Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with Brooks Like and Gavin
Speaker 1: to Grab and her radio podcast. Welcome to you, how
Speaker 1: many things? What are you laughing at? Buddy? I can't
Speaker 1: even I can't even start talking, and you're already laughing
Speaker 1: over there. Sorry, man, you were preparing inside joke in
Speaker 1: my own small room of a brain. Ping pongs are
Speaker 1: flying around in there. Welcome to another episode of How
Speaker 1: Man Think Podcast. My name is Brooks Like. I got
Speaker 1: my good buddy, Mr Gavin de Gross over there. I
Speaker 1: missed you the last two weeks you have he did,
Speaker 1: he did the show. He didn't even tell me. I
Speaker 1: heard somebody else said in my chair. We did have
Speaker 1: a fantastic time. We got great am. You're out there
Speaker 1: singing songs and dancing. We said, we do the heavy
Speaker 1: lifting around here. Buddy, you get to come in and
Speaker 1: like just play around. I get to say thanks guys.
Speaker 1: Do I get my checks today yet? Name? He's like,
Speaker 1: no showmaking money getting there. If this episode is good
Speaker 1: and people listen, maybe next time I could get a
Speaker 1: hotel room with coaches. Yes, sorry about that, buddy. It's
Speaker 1: all right. Gavin had to text me this morning and
Speaker 1: he's like, I gotta get out of here. There's roaches
Speaker 1: in the hotel. You know, I heart. We really set
Speaker 1: you up nice at the house. You could come stay
Speaker 1: at behind anytime. We have. You should see our basements.
Speaker 1: Careful about inviting me because I'm actually the guy will
Speaker 1: show up at yours the morning. I don't know. We
Speaker 1: have a gorgeous basement suite. You got like a king Dad.
Speaker 1: It's like blackout blinds. You got like a theater room
Speaker 1: right there for you. Okay, yeah, he come stay. You
Speaker 1: see like a drunken version of me and your driveway
Speaker 1: to night. Don't be surprised, buddy. Anyway, enough of that.
Speaker 1: You're the offers on the table for young We're missing
Speaker 1: we're missing Rick, we're missing Ryan, we're missing Dmitri today.
Speaker 1: So they don't everybody, they don't actually know we're doing this.
Speaker 1: You didn't, you're sinking around. I wanted to do an episode,
Speaker 1: in fact, I wanted to do too with just you
Speaker 1: two and our very special guests. Correct, we have an
Speaker 1: extremely special we have a very special guest. We've been
Speaker 1: wanting to do this show since our show How Men
Speaker 1: Thinks started. Our guest today, How I met her was
Speaker 1: I went on her podcast called scrubbing in which is
Speaker 1: on my heart with our dear friend Becca Tilly Beccaca,
Speaker 1: and she's also a morning co host and just an
Speaker 1: all around fantastic person. You're one of my favorite people.
Speaker 1: I've wanted to sit here and do this with you
Speaker 1: since I met Miss Tanya. Yes Brooks, I love you
Speaker 1: so much. First of all, I feel like you guys
Speaker 1: record this podcast at like my off hours, So don't
Speaker 1: you normally do this in like the pms? We do it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: usually four to seven pm. Yeah, you know, I go
Speaker 1: to bed at Liken. I go to bed at nine,
Speaker 1: so I'm not far behind you. But I'm super excited
Speaker 1: to have you here. I love you so much truly,
Speaker 1: Like I remember when we met when you did come
Speaker 1: on the podcast, and I like felt this sort of
Speaker 1: um connection to you, just in a way because I
Speaker 1: feel like you have the same soul as me. Um.
Speaker 1: So I'm really happy to be here. A question for you,
Speaker 1: do you feel because I feel I have a new soul,
Speaker 1: like my soul has never lived before. Some people feel
Speaker 1: like they have old souls. I feel like you, Gav
Speaker 1: might be an old soul. I have no soul. We'll
Speaker 1: find it. We'll get it back. You might have left
Speaker 1: it in a tavern last night, but we'll find giant
Speaker 1: hole through the center of me. Uh t. Do you
Speaker 1: feel like you are a new soul or an old soul?
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a new soul and I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm a young soul. Yes, exactly, me too. Okay,
Speaker 1: a little bit mmmmmm, we'll dive into that maybe. But
Speaker 1: so here's the topic of the podcast today, and I
Speaker 1: think it's a super relevant I think this episode is
Speaker 1: going to be bigger than we even realize it's about.
Speaker 1: And you raised this to me when I asked you
Speaker 1: would you come on our show. What's the topic you
Speaker 1: would like to talk about? You said, an independent woman
Speaker 1: and a successful woman and how that how do men
Speaker 1: react to that and how does that play an issue
Speaker 1: or non issue in relationships? Yeah, it's it's interesting because
Speaker 1: I make no apologies for the way that I am
Speaker 1: and being successful and being independent, like I'm proud of
Speaker 1: all of those things. But I do think it's a
Speaker 1: really interesting dynamic within a relationship because I actually don't know,
Speaker 1: I haven't figured it out. It's emasculating. I'm just going
Speaker 1: to call it out. Sometimes it can be emasculating. So
Speaker 1: what we're talking about here is the to give you
Speaker 1: guys a little foundation of this is if a woman
Speaker 1: is more successful. We're talking financially and a lot of
Speaker 1: our listeners I'm sure you like, I can't wait for
Speaker 1: the response from you guys for this. They we're talking
Speaker 1: about a woman being super successful in her career and
Speaker 1: very independent, and does that emasculate a man? How does
Speaker 1: it feel as a man to date somebody like that
Speaker 1: or I'm married to one? So I can't wait to
Speaker 1: give you my thoughts on it and hopefully ease your
Speaker 1: you know, uh, perspective toward it. But that's what the
Speaker 1: base of this is. So I want to give you
Speaker 1: the floorty to just ask, like the most important question
Speaker 1: for you about what you want to know from us man,
Speaker 1: from Gavin and I that we could possibly help you,
Speaker 1: or what you're struggling with with being an independent woman.
Speaker 1: I think initially it's hard for me in the beginning
Speaker 1: because I am because I am the way that I am.
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit of a control freak and so
Speaker 1: when I'm start dating somebody like I like to eat early,
Speaker 1: and I like, you know what I mean, just because
Speaker 1: of like my schedule and the way that I like
Speaker 1: live my life, Like I eat dinner like so embarrassing
Speaker 1: five third year, like six pm, and the guy asks
Speaker 1: me or to dinner, They asked me to go to
Speaker 1: dinner like eight or nine, And so I try to
Speaker 1: be lucy goosey and like go at the flow. But
Speaker 1: then there's another part of me that's not able to
Speaker 1: do that. Um So, I think, like for me, it's
Speaker 1: a hard balance of trying to maneuver in the beginning,
Speaker 1: like how how much do I voice what I need
Speaker 1: and how much do I let them take control? Five
Speaker 1: thirty six pm, I'd be having an omelet. You're just
Speaker 1: finishing brunch. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm eating supper at
Speaker 1: five thirty six. Yeah, I love eating early. Um So,
Speaker 1: my question to you is that that sounds more like
Speaker 1: a scheduling issue or like a schedule not an independent woman.
Speaker 1: Or is it because of your career that your schedule
Speaker 1: is like that and you're having a tough time finding
Speaker 1: a guy. It's a snowball effect because I do have
Speaker 1: like I do have a really tight schedule, and I
Speaker 1: do like my work is really important to me. So
Speaker 1: I don't like to come in super tired or hungover
Speaker 1: or whatever. You know, so it's kind of like also
Speaker 1: making time for somebody and um, and yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think I just I struggle with finding the balance.
Speaker 1: So sorry, UM question. Uh you say independence, This is
Speaker 1: a broad term independence. Um, But I don't know where
Speaker 1: that fine line is between what people say being strong
Speaker 1: or being independent is. I think I don't necessarily think
Speaker 1: that they're the same thing. And being successful doesn't necessarily
Speaker 1: make you independent and vice versa. Um, it sounds like
Speaker 1: you're someone who is looking for more codependence because it
Speaker 1: sounds like a lot of times when people are championing
Speaker 1: their independent so much yet looking for someone to help
Speaker 1: to take you know, to have a companion, sounds like
Speaker 1: they're almost independent independencing themselves into loneliness. Um. And having
Speaker 1: a balance in in that regard I think is tough
Speaker 1: because I think what happens with a lot of people.
Speaker 1: They are pursuing their career, and they're proud of their career,
Speaker 1: and there's this great pursuit for their career. It's a
Speaker 1: hard thing to become successful, and careers are different than jobs.
