my dinner alone, which can be 0:07:10.160 --> 0:07:12.600 a little bit lonely, and then when he comes home, Um, 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:14.360 you know, I could have have different options there. I 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:16.480 could just put food in front of him, I could 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:18.560 have it waiting for him and be in bed, But 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:21.800 I've actually been partaking and also eating with him simply 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:24.680 because sometimes sharing sharing a meal for me is just 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:28.560 a really powerful way to stay connected and even if 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:30.840 I'm not you know, hungry or in the mood for 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:33.760 that food or any of that. Having a few bites 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:36.320 and just sharing those moments together they make such a 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:40.120 big difference in our relationship, and I value that relationship 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:43.640 so much, and I recognize that that's not something that 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:46.520 I would have ever, you know, done five six, seven 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:49.520 years ago. Yes, being able to put I feel like 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:52.040 I can speak for you here on this, Lisa, But 0:07:52.120 --> 0:07:54.560 for a lot of years, both of us probably spent 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:57.320 a lot of time and energy putting food and working 0:07:57.400 --> 0:08:00.800 out above relationships for sure. And then even if I 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:02.920 were to eat with him, you know, it wouldn't be 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:04.880 because I wanted to spend time with him. It would 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:07.560 be because like this whole other mindset in my mind 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:09.920 was really dragging me away from the moment. I might 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:11.680 be eating with him, but I'm thinking about, you know, 0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:13.880 what I have to do because I ate this food. 0:08:14.360 --> 0:08:16.320 And it's nice that food can just be a vehicle 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:19.760 to connect period. It just is so different. Yeah, and 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:23.120 your brain is there with him and with five different 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:26.480 places on how you're gonna And I know months ago, 0:08:26.640 --> 0:08:28.800 this may even have been last year. We probably was 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:31.960 last year, and weird, but you were talking about, or 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.600 maybe you were just sharing an experience from early on 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.440 in your recovery, like you were at a bachelorette party 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:40.079 or traveling with girlfriends, and normally you would have not 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:42.600 been able to order things off room service and you 0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:44.800 would have woken up first thing and went to the gym. 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:48.000 But you were able to just order whatever with your girlfriends, 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:50.200 have a good night at the hotel, and then not 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:53.120 wake up and rush off to the gym totally, which 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:56.040 is again about relationships, and I've been there. It makes 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:59.520 me think too. Before we get into this best of episode. 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:02.840 General for Rolin is someone that we both admire a 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:06.120 lot and follow on Instagram, and she actually posted the 0:09:06.160 --> 0:09:08.800 other day a small joy of her recovery, and she said, 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:11.560 choosing to sleep in with your partner instead of feeling 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:13.760 like you have to rush off to the gym. I 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:15.640 think that applies even if you don't have a partner, 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:18.200 Like I mean, your moment today eating your brownie, like 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.920 the fact that it was alone is so much bigger 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:24.280 than I think we even realize, because having these intimate 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:28.160 moments with ourself are really important. So choosing to lay 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:30.920 in bed with yourself on the day after Christmas if 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:33.480 you're not working, because that just feels good to just like, 0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:35.760 you know, kind of self cherished. For lack of a 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:37.200 better word, I don't know if that's kind of the 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:38.560 word I want to go for. It is just a 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:41.520 beautiful moment, like to hold yourself and not rush off 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:45.640 into this defined version of health, Like health is calmness, 0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:48.360 it's inner peace. Those are the mindset that change your 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:51.760 chemistry to actually support things like your cardiac health and 0:09:51.840 --> 0:09:56.280 inflammation more than the food or the exercise itself. If 0:09:56.320 --> 0:09:59.520 that makes sense. Does that makes sense? Absolutely? Our hope 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:02.640 is that you guys close out the end of this 0:10:02.720 --> 0:10:06.160 year a little bit more self aware of where you 0:10:06.200 --> 0:10:09.520 are with food and and body image stuff and then 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:13.320 give yourself grace. This kind of thing does not happen overnight. 