S1: When we see this picture of a loving home in
S1: the Old Testament, and it talks about this man who
S1: fears the Lord walks in his ways and is blessed,
S1: it says, and I don't think it's an accident. Your
S1: children will be as Olive shoots around the table. And
S1: so we have this beautiful picture of faith transference that's
S1: happening in one particular location that's like no other, and
S1: it happens around the meal.
S2: Welcome to building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman, author of
S2: the New York Times best seller The Five Love Languages.
S2: Our guest today believes you can change the world from
S2: your kitchen table. Pastor and author Doctor Ryan Rush will
S2: encourage you to have meals together as a family. Hear
S2: why he believes this is so important. Straight ahead on
S2: Moody Radio.
S3: This is going to be a positive, helpful conversation about
S3: something tangible you can do to foster real transformation in
S3: your family. There's so much we have no control over
S3: in our society today, but here's one simple thing you
S3: can do.
S2: If you go to building relationships us, you'll find our
S2: featured resource, the book Restore the Table. Again, go to
S2: Building Relationships us.
S3: Gary, I want to hear from you about the importance
S3: of family meal times. Did you experience this as a child?
S3: And then when you and Carolyn had children and they
S3: were still at home, you know?
S4: Yes, Chris, I grew up, I would not have thought
S4: about it. It was just what we did in the
S4: home I grew up in. It was just my sister
S4: and I and mom and dad. Uh, but we had
S4: a meal together every night and around the table. We talked, uh, now,
S4: when our kids came along, uh, we, uh, we this
S4: was really huge. In fact, our our adult kids look
S4: back and say that one of the most meaningful things
S4: that they remember about our family was the meal times
S4: in which we sat around the table and talked because
S4: we would not only, uh, you know, talk, talk while
S4: we're eating. But after we finished eating, we would just
S4: sit there and have conversations. In fact, my son would
S4: bring folks home from college, you know, friends home from college.
S4: And of course, they would just become a part of
S4: our family for that meal. And all they would say
S4: to him later is, your family do that every night.
S4: I mean, I never have sat around that long after
S4: we eat and talk. And so, yeah, I'm excited about
S4: our program today because I think this is a huge
S4: issue and there's a lot of potential for changing relationships.
S3: Well, there is life here. And from what you just said,
S3: I can't wait to hear what Doctor Ryan Rush has
S3: to say about that. He serves as pastor of Kingsland
S3: Baptist Church in Katy, Texas, outside of Houston. For more
S3: than 20 years, he's been on a mission to connect
S3: church and home life. He teaches doctoral students in the
S3: Marriage and Family program at Dallas Theological Seminary, and his
S3: latest book is our featured resource at Building Relationships US.
S3: It's titled Restore the Table. Just remember those three words
S3: restore the table. The subtitle is Discovering the powerful connections
S3: of meaningful meal Times. Again, go to building relationships.us.
S4: Well, Doctor Rush, welcome to Building Relationships.
S1: Gary. What an honor to be with you and Chris
S1: today and to talk about one of my favorite subjects.
S4: Well, tell me the story behind your interest in meaningful
S4: meal times. Where does it come from?
S1: Yeah, Gary, when you introed here, my heart just leapt
S1: because you said something that I hear all the time,
S1: and that is that this used to be a regular
S1: part of our family life, and we really didn't think
S1: about it being that important. So a lot of people
S1: don't even realize that we've lost it. And so when
S1: I became the pastor of Kingsland, uh, just outside of Houston, uh,
S1: ten years ago, I wanted some way, some tangible way
S1: to really encourage our families to take their faith home
S1: and for parents to really grab hold of that, that
S1: identity as the primary faith trainers. And so we created this, uh,
S1: this campaign we called Restore the Table at the time.
S1: And I'll be honest with you, the the idea was
S1: not that it was going to have this transformational change
S1: in the home. I just thought it might be something
S1: that would be an easy win for every family. That
S1: would at least be a first step toward moms and
S1: dads kind of reclaiming the home as a place of discipleship.
S1: What happened was that it had a far greater impact
S1: than I ever even imagined. Um, because we didn't realize
S1: how much we'd lost when we didn't do that. So
S1: families said, okay, we'll take the 40 day challenge of
S1: five meaningful meal times a week with the ones we love,
S1: and they started to have conversations for the first time.
S1: They had forgotten how long it had been since the
S1: television had been off, when they were eating together as
S1: a family, or the phones were set aside, um, kids
S1: started sharing things with their parents that they had not
S1: shared just because they hadn't had the avenue to share it.
S1: And so parents started to realize there were some things
S1: to work on, and the ripple effects just went on
S1: and on.
S4: Well, that's exciting. You know, uh, I hope some pastors
S4: who are listening may adopt that idea in their church
S4: and just encourage people to have five nights, uh, you know,
S4: a week in which they have a meal together and
S4: talk while they eat. So, uh, now you had an
S4: experience in Africa also that impacted you.
S1: Right? So the funny thing about restoring the table, and
S1: once you capture that, that moment with your family is
S1: we found that it's also an incredible opportunity to invite
S1: others to the table along the way. And so once
S1: you have this, these meaningful meal times when you bring.
S1: Somebody to the table, the barriers tend to come down.
S1: So I, uh, a couple of years ago had the
S1: opportunity to travel to Somaliland in Africa. It's it's a
S1: country most people haven't heard of because you're familiar with Somalia,
S1: the place where Black Hawk Down was filmed or the
S1: actual story took place, or I think Captain Phillips happened there.
S1: So that's what we think of when we think of Somalia.
