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Speaker 1: This is a headgum podcast. Okay, my next guest, Dad

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Speaker 1: for the day, is moistured up and down. And I'm

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Speaker 1: so happy because we both did the same thing before

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Speaker 1: we started recording, which means we really just might be kin.

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Speaker 1: Hi guys, I may go odem and welcome to Thanks Dad.

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Speaker 1: I was raised by single mom. I do not have

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Speaker 1: a relationship with my dad and I'm not gonna have

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Speaker 1: a relationship with him because, oh my gosh, he went

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Speaker 1: and died. So lord, oh my lord, oh my lord,

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Speaker 1: It's okay, waite, it's okay. Don't be worried for me.

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Speaker 1: You look nervous now.

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh no, that's what I've stepped into.

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Speaker 1: No when I tell you, it's fine. So on this podcast,

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting down with father figures who are old enough

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Speaker 1: to be my dad or just dads themselves. We will

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Speaker 1: never say which category our guests are in, and I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna get to ask the questions I've always wanted to

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Speaker 1: ask a dad, like how do I know if the

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Speaker 1: guy I'm dating is right for me? Or what should

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Speaker 1: I look out for when I'm buying a car, or

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Speaker 1: is it actually a wise investment to buy a house?

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Speaker 1: Is it really? People always say that. But anyway, before

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Speaker 1: we get into that the hard stuff. You know, my

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Speaker 1: next guest from the Emmy winning television series whose line

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Speaker 1: is it anyway? The Wayne Brady Show and his newest

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Speaker 1: reality series, Wayne Brady The Family Remix, please welcome my

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Speaker 1: dad for the Day. You guessed it because I said

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Speaker 1: it already, Wayne Brady.

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Speaker 2: Hi, Hey, two things. Yes, the show Din win the Emmys.

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Speaker 2: I want all the Emmys. The showd In win. That

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Speaker 2: was me just to clarify.

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Speaker 1: I am so glad you're clarifying. And I'm about to

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Speaker 1: throw someone under a big old bus because I didn't

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Speaker 1: write that intro. But you know, I love that you

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Speaker 1: have clarified because there is a difference and people outside

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Speaker 1: the industry especially don't seem to know that. But you

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Speaker 1: won the Emmy and that's a huge deal.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, it's a big deal. And especially because i'm

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Speaker 2: your dad for the day. You know the thing that

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Speaker 2: I've taught my daughter that I will pass on to

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Speaker 2: you as my daughter for the day, which is always

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Speaker 2: weird when a beautiful woman calls you dad and then

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Speaker 2: you're like, oh, which category I fit in? Old enough

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Speaker 2: to be your dad or dad dad advice. As this

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Speaker 2: is not Daddy, then it gets it changes the conversation.

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Speaker 1: Daddy could get weird. But yeah, the.

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Speaker 2: Thing I'll tell you is for a lot of my life,

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Speaker 2: and I think that a lot of black people and

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Speaker 2: end up doing this is we work to be successful

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Speaker 2: depending on the environment where you're from. You you were

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Speaker 2: raised by a single mother. I was raised by my grandmother, Okay,

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Speaker 2: after my grandfather passed away and my father was a distant,

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Speaker 2: sad light, so I was raised by her. So basically

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Speaker 2: a single mom. And my folks is from the US

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Speaker 2: Virgin Islands, so I have the island hustle and mentality

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Speaker 2: of the immigrants. You struggle, you work, you want to

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Speaker 2: be the best. You want to be the best. You

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Speaker 2: kick ascid things, but then you can't always sound too

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Speaker 2: proud of those things, because then somebody's like you arrogant

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Speaker 2: or you can see that. So I spent a lot

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Speaker 2: of my life and a lot of my career when

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Speaker 2: someone would say, oh, you're really good at this, I

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Speaker 2: would downplay everything and I would make myself small. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so I reached a point where I went, you know what,

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Speaker 2: if I truly did win this accolade, and if I

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Speaker 2: actually can do, if I actually can sing, dance, act right, produce,

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Speaker 2: do this shit, and that's my skill set, and I

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Speaker 2: do it well. It's not arrogant for me in certain

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Speaker 2: spaces to own that because there are other people who

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Speaker 2: have done far less and have bigger mouths and they

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Speaker 2: eat off of that. And I'm over here trying to

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Speaker 2: be polite to make the people in the room comfortable

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Speaker 2: because they because I don't want a rah rah. Well,

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Speaker 2: that's why anytime that my publicist I do a show,

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Speaker 2: you better make sure that my androw duct is five

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Speaker 2: time am you winning, two time Grammy nominee, it's got

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Speaker 2: a Broadway star because those are things that I've done.

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Speaker 2: I cannot save your life. I'm not a doctor. I

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Speaker 2: can barely fix your car. I can't change a spare tire,

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Speaker 2: I can't really cook, okay, but I can do this shit.

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Speaker 2: So yes, dam so that's my lesson. Daughter. Walk in

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Speaker 2: your shine because you kill it. You are amazing and

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Speaker 2: the world needs to know that you're amazing, and that

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Speaker 2: is not a problem.

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Speaker 1: You are so kind and so generous, and I love

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Speaker 1: that I am talking to you right now because speaking

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Speaker 1: of not wanting to come across as arrogant. It's this

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Speaker 1: interesting dance we do and it sounds like you did

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Speaker 1: for a long time where you go, oh, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to come off as arrogant and I don't

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Speaker 1: want to sound haughty, but you really worked towards these things,

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Speaker 1: and it's okay to be proud of them, and it's

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Speaker 1: okay to own them. And shrinking doesn't help anybody, really,

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Speaker 1: And mind you, if people are uncomfortable because you're accomplished,

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Speaker 1: my mom might say in that moment, the discomfort belongs

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Speaker 1: to them. Yeah, there is nothing wrong with you celebrating

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Speaker 1: your achievements. So I'm sincerely, from the depths of my heart,

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Speaker 1: so grateful that you clarified because you did that, you

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Speaker 1: work towards that, and no one handed any of that

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Speaker 1: to you. So to say, hey, let's acknowledge these things,

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Speaker 1: I don't have a problem with it. And I love

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Speaker 1: that my dad has all those statues, so listen, well, well,

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Speaker 1: thank you.

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Speaker 2: That's a lesson that I had to teach my daughter,

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Speaker 2: especially being a young black woman. It's like, no, you

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Speaker 2: can be prot and she's so damn smart and talented,

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Speaker 2: and I'm never so at this age. She just turned

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Speaker 2: twenty two yesterday. I was like, I will not allow

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Speaker 2: you to make yourself smaller for your boss, for someone

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Speaker 2: you work force full, for anyone you work with, for

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Speaker 2: any man that is in your life. Do not make

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Speaker 2: yourself small.

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Speaker 1: That is wonderful, wonderful dad advice. And I'm just I'm truly,

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Speaker 1: I'm stopped in my tracks because I'm like, this is

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Speaker 1: what a young woman needs to hear and have instilled

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Speaker 1: in her from a very young age. And I feel

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Speaker 1: very grateful that my mother did, I believe, a fantastic

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Speaker 1: job raising her four children to be confident and believe

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Speaker 1: they can do whatever it is they want to do.

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Speaker 1: I think I am a testament to that, and I

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Speaker 1: think my siblings are as well. You seem to have

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Speaker 1: now found such clarity and confidence on your own here, okay,

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Speaker 1: But was there a point where you had any relationship

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Speaker 1: with your dad at all?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Okay, no, And.

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Speaker 2: Here is the tragedy I feel, and a lot of it.

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Speaker 2: And to anybody watching this is not to perpetuate what

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Speaker 2: I think is one of the most insidious and overtly

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Speaker 2: horrible stereotypes about black men in this country, about black

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Speaker 2: men are fathers and their absentee and they leave, and

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Speaker 2: that It's not that I didn't have a relationship with him,

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Speaker 2: because he was that. In fact, if anything, my father earlier,

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Speaker 2: I was very specific to say that he was a satellite.

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Speaker 2: My father was in the military. He was in the US,

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Speaker 2: and like, when I think of my dad, I think

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Speaker 2: of like this black Gi Joe type character, because that's

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Speaker 2: who he was. He was larger than life, like six two,

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Speaker 2: big barrel chested dude, bespoke multiple languages. My dad was

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Speaker 2: brilliant because of where he was and always being stationed someplace.

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Speaker 2: He made the choice, he and my grandmother, so that

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Speaker 2: I would have the island upbringing that he had that

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Speaker 2: instilled certain vagues in him. The downside of that is

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Speaker 2: I didn't have a relationship with him, and by the

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Speaker 2: time that I became a man and I was seeking

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Speaker 2: that relationship, I remember clearly. Oh and this turns into

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Speaker 2: my Oprah moment.

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Speaker 1: Please please, I'm no Oprah, but please.

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Speaker 2: I started acting when I was sixteen. I was so

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Speaker 2: proud of it. But even before then I knew I

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Speaker 2: wanted to perform. But your folks that yes, yes, yes,

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Speaker 2: then we come from the same claw, right where if

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Speaker 2: you tell somebody from the Islands, Mama, I want to

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Speaker 2: go on stage and I want to sing and dance

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Speaker 2: all nonsense that jump up and down nonsense That was

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Speaker 2: not in the plans for anyone. So even the relationship

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Speaker 2: with my dad, the closest that I got at one

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Speaker 2: point as a teenager is because Dad was in the

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Speaker 2: military and we couldn't talk. We had nothing in common.