Speaker 1: You don't clock in and clock out of a career,
Speaker 1: so you know, you take your career home with you
Speaker 1: and it ultimately is really your lifestyle your career. It's different, right, Um,
Speaker 1: So does that what does that sort of interropt goes
Speaker 1: out the way you feel that you have a career
Speaker 1: not a job? Awesome? But I guess, I guess my
Speaker 1: my My question is it's not. It's not it's not
Speaker 1: a challenge or anything. But the question is, um, what
Speaker 1: concessions are you willing to make with your career in
Speaker 1: order to have Why does she need to concede? I'm
Speaker 1: saying you have to make some sort of concessions in
Speaker 1: some ways with your Oftentimes something's got to get in
Speaker 1: life anything. When you're building to concede. When you're building
Speaker 1: a tank, you make sacrifice as you take armor off
Speaker 1: so it's faster, or put it on so it's stronger.
Speaker 1: You need a bigger gun or a smaller gun. There's things,
Speaker 1: there's there's there's different ingredients to balance things out. To
Speaker 1: make a everything has to be an overall version of something.
Speaker 1: Can never be a perfect version of one thing. I
Speaker 1: feel like, um, independent in a way, Independence to me
Speaker 1: is my life is very full. I have I'm very happy.
Speaker 1: I love my job, I have the best friends, I
Speaker 1: have great family. Um, I can take care of myself,
Speaker 1: but what I really want is a partner, a teammate
Speaker 1: to do life with, because I feel like there's so
Speaker 1: much power in a in a pair and I think
Speaker 1: I'm just I think I really am struggling finding that
Speaker 1: particular man. I guess I don't know how it's like
Speaker 1: my uh picker is off or like how I can
Speaker 1: find a man that because I do think that there's
Speaker 1: something that really do just kind of look at me
Speaker 1: and look at my career and they're kind of like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm out, or guys, is she going zero to sixty?
Speaker 1: Like she wants this partner teammate but maybe she should
Speaker 1: just find a nice pal for a second. So knowing Tanya,
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Um. I believe that you are
Speaker 1: like everyone want sincere companionship and why wouldn't you. But
Speaker 1: also I love that you are strong enough and proud
Speaker 1: enough to not sacrifice and give everything up and just
Speaker 1: bend and almost break. It's going to break your soul
Speaker 1: if you do that, to give away everything to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll come for supper at nine o'clock and I'll show
Speaker 1: up tired. And I love that you protect the things
Speaker 1: that matter to you. And so it can be difficult
Speaker 1: your your career schedule is different than most maybe, but
Speaker 1: so it can be a little bit difficult to find
Speaker 1: somebody that maybe can slide into that. But I don't
Speaker 1: think if I were you, I would ever sacrifice that.
Speaker 1: Sure there's compromise, Like sometimes even when I was playing hockey,
Speaker 1: like every time we'd play a big game tomorrow night
Speaker 1: and I'd want to be at home resting, and my
Speaker 1: wife would want to have a date night, and I'd
Speaker 1: be like, ah, like can I go out tonight? I
Speaker 1: want to rest. I want to watch the teams playing
Speaker 1: tonight in Anaheim that we're playing tomorrow. Um, it's a
Speaker 1: it's a it's a real subtle dance. I believe when
Speaker 1: you find the person. But if you find Actually it
Speaker 1: just came to me. I think if you find the
Speaker 1: person that you thoroughly enjoy and are intrigued about, the
Speaker 1: rest is actually pretty easy. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: you can see that without having that person, Does that
Speaker 1: make sense totally? Is? I think? Um? And I A
Speaker 1: lot of people disagree with me on this, but I'm
Speaker 1: a like put my all put all my eggs into
Speaker 1: one basket type of girl. Like I can't do the
Speaker 1: dating one couple people thing like that, because that would
Speaker 1: kind of suck on all of them in one shot.
Speaker 1: Like everybody tells me you should just put a couple
Speaker 1: of eggs in a bunch of baskets and just see
Speaker 1: which one that's not. It's not me, and it's like,
Speaker 1: I can't do that. I intentionally date. I just that's
Speaker 1: just how I am. It's how I'm wired. But what's
Speaker 1: interesting is because I'm also like not afraid to just
Speaker 1: be fully myself and I'm like, I'm dating, I'm intentionally
Speaker 1: dating you. I want to see where this goes. And
Speaker 1: then I go full in and I do like cute
Speaker 1: things and I do nice things, and I feel like
Speaker 1: I got maybe go into like show too much or
Speaker 1: give them too much because I never feel like it's balanced.
Speaker 1: But don't you think that a man will you don't
Speaker 1: feel like it's reciprocal, correct, Like I like, I'm very
Speaker 1: much like I'll shoot my shot, I'll flirt with you,
Speaker 1: I'll drop the handkerchief whatever, um, But I don't feel
Speaker 1: like I get a lot of that back. I gotta
Speaker 1: step in here. I'm not saying that you haven't had
Speaker 1: those experiences, but I don't want to just paint all
Speaker 1: men with a broad stroke that they don't get because
Speaker 1: some men are extremely thoughtful, and thoughtful is different. So
Speaker 1: like thoughtful can be loving and caring. They can do
Speaker 1: little things. But my experience has been let's say, I'm like,
Speaker 1: and I think you get into this mode where the
Speaker 1: one woman could be the planner. So I'm like, always
Speaker 1: planning the trips and planning the dinners and planning to this,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I'm like, why is he
Speaker 1: never doing it? But maybe it's because I set it
Speaker 1: up that way. Yeah, And I also think I'm a
Speaker 1: big believer in love languages, and like I know my
Speaker 1: love language and I make it. Obviously, probably something else
Speaker 1: is not great to do, Like on a first or
Speaker 1: second date, I find out what love language is the
Speaker 1: guy that I'm dating speaks. I don't think that's a
Speaker 1: bad thing at all. Yeah, because I think you show
Speaker 1: love in different ways and it's important for somebody to
Speaker 1: know that. Can I find that on duo lingo it's
Speaker 1: you don't know your love languages. So here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing, tell me if I'm wrong, Tea. I
Speaker 1: think most of us will give love in the way
Speaker 1: that we want to receive love. So if I'm an
Speaker 1: acts of service guy, I'll do like a lot of
Speaker 1: access service from my wife. But she might be a
Speaker 1: words of affirmation person and so she's not even receiving
Speaker 1: the love that I'm giving. So I don't blame you
Speaker 1: for bringing that up. I I think you're a very
Speaker 1: evolved human being. I think you're extremely evolved human being,
Speaker 1: and it's tough for a man to sit at the
Speaker 1: table with you. I love being at the table with you,
Speaker 1: but a bad way. I'm not saying tough. I'm like
Speaker 1: you are. I'm very impressed by you as a human being,
Speaker 1: and you deserve a really quality man, and so I
Speaker 1: don't think every man deserves to sit at the table
Speaker 1: with you. Appreciate you can say about it, but I
Speaker 1: want to hear what has to say, because he's a
Speaker 1: little bit more of a I know. So it's actually
Speaker 1: really interesting that I'm seeing this because and this is
Speaker 1: not all Boks is the exception to the this is
Speaker 1: that was me. I was Gavin before I met my wife.
Speaker 1: I spent a whole life in the locker room with
Speaker 1: twenty three dudes. That's very interesting. But I feel with
Speaker 1: Banned and Crew guys, you know what I mean, it's
Speaker 1: it's uh exactly the same. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That's that's I think why you you get it too.
Speaker 1: But I feel like perspective that we're surrounded by gives
Speaker 1: me hope in the man that I want to take
Speaker 1: that from you. And I feel like Gavin is the
Speaker 1: guy that I am like usually dating, like like no,
Speaker 1: but I'm so glad that like you do have this
Speaker 1: platform because I feel like there are a lot of
Speaker 1: people and I think, um, when you when you're dating
Speaker 1: so much and you're you're let down, you're constantly let down,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of fear that comes over you as
Speaker 1: a woman. Like I feel like that's a lot of
Speaker 1: place that I function from as a place of fear.
Speaker 1: When I when I meet a man that is like
Speaker 1: kind of cool, I'm fearful like that I won't find
Speaker 1: somebody better than that. But it's that's not the case.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I have to really, I really have to
Speaker 1: struggle and find my faith in everything because I know
Speaker 1: that I'm destined to be with somebody that I that
Speaker 1: I feel so passionately in my heart about. So it's like,
Speaker 1: I just know that it's it's just it's a matter
Speaker 1: of time. Okay. I like what you're saying. Actually, I
Speaker 1: like what you're saying. Umm, is this a possible? A
Speaker 1: possibility that because because you're successful, Because I'm sitting here
Speaker 1: in a room of filled with successful, successful people who
Speaker 1: are career oriented personality types and people who in general
Speaker 1: win a lot at life. Okay, a lot of the
Speaker 1: people in this room win. They're used to winning. Okay,
Speaker 1: we work hard to win, you work hard to win.
