WEBVTT - Planning for Prosperity: The VIP of Conflict Resolution with Neville Brady 0:00:00.020 --> 0:00:04.100 BCG acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and 0:00:04.100 --> 0:00:07.490 their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our 0:00:07.490 --> 0:00:10.160 respects to their elders, past and present. 0:00:10.730 --> 0:00:17.060 The reason why it's so critical is because everything that 0:00:17.060 --> 0:00:21.920 we do in every group has human interaction at its core. 0:00:22.070 --> 0:00:26.360 The quality of our lives is determined by the quality 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:33.050 of our relationships, overwhelmingly. It's a basic human need. Being 0:00:33.050 --> 0:00:37.940 part of a supportive, caring group has a bigger impact 0:00:37.940 --> 0:00:42.980 on our health, both physical and mental, than anything else. 0:00:43.430 --> 0:00:47.089 More than getting the right exercise, eating the right diet, 0:00:47.270 --> 0:00:51.440 going to the doctor, taking the right medicine. Being part 0:00:51.440 --> 0:00:55.790 of a supportive, healthy group is just a basic human need, 0:00:55.790 --> 0:00:59.360 and that's why it's so important to be able to 0:00:59.390 --> 0:01:04.640 address conflict early and appropriately. It's just determines the quality 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:05.509 of our lives. 0:01:05.750 --> 0:01:09.620 Welcome back to Shared Solutions by BCG. I'm Janine Batters. 0:01:09.650 --> 0:01:12.080 I'm excited to be bringing you another series sponsored by 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:15.080 Action Steel. Planning for prosperity. It will build on our 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:18.140 first series planning for profit. I'll talk to experts in 0:01:18.140 --> 0:01:20.750 their field about a range of areas that you can use, 0:01:20.750 --> 0:01:23.420 planning in your business to help your bottom line and 0:01:23.420 --> 0:01:27.140 your well-being. Today, we're speaking with brows up consultant Neville Brady, 0:01:27.170 --> 0:01:31.459 who works with farming families and businesses to resolve conflict. Welcome, Neville. 0:01:31.610 --> 0:01:32.539 Hey. G'day. 0:01:32.569 --> 0:01:35.420 So pleased to have you here, Neville. Today I'm really 0:01:35.420 --> 0:01:38.060 looking forward to our chat. But as we always do 0:01:38.090 --> 0:01:39.980 just to get started, can you give our listeners a 0:01:39.980 --> 0:01:42.170 little bit of a background on who you are, what 0:01:42.170 --> 0:01:44.900 you do, and why you're interested in conflict resolution? 0:01:45.260 --> 0:01:48.230 Yeah. Chose the right parents. Janine grew up in a 0:01:48.230 --> 0:01:53.900 family that had shearing contractor mum, a whimsy, witty woman 0:01:53.900 --> 0:01:57.860 that dealt with a lot of conflict with humour as 0:01:57.890 --> 0:02:03.280 we were growing up. Why in this area? It started 0:02:03.280 --> 0:02:07.060 out I the last job I had was sales manager 0:02:07.060 --> 0:02:11.680 of a radio station, and that's where I undertook some 0:02:11.710 --> 0:02:15.610 training and studies in marketing. National mutual purchased one of 0:02:15.610 --> 0:02:19.450 the assignments way back when, in 92, and it just 0:02:19.450 --> 0:02:24.639 sort of found my way into this. Started out in consulting, 0:02:24.700 --> 0:02:29.470 and it's been a learning process for 35 years. And 0:02:29.470 --> 0:02:32.980 the real education has come from working with different businesses. 0:02:32.980 --> 0:02:37.360 And for the bits, the clunky bits, the bits that 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:43.930 didn't work. Reflecting on it and a continuous improvement process. 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:45.760 I thought you were going to say, Neville, you got 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:47.140 into a lot of fights. 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:55.000 Well, there are low level different types of fights, isn't there, Janine? 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:59.560 Like so. It's what we construe as fighting conflict, but 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:04.780 I've been trained in counseling, family mediation and importantly, mental 0:03:04.780 --> 0:03:08.590 first aid health. We have a slogan that we help 0:03:08.590 --> 0:03:11.500 people fix the bits that give them the shits. And 0:03:11.500 --> 0:03:14.619 in every group there is, whether it's a family group, 0:03:14.620 --> 0:03:19.390 social group, community group, there's always gaps between what's actually 0:03:19.389 --> 0:03:22.360 happening and what everyone feels should be happening, which of 0:03:22.360 --> 0:03:23.950 course creates conflict. 0:03:24.250 --> 0:03:26.740 I think that paints a picture of you, Neville, very 0:03:26.740 --> 0:03:28.210 well for our listeners. 0:03:29.410 --> 0:03:32.889 And we try to do it with humour, with like 0:03:32.889 --> 0:03:37.450 some circumstances, there is no humour in it. However, humour 0:03:37.450 --> 0:03:41.680 is a great tension reliever in the right and appropriate 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:45.940 environment and with the right appropriate words. 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:50.470 It can make people relax, can't it? It makes things easier. Okay, good. 0:03:50.500 --> 0:03:54.250 So we'll jump in. Neville, why is conflict resolution and 0:03:54.250 --> 0:03:59.710 being confident in being able asked to resolve conflict, important 0:03:59.710 --> 0:04:01.060 in farming. 0:04:01.300 --> 0:04:05.740 And because of the high stakes in family farming, there's 0:04:05.740 --> 0:04:10.150 an extra layer of complexity that we witness compared to 0:04:10.180 --> 0:04:16.960 workplace businesses without that family connection. Now, in family farms, 0:04:16.990 --> 0:04:19.810 one of the things is sometimes we talk to our 0:04:19.810 --> 0:04:24.370 family members like we would not dare talk to a 0:04:24.370 --> 0:04:29.080 staff member or a work colleague. So in the reason 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:35.410 why it's so critical is because everything that we do 0:04:35.410 --> 0:04:39.970 in every group has human interaction at its core. The 0:04:39.970 --> 0:04:43.929 quality of our lives is determined by the quality of 0:04:43.930 --> 0:04:50.950 our relationships, overwhelmingly. It's a basic human need. Being part 0:04:50.950 --> 0:04:55.839 of a supportive, caring group has a bigger impact on 0:04:55.900 --> 0:05:01.300 our health, both physical and mental, than anything else. More 0:05:01.330 --> 0:05:05.350 than getting the right exercise, eating the right diet, going 0:05:05.380 --> 0:05:09.070 to the doctor, taking the right medicine. Being part of 0:05:09.070 --> 0:05:13.270 a supportive, healthy group is just a basic human need, 0:05:13.270 --> 0:05:16.840 and that's why it's so important to be able to 0:05:16.870 --> 0:05:22.090 address conflict early and appropriately. It's just determines the quality 0:05:22.089 --> 0:05:23.020 of our lives. 0:05:23.680 --> 0:05:27.400 That's a really good point because you don't often think 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:30.040 about it like that, do you? I was interested when 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:32.410 you said, we don't often talk to our family members 0:05:32.410 --> 0:05:35.110 in ways that we perhaps wouldn't talk to staff. Do 0:05:35.110 --> 0:05:37.390 you think that it's also a case of perhaps we'd 0:05:37.390 --> 0:05:40.659 ask family members to do things, perhaps that we wouldn't 0:05:40.690 --> 0:05:44.110 ask staff to do, and then that creates conflict as well. 0:05:44.350 --> 0:05:49.090 At the core of that is expectations. Sometimes we expect 0:05:49.089 --> 0:05:54.099 more from family because they're so involved, like overworking. And 0:05:54.100 --> 0:05:56.790 if we're living on the farm, we're living at work 0:05:56.790 --> 0:06:00.479 seven days a week. So it's something that there's an 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:06.359 expectation to overwork and over involve. 0:06:06.390 --> 0:06:09.900 That's such a critical link. I think that expectation, because 0:06:09.900 --> 0:06:13.380 I feel like the difference in expectations is so often 0:06:13.380 --> 0:06:15.060 where conflict arises. 0:06:15.089 --> 0:06:20.159 Everyone has a has a notion of fairness, and everyone's 0:06:20.160 --> 0:06:27.030 expectations varies based on backgrounds, upbringings, cultures. And it's something 0:06:27.029 --> 0:06:33.599 that aligning expectations and each one having the same view 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:37.680 of expectations is a great place to start. 0:06:37.890 --> 0:06:40.020 Is making sure everyone's on the same page. 0:06:40.050 --> 0:06:44.880 Correct, same understanding and just with the language. Sometimes I 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:48.539 remember being on this farm, and I heard the older 0:06:48.540 --> 0:06:53.250 brother use some expletives that their would not tolerate in 0:06:53.250 --> 0:06:58.080 any workplace. And, um, about a month later, I used 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:00.690 those same expletives with him, and he said, you can't 0:07:00.720 --> 0:07:02.279 talk to me like that. And I said, that's a 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:06.030 great point. Can't talk to your other siblings like that either. 