WEBVTT - Pastors' Perspective-10/05/26 0:00:16.929 --> 0:00:21.240 Hello and welcome to Pastor's Perspective. I'm your host, Brian Perez. 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:25.270 We are here live in the studio on this Monday afternoon. 0:00:25.678 --> 0:00:27.700 So give us a call if you've got a question 0:00:27.700 --> 0:00:31.679 about the Bible, uh, the Christian faith. We are here 0:00:31.679 --> 0:00:36.659 to talk to you no matter what your question is, 888-564-6173. 0:00:36.918 --> 0:00:39.759 You can watch us live stream as well on Facebook, YouTube, 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:45.600 and Instagram. You can also send us your questions via Facebook, Instagram, 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:46.189 and 0:00:46.580 --> 0:00:51.100 The Kwave.com pastor's perspective page, but if you do that 0:00:51.099 --> 0:00:54.900 right now, we probably won't see your question today, so 0:00:55.159 --> 0:00:56.819 you can send it in and we might use it 0:00:56.819 --> 0:00:58.700 at a later date and we'll send you an email 0:00:58.700 --> 0:01:03.158 or whatever to let you know uh when the question 0:01:03.459 --> 0:01:05.220 has been read in case you missed it when we 0:01:05.220 --> 0:01:07.499 do it live. But if you want to ask a 0:01:07.499 --> 0:01:08.020 question today, 0:01:08.549 --> 0:01:14.109 Now's the time to call 888-564-6173 is our number. And 0:01:14.109 --> 0:01:17.229 answering your questions today, we've got Char Broderson, the lead 0:01:17.229 --> 0:01:20.649 pastor of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa. How's it going, Char? 0:01:20.990 --> 0:01:23.779 It's going well, Brian. Good. How are you? Doing well, thanks. 0:01:24.270 --> 0:01:26.828 Mike Chaddock's here too. He's the senior pastor of Image 0:01:26.828 --> 0:01:29.578 Church in San Juan Capistrano. What's new with you? Hey, 0:01:29.630 --> 0:01:31.908 it's great to be here, Brian. Happy Monday. Good to 0:01:31.908 --> 0:01:32.030 have you. 0:01:32.158 --> 0:01:35.789 You guys in the studio. So let's answer some questions, uh, 0:01:35.920 --> 0:01:40.600 before we go to the phones at 888-564-6173. Here's one 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:44.559 that was submitted online through the Facebook Messenger. It is 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:48.029 from Joshua, who asks, if you are praying about something 0:01:48.030 --> 0:01:52.359 in particular, in this case, a relationship, and you're asking 0:01:52.359 --> 0:01:55.839 for clarity and direction and you surrender it to God, 0:01:56.329 --> 0:01:59.049 You've continued to pray about this for a period of months, 0:01:59.130 --> 0:02:02.950 and God is allowing it to continue and even to progress. 0:02:03.450 --> 0:02:08.250 Would you consider this relationship blessed and approved? I've specifically 0:02:08.250 --> 0:02:12.289 asked if this particular woman is the one that God 0:02:12.289 --> 0:02:16.159 selected for me and assigned to me, and while there 0:02:16.159 --> 0:02:18.409 has been no bold yes. 0:02:19.130 --> 0:02:22.219 He is continuing to allow it to continue even though 0:02:22.219 --> 0:02:25.249 my prayers have been, please bless it if it's meant 0:02:25.249 --> 0:02:27.719 to be and please take it away if it's not. 0:02:28.139 --> 0:02:31.219 God doesn't take it away. I think it would have 0:02:31.219 --> 0:02:34.779 faltered by now if you're explaining to God you want 0:02:34.779 --> 0:02:38.659 to be guided long term and the spouse that He 0:02:38.659 --> 0:02:42.499 has directed. So, Char, what do you say to Joshua? 0:02:42.859 --> 0:02:45.939 Yeah, I think, I just want to say, just because 0:02:45.939 --> 0:02:49.939 something continues doesn't mean that it's blessed or that God 0:02:49.939 --> 0:02:51.939 is allowing it. There's a lot of things that happen 0:02:51.939 --> 0:02:54.210 in this world that are continue to happen in this 0:02:54.210 --> 0:02:56.460 world that are not according to God's will. And so 0:02:56.460 --> 0:03:00.620 isn't it great that scripture gives us radical clarity on 0:03:00.620 --> 0:03:04.159 what God's will is, right? God's will is that we would, um, 0:03:05.020 --> 0:03:07.219 live knowing that we are His image bearers and that 0:03:07.219 --> 0:03:07.760 we would 0:03:08.090 --> 0:03:10.840 Uh, reflect Him in all that we do, and he 0:03:10.840 --> 0:03:14.370 has given us a living human example of this in 0:03:14.370 --> 0:03:16.570 the person of Jesus Christ, who is God in the flesh. 