1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:08,240 S1: Today at the Radio Backyard Fence, a candid conversation about 2 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,960 S1: the things that vex 20 somethings from a man who 3 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:15,240 S1: has been there, he says. For years. In his 20s, 4 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:20,160 S1: he experienced ample amounts of unsuccess. He became bitter, frustrated, 5 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:24,959 S1: angry at God and man at himself. His 20s weren't 6 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,200 S1: turning out to be the success fest he had planned, 7 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:33,480 S1: and somebody everybody was to blame. You've heard the question 8 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:36,120 S1: what would you tell your younger self if he could 9 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,479 S1: go back in time? What would Paul say to his 10 00:00:38,479 --> 00:00:42,040 S1: own heart? And how might that conversation help you as 11 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:45,600 S1: a parent or as a 20 something? Find out straight 12 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,560 S1: ahead on the program. From the heart to the heart 13 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:50,960 S1: for the heart. Paul Mangone is standing by. Let's get 14 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,000 S1: started with this recorded edition of Chris Fabry Live with 15 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,800 S1: a thank you to Ryan McConaughey doing all things technical. 16 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:01,060 S1: Trish is our producer. Lisa is helping out. No phone 17 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:04,420 S1: answerer today, so don't call us. And since it's Friday. 18 00:01:04,420 --> 00:01:07,539 S1: That's right. It's time for the fabulous favorite Friday side. 19 00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:09,340 S1: What does it do? Chris I'll tell you one. We 20 00:01:09,340 --> 00:01:12,860 S1: oxygenate your blood. Two, we get your endorphins going. Three, 21 00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:17,179 S1: we raise your serotonin. Level four, we promote lymphatic drainage. 22 00:01:17,180 --> 00:01:20,620 S1: And five, we stimulate your parasympathetic system. That's why we 23 00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:24,380 S1: call it the five lung languages. We also stimulate your 24 00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:27,300 S1: vagus nerve. We help you release acetylcholine. And don't you 25 00:01:27,340 --> 00:01:30,780 S1: dare forget what it does to cortisol dissipation. Take in 26 00:01:30,780 --> 00:01:33,780 S1: four seconds of air through your nose right now. Hold 27 00:01:33,780 --> 00:01:36,420 S1: it for four seconds, and then as you release that 28 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,580 S1: air through your mouth, push on the left side of 29 00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:40,580 S1: your rib cage to get rid of all that bad 30 00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:44,420 S1: carbon dioxide. Give a sigh today for those 20 somethings 31 00:01:44,420 --> 00:01:47,780 S1: looking for love. Looking for a mate, looking for a job. 32 00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:50,300 S1: Give a sigh for the 22 year old who excelled 33 00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:53,060 S1: at the university, did everything she was supposed to do 34 00:01:53,060 --> 00:01:56,740 S1: and has a hard time finding employment in her field. 35 00:01:56,740 --> 00:02:00,200 S1: And she's discouraged. She studied hard. She played by the rules. 36 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,680 S1: And now it feels like life was an unfair game. 37 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,960 S1: Give a sigh for that 25 year old who looks 38 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,800 S1: at his phone, compares his life with some of his friends, 39 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:11,959 S1: and feels less than less than today's fabulous favorite Friday 40 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,280 S1: sighs brought to you by the 20 year olds you 41 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:19,880 S1: know and longings they have. All rights reserved. Void where prohibited. 42 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,839 S1: He's back. The man. The myth. The legend. Paul Angoni 43 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:27,240 S1: has returned. He brings truth, hope and hilarity for college graduates, 44 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,639 S1: 20 somethings and 30 somethings. He's a best selling author, 45 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:37,200 S1: the creator of all Grown up.com, GROANA national keynote speaker 46 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,600 S1: to colleges and corporations. And he has a master's degree 47 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,840 S1: in organizational leadership. Don't hold it against him. He's married 48 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:47,960 S1: to Naomi. They have four children. They live in Tennessee. Paul. 49 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,440 S1: Welcome back. How are you doing today? 50 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,480 S2: I'm doing great. Thanks for having me back. That was 51 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,920 S2: like watching a master at work. I mean, how you 52 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,919 S2: said all those words, timed it perfectly. Did the actions 53 00:02:57,190 --> 00:03:00,110 S2: I mean, I'm taking notes here as I as I 54 00:03:00,230 --> 00:03:01,269 S2: hear you do this. 55 00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:02,750 S1: I've done that a lot of years. 56 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:03,149 S2: My. 57 00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:05,269 S1: Friend. I've done that a lot. Now, did I get 58 00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,869 S1: anything in that? 20 somethings. Did I get anything right? 59 00:03:08,030 --> 00:03:09,910 S2: Oh, you named it perfectly. I think you got right 60 00:03:09,910 --> 00:03:13,270 S2: to the heart of the frustration and the. What in 61 00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:16,030 S2: the heck am I doing with my life? What am 62 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,630 S2: I going to do now? And apparently everything I thought 63 00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:22,350 S2: I knew, I don't know. And what do you where 64 00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:23,750 S2: do you go from that point. 65 00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,390 S1: And the frustration of. 66 00:03:25,389 --> 00:03:28,270 S2: That? And like you said, I felt that same way. 67 00:03:28,310 --> 00:03:30,830 S2: You know, that's where this passion and this book came 68 00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:33,829 S2: from for my own feeling of why do I feel 69 00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:36,670 S2: like such a failure? Why can't I figure this out? Hey, 70 00:03:36,670 --> 00:03:38,830 S2: I was the kid with good grades and I climbed 71 00:03:38,830 --> 00:03:41,150 S2: all the right steps, got the right internship, went to 72 00:03:41,190 --> 00:03:43,470 S2: the right school, did all the right things, and I 73 00:03:43,510 --> 00:03:45,790 S2: climbed all those steps. And I threw open the doors, 74 00:03:45,830 --> 00:03:49,510 S2: expecting my dream dream life to unfold in front of me. 75 00:03:49,510 --> 00:03:51,790 S2: And instead I felt like I was back in the 76 00:03:51,790 --> 00:03:55,670 S2: basement somehow. And there was a bunch of locked doors 77 00:03:55,810 --> 00:03:59,570 S2: and dark halls and that guy sitting under the light bulb. 78 00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:01,450 S2: You know that one guy and you give them your 79 00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:04,210 S2: resume and he just laughs at it and rips it up, 80 00:04:04,250 --> 00:04:06,490 S2: you know? That's how I felt. And so it was 81 00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:09,650 S2: a very eye opening, frustrating experience. And then I started 82 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:13,130 S2: realizing I wasn't the only one going through this. And 83 00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:15,210 S2: that's why I started writing about it and talking about 84 00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:18,530 S2: it and became my, my passion for, for really my career. 85 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,970 S1: So here it is again. This often happens. It's like 86 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,890 S1: the wound that you have becomes a place of healing 87 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:28,170 S1: for yourself and then a place of life for others. Yes, 88 00:04:28,170 --> 00:04:29,410 S1: you've seen that happen, right? 89 00:04:29,450 --> 00:04:31,529 S2: Yeah, I often say, and that's what I'm saying. And 90 00:04:31,529 --> 00:04:34,250 S2: when I'm talking about the 101 secrets for Your 20s, 91 00:04:34,730 --> 00:04:37,490 S2: these are mainly things that I learned along the way 92 00:04:38,010 --> 00:04:42,450 S2: as I was going through those rejections and failures and setbacks, wondering, God, 93 00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:45,730 S2: when am I going to experience the success like I 94 00:04:45,730 --> 00:04:50,450 S2: was supposed to? And it was struggling through that where 95 00:04:50,450 --> 00:04:55,710 S2: I started realizing that obviously God has his perfect timing 96 00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:57,510 S2: and he was with me all along, and he was 97 00:04:57,510 --> 00:05:01,750 S2: growing me in character and humility. And if I would 98 00:05:01,790 --> 00:05:03,750 S2: have gotten the best selling book that I was crying 99 00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:06,790 S2: out for at 25, it would have ruined me. I 100 00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:10,150 S2: was not ready for it. And really, all the problems 101 00:05:10,150 --> 00:05:13,110 S2: and all the pain and all the struggle that was 102 00:05:13,110 --> 00:05:18,150 S2: becoming my purpose. That was becoming my passion. It was becoming, 103 00:05:18,310 --> 00:05:22,469 S2: you know, helping 20 somethings became something I could not 104 00:05:22,470 --> 00:05:23,350 S2: not do. 105 00:05:23,550 --> 00:05:24,150 S1: Yes. 106 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:26,549 S2: And I think when somebody gets to that place, that's 107 00:05:26,550 --> 00:05:28,870 S2: that powerful place where God can really use you. 108 00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:33,550 S1: I, uh, I stumbled on to a book by Alan Arkin, 109 00:05:33,589 --> 00:05:36,670 S1: the actor, and he passed away, I think, a couple 110 