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Speaker 2: I felt he was so big and masculine and I

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Speaker 2: was this little, skinny torpye kid that loved books and

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Speaker 2: loved to draw and create and do voices. So the

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Speaker 2: one thing that I could do that I could be

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Speaker 2: like my dad is I joined the ROTC in my school,

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Speaker 2: right because I was like, Dad, look, I'm going in

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Speaker 2: the ROTC and I'm in a uniform too, and maybe

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Speaker 2: we can talk about things like that and I can

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Speaker 2: ask you about my gigline and my head and all

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Speaker 2: this stuff, when really the theater kid in me was like,

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Speaker 2: this wasn't a uniform, It's a costume. And I loved

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Speaker 2: to march. I love doing drills because that was the

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Speaker 2: closest that I got to dancing. Oh, So that was

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Speaker 2: my way of being close to him. And then we

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Speaker 2: had a big falling out when I got guated high

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Speaker 2: school because I didn't want to go to college. I

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Speaker 2: got these scholarships that were pissed at me because I

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Speaker 2: turned down these these scholarships of schools. And I said,

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Speaker 2: I want to act, and I went on tour and finally,

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Speaker 2: when I was nineteen, I booked my first big guest

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Speaker 2: starring role on this show called In the Heat of

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Speaker 2: the Night, this old drama and it was a two

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Speaker 2: parter and it was directed by Carol O'Connor, who your

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Speaker 2: viewers are so young, nobody's going to remember, like all

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Speaker 2: in the family, but this big sitcom and Carol O'Connor

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Speaker 2: was a huge actor at the time and he's the

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Speaker 2: one that cast me. It was a big deal. I

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Speaker 2: was in the paper back in Orlando folks who are

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Speaker 2: like local actor on a big CBS show, blah blah blah.

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Speaker 2: And we were shooting in Covington, Georgia, which is where

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Speaker 2: my dad settled, and I got a chance. As I

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Speaker 2: was shooting, I called up my dad and said, Dad,

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Speaker 2: I would love to come and visit you. And you know,

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Speaker 2: so I drive out and I see him and we

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Speaker 2: sat down and we talked and It was the first

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Speaker 2: time in my life that I remembered that I sat

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Speaker 2: down and I was able to have a face to

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Speaker 2: face talk that I wasn't scared, that I didn't think

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Speaker 2: that the only time he talked to me was to

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Speaker 2: discipline me. It was I could sit across from him,

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Speaker 2: man to man, and he accepted me as a man.

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Speaker 2: One of the first things he said when I sat down,

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Speaker 2: he goes, Junior, because that's why, Brady, you're seeing you Junior.

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Speaker 2: I just saw that you're going beyond that show with

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Speaker 2: Archie Bunker. I'm so proud of you. And he got

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Speaker 2: on the phone and he's calling different guys from his

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Speaker 2: unit and he's like, yeah, my boy's going to be

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Speaker 2: on TV. And he was asking me what it was like, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: the process, And I said, oh, I'd love to have

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Speaker 2: you come out to set at some point and this

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Speaker 2: is what I do. And he hugged me. And it

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Speaker 2: wasn't a very long visit. I remember that because I

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Speaker 2: had to drive back and then I didn't see him again,

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Speaker 2: and then I moved to Los Angeles and about a

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Speaker 2: year and a half to two years later, he passed

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Speaker 2: of a massive coronary So to this day, I have

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Speaker 2: a hole where I have so many unanswered questions. I

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Speaker 2: don't know him, so there are pieces of myself and

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Speaker 2: behaviors that I do that I don't know where they

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Speaker 2: come from. Right that. It's kind of like I wish that,

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Speaker 2: you know, I would have had my dad to be

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Speaker 2: able to walk walk walk me through life.

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Speaker 1: Right right first till I'm so sorry about that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm right along for the ride, and I go, I

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Speaker 1: don't see it going that way. And I feel like,

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Speaker 1: oftentimes we feel like we have enough time, or we'll

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Speaker 1: have enough time for things to go differently, or for

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Speaker 1: relationships to shift with people, and then there are so

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Speaker 1: many variables that are just outside of our control, and

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Speaker 1: I just feels that, Yeah, that feels tragic to me.

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Speaker 1: But thank you for being so open in that regard,

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Speaker 1: and to your point about there's so many parts about

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Speaker 1: you now that you go, I wonder if this is

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Speaker 1: from him. A few years ago I had read a

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Speaker 1: friend's obituary about her father and now maybe more less

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Speaker 1: of an obituary, more of a tribute on Instagram, but

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Speaker 1: it was really beautiful and they had a pretty frault relationship,

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Speaker 1: and in the cap I remember her saying, you know,

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Speaker 1: no matter who your father is, and she might have

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Speaker 1: been quoting someone and I might be bastardizing this, but

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Speaker 1: it was, no matter who your father is, he's part

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Speaker 1: of you, and he's in the way you hold a

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Speaker 1: cup or hold a pen. And I thought, that's so crazy,

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Speaker 1: because I've never thought about my father in that regard

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Speaker 1: because I feel whole myself. But I go, surely there

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Speaker 1: are parts of me that are a reflection of him,

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Speaker 1: even if he wasn't this presence in my life, and

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Speaker 1: so that mystery that you have is one that I

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Speaker 1: share with you. Are there parts of you that you

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Speaker 1: feel inclined to think are from him? Though?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and not always positive? Sure, To be completely honest,

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Speaker 2: I feel that the positive things that I've gotten from him,

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Speaker 2: especially as I got a little older, is I do

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Speaker 2: feel that he was a provider and a protector, which

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Speaker 2: is why I really do hate that fucking part of

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Speaker 2: my French.

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Speaker 1: No, you're allowed to cus a pardon that.

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Speaker 2: That stereotype that that really lives with us with so

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Speaker 2: many others, because if that dude did anything, he took

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Speaker 2: care of his mother, who they had such an amazing relationship,

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Speaker 2: which Thank God for my grandma. He took care of

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Speaker 2: that woman. He made sure that no matter where he

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Speaker 2: was in the world, even if she was married. And

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Speaker 2: she was married, He's like, Ma, I'm going to take

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Speaker 2: care of you. So you're married and you've got a

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Speaker 2: husband and whatever that money is, but I'm always going

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Speaker 2: to make sure that you have your own because if

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Speaker 2: you ever need to leave, you will always be independent, right.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, Oh, that is so deep that

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Speaker 2: he loved his mother so much. So I am a

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Speaker 2: provider and a protector and a nurturer, and I think

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Speaker 2: that is a direct line from him. That is something

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Speaker 2: that I got from from him. Yeah, I don't know

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Speaker 2: who I get my I've got a bit of a temper.

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Speaker 2: I'm not you know, like I don't go around kicking indoors,

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Speaker 2: but I definitely get frustrated very fast when people don't

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Speaker 2: keep up with the things that I see in my head.

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Speaker 2: And I saw that in him even when I was

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Speaker 2: a little kid, that your mind moves at such a

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Speaker 2: pace that you get angry at the world. And I

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Speaker 2: definitely know that I have that.

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Speaker 1: Do you know that someone said to me recently, Because

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Speaker 1: I think I at times have a bit of frustration

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Speaker 1: as well, where I go, Oh, this thing seems so

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Speaker 1: plain to me. And someone recently was saying to me that,

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Speaker 1: you know, that might be a function of a high IQ,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't think I have a

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Speaker 1: high IQ and they're like, no, no, no. I'm dealing

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Speaker 1: with this thing with my son in school, and you know,

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Speaker 1: his teacher. He gets frustrated very easily because what's simple

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Speaker 1: to him is not simple to other people. And he's like,

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Speaker 1: kind of keep up. And his teacher said, it might

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Speaker 1: be a high IQ thing, So shoot, we might just

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Speaker 1: have high IQ's. I don't think that's what's going on

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Speaker 1: with me, but it might. It could be.

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Speaker 2: What what did I say? Owner my gosh, how do

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Speaker 2: not do? How? How can you not like what I

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Speaker 2: know of you and what I followed, and I've seen

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Speaker 2: you in different interviews, the way you carry yourself, there's

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Speaker 2: no way, there's no way walking that you do not

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Speaker 2: have a high i Q. Which, by the way, for

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Speaker 2: those of you watching, calm down that you're like, well,

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Speaker 2: a high IQ is is merely a measurement of potential.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't mean but the fact is, you can you

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Speaker 2: have more going on than a lot of people, and

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Speaker 2: I can recognize that so own.

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Speaker 1: That you are kind and generous and thank you. You

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Speaker 1: know what I will I'm going to try to heed

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Speaker 1: my dad for the day's advice throughout the rest of

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Speaker 1: this conversation. I'm going to try my damnedest to do that.

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Speaker 2: And because people'll spend enough time trying to tear you

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Speaker 2: down in life, even if you're on TV, especially if

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Speaker 2: you especially, people spend enough time kicking you in the

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Speaker 2: ass that you've got to be your own hype man

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Speaker 2: sometimes that I forget that I got to reset every

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Speaker 2: single day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is such sound vice to be

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Speaker 1: your own hype man, because there are so many people

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Speaker 1: who are ready to tear another down. By the way,

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Speaker 1: has nothing to do with you, the person who is

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Speaker 1: the target of those attacks. It has everything to do

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Speaker 1: with the other person. But you're still a person and

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Speaker 1: you can feel that, and one thing you can do

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Speaker 1: to counter that is to hype yourself up. Okay, I

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Speaker 1: like how this sounds, and I want to really really

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Speaker 1: walk in it and live it. You have parts of

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Speaker 1: you that are your father that you acknowledge or you

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Speaker 1: feel inclined to think are parts of your father. Did

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Speaker 1: you ever feel conflicted disappointed in the fact that your

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Speaker 1: father was this principled man who said, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be a provider and a protector to my mother. That's

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Speaker 1: important to me that she has that, but perhaps was

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Speaker 1: not that for you.