S1: Somaliland is an offshoot of Somalia. They declared their independence
S1: and had a civil war to earn it in the 90s,
S1: sort of a forgotten nation because the United Nations has
S1: refused to acknowledge their sovereignty. I think they're afraid that
S1: if they acknowledge it, then other countries can just decide
S1: they want to be independent as well. And and it
S1: could become a problem regardless. These are wonderful people, but
S1: they're almost 100% Muslim. They have very little in common
S1: with me, a Christian pastor, but they have very few schools.
S1: They have real difficult times economically. And so we, uh,
S1: through a missions partner, had an opportunity to get into
S1: the nation and, uh, had the common ground, the common
S1: value of education. So we built a school in memory
S1: of some dear friends of, uh, my wife and I's.
S1: And so we went in and as you can imagine,
S1: we went in to dedicate this school. They were appreciative
S1: of the school, but they were very standoffish. They were
S1: trying to figure out, you know, how they could relate
S1: to us. We made no, um, you know, no mystery
S1: of the fact that we were followers of Jesus Christ and,
S1: you know, came out of the love of God and
S1: the love of Christ, but also wanted to respect them.
S1: So we went dedicated the school. Everybody was just sort
S1: of to themselves. And then we went to this meal
S1: at the, uh, kind of civic center in the middle
S1: of this town in Somaliland, and sat down with maybe
S1: 18 of us. So the couple who'd lost their son,
S1: who were dear friends of mine, our mission's pastor, um,
S1: some other people who had come alongside us to, to
S1: be a part of it. And then a bunch of
S1: officials like governors, the, uh, the head of education for
S1: the country of Somaliland, people like that sitting at this table,
S1: very formal. And we had all these dishes on the table,
S1: most of which I could not identify. Um, and, you know,
S1: sometimes if you've been there, you don't really want to
S1: identify those dishes. You just want to. It's like like
S1: the old saying is, it's, uh, it's my job to, uh,
S1: to get it down. It's God's job to keep it down,
S1: kind of that kind of thing. So we, uh, we
S1: begin to eat, and, um, as we're eating, I look
S1: over at the guy next to me and, you know,
S1: natural questions start to be asked. Tell me about your family.
S1: How did you get involved in education? Um, you know,
S1: where have you traveled? Things like that. Before long, pictures
S1: of families come out, and I look around this table,
S1: and the walls have just come down. And all of
S1: a sudden we've become friends. And it's the most amazing thing.
S1: And I'm telling you, Gary, I don't think it would
S1: have happened apart from that meal. My wife just got
S1: back from Somaliland a month ago, and we dedicated the
S1: second school. This time it's really close to home because it's, uh,
S1: it's the first school for special needs children in the
S1: entire country. And it was named for our daughter, Lily.
S1: And so a real special time. But I don't think
S1: it could have happened had those friendships not been forged
S1: around the table of whatever we ate that day. And
S1: it was just a huge blessing. And I find that
S1: to be true in almost every scenario. In fact, that's
S1: kind of what Jesus did. He was always found around
S1: the table.
S4: Oh that's interesting. I'm thinking about our country as you're
S4: telling us about Somaliland and how the walls came down.
S4: And today, you know, we we're we're not all that
S4: friendly to each other in our country at this juncture.
S4: So how does this apply in our country?
S1: Yeah, very similar situation. Now it's it's interesting because you
S1: had just mentioned a journey you took, uh, to um, uh,
S1: a community, uh, just before we came on the air with, uh,
S1: very international community. That's what it's like to live in
S1: West Houston, primarily because of the petroleum industry. We have
S1: the most ethnically diverse community where I live, the most
S1: ethnically diverse zip code in America. And that may sound
S1: odd because you think it would be New York or
S1: New Jersey, but what that means is I'm more likely
S1: to live next door to someone of a different ethnic
S1: background than anywhere else in the country. So in my
S1: cul de sac, my next door neighbors are from India.
S1: Their neighbors are from the UK, their neighbors are from China,
S1: their neighbors are from Louisiana. And let's be honest, that's
S1: sort of like a foreign country. And then I'm just
S1: picking I'm just picking on the Louisianans. And then we
S1: have some, some native people from Houston and Katy, but
S1: we don't have a lot in common. And so we've
S1: tried to take this to our own cul de sac
S1: and just send out invitations and said, hey, let's have
S1: a meal together. Let's get together first in the cul
S1: de sac. And, uh, and then we, we started to, uh,
S1: have a tradition every two months. And so sometimes. Different
S1: neighbors will sponsor it if you will, or coordinate it.
S1: We'll make. We may go to a restaurant and gather
S1: around tables, but we found that the walls broke down
S1: in the same way. And we don't. We're not sitting
S1: down giving a presentation of our faith at those dinners.
S1: But I guarantee you, when crisis comes, they know who
S1: to call because they know we love us. They know
S1: we care. And so the same principle has worked right
S1: here in the USA. And you're right, there's a lot
S1: of different philosophical backgrounds. Even if we were born in
S1: the same hospital, it doesn't really matter these days, does it?
S1: It kind of depends on what channel of news you watch. And, uh,
S1: you know, your the way you're viewing the lens of society. And, um,
S1: so often as a pastor, I find that some people
S1: even view me because I have the same traditional biblical
S1: viewpoint I've always had. They see me as a radical.
S1: And so if I can have the opportunity to win
S1: their friendship, they may still disagree with me, but they're
S1: going to say, you know what? At least this is
S1: a kind person, and at least he loves me. And
S1: isn't that what what Peter was talking about in first
S1: Peter two when he said, we're supposed to be honorable
S1: among men? Uh, we're supposed to submit to authority when
S1: we can. The idea is that we're building bridges. And
S1: I know that's not directly related to the table, but
S1: it's remarkable how many times in the scriptures that's exactly
S1: what they did. They used the table to tear down
S1: those barriers.
S5: Hmm.
S4: Well, Doctor Raj, we were talking about meal times. Let
S4: me ask you a personal question. Certainly in your childhood,
S4: did you experience these kind of meal times in your
S4: family growing up?