00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:40,830 S1: of years ago. But he said the very same thing 111 00:05:40,830 --> 00:05:43,950 S1: that you just alluded to, and it was in his 20s, 112 00:05:43,990 --> 00:05:46,990 S1: I think that he said he was struggling. He was striving, 113 00:05:46,990 --> 00:05:53,410 S1: he wanted to succeed, and he kept failing. And he 114 00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:58,730 S1: realized then later on in life how much that failure 115 00:05:58,770 --> 00:06:01,529 S1: helped him. You know, it was stepping stones for him. 116 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:04,130 S1: And then as he looked around him at the younger 117 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,289 S1: people that he was trying to help, because he did 118 00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:10,610 S1: these workshops and things for young actors, he realized how 119 00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:14,370 S1: averse they were to failure and how they didn't risk, 120 00:06:14,370 --> 00:06:18,410 S1: and how they didn't try anything because they didn't want 121 00:06:18,450 --> 00:06:21,690 S1: to fail, and how that can stunt your growth. Yeah. 122 00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:25,450 S2: I often say that failure doesn't ruin your story. Failure 123 00:06:25,450 --> 00:06:29,490 S2: helps you write your story. And it's really through those 124 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:33,210 S2: failures that we learn and grow. And God can instill 125 00:06:33,210 --> 00:06:36,290 S2: so much in us. And really, we see failure kind 126 00:06:36,290 --> 00:06:39,810 S2: of what you were alluding to through such a limited capacity. 127 00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:42,809 S2: We don't see it through the lens of eternity like 128 00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:44,969 S2: God does. And I think many of us can look 129 00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:47,330 S2: back and say, I know I can, where I thought 130 00:06:47,330 --> 00:06:50,530 S2: something was a huge success. Something was this big breakthrough 131 00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:53,110 S2: moment in my life, and I thought it was going 132 00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:54,910 S2: to propel me to my future. And then I look 133 00:06:54,910 --> 00:06:56,349 S2: back at that thing that I thought was going to 134 00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:58,790 S2: be huge. And it was nothing. It was it was 135 00:06:58,790 --> 00:07:01,029 S2: actually the opposite of success. It actually turned into a 136 00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:03,390 S2: terrible thing. And then I look back at times where 137 00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:05,990 S2: I fell flat on my face, I failed, I thought 138 00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:09,510 S2: nothing went according to plan. And then I look back 139 00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:11,670 S2: and it's like, wow, that was the stepping stone moment. 140 00:07:11,670 --> 00:07:15,670 S2: That's where I met that one person. That's where I connected. 141 00:07:15,670 --> 00:07:17,990 S2: That's where I, I had that idea, you know, it 142 00:07:17,990 --> 00:07:20,750 S2: was through those failures. So you're exactly right. It's that 143 00:07:20,750 --> 00:07:24,989 S2: reframing of what does it mean to fail and succeed? 144 00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:28,310 S2: We're so quick to label things in the moment as 145 00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:32,550 S2: that when we really have no idea. So let's just 146 00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:35,430 S2: stop labeling it as a failure. It's really not. You know, 147 00:07:35,470 --> 00:07:37,550 S2: that's not a word we can really even use in 148 00:07:37,550 --> 00:07:38,190 S2: the moment. 149 00:07:38,990 --> 00:07:41,070 S1: This is going to be a great hour. Paul and 150 00:07:41,070 --> 00:07:44,710 S1: Tony is with us. Our featured resource is 101 secrets 151 00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:48,750 S1: for Your 20s. If you go to Chris fabry.org, you'll 152 00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:53,060 S1: see it linked right there. 101 secrets for Your 20s. 153 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:56,140 S1: Someone you know needs this book or you need it 154 00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:59,100 S1: as well. Or there might be something that Paul is 155 00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:01,980 S1: talking about and you're relating it to it right now. 156 00:08:02,340 --> 00:08:15,180 S1: There's more coming up straight ahead on Moody Radio. I 157 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:18,780 S1: like his energy. I like his heart. I like his writing. 158 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:21,620 S1: He's a funny guy, but he's a deep guy. His 159 00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:26,580 S1: name is Paul Angoni. A NGONE. I think your middle 160 00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:28,540 S1: name is Anthony. So. Tony Angoni. 161 00:08:28,580 --> 00:08:31,300 S2: Tony Angoni? Yes. I'd have to wear a lot more 162 00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:34,140 S2: gold chains, show my chest hair a little bit more. Uh, 163 00:08:34,420 --> 00:08:36,580 S2: because that's very Italian. So I've stuck with Paul. 164 00:08:36,940 --> 00:08:40,420 S1: You got it. Okay. 101 secrets for Your 20s is 165 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:43,940 S1: our featured resource. I hope there's a 20 year old 166 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:47,140 S1: in your life who you identify with. As we go 167 00:08:47,140 --> 00:08:50,480 S1: through this, you're going to think, oh, that's my son. 168 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:55,880 S1: That's my daughter, that's my grandson. Granddaughter because of that 169 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,840 S1: needs to read this book because there's something that's going 170 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,520 S1: on now that didn't go on when I was in 171 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,959 S1: my 20s. And here's what happened. I got married when 172 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:08,600 S1: I was 21, Paul. We had our first child when 173 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,000 S1: I was 23. 174 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:10,480 S2: Yeah. 175 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,440 S1: So some of the things that you're mentioning in the 176 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,120 S1: 20 year olds, I kind of went through when I 177 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,840 S1: was 18 or 19, but then I got on this 178 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,160 S1: treadmill and I started thinking, you know, how how are 179 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,640 S1: we going to pay for all this? And we had 180 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,920 S1: eight more children after that, you know? So it's like 181 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:30,040 S1: this constant fear and I've got to provide and you 182 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,880 S1: got to grow up kind of fast. You got to 183 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:36,200 S1: mature fast. Yeah. And there are some 20 year olds 184 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:41,520 S1: today who are graduating, going out into the workplace and 185 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:45,000 S1: AI is out there. Talk about that struggle that they're 186 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:45,880 S1: going through today. 187 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,780 S2: Yeah, it's, it's, it's really difficult and it's created a 188 00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:50,900 S2: theory that I studied a lot in school when I 189 00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:53,900 S2: was writing about this called Emerging Adulthood, which maybe you've 190 00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,900 S2: heard of this before, but it's basically a study of 191 00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:58,540 S2: what you were just talking about delayed adulthood, that we're 192 00:09:58,540 --> 00:10:01,940 S2: not going from adolescent to an adult at 21, 22 193 00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:04,300 S2: like we used to in the past, you know, where 194 00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:07,780 S2: all these markers are being pushed back of getting married, 195 00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:10,900 S2: having kids, buying a house, all these things are being 196 00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:14,780 S2: pushed back to late 20s, early 30s, mid 30s. There's 197 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:18,579 S2: no set marker anymore. And so what's that? What that's 198 00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:22,140 S2: doing is it's just it's pushing back all those senses 199 00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:26,700 S2: of putting down my roots. And there's not the same 200 00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:30,380 S2: amount of, okay, this is my home. This is my place. 201 00:10:30,660 --> 00:10:34,500 S2: And when you have things like a economic collapse, you know, 202 00:10:34,540 --> 00:10:38,740 S2: I graduated in the Great Recession, which for us old timers, 203 00:10:38,780 --> 00:10:41,540 S2: you know, that was a time when, when hiring freeze 204 00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,660 S2: was the word, it was the phrase of the day. 205 00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:46,140 S2: Nobody was hiring. And so it was really tough to 206 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:48,840 S2: get a job at all. And now I think the 207 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:52,120 S2: economic climate, it always looks scary, especially for new grads. 208 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,800 S2: And when you throw in AI, which it feels to 209 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,400 S2: me is just trying to come for all entry level 210 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,280 S2: jobs and it's just limiting the amount of opportunities for 211 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:05,000 S2: younger 20 somethings. So that fear and anxiety and where 212 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,400 S2: am I going to fit in with my degree and 213 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,640 S2: my hopes and dreams is becoming more and more difficult, 214 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,320 S2: I think today more than ever, which is why we 215 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,480 S2: keep pushing further back. Because yeah, how can I get married? 