1 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:08,200 S1: It's a great day for a friendly conversation. What do 2 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:10,239 S1: you say? It is a great day to consider our 3 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,960 S1: friendships and what they do for us and to us. 4 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,560 S1: But the sad truth is that many simply don't have 5 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:19,000 S1: a good friend they can count on. Or maybe you've 6 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,080 S1: been burned by a friend, you've been betrayed and that 7 00:00:22,079 --> 00:00:25,920 S1: has colored your view of friendship. Or you might have 8 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:30,080 S1: surface connections. You got contacts. You have people who you ask, hey, 9 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:33,159 S1: how are you doing? Or how about this weather? But 10 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:35,199 S1: if something in your life went off the rails, you 11 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,720 S1: wouldn't have someone you could call at two in the morning. 12 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:41,240 S1: Is that you? If so, there's no condemnation in where 13 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,559 S1: you are. Recognizing where you are is the first step, right? 14 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,640 S1: And today's program, I'm hoping, will encourage you with more 15 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:52,920 S1: practical steps you can take toward finding a friend and 16 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:56,160 S1: being a friend. Both are important, and we're going to 17 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:59,200 S1: find out why. From Becky Harling, who is back. I 18 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,950 S1: cannot wait to get started. First we're going to have 19 00:01:01,950 --> 00:01:04,270 S1: a couple of thank yous and a request. Thank you, 20 00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:08,429 S1: Ryan McConaughey, for being doing all things technical. Thank you, Tricia, 21 00:01:08,430 --> 00:01:11,789 S1: for producing, for Lisa, for being here, for Josh answering 22 00:01:11,790 --> 00:01:14,830 S1: our calls. And thank you bank fans, friends and partners 23 00:01:14,830 --> 00:01:16,910 S1: for your support. We are enabled to be with you 24 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:20,709 S1: each day, live right here and then on the podcast 25 00:01:21,030 --> 00:01:24,509 S1: or tape tape delayed if we're there. If you're listening 26 00:01:24,510 --> 00:01:26,870 S1: to us at some other time of the day, we're 27 00:01:26,870 --> 00:01:30,750 S1: able to do that absolutely free of charge because some 28 00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:34,390 S1: generous friends have called or clicked through and they've given 29 00:01:34,390 --> 00:01:37,669 S1: to support us. Now, here's the request. Is there anyone 30 00:01:37,670 --> 00:01:40,110 S1: listening right now who's never done that? You've never given, 31 00:01:40,110 --> 00:01:42,630 S1: you've never reached out to support us? The first thing 32 00:01:42,630 --> 00:01:45,110 S1: I want to say is, again, there's no guilt. There's 33 00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:47,670 S1: no shame here. There are friends who have given for 34 00:01:47,670 --> 00:01:50,190 S1: the very first time and who have revealed. I've been 35 00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:53,470 S1: listening for decades, and this is the first time. But 36 00:01:53,470 --> 00:01:56,590 S1: something got them over the hump, and they reached out 37 00:01:56,590 --> 00:01:58,860 S1: and I raised my hand for a high five at 38 00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:01,540 S1: the back fence. I don't think you'll regret supporting a 39 00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:05,100 S1: program like this, because it not only encourages and challenges 40 00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:09,060 S1: you each day whenever you listen, it'll do the same 41 00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:11,419 S1: for others that you may never meet, and you'll be 42 00:02:11,419 --> 00:02:14,220 S1: part of that. Oh, Chris, but it's too hard. It's 43 00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:18,780 S1: really not. Most people go online to Chris. Org scroll down. 44 00:02:18,780 --> 00:02:20,980 S1: You'll see how to give for the very first time. 45 00:02:21,419 --> 00:02:25,540 S1: And the last name. Chris. I can't spell your last name. Okay. Fabbri. 46 00:02:25,740 --> 00:02:30,179 S1: Fabbri f a b is in fab r-y Chris Fabbri 47 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:34,780 S1: a c h Chris Chris Fabbri Livorno. And right now 48 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,820 S1: the new book by Gary and the parrots is I 49 00:02:36,820 --> 00:02:40,339 S1: thank you the the love language that matters most. Let 50 00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:42,820 S1: me send you a copy of that as a thank you. 51 00:02:42,860 --> 00:02:46,020 S1: Thank you. You'll feel better. Go to Chris Fabbri, Livorno, 52 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,579 S1: especially if you want to give for the very first 53 00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:50,780 S1: time or it's been a while. Or if you prefer, 54 00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:56,580 S1: here's a phone number 866 95 Fabbri and thanks for 55 00:02:56,580 --> 00:03:00,770 S1: your support of the radio backyard fence. Oh, I'm so excited. 56 00:03:00,770 --> 00:03:03,570 S1: Becky Harling is back. She's a speaker, Bible teacher, host 57 00:03:03,570 --> 00:03:06,890 S1: of the Connected Mom podcast. She has a degree in 58 00:03:06,889 --> 00:03:11,169 S1: biblical literature. Her passion is to help women find hope, healing, freedom, 59 00:03:11,410 --> 00:03:14,770 S1: and life transformation through Jesus. We've talked about some of 60 00:03:14,770 --> 00:03:19,010 S1: her books, her excellent studies, Our Father, Psalms for the 61 00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:23,210 S1: Anxious Heart, Cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World, which 62 00:03:23,210 --> 00:03:26,290 S1: is kind of a companion to our topic today. How 63 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:30,570 S1: to listen so people will talk. Oh, that's a good one. 64 00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:33,810 S1: Or for your kids, how to listen so your children 65 00:03:33,810 --> 00:03:38,610 S1: will talk. Her new book is titled Friend Wise Practical 66 00:03:38,610 --> 00:03:44,050 S1: Ideas for Richer Relationships. She lives in Colorado. Becky, welcome 67 00:03:44,050 --> 00:03:45,810 S1: back to the program. How are you doing today? 68 00:03:45,970 --> 00:03:48,650 S2: Hey, Chris, it's great to be back with you. And 69 00:03:48,650 --> 00:03:51,090 S2: I'm doing fabulous. How are you? 70 00:03:51,210 --> 00:03:51,530 S3: I'm. 71 00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:54,530 S1: I'm really doing well because I think today is going 72 00:03:54,530 --> 00:03:57,480 S1: to I see this program as kind of a, um, 73 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:01,000 S1: setting people free in some way, in some small way. 74 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,960 S1: We're going to have a conversation next week with a 75 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:07,080 S1: fellow who was at 17, was hooked on meth. And, 76 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:08,640 S1: you know, how do you how do you get out 77 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,840 S1: of that? And I'm I'm hoping, praying that that program 78 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,880 S1: is going to set somebody free from some kind of 79 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:17,440 S1: addiction in their life. But what you're here today to 80 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,200 S1: talk about can also set us free, because there's a 81 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,080 S1: lot of people who don't have a friend in the 82 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,719 S1: world that they can count on. Is that true? 83 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,920 S2: That is absolutely true. And yet God has designed us 84 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,200 S2: for friendship, so we need our friends. 85 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,920 S1: Here's the question that I put on Facebook. I said, 86 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:40,120 S1: finish this sentence. A good friend is blank and I 87 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,599 S1: want to read some of these. I want you to 88 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,760 S1: respond to each one of them. Eva says a good 89 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:48,640 S1: friend is someone who brings comfort during challenging times. What 90 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:49,159 S1: do you think? 91 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:54,630 S2: Yes, yes. Your good friends will bring comfort during challenging times. 92 00:04:55,470 --> 00:05:00,469 S1: A good friend is like a diamond, Terry says, precious 93 00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:03,030 S1: and hard to find. What do you think of that? 94 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,990 S2: I love that one. You know, there's one small chapter 95 00:05:06,990 --> 00:05:09,630 S2: in the book that talks about three treasures you can 96 00:05:09,630 --> 00:05:13,190 S2: give your friend, and how to treasure your friends so 97 00:05:13,190 --> 00:05:14,430 S2: they are like diamonds. 