WEBVTT - An HMTherapy Session 0:00:00.960 --> 0:00:04.440 This is How Men Think with Brooks Like and Gavin 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:08.880 to Grab and her radio podcast. Welcome to you, how 0:00:08.880 --> 0:00:10.520 many things? What are you laughing at? Buddy? I can't 0:00:10.520 --> 0:00:12.520 even I can't even start talking, and you're already laughing 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.880 over there. Sorry, man, you were preparing inside joke in 0:00:15.960 --> 0:00:19.600 my own small room of a brain. Ping pongs are 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:22.400 flying around in there. Welcome to another episode of How 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:24.520 Man Think Podcast. My name is Brooks Like. I got 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:27.360 my good buddy, Mr Gavin de Gross over there. I 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:29.320 missed you the last two weeks you have he did, 0:00:29.480 --> 0:00:31.120 he did the show. He didn't even tell me. I 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:33.519 heard somebody else said in my chair. We did have 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:38.159 a fantastic time. We got great am. You're out there 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:41.520 singing songs and dancing. We said, we do the heavy 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:43.479 lifting around here. Buddy, you get to come in and 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:47.640 like just play around. I get to say thanks guys. 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:50.839 Do I get my checks today yet? Name? He's like, 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:56.160 no showmaking money getting there. If this episode is good 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:58.000 and people listen, maybe next time I could get a 0:00:58.000 --> 0:01:01.520 hotel room with coaches. Yes, sorry about that, buddy. It's 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:03.920 all right. Gavin had to text me this morning and 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:07.240 he's like, I gotta get out of here. There's roaches 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:10.119 in the hotel. You know, I heart. We really set 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:12.880 you up nice at the house. You could come stay 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:16.039 at behind anytime. We have. You should see our basements. 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:19.039 Careful about inviting me because I'm actually the guy will 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:22.440 show up at yours the morning. I don't know. We 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:24.800 have a gorgeous basement suite. You got like a king Dad. 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:27.839 It's like blackout blinds. You got like a theater room 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:30.560 right there for you. Okay, yeah, he come stay. You 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:33.120 see like a drunken version of me and your driveway 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:39.640 to night. Don't be surprised, buddy. Anyway, enough of that. 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:43.120 You're the offers on the table for young We're missing 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:46.279 we're missing Rick, we're missing Ryan, we're missing Dmitri today. 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:49.440 So they don't everybody, they don't actually know we're doing this. 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:53.520 You didn't, you're sinking around. I wanted to do an episode, 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.640 in fact, I wanted to do too with just you 0:01:56.680 --> 0:02:00.520 two and our very special guests. Correct, we have an 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:04.600 extremely special we have a very special guest. We've been 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:07.560 wanting to do this show since our show How Men 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:12.080 Thinks started. Our guest today, How I met her was 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:15.520 I went on her podcast called scrubbing in which is 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:19.960 on my heart with our dear friend Becca Tilly Beccaca, 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:23.560 and she's also a morning co host and just an 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:27.079 all around fantastic person. You're one of my favorite people. 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:29.080 I've wanted to sit here and do this with you 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:37.040 since I met Miss Tanya. Yes Brooks, I love you 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:38.880 so much. First of all, I feel like you guys 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:42.119 record this podcast at like my off hours, So don't 0:02:42.120 --> 0:02:44.600 you normally do this in like the pms? We do it? Yeah, 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:47.040 usually four to seven pm. Yeah, you know, I go 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:49.359 to bed at Liken. I go to bed at nine, 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:52.760 so I'm not far behind you. But I'm super excited 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:55.240 to have you here. I love you so much truly, 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:57.440 Like I remember when we met when you did come 0:02:57.440 --> 0:02:59.919 on the podcast, and I like felt this sort of 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:02.639 um connection to you, just in a way because I 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:05.400 feel like you have the same soul as me. Um. 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.040 So I'm really happy to be here. A question for you, 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:09.120 do you feel because I feel I have a new soul, 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:11.560 like my soul has never lived before. Some people feel 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:13.360 like they have old souls. I feel like you, Gav 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:17.079 might be an old soul. I have no soul. We'll 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:20.040 find it. We'll get it back. You might have left 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:22.120 it in a tavern last night, but we'll find giant 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:25.520 hole through the center of me. Uh t. Do you 0:03:25.560 --> 0:03:27.640 feel like you are a new soul or an old soul? 