216 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,880 S2: Or how can I? I definitely can't buy a house. 217 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,640 S2: There's no way that's going to happen. So I really 218 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,640 S2: can't put down roots. I don't have a place to 219 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:24,800 S2: call home anymore. 220 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,319 S1: And I look at that. I look at my I 221 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:32,520 S1: have three still in their 20s. I look at that 222 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:36,160 S1: house thing, you know, and I think when, when we 223 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,600 S1: bought the house that we now live in, it's like 224 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,880 S1: doubled in price from when we bought it just a 225 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:46,179 S1: few years ago. It's like, how do you starting out? 226 00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:50,140 S1: How do you do that? And if you invest in 227 00:11:50,140 --> 00:11:52,900 S1: an apartment, it's pretty much the same amount that you're 228 00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:54,700 S1: paying there as you are a mortgage. 229 00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:58,660 S2: Yeah. Oh, exactly. Yeah. It's it's almost unsustainable, you know, 230 00:11:58,660 --> 00:12:00,820 S2: and then you throw that on top of, however, however 231 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:03,780 S2: many thousands of college loans you had. Yes. It is 232 00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:06,220 S2: a different economic reality, you know, and I think it 233 00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:10,260 S2: is more confusing, more convoluted. You know, people aren't throwing 234 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:13,340 S2: open the doors to your bachelor's degree like they would 235 00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:16,900 S2: have 40, 50 years ago. And so there are unique 236 00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:21,540 S2: challenges facing this generation. And so that's where the, the anxiety, 237 00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:25,460 S2: the depression, wrestling with my faith, moving back in with 238 00:12:25,460 --> 00:12:28,780 S2: my parents. Hey, mom, dad, I gotta move back in. 239 00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:32,179 S1: Okay, let's talk about that. So that and that's a 240 00:12:32,179 --> 00:12:35,300 S1: very humbling thing. But when you come to the end, 241 00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:37,339 S1: you know, and you've got all these bills and you 242 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,780 S1: can't pay them anymore, it's like, this is a good 243 00:12:40,820 --> 00:12:43,460 S1: and I, I want to I want to push the 244 00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:46,490 S1: pause button on people saying, you know, kick your kids 245 00:12:46,490 --> 00:12:50,050 S1: out at a certain time and whatever. It's like, this 246 00:12:50,050 --> 00:12:54,130 S1: is a, this is a nest that can be too comfortable, 247 00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:56,490 S1: you know, too easy to go back to. But at 248 00:12:56,490 --> 00:12:59,850 S1: the same time, this, this is something that this is 249 00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:01,449 S1: what family used to be for. 250 00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:05,130 S2: Yes, yes. I mean, in other cultures, multigenerational family units. 251 00:13:05,130 --> 00:13:07,890 S2: That's a commonality. You know that that is what is 252 00:13:07,890 --> 00:13:11,610 S2: expected is for all generations to be living together because 253 00:13:11,610 --> 00:13:15,329 S2: they all serve a purpose within the family structure. So 254 00:13:15,330 --> 00:13:17,610 S2: I totally agree. It's, it's, it's definitely more of an 255 00:13:17,610 --> 00:13:20,490 S2: American thing of be the lone Ranger, get out there, 256 00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:23,890 S2: grab success by the, you know, the horns and, uh, 257 00:13:24,050 --> 00:13:27,010 S2: your self-made man or woman. And, you know, and that's 258 00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:28,570 S2: might not be the reality for a lot of us. 259 00:13:28,570 --> 00:13:30,690 S2: So I agree, I think if you need to circle 260 00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:32,890 S2: back and you need to live back at home, which 261 00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:34,970 S2: is the reality, I mean, we have more 20 somethings 262 00:13:34,970 --> 00:13:37,689 S2: living back at home than ever. I don't know what 263 00:13:37,690 --> 00:13:40,770 S2: the percentages are. Last time I checked, it was like 30% 264 00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:44,750 S2: of 20 somethings more than ever, and it's really an 265 00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:48,830 S2: economic necessity. So can it become a launching pad? You know, 266 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:53,030 S2: you're you're not just settling for good. You're just settling 267 00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:56,310 S2: for a season to hopefully find that job, to find 268 00:13:56,309 --> 00:13:58,069 S2: that place, to kind of get on your feet so 269 00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:00,670 S2: that you can create a launching pad for yourself. So 270 00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:02,230 S2: I agree, I hope it can be kind of a 271 00:14:02,230 --> 00:14:04,949 S2: trampoline stop where you're just you get to jump off that, 272 00:14:04,990 --> 00:14:07,950 S2: you know, and then, but, but yeah, obviously there might 273 00:14:07,950 --> 00:14:10,670 S2: need to be boundaries of, okay, you've been here for 274 00:14:10,670 --> 00:14:13,190 S2: three years. You still don't have a job. You know, 275 00:14:13,230 --> 00:14:16,470 S2: there should be some, some, some parameters or at least 276 00:14:16,470 --> 00:14:20,390 S2: a discussion for how does this work? How does this look? 277 00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:25,070 S2: How does this new relationship work between parent and child? 278 00:14:25,390 --> 00:14:29,790 S2: So I think open communication is really important in those situations. 279 00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:32,950 S1: It's almost when I've heard it almost like a contractual 280 00:14:32,950 --> 00:14:37,670 S1: situation where you, the parent says, okay, these are the guidelines. 281 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,750 S1: These are the rules that I would like you to 282 00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:44,130 S1: follow if you're going to be here and maybe, you know, 283 00:14:44,170 --> 00:14:46,370 S1: and if it's been three years and, and they're still 284 00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:49,010 S1: looking for a job, but looking means being in the 285 00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:52,410 S1: basement playing video games. It's like that. That's not going 286 00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:56,770 S1: to cut it. Yeah. What I'm talking about is more the, 287 00:14:56,970 --> 00:15:00,130 S1: the person who is in their 20s and they really 288 00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:02,530 S1: want to succeed, they want to step out and they're 289 00:15:02,530 --> 00:15:05,530 S1: just having a hard time, especially with the financial thing. 290 00:15:05,890 --> 00:15:07,650 S1: And the other thing I want you to talk about 291 00:15:07,650 --> 00:15:13,170 S1: is then the atmosphere of the parents, the, the tone, 292 00:15:13,210 --> 00:15:17,090 S1: the if you because I look at, you know, prices 293 00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:19,850 S1: and I look at the housing and all of that 294 00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:23,250 S1: and how much you can make entry level. And I 295 00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:26,530 S1: think how how does it work? How is anybody going to. 296 00:15:26,570 --> 00:15:30,050 S1: You know, and that's where I get. And it's just fear, fear, fear. Yeah. 297 00:15:30,090 --> 00:15:34,570 S1: I think parents need to give their kids, like you say, 298 00:15:34,570 --> 00:15:37,330 S1: a trampoline, a launching pad. It's like, you're going to 299 00:15:37,330 --> 00:15:39,370 S1: do this, you're going to figure this out. Yeah. And 300 00:15:39,370 --> 00:15:42,030 S1: if you have that kind of attitude as a parent, 301 00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:45,790 S1: then it can lift that 20 something, don't you think? 302 00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:47,950 S2: Yeah, I think so. And I think even coming with that, 303 00:15:47,950 --> 00:15:51,470 S2: that level of empathy, and even as you going back 304 00:15:51,470 --> 00:15:53,390 S2: to when you were in your 20s and thinking back 305 00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:57,270 S2: to those stories that you had of overcoming, of thinking, 306 00:15:57,270 --> 00:15:59,150 S2: there's no way we're going to make it this month. 307 00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:01,910 S2: But we did. You know, coming back to those stories, 308 00:16:01,910 --> 00:16:04,670 S2: even where God was faithful, that you had that rock 309 00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:07,390 S2: that you can go back to and remember, wow, God 310 00:16:07,390 --> 00:16:10,110 S2: was faithful here. And I think it's great for you 311 00:16:10,110 --> 00:16:12,950 S2: to even share those stories because they might not have 312 00:16:12,990 --> 00:16:16,550 S2: they weren't around during your struggle. Maybe they maybe have 313 00:16:16,550 --> 00:16:19,630 S2: just seen you in your success era as a parent. 314 00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:21,350 S2: And so I think it's good to even have that, 315 00:16:21,350 --> 00:16:24,910 S2: that empathetic, vulnerable tone to say, hey, look, there was 316 00:16:24,910 --> 00:16:26,710 S2: a couple of years, you know, mom and Dad, we 317 00:16:26,710 --> 00:16:28,790 S2: didn't we didn't think we were going to make it either. 318 00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:31,350 S2: So I can relate to that feeling. But gosh, God 319 00:16:31,350 --> 00:16:34,950 S2: was faithful. He was growing something. Uh, but I had 320 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:37,350 S2: to keep putting myself out there. And I think that 321 00:16:37,350 --> 00:16:39,580 S2: was a great mention from before. You know, I talk 322 00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:42,100 S2: about this in the book, you know, the the possibility 323 00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:45,700 S2: for greatness and embarrassment both exist in the same space. 324 00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:49,700 S2: And as a generation, we're really afraid to embarrass ourselves. 