S1: Today on Bold Steps with Mark Jobe, we're looking at
S1: the three types of infidelity.
S2: Unless you determine in advance that you will guard your
S2: marriage and set boundaries and have honesty in your marriage
S2: and openness, and not keep secrets from each other, then
S2: I think you're setting yourself up for a fall, unless
S2: you determine in advance that's the kind of relationship and
S2: marriage that we're going to have.
S1: Welcome to Bold Steps with Mark Jobe. Mark is president
S1: of Moody Bible Institute and the senior pastor of New
S1: Life Community Church in Chicago and Wayne Shepherd. Well, over
S1: the past few days, Mark has been presenting an overview
S1: of the Ten Commandments, as they're found in Exodus chapter 20.
S1: And we've come to see that some of them are
S1: short and staccato, while others pack a real punch. They
S1: all do. Actually, today, Mark, we're looking at a commandment
S1: that so many people seem to disregard.
S3: Wayne. This is a huge commandment for the integrity of
S3: marriage and it has so many ramifications to it. You know,
S3: as a pastor, I've married hundreds of couples and that
S3: are dressed up for the occasion and with smiles, exchanged
S3: vows with one another. But I've also counseled hundreds of
S3: couples that are saying, I'm out of this marriage. And
S3: oftentimes at the root of it is some form of infidelity.
S3: And so this is a strong reminder. And if you
S3: are married or thinking about getting married, you need to
S3: listen to this message.
S1: All right. Well let's listen carefully right now as Mark
S1: begins the message from our series called Rock Solid Living
S1: Ancient Words for New Life.
S2: The decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice. Instead,
S2: infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one's emotions. In fact,
S2: most people are surprised by their behavior at the start
S2: of an affair. Now, today, I want to talk to
S2: you about three types of adultery. I want to talk
S2: to you about physical adultery, emotional adultery, and spiritual adultery.
S2: And before I get into those three, I want to
S2: say that this is a super important topic because I
S2: believe that the effects of infidelity and the consequences of
S2: infidelity have repercussions that affect people at a deep, deep level.
S2: And so as we look at the Bible and we
S2: look at one of the commandments, a basic commandment, commandment
S2: number seven, that says thou shalt not commit adultery, uh,
S2: found in Exodus chapter 20, verse 14. 13. It's also
S2: found in Deuteronomy chapter five, verse 18, and Leviticus chapter 18,
S2: verse 20. In the Old Testament, when someone committed adultery
S2: according to the laws of Scripture, it was punishable by death.
S2: You'll find that in Deuteronomy chapter 22, verse 22. Do
S2: you remember the story when the woman was caught in
S2: adultery in the times of Jesus and and the the
S2: leaders of the law dragged that woman out into the
S2: public arena? And what did they have in their hands?
S2: They had stones. Uh, what were they practicing? They were practicing.
S2: They were fulfilling the Old Testament law and the Old Testament.
S2: It said if someone was caught in the act of adultery,
S2: dragged that person out into the main square or plaza,
S2: and that they were to be put to death by stones.
S2: That's why Jesus was caught in such a A difficult
S2: predicament according to this religious people, because the Old Testament
S2: said they're worthy and they should be put to death.
S2: Yet Jesus was bringing in a gospel that introduced them
S2: into grace. Aren't you glad that you live under grace today?
S2: There'd be a lot of dead people in our society
S2: if we weren't living under grace. But it doesn't take
S2: away from the fact that God and all his justice,
S2: views infidelity and adultery with such disdain because he understands
S2: the consequences that that can bring to any family and relationship.
S2: So in we all understand the fact that at the
S2: at the core issue of adultery is that adultery is
S2: the breaking of a covenant. In other words, what adultery
S2: is adultery is when a married person has illicit sexual
S2: relationships with someone that is not that person's spouse. It
S2: is breaking of the marriage covenant. Adultery always involves an
S2: existing covenant and meeting the needs through an illicit relationship
S2: outside of that covenant. Almost every marriage ceremony that I do,
S2: the bride especially wants to ask me, well, how is
S2: the marriage ceremony supposed to go? Give me the details. Funny,
S2: the guy's never asked that. What am I supposed to stand?
S2: Give me the ring. Where's the honeymoon? Uh, the women
S2: want to know the details. Like, where do the bridesmaids stand? And.
S2: And is the lighting of the candle before or after
S2: the vows? And, uh, how do we do the giving
S2: away of the bride and and and when should we
S2: do the music and how should we do the recessional
S2: and processional? And I always tell them this. Listen there.