Speaker 1: But ultimately, I do believe in the old school movies
Speaker 1: of the person who deserves to win wins because they're
Speaker 1: the most dedicated. Right now out, you're someone who's used
Speaker 1: to winning, and I think, I think where it gets
Speaker 1: frustrating for someone like you and other people here is
Speaker 1: when it's not going the way that they're used to.
Speaker 1: Because they're used to winning, they think there's a problem
Speaker 1: with themselves or with the person that they're they're trying
Speaker 1: to date. It's only because you're so used to winning
Speaker 1: that it hurts that much worse that it's not working
Speaker 1: out for you because things are going so well. The
Speaker 1: things that you can control and have fought to control,
Speaker 1: you have control over. But you can't control another person, right,
Speaker 1: And I think that tends to be the most frustrating
Speaker 1: element of of our private lives. Right, you can't fix
Speaker 1: certain things that aren't doing it for you as someone
Speaker 1: for somebody else. And I think that this is this
Speaker 1: is this is human nature to try to fix something wrong,
Speaker 1: whereas a good CEO instead only focuses on something right
Speaker 1: with the personality type they're dealing with, and focuses on
Speaker 1: only doing those things that work great, rather than trying
Speaker 1: to correct the things that are wrong with that they're
Speaker 1: that they're not doing great. But it's interesting because I
Speaker 1: do think it's for me. It always comes back to
Speaker 1: the love languages, because I I think I have gotten
Speaker 1: to that point where I'm like, I'm not feeling the
Speaker 1: love from you, how, but how are you? Like, how
Speaker 1: are you showing it to me? Because for me, I'm
Speaker 1: at acts of service, So I do little things like
Speaker 1: that are thoughtful for somebody. We are buddies. Yeah it's
Speaker 1: not quite an active service, wow, but um, but not
Speaker 1: right here on my shoulder to me, words of affirmation,
Speaker 1: doesn't isn't necessary, totally necessary, but that like the person
Speaker 1: I'm dating, if they're constantly telling me that they like
Speaker 1: me and like all of these things about me, and
Speaker 1: then like that's how they show their love. So it's
Speaker 1: like I do I think I've gotten past the checklist
Speaker 1: and like what it's supposed to look like for me, um,
Speaker 1: because that can be very limiting. Gav We've talked about
Speaker 1: that before when from the twenty to thirty I was
Speaker 1: singled pretty much my whole NHL career there, and I
Speaker 1: just being single, I got this concept of what I
Speaker 1: thought a girlfriend was going to be and what she
Speaker 1: would do, and it was just fairy tale, magical concept.
Speaker 1: And then my now wife came into my life and
Speaker 1: brought a whole array of other qualities that I didn't
Speaker 1: even see or think about. I was looking for somebody
Speaker 1: that was, you know, gonna help get groceries and like
Speaker 1: maybe make me supper or make me lunch, come home,
Speaker 1: or like just like take care of me in a way,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is and now I met
Speaker 1: like one of the most independent women, probably the most
Speaker 1: independent woman I've ever met. Very much like yourself. So
Speaker 1: it can be limiting to have a mindset of what
Speaker 1: this person is supposed to be. I thought I was
Speaker 1: going to marry a Canadian girl and up back in
Speaker 1: hawk Era in Canada working in hockey, and I'm in
Speaker 1: l A, married to an American girl doing a podcast.
Speaker 1: It's true, but you have to be open to seeing
Speaker 1: things if you're looking, if anybody in our community is
Speaker 1: looking for a companion, you have to be open to
Speaker 1: all things versus just boxing a person in saying they
Speaker 1: have to fit this mold. And I get that we
Speaker 1: have standards and ideas of what we want, but that
Speaker 1: has to be liquid to some degree inflexible. Tanya, is
Speaker 1: there a something about each person you've dated, let's say,
Speaker 1: in the last five years, that has a through line?
Speaker 1: Are you repeating something that looks familiar to you that
Speaker 1: is not serving you? So yes, but yes, And then
Speaker 1: I want to go back to something that you said,
Speaker 1: tell us what that is so we can like figure
Speaker 1: it out. So I up until the last this last
Speaker 1: guy that I did, was totally different. Up until him,
Speaker 1: I dated men that were not available, and I don't
Speaker 1: mean available like they were like married or in a
Speaker 1: relationship like I mean like physically they were either in
Speaker 1: a different state or they were just gotten out of
Speaker 1: a divorce, so they're not emotionally available. And I think
Speaker 1: I did this to protect myself from feeling pain because
Speaker 1: I went through really like I went through a traumatizing breakup.
Speaker 1: So I think that I saw myself having this pattern
Speaker 1: of dating people that I literally could not get so
Speaker 1: close to because then they couldn't hurt me. Um. I
Speaker 1: had recognized that since and I now the last guy
Speaker 1: I dated lived in Los Angeles and he was like
Speaker 1: emotionally available and felt that you felt like that was
Speaker 1: progress for sure to dig deeper into it. Are you
Speaker 1: sure something was familiar about him, whether he was unavailable
Speaker 1: in some way? You think maybe would that would that
Speaker 1: suit you're with, that possibility suit your personality type, and
Speaker 1: that you you enjoy your independence so much that even
Speaker 1: when you do like somebody, there's an element of self
Speaker 1: restriction because you don't want to lose that that personal time,
Speaker 1: that space used to having to degree, It's not so
Speaker 1: much no, not in like I'm fearful of losing my independence,
Speaker 1: but I definitely think that there is a part of
Speaker 1: me that still scarred from that breakup that doesn't want
Speaker 1: to like let somebody in, Like I think that I've
Speaker 1: loved without a parachute before, Like I would just jump
Speaker 1: in and just like I was all in, and I'll
Speaker 1: never do that again. Like now I always jump in
Speaker 1: with like a parachute is there. You book your life,
Speaker 1: Gotta do this, gotta do this, gotta go here, gotta
Speaker 1: go to this. We got this, this and this and
Speaker 1: this and this dinner and this party and this this,
Speaker 1: so that there's no room for someone else. They here's
Speaker 1: what we can fit here. You know you can answer
Speaker 1: that first. And I have a question, like ever since
Speaker 1: I want me and this up. Last guy ended things.
Speaker 1: I literally packed my schedule so hard that like I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I would literally like it was like I just woke
Speaker 1: up and just went and then went to bed. It's
Speaker 1: almost a distraction. Yeah, what you wanted to touch on
Speaker 1: one thing I said earlier? What was it? Oh? It
Speaker 1: was the boxes, the checking off of the list, because
Speaker 1: I was so much that girl, like maybe four years ago,
Speaker 1: I was like that girl. I had the list and
Speaker 1: I would go on dates auditioning for my husband, and
Speaker 1: it made dating so awful for me that I literally
Speaker 1: committed to a full year. What do you think? They
Speaker 1: felt like, horrible, horrible. That's like a broke Santa showing
Speaker 1: up at the the orphanage. Kids are like, hey, this
Speaker 1: is what we want. He's like, I don't have the money.
Speaker 1: I don't even have any workers. So at that point,
Speaker 1: I committed, I committed to a full year of I
Speaker 1: said single, where I just said I want to commit
Speaker 1: to being single. I don't even want I will, I will,
Speaker 1: don't even want to be in a relationship with these guys.
Speaker 1: I want to go on a date and just have fun.
Speaker 1: And it changed my perspective so much because I would
Speaker 1: have guys ask me out all the time and I'd
Speaker 1: be like, no, he's too young, he's to this. And
Speaker 1: then I just started saying yes to everybody. I was like, sure,
Speaker 1: why not? Sounds like you you only permit yourself to
Speaker 1: be the love e m hmm. Do you want to
Speaker 1: receive all of the affection You're not necessarily at this
Speaker 1: point willing to give anymore. No. No, I think they're
Speaker 1: exactly really. I think let me go with this, let
Speaker 1: me go with this, because I think I have a
Speaker 1: good read. I think you're exactly wrong. You are such
Speaker 1: a lover. You give love, you give love. But part
Speaker 1: of being in love I'm a married guy, is allowing
Speaker 1: myself to receive love. Yeah, and that I just want
Speaker 1: to let that sit. You have to allow yourself to
Speaker 1: receive love. And it's something my wife and I have
Speaker 1: both gone through as we're both extremely independent people, and
Speaker 1: there will be times where I'm okay. It's so weird though,
Speaker 1: because I can receive love so well from my friends
Speaker 1: and my family because I know they're not going anywhere.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense. It's like, I know my friends
Speaker 1: and my family will be in my life forever trauma
Speaker 1: from what happened to you, and it's not wrong that
Speaker 1: you're not over it. It's okay, and that's yeah. I
Speaker 1: want to hurt him, Yeah, give him, give us his name.
