1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 1: Welcome to j dot Ill, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: What's Up? Everybody? Everybody within listening ears Welcome yet again 3 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:20,040 Speaker 1: to j dot Il the Podcast. My name is Joe 4 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:24,320 Speaker 1: Scott and I'm here with my sister friends. Uh Layah 5 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:32,200 Speaker 1: st Clair, Okay, boy and the Lovely Age of Graydon Dance. 6 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 1: Why is that? Why is that? Why listen? If you 7 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:43,600 Speaker 1: if you do not have a group, a couple, you 8 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,199 Speaker 1: don't need a lot, you really don't. You don't have 9 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: a couple of friends where you could just go to 10 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 1: the water and lay it down. Come on, I suggest 11 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: you go outside. Okay, you've been in the house too long. 12 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: As much as I love you listening to a podcast, 13 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 1: I want you to go off fine and saying hi 14 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,119 Speaker 1: to somebody because they're interesting. It's because there's something about 15 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,120 Speaker 1: the way that's just to put that that an collect 16 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 1: on that made you say hello. You never know where 17 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 1: you could make a friend ankle it where. It's the 18 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,120 Speaker 1: little things that make you look at somebody and say 19 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,760 Speaker 1: thank God, I think I like you. Hello, And it 20 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 1: starts just like that. You never know. I have a 21 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 1: sister friend. What we all do? Shoot, this is everybody's 22 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:34,119 Speaker 1: sister's friend. Sister friend right here, the head and everywhere 23 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 1: else and then their hearted in their minds. She is 24 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: the reason why we say do the work. Huh. Everybody, 25 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: please welcome the grind ms yan Lo, van ZANDT. Yeah. 26 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 1: That deserves some applause. I'm sore, I'm you know, it's 27 00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 1: applause clause. Oh man. Yeah, it's so good to see 28 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: you and hear you. Yes, it's good to see you 29 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: and hear YouTube. Yes, listen, it's it's so many questions 30 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 1: to ask, so many thoughts to share, but we're going 31 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: to just start. Well, what's on your heart? My heart? Yeah, 32 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: M so much, so much. Let me say good morning 33 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 1: to the posse. That's what that's the posse. I recently 34 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: attended UM Fashion Week in New York and one of 35 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 1: the UM showings was for all new designers of color 36 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: and so that was so exciting. There were twelve of 37 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:58,640 Speaker 1: them and they, I mean, it was just amazing how 38 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: creative and and wonderful these designers were. And at the 39 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:11,919 Speaker 1: same time, for me UM, being a woman of my age, 40 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: some of the things that I observed but very disturbing 41 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,919 Speaker 1: and now I can understand how my grandmother felt when 42 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:27,360 Speaker 1: I wore platform shoes and hot pants when she told me, 43 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:32,560 Speaker 1: I'm going straight to hell. But some of the things 44 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: that I saw, So one of the things that's on 45 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: my heart is young women, particularly young women of color. 46 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: Some of the things that I see in here, I 47 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: I I don't understand. And I talked to them sometimes 48 00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: and sometimes they're just angry and roved and so they 49 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: don't want to talk. Um, that's on my heart. We 50 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: discussed this. We discussed this quite a bit, because, um, 51 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 1: the one thing that we can't do is distance ourselves 52 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: to a point where we can't reach one or two 53 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: or five or nine, you know, because I don't like 54 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:37,800 Speaker 1: everything either. I don't. Sometimes I feel that what somebody 55 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: has worn is inappropriate to a place like I don't. 56 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: I can't quite understand why you would choose to rock 57 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: out like that. Then I try to make it, wrap 58 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 1: my mind around it and say, Okay, that's a choice. 59 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:54,039 Speaker 1: That somebody's choice. You don't have to understand it. That's 60 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 1: that lady's body and her in her time, and you 61 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 1: know how she wants to be perceived today. I do think, 62 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 1: I do think that most everybody looks like a a prostitute. 63 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:12,159 Speaker 1: Though I said it I do. I do. I steal 64 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:16,279 Speaker 1: with that, But I said what I said. If you look, 65 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 1: if you look at nineteen eighties and nine nineties prostitutes, 66 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 1: y'all know I love the holes. Right, every every city 67 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 1: I go to, I have to go find the holes 68 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: because the holes tell you how the city is doing. 69 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: That's my that's my opinion. It's like my little trip 70 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: into anthropology. Well, if we love the holes, why do 71 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 1: we vilify their clothing? Well, they're sex workers and they're 72 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 1: dressed to sell sex. Is that not the case? Is 73 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:48,440 Speaker 1: that not the case? It's true, But I mean that 74 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: is true. That is the uniform or the accepted uniform 75 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,960 Speaker 1: of one who might sell sex. But that's not always 76 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:59,280 Speaker 1: what people who sell sex wear. Well it used to be. 77 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,719 Speaker 1: It used to be the exact uniform for what people 78 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: who sell sex where. Well, if you go to Canada, 79 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:14,720 Speaker 1: I can't have I have in Toronto the prostitutes where like, um, 80 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 1: I know, And that's why I'm That's why I'm slow 81 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 1: walking this conversation because I already know that she's ahead 82 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: of me and this I'm just completely interested. I'm completely interested. 83 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:28,280 Speaker 1: Like they were, they look like they're on their way 84 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 1: to um. To their secretary job, and that lets me 85 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 1: know how like how the mentality of Canadians are when 86 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 1: it comes to you know, this was a while ago. 87 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,600 Speaker 1: I haven't really been able to go see what I 88 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:44,560 Speaker 1: what I saw, But back then, um, they used to 89 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: look like secretaries or they were you know, in their 90 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:50,320 Speaker 1: senior year of college or something. You know, I was like, 91 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:55,919 Speaker 1: that's because Americans are so hypocritical, come out sex, and 92 00:06:56,520 --> 00:07:00,560 Speaker 1: you know, we have to uh make it their fault 93 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,279 Speaker 1: and we have to make them wrong and make them bad. 94 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:08,719 Speaker 1: My my concern is that and those who control the 95 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 1: words and images control the minds of the people. And 96 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 1: my concern with the young people is that their minds 97 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: are so controlled that they follow along without questions, that 98 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 1: they are so into external validation that there are pieces 99 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: and parts within them that are not whole and healthy, 100 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 1: and that would lead them to dress or to present 101 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: themselves in the world in such a way that doesn't 102 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 1: really honor who they are, not because you know, I 103 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 1: won't say they look like holes, but they look like 104 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 1: they're not clear about who they are, and that troubles 105 00:07:55,080 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: me in the century that you would do that mean 106 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 1: I won't even go to the clothing. I'll go to 107 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 1: young people who are who are tattered from the top 108 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 1: of their head to their feet, everywhere, every neck and 109 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 1: el armpits. Where are you going looking like that? Do 110 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 1: you think we're saying like old ladies? Yeah, because I 111 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 1: was thinking, you know, it's funny. I was just sitting 112 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 1: here thinking, I was like, do you guys think they 113 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 1: look at that? It's like as freedom, there was a 114 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 1: time when you couldn't work with all that tat on. 115 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,160 Speaker 1: Now there's a time where you have to be inclusive, 116 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,079 Speaker 1: you have to be diverse, you have to not judge 117 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 1: somebody on what they look like from the outside. So 118 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,200 Speaker 1: they said, they're some places ain't gonna hire you with 119 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 1: all that stuff going on. Oh yeah, and they don't 120 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: