1 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:09,480 S1: I have a specific question for anyone who has ever 2 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,960 S1: been to a marriage conference at any point in your life. 3 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,480 S1: What is the best thing that happened to you at 4 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:20,520 S1: a marriage conference? What's the best thing you heard? The 5 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,760 S1: thing that stuck in your soul and turned the light 6 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,480 S1: on when you heard it. You might have even written 7 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,440 S1: it down. Put it in your your pocket. Do you 8 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:31,400 S1: still remember what you heard someone say? Do you have 9 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,680 S1: to be in a troubled marriage in order to benefit 10 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,440 S1: from a marriage conference? I have a lot of questions. 11 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,960 S1: Call me now. I want to hear from you. Eight. Seven. Seven. Five. 12 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,440 S1: Four eight. Three. Six. Seven five. Your story might encourage 13 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:48,159 S1: somebody else. And since we have Captain Love language himself 14 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:51,160 S1: with us today, Doctor Gary Chapman used that same number. 15 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:53,559 S1: If you have a marriage struggle, if you're having a 16 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,160 S1: hard time connecting with your spouse, there's some kind of 17 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,640 S1: pebble in the shoe of your marriage or a great 18 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:04,940 S1: big rock. (877) 548-3675. Before we get to Gary, let me 19 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:08,539 S1: thank our team. Ryan McConaughey is still without power in Indiana, 20 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:11,699 S1: but I'm glad his hot water heater is working. Brian 21 00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:14,980 S1: is here. Tricia is back. Tricia is sitting in a chair. 22 00:01:15,020 --> 00:01:18,500 S1: Lisa's helping out. Josh will be answering your calls. And 23 00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,300 S1: now here he is, the man who put the love 24 00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:24,500 S1: languages on the map. Prolific author, speaker, world traveler and counselor, 25 00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:27,740 S1: host of a love language minute and building relationships with 26 00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:32,420 S1: Doctor Gary Chapman. The one the only Gary Chapman. Hey, Gary. 27 00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:33,220 S1: How you doing. 28 00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:36,500 S2: Chris? I'm doing great. I hope you are. 29 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:40,060 S1: I am I'm glad just to hear your voice because, uh, 30 00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:43,260 S1: we take for building relationships, we take kind of July 31 00:01:43,260 --> 00:01:47,419 S1: and August and, uh, blow the carbon out of the engine. 32 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:50,380 S1: But you don't. You're still. You told me that you 33 00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:53,340 S1: were in the Dominican Republic recently. Is that right? 34 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:56,380 S2: Yeah. About three weeks ago, I was down there doing 35 00:01:56,460 --> 00:02:00,990 S2: a little conference for some couples who are in businesses 36 00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:03,710 S2: and so forth. Yeah, yeah. And then I was in 37 00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:07,310 S2: Las Vegas one weekend and I was in, uh, Fargo, 38 00:02:07,350 --> 00:02:11,109 S2: North Dakota, just this past weekend. So yeah, been busy. 39 00:02:11,430 --> 00:02:15,389 S1: Are the marriage questions in Fargo and Las Vegas and 40 00:02:15,389 --> 00:02:18,950 S1: the Dominican Republic, are they different or pretty much the same. 41 00:02:19,470 --> 00:02:23,990 S2: People or people? Chris. You know, wherever we are, people 42 00:02:23,990 --> 00:02:27,950 S2: are people. So it's similar things. You know, obviously a 43 00:02:27,950 --> 00:02:31,150 S2: lot depends on what kind of business they're in or 44 00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:33,829 S2: what kind of jobs they have and how many children 45 00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:37,230 S2: they have, and whether grandparents are close by or, you know, 46 00:02:37,270 --> 00:02:40,590 S2: there's a lot of factors that, uh, that do cause 47 00:02:40,590 --> 00:02:44,150 S2: people to have different stress in different places. But, uh, 48 00:02:44,150 --> 00:02:46,630 S2: but many of them are very, very similar. 49 00:02:47,470 --> 00:02:50,550 S1: I'm going to ask you some marriage conference questions. You 50 00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:53,270 S1: lead conferences around the country, and I see some of 51 00:02:53,270 --> 00:02:56,510 S1: those that are coming up. I'll give folks an idea 52 00:02:56,550 --> 00:03:00,810 S1: about those, and we have a link@kris.org. Did you and 53 00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:04,410 S1: Carolyn ever you just celebrated a big milestone. You and 54 00:03:04,410 --> 00:03:05,930 S1: Carolyn did. Tell me about that. 55 00:03:06,530 --> 00:03:13,970 S2: Well, we just celebrated this week our 65th wedding anniversary. Now, 56 00:03:13,970 --> 00:03:21,130 S2: Carolyn says, how could that be? I'm only 49. But yeah, 57 00:03:21,169 --> 00:03:24,250 S2: 65 years. It's hard for us to believe, but it's true. 58 00:03:24,850 --> 00:03:27,490 S1: Did you and Carolyn ever go to a marriage conference 59 00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:29,810 S1: early in your marriage, or at any point? Not as 60 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:32,410 S1: a speaker, but as an attendee? 61 00:03:32,850 --> 00:03:36,730 S2: We did. We did way back. Uh, you know, we 62 00:03:36,770 --> 00:03:41,450 S2: got married in 1961 and it was in the mid 60s. 63 00:03:41,490 --> 00:03:46,370 S2: I'm thinking when, uh, Doctor Hatch, who was a professor 64 00:03:46,370 --> 00:03:50,730 S2: at what was then Columbia Bible College. Mhm. LED a 65 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:54,370 S2: conference in the summertime, uh, at a, somewhere up in 66 00:03:54,410 --> 00:03:56,830 S2: the mountains of North Carolina. And of course, we live 67 00:03:56,830 --> 00:04:00,030 S2: in North Carolina. But we went, I think, three different 68 00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:03,470 S2: summers after we went. The first time, we just said, man, 69 00:04:03,470 --> 00:04:06,350 S2: let's go back next summer, you know, because he just 70 00:04:06,350 --> 00:04:09,550 S2: had a lot of practical ideas. And so we we 71 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:13,030 S2: just really enjoyed it and also enjoyed being around other couples, 72 00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:15,910 S2: you know, who were, who were there and interfacing and 73 00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:19,310 S2: meeting some people that we didn't know. And yeah, so yeah, 74 00:04:19,350 --> 00:04:22,710 S2: those were really the, the ones that come to my 75 00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:26,190 S2: mind now. Yeah. I don't remember everything I've ever done. 76 00:04:26,190 --> 00:04:29,230 S2: So we may have gone to other conferences, but I 77 00:04:29,230 --> 00:04:30,909 S2: do remember those three years. 78 00:04:31,550 --> 00:04:34,750 S1: Uh, so with that, then you probably don't remember anything 79 00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:38,710 S1: specific that Doctor Hatch said. They're just kind of a 80 00:04:38,710 --> 00:04:40,630 S1: feeling that you get from remembering it. 81 00:04:41,190 --> 00:04:43,950 S2: Well, yeah, but there are a few things. I remember 82 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:48,310 S2: one thing, for example, on money, uh, he said something 83 00:04:48,350 --> 00:04:53,349 S2: to the effect. Now, each of you should have some 84 00:04:53,350 --> 00:04:56,320 S2: money each month that you can do what you want to. 85 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,599 S2: With that, you don't have to go to the other 86 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,880 S2: person and ask, is it okay if I do this? 87 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,520 S2: He said, now you know it's going to be. He 88 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,840 S2: encouraged us to have a joint account because when you 89 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:09,200 S2: get married, everything you have becomes yours. The two of you, 90 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:13,599 S2: it's our money. And also, uh, you know, if you're 91 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,839 S2: in debt, $10,000, it's our debt. Once you get married. 