1 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,600 S1: She's back. The dad whisperer is back just in time 2 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:12,039 S1: for Father's Day. Michelle Watson Canfield has been an encourager 3 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:15,000 S1: to dads for a long time, and she is back 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:19,720 S1: to help dads and daughters especially, connect at a heart level. Dad, 5 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,319 S1: what does your daughter need from you? What is your 6 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,560 S1: young daughter need? Your teenage daughter. The daughter who's gone 7 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,480 S1: away to college. The daughter who's engaged. The daughter who's 8 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:34,239 S1: married and has children of her own. What does she need? Answers, thoughts, ruminations, 9 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:37,199 S1: and encouragement are coming up straight ahead on the program. 10 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,680 S1: From the heart to the heart for the heart online. 11 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:43,320 S1: Chris Fabry, live.org. Let me thank our team. Tricia McMillan 12 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,599 S1: is our producer. Chris Segard and Lisa are doing all 13 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,680 S1: things technical here. And Josh, Lisa is not a segard. 14 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,280 S1: Chris and Lisa are doing this just to make sure. 15 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:57,440 S1: And Josh is answering your calls. And Mary from Michigan, 16 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,440 S1: here's what Mary said. Thank you for your show. I 17 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:03,920 S1: talked to the radio a lot. I'm yet to call in. 18 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,160 S1: And then she has a smiley face. I find the 19 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:11,560 S1: topics comforting and inspiring. Mary gave a gift yesterday. This program. 20 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,039 S1: In one of these days. Maybe today I'll get her 21 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,800 S1: to pick up the phone and call us. Participate here. 22 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,320 S1: But the fact that she invested in this program, that 23 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:23,160 S1: is huge, especially here in the month of June, we're 24 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:28,120 S1: halfway through it, even more than halfway. And a reason 25 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:32,520 S1: to say thank you is of on my heart today. 26 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:37,360 S1: Thank you, Mary, and thank you for supporting what we 27 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,480 S1: do here at the back fence. Being able to have 28 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,800 S1: the book club that we had with Rosie yesterday, a 29 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,720 S1: number of you reached out and said, I never. I've 30 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,000 S1: read Shane before, but I never knew all that was 31 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,280 S1: in there. We have a thank you. This month in 32 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,480 S1: honor of the life and ministry of a hero of mine, 33 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,600 S1: Doctor John Perkins, who passed away in March. I want 34 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:57,680 S1: to send you his parting words to the church on 35 00:01:57,750 --> 00:02:01,030 S1: race and love. Give a gift of any size. Today 36 00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:02,710 S1: we're going to send one to Mary. I want to 37 00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:07,270 S1: send one to you. Call 8669543. Give a gift of 38 00:02:07,270 --> 00:02:13,070 S1: any size (866) 953-2279. Or just go to the website. Chris 39 00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:16,549 S1: Fabry live.org. You'll scroll down and see how you can 40 00:02:16,550 --> 00:02:18,630 S1: give right there. Thank you for your support here in 41 00:02:18,630 --> 00:02:22,710 S1: the month of June. Chris Fabry live.org. If you go there, 42 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:27,030 S1: you'll also find out about Doctor Michelle Watson. Canfield, who 43 00:02:27,030 --> 00:02:30,869 S1: is a national speaker, author, licensed professional counselor, has been 44 00:02:30,870 --> 00:02:35,030 S1: doing that for some 30 years. Founder of the ABA project, 45 00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:38,829 S1: a nine month group forum for dads whose daughters are 46 00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:41,270 S1: in their teens and 20s. Have you heard about the 47 00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:45,430 S1: ABA project? She hosts the award winning The Dad Whisperer podcast, 48 00:02:45,430 --> 00:02:51,790 S1: co-chairs the Father Daughter initiative@fathers.com with her husband, Doctor Ken Canfield. 49 00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:55,549 S1: They live in Fayetteville, Arkansas and are featured resource. Today 50 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:59,829 S1: we have chosen. Let's talk conversation starters for dads and 51 00:02:59,830 --> 00:03:03,750 S1: their daughters. Doctor Canfield, welcome back to the program. How 52 00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:04,670 S1: are you doing, Michel? 53 00:03:04,950 --> 00:03:07,230 S2: Oh, Chris, it's always a joy to join you. Thanks 54 00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:08,109 S2: for having me. 55 00:03:08,790 --> 00:03:11,350 S1: I put a question up on Facebook and I want 56 00:03:11,389 --> 00:03:14,950 S1: to start there because this might be you know, we're 57 00:03:14,950 --> 00:03:18,230 S1: talking with dads, helping dads out with their younger daughters 58 00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:20,710 S1: or teen daughters. But I want to speak to the 59 00:03:20,710 --> 00:03:24,030 S1: women in the audience who are wondering, what do I do? 60 00:03:24,190 --> 00:03:26,390 S1: The question was, what was your dad unable to give 61 00:03:26,389 --> 00:03:30,790 S1: you that you desperately needed? And a couple dozen people 62 00:03:30,790 --> 00:03:34,750 S1: have already responded to that. What would you say? How 63 00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:37,790 S1: would you answer that question, either for yourself or as 64 00:03:37,790 --> 00:03:40,390 S1: you look at the women that you talk with? 65 00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:43,990 S2: Oh my goodness, isn't that a powerful way to start? 66 00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:49,310 S2: Where where we're addressing father wounds or father voids? So 67 00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:52,310 S2: the voids are the absences, the things that we needed 68 00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:55,550 S2: that we didn't get that my mentor would call that 69 00:03:55,550 --> 00:03:59,470 S2: a trauma. The absence of good things or b the 70 00:03:59,470 --> 00:04:02,390 S2: bad things, right? The A and B traumas that we 71 00:04:02,390 --> 00:04:07,230 S2: all have because we're all raised by imperfect human parents. 72 00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:10,950 S2: And so this isn't to rag on dads today, but 73 00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:15,510 S2: it's to say, dad, your daughter especially we're focusing on 74 00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:18,830 S2: that relationship needs things from you that only you as 75 00:04:18,830 --> 00:04:22,790 S2: a dad can give. She needs affirmation from you. She 76 00:04:22,790 --> 00:04:26,390 S2: needs listening from you. She needs support from you and 77 00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:32,030 S2: encouragement from you throughout her lifespan. Single. Married all throughout 78 00:04:32,029 --> 00:04:34,070 S2: her lifespan. She needs you as a dad to dial 79 00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:37,349 S2: into her heart. And that's really what my passionate, my 80 00:04:37,390 --> 00:04:40,590 S2: passionate message is to you as dads today. Never give 81 00:04:40,589 --> 00:04:42,589 S2: up and don't ever stop. 82 00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:45,830 S1: Because you are important. And. And if you look at 83 00:04:45,830 --> 00:04:49,630 S1: the culture in a lot of ways, many people, dads 84 00:04:49,630 --> 00:04:52,510 S1: can feel marginalized by what's going on in the culture. 85 00:04:52,550 --> 00:04:55,549 S1: Things people say in the media, and you can't listen 86 00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:58,670 S1: to that. But also, I think a lot of dads 87 00:04:58,670 --> 00:05:02,830 S1: feel I'm speaking, you know, I'm projecting. Uh, I feel 88 00:05:02,830 --> 00:05:06,790 S1: like I've got to do the exact right thing as 89 00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:09,510 S1: a dad. And I don't want to make a mistake 90 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,630 S1: with my daughter when they were younger and now they're older. 91 00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:14,550 S1: I don't want to make a mistake. And what that 92 00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:17,670 S1: does is paralyze me from being present with them. What 93 00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:19,109 S1: do you say to that kind of dad? 94 00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:22,190 S2: Exactly. Well, a lot of times the way I describe 95 00:05:22,190 --> 00:05:23,670 S2: it is that, you know, we know the book by 96 00:05:23,670 --> 00:05:25,870 S2: John Gray. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. 