WEBVTT - Stress Less | Dr. Charles Stone 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:03.559 If you're feeling the negative effects of stress, don't miss 0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:06.439 today's Building Relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman. 0:00:07.040 --> 0:00:10.560 There is hope. There are practical things you can do 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:13.360 to dial down the intensity and the pain of that 0:00:13.360 --> 0:00:17.319 stressful response. Hope is a very powerful biblical principle as well. 0:00:17.360 --> 0:00:20.799 And it's not just a platitude. It's true because God's 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:21.520 Word is true. 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:28.600 Welcome to building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman, author of 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:32.360 the New York Times best seller The Five Love Languages. Well, 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:35.040 we live in a stressed out world. Adults, teens and 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:38.880 children are experiencing heightened stress levels so much that many 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:41.760 say they simply can't function. What can we do about 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:42.640 this problem? 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:45.520 Doctor Charles Stone is going to answer that question today. 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:48.080 He's going to tell us more about stress, what it 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:52.360 does to our bodies, our brains and our souls. Really. 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:56.360 He's written the book Stress Less nine habits from the 0:00:56.360 --> 0:01:00.960 Bible and Brain Science to build resilience and reduce anxiety. 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:05.720 You can find out more at Building Relationships. And Gary, 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:08.880 you have a busy schedule. I hear about all your travels, 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:11.639 about the different continents you're speaking on, all the people 0:01:11.640 --> 0:01:15.000 that you're speaking to and the deadlines that you have. 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:18.640 But you are one of the least stressed people I 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:21.720 think I've ever known in my life. What is your secret? 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:26.679 I don't know if I have a secret, Chris. You 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:29.440 know one thing though. My wife has always said to me, 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:32.880 wherever you are, be all there. 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:33.600 Mhm. 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:37.720 Well, that's helped me, you know that. Don't be thinking 0:01:37.720 --> 0:01:41.039 about other stuff that's on the docket. You know, wherever 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:45.600 you are, be all there. I think that has helped, 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:49.880 you know, uh, and I don't know, maybe I just 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:51.760 grew up in the South, you know, where you just 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:57.000 relax and take things as they come. But I'm excited 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:59.240 about our program today. I think we're going to learn 0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:00.960 some things that are going to be very helpful to 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:01.720 our listeners. 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:05.440 I wonder if what you're saying there's a spiritual component 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:08.480 of that, because that's what you just described, is how 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:11.959 I picture Jesus as well, with the woman at the well, 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:14.400 with the rich young ruler, with Nicodemus. You know, all 0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:19.640 this is like he was all there, right? In those conversations. 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:22.799 So let's meet our guest today. Doctor Charles Stone, he 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:26.520 has served for 43 years in vocational ministry, 30 of 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:30.079 those senior pastor. He recently completed a nine year role 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:33.320 as lead pastor of West Park Church in London, Ontario 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:38.040 in Canada. Multicultural congregation with more than a thousand attendees. 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:41.000 He's written eight books and now serves as a coaching 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:44.320 consultant to pastors and leaders. He and his wife, Cheryl, 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:47.239 have been married for 45 years. They have three adult 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:51.000 children and five grandchildren. And our featured resource today is 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:54.880 that book Stress Less. You can find out more at 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:56.200 Building Relationships. 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:00.600 Well, doctor Stone, welcome to building Relationships. 0:03:01.280 --> 0:03:03.519 Doctor Chapman, it's great to be with you. 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:07.040 What inspired you to write a book about stress? 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:11.000 Well, to put it simply, a lot of stress in 0:03:11.000 --> 0:03:14.359 a short period of time. And going back to Covid, 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:17.160 my wife and I were actually before it really hit, 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:20.119 we were only one of these fancy vacations where you can, 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:23.480 you know, buffets everywhere. I love buffets, so enjoying that. 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:26.119 But the problem with this place we stayed was it 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:30.919 had Wi-Fi everywhere. And I'm kind of a news junkie. 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:34.160 I was following this thing called Covid and I was 0:03:34.160 --> 0:03:35.680 telling my wife, I said, you know, Sheryl, they're going 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:38.560 to shut us down. Well, we finished our vacation, flew 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.920 back to Pearson Airport in Toronto, and the terminal we 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:44.240 flew into, you had to take a bus to go 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:47.680 from one place to the other. Well, that bus that 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:52.000 took us to the next terminal, everybody was really quiet 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:57.160 except to her. This repeated Phrase toilet paper. I'm thinking, 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:00.839 what in the world is the toilet paper about? Then 0:04:00.840 --> 0:04:04.320 I realized that there was this toilet paper shortage because 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:07.720 of Covid. And in Canada, as a pastor, we were 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:11.280 shut down in a draconian fashion. I mean, several months 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:14.840 at a time. So about 2 or 3 days in, 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:17.719 when I realized I was going to have to lead 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:21.040 a church of a thousand to a little tiny camera 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:24.159 on my computer, and I said, Lord, I did not 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:27.520 sign up for this. During that same time frame, I 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:31.000 was diagnosed with an AFib. Never had an issue. I 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:36.839 eat my broccoli, I exercised, I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic. 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:40.080 Like what? And I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Had 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:43.760 surgery doing fine. And to top it off, the irony 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:47.560 is that I was writing a doctoral thesis on stress. 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:50.880 So I thought, let's just turn this into a book. 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:53.000 So that's that's the genesis there. 