325 00:16:49,860 --> 00:16:52,220 S2: We're afraid to look foolish, and we don't want to 326 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:56,460 S2: be awkward. We're removing all awkward spaces in our life 327 00:16:56,460 --> 00:17:01,380 S2: with our phone, with distraction. And when we remove all awkward, 328 00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:05,940 S2: we remove all chances for unexpected amazing to happen in 329 00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:09,220 S2: these awkward spaces where you're not sure what's going to happen, 330 00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:11,900 S2: but you allow God to enter that space and connect 331 00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:14,859 S2: you to the right person. And so it is kind 332 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:17,140 S2: of a nudging. It's an empathetic nudging to say, hey, 333 00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:19,340 S2: I've been there too, but hey, you have to be 334 00:17:19,340 --> 00:17:22,900 S2: willing to embarrass yourself. And don't worry how it looks 335 00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:26,139 S2: on social media. All that's fake and contrived. None of 336 00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:28,980 S2: that's real. They're living back at home, too, but they're 337 00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:30,780 S2: just making it look like they live on a beach. 338 00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:33,859 S2: You know? They've dug a sand pit out in the backyard, 339 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:35,780 S2: and they put some lawn chairs out there, and they've 340 00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:38,720 S2: created their beach photos, but really, they're in new Jersey 341 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,520 S2: and they've just made it look like a beach, so 342 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,520 S2: it's not real. 343 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,159 S1: That's coming from Angola. 344 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,400 S2: Angola. Hey, y'all. 345 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:50,960 S1: His name is Paul. Paul Angoni. 101 secrets for Your 20s. 346 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,920 S1: And this is going to be a life giving book 347 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,280 S1: to somebody in their 20s who's maybe you're listening right now, 348 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,639 S1: or you're the parent or the grandparent, and this will 349 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:05,120 S1: speak life into their life. I think what you just mentioned, 350 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:10,040 S1: that desire for ease, that desire for comfort, all of 351 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,400 S1: that speaks to me because I'm 40 years from my 352 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:18,640 S1: 20s and that thing just grabs me. It's like success 353 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:23,480 S1: is ease. Success is comfort. Success is an easier road 354 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:27,480 S1: than I've had. And a lot of times today, as 355 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,119 S1: well as 40 years ago, the easy road didn't lead 356 00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:36,040 S1: to the best life. The easy road led to easy. 357 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,540 S1: It made me feel more comfortable. But it didn't didn't 358 00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:41,979 S1: push me. It didn't help me grow and mature. Do 359 00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:42,379 S1: you agree? 360 00:18:42,420 --> 00:18:44,139 S2: Oh, I totally agree. And I talk about that a 361 00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:46,580 S2: lot in the book, that the best thing that can 362 00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:48,540 S2: happen to you almost in your 20s is that you 363 00:18:48,540 --> 00:18:53,060 S2: feel uncomfortable because comfort is a quicksand. And I think 364 00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:54,739 S2: the worst job you can have in your 20s is 365 00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:57,900 S2: a comfortable one that doesn't require much of you at all. 366 00:18:58,619 --> 00:19:02,500 S2: Because because growth and growing in your skill set, growing 367 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:07,260 S2: in your character, growing in what it means to work hard, persevere. Uh, 368 00:19:07,260 --> 00:19:10,100 S2: these things are so valuable. These are the, these are 369 00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:13,460 S2: the traits. These are the things you should be investing in. 370 00:19:13,580 --> 00:19:16,580 S2: And it is really hard to grow if you're just 371 00:19:16,580 --> 00:19:19,660 S2: sitting by the pool, you know, all day just soaking 372 00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:21,500 S2: up the sun, you're not going to grow much there. 373 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:23,660 S2: You might get sunburned, but you're not going to grow. 374 00:19:24,260 --> 00:19:26,740 S2: It's those times of of struggle and strain, you know, 375 00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:30,180 S2: that's how you grow your muscles. That's how you train literally. 376 00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:33,180 S2: And so I remember, and I might have mentioned this before, 377 00:19:33,180 --> 00:19:36,399 S2: but I, God gave me an image once I was driving, 378 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,520 S2: and I had this clear image when I was crying 379 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:41,240 S2: out to God and I was asking God to, you know, 380 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,159 S2: show up and put me someplace where I can be used. 381 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,240 S2: I had this image of me sitting in a wheelbarrow 382 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:51,200 S2: and praying to God and asking God to push me somewhere. 383 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,200 S2: And then when we arrived, he could dump me out 384 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,400 S2: and I would stand up, and I'd be faithful and 385 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,919 S2: do what he required of me. And then I'd get 386 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,040 S2: back in the wheelbarrow and be like, okay, God, push 387 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,560 S2: us to the next spot. And God, I felt like 388 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,439 S2: God was saying, you know, I'm not your sled dog. 389 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,359 S2: You know, I'm not here to just take you around. 390 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,200 S2: And I wouldn't be a good father if I didn't 391 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,679 S2: require you to use your own legs. And, um, and 392 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,160 S2: I think that's a good reminder for all of us 393 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,240 S2: in those times of struggle, that it's for our benefit. 394 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,960 S2: It's not for our detriment. Yes. 395 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:24,760 S1: Oh, I like that. We had, uh, the shoemakers on 396 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:28,560 S1: recently who were talking to father and son, and the 397 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:34,980 S1: dad had seen this Ford F-150 down in a ravine Someplace. Uh, actually, 398 00:20:35,020 --> 00:20:37,420 S1: he's in Chicago, so it was just off the interstate, 399 00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:41,659 S1: and it was this young guy, probably 17, 18 years old, 400 00:20:41,660 --> 00:20:46,379 S1: who had been driving this F150, the people to the airport, 401 00:20:46,420 --> 00:20:49,020 S1: and he got off the road and he couldn't get 402 00:20:49,020 --> 00:20:50,979 S1: back up. And the tow truck was going to be 403 00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:53,500 S1: a lot of money. ET cetera. ET cetera. And, and 404 00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:55,859 S1: the dad said, I went down there and he rolled 405 00:20:55,859 --> 00:20:57,980 S1: down the window and he said, if you want, I'll 406 00:20:57,980 --> 00:21:01,619 S1: walk this through, walk you through this. You can do this. 407 00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:04,940 S1: But the problem was he had to get even further 408 00:21:04,940 --> 00:21:09,300 S1: down in the ravine so that he could orient himself 409 00:21:09,340 --> 00:21:12,340 S1: to get make it back up the hill. And it 410 00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:16,860 S1: was that mentoring that coming along side. I think you're 411 00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:19,219 S1: going to this hits a nerve for me. It's like 412 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:21,859 S1: you've got to be humble enough to say, I can't 413 00:21:21,859 --> 00:21:26,140 S1: do this on my own and, and find somebody or 414 00:21:26,140 --> 00:21:29,220 S1: somebody find you, uh, who will find you in the 415 00:21:29,220 --> 00:21:33,649 S1: wheelbarrow or in the F-150 and then guide you, help 416 00:21:33,650 --> 00:21:35,969 S1: you along the way. Not that you're not going to 417 00:21:35,970 --> 00:21:38,610 S1: slip and slide anymore, and not that it's not going 418 00:21:38,650 --> 00:21:41,530 S1: to feel, you know, discomfort, but help you get to 419 00:21:41,570 --> 00:21:44,610 S1: the top. And he said, I think it was Tim 420 00:21:44,609 --> 00:21:47,929 S1: that told this story. Tim said that when he made 421 00:21:47,930 --> 00:21:49,850 S1: it up, you know, he made it back on to 422 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,970 S1: the side of the road. He jumped out of the 423 00:21:51,970 --> 00:21:53,969 S1: truck and he was like, thank you. 424 00:21:54,010 --> 00:21:54,369 S2: Thank. 425 00:21:54,410 --> 00:21:57,330 S1: You. That wouldn't have happened if Tim had gotten in 426 00:21:57,369 --> 00:21:58,570 S1: the truck and done it himself. 