97 00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:29,669 S2: So on my planet of Venus, as I fly to Mars, 98 00:05:29,670 --> 00:05:31,990 S2: I now say I'm bilingual. Speak my native tongue of 99 00:05:31,990 --> 00:05:35,830 S2: Venusian and some Martian. Is that one of my observations 100 00:05:35,830 --> 00:05:38,070 S2: from traveling to Mars, as I like to call it, 101 00:05:38,070 --> 00:05:40,790 S2: is that I've observed that men would often rather do 102 00:05:40,790 --> 00:05:45,430 S2: nothing than do it wrong. And men. You're smart enough 103 00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:47,750 S2: and wise enough at times to go. You know what. 104 00:05:48,029 --> 00:05:50,549 S2: As she gets older, she's more emotional, more verbal. I'm 105 00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:53,780 S2: making it worse. So I'm going to back off and 106 00:05:53,779 --> 00:05:56,980 S2: let mom, you know, go in and kind of take 107 00:05:56,980 --> 00:06:00,260 S2: the front here. And dad, that's the exact opposite because 108 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:02,540 S2: what you've got to know is doing nothing is doing 109 00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:05,940 S2: it wrong. And I know you want to do it right. 110 00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:08,580 S2: So like you said, Chris, if a dad says, I 111 00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:10,100 S2: don't want to make it worse and I don't want 112 00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:13,980 S2: to make a mistake, I think this is about failing forward. 113 00:06:14,339 --> 00:06:16,700 S2: I love that concept. It's not that you're going to 114 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:19,260 S2: get it all right, but when you come with humility 115 00:06:19,260 --> 00:06:21,779 S2: and say things to your daughter like, I know I 116 00:06:21,779 --> 00:06:26,299 S2: don't understand, say that she's having a meltdown. You don't understand, dad. 117 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:29,220 S2: You never have. You get to lean in and say, 118 00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:32,060 S2: you're right, I don't. I've never been a girl. I've 119 00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:35,300 S2: never been your age. I've never been your gender. But 120 00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:39,460 S2: I want to understand. Can you help me understand? So. 121 00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:42,539 S2: Got it. Three parts. I know I don't understand, but 122 00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:46,900 S2: I want to understand. Help me understand goes a long 123 00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:50,540 S2: way to bridging the gap between where she is and 124 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,500 S2: where you want to be and where you are now. 125 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:56,820 S1: This is in a, in a sense, the listener speaker 126 00:06:56,820 --> 00:07:01,260 S1: technique of hearing her, of saying, okay, what I hear 127 00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:05,300 S1: you saying is this, am I getting that right? And 128 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,260 S1: then moving, taking the next step forward. Right. 129 00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:13,500 S2: Exactly, exactly. And saying, teach me. I think another great 130 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,580 S2: question because you, Chris, we've talked so many times and 131 00:07:16,580 --> 00:07:19,740 S2: I love the fact that you're a wise, seasoned dad. 132 00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:22,900 S2: You're a girl dad to five daughters, you know. And, 133 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,820 S2: you know, I'm the oldest of four daughters. So you 134 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:27,380 S2: and I speak a similar language from both sides of this. 135 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,540 S2: You as a dad, me as a daughter. And what 136 00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:33,100 S2: we're saying to dads is that there are practical ways 137 00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:34,940 S2: that you can bridge the gap. It's okay if you 138 00:07:34,940 --> 00:07:37,860 S2: don't have the language already, you know, in your mind. 139 00:07:37,860 --> 00:07:40,460 S2: Or maybe your dad didn't model this to you, but 140 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,940 S2: we're giving you practical action steps, ways that today you 141 00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:47,300 S2: can reach your daughter's heart. And one of those other 142 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:51,220 S2: questions you can ask is ask your doctor of any age. 143 00:07:51,540 --> 00:07:54,380 S2: Tell me how I can be a better dad to 144 00:07:54,420 --> 00:07:59,220 S2: you today. What do you need today from me? And 145 00:07:59,220 --> 00:08:02,500 S2: it's a great conversation starter where a daughter may have 146 00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:05,220 S2: more than one idea for you, but it gets the 147 00:08:05,220 --> 00:08:08,940 S2: conversation started where you come and say, here's my heart. 148 00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:11,180 S2: I want to be a better dad, and I want 149 00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:13,140 S2: you to tell me one thing I can do today. 150 00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:15,860 S1: But there are a lot of daughters who would shut 151 00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:19,900 S1: down at that, and they would say, uh, I don't, 152 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:23,980 S1: I don't know, because they, they, they don't have a 153 00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:27,020 S1: vision that their dad can be somebody in their life, 154 00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:30,860 S1: that they know who is present, who does care about 155 00:08:30,860 --> 00:08:33,580 S1: them and show them the kind of love. Jen said 156 00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:36,699 S1: this in answer to my question online. What was your 157 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:39,180 S1: dad unable to give you that you desperately needed? She 158 00:08:39,179 --> 00:08:42,580 S1: said the same things he desperately needed but didn't get 159 00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:47,620 S1: affirmation and spoken love, tender touch, emotional connection. But then 160 00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:51,210 S1: she says, now we're learning together. Isn't that good? 161 00:08:51,250 --> 00:08:56,010 S2: Wow. That's powerful. We're learning together. See, that's the thing. 162 00:08:56,010 --> 00:09:00,050 S2: If a dad comes with humility, is teachable and open. 163 00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:03,530 S2: It's never too late, is it, Chris? It's. It's never 164 00:09:03,530 --> 00:09:07,209 S2: too late for a dad to start learning more about 165 00:09:07,210 --> 00:09:08,010 S2: his daughter. 166 00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:10,170 S1: And for a dad to be able to say if 167 00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:13,810 S1: he's worried about making a mistake, to be able to say, 168 00:09:13,850 --> 00:09:16,610 S1: you know what? I got that so wrong. I'm so sorry. 169 00:09:17,130 --> 00:09:19,370 S1: I want another chance here. You know, and to and 170 00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:22,690 S1: to say, I'm not giving up. I'm not going to retreat. 171 00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:25,970 S1: But it's so easy to retreat. And that's why I'm 172 00:09:25,970 --> 00:09:30,530 S1: so glad the dad whisperer's with us doctor Michelle Watson Canfield. 173 00:09:30,809 --> 00:09:35,010 S1: Featured resource is let's talk conversation starters for dads and daughters. 174 00:09:35,010 --> 00:09:39,170 S1: You can find it linked@chris.org. Two people I want to 175 00:09:39,210 --> 00:09:42,530 S1: call here today, maybe three. One is the dad who says, 176 00:09:42,530 --> 00:09:44,730 S1: I don't have a clue what to do. I really 177 00:09:44,730 --> 00:09:48,210 S1: want to love my daughter Well. And. And you need 178 00:09:48,210 --> 00:09:55,050 S1: some help. I've got the dad whisperer right here. Eight. Seven. Seven. Five. Four. Eight. Three. Six. Seven. Five. 179 00:09:55,330 --> 00:09:57,970 S1: Or maybe you're a daughter. And you're saying I want 180 00:09:58,010 --> 00:09:59,490 S1: to connect with my dad, but I don't know how 181 00:09:59,490 --> 00:10:01,170 S1: to do that. Is there anything that I can do 182 00:10:01,170 --> 00:10:04,450 S1: to kind of prime the pump? Love to hear from you. 183 00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:09,170 S1: Or if you are an older person and not you 184 00:10:09,170 --> 00:10:11,170 S1: don't have to be in your hundreds, you know, you 185 00:10:11,170 --> 00:10:14,890 S1: could be in your 50s and you've got that father 186 00:10:14,890 --> 00:10:18,370 S1: wound that Michelle just talked about, and you want to 187 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:24,569 S1: know how to get over that. Give us a call (877) 548-3675. 188 00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:28,370 S1: Our number doctor Michelle Watson Canfield is with us today 189 00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:37,090 S1: at the radio backyard fence (877) 548-3675. Getting dads and daughters 190 00:10:37,090 --> 00:10:52,490 S1: together today at the radio backyard fence. Father's Day is 191 00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:54,410 S1: coming up on Sunday, and we're going to talk about 192 00:10:54,410 --> 00:10:58,290 S1: dads and daughters today and getting them together, as well 193 00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:01,530 S1: as talk about some of the the father wounds that 194 00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:05,250 S1: many women still deal with. And if that's you, stay 195 00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:07,449 S1: with us. There's more to come right here with Doctor 196 00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:10,530 S1: Michelle Watson Canfield. We have a link to her website. 