0:03:16.609 --> 0:03:20.969 And Jesus gives us kind of the, uh, blueprint of 0:03:20.969 --> 0:03:23.210 how we are to conduct our lives as human beings, 0:03:23.249 --> 0:03:26.919 to glorify God by loving God supremely, loving our neighbors ourself. 0:03:26.969 --> 0:03:27.540 And so I think 0:03:27.770 --> 0:03:30.329 You know, we have a lot of really great clear 0:03:30.329 --> 0:03:33.490 criteria for something that is blessed by God, and I 0:03:33.490 --> 0:03:36.820 think that we need to push ourselves back on that. Like, uh, 0:03:36.889 --> 0:03:40.609 is this person somebody who has devoted their life to 0:03:40.609 --> 0:03:42.969 Jesus Christ, to following him, to being more like Him, 0:03:43.010 --> 0:03:45.689 to being a disciple? And if not, then whether or 0:03:45.689 --> 0:03:48.249 not it continues, this isn't blessed by God. So I 0:03:48.249 --> 0:03:50.529 think we need to start first with what scripture is 0:03:50.529 --> 0:03:51.490 clearly laid out. 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:54.630 And then we'll know whether something is blessed by God 0:03:54.630 --> 0:03:58.059 or not. And even, you know, just because um 0:03:59.260 --> 0:04:02.210 Yeah, I, I think just in this, in this question, 0:04:02.260 --> 0:04:04.180 it seems to me that it doesn't sound like there's 0:04:04.180 --> 0:04:07.340 a whole lot of human responsibility in it. And I think, no, 0:04:07.460 --> 0:04:10.980 God does hold us responsible, uh, for the knowledge that 0:04:10.980 --> 0:04:13.290 he gives us and then the agency that we've been 0:04:13.290 --> 0:04:16.340 given to practice and implement these things, you know, so, 0:04:16.699 --> 0:04:18.659 just because my, you know, marriage. 0:04:18.820 --> 0:04:21.710 Might be struggling, doesn't mean that it's not blessed by 0:04:21.710 --> 0:04:25.750 God and isn't worth fighting for, struggling for, uh, deeply 0:04:25.750 --> 0:04:29.590 sacrificing for. So I, I just would love, um, of course, 0:04:29.710 --> 0:04:31.828 this is always the reason why we wish that people 0:04:31.829 --> 0:04:33.240 would call in just so we could get that kind 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:38.729 of clarity. But, right, like, um, God holds us responsible 0:04:38.729 --> 0:04:41.549 and yet God works in our lives in powerful ways. 0:04:41.609 --> 0:04:45.469 And so I think always looking at scripture for clarity 0:04:45.469 --> 0:04:47.270 on what God's, uh, 0:04:47.818 --> 0:04:52.169 Permissible and blessable will is and then enacting that in 0:04:52.169 --> 0:04:57.539 our own lives is kind of that line that we walk, uh, walk, yeah, yeah, 0:04:57.620 --> 0:05:00.180 I think what Joshua is doing is great. I think 0:05:00.180 --> 0:05:03.299 bringing anything, um, to God in prayer is a good thing. 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:06.819 Bringing a relationship continually bringing a relationship is a good thing, 0:05:06.900 --> 0:05:09.219 but like you said too, like, um. 0:05:10.190 --> 0:05:13.460 Scripture has a variety of ways in which God speaks 0:05:13.460 --> 0:05:16.029 and works into our lives and it's not always sort 0:05:16.029 --> 0:05:19.419 of that immediate direct communication, you know, a word, a 0:05:19.419 --> 0:05:23.479 word of knowledge or whatever, you know, the entire genre 0:05:23.479 --> 0:05:26.699 of wisdom, the book of Proverbs, I mean, if all 0:05:26.698 --> 0:05:29.229 we needed was just direct answers and we didn't actually 0:05:29.229 --> 0:05:31.589 need to really reason through and think through and like 0:05:31.589 --> 0:05:34.549 you said, char, take responsibility for things, I don't even 0:05:34.549 --> 0:05:36.470 need the book of Proverbs then do I just give 0:05:36.469 --> 0:05:39.169 me the answer. What do I do? What do I do? Yes, no, maybe. 