S1: It's a great question. And, you know, my childhood was
S1: sort of a tale of two halves. In that sense.
S1: My parents have always been very intent in, uh, hospitality,
S1: in welcoming neighbors, that sort of thing. But before I
S1: was 11, before I came to Christ, my parents were
S1: basically workaholics in the sense that I rarely saw my
S1: dad unless I was working alongside him. He was in
S1: the Air Force then. He was the president of an airline,
S1: and then he was running, uh, a small airport in
S1: a small town in Texas. And so if I wanted
S1: to see my dad, I was going to go work
S1: at the airport. We just didn't. My dad had it
S1: was kind of a perfect storm. My dad had some
S1: some heart challenges and then ended up with a cancer diagnosis.
S1: About the time I came to faith in Christ, our
S1: entire family ended up being baptized together, uh, when I
S1: was 11 years old. And so I got to watch
S1: A Home Transformed right before my eyes. I got to
S1: experience that. And so even though we had meals before that,
S1: from a social standpoint, after that meal times became very
S1: important in my household, and I have tremendous memories over
S1: the rest of that. That season, where I was at home, um,
S1: with my parents walking that journey. And, you know, Gary,
S1: one of the really fun things about this season in
S1: my life, uh, for the last ten years, for the
S1: first time in my life, I've gotten to be my
S1: parents pastor. So they've they've moved to our town where
S1: we live and very involved in our lives. And, uh,
S1: it's just a tremendous blessing. So after church, every Sunday,
S1: we go to the same restaurant, we sit at the
S1: same table. Uh, we they don't have to bring us menus,
S1: and we just sit down and have the same meal
S1: every Sunday together with mom, dad, my girls and my
S1: wife together. And it's kind of a fun, full circle moment.
S1: But but meal times have been very impactful in my
S1: own life.
S4: Oh, that's very interesting. And it's nice, uh, at your age,
S4: with grown children now and being able to sit down
S4: with your parents as well. Tremendous. Let's talk about the
S4: just the central challenge of this book and why it's
S4: so important.
S1: Absolutely. So I mentioned the five meaningful meal times a
S1: week with the ones you love. And yes, that's somewhat
S1: of an arbitrary thing. The reason for that challenge even
S1: goes beyond, you know, the biblical call to to meal
S1: times together. There's a lot of substantive research now, Gary,
S1: that demonstrates what the Bible said all along, which shouldn't
S1: surprise us. Right. But it's it's demonstrating that children who
S1: have meal times on a regular basis with their parents,
S1: where the distractions are set aside, are significantly better off
S1: health wise. Now, some of that would be obvious. Yes,
S1: you have more contact with your parents, but I'm talking
S1: about studies that demonstrate they have better grades, studies that
S1: demonstrate they have less depression, that they have, um, they
S1: have fewer eating disorders and drug use, cigarette smoking, anything
S1: you can name. There's been a lot of different parallel
S1: studies in this way. And the common denominator kind of
S1: comes down to this five meaningful meal times. And so
S1: that's kind of where we came up with the number
S1: to get really practical. When I say meaningful meal times
S1: I understand. There's lots of people who are eating with
S1: their families. I mean, you can go to a restaurant
S1: after you've finished the podcast and look around. You'll see
S1: families eating together, but you'll also see mom, dad, teenagers,
S1: kids looking down at their phones around that table, and
S1: they might as well be 30 miles apart. They're not
S1: they're not having a meaningful meal time. So I would
S1: say a meaningful meal time is, first of all, special
S1: in the sense that you say everything else gets turned off, like,
S1: we're going to schedule this thing. We're going to be
S1: intent on on being here. So it's scheduled, then it's special.
S1: We remove all technology, the TV goes off, the computer
S1: goes off, the phones be better off on another counter.
S1: Don't do this business where you just set it up,
S1: where in case there's a text that comes in, you
S1: look at it. You might even take off the, the, the, the,
S1: the Apple Watch guys. Because I know what you're doing
S1: when you look down at your watch. So take all
S1: those things off and then all of a sudden when
S1: the barriers are gone, now you can move to the next, uh,
S1: aspect of a meaningful meal. And that is that meaningful
S1: meal times are spiritual. It doesn't mean it has to
S1: be a family devotion every time. But you're inviting the
S1: Lord to the table and into the conversation. And so
S1: now it might be as simple as one discussion question.
S1: We put them for free on the website. There's plenty
S1: in the book, but you can come up with those
S1: on your own. You know, it might be as simple as,
S1: what's the greatest thing that happened to you today? Or
S1: what's the what's the most difficult thing that you face
S1: this week? Or we've had things as simple as if
S1: you could be any age, what age would you want
S1: to be? And then that that's going to capture the
S1: conversation and lead you to some places where you can
S1: bring up, uh, you know, a scriptural point of view,
S1: or maybe focus in on one particular Bible verse and
S1: talk about that over the dinner. And so when those
S1: simple steps are taken, it's amazing. Doesn't sound very complicated.
S1: And it's not. But all of a sudden you're inviting
S1: the Lord to do a work in connecting hearts around
S1: that table. And I've seen it many, many times.
S4: Yeah. Now for you and your wife. You all have
S4: been married for 30 years and you have three daughters. Uh,
S4: when did this idea of making meals together a priority?
S4: When did that take place in your own marriage? In land? Family?
S1: Well, you know, I'm blessed to be married to a
S1: lady who loves to cook and is pretty passionate about this.