197 00:11:10,530 --> 00:11:14,490 S1: You can read her blog. You can watch her podcast, 198 00:11:14,890 --> 00:11:19,569 S1: which she does the Dad Whisperer podcast as well as 199 00:11:19,610 --> 00:11:23,170 S1: see the book. Let's talk conversation starters for dads and 200 00:11:23,170 --> 00:11:26,530 S1: daughters and the book dad, here's what I really need 201 00:11:26,530 --> 00:11:31,089 S1: from you. All of those resources linked at Chris Fabry live.org. 202 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:37,450 S1: Chris Fabry dot ORG. Daughter wounds for the adult daughter 203 00:11:37,970 --> 00:11:41,570 S1: who is this is a haunting thing for her. What 204 00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:42,210 S1: do you say? 205 00:11:43,210 --> 00:11:44,850 S2: Well, first of all, I just want to say from 206 00:11:44,850 --> 00:11:49,050 S2: my heart to yours. I'm so sorry that you're hurt. 207 00:11:49,450 --> 00:11:53,250 S2: I'm sorry that you've been hurt by a dad who 208 00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:56,770 S2: perhaps hasn't looked at his own wounds, right? Because hurt people, 209 00:11:56,809 --> 00:11:59,250 S2: hurt people. So I just want to start by saying 210 00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:03,490 S2: I'm sorry. And my heart hurts with yours. And I 211 00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:07,209 S2: also want to challenge you to begin to take steps 212 00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:12,010 S2: forward in a healing process. Because if you stay stuck 213 00:12:12,010 --> 00:12:15,890 S2: in a wound, you'll make poor decisions right out of 214 00:12:15,890 --> 00:12:18,010 S2: the place of the wound. Just like happens when we 215 00:12:18,010 --> 00:12:22,370 S2: have physical wounds, right? We're limited in mobility by the 216 00:12:22,370 --> 00:12:25,530 S2: places physically where we have injury. Well, it's the same 217 00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:28,569 S2: on the inside. And so what I would love to, 218 00:12:28,610 --> 00:12:31,970 S2: to just share, Chris, is a model that I use 219 00:12:32,370 --> 00:12:36,810 S2: where I take the word heal HEAL, and this isn't 220 00:12:36,809 --> 00:12:38,730 S2: in any way, shape or form meant to be a 221 00:12:38,730 --> 00:12:42,720 S2: pat answer. Like what we know about process is it 222 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:46,040 S2: takes time. And so this isn't saying you can do 223 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:49,080 S2: this in one day. But Chris, what do you say? 224 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,760 S2: Do you think it would be helpful to give a 225 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:54,000 S2: model if there's a daughter listening that says, I have 226 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,320 S2: been stuck? I call it being in a hamster wheel. 227 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,199 S2: You go around and around and around, but you don't 228 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,240 S2: get out of the cage. 229 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,800 S1: Well, and this will go for dads too, who had 230 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,000 S1: a father wound or, you know, any kind of any 231 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,240 S1: kind of wound. So yeah, you're right. HEAL. What is 232 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:08,800 S1: that across? 233 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:15,160 S2: Yes. So h is honestly face the hurt. So sometimes, 234 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,800 S2: I mean, maybe this is just my experience, but I'm 235 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:21,200 S2: a pastor, conservative Baptist pastor's daughter went to Bible college. 236 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,439 S2: I've been in worship and youth ministry for a lot 237 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:26,600 S2: of my adult life. And a lot of times I 238 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,160 S2: heard the message of, you know, forgive and move on 239 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,760 S2: and just, you know, let bygones be bygones, forget what 240 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,439 S2: lies behind. And then, you know, what do you do 241 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:40,160 S2: when you're still triggered and activated by a wound? I 242 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,640 S2: think you got to start by being honest about the 243 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:46,480 S2: fact that the wound is there. You've named it. You've 244 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,720 S2: you've given that a voice and you've described it, which 245 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:53,959 S2: leads to e express the pain, which means how do 246 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,319 S2: you get it out? Cry it out. Talk it out, 247 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:01,280 S2: journal it out. I have a friend who? Chris. He 248 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:05,120 S2: he bought, like one of those boxing. I don't know 249 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:06,560 S2: what you even call them. You know, they hang from 250 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:08,160 S2: the ceiling, kind of boxing. 251 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:09,400 S1: The bag. 252 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:10,200 S2: Punching bag. 253 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:11,320 S1: Punching bag. Yeah. 254 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:15,000 S2: You know, and he would beat out the intense anger 255 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,480 S2: he had inside, but he got it out in a 256 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,520 S2: safe way. Right. That didn't, you know, spill out to relationships. 257 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:26,520 S2: It went into an inanimate object. So expressing the pain. 258 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,120 S2: Talk it out, cry it out, run it out, get 259 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:34,520 S2: it out a allow another to walk with you. Because 260 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:38,040 S2: so often we've been hurt within the context of relationship 261 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,640 S2: and we heal within the context of a relationship. So 262 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,960 S2: the question is, how do we then take a step 263 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,840 S2: to trusting someone to hear our story and hear our 264 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,240 S2: pain as we express that to them? And then L 265 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:58,120 S2: is let go, which is forgive, which I know is hard, hard, hard, especially, 266 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,680 S2: as Neil Anderson says in Steps to Freedom in Christ. 267 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,760 S2: It's because it goes against our concept of justice. We 268 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,240 S2: want someone to pay. But but what I love that, 269 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,640 S2: he says, is we're still hooked to the person we 270 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,120 S2: haven't forgiven. And so a practice that I've done for 271 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,120 S2: the last nine months in my own life with some 272 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,640 S2: of my own father wounds and stuff going on in 273 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,760 S2: my family, is every morning I wake up and my 274 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:24,720 S2: let go forgive processes. I acknowledge the pain, I send 275 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,880 S2: it to the cross. And then as I've been forgiven, 276 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,920 S2: I say I'm forgiving. I'm choosing that with my will. 277 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,840 S2: And then I pray number six, 24 through 26 over 278 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,240 S2: those that have hurt me, which is a blessing, right? 279 00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:39,870 S2: May the Lord bless you and keep you. Make his 280 00:15:39,870 --> 00:15:41,950 S2: face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. 281 00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:45,430 S2: May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and 282 00:15:45,430 --> 00:15:48,190 S2: always give you his peace, so that there's a blessing 283 00:15:48,230 --> 00:15:50,790 S2: to counter what may feel like a curse. So let 284 00:15:50,790 --> 00:15:54,030 S2: me just review those. If you're in a place, dad 285 00:15:54,030 --> 00:15:58,150 S2: or daughter, where you're stuck in the wound is honestly. 286 00:15:58,150 --> 00:16:02,990 S2: Face the hurt. Express the pain. Allow another to walk 287 00:16:02,990 --> 00:16:06,070 S2: with you and let go. Forgive. 288 00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:10,030 S1: Okay, I've got a couple of questions about that, but 289 00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:12,510 S1: I've got Molly on the line who I think fits 290 00:16:12,550 --> 00:16:14,710 S1: right in here. Molly, why did you call today? 291 00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:19,150 S3: Because I want to find a way to get over these. 