want but they don't want them jobs though, y'all. Look, 121 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: they actually don't want to be there. And when I 122 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:53,319 Speaker 1: think about external validation, I feel that we've expressed this, 123 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 1: this need for external validation always as a people. It 124 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: just looked like pressed hair and a suit jacket at 125 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 1: one time, and so I feel that the need for 126 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 1: the external validation that we've always pushed back on this 127 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: it has just always looked different, and sometimes it looks 128 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:17,440 Speaker 1: like an afro, and sometimes it looks like baggy pants, 129 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 1: and sometimes it looks like tat's. It's just that we 130 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,640 Speaker 1: as black people, I think, are aware that something is 131 00:09:25,679 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 1: deeply wrong with the standards to which we're expected to 132 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:33,120 Speaker 1: be uh to hold up. And so eventually, as young people, 133 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:37,200 Speaker 1: the fear, the lack of fear when you're young, makes 134 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:42,559 Speaker 1: you push back at it with a lot more, you know, umph, 135 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:45,960 Speaker 1: And maybe they push well, yeah, and maybe they pushed 136 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: too far. Maybe there is such a thing as okay, 137 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:52,080 Speaker 1: you've pushed it too far. But the action of pushing, 138 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,280 Speaker 1: I want to be careful. We don't quell that. Are 139 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 1: they pushing back on the standards that they don't believe? 140 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:04,959 Speaker 1: Are they just following the group and doing what's acceptable. Yeah, 141 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 1: I'm from Brooklyn. I rebel against everything. I rebel against 142 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:16,439 Speaker 1: left nostril breathing, left nostril breathing. But are they pushing 143 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 1: against it because they're their freedom, They're um expressing their 144 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,439 Speaker 1: freedom and their choice. Are they just doing it because 145 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 1: everybody else is doing it and this is what I'm 146 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:30,959 Speaker 1: doing to be accepted. That's the part that concerns me. Well, 147 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,840 Speaker 1: that's the scary part. Right, because I do think the 148 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 1: difference between this new generation and ours is they're doing 149 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: more permanent things to their bodies, right, because I do wonder. 150 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 1: I do wonder what the older version of the BBL 151 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: will look like, right, Like you do want you know, 152 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: after you have a whole bunch of ink on your 153 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: face and your body, it just turns green and you 154 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,240 Speaker 1: can't after when you get old, you just can't even 155 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 1: see what that used to be. So you got the 156 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 1: That's a great point with this generation, is like they're 157 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 1: doing more like permanent things. And then the attitudes, Oh 158 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:17,719 Speaker 1: that's a whole another more real talk after the break. 159 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 1: I think everybody is allowed to have a preference to 160 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:26,600 Speaker 1: I mean, look, I like I love to see people dress. 161 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 1: I guess the best way for me to say it 162 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:33,959 Speaker 1: is quirkily. I like people with quirks. You know, Um 163 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 1: that that is half is half of north Strom, I suppose, 164 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: and and half drift Store. You know where there's where 165 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:47,080 Speaker 1: they're adding creativity. Um, I can I can take more creativity, 166 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,199 Speaker 1: Like even if it's short and tight, if it's creative, 167 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 1: I can ride with it. You know, because you're you're putting, 168 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: you're putting yourself into this thing rather than this thing 169 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,960 Speaker 1: wearing you. And I like to see that, you know. 170 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,080 Speaker 1: That's what I that's what I like to see in 171 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,679 Speaker 1: my in my mentees. Um. But I ain't gonna please 172 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:12,400 Speaker 1: everybody with my thoughts. I just want them to be 173 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 1: whole and healthy, you know. I know the things that 174 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,559 Speaker 1: I rebelled against growing up. I was a panther coming 175 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: out of the Church of God in Christ. I was 176 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: a black panther and African dancing they are back then, 177 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: it was you know, to be a back planther back then, 178 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:35,000 Speaker 1: which that was a problems and also to to be 179 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:42,640 Speaker 1: uh to Really people were fighting for rights and everything, 180 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 1: but they still had afrophobia because you know, you had 181 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 1: those of us who were cultural nationalists and we're into 182 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 1: the culture right there in Philly and and Brooklyn. I 183 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 1: was in Brooklyn, you know, and we're really expressing ourselves 184 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,920 Speaker 1: as African descendants of Africans, and there were those who 185 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,559 Speaker 1: wanted to be free but still wanted you to look white. 186 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,959 Speaker 1: So you know, I had a quarter of an inch 187 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 1: of hair on my head back in the sixties. You know, 188 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 1: that's going on at HBCUs right now, on any every 189 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 1: HBCU campus school days continues to exist. If we're talking 190 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:22,640 Speaker 1: about our our our young women being whole and knowing 191 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:28,040 Speaker 1: that we all, you know, went through a stage or five, 192 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 1: you know, to get where we are today, how would 193 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:37,320 Speaker 1: a young woman know that she wasn't Oh, they know, 194 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 1: though they do know. They I don't think we've provide 195 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,839 Speaker 1: them with enough support to process it, work through it, 196 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:49,200 Speaker 1: do the work. And a lot of them wanted. I 197 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,200 Speaker 1: talked to him all the time because they talk to 198 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:57,320 Speaker 1: me about relationships, so they know. I spoke at the 199 00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 1: orientation of her HBC you recently and it went about 200 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 1: maybe eight hundred, nine hundred young people. First day of college. 201 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:12,040 Speaker 1: I had to two experiences. One a young man stood out. 202 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 1: He was thirty three years old, first time in college 203 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: because he grew up as a sex worker, not um, 204 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 1: he was traffic His mother was a drug added he 205 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 1: was born into sex trafficking, and then he was trafficked. 206 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:33,440 Speaker 1: So at eighteen, when he should have been graduating school, 207 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 1: he was being trafficked. And so at thirty three he 208 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 1: made the choice in the decision to come to college 209 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 1: for the first time. He stood up in the audience 210 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 1: of nine hundred people and said that now my generation 211 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: you would have went to hell. You would have went 212 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 1: to your brave holding that information. So he stood up 213 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 1: and he spoke about it. The young people really supported him, 214 00:14:56,200 --> 00:15:01,120 Speaker 1: and his question was, how do I clean myself offense? 215 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,040 Speaker 1: And he said the reason he was standing up was 216 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: because he read yesterday I cried, and I have the 217 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:17,200 Speaker 1: chapter in that book on my sexual violation. And he 218 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 1: said when he read that, he knew that he could 219 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 1: move forward. So to come to college the first day 220 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 1: and see me just blew his brain. So, I mean, 221 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,680 Speaker 1: that's an example of how they are more advanced than 222 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 1: than we are, and also a cry for help. Another 223 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 1: young woman stood up and spoke, and she said that 224 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:45,960 Speaker 1: she was sexually violated at the age of five, told 225 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,680 Speaker 1: her parents about it by the time she was eight, 226 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 1: and they didn't believe her, and nothing was ever done 227 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 1: to the person. And as a result of that experience, 228 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:05,240 Speaker 1: she developed o c D obsessive compulsive disorder, and she, 229 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 1: you know, worked through it with the therapists and stuff. 230 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 1: She knows she still has it. But her biggest issue 231 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,640 Speaker 1: was trusting people. So how she Her question to me was, 232 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,080 Speaker 1: how do I learn to trust people? If I want 233 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 1: to say something and tell them something without feeling like 234 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: they're not going to believe me. And I said to her, 235 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:31,720 Speaker 1: aren't you brilliant? At eight years old, when your parents 236 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 1: weren't ready to address that issue, your mind figured out 237 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 1: something for you to focus on other than being raped. 