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Speaker 2: No, I've never because I've never thought about my father

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Speaker 2: in the negative light of you weren't here for me

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Speaker 2: because a like I said, he did take care of

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Speaker 2: my grandmother and he set up a system. He set

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Speaker 2: up a system, So yeah, it would have been nice

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Speaker 2: to spend more time with him, But I was raised

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Speaker 2: from the time that I was three months old. Because

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Speaker 2: I don't want to go into my wholeback story because

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Speaker 2: that's in the book.

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Speaker 1: Sure, go get the book. Everyone get the book.

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Speaker 2: When I write it that my grandmother and that system

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Speaker 2: was all I ever knew. So I knew that my

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Speaker 2: mother was in the world, and I knew that my

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Speaker 2: father was in the world, but my grandmother was everything.

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Speaker 2: And I knew that my father took care of my

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Speaker 2: grandmothers were there for visa VI. He was taking care

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Speaker 2: of me. So I never really missed out on that,

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Speaker 2: Like I think for certain part of my life I

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Speaker 2: missed out on that. You know, hey, play ball with

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Speaker 2: me or I wish I could do, you know, then

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Speaker 2: that would have been cool. But I never resent him

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Speaker 2: for that because he was taking care of us, So

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Speaker 2: I did feel okay about that. My sister and I

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Speaker 2: may have different different recollections about that, because I've got

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Speaker 2: a sister that was partially raised with me and partially

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Speaker 2: raised with him, so I know that she has a

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Speaker 2: completely different relationship and intimacy level.

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Speaker 1: With him, right, And I think to your point about

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Speaker 1: what you had always known from childhood, so you don't

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Speaker 1: miss perhaps what you didn't to know. So if it

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Speaker 1: was like my grandmother is raising me, that's just what

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Speaker 1: I know to be the case. And I'm not like

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Speaker 1: in dire need of this relationship that people are telling

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Speaker 1: me that I should have. I say this because I

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Speaker 1: felt that way growing up. And namely, I don't think

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Speaker 1: when I was a child in any way anyone was

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Speaker 1: trying to make me feel like I was missing something.

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Speaker 1: But as an adult in early college, people would be like,

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Speaker 1: you didn't have a relationship with your dad. It must

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Speaker 1: have been like this for you, and it must have

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Speaker 1: been so painful. And when I was like, oh no,

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Speaker 1: all I'd ever know my parents got divorced when I

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Speaker 1: was a baby, like a true baby, and so I'm like,

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Speaker 1: all I've ever known is my mom raised me, and

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Speaker 1: I was surrounded by love, and I felt fine about it.

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Speaker 1: That wasn't some There wasn't some like dad shaped hole

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Speaker 1: in my heart as far as I could perceive. Really,

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Speaker 1: you made a really lovely point at the top of

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Speaker 1: this conversation about not perpetuating a stereotype that's so nasty

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Speaker 1: about black men and fatherhood. And it was important to

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Speaker 1: me even doing this podcast that I don't perpetuate that

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Speaker 1: stereotype because my dad was not part of my life,

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Speaker 1: but not because he was a black man. He went

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Speaker 1: on to remarry and was very much part of his

387
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Speaker 1: children's lives in his new marriage. And I think dad's

388
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Speaker 1: are human. There is one of the big messages of

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Speaker 1: this podcast. All dads are human, All parents are human,

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Speaker 1: and that means absolutely imperfect. But I want to have

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Speaker 1: conversations like this with people because you and I I

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Speaker 1: feel like, just in a few minutes we've talked now

393
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Speaker 1: have so much in common in this regard and what

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Speaker 1: we were accustomed to versus what maybe other people would

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Speaker 1: have liked to see.

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Speaker 2: For us right, Well, I yes, and to that that

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Speaker 2: I was never bothered right until it didn't hit me

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Speaker 2: until later in life. And this is what I think

399
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Speaker 2: is one of the deeper things. Is is And now

400
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Speaker 2: that I'm glad that I've got a son that at

401
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Speaker 2: this age. Now i have a two year old son,

402
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Speaker 2: and I'm looking forward to having conversations with him when

403
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Speaker 2: he gets a little older. I didn't miss having my

404
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Speaker 2: father truly in my sphere until I was where was I.

405
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Speaker 2: I was backstage. I was doing the play Fences, and

406
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Speaker 2: I was playing Cory the Sun, and I was a

407
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Speaker 2: late bloomer in all regards. So at this point I

408
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:59,680
Speaker 2: think maybe I was twenty twenty twenty one. I just

409
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Speaker 2: ready to get hair. I just started to So I'm

410
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Speaker 2: backstage and everybody's getting ready for the show. I remember

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Speaker 2: this like it was yesterday, and they're all you know,

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Speaker 2: it's all these brothers inside the dressing room talking blah

413
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Speaker 2: blah blah. It feels cool to be in there with them.

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Speaker 2: It's like the barber shop, except into our dressing room.

415
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Speaker 2: And everybody's getting ready. And I see Eric, one of

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Speaker 2: the cast members next to me. He's like and he

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Speaker 2: gets ready and starts shaving. I so I've got shaving

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Speaker 2: stuff here, and I'm looking at Eric and like, okay,

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Speaker 2: that's what men do. I'd never shaved. Oh well, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I put this thing on, like okay, and I take

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Speaker 2: the razor and I go for what little hair that

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Speaker 2: I had. I just kept doing that because I'm like,

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Speaker 2: my logic is if hair grows this. This is when

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Speaker 2: you talk to someone who was so smart that they're stupid.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, well, the hair grows out the follicle like this,

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Speaker 2: So if I why would I go with the in

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Speaker 2: the direction of the hair with the hair, because then

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Speaker 2: that just means so if I shave up, the hair

429
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Speaker 2: goes the other way, that cuts it and it must

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Speaker 2: pull it out and that would be a clean shave.

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Speaker 2: Stupid ass, Wayne Brady, stupid.

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Speaker 1: That's the recipe for ingrown hairs. And Brady, by the way,

433
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 1: I was saying while you were describing that, because I

434
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,639
Speaker 1: was like the first time I shaved my legs the

435
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 1: way I shaved skin as well, because I was rushed

436
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 1: what you were you were doing the motion. I was like,

437
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, So the man cut his face up

438
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 1: before doing the same thing.

439
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 2: I like, cut myself, and then of course immediately the

440
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:48,200
Speaker 2: next second bumps my faces were. I start freaking out right.

441
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 2: No buddy, he came over and they put put some

442
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 2: tonic on my face to bring down the bumps and

443
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 2: ice and swelling, and and then lady was like, dude, brother,

444
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 2: that is not how you do that. And about a

445
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,399
Speaker 2: week later, once everything had calmed down and little bit

446
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 2: of hair started growing up, he showed me how to shave.

447
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 2: Another brother, a black man stepped into that father figure role.

448
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 2: Whether he knew it or not, he stepped into that

449
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,040
Speaker 2: role and showed me how to shave. When I was thirty,

450
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 2: I was at the White House. I was singing at

451
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:27,160
Speaker 2: the White House. My barber, mister Buck came came with

452
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 2: me to clean me up. I couldn't tie my tie

453
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,680
Speaker 2: all those years of being in rotc. I used clip ons,

454
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,880
Speaker 2: and at that point when I was doing my talk

455
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 2: show and my variety show and everything else, the stylist

456
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 2: always tied. I could not tie my tie. Mister Buck

457
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 2: showed me there in the White House how to tie

458
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 2: a windsor. And to this day that's the only knot

459
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 2: that I can tie. But it looks dope as hell.

460
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 2: But a black man stepped into that father figure role

461
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 2: and showed me that I've had a few men of

462
00:23:55,960 --> 00:24:00,040
Speaker 2: my community step into those roles where And that's the

463
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 2: only thing I think I missed with my father is Wow,

464
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 2: I wish that my dad would have showed me how

465
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,479
Speaker 2: how to shave. I wish that I would have had

466
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,800
Speaker 2: the sex talk with him. I wish I would have

467
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 2: had a relationship talk with him, which that's the part

468
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 2: of him that I feel that I might have because

469
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,479
Speaker 2: I have never been able to make a relationship work

470
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 2: in my entire life, and I feel it is because

471
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 2: of his behind. Yeah, so those are the positives. Is

472
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 2: if you could find your tribe and maybe fill that role.

473
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 2: But then also you'll constantly there are things that you

474
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,360
Speaker 2: do miss from certain interactions.

475
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: That makes sense. That makes sense, And I was going

476
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,400
Speaker 1: to ask you, even as you were describing the shaving story,

477
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,600
Speaker 1: my next question was going to go, did you know

478
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 1: how to tie a tie? Where did you learn how

479
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,680
Speaker 1: to tie a tie? Because I've actually never talked to

480
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 1: anyone on the podcast about that, And these are things

481
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 1: that I remember growing up watching sitcoms, and it was

482
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,120
Speaker 1: like the moment the dad shows him how to tie

483
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: a tie. It's a real father son bonding moment and

484
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 1: something that sticks with you. And so of course it

485
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: feels natural though that those moments would happen and then

486
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,679
Speaker 1: would go, oh, this is something I wish my dad

487
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 1: would have shown me. Is it important to you when

488
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,359
Speaker 1: you think about these moments, from shaving to tying a

489
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 1: tie with your son who is too Is it going

490
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:14,719
Speaker 1: to be important for you? Do you feel like you're

491
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 1: going to go, I'm going to really take the time

492
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,200
Speaker 1: to teach my son these things because these things really

493
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 1: matter to me.