0:07:06.029 --> 0:07:09.780 So not that I used, you know, fire with fire, 0:07:09.780 --> 0:07:13.950 but for him to experience it from someone else's point 0:07:13.950 --> 0:07:17.940 of view and as the person receiving and hearing those 0:07:17.940 --> 0:07:22.860 words is different to how it's sent. So the expectations 0:07:22.860 --> 0:07:27.630 were in this business was agreeing to the way that 0:07:27.630 --> 0:07:28.920 we would communicate. 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:31.290 And you were really building empathy there, weren't you, because 0:07:31.290 --> 0:07:33.960 you're helping them understand how the other person felt. 0:07:33.990 --> 0:07:38.640 Correct. Empathy is at its core, and it's it's that 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:43.770 vicarious experience. And we have a process in conflict resolution. 0:07:43.770 --> 0:07:45.690 And we might go into it a bit more through 0:07:45.690 --> 0:07:49.619 the podcast and it's VIP. 0:07:50.010 --> 0:07:51.180 Let's talk about that. 0:07:51.180 --> 0:07:55.200 Neville V if you picture two people standing facing each 0:07:55.230 --> 0:07:58.110 other and there's a number on the ground that they're 0:07:58.110 --> 0:08:01.530 both arguing over now, the number is six or the 0:08:01.530 --> 0:08:04.800 number is nine, depending on where you're standing, depending on 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:07.679 your point of view. So people are arguing this is 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:10.290 a six, Janine. And you're saying, no, it's a nine. 0:08:10.290 --> 0:08:15.990 Now the VIP. I'm pausing a bit because I want 0:08:16.230 --> 0:08:24.930 to make sure this is really heard. V stands for validate. 0:08:26.550 --> 0:08:31.920 It's me repeating not parrot fashion, but just repeating back 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:35.250 to you, Janine, what I heard you say and how 0:08:35.250 --> 0:08:39.239 you felt. Now, if I do that accurately one it 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:44.610 validates the other person's position and that can be therapeutic. But, Janine, 0:08:44.610 --> 0:08:47.340 it doesn't necessarily mean I'm agreeing with you. I'm just 0:08:47.340 --> 0:08:55.220 validating what I'm hearing. And the I is for investigate. 0:08:56.150 --> 0:08:59.210 So let's have a look at some situations. What do 0:08:59.210 --> 0:09:02.300 you think we should do here. What are the options. 0:09:02.300 --> 0:09:06.710 And then P stands for pick one. Pick a solution. 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:12.740 Now in every business we go into one of the 0:09:12.740 --> 0:09:15.530 biggest things listed as far as what they'd like. Our 0:09:15.530 --> 0:09:21.859 help to fix or improve is communication. What they really, 0:09:21.860 --> 0:09:28.220 I think they're really saying is fix the miscommunication, because 0:09:28.220 --> 0:09:33.200 every one of us hear things sometimes that aren't said. 0:09:34.220 --> 0:09:37.729 We interpret things in a way that's not how it's meant. 0:09:38.660 --> 0:09:43.340 So by me repeating back accurately, I don't change what 0:09:43.340 --> 0:09:47.360 you're trying to tell me, Janine. I validate so, Janine, 0:09:47.390 --> 0:09:51.050 from my understanding, you'd like my input into a conflict 0:09:51.050 --> 0:09:57.199 resolution podcast. Yes, we get it right because we all 0:09:57.200 --> 0:10:00.319 change things. We change what we hear by leaving out 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:05.929 information and changing information. So if I do that validate accurately, 0:10:05.929 --> 0:10:09.890 that avoids the miscommunication. So it's a real process. 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:14.690 Do you feel like that also helps you to pause, 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:18.320 take a step back and hear what they're saying. 0:10:18.350 --> 0:10:23.719 It helps us take that moment to really clearly understand. Janine. Yes, 0:10:24.770 --> 0:10:27.350 I just did the V part of you then and 0:10:27.350 --> 0:10:33.950 you immediately said yes. It is. If I asked for 0:10:33.980 --> 0:10:38.210 one of the things that blocks listening is I'm rehearsing 0:10:38.210 --> 0:10:42.650 what I'm about to say before you have even finished. 0:10:42.890 --> 0:10:47.569 And that's that self-talk. I might be thinking, oh, bloody hell, 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:50.120 she's having a go at me. Oh, geez. As soon 0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:52.099 as I have my say, I'm going to straighten this 0:10:52.100 --> 0:10:56.179 right up. So I've just missed what you've said. So 0:10:56.179 --> 0:11:00.589 it forces me if I'm in that habit of validating it. 0:11:00.620 --> 0:11:05.630 I have that self management and impulse control. A lot 0:11:05.630 --> 0:11:10.040 of the time to repeat back what I'm hearing you saying, 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:13.520 which is a personal discipline of me to really listen. 0:11:13.670 --> 0:11:17.900 The biggest one of the we often ask people when 0:11:17.900 --> 0:11:20.630 dealing with others and I'll check random sample of one 0:11:20.630 --> 0:11:26.239 with you. When dealing with others kids, family, friends, colleagues, 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:33.740 I get annoyed or frustrated when often people respond, don't listen. Yeah, 0:11:34.010 --> 0:11:36.800 very often. And the only way that I can prove 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:39.380 that I've listened to you accurately is for me to 0:11:39.410 --> 0:11:42.350 repeat back what I've heard you say. That's the only 0:11:42.350 --> 0:11:45.260 way we can prove to someone that we've listened. Not 0:11:45.260 --> 0:11:48.650 by saying, I understand how you feel, or yes, I 0:11:48.710 --> 0:11:52.670 understand that's the only way kids learn how to listen 0:11:52.670 --> 0:11:55.490 by us listening to them without interrupting. 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:56.900 Yes they do. 0:11:56.900 --> 0:12:01.370 That's how they learn. And when my kids were growing up, 0:12:01.580 --> 0:12:06.440 most of the time, even though I do conflict resolution, 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:09.170 I still suffer from the same thing every other human 0:12:09.170 --> 0:12:12.260 does too. But when my kids were growing up, most 0:12:12.260 --> 0:12:15.770 of the time, especially in the difficult conversations, I used 0:12:15.770 --> 0:12:18.530 to listen to them without interrupting. And then I used 0:12:18.530 --> 0:12:21.859 to say, son, what I'm hearing is this and this. 0:12:21.890 --> 0:12:24.620 Is that correct? And you go, yes. And then if 0:12:24.620 --> 0:12:28.099 I had my say, if they interrupted me, I used 0:12:28.100 --> 0:12:30.290 to say, excuse me, did I just pay you the 0:12:30.290 --> 0:12:34.099 courtesy of listening to you without interrupting? Yes. Can I 0:12:34.100 --> 0:12:37.040 have my turn? Is that fair? And it teaches them 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:39.800 how to listen. That's the process. 0:12:39.830 --> 0:12:43.280 Such an important skill, I think. Listening. Can you. I 0:12:43.280 --> 0:12:46.369 think with this VIP, I think we need an example. 0:12:46.370 --> 0:12:48.980 So we have an example, and then you can talk 0:12:48.980 --> 0:12:52.490 through each one, because I find that sometimes these things 0:12:52.520 --> 0:12:55.490 are very good on paper, Neville. But when I take 0:12:55.490 --> 0:12:57.949 them out and I try and do them, it's not 0:12:57.950 --> 0:13:02.450 so easy. So for example, let's think of a conflict issue. 0:13:02.450 --> 0:13:05.689 So I'm thinking, okay, what happens if I get a 0:13:05.690 --> 0:13:08.510 phone call and there's a guy waiting for the truck 0:13:08.510 --> 0:13:10.729 and he's saying, no one's here to load me? And 0:13:10.730 --> 0:13:13.760 I say, Bobby was supposed to load you at 8:00, 0:13:13.790 --> 0:13:18.770 didn't he? What? Like, that's probably a pretty fair thing 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:22.100 if something's going to happen. And then. So he's upset, 0:13:22.130 --> 0:13:24.620 hasn't been loaded. How are you going to deal with 0:13:24.620 --> 0:13:27.440 that situation with the VIP? One of the. 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:29.780 First things that we need to manage is our own 0:13:29.780 --> 0:13:33.890 emotions when we're in conflict. Now, in that case, I 0:13:33.890 --> 0:13:37.670 would be guessing that person would be feeling let down 0:13:37.670 --> 0:13:41.900 and maybe annoyed that he's been held up due to 0:13:41.929 --> 0:13:46.730 someone making a commitment that wasn't kept. So when you 0:13:46.730 --> 0:13:51.849 look at the four basic emotions which are anger, fear, 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:57.280 joy and sadness, the big four, that person would be 0:13:57.280 --> 0:13:59.590 feeling what in that situation? 