238 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 1: So it focused on what sheets, folds, towels, pillings. How 239 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,880 Speaker 1: wonderful is the abrupt mind. But now you don't need it, 240 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 1: You don't need to shift your focus. Your choosing another way. 241 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 1: You've ushered a lot of us, oh so many of us. 242 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:07,600 Speaker 1: Us two healing the process of healing, the thought about healing, 243 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:13,199 Speaker 1: you know, um, because black folks, you know, we just 244 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 1: we just deal with stuff and we just keep pushing it. 245 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 1: Were pioneer through or we take the l and drink 246 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,400 Speaker 1: too much or smoke too much or screw too much, 247 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,919 Speaker 1: or you know, just trying to get through just to 248 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:30,840 Speaker 1: get by, you know. But you have been a beacon 249 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:36,280 Speaker 1: when it comes to I'll say you and Queen afoor um, 250 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 1: when it comes to paying attention to yourself, pay attention 251 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,440 Speaker 1: to your spirit, pay attention to your to your thoughts, 252 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:50,320 Speaker 1: honoring your pain, because that's a tom or anybody honor 253 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:53,359 Speaker 1: and no pain, you forget about pain. You ignore pain. 254 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 1: You move on. You know, if you're if you're strong, 255 00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 1: you know um and I definitely you know. I don't 256 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,880 Speaker 1: know how. I bet you get your flowers all the time. 257 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 1: But here's some more thank you, thank you. I would 258 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 1: love to join in the flower giving if I may. 259 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 1: You know, you gifted our mothers, many of our mothers, 260 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:18,160 Speaker 1: with language that they really desperately needed. And I've set 261 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 1: in groups of women of my age group multiple times 262 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:27,000 Speaker 1: and discussed what books all our mama's had, and all 263 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 1: our mama's had acts of faith, Like all our mama's 264 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,679 Speaker 1: had this book, like this was dope book your mama. 265 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 1: It's like I know that you my tribe. If your 266 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,919 Speaker 1: mama had for color girls on the bookshelf, and she 267 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:44,400 Speaker 1: had acts of Faith on the on the bookshelf, if 268 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:48,639 Speaker 1: she had color purple on the bookshelf, it's like it's 269 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: like a club of us. We understand the thing because 270 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:56,440 Speaker 1: our mothers understood the things. So you gifted and ever 271 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,960 Speaker 1: go and work book. And and though many books would 272 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:03,160 Speaker 1: would follow, that book gifted our mothers with something they 273 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: had not had prior. And so for us, now we 274 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 1: we had a thing. We had a thing, and and 275 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,160 Speaker 1: and that is a gift from from your mind and heart. 276 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 1: I want to just kind of address what you said, 277 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,640 Speaker 1: is that they know with the whole idea of that 278 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: they know. Part of that is honoring that people are 279 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:26,639 Speaker 1: very are self aware to a degree, and that's sometimes 280 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,720 Speaker 1: we have a tendency, especially I feel like when we 281 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,879 Speaker 1: get to our authorities to talk down to women in 282 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 1: their twenties as if they don't know who they are 283 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 1: to a degree. I mean, of course they don't. They 284 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 1: have not pulled everything together, but there's some basic, very 285 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: real things that they know that you kind of have 286 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:46,879 Speaker 1: to listen and honor what they're saying. And I feel 287 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,760 Speaker 1: so many of the women that I've met in their 288 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 1: twenties feel belittled by us. They feel misunderstood, unheard, disrespected. 289 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,240 Speaker 1: And then on the other side out here women in 290 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 1: my age and older who feel unheard disrespected by women 291 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,520 Speaker 1: in their twenties. So I'm just trying to figure out, 292 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 1: how can we mend how can we mend this thing, 293 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,640 Speaker 1: How can we bridge this gap? How can we do 294 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 1: for these women what our mothers did for us when 295 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,040 Speaker 1: they read that book, Like how can we pass on 296 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:24,120 Speaker 1: this language to them? Your mom may have my mom didn't. 297 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,960 Speaker 1: And my mom didn't have the language either, but your 298 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:32,199 Speaker 1: mom didn't have the social media. And I'm with you 299 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,080 Speaker 1: on the step and I'm with Jill on the step 300 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,160 Speaker 1: of where the young people are. IM on that step 301 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:41,679 Speaker 1: with you, and and they are self aware, but they 302 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:46,560 Speaker 1: also self diagnosed, many of them. And some of the 303 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,800 Speaker 1: diagnosis that they come up with is I'm okay, this 304 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 1: is okay, and it's not. I have a piece of 305 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,400 Speaker 1: art um that I got from Twana years ago. It's 306 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,600 Speaker 1: it's a sculpture of a man who's been all the 307 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,520 Speaker 1: way over. He's spent over in the front and he's 308 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:11,320 Speaker 1: looking at his butt. And it's called self doctoring. And 309 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:17,440 Speaker 1: you know, you don't diagnosis is misdiagnosis, and that my concern. 310 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:21,440 Speaker 1: And then for me as an elder, I don't look down. 311 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 1: I don't um challenge, but I do question, and they 312 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 1: are threatened by questions. See in my generation, they ordered 313 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:34,120 Speaker 1: you better, not you better, don't you you, don't you? Ever, 314 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,640 Speaker 1: that's what I got. I think y'all got some combination 315 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:41,400 Speaker 1: of why are you doing that right? And we got 316 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:46,040 Speaker 1: you better too, We got like a mix. He's young. 317 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 1: My experience with many of them who are not self aware. 318 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:58,400 Speaker 1: If you question, make inquiry just to create conversation, they 319 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,840 Speaker 1: feel challenged and threatened, and they'll really come for you 320 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 1: in ways that are just not healthy. There's a difference 321 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 1: between observation and judgment too, And often times when when 322 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 1: you you know, because I could, I do really consider 323 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 1: myself an anthropologis when it comes to the host, you know, 324 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,960 Speaker 1: I do, I do. I think they're fascinating and I 325 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,200 Speaker 1: will always feel this way. There's nothing that could ever 326 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:29,720 Speaker 1: stop me from finding that whole um way of life 327 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 1: completely fascinating. So I got love for Okay, that's just 328 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:38,720 Speaker 1: so so, you know, because that's the observation and the 329 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 1: judgment portion, because we're not We're not and we're not eighteen. 330 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,600 Speaker 1: You know, I'm fifty. You know, my my friends here 331 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:58,280 Speaker 1: in their forties, you know, and Wednesday, I can't tell 332 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 1: what we do like years. We love a September baby 333 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:06,920 Speaker 1: a man, Yes we do. Yes, I am a Burger 334 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:17,800 Speaker 1: straight up neurotic and crazy as hell. Are rotic and 335 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 1: crazy as hell of September thirte baby. We love to 336 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:26,080 Speaker 1: see it. I'm September okay, Oh you Louie bro I 337 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:31,119 Speaker 1: um going the same day as Bell Hooks. Just make 338 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:35,879 Speaker 1: sure them scales balanced. Well look at that. Wait a minute. Okayah, 339 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,000 Speaker 1: who are you born the same day as George Burns 340 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:43,760 Speaker 1: and Quest Love? Okay, well there's a mix for y'all. 341 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 1: How about you, Yama, It's me, Tyler Perry and Tavith Smiley, 342 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,960 Speaker 1: all born saying that's that's that's that's a whole ful 343 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:56,680 Speaker 1: that's a wholeful. Share who I was born day? Right? 