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:59.400 Okay. I'm getting stressful just listening to you. I mean, uh, 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:04.320 I can understand that. We all have times not like that. But, 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:08.359 you know, we all have times of stress. Um, stress. 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:11.520 Always a bad force in our lives. 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:14.880 Yeah, well, it kind of depends on your definitions. I'm 0:05:14.920 --> 0:05:18.200 kind of separating the definition in two ways. One is 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:22.520 a stressful situation, and we all have stressful situations. And 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:25.480 the other side of that is the stress response in 0:05:25.480 --> 0:05:29.400 our body. How we respond to that stressful situation and 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:32.920 the way God wired us. He wired us with this 0:05:32.960 --> 0:05:37.120 stress response to make us alert in times of danger, 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:40.240 to keep us from walking into danger or unsafe places. 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:45.599 So stress itself. The stress response itself is not a 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:48.920 it's not a bad force, but it's important that we 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:52.960 don't let it control even though we're in uncertain circumstances, 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:56.880 because when it controls us and we stay chronically high 0:05:56.920 --> 0:05:59.800 in that stress response, that's when it really messes with 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:02.520 us our bodies, our brains, our relationships, even our walk 0:06:02.520 --> 0:06:03.160 with God. 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:06.720 Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Now, I've heard people 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:12.560 talk about acute stress and chronic stress. Is there a 0:06:12.560 --> 0:06:13.920 difference between those two? 0:06:14.520 --> 0:06:19.440 Yeah, there really is. Um, acute stress would be, uh, 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:22.400 let's say this morning when I was preparing, getting all 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:25.400 my equipment together, uh, I was feeling a little bit 0:06:25.400 --> 0:06:28.200 of stress, which was good. It made me focus. Some 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:31.039 of these, uh, brain chemicals were flowing a little better. 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:33.479 So I was making sure, like, okay, is this cord 0:06:33.480 --> 0:06:36.040 plugged in the right way? Is the volume right? So 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:39.720 that's acute stress that rises, but then it falls. You know, 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:41.480 after an hour it will fall back down. And we 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:43.920 all need that because acute stress helps us, you know, 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:46.920 meet deadlines where you're writing a book like you've written 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:49.600 so many you probably feel a little bit stressed going 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:53.680 into a deadline, whether it's showing up, a pastor, you know, 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:57.479 preaching a sermon. So acute stress is part of a 0:06:57.680 --> 0:07:02.039 healthy response to stress. Chronic stress though chronic stress will 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:05.440 be defined as when we stay elevated, that stress is 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:09.040 elevated our response for more than a few days. And 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:14.280 as that continues longer it goes. That's when uh, cortisol, 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:17.240 which is called the stress hormones, it's a good hormone. 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:19.880 But when it stays at those high levels for a long, 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:23.640 a long time, that's what's called chronic stress. And that's 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.920 when it affects our heart and our brain and our 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:28.000 blood sugar and all those kinds of things. So there's 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:30.720 that there's that key difference. And some people call acute 0:07:30.720 --> 0:07:34.760 stress you stress you good stress. So so yeah, stress 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:38.080 can be good for us long term. That's when it's 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.240 not good for us okay. 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:42.640 I think you have the interest of our listeners at 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:48.840 this point this summer identifying as mine chronic. Uh, okay. 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:52.080 So give us an overview of the human body and 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:56.400 how stress affects us during, uh, a day when we're 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:57.640 having chronic stress. 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:01.160 Yeah. Well, first of all, as I've kind of delved 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.960 into this whole neuroscience of stress and sleep and those 0:08:03.960 --> 0:08:07.440 kind of things, I'm amazed more and more about the 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:12.320 creativity of God. How he creatively designed all these systems 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:16.680 that work so amazingly together. And so when you think 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:19.360 about stress, think about our nervous system. You know, in 0:08:19.360 --> 0:08:21.640 biology class, we learn about the nervous system. And really 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:24.760 the nervous system is everything our brain or spinal cord 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:28.520 and all the rest. The central nervous systems, our brain 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:31.720 and spinal cord and the peripheral nervous system is, you know, 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:36.240 pretty much pretty much everything else on an any given day, 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:40.240 that stress response, it kicks in whether we're in a 0:08:40.240 --> 0:08:43.839 perceived or real threat. It helps us make wise decisions 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:46.240 so that we don't continue to walk into, like, unsafe 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:50.040 places or make poor decisions. But the key thing to 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:53.200 remember is that it doesn't matter if it's a real 0:08:53.200 --> 0:08:56.960 threat and that nervous system kicks in, or if it 0:08:56.960 --> 0:09:00.160 is a perceived threat. Let's say, for example, you're you're camping, 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:01.840 you know, tent camping. When I was a kid, we 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:03.280 used to do a little bit of tent camping. I 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:06.440 was a Boy Scout. And in those days and, um, 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:12.960 let's say you hear this scratching on your tent and 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:17.160 your mind goes like, oh, no, this is a grizzly bear. 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.920 I'm going to die. Well, you don't die that night. 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:24.040 Poke your head out the tent and you realize, oh, 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:27.439 I left a bag of Cheetos out and that was 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:32.520 just a raccoon. That stress response kicked in. Even though 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:36.640 your perception of that situation was dead wrong wasn't a bear. 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:39.800 It was a, you know, just a raccoon. So this 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:42.680 this happens all during the day, but it's key for 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:47.559 us to begin to learn some biblically based, science supported 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:53.760 practices that help us quickly respond to a stressful situation, 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:56.600 to kind of come back to baseline, to know what 0:09:56.600 --> 0:10:01.680 would be wise choices in these situations, rather than allowing 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:06.079 these perceived threats to become actually become real, and to 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:09.520 engage that nervous system for long periods of time. So 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:13.720 real or perceived threats does the same thing to a 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:14.559 nervous system. 