98 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:17,510 S1: And is that at the beginning I said, you know 99 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,150 S1: how to how to find a friend and how to 100 00:05:19,190 --> 00:05:21,589 S1: be a friend. Are both of those important? 101 00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:25,630 S2: Absolutely. Because the truth is, you can't find good friends 102 00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:28,430 S2: unless you are willing to be a good friend. 103 00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:32,909 S1: Hmm. Okay, so there's there's the first tip. There's a 104 00:05:33,150 --> 00:05:35,630 S1: to find a friend. You got to be a friend. 105 00:05:35,630 --> 00:05:37,469 S1: And we're going to find out how to do that, okay? 106 00:05:37,589 --> 00:05:42,630 S1: Kat says a good friend is loyal and prays for 107 00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:44,350 S1: and with you. You agree? 108 00:05:44,830 --> 00:05:48,590 S2: Yes, absolutely. I have those friends in my life and 109 00:05:48,589 --> 00:05:49,910 S2: I love them. 110 00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:53,010 S1: Who is one person who prays for you that you 111 00:05:53,010 --> 00:05:53,929 S1: can tell us about. 112 00:05:54,370 --> 00:05:57,810 S2: My friend Judy, we've been praying together since our kids 113 00:05:57,810 --> 00:06:01,770 S2: were toddlers. Um, and at that time, they were in 114 00:06:01,770 --> 00:06:04,050 S2: our church in upstate New York. Then she and her 115 00:06:04,050 --> 00:06:07,809 S2: husband moved. We moved, but we always stayed in touch 116 00:06:07,810 --> 00:06:10,490 S2: all these years. And now you know what, Chris? Now, 117 00:06:10,490 --> 00:06:13,610 S2: Judy and I still pray together. And now we pray 118 00:06:13,650 --> 00:06:16,930 S2: not only for our kids and their spouses, but we 119 00:06:16,930 --> 00:06:19,330 S2: pray over 21 grandchildren between us. 120 00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:19,730 S3: Wow. 121 00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:22,650 S1: 21 that's not Judy Dunnigan, is it? 122 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,650 S2: That is Judy Dunnigan. Yes, yes. 123 00:06:25,690 --> 00:06:26,529 S1: Everything goes. 124 00:06:26,529 --> 00:06:27,330 S2: Back to Judy. 125 00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:27,890 S1: Dunnigan. 126 00:06:27,890 --> 00:06:28,529 S2: To me. 127 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,490 S3: Okay, so Marcia says this. 128 00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:34,410 S1: She fills in the blank with a good friend is 129 00:06:34,410 --> 00:06:38,570 S1: someone who, when you have messed up, doesn't think you've 130 00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:41,529 S1: done a permanent job. And then she adds a quote 131 00:06:41,529 --> 00:06:44,810 S1: from Laurence J. Peter who said, you can always tell 132 00:06:44,810 --> 00:06:47,690 S1: a real friend when you've made a fool of yourself. 133 00:06:47,770 --> 00:06:51,050 S1: He doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. What do 134 00:06:51,050 --> 00:06:52,000 S1: you think about that? 135 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,040 S2: Yeah, I really like that. Because the truth is we're 136 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:59,120 S2: all going to mess up. And Proverbs 17 nine says, 137 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:05,000 S2: whoever would foster foster love covers over an offense, but 138 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:09,600 S2: whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. So all of 139 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,760 S2: us are going to mess up, right? But when we 140 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:16,560 S2: mess up, a good friend will cover over it with grace. 141 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:17,720 S2: And I love that. 142 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:22,720 S1: Brenda says a good friend is, uh, has a listening ear. 143 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,880 S1: No judgment. Um. 144 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,760 S2: Yeah. Now, you know, I believe that one because I 145 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,680 S2: wrote how to listen so people will talk. 146 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,160 S3: Right, exactly. And children too. Right? 147 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,640 S2: Yeah. A good friend will listen to you. You know, 148 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,680 S2: and while they don't judge you, they will be discerning. 149 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:44,000 S2: But they don't pick up stones and throw rocks at you. 150 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:44,480 S2: You know. 151 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:48,800 S1: That's what, um. Because Elizabeth, just before that said, a 152 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:52,270 S1: good friend is brave enough to speak the truth in love, 153 00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:55,510 S1: and then to walk with me through the spiritual journey 154 00:07:55,510 --> 00:07:58,790 S1: of growth. So while there's no judgment that you're not 155 00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:01,790 S1: going to feel judged by talking to your friend, you 156 00:08:01,790 --> 00:08:05,670 S1: will also hear the truth from them. And isn't that 157 00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:09,710 S1: the you know the hard part? The hard line to walk. 158 00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:13,510 S2: You know, it is a hard line to walk. But 159 00:08:13,550 --> 00:08:16,910 S2: if you really love your friend and you see them 160 00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:21,390 S2: going down a really dark road, you know God calls 161 00:08:21,390 --> 00:08:23,990 S2: you to say something. You just say it in love. 162 00:08:24,030 --> 00:08:27,350 S2: You know, um, you know, maybe your friend has started 163 00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:30,110 S2: drinking and you're noticing that they're drinking more and more 164 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:33,030 S2: and more. Well, there comes a point where if you 165 00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:38,069 S2: don't say anything, you're really enabling them. So instead, just 166 00:08:38,070 --> 00:08:41,870 S2: in love, say, hey, you know, I'm just really concerned 167 00:08:41,870 --> 00:08:44,590 S2: because I see you headed down the road of becoming 168 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:47,230 S2: an alcoholic. And in the end, that's going to lead 169 00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:48,390 S2: towards death. 170 00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:54,260 S1: Yes. Friend wise, practical ideas for richer relationships. Becky Harling 171 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:56,340 S1: is with us today, and I've got more answers to this. 172 00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:59,420 S1: But here's the question I really want to give you 173 00:08:59,420 --> 00:09:03,140 S1: as you listen. Do you have a friend and you 174 00:09:03,179 --> 00:09:06,540 S1: got you have a problem with that friend? You have 175 00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:11,460 S1: a friend conundrum. There's something that you know with your 176 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:14,980 S1: you've got a friend who has animals in the house 177 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,699 S1: who make too much noise. When you're trying to have 178 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:20,860 S1: a conversation, you know, or somebody comes to the door 179 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:24,179 S1: and your dog barks it too loudly. But if if 180 00:09:24,220 --> 00:09:28,500 S1: you have a friend conundrum like this one way friendships 181 00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:32,660 S1: where one person values the friendship but the other feels 182 00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:36,819 S1: it's only one way, or when you feel like a 183 00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:40,500 S1: friendship needs to end, how do you how do you 184 00:09:40,540 --> 00:09:44,819 S1: know when that should happen? Are there seasons of friendships? 185 00:09:44,820 --> 00:09:46,820 S1: I want to give you all these questions, but I 186 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:52,929 S1: want to open the lines two at (877) 548-3675. No animals 187 00:09:52,929 --> 00:10:00,130 S1: were hurt in the broadcast today. Here. (877) 548-3675. And go 188 00:10:00,130 --> 00:10:05,370 S1: to Chris Fabry for an excellent resource is friend wise 189 00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:10,770 S1: practical ideas for richer relationships more straight ahead on Moody Radio. 190 00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:24,650 S1: Prolific author, speaker, speaker and Bible teacher Becky Harley. You 191 00:10:24,650 --> 00:10:27,570 S1: say that ten times fast. Becky Harling is at the 192 00:10:27,570 --> 00:10:30,850 S1: radio backyard fence. Our featured resource is a book titled 193 00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:34,450 S1: Friend Wise. This is going to turn the light on 194 00:10:34,450 --> 00:10:36,530 S1: for somebody, and I just know there's somebody with a 195 00:10:36,530 --> 00:10:40,370 S1: friend conundrum if you have. And here's the thing, if 196 00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:42,490 S1: you don't want your voice on the radio, it's like 197 00:10:42,650 --> 00:10:46,200 S1: my friend might hear this. Just ask. Tell Josh or 198 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,480 S1: tell Trisha what your question is. They can relay it 199 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:54,640 S1: to me and I'll ask Becky. (877) 548-3675. The first one 200 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,160 S1: I want to bring up is one way friendships, where 201 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:02,600 S1: one person seems to be giving more than the other. 