1 00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:03,320 Speaker 1: Cool Zone Media. 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:11,160 Speaker 2: Book Club book Club book Club. It's the Cool Zone 3 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,960 Speaker 2: Media book Club, the book club that has a different 4 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,439 Speaker 2: jingle every week. I'm your host, Margaret Kiljoy, and every 5 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:21,079 Speaker 2: week I read you a different story. It's the book 6 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 2: club where you don't have to do the reading because 7 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 2: I do it for you. The jingle changes, but the 8 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 2: tagline stays roughly the same, even though I don't write 9 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:34,519 Speaker 2: it down, I already said I'm the host. Well that's it, 10 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 2: because there's no guest. It's just me and you, dear listener, 11 00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:43,479 Speaker 2: and story. This week, Uncle Zone Media book Club, I'm 12 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:46,919 Speaker 2: going to read you a story called Intentionalities by Amy Ogden. 13 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:51,000 Speaker 2: And this story has it all. I really like this story. 14 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:51,199 Speaker 1: I know. 15 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:52,840 Speaker 3: I say that about all the stories, but that's because 16 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 3: I like them, or I wouldn't read them to you. 17 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,800 Speaker 3: This story has it all. It has emotions, it has 18 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 3: precarious labor, it has the future, It has family, it 19 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 3: has a labor organizing. Those are the only things that 20 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:05,759 Speaker 3: I'm aware of. I told you it was by Amy Ogden. 21 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 3: But who's Amy Ogden, you might ask, Well. 22 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:08,600 Speaker 2: It's a good thing. 23 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:12,840 Speaker 3: I'm about to read you Amy's bio. Amy Ogden is 24 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 3: an American Werewolf in the Netherlands. Her debut novella Son 25 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 3: Daughter c Daughters, was a Nebula Ward finalist, and she 26 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 3: has over one hundred short fiction publications that have appeared 27 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 3: in places such as Strange Horizons, Light Speed and Best 28 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 3: American Science Fiction and Fantasy twenty twenty two, and of course, 29 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,399 Speaker 3: Cool Zone Media Book Club. When Intentionalities came out, Hank 30 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 3: Green tweeted at her that the story made him cry, 31 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 3: which we'll have to count as Amy's fifteen minutes of 32 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,600 Speaker 3: Internet fame, even though she missed it at the time 33 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 3: because she was cleaning the bathroom. You can find more 34 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 3: about her work and her at Amyogdenwrights dot com. Amy 35 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,640 Speaker 3: is spelled AI m E and I'll just read the 36 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 3: whole thing actually a I M E E og d 37 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:59,840 Speaker 3: E n w R I T E s dot com. 38 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:06,000 Speaker 3: But without further ado, because there's been some ado. Do 39 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 3: you ever think about those words that only exist in 40 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 3: very specific contexts, like we only say much ado or 41 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 3: further ado. We never talk about a do on its own, like, oh, 42 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,680 Speaker 3: there was some ado. We don't say that because it 43 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 3: sounds like poop, and we're afraid to talk about that. 44 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 3: Intentionalities by Amy Ogden. This story was first published in 45 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,920 Speaker 3: January twenty twenty one in Clark's World magazine, which again 46 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 3: is one of the best science fiction magazines and one 47 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,000 Speaker 3: of the only ones I never got into. I haven't 48 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,240 Speaker 3: been publishing short fiction in a little while. That's why 49 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 3: I've never been in it. But you know, if you're 50 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:47,480 Speaker 3: writing short fiction, if Clark's Worlds currently open submission, you 51 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 3: should always submit to them first, because they reject you 52 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 3: so fast. It's like, really impressive how fast they reject you. 53 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,280 Speaker 3: And since you can only submit a short story to 54 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,799 Speaker 3: one magazine at a time, it's cool to like get 55 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,640 Speaker 3: the rejections racked up per story if you're writing short 56 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 3: fiction and you get rejected, like these magazines have like 57 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 3: a less than one percent acceptance rate, and even professional 58 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 3: authors are rejected about as often as they're accepted, even 59 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 3: once they've already got like a bunch of credits and 60 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 3: things like that. So don't take it personally, just like 61 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 3: I don't take it personally that Neil Clark has never 62 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 3: published me in Clark's World. I don't take that personally 63 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:26,520 Speaker 3: at all. Intentionality is by Amy Ogden. Soorrel never intended 64 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,639 Speaker 3: to confer a child to the Braxos corporation. But Sorel 65 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 3: had never intended a lot of things that managed to 66 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 3: happen with or without her say so. She had scarcely 67 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 3: marched across the auditorium diploma in hand. When Congress passed 68 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 3: the Protecting America's Children Act, education was handed over to 69 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 3: the private sector, mostly to prison corporations whose personnel already 70 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 3: had certifications in sub lethal youth management. Sorel didn't have 71 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 3: an SYM license nor the heart to teach with a 72 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 3: taser on her rip. Instead, she found work serving as 73 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:01,640 Speaker 3: a custodian at Mission Health's main hospital, Camp. Mission belonged 74 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 