WEBVTT - Westside Boogie On Healing Journeys, Eminem Connection, "More Black Superheroes" + More 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:05.040 Wait that ass up in the morning. Breakfast Club, yeaps 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:06.880 the world no dangerous want to show to Breakfast Club. 0:00:06.960 --> 0:00:09.719 Charlemagne and God Angelie ye Envy had to step out, 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:11.840 but we got a special guest in the building. Man. 0:00:11.920 --> 0:00:15.280 His album came out in June. It's called More Black Superheroes, 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:18.560 West Side Bookies. I finally here, man, I've been wanting 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:21.720 to come here forever. What it's also a scary place? 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:24.239 Why is everybody scared of you? But no reason? But 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:27.440 it feels like you got better. I feel like appreciate. 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:32.640 I appreciate that. I'm glad I came during these times. Young. 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:35.200 How old you? I just turned thirty three? Oh okay, 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:36.760 we got the whole thirteen year old, so I really 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:39.320 feel seventy. I ain't gonna lie, so damn you gotta be. 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:41.040 I got a fourteen You got a teenager. It's the 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:44.240 most irritating age in the world. Girl a boy? Your boy? 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:46.240 Oh see, I got a little girl. I think girls 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:48.519 are worse when now that seems scary. Boys are just 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:50.879 irritating because it's like a reflection on myself. So it's 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:52.880 like I'll be wanting to fire him up and he 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:54.440 taller to me right now too, So I gotta like 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:55.840 work out a little bit. He taller in you what 0:00:56.320 --> 0:00:58.040 his mom must be tall? No, I don't know how 0:00:58.040 --> 0:00:59.600 he ended up taller than me. He just only like 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:01.560 this much tall to me right now. Ok. He's still 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:05.720 growing exactly, and he's a basketball player. So you aren't 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:07.880 you smelling like the finest of weed? I talked a 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:09.120 lot of weed. That's what they were saying on the 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:10.960 airport when I got there too. That and that type 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:12.959 of stuff irritate me. When you're just walking back, somebody 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:15.679 smell like weed? Did you fly? You bought your own 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:18.360 in Yeah? Okay, get on the plane. Yeah, that's because CALLI. 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:19.959 And it's legal in New York, so that makes sense. 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:24.800 You feel me brought me a little ounce. Well, you 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:26.760 don't like New York weed? You just it's too expensive. 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:29.160 Y'all irritate me with y'all weed because we don't have 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:31.920 the dispensaries and access I think yet, all right, I 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:33.640 respect it. I don't gotta deal with that. You know, 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:35.520 they got a mad Jersey. Jersey got the dispensonies. If 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:38.479 you got a medicinal card, Callie, they've been doing that. Yeah, 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:40.800 I don't need a card I just called a homie. Yeah, yeah, 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:43.080 you know what I'm saying. Now, let's since you do 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:45.480 have a sad let's talk about more black superheroes. The 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:48.760 album that you have out, um, you know, it came 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:50.920 out a couple of months ago, right going to Summer 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:55.040 Julie two months ago. It was fast. Yeah that's crazy. Yeah, 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:57.440 So how is the process making this album? I know 0:01:57.560 --> 0:02:00.480 you had said previously that you went to therapy for 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:03.240 like three years and it made it a little difficult 0:02:03.280 --> 0:02:05.760 to write at certain points. Yeah, it was tough, um, 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:09.760 just because the accountability factor that came with therapy. Um, 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:12.680 usually because I had just got out of relationship. It 0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:14.880 was like my first like healthy relationship. I feel like 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:17.280 I was with your like three years. All my other 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:20.080 relationships I feel like was based off trauma bonding, but 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:22.080 this was like my first time I had like a 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:24.760 healthy relationship. It felt like. So when I lost her, 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:26.280 I was still happy because I was like, I'm going 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:28.320 to make a fire album because like I can make 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:29.959 a heart I can make a heartbreak album. You know 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:33.040 what I'm saying. Then I'm in therapy and my therapist 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:35.520 making me address stuff and make me hold myself accountable, 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:37.400 so I couldn't. I feel like I couldn't approach music 0:02:37.400 --> 0:02:40.200 the same. It was hard to make certain songs, and yeah, 0:02:40.200 --> 0:02:41.639 it took a while to even figure out what I 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:43.679 wanted to talk about. Now, when you talk about your 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:47.320 previous relationships before that, what do you mean by trauma bonding? 