Speaker 1: Gavin and I. We're not doing anything after this show.
Speaker 1: We gotta open afternoons, buddy. A lot of people in
Speaker 1: my life, like they tell me, they're like, you are
Speaker 1: such a good friend, Like they're like, you're one of
Speaker 1: the best friends I've ever seen. And I think that's
Speaker 1: why I love people so hard like I don't because
Speaker 1: it's like that's how much I want it's often a
Speaker 1: mirror of who you are. What you admiration for somebody
Speaker 1: is a mirror really of who you are. And yeah,
Speaker 1: and like you are somebody when you think of people
Speaker 1: who really truly deserve love, like you are one. You
Speaker 1: are you give with your heart, Amy, you are one too.
Speaker 1: You guys give with your heart. Just sex to sec
Speaker 1: But what do we do? What does she do? I
Speaker 1: don't think there's anything to do. It's not a control thing.
Speaker 1: It's not I think it's just honestly, this sounds woo woo,
Speaker 1: but but it's a universe thing. Is that you just
Speaker 1: keep being you. Whatever is going on right now, you
Speaker 1: might not understand, but the proper person will find you,
Speaker 1: and you don't have to find them. I always thought
Speaker 1: I had to find them, like I would look up
Speaker 1: at the stars and be like, hey, that person's out there.
Speaker 1: Where are they? I gotta go in this room. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's not I gotta go here, like, where are they?
Speaker 1: I gotta find them? And it wasn't. It was I
Speaker 1: didn't find them. A friend of mine tried to set
Speaker 1: us up for a month. We both said no, and
Speaker 1: he's like, I'm sick and tired of this I'm setting
Speaker 1: you guys up and then we're like okay, And that
Speaker 1: was the universe sort of just putting us together. And
Speaker 1: I believe that will happen for you. You're an exceptional human.
Speaker 1: Keep being an exceptional human to your friends, to your family,
Speaker 1: and then also allow yourself to open up and be
Speaker 1: vulnerable enough to receive love. How long ago did that
Speaker 1: relationship end? That was the like five years ago? Wow?
Speaker 1: So my thought on this is that somewhere in your
Speaker 1: subconscious guards or weapons or fences or walls, whatever you
Speaker 1: want to from that traumatic experience are still somewhat present,
Speaker 1: and maybe they show up and avoidance, maybe they show
Speaker 1: up in filling schedule so tight that you can't like,
Speaker 1: they might manifest in other ways that It's like, I've
Speaker 1: actually listened to a podcast last night about how trauma
Speaker 1: shows up in ways other than just sleep terror. T
Speaker 1: I want to just acknowledge you for being vulnerable with
Speaker 1: us and opening up about this because I think a
Speaker 1: lot of our listeners will probably find themselves in you,
Speaker 1: and I'm want to get more into your story after
Speaker 1: we take a quick break back from break. My name
Speaker 1: is Brooks, like in studio with Mr Gavin Degras. Hello,
Speaker 1: our dear friend Tanya rad who I want to applaud.
Speaker 1: I want to applaud you because she just sat here
Speaker 1: and opened her heart and I hope that our listeners
Speaker 1: can feel that and see themselves anybody going through the
Speaker 1: same thing. That's the point of this show is to
Speaker 1: try and positively impact the lives of our listeners, and
Speaker 1: we bring people in the studio that open up in
Speaker 1: our vulnerable So high five to you. I appreciate your girl.
Speaker 1: So I think you're too hard on yourself. Really, I
Speaker 1: think you're you're trying to find this man, which I
Speaker 1: tried to because this is this is full transparent, this
Speaker 1: is from my story. I tried to find this woman
Speaker 1: almost like manifest like poof. I'm so I want this
Speaker 1: person so bad that I'm gonna make her be in
Speaker 1: this room or I'm going to try and make this
Speaker 1: person in the room fit into what she is. Um
Speaker 1: do you believe that you're sometimes a little too hard
Speaker 1: and you don't allow the universe enough grace to position
Speaker 1: you in the place where you're supposed to be. I
Speaker 1: think I'm an overthinker for sure. And it's funny because
Speaker 1: I'll go to the place of I I do. I
Speaker 1: have such a strong faith, and it's really crazy because
Speaker 1: I will I when I meet somebody new, I'll pray
Speaker 1: on it. Like ill, that's the first thing I do,
Speaker 1: is I just like pray on it. And like the
Speaker 1: way that God has moved in my life and moved
Speaker 1: men out of my life quickly that weren't meant for me.
Speaker 1: It's truly like such a testimony. Like it's really crazy.
Speaker 1: So when things end, I tend to get a little
Speaker 1: bit um Like obviously, I get upset and I get down,
Speaker 1: and then I get feel defeated. So then I give
Speaker 1: myself a beat and then I'll be like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: good now. And then i'll like actively pursue and I'll
Speaker 1: like go to a bar and I'll be like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna meet somebody tonight or like you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like I go through these ebbs and flows where I
Speaker 1: like I'm really proactive or I'm or I'm like nodden
Speaker 1: in it at all, Like I don't know the balance
Speaker 1: of just like but you're not like praying in the bar,
Speaker 1: right because that would look weird, all right, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I can only offer like personal experience So when I
Speaker 1: went through a life change, a pivotal life changing moment,
Speaker 1: in a big awareness moment in my life when I
Speaker 1: was twenty eight, the first thing that I kind of
Speaker 1: just stripped my life down to the foundation of I
Speaker 1: just want to accept and appreciate people. I want to
Speaker 1: live with gratitude, and then I want to accept and
Speaker 1: I want to appreciate people. And it it changed the
Speaker 1: lens on how I looked at people. I didn't look
Speaker 1: at this person as that could be a potential mate,
Speaker 1: that could be a potential mate, that could be a
Speaker 1: potential mate. I looked at that's a beautiful human being.
Speaker 1: That's a beautiful human being. That's a beautiful human being.
Speaker 1: And then found that I was just gravitating towards and
Speaker 1: moving towards certain energies and it ended up eventually being
Speaker 1: I met Julianne about a year and a half later.
Speaker 1: But I just changed my lens from looking for that
Speaker 1: person to just appreciating people as they are, and it
Speaker 1: really helped me connect in a way that I was
Speaker 1: never able to. And do you worry about finding that
Speaker 1: person or a girlfriend or a wife, I don't know
Speaker 1: what everybody's so worried about I think you do and
Speaker 1: you don't. I think I think that I want. I
Speaker 1: want what everybody else wants, sort of traditionally speaking, you
Speaker 1: know you want you want a real relationship, you want kids,
Speaker 1: you want a household. Um. But sometimes sometimes I I
Speaker 1: also have to look at the reality of things. You know,
Speaker 1: you ever think you ever think to yourself, you know
Speaker 1: what I want. Here's where I always thought I wanted.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a ranch, I'm gonna have a bunch
Speaker 1: of horses, I'm gonna have the hottest wife, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have the strongest kids, you know what I'm saying. And
Speaker 1: then you go out and you look at a farm,
Speaker 1: and you go property, honey, and you take you get
Speaker 1: in the truck and you go out and you find
Speaker 1: a dream property and you hang out there for like
Speaker 1: an hour after the realtor leaves. You know what goes
Speaker 1: through my mind. I'm so fighting bored out here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I'm like, this is awesome.
Speaker 1: I'm so bored because it's but it's only here right now.
Speaker 1: It's only one element of everything you want. It is
Speaker 1: it is only one element true Because I'll say this,
Speaker 1: you could be in a blank room with the person
Speaker 1: you love and have the best time ever. It's not
Speaker 1: about environment, Like I don't disagree with you there, but
Speaker 1: but you're right, there is only one element of the
Speaker 1: things that you love. But I've sort of removed the
Speaker 1: expectations of what it's supposed to look like to you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And and uh, you know, it's
Speaker 1: it's less about the picture I've painted where the pieces
Speaker 1: are supposed to fit into place. What if what if
Speaker 1: you thought about you don't find that person, you don't
Speaker 1: find that one husband. What if you so that's the
Speaker 1: ultimate scary thought. What if you think, Okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: maybe I'm going to meet ten people throughout the rest
Speaker 1: of my life that I fall in love with and
Speaker 1: have relationships with. I think that I've I've come a
Speaker 1: long way in terms of like I too had like
Speaker 1: I would know what my wedding was going to look
Speaker 1: like and what my color my bridesmaid dresses were going
Speaker 1: to be. And now I'm like, so far, I've come
Speaker 1: so far from that perspective of like, this is what
Speaker 1: my life is going to look like and I have
Speaker 1: it all planned out. I don't and I don't even
Speaker 1: care about that stuff anymore. To be honest, Like if
Speaker 1: somebody says that, do you want to big or small?