92 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,760 S2: But he said, uh, and so you need to work 93 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,960 S2: through your budget together and all that. But he said 94 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,799 S2: you ought to have some money. He didn't say how much. 95 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,080 S2: He said, I don't I don't remember what figure he 96 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,200 S2: threw out, but he said, you know, maybe it's maybe it's, 97 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,640 S2: you know, $50 a month or maybe it's $20 a 98 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,039 S2: month that you can just do what you want to with. 99 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,200 S2: And I thought that was a good idea. We both 100 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,720 S2: thought that was a good idea. Uh, so I remember that. And, uh, 101 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,359 S2: there was another thing that he brought up. It's what 102 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,039 S2: we now, I don't know whether he called it this 103 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,360 S2: or not, but now we call it reflective listening. Uh, 104 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,640 S2: that is instead of assuming that you understand what your 105 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:58,380 S2: spouse said. You asked a clarifying question. Uh, for example, uh, 106 00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:00,580 S2: if your wife, uh, you hear your wife on the 107 00:06:00,580 --> 00:06:03,340 S2: phone and she says, oh yeah, I'd be yeah, I'd 108 00:06:03,380 --> 00:06:06,219 S2: be happy to do that Friday night. I'd love, I'd 109 00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:09,020 S2: love to do that with you Friday night. Well, her 110 00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:12,020 S2: husband knows in his mind that Friday night they have 111 00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:13,979 S2: they have a date already planned. They're going out to 112 00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:17,339 S2: eat together. And so if he just if he goes 113 00:06:17,339 --> 00:06:20,339 S2: on what's what in his mind, he heard her say 114 00:06:20,820 --> 00:06:22,700 S2: he's like going to say when she hangs up. What 115 00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:24,980 S2: do you mean, agreeing to do something with her when 116 00:06:24,980 --> 00:06:27,340 S2: we've got a date on Friday night. You see, he 117 00:06:27,339 --> 00:06:30,500 S2: didn't ask reflective questions. But if he had said, honey, 118 00:06:30,820 --> 00:06:32,740 S2: did I understand you to say that you're going to 119 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:36,860 S2: do something with someone on Friday night? And she said, no, no, no, 120 00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:41,300 S2: not this Friday night. That's two weeks from now. Oh. Oh, okay. 121 00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:44,500 S2: You see, we tend to react based on what we 122 00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:48,260 S2: think they mean by what they said. But obviously we 123 00:06:48,260 --> 00:06:51,620 S2: misread people because we're two different humans and we have 124 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:55,240 S2: different ideas and histories in our mind. And that was 125 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,600 S2: a powerful thing. And of course, I still teach that. 126 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,920 S2: I mean, most most marriage counselors teach that. It's just 127 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:05,080 S2: a fundamental part of, you know, working together and understanding 128 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,839 S2: each other. But yeah, that really stands out to me 129 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,720 S2: as to what we learned. One of the things we 130 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:10,720 S2: learned back then. 131 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,440 S3: That was 60 plus years. 132 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,520 S1: Ago, and you still remember that. And I want you 133 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:19,440 S1: to listen to that, folks, a marriage conference, especially if 134 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,760 S1: you are newly married in the first, let's say, ten years, 135 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,480 S1: a marriage conference can give you something that years down 136 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:31,119 S1: the road, you will still be talking about, uh, in 137 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:34,160 S1: the fall season. Doctor Chapman is going to be, let's see, 138 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,040 S1: it's the 29th of August. You're going to be in Monroe, 139 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:43,640 S1: North Carolina. Uh, and then on September 12th Rustburg Virginia, 140 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,720 S1: which I'm from West Virginia. I don't know where Rustburg is. 141 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:47,600 S1: I'm sure you do. 142 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,800 S2: Yeah, yeah, it's near Lynchburg, Virginia. 143 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:55,770 S1: Is it okay? Lynchburg. Victorville, California September 26th. And then 144 00:07:55,770 --> 00:08:00,410 S1: on October the 24th, this is a family conference in Knoxville, Tennessee. 145 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,530 S1: You're coming to Phoenix right in my backyard. I'm going 146 00:08:03,530 --> 00:08:05,489 S1: to have to pick you up at the airport. Uh. 147 00:08:05,530 --> 00:08:10,050 S1: All right. I'll be there in November. And in Chesterton, Indiana, 148 00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:13,010 S1: on the 14th, they're going, I guarantee you, they're going 149 00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:16,450 S1: to have the electric back on in Chesterton by the 150 00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:19,850 S1: 14th of November, because Gary Chapman. So those are just 151 00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:22,650 S1: a few of the places where Gary's going to be. 152 00:08:22,690 --> 00:08:27,010 S1: If you want information about that, we have a link@chris.org, 153 00:08:27,050 --> 00:08:30,970 S1: Chris Fabriclive dot ORG. But I want to hear from you. 154 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:34,650 S1: Did you go to a marriage conference and did you 155 00:08:34,690 --> 00:08:37,730 S1: hear someone say something? Did it make a difference in 156 00:08:37,730 --> 00:08:40,250 S1: your life? Or maybe you didn't have a good experience? 157 00:08:40,290 --> 00:08:44,329 S1: We can talk about that as well. Or, or maybe 158 00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:47,010 S1: you have a love language question, or there's a pebble 159 00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:49,990 S1: in the shoe of your marriage And you want to 160 00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:58,550 S1: talk with Doctor Gary Chapman. He's available right now. (877) 548-3675. 161 00:08:58,590 --> 00:09:12,910 S1: More straight ahead. From Winston-Salem North Carolina. Doctor Gary Chapman 162 00:09:12,910 --> 00:09:15,470 S1: is our guest today. He's best known for helping improve 163 00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:19,390 S1: or heal our most important relationships. He's written about marriage. 164 00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:24,870 S1: He's written about parenting, about singles issues, the love languages, obviously. 165 00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:27,750 S1: Find out more about him and see a link to 166 00:09:27,790 --> 00:09:30,790 S1: the marriage conferences he's going to be part of in 167 00:09:30,790 --> 00:09:36,510 S1: the next few weeks. Months at Chris live.org. Chris fabriclive.org. 168 00:09:37,030 --> 00:09:41,030 S1: And if if nobody calls here about marriage conferences, I'm 169 00:09:41,030 --> 00:09:43,830 S1: going to start asking questions because I hear I see 170 00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:46,429 S1: all these, you know, flocks of people who come to 171 00:09:46,429 --> 00:09:49,730 S1: your conferences and weekend to remember conferences. And I have 172 00:09:49,730 --> 00:09:53,330 S1: to wonder, I think there's something up with that. If 173 00:09:53,370 --> 00:09:55,490 S1: we don't get a call here from someone. So you 174 00:09:55,490 --> 00:10:01,890 S1: pick up the phone (877) 548-3675. Gary, are there some common 175 00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:04,890 S1: misconceptions about marriage conferences? 176 00:10:06,010 --> 00:10:08,530 S2: Yeah, I think there are couples. I don't run into 177 00:10:08,530 --> 00:10:10,610 S2: this as often as I used to, but I think 178 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,770 S2: there are couples who are individuals sometimes who have the idea. 179 00:10:14,809 --> 00:10:18,010 S2: You don't go to marriage conferences unless you have problems. 180 00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,929 S2: You know, it's kind of similar to what people some 181 00:10:20,929 --> 00:10:23,650 S2: people have about counseling. Well, you don't go see a 182 00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:27,170 S2: marriage counselor unless you got real problems, you know, and 183 00:10:27,170 --> 00:10:30,130 S2: I think sometimes people are kind of reluctant for that reason. 184 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,130 S2: But but I don't run into that that much because 185 00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:36,610 S2: I think today, more, more than ever, people recognize, listen, 186 00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:40,569 S2: our marriages are either getting better or they're getting worse. 