0:05:40.109 --> 0:05:43.389 Proverbs is like here's the tools you need as a 0:05:43.389 --> 0:05:46.989 godly man or woman to think through things for yourself 0:05:46.990 --> 0:05:49.870 using the word of God as your guide so it's 0:05:49.870 --> 0:05:52.909 also about becoming a wise and discerning person and I 0:05:52.909 --> 0:05:56.710 think obviously you know with relationships it's um. 0:05:57.799 --> 0:06:01.329 You know, emotions are very, very much involved, and that's 0:06:01.329 --> 0:06:05.199 not a bad thing, um, but it, it can cloud 0:06:05.198 --> 0:06:09.539 people's judgment many times and sometimes like even like in 0:06:09.639 --> 0:06:12.310 I've seen this so many times over the years where 0:06:12.318 --> 0:06:17.560 especially like doing singles ministry and college ministry years ago, um. 0:06:18.589 --> 0:06:22.190 People would just be solely lying on what they believed 0:06:22.190 --> 0:06:26.828 they were hearing in prayer, neglecting, uh, wisdom, looking at 0:06:26.829 --> 0:06:30.829 character like you said, Char, taking responsibility. Um, Proverbs says 0:06:30.829 --> 0:06:33.589 in a multitude of counselors there's wisdom, looking to wise 0:06:33.589 --> 0:06:36.210 people in your life that know you, that know her 0:06:36.210 --> 0:06:38.270 or whatever and can kind of speak into that, see 0:06:38.270 --> 0:06:38.909 things you. 0:06:39.289 --> 0:06:41.729 You can't see and there's so much emotion and sometimes 0:06:41.729 --> 0:06:44.568 those emotions, like even if, here's the thing, I'm not 0:06:44.568 --> 0:06:46.930 saying God can't, can't tell someone, oh yeah, this is 0:06:46.930 --> 0:06:49.840 the right person. I don't think he, uh, normally actually 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:51.799 does that. I think he can, but even if he 0:06:51.799 --> 0:06:54.089 were sometime or if he were to say no. 0:06:54.719 --> 0:06:57.160 I, I know what it's like to want something so 0:06:57.159 --> 0:07:00.400 bad I didn't wanna hear God, you know, uh, or I, 0:07:00.479 --> 0:07:05.068 I really don't want to believe something like bad, bad news, like, nope, nope, um, 0:07:05.198 --> 0:07:07.079 put your fingers in your ears, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:09.189 you know, I'm, I'm not gonna hear it because you 0:07:09.190 --> 0:07:12.120 don't wanna believe it. So I just, I don't even 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:14.799 trust my own heart, uh, in that regard, and so 0:07:14.799 --> 0:07:17.359 I really, really wanna be careful that I'm. 0:07:17.503 --> 0:07:21.013 Relying, especially in major, major life decisions like that, I'm 0:07:21.013 --> 0:07:24.102 relying on the whole counsel of God, everything God tells 0:07:24.103 --> 0:07:26.342 me to do. Am I being a godly man, not 0:07:26.342 --> 0:07:28.211 just in the relationship, but in general? Like, am I 0:07:28.212 --> 0:07:30.902 walking with God or am I a train wreck? But 0:07:30.902 --> 0:07:33.862 I'm hoping I'll, you know, be a sound mature Christian 0:07:33.862 --> 0:07:36.872 in this most important judgment I'm about to make. Um, 0:07:37.263 --> 0:07:39.663 look at her character, honestly, don't just see what you 0:07:39.663 --> 0:07:40.182 wanna see. 0:07:40.475 --> 0:07:42.366 You know, see everything, you know, she, does she treat 0:07:42.366 --> 0:07:44.885 you well? OK, yeah, that's great. Does she treat everyone 0:07:44.885 --> 0:07:48.355 else terribly? You know, it's like, well, a little ways 0:07:48.355 --> 0:07:50.185 down the road, that's probably gonna be you, you know, 0:07:50.285 --> 0:07:53.046 so just don't close your eyes to those things. Be 0:07:53.046 --> 0:07:56.246 willing to hear a no, um, you know, just even 0:07:56.246 --> 0:07:58.595 providentially like, oh wow, you know, this would not be 0:07:58.595 --> 0:08:01.926 a good thing. I want it. My heart, my affections 0:08:01.926 --> 0:08:03.056 cling to it, but it's. 0:08:03.419 --> 0:08:05.870 You know it's not good. I can actually