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:20.240 Doug Stone. So here's someone who's who's feeling overwhelmed, but 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:25.319 they don't fully understand what's happening. How would you just 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:29.000 talk to that person in in terms that they wouldn't understand? 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:32.760 Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'd say probably the first thing is 0:10:32.760 --> 0:10:37.160 that hey, listen, everybody experiences what you're experiencing at some degree. 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:41.679 This is the way God wired us and simply understanding 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:45.640 and making that kind of a statement actually can calm 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:48.280 the stress response. So I would say, hey, listen, this 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:52.800 is the way God wired us now with that recognition, 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:55.959 recognizing that I have this nervous system, I have this 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:59.000 stress response, and I'm feeling it right now. What might 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:02.280 be a next step for you to take so that 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:07.200 the intensity of that stress response dials down? And that's 0:11:07.200 --> 0:11:09.480 basically what I did in the book, is I took 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:14.720 biblical truth and I took neuroscience, pulled them two together 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:18.600 to come up with these nine simple practices that we 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:22.040 can do to help, whether a person is mildly stressed 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:24.559 or a person who just feels overwhelmed. And, you know, 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:26.959 when we feel overwhelmed, we need hope. And that's what 0:11:26.960 --> 0:11:29.600 I'd say to your listener that's overwhelmed right now. There 0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:33.640 is hope. There are practical things you can do to 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:37.920 dial down the intensity and the pain of that stressful response. So, 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:41.800 you know, hope is a very powerful biblical principle as well. 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:45.840 And it's not just a platitude. It's true because God's 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:46.640 Word is true. 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:51.240 Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm looking forward to listening and talking 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:55.120 about those nine things. So. Before we do that, what 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:59.360 is technology doing to our stress and anxiety levels today? 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:03.280 That's a great question. Well my undergrad degree is engineering, 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:06.120 so I love gadgets. I love tech gadgets. I've got 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:08.600 all kinds of gadgets, you know, monitor sleep and all that. 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:12.960 My wife said, Charles, no more gadgets. But actually I've 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:14.360 got a couple in mind. I'm going to see if 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:19.720 they may be good Christmas presents. So technology is a 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:24.520 blessing from God. However, it can also really negatively affect 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:27.440 our lives. And what we're really seeing now and the 0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:31.600 research I've done is profoundly affecting kids because always on 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:35.240 always like in social media with the comparison that they experience, like, 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:37.560 oh man, this person's having a better time than I am. 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:41.240 She looks prettier than, uh, than I do. Some schools 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:45.400 are catching on, and they're realizing how detrimental having that 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:49.120 cell phone smartphone in the classroom can be. And some 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:51.559 school systems are saying you can't bring them to school, 0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:54.600 which is a great, great thing to do. There's another 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:57.640 little term that kind of I think supports this idea. 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:04.320 It's called FOMO. FOMO Fear of Missing Out. That technology 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:07.960 has put literally everything at our fingertips. We don't. We 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:10.880 don't have to wait. We don't have to experience boredom, 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.360 which can be pretty good when we're bored. It just 0:13:13.360 --> 0:13:18.040 helps us be okay where we are. But technology left 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:21.480 to run on its own can be very damaging, especially 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:24.319 to young adolescents and adults as well, but especially to 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:28.600 young adolescents. And and the research is telling us anxiety 0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:32.319 rises the more we're engaged with things like social media. 0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:34.600 Not to dismiss it at all. I use it, you know, 0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:36.920 we all use it. We're using it right now. But 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.520 misuse can really affect us in a negative way. 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:43.679 Yeah. Boy, I like that fear of missing out. 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:44.640 Yeah. 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:47.720 That that really drives you, doesn't it? When you just. 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:49.920 You feel like you want to know everything. You want 0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:54.680 to know it as quickly as you can and. Oh yeah. Well, well, 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:57.520 you've partially, I think, answered this question, but let me 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:01.720 ask this. Uh, what are some misconceptions that people often 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:03.239 have with stress? 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:05.640 Yeah, I can think of 2 or 3. One of 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:09.719 them is, well, I'm experiencing stress, so I must be 0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:13.120 less of a Christian. I would say no, this is 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.600 the way God designed us. We need to respond to it, 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:19.360 perhaps differently, but you're not less of a Christian. Secondly, 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:22.200 we already answered this one. It's not always bad. It's 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:26.400 God's design. A third one it's important to realize, I 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:29.000 think people kind of intuitively understand if I'm stressful, it 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:32.000 affects my mental health. It affects more than our mental health. 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:35.640 It affects our physical health, our sleep. I mentioned earlier 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:39.640 our blood sugar, our heart, you name it, affects almost 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:42.240 every part of our body. If it's a chronic stress, 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:44.800 if we're chronically stressed over a long period of time. 