3: to the parent corp that owned her student loan debt 75 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 3: and her father's end of life bills too. Having them 76 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 3: deduct the payments straight from her paycheck cut her interest 77 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 3: rate by a full half percent. The hospital had Braxos 78 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 3: ads everywhere, of course, along with those for several other 79 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:20,360 Speaker 3: parent corp holdings. One Halavid played in the air over 80 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,839 Speaker 3: the middle of the cafeteria several times a day on 81 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 3: a twenty minute loop. Braxos Our Future in Yours Hand 82 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 3: in hand, a blurb about the future career training and 83 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 3: Advocacy Act. All the ads became white noise to Sorrel 84 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,719 Speaker 3: sooner or later, but she caught herself sometimes humming that 85 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 3: little jingle or the one for the new hyperloop line. 86 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 3: So Sorrel made plans, the kind of plans that can 87 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 3: only be made because believing they could come true was 88 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 3: the only thing that could get a body out of 89 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 3: bed in the morning she was making ends meet. She 90 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,359 Speaker 3: would find a cheaper apartment and save money there. She 91 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 3: would skip breakfast a couple times a week, another couple 92 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 3: of bucks to sock away. She would st stop going 93 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 3: out to the matinee theater on her Tuesday mornings off, 94 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:07,000 Speaker 3: cancel her vidgas streaming service, skip the occasional beaters with 95 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:11,360 Speaker 3: friends who still lived nearby. The shell sparkled overhead, reflecting 96 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:15,240 Speaker 3: sunlight back into space, but Sorel's apartment sweltered in the 97 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 3: hotter than ever summer's with the air conditioning off. In 98 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:22,480 Speaker 3: her head, the numbers added up, slowly but steadily, building 99 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 3: sturdy mountains out of nickel and diime mole hills, but 100 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 3: the balance in her checking account never fell in line 101 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 3: the way its imaginary counterpart did. After two months of overdraft, 102 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,600 Speaker 3: fees her bank account transferred her account to a high 103 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 3: risk financial management plan. When she sat down at the 104 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,280 Speaker 3: first required meeting with her assigned case manager, the man 105 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,360 Speaker 3: didn't even look at her as he typed her entire 106 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 3: biography into a two hundred character field on his form. 107 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,720 Speaker 3: When he asked how she planned to develop her financial 108 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 3: outlook to prevent reaching felony levels of debt, he called 109 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:59,239 Speaker 3: her Sarah. Her hands refused to warm to the temperature 110 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:01,719 Speaker 3: of the office. She clasped them on her lap so 111 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:05,159 Speaker 3: he wouldn't see them shake. Nothing she could say would 112 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 3: be right. No secret money stashed away, no education and 113 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 3: career development plant, no chance of an inheritance. Her head 114 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 3: was an empty box and the only thing bouncing inside 115 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 3: of it was that stupid Braxos jingle. I'm going to 116 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:22,600 Speaker 3: confer a child to Braxos, she said, and he looked 117 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 3: up from his tablet. Sorrel meant to have a plan 118 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 3: in place before the screening test arrived in the mail, 119 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 3: another part time job under employment relief funds crowdfunding, but 120 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,280 Speaker 3: her biz pass resume only ever racked up a couple 121 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,520 Speaker 3: dozen hits and no leads, and her relief application bounds 122 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 3: and or hit you up ended up in the red 123 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,720 Speaker 3: after she paid the fee to close it out. So 124 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,120 Speaker 3: when the screening test came, Sorel viciously swabbed the inside 125 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 3: of her cheek and then dropped it back in the 126 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 3: postal box, postage paid. By the time the response arrived, 127 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 3: she'd convinced herself not to read it in detail. She 128 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 3: would check to see if there was a contract, and 129 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 3: if so, she could and send it back. If not, 130 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,279 Speaker 3: no harm, she would simply be back where she'd started. 131 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 3: Knowing what small genetic accidents kept her from being a 132 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 3: viable candidate wouldn't change things. She opened the envelope. The 133 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,680 Speaker 3: cover letter fell out. Behind it peaked another document on 134 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:21,160 Speaker 3: heavy paper. At the bottom, a hungry signature line waited. 135 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 3: Her fingers brushed the letter, not hard enough to sweep 136 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 3: it aside. Instead, they crawled word by word over the ink, 137 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 3: collecting the scrabble tile names of celebrated genes. A novel 138 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:37,080 Speaker 3: mutation in the po LB gene was her crowning glory, 139 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 3: promising a vastly increased rate of replication fidelity that would 140 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 3: help her offspring to withstand the withering radiation of space. 141 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 3: It would keep the baby's genes, hewing closely to the 142 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:51,200 Speaker 3: original versions that Sorrel would bestow upon it, in other words, 143 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,239 Speaker 3: a tie to bind them between worlds. Her hands seized 144 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 3: and she crushed the cover letter. Her signature on the 145 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 3: contracted more than usual, but still recognizable as her own. 146 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 3: She put it into the envelope and dropped it into 147 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 3: the mailbox downstairs before she changed her mind. It was 148 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 3: only five years. Sorrel could make it through five years 149 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,200 Speaker 3: unscathed if it meant a light at the end of 150 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 3: the interminable tunnel of debt she'd fallen into. Sorel got 151 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,679 Speaker 3: sucked into an argument with the crowd outside the clinic. 