0:13:59.620 --> 0:14:03.250 Probably anger. Low level sadness maybe. Yeah. 0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:10.450 Disappointment. Mhm. So under anger is frustration annoyed irritated. And 0:14:10.450 --> 0:14:13.930 there's a continuum all the way to rage. So he 0:14:13.929 --> 0:14:18.130 may be feeling frustrated. So to validate is so you're 0:14:18.130 --> 0:14:20.950 frustrated at the moment because you've been held up and 0:14:20.950 --> 0:14:25.900 someone's let you down. You just quickly restate it. And 0:14:25.900 --> 0:14:28.510 if they go yes we ask can I ask a 0:14:28.510 --> 0:14:32.920 couple of questions. And that's when we investigate. Now I've 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:38.350 been in mediations and with one family mediation I said 0:14:38.350 --> 0:14:42.460 to one person, you're so angry at the moment, you 0:14:42.460 --> 0:14:44.770 just want to fill this whole living room full of 0:14:44.770 --> 0:14:53.530 uppercuts And when I validated his anger, he went like this. Yes. 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:59.380 Now that deep intake of breath, we often say to 0:14:59.410 --> 0:15:05.110 someone when they're upset to take a deep breath. But 0:15:05.110 --> 0:15:08.230 if we say to someone who are feeling angry, those 0:15:08.260 --> 0:15:12.670 or anxious, just take a deep breath. Usually they take 0:15:12.670 --> 0:15:15.910 a short one and say, don't tell me to calm down. 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:20.950 By validating, we're looking for that intake of deep breath. 0:15:20.980 --> 0:15:23.170 You're allowing them to feel their anger, aren't you? You're 0:15:23.170 --> 0:15:24.310 giving them permission? 0:15:24.340 --> 0:15:28.600 Yeah. Then when people take that intake of breath, it 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:31.870 switches off the body's production of cortisol and adrenaline, the 0:15:31.870 --> 0:15:35.860 fight and flight thing that helps us. And we're critical 0:15:35.860 --> 0:15:39.010 thinking takes place. And problem solving place in the brain 0:15:39.010 --> 0:15:45.100 is now more likely to kick in. So validating the 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:49.470 emotions first and validating what people have said. They feel 0:15:49.470 --> 0:15:52.140 heard and it's critical. 0:15:52.830 --> 0:15:54.960 Perfect. But what about my truck driver? What are we 0:15:54.990 --> 0:15:55.800 going to do, Neville? 0:15:55.830 --> 0:15:59.820 So you want me to solve help you solve this problem, Janine? Yes. 0:15:59.820 --> 0:16:03.480 So I've just validated again. Yes, I'm good at. 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:03.630 It. 0:16:03.630 --> 0:16:05.640 I know you are good at it. 0:16:06.570 --> 0:16:07.980 I think you're very good at it. 0:16:08.310 --> 0:16:10.590 And I might say so. Janine, what are the options 0:16:10.590 --> 0:16:13.110 that you face with as far as solving this? 0:16:13.860 --> 0:16:18.210 Well, I need to find out how the message got missed. 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:21.840 I need to find out where the communication didn't happen. 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:24.420 So we need to find out where that problem started 0:16:24.420 --> 0:16:25.680 from in the first place. 0:16:25.710 --> 0:16:26.520 Yes. 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:32.310 So I just validate again. Yes. So I don't problem 0:16:32.310 --> 0:16:34.680 solve so well you're there. You're the one that knows 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:37.530 going on. So you solve your own bloody problem. 0:16:38.190 --> 0:16:40.380 I've got time for this. I've got to load another track. 0:16:41.430 --> 0:16:44.790 And now we're into the dance, aren't we? to. Sure. 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.520 Yeah. So yeah you're just validating again. 0:16:47.550 --> 0:16:52.410 Validate investigate problem solve. Now when we when we go 0:16:52.410 --> 0:16:55.350 on to farmer in a business, we just listen to 0:16:55.380 --> 0:16:58.800 and validate what everyone's saying to us that they want 0:16:58.830 --> 0:17:04.710 to fix, improve their frustrations, their concerns, their aspirations not 0:17:04.740 --> 0:17:08.310 being met. We just give everyone a really good listening to. 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:13.140 We validate what they've said so they can be sure 0:17:13.140 --> 0:17:17.219 that we've got it and it gives them confidence. Then 0:17:17.220 --> 0:17:21.840 we just report on the themes. These are the themes 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:27.390 now the reason themes are so important. Many years ago, 0:17:27.420 --> 0:17:31.470 I was a rather mature 14 year old and I 0:17:31.470 --> 0:17:36.450 said to mum, mum, everyone's giving me the shits. She said, 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:42.690 oh sweetheart, everyone can't be wrong. So the theme was 0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:47.730 Neville may be the center of what the problem is. 0:17:47.730 --> 0:17:51.000 Everyone can't be wrong. So we pick up on the 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:55.679 themes of what people are saying, which usually represents the 0:17:55.680 --> 0:18:00.719 root cause. Here are the themes. So that's the reason 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:04.290 when we go into business, people are far more likely 0:18:04.290 --> 0:18:07.439 to listen to me is if I first listen to 0:18:07.470 --> 0:18:11.939 them and validated their view. Ah, so you're seeing this 0:18:11.940 --> 0:18:19.470 as a noun, is that correct? Yes. Then we can 0:18:19.530 --> 0:18:22.170 feel it from their point of view, which is that 0:18:22.170 --> 0:18:23.399 empathy response. 0:18:23.609 --> 0:18:26.190 People relax a little bit, don't they? They relax. They 0:18:26.190 --> 0:18:29.220 feel validated. They stop worrying about whether you understand it. 0:18:29.220 --> 0:18:31.650 And they can actually use their thinking brain, as you say, 0:18:31.650 --> 0:18:35.159 to then start investigating. What? Yes. So what are we 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:38.460 going to do? So you validated me. Yep. Oh, mate. 0:18:38.460 --> 0:18:39.450 Still upset? 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:44.370 Yep. And then the old mate is less upset and 0:18:44.369 --> 0:18:49.980 more cognizant, and then we can usually move to solution 0:18:49.980 --> 0:18:55.440 focused rather than problem focused, because people are reluctant to 0:18:55.470 --> 0:18:59.550 move from being problem focused, whether they feel they're a 0:18:59.550 --> 0:19:05.040 victim or something to solution focused without their first view 0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:10.680 being validated. Validating is a basic human need to be 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:13.590 heard and understood. You also meet the human need to 0:19:13.619 --> 0:19:14.700 feel appreciated. 0:19:15.060 --> 0:19:17.580 It's so important, isn't it? I feel like we have 0:19:17.580 --> 0:19:19.740 spent a lot of time on the validation because it 0:19:19.740 --> 0:19:22.080 almost is the most important, probably. 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:27.270 The best example to family example. And um, I'll tell 0:19:27.300 --> 0:19:29.880 it in the third person, like it happened to me, 0:19:29.970 --> 0:19:35.130 but one of the client's son got, uh, suspended from school. 0:19:35.130 --> 0:19:38.159 So when he went up, the first thing he did 0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:42.980 was take responsibility and said, hi, I'm just here. This 0:19:42.980 --> 0:19:45.470 is difficult from all of us as a dad, as 0:19:45.500 --> 0:19:49.280 a I can only imagine what it's like. Frustrating from 0:19:49.280 --> 0:19:54.380 your point, as far as dealing with an extroverted boy 0:19:54.380 --> 0:19:59.330 that's over the top. And I'm here to apologize. Now 0:19:59.960 --> 0:20:05.840 in conflict, someone has to wave the white flag of truce. Janine, 0:20:05.840 --> 0:20:10.130 if there's four family members arguing, there's four reasons for 0:20:10.130 --> 0:20:14.750 it and five truths. If you and I have an argument, 0:20:14.750 --> 0:20:18.650 there's three truths. There's your truth. My truth. And then 0:20:18.650 --> 0:20:23.390 there's the truth. Yeah, truth. And someone's got to take responsibility. 0:20:23.390 --> 0:20:25.729 The leader is the one that says, hang on a minute, Janine. 