494
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:24,639
Speaker 2: Hell yes, yeah, absolutely, those pieces of ritual just like

495
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:28,920
Speaker 2: i'd imagine there are motherhood the rituals that you must

496
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 2: pass down. It's important both from a functional place right

497
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 2: that let me teach you how to tie this tie,

498
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 2: because if you go into a job that needs to tie,

499
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 2: here's how you tie to. Let me show you how

500
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 2: to shave, because you need to to Let me talk

501
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 2: to you about sex. Let me talk to you about

502
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 2: relationships and women and manhood and masculinity and all of

503
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 2: these things even down down to And I'm not saying

504
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 2: that everyone's father because we all come from different places.

505
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 2: But you know what I would have loved to learn

506
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 2: early in my life how to tip at a restaurant,

507
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,680
Speaker 2: certain you know, certain thing things that are just life deals.

508
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 2: How how to change this tire, how to do things

509
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 2: like that. Oh there's a fuse out in the circuit box.

510
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 2: Let me show you how to do that. I learned

511
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 2: to do those things. But I learned because I was

512
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 2: bumping into walls.

513
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: As opposed to someone going, hey, something happened in our house,

514
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 1: the shared roof, and I want to take this moment. Hey, Wayne,

515
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 1: come and look at this, Come and look at this thing.

516
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 1: Is your son, Wayne Brady the third?

517
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,639
Speaker 2: No, no, no no. I was going to for a second,

518
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 2: but then I wanted to. And his mother was very

519
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 2: gracious and let me name him Val, after my grandmother

520
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 2: because I lost her a couple of years during during COVID,

521
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,199
Speaker 2: So that was a big blow. Like my grandmother was

522
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 2: my everything. So I named him Val, and his name

523
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:03,439
Speaker 2: is Vale Henry after her her father's will. So I

524
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 2: get to so I get to think about her every

525
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 2: single day.

526
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 1: That's really beautiful. That's special.

527
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 2: Man.

528
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 1: Shout out to grandmothers. I don't think we've gotten to

529
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 1: shout them out on the podcast. I was very close

530
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 1: to my grandmother too. And you know, I don't know

531
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,640
Speaker 1: what it is to be a grandmother, but I imagine

532
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:22,440
Speaker 1: because I see grandparents' relationships with their grandkids and parents saying,

533
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:26,600
Speaker 1: my parents are spoiling my children and letting them have

534
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 1: whatever they want. And I go, well, I guess that's

535
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 1: the joy of being a grandparent. I imagine is like

536
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 1: I did my job raising my kid, and now I

537
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 1: get to just be party time, good time, good vibes

538
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: over here.

539
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 2: Being a grandparent looks like the victory lap m.

540
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,280
Speaker 1: Right. That's I feel like that's exactly the right way

541
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 1: to look at it. Before we go into what your

542
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 1: parenting style is like any further, I do want to

543
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 1: ask about the Wayne Brady junior of it, for you

544
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 1: did that in any way to you feel like pressure

545
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 1: to live up to a name. I always wonder when

546
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 1: I meet a junior. And I don't know that I've

547
00:27:58,480 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 1: asked this yet.

548
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:04,199
Speaker 2: I think in the household because nobody else knows, but

549
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 2: around my family, there was definitely a pressure because, like

550
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 2: I was saying that to me, and this is completely

551
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 2: based off of the perceptions of a child into you know,

552
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 2: a teen teenager that my dad was one of those

553
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 2: dudes like he really was, like when you think of black, tough,

554
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 2: seventies born guy, he was that dude. So the pressure

555
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 2: in my house was to live up to him, and well,

556
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 2: especially with my grandmother because he was so wonderful to

557
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 2: her and he did take care of things. What I

558
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 2: always heard growing up in my household was about how

559
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 2: smart my dad was, about how he graduated from high

560
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 2: school early, and then he was raised in Puerto Rico,

561
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 2: A he and my aunt and they went to the

562
00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 2: Albert Einstein Academy. There was a school, and how even

563
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,080
Speaker 2: in the military, he was always getting these degrees and

564
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 2: dad can do this, And so there was the thing

565
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,479
Speaker 2: of well, this is what your dad does, what are

566
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 2: you going to do? Why aren't you? And then when

567
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 2: I got a little older and your team, why aren't

568
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 2: you as tough as your dad? And they didn't do

569
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 2: do it on purpose, but you know that generation of

570
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 2: parents sometimes they talk to you in a way that

571
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 2: they think that it's helping you aspire to something versus

572
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:33,239
Speaker 2: kicking you in the ass with it. So everything that

573
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 2: I did, I wanted to try to make sure. So,

574
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm lucky enough that like in elementary school.

575
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 2: I was so proud that I went from kindergarten to

576
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 2: second grade. I was proud that I that I was

577
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 2: in this gifted program so I could say, Dad, it

578
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 2: was just like you. I was proud that I made

579
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 2: this state engineering program so I could be like him

580
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 2: because he was an army engineer, I could say, but

581
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 2: I didn't love any of those things. So the comparison

582
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 2: was a was a kick in the ass all the time,

583
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 2: right until I exploded when he passed. I yelled at

584
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 2: my grandmother the only time in my adult life, and

585
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 2: never yell at your mother or your grandmother.

586
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 1: You feel horrible, horrible, and you think about it forever

587
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 1: and ever, even if you've apologized, all.

588
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 2: That shit came out, all of it. It's like and Dad,

589
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 2: and you always compared me, and I came all the

590
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 2: way back and blah blah blah blah. Aesh, she's mourning

591
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 2: her son. What a jerk. But that's what happens when

592
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 2: you're constantly getting compared to. You got to build your

593
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 2: own identity, right.

594
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,360
Speaker 1: I'm hearing you as you say that you felt the

595
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 1: pressure of that comparison and it's what made you pop

596
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 1: off with or your grandmother would you say, ultimately it

597
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: was more important to you to make your grandmother proud

598
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 1: or your father proud? Or is that like not a

599
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 1: fair question.

600
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 2: Oh, it's not that it's not fair. It's it was

601
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 2: always important for me to make my grandmother proud, because,

602
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 2: like I said, that was my son and moon. I

603
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 2: wanted my dad to be proud of me in general. Yeah,

604
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 2: absolutely wanted my dad proud. That's why I was glad

605
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 2: to have that conversation with him before he passed, right.

606
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 2: I always wanted him to see what I was doing.

607
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 2: I think me wanting him to be proud of me

608
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 2: was I wanted him to see that I was doing

609
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 2: my thing, which was acting, and I wanted to be

610
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 2: recognized for that within not just the family sphere. But

611
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 2: I wanted him to see that I was doing my

612
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 2: own thing and that I was going to be all right.

613
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 2: And more importantly, because he would always tell me this

614
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 2: whenever my grandmother would say something to him, and he

615
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 2: felt that because I was a really good kid. But

616
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 2: every kid mouths off. Sometimes he's like, Junior, look, you

617
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 2: don't put that old lady through no changes. It was

618
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 2: like changes, I mean, yeah, changes, you never put her

619
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 2: through changes. You make sure that she is always straight

620
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 2: and level, because that's what I do. Don't you put

621
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,719
Speaker 2: her through. So I wanted to prove to him that

622
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 2: by acting, I'm not going to put her through any changes.

623
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 2: I'm going to take care of her. She is going

624
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 2: to be all right. That's what I wanted him to

625
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 2: be proud of me. I guess in a way, I

626
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 2: never got that because he did pass before I achieved

627
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 2: any real success. And that was my whole mission the

628
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 2: rest of my life until she passed. I said, I

629
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 2: will always make sure that you are taking care of

630
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 2: old lady. There's not a thing that you will ever

631
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 2: want for And that was my promise to him.

632
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is so powerful and moving, and I'm like,

633
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: I just want to be like Wayne Brady Junior, you

634
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 1: did it. I feel you did it. I want to

635
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 1: take a moment to celebrate you and all of your accomplishments.

636
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 1: I feel like I call my mom, who doesn't know

637
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 1: a lot of celebrities, and be like, yeah, I know

638
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 1: who Wayne Brady is and I'm like, she's the barometer

639
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: for me of like how famous is this person? Has

640
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: my mom heard of them? I'm like that is a

641
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 1: household name, Wayne Brady. You made that a household name.

642
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 1: So I think you did both of them proud if

643
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to.

644
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 2: Say thank you so much.

645
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like you have such strong, clear values

646
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 1: as well. And so in terms of the relationship you

647
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 1: have with your kids, you have a twenty two year

648
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 1: old daughter two year old son. What kind of father

649
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 1: would you say you are?

650
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 2: I would like to say, you know, blanket statement. I'd

651
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,840
Speaker 2: like to say that I'm a good father, and my

652
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 2: daughter will attest to that. And she even left me

653
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 2: message yesterday you know, I love you. Not everybody gets

654
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 2: to hang out with their best friend and and she's

655
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 2: best friend. Yeah, we lucked out. Not everyone has a

656
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,440
Speaker 2: twenty two year old that actually wants to spend time

657
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 2: with them. Yeah, so her mother and I we lucked out.

658
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 2: In fact, I'll even show you. We went to the Grammys.

659
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 2: She was my date because I was performing for the

660
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 2: opening ceremony, and we did this whole thing. And and

661
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 2: I love doing stuff like that just because I get

662
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 2: to show off my daughter and to show that I

663
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 2: have this buddy who still wants to hang out. How cool?

664
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 2: Twenty two?

665
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 1: That is quite an accomplishment for her to want to

666
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: hang out with you guys at twenty two.