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:50.320 And then one more misconception is this just push through it. Uh, 0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:53.080 sometimes we have to just keep going. So I'm not 0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:57.400 saying that, but to just push through without stepping back 0:14:57.400 --> 0:15:00.080 and trying to understand what's going on, taking some practical 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:02.000 steps to deal with what it's doing to my body 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:05.960 and brain. That's that's a big misconception. 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:11.960 Um, now, I, I'm not sure whether the word stress 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:14.440 is used in the Bible, so you might help me 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:18.120 out on that. Yeah. Uh, how how does the Bible 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:19.680 address this whole issue? 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.640 Well, uh, most of the more literal translations, you won't 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:27.200 find the word stress in in the scriptures, however, like 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:31.760 the NLT and the message, they they're a couple of translations, uh, 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:33.960 word translated to stress. And one of them is Psalm 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:37.400 119 103 in the then NLT it says, that's pressure 0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:41.040 and stress. Bear down on me. I find joy in 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:44.560 your commands. So I think that's a really good translation there. 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:48.000 All of the word is not there. The similar concepts 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:53.400 are like tribulation and persecution and burden and testing and temptation. 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:57.120 All those cause stress and even faith development. Romans five 0:15:57.160 --> 0:16:00.280 three says, we also rejoice in our suffering because suffering 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:04.840 produces perseverance. Perseverance. Character and character. Hope. So this whole 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.560 thing of stress, the word is not there, but there 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:11.800 are a lot of similar concepts that speak to the 0:16:11.800 --> 0:16:15.359 effects of tribulation or persecution or temptation. 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:19.360 Yeah. Yeah, I can just. Things are jumping in my 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:23.800 mind of biblical characters who who underwent what I would 0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:26.200 call a lot of stress. Almost all. 0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:26.360 Of. 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:32.160 Them. Yeah, yeah. You mentioned earlier that there's nine things 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:35.680 that you've discovered here. So let's, let's kind of move 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:39.720 to to those to those things you outlined practices, you know, 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:42.320 for responding. So let's look at look at look at 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:44.720 the first one which is which here I think it 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:47.400 says cease and breathe. 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:52.720 Yes. Yes. Well basically that concept, you see the breath 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:56.240 in Scripture in the Old Testament, God breathed into Adam, 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:59.800 he became a living being. And the Gospels and acts 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:03.360 Jesus breathed on the early church, the early, the Holy 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:06.360 Spirit came so we can see breath throughout Scripture. And 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:10.960 this simply means that when we face a stressful situation, 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:14.679 just basically stop. If you have to pull off the 0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:16.520 side of the road, or pull away from a meeting, 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:18.600 or pull away from an argument with your spouse or 0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:23.400 your kid, just stop and do a few deep breaths. 0:17:23.400 --> 0:17:27.120 Science tells us that there's something called the vagus nerve 0:17:27.119 --> 0:17:29.320 or vagal nerve. It's one of the nerves that comes 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:32.600 out of our bottom of our skull. And it's from 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:35.399 the word vagrant. If you think of vagrant, what do 0:17:35.400 --> 0:17:38.359 they do? A vagrant kind of wanders around. Does the 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:42.520 vagus nerve wanders around our hollow organs, our heart, our lungs, 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:45.480 our stomach. So there's these signals going up and down 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:47.719 like the butterflies in our stomach. That vagus nerve is 0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:53.280 doing something deep breathing, especially if you kind of extend 0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:56.560 the outbreath, you know? In-breath. Breathe in outbreath. Breathe out. 0:17:56.600 --> 0:18:01.080 Extend that a little bit. It actually dials down the 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:05.840 stress response. It slightly slows our heart rate. So seasoned 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:09.600 breathing is simply that just stop and do a few 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:11.840 deep breaths. You know when you watch the Olympics and 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:14.840 these platform divers, they do that. They'll walk out there 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:16.800 at the end of the platform. They don't just jump and, 0:18:16.840 --> 0:18:19.160 you know, dive in just like that. They'll pause and 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:22.320 you see them doing this deep breathing. They understand what's 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:26.000 going on there and they're dialing down that stress response. 0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:28.040 So that's that's really the concept of season. 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:31.680 Breathe okay Chris Us. Maybe you and I can both 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:33.440 take a deep breath right now. How about. 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:36.160 It? Yes, I know I like that. You know what 0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:39.120 I do, Gary? On my radio program, I have this 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:41.200 thing called the Friday Sigh. And I do it as 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:44.080 kind of this fun little thing, but it's exactly. It's 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:46.280 taking four seconds of air through your nose, hold it 0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:50.040 for a seconds and then release the air through your mouth. 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:52.320 And I talk about the vagus nerve and some of 0:18:52.320 --> 0:18:54.040 the things that I've learned, you know, push on the 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:56.800 left side of your ribcage because there's carbon dioxide in 0:18:56.800 --> 0:18:58.720 your left lung. Somebody told me that I don't know 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:01.160 if it's true or not, but but this, you know, 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:06.040 it just shows us how interconnected everything is. The body 0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:10.639 is a wonderful machine that God has created, uh, to, 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:15.120 to for it to repair itself and work itself. And 0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:18.320 if we will do these kinds of things like breathing well, 0:19:18.359 --> 0:19:20.240 breathing deeply, it's going to help. 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:22.040 Yes, absolutely. 0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:27.440 All right. Practice number two, reveal how you feel. 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:30.760 Well, this one has to do with emotions. God gave 0:19:30.760 --> 0:19:33.240 us the ability to feel if we didn't have, you know, 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:38.480 if we didn't experience joy or sorrow or excitement or 0:19:38.520 --> 0:19:42.120 even fear. Life would be very, very dull. So he 0:19:42.119 --> 0:19:45.800 made us to be able to feel these emotions. Reveal 0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:48.520 how you feel is simply this. When you're in a 0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:52.880 stressful situation and you're experiencing some of these negative emotions, 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:57.080 acknowledge them. Don't stuff them. Don't ignore them, acknowledge them. 0:19:57.320 --> 0:20:00.800 And one of the ways it actually helps us dial 0:20:00.840 --> 0:20:04.360 down that stress response is take a second person perspective. 