202 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,000 S1: Do you understand what I'm talking about there, Becky? 203 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:10,040 S2: Yeah, absolutely. And I think, um, the person that's always 204 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:14,920 S2: reaching out, always giving more, always, um, taking care of 205 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,959 S2: the other person, maybe that person can become easily in overfunctioning. 206 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,839 S2: And that's not really contributing to a healthy friendship. In 207 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,800 S2: a healthy friendship, it has to be reciprocal. So if 208 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,560 S2: you have that conundrum, what I would do is back 209 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,000 S2: up just a little bit. I mean, you don't have 210 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,760 S2: to necessarily dump the whole friendship, but reach out to 211 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,840 S2: some other people and make some other friends as well. 212 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:41,160 S2: And oftentimes when you do that, the friend that you 213 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,950 S2: were overfunctioning for will come back to you and want 214 00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:46,870 S2: to re-engage in that friendship. 215 00:11:47,550 --> 00:11:50,950 S1: Could you could the person who's the friend who's overfunctioning, 216 00:11:50,990 --> 00:11:54,910 S1: as you talk, call it? Uh, they're they're doing more. 217 00:11:55,070 --> 00:11:57,309 S1: They're they're the one who makes the contact. And. Hey, 218 00:11:57,309 --> 00:12:01,790 S1: let's meet here and whatever. Um, is that person could 219 00:12:01,790 --> 00:12:04,670 S1: that person be in a relationship like that because they 220 00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:06,550 S1: like to take care of other people? 221 00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:10,950 S2: Oh, absolutely. You know, and and then it becomes what 222 00:12:10,950 --> 00:12:14,030 S2: we call a codependent relationship, you know, where you have 223 00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:17,869 S2: one person, the caregiver, the other person is completely dependent 224 00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:23,350 S2: on them. But that's not really, uh, an emotionally healthy friendship. 225 00:12:23,390 --> 00:12:25,710 S2: I mean, that can that can maybe happen for a 226 00:12:25,710 --> 00:12:28,150 S2: little while because, you know, there are times where our 227 00:12:28,150 --> 00:12:30,790 S2: friends go through cancer and we might be the one 228 00:12:30,790 --> 00:12:33,750 S2: doing most of the giving to take care of them, 229 00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:37,670 S2: but eventually it has to come back to reciprocity. You know, 230 00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:42,030 S2: this idea that you are mutually in it together and 231 00:12:42,110 --> 00:12:44,819 S2: both are benefiting from the friendship. 232 00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:49,620 S1: Um, and that happened to you with your cancer. And 233 00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:51,380 S1: I want to get into that. But let me stay 234 00:12:51,380 --> 00:12:55,059 S1: with the conundrums. Um, are there seasons of friendship? And 235 00:12:55,059 --> 00:12:58,820 S1: you mentioned Judy. You've been friends with her, and both 236 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,220 S1: of you lived all around the country. But the friendship 237 00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:04,500 S1: didn't end. But are there seasons when someone will move 238 00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:07,179 S1: out of your life and it's okay not to keep 239 00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:10,740 S1: in contact with them every week or month? 240 00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:16,699 S2: Yeah, absolutely. There are different seasons for friendship. I, I remember, um, 241 00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:20,740 S2: and sometimes, you know, it's because something you realize, hey, 242 00:13:20,940 --> 00:13:23,140 S2: this maybe wasn't the best friendship for me. There was 243 00:13:23,140 --> 00:13:24,740 S2: a season in my life where I was very close 244 00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:28,540 S2: to somebody, or at least I thought we were. And, um, 245 00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:31,020 S2: I had shared a lot of my personal story with 246 00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:35,100 S2: that person. But then I realized a couple of years 247 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:38,380 S2: into the friendship that she was, uh, very prone towards 248 00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:44,930 S2: gossip and talking and cutting other people down. And gradually, um, 249 00:13:45,010 --> 00:13:48,090 S2: she just kind of faded away from me. Now, I 250 00:13:48,130 --> 00:13:50,689 S2: don't know what she would say about me today, but 251 00:13:50,690 --> 00:13:54,530 S2: it really doesn't matter, because the Lord gave me permission 252 00:13:54,530 --> 00:13:57,730 S2: to just kind of open my hands and let it go, 253 00:13:57,890 --> 00:14:01,010 S2: because in the end, it wasn't a great friendship for me. 254 00:14:01,610 --> 00:14:07,530 S1: So that friendship needed, from your standpoint, it needed to end. 255 00:14:07,570 --> 00:14:10,010 S1: How do you know? How did you know that and 256 00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:13,450 S1: how did you didn't actually have the conversation? I'm not 257 00:14:13,450 --> 00:14:15,490 S1: going to be friends with you anymore, right? 258 00:14:15,530 --> 00:14:19,090 S2: No, no, I didn't, in fact, I, I kept reaching out, 259 00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:23,970 S2: but less regularly, you know, but I it just all 260 00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:28,490 S2: of a sudden I never heard back and I realized, okay, um, 261 00:14:28,810 --> 00:14:31,610 S2: for whatever the reason, she wants this to end. And 262 00:14:31,610 --> 00:14:34,410 S2: as I was praying about it, you know, the Lord 263 00:14:34,410 --> 00:14:38,090 S2: showed me, hey, it is time for this friendship to end, 264 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,600 S2: because it is not in your best interest to stay 265 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,000 S2: in this friendship. And so I think we have to 266 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,520 S2: look for, um, what I call kind of toxic signs 267 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,920 S2: in a friendship, you know, where maybe somebody is too 268 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,840 S2: controlling or somebody, like in the story I shared is 269 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,680 S2: too gossipy, and they're cutting everybody down. Well, if they're 270 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:00,720 S2: cutting everybody down, chances are they're cutting you down when 271 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,840 S2: you're not with them, you know? And so that's a 272 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:08,080 S2: toxic sign. There can be other toxic signs where they 273 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,280 S2: are trying to pull you away or spend too much 274 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,480 S2: time with you. And you really your first priority needs 275 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,640 S2: to be to your family. So you just have to 276 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,680 S2: kind of look for signs like that. You want to 277 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,400 S2: stay in friendship if you can, but if it becomes 278 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:27,760 S2: unhealthy for you, either emotionally or spiritually, then you know 279 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,360 S2: you need to open your hands before the Lord and say, Lord, 280 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,000 S2: is it time for me to just let this friendship 281 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,960 S2: go and he'll give you wisdom? I believe that. 282 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,320 S1: There are other times when when you have to be 283 00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:43,590 S1: proactive or you actually have to to say, uh, we're 284 00:15:43,590 --> 00:15:46,030 S1: going to end this or I don't know how you 285 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,670 S1: how you say that, right? I mean, or do you 286 00:15:48,670 --> 00:15:50,910 S1: just open your hands and let every friend go that 287 00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:52,910 S1: doesn't need, you know, has betrayed you? 288 00:15:53,470 --> 00:15:55,990 S2: Well, I think there are. You need to be able 289 00:15:55,990 --> 00:15:59,150 S2: to confront in a godly way. And if somebody has 290 00:15:59,190 --> 00:16:03,590 S2: betrayed you, you need to raise the issue and just say, hey, this. 291 00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:06,550 S2: You know, this really hurt me because I told you 292 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:11,230 S2: something in confidence. And then I realized you told other people, and, 293 00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:13,910 S2: you