344 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 1: But those are the ones I know now? Who you got? 345 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,600 Speaker 1: I don't name one, but it's more than that. But 346 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:09,200 Speaker 1: me and my own oh yeah, oh yes, I add 347 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,119 Speaker 1: one too. It's me Bell Hooks and Will Smith. I 348 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:17,639 Speaker 1: think I think you better keep them scales balance, you 349 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 1: better keep them scales out. I try to, I try to. 350 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 1: I have slapped a few people in my life, but hey, 351 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,720 Speaker 1: and I believe. I believe they reform. I'm a reform 352 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 1: slapp of you. They earned it. And I only know 353 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:35,200 Speaker 1: because my mother is going on ages birthday as well. 354 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 1: It's just just having us make sure to not be 355 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:44,040 Speaker 1: finite in our thinking when it comes to our young people, 356 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 1: you know, um and and being open to them. How 357 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,159 Speaker 1: do you how do you get mentors how does it 358 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 1: happen for you? I have mentored one person in my 359 00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,080 Speaker 1: life because the way my schedule is and the thing 360 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,359 Speaker 1: that I have to do, if I can be fully 361 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:07,240 Speaker 1: present in the relationship, I would never I wouldn't do it. 362 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 1: So I got one about a year ago. She's an 363 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:18,400 Speaker 1: Indigenous woman in Yale Divinity School. Uh. And she has 364 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:22,600 Speaker 1: been around in my all my radar for a while, 365 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,439 Speaker 1: and she was coaching with one of my faculty people, 366 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 1: one of my faculty members. Um. You know, I have 367 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:32,080 Speaker 1: a school where I do train coaches and ministers and 368 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:36,480 Speaker 1: I do personal development. She came to me through one 369 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: of my faculty members, and I've been working with her 370 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:43,040 Speaker 1: um at Yale Divinity School. But that's the only one 371 00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:45,560 Speaker 1: I've ever had because I just I couldn't be present 372 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,720 Speaker 1: and I was working twelve fourteen hours a day when 373 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,520 Speaker 1: I was doing the show or flying all over the place. 374 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:55,480 Speaker 1: And now I'm kind of semi retired. Um, so I 375 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,200 Speaker 1: may do more of it. I'm not really sure. I 376 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,080 Speaker 1: was school full of mentees. Well, yeah, I just don't 377 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 1: teach them all. The foundation is the same. But I 378 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,600 Speaker 1: was in the bathroom yesterday, not on the toilet or anything. 379 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:14,480 Speaker 1: Just there, and if you were, I don't want you 380 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:18,760 Speaker 1: to think I was speaking about my personal release activities. No, 381 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: And and I got this idea. There's there's a workshop 382 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 1: that I've done for many many years, Rights of Passage, 383 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,960 Speaker 1: where I take women through the rights of passage for 384 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 1: their tribe. And your tribe is your age, twenty tribe, 385 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:40,560 Speaker 1: thirty tribe, forty tribe, fifty tribe, sixty tribe, um and 386 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:45,199 Speaker 1: I do it in a week in person. And yesterday 387 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:51,800 Speaker 1: I really heard take this online. I think women and 388 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:57,399 Speaker 1: would attend if it were accessible to them that way, 389 00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,359 Speaker 1: because that's one of the concerns that I got a 390 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: fashion weekend. As women, we're so conditioned to do things 391 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 1: the way men do them, and we really don't get 392 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:18,360 Speaker 1: our womanhood training anymore because our lives are so different. 393 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,520 Speaker 1: So many of us don't live with our grandmas, So 394 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,800 Speaker 1: many of us don't have aunties. When I grew up 395 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,840 Speaker 1: in grandma got sick, you didn't put her in the home. 396 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 1: She came in the spare bedroom and you went to 397 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:34,840 Speaker 1: the sofa, you know, or you had aunties that you 398 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,520 Speaker 1: would listen to and they would check you and that 399 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:42,040 Speaker 1: kind of stuff. And each tribe of women, each tribe, 400 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:45,679 Speaker 1: your twenties, your thirties, each of us have a lesson 401 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:49,560 Speaker 1: of vision, a mission, and a purpose and a blessing 402 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,160 Speaker 1: that supports us in our growth and development. I think 403 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,280 Speaker 1: too many women are growing up on the internet. They 404 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 1: see things on the internet, they hear things, and and 405 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 1: like you said earlier, one of the things that concerned 406 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,760 Speaker 1: me at Fashion ye were a number of women who 407 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:13,119 Speaker 1: have done permanent things to their body. On on Fix 408 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:17,080 Speaker 1: My Life, I worked with a beautiful, beautiful young sister 409 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:25,840 Speaker 1: who had gotten um all black market but enhancements that 410 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:32,040 Speaker 1: went bad and ruined her body. So I saw a 411 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:36,600 Speaker 1: lot of that. Yesterday my formal makeup artists went and 412 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:44,000 Speaker 1: had light bulb suction and something the anesthesiologists wasn't um license. 413 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:48,560 Speaker 1: She ended up in a coma and then rehab and 414 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 1: at beautiful young woman at thirty something now is walking 415 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,640 Speaker 1: on a cane. I really didn't know how common it was, Ayana, 416 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,840 Speaker 1: until I was talking to two of my girlfriends who 417 00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,200 Speaker 1: are considered i mean, earthy of sorts, and they both 418 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,640 Speaker 1: individually told me they had lightpo and they had things, 419 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 1: and I was like, really, I just didn't even know 420 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: it was in my tribe. Lightpo is one thing I 421 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,720 Speaker 1: don't have no issue with sucking us fat outside can 422 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 1: continue to eat my grits. I don't have a problem 423 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,360 Speaker 1: with that. That really because it doesn't isn't at the 424 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:22,960 Speaker 1: beginning of the spiral. No, absolutely not. Sometimes you have 425 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 1: LPPO because you may have lost weight and you have 426 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:31,320 Speaker 1: those lumpy things all you had a baby, or you know, 427 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:35,120 Speaker 1: the body just isn't responding quick enough to diet and exercise. 428 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,280 Speaker 1: I'm not talking about that. They don't talk about the 429 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:41,040 Speaker 1: recovery either. Nobody ever does. It's like you disappear for 430 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,040 Speaker 1: a week and you come back snatched, and nobody even 431 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:50,000 Speaker 1: ever talks about pain or medication or you know, if 432 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:54,120 Speaker 1: something doesn't heal properly, Like they're really not talking about it, 433 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,560 Speaker 1: Like I feel like they should be talking about it. 434 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:00,760 Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and then it will 435 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:14,040 Speaker 1: be right back. I just I maintain all the time 436 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,760 Speaker 1: that I feel like mostly we're just dealing with a 437 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 1: situation where the traumas are the same. They just have 438 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,960 Speaker 1: access to different things to address it. It's like, I 439 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,320 Speaker 1: don't feel these girls are any more traumatized than any 440 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: of us were around our self. View and who we are. 441 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,280 Speaker 1: They just have access to things to change it in 442 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:39,240 Speaker 1: different ways and change it, disguise it well, yeah, disguise 443 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,400 Speaker 1: it right or process it or whatever it is they're 444 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:45,520 Speaker 1: gonna do. But the thing is that if it's like 445 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,240 Speaker 1: now when we talk about violence, Okay, so Philly is 446 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 1: on fire right now, as a lot of different cities are, 447 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,200 Speaker 1: and we're all talking about how these kids are so 448 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 1: violent and they're so violent. I really they're not anymore 449 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:02,760 Speaker 1: violent than any person ever was. What is happening is 450 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:06,680 Speaker 1: this is a response to the ongoing and constant generational 451 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,480 Speaker 1: same crap that we've all dealt with over and over 452 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 1: and over again, and um the threshold and access to weapons, 453 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:18,280 Speaker 1: and the threshold for which each generation loses less and 454 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:23,840 Speaker 1: less threshold for enduring this mess. It is just for me, 455 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,000 Speaker 1: I feel like this, This is where I feel how 456 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 1: can we expect for young people to respect life when 457 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,400 Speaker 1: everything around them And I'm not going to immediately point 458 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 1: to the media. I'm going to say they live in 459 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 1: a country that don't respect life. They live and interact 460 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:47,760 Speaker 1: with systems every day that don't want them to live period, 461 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:52,080 Speaker 1: and make it very difficult to do so. I mean 462 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:56,760 Speaker 1: very difficult. If Serena Williams can barely, who is a 463 00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:02,920 Speaker 1: who is a multimillionaire, can barely survive childbirth, then what 464 00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:09,000 Speaker 1: does that say about Keisha or Monique or Tasha. You 465 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,080 Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying. What does that say about them? 466 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:15,880 Speaker 1: How easy is it for them to die under the 467 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 1: guise of health care, under the guise of not having access. 