152 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,119 Speaker 3: She was supposed to keep her head down and follow 153 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 3: the company liaison from the taxi to the door, but 154 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 3: then some asshole hit her in the head with a 155 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 3: sign declaring the Youth Occupational Success Act as slavery. It 156 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 3: wasn't slavery. It was just ten years of service after 157 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 3: their training, and after that the kids would be set 158 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 3: up for any career they wanted. She tried to say 159 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,760 Speaker 3: that at least, but the protester shouted her down, calling 160 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,959 Speaker 3: her corporate broodmare and mother of the year and more. 161 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:56,200 Speaker 3: Succinctly bitch, and then the liaison was pulling her away 162 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,560 Speaker 3: through the bristling cardboard signs and grabbing hands and into 163 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:03,559 Speaker 3: the cool, clean lobby. While she waited for her appointment, 164 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:07,320 Speaker 3: Sorel considered asking about the sperm donor. It was doubtful 165 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 3: that Braxos could tell her much, but even if she 166 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,440 Speaker 3: couldn't know who he was, she would have liked to 167 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 3: hear what he was like, where he lived, why they 168 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 3: wanted to knit her DNA to his. But when the 169 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 3: technician called her name, he didn't look up from his tablet, 170 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 3: only rattled off her identifying information. 171 00:09:25,679 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 4: Yes. 172 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 3: She stood up and fumbled for her purse or jacket, 173 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 3: the outdated magazine where she'd been staring at a recipe 174 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 3: she would never make. That's me, Follow me. He disappeared 175 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 3: into the hallway behind the waiting room, and Sorrel trotted 176 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,600 Speaker 3: to keep up. The waiting room had been full. He 177 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 3: must have had a lot of clients that day. Knowing 178 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 3: it was true didn't make Sorrel feel better about it. 179 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,200 Speaker 3: In the patient room, a sheet and a green cotton 180 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,680 Speaker 3: gown had been folded neatly and left on the edge 181 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:57,959 Speaker 3: of the exam table. The technician excused himself, while Sorrel changed. 182 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,959 Speaker 3: Don't forget to take your underwear off off, he reminded her, 183 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:05,040 Speaker 3: before the door whispered shut. Sorols slipped into the gown 184 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,760 Speaker 3: and lay back on the table, Her skin prickled with 185 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 3: cold where the sheet touched her legs. She wriggled, trying 186 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:14,840 Speaker 3: to find a comfortable position. Exactly how many people had 187 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,760 Speaker 3: lain here, expecting to get pregnant while still snugly encased 188 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:21,000 Speaker 3: in a pair of haines. A knock on the door 189 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 3: pulled her fingers taut on the sheet. Come in, she called, 190 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:28,520 Speaker 3: and another technician, a different sandy haired white man, entered 191 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:32,319 Speaker 3: with a small cart. Sorrel Macintosh, she said, reading from 192 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,839 Speaker 3: a vile label on the cart, and compared it to 193 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 3: the readout on his tablet. Thumb print here. She pressed 194 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 3: the tablet where he indicated, and it chimed its approval. 195 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 3: She was, in fact, who, she said to was no 196 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 3: allergies he should be aware of, she averred, no new 197 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,839 Speaker 3: health condition since the mandatory complete physical last week. At 198 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 3: his instruction, she fumbled her feet into the stirrups and 199 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,320 Speaker 3: stared up into the clean, white fluorescent light. Someone had 200 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 3: hung a suncatcher from one inner section of the drop 201 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 3: ceiling tiles. A cribmobile for adults suspended it twisted on 202 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 3: its string from the draft from the HVAC vent, beaming 203 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 3: faintly flower shaped patches onto the white wall while the 204 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:17,640 Speaker 3: cold speculum stretched Sorel open. This is the lydocane injection. 205 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 3: The technician pulled up beside her on a rolling stool 206 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,680 Speaker 3: to show her a syringe. You might feel a little pinch. 207 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 3: That little pinch darkened the edges of Sorel's world. When 208 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,320 Speaker 3: she swam nauseously up from the depths of her dizziness. 209 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 3: The technician had stripped off his latex gloves and tossed 210 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:38,480 Speaker 3: them into the used kit on his cart. You did great, 211 00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 3: he said, entering data on the tablet. Sorrel craned her neck, 212 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,440 Speaker 3: but couldn't see what he wrote, nor guess what he'd 213 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,720 Speaker 3: need to. Please, remain in this position for ten minutes 214 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 3: before you get up. There are tissues to clean yourself 215 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,760 Speaker 3: up if you need. Thank you for coming in today. 216 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 3: Thank you, said Sorel foolishly. Awkwardly, he pushed the cart 217 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 3: out with one foot and shut the door. Sorrel stared 218 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 3: at the ceiling alone with the realization she'd forgotten to 219 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:10,560 Speaker 3: ask about the donor. Alone altogether. Now, five years wasn't forever. 