292 00:16:19,430 --> 00:16:23,270 S3: These wounds from my childhood and my teenage years. And 293 00:16:23,590 --> 00:16:26,230 S3: I want to move forward with my dad. I don't 294 00:16:26,230 --> 00:16:29,830 S3: want to be stuck in in a past of where 295 00:16:29,830 --> 00:16:34,870 S3: there's hurt and even sometimes resentment. 296 00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:36,510 S4: Yes. Yeah. 297 00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:43,350 S1: So you feel almost like in in bondage to that 298 00:16:43,390 --> 00:16:46,510 S1: hurt that's back there and you can't break out of it. 299 00:16:46,550 --> 00:16:47,750 S1: Is that right, Molly? 300 00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:52,710 S3: I very much do, yes. I've been trying to to 301 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:55,070 S3: even some of those things that you were just talking 302 00:16:55,070 --> 00:16:58,950 S3: about with using the word heal. I've been trying to 303 00:16:58,950 --> 00:17:01,230 S3: work on some of those things and I think I've 304 00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:06,350 S3: made progress. But Satan is always there to remind me. 305 00:17:06,910 --> 00:17:09,229 S5: Isn't that one of the things, though? That's one of 306 00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:10,910 S5: the things that we think that. 307 00:17:10,950 --> 00:17:13,710 S1: We especially that let go and forgive at the end, 308 00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:16,950 S1: you know, release them. And the next morning you wake 309 00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:18,950 S1: up and you're thinking about it again is, oh, I'm 310 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:22,830 S1: a failure. No you're not. You're not a failure. Right. Michelle. 311 00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:28,070 S2: Exactly. Because of the process involved. And so one of 312 00:17:28,070 --> 00:17:30,510 S2: the things that I found really helpful and Molly, I 313 00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:34,230 S2: wonder for you is have you had a safe witness 314 00:17:34,350 --> 00:17:37,310 S2: to the pain. Have you been doing it within yourself, 315 00:17:37,310 --> 00:17:39,390 S2: or have you been able to get to that a 316 00:17:39,430 --> 00:17:42,310 S2: where you have a safe witness, somebody who has walked 317 00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:45,950 S2: with you that's bearing witness to the pain you've suffered 318 00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:50,350 S2: as you're releasing it? Because that's. James 516. Confess or 319 00:17:50,350 --> 00:17:54,070 S2: speak out one to another so you may be healed. 320 00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:58,149 S3: Yeah, I have not done that. No, it's been just 321 00:17:58,150 --> 00:17:59,110 S3: within me. 322 00:18:00,270 --> 00:18:02,870 S2: So that might be your next action step because again, 323 00:18:02,910 --> 00:18:05,310 S2: don't you love the power of the word? You know, 324 00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:08,110 S2: we're in James five, it says, confess or speak out 325 00:18:08,109 --> 00:18:10,590 S2: your sin one to another. But I think it's even 326 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,030 S2: the things that have been done to us that when 327 00:18:13,030 --> 00:18:16,190 S2: we give it a voice, we name it and then 328 00:18:16,190 --> 00:18:18,830 S2: we claim it. That's the second part. Like, what impact 329 00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:24,230 S2: has that injury had? And there's such power in even 330 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:27,590 S2: the places in our brain where information can move from 331 00:18:27,590 --> 00:18:29,710 S2: the place in our brain. I won't go into all 332 00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:31,869 S2: the names of it, but there's a part of our 333 00:18:31,869 --> 00:18:35,060 S2: brain that stores traumatic memory. And then there's a part 334 00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:38,820 S2: that stores narrative memory. So when we tell the story, 335 00:18:38,859 --> 00:18:42,540 S2: it aligns with scripture about speaking that out one to 336 00:18:42,540 --> 00:18:44,260 S2: another so we may be healed. 337 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:48,140 S1: Molly, your dad still living, right? 338 00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:49,940 S3: He is. Yeah. 339 00:18:50,340 --> 00:18:53,500 S1: And with Father's Day coming up this weekend, how do 340 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,580 S1: you feel about that? What what what are you going 341 00:18:55,619 --> 00:18:58,060 S1: to do or what's in your in your heart? 342 00:18:59,060 --> 00:19:01,180 S3: Well, I love my dad. I want us to have 343 00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:04,500 S3: a good relationship. I want us to I mean, he's 344 00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,660 S3: getting up there in years and I want to have 345 00:19:06,660 --> 00:19:09,340 S3: time with him and I want to spend time with him. 346 00:19:09,820 --> 00:19:11,700 S3: I want to I want to be with him. I 347 00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:16,220 S3: don't I don't want these wounds to hold me back 348 00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:20,380 S3: from having a good relationship with my dad, because I 349 00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:24,620 S3: feel like it's it spirals to my kids. I feel 350 00:19:24,619 --> 00:19:28,140 S3: like it spirals to my relationship with the Lord because 351 00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:31,860 S3: I look at him as I do my dad at times. 352 00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:32,700 S4: Bingo. 353 00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:35,899 S1: Yeah. And that was another question we had on Facebook. 354 00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:39,379 S1: Susan said, how do I prevent the earthly father wound 355 00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:44,420 S1: from damaging my Heavenly Father relationship with God himself? What 356 00:19:44,420 --> 00:19:45,580 S1: do you say to that, Michel? 357 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,899 S2: Well, I think what courageous women hear, you know, Molly 358 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:53,540 S2: and these these women saying, I'm I'm putting that together 359 00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:57,780 S2: because there's a quote that says perception is projection. So 360 00:19:57,820 --> 00:20:00,260 S2: if if we have a perception of our earthly father 361 00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:03,979 S2: that we've projected onto God as a father, it makes sense, 362 00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:06,860 S2: doesn't it, that the father of lies Jesus called him 363 00:20:06,859 --> 00:20:11,100 S2: in John 844 called Satan, not the CEO of lies, 364 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:16,020 S2: the instigator of lies. He's a counterfeit father, right? Who 365 00:20:16,020 --> 00:20:18,739 S2: wants to undermine, at the end of the day, our 366 00:20:18,740 --> 00:20:21,980 S2: relationship with God as a father, as a healer. So 367 00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:24,060 S2: one of the things, Molly, that I've found in my 368 00:20:24,060 --> 00:20:26,900 S2: own life is that I grew up where it was 369 00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:29,820 S2: a lot. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus as my healer. And then 370 00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:33,540 S2: Holy Spirit was another segment of my life. But when 371 00:20:33,540 --> 00:20:37,540 S2: I realized that God is a father wants to refer 372 00:20:37,780 --> 00:20:42,260 S2: me an ABBA father, a daddy. Well, the best place 373 00:20:42,260 --> 00:20:44,500 S2: to learn about his heart for me is in the 374 00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:47,540 S2: letter he's written right in the word. And I love 375 00:20:47,540 --> 00:20:51,460 S2: that in Romans 816 and 17 where it says, The 376 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:55,939 S2: Holy Spirit cries out, ABBA, father! One of my friends, 377 00:20:55,940 --> 00:21:00,020 S2: Doctor David Eckman, says, here's what that means. That you, 378 00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:04,380 S2: the Holy Spirit, is shouting, you've got a dad! Take 379 00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:09,460 S2: your pain to your dad. Isn't that beautiful? And I 380 00:21:09,460 --> 00:21:11,859 S2: know that it's not a quick fix, but it's saying, 381 00:21:11,859 --> 00:21:14,060 S2: God is a father. I invite you to come and 382 00:21:14,060 --> 00:21:17,900 S2: wrap your presence, your embrace around me to heal the 383 00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:22,419 S2: father wounds that are real. And I think even Molly 384 00:21:22,420 --> 00:21:25,340 S2: and other practical thing that may be helpful is to 385 00:21:25,380 --> 00:21:27,859 S2: write a letter that you don't even give to your dad, 386 00:21:27,859 --> 00:21:31,260 S2: but you give a voice to what's happened and what's 387 00:21:31,260 --> 00:21:34,540 S2: still hurting, and you can picture yourself laying that at 388 00:21:34,540 --> 00:21:38,660 S2: the foot of the cross and then saying, ABBA, Father God, 389 00:21:38,700 --> 00:21:41,700 S2: Heavenly father, come and come and love on me in 390 00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:44,740 S2: a way that only you can show me through nature, 391 00:21:44,740 --> 00:21:48,580 S2: through songs, through worship, through the word that you love 392 00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:51,340 S2: me like only a dad can. Because you know me 393 00:21:51,340 --> 00:21:52,340 S2: that intimately. 394 00:21:53,220 --> 00:21:56,139 S1: I have a lot of hope for you, Molly. Number one. 395 00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:58,300 S1: Because I can hear in your voice. You really do 396 00:21:58,300 --> 00:22:01,100 S1: mean this. You really want this relationship with your dad. 397 00:22:01,100 --> 00:22:03,260 S1: But number two, you called. And if you didn't have 398 00:22:03,260 --> 00:22:07,340 S1: any hope, you wouldn't call. And you did, because this 399 00:22:07,340 --> 00:22:10,700 S1: is right where you are and right and and, and 400 00:22:10,740 --> 00:22:14,859 S1: God is walking with you through that wound and that struggle. 