0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:08.320 Let's say, uh, I'm at work and my boss really 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:11.040 made me mad. So in my mind, I'm going, I'm really, 0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:15.000 really angry at my boss. First person the way to 0:20:15.000 --> 0:20:17.640 dial that down is, is like, talk to yourself. And 0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:20.320 it seems kind of weird, but it's not weird. Okay, Charles. 0:20:20.359 --> 0:20:22.800 I said I'm angry. Instead of saying I'm angry, I'm 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:25.920 talking to Charles across the table. Okay? Charles, I, I 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:29.040 see that you're angry. Okay, let's let's kind of manage this. 0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:32.160 What does God's Word say about it? What's the next step? 0:20:32.560 --> 0:20:37.879 That simple slight separation. You're still you. You're still experiencing it. 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:41.480 But having that second person talking to yourself actually dials 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:45.560 it down. So you're acknowledging that feeling, that emotion, and 0:20:45.560 --> 0:20:49.679 you're creating a little bit of separation from it, from you. 0:20:49.720 --> 0:20:52.040 And it really does work. It really does. I find 0:20:52.040 --> 0:20:55.520 myself sometimes talking to myself. All right, Charles, you're going 0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:57.119 to make it. It's going to work. It's going to work. 0:20:57.160 --> 0:21:00.560 And I did that before I realized there's a science 0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:01.600 behind it, so. 0:21:01.760 --> 0:21:05.000 Wow. Well, isn't that what happens a lot of times 0:21:05.000 --> 0:21:08.439 with couples? And, uh, the one person will say to 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:10.080 the other, you know, why are you so angry? I'm 0:21:10.119 --> 0:21:14.119 not angry. And it's like, no, you really are. And 0:21:14.119 --> 0:21:16.800 you don't see it because we we like we don't 0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:19.240 want to be angry. We want to push it down. 0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:21.400 And that just makes it worse, doesn't it? 0:21:21.440 --> 0:21:25.240 Absolutely. It sure does. It just amps up that stress response. 0:21:25.280 --> 0:21:29.080 Amps up that emotion, amps up some of those brain chemicals. 0:21:29.080 --> 0:21:30.440 That just makes it more intense. 0:21:31.480 --> 0:21:36.080 So I'm angry with my wife, and maybe I'll just say, honey, 0:21:36.119 --> 0:21:38.560 excuse me, I've got to go talk to myself. 0:21:40.320 --> 0:21:43.000 Will you been married long enough? She'd probably say okay. 0:21:47.720 --> 0:21:50.719 Okay. Oh, I like that. You know, you're just. You're 0:21:50.720 --> 0:21:53.760 just telling yourself what's going on right now. What's your 0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:58.119 feeling right now? Yeah, yeah. All right. The third practice 0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:00.639 is broaden and build. 0:22:00.680 --> 0:22:04.200 Broaden and build is simply this. As we experience positive emotions, 0:22:04.200 --> 0:22:06.680 let's say joy in Scripture tells us, you know, God 0:22:06.680 --> 0:22:09.560 gave us he wants to experience joy as we experience 0:22:09.560 --> 0:22:12.959 more and more of these. It's actually like an upward cycle. 0:22:12.960 --> 0:22:16.280 We can experience even more and more of these positive emotions. 0:22:16.640 --> 0:22:21.680 And when we do that, something happens called cognitive flexibility. 0:22:21.720 --> 0:22:24.760 In other words, we're able to see solutions to our 0:22:24.760 --> 0:22:28.159 stressful situations. But when that doesn't happen, it's like having 0:22:28.160 --> 0:22:31.000 blinders on and we don't see these resources we may 0:22:31.000 --> 0:22:33.760 have or these people that may be able to to, 0:22:33.840 --> 0:22:38.960 you know, help us work through this situation. And one 0:22:38.960 --> 0:22:41.240 of the ways to do that is what I call 0:22:41.520 --> 0:22:48.720 putting pleasure coins in your pleasure, piggy bank. Asking a person, okay, 0:22:48.760 --> 0:22:51.040 what is pleasurable to you? Is it like a cup 0:22:51.040 --> 0:22:54.359 of coffee in the morning? Is it walking in the backyard, 0:22:54.359 --> 0:22:56.919 looking in your garden? Is it. Is it gardening a 0:22:56.920 --> 0:22:59.360 little bit? Is it? Is it walking in the park? 0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:02.679 Is it listening to praise music? Find those things that 0:23:02.680 --> 0:23:06.440 are pleasurable to you and every day make a few 0:23:06.440 --> 0:23:09.440 of those deposits in your pleasure piggy bank. As you 0:23:09.440 --> 0:23:12.440 do that, it creates this upward spiral where we can 0:23:12.440 --> 0:23:15.880 experience more of these pleasurable emotions. Now, this is not hedonism, okay? 0:23:15.920 --> 0:23:18.240 That's not what I'm saying. But God wants us to 0:23:18.240 --> 0:23:21.560 be able to experience some of these positive experiences and emotions. 0:23:21.560 --> 0:23:25.480 And when we do, we're much wiser in being able 0:23:25.480 --> 0:23:28.040 to solve the problems that were that we're facing. So 0:23:28.040 --> 0:23:31.440 that's just really a very, very helpful one. Just find 0:23:31.440 --> 0:23:35.040 those things small or large every day. Drop those coins 0:23:35.040 --> 0:23:36.360 in your pleasure piggy bank. 0:23:37.000 --> 0:23:40.720 Yeah, I like that. And all of us do have 0:23:40.840 --> 0:23:45.159 certain things in life that that do bring us pleasure, 0:23:45.200 --> 0:23:48.240 you know, just kind of relaxing. Yeah. Coffee would not 0:23:48.240 --> 0:23:51.359 be mine, but coffee is one for a lot of people. 0:23:51.640 --> 0:23:53.200 My wife, she loves her coffee. 0:23:53.240 --> 0:23:56.280 Yeah, my wife loves her tea. I don't drink coffee 0:23:56.280 --> 0:23:59.119 or tea, but those are not my pleasures. 0:23:59.160 --> 0:24:01.560 Okay, so what about you, Gary? I want to know 0:24:01.720 --> 0:24:04.440 because my. My guess is it's something like going outside 0:24:04.440 --> 0:24:07.840 and taking a walk that gives you pleasure. What would 0:24:07.840 --> 0:24:09.840 you say is one of your pleasure coins? 0:24:10.359 --> 0:24:14.120 Yeah, I definitely would say looking. Looking at nature around me, 0:24:14.119 --> 0:24:16.320 whether I'm walking or just, you know, standing on the 0:24:16.320 --> 0:24:20.520 porch looking out and observing nature, you know, because I'm 0:24:20.640 --> 0:24:25.120 recognizing the God. This is absolutely incredible. Especially right now 0:24:25.119 --> 0:24:31.119 in North Carolina. It's spring. Everything's blooming. You know, it'll 0:24:31.119 --> 0:24:36.920 come to Canada, it'll come to Canada. All right, number four, 0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:39.520 audit your thoughts. 0:24:40.240 --> 0:24:44.160 Audit your thoughts. Uh, relates to a fancy term, but 0:24:44.160 --> 0:24:49.360 an important term to understand. It's called metacognition. Metacognition. It's 0:24:49.359 --> 0:24:53.160 simply this thinking about your thinking. Oftentimes, we're not aware 0:24:53.160 --> 0:24:55.880 of what we're thinking if we're in a stressful situation. 0:24:55.880 --> 0:24:58.600 What started out as the size of a, you know, 0:24:58.640 --> 0:25:01.439 a kernel of rice ends up being the size of 0:25:01.440 --> 0:25:05.280 a basketball. So the original issue is lost in the narration. 0:25:05.280 --> 0:25:09.280 We're telling ourselves, audit your thoughts is simply this who 0:25:09.280 --> 0:25:12.399 is giving you those thoughts is the enemy or is 0:25:12.400 --> 0:25:16.200 it the Lord? So that means stepping back. Think about 0:25:16.200 --> 0:25:18.959 what you're thinking about and change those channels if you 0:25:18.960 --> 0:25:22.399 need to. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians four eight, finally, brothers, 0:25:22.400 --> 0:25:25.520 whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, if anything 0:25:25.560 --> 0:25:29.560 is excellent or praiseworthy, what does he say? Think about 0:25:29.560 --> 0:25:32.480 those things. So that's it. Audit your thoughts. Make sure 0:25:32.480 --> 0:25:35.040 they're in line with what reality is, and in line 0:25:35.040 --> 0:25:37.280 with what the kinds of things God wants us to 0:25:37.320 --> 0:25:37.960 think about. 0:25:38.720 --> 0:25:44.000 Hmm. I like that asking, are these thoughts from the enemy? Yeah. 0:25:44.000 --> 0:25:47.080 Or are they from God? Yeah, because we know the 0:25:47.080 --> 0:25:49.640 enemy puts thoughts in our heads to be sure. Right. 