220 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 3: She could be alone for five years. But you won't 221 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:19,440 Speaker 3: be left alone without advertisements. Advertisements are always there. Whenever 222 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,960 Speaker 3: you're lonely, turn to advertisements. This show brought to you 223 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 3: by advertisements. How was my ad for ads? 224 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 4: How was it? Here's the other ads. 225 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 3: Sorel wasn't supposed to be the first one to hold 226 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,560 Speaker 3: the baby. The pre delivery instructions had been clear that 227 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 3: the Braxos technician would handle the infant before she did. 228 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 3: First things. First, turn the newborn into a number, break 229 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 3: her up from a person into a DNA word search puzzle. 230 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,440 Speaker 3: But the sea section had run long, and the technician 231 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:05,080 Speaker 3: had left the operating room for a bathroom break, and 232 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 3: so this pink, wrinkled, cotton smelling thing had been pressed 233 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:12,719 Speaker 3: directly into Sorel's arms. Her whole body trembled, Convinced she 234 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 3: was ice cold in the wake of an epidural. I'll 235 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,960 Speaker 3: drop her, she cried, as the little mouth pushed and 236 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:22,640 Speaker 3: puckered against her neck. You can do this, mamma, the 237 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 3: nurse tutted and draped a warm felt blanket over her 238 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 3: head and around her shoulders, anchoring it under the baby's 239 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 3: tiny weight. Sorel didn't have the energy to explain it 240 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,560 Speaker 3: to her. If anything happened to the child, if she 241 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 3: wasn't contractually perfect, then these nine months of worry and 242 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 3: wellness checks had been for nothing. Then she was still 243 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,840 Speaker 3: in the same tunnel, digging ever downward. Two turned around 244 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,319 Speaker 3: to hope to surface again. No one's ever dropped a 245 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,840 Speaker 3: baby on my watch. But if you do, fumble her, 246 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,719 Speaker 3: the nurse went on, appending a wink, I'll catch her 247 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:57,200 Speaker 3: before she hits the ground. She clapsed the wave function 248 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 3: of Sorel's violently oscillating knee by squeezing it. 249 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 4: Through the sheets. 250 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 3: Then the Braxos technicians stumbled back into the oar, scrubbing 251 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 3: in and making his apologies. Concurrently, Sorel hadn't stopped shaking 252 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 3: by the time he lifted the infant from her arms. 253 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 3: No ordering the trip from the operating floor to the 254 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 3: recovery ward. She was shaking still when her pre delivery 255 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 3: clothes folded on the room's empty chair buzzed. The nurse 256 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 3: brought her the phone wrapped in sorrels wadded up jeans, 257 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 3: and Sorel fumbled her passcoat twice before it unlocked. There 258 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 3: was a new message from her bank. The initial Braxos 259 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 3: payment had been received. Every zero in the number looped 260 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 3: her around and round inside it, dizzying her with relief. 261 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 3: She shut the phone off and tossed it by her 262 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 3: feet before the nausea overwhelmed her. Here we are now. 263 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 3: The nurse appeared in the doorway with a swaddled infant 264 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 3: in her arms. When Sorel didn't hold her arms out, 265 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 3: she nestled the baby in the bed alongside her. She's 266 00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 3: been fed, according to your wishes, you two shuldt a 267 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 3: court and get some rest, not necessarily in that order. 268 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,840 Speaker 3: Her smile had ossified since earlier. Maybe she was at 269 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,160 Speaker 3: the end of a long shift. Maybe she'd remembered that 270 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 3: Sorel was a Braxos parent. If you're going to name 271 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,240 Speaker 3: her yourself, you can start thinking on that. Otherwise, we'll 272 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 3: use the random generator tomorrow for the official certificate. In 273 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 3: the meantime, you just buzz the nursing station if you 274 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:27,960 Speaker 3: need anything, all right, dear, okay. The nurse dimmed the lights. 275 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 3: Sorel frowned down at the infant beside her, scrying for 276 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 3: her own reflection in the opaque, blue black eyes and 277 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 3: petulant face. In the morning, she had the nurse enter 278 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 3: the name Abigail onto the birth certificate. Abigail had been 279 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 3: Sorel's mother's name. You can use the generator for a 280 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 3: middle name, she said, aiming the little plastic bottle at 281 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 3: Abigail's incompetently pursed mouth. The nurse's reading lenses jumped as 282 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 3: she wrinkled her nose at the tablet. Abigail April doesn't 283 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 3: make much sense for a little girl born in July. 284 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,680 Speaker 3: It's fine. Sorrel nudged Abigail's lips with the bottle nipple 285 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 3: the way the nutritional consultant had showed her. This time, 286 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 3: she latched on tiny bubbles rolled up to the top 287 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,240 Speaker 3: of the chalky liquid with each of her sluggish pulls. 