468 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,960 Speaker 1: And it's just for me, that in and of itself 469 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:27,360 Speaker 1: is violence on them. So if you're experiencing violence every 470 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:31,640 Speaker 1: single day, then I don't know, would you not be violent? 471 00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:35,760 Speaker 1: Would you not be violent? And everyone on this call 472 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:40,600 Speaker 1: is privileged. Every person on this call has has privileged 473 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,680 Speaker 1: in a way, And we though we are experiencing the 474 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:47,000 Speaker 1: same violence, we are not experienced in that violence at 475 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 1: the level to which so many of our brothers and 476 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,800 Speaker 1: sisters are period word. Well, I think the privilege that 477 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 1: I had, I can't speak for anybody else, was there 478 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,680 Speaker 1: was even though it was sketchy and lines, and even 479 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 1: though it didn't cover everything that I needed in my life. 480 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:08,880 Speaker 1: There were conversations because we were dinner tables, not stybro 481 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:14,600 Speaker 1: phone boxes in my lamp. There were um family activities 482 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,120 Speaker 1: and events, even though you had to, you know, avoid 483 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:22,960 Speaker 1: the certain individuals at those things. But there were conversations 484 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:26,000 Speaker 1: and now there's recordings and there's social media and there's 485 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,840 Speaker 1: filling the blank. To me, that's a form of violence 486 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:33,640 Speaker 1: to force people into unknown territories and situations, to have 487 00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:37,240 Speaker 1: someone in a situation where they need information and they 488 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:44,920 Speaker 1: can't even have human contact. Oh yeah, every day it's 489 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:48,160 Speaker 1: coming into more clarity that, like people are lacking social 490 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,760 Speaker 1: interaction and it's literally just absolute and what are the 491 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:55,920 Speaker 1: things that happened after you don't know how to interact socially? 492 00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,680 Speaker 1: Because I'm with you, Asia, I wasn't saying that there 493 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,800 Speaker 1: aren't reasons for why peop don't back life. It's everybody. 494 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 1: It's it's a whole bunch of reasons. However, it is 495 00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:07,240 Speaker 1: what it is. It's still getting worse, and it feels heavy. 496 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:11,239 Speaker 1: It can't socially interact. Everything feels heavy, and they don't 497 00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:15,400 Speaker 1: really know how it's heavy. That's yeah, it feels heavy 498 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,400 Speaker 1: for for us, and we are privileged, you know, it 499 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:22,560 Speaker 1: feels I know, you know, we're paying attention to society, 500 00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:25,839 Speaker 1: we're paying attention to our children, what they're watching and 501 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:29,800 Speaker 1: what they're doing, and what they're listening to. Drill music. 502 00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:34,160 Speaker 1: I just got introduced to last night, and I didn't 503 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:39,239 Speaker 1: know what what? What? What? What is that? So basically, 504 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:43,160 Speaker 1: it's a very it's it's it's a it's site, it's 505 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:48,240 Speaker 1: a chance it's like chance music. And they're talking about 506 00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:53,319 Speaker 1: someone who has passed, someone who's died violently, and how 507 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,680 Speaker 1: they're going to die violently, and then that person dies violently, 508 00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,720 Speaker 1: and they're talking about the next person who's gonna die violently, 509 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:08,279 Speaker 1: and it just seems like this this whole Uh wow, 510 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:13,800 Speaker 1: I wasn't I wasn't ready either. I didn't know it existed, 511 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:18,040 Speaker 1: but it does. I didn't exist. And then because we 512 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,400 Speaker 1: don't talk, we don't know. I didn't didn't I didn't 513 00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:26,759 Speaker 1: know that. Where is it? Yeah? That too? Yeah? That too? 514 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:32,080 Speaker 1: YouTube music? Is that what it's called? I got it right? Lie? 515 00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:35,120 Speaker 1: Is it's drill music? Or it's called drilling. Look I'm 516 00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,040 Speaker 1: looking at Agia like she know better than me. She 517 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:41,799 Speaker 1: got well, No, I don't know anything about this, but 518 00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:45,600 Speaker 1: I will say this much that I want to reiterate this, 519 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:49,680 Speaker 1: this thing about conversations, because that right there, that that 520 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:55,120 Speaker 1: blessed my heart, because conversations and talking is so important, 521 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:59,200 Speaker 1: and communicating with each other so important, and even to 522 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:02,080 Speaker 1: talking like now we're talking about this drill music thing, 523 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,399 Speaker 1: right that the four of us are talking about it, 524 00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,799 Speaker 1: But um, a lot of times, by the time we 525 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:11,440 Speaker 1: started talking about it, the kids don't moved on. They like, 526 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,399 Speaker 1: we don't even we don't even do that. No more, 527 00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:19,080 Speaker 1: y'all late, stay late. We definitely ain't dealing with it. 528 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:20,920 Speaker 1: If y'all talking about it, we don't want them to 529 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,239 Speaker 1: do with it. So I think again, and and this 530 00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 1: has been a I've heard y'all repeat this multiple times 531 00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:33,160 Speaker 1: while we've been talking about conversations that she's having with people, 532 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,000 Speaker 1: I am talking to people, and um, and and that 533 00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:40,000 Speaker 1: is just important. Like if we're gonna if we're gonna talk, 534 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,040 Speaker 1: we can't just talk to each other all the time. 535 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,279 Speaker 1: We gotta be talking to people from all kinds of 536 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,560 Speaker 1: different backgrounds and everybody. People have had different experiences and 537 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:52,920 Speaker 1: we have from different age groups. And that that generational conversation, 538 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:58,120 Speaker 1: those opportunities to interact with with youth, with elders, those 539 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:02,600 Speaker 1: opportunities are so few and far in between, and that 540 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,759 Speaker 1: that's what I'm hoping, like, maybe we could bring that 541 00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:07,359 Speaker 1: we could kind of pull from this particular well, what 542 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:10,120 Speaker 1: I've pulled from this this what's on your heart is 543 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,000 Speaker 1: that if we're going to bridge these gaps, and we 544 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,760 Speaker 1: need to be talking and not just having language for things, 545 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,960 Speaker 1: but sharing it, because what what use is it if 546 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,800 Speaker 1: we have these things and this knowledge and we can't 547 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,600 Speaker 1: share it and we can't communicate with each other, you 548 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,560 Speaker 1: know what I mean? And and and the more you 549 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:31,080 Speaker 1: communicate with people, the more comfortable they become, because that 550 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,520 Speaker 1: that officness, that feeling like I don't want you to 551 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:38,840 Speaker 1: question me, is that not some sort of distrust, a 552 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:42,840 Speaker 1: distrust that comes from other interactions they've had with elders 553 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:46,600 Speaker 1: who they shouldn't have trusted, who have hurt them, who 554 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,000 Speaker 1: may have done things to harm them and told them 555 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:52,320 Speaker 1: things that were wrong. So I think it's about creating trust, 556 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,000 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And that trust that happens 557 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:58,279 Speaker 1: over time. That's just not an overnight thing. And when 558 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,480 Speaker 1: you're when you're trum ties and all of us have 559 00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:04,440 Speaker 1: some level of trauma. I think the new levels of 560 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:10,000 Speaker 1: trauma that people are experiencing are easier to camouflage or 561 00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:14,120 Speaker 1: dismiss or dis you know, cover up. But when you 562 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:18,600 Speaker 1: are traumatized, and when you have a trauma response. And 563 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:21,440 Speaker 1: I think in many ways in the society we have 564 00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:27,799 Speaker 1: normalized trauma. We've normalized that, we've made it okay, and 565 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:32,960 Speaker 1: and that does diminish trust and it does keep you 566 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:39,120 Speaker 1: from speaking out. Um and so like the young woman 567 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:42,719 Speaker 1: said she was sexually violated from five to eight and 568 00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:45,560 Speaker 1: told her parents and they didn't believe her. What was 569 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:50,520 Speaker 1: there not to believe about that? What was there? She 570 00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:55,359 Speaker 1: I just I don't believe that somebody didn't get there 571 00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:59,399 Speaker 1: behind with That's what I don't believe. But anyway, well 572 00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:04,720 Speaker 1: they that's out. People don't don't don't spank their children anymore. Uh, 573 00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:08,080 Speaker 1: some people I don't know them, but some a lot 574 00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,080 Speaker 1: of people don't. You know, I don't spank my kids. 575 00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,600 Speaker 1: It feels like a lot of people saying spank the button. 