0:20:25.760 --> 0:20:28.850 This is my fault. You know, we've been arguing and 0:20:28.850 --> 0:20:30.740 I've been doing it the wrong way. And I just 0:20:30.740 --> 0:20:33.500 want to let I just want to apologize for what 0:20:33.500 --> 0:20:40.350 I've contributed to this. So someone this person took Responsibility 0:20:40.350 --> 0:20:42.659 and said, this is my fault. I'm his dad and 0:20:42.660 --> 0:20:45.510 I haven't been engaged. I'm not blaming you for not 0:20:45.510 --> 0:20:48.930 telling me this is going on. This is my fault. 0:20:48.930 --> 0:20:51.449 If I was an engaged dad, I'd know. And the 0:20:51.450 --> 0:20:54.660 teacher said told him what the situation was. And this 0:20:54.660 --> 0:20:57.540 dad immediately said so. My son's been a class clown 0:20:57.540 --> 0:21:01.260 showing you no respect, which is sabotaging the other kids education. 0:21:01.290 --> 0:21:07.050 Am I hearing you correctly? And the teacher immediately went, yes. 0:21:07.050 --> 0:21:09.840 So all the misdemeanors he didn't have to go through 0:21:09.840 --> 0:21:12.900 now and explain to make sure he'd been heard. And 0:21:12.900 --> 0:21:17.369 this dad understood. So that's when they moved to that 0:21:17.369 --> 0:21:18.840 solution focused bit. 0:21:19.290 --> 0:21:24.810 Yep. So is that another step then? Because you first 0:21:24.810 --> 0:21:28.050 you said, hey, I've done something wrong and waved the 0:21:28.050 --> 0:21:30.840 white flag. But that was before the validation. So I'm 0:21:30.840 --> 0:21:33.540 feeling like there might be a step that you haven't mentioned. 0:21:33.900 --> 0:21:39.090 Well, there's a little bit as far as understanding this 0:21:39.109 --> 0:21:41.270 is something that my mother was saying to me when 0:21:41.270 --> 0:21:44.300 I said, everyone's giving me the shits. It's called the 0:21:44.300 --> 0:21:49.129 conflict attribution theory. My failures, things that are happening to 0:21:49.160 --> 0:21:53.120 me are more to do with external forces. And you know, 0:21:53.150 --> 0:21:57.169 there's reasons why I'm not succeeding. But if I point to, 0:21:57.200 --> 0:22:01.280 I'll mate. The attribution theory is he's an idiot. That's 0:22:01.280 --> 0:22:06.620 why he's or he's lazy or he's incompetent. We tend 0:22:06.619 --> 0:22:10.550 to internalize it with others and put it to their character. 0:22:10.970 --> 0:22:14.179 But when it happens to us, we can justify it 0:22:14.180 --> 0:22:18.020 because our the tractor broke down or something else happened. 0:22:18.020 --> 0:22:22.340 We don't actually take responsibility. Now for those who are listening, 0:22:22.369 --> 0:22:24.740 only those because no one else is listening to this. 0:22:24.770 --> 0:22:31.280 Maybe everything that's happening in my life, I'm contributing to it. 0:22:32.240 --> 0:22:34.820 And when in a workshop, I get people to point 0:22:34.820 --> 0:22:37.610 to me with their fingers and say, Neville, it's your fault. 0:22:38.020 --> 0:22:41.320 And if everyone can imagine them pointing to someone and 0:22:41.320 --> 0:22:44.229 saying this is your fault. We then ask them to 0:22:44.260 --> 0:22:46.869 count how many fingers on that same hand are pointing 0:22:46.869 --> 0:22:51.460 directly back at us. Now, if it's my fault, I 0:22:51.460 --> 0:22:57.400 can fix it. If it's everyone else's fault, I can't. 0:22:57.970 --> 0:23:02.320 And we often are victims and say there's nothing I 0:23:02.320 --> 0:23:05.140 can do about this. Rather than thinking, what am I 0:23:05.140 --> 0:23:08.889 doing that's contributing to this? Now, if one person in 0:23:08.890 --> 0:23:13.990 a group acknowledges that it gives other people in this mediation, 0:23:13.990 --> 0:23:18.490 in this family farm that may have strained relationships, it 0:23:18.490 --> 0:23:21.340 gives permission for people to do the same thing. 0:23:21.640 --> 0:23:22.930 Makes them human. 0:23:23.350 --> 0:23:28.929 Yes. And especially not always, but most of the time. Jeanine, 0:23:30.010 --> 0:23:35.350 I see the tribal elder, the dad. 0:23:36.790 --> 0:23:38.800 You're choosing your words very carefully there. 0:23:38.920 --> 0:23:42.640 I am choosing it very carefully. I don't want this 0:23:42.640 --> 0:23:49.689 to sound sexist, but usually there's a alpha male. The 0:23:49.720 --> 0:23:56.830 the traditional framing of family farms, like in one family farm. 0:23:56.859 --> 0:24:01.899 A 76 year old dad. I did two things with him. One, 0:24:01.900 --> 0:24:04.840 I asked him if there was a difference between being 0:24:04.840 --> 0:24:09.400 a dad and being a parent. And he struggled a bit. 0:24:09.400 --> 0:24:12.100 And he said, why? And I said, you don't have 0:24:12.100 --> 0:24:15.010 to parent these 250 year old sons that you have 0:24:15.010 --> 0:24:22.360 any longer time to be a dad is being critical, blaming, judgmental, 0:24:22.359 --> 0:24:26.440 eyebrows down, coming across as a parent, talking to them 0:24:26.440 --> 0:24:29.500 like children even though they're in their 50s. And I 0:24:29.500 --> 0:24:32.379 also gave him a pen and I passed him a 0:24:32.380 --> 0:24:35.770 pen and I said, now I want you to take 0:24:35.770 --> 0:24:38.990 this pen from me. And the harder he pulled, the 0:24:38.990 --> 0:24:41.930 harder I hung on to the pen. And I said, 0:24:41.930 --> 0:24:44.840 what's the problem? He said, you're not letting go. And 0:24:44.840 --> 0:24:46.550 I said, oh, good. That's what I need to talk 0:24:46.550 --> 0:24:47.420 to you about. 0:24:47.600 --> 0:24:50.060 Oh, how did he tell you that? 0:24:50.090 --> 0:24:52.880 And when he came to the meeting, after going through 0:24:52.880 --> 0:24:55.760 some counselling, he said, listen, boys, I've got to put 0:24:55.760 --> 0:24:58.340 my hand up for something here. I've been treating you 0:24:58.340 --> 0:25:01.280 like kids, and I just want to let you know 0:25:01.280 --> 0:25:04.880 that's not what my intent was. So he flew. He 0:25:04.880 --> 0:25:09.619 just waved that flag of truce, Janine, and took responsibility. 0:25:09.619 --> 0:25:14.240 And the relief which comes under joy, anger, fear, joy 0:25:14.240 --> 0:25:18.710 and sadness was palpable in with the two sons in 0:25:18.740 --> 0:25:19.190 their 50s. 0:25:19.220 --> 0:25:21.859 That's a good point. That is such a good point about. 0:25:21.859 --> 0:25:23.960 And I have heard that, you know, if you point 0:25:23.960 --> 0:25:25.580 the finger, how many are pointing it back at you. 0:25:25.580 --> 0:25:28.550 I've heard that. But the way you explained that then, 0:25:28.580 --> 0:25:32.179 I think has been the best. And I also strongly 0:25:32.180 --> 0:25:36.370 believe in that. You can't Control what other people do. 0:25:36.400 --> 0:25:37.810 I say that to my kids a lot. You can't 0:25:37.810 --> 0:25:41.290 control what they do. You can only control what you do. 0:25:41.290 --> 0:25:43.990 And you're right. You can really take back some of 0:25:43.990 --> 0:25:46.870 your power. If you can say I'm part of the problem, 0:25:46.869 --> 0:25:49.510 and then. Then you can start thinking about solutions. So 0:25:49.510 --> 0:25:56.770 I'm actually really loving that. Compliant chemical storage sheds are 0:25:56.770 --> 0:26:00.159 important infrastructure for cropping enterprises from a safety point of 0:26:00.160 --> 0:26:05.109 view and for a sustainability certification. BCG gold sponsors action 0:26:05.140 --> 0:26:07.750 the Big Shed people have developed a range of standard 0:26:07.750 --> 0:26:10.930 chemical shed designs to help you meet these requirements. The 0:26:10.930 --> 0:26:14.470 designs include details such as lock up storage areas, bonded 0:26:14.470 --> 0:26:19.060 concrete floors, ventilation and sprayer bays. Head to action steel. 0:26:19.060 --> 0:26:23.500 Com.au to learn more about the designs, sizes and prices. 0:26:26.260 --> 0:26:28.330 I feel like we need a first step the little 0:26:28.330 --> 0:26:31.090 white flag. And then we've got the validate, which you've 0:26:31.090 --> 0:26:35.400 done very well. So now we're going into investigate? Yep. 0:26:35.609 --> 0:26:40.950 How do you investigate without. Because I could say. But 0:26:40.950 --> 0:26:42.930 I sent him a text message and he said, yeah, 0:26:42.960 --> 0:26:46.379 no worries. I told him about that last week. Yep. 0:26:46.410 --> 0:26:50.790 So how do how do you investigate without making the 0:26:50.790 --> 0:26:52.500 problem bigger? 0:26:52.530 --> 0:26:57.240 Okay. Yes. Um. Don't know. While I'm doing this, I'll 0:26:57.240 --> 0:27:01.379 just Google the answer. Yeah. I'll just take one step back. 0:27:01.380 --> 0:27:03.870 When we've been invited into a business, and we've never 0:27:03.869 --> 0:27:06.869 been invited into a business that's been going really well. 0:27:07.560 --> 0:27:12.389 It's only the stress and the angst when people call 0:27:12.390 --> 0:27:16.199 us in. And I'll explain what the root cause of 0:27:16.230 --> 0:27:20.850 that has been. We explain the difference between I'll ask you, 0:27:20.880 --> 0:27:23.760 is there a difference between critique and criticism? 0:27:23.940 --> 0:27:24.960 I think so. 0:27:24.990 --> 0:27:26.639 What do you think the difference is? 0:27:27.060 --> 0:27:30.870 I think well, for me, I would say critique is 0:27:30.869 --> 0:27:34.590 like positive sandwiching something which I know it's not, but 0:27:34.590 --> 0:27:37.650 I would always say something really nice and positive for start. 