401 00:22:14,859 --> 00:22:16,060 S1: Do you believe that, Molly? 402 00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:18,540 S3: I do, I do. 403 00:22:19,020 --> 00:22:19,780 S4: Good for you. 404 00:22:19,980 --> 00:22:23,500 S1: I'm so glad you called. You don't know how many people, 405 00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:26,420 S1: how many other women are in the same situation that 406 00:22:26,420 --> 00:22:28,489 S1: you're in that you spoke for them today. Thank you 407 00:22:28,490 --> 00:22:29,290 S1: for doing that. 408 00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:33,369 S3: Thank you for giving me the opportunity. 409 00:22:34,410 --> 00:22:36,770 S1: There's Molly and I have hope for her. And I 410 00:22:36,770 --> 00:22:40,170 S1: know Michelle, you do as well. But my question then 411 00:22:40,170 --> 00:22:43,610 S1: jumping off from what she just said is, okay, how 412 00:22:43,609 --> 00:22:46,530 S1: do you find that person to walk with you? How 413 00:22:46,530 --> 00:22:48,410 S1: do what do you say to the woman who says, 414 00:22:48,410 --> 00:22:51,210 S1: I thought I found somebody? And then they told me 415 00:22:51,210 --> 00:22:55,210 S1: just to move on, to stop obsessing about my dad and, 416 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:57,050 S1: you know, move past it. Like you were saying a 417 00:22:57,050 --> 00:22:59,969 S1: little earlier, Paul said, the things that are behind me, 418 00:23:00,490 --> 00:23:03,530 S1: they told me that. How do you find the person 419 00:23:03,730 --> 00:23:05,530 S1: who's not going to preach to you? 420 00:23:06,369 --> 00:23:09,050 S2: Yeah, well, it may mean you have to go through 421 00:23:09,050 --> 00:23:11,650 S2: a bunch of people till you find somebody who's done 422 00:23:11,650 --> 00:23:14,929 S2: their own work. That's what I've found. If if someone 423 00:23:14,930 --> 00:23:17,970 S2: has gone through their own process of healing, they'll never 424 00:23:17,970 --> 00:23:20,570 S2: tell someone to do a quick fix. Because we all 425 00:23:20,609 --> 00:23:24,570 S2: realize process takes time. And so it may be that 426 00:23:24,609 --> 00:23:27,250 S2: you'll have to find a professional, right? You may have 427 00:23:27,250 --> 00:23:30,610 S2: to pay a counselor who's trained in how to do 428 00:23:30,690 --> 00:23:34,690 S2: trauma processing without a quick fix to walk you through 429 00:23:34,690 --> 00:23:37,410 S2: a process of healing. But I can tell you like 430 00:23:37,450 --> 00:23:39,930 S2: I have a lot of grandfather wounds, too. I was 431 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:43,530 S2: I was molested by my grandfather, I'll just be honest here. 432 00:23:43,890 --> 00:23:48,090 S2: And I projected a lot of that father woundedness onto 433 00:23:48,130 --> 00:23:50,290 S2: God as a father for a lot of my life too. 434 00:23:50,690 --> 00:23:53,890 S2: And I had to find a counselor who walked with 435 00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:56,770 S2: me for a long time through a lot of the layers, 436 00:23:57,050 --> 00:24:01,050 S2: because we know there's mental impact, there's emotional impact, there's 437 00:24:01,090 --> 00:24:05,409 S2: physical impact, there's social impact, right? There's all these layers 438 00:24:05,609 --> 00:24:09,370 S2: of impact, of wounding. But I'm living proof that we 439 00:24:09,369 --> 00:24:13,330 S2: can heal. We can heal. I mean, our bodies do it, 440 00:24:13,330 --> 00:24:15,689 S2: don't they? And then what I love about a broken 441 00:24:15,690 --> 00:24:19,410 S2: bone is don't doctors say, Chris, that once there's healing, 442 00:24:19,810 --> 00:24:22,649 S2: you won't break in that same spot again and it's 443 00:24:22,650 --> 00:24:24,610 S2: stronger than before the break. 444 00:24:24,850 --> 00:24:25,330 S4: Yes. 445 00:24:26,130 --> 00:24:29,409 S1: It's. It's like the kintsugi. Are you familiar with the 446 00:24:29,410 --> 00:24:33,050 S1: Japanese art of kintsugi? So they put the the broken 447 00:24:33,050 --> 00:24:37,050 S1: places are the strongest places in the pottery, and they are. 448 00:24:37,090 --> 00:24:40,889 S1: And they are beautiful in their brokenness because of the 449 00:24:40,930 --> 00:24:43,970 S1: gold lacquer that is that is put in there. Did 450 00:24:43,970 --> 00:24:46,690 S1: you I don't know if we have time. Did you 451 00:24:47,130 --> 00:24:50,290 S1: do that with your grandfather? Did you forgive your grandfather? 452 00:24:50,290 --> 00:24:53,770 S1: But at the same time have distance. Maybe we should 453 00:24:53,770 --> 00:24:55,330 S1: come back. And I want to ask you that when 454 00:24:55,330 --> 00:24:57,369 S1: we have our next segment, and we'll take more of 455 00:24:57,369 --> 00:25:02,570 S1: your calls. Doctor Michelle Watson Canfield is our featured resource 456 00:25:03,130 --> 00:25:07,250 S1: and speaker here today at the back fence. Chris Fabry live.org. 457 00:25:07,450 --> 00:25:10,490 S1: Click through today's information. You'll see that book. Let's talk 458 00:25:10,490 --> 00:25:13,570 S1: that we were talking about earlier conversation starters for dads 459 00:25:13,570 --> 00:25:18,050 S1: and daughters and another dad. Here's what I really need 460 00:25:18,050 --> 00:25:22,960 S1: from you. Both of those are linked at Chris dot elevate.org. 461 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:27,359 S1: Chris dot ORG. And I want to hear from you today. 462 00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,800 S1: What is your question? What is your father wound that 463 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:33,199 S1: you're dealing with as an adult daughter or dads? I 464 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,840 S1: want to hear from you. Is there a situation with 465 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,080 S1: your daughter and you don't know how to break through? 466 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:44,960 S1: You don't know how. You're scared. Eight. Seven. Seven. Five. Four. Eight. Three. Six. Seven. Five. 467 00:25:45,240 --> 00:26:00,920 S1: More straight ahead on Moody Radio. The dad whisperer is back. 468 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,239 S1: Michelle Watson Canfield. That's the title of her podcast. You 469 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,120 S1: can find out more about her, some of the books 470 00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:12,320 S1: that she has written at Chris fabry.org. Chris Fabriclive dot ORG. 471 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:17,959 S1: And in that last segment, something hit my mind. And 472 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,480 S1: I remember a book by Becky Hertling. It was a 473 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:25,600 S1: six week Bible study on the Lord's Prayer titled Our Father. 474 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,840 S1: And she says in that book she says, I am 475 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,880 S1: no stranger to father issues. My father, though in ministry, 476 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:37,240 S1: was abusive spiritually, emotionally, physically and sexually. I remember well 477 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,720 S1: the counselor who told me I had to separate my 478 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:44,040 S1: earthly father from my Heavenly Father. I'm not going to lie, 479 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,359 S1: it wasn't easy. I spent countless hours on my knees 480 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,680 S1: asking God for a new picture of him as my father, 481 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,399 S1: and in that first section, it just brought me, stopped 482 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:58,040 S1: me short when she asked this question. When she's dealing 483 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,960 S1: with our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, 484 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:06,119 S1: she said, how might your life look different if you 485 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:11,439 S1: truly believed God the Father was madly in love with 486 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:17,199 S1: you and delighted to give you good gifts, if you 487 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:22,080 S1: really believed that. How would it change your life? Would 488 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:25,680 S1: your life be any different? And my answer to that 489 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,359 S1: question was, if I really believe that, I would trust 490 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:33,280 S1: him completely, meaning I don't. I mean, there are there 491 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,520 S1: are places in my life where I want control, and 492 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,400 S1: I think I have to fill in because he might 493 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:42,280 S1: not see he might not notice, you know, he's busy. 494 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,879 S1: Whatever it is, how might your life look different if 495 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:49,400 S1: you truly believed God the Father was madly in love 496 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,360 S1: with you and delighted to give you good gifts. Michelle, 497 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,000 S1: how do you respond to that question? 