know, if they're resistant to that, if there's no. Oh, 294 00:16:13,950 --> 00:16:16,550 S2: I'm so sorry. I realized, yeah, I did that, and 295 00:16:16,550 --> 00:16:19,990 S2: I'm sorry for that. Then it might be, hey, I 296 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:24,070 S2: you know, something has broken in the trust of our friendship. And, 297 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,470 S2: you know, maybe you give it another chance, but you 298 00:16:26,470 --> 00:16:29,630 S2: find that it's a repeated pattern. Then you might have 299 00:16:29,630 --> 00:16:32,550 S2: to say, hey, you know, this friendship really isn't the 300 00:16:32,550 --> 00:16:35,750 S2: best for me right now, so I'm going to let 301 00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:39,460 S2: it go. Or, you know, if, um, I mean, in 302 00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:42,739 S2: our world today, Chris, there are all types of friendships 303 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:46,420 S2: that can become unhealthy. You know, a married woman becoming 304 00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:50,500 S2: too close in friendship to a male coworker. She might 305 00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,860 S2: need to have the conversation and say, hey, this isn't 306 00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:56,620 S2: really good for my marriage. I'm going to back out here, um, 307 00:16:56,660 --> 00:16:59,620 S2: because I really value my marriage. So there are times 308 00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:01,580 S2: where the friendship must end. 309 00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:07,580 S1: Becky Harling is with us. Friend wise is the featured resource. 310 00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:14,740 S1: Here's the number (877) 548-3675 hunters in Minnesota. Hi, Hunter. Go 311 00:17:14,740 --> 00:17:15,340 S1: right ahead. 312 00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:20,460 S4: Hi, Chris. Uh, what I'd like to say is, when 313 00:17:20,460 --> 00:17:24,619 S4: we're thinking about whether friendships should continue or end, I 314 00:17:24,619 --> 00:17:26,860 S4: think it all comes down to a gut feeling and 315 00:17:26,859 --> 00:17:29,420 S4: a feeling in our heart. And that's what the world 316 00:17:29,420 --> 00:17:32,740 S4: would call it. But I think it's the Holy Spirit, uh, 317 00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:34,899 S4: kind of leading us to what we should do. 318 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:40,119 S1: Okay. All right. Have you had that happen to you, Hunter? 319 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,760 S4: Uh, sure. I don't really want to get into personal details, 320 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,520 S4: but when it's something like, oh, I don't want to 321 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,320 S4: go walking by their house, or I don't want to 322 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,760 S4: pass by their table in the cafeteria. I want to 323 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:58,200 S4: avoid their conversations. Uh, when you feel like you're not 324 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:02,640 S4: getting any benefits out of the conversations anymore, uh, it 325 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,479 S4: can be a sign that it should end. And it 326 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,000 S4: doesn't need to end with a conversation. It can just 327 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:08,760 S4: fizzle out. 328 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,080 S1: Yeah, that was what Becky was saying, too. Okay, Becky, 329 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:13,119 S1: what do you say to Hunter? 330 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:17,280 S2: Yeah, sometimes friendships do need to just fizzle out, you know? 331 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,359 S2: And there are certain seasons where I've. I've heard of 332 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,480 S2: friendship being kind of like a bust, so. Right. There's 333 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,480 S2: different people that are near the front of the bus 334 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,640 S2: that are really close to you in that friendship. And 335 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,600 S2: in different seasons they might move to the back of 336 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,960 S2: the bus. They might still be your friend, but you're 337 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,200 S2: not as close as you used to be. And that's 338 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,830 S2: okay too. And then there are times where, you know, 339 00:18:37,869 --> 00:18:43,150 S2: the friendship really is, um, not helping you in your 340 00:18:43,150 --> 00:18:46,710 S2: relationship with God. It is becoming toxic in one way 341 00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:49,389 S2: or another. And it's fine to let that kind of 342 00:18:49,390 --> 00:18:53,030 S2: friendship fizzle out and the Lord will give you wisdom. 343 00:18:53,030 --> 00:18:55,670 S2: I believe through the power of the Holy Spirit, as 344 00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:58,270 S2: you mentioned, whether or not there needs to be a 345 00:18:58,270 --> 00:19:00,270 S2: conversation to end the friendship. 346 00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:04,270 S1: Yes, Hunter. Great call. Thank you for doing that today. 347 00:19:04,430 --> 00:19:07,310 S1: If somebody needed to hear what you were saying, and 348 00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:09,590 S1: I'm glad you didn't get into the specifics and the 349 00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,670 S1: personal stuff, because we don't need to hear that. But 350 00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:14,270 S1: I can I can read between the lines that this 351 00:19:14,270 --> 00:19:19,270 S1: is something that you really feel strongly about and has 352 00:19:19,270 --> 00:19:23,590 S1: made that, you know, something, something inside made you want 353 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,270 S1: to respond to that. And I'm going to let you 354 00:19:26,310 --> 00:19:31,070 S1: do that as well. But I want you to talk, Becky, about, um, 355 00:19:31,150 --> 00:19:34,300 S1: Facebook friends. If I have a friend on Facebook that 356 00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:38,020 S1: I've never seen before. It's not somebody I grew up 357 00:19:38,020 --> 00:19:40,900 S1: with that I'm still friends with. You know, miles away, 358 00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:44,660 S1: but somebody who's there that I see their name. Is 359 00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:45,899 S1: that really a friend? 360 00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:50,420 S2: Uh, such a great question, Chris. I, I think they're 361 00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:53,380 S2: a friend in the sense that, you know, maybe they 362 00:19:53,420 --> 00:19:57,460 S2: follow your broadcast, you know, maybe they're listening today and 363 00:19:57,460 --> 00:20:01,020 S2: maybe every now and then they post on your page, hey, 364 00:20:01,060 --> 00:20:03,899 S2: cute grandkids or whatever, or, you know, they like a 365 00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,420 S2: post or whatever. But that's not the kind of deep 366 00:20:06,420 --> 00:20:09,300 S2: friendship that I'm talking about in the book. In the book, 367 00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:13,820 S2: I'm talking about the deep friendships that travel through life 368 00:20:13,820 --> 00:20:15,899 S2: together with you. Now they don't have to be. I 369 00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:19,420 S2: have a very dear friend. In fact, I dedicated the 370 00:20:19,420 --> 00:20:21,820 S2: book to her and we've only been friends for five years. 371 00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:25,379 S2: But it was the kind of friendship where, um, God 372 00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:29,420 S2: brought our hearts together and we've become very close friends 373 00:20:29,420 --> 00:20:33,330 S2: and we encourage each other on in our faith journeys. 374 00:20:33,330 --> 00:20:35,930 S2: And that's a those are the deeper kinds of friendships 375 00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:39,330 S2: I'm talking about, not just social media followings. 376 00:20:39,369 --> 00:20:44,730 S1: Yes. So and this all came about because of what 377 00:20:44,730 --> 00:20:47,689 S1: you went through with your cancer diagnosis and what you 378 00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:50,890 S1: went through in that time of your life. So take 379 00:20:50,890 --> 00:20:53,810 S1: me into that. And how important friends were for you? 380 00:20:54,410 --> 00:20:58,050 S2: Yeah. So I had friends before cancer, for sure. I 381 00:20:58,050 --> 00:21:02,170 S2: had met Judy before cancer, and we had prayed together 382 00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:05,810 S2: back then, but I just had noticed when I had 383 00:21:05,810 --> 00:21:09,889 S2: cancer and when I was just kind of, um, laying 384 00:21:09,890 --> 00:21:14,210 S2: on the couch, you know, recovering from millions of surgeries, um, 385 00:21:16,090 --> 00:21:19,250 S2: that I realized in my life that I had become 386 00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:24,330 S2: addicted to busyness and really good things, you know, like ministry. 