187 00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:44,849 S2: They don't stand still. And almost every couple will acknowledge, 188 00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:48,580 S2: you know, we things could get better. You know, I 189 00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:51,780 S2: say you have a growing marriage, you have a growing marriage, 190 00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:55,420 S2: or you have a regressing marriage. And so but I 191 00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:57,740 S2: do think that there are people still who shy away 192 00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,699 S2: from that. And sometimes it's men more than women, though 193 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:05,340 S2: I don't that's not always true. Uh, but, uh, you know, 194 00:11:05,380 --> 00:11:07,860 S2: when that happens, I just say to people, listen, I 195 00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:11,260 S2: can understand how they might feel that way. But if 196 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:14,700 S2: you ask them to come for the first hour and 197 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:17,859 S2: then if they want to go home, they can. And 198 00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:21,340 S2: I've never had anybody go home after the first hour. 199 00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:27,500 S2: They recognize that, uh, it's fun and it's practical. And, uh, 200 00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,740 S2: we're all in this thing together. We're all trying to 201 00:11:29,740 --> 00:11:33,059 S2: learn something that'll help us, uh, have a better marriage, 202 00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:36,500 S2: a growing marriage. Uh, but yeah, I think that is 203 00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:40,900 S2: a common thing, but, uh, if you ask them to come, 204 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:45,060 S2: you know, with mine, it's 9:00 to 330, so just 205 00:11:45,059 --> 00:11:47,200 S2: come the first session. Then if you want to leave, 206 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,400 S2: you can leave. But I don't think they'll leave. Yeah. Now, 207 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,920 S2: if it's a weekend conference, like you mentioned, some of 208 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:56,480 S2: the other conferences that are available around the country, uh, 209 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,839 S2: it's a little more difficult to, you know, have them say, well, 210 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,360 S2: would you just go for Friday night? Because they said, 211 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,480 S2: wait a minute, I've paid for this thing. I don't want, 212 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,360 S2: I don't want to just go Friday night, you know. 213 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,320 S4: What is it about men. 214 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:14,079 S1: And these conferences? What is what are their misgivings? Are 215 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,520 S1: they afraid that somebody's going to make them cry or 216 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,319 S1: stand up and raise their hand or something like that? 217 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,640 S2: Well, I think sometimes it's just the fact that they 218 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,640 S2: don't want to spend a whole day or a whole 219 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:28,440 S2: weekend at a marriage conference. They'd rather go golfing or 220 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:32,880 S2: fishing or, you know, something else. And now if they're 221 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,559 S2: in real trouble, you know, then they're probably more motivated 222 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:38,560 S2: to go, especially if the wife is, you know, saying, listen, 223 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,000 S2: you going to go with this to me or I'm 224 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,400 S2: going to go for counseling myself and try to get 225 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:47,020 S2: some help because I'm not happy in our relationship. Well, 226 00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:49,140 S2: you know, if it's that serious and she shares it 227 00:12:49,140 --> 00:12:52,380 S2: like that, he'll probably say, okay, okay. All right, I'll 228 00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:56,020 S2: go with you and we'll just see what can happen. 229 00:12:56,500 --> 00:13:00,100 S2: But whatever attitude they come with, typically it will not 230 00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:03,500 S2: be long in a marriage conference before they realize, oh, man, 231 00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:06,780 S2: this is very helpful. You know, he's talking about real 232 00:13:06,780 --> 00:13:11,940 S2: life here. And, uh, so, uh, just encourage people to try. 233 00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:14,540 S2: If you've never been to a marriage conference, try it 234 00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:17,819 S2: one time. See what you see what you think. Chances 235 00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:20,819 S2: are you'll go. You'll go back to other marriage conferences. 236 00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:22,179 S3: Let's see what our listeners. 237 00:13:22,179 --> 00:13:27,540 S1: If they will agree with what you just said. (877) 548-3675. 238 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,660 S1: Marianne's in New Hampshire. Hi, Marianne. Go right ahead. 239 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:35,580 S5: Hi. Thank you. Hey, Gary. I got to be next month. 240 00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:39,940 S5: Lord willing. My husband and I will celebrate 66 years. 241 00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:42,220 S2: Oh, okay. You win. 242 00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:48,230 S5: Anyway, thank you for your ministry through the years. It's 243 00:13:48,230 --> 00:13:51,710 S5: been a blessing. My husband was a pastor for over 244 00:13:51,710 --> 00:13:55,949 S5: 50 years, and the first marriage conference we went to 245 00:13:56,270 --> 00:14:01,150 S5: was a family life conference, and we wanted other folks 246 00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:06,990 S5: to get excited. But the man at the pulpit said, marriage, 247 00:14:07,550 --> 00:14:14,830 S5: the world says, is 50/50, but God says it's 100 100. 248 00:14:15,110 --> 00:14:15,750 S6: Oh yes. 249 00:14:16,030 --> 00:14:16,870 S2: I like that. 250 00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:21,630 S5: That hit us both. So it's what we put into 251 00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:26,150 S5: the marriage, not pointing the finger at somebody else. And 252 00:14:26,150 --> 00:14:29,910 S5: that has been a blessing. Just to remember that when 253 00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:36,550 S5: we get into disagreements or, you know, controversy, it's 100, 100. 254 00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:43,410 S2: Yep. Absolutely. Yep. If we're each committed to loving each 255 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:48,530 S2: other the way Christ loves us, that is unconditionally. Yet 256 00:14:48,530 --> 00:14:49,970 S2: we're going to have a great marriage. 257 00:14:51,530 --> 00:14:54,410 S1: And think about this, Gary. We've just heard on the 258 00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:59,610 S1: air 130 next month. 131 years of marriage just with 259 00:14:59,610 --> 00:15:03,370 S1: you two. That's great. Mary Ann, thank you for calling 260 00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:06,570 S1: in here. God bless you, friend. Maureen is on the 261 00:15:06,570 --> 00:15:09,370 S1: road somewhere in Illinois. Hi, Maureen. Go right ahead. 262 00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:13,010 S7: Hi, Chris and Gary. Thanks for taking my call. My 263 00:15:13,010 --> 00:15:16,290 S7: husband and I attended one of Gary's conferences up in 264 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:21,450 S7: Chicago for our 20th wedding anniversary weekend years ago. And 265 00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:23,570 S7: we really got a lot out of it. One of 266 00:15:23,570 --> 00:15:26,610 S7: the key things I remember was my husband was never 267 00:15:26,610 --> 00:15:30,330 S7: home on time for dinner. He was always working late. 268 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,730 S7: And Gary talked about that, and my husband and I 269 00:15:32,770 --> 00:15:34,690 S7: at the conference just turned and looked at each other 270 00:15:34,690 --> 00:15:38,330 S7: and were like, oh, wow. Because Gary said, talking about 271 00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:41,630 S7: a salesman, if the deal was going to be under 50,000, 272 00:15:41,670 --> 00:15:44,310 S7: he wouldn't call home. If it was going to be 273 00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:47,750 S7: over 50,000, he would stop with the client and say, 274 00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:49,390 S7: let me check in with my wife and let her 275 00:15:49,390 --> 00:15:51,990 S7: know I'm going to be late for dinner. And that 276 00:15:51,990 --> 00:15:54,550 S7: just worked. I put dinner in the oven and let 277 00:15:54,550 --> 00:15:58,110 S7: it stay warm while I ate with the family. And 278 00:15:58,110 --> 00:16:00,070 S7: then my husband had dinner when he got home. 279 00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:01,150 S4: Wow. 280 00:16:01,470 --> 00:16:05,110 S2: That's good. That's practical things to make. Make life better 281 00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:07,030 S2: for everybody. Absolutely. 282 00:16:07,070 --> 00:16:09,590 S7: And one other thing you had said at the conference 283 00:16:09,590 --> 00:16:13,470 S7: was about kind of like why introverts marry people that 284 00:16:13,470 --> 00:16:16,190 S7: are talkers, because the introvert didn't have to talk when 285 00:16:16,190 --> 00:16:18,950 S7: they were dating, and the other person got to do 286 00:16:18,950 --> 00:16:21,990 S7: all the talking. And that was another aha moment where 287 00:16:21,990 --> 00:16:23,990 S7: we just turned and looked at each other and were like, oh, 288 00:16:24,110 --> 00:16:26,150 S7: that's why we got married, because I like to talk 289 00:16:26,150 --> 00:16:27,390 S7: and you like to listen. 