498 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:55,080 S4: MM. 499 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,760 S2: I have the biggest smile on my face just hearing 500 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,840 S2: you read what this other woman has written, because it's 501 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,960 S2: a game changer. And one of the things that has 502 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,560 S2: helped me, and even in my clinical work with clients is, 503 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,240 S2: is often, I'll say, start with the member of the 504 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,639 S2: Trinity that you do feel the most comfortable with, because 505 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:15,920 S2: we know that they're 3 in 1 and they don't 506 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,359 S2: do anything apart from each other, But start with the 507 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,640 S2: one that you do feel the most connected to. Usually 508 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,600 S2: for a lot of people, it's Jesus. Some people it's 509 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,600 S2: Holy Spirit, and then you can ask that one to 510 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,320 S2: introduce you to God as a father is. Then you 511 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,840 S2: go through the portal of the one you do trust 512 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,400 S2: and that you do know, because the more you know 513 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,120 S2: who you are and whose you are, you are a 514 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,800 S2: daughter of the Most High God. Right? Romans says you 515 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,840 S2: are an heir of God, a co-heir with Christ. You 516 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,760 S2: are royalty. Your name is written on the palm of God, 517 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:58,360 S2: the Father's hand. You are chosen. You are loved. In fact, 518 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:02,720 S2: one of my favorite verses is about fathering is right 519 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:06,240 S2: in the middle of Luke 15. It's verse 20 where 520 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,280 S2: it's all red letter. If you have a red letter 521 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:12,200 S2: Bible where Jesus is telling a parable of the prodigal son. 522 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,600 S2: So it's all red letter. And what Jesus is saying is, 523 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,750 S2: I want you to know my dad, and I'm going 524 00:29:17,790 --> 00:29:20,590 S2: to tell you the story right of the prodigal. The 525 00:29:20,590 --> 00:29:25,030 S2: younger son goes off squalor, right? Blows his money living 526 00:29:25,030 --> 00:29:29,310 S2: with the pigs. But there's five things Jesus is saying 527 00:29:29,310 --> 00:29:33,430 S2: that dad did that he's saying is the true truth 528 00:29:33,870 --> 00:29:37,430 S2: of my father in heaven, who we also know he's 529 00:29:37,430 --> 00:29:42,030 S2: saying is also our father right in heaven. One the 530 00:29:42,030 --> 00:29:47,870 S2: dad sees his son coming. Number two, he's filled with compassion. 531 00:29:48,510 --> 00:29:52,630 S2: Number three, the dad initiates and runs towards the son. 532 00:29:52,790 --> 00:29:59,350 S2: Four embraces and five kisses in a some. I've had 533 00:29:59,350 --> 00:30:01,510 S2: someone go, oh, that's really gross to think of that 534 00:30:01,510 --> 00:30:04,590 S2: I have sexual abuse or physical abuse from my dad, 535 00:30:04,590 --> 00:30:06,550 S2: but I love to get a picture almost of a 536 00:30:06,550 --> 00:30:08,830 S2: dog getting excited when you walk in the door and 537 00:30:08,830 --> 00:30:12,270 S2: just licking your face like, so happy you're there. And 538 00:30:12,670 --> 00:30:16,470 S2: those are five things Jesus said, My father and your 539 00:30:16,470 --> 00:30:19,830 S2: father have to give you. He sees you. He's filled 540 00:30:19,830 --> 00:30:24,230 S2: with compassion. He's initiating and coming toward you. He will 541 00:30:24,230 --> 00:30:26,830 S2: embrace you and kiss you. And so as you begin 542 00:30:26,830 --> 00:30:29,110 S2: to ask God as a father to make himself known 543 00:30:29,110 --> 00:30:32,190 S2: to you, I believe Jesus and Holy Spirit will honor 544 00:30:32,190 --> 00:30:35,670 S2: that prayer and introduce you to their dad, to your. 545 00:30:35,710 --> 00:30:36,030 S4: Dad. 546 00:30:36,350 --> 00:30:37,030 S2: But when he calls. 547 00:30:37,030 --> 00:30:37,590 S4: Father. 548 00:30:37,750 --> 00:30:39,630 S1: You know, there's also a robe and a ring and 549 00:30:39,630 --> 00:30:40,990 S1: a party to, you know. 550 00:30:41,030 --> 00:30:41,550 S4: Come on. 551 00:30:41,630 --> 00:30:43,750 S1: There's dinner and there's, there's. 552 00:30:43,790 --> 00:30:44,110 S4: There's. 553 00:30:44,150 --> 00:30:49,270 S1: Joy and there's that delight that you're describing right there. 554 00:30:49,270 --> 00:30:51,990 S1: And you can see, uh, if you close your eyes 555 00:30:51,990 --> 00:30:55,310 S1: and you just picture that dad running, there's, there's tears 556 00:30:55,310 --> 00:30:58,430 S1: in his eyes. My son, my son has come home. 557 00:30:59,030 --> 00:31:00,870 S1: And then, and then you have to deal with the other, 558 00:31:00,910 --> 00:31:04,030 S1: the other son as well. And that's a, that's another 559 00:31:04,030 --> 00:31:07,870 S1: can of worms, can of worms that some people where 560 00:31:07,870 --> 00:31:12,710 S1: they are. And it's, it's reality. It's what what you're 561 00:31:12,710 --> 00:31:14,630 S1: dealing with. I'm going to hold the question about your 562 00:31:14,630 --> 00:31:18,150 S1: granddad and get Cynthia in here in Florida. Cynthia, why 563 00:31:18,150 --> 00:31:19,110 S1: did you call today? 564 00:31:20,710 --> 00:31:24,390 S6: Oh, there was a caller that stirred me to call in. 565 00:31:24,390 --> 00:31:31,110 S6: And my story is I was, uh, um, I really 566 00:31:31,110 --> 00:31:34,110 S6: had anger issues with my father being raised up with 567 00:31:34,110 --> 00:31:39,630 S6: him favoring, uh, my sister over me. So I had 568 00:31:39,630 --> 00:31:42,070 S6: a lot of anger issues, but the Lord was, uh, 569 00:31:42,070 --> 00:31:45,430 S6: gradually drawing me in and stirring me. I didn't even 570 00:31:45,430 --> 00:31:47,830 S6: have it. Yeah, I did, I started getting thoughts. I 571 00:31:47,830 --> 00:31:50,470 S6: think the Holy Spirit was moving with me. I want 572 00:31:50,510 --> 00:31:53,870 S6: to go visit my dad. And then the voice would say, 573 00:31:53,870 --> 00:31:57,670 S6: but remember what he did to you. And I would stop. 574 00:31:57,950 --> 00:32:00,670 S6: But I kept going to visit my, my father with 575 00:32:00,670 --> 00:32:05,950 S6: my daughter. And one night at the dinner table, my father, um, 576 00:32:05,990 --> 00:32:09,510 S6: he had been going to church and he, uh, he 577 00:32:09,510 --> 00:32:13,220 S6: said he wanted to ask for forgiveness for raising us 578 00:32:13,220 --> 00:32:15,340 S6: up like that. And we just sat there and cried. 579 00:32:15,340 --> 00:32:19,660 S6: And that was my healing, our healing. And I learned 580 00:32:19,660 --> 00:32:23,500 S6: to love my father before he died. So it is 581 00:32:23,500 --> 00:32:26,180 S6: the testimony that I have to share with the world 582 00:32:26,180 --> 00:32:30,580 S6: that when we leave vengeance unto God, it turns. It 583 00:32:30,620 --> 00:32:34,020 S6: can turn out to be a beautiful story. But when 584 00:32:34,020 --> 00:32:37,460 S6: we take vengeance in our own hands, that's why a 585 00:32:37,500 --> 00:32:40,540 S6: lot of people are sitting in prison. And I have 586 00:32:40,540 --> 00:32:43,580 S6: compassion for them, because my story turned out real beautiful. 587 00:32:43,580 --> 00:32:46,620 S6: And I miss my dad. And I learned to love him. 588 00:32:46,940 --> 00:32:49,500 S6: And it showed me to love me for who I 589 00:32:49,500 --> 00:32:51,500 S6: am because that's my bloodline. 590 00:32:51,980 --> 00:32:52,380 S4: Yeah. 591 00:32:52,540 --> 00:32:57,620 S1: What humility he showed in in asking your forgiveness. And 592 00:32:57,620 --> 00:33:01,540 S1: and because there was no guarantee about your response, you know, 593 00:33:01,580 --> 00:33:04,340 S1: the tears weren't guaranteed. You could have gotten up and 594 00:33:04,340 --> 00:33:08,900 S1: slammed the door, but he he took that chance. What 595 00:33:08,900 --> 00:33:10,420 S1: do you say about that, Michel? 596 00:33:11,100 --> 00:33:14,340 S2: Well, what I love about your story is that you 597 00:33:14,380 --> 00:33:17,580 S2: were an adult. You're a mother at this point. And 598 00:33:18,220 --> 00:33:20,780 S2: I think your story is saying to dads, they can 599 00:33:20,780 --> 00:33:24,580 S2: follow the example of your dad who's in heaven now, right? 600 00:33:24,580 --> 00:33:28,100 S2: And do right. Do what he did, and it's never 601 00:33:28,100 --> 00:33:31,180 S2: too late to make amends. It's never too late to 602 00:33:31,220 --> 00:33:35,140 S2: say I'm sorry, because what we know is as men age, right? 603 00:33:35,180 --> 00:33:39,180 S2: Testosterone drops, they get softer, more tender, more humble, more 604 00:33:39,180 --> 00:33:43,700 S2: gentle is follow the lead of this dad and ask 605 00:33:43,700 --> 00:33:48,740 S2: forgiveness of your adult daughter and watch what she will 606 00:33:48,740 --> 00:33:51,060 S2: be saying about you when you're not here, because healing 607 00:33:51,060 --> 00:33:52,180 S2: will come to her heart. 608 00:33:53,260 --> 00:34:00,260 S1: Yeah. Calling a radio program and talking about you. About him. Um, 609 00:34:00,420 --> 00:34:03,580 S1: you know, that's there's something there. And what? How did 610 00:34:03,580 --> 00:34:08,260 S1: that happen? He had the courage to move toward his 611 00:34:08,260 --> 00:34:11,860 S1: daughter and to let that. And how many wounds of 612 00:34:11,860 --> 00:34:15,140 S1: dad's leak over on all the other family members and 613 00:34:15,140 --> 00:34:19,100 S1: all those relationships. But the opposite is true as well. 614 00:34:19,420 --> 00:34:23,900 S1: How much will that forgiveness or the the the humility 615 00:34:23,900 --> 00:34:27,420 S1: and asking for forgiveness, how much will that leak over? 616 00:34:27,460 --> 00:34:29,779 S1: Do you see that in your. I bet you see 617 00:34:29,780 --> 00:34:33,500 S1: that in your granddaughter's life that that leaked over into 618 00:34:33,540 --> 00:34:37,339 S1: her life, Michelle, that has a a wide range, a 619 00:34:37,340 --> 00:34:38,580 S1: ripple effect. Right? 