S1: Grew up in a home that also experienced some wonderful,
S1: meaningful meal times. So early on we started to do
S1: this with our girls. It we had to evolve a
S1: little bit in two different ways. First of all, Gary,
S1: I'm a pastor, and so there were times when I
S1: tried to take the meaningful meal time a step further,
S1: and I'm all for family devotions, but I will just
S1: say that sometimes it came across as contrived when I
S1: would sit down and sort of rehearse my sermon with
S1: my kids, and they knew what I was doing, and
S1: they felt as though, okay, you're just doing something that,
S1: you know, you can tell others you did later on,
S1: and it kind of lost its luster. So I had
S1: to be real careful about having the lesson plan ready. And,
S1: you know, just just having it for that purpose. Because
S1: they can kids can smell a phony. And I didn't
S1: want them to grow up thinking, okay, dad's just doing
S1: it for that purpose. So we wanted to make them
S1: as natural as possible. My wife was really good about
S1: making that happen. Now, the second caveat for the rush
S1: family is our our youngest daughter is 17 now, so
S1: she was a full decade younger than our other girls. Um,
S1: she has special needs, non verbal, mostly almost completely hearing impaired,
S1: has an autism diagnosis and a rare chromosome disorder. So
S1: Lily is a tremendous blessing to us but also frankly
S1: creates some some unusual challenges at the dinner table. You know,
S1: she can't fully understand everything. And so the temptation has
S1: been there, especially when the older girls moved on their
S1: own to sort of just go back to the rote, uh,
S1: let's just get our meal and take it in, or
S1: go sit on the couch and watch TV or that
S1: sort of thing. And, uh, you don't even realize that
S1: that's happening. And then all of a sudden it just
S1: becomes a bad habit. So we had to go back
S1: and say, no, wait a second. She's taking this in
S1: and she's watching us. And those have ended up being
S1: some of our most treasured times with Lily. In fact,
S1: she's become sort of the prayer police in our house.
S1: And so it's very important for her that we pray
S1: before meals, and she really doesn't care who's around the
S1: table or what their faith background is. She's going to
S1: stare at them and, and, uh, give them the folded hands,
S1: evil eye, and say, you're going to pray. In fact,
S1: if you get seconds, you're going to pray for the seconds. So, Lily,
S1: Lily has been our constant reminder that the Lord is
S1: around the table and, uh, really transformed the table in
S1: a unique way in this season as well.
S4: The doctor us. You mentioned earlier how you challenged your
S4: church to 40 days of doing what you've been describing.
S4: If meals five times a night together with the family
S4: and discussing it, and how impactful that was in your
S4: in your church and how the folks really picked up
S4: on it. Have there been other pastors that have picked
S4: up on that idea that you've shared this with, that
S4: have tried that, if you have any feedback along those lines?
S1: Yes, and glad you asked. We just wrapped up our
S1: second iteration of the Restore the Table challenge at my church, Kingsland.
S1: As I mentioned about nine years ago, we did the
S1: same and we just kind of rediscovered that, re-upped the
S1: challenge and just wrapped it up. We added some caveats
S1: this time that we hadn't done before, so we challenged
S1: our people to five meaningful meal times a week with
S1: the ones they loved. Then we said over that 40 days,
S1: would you be willing to invite three people outside your
S1: circle to the table? And you know, that's just in
S1: light of what Jesus did over and over in the
S1: book of Luke, just welcome somebody in, sit down and
S1: invite them to tell their story. And then that all
S1: culminated with on the 40th day, actually ended up being
S1: the 43rd day, Sunday afternoon. We encouraged our people to
S1: engage in a community table, which, as I said, we've
S1: done around our neighborhood cul de sac many times. Now
S1: we just invite your neighbors, whether it's in the apartment
S1: complex or the cul de sac or across the street,
S1: to say, hey, would you come and share a meal
S1: with us? Let's set up a table in the in
S1: the street or at our house and share some barbecue
S1: or whatever. So there were a dozen different churches in
S1: our community in Katy, Texas that joined us on that
S1: journey this last time. And now I'm hearing from from
S1: pastors around the country who've taken the idea in the
S1: book to heart. And the beautiful thing is, you don't
S1: need the book, obviously, to to take on the challenge.
S1: I mean, it's it's fairly simple and cut and dried.
S1: Everything you need is on the website, restore the table
S1: org for free that you can take and use. And
S1: we even have some pastoral resources there, and some sample
S1: sermons and statistics about meal times that would help out.
S1: And we've seen some some glorious things happen. The the
S1: news is just coming in from the various churches. And
S1: one of the really fun things that we experienced toward
S1: the end of this, uh, this last push where we,
S1: we added the nuance of inviting someone else to the table,
S1: is we, you know, as we prayed through it culminated
S1: the the series with a baptism Sunday. So we brought
S1: in our friends, welcome them in and explain the plan
S1: of salvation. And, uh, they were invited by others, talked
S1: about what it means to be baptized. And we baptized
S1: 78 on a Sunday morning, uh, some of whom came
S1: to faith in Christ that same morning and then walked
S1: up and, and were baptized on the same day. Um,
S1: so that, you know, that may be commonplace for some churches,
S1: but that was a really special day for us and
S1: a reminder of kind of the eternality of the table.
S4: Well, now, you mentioned inviting three people in with the
S4: family over that 40 day period. Would that be one
S4: at a time so that you would have personal time
S4: with that one person, rather than three people all at once?
S1: Yes, it can be both. And for us, that was
S1: bringing people in one at a time. It could be
S1: a friend or a neighbor, a loved one who might,
S1: you know, not normally be in your circle. I'll tell
S1: you somebody we just invited to the table for us,
S1: of all people, our dry cleaners. We've gotten to know
S1: some wonderful people who own a local dry cleaners. And,
S1: you know, you see them long enough, and they've asked
S1: us to pray for them at various times. They're not
S1: in church, but, um, that's an opportunity. You'd be surprised
S1: who would say yes when you invite them to a
S1: meal at your home?
S5: Um.