290 00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:33,670 S2: Yeah, yeah. You know, I used the terms babbling Brook 291 00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:38,430 S2: and Dead Sea. Yeah. Yes. But introvert, extrovert, it's the 292 00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:39,760 S2: same concept. Yeah. 293 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:40,640 S4: Maureen, did. 294 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,760 S1: Your husband want to go to the conference with you 295 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,320 S1: or did he push back at all? 296 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,600 S7: Um, I was like, hey, let's go to Chicago for 297 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,720 S7: the weekend, and then I've got tickets to go to something. 298 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:56,240 S7: And so kind of sprung it on him while we 299 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,560 S7: were on the way to Chicago. 300 00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,200 S4: There you go. Okay. 301 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:00,400 S1: Well, it sounds like it. 302 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,040 S4: Worked, you know? 303 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,600 S7: Yeah. Once we got there, um, he was all on 304 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,399 S7: for it. We bought the book and went to the 305 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,080 S7: Bible study and everything, so. 306 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:08,800 S4: Wow. 307 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,240 S1: Okay, so how many years have you and your husband 308 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:11,960 S1: been married? 309 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:13,400 S7: 35. 310 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,480 S1: 35. So now we're up to Gary. We're up to 311 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,960 S1: 166 years of marriage with. 312 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:19,520 S4: Just. 313 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,840 S1: You and our callers. Maureen. Thank you for calling in 314 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:29,280 S1: here today. Uh, (877) 548-3675. Gary, what's the best thing that 315 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,240 S1: happened to you at a marriage conference that you led? 316 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:39,619 S2: I think it's hearing people at the break time because 317 00:17:39,619 --> 00:17:42,780 S2: I'm always available to talk to people during the break times. 318 00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:47,979 S2: Hearing them talk about what another conference or one of 319 00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:51,260 S2: my books as men in their life. I've had many 320 00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:54,460 S2: people say to me at a conference, we just wanted 321 00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:58,060 S2: to share with you that your book, The Five Love Languages, 322 00:17:58,420 --> 00:18:03,060 S2: saved our marriage 20 years ago. We were just at 323 00:18:03,060 --> 00:18:05,699 S2: the point of giving up, and somebody gave us a 324 00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:08,700 S2: copy of that book, and we read it, and the 325 00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:12,540 S2: lights came on, and we realized how we'd been missing 326 00:18:12,540 --> 00:18:17,700 S2: each other emotionally, and it literally saved our marriage. And, 327 00:18:17,740 --> 00:18:19,980 S2: you know, hearing those kind of things, whether it's from 328 00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:23,540 S2: reading a book or coming to a conference, uh, is 329 00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:27,380 S2: very encouraging to an author or a speaker to know 330 00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:32,180 S2: that what we're doing is genuinely helping people have have 331 00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:33,100 S2: a better marriage. 332 00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:33,620 S4: Yes. 333 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:37,199 S1: Are there common questions then that people, other than the 334 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:41,159 S1: stories that they tell, are their common questions and struggles, 335 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,760 S1: problems they bring up. 336 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,879 S2: Well, one of the most common questions I hear, of course, 337 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,600 S2: because people talk more about the love language, is, I think, 338 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,760 S2: than any of the rest of my books, even though 339 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,360 S2: the others are just as practical, is they want to know, 340 00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:58,360 S2: can your love language change over a period of time? 341 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,800 S2: And my answer is, I think the love language tends 342 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:07,720 S2: to stay with us throughout a lifetime, like our personality. However, 343 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:11,520 S2: having said that, I think there are seasons of life 344 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:15,840 S2: and circumstances where another love language may jump to the top. 345 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:21,960 S2: For example, um, uh, a, uh, let's say that a 346 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,680 S2: husband listens to his wife. She's talking on the phone. 347 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,439 S2: He doesn't know who she's talking to, but when she 348 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,960 S2: hangs up, she starts crying and he says, honey, what's wrong? 349 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,530 S2: And she says, I just got word that my brother died. 350 00:19:36,010 --> 00:19:39,170 S2: Physical touch may not be her love language, but in 351 00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:44,210 S2: that circumstance, if he reaches over and gives her, embraces 352 00:19:44,210 --> 00:19:46,810 S2: her while she cries and starts crying with her, it's 353 00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:49,210 S2: probably the most powerful thing he could do to communicate 354 00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:53,610 S2: love to her. So circumstances and also seasons of life. 355 00:19:53,810 --> 00:19:58,609 S2: For example, a mother who has two preschool children. Acts 356 00:19:58,609 --> 00:20:01,450 S2: of service may not be her primary love language, but 357 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:04,409 S2: during those years, it's probably going to jump to the 358 00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:07,889 S2: top because she's overwhelmed with so much to do, you know, 359 00:20:07,930 --> 00:20:10,290 S2: with these two children. So yeah, I think there are 360 00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:14,570 S2: seasons of life and there are circumstances where another love 361 00:20:14,570 --> 00:20:16,969 S2: language may jump to the top. That's why, Chris, I 362 00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:20,330 S2: often encourage couples about every three weeks, 2 or 3 weeks. 363 00:20:20,330 --> 00:20:23,090 S2: Just say to your spouse, honey, on a scale of 364 00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:26,770 S2: 0 to 10, how full is your love tank this week? 365 00:20:27,570 --> 00:20:30,850 S2: And if they say anything less than ten, you say, well, 366 00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:33,010 S2: what could I do this week that would be most 367 00:20:33,010 --> 00:20:36,110 S2: important to you. And their answer may not be their 368 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:39,430 S2: primary love language that particular week. They may be going 369 00:20:39,430 --> 00:20:42,310 S2: through something that another love language would be most important 370 00:20:42,310 --> 00:20:44,429 S2: that week. That's just a way of keeping it on 371 00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:46,910 S2: the front burner and letting them know that you really 372 00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:50,470 S2: want them to experience your love. You do love them, 373 00:20:50,470 --> 00:20:53,189 S2: and if they've got something this week that would be 374 00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:55,389 S2: very meaningful to them, that's what you want to do. 375 00:20:56,590 --> 00:21:03,470 S1: Monroe. North Carolina. Rustburg. Virginia. Victorville, California. Knoxville, Tennessee. Phoenix, Arizona, 376 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:05,830 S1: and Chesterton, Indiana are just a few of the places 377 00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:07,830 S1: that Gary Chapman is going to be in the fall 378 00:21:07,830 --> 00:21:11,310 S1: season with his marriage conference. You can find out more 379 00:21:11,310 --> 00:21:15,869 S1: at the website. Chris Fabry live.org. Uh, we've set a 380 00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:19,109 S1: goal here, Gary. We're up to 166 years of marriage 381 00:21:19,109 --> 00:21:21,830 S1: with you and the callers so far. We're going to 382 00:21:21,950 --> 00:21:26,070 S1: our goal this hour is 500 years. And, uh, Nova 383 00:21:26,070 --> 00:21:29,510 S1: in Wheaton, Illinois. Novi, it says here you got married 384 00:21:29,550 --> 00:21:31,750 S1: last October. Is that right? 385 00:21:32,770 --> 00:21:33,689 S8: Yeah. That's correct. 386 00:21:33,730 --> 00:21:34,090 S4: Okay. 387 00:21:34,130 --> 00:21:38,169 S1: All right. So we go up to 167. Uh, you 388 00:21:38,210 --> 00:21:40,650 S1: called us back when you've had 25 at least. 389 00:21:41,090 --> 00:21:41,449 S4: No. 390 00:21:41,690 --> 00:21:43,650 S1: Well, why did you call today? What happened? 391 00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:48,690 S8: Um, so. Well, we were roommates for 18 months, and 392 00:21:48,690 --> 00:21:53,330 S8: it was wonderful. I mean, I definitely noticed some interactions 393 00:21:53,330 --> 00:21:59,170 S8: that were different, but he treated me really respectfully and, um, 394 00:21:59,210 --> 00:22:02,370 S8: kind of convinced me to elope. We never dated, actually. 