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:50.320 Like what was like just my baby, my baby, mama. Um. 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:52.600 I think we were just too hurt people that this 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:54.679 was fighting just so we can make up. The making 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:56.480 up part was the best part for me, because like 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:58.560 it's makeup sex, you know what I'm saying, it's passion. 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:00.960 Some people felt like fighting me you really care too, 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:04.360 like when you guys argue passionately. And I've had people 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:05.919 tell me like, if you didn't feel like you want 0:03:05.960 --> 0:03:07.920 to kill the person that you're Yeah, and that's I 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:10.040 hear that a lot in my community too. And I 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:11.960 get it though, because you know, haydon Love, they kind 0:03:11.960 --> 0:03:13.440 of live in the same house, you know what I'm saying. 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:15.640 But yeah, I don't know. I don't want to be 0:03:15.680 --> 0:03:18.440 in that vibe no more because trauma bonding is so real, 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:21.600 and we have trauma bonds, not even just with the 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:25.280 opposite sex. Growing up in the hood, you start hustling, 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:27.720 or you in a gang or whatever. Sometimes a lot 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:29.720 of that is trauma bonding to you all bonding over 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:33.400 the wrong trauma bond with the homies. Yes, that's crazy. 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.360 I never thought about that right now, spokes, we didn't 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:39.240 go do a drive ba. The most trauma bonding is, 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:41.760 I guess it's with my homies. So yeah. On L 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:44.720 L SAMG too, Man, you say one of the greatest 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:47.240 lines I've ever heard in reference to folks trying to 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:49.280 heal what You don't say it, but the woman on 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:52.040 the song says it. She said that they ain't know 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:55.000 where you're still a bitch ass nigga and you being therapy. Yo. 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:58.280 I was just thinking about that yesterday. Um, how like 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:01.520 when I mess up now, I feel like it's heavier 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:03.360 to the people around me because they just expect me 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:05.840 to be perfect because I've been I've been bragging about therapy. 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:08.360 They're like, oh, Nigga, your therapy not working for him, 0:04:08.400 --> 0:04:11.200 And I'm just like, growing is for everything. And that's 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:14.440 the frustrating part because sometimes my growing gets staggnant. Sometimes 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:17.520 I take leaps forward, sometimes I backslide, and that's all 0:04:17.560 --> 0:04:19.760 the process of it. At least, I just think Therapyti's 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:21.440 made me more aware of it. She gave me the tools. 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:23.760 My therapist gave me the tools. But it's still a 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:25.559 once a week thing. I don't I can't afford therapy 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:27.039 every day, so you know what I'm saying, I go 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:28.719 once a week too. And that's the beauty of therapy 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:30.680 as well, right. It teaches you don't have to be perfect. 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:33.560 Exactly what made you decide to go? I was crying 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:37.240 over my ex um, I thought I just needed therapy. Also, 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:40.719 shout out to my management company, Love Renaissance. Um Summer 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:43.960 first got therapy. They got therapy for her as like welcome, 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:47.560 that's my label made or whatever whatever you want to 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:49.680 call it. But um, she got therapy first because she 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:51.240 was going through a lightning with the media, you know 0:04:51.240 --> 0:04:53.800 what I'm saying. So my management got hurt therapists and 0:04:53.839 --> 0:04:55.280 they thought it would be a good idea if they 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:58.120 got all the artists therapists. So what's the of Love Rendissance? 0:04:58.200 --> 0:05:01.839 Everybody would be sign they got all the artists therapy. 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:04.440 Even they have therapy and we do group therapy. They 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:08.720 do group therapy as like the laborhood. Amazing everybody need 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:12.880 to sign the first Yeah, you know in the in 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:14.960 the nigga world, can I say nigga R yes? And 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:16.960 in the nigga world it looked at, it's looked at 0:05:16.960 --> 0:05:19.440 it's crazy, Like that's the stigma around it, Like what 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:21.000 do I need to go talk to somebody I don't 0:05:21.040 --> 0:05:22.599 know for and when I could just talk to the 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:24.560 homies or go smoke or do something like that. So 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.440 more trauma exactly. And even some days I still lie 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:29.120 to my therapist some days, you know what I'm saying. 