387 00:21:24,330 --> 00:21:26,850 S2: I was on staff with my husband. I was teaching 388 00:21:26,850 --> 00:21:30,690 S2: Bible studies. I was raising four kids. I all of 389 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:34,440 S2: this was really good, but I was doing too much 390 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:40,400 S2: and going too fast and not being intentional about taking 391 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:45,040 S2: time for deep friendships, you know? And during my breast 392 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:49,080 S2: cancer journey, as I was healing from that, God began 393 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,760 S2: to speak to me that, hey, your friendships are really 394 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:56,520 S2: important and you need these people in your life and 395 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,680 S2: they're going to bring joy to your life, and they're 396 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,480 S2: also going to bring support to your life. And this 397 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,000 S2: is part of the abundant life that I have planned 398 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,800 S2: for you. And so then I just began to make changes. 399 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,080 S2: You know, I began to be intentional, to make sure 400 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,800 S2: I was getting together with friends. And I've done that 401 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,760 S2: ever since that. And that was like 26 years ago. 402 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:23,119 S1: And those friendships then were forged out of that crucible 403 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:25,920 S1: of the it kind of goes back to what one 404 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,750 S1: of our respondents on Facebook said that it was through 405 00:22:29,750 --> 00:22:33,430 S1: the tough times that this was this friendship was forged. 406 00:22:33,430 --> 00:22:36,190 S1: And that's you'll never forget that, right? 407 00:22:36,550 --> 00:22:40,189 S2: Right, absolutely. But you do have to be intentional. So 408 00:22:40,390 --> 00:22:44,030 S2: for me, here's a little way that I'm intentional, really 409 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:48,149 S2: to this day, Chris, I you know, I have deadlines, 410 00:22:48,150 --> 00:22:51,270 S2: I have commitments, I have ministry trips, I have my family, 411 00:22:51,310 --> 00:22:55,830 S2: you know, my 14 grandchildren all live, you know, pretty 412 00:22:55,830 --> 00:22:59,550 S2: close to me. So I'm involved in their lives. But in, 413 00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:02,469 S2: you know, when I pray through my schedule on Sunday 414 00:23:02,470 --> 00:23:05,470 S2: nights about the next upcoming week, you know, and I'm 415 00:23:05,470 --> 00:23:09,669 S2: scheduling things, I will have a one column where I 416 00:23:09,710 --> 00:23:11,669 S2: am like, friends, you know, who am I going to 417 00:23:11,670 --> 00:23:15,030 S2: get together with this week? Who's just a friend, you know, 418 00:23:15,070 --> 00:23:19,109 S2: to find refreshment in? And that has really benefited me. 419 00:23:19,150 --> 00:23:21,230 S2: You know, there are some weeks where I can't. Maybe 420 00:23:21,230 --> 00:23:23,350 S2: I'm on a ministry trip or whatever, but when I 421 00:23:23,350 --> 00:23:25,990 S2: get home, I want to see not only my family, 422 00:23:25,990 --> 00:23:27,270 S2: but my friends. 423 00:23:28,580 --> 00:23:32,060 S1: Okay, so why does that sound like such a foreign 424 00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:36,939 S1: thing to a guy like me? Why? Why? Because I've 425 00:23:36,940 --> 00:23:39,940 S1: never thought. Oh, I need to write a list. You know, 426 00:23:39,980 --> 00:23:42,459 S1: I could go to the store and you know what? 427 00:23:42,460 --> 00:23:44,220 S1: You're going to get there. But it's like I've never 428 00:23:44,220 --> 00:23:46,300 S1: written a list of what friends am I going to 429 00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:50,220 S1: get together with this week? Is is there something wrong 430 00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:50,540 S1: with me? 431 00:23:50,580 --> 00:23:53,179 S2: It's not. No. But it's. And it's not that I 432 00:23:53,180 --> 00:23:56,340 S2: make a list of all the friends I just schedule 433 00:23:56,340 --> 00:23:58,899 S2: in my calendar. Friend time, you know, and then I 434 00:23:58,900 --> 00:24:03,699 S2: see who's available. Um, but I, I think for men, um, 435 00:24:03,740 --> 00:24:07,700 S2: my own husband included, for so much of his career, 436 00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:11,899 S2: he was focused on, you know, um, providing for the 437 00:24:11,900 --> 00:24:17,740 S2: family and, um, being successful for him. It was in ministry. Now, 438 00:24:17,740 --> 00:24:20,180 S2: he would tell you, you know, now he really needs 439 00:24:20,180 --> 00:24:24,220 S2: his friends. And, you know, now he is more intentional. 440 00:24:24,260 --> 00:24:28,210 S2: He he's funny because he he hated the telephone. I mean, 441 00:24:28,250 --> 00:24:31,770 S2: hated it with a passion. And now, every now and then, 442 00:24:31,810 --> 00:24:35,130 S2: he'll call one of his best friends in California just 443 00:24:35,130 --> 00:24:37,850 S2: so they can catch up, you know? So maybe it 444 00:24:37,850 --> 00:24:39,970 S2: changes as you go along the way, but it doesn't 445 00:24:39,970 --> 00:24:43,370 S2: mean you're weird. You're just maybe changing. 446 00:24:44,890 --> 00:24:48,530 S1: Well, thank you. Thank you for being non-judgmental, friend, and 447 00:24:48,530 --> 00:24:51,010 S1: for listening, you know, to this guy. Because that's another 448 00:24:51,010 --> 00:24:53,570 S1: question about, you know, the difference between men and and 449 00:24:53,570 --> 00:24:56,609 S1: women and friends, because I think you're absolutely right that 450 00:24:56,609 --> 00:24:59,610 S1: it looks maybe a little different for some women. Not 451 00:24:59,609 --> 00:25:03,370 S1: all women are the same like you're describing, but for 452 00:25:03,369 --> 00:25:07,409 S1: many men, it's like we don't have a close friend 453 00:25:07,410 --> 00:25:10,609 S1: that we, you know, can call at 2:00 in the morning. 454 00:25:10,850 --> 00:25:12,889 S1: And that's where you have to be intentional. And so 455 00:25:12,890 --> 00:25:15,450 S1: we're going to continue the conversation. I want to know 456 00:25:15,450 --> 00:25:18,290 S1: as well, if you have a friend conundrum. Have you 457 00:25:18,290 --> 00:25:21,729 S1: ever made a mistake in a friendship? What is one 458 00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:26,240 S1: mistake you made with a friend? And what happened with that? 459 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,520 S1: Were you able to patch that up in your relationship, 460 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:34,040 S1: or did that friendship go away because of the mistake? 461 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:40,720 S1: Want you to be vulnerable and call me (877) 548-3675. What 462 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:44,359 S1: mistake did you make with a friend and what happened? Eight. 463 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:49,040 S1: Seven seven. 5483. Six seven. Five. At the website, you'll 464 00:25:49,040 --> 00:26:05,880 S1: see the book, friend wise. This is Chris Fabry live. Hey, 465 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,639 S1: you got a friend in me. If you don't have 466 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,200 S1: a friend out there, you got me, right. But this 467 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,399 S1: is a virtual thing. And if Becky Harling is right, 468 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:18,760 S1: this intentionality, this step toward other people is not only 469 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:23,240 S1: going to help you, it's going to help others. She's 470 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:27,150 S1: written about that in the book. Excellent book, friend Wise 471 00:26:27,430 --> 00:26:32,550 S1: practical ideas for Richer relationships. You can find it at. 472 00:26:32,590 --> 00:26:36,790 S1: Just click through today's information. Kris. Org. Okay. I want 473 00:26:36,790 --> 00:26:40,470 S1: you to talk to the especially the woman who's listening, 474 00:26:40,470 --> 00:26:43,470 S1: who says my husband is just like him and he's 475 00:26:43,510 --> 00:26:48,869 S1: he needs a friend. Um, what can a spouse do 476 00:26:49,270 --> 00:26:53,270 S1: for that other spouse? And it could be a husband 477 00:26:53,310 --> 00:26:55,909 S1: saying this about his wife as well. But is there 478 00:26:55,950 --> 00:26:58,390 S1: is there something a spouse can do to help? 479 00:26:59,430 --> 00:27:03,189 S2: I mean, this is a tricky question because, um, a 480 00:27:03,230 --> 00:27:06,270 S2: lot of wives want to help, but you have to 481 00:27:06,270 --> 00:27:08,870 S2: be careful not to over function. You can't go out 482 00:27:08,869 --> 00:27:12,070 S2: there and line up friends for your spouse. I mean, 483 00:27:12,109 --> 00:27:14,790 S2: that's just not going to work, right? What you can 484 00:27:14,790 --> 00:27:18,110 S2: do is you can pray and you can open your 485 00:27:18,109 --> 00:27:21,350 S2: home and invite different couples in and just see who 486 00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:25,659 S2: your husband is drawn to and let them make the decision. 487 00:27:25,660 --> 00:27:31,940 S2: But I'm never for a wife fixing quote unquote her husband. Like, okay, 488 00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:35,060 S2: I'm gonna hook you up with friends here. You know, 489 00:27:35,100 --> 00:27:36,340 S2: that doesn't work. Well. 490 00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:41,820 S1: Yeah, because the husband or the wife, if it's, you know, 491 00:27:41,859 --> 00:27:44,820 S1: he's doing it for her. Yeah, they can tell, you 492 00:27:44,859 --> 00:27:46,260 S1: know that, right? 