see that 0:08:05.870 --> 0:08:08.229 if this if I were counseling a friend, I would 0:08:08.229 --> 0:08:10.509 say no but as for myself I'm like oh it's 0:08:10.509 --> 0:08:13.120 not that big of a deal so I would say, 0:08:13.190 --> 0:08:16.190 you know, rely on the manifold wisdom that scripture gives 0:08:16.190 --> 0:08:21.190 us um character prayer word of God, general course of 0:08:21.190 --> 0:08:23.549 life am I walking with God in general because if 0:08:23.549 --> 0:08:26.509 I'm not I just don't trust my judgment or even 0:08:26.509 --> 0:08:28.579 my ability to hear God that well like if I'm 0:08:28.579 --> 0:08:31.228 living in sin and areas and this and stuff, you know, so. 0:08:32.060 --> 0:08:37.020 You know, just pursue Jesus first above everything else, you know, 0:08:37.090 --> 0:08:40.259 and I do think things will become as clear as 0:08:40.259 --> 0:08:42.670 they need to be for you to make decisions. Yeah, 0:08:42.780 --> 0:08:45.460 I mean, I think one of the practical ways that 0:08:45.460 --> 0:08:47.239 we could think about this, right, so we've kind of. 0:08:48.020 --> 0:08:51.699 Solidified God, like God's will according to scripture. What is 0:08:51.699 --> 0:08:53.660 it that's been laid out, right? And then, you know, Mike, 0:08:53.699 --> 0:08:56.160 you've talked about like kind of just the personal dynamics. 0:08:56.300 --> 0:08:59.579 I remember my brother-in-law, you know, he used to always say, body, soul, spirit. Like, 0:08:59.619 --> 0:09:03.199 is there physical attraction? Is there that personality, like connection? Like, 0:09:03.540 --> 0:09:05.650 do you connect on the things of life with this person? 0:09:05.739 --> 0:09:07.689 You know, we talk about like, oh, it's my soulmate. 0:09:07.900 --> 0:09:09.770 Do you see what I see? This person sees what 0:09:09.770 --> 0:09:12.420 I see. They have the same passions and, and just 0:09:12.420 --> 0:09:13.900 kind of view of the world and the way that 0:09:13.900 --> 0:09:14.619 they approach it. 0:09:14.910 --> 0:09:18.540 And then of course there is the spiritual level of, 0:09:18.759 --> 0:09:22.360 does this person have a deep hunger and thirst for God, right? 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:24.679 Like they want God. That's the thing that they want 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:28.199 primarily in this world. And I think those things are 0:09:28.199 --> 0:09:30.670 so important for kind of filtering out. And then I 0:09:30.670 --> 0:09:35.360 think kind of the last part would be, like you said, community. Like, OK, 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:38.360 what do other people see? People that know me well, 0:09:38.439 --> 0:09:39.660 they love me best. 0:09:40.009 --> 0:09:42.239 Like, bring it to those people. Like, do you think 0:09:42.239 --> 0:09:44.530 this person's a good match for me and allow them 0:09:44.530 --> 0:09:45.770 to speak into it. I think, you know, one of 0:09:45.770 --> 0:09:49.249 the kind of lost arts of dating, you know, if 0:09:49.249 --> 0:09:53.050 I could put it that way, was this idea of, um, courtship. 0:09:53.090 --> 0:09:54.569 And I don't mean like to go back to like 0:09:54.569 --> 0:09:55.709 an old fashioned way, but actually, 0:09:56.624 --> 0:09:59.465 I would say date in community. Date with a group 0:09:59.465 --> 0:10:00.944 of people because you're going to see, like you said, 0:10:01.054 --> 0:10:02.864 you know, you're going to see this person interact with others. 0:10:02.944 --> 0:10:05.345 How do they interact with children? How do they interact 0:10:05.345 --> 0:10:08.545 with the elderly? How do they interact with their peers? Like, is, 0:10:08.814 --> 0:10:12.105 you know, this person that's competitive, are they gossipy, you know, 0:10:12.225 --> 0:10:12.925 are you seeing like 0:10:13.300 --> 0:10:15.699 Aspects of their character come out and insecurities and things 0:10:15.699 --> 0:10:18.460 like that, that you would want to be aware of 0:10:18.460 --> 0:10:20.759 when you're walking into a marriage. What's this person going 0:10:20.759 --> 0:10:22.800 to bring into? How are they going to raise children? 