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.400 Some days I like, I'm busy today because you know 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:34.279 what I'm saying, it's irritating growing sometimes it's uncomfortable, but 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:37.200 I know that's where the girls come. But your first session, 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:40.599 she tried to just pull up on me in the studio, like, 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:42.360 you know, just sit around and be a homie, which 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:44.840 ILL appreciate, but I still like saw through it. I 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:46.520 knew what she was doing. So there was a lot 0:05:46.560 --> 0:05:48.560 of resistance at first. I don't think we got a 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.240 breakthrough to like maybe after the first three months, did 0:05:51.279 --> 0:05:53.360 you pass your therapist to blunt or try to no. 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:57.160 After that first time in person, it was all zoom okay, 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:59.120 So I couldn't pass through the bunt through the computer. 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:01.400 So I don't want to be in that last relationship 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:04.680 that had you so upset. Why did you guys break up? Um, 0:06:04.720 --> 0:06:06.680 it was a lot. I don't think I was a 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:09.200 great boyfriend at the time. I don't like like bragging 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:11.280 about the zodiac stuff. But I'm a Virgo and they 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:14.440 say we expect perfection out every Yeah, it was like 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:15.960 a couple of days ago. I just had a party 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:24.080 two nights ago. You think, so sometimes we manipulative. It's 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:26.320 crazy because we feel like we're so smart and we 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:29.160 try to use it to manipulate people. But um, I 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:36.400 think on my last relationship, uh, tourists, Okay, Um exactly. 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:39.200 She artists as well, though, And I think my career 0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:41.880 got so consuming for her. Not that I told told, 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:44.200 like made her be consumed by me. I just think 0:06:44.200 --> 0:06:46.040 it just happened and she started to resent me and 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:47.800 feel like she couldn't be the artist she wanted to be. 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:50.400 Um And yeah, so I think we had an argument 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:52.240 over the trash and she was like, we're breaking up, 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:53.600 and I was like, oh, she being checked out, she 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:55.520 being wanted to get away, you know what I'm saying. 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:57.799 So I respect it. She dated one of the homies 0:06:57.839 --> 0:07:01.039 now and it's irritating, but wow, tough seeing that around 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:02.480 the city. But that's still your homie. Though now I 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:03.840 ain't talked to him. He act like I did something 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:06.479 wrong to him, but to him, and you got all 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:08.160 these thoughts in your head. You're probably you've probably been 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:10.600 messing around exactly and that's the tough part. But oh 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:13.600 my god, that's awful, except you're not making this better. 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:17.960 I'm sorry. Setting was not in my control is the 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:20.560 stuff I'm learning to deal with because that's always hard. 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:22.280 I feel like I always got to control the situation. 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:24.480 So what accountability did you take because I know you 0:07:24.480 --> 0:07:28.160 said it's about accountability too, Um, just not speaking up 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:31.200 on stuff I want it just like instead of me 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:33.320 just holding so much stuff in and like putting so 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:35.080 much pressure on her, I could have just spoke on it. 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.440 We could have got through it. Um. And I think 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:41.040 supporting her more and like I was making this thing 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:42.360 like this because I was paying for stuff, I was 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:44.200 being a great boyfriend, like, and I know it was 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:45.760 more than that. I needed to support her and the 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:48.560 stuff she cared about and really paid attention, pay attention 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:50.040 to the details, and I don't think I was doing that. 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:52.760 So it's the song Nachalt about that relationship where you 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:56.000 just act like I'm not calling you you nachalt. It's 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:58.560 really more so about me moving around acting like a 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:01.400 fucking niggeting being confused on why she treated me like 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:02.960 a fuck nigga. You know what I'm saying. It's just 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:05.640 like me bragging about how I'm going to take her piece, 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:07.280 and like why are you not answering the phone? Or 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:09.679 just me being irritated by girls who posts on Instagram 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:11.920 and don't text me back because I literally hate that. 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:14.480 But now you are being a thought for your birthday? 0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:16.560 What is being a thought to you? I thought I 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:18.400 could be Bill belling me like how to be a 0:08:18.400 --> 0:08:20.840 player and like invite all my show these to one place, 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:23.080 and it just didn't not work out. And I thought 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:24.440 I was being so clean. It's not like I was 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:27.440 hugging up on anybody. But I guess girls just could 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:30.480 read through stuff. Yeah, especially if they think they're dating you, 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:31.960 and then and you get invited, you think you the 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:35.000 one like invited me to his birthday party, so it's special. 