395 00:22:02,810 --> 00:22:06,410 S8: And so, um, we had initial issues right away with 396 00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:10,850 S8: just kind of, um, maybe anger management on his end. 397 00:22:10,890 --> 00:22:13,330 S8: And I've, I'm an orphan. I've been through a lot 398 00:22:13,330 --> 00:22:17,530 S8: of traumatic experiences already. And so our pastors were working 399 00:22:17,530 --> 00:22:19,850 S8: with us and they actually paid for us to go 400 00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:23,730 S8: to the weekend to remember. Um, and it was really, 401 00:22:24,530 --> 00:22:29,130 S8: I like inspiring, really wonderful time. Um, but as soon 402 00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:32,660 S8: as we left, uh, it felt like maybe those tools 403 00:22:32,660 --> 00:22:36,859 S8: that could have been really helpful for our marriage were 404 00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:42,180 S8: kind of being used improperly as weapons. Um, like, oh, 405 00:22:42,220 --> 00:22:45,300 S8: you're not fighting fair when I'm, you know, I'm not 406 00:22:45,300 --> 00:22:48,980 S8: fighting at all. I'm asking a question or something and, 407 00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:53,860 S8: you know, things like that. And so, um, eventually I, 408 00:22:54,020 --> 00:22:58,340 S8: you know, I just, I know God hates divorce, but, um, 409 00:22:58,540 --> 00:23:01,740 S8: and I know God can work and in his life 410 00:23:02,020 --> 00:23:04,660 S8: and change who he is because he's changed my life 411 00:23:04,660 --> 00:23:09,500 S8: and who I am. But, um, unfortunately, I ended up 412 00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:14,460 S8: just filing divorce papers. And so he, we were going 413 00:23:14,460 --> 00:23:17,699 S8: through the divorce court and whatnot, and which is a 414 00:23:17,740 --> 00:23:21,820 S8: long process, which is, is nice, but nonetheless, um, he 415 00:23:21,859 --> 00:23:24,500 S8: kind of convinced me. Let's try this again. I'm going 416 00:23:24,540 --> 00:23:26,260 S8: to go to therapy. I'm going to get the help 417 00:23:26,260 --> 00:23:29,960 S8: I need. Um, he's made me like public enemy number 418 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,120 S8: one to his parents. They hate me and I have 419 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:38,680 S8: no parents. And so, um, so this has been like 420 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,240 S8: maybe 2 or 3 months now and everything has been 421 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,560 S8: going really well. And we just like took a trip 422 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:47,119 S8: to Florida, um, on a whim to see, you know, 423 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,840 S8: maybe this is where we're going to move. And it was, um, 424 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,760 S8: like so scary. And, um, I, you know, we should 425 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,760 S8: have got home two days ago, but we ended up 426 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,840 S8: getting home last night, like this morning technically, um, because 427 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,960 S8: I couldn't drive because of the hostility. I didn't feel 428 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:09,360 S8: safe driving. So the whole argument was just horrible and 429 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,800 S8: a nightmare. And I did not feel safe with the 430 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,760 S8: way he was communicating with me and degrading me and 431 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,120 S8: belittling me and calling me names, saying, this is why 432 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:23,400 S8: your parents abandoned you, things like that. And so, you know. 433 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,160 S4: We jump in here. 434 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,359 S1: Let me jump in here, Nova, and ask you. So 435 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:30,859 S1: just so that I get it clear, So the divorce 436 00:24:30,859 --> 00:24:34,380 S1: was going through, but then you called a halt to 437 00:24:34,420 --> 00:24:38,420 S1: that and things got a little bit better. But now 438 00:24:38,540 --> 00:24:43,420 S1: after this trip, things are have have fallen apart. So 439 00:24:43,420 --> 00:24:44,820 S1: your question is. 440 00:24:46,660 --> 00:24:50,260 S8: I guess, um, you know, I know, you know, if 441 00:24:51,060 --> 00:24:53,180 S8: I think, you know, on both sides, you know, he 442 00:24:53,180 --> 00:24:55,980 S8: will do something and then my I will catch an attitude. 443 00:24:55,980 --> 00:24:57,979 S8: So I think on both sides, you know, that is 444 00:24:57,980 --> 00:25:01,659 S8: not the person that I am to other people. And 445 00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:05,740 S8: you know, he, he, I have, you know, seen those 446 00:25:05,740 --> 00:25:09,060 S8: interactions with, you know, his parents and whatnot. But so 447 00:25:09,100 --> 00:25:11,100 S8: I'm just, I guess at one point, you know, I 448 00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:13,980 S8: really am desperate to have children. I'm about to turn 30. 449 00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:17,899 S8: And at what point, um, you know, do I like, 450 00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:21,940 S8: should I separate and then continue to try and work 451 00:25:21,940 --> 00:25:24,140 S8: on the marriage and go through the counseling and do 452 00:25:24,140 --> 00:25:27,020 S8: these things and pray and, and hope he goes through 453 00:25:27,070 --> 00:25:30,790 S8: the anger management. Or do I just continue? 454 00:25:31,230 --> 00:25:34,710 S1: Yeah. Okay. Got the question. We're going to take a break. 455 00:25:34,990 --> 00:25:37,110 S1: Gary's going to talk with you in the break, too, 456 00:25:37,270 --> 00:25:39,949 S1: and then we'll come back on the other side. This 457 00:25:39,950 --> 00:25:43,430 S1: is one of those questions. The the note that I 458 00:25:43,430 --> 00:25:48,470 S1: had here is that a marriage conference can't solve all 459 00:25:48,470 --> 00:25:51,750 S1: the problems in your life. That's one of the misconceptions. 460 00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:54,910 S1: And we're hearing that with Nova's call. There's more straight 461 00:25:54,910 --> 00:26:06,790 S1: ahead here on Moody Radio. We're talking about the difference 462 00:26:06,790 --> 00:26:09,990 S1: of marriage conference can make. And we're having a lot 463 00:26:10,030 --> 00:26:13,310 S1: of calls. Thank you for responding to our question here today. 464 00:26:13,310 --> 00:26:15,830 S1: We'll get right back to those. But Nova's called with 465 00:26:16,070 --> 00:26:21,070 S1: a struggle that she wanted to be reconciled at a 466 00:26:21,070 --> 00:26:24,430 S1: marriage conference. She's been married less than a year. Divorce 467 00:26:24,430 --> 00:26:30,570 S1: proceedings started. Her husband has been, from her perspective and 468 00:26:30,570 --> 00:26:33,930 S1: what she's saying to us, what he's done has just 469 00:26:33,930 --> 00:26:38,250 S1: been treating her really badly. And so I wonder, Gary, 470 00:26:39,010 --> 00:26:41,010 S1: as you come along here, what would you say to 471 00:26:41,050 --> 00:26:43,169 S1: Nova or anybody in that situation? 472 00:26:44,010 --> 00:26:47,530 S2: Well, I think the counseling can always help if a 473 00:26:47,530 --> 00:26:52,010 S2: person's open to growth. If a person insists that the 474 00:26:52,010 --> 00:26:54,730 S2: other person's all the problem, you know, like it seems 475 00:26:54,730 --> 00:26:58,050 S2: like that's what he's doing. She's she's this and she's 476 00:26:58,050 --> 00:27:01,210 S2: that and she's the other thing. Uh, we're not going 477 00:27:01,210 --> 00:27:04,410 S2: to get anywhere when we're doing that. Jesus said, first 478 00:27:04,410 --> 00:27:06,210 S2: of all, you work on the beam that's in your 479 00:27:06,210 --> 00:27:08,810 S2: own eye before you try to do something positive to 480 00:27:08,810 --> 00:27:13,650 S2: help your spouse. And so I would certainly encourage her 481 00:27:13,690 --> 00:27:17,969 S2: to affirm him if he is willing to go for counseling, 482 00:27:17,970 --> 00:27:21,449 S2: because he's going to be the same person if he 483 00:27:21,490 --> 00:27:25,030 S2: marries somebody else. You know, he needs help in learning 484 00:27:25,030 --> 00:27:27,830 S2: how to handle his anger and the way he expresses 485 00:27:27,830 --> 00:27:31,350 S2: and treats other people. So I would say keep open 486 00:27:31,350 --> 00:27:34,550 S2: to that possibility. And if he does go and he 487 00:27:34,550 --> 00:27:38,390 S2: does change, then you can always drop the divorce proceedings, 488 00:27:38,390 --> 00:27:41,230 S2: you know. And if not, well, then you know you 489 00:27:41,230 --> 00:27:43,070 S2: are where you are and you feel like you gave 490 00:27:43,070 --> 00:27:46,510 S2: it every chance you could. I would also suggest if 491 00:27:46,510 --> 00:27:49,389 S2: he or you would be open to reading the book 492 00:27:49,430 --> 00:27:53,550 S2: that Chris just mentioned, which is called One More Try 493 00:27:53,590 --> 00:27:56,230 S2: What to Do When Your Marriage is Falling Apart. I 494 00:27:56,230 --> 00:27:58,590 S2: think each of you might find that helpful. 495 00:27:59,710 --> 00:28:03,590 S1: Nova hang on, I want to get your address. Tricia 496 00:28:03,590 --> 00:28:05,750 S1: will get your address. But, Gary, why don't we pause 497 00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:09,510 S1: right here? Would you pray for Nova and her husband 498 00:28:09,510 --> 00:28:10,909 S1: and that whole situation? 499 00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:14,670 S2: Sure. Father, you know what we're talking about. And you 500 00:28:14,670 --> 00:28:18,109 S2: know Nova. You know her husband. You know the history 501 00:28:18,109 --> 00:28:21,310 S2: that each of them have, and then, you know their relationship. 