667
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, this is her right here, that's seed.

668
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 1: Oh that's beautiful.

669
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 2: That's my girl. She is my pal. So I think

670
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 2: she'll say that I'm a good father. I think she'll

671
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 2: say that I am a especially when she was coming up.

672
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 2: I'm a strict father, but I will own like many

673
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 2: people of my generation, I'm.

674
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 1: A very flawed man, a flawed.

675
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 2: Person, and so in doing the therapeutic work, really doing

676
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 2: a lot of therapy later in life because of a

677
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,360
Speaker 2: lot of the baggage that you end up accumulating, and

678
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 2: even parenting, parenting through a filter, and you're parenting through

679
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 2: the filter of I come from the generation of don't

680
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,959
Speaker 2: talk back to me, if you even look, don't don't

681
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 2: even look sideway, because if you're not looking at me

682
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 2: when I'm talking to you, right, don't let me snatch you.

683
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 2: I'm gonna snatch you up a very violent underturned discipline.

684
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 2: I'm gonna snatch you up. Don't make me come over

685
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 2: there if I have to. Boy, don't you ever and

686
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 2: me forgetting that The reason that I think to this day,

687
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:01,720
Speaker 2: I'm a very quiet person. When I'm on a camera,

688
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 2: I'm very quiet and very introverted. It's because I learned

689
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 2: early in my house, don't talk back, even if something's wrong.

690
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 2: You don't talk back to me so much to the

691
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,759
Speaker 2: point that I remember I have a sensation in my

692
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 2: jaw and sounding all artsy as an actor. If I

693
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 2: ever need to summon frustration, I just remember what my

694
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 2: jaw fel was like being luck because I can't speak,

695
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:32,280
Speaker 2: so I would always remember, shut up, don't say things.

696
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 2: I realized that at a certain point that I was

697
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 2: enforcing some of those things on her for such a

698
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:43,799
Speaker 2: smart young lady and inquisitive. So if you, as a

699
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 2: parent sometimes don't have the answer, it's either because I

700
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 2: said so, But why do I have to do that?

701
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:51,919
Speaker 2: Because I said so, because that's what my mama did,

702
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,240
Speaker 2: and that's what I'm doing right now, But why don't

703
00:35:54,280 --> 00:36:00,600
Speaker 2: ask me? Why? So flawed? And I own that We've

704
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 2: had talks about that, because a whole family goes to therapy,

705
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 2: and we've had therapy together, and so I've got a

706
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 2: chance to apologize. I think I'm a really good dad,

707
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 2: but I also think that I was parenting sometimes through

708
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 2: through that filter.

709
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 1: That's incredible that you guys go to therapy together. I mean,

710
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,719
Speaker 1: I'm just marveling at that because I'm like, how many

711
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 1: families would be healed if they would be willing to

712
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 1: go to therapy together. Because there might be parties who

713
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 1: are interested in it and open to it, but everyone's

714
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: got to be willing to go. And the fact that

715
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 1: you guys are able to do that. Is there something

716
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 1: that made you guys go to therapy? Is there an

717
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:38,400
Speaker 1: inciting incident or just period of time where it was like, Okay,

718
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: this is I think this is necessary.

719
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 2: I know that for me, my personal therapy became when

720
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 2: I owned up to the fact that I was going

721
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:51,719
Speaker 2: through depression and not just going through depression, that I

722
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 2: was that my behavior, which I also feel, you know

723
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 2: now after years of therapy and even going to clinical doctors,

724
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:03,680
Speaker 2: and I know that I've had clinical depression, and I

725
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 2: know that my body chemistry, which I know that I've

726
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 2: inherited from my father makes me prone to depression, make

727
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 2: certain behaviors that I've done, especially in relationships, or even

728
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 2: the reason that I am very quiet and I stay

729
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 2: to myself and I isolate all those things. I had

730
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,439
Speaker 2: to own up to that to a certain point because

731
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 2: I ran from it for years. I was able to

732
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,920
Speaker 2: get going and you know, the hustle, like when you're

733
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 2: in the city and you're at first you're trying to

734
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,840
Speaker 2: make it. I was too busy to notice depression or

735
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,440
Speaker 2: any of the behaviors because I'm doing a show here,

736
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 2: auditioning there. I'm on a hustle, on a grind. I

737
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 2: get up, I do this thing. But and then you

738
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 2: get some success and oh my god, I'm doing this

739
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 2: not go a little bit of money. I a little

740
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 2: bit of money, I would get this thing. Bah bah

741
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:49,720
Speaker 2: bait baby bye baby. The first chance that you get

742
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 2: when there's a and and it catches up with you.

743
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,359
Speaker 2: And it did catch up with me. It really caught

744
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:00,800
Speaker 2: up with me. I would say, like in my late thirties.

745
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:05,560
Speaker 2: It hit me like a brick. It was either go

746
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 2: to therapy or be very unwell. And my ex wife, Mandy,

747
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 2: who is my best friend and if any of you

748
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 2: have seen The Family Remix, our show on Hulu, which

749
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 2: is our Family, she is Miley's mother. She made me

750
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 2: go to therapy. She's like, you need there's so much

751
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 2: that you have not unlocked. I'm fine therapies for white people.

752
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, was it high functioning depression, perhaps because the symptoms

753
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 1: of depression as I understood them until I had heard

754
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 1: the term high functioning depression was like you're having trouble

755
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 1: getting out of bed, and you're not interested in your

756
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: hobbies anymore. And I think it shows up differently in

757
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: different people. I am no expert at all, but from

758
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 1: what I understand now, I'm like, it just shows up differently.

759
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,360
Speaker 1: And do you feel like that's what it was? Because

760
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:53,879
Speaker 1: to still be able to do all that you were

761
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 1: doing and then entertain and you're making people laugh. And

762
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:58,359
Speaker 1: I know this kind of hits you like a ton

763
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: of bricks once you slowed down, but it was there

764
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 1: in the background.

765
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 2: Likely right, it does present in a different way, and

766
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 2: there's a whole slew of issues which I love the

767
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:12,840
Speaker 2: TikTok and Instagram information, the generation because you learned so much.

768
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 2: Not only was I suffering from the chemical imbalance that

769
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 2: needed to be corrected, but you know the things that

770
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 2: I'd seen as my superpower, which is kind of why

771
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 2: even as a kid I could play, I can imagine

772
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:30,440
Speaker 2: I could do all these things. Why I felt so

773
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,520
Speaker 2: frustrated with the world and then sometimes and that is

774
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:40,320
Speaker 2: also because of undiagnosed ADHD and add that I didn't

775
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 2: know even the depression. All those things I thought of

776
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 2: as my fuel, which there's a whole generation of us

777
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,759
Speaker 2: we think of those behaviors as that's just the way

778
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 2: that it is. That's why if you go to a

779
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 2: cookout and there's always an Uncle Jimmy in the corner

780
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 2: talking to himself and he served either in Vietnam or

781
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:01,359
Speaker 2: an Iraq, and he's up, that's just Uncle Jimmy. Many

782
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 2: he crazy is that's no, he's unwell. He's unwell, and

783
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,760
Speaker 2: it hasn't been documented because we don't do that work.

784
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:13,840
Speaker 2: I had so much going on that I didn't notice

785
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 2: that the wheels are falling off until I took a

786
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:19,080
Speaker 2: second and I knew that I needed to. The catalyst

787
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 2: of it was because I needed to be present for

788
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 2: my daughter. I couldn't be breaking down and having just

789
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 2: out of the blue, I'm fine, and then I'm crying

790
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 2: or I'm incredibly angry and I have to go pick

791
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 2: up my daughter and take her someplace, or she sees

792
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:37,360
Speaker 2: this thing happening. I can't model that behavior. I have

793
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 2: to find out why. And that was my real impetus

794
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 2: to start therapy, and once she became old enough, I'm

795
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 2: in therapy. Her mom's in therapy, her mom's partner, Jason,

796
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 2: is in therapy. Therapy. Therapy was the next step because

797
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 2: people think of therapy as you have to have something wrong.

798
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,720
Speaker 2: I like to think of therapy as, especially as a child,

799
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 2: give this child an outlat to talk. Give this child

800
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 2: an outlet to get what they need to get out

801
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 2: in a safe space, which is so they don't grow

802
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,840
Speaker 2: up being able to feel tension and lockjaw and have

803
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,399
Speaker 2: like my head. I swear that I've got these big

804
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 2: old things on the side the side of my head

805
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,320
Speaker 2: because of all the stress that I kept in. So

806
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 2: we definitely gave her the option for therapy. And she's

807
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 2: been in it for thirteen years now.

808
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:28,320
Speaker 1: That is incredible. That's incredible. I have so many questions.

809
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:29,960
Speaker 1: I'm like trying to figure out which one I want

810
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:30,919
Speaker 1: to want to ask.

811
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 2: I feel like I've been talking so damn much. I

812
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 2: know it's a podcast, but I'm just like blah blah

813
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,200
Speaker 2: blah blah blah.

814
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to shut up because you're saying so

815
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,560
Speaker 1: many wonderful things and so many rich things, and I'm

816
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 1: like I'm grabbing onto all of them. Okay, the first

817
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 1: one I'll ask you is in terms of inheriting depression

818
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 1: because there's genetics. It related to mental health. Yeah, from

819
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,480
Speaker 1: your father's side, was it diagnosed in him or is

820
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,560
Speaker 1: this something you've then figured out when you go, oh,

821
00:41:58,560 --> 00:41:59,839
Speaker 1: this is the way he showed up in the world

822
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:02,839
Speaker 1: is reflective of this mental illness.