620 00:34:38,940 --> 00:34:44,259 S2: Absolutely, absolutely. And and that's the hope we're giving today 621 00:34:44,260 --> 00:34:47,980 S2: is that if you're a daughter that's stuck in unforgiveness 622 00:34:47,980 --> 00:34:50,620 S2: and maybe you have a dad that doesn't know how 623 00:34:50,620 --> 00:34:55,060 S2: to own his part or ever ask for forgiveness, you 624 00:34:55,060 --> 00:34:59,339 S2: can still forgive, you can still choose to forgive. And 625 00:34:59,340 --> 00:35:01,660 S2: if the next day you wake up and you feel 626 00:35:01,660 --> 00:35:04,779 S2: it all over again, you get to forgive again. It's 627 00:35:04,780 --> 00:35:07,580 S2: not a one and done. It's a process that takes time. 628 00:35:08,060 --> 00:35:11,020 S2: Find a safe witness to the pain. But there's the 629 00:35:11,020 --> 00:35:13,220 S2: hope that we can be free. Even if we have 630 00:35:13,219 --> 00:35:17,540 S2: dads who were only acting out of their own woundedness. 631 00:35:17,739 --> 00:35:19,780 S2: Because one of the things that's helped me with my 632 00:35:19,780 --> 00:35:23,260 S2: dad is to ask him more stories about his childhood. 633 00:35:23,820 --> 00:35:26,820 S2: And it's like I've had more empathy for the child 634 00:35:27,340 --> 00:35:29,660 S2: that never got what he needed. And it's how. 635 00:35:29,660 --> 00:35:30,100 S4: That doesn't. 636 00:35:30,140 --> 00:35:31,419 S2: Erase a bigger story. 637 00:35:31,460 --> 00:35:31,940 S4: That doesn't. 638 00:35:31,940 --> 00:35:35,020 S1: Erase the wound that you felt, but it helps you 639 00:35:35,020 --> 00:35:39,660 S1: understand him more. It helps you see him more. But 640 00:35:39,660 --> 00:35:42,620 S1: you've still got to be faithful to. But I still 641 00:35:42,620 --> 00:35:43,899 S1: feel this, right? 642 00:35:43,940 --> 00:35:46,780 S2: Mhm. Exactly. It's a. Both. And. You're right. It isn't 643 00:35:46,780 --> 00:35:50,260 S2: an either or, but it's an about a process. 644 00:35:50,420 --> 00:35:51,300 S4: With the abuse. 645 00:35:51,300 --> 00:35:56,580 S1: Of your grandfather. Forgiveness. You know, the heal acrostic. Honestly. 646 00:35:56,580 --> 00:35:59,459 S1: Face the hurt, express the pain. Allow another to walk 647 00:35:59,460 --> 00:36:05,380 S1: with you and then let go or forgive. Forgiveness doesn't necessarily. 648 00:36:05,380 --> 00:36:08,130 S1: Especially if there's sexual abuse or abuse of any kind. 649 00:36:08,170 --> 00:36:12,969 S1: Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. Total reconciliation. Right? 650 00:36:13,010 --> 00:36:17,930 S2: Exactly, exactly. And that's really important to acknowledge is that 651 00:36:18,290 --> 00:36:21,970 S2: if you're with someone that is not owning what they've 652 00:36:21,969 --> 00:36:25,450 S2: done right, and that there needs to be boundaries set 653 00:36:25,450 --> 00:36:31,330 S2: for safety and not exposing another generation to harm, that 654 00:36:31,530 --> 00:36:35,810 S2: you can still get free by forgiving without reconciling. 655 00:36:36,170 --> 00:36:36,650 S4: Mhm. 656 00:36:37,450 --> 00:36:43,610 S1: For the woman, the, the adult woman who is really 657 00:36:43,930 --> 00:36:46,370 S1: walking through this and walking through the wounds and she 658 00:36:46,370 --> 00:36:50,410 S1: wants to reach out to her dad. Would giving him 659 00:36:50,530 --> 00:36:53,569 S1: a book like you've written, would would that be a 660 00:36:53,570 --> 00:36:55,010 S1: helpful step, do you think? 661 00:36:55,410 --> 00:36:59,490 S2: You know, I have had some fathers and daughters work 662 00:36:59,489 --> 00:37:04,009 S2: through their relational challenges by having like, dad, here's what 663 00:37:04,010 --> 00:37:06,850 S2: I really need from you, you know? And she's like, 664 00:37:06,850 --> 00:37:09,089 S2: I don't know how to tell this to you. What 665 00:37:09,090 --> 00:37:12,050 S2: I need. But in a way, you're both looking at 666 00:37:12,290 --> 00:37:14,650 S2: a book rather than each other. You know, you can 667 00:37:14,650 --> 00:37:16,690 S2: kind of look down and then look back up. And 668 00:37:16,690 --> 00:37:20,690 S2: I could think of this adult woman named Katie and 669 00:37:20,690 --> 00:37:23,330 S2: her dad. They came into sessions together, and then they 670 00:37:23,330 --> 00:37:25,770 S2: would go to Panera and they would read like two 671 00:37:25,810 --> 00:37:28,770 S2: little chapters there, like 3 or 4 pages, and they 672 00:37:28,770 --> 00:37:31,049 S2: would tell me that he would go, really? You think 673 00:37:31,050 --> 00:37:33,529 S2: like this? She's like, yeah, I just never knew how 674 00:37:33,530 --> 00:37:37,969 S2: to say that. And so if my resources can be 675 00:37:37,969 --> 00:37:41,609 S2: a facilitator of healing in the dad daughter relationship, I mean, 676 00:37:41,610 --> 00:37:44,450 S2: that's what I've prayed those books would do not sit 677 00:37:44,450 --> 00:37:48,930 S2: on a shelf, but bring relational change and healing. And 678 00:37:48,930 --> 00:37:51,850 S2: then let's talk for the dad that says, I kind 679 00:37:51,890 --> 00:37:53,850 S2: of run out of things to ask. I don't even 680 00:37:53,850 --> 00:37:57,529 S2: know how to mine the depths of my daughter. Is 681 00:37:57,530 --> 00:38:00,570 S2: there 60 topics so your daughter could pick, let's say, 682 00:38:01,290 --> 00:38:04,410 S2: the topic of, of anxiety or depression, or how to 683 00:38:04,410 --> 00:38:08,330 S2: be a world changer, or lamenting wounds from you or 684 00:38:08,330 --> 00:38:11,930 S2: from life. And then she picks that topic. Dad, I 685 00:38:11,930 --> 00:38:15,570 S2: have all the questions under that theme that you can 686 00:38:15,570 --> 00:38:17,810 S2: ask her more questions about her life. And I say, 687 00:38:17,930 --> 00:38:20,089 S2: your daughter didn't come with a playbook, but I'm going 688 00:38:20,130 --> 00:38:22,730 S2: to help you write one. Write down what she says. 689 00:38:23,010 --> 00:38:26,890 S2: Oh my goodness. That daughter then says, wow, what I'm 690 00:38:26,890 --> 00:38:29,290 S2: saying matters that much to my dad. He wants to 691 00:38:29,330 --> 00:38:32,690 S2: write it down so he'll remember. That is a healing 692 00:38:33,050 --> 00:38:34,609 S2: action step for dads. 693 00:38:34,650 --> 00:38:35,170 S4: Yeah. 694 00:38:35,210 --> 00:38:39,930 S1: Because she's seeing that he not only sees her but 695 00:38:39,930 --> 00:38:43,609 S1: also wants to move closer to her. And, and what 696 00:38:43,610 --> 00:38:47,010 S1: she says is important. We have a link to that book. Dad. 697 00:38:47,010 --> 00:38:50,609 S1: Here's what I really need from you at Chris Fabry live.org, 698 00:38:50,890 --> 00:38:56,089 S1: Chris fabriclive.org, as well as let's talk conversation starters for 699 00:38:56,090 --> 00:38:59,609 S1: dads and daughters. We have a listener who said, I 700 00:38:59,610 --> 00:39:04,600 S1: haven't spoken to my dad since 2020. For six years, 701 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,080 S1: she hasn't spoken to her dad. I want to find 702 00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,440 S1: out what Michelle will say to her and will do 703 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,799 S1: that when we return. This is Chris Fabry live online. 704 00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:14,440 S1: Chris Fabry live dot. 705 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:18,160 S4: Com. 706 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,520 S1: Coming up tomorrow on Chris Fabry Live. I hope you'll 707 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:33,200 S1: join us. Your kids face unprecedented levels of anxiety, depression, 708 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:39,040 S1: and emotional stress. David Thomas chose a word to help 709 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:43,360 S1: you help them. You'll find out what that word is tomorrow. 710 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,440 S1: Right here at the radio. Backyard fence. Michelle Watson Canfield. 711 00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:49,480 S1: Doctor Canfield is with us today at the back fence. 712 00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:53,400 S1: Let's talk is our featured resource as well as dad. 713 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:56,480 S1: Here's what I really need from you and the question 714 00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:59,480 S1: that comes from our Facebook page. I haven't spoken to 715 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:03,120 S1: my dad since 2020. I want to talk with him, 716 00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:06,080 S1: but he doesn't care to talk with me. He has 717 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:10,000 S1: let me down a lot. His wife doesn't help either, 718 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:14,080 S1: and so I'm assuming that that's a second marriage. Uh. 719 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:18,839 S1: I pray for reconciliation. People say, call him. I don't 720 00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:22,520 S1: want the rejection or to chase after him to be 721 00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,359 S1: loved as I did in the past. I know I 722 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,920 S1: have daddy wounds and have forgiven him. Where do I 723 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:29,760 S1: go from here? 724 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:35,640 S2: Mhm. Well, for starters, I realize that anything I say 725 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,359 S2: may sound like a pat answer or not. Meeting the 726 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,560 S2: intensity and the longevity of how long these issues have 727 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,320 S2: been there. And so for that, I just say, here, 728 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,720 S2: give me some grace because because obviously this is a 729 00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:52,279 S2: a very delicate and complex story. And what I do 730 00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,920 