502 00:28:21,790 --> 00:28:24,400 S2: And I know that your heart is touched also by 503 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,200 S2: the pain of your children when they're going through this 504 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,720 S2: sort of thing. So I pray that you'd first of 505 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,760 S2: all give her a deep assurance of your love for her. 506 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,400 S2: I pray the same thing for him, father. I don't 507 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,160 S2: know what his relationship is with you, but you do. 508 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,160 S2: And I pray that whatever it is, your spirit will 509 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,040 S2: reach out to him and will touch his heart and 510 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,160 S2: help him to understand himself and to learn that he 511 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:50,040 S2: he needs. He needs your help. And father, I pray 512 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,600 S2: that you would bring healing in that relationship. That would 513 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:56,400 S2: be my first desire. And I really believe that's nobody's desire. 514 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,800 S2: And I know that you like to bring healing, but 515 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,440 S2: people have to be responsive to you. And that's what 516 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,640 S2: I pray for. In the name of Christ. 517 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:08,520 S1: Amen. Nova. There are going to be people around the 518 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,600 S1: country praying for you, friend. Do you know that? 519 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,080 S8: Thank you. I appreciate that a lot. 520 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,960 S1: All right, hang on for Tricia. She'll get your information 521 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:22,380 S1: and we'll send that book one more try. A. Here 522 00:29:22,380 --> 00:29:25,540 S1: is Grace in Tennessee. Grace, why did you call today? 523 00:29:26,900 --> 00:29:30,820 S9: Hi. Thank you so much for taking my call. Um, 524 00:29:31,340 --> 00:29:36,780 S9: my husband and I have been married for 20 plus years. Um, 525 00:29:37,020 --> 00:29:43,140 S9: but he got a recent diagnosis of autism. Um, and sometimes, um, 526 00:29:43,300 --> 00:29:49,860 S9: communication is different. Um, and so building intimacy, I guess 527 00:29:50,020 --> 00:29:54,540 S9: might look different. Um, so I was wondering if, um, 528 00:29:54,580 --> 00:29:58,060 S9: you all had any tips or resources for marriages where 529 00:29:58,340 --> 00:30:01,580 S9: one of the partners might be neurodivergent. 530 00:30:02,220 --> 00:30:03,220 S1: Great question. 531 00:30:03,620 --> 00:30:06,740 S2: Yeah. Well there's no question about it. When the, when 532 00:30:06,740 --> 00:30:11,500 S2: it's autism or any other serious mental or physical problem, 533 00:30:11,500 --> 00:30:14,980 S2: it changes the whole dynamics in a marriage. And it's 534 00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:18,900 S2: much more difficult. There's no question about that. Uh, I 535 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:21,080 S2: know that there are things out there, to be honest 536 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,840 S2: with you? No book is actually jumping into my mind 537 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,480 S2: for that particular problem. I haven't written a book dealing 538 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,800 S2: specifically with that, but I know that there are things 539 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,520 S2: out there. Um, and Chris, I don't know if anything 540 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:36,560 S2: comes to your mind or not, but, uh, I would 541 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:40,240 S2: just say let's, let's, uh, do some research and find 542 00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,560 S2: out and hopefully find a book that might be helpful 543 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,600 S2: to you because you're not the only one that's walking 544 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,800 S2: through this. There are lots of people who have a 545 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:55,160 S2: spouse who've been diagnosed with this. And, uh, it's difficult, but, 546 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,520 S2: you know, you can be God's agent in helping him 547 00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:02,000 S2: and learning how you can relate to him. Uh, during, 548 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,600 S2: during this time, um. 549 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:08,120 S1: Would you say how, how, um, is it ADHD? Is 550 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,880 S1: that what you're talking about? Grace? Or is it something different? 551 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:17,440 S9: Um, he actually has a diagnosis for both. He actually 552 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:23,450 S9: has diagnoses for ADHD. And that was something that he got, 553 00:31:23,490 --> 00:31:25,570 S9: you know, early on. Like I said, we've been married 554 00:31:25,570 --> 00:31:28,730 S9: for a good while. Um, but here in the last 555 00:31:28,730 --> 00:31:33,650 S9: maybe year or so, he got a diagnosis for autism, um, 556 00:31:33,890 --> 00:31:37,570 S9: which kind of, you know, helped us to explain some 557 00:31:37,570 --> 00:31:41,530 S9: other things we were dealing with in terms of communication, um, 558 00:31:41,570 --> 00:31:45,650 S9: you know, and some social skills and stuff like that. So, um, 559 00:31:45,930 --> 00:31:48,050 S9: I mean, I love him. He's a man of God. 560 00:31:48,050 --> 00:31:52,370 S9: He's a great, um, a great person. Just was wondering 561 00:31:52,370 --> 00:31:54,690 S9: if there were, you know, any resources that you guys 562 00:31:54,690 --> 00:31:56,930 S9: knew about to help us continue to build? 563 00:31:57,450 --> 00:32:01,970 S1: I see a response on focus on the family. If 564 00:32:02,010 --> 00:32:05,410 S1: you go to family.org, there is an article that they 565 00:32:05,410 --> 00:32:09,090 S1: did a couple of years ago called a Neurodiverse Marriage 566 00:32:09,090 --> 00:32:12,490 S1: One Wife's Story. So there are things that are being 567 00:32:12,490 --> 00:32:15,530 S1: posted or written about, but like Gary, I can't think 568 00:32:15,570 --> 00:32:19,790 S1: I can think of a a a. Mom or dad? 569 00:32:19,830 --> 00:32:25,070 S1: You know, parents who have children who've been diagnosed. But 570 00:32:25,070 --> 00:32:27,870 S1: I haven't heard the marriage thing. And maybe somebody can 571 00:32:27,870 --> 00:32:30,470 S1: email us if you'll hang on. Tricia will get your 572 00:32:30,470 --> 00:32:33,470 S1: email address and your contact information, and we may be 573 00:32:33,510 --> 00:32:36,630 S1: able to send you some of that information if we 574 00:32:36,630 --> 00:32:39,510 S1: get it. Uh, when we hear it. But, Gary, go ahead. 575 00:32:39,510 --> 00:32:39,950 S1: Sorry about. 576 00:32:39,950 --> 00:32:41,910 S2: That. Yeah. The other thing I was going to say is, 577 00:32:42,150 --> 00:32:45,270 S2: you know, calling a place like focus on the family 578 00:32:45,430 --> 00:32:48,750 S2: or maybe even a local pastor and asking if they 579 00:32:48,750 --> 00:32:51,790 S2: know a counselor that deals with this because they're counselors 580 00:32:51,790 --> 00:32:54,350 S2: that deal with this all the time and focus on 581 00:32:54,350 --> 00:32:59,150 S2: the family has contact with counselors all over the country. And, uh, 582 00:32:59,150 --> 00:33:02,030 S2: they will first of all, they have counselors that will 583 00:33:02,030 --> 00:33:04,630 S2: talk to you there. They won't do long term counseling, 584 00:33:04,630 --> 00:33:06,390 S2: but they'll talk to you and they will know some 585 00:33:06,390 --> 00:33:07,950 S2: resources that can help you. 586 00:33:07,990 --> 00:33:11,910 S1: Yeah, they get lots and lots of response. family.org is 587 00:33:11,910 --> 00:33:15,870 S1: the phone number or I'm sorry, is the is the website. 588 00:33:16,050 --> 00:33:19,130 S1: And I can't remember the phone number, so hang on 589 00:33:19,130 --> 00:33:22,530 S1: and Tricia will get your information there. Grace, thank you 590 00:33:22,530 --> 00:33:25,050 S1: for your call today. And that's, that's one of those 591 00:33:25,050 --> 00:33:29,130 S1: things where somebody has a struggle and their struggle might 592 00:33:29,130 --> 00:33:34,330 S1: inform someone else who's listening. There is hope. Um, Elaine 593 00:33:34,330 --> 00:33:36,570 S1: is in Illinois. Elaine, why did you call today? 