823
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 2: We had to retro fit that, right, because I don't know,

824
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:09,600
Speaker 2: and I also don't want to. I don't want to

825
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:12,400
Speaker 2: sound like I'm either blaming my dad or I'm speaking

826
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 2: on something that he had because I don't know. All

827
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:18,840
Speaker 2: I do know, Like I do know for certain that

828
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 2: after he passed, and my sister at the time, she

829
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,840
Speaker 2: was working in the medical field in a clerical way,

830
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,880
Speaker 2: having access to his house because I was because I

831
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 2: was out of town. You know, he did have certain medications,

832
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:39,399
Speaker 2: which I do believe after hearing them, that they were

833
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 2: to treat things related. Now, even that being said, I'm

834
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 2: pretty certain that my father did not go to therapy

835
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 2: because he was not of that generation. Sure, But what

836
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 2: I do know is that's a man that passed from

837
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 2: a massive coronary who he was not even when I

838
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:59,759
Speaker 2: saw him that one time I saw a man that

839
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:03,839
Speaker 2: I make up. I saw somebody who was in a

840
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 2: bit of darkness, who who had a thing on him.

841
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 2: And I can recognize that because Game recognized Game. I

842
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 2: know that thing. Yeah, But even at that age, whenever

843
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 2: I felt that thing, I was like, Nope, let's go

844
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 2: make a laugh, make a laugh. So so I wish

845
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:28,360
Speaker 2: that I would have known. So I speculate. I speculate

846
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 2: because a lot of the same behaviors is because of

847
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 2: some of his medical records. But I'll never know for certain.

848
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 2: But even in talking to the doctors, like you say,

849
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:42,359
Speaker 2: you know that there are genetic markers of of that

850
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 2: and and it is what it is.

851
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I don't even hear you placing any blame

852
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:50,800
Speaker 1: because it's just science. The reality is, oftentimes your mental

853
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,359
Speaker 1: health can be a function of genetics. That's just the

854
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 1: science of it. And we don't actually get to pick

855
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: our genetics. It's always like, we don't get to pick it.

856
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 1: We just show up in the world and we got

857
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 1: we got what we got. Now. In terms of your

858
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:05,759
Speaker 1: daughter calling you her best friend, which is man, that

859
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 1: is beautiful. Man. Thank you for sharing your dad with

860
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: me today. But do you find balancing that reality with

861
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:18,880
Speaker 1: the fact that she thinks she were strict challenging and

862
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,000
Speaker 1: what does that even look like? Because if I hear like,

863
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 1: dad is my best friend, I'm like, Okay, dad's fun time,

864
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 1: and I feel like I can talk to Dad. But

865
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 1: then to hear that you're also strict, Yeah, how does

866
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 1: that look?

867
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 2: She can talk to me and we have amazing conversations.

868
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 2: So I think that because her mother was even more

869
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 2: strict because her mom came from her father's Japanese so

870
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:46,920
Speaker 2: she was raised in a very strict environment as well,

871
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 2: so she got double teamed in terms of the strictness.

872
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:54,760
Speaker 2: But her mother was more strict than me, like super strict.

873
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:58,239
Speaker 2: So I think that we found the balance. Yes, I

874
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 2: love you and I'm your best friend, but I don't

875
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 2: I don't think that we're the best friend in a

876
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,360
Speaker 2: way because I will be the first to say to

877
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 2: some parents, you can't be your child's literal best friend.

878
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 2: And I use that word intentionally, like you see some people, Yes,

879
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 2: we're best ease and we go out and we do

880
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,759
Speaker 2: everything together. Well, then your child has a different level

881
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,399
Speaker 2: of respect for you. The way I put it as

882
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 2: best friend is she respects me as her father. She

883
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,880
Speaker 2: knows my rules and my policies and my stance, but

884
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:28,000
Speaker 2: she also knows that as her friend, I have her

885
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 2: back in this life, and as her friend, I'm not

886
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,919
Speaker 2: just gonna let you get away with nonsense. So that's

887
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:37,720
Speaker 2: that's her best friend. Her best friend is the person

888
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 2: that has her best interest even when she doesn't want

889
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 2: to hear it. Sometimes I'm like, Miley, don't go to

890
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:45,239
Speaker 2: that party, don't go do that thing. You just don't

891
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 2: want me to go have fun you I said, no,

892
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 2: I want you to go have all the fun in

893
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 2: the world. But I also want you to use common sense.

894
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 2: Why would you, as a single woman, walk into that

895
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:58,240
Speaker 2: party downtown by yourself and park your car five blocks away?

896
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,880
Speaker 2: Why not go with someone do these things. I can't

897
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 2: make you do things anymore, but I can surely give

898
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,880
Speaker 2: you an informed opinion as somebody who loves you more

899
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:08,719
Speaker 2: than anybody else.

900
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 1: Right right? That makes sense. That is such a great distinction.

901
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,879
Speaker 1: I haven't heard it distilled that way quite yet. Now,

902
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:19,800
Speaker 1: in terms of considering one another best friends, I understand

903
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 1: that means I have her best interests at heart. Do

904
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 1: you want Miley to be able to tell you and

905
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:29,840
Speaker 1: talk to you about anything, yes, okay.

906
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,799
Speaker 2: And we really worked on that because because of how

907
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:35,400
Speaker 2: strict I was, I realized that if I would have

908
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 2: gone down the same road that my grandmother did, I

909
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 2: would have ended up in a relationship with my daughter

910
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 2: where she would have found out about sex from somebody else.

911
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 2: She would have talked about heartbreak to somebody else. And

912
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 2: I was lucky enough that I caught it early enough

913
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,840
Speaker 2: that now we're at a place where she can share,

914
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 2: and she shares with her her mom, and there are

915
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 2: some things that she probably doesn't share with me because

916
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:00,439
Speaker 2: they have a different relationship, but she can and come

917
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 2: to me. And even now she has a boyfriend. It's Newish.

918
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 2: He's a really good dude. She introduced me to him.

919
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 2: She asked me questions. She asked me about certain things

920
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:16,200
Speaker 2: going into it, because I'd also witnessed her other, her

921
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 2: first love, and how that went south, and I kept

922
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:22,840
Speaker 2: my mouth shut. She trusts me now, she knows that

923
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 2: there's no judgment. And I had to earn that, Yeah,

924
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 2: because I think the way that I did parent she

925
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 2: felt there was judgment because I was constantly coming at her.

926
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 1: Yeah. I always say that in any relationship, even with friends,

927
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 1: my siblings, whatever. I'm always like, it's nice when people

928
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 1: are asking you questions to understand and true curiosity versus

929
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 1: asking you questions with a little judgment on it, and

930
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:47,360
Speaker 1: you can feel it, you can feel the difference.

931
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 2: That's who you like.

932
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:52,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, all right. And I don't want to go

933
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:54,840
Speaker 1: in on Miley and I don't even know Miley, and

934
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 1: I want to protect Miley's business. But just as a dad,

935
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 1: just hearing that with her first love, you were like,

936
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 1: I kept my mouth shut. Was that hard for you

937
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:06,879
Speaker 1: to do? And what made you make that choice?

938
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 2: That was so hard to do? Because I didn't want

939
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:12,959
Speaker 2: to be judgmental, and I realized that if I would

940
00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 2: have opened my mouth and said some of the things

941
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:17,160
Speaker 2: that I really wanted to say, which I said in

942
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 2: the beginning, Okay, in the beginning, I was very liberal

943
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 2: with my comment because I'm dead, I'll say say what's

944
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 2: on my mind. M H and I saw her begin

945
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 2: to turn away or to maybe do things in seek,

946
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:37,839
Speaker 2: not do things in secret, but she wasn't as forthcoming

947
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 2: and maybe she didn't talk about things. And I was like, oh,

948
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 2: I am no longer a safe haven because I am

949
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:47,600
Speaker 2: judging her, even if I don't think that I'm judging her,

950
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:50,800
Speaker 2: even by having something to say about him, saying, Miley,

951
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:53,600
Speaker 2: it's this isn't about you, but like one of my

952
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 2: big beefs with him, and she she's I dating him now,

953
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:57,040
Speaker 2: so he can suck it.

954
00:48:57,239 --> 00:48:59,160
Speaker 1: And he really can suck it. I don't even know him,

955
00:48:59,160 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 1: but I can see.

956
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:01,360
Speaker 2: Can you can suck it?

957
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:05,720
Speaker 1: My non existent d but god.

958
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:11,760
Speaker 2: So so he uh, you know, in in my household, yes, sir, no, ma'am.

959
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 2: When you walk into somebody else's house, especially if you're

960
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 2: younger and they're your elders, you always greet them. You

961
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 2: always shake hands or you say say hi, you always acknowledge.

962
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 2: The first couple of times that he came over, he

963
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:30,239
Speaker 2: never did that. And the excuse was, Dad, stop, he's

964
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:36,759
Speaker 2: just really shy. Okay, I get shy. And and I

965
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 2: went up to him. You know, it's a little bit

966
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 2: of ego. I'm like, well, you in my house or

967
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 2: you just you say and and he was nice. I

968
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 2: gave him that at first, you know, shake hands, blah

969
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,600
Speaker 2: blah blah. But I had a problem with that. And

970
00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:50,879
Speaker 2: in my mind, when certain things are telling, if you're

971
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 2: not respectful. If you can't be respectful of space for

972
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 2: her parents, that's gotta be a little bit of a

973
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,359
Speaker 2: flag of of just a repet level in general. If

974
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 2: you can't be respectful of her folks, is he going

975
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:04,799
Speaker 2: to be respectful of you?