576 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:22,320 Speaker 1: Years nor have I but in years you don't have to. Yeah. Still, 577 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:26,080 Speaker 1: the fact that we're okay with the fact that our 578 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:32,880 Speaker 1: children walk around traumatizing we don't even know it, we 579 00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:37,279 Speaker 1: don't even know it does feel like war. It is. 580 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:41,200 Speaker 1: It feels like the war on the spirit where we've 581 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:45,399 Speaker 1: been separated from each other. I know that I don't 582 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:46,840 Speaker 1: like to go out as much as I used to. 583 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,160 Speaker 1: I don't like I don't like so many people as 584 00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:54,040 Speaker 1: as you know, too much too often. You know, I'll 585 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,759 Speaker 1: do it sometimes, but I gotta gear up to do it, 586 00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:01,799 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I gotta gear up. Um. 587 00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:05,680 Speaker 1: I noticed just recently last night with my family, we 588 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,360 Speaker 1: eat dinner together every night, and we put our phones down. 589 00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:10,479 Speaker 1: You know, nobody is allowed to pick up their phone 590 00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,520 Speaker 1: while we have a meal, and we have conversations. And 591 00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:17,560 Speaker 1: I love us talking, but I I really didn't realize 592 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,520 Speaker 1: that we had not been touching and agreeing while we pray. 593 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:27,400 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, how did we forget this important portion, 594 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:34,680 Speaker 1: this touching each other? Yes, like the hand holding portion, 595 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:40,799 Speaker 1: the touching and agreeing portion, the gratefulness together portion. And 596 00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:46,920 Speaker 1: I'm really disappointed in myself you know happens yeah, yeah, 597 00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:48,840 Speaker 1: And and all the adults that live in the house 598 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:53,279 Speaker 1: with with with us, like what are we doing? What? 599 00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:56,360 Speaker 1: I feel like the gathering that matters is that gathering? 600 00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:59,960 Speaker 1: Like it's the gathering. I think sometimes it's a call 601 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,320 Speaker 1: we're going out, you know, that's a that's that arbitrary 602 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,480 Speaker 1: gathering that sometimes it's okay, But that's not really the 603 00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:10,279 Speaker 1: important gathering. The gathering is that those times when you 604 00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:13,120 Speaker 1: can talk and and remember to touch and degree and 605 00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:15,200 Speaker 1: that kind of that kind of energy. I mean just 606 00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,279 Speaker 1: for me, but I'm gonna say this too because I 607 00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:20,480 Speaker 1: feel like I don't want to skip past it. What 608 00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,600 Speaker 1: when the Yana said about not knowing your kids are 609 00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:26,239 Speaker 1: traumatized and being okay with that, I just want to 610 00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:31,000 Speaker 1: address that real quick, because that that's so real. Kids 611 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:35,279 Speaker 1: learned really early how to perform for you, and they 612 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,560 Speaker 1: know when you're gonna respond, and they know how you're 613 00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:41,520 Speaker 1: gonna respond to the nuances of your responses. So they 614 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:45,560 Speaker 1: know sometimes how you're gonna respond to their vulnerability without 615 00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:49,560 Speaker 1: even trying it with you. They've observed you with with 616 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:53,040 Speaker 1: other kids or other people. They know when you're not 617 00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:56,080 Speaker 1: ready to hear the truth that they're trying to share. 618 00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:02,360 Speaker 1: And kids will perform okayness, perform wellness. Like for example, 619 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,560 Speaker 1: you have a lot of kids that are highly traumatized, 620 00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:08,799 Speaker 1: but they got good grades. That's right, they're highly traumatized, 621 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:12,840 Speaker 1: but they're real well mannered. Yeah, and and and parents 622 00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:15,640 Speaker 1: will check them off on the box. Because as long 623 00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:19,279 Speaker 1: as you you clean, you dress nice, grades are good, 624 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:23,400 Speaker 1: you're all right, got manners, you don't embarrass me. Not 625 00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:27,160 Speaker 1: only are you all right, but you're not a problem 626 00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:31,360 Speaker 1: for me. It's it's not you. You You may not be 627 00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,279 Speaker 1: all right, but you ain't making nothing else for me 628 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,799 Speaker 1: to do. You're not a problem for me. So as 629 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:40,600 Speaker 1: long as you got the grades, and you are obedient 630 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,920 Speaker 1: and you do what I say do, I'm not looking 631 00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,840 Speaker 1: at the fact that you're wear long sleeves all the 632 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:51,240 Speaker 1: time now is because you're cutting, or that you're there's 633 00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,600 Speaker 1: something else going on. I'm not because I'm not. I'm 634 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:56,799 Speaker 1: one of those kids that grew up where I was 635 00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:59,520 Speaker 1: most of the time the healthiest person in the room 636 00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:04,400 Speaker 1: because the big people was stocked out of their damn minds, traumatized, 637 00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:07,799 Speaker 1: and all sorts of other things. But I learned just 638 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:12,960 Speaker 1: as you said. I was great in school, I was mannerable, 639 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,480 Speaker 1: I was helpful. I was all of those stuff and 640 00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:20,239 Speaker 1: and and crazy as hell crazy. And when I say that, 641 00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:22,480 Speaker 1: I say that very lovingly. I don't mean I had 642 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,480 Speaker 1: a mental health illness. I mean that I was. I 643 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:29,920 Speaker 1: was living in total trauma and breakdown. But I wasn't 644 00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:34,719 Speaker 1: a problem. I didn't pose a problem I didn't require 645 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:39,359 Speaker 1: anything additional. There was nothing anybody had to do for me, 646 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,799 Speaker 1: so they just left me there. Is that the way 647 00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:46,480 Speaker 1: to go? Is that the way? Yeah? I'm just asking, 648 00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,000 Speaker 1: is that the way to go? If you're gonna have 649 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,160 Speaker 1: a lot of trauma in your life that you're not 650 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:57,879 Speaker 1: problematic to others? Uh, Well, it becomes problematic later on 651 00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:02,480 Speaker 1: if you don't get it handled, if you're for you 652 00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:05,359 Speaker 1: later on. I think I think a lot of young 653 00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,440 Speaker 1: people probably feel that way. Like I got a lot 654 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,359 Speaker 1: going on, a lot of hurt in my life, but 655 00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:14,200 Speaker 1: if I just keep it on a straight narrow and 656 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:20,279 Speaker 1: don't cause any problems, then I'm golden. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 657 00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,640 Speaker 1: I always say you want the truth and see the 658 00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:24,840 Speaker 1: problem with that is that when you do find a 659 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:29,160 Speaker 1: child who is willing, who is going to show you, 660 00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:33,839 Speaker 1: I'm I'm fucked up, you know what I'm saying, Like, 661 00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:36,600 Speaker 1: when you have a kid that's like and you're gonna 662 00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:41,399 Speaker 1: see me, You're gonna see me. The problem with when 663 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,160 Speaker 1: you don't pay attention to the child who is well 664 00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:47,600 Speaker 1: behaved is that then you start comparing those two children. 