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:29.399 I feel like I'm a new soul and I feel 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:32.680 like I'm a young soul. Yes, exactly, me too. Okay, 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:37.280 a little bit mmmmmm, we'll dive into that maybe. But 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:40.720 so here's the topic of the podcast today, and I 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:42.840 think it's a super relevant I think this episode is 0:03:42.840 --> 0:03:45.880 going to be bigger than we even realize it's about. 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:48.120 And you raised this to me when I asked you 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:49.760 would you come on our show. What's the topic you 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:52.680 would like to talk about? You said, an independent woman 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:57.000 and a successful woman and how that how do men 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:01.440 react to that and how does that play an issue 0:04:01.520 --> 0:04:05.720 or non issue in relationships? Yeah, it's it's interesting because 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:10.000 I make no apologies for the way that I am 0:04:10.080 --> 0:04:13.160 and being successful and being independent, like I'm proud of 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:14.880 all of those things. But I do think it's a 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:22.160 really interesting dynamic within a relationship because I actually don't know, 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:24.919 I haven't figured it out. It's emasculating. I'm just going 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:27.760 to call it out. Sometimes it can be emasculating. So 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:30.120 what we're talking about here is the to give you 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:32.279 guys a little foundation of this is if a woman 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:36.039 is more successful. We're talking financially and a lot of 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:38.560 our listeners I'm sure you like, I can't wait for 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:40.559 the response from you guys for this. They we're talking 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:43.480 about a woman being super successful in her career and 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:47.440 very independent, and does that emasculate a man? How does 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:50.680 it feel as a man to date somebody like that 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:52.880 or I'm married to one? So I can't wait to 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:55.599 give you my thoughts on it and hopefully ease your 0:04:56.480 --> 0:05:00.200 you know, uh, perspective toward it. But that's what the 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:02.680 base of this is. So I want to give you 0:05:02.720 --> 0:05:06.320 the floorty to just ask, like the most important question 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:09.960 for you about what you want to know from us man, 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.760 from Gavin and I that we could possibly help you, 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:15.679 or what you're struggling with with being an independent woman. 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:19.480 I think initially it's hard for me in the beginning 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.760 because I am because I am the way that I am. 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:25.280 I'm a little bit of a control freak and so 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:29.599 when I'm start dating somebody like I like to eat early, 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:31.240 and I like, you know what I mean, just because 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:32.839 of like my schedule and the way that I like 0:05:32.839 --> 0:05:35.839 live my life, Like I eat dinner like so embarrassing 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:38.760 five third year, like six pm, and the guy asks 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:40.120 me or to dinner, They asked me to go to 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:42.320 dinner like eight or nine, And so I try to 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:44.200 be lucy goosey and like go at the flow. But 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:46.960 then there's another part of me that's not able to 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:49.760 do that. Um So, I think, like for me, it's 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:53.679 a hard balance of trying to maneuver in the beginning, 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:56.800 like how how much do I voice what I need 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:00.320 and how much do I let them take control? Five 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:03.760 thirty six pm, I'd be having an omelet. You're just 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:08.200 finishing brunch. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm eating supper at 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:11.560 five thirty six. Yeah, I love eating early. Um So, 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:13.680 my question to you is that that sounds more like 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:19.240 a scheduling issue or like a schedule not an independent woman. 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:21.400 Or is it because of your career that your schedule 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:23.279 is like that and you're having a tough time finding 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:26.400 a guy. It's a snowball effect because I do have 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:28.599 like I do have a really tight schedule, and I 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:30.600 do like my work is really important to me. So 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:32.920 I don't like to come in super tired or hungover 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:35.559 or whatever. You know, so it's kind of like also 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:41.040 making time for somebody and um, and yeah, I don't know. 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:45.360 I think I just I struggle with finding the balance. 