S4: Doctor rush, we've been talking about this whole concept in
S4: this book about spending time with your family five nights
S4: a week and talking around the table and then inviting
S4: other people in. Let me ask you this. How did
S4: the Covid 19 outbreak impact this whole idea of meal
S4: times and inviting others in and so forth?
S1: Yeah. Isn't that interesting how Covid 19 impacted everything in
S1: our lives? So unfortunately, it could have been a catalyst
S1: for more families to restore the table. But because of
S1: our technology, what I found is a lot of families
S1: just went on living as they were living, but digitally
S1: and apart in their homes. So when we it didn't
S1: automatically cause people to come around the table. Now, how
S1: is it that all of us, for so many years
S1: can point back to, or many of us to, to
S1: wonderful meal times that we've had in our past, and
S1: yet we don't have it now, even though we really
S1: want to. And the reality is, we never had as
S1: many distractions as we do today. So what used to
S1: be natural must now be intentional. So I will say
S1: that during Covid, we just had happen to, um, uh,
S1: had recently created an online presence. As many churches have
S1: to help resource our families and those who took on that,
S1: you know, task and really recreated those habits were truly blessed.
S1: And those those habits continue. But the reality is, some
S1: of us, some of the families that are listening, if
S1: we're honest, built some bad habits over Covid because you
S1: became more digital and more disconnected in that way. And
S1: so the kids stayed in the rooms and they played
S1: their video games, and the parents were working from home
S1: in different rooms. And so the home became a less, uh,
S1: cohesive place, a more segmented place. And so you need
S1: to eradicate some of those things. But one of the
S1: best things that happened, I think, with Covid is we
S1: got to know some of our neighbors. I think a
S1: lot of people know their neighbors names now that they
S1: didn't before Covid, because we were forced to be local,
S1: and now's the time to really take advantage of that
S1: opportunity and invite a neighbor over and say, hey, I'd
S1: love to get to know your story. I was thinking, um,
S1: over the last few weeks about something that I didn't
S1: put in the book, but it's really interesting. If you
S1: look at Exodus chapter 12 and maybe the most significant
S1: meal in history, the Passover, that then became the Lord's Supper. Uh,
S1: in the instructions for the Passover, it says you're supposed
S1: to roast a whole lamb, so the entire lamb has
S1: to be there, not a part of a lamb. And
S1: there's a shadow, a picture of salvation there. But it
S1: says you're not supposed to waste any of the lamb.
S1: And if your household is too small for just that lamb,
S1: then you are to invite a neighbor to engage in
S1: that lamb as well. So I do mention that part
S1: I had a friend years ago who was preaching on
S1: that topic who said, there's too much lamb for just
S1: my house, and isn't that a picture of how we
S1: can open up our table, uh, with the love of Christ,
S1: to those around us? And if there was ever a
S1: time where our nation and our world needed people to
S1: welcome others to the table and tear down those barriers,
S1: maybe it's now.
S4: Yeah. Well, you know, I was reading just this morning
S4: in Leviticus, I think it was chapter 19. Uh, where
S4: he said, love your neighbor as you love yourself. And
S4: I thought, oh, I thought that was New Testament. Whoa.
S4: Here it is in Leviticus. And then in the same chapter,
S4: a little later, it says, now the foreigners who are
S4: living among you. Treat them as being one of you
S4: and love them as you love yourself. So, you know,
S4: you were talking earlier about that, you know, the different, uh,
S4: ethnic groups in your community there in Katy. Uh, but
S4: that's true all over the country now. I mean, we're
S4: we're more ethnically diverse than we've ever been. So and
S4: many times we tend to cluster, you know, we most
S4: large cities have a Chinatown where the Chinese people live, right? Right. Yeah.
S4: We tend to cluster to people like ourselves. But when
S4: we reach out and particularly if we share a meal together,
S4: it does really begin to break down those barriers. Right?
S1: Yeah. And I'll tell you how. And this is so
S1: close to home for both you, Gary and Chris. You
S1: guys have spent your lives on this. But one common
S1: value that is held almost anywhere in the world that
S1: you go now, I was not even almost anywhere in
S1: the world that you go is the family. People care
S1: deeply about their kids. They care about the household. And
S1: even though we watch the breakdown, people still generally have
S1: a high esteem for the family. Now, there's a reason
S1: for that. God created us in his image in the
S1: very next thing he did is create the home. And
S1: I believe that he created the home primarily so that
S1: we can reflect the nature and the attributes of God
S1: to one another all through the rest of Scripture. After creation,
S1: what we see is God mostly revealing himself in family terms.
S1: You know, we see Him as God the Father, God
S1: the Son. In part. We see, uh, salvation as adoption
S1: as sons and daughters. When Paul's describing marriage in Ephesians,
S1: he says, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Husbands.
S1: And I'm telling you mystery. I'm actually speaking of Christ
S1: and His church. They're all overlapped. So if you were
S1: the enemy of God and you wanted to mess up
S1: how people saw God, what would you do? You'd take
S1: aim at the family. And that's exactly what the enemy
S1: has done. So that comes all the way back to
S1: the table. You have one of the most natural places
S1: and the universally held values of anyone in the world
S1: where you can invite somebody to the table and as
S1: you you don't have to have a perfect household, but
S1: as you love one another, as you honor one another,
S1: love your children, you're giving people a glimpse of glory
S1: that actually presents a platform that I believe God has
S1: ordained for you to share the love of Christ in
S1: a in a whole new way. That might be a
S1: foreign language otherwise.
S4: Um, you know, I'm sitting here thinking about the person
S4: who has lived beside somebody at the for ten years
S4: and have never really had a conversation. May they wave
S4: at each other, maybe as they walk by or say
S4: if they're walking, they say, hi. Y'all doing all right?