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know, because I think it's all
Speaker 1: going to depend on on the person that I marry,
Speaker 1: you know. But I do think that it's such a
Speaker 1: desire of my heart to have a teammate and to
Speaker 1: have a partner and to do life with somebody. So
Speaker 1: I will not change my perspective on that, um because
Speaker 1: I feel like when we get such like something planted
Speaker 1: so deep in us, I think it's it's a pursuit.
Speaker 1: It's almost like how I've pursued my career. Um, So
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want to change my perspective on that.
Speaker 1: And I do desire to have a family. So but
Speaker 1: what that looks like, I don't know, Like if if
Speaker 1: it's having my own children, if it's adopting children, if
Speaker 1: it's marrying somebody with children already, like I don't that
Speaker 1: might look different. But I know it's a desire of
Speaker 1: my heart so that I will have that. Well, we
Speaker 1: all have to face that that sort of that line,
Speaker 1: that's that dividing line of ideal versus real, and we
Speaker 1: all have an ideal, you know, in our in our mind. Oh,
Speaker 1: ideally it could look like this. This is my fantasy.
Speaker 1: It's the thing we grew up with, not just the
Speaker 1: thing we grew up with, it's the thing we were sold,
Speaker 1: the thing we were marketed, you know, since we were kids.
Speaker 1: You know, what a family is supposed to look like,
Speaker 1: what the ideal homes would look like, what the ideal
Speaker 1: relationships of the parents would be like, and you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, like yeah, and so and so we've
Speaker 1: been given the the sort of formula of what it
Speaker 1: should be. And of course that was made for TV,
Speaker 1: most of it, and or told to us at church,
Speaker 1: and you know, and there's reasons that those stories ended
Speaker 1: up in the Bible. You know, they were like good
Speaker 1: enough to tell you know what I mean repeatedly for
Speaker 1: many years. And so we had these ideas of what
Speaker 1: some of these stories should be with some of these
Speaker 1: relationships could be. And so we have to, of course,
Speaker 1: at one point or another, face the music in real
Speaker 1: life and say, well, this is it is liquid. Life
Speaker 1: is liquid. Things are moving, and variables change, and we
Speaker 1: relocate and we get new jobs, and we get older
Speaker 1: and the many different things, you know, so came into
Speaker 1: my mind when was saying that as like Facebook and Instagram,
Speaker 1: you see everyone posting their perfect family and their perfect
Speaker 1: kids and their perfect relationship, and they're also full of
Speaker 1: He's right, come on, everybody's doing this and not everybody.
Speaker 1: It's a generalization family photos on Facebook that Tanya has
Speaker 1: to look at who have terrible relationships, the husband's abuse.
Speaker 1: If that is true, and we are inundated with this
Speaker 1: perfection in our faces and it is not real. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's that's just if you choose to believe that's true.
Speaker 1: And like, to me, I can look at the funny
Speaker 1: and not believe something that's in your face every day, Brooks, Like,
Speaker 1: I get where you're coming from, and not everybody has
Speaker 1: a perfect relationship like you. I don't. I don't, come on,
Speaker 1: you play, Come on. What I'm saying is you happen
Speaker 1: to have something that you both work really hard for.
Speaker 1: That's ideal. But people have to look at Facebook and
Speaker 1: see these images in their face, and you you do
Speaker 1: have that feeling of like everybody has this but me,
Speaker 1: but it is not real because I know those people
Speaker 1: and I'm on the phone with them about their marriages. Well,
Speaker 1: here's here's my thoughts to that like, I didn't sign
Speaker 1: up to have a marriage where I didn't get photos
Speaker 1: to post on social media or beautiful photos. I actually
Speaker 1: signed up for the times that people don't see. That's
Speaker 1: the actual like truth. But that's that's you. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that's you. You're a deeper guy. But what we're I
Speaker 1: think what we're saying is that we're sort of inundated
Speaker 1: with the optics of perfection that people are putting out
Speaker 1: in their private lives, which are actually complete falsehooge of
Speaker 1: what their lives really are, right, because we all we well,
Speaker 1: the reality is sort of like let's let's for for
Speaker 1: for hyperbolic speak, we all smile for a picture, right
Speaker 1: to look happy. So and that's what people essentially are
Speaker 1: doing on social media. They're showing showing us their best
Speaker 1: and so we're all sold everybody's best. So we're hoping that.
Speaker 1: So we're thinking, oh, they look really happy, their life
Speaker 1: looks great. So that's sort of that's sort of the
Speaker 1: mountain that we're looking we're all looking at sort of
Speaker 1: a relationship wise. Why isn't it lining up, Why doesn't
Speaker 1: it look like their private life. It's interesting because that's
Speaker 1: the number one thing that I get messages about is
Speaker 1: from girls being like, thank you so much for because
Speaker 1: I am a really positive person. I am honestly, I'm
Speaker 1: genuinely happy, and I choose to live my life that way,
Speaker 1: but I do there are moments where I get really
Speaker 1: upset and and hurt, and I expressed that like I'm like,
Speaker 1: this sucks and I feel terrible. Well, I think part
Speaker 1: of your happiness is that you're you seem sincere, and
Speaker 1: you're okay with showing people the other parts of you.
Speaker 1: A lot of people don't show the other parts of themselves,
Speaker 1: and so they're suppressing those emotions and they're happy. I
Speaker 1: think that their overall happiness will suffer because it is
Speaker 1: so guarded, do you know what I mean? And so
Speaker 1: I think that's part of part of your happiness is
Speaker 1: that you're okay with being very truthful about your your emotions.
Speaker 1: You're getting it out of your body somehow, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. You're letting it out and you're sharing it,
Speaker 1: and so that's admirable. Yeah, it sucks. It's also very
Speaker 1: easy to criticize. It's I get that part of it too,
Speaker 1: but it's I'm also like, it's actually a lot easier
Speaker 1: for me to kind of like lack at that. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, if you're going to make fun of me
Speaker 1: for wanting to like find a badass partner in life, like,
Speaker 1: don't ever apologize totally, don't ever settle anybody out there,
Speaker 1: don't ever apologize for that, and don't ever settle. I
Speaker 1: want to bring it back to um. One thing you
Speaker 1: mentioned earlier that I want to acknowledge is that you
Speaker 1: said you don't know what your wedding dress is gonna
Speaker 1: look like. Now you don't know if you want a bigger,
Speaker 1: small wedding. You don't because I see myself in that.
Speaker 1: I see that I had a mindset of what my
Speaker 1: relationship an ideal as you said GAV was supposed to be,
Speaker 1: and I see you softening the grip on that and
Speaker 1: now it being like, I don't know exactly what it's
Speaker 1: going to be because this person. I don't know exactly
Speaker 1: what this person is going to be. Maybe we just alope,
Speaker 1: maybe we don't. Maybe we have a really big wedding,
Speaker 1: maybe it's a Greek wedding totally. And like you, guys,
Speaker 1: if you would have met me like I was, do
Speaker 1: you watch friends? What's that the show. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1: So like Monica Geller, I've seen I've seen friends Monica
Speaker 1: Geller with the like notebook. These are my flowers. These
Speaker 1: are going to be the center piece. This is what
Speaker 1: my dress is gonna look like. This is at Internet
Speaker 1: like I had it all. Is that what you bring
Speaker 1: to your first dates? Yeah? I'm like, yeah, does this
Speaker 1: look like something that you would like to because it's
Speaker 1: that's fine. I was. I know this is switching a
Speaker 1: little bit, but I think one of the things we
Speaker 1: started with at the top that I wanted to get
Speaker 1: from Gavin and Brooks is is there an issue with
Speaker 1: in with women who are in powerful, successful, money making
Speaker 1: jobs as an issue in relationships? Great question? Um, not
Speaker 1: for me, but you know, I mean I have no
Speaker 1: issue with it. I mean, I don't see what the
Speaker 1: issue is. So do you So what is the issue
Speaker 1: with that? Like my wife is so yeah? So the
Speaker 1: issue was sweet. I hung out with guys that make
Speaker 1: less money than me significantly and it did not work.