665 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:50,799 Speaker 1: Why can't you be like so and so? They all right, 666 00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:54,560 Speaker 1: they grew up in the same household with you. How 667 00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:58,879 Speaker 1: come y'all not you know, and that's the problem. Well, 668 00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:03,280 Speaker 1: I feel like that's been an an issue with parents 669 00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,040 Speaker 1: like myself and other parents that I know who are 670 00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:09,239 Speaker 1: my age as we do share with each other that 671 00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:14,239 Speaker 1: this is this is a thing, how to how to 672 00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:20,680 Speaker 1: look at your young person and here and see them, 673 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:23,920 Speaker 1: especially since we all been kind of trained and told 674 00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,000 Speaker 1: this is a good kid, this is a bad kid, 675 00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,799 Speaker 1: and even down to what we talked about earlier, this 676 00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,719 Speaker 1: is a good young lady, and this is a problematic 677 00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:38,040 Speaker 1: young lady. And I want us to be careful with 678 00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,719 Speaker 1: that because I just know, and I've seen it with 679 00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:42,760 Speaker 1: my own eyes. I've seen it with my own children. 680 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,440 Speaker 1: I've seen it with my my friend's children. I've seen 681 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,839 Speaker 1: it with community members and kids that I've worked with. 682 00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:53,040 Speaker 1: And I'm like, we're missing this, We are really missing 683 00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:56,120 Speaker 1: the mark on this. Part of the reason is because 684 00:45:56,440 --> 00:46:00,480 Speaker 1: there are so many of us in particularly in that 685 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:08,120 Speaker 1: I would say like thirty five up to maybe seven, 686 00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:12,520 Speaker 1: that we don't know that we haven't honored our trauma, 687 00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:18,320 Speaker 1: we haven't witnessed our own yet when we see young people, 688 00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:20,600 Speaker 1: we don't know how to be present with them in 689 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:24,600 Speaker 1: their trauma or pain, because ours is so raw and 690 00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:30,360 Speaker 1: usually in the human consciousness, the human psyche. If you 691 00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:33,600 Speaker 1: don't know what to do about something, it's easier for 692 00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,239 Speaker 1: it not to be there. So you'll act like you 693 00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:38,920 Speaker 1: don't see what you see here, what you're here, because 694 00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:40,600 Speaker 1: you don't want to see it because you don't know 695 00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,840 Speaker 1: what to do about it. You don't know what to 696 00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:46,640 Speaker 1: do about it. Many mothers who have been sexually abused 697 00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:49,200 Speaker 1: don't want to hear that their daughters were sexual abused 698 00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:50,759 Speaker 1: because they don't know what to do about it. They 699 00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:53,719 Speaker 1: either want to fight or kill or you know, to 700 00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:56,960 Speaker 1: get the police involved or whatever. So sometimes they act 701 00:46:57,040 --> 00:47:01,440 Speaker 1: like it's not there, um and and and we blame 702 00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:06,160 Speaker 1: and project. So again, I think conversations are important. And 703 00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,120 Speaker 1: when you have that revelation like you had, Mr Jill, 704 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:11,320 Speaker 1: when you have that oh my god, we're not touching 705 00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:13,640 Speaker 1: a degree and we're not old in hands, what was 706 00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:17,040 Speaker 1: I thinking? Come on, y'all, let's touch and degree, let's 707 00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,200 Speaker 1: whole hands. Sometimes you don't have to do a deep 708 00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:23,080 Speaker 1: dive psychological process on everything. It comes up when it's 709 00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:26,040 Speaker 1: supposed to come up. You become aware when you become 710 00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:30,719 Speaker 1: aware the situation, can you respond in a self supportive, 711 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:35,240 Speaker 1: self honoring, self loving way that also supports everybody else. 712 00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:39,200 Speaker 1: So the fact that you all were eating together, that's good. 713 00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:48,160 Speaker 1: Now it's time to connect. It wasn't time before more 714 00:47:48,239 --> 00:48:03,760 Speaker 1: conversation after this break. You know what I think friends sees. 715 00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:08,520 Speaker 1: That's I think that there is a space for game. 716 00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:12,120 Speaker 1: You know, everybody's like, oh, put me up on game. 717 00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:14,759 Speaker 1: I think there's there's there's just supposed to be some 718 00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,839 Speaker 1: game that we're handing down to our our young people. Like, 719 00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:23,839 Speaker 1: for instance, if this is this I'm going, I'm going 720 00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:29,320 Speaker 1: with where we started with the with the clothing. If 721 00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:36,359 Speaker 1: you're going to dress scantily, how's that? Um, because you've 722 00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:41,600 Speaker 1: been blessed with this beautiful figure. I remember having that myself. 723 00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:47,040 Speaker 1: Oh the days. Um, that you know how to fight 724 00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:53,800 Speaker 1: mm hmm, that you you know how to protect oneself 725 00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,480 Speaker 1: uh in any way that you possibly can, That you 726 00:48:57,560 --> 00:49:00,239 Speaker 1: know how to listen to your intuition that said is 727 00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:03,719 Speaker 1: don't go into this room. That you know how to 728 00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:09,319 Speaker 1: protect yourself. Basically, you know, I feel like there's a 729 00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:13,120 Speaker 1: trade off here because where where they're there's still sheeps 730 00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,480 Speaker 1: they're the little the little little lambs out in the 731 00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:20,400 Speaker 1: world with a bunch of wolves. So how best to 732 00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:24,239 Speaker 1: If you're going to to do these things, then you 733 00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:27,520 Speaker 1: need to know how to protect yourself. I want you 734 00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:29,680 Speaker 1: to know how to fight. I want you to know 735 00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:32,960 Speaker 1: how to disable. That sounds like a good plan to me. 736 00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:36,879 Speaker 1: I mean, it's there's no way for me. I see 737 00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:39,560 Speaker 1: your face, agent, there's no way. I love you, I 738 00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:42,440 Speaker 1: love you, and I love you, but I want you 739 00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:46,920 Speaker 1: to know that the likelihood of you being attacked is 740 00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:50,600 Speaker 1: just as high when you have on sweatpants. So if everybody, 741 00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:53,040 Speaker 1: if you have to learn how to fight because you're 742 00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:55,479 Speaker 1: wearing a tube top, you better learn how to fight 743 00:49:55,800 --> 00:50:00,360 Speaker 1: whether you're wearing a full on winter coat and everything 744 00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:05,440 Speaker 1: else too, Because this is the thing. Listen, my daughters, listen. 745 00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:09,520 Speaker 1: I got four daughters, okay, and I have been through 746 00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:11,680 Speaker 1: and we talked about this on the podcast. I've been 747 00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:16,120 Speaker 1: through these conversations, been thorm and I've had to think 748 00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,239 Speaker 1: about my value around it and what I'm saying to 749 00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:21,600 Speaker 1: my daughters and the implications of what I'm saying to 750 00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:26,120 Speaker 1: my daughters. And absolutely there's gonna be places where just 751 00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:28,239 Speaker 1: the same way it's appropriate to wear a coat when 752 00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:31,080 Speaker 1: it's cold. There's it's appropriate dress for places that you 753 00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:33,839 Speaker 1: might go or want to do things. I've actually even 754 00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:36,439 Speaker 1: heard my daughter loves a crop top. Honey. She's twenty 755 00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:39,400 Speaker 1: years old. She loves a crop top, loves a crop top. 756 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:42,080 Speaker 1: We were supposed to be going out to lunch and 757 00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:47,040 Speaker 1: I heard her friends say, Dia, no crop tops today. 758 00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:52,040 Speaker 1: I've heard her own friend check her on the crop top. 759 00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:55,920 Speaker 1: Love you hear me. So I'm saying that it's not 760 00:50:56,120 --> 00:51:00,160 Speaker 1: that we can't help our young people to understand and 761 00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:04,399 Speaker 1: you know, being able to do things in a way 762 00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:06,640 Speaker 1: that's diverse and able to fit in in lots of 763 00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:10,480 Speaker 1: different places or see themselves outside of just trying to belong. 764 00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:13,440 Speaker 1: I don't It's not that I don't think that that's valuable, 765 00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:16,360 Speaker 1: but we got to be super careful what kind of 766 00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:20,560 Speaker 1: messages we're sending them about that, and about them knowing 767 00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:23,120 Speaker 1: who they are and being able to express that and 768 00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,759 Speaker 1: being free to express that, and not putting something on 769 00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:28,800 Speaker 1: them and saying they're responsible for some sort of oncoming 770 00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:32,480 Speaker 1: trauma that's because of that. You know, That's not That's 771 00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:34,640 Speaker 1: not what I'm saying. I know, what's not what's just saying, 772 00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:37,640 Speaker 1: but it had that sound to it. I'm so sorry, 773 00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:42,040 Speaker 1: but that is not my intention. I'm saying that if 774 00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:44,200 Speaker 1: you're going to wear high heels, somebody's got to teach 775 00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,080 Speaker 1: you how to walk in them. You know what I'm saying. 