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.120 And that's the thing I'm even though I'll be honest 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:39.680 with these girls. I think if I still move a 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:41.840 certain way, I still think I'm the bad person because 0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:43.080 I'll be telling them I'm not ready to be in 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:46.520 a relationship. But me knowing that they're not really understanding 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:48.920 what I'm saying, and still choosing to move forward with them, 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:51.839 I'm still in the wrong. So I invited all them there, 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:53.400 and then the next day I got text like you're 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:55.600 too old to be moving like this, Like they're right 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:57.959 back to the therapy stuff, Like therapy is not doing 0:08:57.960 --> 0:08:59.880 nothing for you. You look lame. I'm losing all the 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:01.440 spec for you. It ain't a way. You're still a 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:07.680 bit chass nicky. We get it. Hey, question, you talked 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:11.160 about your first breakthrough in therapy, right, do you shool 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:13.480 like sharing what that was? I'll tell you if you 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:18.680 tell me. Yeah, it was about my mom. It was 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:21.720 either about my mom or my dad. I know. Lately, 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:24.440 I realized I got a lot of frustration towards my 0:09:24.480 --> 0:09:27.080 mom just because I feel like she never gave me 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:29.880 a space to be emotional. Your mom, while I hear 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:31.400 that with dad's a lot. I feel like, yeah, my 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:33.000 dad wasn't a round. I think my mom had just 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:35.439 raised me to be tough because she didn't want me 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:36.719 to go out in the world and get punk, you 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:38.560 know what I'm saying, which I get, but I think 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:40.840 it should have been a balance because now when I 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:42.839 get older and somebody tell me they loved me or 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:45.360 want to have emotional conversations, I shut down. It's like 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:46.959 weird to me. I don't like when people get to 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:50.600 touchy philly, I don't like when people give me compliments all. 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:53.280 It all makes me glitch out. And I spoke about 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:55.240 it in an interview before I talked to my mom 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:57.040 about it, and then she saw it and you know, 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.040 she got frustrated. But I'm still glad I did it 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:00.880 because then we had the conversation about it after. But 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:05.040 that breakthrough happened me understanding, like, oh, I moved these 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:08.560 ways in these relationships because this relationship in my past 0:10:08.559 --> 0:10:10.520 with my mom. So but did she say, did that 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:13.959 change things for you guys? Um? She said sorry and 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:17.600 that we're gonna work on it. Um, But it's still hard. 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:20.680 My brains so conditioned now, and I'm still trying to 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:22.240 work on that. Like I said, I'm aware of it, 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:26.000 but that don't necessarily mean the change gonna happen immediately. 0:10:26.080 --> 0:10:30.199 So yeah, my first breakthrough was realizing that I had 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:32.840 daddy issues, you know what I mean. And you addressed 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:37.760 that on Anthony but in Wars and how difficult was 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:40.840 it to confront that topic? Ah? Man, that one is tough, 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:43.959 and that one is because I've been saying it don't 0:10:44.000 --> 0:10:46.200 bother me forever. I've been like my daddy, my daddy 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:48.000 ain't been in my life. What I got this far 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:50.000 without him? I don't need them. But then I'm like, oh, 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:53.080 it's really affecting me, Like it's a my abandonment issues 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:56.240 and everything behind it. It's like, I gotta have a 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:58.240 conversation with my dad now, I gotta figure out how 0:10:58.240 --> 0:10:59.680 to let this hate go that I didn't even know 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:03.079 I had, like this unaddressed trauma, so irritating. So what 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:06.280 was easier writing that song? I actually, I mean, I 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:10.000 guess you never had to convert with so writing the 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:13.360 song was easier. And It's like I've liked any in 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:15.760 the past years I've reached out. I'd be like saying yo, 0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:17.920 but then when he say all right, can you call me? 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:19.719 I just shut down and we don't end up having 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:22.960 a conversation because it's just like I can never see 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:24.840 myself walking out of my son's life. And I know 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:26.720 that's why overcompen saying, now with my kid and I 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.520 irritate him, I'll be hugging on him, loving him so 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:30.960 much because my daddy never gave me none of that, 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:33.680 and I just don't understand. It never makes sense to me. 