0:27:37.650 --> 0:27:40.260 And then I would say, I really like what you've 0:27:40.260 --> 0:27:43.470 done here. Do you think perhaps you could have a 0:27:43.500 --> 0:27:46.740 think about this? But overall you've done a really good job, 0:27:46.770 --> 0:27:49.919 whereas criticism would be like, I hate, why have you 0:27:49.920 --> 0:27:53.070 spelt that that's the wrong there or whatever, because I'm 0:27:53.100 --> 0:27:57.210 an English person. Yeah. Fix it. Yeah. 0:27:57.330 --> 0:28:02.460 Now one tone of voice in that second one, your 0:28:02.460 --> 0:28:08.070 tone of voice came across as a parent. Yes. Critical judging. Harsh. 0:28:09.210 --> 0:28:12.510 And in businesses, it's the parent in us all. We 0:28:12.510 --> 0:28:16.710 have three ego states. One is a parent, one is 0:28:16.710 --> 0:28:19.500 an adult, and one is a child. Now, when my 0:28:19.500 --> 0:28:22.140 granddaughter is pushing a pusher with a doll in it, 0:28:22.560 --> 0:28:26.820 she's been a parent. Good. She takes the doll out 0:28:26.820 --> 0:28:29.490 and tries to sit in the pusher herself. She's now 0:28:29.490 --> 0:28:30.270 being a. 0:28:30.359 --> 0:28:31.020 Baby or the. 0:28:31.020 --> 0:28:35.700 Child When she works out, she can't fit. She's been 0:28:35.700 --> 0:28:40.470 a adult. Yes. Yeah. Those three states. Now I can 0:28:40.470 --> 0:28:44.130 be a concerned, supportive parent. Is everything okay? Can I 0:28:44.160 --> 0:28:49.350 help with anything? Or I can be blaming, judgmental, critical harping, 0:28:49.350 --> 0:28:54.390 carping in the adult ego state. It's proportional, it's calm, 0:28:54.390 --> 0:28:57.840 it's even. And in a child ego state, I can 0:28:57.840 --> 0:29:02.310 throw tantrums. This isn't fair. It's not my fault. Or 0:29:02.310 --> 0:29:08.340 I can be curious and fun. Now to get back 0:29:08.340 --> 0:29:13.350 to criticism and critique critiquing. When we explain to people 0:29:13.350 --> 0:29:17.520 about investigating, we're just critiquing here. We're not criticizing, we're 0:29:17.520 --> 0:29:21.480 not blaming. So let's have a choice about what is 0:29:21.480 --> 0:29:23.760 are the things that we could do to change in 0:29:23.760 --> 0:29:25.620 order for this not to happen again. 0:29:25.620 --> 0:29:28.140 So that's how you phrase it then, don't you frame 0:29:28.140 --> 0:29:28.680 it that way? 0:29:28.680 --> 0:29:29.460 Yes. 0:29:29.460 --> 0:29:32.000 So that's the next one. And then I could say, oh, well, 0:29:32.030 --> 0:29:34.430 we probably could have scheduled this in a calendar, or 0:29:34.430 --> 0:29:36.530 we could have made that phone call and made it 0:29:36.560 --> 0:29:39.200 have a follow up message last night, or have a 0:29:39.200 --> 0:29:40.490 system and a structure. 0:29:40.550 --> 0:29:44.060 Ah, I'm glad you brought up that word structure. The 0:29:44.060 --> 0:29:49.610 number one thing that contributes to strained relationships in family businesses, 0:29:49.610 --> 0:29:56.780 particularly a loose or informal structures, job roles, responsibilities. Who's 0:29:56.780 --> 0:30:01.280 got the authority for this structures is the first place 0:30:01.280 --> 0:30:04.460 in a family mediation that we go to. And in 0:30:04.460 --> 0:30:07.910 one family business, we just put a corporate structure into 0:30:07.910 --> 0:30:11.780 a family business. We had people that were responsible for 0:30:11.780 --> 0:30:16.790 certain areas of the farm. We got people to report. Now, 0:30:16.790 --> 0:30:18.680 the first item, and if people have got a pen 0:30:18.680 --> 0:30:20.390 and a piece of paper, the first item on the 0:30:20.390 --> 0:30:26.390 agenda in any farming business structure that comes under structure, processes, 0:30:26.390 --> 0:30:30.590 procedures come under structure. Exactly what you did there, Janine. Oh, 0:30:30.590 --> 0:30:33.020 next time we should do this. And this. You're focusing 0:30:33.020 --> 0:30:38.660 on changing a process or procedure. So structures is number one. 0:30:38.660 --> 0:30:42.890 So we set an agenda where we agreed to meet 0:30:42.890 --> 0:30:48.920 every month, which is a conflict resolution meeting first on 0:30:48.920 --> 0:30:52.310 an agenda work health and safety. Farms are the most 0:30:52.340 --> 0:30:56.150 one of the most dangerous, especially for men over 60. 0:30:56.300 --> 0:30:58.250 Dangerous workplaces in Australia. 0:30:58.280 --> 0:30:59.930 Why? For men over 60. 0:30:59.960 --> 0:31:03.890 Falls were not. As we lose some muscle mass, our 0:31:03.920 --> 0:31:07.250 ego still says, yes, I can still wrestle that ram 0:31:07.250 --> 0:31:10.370 and we tend to take more risks. But with older 0:31:10.370 --> 0:31:13.340 fellas now I'm 63. I can't jump off the back 0:31:13.340 --> 0:31:15.230 of the ute anymore. Sometimes we try and keep up 0:31:15.230 --> 0:31:16.130 with the young fellas. 0:31:16.160 --> 0:31:18.710 Yep, yep. Okay, so keep going. Sorry. 0:31:18.740 --> 0:31:22.580 So structures work, health and safety. Let's have a five 0:31:22.580 --> 0:31:25.280 minute conversation around work health and safety. And make sure 0:31:25.280 --> 0:31:29.720 it's documented. Every month a different person brings a reminder 0:31:29.720 --> 0:31:33.020 so we share it. Second item on the agenda, which 0:31:33.020 --> 0:31:37.940 is a conflict resolution discussion rework. What were the humps 0:31:37.940 --> 0:31:40.700 and bumps that didn't go right? I was held up 0:31:40.700 --> 0:31:42.920 at the silo with a truck that was reworked. It 0:31:42.920 --> 0:31:45.200 was lost time. Now as soon as you put rework 0:31:45.200 --> 0:31:48.110 on the agenda, guess what happens to the instances of 0:31:48.110 --> 0:31:49.610 rework in that team? 0:31:49.640 --> 0:31:50.690 Less. 0:31:50.870 --> 0:31:52.160 Correct. Why? 0:31:52.190 --> 0:31:53.870 Because they don't want to stand up and say they've 0:31:53.870 --> 0:31:54.710 done the wrong thing. 0:31:54.740 --> 0:32:00.200 Correct. Exactly. Which feeds into accountability. So we're looking at 0:32:00.200 --> 0:32:04.910 structure to improve accountability. And let's have a talk about 0:32:04.910 --> 0:32:08.450 what the rework issue is and how we fix it. 0:32:08.480 --> 0:32:13.250 Third item on the agenda individual reports. We force people 0:32:13.250 --> 0:32:16.430 to talk about what they're doing. And in the reports 0:32:16.430 --> 0:32:19.340 are things like what went really well for me. Last 0:32:19.340 --> 0:32:23.540 month was my best day was my worst day was because. 0:32:23.540 --> 0:32:27.320 So we start talking about those things in an adult 0:32:27.350 --> 0:32:33.560 ego state at a meeting where we're all adults and 0:32:33.560 --> 0:32:37.490 then objectives for next month. So that's an example of structure. 0:32:37.490 --> 0:32:42.680 So the four steps are to resolve conflict better structures. 0:32:42.950 --> 0:32:46.670 Next one we look at is resources. Did you have 0:32:46.670 --> 0:32:50.540 the information technology equipment all the things you needed to 0:32:50.540 --> 0:32:55.190 do a good job. Third item competency. Did you know 0:32:55.190 --> 0:33:00.830 what to do and how to do it? Fourth commitment ambition. 0:33:01.340 --> 0:33:03.950 So we put this statement up in a business that 0:33:03.950 --> 0:33:07.040 says when things go wrong or we don't meet expectations, 0:33:07.040 --> 0:33:10.490 we need to review our structures. We didn't have the 0:33:10.490 --> 0:33:13.550 right resources to do the job properly. I didn't know 0:33:13.550 --> 0:33:15.830 what to do or how to do the job properly 0:33:15.830 --> 0:33:19.550 or commitment. I took a shortcut. Now when we put 0:33:19.550 --> 0:33:23.840 that up, we give everyone permission to talk about conflict 0:33:23.840 --> 0:33:30.280 in an emotionally mature Mindset and space where no one's apparent. 0:33:30.310 --> 0:33:33.940 Talking to others like a child. Yes. 0:33:34.210 --> 0:33:36.280 Got you. So there was a couple of things that 0:33:36.280 --> 0:33:39.400 really piqued my interest when you were speaking, Neville. The 0:33:39.400 --> 0:33:43.810 first one was the rework and how you were saying that. Yeah, 0:33:43.840 --> 0:33:46.210 nobody wants to be the one that stands up and says, oh, 0:33:46.240 --> 0:33:50.080 I marked up. However, you also then went on to 0:33:50.080 --> 0:33:53.650 say that each individual report and then they went and said, oh, 0:33:53.680 --> 0:33:55.930 this went well for me. This didn't go well for me. 0:33:56.560 --> 0:34:00.010 How do you because obviously you want less mistakes, so 0:34:00.010 --> 0:34:04.120 you want less rework, but you don't necessarily want to 0:34:04.120 --> 0:34:07.450 be creating an environment where people don't want to say, oh, 0:34:07.480 --> 0:34:10.450 I mucked up either. And that's where, you know, when 0:34:10.450 --> 0:34:14.380 you're talking about the individual reports, how this went well, 0:34:14.380 --> 0:34:17.170 this didn't go well. I think that's probably where people 0:34:17.170 --> 0:34:20.259 are allowed to be human. They're allowed to make mistakes. 0:34:20.260 --> 0:34:22.960 So what's different with can you see where I'm going 0:34:22.960 --> 0:34:24.130 with this? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 0:34:24.219 --> 0:34:27.040 When it comes from, no one wants to stand up 0:34:27.040 --> 0:34:29.710 and say, I made a mistake. That's as ridiculous as 0:34:29.710 --> 0:34:33.910 everyone wants to stand up and say they've made mistakes. 0:34:34.030 --> 0:34:38.979 We try and create an environment because we're human. We 0:34:38.980 --> 0:34:43.719 want to create an environment where people feel supported, to 0:34:43.750 --> 0:34:50.410 take responsibility and without fear of retribution, snide remarks, sarcasm, 0:34:50.530 --> 0:34:55.900 or being judged or feeling like a child. However, we 0:34:55.900 --> 0:34:59.859 are human. Like the other day I backed out and 0:34:59.860 --> 0:35:01.960 just backed into a bit of a drum. Now I 0:35:01.960 --> 0:35:05.830 should have been paid more attention, right? But we're human. 0:35:05.830 --> 0:35:09.670 We are. We're going to have lapses. But that what 0:35:09.670 --> 0:35:13.300 we mentioned earlier about the number one thing that impacts 0:35:13.300 --> 0:35:15.370 on our health more than anything else is being part 0:35:15.370 --> 0:35:20.770 of a supportive, caring group. So we do want an 0:35:20.770 --> 0:35:24.310 environment where the leader says, and a client of ours 0:35:24.310 --> 0:35:31.719 who was particularly hard to manage. Emotionally immature child, threw 0:35:31.750 --> 0:35:37.000 tantrums and called people aholes when after hanging up and 0:35:37.000 --> 0:35:41.740 I said to him, I've failed here. I'm taking responsibility, 0:35:41.770 --> 0:35:44.410 such and such. Here you can have your money back 0:35:44.410 --> 0:35:48.489 because you're still talking like this and not taking responsibility 0:35:48.520 --> 0:35:52.810 for the work environment that you've created here. Now, if 0:35:52.840 --> 0:35:57.970 you don't acknowledge this to staff, then I'm sacking myself 0:35:58.000 --> 0:36:01.870 and taking responsibility just prior to the Christmas party. He 0:36:01.870 --> 0:36:05.290 stood up in front of everyone and apologised and said, 0:36:05.290 --> 0:36:08.920 this is my fault, like that person did at the school. 0:36:09.070 --> 0:36:10.900 Because you led by example, didn't you. 0:36:10.930 --> 0:36:15.820 Lead by example? And it made everyone else permission to 0:36:15.850 --> 0:36:17.739 put their hand up and say, oh, I didn't do 0:36:17.770 --> 0:36:22.480 my best here. Now that what's creates a super performing 0:36:22.510 --> 0:36:26.580 team where they feel supported and encouraged, not condemned. 0:36:26.850 --> 0:36:29.610 And also one where it's not. We're not trying to 0:36:29.640 --> 0:36:33.419 reach perfection because perfection is not really achievable, but it's 0:36:33.420 --> 0:36:35.370 just very good. 0:36:35.940 --> 0:36:39.810 Actually, very perfect is the enemy of very good, the enemy. 0:36:40.170 --> 0:36:44.040 We put in place this continuous improvement process, and we 0:36:44.040 --> 0:36:49.140 give people permission to talk about their mishaps. And in 0:36:49.140 --> 0:36:53.370 in one place in particular, a trucking company, there was 0:36:53.370 --> 0:36:57.810 six departments all headed up by men, very deadline driven, 0:36:57.810 --> 0:37:00.509 and you could almost smell the testosterone in the room. 0:37:00.600 --> 0:37:05.790 And the and we introduced two things into their reports 0:37:05.790 --> 0:37:09.390 that got them more collaborative and more cooperative. Two things. 0:37:10.020 --> 0:37:14.490 And those two things were maintenance actions, relationship maintenance actions. 0:37:14.520 --> 0:37:21.420 One was what I'm struggling with is now I said, 0:37:21.420 --> 0:37:25.770 what I said yes. What I'm struggling with though a 0:37:25.770 --> 0:37:29.850 deadline driven. They were resource poor. We all struggle. Life's 0:37:29.850 --> 0:37:32.790 a contact sport. And the other thing. So when they 0:37:32.820 --> 0:37:35.640 that was in their monthly report, when they said I'm 0:37:35.640 --> 0:37:38.820 struggling with this, it triggered off that empathy response and said, 0:37:38.850 --> 0:37:41.280 oh look I could help you with that. Or they 0:37:41.280 --> 0:37:43.859 knew in their department, if they did their job better, 0:37:43.860 --> 0:37:46.470 it would help the others in the other department that 0:37:46.469 --> 0:37:49.290 empathy and the other one that they had to report 0:37:49.290 --> 0:37:52.649 on was who I'd like to thank for making my 0:37:52.650 --> 0:37:53.549 job easier. 0:37:53.580 --> 0:37:54.810 That's a good one. 0:37:54.840 --> 0:37:57.840 Who I'd like to thank. In a men's health group, 0:37:57.840 --> 0:38:00.120 I put up five sums on a whiteboard and I 0:38:00.120 --> 0:38:02.550 get one wrong. Just simple sums like five plus five 0:38:02.580 --> 0:38:05.069 equals ten. But I get one wrong on purpose. And 0:38:05.070 --> 0:38:08.640 I say, what do you notice said? And someone inevitably says, 0:38:08.640 --> 0:38:11.339 you can't add up. And I said, oh, you never 0:38:11.340 --> 0:38:14.730 said congratulations, you got four, right? That fifth 1st May 0:38:14.730 --> 0:38:19.920 need a bit of an adjustment. So having people permission 0:38:20.280 --> 0:38:28.170 and supported Especially feeling vulnerable is a really courageous approach. 0:38:28.170 --> 0:38:32.190 And if it's done by leaders, sorry guys, I've stuffed 0:38:32.190 --> 0:38:36.840 up here and seeing someone maturely in an adult ego state. 0:38:36.870 --> 0:38:40.589 Take responsibility gives everyone else permission to do that too. 0:38:40.980 --> 0:38:44.460 It makes such sense. And you were talking about resourcing 0:38:44.460 --> 0:38:46.950 and the truck drivers with their low resources. And you 0:38:46.950 --> 0:38:49.500 said it made a comment earlier before when you were 0:38:49.500 --> 0:38:53.550 talking about the structures and then the resourcing. How do 0:38:53.550 --> 0:38:57.510 you talk to farmers about resourcing? Because I feel like 0:38:57.510 --> 0:38:59.910 that would be an area where a lot of conflict 0:38:59.910 --> 0:39:05.700 comes up because one, if resources are tight, because there's 0:39:05.730 --> 0:39:08.340 you're trying to be profitable, there's a drought or whatever 0:39:08.340 --> 0:39:10.680 it is, or they're cutting hay, for example, but that's 0:39:10.950 --> 0:39:12.960 a high input thing, but they haven't got a lot 0:39:12.989 --> 0:39:15.930 of money. The resources are going to be less. The 0:39:15.930 --> 0:39:18.570 stress is going to be high. That means the emotions 0:39:18.570 --> 0:39:21.090 are going to be high. But you're saying just give 0:39:21.090 --> 0:39:23.880 them more resources. But in farming, that's not always so easy. 0:39:23.910 --> 0:39:25.890 What do you do now? 0:39:26.160 --> 0:39:31.259 Firstly, all through since cave people, we've fought over resources. 0:39:31.770 --> 0:39:36.450 We still are fighting over resources today. Look what's happening 0:39:36.450 --> 0:39:42.150 in over in Russia. Fighting over resources. Land. We've always 0:39:42.150 --> 0:39:47.580 done it. And today we can be resource poor. And 0:39:47.580 --> 0:39:51.270 there's plenty on, especially on farms when we're looking at 0:39:51.270 --> 0:39:56.160 the resources. And in some inputs, like rain is an 0:39:56.160 --> 0:39:59.850 input way more. Look at the resources that are within 0:39:59.850 --> 0:40:04.230 our influence or control to provide. Now, I was on 0:40:04.230 --> 0:40:08.640 a board of a grain cleaning business and in our 0:40:08.640 --> 0:40:12.720 strategic plan was to add bunkers, but that meant buying 0:40:12.750 --> 0:40:15.630 the land next door. It took us four years to 0:40:15.630 --> 0:40:18.870 do that, and when we're looking at a business fixing 0:40:18.870 --> 0:40:23.060 it up, we put all the opportunities into a matrix, 0:40:23.060 --> 0:40:27.290 into one of four areas one. High impact, low cost. 0:40:27.739 --> 0:40:32.029 We do all those first. Yeah. Low impact, high cost. 0:40:32.060 --> 0:40:36.050 We get rid of those. High impact high cost may 0:40:36.050 --> 0:40:39.350 need to go into a capital expenditure budget or something 0:40:39.350 --> 0:40:41.810 like that. It may take some years to get out, 0:40:41.840 --> 0:40:45.620 but realistically we look at the minimum resources that we 0:40:45.620 --> 0:40:50.000 need here to make sure that we can still remain viable. 0:40:50.030 --> 0:40:52.640 People in groups fight over resources. 