493 00:27:46,900 --> 00:27:50,580 S2: Yeah, they can tell. And plus, like, you're doing something 494 00:27:50,580 --> 00:27:53,980 S2: for them that they can do for themselves. So at, 495 00:27:54,020 --> 00:27:56,620 S2: you know, you can always pray for your spouse and 496 00:27:56,619 --> 00:27:59,060 S2: you should pray for your spouse. And we always want 497 00:27:59,100 --> 00:28:02,340 S2: to pray that our spouse has the abundant life that 498 00:28:02,340 --> 00:28:05,300 S2: God promised. And part of that is friendship. So you 499 00:28:05,300 --> 00:28:09,859 S2: can pray, um, but ultimately they have to decide, hey, 500 00:28:09,900 --> 00:28:13,220 S2: I friendships are really important to me and I want 501 00:28:13,260 --> 00:28:15,740 S2: to have some, you know, now if they ask you, hey, 502 00:28:15,900 --> 00:28:18,979 S2: can we have these people over, then your answer is sure. 503 00:28:19,020 --> 00:28:20,859 S2: Let's set up a date that works for both of 504 00:28:20,859 --> 00:28:22,770 S2: us and let's do it. Yeah. 505 00:28:23,410 --> 00:28:25,810 S1: Okay. So, Pat, I'm not going to say where Pat 506 00:28:25,810 --> 00:28:30,250 S1: is calling from. It's somewhere in the world today. And 507 00:28:30,250 --> 00:28:32,609 S1: she has a question for you. Hey, Pat, how are 508 00:28:32,609 --> 00:28:33,370 S1: you doing today? 509 00:28:34,250 --> 00:28:35,530 S5: I'm good. How are you? 510 00:28:35,770 --> 00:28:36,530 S6: I'm doing really. 511 00:28:36,530 --> 00:28:38,610 S1: Well. I'm glad you called. Tell me what the what 512 00:28:38,610 --> 00:28:39,610 S1: your struggle is. 513 00:28:40,570 --> 00:28:43,290 S5: Well, I have a friend that I've known for a 514 00:28:43,290 --> 00:28:49,330 S5: long time, 20 years or so. And, um, we go 515 00:28:49,330 --> 00:28:54,130 S5: to church together, and every time I see her, um, 516 00:28:54,170 --> 00:28:56,370 S5: I've gotten to the point where I don't say, how 517 00:28:56,410 --> 00:28:59,090 S5: are you? Because if I say, how are you? It's. Oh, 518 00:28:59,130 --> 00:29:01,770 S5: my leg hurts and I don't feel good and my 519 00:29:01,770 --> 00:29:06,370 S5: head hurts. She always looks like she's lost her last 520 00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:10,170 S5: friend and she always asks me for money. Um, and 521 00:29:10,170 --> 00:29:17,050 S5: she is struggling, but I've probably loaned her over $2,000. Um, 522 00:29:18,210 --> 00:29:21,720 S5: and I just, I don't know. I don't know what 523 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:26,760 S5: to do. She doesn't have family. That's the other thing. So, um, 524 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:31,520 S5: it just kind of puts me in a unusual situation. 525 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:32,400 S6: Yes. 526 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:33,800 S7: Mhm. Mhm. 527 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:39,080 S2: Um, I would say, uh, that you need boundaries. You know, 528 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:44,520 S2: boundaries make good friends. They're like property lines and, um, 529 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:48,120 S2: a friend who's always asking you for money. I want 530 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,120 S2: to give you permission to say no, I'm sorry, I, 531 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,840 S2: I will pray over you and maybe pray right then 532 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,520 S2: on the spot that God will provide for her needs. 533 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,680 S2: But I can't give you the money that you're asking for, 534 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:04,479 S2: you know? And as far as the negativity, um, that's 535 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:08,680 S2: a really hard one to deal with because negativity just 536 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:13,440 S2: kind of, um, depresses our souls, right? So, you know, 537 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,960 S2: you can go to her and you can say, hey, 538 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:21,060 S2: I hope you're doing well today. I'm doing great. It's 539 00:30:21,060 --> 00:30:23,180 S2: good to see you and then move on to a 540 00:30:23,180 --> 00:30:27,300 S2: different friend so that you don't get pulled down that 541 00:30:27,300 --> 00:30:30,420 S2: rabbit hole. And if she comes back to you and says, well, 542 00:30:30,420 --> 00:30:33,140 S2: you don't have time for me, you know, you can say, well, 543 00:30:33,180 --> 00:30:35,740 S2: it just became a little more negative than what I 544 00:30:35,740 --> 00:30:38,700 S2: could handle. And, you know, I understand that you're going 545 00:30:38,700 --> 00:30:40,860 S2: through a rough time, but I really want to encourage 546 00:30:40,860 --> 00:30:44,420 S2: you to lean into Jesus and know that I'm praying 547 00:30:44,420 --> 00:30:48,180 S2: for you and things like that, but definitely set a 548 00:30:48,180 --> 00:30:52,820 S2: boundary about giving the money away, because that's going to 549 00:30:52,820 --> 00:30:54,420 S2: be a never ending thing. 550 00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:56,340 S8: Would it be better for Pat to. 551 00:30:56,380 --> 00:31:01,700 S1: Go to her and and preempt the next request for money, 552 00:31:01,700 --> 00:31:05,820 S1: for example, and say, I've made a really hard decision 553 00:31:05,820 --> 00:31:09,260 S1: and I can't loan you? Well, it's not even a loan. 554 00:31:09,260 --> 00:31:11,660 S1: You're just giving it, right? I mean, she's never she's 555 00:31:11,660 --> 00:31:13,940 S1: never offered to pay you back. Right, Pat? 556 00:31:14,660 --> 00:31:15,460 S5: Correct. 557 00:31:15,620 --> 00:31:15,940 S1: Yeah. 558 00:31:15,980 --> 00:31:18,610 S5: Well, she always says she will, but she never does. 559 00:31:18,890 --> 00:31:23,010 S2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it better to do that? Becky, I, 560 00:31:23,050 --> 00:31:25,250 S2: I you know, I don't know. I'm kind of torn 561 00:31:25,250 --> 00:31:28,330 S2: over this one, Chris. Because you could do that. But 562 00:31:28,330 --> 00:31:31,250 S2: you could also then she can say, well, I wasn't 563 00:31:31,250 --> 00:31:34,490 S2: going to ask you for money again, even though she 564 00:31:34,490 --> 00:31:37,530 S2: probably was. So I think I would wait till the 565 00:31:37,530 --> 00:31:41,690 S2: request comes and then, you know, graciously put your hand 566 00:31:41,690 --> 00:31:44,850 S2: on her shoulder and just say, you know, I, I 567 00:31:45,050 --> 00:31:47,810 S2: can't give any more money away. I'm so sorry. But, 568 00:31:47,850 --> 00:31:50,330 S2: you know, I, I can't do this anymore. But let 569 00:31:50,330 --> 00:31:53,290 S2: me pray over you right now, right here that God's 570 00:31:53,290 --> 00:31:55,930 S2: going to provide. I think that would be the way 571 00:31:55,930 --> 00:31:59,450 S2: I would prefer to handle it. But it's up to you, Pat. 572 00:31:59,770 --> 00:32:01,530 S8: If you don't give her the money. 573 00:32:01,570 --> 00:32:05,130 S1: Pat, do you think she will be your. Will she 574 00:32:05,130 --> 00:32:07,690 S1: move away from being your friend, do you think? 575 00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:14,210 S5: I don't think so. Um, because she's just so needy 576 00:32:14,250 --> 00:32:20,040 S5: and in many areas. Um, I, I don't think that 577 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:24,360 S5: she would stop being my friend, and but I've gotten 578 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:27,320 S5: to the point where I just, I just it's so 579 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:31,680 S5: depressing being around her that I just might not mind that. 580 00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:33,520 S5: And I hate to even say that. 581 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:35,000 S8: No. That's real. 582 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,320 S2: That's okay. Yeah. That's real. And it's okay if she 583 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:41,760 S2: moves away a little, because that could ultimately be for 584 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:45,960 S2: your benefit, you know, because those types of friends are 585 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:50,400 S2: really draining. And, um, we want to always be kind 586 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,880 S2: to people, but we for one, you don't want to 587 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:59,120 S2: empower her going around asking people for money. And for two, um, 588 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:03,640 S2: you don't want to get dragged down into all that negativity. 589 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:04,800 S8: Yeah. Pat, I want. 590 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,680 S1: You to hang on. Um, Tricia's going to get your info, 591 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,560 S1: and we'll send you a copy of Friend Wise by 592 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,880 S1: Becky Harling. I think especially that whole thing of boundaries, 593 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:16,230 S1: because that's a huge part of the book that she 594 00:33:16,230 --> 00:33:21,190 S1: talks about. It's practical ideas for richer relationships. So you 595 00:33:21,230 --> 00:33:24,350 S1: hang on and we'll get your address and send that 596 00:33:24,350 --> 00:33:26,510 S1: send you a copy of that. Becky Harling is with 597 00:33:26,510 --> 00:33:30,150 S1: us at the radio backyard fence. Here's another question for you. 598 00:33:30,350 --> 00:33:34,950 S1: Can can you be friends with somebody that you have 599 00:33:34,950 --> 00:33:40,230 S1: huge disagreements with? They vote differently than you do. They 600 00:33:40,270 --> 00:33:43,670 S1: are of a different religion than you are they? And 601 00:33:43,670 --> 00:33:47,190 S1: and uh, when you get into conversations with them, it 602 00:33:47,190 --> 00:33:52,230 S1: seems like there's something inside of you that wants to argue. Uh, 603 00:33:52,350 --> 00:33:55,190 S1: how do you can you be friends with somebody who's 604 00:33:55,350 --> 00:33:57,229 S1: so different than you are? 605 00:33:58,190 --> 00:34:02,430 S2: I love this question, Chris. I love it so much 606 00:34:02,430 --> 00:34:06,470 S2: because it is a picture of our current culture. Right? 