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:36.280 He blamed my mama and say, like, your mama made 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.800 it hard. I tried to come around, but it's just 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.200 like my baby mama could not stop me from seeing 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:43.240 my kid. Yeah, I will say, you know a lot 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:47.000 of the hate that I started to have for my 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:50.320 dad after therapy once I had a conversation with him 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:52.480 and realized he was just a man dealing with his 0:11:52.520 --> 0:11:54.839 own shit. Like he went the therapy two or three 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:57.240 times a week, he was on tending to twelve different medications. 0:11:57.320 --> 0:11:59.760 He tried to commit suicide. When I heard that human 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:02.760 in a real way for me, So I started giving 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:05.480 them grace. Grace. That's what my therapist was saying about 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:07.800 my mom when I was explaining my frustrations about her, 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:09.480 and she was like, do you understand how hard it 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:11.640 is to be a single black mom, Like because I 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:13.440 was mad, like I feel like my mama didn't chase 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:15.640 her dreams and like she taught me how to settle. 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:18.520 But then my therapist was like, that's a win right there, 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:20.360 her being able to raise you, and you need to 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:22.800 look at how great that was, and I downplayed that, 0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:25.720 and like my mom is a survivor and she's strong 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:27.839 as hell. So yeah, I think we forget that our 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:32.280 parents had lives before exactly exactly, and it goes so 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:34.640 far back, like the way my mom moving relationships come 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:36.520 from my grandma. Then it's like, you know, it's just 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:38.800 a cycle, and we the first generation that has the 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.920 luxury of actually healing. They had to. They were scratching 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:43.640 and surviving, you know what I mean. That's why I 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:45.400 said this is the hell generation. I see all my 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:47.400 friends it is like great dads now they all in 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:51.000 their kids life. Therapy is a conversation whether people like 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:52.839 this is using it to look cool. I don't even care, 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:55.079 just because like the message out there. Now you know 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:56.640 what I'm saying. And sometimes you have to think you 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:58.520 wouldn't even be who you are where you are if 0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:00.840 it wasn't for how you raised and the way that 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:04.079 things happen. Yeah, that's true. I honestly, I'm still scared 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:06.440 to heal all the way because as a rapper, I 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:08.000 think it's like weak. You know what I'm saying. I 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:11.720 don't think I could thrive as a rapper being healed 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:12.880 all the way. And I'm scared of that. I don't know. 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:15.160 I'm not saying I'm right, but it's just like, you know, 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:18.680 the world glorified ignorance, and it's just like you gotta 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:21.040 play the game and feel like sometimes and anyone ever 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:23.520 heal all the way and you know you're right. Healing 0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:26.679 is a constant journey. It's not a destination. You're right, 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:29.360 But it's just like positive me being like I'm scared 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:32.760 to just become a positive nigga. But you know what 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:35.319 I'm saying, Look how the world started demonizing Chance for 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:39.680 like being happy and it's like, boy, he can't be happy. Yeah, 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:42.080 we had that conversation last time Chance was him. I'm like, damn, 0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:44.000 a man can't love his wife like they hating on 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:46.480 Chance because he actually loves his wife. In the meantime, 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:49.720 Big Sulu bomped in Parru. You know what I'm saying. 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:53.000 I saw you told rolling stone that you you probably 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:56.120 like five percent healed. Yeah, we're talking about your growth. 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:58.600 Elaborate now her saying it's never gonna be I'm never 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:00.400 gonna be healed. I don't think I'm no person. I 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:02.760 think I'm just learning more as I grow. As I grow, 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:06.040 So I saw that is. I'm just saying, like I'm 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:07.960 so it make it hard because I'm aware of so 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:10.920 much stuff now, but i still dive into so much ignorance. 