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:15.760 Lisa and I both put in a lot of work, 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:18.120 and so I don't want you to beat yourself up 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:20.480 if you hear us telling a story and you're not 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:24.600 quite there yet, because everybody's journey is different and how 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:27.120 you get there may be different. We just want outweigh 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:30.199 to be a tool that you have in your toolbox 0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:33.440 to help you get there. So we hope you enjoy 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:36.520 Today's best of episode and then we will see you 0:10:36.600 --> 0:10:40.560 in one Who who we are so excited to welcome 0:10:40.720 --> 0:10:44.240 Jennifer Rowlin. She is in eating disorder therapist and founder 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:47.920 of the Eating Disorder Center in Maryland. Welcome Jennifer. Hey, 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:50.440 I'm so excited to be here. Yeah, we're excited to 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.679 have you on, especially since you can talk with us 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:58.640 about eating disorder issues and topics and your therapist, you're 0:10:58.679 --> 0:11:01.520 the expert. And the first thing we'd love to touch 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:04.640 on with you is orthorexia because I think for a 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:08.480 long time this didn't have a name. I know I 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:12.040 personally had it, but I didn't realize that's what I 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:15.000 was doing and to myself and to my family and 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:17.400 friends that I was hanging out with. Can you talk 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:19.520 to us about what it is? Yeah, And I think 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:21.880 it's so common for people to not know that they 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:26.959 have it. And basically orthorexia is an unhealthy obsession was 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:30.360 so called healthy eating, So what it can look like. 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:33.600 Just some of the main symptoms would be rigid food rule, 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:37.400 so saying things like I don't eat white bread, cutting 0:11:37.400 --> 0:11:40.800 out whole food groups for non medical reasons. We also 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:44.160 see social isolation, so starting to avoid events, where the 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:47.720 person can't get their like quote unquote healthy food, spending 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:51.559 hours thinking about food, googling recipes, and then this idea 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:54.080 of purity and morality. So if I eat a certain 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:56.040 way that I'm a good person, but if I eat 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:58.559 a different way that I'm bad. Yes, And I, as 0:11:58.600 --> 0:12:02.120 someone who also experience a version of orthorexia, you know 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:04.320 it didn't start like that. How does it start for 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:07.800 most people in your practice or your experience. Sure, so 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:13.040 I'm also recovered myself, and I first experienced orthorexic symptoms 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:14.839 might eating to put are emerged, and I see this 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:17.840 with clients as well. How it usually starts as this 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.480 idea of I want to be healthier. That's how it 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:25.360 presents the outside world. So typically people to orthorexia, unlike anorexia, 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:28.280 they're usually very open about what they're eating, kind of 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:32.920 posting the Instagram images it's beautiful, like healthyfied foods, promoting 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:36.199 this idea of health and wellness. But underneath that is 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:39.679 an obsession and high levels of anxiety as well as 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:42.400 like this need for control. So I just want to 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:45.240 be clear too, because there is a difference in wanting 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:49.760 to put nourishing foods into your body and caring about that, 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:54.120 but then being obsessive about it. I mean, how do 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:56.080 how do you tell the difference? Like if someone's listening 0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:58.760 at that, they're like, oh, shoot, I do care about 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:02.440 like nutrients and food, and my outer wisdom is telling 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:04.840 me like, this food is something that's going to provide 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:07.280 a lot of healthy vitamins and minerals for my body 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:09.240 and what it needs. But there's a difference. That's not 0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:12.480 what we're saying. Absolutely yeah. So it comes down to 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:16.040 this idea of preference versus a rigid rule. So what 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:18.040 I al would say is there's nothing wrong with really 0:13:18.080 --> 0:13:23.240 liking kale, right, that's not unhealthy. But for somebody with orthorexia, 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:27.320 it's this idea of I cannot break my food rules, 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:30.000 and if I do, there's extreme anxiety. So it's a 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.920 difference between I have a preference for eating this food 0:13:32.920 --> 0:13:35.040 this I know it's going to give me nutrients. I've 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:37.880 decided to have this meal because