0:25:49.960 --> 0:25:50.360 Mhm. 0:25:51.119 --> 0:25:51.800 Mhm. 0:25:56.080 --> 0:25:59.920 This is the building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman podcast. 0:26:00.200 --> 0:26:02.840 If you go to five Love languages.com you can take 0:26:02.840 --> 0:26:05.520 a free assessment of your love language and see our 0:26:05.520 --> 0:26:09.320 featured resource. The book by Doctor Charles Stone. Stress less. 0:26:09.640 --> 0:26:12.280 Just go to five Love languages.com. 0:26:14.760 --> 0:26:17.399 Well doctor Stone, we're in the process of going through 0:26:17.400 --> 0:26:20.840 the nine practices that you suggest. And we now come 0:26:20.840 --> 0:26:24.800 to number six, which is cultivate certainty. 0:26:25.840 --> 0:26:30.160 Cultivate certainty. This is one of my favorite ones. The 0:26:30.160 --> 0:26:34.440 way our brains work is our brains want to know certainty. 0:26:34.480 --> 0:26:39.520 They want to know what's next. So when we face uncertainty, 0:26:39.920 --> 0:26:42.280 the stress response kicks in. It's like when you go on, 0:26:42.320 --> 0:26:47.680 let's say going to a party and you know, nobody there. You're, 0:26:47.920 --> 0:26:50.320 you know, there's a lot of uncertainty. So your stress 0:26:50.320 --> 0:26:52.760 response is a bit higher. You go into a party. 0:26:52.800 --> 0:26:55.040 You know, everybody there are I know that I know 0:26:55.080 --> 0:26:59.360 the folks there. So cultivating certainty is a really, really 0:26:59.359 --> 0:27:03.200 important one. And I think of in Psalm 125 one, 0:27:03.560 --> 0:27:05.720 the Scripture says, those who trust in the Lord are 0:27:05.720 --> 0:27:09.959 like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abides forever. 0:27:10.000 --> 0:27:12.240 The images of mountain think of a mountain has all 0:27:12.240 --> 0:27:15.360 kinds of weather around it, you know, storms and hail 0:27:15.359 --> 0:27:19.000 and sleet. Some some good weather. That mountain is firm. 0:27:19.000 --> 0:27:21.800 It does not become those emotions. It does not become 0:27:22.280 --> 0:27:26.159 those thoughts. What the Scripture is telling us, and science 0:27:26.160 --> 0:27:31.040 is telling us that when we're facing uncertain times, uncertainty 0:27:31.080 --> 0:27:34.520 in a stressful situation, we need to find some place, 0:27:34.520 --> 0:27:38.280 something that is certain. And for believers, it's God and 0:27:38.280 --> 0:27:42.200 His Word. So when we're facing a stressful situation, we 0:27:42.200 --> 0:27:44.560 don't know how it's going to turn out. It may 0:27:44.600 --> 0:27:48.120 be perpetual. It may be a child that's always sick. 0:27:48.720 --> 0:27:51.080 A spouse may have walked out. We don't know what's 0:27:51.080 --> 0:27:54.640 going to happen. We do not. We can speculate, but 0:27:54.640 --> 0:27:58.040 we don't know what do we do? We place our 0:27:58.040 --> 0:28:03.879 roots in the one certain one. That's Jesus. That's God's word. 0:28:04.200 --> 0:28:05.920 And one of the ways we do this is something 0:28:05.920 --> 0:28:08.960 called surrendering prayer. There was a Jesuit priest in the 0:28:08.960 --> 0:28:13.920 1600s named Claude de la Colombiere, and he described this 0:28:13.920 --> 0:28:18.800 thing called surrendering prayer, where we're trusting God's infinite wisdom. 0:28:19.200 --> 0:28:23.040 We're believing that he acts for our good even in uncertainty, 0:28:23.280 --> 0:28:26.280 and we believe that God is in total control. So 0:28:26.280 --> 0:28:30.360 that's cultivate certainty. And we we desperately need this in 0:28:30.359 --> 0:28:32.639 the uncertain times where we that we live in now. 0:28:34.080 --> 0:28:39.240 So essentially you're saying in your own words, the individual, uh, God, 0:28:39.280 --> 0:28:42.000 you know where I am. You know what's going on. 0:28:42.040 --> 0:28:46.239 I don't understand everything. I'm not even sure what I 0:28:46.240 --> 0:28:49.040 should do next. But I want to thank you that 0:28:49.040 --> 0:28:52.240 you're with me. You're going to walk with me through this. 0:28:52.600 --> 0:28:57.040 I'm asking you for wisdom and energy. Uh, as I. 0:28:57.080 --> 0:28:59.520 As I walk with you. Thank you that you're with 0:28:59.520 --> 0:29:01.600 me in this. Something like that is what I hear 0:29:01.600 --> 0:29:02.000 you saying. 0:29:02.040 --> 0:29:02.480 Yes. 0:29:02.480 --> 0:29:06.160 You're experiencing. You're not making up certainty. You're experiencing what 0:29:06.160 --> 0:29:10.240 is truly certain. God. His sovereignty in his word. 0:29:10.520 --> 0:29:10.960 Yeah. 0:29:11.480 --> 0:29:14.960 Doctor Charles Stone is joining us. The book Stress Less 0:29:15.000 --> 0:29:21.640 is our featured resource at building relationships. Building relationships. I'm 0:29:21.880 --> 0:29:26.440 feeling stressed right now. Doctor Stone because Gary skipped over 0:29:26.480 --> 0:29:29.400 practice number five and I don't I don't want to 0:29:29.400 --> 0:29:33.120 correct him, but I've got to know what what this is. 0:29:33.160 --> 0:29:36.600 So I'm going to push through here and speak to myself. 0:29:36.640 --> 0:29:40.240 Take a deep breath and ask you soak your soul. 0:29:40.280 --> 0:29:41.840 Tell me about soak your soul. 0:29:42.240 --> 0:29:45.560 Yeah. When you look at Jesus pattern, Jesus was always 0:29:45.560 --> 0:29:49.400 present for people. He always had people clamoring for him. 0:29:49.400 --> 0:29:52.200 His to do list was never done because there were 0:29:52.200 --> 0:29:55.160 more people to teach and more people to heal. But 0:29:55.160 --> 0:29:58.480 Mark 135 reminds us that Jesus often went away and 0:29:58.480 --> 0:30:02.120 spent time with his father. Well, the research tells us 0:30:02.120 --> 0:30:07.080 that practices like prayer and contemplation and silence, those kind 0:30:07.120 --> 0:30:13.520 of biblical practices actually mitigate Gate. The stress response, and 0:30:13.520 --> 0:30:16.600 one of the very practical things that we can do 0:30:16.600 --> 0:30:19.600 as we face these uncertain situations, and we want to 0:30:19.600 --> 0:30:23.360 draw upon this soak your soul idea. There's a guy 0:30:23.360 --> 0:30:27.000 named Pargament. He's a professor, I think, in Kentucky, and 0:30:27.000 --> 0:30:30.200 he's done some research on what he calls a collaboration 0:30:30.200 --> 0:30:32.920 with God. Like when we face a stressful situation, there 0:30:32.920 --> 0:30:36.200 are 1 or 3 ways we respond. Number one is God. 0:30:36.200 --> 0:30:38.000 You take care of it totally. You know, I'm just 0:30:38.040 --> 0:30:40.680 it's kind of passive. The other extreme is, God, I 0:30:40.720 --> 0:30:44.479 got this in the middle ground is like, okay, Lord, 0:30:44.480 --> 0:30:48.080 I see myself as a partner. I'm trusting you for 0:30:48.080 --> 0:30:50.840 you to give me wisdom and the way we this 0:30:50.840 --> 0:30:53.200 is one of the applications of Soak Your Soul is 0:30:53.240 --> 0:30:57.240 we are seeing ourselves as partnering with God to be 0:30:57.240 --> 0:30:59.600 able to move through, to solve this problem. You know, 0:30:59.640 --> 0:31:04.400 take take the next step. There's another application. Research tells 0:31:04.400 --> 0:31:09.080 us that all in wonder when we worship, when we 0:31:09.080 --> 0:31:11.720 think of the awesomeness of God and where we're at? 0:31:11.720 --> 0:31:14.720 Maybe in a in a church and seeing a magnificent 0:31:14.720 --> 0:31:18.240 worship courses, or maybe just in the quietness of observing 0:31:18.240 --> 0:31:22.480 God's nature, that actually the one of the effects is 0:31:22.480 --> 0:31:26.280 it dials down the stress response. So soak your soul 0:31:26.280 --> 0:31:31.040 really comes down to feeding your soul. That helps mitigate 0:31:31.040 --> 0:31:32.600 the the intensity of the stress. 0:31:33.360 --> 0:31:37.280 I like that. Just this morning, I was getting ready 0:31:37.280 --> 0:31:39.320 to leave for the day and knew all the things 0:31:39.320 --> 0:31:41.800 I had to do today. And I just know I'm 0:31:41.840 --> 0:31:47.479 not a singer. But I started singing amazing Grace and 0:31:47.760 --> 0:31:51.400 and just worked through that song. Man, it my my 0:31:51.520 --> 0:31:55.720 whole countenance and my whole inner thing. Just calm down, 0:31:55.760 --> 0:31:56.280 you know? 0:31:56.320 --> 0:31:57.160 Yeah. 0:31:57.280 --> 0:31:57.920 Yeah. 0:31:58.440 --> 0:32:00.920 And, Chris, I'm sorry I caused you stress on skipping 0:32:00.920 --> 0:32:01.760 number five. 0:32:02.000 --> 0:32:02.560 Because. 0:32:02.600 --> 0:32:04.800 It's a very important practice. 0:32:05.400 --> 0:32:06.240 Yeah, but it did. 0:32:06.240 --> 0:32:08.120 It did a work in me because I worked work 0:32:08.120 --> 0:32:10.440 through it and we got back on track, so. 0:32:10.480 --> 0:32:12.040 Hey, there you go. What happened? 0:32:14.040 --> 0:32:19.320 All right, well, now practice number seven. Grow gratitude. 0:32:19.680 --> 0:32:20.160 Yes. 0:32:20.160 --> 0:32:21.960 This is also one of my favorite ones. And it's 0:32:21.960 --> 0:32:26.000 very easy to do. First Thessalonians 518 says, give thanks 0:32:26.000 --> 0:32:29.200 in all circumstances, not for all circumstances, but it's a 0:32:29.200 --> 0:32:34.160 position of gratefulness. Neuroscience tells us that when we assume 0:32:34.160 --> 0:32:38.920 the posture of gratefulness again, it dials down that stress response. 0:32:38.920 --> 0:32:42.480 And the simple application is something called three good things. 