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:12.440 Shit Like I wake up in the morning, I turn 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:17.080 on Whack one hunting clubhouse argument videos and start my 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:19.000 day and then I'll be having girls spending night and 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:20.520 they're like, why are you waking up on this type 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:22.040 of time? And I don't, like, I don't know, I'm 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:25.280 like addicted to like this nonsense in this chaos. We'll 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:27.240 just finding the balance. Wake up in the morning, you 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:29.280 know what I mean. Say you're pressed, you know, I 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:31.680 go to my affirmation books. I got like three affirmation 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:33.560 books I read and I don't go to the internet 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:36.480 until I get here six or six in the morning. 0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:39.080 So it's just like it's nothing wrong with doing it, 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:41.480 just don't you know, don't let that start you day. Yeah, 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:43.880 meditation actually been helping me because I do it a 0:14:43.920 --> 0:14:45.760 lot of anxiety, Like every time I got to post 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:48.560 on Instagram or something like that, it's hard. It's just 0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:50.800 hard to turn my brain off. And I know meditation 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:53.200 is supposed to be about like accepting the thoughts for 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:55.240 what it is and letting them pass and staying present, 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:58.200 but I'll be overthinking everything. I'm like, nigga, what I'm 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:00.160 gonna do tomorrow? Like why are they doing me like 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:02.080 this two weeks ago? And it's just like it's hard. 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:04.600 But I'm not human. I know, man, it's human. That's 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:06.040 why I love that line. It ain't know where you 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:10.960 still a bit you're asking therapy, that's not about you. 0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:14.120 That's valid. I almost want to write that down and 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:16.440 just look at it a lot, like wow, because that's 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:19.840 a very valid line. I'm glad you appreciate it, man, 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:21.840 well being that this is your first time here and 0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:23.400 we haven't had a chance to speak to you before. 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:26.240 Let's talk a little bit about your journey and even 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:28.000 like I know you signed to Endoscope and then how 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:30.560 did you an eminem link up? That was a random 0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:33.040 and shit, I don't know, all right, So yeah, I 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:34.680 started singing off in church I'm just fast forward. I 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:38.720 was singing in church and Compton Um realized, I don't 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:42.840 know what you're singing in church, And I got to 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:45.040 talk about thirty years of life. You know what I'm saying. 0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:46.760 I was my mama sent me to the church and 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:48.440 Compton I was getting in trouble. She sent me with 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:50.160 her homegirl to go to church. She didn't want to 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:53.520 come with me. Call it the buyer instead of the choir. No, 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:58.600 that's funny as hell. Uh. If a nigga did that, 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:01.760 I'll be so mad. But yeah, I was going gospel 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:04.520 raps at first. Then it was these little kids. I 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:06.240 was going to the church who was game members already, 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:07.960 and I thought there was the coolest niggas in the world. 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:10.920 So I became a follower. Just start following him. After church, 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:13.520 gospel raps wasn't the thing. No more, started doing regular raps. 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:16.600 They started rapping around the city. Got my baby mom 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:20.280 and pregnant. At nineteen, went to Lombe City College, finessing 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:23.680 four a loan, bought studio equipment, was recording in my 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:27.200 mama room for about four years. This white man hit 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.720 me on Twitter. In the hood, we think any white 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:31.440 person hit us. We made it. Well, that's what I 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:34.600 thought at the time. He became my manager. At the time, 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:36.960 he came from an ed M background. He was working 0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:41.120 with like Scrilics. Interscope ended up calling me, um wow, 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:46.280 yeah yeah, but yeah, I dropped a song called oh My. 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:49.440 Interscope ended up calling me. I leveraged them, like, you know, 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:51.280 he's supposed to do all the labels, but I was 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.800 gonna end up going back to Interscope anyway. Signed with them. 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:56.440 Then they put me on the shelf because my manager 0:16:56.480 --> 0:16:58.080 at the time, me and him had hit the ceiling 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:00.880 and they just wasn't knowing my manager. It was so scanless. 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:05.800 But then LVRN came around. They had got an imprint 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:08.520