it looks good, versus 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:40.440 I'm eating this meal because these are my safe foods 0:13:40.440 --> 0:13:43.640 and anything else is bad. And if I eat anything else, 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:46.320 you know, I'm going to feel terrible about myself or 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.880 have to compensate or think about it all day and 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:52.360 anecdotally for myself. You know, it started off of I 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:55.400 love healthy food. I love healthy food, but it was 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:59.280 also really just a vice to control my food in 0:13:59.320 --> 0:14:02.280 a new way, in a way where other people wouldn't 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:04.800 question it that you know, I was eating, but I 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:08.280 was eating specific foods, so nobody would ever say, Okay, 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:10.640 she hasn't eating disorder, she doesn't eat. If anything, everybody 0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:13.800 would say she eats a lot, because I was always eating, 0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:16.760 but always eating safe foods personally for me, Yeah, and 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:20.040 that's so typical. And we might see things and something 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:22.720 I did and my eating disorder, for instance, was I 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:24.960 would bring my own food to cook outs in like 0:14:24.960 --> 0:14:27.200 a tepperware and I'd be eating and it would appear 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:30.480 quote unquote healthy, but it wasn't enough calories for my 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:33.680 energy needs and it was very rigid. Yeah, I would 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:37.480 say I could speak to that too. For my family, 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:41.160 my dad, food is his love language and he would 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:43.400 love to cook for us. And I think back on 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:45.840 all the times where I used to just show up 0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:48.440 and not eat what he prepared because it wasn't on 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:51.640 my list, and I could get away with it because 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:56.200 I was like, well, Dad, I'm a vegan, gluten free, 0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:59.040 you know person now, But I don't even really know 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:01.440 why I put myself into that category. I think some 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:04.920 of it did start because I was trying to get 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.160 pregnant and I read a book that was all about 0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:09.880 detoxing and how you what certain foods you could put 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:11.720 into your body. But for me, it took it to 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:14.800 the next level. But I had that as my excuse 0:15:14.960 --> 0:15:17.240 of Why'm meeting this way because I'm trying to get pregnant. 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:20.680 But I really I liked the results I was seeing 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:25.040 from it, and it snowballed and snowballed to where I 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:28.480 was no longer a We began to fear the things 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:32.120 that you cut out exactly couldn't be flexible. And then 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:36.520 if I let myself have whatever said food that I feared, 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:40.080 then it was like, Okay, I've gone and done this, 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.640 so I better eat this food that is on my 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:45.560 fear list for the rest of today and as much 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:48.040 as I can because tomorrow I'm never going to have 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:51.200 it again. Yeah, and that's so common that, like in 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:55.600 compulsive eating restricts cycle, it's incredibly common. And I think 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:58.440 one thing you both pointed out was also how this 0:15:58.560 --> 0:16:01.000 eating disorder. I like to call it like the eating 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:03.680 disorder that hides in plain sight, because it's often not 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:06.080 visible to the outside. I people think, oh, that person 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:08.800 is just being healthy, and there's a lot of justifications, 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:11.800 like you said, then you're gluten freeze, then you're dairy freeze. 0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:15.520 But secretly, it's that obsession and that desire for control 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:18.160 and not to mention the applaud that comes with oh 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:20.120 I wish I could be healthy like you, or I 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:23.240 should have the discipline like you, where you're being applauded 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:28.120 for this behavior that becomes your identity. So yes, I'm 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:30.080 going to touch on that, because you say your identity. 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:33.880 Somehow I became this person without even really trying to 0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:37.280 be that person that people would come to for advice 0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:39.920 on what is the next thing I should be doing 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:42.960 or how can I de TALX like a S A P. 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:45.080 And I was like, how did I become this person? 