288 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:19,200 Speaker 3: Just put in Abigail April. The nurse turned her back 289 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 3: to tap on the tablet. Abigail's feeble gulps competed with 290 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 3: the room silence they were absorbed into it. Sorrel re 291 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 3: arranged to hold the baby in the bottle with the 292 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,120 Speaker 3: same arm and fumbled her phone out to watch the 293 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,920 Speaker 3: day's news. The top story detailed the construction project that 294 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 3: would house the news Braxos Crush. She scrolled past it 295 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 3: to a bit about a hyperlooped derailment outside Rio, then 296 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 3: glazed over the coverage of the water ryots. Nothing new 297 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,840 Speaker 3: to see there. A loud slurping noise roused her from 298 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 3: behind drooping eyelids. The baby had made it to the 299 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 3: end of the bottle and failed to distinguish dry air 300 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 3: from milk. Soorrel flicked the bottle onto the bedside table 301 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:01,440 Speaker 3: and hefted the baby toward her shoulder. The baby burped 302 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,159 Speaker 3: before she ever made it there, dribbling a mouthful of 303 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 3: sour milk slabber down the front of Abigail's gown. God, 304 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,960 Speaker 3: damn it, Abigail April, she said, and the words rolled 305 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,960 Speaker 3: out too naturally out of her mouth. She snatched a 306 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 3: tissue to wipe off her shirt, and the baby's pointed chin. 307 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,440 Speaker 3: Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it. She knew 308 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,199 Speaker 3: from the outset the name was a mistake. Pretending it 309 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,679 Speaker 3: was the first such she'd made. That was only a 310 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 3: concession to what was left of her pride. Sorel didn't 311 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,159 Speaker 3: mean for Abigail's second birthday party to be her first 312 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 3: and only one. She made a cake yellow with chocolate frosting, 313 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 3: invited the other three children around Abigail's age from the 314 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,240 Speaker 3: mission housing complex where they lived now. One of the 315 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 3: kid's older siblings who tagged along, sang Happy Birthday with 316 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,399 Speaker 3: the adults, but the other little kids only shrieked and 317 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 3: confused anticipation. When Sorrel stopped Abigail from grabbing for the 318 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:57,200 Speaker 3: cake with its still lit candles, no no hot, Abigail 319 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 3: burst into frustrated tears. Sorel cried too, but only later 320 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,600 Speaker 3: when they were alone, while Abigail played with the presents 321 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,040 Speaker 3: that Braxos had paid for. They sent money every month 322 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 3: for toys and games, as well as for child care 323 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:15,480 Speaker 3: and food and clothes and educational programming. They wanted well 324 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:20,080 Speaker 3: rounded humans, not neurotic labrats. Abigail was currently banging a 325 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 3: plastic spaceship against various things in the apartment, examining the 326 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 3: different sounds it made when bounced off the couch versus 327 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 3: tapped on the wall. The week before, Sorel had started 328 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,720 Speaker 3: to fill out a dating profile on amoor dot com 329 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 3: and till she got to the question about whether or 330 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,640 Speaker 3: not she had children, and froze, as she always did. 331 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,600 Speaker 3: This time she'd been saved by the paying of July's 332 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,879 Speaker 3: check arriving in her bank account. She closed the amor 333 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:48,800 Speaker 3: tab and studied the solid black numbers. Walls of zeros 334 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,120 Speaker 3: holding off all the awful things lying just out of sight, 335 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,639 Speaker 3: never out of memory, hunger and sickness and exhaustion. Walls 336 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,600 Speaker 3: full of holes, gaping wounds through which Sorel couldn't help 337 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,480 Speaker 3: but jopoggle all the painful possibilities to test how loose 338 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 3: they'd grown. We could go on vacation, she said to Abigail, 339 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,240 Speaker 3: who was banging the spaceship against the toy bin. Now, 340 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,880 Speaker 3: she wiped her nose on her sleeve, a habit she'd 341 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,080 Speaker 3: been trying to break, Abigail of neither of us have 342 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 3: ever had a vacation. Abigail put the nose cone of 343 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,120 Speaker 3: the ship in her mouth. Snack pease, she said, round 344 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 3: her mouthful of Braxos fuselage. Sorrel picked her up and 345 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 3: carried her into the kitchen to make peanut butter banana, 346 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 3: which was too messy to eat on the carpet. She 347 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 3: cut the banana into little discs, dabbed peanut butter on top, 348 00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 3: and placed a single cheerio halo in the middle of each. 349 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,440 Speaker 3: Abigail ate three slices and pulped the rest in her 350 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,360 Speaker 3: fists to paint an abstract master work on her high 351 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 3: chair tray. Sorel hated it when dark phantasies flitted through 352 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 3: her head. One day, while waiting to cross the street 353 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 3: to do their grocery shopping, she caught herself dreaming about 354 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,160 Speaker 3: a car blowing through the intersection beneath a bloody red light. 