0:32:42.720 --> 0:32:44.880 That is, when you wake up in the morning, think 0:32:44.920 --> 0:32:47.760 of three things you're thankful for. It could be to 0:32:47.800 --> 0:32:52.040 the Lord, small or large. Better yet, if you journal, 0:32:52.040 --> 0:32:55.120 write those down. Better yet, think of three more things 0:32:55.120 --> 0:32:57.760 before you go to bed. And what this does, it 0:32:57.800 --> 0:33:00.960 sets the kind of the default focus for the day. 0:33:01.200 --> 0:33:04.920 Instead of the glass half empty, we've seen glass half full. 0:33:04.920 --> 0:33:08.520 So grow. Gratitude is simple as three good things when 0:33:08.520 --> 0:33:09.240 you wake up. 0:33:09.960 --> 0:33:12.720 I like that. You know, I have encouraged people sometime. 0:33:13.440 --> 0:33:15.600 What if you put all the children in a different 0:33:15.640 --> 0:33:19.560 room and tell them, just look around in the room 0:33:19.760 --> 0:33:22.480 and thank God for three things that are in the room. 0:33:22.520 --> 0:33:26.280 Oh, yeah. That's a great idea. Love that. 0:33:26.320 --> 0:33:28.479 You can do that numerous times because there's a lot 0:33:28.520 --> 0:33:29.600 of stuff in a room. 0:33:30.640 --> 0:33:31.200 Yes. 0:33:31.200 --> 0:33:33.560 And learn from those kids too when they do that. 0:33:33.760 --> 0:33:39.960 Absolutely. All right. Practice number eight. Safeguard safety. 0:33:41.040 --> 0:33:45.200 Well, this simply relates to community. Biblical community. When a 0:33:45.200 --> 0:33:48.360 church is really doing what it should, and you're experiencing 0:33:48.360 --> 0:33:50.520 community in the church as a whole, or maybe you're 0:33:50.520 --> 0:33:55.000 a small group when you feel safe, there's a neurochemical 0:33:55.000 --> 0:34:00.760 neurotransmitter called oxytocin, which increases in, uh, in your brain 0:34:00.760 --> 0:34:05.160 and it lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. It increases trust 0:34:05.200 --> 0:34:10.840 and increases bonding. And when I say safeguard safety, it's important, 0:34:10.840 --> 0:34:14.239 I think, for believers to find those people in our 0:34:14.239 --> 0:34:20.399 lives that are, um, happy. They're joyful, they're empathetic, uh, 0:34:20.400 --> 0:34:23.480 they're realistic. They don't give us, you know, pat answers, 0:34:23.480 --> 0:34:27.799 and they're trustworthy when we have those kinds of safe friends. Oh, 0:34:27.840 --> 0:34:31.480 it's such a healthy way to deal with our stress. 0:34:31.480 --> 0:34:34.680 And so just biblical community. It's amazing how neuroscience is 0:34:34.680 --> 0:34:37.280 kind of catching up to what the Bible. 0:34:37.280 --> 0:34:37.840 Has said. 0:34:38.400 --> 0:34:42.680 For centuries. So that's safeguard, safety, just guarding those healthy 0:34:42.680 --> 0:34:47.359 relationships and maintaining them because it's so it's such a blessing. 0:34:47.880 --> 0:34:50.800 Yeah. Our pastor spoke last Sunday as a matter of fact, 0:34:50.800 --> 0:34:54.160 on that topic, the whole value of community. 0:34:54.200 --> 0:34:54.560 That's great. 0:34:54.600 --> 0:34:58.000 Christian life wasn't lived, wasn't designed to be lived as 0:34:58.000 --> 0:35:00.880 a lone ranger. You know, we're part of a family. 0:35:01.320 --> 0:35:02.120 Yeah, yeah. 0:35:02.160 --> 0:35:05.799 Practice number nine Smart. 0:35:06.360 --> 0:35:11.359 Sleep smart. Oh, yes. Um, I'm, uh, doing a good 0:35:11.400 --> 0:35:14.080 bit of research now on on the whole issue of 0:35:14.080 --> 0:35:16.480 sleep and looking at how what Scripture says about it. 0:35:16.480 --> 0:35:19.600 In fact, Scripture records the word sleep over 100 times, 0:35:19.600 --> 0:35:23.759 like 125 times in most translations. Sometimes it refers to death, 0:35:23.800 --> 0:35:27.600 sometimes sexual intimacy, but most of the time just sleep. 0:35:28.040 --> 0:35:30.600 And what researchers are finding really, just as of late, 0:35:30.600 --> 0:35:35.719 just the past few years, how important healthy, good sleep 0:35:35.760 --> 0:35:39.520 is to, uh, be able to deal with the stress 0:35:39.520 --> 0:35:44.080 response and simple practical tools, uh, practices like, you know, 0:35:44.080 --> 0:35:46.520 good sleep environment. It's got to be dark and cool. 0:35:46.520 --> 0:35:50.719 It's interesting. The, the the perfect temperature to sleep in 0:35:50.760 --> 0:35:56.439 is mid 60s. Now my wife, she would not agree 0:35:56.440 --> 0:36:00.360 with that. We have a dedicated air conditioner in our bedroom. 0:36:00.400 --> 0:36:03.080 I turn it down and don't tell her it's 62, 0:36:03.640 --> 0:36:05.920 but she has a heating blanket. So there you go. 0:36:05.960 --> 0:36:06.560 You solved the. 0:36:06.560 --> 0:36:07.160 Problem. Oh. 0:36:07.640 --> 0:36:08.279 Yes. 0:36:09.560 --> 0:36:11.200 So things like that. 0:36:11.200 --> 0:36:15.320 Getting early morning sun. Uh, something else. Science is finding 0:36:15.320 --> 0:36:17.480 out now how important it is to kind of set 0:36:17.480 --> 0:36:20.880 our body clock and just being active during the day, 0:36:20.880 --> 0:36:23.640 if we're if we're active during the day. A byproduct 0:36:23.640 --> 0:36:28.480 of our cells producing energy is a neurotransmitter that builds up. 0:36:28.480 --> 0:36:30.880 Just imagine a balloon as the more you're active during 0:36:30.880 --> 0:36:33.920 the day, this balloon fills up with this stuff called adenosine. 0:36:34.280 --> 0:36:37.320 It's like night when you just can hardly stay awake. 0:36:37.360 --> 0:36:40.320 You got a real full balloon of adenosine, so an 0:36:40.320 --> 0:36:44.480 active day, uh, bodes well for for a good evening. 0:36:44.480 --> 0:36:50.080 So sleep. Uh, sleep practices crucial. Crucial to help us 0:36:50.080 --> 0:36:50.920 deal with stress. 0:36:51.520 --> 0:36:54.920 Let me ask you this. What you just said may 0:36:54.920 --> 0:36:59.319 have caused some stress for a listener who doesn't sleep well, 0:36:59.719 --> 0:37:03.440 hasn't been sleeping well and it's like, oh, I need sleep. 0:37:03.440 --> 0:37:06.240 And here's that message coming again. And I'm feeling stress 0:37:06.239 --> 0:37:09.920 about that, that that can feed on itself. And the 0:37:09.920 --> 0:37:12.320 anxiety heightens as well, right? 0:37:12.920 --> 0:37:16.479 Absolutely. I would say to that person, because I'm, I've 0:37:16.520 --> 0:37:18.960 basically been a poor sleeper my whole life. Now I'm 0:37:18.960 --> 0:37:21.640 doing a lot of little practices that help me sleep better. 0:37:22.040 --> 0:37:25.760 I would tell that person, take one simple step from 0:37:25.760 --> 0:37:28.359 all these practices that I describe, or you can Google it. 0:37:28.400 --> 0:37:31.920 And if you want to take one step, do it 0:37:31.920 --> 0:37:35.560 long enough where it becomes a regular in your life, 0:37:35.880 --> 0:37:39.240 then take the next step. It's not going to change overnight. 0:37:39.280 --> 0:37:42.319 You know, sleep medications are appropriate for short periods of time. 0:37:42.320 --> 0:37:45.560 If a doctor prescribes those not for long periods of time. 0:37:45.560 --> 0:37:48.239 But there are a lot of these simple steps that 0:37:48.239 --> 0:37:51.440 a person can take that will really, really be helpful. Now, 0:37:51.440 --> 0:37:58.040 if someone has a really chronic sleep deficit, there's something 0:37:58.040 --> 0:38:04.319 called CBT cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. This is like 0:38:04.320 --> 0:38:06.440 a six week program. You can Google that. There are 0:38:06.440 --> 0:38:11.320 free programs online on cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. And 0:38:11.320 --> 0:38:14.680 this going through these six weeks, if a person really, 0:38:14.719 --> 0:38:19.120 you know, applies the principles, it is proven to help 0:38:19.120 --> 0:38:24.279 people with ongoing sleep issues more than even medication. Now 0:38:24.320 --> 0:38:27.640 that's assuming the person doesn't have some real medical issue 0:38:27.680 --> 0:38:30.440 like a sleep apnea. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, 0:38:30.440 --> 0:38:33.800 so I use a CPAp machine. But I would say 0:38:33.840 --> 0:38:40.680 to that person, start slow, start small, do something. Google CBT, 0:38:41.600 --> 0:38:44.200 I and I think the VA put together a really, 0:38:44.200 --> 0:38:48.240 really helpful program to help people who deal with chronic insomnia. 0:38:49.000 --> 0:38:52.120 Well, doctor Stone, everything you shared in all these practices 0:38:52.120 --> 0:38:56.239 are very, very practical. But if you were just going 0:38:56.280 --> 0:39:00.160 to share one simple daily habit that a listener might 0:39:00.200 --> 0:39:03.640 implement that would reduce stress. What would it be? 0:39:04.520 --> 0:39:08.640 I would say I alluded to the whole the power 0:39:08.640 --> 0:39:14.000 of deep breathing. I would say using that tool one 0:39:14.000 --> 0:39:18.320 way that one research scientist has said, it's when you 0:39:18.320 --> 0:39:22.480 breathe deeply and then do like a sniff, a little 0:39:22.520 --> 0:39:26.120 bit more breath and then that slow, slow exhale. This 0:39:26.120 --> 0:39:29.680 particular scientist said in their laboratory and other laboratories, doing 0:39:29.719 --> 0:39:33.160 2 or 3 of those deep breathing, breathe in, pulling 0:39:33.160 --> 0:39:36.640 a little more and then slowly breathe out. Their laboratories 0:39:36.680 --> 0:39:41.040 have found it definitely dials down the stress response. And 0:39:41.040 --> 0:39:43.680 then secondly, I would say that gratitude. Three good things. 