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:47.120 But I realized I became that person because it's all 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:52.680 I talked about, which I probably would now find myself 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:56.520 to be extremely annoying if but I mean, but it's 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:59.200 it is something that a lot of people are interested in, 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:02.240 and they're always trying to find that next thing. So 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:04.359 if you're a person that's up to speed on the 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:07.800 next super food, then you know, of course it's what 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:09.560 you're gonna be talking about and people are gonna ask 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.840 you about. And to me, there was nothing satisfying about 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.000 being that person. I think at the time I thought 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:16.919 maybe there was, but looking back, I'm like, oh, that 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:20.080 was just so miserable to be fixated on certain foods 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.040 that we're going to have all these magical powers because 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:25.240 they were on my my list of approved things I 0:17:25.240 --> 0:17:27.960 could eat, And then so hard for people to let 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:30.639 go of that identity too, for some people, because they 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:33.199 do get so much praise from other people and it 0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:35.159 becomes part of who they are and they're like, without this, 0:17:35.400 --> 0:17:38.359 who am I. The thing about orthorexia was that this 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:40.960 was not a word that was well known. Um I 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:46.400 think it was officially created or termed coined in the nineties, 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:49.000 but we didn't hear about it until really now. And 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:51.040 it's one of those words that I wish I knew 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:54.320 about or I learned about in school, because without it existing, 0:17:54.840 --> 0:17:57.480 I thought I was fine. I thought that, okay, I 0:17:57.520 --> 0:18:01.320 didn't have anorexia or believe me, a personally so therefore 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:04.800 I was fine, and with the understanding that there's this 0:18:04.920 --> 0:18:08.640 gray area which is disordered eating, which orthorexia falls under, 0:18:09.200 --> 0:18:12.080 I felt like I could have raised my hand and say, okay, 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:15.280 I see that symptom in me, but without it being there, 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:19.080 without a place to land, I've I suffered for many years. Yeah, 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:23.600 because so tough and unfortunately so common. Again, it's just hard, 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:26.480 I think, to identify that you have a problem when 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:29.960 everyone around you is envious of what you're doing, and 0:18:29.960 --> 0:18:32.760 maybe you're surrounding yourself by other people in diet culture, 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:35.760 so it seems very normative. Jennifer, Can you share with 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:40.399 us the difference between eating disorder and disordered eating? Sure? 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:43.879 So for me, the way that I designed disordered eating 0:18:44.040 --> 0:18:46.639 is that you don't have a good relationship with food. 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:50.479 Maybe you're following like these external diet rules, You're not 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:54.200 listening to your body, you're casting judgment around certain foods 0:18:54.280 --> 0:18:56.919 is good or bad. Perhaps you're not eating enough for 0:18:56.960 --> 0:19:00.000 your energy needs, and all of that can be really harmful. 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:02.480 And I think people who struggle with disordered eating deserve 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:05.000 to get care as much as people with eating disorders. 0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:08.120 For me, it crosses over into an eating disorder. When 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:11.879 that becomes your whole life. There's a big distinction between dieting, 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:14.160 where like that's one piece of your life, and maybe 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:16.560 it's an unpleasant piece of your life, but it's a 0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:18.680 piece of your life. When it's an eating disorder, it 0:19:18.800 --> 0:19:22.280 starts to infiltrate every area of your life. And for 0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:24.520 many people, at the height of their eating disorder, it's 0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:27.520 like every waking thought is about food or when can 0:19:27.560 --> 0:19:29.480 I get my next meal? Or when can I use 0:19:29.480 --> 0:19:33.600 this behavior. Maybe there's a mom that's listening, or a 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:36.080 family member or a best friend that's listening to this 0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:40.360 right now, and they don't necessarily struggle with some of this, 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:44.159 but someone close to them does. What advice do you 0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:46.480 have for people in their life? Look for me, I'm 0:19:46.520 --> 0:19:48.439 thinking of like if I had a friend listening to 0:19:48.480 --> 0:19:51.240 this back when I was really like hyper focused, like 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:54.000 on every little thing that I was eating. To say, 0:19:54.040 --> 0:19:56.159 my best friend or my sister would be listening to 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:57.520 us talk right now, and she might be like, oh 0:19:57.520 --> 0:19:59.800 my gosh, this is Amy, Like Amy needs to hear 0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:02.679 the us, Like, how how can I help any this 0:20:02.840 --> 0:20:05.359 is her? What is the best way to do it 0:20:05.440 --> 0:20:08.960 without you know, offending somebody or trying to make sure 0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:11.240 that you're there for them, you're giving them the best help, 0:20:11.320 --> 0:20:13.800