976
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 1: Listen, Dad, I've heard it said. The way you do

977
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:11,839
Speaker 1: anything is the way you do everything. And you can

978
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 1: really tell a lot by about a person, I think

979
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 1: in some of those moments, and that is incredibly telling

980
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:21,040
Speaker 1: to me right off the bat. Now, if I'm her

981
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 1: and I'm kind of like, but I like this guy

982
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:26,760
Speaker 1: and he's attractive, and we have this thing in common

983
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,759
Speaker 1: and we enjoy doing this one thing a lot, I go, Okay,

984
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:31,880
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make excuses for it. I'm gonna make excuses

985
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 1: for it. And I do think ultimately, yes, even in friendship,

986
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,839
Speaker 1: if you can feel a friend starting to judge you,

987
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:41,319
Speaker 1: you pull away, even if that friend is right, even

988
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 1: if you know that friend is right, by the way,

989
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:46,200
Speaker 1: especially especially if you know the friend is right, You're like,

990
00:50:46,239 --> 00:50:48,680
Speaker 1: but I want to have my experience. So you were

991
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:53,360
Speaker 1: liberal up top, and then ultimately, how did you stopped

992
00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 1: saying things when I'm like, once that sweet spot.

993
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:01,319
Speaker 2: It's when I realize that I'm pushing her away. Okay, okay,

994
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:04,879
Speaker 2: And I can't even lie to you and say it's

995
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:08,239
Speaker 2: perfect yeah, because I still have a tendency to give

996
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:12,279
Speaker 2: my opinion because it's born out of care. Like like

997
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 2: last night, she's an actress as well, and I was

998
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 2: helping her do a self tape. I sometimes getting notes

999
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:26,240
Speaker 2: from me if I'm coaching her on something, or if

1000
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:28,839
Speaker 2: I listened to her sing and I'm like, oh, that thing,

1001
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:32,239
Speaker 2: blah blah blah. I'm coming from the viewpoint of I

1002
00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 2: didn't have a parent in the business or somebody who

1003
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 2: did this to any success to help me. I just

1004
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:42,440
Speaker 2: got bumped into walls and made it. You have me.

1005
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:44,319
Speaker 2: I want to help you. I was put on this

1006
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:46,320
Speaker 2: earth to help you. That's what I'm Oh, shit, I

1007
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:49,880
Speaker 2: can do it. She hears You're not good enough like

1008
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:53,120
Speaker 2: that blah blah blah blah blah. And I have to

1009
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 2: realize that even last night, I have to just go, oh,

1010
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:58,480
Speaker 2: even if I'm right right now, I think I might

1011
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:01,800
Speaker 2: be overloading her and this isn't the interaction that she wants,

1012
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 2: and I have to be respectful of that. I have

1013
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:09,839
Speaker 2: to be respectful of that interaction. Yeah, so even now

1014
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 2: I've got to be respectful of what I say to

1015
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 2: her as an adult, even though she's my daughter.

1016
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,480
Speaker 1: I feel like, again, parents, every parent is imperfect simply

1017
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 1: because they are human. But you seem to have mastered

1018
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:25,720
Speaker 1: at least your north star in terms of the type

1019
00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 1: of parent you want to be. And that's not to

1020
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:28,880
Speaker 1: say you're going to get it right every time and

1021
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:31,839
Speaker 1: in every moment. That would be impossible. But I think

1022
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 1: that is such a tight rope to walk, and I

1023
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:37,000
Speaker 1: think you get it. I'm like, that's exactly the kind

1024
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:38,799
Speaker 1: I see. I'm listening to you, and I go, I

1025
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:41,239
Speaker 1: see why she calls you her best friend. I'm like,

1026
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 1: you get it. You get it. You respect the boundaries

1027
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 1: and understand she needs to have her experience and want

1028
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:49,720
Speaker 1: her to be able to have the experiences she needs

1029
00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 1: to have to flourish into the person she is. Is

1030
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 1: there any other example you can think of that where

1031
00:52:56,200 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 1: maybe you lacked a thing in childhood in terms of

1032
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:04,680
Speaker 1: guidance in terms of a parent figure, and so you

1033
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:09,080
Speaker 1: use that as your guide in how you parent Miley

1034
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:11,879
Speaker 1: and your son. Where you go, I'm doing this thing,

1035
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:13,759
Speaker 1: but now I'm realizing I'm doing it because I lacked it,

1036
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 1: and I don't even think you want it.

1037
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:20,440
Speaker 2: Actually, Oh absolutely, and I think I've got a chance

1038
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 2: with Val. I already missed the boat with Miley sat sadly.

1039
00:53:25,239 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 2: And it's where it comes to relationships. I never had

1040
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:33,880
Speaker 2: healthy relationships, especially because my dad was not in the

1041
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:36,879
Speaker 2: picture with my mom. They were divorced when I was ten,

1042
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:38,759
Speaker 2: but even when they were married, I didn't live with

1043
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 2: them my grandmother. You know, once my grandfather passed, my

1044
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:49,280
Speaker 2: aunts divorces, there was no one in my immediate sphere

1045
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:54,160
Speaker 2: that had a healthy relationship. And coupled with the fact

1046
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 2: that we never talked about sex, we never talked about intimacy.

1047
00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:02,160
Speaker 2: You learn things on the school school yard about girls,

1048
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:05,359
Speaker 2: especially in the hoods. You hear these things and this

1049
00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 2: is what you're supposed to do, and this is what

1050
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 2: you say, and girls are like this and this is

1051
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:12,880
Speaker 2: what they want and death. So I think that that

1052
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 2: stuck with me and I never modeled a healthy relationship

1053
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:22,080
Speaker 2: to Miley. Even when she was growing up. The only

1054
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,120
Speaker 2: healthy thing that she ever saw was how I treated

1055
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 2: her mother. She knew that even though her mother and

1056
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:29,360
Speaker 2: I were not together anymore, and she's old enough to

1057
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 2: remember us being divorced. Never spoke ill about her mother.

1058
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:35,759
Speaker 2: Always said that her mother was MY best friend and

1059
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,480
Speaker 2: I was always going to take care of her, and

1060
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 2: that's something that she has seen to this day. But

1061
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:43,439
Speaker 2: in terms of really having a relationship, my awkward ass

1062
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 2: way of learning about relationships and interaction cost me many

1063
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:54,719
Speaker 2: relationships and how and the work that I never did

1064
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 2: therapeutically blew up so many relationships. And I never modeled

1065
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 2: what it was like to be in a healthy, good,

1066
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:07,680
Speaker 2: loving relationship. So how could I give her relationship advice?

1067
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:11,839
Speaker 2: So I kind of missed that boat. Sure, So that's

1068
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:14,840
Speaker 2: something that I do feel bad about. But on the

1069
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:17,359
Speaker 2: flip side, her mother did model that because she's been

1070
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:20,319
Speaker 2: in an amazing relationship with Jason for like thirteen years

1071
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:24,319
Speaker 2: and she's seen that, so it's never too late. I'm

1072
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 2: still trying.

1073
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you want to the opportunity, hopefully to

1074
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 1: show that to Vow. And in terms of just modeling

1075
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:35,560
Speaker 1: it as opposed to imposing relationship advice as well, I

1076
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,719
Speaker 1: think that is an important distinction. So I can't imagine

1077
00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 1: even Miley or val later in life rejecting your modeling

1078
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:45,839
Speaker 1: if you will. I guess they could. But it's when

1079
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 1: people impose. I think that's when you start to go

1080
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:51,240
Speaker 1: you wanted this thing. You were lacking this thing in childhood,

1081
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:53,839
Speaker 1: like a parent who was in the industry who could

1082
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 1: give advice. You lacked it. And so now you think

1083
00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:57,839
Speaker 1: I want all this advice. I don't want. I don't

1084
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:02,280
Speaker 1: want your opinion about everything. But modeling a positive relationship

1085
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 1: I do think I can only imagine is helpful and powerful,

1086
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:07,480
Speaker 1: even though I do know some friends whose parents have

1087
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 1: healthy relationships and they go, well, now this feels like pressure.

1088
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:13,120
Speaker 1: It feels like pressure to achieve this guy. So I'm

1089
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 1: telling you it's never quite right.

1090
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:19,000
Speaker 2: It's never going to be perfect, it's never good. It's

1091
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:21,080
Speaker 2: like to not sound trite and to use that thing.

1092
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:25,439
Speaker 2: But it's all a work in progress. And especially being

1093
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 2: a parent, here's the thing. You're never just when you

1094
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 2: feel even if you feel like you're hitting all the

1095
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:36,279
Speaker 2: checkpoints and doing it right, because your child hits stages.

1096
00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:39,839
Speaker 2: You only got this part right, and now we're over here,

1097
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:42,239
Speaker 2: and now you have to work on this and you

1098
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:44,120
Speaker 2: probably never get that, And then you feel like you're

1099
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:47,319
Speaker 2: in school and now you're two chapters behind, and this

1100
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:51,760
Speaker 2: thing happened, and there's a big quiz. So the biggest

1101
00:56:51,800 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 2: win that you could take, Like, I have such pride

1102
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 2: in the basic fact that I've raised a great human

1103
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 2: and at twenty two years of age, I did my

1104
00:57:00,760 --> 00:57:04,560
Speaker 2: part in keeping a human alive. Yeah, for twenty two years,

1105
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:06,400
Speaker 2: and now they're going to go out in the world.

1106
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:09,839
Speaker 2: But I and her mother we did that. So that's

1107
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 2: the win that I'm going to take.