427 00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:01,330 S2: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I, I talk a lot about 428 00:22:01,330 --> 00:22:04,010 S2: how it feels like you're lost in your 20s. It 429 00:22:04,010 --> 00:22:06,050 S2: feels like you have you don't know where to go. 430 00:22:06,369 --> 00:22:08,210 S2: And I, and I always say, well, that's great because 431 00:22:08,210 --> 00:22:10,490 S2: that's the first step to exploring. You know, all explorers 432 00:22:10,490 --> 00:22:13,730 S2: have to get lost. That's, that's, that's like, that's the, 433 00:22:13,730 --> 00:22:17,810 S2: the job description. But, but explorers get lost on purpose 434 00:22:17,810 --> 00:22:21,929 S2: with purpose for a purpose. So it's purposeful lostness. They're 435 00:22:21,930 --> 00:22:24,810 S2: not just wandering, they're lost. They don't really know how 436 00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:27,290 S2: they're going to get there. But but but they always 437 00:22:27,290 --> 00:22:32,109 S2: have maps and a guide with them. They have a 438 00:22:32,109 --> 00:22:35,149 S2: traveling party. So to go back to what you're saying 439 00:22:35,150 --> 00:22:37,990 S2: is that it's so important, especially if you're feeling lost, 440 00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:42,230 S2: that you find guides and you find maps, people that 441 00:22:42,230 --> 00:22:45,310 S2: have been there before that can say, hey, look, watch 442 00:22:45,310 --> 00:22:47,750 S2: out for around this turn or don't eat this. You know, 443 00:22:47,790 --> 00:22:50,910 S2: all the different things. Because if you're out by yourself, 444 00:22:51,030 --> 00:22:52,550 S2: and I write about this in the book as well, 445 00:22:52,550 --> 00:22:55,790 S2: I write about Into the Wild, which was a book, 446 00:22:55,830 --> 00:22:59,149 S2: a true story, and then a movie about Alexander Supertramp. 447 00:22:59,350 --> 00:23:01,310 S2: And I won't go into that whole story, but basically 448 00:23:01,310 --> 00:23:04,030 S2: he went on a great Alaskan adventure all by himself 449 00:23:04,310 --> 00:23:07,190 S2: on this journey for truth. And he was exploring all 450 00:23:07,190 --> 00:23:10,870 S2: by himself. And the ending didn't end up well because 451 00:23:10,869 --> 00:23:13,189 S2: he was all alone. He had nobody there to help 452 00:23:13,190 --> 00:23:15,989 S2: him when things went wrong. And I think that's so 453 00:23:15,990 --> 00:23:18,670 S2: important for a 20 something to be humble enough to say, 454 00:23:18,990 --> 00:23:21,750 S2: like you just said, I need help. And then also 455 00:23:21,750 --> 00:23:25,070 S2: for a boomer, a Gen Xer to come alongside somebody, 456 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,149 S2: even if it looks like they have a lot of 457 00:23:27,150 --> 00:23:30,530 S2: ego and pride, it's probably masquerading a lot of insecurity, 458 00:23:30,730 --> 00:23:32,449 S2: even to come alongside and put your arm around them 459 00:23:32,450 --> 00:23:35,530 S2: and say, hey, let's go out for coffee. Let's talk. 460 00:23:35,730 --> 00:23:38,010 S2: I want to share some of my story with you 461 00:23:38,010 --> 00:23:39,969 S2: and let's, let's figure this out together. 462 00:23:40,290 --> 00:23:42,930 S1: That's exactly what this book is, though. Paul, this is 463 00:23:42,930 --> 00:23:46,689 S1: you coming alongside 101 secrets for Your 20s. As a 464 00:23:46,690 --> 00:23:49,330 S1: matter of fact, it first came out ten years ago. 465 00:23:49,330 --> 00:23:52,010 S1: You have kind of revamped this and you've said, this 466 00:23:52,010 --> 00:23:54,850 S1: is kind of like, uh, having coffee with an old 467 00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:56,690 S1: friend and going back to it. Right? 468 00:23:56,730 --> 00:23:59,450 S2: Yeah, exactly. It came out ten years ago. It's been 469 00:23:59,450 --> 00:24:02,250 S2: amazing to see how far and wide it's traveled. You know, 470 00:24:02,290 --> 00:24:05,210 S2: just the faithfulness of the Lord that he sparked this message. 471 00:24:05,530 --> 00:24:07,369 S2: And it's gotten to so many different hands that I 472 00:24:07,369 --> 00:24:09,889 S2: never dreamed of. But I wanted it to reach a 473 00:24:09,890 --> 00:24:12,570 S2: new generation of 20 somethings because I feel like it's 474 00:24:12,570 --> 00:24:15,449 S2: even harder and more intense now. But really, that's the 475 00:24:15,450 --> 00:24:17,970 S2: whole point of the book. It's to be that guide, 476 00:24:18,369 --> 00:24:21,730 S2: that framework. It's that voice of reasoning and that voice 477 00:24:21,730 --> 00:24:24,929 S2: of encouragement and hope that says, hey, this, this is 478 00:24:24,930 --> 00:24:27,290 S2: hard for all of us, you know, and you're not alone. 479 00:24:27,890 --> 00:24:31,150 S2: And there is hope. So let's talk about that. You know, 480 00:24:31,190 --> 00:24:34,550 S2: let's let's talk together about this. Uh, and just knowing 481 00:24:34,590 --> 00:24:36,230 S2: that you're not alone is such a, it's such a 482 00:24:36,270 --> 00:24:37,350 S2: freeing thing to hear. 483 00:24:37,990 --> 00:24:41,550 S1: Are there things that parents or grandparents, you know, a 484 00:24:41,550 --> 00:24:44,390 S1: lot of grandparents are involved in their kids lives in 485 00:24:44,390 --> 00:24:47,990 S1: their 20s. Are there things that parents are doing that 486 00:24:47,990 --> 00:24:51,430 S1: are a detriment to the 20 year olds, or that 487 00:24:51,430 --> 00:24:53,709 S1: can really help the 20 year old? I want you 488 00:24:53,710 --> 00:24:56,230 S1: to hang on. Don't answer that question. Yeah, it's a setup. 489 00:24:56,230 --> 00:24:58,869 S1: That's what they call a tease in the business. Uh, 490 00:24:58,869 --> 00:25:01,149 S1: because I want you to talk about that because I 491 00:25:01,150 --> 00:25:02,909 S1: think there are a lot of parents and grandparents who 492 00:25:02,910 --> 00:25:05,790 S1: are listening, who are identifying with exactly because they see 493 00:25:05,790 --> 00:25:10,630 S1: this in their 20 something, you know, son, daughter, grandson, granddaughter, 494 00:25:10,830 --> 00:25:13,310 S1: and they don't know what to help. And they think, oh, 495 00:25:13,350 --> 00:25:16,830 S1: I wonder if that was helpful or not. So you 496 00:25:16,869 --> 00:25:19,869 S1: hang on. Paul and Connie is with us today at 497 00:25:19,869 --> 00:25:23,070 S1: the Radio Backyard Fence. If you go to Chris Fabry live.org, 498 00:25:23,430 --> 00:25:28,050 S1: you'll see our featured resource 101 secrets for Your 20s, 499 00:25:28,369 --> 00:25:32,330 S1: just go to Chris dot ORG. Hey, and we could 500 00:25:32,330 --> 00:25:35,490 S1: use your support here at the Radio Backyard fence. If 501 00:25:35,530 --> 00:25:38,729 S1: you'd like to give a gift of any size each month, 502 00:25:38,730 --> 00:25:43,090 S1: you can become a back fence partner. Just go to chris.org. 503 00:25:43,130 --> 00:25:46,250 S1: You'll see how to do that. Keep these conversations going. 504 00:25:46,290 --> 00:25:55,609 S1: Or you can call 866958669532279. More straight ahead on Moody Radio. 505 00:26:06,170 --> 00:26:09,129 S1: I am so excited to have Paul Angoni with us today. 506 00:26:09,290 --> 00:26:11,890 S1: He's in the studio in Chicago. I'm in Tucson. We 507 00:26:11,890 --> 00:26:15,890 S1: can see each other on the on the camera. So 508 00:26:15,930 --> 00:26:19,970 S1: it's just like, I feel like there's somebody listening today 509 00:26:20,410 --> 00:26:22,770 S1: who is in their 20s and you're getting a little 510 00:26:22,770 --> 00:26:26,400 S1: closer to the radio because this is your life and 511 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,360 S1: you're struggling and you feel like you're all alone, or 512 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,080 S1: you're doing the comparison thing that Paul talked about a 513 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:33,840 S1: minute ago. I want to talk more about that and 514 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:37,000 S1: social media and what that does to us. The book 515 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:41,880 S1: is 101 secrets for Your 20s. We have it linked 516 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:46,600 S1: right there. Chris Fabry, live dot ORG. But Paul talked 517 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,880 S1: to the parent or grandparent who says, I really want 518 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,240 S1: to be a help here. And I don't know if 519 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,520 S1: what I'm doing is helping or not. What do you say? 520 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,840 S2: Well, it's been a fun privilege of mine to see 521 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,840 S2: so many reviews of my books come from parents and grandparents, 522 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,760 S2: which I didn't realize was going to happen. You know, 523 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,720 S2: they buy as a gift and then they read it. 524 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,640 S2: And it's been an honor to hear their perspective and 525 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,320 S2: to even hear them say, I needed this advice or 526 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,120 S2: I wish I knew this back when. And so it's 527 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:16,880 S2: been a helpful reminder for me how crucial a role 528 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:20,399 S2: the parents and grandparents play. And even in my world, 529 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:24,240 S2: I've had many stories. And this goes to your question of. 530 00:27:24,980 --> 00:27:28,740 S2: Sometimes it's a timing thing. When you're helping. And you 531 00:27:28,740 --> 00:27:31,380 S2: actually might be helping greatly. It just might not be 532 00:27:31,380 --> 00:27:35,139 S2: received in this exact moment. And I've had that happen 533 00:27:35,140 --> 00:27:37,859 S2: even with with stories of how 20 somethings have gotten 534 00:27:37,859 --> 00:27:40,979 S2: my books, they'll, they'll write me and say, my, my 535 00:27:40,980 --> 00:27:44,020 S2: dad or my grandparent gave me this book three years 536 00:27:44,020 --> 00:27:46,699 S2: ago and I put it on my table and I've 537 00:27:46,740 --> 00:27:48,820 S2: used it as a coaster for three years. I never 538 00:27:48,820 --> 00:27:51,020 S2: once picked it up because I'm like, what is this 539 00:27:51,020 --> 00:27:53,620 S2: book 101 Secrets Your 20s? I don't need any of this. 540 00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:55,540 S2: And then one day I hit rock bottom or I 541 00:27:55,540 --> 00:27:57,459 S2: just looked at the book, I picked it up and 542 00:27:57,460 --> 00:27:59,740 S2: it's changing my life. And so I think that's a 543 00:27:59,740 --> 00:28:01,700 S2: good reminder for all of us as a teacher, as 544 00:28:01,700 --> 00:28:05,300 S2: a parent, it might be your help might not be 545 00:28:05,300 --> 00:28:08,220 S2: received right at the moment, but you never know how 546 00:28:08,260 --> 00:28:12,180 S2: radical you are helping as you consistently show up. And 547 00:28:12,180 --> 00:28:15,300 S2: that's the advice I give. Just be consistent in showing 548 00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:19,020 S2: up and being there, and be willing again to share 549 00:28:19,020 --> 00:28:21,740 S2: your own struggles, your weaknesses, things that you've gone through 550 00:28:21,740 --> 00:28:24,480 S2: so you can, so you can also then share how 551 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,800 S2: God has been faithful and how God has used that. 552 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,720 S2: You know how God has transformed that. I think you 553 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:34,800 S2: being open and honest with your whole story is so important. 