0:10:23.300 --> 0:10:25.660 How are they going to view, you know, my friendships 0:10:25.660 --> 0:10:27.619 that I'm going to bring into this marriage. There's all 0:10:27.619 --> 0:10:29.660 sorts of dynamics that are going to happen there. And 0:10:29.660 --> 0:10:31.900 of course, you want to have, you know, your best 0:10:31.900 --> 0:10:33.980 leg forward and all of that. So I think, right, 0:10:34.059 --> 0:10:36.720 God and what he's revealed for his will and scripture, 0:10:36.989 --> 0:10:39.340 there's just those aspects of the body, soul, spirit, and 0:10:39.340 --> 0:10:42.220 then of course, the community for accountability is so important. 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:45.040 Yeah, I, I think that's great what you mentioned too just, 0:10:45.078 --> 0:10:48.040 you know, I think a lot of people only think 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:50.280 about where we are now, where I am now, where 0:10:50.280 --> 0:10:52.759 this other person is oh do we fit now? What 0:10:52.759 --> 0:10:55.119 are you aiming at in life? Like what, what do 0:10:55.119 --> 0:10:57.800 you want? What are your life goals and you know 0:10:57.800 --> 0:11:01.379 I remember there was this, uh, young Christian couple, um, 0:11:01.439 --> 0:11:04.879 they just, their personalities clicked so well, uh, they're both 0:11:04.879 --> 0:11:07.020 serving in one of the, in the singles ministry. 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:10.020 Um, and they were talking about getting married and they both, 0:11:10.030 --> 0:11:12.150 and they both did, they wanted to get married and 0:11:12.150 --> 0:11:14.749 then the guy told me they were out on a 0:11:14.749 --> 0:11:18.270 date and this little kid comes by, he's got like 0:11:18.270 --> 0:11:20.748 a snotty nose or whatever and like, you know, kind 0:11:20.749 --> 0:11:22.828 of cut them off and almost tripped him and then 0:11:22.828 --> 0:11:25.550 the girl was like, ew, I would never want kids. 0:11:26.078 --> 0:11:28.689 And the guy, like his jaw dropped because he's like, 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:31.959 I never brought this up. I just assumed, I assumed 0:11:31.960 --> 0:11:34.868 that would be a part of the deal. Found out 0:11:34.879 --> 0:11:40.179 she doesn't, does not want kids at all, and you absolutely, well, that's, 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:42.179 that's a huge problem. And again, it's not safe. 0:11:42.309 --> 0:11:44.670 You can't talk that out more, but I'm just saying 0:11:44.670 --> 0:11:48.040 I would not just move forward and how many people 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:51.709 just don't have those hard conversations, you know, about what 0:11:51.710 --> 0:11:54.389 are the things that are, you know, again it's of, 0:11:54.509 --> 0:11:56.869 of course minimally we're like, are you in Christ, but 0:11:56.869 --> 0:11:58.470 I think for some people that's all that's it. 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:00.569 You know, it's like, well, no, what about, what are 0:12:00.569 --> 0:12:02.929 your values? What are the things that are important? What 0:12:02.929 --> 0:12:07.170 are the kind of the non-negotiables in life, personal convictions, desires, 0:12:07.290 --> 0:12:10.929 godly ambitions that you have that you don't feel actually 0:12:10.929 --> 0:12:13.439 would be even right in your relationship with God to 0:12:13.439 --> 0:12:16.129 give up? What are those that other person deserves to 0:12:16.129 --> 0:12:19.050 know that and you know, deserve to hear their response. 0:12:19.739 --> 0:12:23.420 And uh we're not saying Joshua is doing this, but 0:12:23.420 --> 0:12:26.609 you could find someone who checks all the boxes, right? 