355 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,920 Speaker 3: She imagined Abigail sailing through the air, imagined her legs 356 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,440 Speaker 3: shattering into the kind of shrapnel that would never again 357 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,880 Speaker 3: tolerate space travel. She could hear the sound of Abigail 358 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:12,040 Speaker 3: hitting the pavement, the screaming Abigail's her own intrusive thoughts, 359 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,439 Speaker 3: horrible thoughts that she held on the back of her 360 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:19,440 Speaker 3: tongue to save her and never quite swallow. Mommy owl. 361 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 3: Abigail protested, wringing her hand halfway free of surels. But 362 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 3: she didn't pull all the way clear, and she didn't 363 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 3: fumble into traffic, and her perfect legs carried them all 364 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,440 Speaker 3: the way down the street to the Amazon market, where 365 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:34,720 Speaker 3: the animated Cereal mascot sang Doggerel verses to Abigail, begging 366 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,000 Speaker 3: her to convince her mother to choose their variety of 367 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,159 Speaker 3: technicolor breakfast starch. And if you want to live in 368 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,119 Speaker 3: a cyberpunk dystopia in which advertising shows up in the 369 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 3: oddest of places, you can listen to this podcast or 370 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,080 Speaker 3: really a lot of things, because you do live in 371 00:20:49,119 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 3: a cyberpunk dystopia. Congratulations, here's the advertisers. Sorrel meant for 372 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,960 Speaker 3: Abigail to get plenty of sleep, to be well adjusted 373 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 3: and happy when she started her technical track pre kindergarten classes. 374 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,200 Speaker 3: Yet she woke her up three nights out of four, 375 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,320 Speaker 3: slipping into her big girl bed beneath the purple and 376 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 3: green comforter, shuddering silently with tears that Abigail could not 377 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 3: be allowed to hear, but which she certainly must have 378 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:27,639 Speaker 3: been able to feel. Go back to sleep, Baby, Sorrel 379 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:32,000 Speaker 3: begged every night, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The nights that 380 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 3: she didn't wake Abigail up were the ones that came 381 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 3: at the end of the days when she met her 382 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 3: developmental unit lead singly or in groups with her future cohort. 383 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,920 Speaker 3: It was important that she spend time with the unit lead, 384 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,480 Speaker 3: a smiling tie woman with a kindergartener teacher's affect and 385 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,680 Speaker 3: an outminer's rangy stature. Adjusting to other adults and to 386 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 3: her peer group would ensure an orderly, non traumatic transition, 387 00:21:55,280 --> 00:22:00,720 Speaker 3: the Braxos Parent Handbook informed Sorel. Together, the ohort played 388 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 3: what looked to them like games, activities that taught them 389 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,400 Speaker 3: how to work in teams, how to trust their intuition 390 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 3: and each other. The unit lead was generous with praise 391 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,960 Speaker 3: and rewards alike. Abigail would come home from these meetings 392 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,920 Speaker 3: with her sweater covered in colorful stickers and explain each 393 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:20,200 Speaker 3: one's providence to Sorel over dinner. On those nights, Sorel's 394 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 3: body was too heavy to lift from her bed the 395 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,840 Speaker 3: rest of the time, though, when she fumbled her way, 396 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 3: half awake, into Abigail's room and roused her from her 397 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,600 Speaker 3: well earned sleep, she wrapped herself around a single, hard 398 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 3: edged solace, the knowledge that a good mother wouldn't put 399 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,880 Speaker 3: her own emotional needs above those of her small child, 400 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:39,280 Speaker 3: that she wouldn't wake a little girl and leave her 401 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 3: sleepless and frightened. So a good mother was something Abigail 402 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:47,960 Speaker 3: could never have snatched away from her. Sorel knew she 403 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:51,679 Speaker 3: could never let the Braxis rep take Abigail away. She 404 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,919 Speaker 3: made spreadsheet after spreadsheet, trying to find a way to 405 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,840 Speaker 3: pay back what she'd been given. Not so much crunchy 406 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 3: numbers as being crushed by them. She poured over the contract, 407 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,280 Speaker 3: asking on law advice forums, but she found no gap 408 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 3: in the net of legalisms wide enough for even a 409 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,640 Speaker 3: bony five year old to slip through. She could never 410 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,679 Speaker 3: let it happen. She can never. She could not be 411 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 3: standing on the apartment complex stairs on Abigail's cakeless unsung 412 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:20,399 Speaker 3: fifth birthday, watching the unit lead, the medical technician, and 413 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,919 Speaker 3: the legal representative load Abigail's things, load Abigail into the 414 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:29,760 Speaker 3: company driveless car. The unit lead came back last to 415 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,359 Speaker 3: shake Sorel's limp hand. Don't worry, she told Sorel, her 416 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 3: voice as firm as her grip. She will be loved. 417 00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:40,160 Speaker 3: She turned to look at Abigail, whose perplexed, nervous, excited 418 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,359 Speaker 3: face was just visible through the tinted window. We have 419 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:47,639 Speaker 3: a very dedicated training staff. Sorel didn't cry when the 420 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:52,719 Speaker 3: car drove off, and Abigail didn't look back. Soorrel wouldn't 421 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,800 Speaker 3: have driven all the way out to the Braxfast development 422 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 3: complex outside Baltimore if she'd known the abbey M listed 423 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,560 Speaker 3: on the dark web registry she'd found was the wrong one. 424 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,040 Speaker 3: Or maybe she would have. After all, she had no 425 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:07,760 Speaker 3: other leads, no more ideas, nowhere else to go. Someone's 426 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:12,320 Speaker 3: abby M was better than no abby M whatsoever. Either way, 427 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 3: When Sorel shook the facility fence outside Newark and screamed 428 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,919 Speaker 3: her name, no one answered except the company's private police. 