S4: You know, if they're in the South, they say y'all,
S4: you know. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So this really this really takes, uh,
S4: it's an effort. You have to grab the idea and
S4: you have to think about it. And there's some effort
S4: in this, right?
S1: There really is. Yes, there's some effort in it, but
S1: it's it's it's more natural than you can ever imagine.
S1: The problem with evangelism, I think for most Christians, I
S1: don't I can't speak for all Christians, but in my own,
S1: you know, congregation, I think people have gone through ten
S1: years of, for better or for worse, learning presentations to
S1: share with others about the gospel. Primarily, we've been trained
S1: to go to strangers and and we're, we're we're presenting
S1: the gospel sometimes, like we present selling a juicer or something.
S1: And that's that's nowhere we're supposed to be witnesses and
S1: witnesses are those who have had an experience and they
S1: share what the Lord has done. We give an answer first,
S1: Peter says, and so all those things happen much more
S1: naturally than they're supposed to. You look at Jesus ministry,
S1: and he keeps finding himself at the table with sinners,
S1: with tax collectors, with with people who have been forgotten
S1: and set aside. And he took a lot of heat
S1: for that. But when he sat at the table, I
S1: don't think that was an accident. That was a forum
S1: where the barriers were down, where he could hear their
S1: story and have the opportunity to share the most important
S1: news ever. So that's, you know, that's not the primary
S1: goal of the book, but it's become, I think, a
S1: really important aspect of it. And we must never forget
S1: that the greatest mission field around my table and anyone
S1: else's table are those children on the other side who
S1: the world is coming after with all sorts of lies and,
S1: and and delusions and everything else. And so if we're
S1: imparting faith upon them, um, then we're, we're doing evangelistic
S1: work and we can do that even as a neighbor
S1: sitting at the table as well.
S4: Yeah. I found that if you inquire from a person
S4: and begin to learn something about them, meal time is
S4: certainly is a great time to do that. They see
S4: you're interested in them. Then they start asking you questions about,
S4: you know, where are you coming from? And it's just
S4: a natural way, isn't it, to share our own journey.
S1: I don't know of anything more natural than that. Yeah.
S1: I was visiting with a young man on the phone
S1: a couple of weeks ago, who I wrote about in
S1: the book. His name is Mike. Really difficult family background
S1: and our our lives were kind of forged together over, um,
S1: a number of bi weekly barbecues, you know, uh, 15
S1: years ago. And now he's grown. He's he's serving in
S1: the government and, um, in our armed forces as well. Um,
S1: and just a tremendous blessing. Loves the Lord and overcame
S1: some really tremendous challenges that he faced. There were other people,
S1: other ways that God brought healing to his life. But
S1: I am so grateful that the Lord allowed us to, uh,
S1: to speak life to one another over barbecue, you know,
S1: for a number of years. And I don't think would
S1: have happened otherwise. And it's just it's a wonderful thing.
S1: So it's kind of a real plus. You can eat barbecue,
S1: which who doesn't want to do that? And you can
S1: change a life. I mean, that's a pretty good combination.
S4: Absolutely. And we've been talking about families. Let's talk a
S4: moment about the single adult. Who? The person who's living alone. Uh,
S4: what would you say to them? And a Christian single adult.
S1: Absolutely. We try to be real careful in our, you know, remember,
S1: we're a church congregation. We have people from all walks
S1: of life. And so there's a reason for the wording.
S1: I'm challenging people to five meaningful meal times a week
S1: with the ones you love, because there are some who
S1: are living alone. Uh, some are empty nesters, uh, who's
S1: who've lost a spouse. Perhaps there are others who are
S1: awaiting marriage, or some who they just feel as though, um,
S1: God's called them to singleness in this season. And so
S1: they are not they don't get a free pass. I
S1: like to tell them here in the church, listen, it's
S1: really important that you have a connecting point with other
S1: people who are speaking to your life and and you're
S1: speaking into theirs. Uh, alone is dangerous for anyone. And
S1: so you can find some other people. And that's where
S1: that that five really may seem daunting, but it becomes
S1: an attainable goal. So I just tell them, hey, listen,
S1: for any single adult who's in the church and you
S1: ought to be in the church, the first opportunity would
S1: be right after church on Sunday. Take some people, go
S1: have lunch together, take one of the conversation cards that
S1: we have digitally, online, or we even have some some
S1: analog versions here at the church. And then Wednesday evenings, uh,
S1: we have a supper here at the church. A lot
S1: of churches do that, but if you have another activity
S1: at your church through the week, you can you can
S1: gather in brown, bag it for that matter, and then
S1: find somebody who loves the Lord. Maybe, uh, in your
S1: your work or your school or wherever it is, and
S1: and share a meal with 2 or 3 others that way. Now,
S1: now we're down to two. Another one of those ought
S1: to be with somebody outside your circle. So take advantage
S1: of the missional meal time with somebody else. That's one.
S1: And then find somebody who's in a different season of life,
S1: or who has more people living in their home and
S1: find a way to be at their table, which gives
S1: the onus to the rest of the body of Christ
S1: to look around and find those people who might otherwise
S1: be eating alone and welcome them to your table. Those
S1: will be some of the sweetest connections you can imagine
S1: when you invite that dear lady, or that guy to
S1: your table and they become a part of your family
S1: on a regular basis.
S4: Doctor rush, have you found that when a person or
S4: a family starts doing what we're talking about, inviting someone
S4: else to join them for a meal, that they then
S4: in turn begin to reach out and do the same
S4: thing just because they've experienced something good with you.
S1: Yeah, I think it can be contagious. Gary. We have
S1: we have certainly seen that. I've heard some of those
S1: stories of people who've taken the vision and carried it on. Uh,
S1: so sometimes that happens, you know, just over 40 days
S1: where you say, hey, we've experienced this. We love it.