0:12:26.819 --> 0:12:28.469 And the one thing that 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:31.699 You're not telling us, and again, not saying Joshua was 0:12:31.699 --> 0:12:33.199 doing this, but all of a sudden we find out, 0:12:33.650 --> 0:12:35.920 oh yeah, she's still married or something like that, where 0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:38.238 it's like, oh, you know, but, but she's not in 0:12:38.239 --> 0:12:41.079 love with her husband anymore, and you know, so, so 0:12:41.078 --> 0:12:43.679 we met at the workplace or whatever, and so we've 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:46.869 been talking and, and I keep telling God, yeah, if, 0:12:46.999 --> 0:12:48.600 if this is not from you, just take it away, 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:51.939 but they're growing closer and it's just like, and again, 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:53.749 not saying Joshua was doing this, but 0:12:54.210 --> 0:12:56.300 But that's, I mean, that's exactly what I was talking 0:12:56.300 --> 0:12:59.139 about where people will put on blinder they want something 0:12:59.139 --> 0:13:02.059 so bad they're not, they're, I mean, again, if you 0:13:02.059 --> 0:13:04.860 have close friends that know you know them, sometimes the 0:13:04.860 --> 0:13:08.300 red flags are, I mean, they're huge and they're waving 0:13:08.300 --> 0:13:10.780 and you're just like, how do you not see red 0:13:10.780 --> 0:13:13.300 everywhere and they're like, what, what red flag? I see none, 0:13:13.379 --> 0:13:15.379 you know, it's all green to me. So I think, 0:13:15.499 --> 0:13:18.619 you know, just, you, you know, I think if you've 0:13:18.619 --> 0:13:22.660 seen enough, you know, disastrous relationships, you realize. 0:13:23.184 --> 0:13:28.395 You know your toughest day alone is nothing compared to 0:13:28.395 --> 0:13:34.035 a horrible disastrous relationship and if you've sat through divorce 0:13:34.035 --> 0:13:37.014 court and family court and all that kind of stuff, 0:13:37.355 --> 0:13:40.744 honestly it is, it's horrendous and my heart goes out 0:13:40.744 --> 0:13:43.574 to anyone who's having to go through that it's brutal, 0:13:43.675 --> 0:13:45.665 you know, when your kids are involved in seeing your 0:13:45.665 --> 0:13:48.314 heart torn out because your hearts are attached to your 0:13:48.314 --> 0:13:49.535 children and. 0:13:49.999 --> 0:13:52.738 You know, it's, and again, some of this you can't predict, right? 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:55.118 You know, there's nothing, even going back, there's nothing you 0:13:55.119 --> 0:13:57.959 could have done to see that in advance, but I 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.949 am saying many times there, there are, and people just 0:14:00.949 --> 0:14:03.319 completely ignore it, then they end up in it, then 0:14:03.319 --> 0:14:05.309 they pay the price and I'm just like a wise 0:14:05.309 --> 0:14:10.959 person would foresee what they can foresee and make decisions accordingly. 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:14.989 Joshua, thank you for sending in your question by using 0:14:14.989 --> 0:14:18.429 messenger on the pastor's perspective Facebook page. And now we're 0:14:18.429 --> 0:14:22.869 gonna go to the phones, 888-564-6173 is the number to call. 0:14:23.110 --> 0:14:27.229 And we've got Jose calling from Riverside. Hey, Jose, thanks 0:14:27.230 --> 0:14:30.550 for listening to K Wave and thanks for calling in today. 0:14:34.189 --> 0:14:36.949 Are you there, Jose? There you are. Go ahead. What's 0:14:36.949 --> 0:14:37.389 your question? 0:14:39.489 --> 0:14:43.949 So my question is, um, I've been single even before 0:14:43.949 --> 0:14:48.369 coming to the Lord. Um, I'm always at work for 0:14:48.369 --> 0:14:50.989 the most part. Um, I don't really go out. 0:14:51.879 --> 0:14:53.379 As far as like just 0:14:54.379 --> 0:14:59.129 Other than, you know, running errands, um, I'm just wondering, 0:14:59.259 --> 0:15:01.300 and I kind of haven't really found it in scripture 0:15:01.300 --> 0:15:04.009 or like, how do you get in, like, to the 0:15:04.009 --> 0:15:07.020 dating scene, but biblically, right? 