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:52.680 So sorry, UM question. Uh you say independence, This is 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:58.560 a broad term independence. Um, But I don't know where 0:06:58.560 --> 0:07:01.240 that fine line is between what people say being strong 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:04.440 or being independent is. I think I don't necessarily think 0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:07.640 that they're the same thing. And being successful doesn't necessarily 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:11.000 make you independent and vice versa. Um, it sounds like 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:15.680 you're someone who is looking for more codependence because it 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:18.360 sounds like a lot of times when people are championing 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:21.520 their independent so much yet looking for someone to help 0:07:21.880 --> 0:07:25.200 to take you know, to have a companion, sounds like 0:07:25.200 --> 0:07:31.960 they're almost independent independencing themselves into loneliness. Um. And having 0:07:32.080 --> 0:07:34.560 a balance in in that regard I think is tough 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:36.840 because I think what happens with a lot of people. 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:39.640 They are pursuing their career, and they're proud of their career, 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:41.520 and there's this great pursuit for their career. It's a 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:44.640 hard thing to become successful, and careers are different than jobs. 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:46.560 You don't clock in and clock out of a career, 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:50.000 so you know, you take your career home with you 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:54.920 and it ultimately is really your lifestyle your career. It's different, right, Um, 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:57.240 So does that what does that sort of interropt goes 0:07:57.240 --> 0:07:59.960 out the way you feel that you have a career 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:04.960 not a job? Awesome? But I guess, I guess my 0:08:04.960 --> 0:08:07.920 my My question is it's not. It's not it's not 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:11.680 a challenge or anything. But the question is, um, what 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:15.440 concessions are you willing to make with your career in 0:08:15.560 --> 0:08:18.320 order to have Why does she need to concede? I'm 0:08:18.360 --> 0:08:20.680 saying you have to make some sort of concessions in 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:26.240 some ways with your Oftentimes something's got to get in 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:30.040 life anything. When you're building to concede. When you're building 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:33.240 a tank, you make sacrifice as you take armor off 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:35.880 so it's faster, or put it on so it's stronger. 0:08:36.080 --> 0:08:38.160 You need a bigger gun or a smaller gun. There's things, 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:43.000 there's there's there's different ingredients to balance things out. To 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:46.640 make a everything has to be an overall version of something. 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:49.960 Can never be a perfect version of one thing. I 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:54.160 feel like, um, independent in a way, Independence to me 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:57.680 is my life is very full. I have I'm very happy. 0:08:57.840 --> 0:08:59.800 I love my job, I have the best friends, I 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:03.160 have great family. Um, I can take care of myself, 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:07.240 but what I really want is a partner, a teammate 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:09.199 to do life with, because I feel like there's so 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:11.720 much power in a in a pair and I think 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:14.400 I'm just I think I really am struggling finding that 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:18.760 particular man. I guess I don't know how it's like 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:22.679 my uh picker is off or like how I can 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:24.800 find a man that because I do think that there's 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:26.360 something that really do just kind of look at me 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:28.040 and look at my career and they're kind of like, yeah, 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:30.520 I'm out, or guys, is she going zero to sixty? 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:33.199 Like she wants this partner teammate but maybe she should 0:09:33.200 --> 0:09:36.520 just find a nice pal for a second. So knowing Tanya, 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:41.760 I don't think so. Um. I believe that you are 0:09:41.880 --> 0:09:47.640 like everyone want sincere companionship and why wouldn't you. But 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:50.439 also I love that you are strong enough and proud 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:53.480 enough to not sacrifice and give everything up and just 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:55.800 bend and almost break. It's going to break your soul 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:58.440 if you do that, to give away everything to be like, Okay, 0:09:58.480 --> 0:10:00.720 I'll come for supper at nine o'clock and I'll show 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:03.120 up tired. And I love that you protect the things 0:10:03.160 --> 0:10:07.640 that matter to you. And so it can be difficult 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:12.199 your your career schedule is different than most maybe, but 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:14.160 so it can be a little bit difficult to find 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:17.480 somebody that maybe can slide into that. But I don't 0:10:17.480 --> 0:10:19.560 think if I were you, I would ever sacrifice that. 