S1: Now we're going to go do this. Sometimes it's a
S1: generational thing. And that's what's fun about being a pastor
S1: now who's been in the ministry for 30 years, is
S1: I get to watch kids who grow up in the
S1: church now have their own children, and carry that forward
S1: in other ways and say, no is me. As for me,
S1: and my house will serve the Lord, and we're going
S1: to carry it forward, even with treasuring the meal times
S1: and elevating those. So in that way, yes, I'll tell
S1: you another kind of sideways way. We we honor that
S1: at Kingsland. This is how important we think it is
S1: where a pastor, when somebody visits our church, we automatically
S1: assume that they're probably either checking out the things of
S1: God for the first time, which is sometimes the case here.
S1: Or they're looking for a church home because they moved
S1: to town and they're already believers. For those people. What
S1: we do, we send out every guest a box, and
S1: it has a number of other churches in our community
S1: that we'd recommend that they go look at, because we
S1: know the pastors, we know they're going to preach the
S1: Bible and we say, hey, here's a devotion on how
S1: to choose a church, but if we never see you again,
S1: here are some pizza coupons and a pizza cutter. And
S1: we're going to challenge you to have five meaningful meal
S1: times a week with the ones you love, because we're
S1: praying that we could see homes transformed by the power
S1: of the gospel. And that doesn't have to happen at Kingsland.
S1: We know that. In fact, we are praying that the
S1: Lord would bring that we could see fruit on other
S1: people's trees. We got to be a part of. Now
S1: it seems so simple, but the primary locus of that transformation,
S1: we're now convinced, is at the dinner table, because we
S1: found if families will take the dinner table and they'll
S1: make this commitment, then all these other things start to
S1: have ripple effects around them. Now they have a place
S1: to have regular conversation. They have we have the opportunity
S1: to honor parents and for parents to speak into the
S1: lives of their kids. And so what used to be
S1: natural years ago now is intentional, but it starts to
S1: become natural again. And it's such a blessing for so
S1: many people that we find that that carries forward where
S1: they they can't imagine life without it. And I believe
S1: that's why I'm, I'm confident to say, hey, if you'll
S1: do this for 40 days, there's nothing magic about 40 days.
S1: But if you'll do it for 40 days, I don't
S1: know anybody who wants to stop.
S4: Now. Now, you say in the book that a person
S4: who accepts this challenge and will do that with their
S4: family five days a week, it could actually change the world. Now,
S4: that's a pretty broad statement.
S1: And here's why I say that, Gary. And I know
S1: you know this to be true. I think the primary
S1: problems that we have in our culture are not political problems.
S1: I know we have political issues going on, and we
S1: don't ignore those at our church. Our primary issues are
S1: not economic problems. Our primary issues at their core are
S1: family problems. And I think if we don't fix the family,
S1: like if we don't shore this up, I don't think
S1: our society can survive another generation. I mean, that's that
S1: sounds morbid, but it's true. But conversely, man, if we
S1: can see revival happen in the home, I believe the
S1: next great revival in our nation is going to be
S1: a family revival where we see homes transformed, sort of
S1: that act 16 picture where the Philippian jailer is saved.
S1: And remember, Paul and Silas say, uh, believe on the
S1: Lord Jesus Christ. You and your household. And so when
S1: we think in terms of households and we think in
S1: those sorts of transformations, I don't know what the tipping
S1: point is. I can tell you, what we're praying for
S1: at our church is that 1,000,007 homes would be transformed
S1: by the power of the gospel that extends beyond the table, certainly,
S1: but it starts at the table. And if that would happen,
S1: if 1,000,007 homes that were not walking with Jesus, now
S1: all of a sudden we're walking with Jesus and living
S1: out the gospel. And those million seven homes were scattered
S1: about all the communities that we see, along with the
S1: other millions of homes that are already doing this. How
S1: can that not make a difference? And so if that
S1: ends up multiplying to others, I really believe that it
S1: could bring the transformation that we all long for. I
S1: think that we could see the next generation rise up
S1: and follow Jesus, and lift up the name of Jesus
S1: beyond what we can even imagine today. So that's the dream,
S1: and I think it's going to happen at the household level.
S4: I like the dream, and I believe it can happen. Absolutely.
S4: You know, at the end of the book, you're very practical.
S4: You you include, uh, conversation starters. That is maybe the
S4: kind of questions you might ask. Can you give us
S4: an example of some of those questions for someone that thinks,
S4: I don't know. If I don't, I don't know how
S4: to do that.
S1: Right. And you'll notice, Gary, I think we maybe have
S1: 30 conversation starters. And the reason we didn't put a
S1: bunch on is you'll find if you will take those
S1: and begin to use them, they become pretty automatic. I mean,
S1: it's just you don't have to begin with something in
S1: the deep end of the pool, but just begin with
S1: something that will allow you to, uh, to to talk
S1: about something further. And you have common conversations around the table. So,
S1: for example, one of the ones I mentioned earlier, but
S1: I can do it a little bit of deep dive
S1: because it's been fun in our households to say, if
S1: you could be any age of any person or in
S1: your life, what would you want to be? And some
S1: people would say nine years old and others would say, well,
S1: the problem with nine years old is you have to
S1: go all through junior high again. Who wants to go
S1: through junior high again? Well, you know, okay. Well is
S1: it is it 18 years old when you have, you know,
S1: great physical stamina and, and, uh, you know, you have
S1: your life in front of you or is it 50
S1: years old, which is kind of fun. You, you have,
S1: you know, kind of financial security sometimes. And, and you
S1: get to watch you're starting to see your kids thrive
S1: and maybe nearing grand parenting years, which are the best.
S1: So you have all these different iterations, but it's just
S1: a fun conversation for anybody of any age. It could
S1: be as simple as asking, you know what? What are
S1: you concerned about when you look at the world today? Or, um,
S1: what are you most hopeful for about in the next year?