0:15:08.889 --> 0:15:13.730 Courtship, right, Char? Yeah, courtship. No, yeah, I mean, obviously, 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:15.590 you know, according to the Bible, and the Bible doesn't 0:15:15.590 --> 0:15:18.009 address this, I mean, but there's arranged marriages in the 0:15:18.009 --> 0:15:21.030 ancient world. That's how things would happen, and it would happen, 0:15:21.150 --> 0:15:23.980 you know, you would most likely marry in the community 0:15:23.980 --> 0:15:26.379 that you grew up in, right? And it was through 0:15:26.379 --> 0:15:28.889 family connections, things like that, um. 0:15:29.629 --> 0:15:33.139 Yeah, I mean, I, I would encourage you, um, to 0:15:33.139 --> 0:15:37.439 belong to a local church, to submit yourself, like really 0:15:37.619 --> 0:15:40.689 be known, involved, invested in that church. And I think 0:15:40.689 --> 0:15:43.379 through those relationships, as people get to know you and 0:15:43.379 --> 0:15:46.960 you get to know those people, you gain a reputation. 0:15:47.340 --> 0:15:50.259 And I think that's where those connections come. Like I 0:15:50.259 --> 0:15:54.179 just think about my own life. Um, my wife was 0:15:54.179 --> 0:15:56.900 known in the church community that I had previously belonged 0:15:56.900 --> 0:15:57.800 to and 0:15:58.239 --> 0:16:02.249 Um, it was recommended to me by, you know, someone 0:16:02.249 --> 0:16:05.150 who I dearly loved, dearly trusted and respected. 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:08.480 That this girl, man, this girl would be the girl 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:10.960 for you. I truly believe that. And I think that you, 0:16:11.239 --> 0:16:13.119 I think that you should pursue a relationship with her. 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:15.460 And I thought this person was nuts, you know, but 0:16:15.639 --> 0:16:18.400 they were persistent and gave me all these reasons why 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:20.439 they knew me very well. They knew her very well. 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:23.879 But it was that recommendation because both of us were 0:16:23.879 --> 0:16:26.960 known by this person and we were all belonging to 0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:29.720 the same community, uh, that we were able to make 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:32.059 that connection. We've been married now for almost 20 years, right? 0:16:32.110 --> 0:16:32.639 And I think 0:16:33.110 --> 0:16:37.970 I'm so thankful that I went into this relationship with 0:16:37.970 --> 0:16:42.139 a strong recommendation from somebody that knew me so well, 0:16:42.379 --> 0:16:45.220 loved me deeply, and also knew her so well and 0:16:45.220 --> 0:16:47.619 loved her deeply. And I think, you know, that really 0:16:47.619 --> 0:16:50.300 is what the, you know, it's not that the church 0:16:50.300 --> 0:16:54.280 community is there for marriage, but it is there to, um, 0:16:54.780 --> 0:16:57.420 give us an understanding and a conviction about marriage. And 0:16:57.420 --> 0:17:00.720 I think to actually, uh, create those deep 0:17:01.129 --> 0:17:05.199 Convictions and bonds where we would um find our spouse, 0:17:05.249 --> 0:17:08.730 we would raise godly offspring, you know, and that this 0:17:08.730 --> 0:17:12.728 would continue this uh presence of God's people uh in 0:17:12.729 --> 0:17:15.609 the community. So I, I think the church community is 0:17:15.609 --> 0:17:16.629 the best place. 0:17:17.080 --> 0:17:22.190 Uh, to find, um, a good godly relationship. And also, 0:17:22.290 --> 0:17:24.849 I have, you know, this is no dig at people 0:17:24.849 --> 0:17:27.689 that use apps. I know that it's harder and harder 0:17:27.930 --> 0:17:30.889 to meet people these days. Uh, sometimes maybe you're deeply 0:17:30.888 --> 0:17:33.249 committed to a church, but there's nobody else, they're your age. 0:17:33.369 --> 0:17:34.849 So I understand there's all those things. So that's not 0:17:34.849 --> 0:17:37.089 a dig on any of those things, but I still 0:17:37.089 --> 0:17:39.228 prefer the in-person. 0:17:39.638 --> 0:17:44.330 Uh, I'm known. My reputation is known. They are known. 