0:39:44.000 --> 0:39:48.719 Start your morning. Set your morning toward the Lord and 0:39:48.719 --> 0:39:51.760 all these blessings he's given you. That'll be your default 0:39:51.760 --> 0:39:52.720 mode for the day. 0:39:53.320 --> 0:39:57.640 Yeah. Would the person who's struggling with stress and not 0:39:57.640 --> 0:40:01.720 knowing where to go. Would working through this book you 0:40:01.719 --> 0:40:05.799 think lead them in a in a in a to 0:40:05.840 --> 0:40:09.600 take really major even those small steps in learning how 0:40:09.600 --> 0:40:10.600 to deal with that? 0:40:11.320 --> 0:40:15.239 Absolutely. One of the tools that comes with the book 0:40:15.239 --> 0:40:20.160 and the downloadable tool is a 30 day, uh, plan to, uh, 0:40:20.960 --> 0:40:24.160 be able to deal with stress. And one of those 0:40:24.200 --> 0:40:28.560 specifically chapters deals with, uh, the whole thing of sleep. 0:40:28.560 --> 0:40:33.239 So when it comes to sleep, are any of these practices? Uh, yeah. 0:40:33.239 --> 0:40:34.839 That's what the book does, is kind of lay out 0:40:34.840 --> 0:40:37.600 and hopefully put the cookies in the lower shelf so 0:40:37.600 --> 0:40:39.120 that you can try them out. 0:40:39.640 --> 0:40:43.040 Well, in your book, you do share personal stories about 0:40:43.040 --> 0:40:45.960 your journey with stress. Uh, what's one of the most 0:40:45.960 --> 0:40:49.720 valuable lessons you learned from your own experiences? 0:40:49.760 --> 0:40:50.160 Yeah. 0:40:50.440 --> 0:40:53.400 I would say get help. And when I realized that 0:40:53.400 --> 0:40:54.920 I was going to have to leave my church through 0:40:54.920 --> 0:40:58.600 that little tiny pinhole camera on my computer. I was 0:40:58.640 --> 0:41:02.360 I was really going down this really deep depression and 0:41:02.360 --> 0:41:06.239 consulted my doctor. He was a believer and he prescribed 0:41:06.239 --> 0:41:10.279 medication for me. Uh, think Prozac, you know, low dose. 0:41:10.680 --> 0:41:13.600 And it really helped. You know, we don't have a 0:41:13.600 --> 0:41:16.080 problem with somebody going to the doctor if they break 0:41:16.080 --> 0:41:22.680 their arm. But sometimes stressful situations mess up our blood 0:41:22.680 --> 0:41:26.640 chemistry and neurotransmitters and hormones so much that we need 0:41:26.640 --> 0:41:30.080 some help. So I would say find help. And there's 0:41:30.080 --> 0:41:32.800 help out there. There are coaches who coach people in 0:41:33.000 --> 0:41:37.600 sleep issues. There's great resources online, but it's what's what's 0:41:37.600 --> 0:41:41.320 called compliance. You just got to do it. Start small, 0:41:41.680 --> 0:41:44.400 start little and just just do it. 0:41:45.239 --> 0:41:48.160 Talk to the pastor out there who may be listening, 0:41:48.520 --> 0:41:53.280 who is feeling stressed about his congregation and his situation there. 0:41:53.440 --> 0:41:56.560 You've been, there. You've been. Pastor. What would you say 0:41:56.560 --> 0:41:57.480 to that pastor? 0:41:58.040 --> 0:42:00.239 Well, Covid did a real number on us during the 0:42:00.239 --> 0:42:04.000 height of Covid. Like 42, 43% of pastors really thought 0:42:04.000 --> 0:42:06.959 about quitting. That's down to like 33%, but that's still 0:42:06.960 --> 0:42:10.080 way too high. What I would suggest to that pastor 0:42:10.080 --> 0:42:13.440 that I wish I had done 30 or 40 years ago, 0:42:13.800 --> 0:42:17.239 find that safe friend. That friend may be another pastor, 0:42:17.239 --> 0:42:19.719 maybe somebody in your church, somebody in another church. It 0:42:19.719 --> 0:42:24.279 may be a professional counselor to keep your mental health 0:42:25.080 --> 0:42:29.040 and and your stress, stress resilience high and your mental 0:42:29.040 --> 0:42:33.320 health good. So I would really encourage pastors who are struggling, uh, 0:42:33.320 --> 0:42:36.560 find someone that you can be safe around. They can 0:42:36.560 --> 0:42:39.960 really be a good listening ear and offer realistic steps 0:42:40.000 --> 0:42:43.520 going forward. I totally understand that how they feel. 0:42:44.120 --> 0:42:47.640 And often pastors are reluctant to do that because of 0:42:47.680 --> 0:42:51.720 their own fear of what will people think? And so forth. Yeah, but, 0:42:51.760 --> 0:42:57.600 you know, people know that we're human. Yeah. Pastors are human. So. Yeah. 0:42:57.680 --> 0:43:00.400 We all we all need help at some juncture and 0:43:00.400 --> 0:43:01.759 sometimes at many junctures. 0:43:01.800 --> 0:43:02.280 Right. 0:43:02.800 --> 0:43:05.640 Well, doctor Stone, as we coming toward the end of 0:43:05.640 --> 0:43:08.200 our time together, what do you say to the person 0:43:08.200 --> 0:43:12.840 who is under relational stress right now? Maybe their spouse 0:43:12.840 --> 0:43:17.040 has walked away and everything is uncertain. And what do 0:43:17.040 --> 0:43:18.239 you say to that listener? 0:43:18.840 --> 0:43:21.799 Mhm. Well there are 2 or 3 top of the 0:43:21.800 --> 0:43:24.719 mind things. First of all just acknowledging this is an 0:43:24.719 --> 0:43:28.160 uncertain situation. If that spouse has walked away. You know, 0:43:28.200 --> 0:43:32.000 we may pray. Uh, we may seek help from a counselor. 0:43:32.040 --> 0:43:37.000 We may seek help from our pastor or the board. Unfortunately, 0:43:37.000 --> 0:43:40.720 because of how sin affects us, some people just walk away. 0:43:41.640 --> 0:43:45.160 And in that situation, when there is that great uncertainty, 0:43:45.360 --> 0:43:48.440 going back to that image of that mountain, when we 0:43:48.480 --> 0:43:51.880 like Mount Zion. We don't have to become those thoughts 0:43:51.880 --> 0:43:54.720 that we're thinking. We don't have to become those emotions. 0:43:55.360 --> 0:43:59.640 But we do need to find certainty, not manufacture certainty, 0:44:00.120 --> 0:44:04.040 but rest on the certainty of the sovereign God that 0:44:04.040 --> 0:44:08.840 we serve. Rest on the truth of God's Word. That 0:44:08.840 --> 0:44:12.720 is certain. And certainly we do that out of obedience. 0:44:13.040 --> 0:44:18.040 But the side effect is it does lower the stress response. 0:44:18.440 --> 0:44:21.840 So we don't do it just to lower the stress response. 0:44:22.400 --> 0:44:24.960 But it's okay to recognize, Lord, I need a little 0:44:25.000 --> 0:44:27.719 bit of wind in my sails and so doing so 0:44:27.719 --> 0:44:30.080 in these kind of things to lower the stress response 0:44:30.120 --> 0:44:33.080 gives us more of that resilience and reserve to make 0:44:33.080 --> 0:44:35.920 right choices and to think clearly about, okay, what is 0:44:35.920 --> 0:44:38.520 my next step? What do I need to do. So 0:44:38.840 --> 0:44:40.520 so that's that's that's what I would say to that 0:44:40.520 --> 0:44:42.920 person just in that kind of situation. 0:44:44.160 --> 0:44:47.120 Well these have been very, very helpful. What do you 0:44:47.120 --> 0:44:49.600 hope that listeners are going to take away from our 0:44:49.600 --> 0:44:52.120 conversation today and from the book? 0:44:52.719 --> 0:44:56.960 Yeah, I think two things. First is this hope you 0:44:56.960 --> 0:45:02.640 can absolutely manage the effects of the stress response. Absolutely 0:45:02.640 --> 0:45:05.720 you can. Based on God's Word, based on the truth 0:45:05.719 --> 0:45:08.160 of what we're learning about how the body works through science. 0:45:08.360 --> 0:45:14.720 That's number one. Number two, stress need not define you. Rather, 0:45:14.960 --> 0:45:19.520 let it refine you, not define you, but refine you. 0:45:19.719 --> 0:45:23.000 God refines us through difficult circumstances and he gives us 0:45:23.000 --> 0:45:25.800 grace where we need. That's not a platitude. That is truth. 0:45:26.160 --> 0:45:28.879 He gives us everything we need for life and godliness. 0:45:28.880 --> 0:45:32.720 So that hope. And number two, don't let define you. 0:45:32.719 --> 0:45:34.600 Let it refine you. So those are the two things 0:45:34.600 --> 0:45:37.239 I would say. The other would be the big takeaways 0:45:37.239 --> 0:45:38.440 from our conversation. 0:45:38.800 --> 0:45:42.200 Well, those are two things that certainly are important. I 0:45:42.200 --> 0:45:44.920 want to thank you for writing the book. Obviously, you 0:45:44.920 --> 0:45:46.720 took a lot of study and a lot of time 0:45:46.880 --> 0:45:49.759 working on this. And I also want to thank you 0:45:49.760 --> 0:45:50.960 for being with us today. 0:45:51.120 --> 0:45:52.160 Thank you so much. 0:45:52.760 --> 0:45:55.719 Did you hear the hope in Doctor Stone's voice today? 0:45:55.760 --> 0:46:00.800 Our featured resource is the book Stress Less nine habits 0:46:00.800 --> 0:46:04.120 from the Bible and Brain Science to build Resilience and 0:46:04.120 --> 0:46:09.280 Reduce Anxiety. You can find out more at building Relationships again. 0:46:09.320 --> 0:46:10.839 Building relationships. 0:46:12.480 --> 0:46:17.239 And next week, your questions and comments about your relationships. 0:46:17.360 --> 0:46:20.640 Don't miss the April edition of Dear Gary in One Week. 0:46:21.080 --> 0:46:23.920 A big thank you to our production team, Janice backing 0:46:23.920 --> 0:46:27.759 and Steve Wick. Building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman is 0:46:27.760 --> 0:46:31.640 a production of Moody Radio in association with Moody Publishers, 0:46:31.680 --> 0:46:35.239 a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.