607 00:34:06,470 --> 00:34:10,589 S2: So if you don't vote like me, then I'm going 608 00:34:10,630 --> 00:34:13,580 S2: to be mad at you and I'm going to cancel 609 00:34:13,580 --> 00:34:17,340 S2: you and I might block you on Facebook. And that 610 00:34:17,340 --> 00:34:19,980 S2: I don't see that as the way of Jesus. I 611 00:34:20,460 --> 00:34:24,860 S2: have friends who feel very differently than I do about 612 00:34:24,860 --> 00:34:28,980 S2: a number of issues, but I still love them, you know? 613 00:34:29,060 --> 00:34:32,939 S2: And as far as worshiping differently than me, I have 614 00:34:32,940 --> 00:34:36,299 S2: friends who worship differently than me. But how will they 615 00:34:36,300 --> 00:34:39,660 S2: know Jesus if I don't continue to love them? I 616 00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:45,220 S2: think our current culture is feeding us a lie that 617 00:34:45,219 --> 00:34:48,180 S2: in order to be good friends, we have to be 618 00:34:48,180 --> 00:34:51,620 S2: on the same side of the political aisle. We have 619 00:34:51,620 --> 00:34:55,299 S2: to feel the same about everything that's happening. And I 620 00:34:55,300 --> 00:34:59,540 S2: just I don't buy that, Chris. I have friends who, 621 00:34:59,940 --> 00:35:03,740 S2: you know, we have different opinions on certain issues and 622 00:35:03,940 --> 00:35:06,380 S2: we're okay talking about them. And I don't try to 623 00:35:06,380 --> 00:35:08,620 S2: convince them my way is right. And they don't try 624 00:35:08,620 --> 00:35:12,530 S2: to convince me that their ways right. We just feel differently. 625 00:35:13,050 --> 00:35:14,569 S8: Yeah I agree. 626 00:35:15,250 --> 00:35:19,410 S1: And there is something there's something rich about being able 627 00:35:19,410 --> 00:35:24,250 S1: to be friends with, with somebody who disagrees on even 628 00:35:24,250 --> 00:35:28,170 S1: some fundamental type things so that you don't push them away. 629 00:35:28,410 --> 00:35:33,529 S1: And it's richer because I gain more from those friends 630 00:35:33,530 --> 00:35:38,970 S1: who vote differently or think about pro-life, pro-choice differently. I, 631 00:35:39,170 --> 00:35:41,930 S1: I learned things from them that I can't learn from 632 00:35:41,930 --> 00:35:45,850 S1: everybody who agrees with me fully. But it doesn't mean 633 00:35:45,850 --> 00:35:48,569 S1: that it's not difficult. It is hard. You have to 634 00:35:48,570 --> 00:35:51,450 S1: be intentional to keep that friendship going, don't you? 635 00:35:51,969 --> 00:35:56,690 S2: Yeah, you definitely do. And, um, having said that, I 636 00:35:57,050 --> 00:36:03,170 S2: my closest friends, my dearest friends are friends who agree 637 00:36:03,170 --> 00:36:05,569 S2: with me on the primary thing in my life, which 638 00:36:05,570 --> 00:36:10,010 S2: is Jesus Christ. Right. And so my closest friends are 639 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:13,839 S2: those who I feel unified with because we are in 640 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,000 S2: the body of Christ together, but even within the body 641 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:21,319 S2: of Christ, they might vote differently on certain issues than 642 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:25,080 S2: I do, or they might feel differently about what's going 643 00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:29,319 S2: down in the news than I do. And and that's okay, 644 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:34,800 S2: because my friendship runs deeper with them than all of that. 645 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:39,040 S2: I mean, these are really tumultuous times. I feel and 646 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:42,600 S2: I feel like Satan loves nothing more than to divide 647 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:48,200 S2: the body of Christ over silly things. And so it's like, okay, 648 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:52,399 S2: let's if we can agree that Jesus is Lord, that 649 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:55,640 S2: he died, that he raised from the dead, let's make 650 00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:59,240 S2: that the center of our friendship and work outward from there. 651 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,560 S1: Willie's in Chicago. Willie, why did you call today? 652 00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,759 S9: Hey, I just called to let you know that a 653 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:10,870 S9: friend is someone that sticketh closer than a brother. Uh, 654 00:37:11,150 --> 00:37:15,190 S9: out of all of thy getting. Get an understanding. Your 655 00:37:15,190 --> 00:37:20,229 S9: friend is not your friend. For him to see or see. 656 00:37:20,270 --> 00:37:25,110 S9: To agree with everything you say. You know, you you 657 00:37:25,270 --> 00:37:31,150 S9: you have to get an understanding that that that whatever 658 00:37:31,150 --> 00:37:36,229 S9: happens with friends, it ought to be an agreement to 659 00:37:36,270 --> 00:37:42,190 S9: the disagreement. Because I had friends of another ethnicity and 660 00:37:42,230 --> 00:37:46,629 S9: they was Polish Yugoslavians and Czechoslovakia, and we worked in 661 00:37:46,630 --> 00:37:50,270 S9: engineering in a steel factory. So when I lost the 662 00:37:50,270 --> 00:37:53,870 S9: friend is when I recognized what a friend was he. 663 00:37:53,870 --> 00:37:56,509 S9: And now that I'm an older man, my wife is 664 00:37:56,510 --> 00:37:59,830 S9: my friend and my my wife is my companion and 665 00:37:59,830 --> 00:38:06,190 S9: my and my my wife is my friend from my heart. 666 00:38:06,310 --> 00:38:09,540 S9: So what? We have to remind ourselves of that a 667 00:38:09,540 --> 00:38:14,859 S9: friend is just like you said, uh, that. That you're 668 00:38:14,860 --> 00:38:17,540 S9: not supposed to fall out because you and your friend 669 00:38:17,540 --> 00:38:20,060 S9: don't dock the same. I don't cross the same teeth. 670 00:38:20,180 --> 00:38:21,420 S9: You see what I'm saying? 671 00:38:21,700 --> 00:38:22,500 S10: So, yeah. 672 00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:26,020 S9: Go ahead. Yeah. Go ahead. Uh, I said what I 673 00:38:26,020 --> 00:38:26,620 S9: was going to say. 674 00:38:26,660 --> 00:38:27,140 S10: Thank you. 675 00:38:27,860 --> 00:38:32,140 S2: Well, and I agree with you, and and I, I 676 00:38:32,180 --> 00:38:37,020 S2: want to say it's so important that you have friends 677 00:38:37,020 --> 00:38:42,500 S2: of different ethnic races. I think that's another place where 678 00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:46,500 S2: where the church maybe needs to grow up a little more, 679 00:38:46,540 --> 00:38:49,219 S2: you know, because here's the thing. When we're in heaven, 680 00:38:49,219 --> 00:38:51,780 S2: there will be people and tribes from every nation, tribe 681 00:38:51,780 --> 00:38:53,860 S2: and tongue. Right? Worshiping the King of kings and the 682 00:38:53,860 --> 00:38:57,459 S2: Lord of lords. And you will be standing there worshiping 683 00:38:57,460 --> 00:39:01,180 S2: with your brother in Christ, who may eat differently than you, 684 00:39:01,219 --> 00:39:04,859 S2: dress differently than you, and look different than you, but 685 00:39:04,860 --> 00:39:07,850 S2: they are your brother in Christ or your sister in Christ. 686 00:39:07,850 --> 00:39:12,129 S2: And so it's really important that we cultivate those friendships 687 00:39:12,130 --> 00:39:16,250 S2: across ethnic lines. But also, you are absolutely correct. There 688 00:39:16,250 --> 00:39:19,450 S2: is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother and 689 00:39:19,450 --> 00:39:22,610 S2: praise God for Jesus, right? Because he's with us through 690 00:39:22,650 --> 00:39:23,610 S2: thick and thin. 691 00:39:24,090 --> 00:39:27,250 S1: Willie, I'm glad you got through today. Friend wise is 692 00:39:27,250 --> 00:39:31,610 S1: the book by Becky Harling, Practical Ideas for Richer Relationships. 693 00:39:31,850 --> 00:39:36,010 S1: Click through today's information right there at the website. Chris lives. 694 00:39:37,250 --> 00:39:39,569 S1: When we come back, we're going to get practical. The 695 00:39:39,570 --> 00:39:45,890 S1: last segment is just practical ideas for your friendships straight 696 00:39:45,890 --> 00:39:57,850 S1: ahead on Moody Radio. We're talking about friendships on Chris 697 00:39:57,890 --> 00:40:01,890 S1: Fabry live with Becky Harling. Now let's get practical with 698 00:40:01,890 --> 00:40:05,840 S1: Randy Newman. Thank you. Randy. Yes, you've got a friend. 699 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:08,040 S1: But what if you don't have a friend? And what 700 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,160 S1: do you do? How do you find a friend? And 701 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:13,520 S1: what are some intentional steps? Last segment we're going to 702 00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:17,279 S1: take the next five minutes or so. Becky, talk to 703 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,920 S1: the person who doesn't have a friend who says, yeah, 704 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,080 S1: the lights turned on. I want to find one, but 705 00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:23,440 S1: I can't. What do I do? 706 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:28,320 S2: Okay. I would start by saying, be intentional. Pray. Ask 707 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:32,080 S2: the Lord to show you how to be intentional. Invite somebody, 708 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:35,360 S2: anybody out to coffee. You could start with your neighbors. 