Speaker 1: I it did not work. It put me way too
Speaker 1: in the masculine. I hated having to bring out my
Speaker 1: credit cards. Oh I would love that. Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: Buy me some coffee right now people they were more
Speaker 1: like friends. But it's like I remembered that friend. This
Speaker 1: is years ago and the way I felt, and I
Speaker 1: knew this is not going to work for me. Now
Speaker 1: I think if you're close, you're fine, Like how big
Speaker 1: of a gap? Like you'd buy dinner and he'd like
Speaker 1: could I keep the change? Like they had nothing, But
Speaker 1: it was so in your in your mind, you don't
Speaker 1: think I started to feel like taking advantage of and
Speaker 1: it was the worst. I was like, I can't deal
Speaker 1: with this. Or did you feel like it was almost
Speaker 1: all about getting free free meals like that? So why
Speaker 1: do you think a man shouldn't feel that if he's
Speaker 1: taking care of a woman. That's what I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm asking you, guys, why why is it
Speaker 1: okay for why? And I don't know if just traditionally
Speaker 1: because it's more masculine to take care of the woman.
Speaker 1: Like I went to dinner the other night on this
Speaker 1: like amazing romantic dinner and he sort of ordered for me,
Speaker 1: like he knew what I wanted, but he ordered and
Speaker 1: it was I loved every second of it. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I love this. So there is something
Speaker 1: about that he was taking care of it like he wasn't.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like he asked me what I wanted, but
Speaker 1: then he ordered it and we're going to this and
Speaker 1: she would love this, and it was just so I felt.
Speaker 1: So I loved every second event. So maybe there is
Speaker 1: something to feeling feminine and feeling masculine. I believe that.
Speaker 1: But why does that have to come into or the
Speaker 1: question is why does does that specific to finances and success? About?
Speaker 1: Like what about? Good question? Okay, so here's my here's
Speaker 1: my take on it. So when I was playing hockey,
Speaker 1: I was making more money than my wife. My wife
Speaker 1: is a very successful entrepreneur, actress, dancer, singer, you name it.
Speaker 1: She's a list goes on and on. But when I
Speaker 1: was playing hockey, I was making more money than her.
Speaker 1: Now that I'm not playing hockey and all of our
Speaker 1: podcast money is going towards Gavin's grotto, um my grottos matter,
Speaker 1: my wife is making way more money than me right now.
Speaker 1: But I am actually fine with that. I love it
Speaker 1: because I love my wife and fully support her in
Speaker 1: everything she does. And for me to take that as
Speaker 1: a reflection on me of like, oh God, she's making
Speaker 1: more money than me. I think it's a selfish act
Speaker 1: of my own and an insecure act if I were
Speaker 1: to do that, and that is now making her career
Speaker 1: about me. And I don't think a lot of men
Speaker 1: on the words right now because you know that there
Speaker 1: was that time when you were more successful, and you
Speaker 1: know that you achieved in your field almost the maximum. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but now I'm also I acknowledge that she's also worked hard,
Speaker 1: and I can't discredit anything she's done. She's earned everything
Speaker 1: that she's doing right now. I also believe that careers
Speaker 1: are cyclical, like I'm on now in a reinvention pivoting
Speaker 1: place in my life where I'm now stepping into like
Speaker 1: phase two. I've had almost first retirement from hockey and
Speaker 1: now I'm now I'm starting over from like the bottom
Speaker 1: again and I need to build a new career. And
Speaker 1: so for me to now compare myself to her she's
Speaker 1: making more money than me, I think it's just an
Speaker 1: irrelevant thing to do. I think you need to look that.
Speaker 1: I also, so I was saying it's irrelevant. Sounds good,
Speaker 1: that's great. I'll also say this as a disclaimer that
Speaker 1: I have money in my bank account that I can
Speaker 1: still do things for my wife even though I'm not
Speaker 1: making my salary, that I am playing hockey, so like
Speaker 1: when we go to supper, go out for a date night,
Speaker 1: like I love paying because I love treating her t
Speaker 1: Can I ask you a question, have you ever has
Speaker 1: your success ever been an issue and financial success with
Speaker 1: a partner somebody where you you were seeing has that
Speaker 1: stress showed up in a relationship before? If I had
Speaker 1: to give to you, give you the honest answer. The
Speaker 1: last like serious relationship that I had, I wasn't this successful,
Speaker 1: like truly, I was making maybe half maybe a third
Speaker 1: of what I make now, So he was way more
Speaker 1: successful than me. This is my path. These are like
Speaker 1: I haven't been in a committed relationships since then, so
Speaker 1: I don't I can't accurately answer that. I think all
Speaker 1: your money on yourself since then? Pretty much? Yeah, just
Speaker 1: just all me feeling. But but what I think selfish
Speaker 1: keep going, Um what I think I do think that
Speaker 1: it could play a part, But I just I don't
Speaker 1: know because I haven't really like dated anybody for a
Speaker 1: significant amount of time. So you would go on a
Speaker 1: date with somebody that makes less money than you yeah,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I have. And you'd go on a date
Speaker 1: with somebody that makes more money than you. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: what what questions do you want to us? Ask us?
Speaker 1: Men um, because you say it's kind of maybe played
Speaker 1: a role, but not exactly. Sure, Yeah, and Amy you
Speaker 1: for sure you say it can't work where the woman
Speaker 1: makes more than the man. It would just be uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I think it would be more uncomfortable probably for the
Speaker 1: person with less money than the person with more money.
Speaker 1: To be honest with you, I mean, I've been I've
Speaker 1: been in that position where I just, we know, was
Speaker 1: broke dating somebody who was just making a ton of money.
Speaker 1: You know, I felt uncomfortable, and I think I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't think. I just felt broke. I didn't feel
Speaker 1: like I wasn't sufficient. I was just kind of uncomfortable
Speaker 1: going to really nice dinners like I don't belong here?
Speaker 1: Which hand do I hold the fork in? Here's what? Well,
Speaker 1: Here's one thing I want to say is that as
Speaker 1: independent and successful women that you guys are, you with
Speaker 1: that comes an inherent standard of living that you've now
Speaker 1: become accustomed to. And I love that you guys are
Speaker 1: able to provide that for yourselves, and I'm not speaking
Speaker 1: for you too. I'm just putting a thought out there
Speaker 1: is that if you're able to hold yourself to that
Speaker 1: standard of living, that doesn't mean that any man or
Speaker 1: woman is also capable of holding you, flying you first class,
Speaker 1: staying in a five star restaurant or hotel. Maybe they're
Speaker 1: a school teacher and they pour their heart and soul
Speaker 1: into that, but their career just does not afford them
Speaker 1: the same amount of money. So to hold any ill
Speaker 1: will And I'm not saying you guys do, but I'm
Speaker 1: just saying this for our community, to hold any ill
Speaker 1: will that you out earned somebody, Um, I don't think
Speaker 1: is is fair. It's not fair. I agree with that. Well,
Speaker 1: how about this though, let's let's point. Let's let's point
Speaker 1: not fair. So right, but I'm saying I think there
Speaker 1: are relationships where it causes problems. I agree. East. We
Speaker 1: were talking. I wanted this is our just dynamite engineer.
Speaker 1: Mr Easton East Now right here, we were talking earlier
Speaker 1: about this and you said there was a stage in
Speaker 1: your life as the stage that I'm in right now,
Speaker 1: where your wife out earned you and it actually affected you. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: like I Uh. I mean, I'm the I'm a breadwinner
Speaker 1: of the family from the vagant, but there there was
Speaker 1: a point not long ago where my wife was making
Speaker 1: more than me. And I like to think of myself
Speaker 1: as a progressive guy. I'd like to think that I'm
Speaker 1: I'm an evolved man. But but I felt at that time,
Speaker 1: I felt like that I wasn't taking care of her,
Speaker 1: uh the right way, you know. And and there wasn't
Speaker 1: a problem in our marriage or anything, or we were
Speaker 1: married at that time, but like in a relationship, there
Speaker 1: wasn't a problem. But I could feel like my like
Speaker 1: ego go there by default, you know, like the cave
Speaker 1: man part of me was like, you know, like a
Speaker 1: woman need protection. I am not doing that now. And
Speaker 1: that that's interesting, you know. So so a friend of
Speaker 1: mine is like, uh, a tough guy, you know, like
Speaker 1: like a professional tough guy, right and uh, and um,
Speaker 1: the woman he was dating was making him feel like, uh,
Speaker 1: he was not enough because he wasn't making enough money. Interesting,
Speaker 1: But I said to him, but you're providing. She's not
Speaker 1: paying attention into what you're providing, which is she knows
Speaker 1: that if similar were to break into your home, say
Speaker 1: even if multiple people broke into your home, it wouldn't
Speaker 1: really be an issue for her because you're there. So
Speaker 1: there's things that you're providing being in that house that
Speaker 1: aren't money that she can depend on, and and you
Speaker 1: just need to let her know that that's your worth,
Speaker 1: that's part of your value. You're bringing a value. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be monetary. And so and I think
Speaker 1: that we sort of forget that we have sort of
Speaker 1: the these these other uh bank accounts of value. We
Speaker 1: all have them, and it shouldn't be a number. It's
Speaker 1: interesting you said that because for me, it's not so
Speaker 1: much of a financial thing. It's more of like I
Speaker 1: feel like when somebody's making like if you if I'm
Speaker 1: dating somebody and they're so passionate and purposeful and like
Speaker 1: in their job, in their life, and like, to me,
Speaker 1: that's so much more attractive. Like if he has that
Speaker 1: and he makes not a lot of money, like I don't,
Speaker 1: that doesn't it's more about like passion and drive, because
Speaker 1: I think sometimes if somebody's making not a lot of
Speaker 1: money and they hate their job and they kind of like,
Speaker 1: you know, kind of a kind of up I don't
Speaker 1: want to say, like moping through life to me, that
Speaker 1: question there that's a little bit like of a boner killer,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I'm like I don't want to date that,
Speaker 1: you know, right, But it's more like not so much
Speaker 1: financial as like sometimes success is measured in different ways,
Speaker 1: you know, and what be Yeah, they can they can
Speaker 1: be giving you that other thing. I love what you said.