429 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,520 Speaker 3: After letting her cool off overnight, they sent her home 430 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,800 Speaker 3: with a bill for an overnight security stay. Along with 431 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,640 Speaker 3: the bill, there were some QR codes key to suggestions 432 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,960 Speaker 3: on how she might cover the costs. One of those 433 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 3: codes pulled up Braxos's star studded logo Braxos. The site said, 434 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:42,159 Speaker 3: its colors hideously familiar. Our future in yours hand in hand. 435 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,600 Speaker 3: She had enough of Braxos's money already. She never wanted 436 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,159 Speaker 3: to see another nickel. She paid the fine with what 437 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,440 Speaker 3: was left of her last payout and closed the associated account. 438 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,000 Speaker 3: Sorel went to the interview with a tidy CV printed 439 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 3: expensively on real paper, armed with preloaded answers to questions, 440 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 3: and an air of projected confidence for a field she'd 441 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 3: never worked in before. Instead, she found herself spilling her 442 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,680 Speaker 3: every secret to the interviewer, a woman a little younger 443 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,120 Speaker 3: than herself, with an otherwise nice suit with an old 444 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:16,159 Speaker 3: coffee stain on one's sleeve. She knew she couldn't change 445 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 3: what had happened, couldn't undo her signature on the contract, 446 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 3: couldn't reclaim what had been surrendered. It had been legal, 447 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:25,440 Speaker 3: but it hadn't been right. The interview put a box 448 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 3: of tissues on the desk between them. There are a 449 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,520 Speaker 3: lot of us with similar stories, she said. Sorel blew 450 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:37,080 Speaker 3: her nose, did you a nephew, said the interviewer. They 451 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 3: sat together, kneeding the silence, making it elastic, making it strong, 452 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:45,560 Speaker 3: making something that would rise. Sorrel went after the future career, 453 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,959 Speaker 3: training an advocacy act with both hands, tearing at it 454 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 3: with every weapon she could find, every fundraised dollar or 455 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:56,120 Speaker 3: agami bent in ao blades, every legal precedent, an obscure statute, 456 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,760 Speaker 3: fired like bullets into the belly of the behemoth in 457 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,639 Speaker 3: her her entire life, there had been so few things 458 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:06,159 Speaker 3: she'd really wanted, really striving for. It had never seemed 459 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,480 Speaker 3: worth reaching for things when they had all been set 460 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,800 Speaker 3: so far above her. A lifetime's worth of unspent aspiration 461 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,159 Speaker 3: and ardor now poured out of her and into her work. 462 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:20,199 Speaker 3: She wasn't fighting alone either. The organization she worked for 463 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,760 Speaker 3: had siblings all over the country, more people like her, 464 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 3: or people who understood her, A chorus of voices shouting 465 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:31,080 Speaker 3: down the clarion call of this idea, thousands of people, 466 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:35,840 Speaker 3: millions of dollars a year of work, five a decade. 467 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,760 Speaker 3: It still wasn't enough. It still only scratched the surface. 468 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,359 Speaker 3: But a scratch can be big enough for the cold 469 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:48,120 Speaker 3: to get into and break the whole thing open. When 470 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,119 Speaker 3: the miners' union spokespeople made landfall on Earth to negotiate 471 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,280 Speaker 3: their terms for the release of Braxo's company property and 472 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:58,520 Speaker 3: their own emancipation, Sorrel was supposed to be on the 473 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,480 Speaker 3: other side of the planet filling out documentation for the 474 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:06,200 Speaker 3: class action lawsuit, But without her asking, her supervisor quietly 475 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,479 Speaker 3: swapped a few assignments, and so Sorel found herself as 476 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:14,159 Speaker 3: one of the nonprofits representatives at the introductory's summit, The 477 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,160 Speaker 3: miners stood out in the sea of black suits and skirts. 478 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,200 Speaker 3: They wore company work suits emerald green or sapphire blue, 479 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,040 Speaker 3: depending on which project they had been tagged to. The 480 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:28,080 Speaker 3: name Braxos defiantly blazoned down each sleeve between the clasps 481 00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:32,120 Speaker 3: of their exoskeletons. Sorel avoided them for the most part, 482 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 3: afraid to look too long into their hunger and hurt. 483 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 3: Not all of them responded in kind. One young woman 484 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,960 Speaker 3: took up a low orbit around Sorrel, falling closer with 485 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,720 Speaker 3: each passing cycle. Sorel looked her over from the corners 486 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,360 Speaker 3: of her eyes, past the sides of her pocket as 487 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 3: she nudged keynotes in legal references to the nonprofit's lead representative, 488 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 3: seventeen or eighteen, the right age, black hair, shorn short, 489 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:02,159 Speaker 3: the right color, eyes like brown, bruises in her face, 490 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,919 Speaker 3: right and wrong, all at once. During a break, her 491 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 3: orbital integrity collapsed entirely. She stopped in front of Sorel's 492 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,240 Speaker 3: seat on her way back from the coffee machine, a 493 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:16,520 Speaker 3: paper cup in either hand, was I yours? She asked 494 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:22,160 Speaker 3: a challenge a rebuke a wish. Maybe it was wishful 495 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,119 Speaker 3: thinking to recognize any of Abigail and the curl of 496 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,520 Speaker 3: close cropped hair behind one ear. Maybe it was self 497 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:32,000 Speaker 3: punishment to look