554 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,960 S2: And I even tell that to CEOs and leaders. I say, 555 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,920 S2: you know, you got to be okay with talking about 556 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:44,440 S2: your weaknesses, saying sorry, talking about where you've struggled because 557 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,120 S2: the now allow a 20 something to enter in and 558 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:51,120 S2: start really trusting you and trusting your voice and the 559 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,320 S2: advice that you then want to give because they know, hey, 560 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:58,120 S2: this person really cares about me more than just as 561 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:01,160 S2: a employee or just as one of their kids. They 562 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:04,840 S2: really care about me and they want to see me succeed. 563 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,160 S2: And I think that's a consistent message for you to 564 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,880 S2: just keep demonstrating that, you know, I hear you. I 565 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,560 S2: really want to see you succeed. I want to see 566 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,960 S2: you thrive. I love you, you know, I'll always love you. 567 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,600 S2: And so let's talk about this. And if you create 568 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:22,460 S2: that atmosphere, I think your 20 something child or even 569 00:29:22,460 --> 00:29:25,860 S2: your 20 something employee or or someone in your church. 570 00:29:25,860 --> 00:29:29,340 S2: They'll just keep coming to you because they know that 571 00:29:29,860 --> 00:29:32,020 S2: they can trust you and that you really love them 572 00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:32,900 S2: and care for them. 573 00:29:32,940 --> 00:29:37,980 S1: Why is that vulnerability so attractive and so redemptive? 574 00:29:38,020 --> 00:29:41,540 S2: Yeah, you know, I think it just allows them to, 575 00:29:41,580 --> 00:29:44,780 S2: first of all, again, know they're not alone and it 576 00:29:44,780 --> 00:29:47,660 S2: allows them to trust you because you're willing to share 577 00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:50,700 S2: some of your rougher sides of your story so that 578 00:29:50,700 --> 00:29:55,260 S2: it's not all this fabricated. I was perfect, I didn't 579 00:29:55,260 --> 00:29:58,540 S2: mess up. Uh, life has always been good. Yeah. 580 00:29:58,940 --> 00:30:01,300 S1: This is my curated life that I'm showing you. 581 00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:04,500 S2: Here because they're seeing so much of that online. Yeah. 582 00:30:04,660 --> 00:30:08,700 S2: So they want something real and honest and authentic. And 583 00:30:08,700 --> 00:30:13,420 S2: I think authenticity really is just someone being honest about their, 584 00:30:13,580 --> 00:30:17,740 S2: their weaknesses and their strengths, their triumphs and their tragedies, 585 00:30:17,740 --> 00:30:19,980 S2: all facets of their life. You know, it's both sides 586 00:30:19,980 --> 00:30:22,640 S2: of the Psalms, right? When you read the Psalms, it's 587 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,040 S2: that up and down struggle of what faith can look 588 00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:29,040 S2: like at times. So you being receptive to that conversation 589 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,880 S2: and ushering that conversation in. So it's a safe space 590 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:36,040 S2: for that wrestling to happen instead of, you know, a 591 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,200 S2: 20 something coming to you with a struggle or a 592 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:42,360 S2: question or a doubt and you getting angry or frustrated 593 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,800 S2: or being like, just figure it out. Like, gosh, what's 594 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,280 S2: your issue? What's your problem? Like, go, I did this 595 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:50,520 S2: at 25. You can do this at 25, you know, 596 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,360 S2: and that and that will shut down the conversation from happening. 597 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,920 S1: Because that's shame. That's a shame and guilt. You know, 598 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,720 S1: I figured this out way back when, when, when the 599 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:03,160 S1: culture was different, when finances were different and all of that. Yeah. 600 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,200 S1: So this is the one thing that I feel like 601 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:11,680 S1: is really helpful is the 20 something looking for advice 602 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,400 S1: from parents or grandparents or older friends, mentors? Do they 603 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:20,590 S1: want advice or do they simply want Somebody who says, 604 00:31:21,070 --> 00:31:23,630 S1: I'm here for you and I believe in you. 605 00:31:23,670 --> 00:31:27,270 S2: Yeah, I think they want that first, you know, and 606 00:31:27,270 --> 00:31:29,469 S2: and I think there's a desperate cry in all of 607 00:31:29,470 --> 00:31:32,790 S2: our hearts, but especially for 20 somethings, there's such a lonely, 608 00:31:32,790 --> 00:31:36,190 S2: isolated generation. Um, you know, and studies are showing that 609 00:31:36,190 --> 00:31:39,390 S2: that this age group feels so isolated, which is a 610 00:31:39,390 --> 00:31:43,070 S2: strange dynamic when they're globally connected, but there's such a 611 00:31:43,070 --> 00:31:46,350 S2: deep yearning in their heart to, to know and to 612 00:31:46,390 --> 00:31:50,470 S2: be known and to know and to be known. And 613 00:31:50,470 --> 00:31:53,110 S2: if you can sit down with a 20 something and 614 00:31:53,110 --> 00:31:56,470 S2: make them feel like they know you and you know 615 00:31:56,470 --> 00:32:00,110 S2: them well, man, that breathed, that breathed so much life 616 00:32:00,310 --> 00:32:03,750 S2: into all these dark and dusty corners and closets that 617 00:32:03,750 --> 00:32:07,630 S2: they've been hiding. And it brings so much freedom because they're, 618 00:32:07,630 --> 00:32:11,190 S2: they can also find forgiveness. Forgiveness of, of things that 619 00:32:11,190 --> 00:32:14,950 S2: they've done. Forgiveness even maybe of things they need to 620 00:32:14,950 --> 00:32:19,050 S2: forgive their parents for. You know, and because parents aren't perfect, 621 00:32:19,050 --> 00:32:22,530 S2: we all make mistakes. And so that usher in ushers 622 00:32:22,530 --> 00:32:28,010 S2: so much redemptive ness into this relationship. Um, which I 623 00:32:28,010 --> 00:32:30,890 S2: think is, is life changing and so crucial. 624 00:32:31,170 --> 00:32:32,530 S1: Is that a word is redemptive? 625 00:32:32,890 --> 00:32:35,290 S2: I don't know. I just ran with it. Yeah. It 626 00:32:35,290 --> 00:32:36,650 S2: was coming out of my mouth and. 627 00:32:36,650 --> 00:32:38,810 S1: It sounded like you knew what you were talking about. 628 00:32:38,850 --> 00:32:40,370 S2: I do that a lot. You'll see a lot of 629 00:32:40,370 --> 00:32:42,490 S2: made up words in my books. Uh. 630 00:32:42,890 --> 00:32:45,570 S1: And it's funny, too. Your book is so funny. If 631 00:32:45,570 --> 00:32:47,290 S1: you're a 20 year old, it's like you've got a 632 00:32:47,290 --> 00:32:48,370 S1: really good sense of humor. 633 00:32:48,410 --> 00:32:51,290 S2: Well, and that's yeah, in the book, I try, I 634 00:32:51,410 --> 00:32:53,570 S2: bring a lot of humor into the whole conversation to 635 00:32:53,610 --> 00:32:55,690 S2: be like, hey, let's laugh about this. And some of 636 00:32:55,690 --> 00:32:58,130 S2: this is funny and like, there's a lot of relatable 637 00:32:58,130 --> 00:33:00,010 S2: things that we can be like, oh, I've been there. 638 00:33:00,010 --> 00:33:02,130 S2: I've been in that cubicle. I know what that's like, 639 00:33:02,130 --> 00:33:04,850 S2: or I've, I've had that not so great boss or 640 00:33:05,010 --> 00:33:07,650 S2: I've had that breakup. You know, I talk about, you know, 641 00:33:07,690 --> 00:33:10,610 S2: every breakup has two breakups. You have your first initial 642 00:33:10,650 --> 00:33:13,610 S2: breakup where things don't go well, and then you're thinking 643 00:33:13,610 --> 00:33:16,210 S2: about maybe getting back together again in about a month, 644 00:33:16,210 --> 00:33:18,790 S2: and then you have the real breakup. You know, I 645 00:33:18,790 --> 00:33:21,870 S2: have a lot of those funny things. And, uh, and 646 00:33:21,870 --> 00:33:23,590 S2: that's always kind of my goal is kind of mixed. It's, 647 00:33:23,590 --> 00:33:27,990 S2: it's life. It's, it's funny. It's, it's hopeful. It's, it's true. 648 00:33:28,310 --> 00:33:30,790 S2: And it's hard at times. So let's talk about it 649 00:33:30,790 --> 00:33:31,550 S2: all really. 650 00:33:31,790 --> 00:33:35,270 S1: Okay. So be vulnerable here. What about your own parents? 651 00:33:35,270 --> 00:33:37,750 S1: Did they do anything when you because you, you kind 652 00:33:37,790 --> 00:33:40,590 S1: of hit rock bottom in your 20s. Yeah. Did they 653 00:33:40,630 --> 00:33:43,630 S1: do anything that really helped you at that point, or 654 00:33:43,630 --> 00:33:47,070 S1: did they do anything that kind of discouraged you? And, uh, mom, 655 00:33:47,110 --> 00:33:48,990 S1: I promise your mom and dad won't be listening. 656 00:33:49,950 --> 00:33:53,550 S2: You know, I think, um, I just always knew that 657 00:33:53,550 --> 00:33:56,190 S2: they were a safe space for me to go to. 658 00:33:56,750 --> 00:33:59,990 S2: That they were, uh, you know, especially, you know, my dad, 659 00:33:59,990 --> 00:34:02,550 S2: that I could always call him and we could talk 660 00:34:02,550 --> 00:34:05,430 S2: about what was going on. And for me, that was 661 00:34:05,430 --> 00:34:10,109 S2: always very freeing. And my dad's a former pastor too. 662 00:34:10,150 --> 00:34:13,750 S2: So I grew up a pastor's kid. Um, but the 663 00:34:14,150 --> 00:34:16,210 S2: and people ask me, Paul, well, why didn't you get 664 00:34:16,210 --> 00:34:18,569 S2: all crazy as a pastor's kid? Why are you really. 665 00:34:18,610 --> 00:34:20,810 S2: Did you did you get really messed up? You know, 666 00:34:20,850 --> 00:34:24,170 S2: because there's always that joke about pastor's kids. And obviously 667 00:34:24,170 --> 00:34:27,529 S2: I've had my struggles. I'm not perfect. But I think 668 00:34:27,530 --> 00:34:30,169 S2: what was amazing about my dad is that he was 669 00:34:30,170 --> 00:34:33,930 S2: the same person on stage as he was at home. 670 00:34:34,570 --> 00:34:38,569 S2: And so again, that level of consistency, that level of humility, 671 00:34:38,570 --> 00:34:42,209 S2: that level of him being a safe space, um, even 672 00:34:42,210 --> 00:34:45,610 S2: if I was bringing rougher questions or even questioning what 673 00:34:45,610 --> 00:34:48,930 S2: does faith look like to me? What do I actually 674 00:34:48,930 --> 00:34:52,049 S2: believe in what I say? I believe, you know, and 675 00:34:52,050 --> 00:34:54,410 S2: I think 20 somethings are going through that where they're, 676 00:34:54,890 --> 00:34:57,850 S2: they're kind of coming to a reckoning of themselves of 677 00:34:58,050 --> 00:35:01,609 S2: I've grown up saying, I believe all these things. And 678 00:35:01,610 --> 00:35:04,850 S2: yet my life, I'm looking at it. It doesn't resemble 679 00:35:05,010 --> 00:35:06,730 S2: what I'm saying. I believe. And I have to have 680 00:35:06,730 --> 00:35:09,569 S2: a reckoning with that. And for me, that's what I 681 00:35:09,570 --> 00:35:12,810 S2: was going through, is I feel like I'm being hypocritical. 