Speaker 1: He's so much. We're trying to just like we're trying
Speaker 1: to figure out why men think this, why men have this.
Speaker 1: What you said Eastern it's real. If if if a
Speaker 1: woman out earns a man, I think it is real.
Speaker 1: Like even right now, it's not that I look and
Speaker 1: I'm comparing myself to my wife, but I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: let's let's get up and go. I gotta do something,
Speaker 1: And just looking at myself, I'm trying to think, like
Speaker 1: why is that versus me just saying I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: chill for a while because i just made X amount
Speaker 1: of millions of dollars playing hockey and I'm just gonna coast.
Speaker 1: But there I could do that, just set that I
Speaker 1: could do that. But there is something inherenting me that's like, wow,
Speaker 1: my wife is really doing these big deals, getting big projects,
Speaker 1: like I gotta get back going here. And I think
Speaker 1: it's just the I think men and women, but like
Speaker 1: I'm just speaking for men. Here's men inherently within their
Speaker 1: core and their hearts love to and yearn to provide, protect, love,
Speaker 1: empower all of that and so and part of that
Speaker 1: is financial. Undoubtedly a large part I think is financial.
Speaker 1: And so it's almost impossible, based on our d n
Speaker 1: A or Janet or the fabric of who we are
Speaker 1: as a man um to not feel that. It's also
Speaker 1: the optics of it. I remember now, I had a
Speaker 1: flashback of being like at dinner with a couple of
Speaker 1: people when I was hanging out with these guys, and
Speaker 1: I remember saying, can you just take my credit card
Speaker 1: and pay the bill? Like I remember it was like
Speaker 1: I just don't want to just use my credit card
Speaker 1: and just can you pay the bill and sign it.
Speaker 1: I literally hated the feeling of having to always be
Speaker 1: the one that's like, oh, let me do it. Here
Speaker 1: comes like the it felt manly, let me go with
Speaker 1: this for a second. So why why is that instead
Speaker 1: of like I really get gratitude out of like paying
Speaker 1: for this, like it's it's is it? Because I think
Speaker 1: it's because the energy with that person is not right.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's something financial. I think it's It's
Speaker 1: what you're talking about, Tanya, is that if somebody loves
Speaker 1: their career and is lit up by it, even though
Speaker 1: they make for you because of the quality of person
Speaker 1: you are, and same with you, Um, it's measured, You're
Speaker 1: going to measure it enjoy, not financial. I also think
Speaker 1: for women it can kind of be like sometimes like
Speaker 1: I feel like I could be motherly, not so much manly,
Speaker 1: just motherly, and I don't want to be a mom
Speaker 1: to my partner non episode or or But even even
Speaker 1: with that, the flip side of that is sometimes looking
Speaker 1: at man like he's your father. Yeah that is a
Speaker 1: real thing. Oh it's gross, Like I'm the little girl
Speaker 1: Like no, no, it's like like you like sometimes I
Speaker 1: just got so the caretaker of the woman and you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's but like sometimes guys do things that's because they
Speaker 1: love you, and a girl is like, you're not my dad.
Speaker 1: Don't do that. I'm like, I'm I'm not your dad.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be your dad. Or sometimes they
Speaker 1: do want their dad. I don't know. Now we're really
Speaker 1: getting and I mean you're saying a little bit. I
Speaker 1: do want to date someone that's like my like has
Speaker 1: the quality of my father, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: date my father. So that's kind of perfect question for you, Tana,
Speaker 1: if you could speak to the men out there, the
Speaker 1: single eligible bachelor's or the men out there on how
Speaker 1: they would want how you would want them to approach
Speaker 1: you or not approach you, but like have an energy
Speaker 1: on a date. Knowing that you are a very successful
Speaker 1: and independent woman, what would you ask of men? Let
Speaker 1: me answer this for you. I'm just kidding. I'm curious
Speaker 1: to what you're gonna say. You imagine I got this.
Speaker 1: Let no, let me do this for you. Just being
Speaker 1: very intentional. That's like my biggest thing with men is
Speaker 1: like being very transparent and intentional in regards to their feelings,
Speaker 1: in regards to their their expectations, their purpose. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: I get obviously for a second date, like you know,
Speaker 1: you're just getting to know somebody, But beyond that, I
Speaker 1: think just kind of communicating and just being like also
Speaker 1: just like nothing is annoying to me more than saying,
Speaker 1: like what are you doing on Wednesday? It's like, well,
Speaker 1: let's like I feel like I'd love to take you out,
Speaker 1: you know, like, let's like actually make a little more assertive.
Speaker 1: I think Tory and I were talking about this, but
Speaker 1: like I think man can be more assertive in some
Speaker 1: ways and but not dominating. Like you said when the
Speaker 1: guy ordered for you, like he'd asked you what you
Speaker 1: would want, like he'd like, we would like to have
Speaker 1: guy on the planet. I think I think men can
Speaker 1: do that in a really graceful and subtle way. And
Speaker 1: I think, like I love a guy saying like, what
Speaker 1: are you doing Tuesday? I'd love to take you to dinner?
Speaker 1: And then the flip side, he does that for me
Speaker 1: and then I do it from him, like I want
Speaker 1: to show you my part of town. I'm going to
Speaker 1: take you on a bar tour of studio city? Are
Speaker 1: you in? Like you know what I mean, Like I
Speaker 1: think it takes I mean both people doing it. So
Speaker 1: when I hear you talk, I feel like you approach
Speaker 1: those like that because that's what you're back. So that's
Speaker 1: I'm I'm feeling like you are straightforward and transparent, be
Speaker 1: like I really like you. That does it ever put
Speaker 1: man off? Does it ever? Like scared? Because because here's
Speaker 1: from from my standpoint, if I'm actually a good dude
Speaker 1: and I'm interested in that person, it's gonna draw me
Speaker 1: to them, and it's a great this is it's almost
Speaker 1: a great filter. If I'm just a dude out looking
Speaker 1: for whatever, I got nothing going on on Tuesday night,
Speaker 1: and maybe this girl's cute, and who knows, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be like, whoa, I'm gonna text this other person or
Speaker 1: something like That's probably what I'm gonna do. I think
Speaker 1: it's a great filter from a woman's standpoint, to not
Speaker 1: disclose or put out there exactly what your intentions are,
Speaker 1: but to be like, I'm really enjoying spending time with you,
Speaker 1: I would like to do this with you again, or
Speaker 1: can like there's this we always talk about this on
Speaker 1: the show. There's subtle ways to communicate directly versus overbearing
Speaker 1: ways to throw things in your face. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: feel like you do that, and any guy that's worth
Speaker 1: sitting at that table with you and that is actually
Speaker 1: really into you and curious and intrigued by you will
Speaker 1: respond to that and reciprocate that. Yeah. I mean, I
Speaker 1: think somehow the lesson of this is like everybody should
Speaker 1: be communicating. I don't. I don't disagree with that better, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you just want someone for one night, like just
Speaker 1: tell him. I mean, right, But isn't it kind of
Speaker 1: like an audition? I mean, I mean, we have you
Speaker 1: have you got You've gone on some auditions in your life, right, right?
Speaker 1: And what happens when you don't get it? Did they
Speaker 1: always call you in and say you didn't get it?