594 00:33:37,410 --> 00:33:41,850 S10: So I'm in a blended family, and, um, my husband 595 00:33:41,850 --> 00:33:44,050 S10: and I went to a family life conference when we 596 00:33:44,050 --> 00:33:47,970 S10: were engaged. And kind of quickly we're like, well, we're 597 00:33:47,970 --> 00:33:51,130 S10: not really dealing with any of this. And then Randall 598 00:33:51,210 --> 00:33:53,890 S10: got up and talked about blended families and it was like, oh, 599 00:33:54,570 --> 00:33:58,970 S10: this is for us. And, um, one of the great 600 00:33:58,970 --> 00:34:03,210 S10: things we learned is, um, so he has two boys 601 00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:06,930 S10: and we have two boys. And um, they were talking 602 00:34:06,930 --> 00:34:12,569 S10: about how like, it's really healthy for the birth parent 603 00:34:12,570 --> 00:34:16,660 S10: to spend time just with their kids and like, I 604 00:34:16,660 --> 00:34:19,259 S10: shouldn't take it as a slight if they were just 605 00:34:19,260 --> 00:34:23,580 S10: going to go, go do boy things. And, um, that was, 606 00:34:23,580 --> 00:34:27,780 S10: that was really helpful. That and like taking time in, 607 00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:33,100 S10: in developing like the relationships with our boys and, you know, 608 00:34:33,140 --> 00:34:36,100 S10: like if they didn't call, like, for example, our oldest 609 00:34:36,100 --> 00:34:38,540 S10: son called me mom pretty much from the get go. 610 00:34:38,940 --> 00:34:42,780 S10: And our youngest son, I mean, he's 21 now. And, 611 00:34:43,380 --> 00:34:45,379 S10: you know, sometimes he calls me by my first name 612 00:34:45,380 --> 00:34:48,299 S10: and sometimes or like a family nickname, and sometimes he 613 00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:52,060 S10: calls me mom. But that bothered other people in our life. 614 00:34:52,060 --> 00:34:54,419 S10: And it was like, well, if he's saying it with 615 00:34:54,420 --> 00:34:57,140 S10: a respectful tone, like, I don't care what he calls me, 616 00:34:57,180 --> 00:34:59,580 S10: you know, because we were okay with it, you know? 617 00:34:59,940 --> 00:35:04,219 S10: So just, um, it was good to like, see that, 618 00:35:04,500 --> 00:35:06,739 S10: you know, we didn't need a thousand voices telling us 619 00:35:06,739 --> 00:35:10,020 S10: how to blend our family that, you know, it was okay. 620 00:35:10,020 --> 00:35:13,540 S10: And everybody's blended family is different and that's okay too. 621 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,279 S2: Yeah. Well, Ron Dale is one of the best in 622 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:21,920 S2: the country in ideas with blended families. You know, I 623 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,520 S2: wrote a book with him on the five Love languages 624 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:29,520 S2: and how they work in a blended family somewhat differently from, 625 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:33,680 S2: you know, a family that's biological. Uh, but but there 626 00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,640 S2: are thousands of people who are working together and blended 627 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:40,880 S2: families and anything that Ron Dale has written or certainly 628 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,120 S2: his conferences will be helpful to our listeners who may 629 00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:45,359 S2: fall into that category. 630 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:48,840 S1: Yes, absolutely. Elaine, how long have you and your husband 631 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:49,560 S1: been married? 632 00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:51,320 S10: Um, 11 years. 633 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:56,440 S1: 11. Okay. So we are now up to 259 years 634 00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,600 S1: because I added Tricia and Nate and Andrea and me. 635 00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:02,719 S1: So we've got less than 250 years to go. Give 636 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,160 S1: me give me a call now. Elaine. God bless you, friend. 637 00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,320 S1: Thanks for calling here today, doctor. Gary Chapman is our guest. 638 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,520 S1: If you've never been to a marriage conference, boy howdy. 639 00:36:12,660 --> 00:36:16,779 S1: He's coming to Monroe, North Carolina, and Rustburg, Virginia and Victorville, 640 00:36:16,780 --> 00:36:21,219 S1: California and Knoxville, Tennessee, and Phoenix, Arizona and Chesterton, Indiana. 641 00:36:21,219 --> 00:36:23,660 S1: Coming up in the next few weeks. You can find 642 00:36:23,660 --> 00:36:28,300 S1: out more. Go to Chris Fabry live dot ORG. More 643 00:36:28,300 --> 00:36:39,700 S1: straight ahead. Doctor Gary Chapman is with us. We're talking 644 00:36:39,700 --> 00:36:42,660 S1: about the difference of marriage conference can make. You can 645 00:36:42,660 --> 00:36:46,020 S1: find out more at Chris Fabry live.org. We have a 646 00:36:46,020 --> 00:36:48,420 S1: link to Gary's website where you can see all the 647 00:36:48,420 --> 00:36:50,620 S1: events that he's going to be part of. Coming up, 648 00:36:51,060 --> 00:36:54,060 S1: one of our mutual friends, though, has written a book, 649 00:36:54,100 --> 00:36:55,859 S1: and I want to mention that here because I know 650 00:36:55,860 --> 00:36:58,580 S1: this is something that you have dealt with, Gary, with 651 00:36:58,580 --> 00:37:01,700 S1: a lot of callers and probably people at your conferences, 652 00:37:02,060 --> 00:37:06,060 S1: resolving conflict, finding peace and hope with adult children. Doctor 653 00:37:06,060 --> 00:37:10,299 S1: Cathy Cook has written that book. I call it a cookbook. 654 00:37:10,340 --> 00:37:13,989 S1: It's not really. It's a recipe for a repaired relationship. 655 00:37:13,989 --> 00:37:16,830 S1: But this is one of the really, really hard things 656 00:37:17,110 --> 00:37:20,989 S1: that parents are going through today. Adult children who say, 657 00:37:20,989 --> 00:37:23,070 S1: don't call me. I don't want to have any contact 658 00:37:23,070 --> 00:37:27,029 S1: with you or some other fracture in the relationship. That 659 00:37:27,030 --> 00:37:28,230 S1: is huge, isn't it? 660 00:37:28,750 --> 00:37:31,430 S2: It's all too common, Chris, no question about it. And 661 00:37:31,430 --> 00:37:34,270 S2: it's one of the deepest pains that a parent can 662 00:37:34,270 --> 00:37:38,189 S2: have that the children they have raised either cut them 663 00:37:38,190 --> 00:37:40,430 S2: off and there are it does go the other way 664 00:37:40,430 --> 00:37:44,190 S2: sometimes where the parent cuts them off because of something 665 00:37:44,390 --> 00:37:48,190 S2: they have done or said, you know, about their own lifestyle, 666 00:37:48,190 --> 00:37:49,950 S2: that this is my lifestyle, this is the way I'm 667 00:37:49,950 --> 00:37:52,350 S2: going to live. And the parent says, well, if that's 668 00:37:52,350 --> 00:37:54,150 S2: the way you're going, then I don't want to see you. 669 00:37:54,430 --> 00:37:58,510 S2: So it can go both ways. But God always wants 670 00:37:58,510 --> 00:38:02,270 S2: us to seek reconciliation. But it takes two parties to, 671 00:38:02,310 --> 00:38:05,350 S2: you know, to the I've always interested, always been interested 672 00:38:05,350 --> 00:38:09,670 S2: that the prodigal son's father, when he left and took 673 00:38:09,670 --> 00:38:13,770 S2: his inheritance and lived a riotous life. Did not go 674 00:38:13,810 --> 00:38:16,569 S2: looking after him to bring him back. He waited till 675 00:38:16,610 --> 00:38:19,049 S2: God brought him to the hog pen, where he was 676 00:38:19,050 --> 00:38:23,009 S2: feeding hogs and eating slop. And he said to himself, 677 00:38:23,250 --> 00:38:26,049 S2: I'd be better off working on my dad's farm. And 678 00:38:26,050 --> 00:38:28,210 S2: he goes back to his dad's farm and says, I 679 00:38:28,210 --> 00:38:30,930 S2: don't deserve anything because I don't even deserve to be 680 00:38:30,930 --> 00:38:33,890 S2: your son, etc. but his father met him with open 681 00:38:33,890 --> 00:38:37,410 S2: arms and received him. So as parents, we can't make 682 00:38:37,450 --> 00:38:39,890 S2: our adult children who have walked away from us. We 683 00:38:39,930 --> 00:38:42,850 S2: can't make them come back. But we can pray and 684 00:38:42,850 --> 00:38:45,089 S2: we can keep the farm going. We can keep our 685 00:38:45,090 --> 00:38:47,609 S2: own marriage going so that if God works in their 686 00:38:47,610 --> 00:38:50,209 S2: heart and they respond, we'll be there and be ready 687 00:38:50,210 --> 00:38:52,170 S2: to open their arms and welcome them home. 688 00:38:52,410 --> 00:38:54,290 S1: The thing I love about that story is that he was. 689 00:38:54,330 --> 00:38:56,850 S1: He was ready to. The dad was ready. He was waiting. 690 00:38:56,850 --> 00:39:02,610 S1: He was watching, you know, expectant. But but but ready. And, uh, 691 00:39:02,650 --> 00:39:05,450 S1: this is that's what this book I think will do 692 00:39:05,450 --> 00:39:08,770 S1: is help you be ready, whichever side of that you're 693 00:39:08,910 --> 00:39:13,230 S1: on for that kind of reconciliation or repair or relationship. 694 00:39:13,230 --> 00:39:16,989 S1: Give a gift of any size@kris.org. We'll send you this 695 00:39:16,989 --> 00:39:19,989 S1: book by Doctor Kathy Cook. Resolve conflict, find peace and 696 00:39:19,989 --> 00:39:24,710 S1: hope with adult children. Kris Fabriclive dot ORG. Or the 697 00:39:24,710 --> 00:39:29,950 S1: number to give is 86695. Fabri. Thanks for your support. 698 00:39:29,950 --> 00:39:33,070 S1: Dave is in Cape Coral, Florida. Hi, Dave. Go right ahead. 699 00:39:33,870 --> 00:39:34,710 S11: How are you doing? 700 00:39:34,989 --> 00:39:37,630 S1: Doing great. How many years have you been married, Dave? 701 00:39:38,590 --> 00:39:41,750 S11: Uh, we just celebrated 32 years in May. 702 00:39:41,950 --> 00:39:45,190 S1: All right. I'm glad that to the total here. What's 703 00:39:45,190 --> 00:39:47,270 S1: your what's your comment today? 704 00:39:47,910 --> 00:39:53,029 S11: Well, we met Gary at Hudson Christ Community Chapel probably 705 00:39:53,070 --> 00:39:55,950 S11: 6 or 7 years ago. I took her there and 706 00:39:55,950 --> 00:39:57,950 S11: she didn't know we were going to a conference. I 707 00:39:57,950 --> 00:40:00,270 S11: told her, you're going to love the speaker and everything else. 708 00:40:00,310 --> 00:40:02,350 S11: Turns out she had done a report on him when 709 00:40:02,350 --> 00:40:05,390 S11: she when she was in college. And then we got, 710 00:40:05,430 --> 00:40:08,920 S11: you know, he talked about forgiveness And that was a 711 00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:11,560 S11: big factor in her, in both of our lives and 712 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:15,640 S11: everything else. And since then, we've moved down to Florida. 