0:17:44.410 --> 0:17:47.509 Their reputation is known, and it's through an introduction. So 0:17:47.509 --> 0:17:49.888 maybe I'm a little old school. But even on those 0:17:49.888 --> 0:17:53.330 situations where there's nobody my age, it could be somebody 0:17:53.330 --> 0:17:55.729 who says, you know what, I know it could still 0:17:55.729 --> 0:17:58.189 be the same situation like you just mentioned, Char, where 0:17:58.690 --> 0:18:02.690 it could be somebody's daughter or something that, hey, I 0:18:02.690 --> 0:18:04.780 think you'd be a, I should introduce you to my daughter. 0:18:04.888 --> 0:18:05.249 I don't know. 0:18:05.670 --> 0:18:08.950 Yeah, this is one of those conversations where I feel 0:18:08.950 --> 0:18:13.660 old because I just missed the online dating boom by 0:18:13.660 --> 0:18:16.989 a hair. I remember right before I met my wife, 0:18:17.070 --> 0:18:19.749 one of my roommates was on a, I can't remember 0:18:19.749 --> 0:18:21.550 which dating app it was, but this was like a 0:18:21.550 --> 0:18:24.150 new thing and we saw him on the computer and like, hey, what, 0:18:24.270 --> 0:18:26.099 what are you doing? It's like, um, I'm looking for 0:18:26.099 --> 0:18:28.270 a date. I'm like, what? You're looking for dates here, 0:18:28.349 --> 0:18:28.670 you know. 0:18:29.138 --> 0:18:31.660 So that was a new thing and I know now, uh, 0:18:31.749 --> 0:18:34.459 a lot more people, including Christians have met. I've, I've 0:18:34.459 --> 0:18:37.388 met more and more couples that are married, wonderful families, 0:18:37.430 --> 0:18:39.070 and I ask how you met and they kind of, 0:18:39.190 --> 0:18:41.749 you know, laugh, laugh a little bit. They look like, uh, 0:18:41.859 --> 0:18:42.969 we met online, you know. 0:18:43.489 --> 0:18:46.488 So again, not, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, 0:18:46.810 --> 0:18:49.570 but to Char's point, I think, you know, there's pros 0:18:49.570 --> 0:18:53.119 and cons to it. Um, obviously it can connect you 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:57.859 superficially with a vastly larger number of people. So that's 0:18:57.859 --> 0:19:01.729 obviously the pro for people that work many hours, you know, 0:19:01.810 --> 0:19:04.729 like you, Jose, or maybe people who work odd hours and. 0:19:05.030 --> 0:19:07.218 Things like that I can see how that can be 0:19:07.219 --> 0:19:10.550 a tool, but even with all of that, you know, 0:19:10.629 --> 0:19:14.229 it still comes down to personal dynamics. What is it 0:19:14.229 --> 0:19:18.709 actually like in person, um, the relational context I just 0:19:18.709 --> 0:19:22.249 feel is so important because you, as we all know, 0:19:22.388 --> 0:19:27.030 some more than others, people can invent false identities online very, 0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:28.609 very easily. It's not like people. 0:19:29.259 --> 0:19:31.459 Can't do that ever in person, you know, kind of 0:19:31.459 --> 0:19:33.489 pretend to be they're something they're not. I mean, the 0:19:33.489 --> 0:19:36.759 apostle Paul talks about hypocrites 2000 years ago, so they existed, 0:19:37.259 --> 0:19:40.780 but I think it's far easier to present yourself as 0:19:40.780 --> 0:19:43.060 something you're not today in the internet age. I just, 0:19:43.160 --> 0:19:44.540 I just think so. I think. 0:19:44.900 --> 0:19:49.330 Um, in person relational contexts, you know, they really mitigate, 0:19:49.379 --> 0:19:52.070 they don't do away with it, but they mitigate it tremendously, 0:19:52.339 --> 0:19:56.570 and then, um, like we're saying, I think relationships, um, 0:19:56.660 --> 0:20:01.219 people that know you, that know her, that, um, can 0:20:01.219 --> 0:20:04.099 witness kind of your relationship and, and to be honest, 0:20:04.180 --> 0:20:06.580 even the effects like I remember talking to. 0:20:06.888 --> 0:20:10.280 Uh, a Bible college friend, great guy, and he was 0:20:10.280 --> 0:20:13.399 dating this girl in Bible college, both Christians, and he 0:20:13.400 --> 0:20:15.520 didn't know it, but he went from the happiest guy 0:20:15.520 --> 0:20:19.879