Speaker 1: Or you know what I mean? It's sort of the
Speaker 1: silence is the communication in a way, and and and
Speaker 1: it's just I know, I know that sounds I know
Speaker 1: that sounds a little too raw, but the reality is
Speaker 1: it's it's I was doing that for years, sleeping around
Speaker 1: like that, Yeah, sleeping with guys, wanting more more, wanting
Speaker 1: more from them and not getting it. Be like why
Speaker 1: did they want to date me? It's like, well, duh,
Speaker 1: Well I don't say duh on that, but okay, well
Speaker 1: for me that that was my experience because my situation
Speaker 1: is different whatever, But I still think it's like, really,
Speaker 1: I owe an email to a stranger who just like
Speaker 1: cold emailed me about something for work, But this guy
Speaker 1: had a relationship with doesn't have to call me. That's weird.
Speaker 1: It's just it's just it's not work. Though it's a bigail.
Speaker 1: I love how you. I love how you even though
Speaker 1: I vehemently disagree with you take the other side. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm just being I'm just being Devil's advocate, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, if if I go if I went to
Speaker 1: an audition right for something, you know, if I was
Speaker 1: an actor and I went on on on an audition,
Speaker 1: the casting director isn't going to call me up and say, hey, man,
Speaker 1: you didn't get the job. They just don't call you
Speaker 1: at all. You just don't get the job. And so
Speaker 1: here we are in the real world, right, and which
Speaker 1: is the same thing. And if you're not getting the job,
Speaker 1: nobody's calling. I don't disagree with you the way it
Speaker 1: should be, but I'm trying not to be critical of
Speaker 1: the reality that sometimes they these people a don't think
Speaker 1: it's worth their time or be don't want to stir
Speaker 1: the pot. They don't want you to think, oh wow,
Speaker 1: what a loss. What a nice guy to call me
Speaker 1: and tell me he's not interested. That really would have
Speaker 1: been a good one, you know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 1: maybe if they would have reached out and done that,
Speaker 1: you would have had that much more emotion for that person,
Speaker 1: because you'd be thinking, what a great one. I can't
Speaker 1: get them out of my mind now, boy, wow, I
Speaker 1: would have been really that was the one. It's easier
Speaker 1: for you to walk away when they're not contact on you,
Speaker 1: you don't think. So we can talk about this in
Speaker 1: the next episode, because that is a hundred Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: we can get back to this. That's interesting to me
Speaker 1: because because I think it would be harder, I think
Speaker 1: it's worse. I know Brooks is dying. We have to
Speaker 1: go talk to you guys. Know wait, wait, wait, let
Speaker 1: go because she's too busy to have a conversation or
Speaker 1: a relationship. A little Tanya schedule is filled up and
Speaker 1: we can't have it. That's right, Tanya, we have time
Speaker 1: for fifteen minutes. She's wondering why no will marry her
Speaker 1: yet I take that back on part of our show.
Speaker 1: I apologize to that. I just want to say, Tanya,
Speaker 1: I love you, and I just want to thank you
Speaker 1: for being a an amazing person and a source of
Speaker 1: joy in my life and opening up for our community
Speaker 1: and hopefully inspiring them to do the same. And I
Speaker 1: pray for you that you're able to allow yourself to
Speaker 1: receive love. Thank you quickly before we go. Where can pay? Guys,
Speaker 1: I'm here too, scrubbing in pod cast, Yeah, scrubbing in
Speaker 1: with Batellian, Tanya rad podcast and um every weekday morning
Speaker 1: on there you go and your social Yeah. You do
Speaker 1: a lot of fun dance videos and just you put
Speaker 1: fun stuff out. You and Brad Grasky and I've never
Speaker 1: been invited to one, and I'm kind of sad about that.
Speaker 1: You can come to our next one. Oh God, you
Speaker 1: don't want me, but I mean I want to see
Speaker 1: this so much for being here. We'd love to have
Speaker 1: you on again. You're one of my favorite people of
Speaker 1: all time. You want you do another one? Right now?
Speaker 1: She's busy. Thanks by guys. Want to share something with
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Speaker 1: slash hmt. Another heater of an episode. I Love Tanya Man,
Speaker 1: I love Tanya. I just one of my favorite things, honestly,
Speaker 1: one of my favorite things in my life is my
Speaker 1: friendships with women, and I just want the world for them.
Speaker 1: I have other friends that are women that are single,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, can I just somehow me a dude
Speaker 1: that would just like, oh my god. I just want
Speaker 1: them to have a Gavin de graw in their life.
Speaker 1: What a liar, this man, It's such a great liar.
Speaker 1: I did love tany Man. I loved her. I love
Speaker 1: her sincerity. Man. She was so authentic and really searching
Speaker 1: and so open is searching and so open about her search.
Speaker 1: You know, it was really uh, it was really kind
Speaker 1: of refreshing. It's it's super that's exact words on my mind.
Speaker 1: It's super refreshing when somebody wears their heart on their
Speaker 1: sleeve and doing that, you open yourself up to some hurt. Right,
Speaker 1: There's gonna be some hurt and some rejection or whatever.
Speaker 1: But um, I think it's the only way to live.
Speaker 1: And I admire her for her courage, really for her courage. So, Tanya,
Speaker 1: we wish the best to you. Uh, single man, if
Speaker 1: you are a hell of a good dude, here's your number. No,
Speaker 1: reach out to me, reach out to me on my Instagram.
Speaker 1: I'll filter you as out and then I'll connect you.
Speaker 1: But buddy, I love it. I love this podcast, man.
Speaker 1: I love what we're doing. I love and I hope
Speaker 1: you as a listener you're getting value from it. And
Speaker 1: we hope that in any way that sometimes the topics
Speaker 1: are geared to this or that or whatever, but we
Speaker 1: hope you're able to pull a nugget from each episode
Speaker 1: to positively impact the quality of your life. So, people
Speaker 1: driving in the car, the people listening at the gym
Speaker 1: at home, I want to say thank you to you
Speaker 1: guys as a listener, and also Gav we've got an
Speaker 1: exciting announcement for those listeners. You know what it is
Speaker 1: we do. He doesn't even know it's You don't know
Speaker 1: it because mancy prompter in front of you like I do.
Speaker 1: Our engineer Easton Easton just wrote a note on my
Speaker 1: prompter that says we have a new voicemail account, so
Speaker 1: our How Men Think listeners can call in and leave
Speaker 1: us a voicemail with your question you want us to answer.
Speaker 1: The number is one eight eight eight four three zero
Speaker 1: seventy seven. Once again it's one eight eight or three
Speaker 1: zero sevent seventy seven. So you can call in, leave
Speaker 1: us a voicemail with your questions will answer them on air.
Speaker 1: You can also send us an email at men at
Speaker 1: I Heart radio dot com and then on our Instagram
Speaker 1: How Men Think podcast. So lovely, guys, you got the
Speaker 1: hands on that nice chicken sandwich there, but it's pretty good,
Speaker 1: doesn't It looks tasty. I can't wait to touch on
Speaker 1: your mom. Yeah, the nice folks from Los Poyas Hermana
Speaker 1: sent over chicken sandwiches and I know what you're thinking,
Speaker 1: that's the restaurant from Breaking Bad. Well, the restaurants come
Speaker 1: to life now Los Poyas Hermanus you can you can
Speaker 1: get it from Uber eats. Uh and you can have
Speaker 1: the a b Q Hot chicken sandwich, the fring fries.
Speaker 1: I've got some here right in front of me and
Speaker 1: the pios tenders just like they have on the show.
Speaker 1: And that's gonna be on Uber Eats, available in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: and then it's moving on to San Francisco, Oakland, San Diego,
Speaker 1: Las Vegas, and Chicago. And Uber Eats is offering one
Speaker 1: week or free delivery every month on all Los Poios
Speaker 1: Frmano orders during this six month partnership. So this is
Speaker 1: happening over the next six months. It starts, it's started
Speaker 1: started on so it's going right now. Uh So check
Speaker 1: it out. The sandwiches are really good and it's so
Speaker 1: much fun to um to have a taste of a
Speaker 1: show about making meth and have the have the restaurant
Speaker 1: there with you. But that's why you have a Dured
Speaker 1: Gaves voice in the last thirty seconds, because he's a
Speaker 1: bunch in this doing. You see chicken and I've Got,
Speaker 1: it's got like it's got like a little buffalo sent
Speaker 1: to it, and it just makes me salivate. So that's
Speaker 1: where this episode ends. I'm gonna wrap, Thank you, guys.
Speaker 1: Until next week, guys, take care of one another, love
Speaker 1: one another. We'll see you right back here at How
Speaker 1: Men Think See You