709 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,160 S2: Just go over and say, hey, you know, we haven't 710 00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:40,080 S2: had a lot of time together. Let's go out for 711 00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:45,640 S2: coffee together or at church. Invite somebody that you seem like, okay, 712 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:48,320 S2: that person is in the same life season is me. 713 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:51,160 S2: Or maybe it's somebody that's out of your life season 714 00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:54,120 S2: that's older or younger, and you just want to get 715 00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,320 S2: to know them better. So invite them out to coffee, 716 00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,200 S2: and then when you're out to coffee with them, think 717 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,200 S2: through some good questions to ask them. You know, where 718 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,820 S2: did you grow up. What is your life like? Um. 719 00:41:05,860 --> 00:41:09,339 S2: What do you enjoy doing? You know, who are your kids? 720 00:41:09,340 --> 00:41:12,060 S2: Take an interest in their kids. If they have kids, 721 00:41:12,180 --> 00:41:15,820 S2: learn how to listen and don't do all the talking. 722 00:41:15,860 --> 00:41:18,980 S2: Because a lot of times, I think when people are nervous, 723 00:41:18,980 --> 00:41:23,940 S2: they just chatter away. Instead, learn to ask good questions 724 00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:27,219 S2: and really listen to other people's story. And as they're 725 00:41:27,219 --> 00:41:32,180 S2: sharing their story with you, be empathic. You know, um, 726 00:41:32,260 --> 00:41:36,180 S2: use phrases like, wow, that must have been hard, or wow, 727 00:41:36,219 --> 00:41:39,739 S2: that's incredible or amazing. You know, you want to validate 728 00:41:39,739 --> 00:41:44,260 S2: their feelings. Um, I would say learn to be affirming. 729 00:41:44,300 --> 00:41:47,660 S2: You know, there's enough critical people out there in the world. 730 00:41:47,660 --> 00:41:52,100 S2: Don't be one of them. Set that aside and instead 731 00:41:52,260 --> 00:41:55,500 S2: look for the good in people. You know, maybe you 732 00:41:55,500 --> 00:41:58,580 S2: can tell somebody you really love the way you see 733 00:41:58,580 --> 00:42:01,380 S2: them on Sundays because they always look really nice. Or 734 00:42:01,420 --> 00:42:03,609 S2: maybe you can tell them, hey, I noticed that you 735 00:42:03,650 --> 00:42:07,049 S2: are really gentle with your kids and I admire that 736 00:42:07,050 --> 00:42:10,810 S2: about you. Or you know, but find something to affirm 737 00:42:10,810 --> 00:42:17,410 S2: in them and nurture patience because the deepest friendships usually 738 00:42:17,410 --> 00:42:20,890 S2: take a little time to develop. I have some friends 739 00:42:20,890 --> 00:42:25,770 S2: where we became friends rather quickly, but most of my 740 00:42:25,810 --> 00:42:30,370 S2: deepest friendships have developed over time, and even those that 741 00:42:30,370 --> 00:42:33,490 S2: I've only known, like for five years or so, they're 742 00:42:33,489 --> 00:42:39,009 S2: continually going deeper because they take time. You know, I 743 00:42:39,010 --> 00:42:42,370 S2: think one of the things, Chris, that we can lay 744 00:42:42,370 --> 00:42:47,129 S2: aside if we want friendships is try to analyze your schedule, 745 00:42:47,170 --> 00:42:51,090 S2: because a lot of times, what's keeping us from being 746 00:42:51,090 --> 00:42:54,770 S2: a good friend to somebody is we're so busy. You know, 747 00:42:54,810 --> 00:42:58,850 S2: so if you're if that's you create some space in 748 00:42:58,850 --> 00:43:02,839 S2: your schedule for friends and but take a risk and 749 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,960 S2: reach out. I think I remember having a conversation with 750 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,440 S2: somebody years ago who said, well, I'm just not a 751 00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,919 S2: good conversationalist. I can't think of anything to say. Well, 752 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:15,320 S2: that's fine, but write down before you go meet somebody 753 00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:19,040 S2: for coffee. Five questions that you're going to ask that person. 754 00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,400 S2: You know, think it through ahead. You know, what's a 755 00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,560 S2: country you'd like to visit if money wasn't an object 756 00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:27,960 S2: or where did you live before here? Or just any 757 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:32,040 S2: kind of question. But start with questions and then really 758 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:34,360 S2: seek to understand that person. 759 00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:40,120 S1: What is success for friendship? What does success look like? 760 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:44,160 S2: Oh, that's a good question, Chris. I think success in 761 00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:49,880 S2: friendship is when you both feel valued, heard and understood 762 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,560 S2: and really just appreciate it, you know. 763 00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:55,040 S1: Seen. 764 00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:57,640 S2: And I would say that's successful. Yeah. 765 00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,830 S1: Yeah, I like that. And we live in this microwave 766 00:44:00,830 --> 00:44:04,549 S1: society where everything has to happen quickly, and if it 767 00:44:04,550 --> 00:44:08,510 S1: takes time to build that friendship, then you you have 768 00:44:08,510 --> 00:44:12,190 S1: to allow that to go along. And that's one of 769 00:44:12,190 --> 00:44:15,350 S1: the difficult things because every, you know, every life hack 770 00:44:15,350 --> 00:44:18,150 S1: we have and all the things is the four steps 771 00:44:18,150 --> 00:44:20,509 S1: to do this. We got to do it very, very quickly. 772 00:44:20,790 --> 00:44:24,150 S1: And so that could be frustrating in this busy society 773 00:44:24,150 --> 00:44:24,950 S1: we live in. 774 00:44:25,670 --> 00:44:28,190 S2: Yeah, it can be. But you know, I actually I 775 00:44:28,190 --> 00:44:30,310 S2: was just talking to a friend about this this morning 776 00:44:30,310 --> 00:44:32,830 S2: on the telephone who lives in a different area of 777 00:44:32,830 --> 00:44:36,270 S2: the country. And we were we were talking about friendship. And, 778 00:44:36,430 --> 00:44:39,590 S2: you know, I, I realize that as I read through 779 00:44:39,590 --> 00:44:44,469 S2: the Gospels, Jesus was never in a hurry, ever. I mean, 780 00:44:44,469 --> 00:44:48,230 S2: I don't remember one gospel story where he turns to 781 00:44:48,230 --> 00:44:50,549 S2: the disciples and says, would you guys hurry up? We're 782 00:44:50,550 --> 00:44:54,470 S2: running late, you know? And I just I think we 783 00:44:54,469 --> 00:45:00,419 S2: have to slow down in order to really cherish the 784 00:45:00,420 --> 00:45:03,460 S2: richness of the relationships around us. 785 00:45:04,380 --> 00:45:06,380 S1: We had a call from Susan. Susan, I'm sorry we 786 00:45:06,380 --> 00:45:08,540 S1: can't take your call. But she says, 15 years ago, 787 00:45:08,580 --> 00:45:11,020 S1: I made the decision to be intentional about finding a 788 00:45:11,020 --> 00:45:15,620 S1: friend at church, and I did that. And this has been, uh, 789 00:45:15,620 --> 00:45:19,620 S1: we've been friends for the past 15 years now, so 790 00:45:19,620 --> 00:45:22,060 S1: I could just tell, you know, the light kind of 791 00:45:22,100 --> 00:45:25,500 S1: came on, and I'm hoping that what Susan just said, 792 00:45:25,700 --> 00:45:28,140 S1: for somebody who's listening right now and you don't have 793 00:45:28,140 --> 00:45:32,180 S1: that kind of friend, it does take that intentionality. It 794 00:45:32,180 --> 00:45:34,980 S1: does take a little bit of risk, especially if you've 795 00:45:35,020 --> 00:45:37,660 S1: been burned in the past. And I love the different 796 00:45:37,660 --> 00:45:40,259 S1: quotes you have in the book. Becky. Uh, this is 797 00:45:40,260 --> 00:45:43,820 S1: from Ashreeta ChuChu. She says a good friend is someone 798 00:45:43,820 --> 00:45:46,900 S1: who loves you in the practical, nitty gritty, messy kind 799 00:45:46,900 --> 00:45:49,339 S1: of way. The friend who brings chicken soup when your 800 00:45:49,340 --> 00:45:52,180 S1: family's hit with the flu, the friend who answers your 801 00:45:52,180 --> 00:45:55,780 S1: SOS text and prays you through a crisis. The friend 802 00:45:55,780 --> 00:45:59,170 S1: who let you see her own joys and struggles. So 803 00:45:59,170 --> 00:46:03,930 S1: you both know you're not alone. That's a friend. And 804 00:46:03,930 --> 00:46:08,010 S1: I pray that this conversation has been an encouragement about 805 00:46:08,010 --> 00:46:11,370 S1: you having that kind of a friend, and also being 806 00:46:11,370 --> 00:46:14,129 S1: that kind of friend. Becky Harling, thanks a lot for 807 00:46:14,130 --> 00:46:16,250 S1: being with us today. God bless you, friend. 808 00:46:16,730 --> 00:46:19,170 S2: Hey, thanks so much for having me, Chris. 809 00:46:19,770 --> 00:46:24,089 S1: Friend wise is the title of the book subtitled Practical 810 00:46:24,090 --> 00:46:28,610 S1: Ideas for Richer Relationships. You'll see it at Chris Fabry Live. 811 00:46:29,170 --> 00:46:33,410 S1: Click through today's information right there. Chris Fabry Livorno okay. 812 00:46:33,450 --> 00:46:36,930 S1: Tomorrow is the day before Valentine's Day, and I want 813 00:46:36,930 --> 00:46:41,129 S1: you to think about this question. What song comes to 814 00:46:41,130 --> 00:46:44,330 S1: your mind when you think of your Valentine? Every time 815 00:46:44,330 --> 00:46:46,609 S1: you hear it, you think of your Valentine. We'll talk 816 00:46:46,610 --> 00:46:50,089 S1: about that. Chris Fabry live production of Moody Radio, a 817 00:46:50,090 --> 00:46:52,410 S1: ministry of Moody Bible Institute.