S2: There's really no right way or wrong way to do
S2: a wedding ceremony. Now there's a traditional way of doing it,
S2: and you can look for the traditional way. I'm not
S2: the expert on where people stand. Don't ask me about
S2: the details of that. All I know is that my part,
S2: the core of the wedding, is that you are going
S2: to stand face to face with one another, and you
S2: are going to promise on no more than that. You
S2: are going to covenant with each other some promises that
S2: you will be held to until death do you part.
S2: And I'm going to make sure that you're going to
S2: say those vows to one another in the presence of God,
S2: in the presence of these witnesses. If you want to
S2: do cartwheels down the aisle as you come in. If
S2: you want to go barefoot and do ballet, dance, if
S2: you want to do rock music on the way out,
S2: I really don't care what you do in all the
S2: fluffy stuff. If you want dandelions, if you want roses,
S2: it doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is
S2: at the core of that ceremony, you are pledging your
S2: faithfulness to one another until death do you part, because
S2: there is a covenant that's established. And I know that
S2: when a couple walks out of that building, out of
S2: that church, out of that ceremony, that they will have
S2: walked out different than they walked in, because now they
S2: will be in covenant relationship with one another. And so
S2: whether you've been married two months or whether you've been
S2: married 25 years, the heart of the marriage ceremony is
S2: that you are pledging, and it happens in every wedding
S2: ceremony where you say, I will be faithful to you
S2: and to you alone until death do you part. That's
S2: a covenant. God is always been the God of covenant.
S2: It's not just in marriage. God was the God of
S2: covenant with Abraham. Uh, God chose a man by the
S2: name of Abraham and said, I'm going to make a
S2: covenant with you. And we call it the Abrahamic Covenant.
S2: God made a covenant with David, King David, we call
S2: it the Davidic Covenant. A covenant means I promise to
S2: fulfill the things that I have told you I will fulfill.
S2: And you, in turn, are to fulfill your promises to me.
S2: God told Abraham, I will make you a mighty nation,
S2: and I will bless all the nations of the earth
S2: through you. And that's when Abraham had no children and
S2: Abraham married and had a child who had other children.
S2: Eventually they grew into the nation of Israel, and God
S2: kept his promise with the entire nation of Israel. At
S2: that they would be his people, and he would bless them.
S2: And he made a and and David was part of that.
S2: And David's lineage gave birth to Jesus the Messiah. And
S2: Jesus the Messiah eventually has blessed the entire earth, and
S2: that is God keeping his promise to Abraham, because God
S2: keeps his promises and because God keeps his promise and
S2: is a God of covenant, then he asks us to
S2: keep our covenants as well.
S1: You're listening to Bold Steps with Mark job, and we'll
S1: return to our message shortly. Mark, do you know what
S1: I've been reflecting on lately? The incredible privilege we have
S1: as believers living in this particular moment in history. I
S1: love to study history, but never before have we had
S1: such powerful tools for sharing the gospel globally, instantly reaching
S1: people in remote villages. That happens through bold steps, doesn't it?
S1: Or in close countries, in crowded cities alike. But we
S1: have this unprecedented opportunity and it comes with a tremendous responsibility,
S1: doesn't it?
S3: You know, I heard recently that moody radio programming is, um,
S3: heard in 190 countries is what someone said. And, um,
S3: technology has allowed us to do that. And I'm amazed
S3: when suddenly we get a email from Eastern Europe of
S3: someone saying, hey, I haven't found a church yet, but
S3: I listened to Bold Steps recently. Someone told me that
S3: a doctor in Mexico had joined their church, and they
S3: got saved through bold steps. And I'm like, wow, this
S3: is amazing how seeds are just being shot throughout all
S3: the world. We know specifically that there are people in
S3: closed countries right now that listen in secret, because it's
S3: dangerous for them to be caught listening to Christian radio.
S3: This is an amazing time to get the gospel out there.
S3: There are close to 9 billion people in the world,
S3: and there are millions and millions of people that have
S3: very little gospel presence in their world. They are saturated
S3: with false religion, with heresies, with a lot of different
S3: ideology that does not allow Jesus Christ to come to
S3: the forefront. And so radio, podcasting, our technology as people
S3: can live stream, this is one of the ways that
S3: we get past the guards at the borders and we
S3: through the airwaves. God has given us a beautiful gift
S3: to go past the guards, into the houses, into the homes,
S3: and right to into the bedrooms and kitchens of where
S3: people live so that they are hearing the good message
S3: of Jesus like never before. And we are passionate about this.
S3: We know that there's a lot of other believers that
S3: are passionate as well. And we're saying, join us, please.
S3: This is a powerful moment for us to proclaim the
S3: gospel of Jesus Christ, especially as the world is being
S3: shaken in so many ways.