0:40:52.969 --> 0:40:55.219 Can you give me an example? Because I feel like 0:40:55.219 --> 0:40:57.590 that would really help our listeners. So I'm thinking I'm 0:40:57.590 --> 0:41:02.000 thinking harvest time, Neville and everyone. It's an expectation. As 0:41:02.000 --> 0:41:05.330 we talked about before, the works on We've Got to Work. 0:41:05.330 --> 0:41:09.710 But then someone was tired and the chaser bin was 0:41:09.710 --> 0:41:13.939 going and oh no, I've just smashed the auger off 0:41:13.940 --> 0:41:17.149 the side of the header because I wasn't communicating properly 0:41:17.150 --> 0:41:21.860 with the chaser bin driver or something. Everybody's tired. Rushing up. 0:41:21.890 --> 0:41:24.650 The rain's coming. We've got to get it off. What 0:41:24.650 --> 0:41:27.680 would have been ideal is if we had another header 0:41:27.680 --> 0:41:31.280 driver or another chaser bin person to take over, but 0:41:31.280 --> 0:41:33.560 the fact is we can't get anyone, Neville, because it's 0:41:33.560 --> 0:41:36.110 really hard to get farm workers at the moment. And 0:41:36.110 --> 0:41:38.600 then I'm having a big, you know, radio war with 0:41:38.630 --> 0:41:41.480 the chaser bin driver or I'm not. But you know, 0:41:41.510 --> 0:41:44.480 what are we doing? Easier said than done, I feel. 0:41:44.510 --> 0:41:50.150 Oh, absolutely. In one farm where an incident occurred and 0:41:50.150 --> 0:41:55.610 they went through the structure, resources, competence, commitment process, they 0:41:55.610 --> 0:42:00.260 made a decision that I hadn't heard of before and 0:42:00.260 --> 0:42:04.520 during harvest, to have a day off once a fortnight, 0:42:05.330 --> 0:42:07.879 a day off in harvest, because they had a look 0:42:07.880 --> 0:42:11.390 at it and they said, we've never got the crop off, 0:42:11.719 --> 0:42:16.280 but there's this culture of sickness. Let's go just in 0:42:16.280 --> 0:42:20.239 case there's one chance in 100 or 50 we're going 0:42:20.270 --> 0:42:23.810 to be flooded out or, you know something's going to happen. 0:42:23.810 --> 0:42:27.770 So they knew that sleep was a resource, and there 0:42:27.770 --> 0:42:31.819 wasn't just the people, the numbers of people out there, 0:42:31.820 --> 0:42:35.960 like as far as every one of our agricultural clients 0:42:35.989 --> 0:42:39.680 has a position vacant. Yeah, but they made the decision 0:42:39.680 --> 0:42:42.260 to have a day off every fortnight for where people 0:42:42.260 --> 0:42:46.580 could refresh, for example. So when the times are resource poor, 0:42:46.610 --> 0:42:50.930 we've just got to go through the process of refitting 0:42:50.930 --> 0:42:54.890 and it's often much easier said than done. But follow 0:42:54.890 --> 0:42:58.610 that process structure, resources, competencies, commitment. 0:42:58.610 --> 0:43:02.210 That makes so much sense when you see sleep as 0:43:02.210 --> 0:43:05.270 a resource, I feel. And then if you rather than 0:43:05.270 --> 0:43:08.030 trying to change something at harvest time or a month 0:43:08.030 --> 0:43:10.549 before harvest, if you really go back and do that 0:43:10.550 --> 0:43:14.270 planning in your culture, as you say, then you're going 0:43:14.270 --> 0:43:17.860 to see sleep as a resource, which I just I've 0:43:17.860 --> 0:43:20.109 never heard of that before really. It is such a 0:43:20.110 --> 0:43:22.390 resource and I think it would save. Not only is 0:43:22.390 --> 0:43:24.580 it going to save the conflict, but it's also going 0:43:24.580 --> 0:43:27.370 to save probably farm safety as well, because I feel 0:43:27.370 --> 0:43:33.550 like there's a real in farming, there's an expectation or 0:43:33.550 --> 0:43:36.910 an idea that's just farming, that farming is just manic 0:43:36.910 --> 0:43:40.390 or harvest is just manic, when really, if we take 0:43:40.390 --> 0:43:43.060 the time, as you say, to, to plan, we not 0:43:43.060 --> 0:43:46.509 only are we probably looking after our health better, we're 0:43:46.510 --> 0:43:48.910 not going to smash up the machinery less conflict, which 0:43:48.940 --> 0:43:51.100 as you say, is the most important thing for our 0:43:51.100 --> 0:43:53.589 health is a relationships are going to be better, but 0:43:53.590 --> 0:43:55.989 everything is just going to run smoother. And I think 0:43:56.020 --> 0:43:58.210 just putting maybe we should have that in the spreadsheet. 0:43:58.239 --> 0:44:03.730 Sleep well. Um, we provide farms with what we call 0:44:03.730 --> 0:44:07.989 a farm activity and responsibility manager. It's a spreadsheet. In it, 0:44:07.989 --> 0:44:11.410 they put all their processes like planning. When are we 0:44:11.440 --> 0:44:14.320 going to do post harvest debrief is what are the 0:44:14.320 --> 0:44:18.430 learnings like in this um, just leaves the grand final, 0:44:18.430 --> 0:44:21.969 for example. That's just at this time that we're doing this, 0:44:22.000 --> 0:44:26.440 the AFL Brisbane Lions lost last year's grand final, and 0:44:26.440 --> 0:44:28.480 what they got them to do was write down all 0:44:28.480 --> 0:44:31.989 the learnings that they took from that. And how do 0:44:31.989 --> 0:44:35.260 we apply it in next year? It's a basic conflict 0:44:35.290 --> 0:44:37.210 resolution process. 0:44:37.270 --> 0:44:39.700 Chris Bacon just said he modelled off Sydney didn't he, 0:44:39.730 --> 0:44:40.960 in the speech. Yeah. 0:44:40.960 --> 0:44:43.660 Thank you Sydney. And we beat you with it as well. 0:44:45.040 --> 0:44:47.710 It was like oh but it was a good game. 0:44:47.830 --> 0:44:50.890 I thought that was an interesting comment though. We've covered 0:44:50.890 --> 0:44:53.770 a lot of ground that I am conscious of your time, 0:44:53.770 --> 0:44:55.540 but I did have a couple of other things that 0:44:55.540 --> 0:44:58.630 I just wanted to to cover. So you have something 0:44:58.630 --> 0:45:02.230 that you use called Browse Up? Yes. I wanted you 0:45:02.230 --> 0:45:06.730 to explain that, but I also wanted you to explain 0:45:06.730 --> 0:45:11.200 how you keep them up, Neville. Because and how you 0:45:11.200 --> 0:45:13.840 are aware that even your eyebrows are down. 0:45:14.770 --> 0:45:18.850 Oh, look, in 2004, we were involved in doing some 0:45:18.850 --> 0:45:21.790 men's health right through outback New South Wales in the 0:45:21.790 --> 0:45:24.670 grips of the millennium drought. And it's still one of 0:45:24.670 --> 0:45:27.279 the most profound things that I've been involved in. Men 0:45:27.280 --> 0:45:32.049 came along to this evening. If this has raised any issues, 0:45:32.050 --> 0:45:37.270 please reach out. But men more than 400% more likely 0:45:37.270 --> 0:45:42.069 to complete suicide than women. Wow. We went around outback 0:45:42.070 --> 0:45:46.300 New South Wales, Tilpa, Nymagee, Brewarrina, and we got men 0:45:46.300 --> 0:45:50.589 to complete depression health checks. And the next day we 0:45:50.620 --> 0:45:55.419 went through the health checks and contacted people with high scores. Now, 0:45:55.420 --> 0:45:58.030 it was a throwaway line at one of these nights 0:45:58.270 --> 0:46:00.730 and said, boys, when you go home with your eyebrows up, 0:46:00.880 --> 0:46:03.640 if you go home with eyebrows down, you look grumpy, 0:46:03.640 --> 0:46:05.920 then the partner looks grumpy, and then the kids say, 0:46:05.950 --> 0:46:11.590 oh shit, moods are contagious. Bad pushes out good. So 0:46:11.620 --> 0:46:14.480 me having my eyebrows up just makes me cognizant of 0:46:14.480 --> 0:46:18.380 how I'm feeling, especially in stressful situations. Many years ago, 0:46:18.380 --> 0:46:21.830 one of my sons and I shared this person. I 0:46:21.830 --> 0:46:24.950 know one of their sons said, dad, we need to 0:46:24.950 --> 0:46:27.170 have a chat, but can you eyebrows be up? 0:46:27.260 --> 0:46:28.910 You must have been having them down a lot. 0:46:29.150 --> 0:46:31.790 Oh well. Well, I was in our household. We have 0:46:31.790 --> 0:46:34.640 permission to tell each other. Keep your eyebrows up. It's 0:46:34.640 --> 0:46:37.550 just a little trigger. And that's why we call our 0:46:37.550 --> 0:46:41.060 group brows up. It's just a little reminder in a 0:46:41.060 --> 0:46:44.570 funny way. And when we're doing a leadership course, two 0:46:44.570 --> 0:46:48.440 people left this leadership course and said, let's eyebrow stuff. 0:46:48.469 --> 0:46:52.130 Old mate. And old mate was the truck driver that 0:46:52.130 --> 0:46:54.560 came and delivered product to them. That always must have 0:46:54.560 --> 0:46:58.520 been in a shitty mood. So with an abundance of 0:46:58.520 --> 0:47:02.120 eyebrows up, all the staff there greeted this bloke with 0:47:02.120 --> 0:47:04.819 their eyebrows up and he said, Neville after a week, 0:47:04.850 --> 0:47:07.819 his eyebrows up with two and he was saying good 0:47:07.820 --> 0:47:10.580 thanks with a smile on his face. It is a 0:47:10.580 --> 0:47:15.780 basic human need for someone to look pleased to see us. 0:47:16.800 --> 0:47:19.560 And it's such an easy thing to do, isn't it? Simple. 0:47:19.560 --> 0:47:23.219 It's simple. And as you say, attitudes or they they 0:47:23.219 --> 0:47:26.760 are contagious. Have you got something that you use? Because 0:47:26.760 --> 0:47:30.180 in mediation I'm sure that the temperatures get gets a 0:47:30.180 --> 0:47:33.660 bit hot. Do you have something that you can feel 0:47:33.660 --> 0:47:37.110 in your body or a way of telling yourself, oh, 0:47:37.140 --> 0:47:39.840 my eyebrows are starting to come down, or I'm starting 0:47:39.870 --> 0:47:42.870 to get a bit heated here. I've got to step 0:47:42.870 --> 0:47:46.200 away because I feel like for some people that's quite easy. 0:47:46.200 --> 0:47:49.530 But then for other people it can go from adult 0:47:49.560 --> 0:47:52.290 to child state in seconds. Look, it's. 0:47:52.290 --> 0:47:58.500 Something with just with conflict before we finish, fight, flight, freeze, compromise, 0:47:58.500 --> 0:48:04.380 collaborate or accommodate. There's people can undertake some training in 0:48:04.380 --> 0:48:11.940 this now self-awareness and emotional maturity, especially emotional maturity. That's 0:48:11.969 --> 0:48:15.990 where my emotional maturity. If the stressor is a two 0:48:16.020 --> 0:48:18.330 out of ten, I'm going to have a two out 0:48:18.330 --> 0:48:22.529 of ten reaction, not an eight out of ten. A 0:48:22.530 --> 0:48:25.560 person I was doing some counseling with said once, this 0:48:25.560 --> 0:48:32.190 week's been a disaster, right? I said, disaster, what's happening 0:48:32.190 --> 0:48:35.040 over in Israel and places like that, that's a disaster. 