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:22.440 Sure there's compromise, Like sometimes even when I was playing hockey, 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:24.880 like every time we'd play a big game tomorrow night 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:26.120 and I'd want to be at home resting, and my 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:27.719 wife would want to have a date night, and I'd 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:30.040 be like, ah, like can I go out tonight? I 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:31.959 want to rest. I want to watch the teams playing 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:35.959 tonight in Anaheim that we're playing tomorrow. Um, it's a 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:39.719 it's a it's a real subtle dance. I believe when 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:43.160 you find the person. But if you find Actually it 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:44.640 just came to me. I think if you find the 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:50.360 person that you thoroughly enjoy and are intrigued about, the 0:10:50.440 --> 0:10:53.959 rest is actually pretty easy. And I don't know if 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:58.560 you can see that without having that person, Does that 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:03.080 make sense totally? Is? I think? Um? And I A 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:05.160 lot of people disagree with me on this, but I'm 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:07.439 a like put my all put all my eggs into 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:09.640 one basket type of girl. Like I can't do the 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:13.080 dating one couple people thing like that, because that would 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:18.040 kind of suck on all of them in one shot. 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:20.200 Like everybody tells me you should just put a couple 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:22.360 of eggs in a bunch of baskets and just see 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:25.040 which one that's not. It's not me, and it's like, 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:28.880 I can't do that. I intentionally date. I just that's 0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:31.360 just how I am. It's how I'm wired. But what's 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:33.840 interesting is because I'm also like not afraid to just 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:36.760 be fully myself and I'm like, I'm dating, I'm intentionally 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:39.440 dating you. I want to see where this goes. And 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:41.199 then I go full in and I do like cute 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.320 things and I do nice things, and I feel like 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:45.959 I got maybe go into like show too much or 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:49.240 give them too much because I never feel like it's balanced. 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:52.240 But don't you think that a man will you don't 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:56.360 feel like it's reciprocal, correct, Like I like, I'm very 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:58.920 much like I'll shoot my shot, I'll flirt with you, 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:04.080 I'll drop the handkerchief whatever, um, But I don't feel 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:07.480 like I get a lot of that back. I gotta 0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:09.679 step in here. I'm not saying that you haven't had 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:12.079 those experiences, but I don't want to just paint all 0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:14.160 men with a broad stroke that they don't get because 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:18.840 some men are extremely thoughtful, and thoughtful is different. So 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:21.160 like thoughtful can be loving and caring. They can do 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:25.000 little things. But my experience has been let's say, I'm like, 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:27.520 and I think you get into this mode where the 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:30.040 one woman could be the planner. So I'm like, always 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:32.240 planning the trips and planning the dinners and planning to this, 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:33.680 and all of a sudden, I'm like, why is he 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:36.360 never doing it? But maybe it's because I set it 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:39.000 up that way. Yeah, And I also think I'm a 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:42.040 big believer in love languages, and like I know my 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:45.439 love language and I make it. Obviously, probably something else 0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:46.800 is not great to do, Like on a first or 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:49.640 second date, I find out what love language is the 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:51.439 guy that I'm dating speaks. I don't think that's a 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:53.240 bad thing at all. Yeah, because I think you show 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:56.920 love in different ways and it's important for somebody to 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:00.480 know that. Can I find that on duo lingo it's 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:03.040 you don't know your love languages. So here's the thing. 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:05.360 Here's the thing, tell me if I'm wrong, Tea. I 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:07.320 think most of us will give love in the way 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:10.280 that we want to receive love. So if I'm an 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.199 acts of service guy, I'll do like a lot of 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:14.120 access service from my wife. But she might be a 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:17.120 words of affirmation person and so she's not even receiving 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:19.760 the love that I'm giving. So I don't blame you 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:23.040 for bringing that up. I I think you're a very 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:27.040 evolved human being. I think you're extremely evolved human being, 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:29.640 and it's tough for a man to sit at the 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:32.360 table with you. I love being at the table with you, 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.640 but a bad way. I'm not saying tough. I'm like 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:40.080 you are. I'm very impressed by you as a human being, 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.679 and you deserve a really quality man, and so I 0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:45.400 don't think every man deserves to sit at the table 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:48.640 with you. Appreciate you can say about it, but I 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:50.400 want to hear what has to say, because he's a 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:53.440 little bit more of a I know. So it's actually 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:56.280 really interesting that I'm seeing this because and this is 0:13:56.320 --> 0:14:02.000 not all Boks is the exception to the this is 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:04.640 that was me. I was Gavin before I met my wife. 