713 00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:18,440 S11: Lost a lot of stuff in the hurricane and all that. 714 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:22,920 S11: But it was all just that stuff, you know? And today, 715 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:26,279 S11: you know, our marriage is stronger than ever, and it's 716 00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:28,480 S11: all for the glory of God. Um. 717 00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:33,640 S1: And it made a difference in that forgiveness thing. It 718 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:37,560 S1: sounds like that's, that's huge in people's marriage, isn't it, Gary? 719 00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,440 S2: Absolutely. Because none of us are perfect. You don't have 720 00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,080 S2: to be perfect to have a great marriage. But we 721 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,800 S2: do have to deal with our failures. And that means 722 00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:51,799 S2: apologizing and then forgiving when someone's apologizing to us. And 723 00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:54,080 S2: when couples can realize that, that we are going to 724 00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,879 S2: have to apologize from time to time, we admit that 725 00:40:56,880 --> 00:41:00,040 S2: what we did was not good, was not right. And 726 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,120 S2: we have to choose to forgive. And God is our model. 727 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:07,020 S2: God always forgives when we're willing to confess, and we 728 00:41:07,020 --> 00:41:09,700 S2: must stand ready to forgive when our spouse is willing 729 00:41:09,739 --> 00:41:10,980 S2: to confess. Yes. 730 00:41:11,620 --> 00:41:14,859 S1: How often should a couple go to a marriage conference? 731 00:41:15,300 --> 00:41:17,700 S2: You know, Chris, at the end of my conference, I 732 00:41:17,700 --> 00:41:21,899 S2: always challenge couples to this. I want to suggest that 733 00:41:21,900 --> 00:41:25,380 S2: for the rest of your life, you go to a 734 00:41:25,380 --> 00:41:30,779 S2: marriage conference or a marriage enrichment event. Every year, the 735 00:41:30,780 --> 00:41:34,100 S2: rest of your life, once a year, I was leading 736 00:41:34,100 --> 00:41:37,820 S2: a conference in the state of Virginia. Some time ago, 737 00:41:37,820 --> 00:41:41,580 S2: and I met a couple. He was 95 years old. 738 00:41:41,580 --> 00:41:45,140 S2: Came to my conference 95 years old. She was 94. 739 00:41:45,820 --> 00:41:47,819 S2: In talking with them, I found out they had been 740 00:41:47,820 --> 00:41:52,460 S2: going to a marriage conference once a year for 35 years. Wow. 741 00:41:52,500 --> 00:41:55,140 S2: Which means they didn't start till he was 60 years old. 742 00:41:57,540 --> 00:42:00,180 S2: But I believe if couples would do that. And the 743 00:42:00,180 --> 00:42:03,140 S2: other suggestion I make is that every year you share 744 00:42:03,140 --> 00:42:06,160 S2: a book on marriage. And what I mean by share 745 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:08,879 S2: is each of you read the same chapter and then 746 00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:10,920 S2: you ask yourself while you're reading it, what can I 747 00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,160 S2: learn from this chapter? And then you sit down and 748 00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,279 S2: share with each other what you feel like you can change. 749 00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,960 S2: Growing out of that chapter, there's enough good books to 750 00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,480 S2: keep you busy the rest of your life. A conference 751 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,640 S2: every year and reading a book every year. 752 00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:27,839 S1: Dave, thanks for your call to Judy. And we're going 753 00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:31,080 S1: to add 33 years. Judy, you and your husband have married, 754 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:34,520 S1: been married 33 years. So we're up to 324 in 755 00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:38,160 S1: this hour. So we're headed to 500. Judy, what did 756 00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:38,880 S1: you want to say? 757 00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:42,560 S12: So I want to first say God bless you both 758 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:47,560 S12: for what you're doing. Thanks for having me on the call. Um, 759 00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:51,840 S12: I'm hoping that you can direct me and others like 760 00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:57,120 S12: me who would like to attend a marriage conference but 761 00:42:57,120 --> 00:43:00,640 S12: may not be able to afford one, or to travel 762 00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,930 S12: even out of state for one. I'm in South Florida. 763 00:43:03,969 --> 00:43:07,610 S12: I've never been to one, but I can say before 764 00:43:07,610 --> 00:43:11,650 S12: we got married, we were with our pastor and he 765 00:43:12,090 --> 00:43:16,890 S12: taught us something that I thought was very highly invaluable. 766 00:43:17,450 --> 00:43:21,770 S12: He taught us to be interdependent, and we've had a 767 00:43:21,770 --> 00:43:25,690 S12: lovely marriage the whole time. Three sons, all grown men. 768 00:43:26,370 --> 00:43:29,570 S12: So I would like to go to a marriage conference. 769 00:43:29,570 --> 00:43:32,489 S12: But what happens if I can't make it? What can 770 00:43:32,489 --> 00:43:33,330 S12: you guide us to? 771 00:43:33,650 --> 00:43:36,170 S1: And the financial thing. That's huge. Gary. Go ahead. 772 00:43:36,210 --> 00:43:41,690 S2: Yeah. There are many, many churches that have classes on marriage, 773 00:43:42,290 --> 00:43:44,890 S2: and I would seek to find out if your church 774 00:43:44,890 --> 00:43:48,130 S2: has a class from time to time or other churches 775 00:43:48,130 --> 00:43:50,930 S2: check out other churches. And most of those times you're 776 00:43:50,930 --> 00:43:53,250 S2: not paying anything to go to those. And they might 777 00:43:53,250 --> 00:43:56,649 S2: run for six weeks, eight weeks or ten weeks, and 778 00:43:56,650 --> 00:43:59,410 S2: you're working through material and people are leading you. And 779 00:43:59,410 --> 00:44:03,310 S2: those can also be marriage enrichment events. So I would 780 00:44:03,310 --> 00:44:05,950 S2: really encourage you to check and see what churches in 781 00:44:05,950 --> 00:44:09,830 S2: your area might have a class, just a class on marriage. 782 00:44:10,070 --> 00:44:13,109 S2: And I think you'd find it helpful. I will be 783 00:44:13,110 --> 00:44:17,030 S2: in Florida sometime. I don't know what sections of Florida, 784 00:44:17,030 --> 00:44:18,870 S2: but I think it's going to be in March of 785 00:44:18,910 --> 00:44:22,110 S2: this coming year. We'll be back in there doing two 786 00:44:22,430 --> 00:44:25,910 S2: two Saturdays of marriage, but I don't know where they're 787 00:44:25,910 --> 00:44:27,190 S2: going to be in there. 788 00:44:27,230 --> 00:44:29,670 S1: Yeah, if it's South Florida or not. Okay. Judy, I 789 00:44:29,670 --> 00:44:32,509 S1: want you to hang on. Trisha's going to get your information. 790 00:44:32,550 --> 00:44:36,870 S1: The other thing is if you let your pastor know, hey, 791 00:44:36,910 --> 00:44:40,190 S1: we're in a in a financial strait here and having 792 00:44:40,190 --> 00:44:44,270 S1: having some struggles, there may be those around in the 793 00:44:44,270 --> 00:44:48,270 S1: congregation or in the area who would give a scholarship, 794 00:44:48,310 --> 00:44:51,550 S1: you know, who would come alongside. But people don't know 795 00:44:51,550 --> 00:44:56,070 S1: that you're in those kinds of in that situation, unless 796 00:44:56,350 --> 00:45:00,070 S1: you reach out and you tell somebody about it. Right. Gary? 797 00:45:00,469 --> 00:45:02,609 S2: Yeah. That's right. There are a lot of people that 798 00:45:02,610 --> 00:45:04,489 S2: would like to help if they just knew there was 799 00:45:04,489 --> 00:45:05,050 S2: a need. 800 00:45:05,489 --> 00:45:09,410 S1: Yeah. Uh, do we have time? I want to hear John's. John, 801 00:45:09,410 --> 00:45:12,009 S1: we've got a minute left before our program ends. I 802 00:45:12,010 --> 00:45:14,210 S1: want you to tell this funny story. Go ahead. 803 00:45:15,969 --> 00:45:16,489 S11: Hey. 804 00:45:17,010 --> 00:45:22,770 S13: Gary and Mr. Fabio, two of my favorite people in 805 00:45:22,770 --> 00:45:26,450 S13: the whole world. So besides my wife, she's. She's one. 806 00:45:26,450 --> 00:45:30,330 S13: And of course, uh, Jesus is above that, but that's okay. Hey, 807 00:45:30,370 --> 00:45:33,010 S13: I'm in New Hampshire, and you went to an iron 808 00:45:33,010 --> 00:45:36,089 S13: sharpens iron. You were the guest speaker, and it was 809 00:45:36,090 --> 00:45:41,370 S13: a men's conference and it was incredible. And you walked 810 00:45:41,370 --> 00:45:45,250 S13: in and it was packed. Nobody was there. And I 811 00:45:45,250 --> 00:45:49,969 S13: can hear the music. Um, so everybody was there. There 812 00:45:49,969 --> 00:45:52,130 S13: wasn't a room. There wasn't a room to sit down. 813 00:45:52,170 --> 00:45:55,730 S13: So anyway, Gary comes walking in and he looks at 814 00:45:55,730 --> 00:45:59,009 S13: me and I'm like, oh, I got to give up 815 00:45:59,010 --> 00:46:04,140 S13: my seat Give him my. I can I can I 816 00:46:04,180 --> 00:46:07,660 S13: sit there? I said, yeah, I just told everybody scoot over. 817 00:46:07,660 --> 00:46:10,500 S13: Everybody squeezed over. We had half a person there. I said, 818 00:46:10,500 --> 00:46:16,739 S13: you can sit on my lap. Because I think we 819 00:46:16,739 --> 00:46:18,819 S13: both get thrown out. He goes, I don't think that 820 00:46:18,820 --> 00:46:20,700 S13: would be a good idea at this conference. 821 00:46:22,180 --> 00:46:24,660 S1: I love it, John. And you know what? That that 822 00:46:24,660 --> 00:46:29,219 S1: points out the humanity of a conference like this. And 823 00:46:29,219 --> 00:46:31,220 S1: one of the great things that I hear people talking 824 00:46:31,219 --> 00:46:33,980 S1: about is I don't feel so alone in my marriage. 825 00:46:33,980 --> 00:46:37,300 S1: When people laugh about the situation or they're nodding their heads. 826 00:46:37,420 --> 00:46:40,620 S1: It's like, I'm not alone in the struggles that I have, 827 00:46:40,660 --> 00:46:43,100 S1: even if I need a seat to sit down. That's 828 00:46:43,100 --> 00:46:45,299 S1: Doctor Gary Chapman again. We got a link at Chris 829 00:46:45,340 --> 00:46:51,500 S1: Fabry live.org for the upcoming marriage conferences. chris.org. Our program 830 00:46:51,500 --> 00:46:54,540 S1: is a production of Moody Radio, a Ministry of Moody 831 00:46:54,540 --> 00:46:55,820 S1: Bible Institute.