into this stern, stubborn face and see 498 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 3: a round cheeked little girl's smile. No, she said, and 499 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,640 Speaker 3: it was the truth either way. Maybe I gave birth 500 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,600 Speaker 3: to you. I don't know, but I don't have the 501 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:46,200 Speaker 3: right to call you mine either way. The young woman's 502 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,040 Speaker 3: bruised eyes did not soften. She did not reach for 503 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:52,840 Speaker 3: Sorel's hand. Her exoskeleton whined faintly as she set one 504 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 3: of the coffee cups in front of Sorrel. She did 505 00:28:55,760 --> 00:29:00,240 Speaker 3: not walk away. Steam rose from the surface and led 506 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 3: away to nothing in the cool, dry meeting room air. 507 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:07,600 Speaker 3: Sorel took a deep breath and spoke slowly, stuttering but 508 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 3: doling out every word carefully, to say exactly what she 509 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 3: meant to say it all and leave nothing behind or 510 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:21,720 Speaker 3: forgotten or overlooked. And that's the story. Hey, I hope 511 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 3: you liked it anywhere near as much as I do, 512 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 3: because then you would have liked it a lot. I 513 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 3: had to like a little bit pause near the end 514 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:31,440 Speaker 3: because I get choked up. I mean Abigail meets Sorrel 515 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,920 Speaker 3: or the maybe Abigail meets Sorel. You know I'm a 516 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:39,560 Speaker 3: sucker for it. What do you want? I asked Amy, 517 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:43,800 Speaker 3: the author about the story, and Amy told me to 518 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:47,600 Speaker 3: tell you at the outline stage. I intended for this 519 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 3: to be a flash piece, but I figured out very 520 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,600 Speaker 3: quickly I couldn't unpack my feelings about motherhood, choices, and 521 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,920 Speaker 3: complicity into less than a thousand words. As a parent, 522 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,880 Speaker 3: and as someone who has and or had a strange 523 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:01,719 Speaker 3: relationships with both my own own parents, I think constantly 524 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,240 Speaker 3: about how every day that passes means a million decisions, 525 00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,960 Speaker 3: most of them subconscious, most of which don't feel like 526 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,240 Speaker 3: decisions at all, because of the societal stew that we 527 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:12,080 Speaker 3: all marinate in daily that tries to leave us all 528 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,880 Speaker 3: more or less isotonic to what we're swimming in. This 529 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,240 Speaker 3: story grew out of that and the nagging fear that 530 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,120 Speaker 3: I'll embark on one of those egregiously wrong paths. It 531 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,680 Speaker 3: feels so obvious and safe and comfortable when I take 532 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,200 Speaker 3: my kids by the hand and lead them out into it. 533 00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:26,960 Speaker 1: Yeah. 534 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:28,720 Speaker 3: I think that the fact that this was written by 535 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:34,600 Speaker 3: a mother is very clear, and I love, you know, 536 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 3: there's this whole era of like really masculine science fiction 537 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 3: that was like, you know, the only people who can 538 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,280 Speaker 3: talk about space and stuff are like men, and no 539 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:46,240 Speaker 3: one has emotions, and no one talks about family and shit, 540 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,320 Speaker 3: you know, and it's just like so completely untrue. And 541 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,800 Speaker 3: I love that this is a story about space and 542 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:53,680 Speaker 3: near future and it is about science and it is 543 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,920 Speaker 3: also about emotion and family and those aren't contradictory, right, 544 00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,440 Speaker 3: Like you can talk about both because we're human and 545 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:04,400 Speaker 3: we can do that. We contain multitudes. That was my addendum. 546 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:07,120 Speaker 3: I think you'll figure that out. And I asked Amy 547 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 3: what to plug. She said that her novella Emergent Properties 548 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:14,240 Speaker 3: came out last year, and although it's more upbeat, it 549 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:18,440 Speaker 3: does feature complicated parent child relationships, a sentiment of fuck capitalism, 550 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,920 Speaker 3: and in this case, body hopping robots. So check out 551 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:25,479 Speaker 3: Emergent Properties or anything else that Amy Ogden has written 552 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,880 Speaker 3: on a bunch of different magazines. And if you listen 553 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:30,200 Speaker 3: to this on it could happen here. You could check 554 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 3: out my history podcast Go Cool People Did Cool Stuff. 555 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,040 Speaker 3: If you are checking us out on Cool People Did 556 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:36,760 Speaker 3: Cool stuff you could check out It could Happen here 557 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 3: Because this is on both feeds, it's a podcast without 558 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 3: its own feed. It sits upon other feeds as a symbiote, 559 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:52,479 Speaker 3: like Dax from Star Trek. Different gender. I don't know 560 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,760 Speaker 3: how the different genders of the podcast are. It gets 561 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 3: to the metaphor fall apart. I'll talk to you next week. 562 00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:59,360 Speaker 3: Bye everyone. 563 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,480 Speaker 1: It Could Happen Here is a production of cool Zone Media. 564 00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from cool Zone Media, visit our website 565 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,360 Speaker 1: coolzonemedia dot com, or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, 566 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:11,760 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can 567 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,480 Speaker 1: find sources for It Could Happen Here, updated monthly at 568 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:17,760 Speaker 1: coolzonemedia dot com slash sources. Thanks for listening.