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:06.319 I spent a whole life in the locker room with 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:10.120 twenty three dudes. That's very interesting. But I feel with 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:12.720 Banned and Crew guys, you know what I mean, it's 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:16.800 it's uh exactly the same. You know what I'm saying. 0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:19.240 That's that's I think why you you get it too. 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:22.840 But I feel like perspective that we're surrounded by gives 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:25.880 me hope in the man that I want to take 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:28.960 that from you. And I feel like Gavin is the 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:35.520 guy that I am like usually dating, like like no, 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:37.760 but I'm so glad that like you do have this 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:40.480 platform because I feel like there are a lot of 0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:43.080 people and I think, um, when you when you're dating 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:45.560 so much and you're you're let down, you're constantly let down, 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:47.960 there's a lot of fear that comes over you as 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:50.480 a woman. Like I feel like that's a lot of 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:52.360 place that I function from as a place of fear. 0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:54.320 When I when I meet a man that is like 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:57.960 kind of cool, I'm fearful like that I won't find 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:00.440 somebody better than that. But it's that's not the case. 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:02.480 I'm like, I have to really, I really have to 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:05.280 struggle and find my faith in everything because I know 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:08.920 that I'm destined to be with somebody that I that 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:11.080 I feel so passionately in my heart about. So it's like, 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:13.160 I just know that it's it's just it's a matter 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:18.480 of time. Okay. I like what you're saying. Actually, I 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:23.760 like what you're saying. Umm, is this a possible? A 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:31.400 possibility that because because you're successful, Because I'm sitting here 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:34.720 in a room of filled with successful, successful people who 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:39.960 are career oriented personality types and people who in general 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:43.600 win a lot at life. Okay, a lot of the 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:46.800 people in this room win. They're used to winning. Okay, 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:49.000 we work hard to win, you work hard to win. 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:52.960 But ultimately, I do believe in the old school movies 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:56.960 of the person who deserves to win wins because they're 0:15:56.960 --> 0:16:01.800 the most dedicated. Right now out, you're someone who's used 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:05.480 to winning, and I think, I think where it gets 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:10.080 frustrating for someone like you and other people here is 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:12.160 when it's not going the way that they're used to. 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:15.720 Because they're used to winning, they think there's a problem 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:19.320 with themselves or with the person that they're they're trying 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:22.680 to date. It's only because you're so used to winning 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:25.840 that it hurts that much worse that it's not working 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:28.440 out for you because things are going so well. The 0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:31.080 things that you can control and have fought to control, 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:35.280 you have control over. But you can't control another person, right, 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:37.800 And I think that tends to be the most frustrating 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:41.480 element of of our private lives. Right, you can't fix 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:44.120 certain things that aren't doing it for you as someone 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:47.400 for somebody else. And I think that this is this 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:50.520 is this is human nature to try to fix something wrong, 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:54.000 whereas a good CEO instead only focuses on something right 0:16:54.040 --> 0:16:56.520 with the personality type they're dealing with, and focuses on 0:16:56.520 --> 0:17:00.880 only doing those things that work great, rather than trying 0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:03.400 to correct the things that are wrong with that they're 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:06.199 that they're not doing great. But it's interesting because I 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:08.199 do think it's for me. It always comes back to 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:10.920 the love languages, because I I think I have gotten 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:13.199 to that point where I'm like, I'm not feeling the 