1108
00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:14,239
Speaker 1: I love that, I love that perspective, and I love

1109
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:16,200
Speaker 1: so many of the perspectives you shared with us. Now

1110
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:18,520
Speaker 1: I'm going to take an opportunity to be a little

1111
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:21,120
Speaker 1: more selfish and ask you for a piece of dad vice.

1112
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:21,600
Speaker 2: Please.

1113
00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 1: You may or may not be an expert in the area,

1114
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 1: but because you're my dad, for the dad, like you

1115
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:31,560
Speaker 1: to try like a dad would. Okay, buying property, So

1116
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:37,640
Speaker 1: I bought a house. That's exciting, and I'm thinking, should

1117
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:42,160
Speaker 1: I just keep buying properties and buy investment properties and

1118
00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 1: rent them out? Is that the best use of money?

1119
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:46,920
Speaker 1: And it's not because I'm just swimming in it, but

1120
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, let's plan for the day that I might

1121
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:52,360
Speaker 1: be swimming in it. What would I do? What would

1122
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,320
Speaker 1: I do I don't. You don't write would you do

1123
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 1: you do a bunch of properties?

1124
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:58,800
Speaker 2: Or is that that is such a no, no, no,

1125
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:02,560
Speaker 2: never silly to want to plan for the future. I

1126
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:06,240
Speaker 2: can only give you the advice that has been handed

1127
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:08,640
Speaker 2: off to me. Now, if you look online, there's always

1128
00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 2: some Instagram or TikTok guru who they will either say

1129
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:14,840
Speaker 2: buying is bad because it's a money pit and da

1130
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:17,680
Speaker 2: da da, or somebody will go it's great, go online

1131
00:58:17,720 --> 00:58:20,320
Speaker 2: to the government website and find all these abandoned properties,

1132
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 2: and you too can be a slum lord. I think

1133
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:25,680
Speaker 2: the truth is somewhere in the middle. Like what I'm

1134
00:58:25,760 --> 00:58:28,720
Speaker 2: even trying to do right now is even at this

1135
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 2: point in my life, I'm trying to build a portfolio

1136
00:58:31,280 --> 00:58:35,320
Speaker 2: of properties. I wasn't thinking that way in my late twenties,

1137
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:38,040
Speaker 2: thirties and forties when I was acquiring things. Now I'm

1138
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:39,640
Speaker 2: at a point where I want to be able to

1139
00:58:39,720 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 2: leave these things. And I look at people who are

1140
00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:44,680
Speaker 2: incredibly wealthy, and I'm talking out of show business wealthy

1141
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:49,000
Speaker 2: talking about it's property. It's a different thing. So it's

1142
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:52,640
Speaker 2: a different thing I have. I've started to invest I'm

1143
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 2: with a commercial investment group that I've bopped, that I've

1144
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:59,520
Speaker 2: invested in, bought three big commercial properties. I'm in the

1145
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:03,320
Speaker 2: midst of buying a couple of smaller homes that I'll

1146
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:05,560
Speaker 2: rent out. I think that if you are in a

1147
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:09,480
Speaker 2: space to be able to do it and it's not

1148
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:13,480
Speaker 2: going to take away from your living capital, I think

1149
00:59:13,520 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 2: you should. I think you should invest in property. Property

1150
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:19,560
Speaker 2: is the one thing. And because I'm not an expert,

1151
00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:21,480
Speaker 2: mind you, that's why I have a business manager, but

1152
00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:30,000
Speaker 2: I'll be your you're expert. I will say buying property,

1153
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:33,000
Speaker 2: I think is like any other thing. Don't spend more

1154
00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:37,120
Speaker 2: than you have, Don't over extend yourself, because I also

1155
00:59:37,160 --> 00:59:38,960
Speaker 2: see people do that. They take out all these loans

1156
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:42,440
Speaker 2: and there every extent, I've got twelve houses, and now

1157
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:45,440
Speaker 2: what you're going to do unless the twelve houses are

1158
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:49,040
Speaker 2: bringing in an incredible amount of rents? And then do

1159
00:59:49,080 --> 00:59:51,400
Speaker 2: you really want to be a Do you want to

1160
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:53,480
Speaker 2: be a landlord to all these things? Or you're going

1161
00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:57,400
Speaker 2: to have to hire a property manager if you do.

1162
00:59:57,840 --> 01:00:01,680
Speaker 2: And you have to know that these these zone or ordinances,

1163
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:05,520
Speaker 2: you will be responsible to some to someone else. If

1164
01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 2: you're okay with that, if you're really building in your future.

1165
01:00:09,040 --> 01:00:13,760
Speaker 2: Start slowly and location, location, location. You want to buy

1166
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:15,560
Speaker 2: in a place that maybe is on the come up.

1167
01:00:15,760 --> 01:00:19,120
Speaker 2: You don't want the most expensive house on the street,

1168
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:21,480
Speaker 2: even if it's the house that you buy to live in. Well,

1169
01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:24,560
Speaker 2: look what is I just dropped six million of his house.

1170
01:00:24,600 --> 01:00:26,560
Speaker 2: But yeah, but the guy down the road he has

1171
01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:29,680
Speaker 2: a house worth two hundred thousand dollars. So you've just

1172
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:32,360
Speaker 2: taken a loss because you your house isn't going to

1173
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:36,760
Speaker 2: bring up the value. So a spend what you can spend,

1174
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:42,760
Speaker 2: Spend wisely, don't overextend yourself. Look for locations that are

1175
01:00:43,080 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 2: that are definitely on the come up. It all depends

1176
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:50,880
Speaker 2: on the city it then it depends on is this

1177
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:55,720
Speaker 2: a great neighborhood? Are are they gentrifying? Or is it

1178
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:59,640
Speaker 2: already great? I think that those are the things that

1179
01:00:59,680 --> 01:01:02,400
Speaker 2: you have to think about. But ultimately you're making the

1180
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:05,720
Speaker 2: right move. Make those moves now, WHI while you're young

1181
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:08,360
Speaker 2: enough to still have income coming in, so that at

1182
01:01:08,360 --> 01:01:10,960
Speaker 2: some point your money can work for you and instead

1183
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:12,000
Speaker 2: of you working for money.

1184
01:01:12,120 --> 01:01:14,919
Speaker 1: Okay, I like that, and I've not heard it put

1185
01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 1: quite that way. And I also just want to say

1186
01:01:16,680 --> 01:01:19,919
Speaker 1: it's so wild. How the term location, location, location has

1187
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:22,600
Speaker 1: been imprinted in our minds. I don't even know who

1188
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:25,640
Speaker 1: said it first. Real estate agent said it first, but

1189
01:01:25,680 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 1: we hear it and we all know immediately what it means,

1190
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:31,120
Speaker 1: and we know we're talking about buying property. That is

1191
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:33,320
Speaker 1: sound advice you gave me. I'm not in a position yet,

1192
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:36,840
Speaker 1: but I thought what would Yeah? Is that smart to do?

1193
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:39,400
Speaker 1: But I think you gave me great guidelines. I think

1194
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:39,959
Speaker 1: you did great.

1195
01:01:40,080 --> 01:01:41,040
Speaker 2: Even if you want to thank you.

1196
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:44,080
Speaker 1: You sounded like an expert, sounded like a confident dad.

1197
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:48,280
Speaker 1: Wade Brady Junior, Thank you so much for being here.

1198
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:49,800
Speaker 1: Thank you for being my dad for the day. Is

1199
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:51,360
Speaker 1: there anything you would like to plug?

1200
01:01:52,680 --> 01:01:54,680
Speaker 2: Let's see what's going on? Yeah, I would love to

1201
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:57,040
Speaker 2: plug it. You know, I've got the latest season of

1202
01:01:57,520 --> 01:01:59,360
Speaker 2: Let's Make a Deal. We're getting ready to go back

1203
01:01:59,360 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 2: to work right now. I will be on the road

1204
01:02:04,280 --> 01:02:08,960
Speaker 2: at some point this year, touring with my improvised musical

1205
01:02:09,040 --> 01:02:13,720
Speaker 2: show called Making Sit Up. I'll be back on Broadway

1206
01:02:13,880 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 2: starting in July. I can't say which show yet, but

1207
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 2: definitely check out my Instagram.

1208
01:02:19,160 --> 01:02:21,080
Speaker 1: Thank you for doing this again. I want to say

1209
01:02:21,080 --> 01:02:23,040
Speaker 1: thank you so much to our listeners, we will be

1210
01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:26,080
Speaker 1: taking a brief hiatus on Thanks Dad as this is

1211
01:02:26,120 --> 01:02:29,120
Speaker 1: the season finale and what a way to end the

1212
01:02:29,160 --> 01:02:32,360
Speaker 1: season with a bang with you Wayne Brady as my

1213
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:35,439
Speaker 1: dad for the day. Thank you again and we'll see

1214
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:39,400
Speaker 1: you soon. Bye bye. Thanks Dad is a head gum

1215
01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:43,800
Speaker 1: podcast created and hosted by me Igo Odem. This show

1216
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:47,480
Speaker 1: is engineered by Rochelle Chen and Anya Kanofskaya and edited

1217
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:51,680
Speaker 1: by Rochelle Chen with executive producer Emma Foley. Katie Moose

1218
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:54,920
Speaker 1: is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Jason

1219
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:58,160
Speaker 1: Mathini for our show art and Faris Manshi for our

1220
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:02,000
Speaker 1: theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum, visit headgum dot

1221
01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:05,000
Speaker 1: com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave

1222
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:09,400
Speaker 1: us a review on Apple Podcasts, and maybe, just maybe

1223
01:03:09,760 --> 01:03:13,080
Speaker 1: we'll read it on a future episode that was a

1224
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:14,160
Speaker 1: hit Gum podcast