S1: And one of the questions we ask every year at Thanksgiving,
S1: what's that thing that you're most thankful for over the
S1: last year? Everybody can answer these questions regardless of their, uh,
S1: spiritual maturity or anything else, but it it very often
S1: provides an opportunity to just insert one spiritual idea or
S1: passage of Scripture that carries you forward. So those are
S1: just simple conversation starters anybody can take and use, and
S1: they're going to lead to something deeper. So you don't
S1: have to feel pressure to have this eloquent speech ready
S1: to in order to accomplish a meaningful mealtime.
S4: Now we're talking about questions, but say a word about
S4: the importance of listening to the person's answers as they're talking.
S1: Wow. Yeah. Isn't that the truth? And that's that's one
S1: of the reasons why the cell phones have to be gone,
S1: or you lose the right to call it a meaningful mealtime.
S1: I really believe that because we generally don't. But when
S1: we listen, when we tune in and and reflect on those,
S1: it's amazing how we we demonstrate love or esteem for
S1: another in that way. Um, I think this happens more
S1: naturally around the table than it does otherwise because, um,
S1: to be real practical, you know, sometimes we have food
S1: in our mouths, so not everybody's talking at once. And
S1: so it generally helps even in that sense. But there's
S1: a shared sense of gratitude around a table like nothing
S1: else I've ever seen that allows you to do that. Um. Gary, my,
S1: my my doctoral work was in attachment science, and the
S1: reason I camped out on that is it's so utterly biblical.
S1: But it's it's really a way, I think, that modern
S1: psychology is catching up with what the scriptures said all along,
S1: that we have this deep desire and need to be
S1: emotionally connected with another, beginning with our parents and the
S1: natural ways that that happens, the way that God has
S1: wired us to be connected emotionally and socially with others
S1: are through real, basic means that God's given us eye contact,
S1: you know, meaningful touch, encouraging words, attentive listening, um, esteem
S1: for for another, a smile. All those things aren't necessarily
S1: table things alone, but it's amazing how if you sit
S1: down at a meal with someone and it's a pleasurable time,
S1: those things don't. You don't have to work at it.
S1: You don't have to have a checklist. They all happen.
S1: And so you have this natural way of looking at
S1: somebody in the eye and, and saying, without saying, I
S1: value you and I need you.
S4: Well, Doctor Rush, this has been an exciting conversation and
S4: the book. I really, really like this book. I hope
S4: our listeners will get a copy of the book, because
S4: I think it will help them. Just just in summary,
S4: as we come to an end here of our time together. Uh,
S4: give us the the simple thrust of what we're trying
S4: to say today, the simple challenge to our listeners.
S1: I'd be honored to. And what an honor to be
S1: with you and to talk about these things with you, Gary, today. Listen,
S1: I know it can seem overwhelming. I know that you're busy.
S1: I know that almost everybody listening probably has some yabut.
S1: Or what if, uh, I have a special needs child?
S1: I hear that quite often. And that's the case in
S1: my household. Well, you don't understand. The kids are in
S1: a season where they're in Little League or you don't understand.
S1: My house is not a, you know, a place that
S1: I would normally welcome guests. Well, their their house is
S1: not perfect either, you know. So so set aside the fiction.
S1: All those things. The reality is, if you will take
S1: your ordinary life right now and just make the decision
S1: that you're going to clear off the calendar for five
S1: times a week, it could be breakfast, lunch, dinner, it
S1: could be chick fil A, or out the back of
S1: the the pickup truck where you lower the tailgate and
S1: sit back there and have a picnic before the T-ball game.
S1: That doesn't matter. But if you set aside and make
S1: the decision, you're going to schedule those meals. They're going
S1: to be special because there's no technology and you're going
S1: to invite the Lord to the meal. I'm telling you,
S1: I've seen it over and over. Your home life will
S1: begin to change in really wonderful ways. God designed us
S1: for this connection, and he designed it primarily to happen
S1: first around the table. Psalm 128. When we see this
S1: picture of a loving home in the Old Testament, and
S1: it talks about this man who fears the Lord, who
S1: walks in his ways and is blessed. It says, and
S1: I don't think it's an accident. Your children will be.
S1: As Olive shoots around the table. And so we have
S1: this beautiful picture of faith transference that's happening in one
S1: particular location that's like no others, and it happens around
S1: the meal.
S4: Well, once again, thank you for being with us today,
S4: and I do hope that our listeners will not just
S4: hear this and think, well, that's a nice idea, but
S4: I hope they'll take the challenge. And I hope pastors
S4: who may be listening, uh, will say, ah, this will
S4: work in my church. And maybe if your pastor is
S4: not listening, maybe you could get a copy, give it
S4: to your pastor and say, hey, I heard this guy
S4: speaking the other day. I think this is a great idea. Okay.
S4: I thank your pastor would be open and be glad
S4: that you gave the book to him. Well, thanks again
S4: for being with us today.
S1: It's my pleasure. Thank you both. What a blessing to
S1: be with you and your listeners.
S3: Well, I said this was going to be a practical discussion.
S3: And if you want to go deeper, check out that
S3: featured resource at Building relationships.us, the book by Doctor Ryan Rush,
S3: Restore the Table Discovering the powerful connections of meaningful meal
S3: Times again. Find out more at Building relationships.us.
S4: And coming up next week, your questions and comments about
S4: the love languages or a relational struggle.
S2: And if you'd like to ask a question, call us
S2: at 1866424 Gary, and don't miss our June edition of
S2: Dear Gary in one week. A big thank you to
S2: our production team, Steve Wick and Janice. Backing building relationships
S2: with Doctor Gary Chapman is a production of Moody Radio
S2: in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of Moody Bible and.
UU: Thanks for listening.