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.880 love from you, how, but how are you? Like, how 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:19.080 are you showing it to me? Because for me, I'm 0:17:19.080 --> 0:17:21.320 at acts of service, So I do little things like 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:28.080 that are thoughtful for somebody. We are buddies. Yeah it's 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:32.440 not quite an active service, wow, but um, but not 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:37.119 right here on my shoulder to me, words of affirmation, 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:40.640 doesn't isn't necessary, totally necessary, but that like the person 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:43.520 I'm dating, if they're constantly telling me that they like 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:45.679 me and like all of these things about me, and 0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:47.439 then like that's how they show their love. So it's 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:51.320 like I do I think I've gotten past the checklist 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:55.840 and like what it's supposed to look like for me, um, 0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:58.359 because that can be very limiting. Gav We've talked about 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:01.119 that before when from the twenty to thirty I was 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:04.639 singled pretty much my whole NHL career there, and I 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:07.000 just being single, I got this concept of what I 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:09.240 thought a girlfriend was going to be and what she 0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:12.200 would do, and it was just fairy tale, magical concept. 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:15.800 And then my now wife came into my life and 0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:20.160 brought a whole array of other qualities that I didn't 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:22.359 even see or think about. I was looking for somebody 0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:24.920 that was, you know, gonna help get groceries and like 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.640 maybe make me supper or make me lunch, come home, 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:30.360 or like just like take care of me in a way, 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:32.000 and I was like, this is and now I met 0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:35.320 like one of the most independent women, probably the most 0:18:35.320 --> 0:18:38.760 independent woman I've ever met. Very much like yourself. So 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:42.240 it can be limiting to have a mindset of what 0:18:42.280 --> 0:18:44.520 this person is supposed to be. I thought I was 0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:46.520 going to marry a Canadian girl and up back in 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:50.000 hawk Era in Canada working in hockey, and I'm in 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:52.600 l A, married to an American girl doing a podcast. 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:58.560 It's true, but you have to be open to seeing 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:01.439 things if you're looking, if anybody in our community is 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:04.479 looking for a companion, you have to be open to 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:08.080 all things versus just boxing a person in saying they 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:10.320 have to fit this mold. And I get that we 0:19:10.359 --> 0:19:12.679 have standards and ideas of what we want, but that 0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:15.920 has to be liquid to some degree inflexible. Tanya, is 0:19:15.960 --> 0:19:19.959 there a something about each person you've dated, let's say, 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:22.399 in the last five years, that has a through line? 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:26.280 Are you repeating something that looks familiar to you that 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:30.159 is not serving you? So yes, but yes, And then 0:19:30.200 --> 0:19:31.400 I want to go back to something that you said, 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:33.399 tell us what that is so we can like figure 0:19:33.400 --> 0:19:37.320 it out. So I up until the last this last 0:19:37.359 --> 0:19:40.360 guy that I did, was totally different. Up until him, 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:43.920 I dated men that were not available, and I don't 0:19:43.920 --> 0:19:45.720 mean available like they were like married or in a 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:48.280 relationship like I mean like physically they were either in 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:51.800 a different state or they were just gotten out of 0:19:51.800 --> 0:19:54.680 a divorce, so they're not emotionally available. And I think 0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:58.880 I did this to protect myself from feeling pain because 0:19:58.920 --> 0:20:01.600 I went through really like I went through a traumatizing breakup. 0:20:02.240 --> 0:20:05.159 So I think that I saw myself having this pattern 0:20:05.160 --> 0:20:07.359 of dating people that I literally could not get so 0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:13.560 close to because then they couldn't hurt me. Um. I 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:16.560 had recognized that since and I now the last guy 0:20:16.560 --> 0:20:19.320 I dated lived in Los Angeles and he was like 0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:21.919 emotionally available and felt that you felt like that was 0:20:22.000 --> 0:20:24.679 progress for sure to dig deeper into it. Are you 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:31.160 sure something was familiar about him, whether he was unavailable 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:35.639 in some way? You think maybe would that would that 0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:39.800 suit you're with, that possibility suit your personality type, and 0:20:39.840 --> 0:20:43.000 that you you enjoy your independence so much that even 0:20:43.000 --> 0:20:46.160 when you do like somebody, there's an element of self 0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:50.720 restriction because you don't want to lose that that personal time, 0:20:50.800 --> 0:20:53.639 that space used to having to degree, It's not so 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:57.840 much no, not in like I'm fearful of losing my independence, 0:20:57.880 --> 0:20:59.600