776 00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:53,440 Speaker 1: I'm saying that, um, that our young women need to 777 00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:58,120 Speaker 1: know how to protect themselves, period, so they can wear 778 00:51:58,200 --> 00:51:59,680 Speaker 1: what they want to wear. Because we know that the 779 00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:02,319 Speaker 1: world is sick. They're not they're they're they're out there 780 00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:06,879 Speaker 1: in a jungle. These these folks old and young, are 781 00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:10,120 Speaker 1: not well, so they need to know how to protect themselves. 782 00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,879 Speaker 1: Like what is game? How do we prepare them? How 783 00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:14,880 Speaker 1: do we let these birds out of this nest so 784 00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:20,000 Speaker 1: they can fly as best as we possibly can. How 785 00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:24,720 Speaker 1: do we do that? How do we protect them when 786 00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:32,239 Speaker 1: the enemy is Uncle Boo Boo, my boyfriend nowadays Auntie's girlfriend. 787 00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:35,880 Speaker 1: You know, how do we protect them from that? And 788 00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:39,480 Speaker 1: what's the game that we have to give them to 789 00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:44,560 Speaker 1: manage that when they do when when they do encounter 790 00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:48,279 Speaker 1: that level of trauma, because you know, it's right in 791 00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:52,240 Speaker 1: your home, like the young woman, uh, and the parents 792 00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:54,640 Speaker 1: didn't know what to do, so they did act like 793 00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,680 Speaker 1: it didn't happen when they do encounter that kind of 794 00:52:57,719 --> 00:53:10,279 Speaker 1: trauma and being scantily clad or tatted or not is 795 00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:16,239 Speaker 1: the way that they hide their pain. H What do 796 00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:22,160 Speaker 1: we do that without? Well, but you gotta have conversations, 797 00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:24,759 Speaker 1: you gotta be to ment, you gotta know that it 798 00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:29,520 Speaker 1: is there. Listen, my grandson and my great grandson is four, 799 00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:33,319 Speaker 1: you'll be five on the twenty of this month, and 800 00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:40,560 Speaker 1: the first two years of his life were so traumatic. Really, 801 00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:45,839 Speaker 1: and this is my grandson's son, and I'm looking at it, 802 00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:49,280 Speaker 1: you know, be Iamavanzan. I'm not immune to family drama 803 00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:53,759 Speaker 1: or hysteria. And so he's four and you if you 804 00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:58,160 Speaker 1: the trauma that this kid experienced that by the time 805 00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:01,480 Speaker 1: he was too is you know, I'm the livable. And 806 00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:06,279 Speaker 1: so now at four going into five, he has an 807 00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:10,200 Speaker 1: issue trusting adults. And no matter what you say to him, 808 00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:13,480 Speaker 1: he don't believe you. We're gonna do so and so 809 00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:16,960 Speaker 1: or Okay, this is a bag of beads. No it's not. 810 00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:21,040 Speaker 1: Yes it is, baby, Look it's a bag of beach. No, no, 811 00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:23,719 Speaker 1: it's not a bag of beads. What is it? I 812 00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:28,320 Speaker 1: don't know, but it's not that so my old school 813 00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:32,200 Speaker 1: year was like, this kid is being disrespectful you It 814 00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,080 Speaker 1: is a bag of beads, because I said's bag of bees? 815 00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:37,560 Speaker 1: Don't you talk back to me? And then I realized, 816 00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:42,800 Speaker 1: oh my god. He doesn't trust adults. He doesn't trust 817 00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:45,920 Speaker 1: what's being said to him. He doesn't trust that people 818 00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:49,960 Speaker 1: are telling him the truth. He doesn't trust. So you know, 819 00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:53,400 Speaker 1: that's why he ended up in my kitchen because you know, 820 00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:57,120 Speaker 1: great granny, Yeah, yeah, I've got to I've got to 821 00:54:57,160 --> 00:55:02,400 Speaker 1: support him in unraveling that. But how many people don't 822 00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:06,680 Speaker 1: have the skills, the tools, the desire. You know, we're 823 00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:09,719 Speaker 1: so busy trying to get friends and likes, and we 824 00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:12,759 Speaker 1: don't have the desire to interact and be intimate and 825 00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:16,880 Speaker 1: have conversation and pay attention to what's going on because 826 00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:19,480 Speaker 1: at four I've got to do it at four and 827 00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:23,480 Speaker 1: five because that in the street, that will get him 828 00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:26,440 Speaker 1: shot when they pull him over in his car and 829 00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:32,040 Speaker 1: he's I ain't stopping. There's the violence first against him 830 00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:36,480 Speaker 1: and then so you know, it's quite complicated. Lots of 831 00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:39,440 Speaker 1: reasons for us to continue to drink coffee and smoke 832 00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:46,880 Speaker 1: happy flowers. I love it, well, you know, I'm always 833 00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:50,400 Speaker 1: looking for solutions. I'm always trying to find trying to 834 00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:55,319 Speaker 1: think what what is the thing? You know, it could 835 00:55:55,320 --> 00:56:02,280 Speaker 1: be multiple things. But your books, you're presence, your energy, 836 00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:08,400 Speaker 1: your consistency have been a blessing to us. You've given 837 00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:14,680 Speaker 1: us gigantic platforms to jump off of and and fly, 838 00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:23,480 Speaker 1: and that is definitely and most sincerely appreciated. I'm asking 839 00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:30,320 Speaker 1: for the game book, ma'am to me too. I'm asking 840 00:56:30,360 --> 00:56:33,480 Speaker 1: for the game book. Do it. It writes a passage 841 00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,120 Speaker 1: because the twenty year olds game is different from the 842 00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:39,760 Speaker 1: thirty year olds. Year olds is different from the fifty 843 00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:42,800 Speaker 1: year old. At seventy, I got to remember the game 844 00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:51,040 Speaker 1: so that I only have a philosophy about work in 845 00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:54,960 Speaker 1: the in the ages. But that's it. The twenties you 846 00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:59,840 Speaker 1: work hard, the thirties you work smart, the forties you 847 00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:03,280 Speaker 1: work how you want to. The fifties are for working 848 00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:05,960 Speaker 1: when you want to, and the sixties are work for 849 00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:10,360 Speaker 1: working if you want to. Only I only know the 850 00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:12,560 Speaker 1: work part. That's the only part that I came up with. 851 00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:15,240 Speaker 1: And to me, I feel like that's game for somebody 852 00:57:15,239 --> 00:57:18,680 Speaker 1: who's who's interested in working, right, So I feel like 853 00:57:18,720 --> 00:57:20,919 Speaker 1: there has to be game for other things as well, 854 00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:25,520 Speaker 1: for speaking, you know, but we'll talk about that. I'm 855 00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:27,680 Speaker 1: gonna let you know when I get writes of passage 856 00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:31,160 Speaker 1: together so you can get in your tribe. Thank you. 857 00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:33,360 Speaker 1: So I'm trying to Can I make a reservation for 858 00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:36,800 Speaker 1: my tribe? Please? I don't know. I don't have no game. 859 00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:41,240 Speaker 1: I just want so Okay, I don't know how much 860 00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:49,600 Speaker 1: it costs, but I got sixties seven dollars I will 861 00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:53,680 Speaker 1: save until then. Thank you so much for being here. 862 00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:58,520 Speaker 1: Appreciate your honor and the pleasure. Thank you so so much. 863 00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:00,760 Speaker 1: And you know I'm right out on the road on 864 00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:05,160 Speaker 1: Shonda Land on the R spot every Wednesday, so listening 865 00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:13,800 Speaker 1: absolutely absolutely? How do you eat an elephant? One? By? 866 00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:18,400 Speaker 1: It time? Hey, listeners, It's Amber, the producer of Ja 867 00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:22,840 Speaker 1: don Ill here. Ian La is an icon for healing. 868 00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:25,600 Speaker 1: I want to encourage you all to check out her 869 00:58:25,600 --> 00:58:28,480 Speaker 1: new podcast on the shadow Land Network, the Our Spot. 870 00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:32,600 Speaker 1: Each week, she invites callers to share their personal relationship 871 00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:37,200 Speaker 1: issues during live sessions to help inspire, grow and guide 872 00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:40,600 Speaker 1: them and other listeners to do the work towards healing. 873 00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:42,920 Speaker 1: I'll drop a link to the our spot and the 874 00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:58,320 Speaker 1: show notes. HI if you have comments on something he 875 00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:02,320 Speaker 1: said in this episode all eight six six. Hey, Jill, 876 00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:05,560 Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight 877 00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:09,720 Speaker 1: six six nine five four five five. Don't forget to 878 00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:12,400 Speaker 1: tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. 879 00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:16,000 Speaker 1: You might just hear your message on a future episode. 880 00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:20,479 Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Ill. 881 00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:26,760 Speaker 1: The podcast JA dot Ill is a production of I 882 00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:31,200 Speaker 1: heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit 883 00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:35,480 Speaker 1: the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you 884 00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:37,160 Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.