682 00:35:12,810 --> 00:35:15,670 S2: I feel like I'm living a hypocritical life and I 683 00:35:15,670 --> 00:35:19,310 S2: need to do something about that. And so my parents 684 00:35:19,310 --> 00:35:21,870 S2: were always a safe space where I knew I could 685 00:35:21,870 --> 00:35:25,310 S2: call them and talk about that. Um, and so that was, 686 00:35:25,310 --> 00:35:27,670 S2: that was extremely helpful during this process. 687 00:35:28,110 --> 00:35:31,590 S1: I, I often think that the problem we had a 688 00:35:31,630 --> 00:35:34,710 S1: guest on not long ago who talked about singleness as 689 00:35:34,710 --> 00:35:38,589 S1: not something to be fixed. You don't have to fix your, 690 00:35:38,630 --> 00:35:42,390 S1: you're not going to fix your singleness by getting married anyway. Uh, 691 00:35:42,390 --> 00:35:44,509 S1: and you talk about that in your book, but to 692 00:35:44,550 --> 00:35:48,069 S1: look at a 20 something who is struggling in whatever area, 693 00:35:48,270 --> 00:35:51,629 S1: it's not someone that they need to help fix so 694 00:35:51,630 --> 00:35:54,590 S1: that they get to a certain point in their life. 695 00:35:54,870 --> 00:35:57,310 S1: It's a it's a journey together. Yes. 696 00:35:57,510 --> 00:35:58,989 S2: Yeah. And I often talk about, you know, I have 697 00:35:58,989 --> 00:36:00,790 S2: this secret in the book and I talk about, you know, 698 00:36:00,830 --> 00:36:04,230 S2: that success in your 20s is, is, is less about 699 00:36:04,230 --> 00:36:07,310 S2: enjoying the feast. It's more about setting the table. So 700 00:36:07,310 --> 00:36:08,950 S2: even if it doesn't look quite right and you're not 701 00:36:08,950 --> 00:36:11,430 S2: getting all the success and you're looking at even your child, 702 00:36:11,430 --> 00:36:13,299 S2: and it doesn't, they're not getting a lot of money 703 00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:16,260 S2: or they're not getting a lot of forward progress. Well, 704 00:36:16,260 --> 00:36:20,100 S2: that doesn't mean that the season is not extremely purposeful 705 00:36:20,100 --> 00:36:23,500 S2: and important, and growing them so that their character is 706 00:36:23,500 --> 00:36:26,580 S2: ready for their calling and they need to go through 707 00:36:26,580 --> 00:36:30,459 S2: this season. You know, I often say that transitions, those 708 00:36:30,460 --> 00:36:33,620 S2: transition periods of our life is not something to be 709 00:36:33,620 --> 00:36:36,180 S2: rushed through to get to the next important season of 710 00:36:36,180 --> 00:36:40,060 S2: our life. Transitions are the most important seasons of our life. 711 00:36:40,460 --> 00:36:44,219 S2: Because when you are lost and alone and it's dark, 712 00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:48,100 S2: all your senses come alive and. And you rely really 713 00:36:48,100 --> 00:36:50,740 S2: on the Lord. I feel like more in those seasons 714 00:36:50,739 --> 00:36:54,940 S2: than ever. And sometimes you can hear his voice clearer, uh, 715 00:36:54,940 --> 00:36:58,859 S2: in those times of the desert and wandering and struggle. Um, 716 00:36:59,180 --> 00:37:02,620 S2: so parents don't have to worry about, hey, we got 717 00:37:02,620 --> 00:37:04,020 S2: to rush through this. We got to get through this. 718 00:37:04,060 --> 00:37:06,340 S2: We got to get to the next season of success. 719 00:37:06,780 --> 00:37:08,660 S2: It's like, no, we got to sit and marinate in 720 00:37:08,660 --> 00:37:11,140 S2: this a little bit because maybe God is trying to 721 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,799 S2: teach and instill something that is going to be so 722 00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:17,040 S2: crucial for the rest of their lives. So let's not 723 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:17,600 S2: rush it. 724 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,520 S1: Right here, right now. If you're 20 in your 20s, 725 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,600 S1: right here, right now, this struggle that you're having might 726 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,480 S1: be the launching point, or it might be the change 727 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,400 S1: agent in your life, might be the transition that takes 728 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:35,040 S1: you from where I say that's where you want to be, 729 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:37,040 S1: from where you are to where you want to be. 730 00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:40,040 S1: I often think that it's not where I want to be, 731 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,840 S1: that I need to get to. It's where God wants 732 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:47,000 S1: to be in me and change me. And that comes 733 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:50,040 S1: through so clearly in this book. Paul Langone is with us. 734 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:53,920 S1: 101 secrets for Your 20s is our featured resource. Go 735 00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:59,040 S1: to the website. Chris Fabry live.org. Chris Fabry live dot ORG. 736 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:02,720 S1: We have it linked right there. 101 secrets for Your 20s. 737 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:05,720 S1: And in our last segment, we're going to talk about 738 00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:09,560 S1: the specific secrets. I want to get down to the 739 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,940 S1: nitty gritty. will do that straight ahead on Moody Radio. 740 00:38:21,860 --> 00:38:24,620 S1: Our remaining moments with Paul and Tony today at the 741 00:38:24,620 --> 00:38:30,420 S1: Radio Backyard Fence 101 secrets for Your 20s is our 742 00:38:30,420 --> 00:38:34,180 S1: featured resource at Chris Fabry live.org. All right, here we go. 743 00:38:34,219 --> 00:38:38,540 S1: Lightning round secret 74. The secret to finding the right 744 00:38:38,540 --> 00:38:42,180 S1: person to marry is to stop looking. Tell me more 745 00:38:42,180 --> 00:38:42,700 S1: about that. 746 00:38:42,739 --> 00:38:46,100 S2: Yeah, I often say that instead of focusing so much 747 00:38:46,140 --> 00:38:49,900 S2: on on this elaborate search for the one, the right person, 748 00:38:49,900 --> 00:38:52,219 S2: this unicorn, the gold at the end of the rainbow. 749 00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:55,900 S2: Start focusing on being the right one for the person 750 00:38:55,900 --> 00:38:59,020 S2: you're going to marry. You know, start working on ditching 751 00:38:59,020 --> 00:39:01,940 S2: all those bags before you bring them into your marriage, 752 00:39:01,940 --> 00:39:06,779 S2: because too many of us have a huge suitcase, and 753 00:39:06,780 --> 00:39:08,819 S2: then about ten others that we're trying to fit into 754 00:39:08,820 --> 00:39:11,800 S2: this small apartment of all our baggage. So start ditching 755 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,880 S2: those now. Start working on becoming the right person. And 756 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,080 S2: then when you're doing that and you're becoming more healthy 757 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,040 S2: and your relationship with the Lord is thriving, you know, 758 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:24,319 S2: you're just you. You start attracting people like yourself. You know, 759 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:25,640 S2: all of a sudden you're out, you're in a club 760 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,000 S2: or you're at the church or different things. And you 761 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,560 S2: start attracting with people that you're resonating with each other, 762 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,880 S2: because now you're both coming from a place of health 763 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:39,200 S2: or striving for health, striving for growth, um, instead of 764 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,879 S2: just this kind of insecure place where you're just kind 765 00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:43,480 S2: of desperate and trying to search for the one, and 766 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:45,839 S2: then you kind of get around other desperate, insecure people. 767 00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:47,520 S2: And I know that was me. It was like, why 768 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,720 S2: are the girls I'm dating so insecure? And it's like, well, 769 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:52,799 S2: it's because I'm so insecure, you know, why do they 770 00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:54,000 S2: not have a clue what they want to do with 771 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,919 S2: their lives? Because I don't have a clue. And, and 772 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,080 S2: obviously there's going to be that within marriage, you don't 773 00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:00,760 S2: have life figured out when you get married. You know, 774 00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,520 S2: everybody realizes when they step up and they get married, 775 00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:05,600 S2: that's like, I don't have a clue what this means. 776 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,629 S2: And it's the next learning process, but I think it's 777 00:40:08,630 --> 00:40:10,950 S2: important for us to start working on becoming the right person, 778 00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:14,070 S2: just becoming more healthy and whole. And instead of feeling 779 00:40:14,070 --> 00:40:16,910 S2: like I gotta find the one because that person's going 780 00:40:16,950 --> 00:40:20,070 S2: to fix me, um, because marriage doesn't solve any of that. 781 00:40:20,110 --> 00:40:22,509 S1: Well, but marriage is supposed to complete you and it's 782 00:40:22,510 --> 00:40:24,830 S1: supposed to be happily ever after. And then we get 783 00:40:24,830 --> 00:40:28,549 S1: back to the curated thing. Usually what happens is the 784 00:40:28,590 --> 00:40:32,310 S1: rough edges get knocked off, you know, in a good marriage. 785 00:40:32,469 --> 00:40:34,549 S1: But that's hard. That's a struggle. 