0:48:35.040 --> 0:48:39.060 And there's some things are. And I said the disaster 0:48:39.060 --> 0:48:42.960 was two people disagreed with the decision she made. So 0:48:42.960 --> 0:48:47.339 this week's been a disaster. Yeah. It's disproportional. We all realize. 0:48:47.340 --> 0:48:50.280 And it's that awfulizing this is the worst place in 0:48:50.280 --> 0:48:52.739 the world to work. A staff member said to me 0:48:52.770 --> 0:48:55.710 once and I said, shit, you've been busy. 0:48:57.900 --> 0:48:58.469 I would love. 0:48:58.469 --> 0:49:01.230 That. Where can I see your passport? 0:49:01.260 --> 0:49:02.279 Way to validate. 0:49:02.280 --> 0:49:06.150 It. Yeah, well, you shouldn't be sarcastic. That's what I thought, right? 0:49:06.180 --> 0:49:10.380 I never said say it. I thought of it, though. 0:49:10.410 --> 0:49:13.290 My child nearly got out in a way on me. 0:49:13.290 --> 0:49:19.020 So being cognizant, knowing I'm getting a bit wound up, 0:49:19.020 --> 0:49:23.220 that internal voice, just what you said to yourself. And 0:49:23.219 --> 0:49:26.520 at that point I choose to disengage, which is avoid 0:49:26.520 --> 0:49:30.540 part of conflict just until I can take some deep breaths. 0:49:30.540 --> 0:49:33.900 And I've stopped several mediations and said, look, I'm just 0:49:33.900 --> 0:49:35.880 going to have a time out. They said, no, we 0:49:35.880 --> 0:49:37.469 don't need a time out. And I said, yeah, I 0:49:37.469 --> 0:49:40.380 need one. I'm just going to go for a walk. 0:49:40.380 --> 0:49:42.450 But that's good, though, that you can say that. And 0:49:42.450 --> 0:49:45.000 then that would allow them to have permission to do 0:49:45.000 --> 0:49:45.420 that as well. 0:49:45.450 --> 0:49:49.080 Absolutely. I know when you get on this anger and 0:49:49.080 --> 0:49:52.140 gets away on us, it's like a rollercoaster ride. You 0:49:52.140 --> 0:49:54.720 can't steer it. You can't slow it down. You've just 0:49:54.719 --> 0:49:57.570 got to hang on. And I know where I am 0:49:57.570 --> 0:49:59.910 in that queue to get on this roller coaster ride, 0:49:59.910 --> 0:50:02.910 and I choose to step out of the queue when 0:50:02.910 --> 0:50:06.660 it's about to become my turn. That awareness, that's where 0:50:06.660 --> 0:50:09.000 people have a very short wick. And I just want 0:50:09.030 --> 0:50:11.719 to go back to this structure bit just really quickly. 0:50:11.870 --> 0:50:16.340 We had a client that used to throw tantrums. Shocker. 0:50:16.370 --> 0:50:21.350 Now he'd been to several psychologists to help to no avail. 0:50:21.380 --> 0:50:24.859 But we went back to structures to fix it. His team, 0:50:24.860 --> 0:50:30.290 he had three on the management team. His business, with 0:50:30.290 --> 0:50:34.670 his permission, at each monthly meeting structure. We got them 0:50:34.670 --> 0:50:38.029 to report on how many tantrums he threw. What was 0:50:38.030 --> 0:50:45.230 it over and how they felt? Structure? Yes. His permission. 0:50:45.290 --> 0:50:47.660 So when we came to the next monthly meeting and 0:50:47.660 --> 0:50:49.489 they had to give the reports, he had a smile 0:50:49.489 --> 0:50:54.110 on his face because he knew that he'd behaved. So 0:50:54.110 --> 0:50:58.100 we went back to that structure to fix the process, 0:50:58.130 --> 0:51:03.830 to change the process which impacted on his commitment to behave. 0:51:04.610 --> 0:51:06.680 Because you had his permission, which I think is very. 0:51:06.860 --> 0:51:09.739 Permission. We didn't ambush him with this because he's an 0:51:09.739 --> 0:51:11.270 emotionally immature guy. 0:51:11.390 --> 0:51:12.980 You might have had a tantrum. 0:51:13.010 --> 0:51:19.340 Correct. And they were so appreciative of his change of approach, 0:51:19.610 --> 0:51:23.330 so appreciative. And it just calmed everything down. We did 0:51:23.330 --> 0:51:26.000 say to him, eyebrows up, they had permission to say, hey, 0:51:26.030 --> 0:51:31.219 eyebrows up. So we set that up and it improved. 0:51:31.219 --> 0:51:35.060 And then I got him aside and I said, now 0:51:35.060 --> 0:51:38.090 you are in trouble. He said, why? You do have 0:51:38.090 --> 0:51:42.980 control in that situation. We do have control. It doesn't 0:51:42.980 --> 0:51:46.759 have to get away on us. That emotional maturity. 0:51:47.060 --> 0:51:50.419 That's a very good point to finish on. I just 0:51:50.570 --> 0:51:53.540 wanted to go over what we'd spoken about though. So 0:51:53.540 --> 0:51:57.410 the VIP with the with the white flag probably is the. 0:51:57.650 --> 0:52:00.620 One that's that's not surrender, that's truce. 0:52:00.650 --> 0:52:06.320 Truce. And then the validate investigate, which is the critique, 0:52:06.320 --> 0:52:10.370 not the criticism. And then you pick the solution. And 0:52:10.370 --> 0:52:14.180 then you were talking about the structures. And then can 0:52:14.180 --> 0:52:14.989 you just say that again? 0:52:15.080 --> 0:52:20.989 Sources. Competencies. Commitment. We've got a farm health check audit 0:52:20.989 --> 0:52:24.109 that measures the gaps between what's actually happening and what 0:52:24.110 --> 0:52:28.160 everyone feels should be happening. Now, to fix those gaps, 0:52:28.160 --> 0:52:32.660 you improve your structures, your resources, your competencies, commitment. They're 0:52:32.690 --> 0:52:33.920 the root causes. 0:52:33.920 --> 0:52:37.760 So if you had one piece of advice for listeners, 0:52:37.760 --> 0:52:41.090 someone that's listening to this because they have a particular 0:52:41.090 --> 0:52:45.259 incident or something in mind, what would the first piece 0:52:45.260 --> 0:52:46.460 of advice be for them? 0:52:46.460 --> 0:52:48.380 Neville, take a deep breath. 0:52:49.340 --> 0:52:53.630 I thought you were going to say, sweetheart, that's a shame. 0:52:55.910 --> 0:53:00.469 Well, I will say is best of luck. Take a 0:53:00.469 --> 0:53:05.900 deep breath. Usually we look at the ranking as far 0:53:05.900 --> 0:53:10.700 as Stressor, like 100 out of 100 stressors is the 0:53:10.700 --> 0:53:13.339 death of a child. For example, 80 out of 100 0:53:13.370 --> 0:53:18.410 is jailed, been jailed, 60 out of 100 is moving house, 0:53:18.770 --> 0:53:22.070 70th May be losing, being sacked from the job. So 0:53:22.070 --> 0:53:24.170 the first step that we look at is where is 0:53:24.170 --> 0:53:26.870 this on this ranking? Because I don't say to people, 0:53:26.870 --> 0:53:30.170 just eyebrows up if it's tragic. Yeah. And life's a 0:53:30.170 --> 0:53:33.620 contact sport. But most of what we get steamed up about, 0:53:33.620 --> 0:53:36.230 and most of it is low level stuff that's been 0:53:36.230 --> 0:53:40.100 built up over a long period of time can become chronic. 0:53:40.670 --> 0:53:44.420 But the first step is take a deep breath. Second 0:53:44.420 --> 0:53:47.839 step is saying, now what part am I contributing to this? 0:53:47.870 --> 0:53:51.589 What can I fix really quickly and take responsibility for? 0:53:51.620 --> 0:53:55.520 And then what better structures, resources, competencies, or commitment could 0:53:55.520 --> 0:53:56.570 I put in place? 0:53:56.600 --> 0:54:00.050 Sounds good. Now, is there anything else you wanted to add, Neville? 0:54:00.110 --> 0:54:03.080 Yes. Just with the blokes out there. Our death rate 0:54:03.080 --> 0:54:05.120 is twice that of women up to the age of 60. 0:54:05.150 --> 0:54:10.510 Yet we access Medicare services 30% less than women. Dads. 0:54:10.510 --> 0:54:15.340 It's okay. Let go the pen. You can never do 0:54:15.340 --> 0:54:20.170 succession planning too early. We can do it when it's 0:54:20.170 --> 0:54:27.520 too late and have a sense of humour. One day 0:54:27.520 --> 0:54:33.130 we are all going to be dead. Enjoy some of 0:54:33.130 --> 0:54:36.730 the fights that we're having and don't get stressed over 0:54:36.730 --> 0:54:40.630 the small stuff. Have a chuckle and keep your eyebrows up. 0:54:41.830 --> 0:54:44.259 If you love the podcast and would like to show 0:54:44.260 --> 0:54:47.710 your support, please rate us five stars. Wherever you listen 0:54:47.710 --> 0:54:50.469 to your podcasts and share it with your friends. We'll 0:54:50.469 --> 0:54:51.760 catch you again soon. 0:54:52.510 --> 0:54:56.739 BCG drives the prosperity of Australian farmers, communities and landscapes 0:54:56.739 --> 0:55:00.609 through applied research, innovation and events. To find out more 0:55:00.610 --> 0:55:03.520 about what we're up to, our team and events near you, 0:55:03.550 --> 0:55:06.279 visit BCG. Warrego.