S1: I believe there are some listening right now who are
S1: not just hearers of the word, but want to be
S1: active participants in spreading that word. So today could be
S1: your day to step into that calling by giving to
S1: bold steps. Just go to Bold Steps org to make
S1: a gift or call 800 D.L. Moody. That's (800) 356-6639. Remember,
S1: your gift of any amount helps share God's Word with
S1: those who need it most. Really, around the world, when
S1: you give any amount, we'll send you a special gift
S1: as our thanks and we'll take time to tell you
S1: about that just a little bit later here in the
S1: program today. But let's get back to the message now.
S1: Here again is Mark.
S2: Now. When we violate that covenant, it's called adultery. Adultery is.
S2: I've made a commitment to be loyal and faithful to you.
S2: But I choose to meet my needs, my most intimate
S2: needs outside of our relationship, because whatever reasons have drawn
S2: me outside of that relationship. So physical adultery is when
S2: a married person has sexual relationships with anybody other than
S2: their spouse outside of their marriage. That's called adultery. Mental
S2: or emotional adultery. So we all understand that, right? Are
S2: we clear on that? No further explanation. That's physical adultery.
S2: Then there's what Jesus taught about where Jesus took it
S2: to another level. And you'll find that in Matthew chapter five,
S2: verse 27 through 28. Jesus talks about emotional or mental adultery,
S2: and Jesus speaks to his followers and he says, you
S2: have heard it, said, you shall not commit adultery. And
S2: he's quoting the seventh commandment. And Jesus says in verse 28,
S2: but I say to you that everyone who looks at
S2: a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery
S2: with her in his own heart. Whoa, Jesus! Now you've
S2: just taken this to a whole new level. I mean,
S2: we understand having sexual encounter with a with a woman
S2: outside of marriage. But Jesus said what Jesus was telling
S2: them is, I want you to understand that not only
S2: is there physical adultery, but before there's physical adultery, there's
S2: always emotional or mental violation or adultery as well. He
S2: talked about murder and and he said, thou shalt not murder.
S2: But I say he who has hatred in his heart
S2: towards someone has committed murder in his heart. What Jesus
S2: was saying is that you can be an adulterer before
S2: you actually commit the act of adultery. If in your
S2: heart you're already committing adultery because it doesn't just happen,
S2: it leads up to it. And Jesus is not only
S2: looking at the outside. The law looked at the outside.
S2: Jesus looked at the heart. Now, it's not saying that
S2: to look at a woman and lust after her is
S2: the same consequence and severity as the actual act of adultery,
S2: physical act of adultery. But what Jesus was saying is
S2: that you cross lines within your heart. Some people have
S2: argued in the past, well, you know, I can look,
S2: I can Google as long as I don't touch. I've
S2: heard people say that. Well, you know, I could look,
S2: I could, you know, as long as as long as
S2: I don't act, I'm okay. And what Jesus is saying.
S2: Hold on. No, no. Wrong. You can't if you're looking,
S2: if you're fantasizing, if you're if you're if you've gone
S2: there in your mind and your heart, you've already crossed
S2: the lines of an adulterous heart there because you're allowing
S2: yourself to go there. Just like when you have hatred
S2: against someone and you may not physically kill them. But
S2: if you hate them in your heart, then you're imagining
S2: violence against them. You've already engaged in a murderous, murderous
S2: act in your own heart. And what Jesus was simply
S2: saying is that there's not only the physical act of adultery,
S2: but there's the adulterous heart as well that we have
S2: to guard against and repent of, just like we have
S2: to repent of the physical act of adultery. And by
S2: the way, can I just say this? Listen, no one
S2: just falls in adultery physically. I've had the unfortunate experience
S2: of having to sit down with couples while a husband
S2: confesses to his wife his adultery, or when a wife
S2: confesses to her husband, her adultery, and the pain and
S2: the shock and the betrayal and the repercussions of that.
S2: It's always this nasty, heavy, uh, oppressive, difficult. The emotions,
S2: the spectrum, the recovery of the marriage. It's always, always extremely,
S2: extremely painful. But I want to say that it doesn't always.
S2: It doesn't just happen. A married man just doesn't go
S2: out and. Oh, you know, I don't know how it happened.
S2: It just never thought about it. Never crossed my mind. And. Oh, honey.
S2: Forgive me. It just happened. Oh, it doesn't just happen.
S2: There's seeds. There's opening the doors. There's lust, there's fantasizing.