786 00:40:34,870 --> 00:40:39,350 S2: Marriage helps you work on your incompleteness. You know it. 787 00:40:39,390 --> 00:40:42,590 S2: You know, it comes with friction is, you know, about, 788 00:40:42,630 --> 00:40:47,310 S2: you know, those things, those two rocks rubbing together over time. 789 00:40:47,510 --> 00:40:50,230 S2: And that will create more of a smooth rock. You know. 790 00:40:50,270 --> 00:40:52,549 S1: Nobody likes a pumice stone, though, you. 791 00:40:52,590 --> 00:40:56,470 S2: Know, and it can be painful, you know, but you are, 792 00:40:56,630 --> 00:41:00,150 S2: you're refining each other because you're in this relationship together. 793 00:41:00,150 --> 00:41:03,190 S2: And God wants to use that relationship in your calling 794 00:41:03,190 --> 00:41:06,029 S2: and in your future and for your kids. And so again, 795 00:41:06,030 --> 00:41:08,810 S2: it might not be comfortable at times. And that's again, 796 00:41:08,810 --> 00:41:12,009 S2: okay because God needs to challenge all of us. And 797 00:41:12,010 --> 00:41:14,410 S2: sometimes that's through your spouse. Your spouse can challenge you 798 00:41:14,410 --> 00:41:16,930 S2: in some amazing ways. It might not feel amazing at 799 00:41:16,930 --> 00:41:18,810 S2: the time, but you look back and you're like, wow, 800 00:41:18,850 --> 00:41:21,210 S2: I've grown a lot. So that's a good thing. 801 00:41:21,450 --> 00:41:24,969 S1: Secret seven dates are supposed to be awkward. 802 00:41:26,290 --> 00:41:28,529 S2: Again, it goes back to that awkwardness thing. I just 803 00:41:28,530 --> 00:41:31,210 S2: think we we so desperately don't want to be awkward. 804 00:41:31,450 --> 00:41:33,129 S2: And so we don't even want to put ourselves in 805 00:41:33,130 --> 00:41:37,050 S2: situations where we could possibly be awkward. And in your 20s, 806 00:41:37,090 --> 00:41:39,570 S2: you know, sometimes you just maybe go on a date, 807 00:41:39,610 --> 00:41:42,930 S2: you know, and it doesn't it's gonna be awkward, you know, and, 808 00:41:42,969 --> 00:41:46,810 S2: and that's great. First dates are usually awkward and it 809 00:41:46,810 --> 00:41:49,490 S2: becomes an amazing first date story that you can tell later. 810 00:41:49,530 --> 00:41:51,370 S2: You know, even if the relationship doesn't work out, at 811 00:41:51,370 --> 00:41:54,050 S2: least you have some great stories that you can tell 812 00:41:54,050 --> 00:41:56,930 S2: that others can relate to because we've all been there. Um, 813 00:41:56,930 --> 00:41:58,649 S2: but if you hide yourself away and you're not even 814 00:41:58,650 --> 00:42:02,529 S2: willing to have that awkwardness or that embarrassment take place, well, 815 00:42:02,530 --> 00:42:04,969 S2: then you're kind of shutting yourself off, you know, so 816 00:42:05,070 --> 00:42:07,390 S2: it's it's okay. You know, a first date doesn't mean 817 00:42:07,390 --> 00:42:09,790 S2: you're getting married. You're just getting to know somebody and 818 00:42:09,790 --> 00:42:12,350 S2: they're getting to know you. And, uh, and that's great. 819 00:42:12,350 --> 00:42:14,029 S2: And maybe there'll be a second date. Maybe not. And 820 00:42:14,030 --> 00:42:14,710 S2: that's fine. 821 00:42:15,790 --> 00:42:19,870 S1: Secret 12 lousy jobs are the 20 something rite of passage. 822 00:42:20,710 --> 00:42:22,989 S2: Yeah. We don't go into the woods anymore. Right. With 823 00:42:22,989 --> 00:42:25,109 S2: a spear ready to kill that bear is our rite 824 00:42:25,150 --> 00:42:27,790 S2: of passage. Now, we go into the sea of cubicles 825 00:42:27,950 --> 00:42:32,390 S2: to tackle that spreadsheet and get some coffee. Um, yeah, 826 00:42:32,390 --> 00:42:35,589 S2: there's a lot of lousy jobs. And. And that's, again, 827 00:42:35,590 --> 00:42:38,710 S2: normal very rarely as a 20 something. Are you going 828 00:42:38,750 --> 00:42:41,870 S2: to step right into your dream job? That just doesn't happen. 829 00:42:42,110 --> 00:42:45,509 S2: And so don't worry again so much about trying to 830 00:42:45,510 --> 00:42:49,510 S2: find the right job. Worry about bringing the right you 831 00:42:49,910 --> 00:42:53,270 S2: to the job you're working. Because if you do a 832 00:42:53,310 --> 00:42:58,710 S2: lousy job at your lousy job, guess what awaits you next? 833 00:42:58,830 --> 00:42:59,230 S1: Mhm. 834 00:42:59,350 --> 00:43:03,710 S2: Another lousy job. And so you have to learn how to. 835 00:43:03,930 --> 00:43:05,730 S2: It all matters. You know, I think that's a lie. 836 00:43:05,770 --> 00:43:08,970 S2: Some of us believe. Well, this doesn't really matter, because 837 00:43:08,969 --> 00:43:12,450 S2: this isn't my calling. This is. This job's not important. 838 00:43:12,489 --> 00:43:15,730 S2: You know, it doesn't matter. But it definitely it all matters. 839 00:43:15,730 --> 00:43:18,210 S2: Because again, you never know who's that one person you 840 00:43:18,210 --> 00:43:20,690 S2: needed to meet that's going to usher you into that 841 00:43:20,690 --> 00:43:23,210 S2: next space. And if they feel like, well, gosh, I 842 00:43:23,210 --> 00:43:26,089 S2: can't promote this person, I can't introduce this person. I've 843 00:43:26,090 --> 00:43:29,570 S2: been watching them work. And honestly, it's been pretty bad. Um, 844 00:43:30,010 --> 00:43:32,850 S2: well then, gosh, you're never going to progress out of the, 845 00:43:32,850 --> 00:43:36,170 S2: the lousy job carousel that you might be stuck on. 846 00:43:36,450 --> 00:43:38,370 S1: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart. 847 00:43:38,410 --> 00:43:41,810 S1: I think somebody said yeah, somewhere. Yes. Um, you know, 848 00:43:41,850 --> 00:43:44,890 S1: and that speaks into my life because I started my 849 00:43:44,930 --> 00:43:47,850 S1: very first well, my first job was at this, uh, 850 00:43:47,850 --> 00:43:51,410 S1: plant someplace in a, I don't want to go into 851 00:43:51,410 --> 00:43:53,490 S1: it because it was kind of a lousy job because 852 00:43:53,489 --> 00:43:56,049 S1: I just didn't like doing it. Yeah. But the, the 853 00:43:56,090 --> 00:43:58,850 S1: first real part time job I had was at a 854 00:43:58,850 --> 00:44:03,189 S1: radio station and I got in there and it was 855 00:44:03,190 --> 00:44:06,390 S1: a country music station, a little daylight to dark country 856 00:44:06,390 --> 00:44:09,110 S1: music station. I didn't like the music and I didn't, 857 00:44:09,469 --> 00:44:12,549 S1: you know, didn't connect with all of the people that 858 00:44:12,550 --> 00:44:16,190 S1: were there. It was fun, you know? But I started 859 00:44:16,190 --> 00:44:20,069 S1: to realize that there's something more going on here. And 860 00:44:20,070 --> 00:44:22,469 S1: I didn't know what it was the station manager that 861 00:44:22,469 --> 00:44:25,069 S1: I had said, maybe if you get into this thing, 862 00:44:25,070 --> 00:44:26,669 S1: it'll be in your blood the rest of your life. 863 00:44:26,670 --> 00:44:28,830 S1: And I thought, I didn't want to do radio. That's 864 00:44:28,830 --> 00:44:31,470 S1: not what I wanted to do. But I look back 865 00:44:31,469 --> 00:44:34,149 S1: on that, you know, in my my teen years and 866 00:44:34,150 --> 00:44:39,589 S1: then into my 20s doing that, I still use some 867 00:44:39,590 --> 00:44:41,630 S1: of the things that I learned and some of the 868 00:44:41,630 --> 00:44:45,630 S1: mistakes that I made back there. I still use that 869 00:44:45,630 --> 00:44:46,950 S1: knowledge today. 870 00:44:47,110 --> 00:44:50,470 S2: Mhm. Yeah. It's it's training. It's, it's, it's the new 871 00:44:50,469 --> 00:44:53,390 S2: round of school and we all have to go through it. 872 00:44:53,550 --> 00:44:55,390 S2: And it is amazing. All the things that you'll take 873 00:44:55,390 --> 00:44:59,310 S2: from those jobs, those situations and those relationships that you'll 874 00:44:59,310 --> 00:45:01,420 S2: look back on 20, 30, 40 years from now and 875 00:45:01,420 --> 00:45:04,859 S2: be like, that was so meaningful. It felt messy, it 876 00:45:04,860 --> 00:45:07,779 S2: felt mundane, but it was so meaningful. Now that I 877 00:45:07,780 --> 00:45:08,380 S2: look back. 878 00:45:08,860 --> 00:45:12,779 S1: Real quickly before we end, um, 20 year olds who 879 00:45:12,820 --> 00:45:15,219 S1: are walking away from their faith, what do you say 880 00:45:15,219 --> 00:45:16,819 S1: to them or to their parents? 881 00:45:18,580 --> 00:45:20,500 S2: I think this book, first of all, is super helpful 882 00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:22,940 S2: in that because I'm, I weave in my faith and 883 00:45:22,940 --> 00:45:25,860 S2: hopefully an authentic way. And I just keep pointing back to, 884 00:45:26,260 --> 00:45:28,020 S2: you know what? I'm a broken person. And the only 885 00:45:28,020 --> 00:45:30,500 S2: way I could get through this was through my relationship 886 00:45:30,500 --> 00:45:33,180 S2: with Christ. And sure, it was rocky and I wasn't 887 00:45:33,180 --> 00:45:35,140 S2: always the most faithful servant I could have been, but 888 00:45:35,140 --> 00:45:37,380 S2: he was always there for me. And so you can 889 00:45:37,380 --> 00:45:40,300 S2: always turn to him with your struggles, your doubts, your fears, 890 00:45:40,460 --> 00:45:43,460 S2: and just sit in that space. And it might be, again, uncomfortable, 891 00:45:43,940 --> 00:45:46,500 S2: but there's a lot of redemption there. And you can 892 00:45:46,500 --> 00:45:47,620 S2: go to him with anything. 893 00:45:48,100 --> 00:45:49,580 S1: And it might if you're in that, if you're in 894 00:45:49,580 --> 00:45:52,900 S1: your 20s and you're in that valley, this might be 895 00:45:52,900 --> 00:45:55,339 S1: the kind of book that will help turn you around 896 00:45:55,340 --> 00:45:59,140 S1: and see what really is in your life and a 897 00:45:59,140 --> 00:46:04,000 S1: new transition, new trajectory. 101 secrets for Your 20s. And 898 00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:07,480 S1: if you're a parent or grandparent, remember that this this 899 00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:09,960 S1: dip in the life of your 20 year old that 900 00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:13,920 S1: you love so much, you can be there to help them. 901 00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:16,840 S1: And Paul, you've done that with us here today. Thank 902 00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,719 S1: you for sharing your heart, for sharing it on the 903 00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:22,319 S1: page and come back and see us real soon. 904 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,400 S2: Thank you for having me again, Chris. Thank you. 905 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:30,520 S1: His name is Paul Angelone, A NGONE 101. Secrets for 906 00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:34,440 S1: Your 20s is our featured resource at Chris Fabry live 907 00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:38,080 S1: dot ORG. Hey, you can find out more about Paul, 908 00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,920 S1: his website, some of the things that he's written before, 909 00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:43,399 S1: some of the things he's doing. You can support us 910 00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:46,400 S1: right there. Hope you'll do that and come back next 911 00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:49,839 S1: time for another conversation at the Radio Backyard Fence. And 912 00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:53,200 S1: always remember, Chris Fabry Live is a production of Moody Radio, 913 00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:55,799 S1: a Ministry of Moody Bible Institute.