S2: want to say is, I wonder if you could put 731 00:40:55,640 --> 00:41:00,160 S2: your heart and your hurt into writing is that sometimes 732 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:03,200 S2: men do better with writing than they do with what 733 00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:06,200 S2: we call face to face orientation. That in the middle 734 00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,960 S2: of intense conversation, it's hard to look across a table, 735 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:12,719 S2: you know, at all the hurt that that is seen 736 00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:15,279 S2: on your face. And it pulls up the shame and 737 00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:18,040 S2: the guilt and a lot of men. But having something 738 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:22,560 S2: in writing allows some space for them to process. So 739 00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:25,040 S2: if that, I would say is one option is to 740 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:28,319 S2: put this in writing and get it all out, and 741 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,440 S2: then you may divide it up. So you kind of 742 00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:33,640 S2: start the way my mentor said it is. Share the one. 743 00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:35,800 S2: See if the person meets you at a one, share 744 00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:38,240 S2: it a two. See if they meet you at a two. 745 00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:39,960 S2: See if they go to a three. In terms of 746 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,920 S2: intensity 0 to 10 because you don't want to be 747 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,919 S2: rejected again. So you start with some of it and 748 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:49,279 S2: see if your dad can respond in a bite size piece, 749 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:53,840 S2: kind of respond in a smaller way. And another option is, 750 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:56,359 S2: is there someone your dad may know or both of 751 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,790 S2: you know, who could be somewhat of a liaison between 752 00:41:59,790 --> 00:42:03,630 S2: you and help bridge the gap in communication by being 753 00:42:03,670 --> 00:42:06,830 S2: kind of a safe witness to the story, rather than 754 00:42:06,830 --> 00:42:07,910 S2: just the two of you? 755 00:42:08,590 --> 00:42:09,550 S4: That's really good. 756 00:42:10,310 --> 00:42:13,350 S1: It's very helpful. And another person, I don't mean to 757 00:42:13,390 --> 00:42:15,029 S1: throw all these things at you, but we only have 758 00:42:15,030 --> 00:42:17,270 S1: a couple of minutes left. I hate to admit I'm 759 00:42:17,270 --> 00:42:20,109 S1: jealous of the love that my father has for my children. 760 00:42:20,630 --> 00:42:25,510 S1: So her dad loves her kids, his grandkids. But she 761 00:42:25,550 --> 00:42:29,310 S1: didn't feel that as a as a child, as his daughter. 762 00:42:29,430 --> 00:42:33,509 S1: I was never shown such unconditional love that I see 763 00:42:33,510 --> 00:42:37,589 S1: him showing now. It seemed like love was conditional. I 764 00:42:37,590 --> 00:42:40,950 S1: want a relationship, but we can't even discuss the past. 765 00:42:41,469 --> 00:42:44,550 S1: Is that the same answer to her as to the other? 766 00:42:44,710 --> 00:42:46,950 S2: Yeah, I would say first of all, if you can 767 00:42:46,950 --> 00:42:49,470 S2: be honest with your own self and your own story, 768 00:42:49,469 --> 00:42:52,390 S2: get it out on paper, get it out where you, 769 00:42:52,750 --> 00:42:55,710 S2: you know, again, express the pain by giving a voice 770 00:42:55,790 --> 00:42:58,670 S2: to it. And then I wonder if your dad could 771 00:42:58,710 --> 00:43:02,069 S2: could take some of this in where you, you know, 772 00:43:02,110 --> 00:43:05,870 S2: Oreo cookie communication positive, negative, positive, you know, the middle stuff. 773 00:43:05,870 --> 00:43:08,030 S2: You don't want too much of it. But to say, dad, 774 00:43:08,030 --> 00:43:10,150 S2: I love the way I see how you relate to 775 00:43:10,150 --> 00:43:13,509 S2: my children. I wish sometimes I had more of that 776 00:43:13,510 --> 00:43:16,790 S2: from you. Bottom cookie is there any way we could 777 00:43:17,150 --> 00:43:20,029 S2: start doing a dad daughter date? Just the two of us. 778 00:43:20,070 --> 00:43:22,750 S2: I mean, again, maybe get my book, use that as 779 00:43:22,790 --> 00:43:25,150 S2: somewhere else to look that across the table at each 780 00:43:25,190 --> 00:43:28,870 S2: other and open up conversations. Because what I find is 781 00:43:28,870 --> 00:43:31,469 S2: that when dads have somewhat of a template or a 782 00:43:31,510 --> 00:43:34,509 S2: guide of what to do because, right, they don't know 783 00:43:34,510 --> 00:43:36,950 S2: what to say, what to do to make it right 784 00:43:36,950 --> 00:43:40,510 S2: or to fix it. Having a guide can oftentimes help 785 00:43:40,510 --> 00:43:43,629 S2: build that bridge for repairing and building a bridge back 786 00:43:43,630 --> 00:43:44,350 S2: to your heart. 787 00:43:45,230 --> 00:43:47,910 S1: Talk to the dad who's listening, who says, every Father's 788 00:43:47,950 --> 00:43:50,670 S1: Day I get beat up. I just feel like I 789 00:43:50,830 --> 00:43:54,150 S1: did the worst thing. I was the worst dad and 790 00:43:54,270 --> 00:43:57,750 S1: encourage that fella today who's listening. 791 00:43:58,910 --> 00:44:01,390 S2: You know, I want to speak to the dads that 792 00:44:01,390 --> 00:44:04,310 S2: are also doing the best they can, and they're doing 793 00:44:04,310 --> 00:44:07,430 S2: it way better than the model they had with their dad. 794 00:44:07,590 --> 00:44:10,790 S2: And maybe don't always get credit for that part is 795 00:44:10,790 --> 00:44:13,430 S2: Chris and I are standing here championing you, cheering you 796 00:44:13,430 --> 00:44:17,750 S2: on and saying, keep going, well done, well done. Take 797 00:44:17,790 --> 00:44:21,350 S2: another step today, even if you feel like you get 798 00:44:21,350 --> 00:44:24,549 S2: more negative feedback than positive, we want to encourage you 799 00:44:24,550 --> 00:44:27,790 S2: today and celebrate you as a dad to know that 800 00:44:27,790 --> 00:44:30,670 S2: no doubt is perfect, but you just need to be present. 801 00:44:30,670 --> 00:44:33,830 S2: Keep showing up and know at the end of the day, 802 00:44:34,590 --> 00:44:37,910 S2: when you come with humility, willing to to make amends, 803 00:44:37,910 --> 00:44:40,830 S2: willing to ask forgiveness, and then point the way to 804 00:44:40,870 --> 00:44:42,469 S2: God as a father. If you don't even know what 805 00:44:42,469 --> 00:44:45,589 S2: to say as a dad right out scripture verses, you 806 00:44:45,590 --> 00:44:47,589 S2: can never go wrong with saying, here's what God as 807 00:44:47,590 --> 00:44:50,430 S2: a father says about you. I don't always get it right, 808 00:44:50,430 --> 00:44:52,229 S2: but I want to do the best I can today 809 00:44:52,230 --> 00:44:54,110 S2: to let you know how much God as a father 810 00:44:54,110 --> 00:44:55,510 S2: loves you. Yeah. 811 00:44:56,230 --> 00:45:00,710 S1: Here's. You know what does. Success as a dad and 812 00:45:00,710 --> 00:45:04,150 S1: and my thought today is the caller who said, you know, 813 00:45:04,190 --> 00:45:06,430 S1: my dad's no longer here. And I want to tell 814 00:45:06,430 --> 00:45:10,310 S1: you what he said. You know how he apologized? My, 815 00:45:10,350 --> 00:45:14,390 S1: my feeling is success as a dad is when you're 816 00:45:14,430 --> 00:45:19,310 S1: when you're gone, your daughter or son, whomever will call 817 00:45:19,310 --> 00:45:21,230 S1: up a program like this and say, I want to 818 00:45:21,230 --> 00:45:23,310 S1: tell you what my dad did. And do you know 819 00:45:23,310 --> 00:45:28,110 S1: what she said? He apologized. He said something from his heart, 820 00:45:28,110 --> 00:45:32,710 S1: from that soft place in his heart. How much will 821 00:45:32,750 --> 00:45:35,950 S1: that spill over onto others? If you take that kind 822 00:45:35,950 --> 00:45:39,270 S1: of step, that kind of humility? I mean, that to me, 823 00:45:39,270 --> 00:45:41,590 S1: that success. Michelle, what do you think? 824 00:45:41,630 --> 00:45:44,750 S2: I agree, I agree, I think that's a great way 825 00:45:44,750 --> 00:45:47,469 S2: to say, dad, at the end of your life, what 826 00:45:47,469 --> 00:45:49,310 S2: do you want your daughter to say about you and 827 00:45:49,310 --> 00:45:52,060 S2: your granddaughters and your sons? Of course. What do you 828 00:45:52,060 --> 00:45:55,620 S2: want the forever story to be? Lean into that now. 829 00:45:55,980 --> 00:45:58,540 S2: If you want her to know you love her. How? 830 00:45:58,580 --> 00:46:01,940 S2: By what you say. By how you make amends. By 831 00:46:01,940 --> 00:46:03,940 S2: how you build a bridge to God as a father. 832 00:46:04,300 --> 00:46:06,380 S2: You matter. Dads, we want to cheer you on in 833 00:46:06,420 --> 00:46:07,340 S2: that role today. 834 00:46:07,660 --> 00:46:11,420 S1: You are important. And I'm so glad you joined us today. 835 00:46:11,460 --> 00:46:15,660 S1: Or maybe somebody suggested the podcast to you with Doctor 836 00:46:15,660 --> 00:46:19,780 S1: Michelle Watson Canfield, author of Let's Talk as well as dad. 837 00:46:19,780 --> 00:46:22,219 S1: Here's what I really need from you. Both of those 838 00:46:22,219 --> 00:46:24,580 S1: we have linked as well as her podcast, The Dad 839 00:46:24,580 --> 00:46:29,980 S1: Whisperer podcast at Chris Fabry live.org. Michelle, come back real soon. 840 00:46:30,020 --> 00:46:32,020 S1: God bless you, friend. Thanks for being with us. 841 00:46:32,140 --> 00:46:33,140 S2: Great to be with you. 842 00:46:33,900 --> 00:46:36,620 S1: And if you go to Chris, relive.org, you'll see all 843 00:46:36,660 --> 00:46:39,339 S1: the information that I just mentioned. Don't forget to join 844 00:46:39,340 --> 00:46:42,460 S1: us tomorrow right here. The Radio Backyard Fence, which is 845 00:46:42,460 --> 00:46:46,700 S1: a production of Moody Radio, a Ministry of Moody Bible Institute.