S2: There's flirtation that are not bridled. There's conversations that pass
S2: appropriate boundaries that are not held. There's lunches with, uh,
S2: a married woman at work. Uh, there's, uh, sharing of
S2: emotional heart issues. There's secretive friendships and texting and Facebooking
S2: and stuff that shouldn't happen that you're you're you're secretively
S2: keeping from your spouse. And there's a build up that's
S2: happening there before the actual affair happens. And what Jesus
S2: was saying is that it happens in our heart first
S2: before we act on it. And so Jesus talks about
S2: the physical act of adultery, and then he talks about
S2: the mental or emotional act of adultery as well. And
S2: by the way, I want to say that that we
S2: can be preventative and proactive at guarding our marriage. And
S2: part of that means, just like a dating couple, unless
S2: you're intentional and strong about setting boundaries and commitments in
S2: advance about the purity of your dating relationship, then chances
S2: are you will fall. Unless you are super intentional about
S2: the purity of your relationship. And I believe that the
S2: same is true for marriage. That unless you determine in
S2: advance that you will guard your marriage and set boundaries
S2: and have honesty in your marriage and openness and not
S2: keep secrets from each other, then I think you're setting
S2: yourself up for a fall, unless you determine in advance
S2: that's the kind of relationship and marriage that we're going
S2: to have. And I believe that that's possible. I believe
S2: that every couple, every married couple needs to engage it
S2: with that mentality. And then thirdly, I'm going to tie
S2: this all together in a moment. But thirdly, not only
S2: is there the physical act of adultery, the mental act
S2: of adultery, but then there's spiritual adultery. In James chapter four,
S2: verse four, the apostle James addresses people and he says,
S2: you adulterous people, he's talking to the church. Don't you
S2: know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God?
S2: Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world
S2: becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think that
S2: Scripture says without reason that His spirit has caused to
S2: live envies intensely? James is saying, do you know that
S2: you can commit spiritual adultery against God when you come
S2: to God and give your life over to God. You,
S2: in essence, are telling God, God, I'm in a covenant
S2: relationship with you. My life no longer belongs to me.
S2: You are the Lord of my life. Your Holy Spirit
S2: dwells inside of me. I belong to you, God. You
S2: belong to me. And we are in relationship with one another.
S1: This is bold steps. You're listening to the Bible teaching
S1: of Mark Jobe and a lesson on God's commandment. You
S1: shall not commit adultery. We'll pick up with part two
S1: of this message tomorrow, but feel free to visit today's
S1: lesson anytime online at Bold Steps. When you get there,
S1: you'll also have the chance to request your copy of
S1: this month's Bold Step gift Mark.
S3: One of the most important things we can do for
S3: young girls is help them build their lives on truth.
S1: That's true. Yes.
S3: You know, I remember raising my one and only daughter,
S3: and when she got into almost in the tween years,
S3: I was just so concerned because the pressures are amazing, insurmountable.
S3: It felt like and felt very protective. So I'm excited
S3: that our Bold step gift this month tackles this vital topic.
S1: It's written by Dannah Gresh. It's called Lies Girls Believe,
S1: and it follows up some earlier writing you've done. Dana
S1: for women. But you've lowered the age group here, haven't you?
S4: Yeah, because the enemy has lowered the the the the
S4: target zone. Some of the things that today's 8 to
S4: 12 year old girls are grappling with, there are things
S4: that we didn't grapple with until we were in our
S4: well into our teens, 16, 17, 18 years old. And
S4: one of the things that's really concerning to me is
S4: how tweens, 8 to 12 year olds, that's the technical
S4: age group for tweens. They're like the guinea pigs in
S4: this gender experiment. They're really believing there's no difference between
S4: boys and girls. They believe that I surveyed 1500 church
S4: going tween girls to write this book, and I did
S4: 11 focus groups across the country to talk to their moms.
S4: And they believe there's not a big difference between girls
S4: and boys. And that is just one stepping stone away
S4: from this can be a fluid thing in my life.
S4: They also, if they do believe there's differences, they have
S4: a hard time believing that it's great to be a girl.
S4: You know, they're like, well, you know, it's hard to
S4: be a girl because of the way our bodies work,
S4: or it's hard to be a girl because we don't
S4: have the same opportunities as boys, or it's hard to
S4: be a girl because I'm athletic and I can't shoot
S4: hoops with the guys, and that doesn't seem fair. So
S4: these are really important lies. When you look at the
S4: fact that going back to Genesis, God says in the
S4: image of God, he created us male and female. He
S4: created them. There are so many things about us that
S4: are God like. Why doesn't he mention our ability to
S4: compose sonnets or the fact that we're going to defy
S4: gravity and fly to the moon and then land rockets
S4: again on on planet Earth one day. Why doesn't he
S4: mention that now? He mentions maleness and femaleness. It matters.
S4: It's a conversation we've got to have, and we've got
S4: to have it accurately with our kids. And this book
S4: is just one tool to help you do that.
S3: Boy, we could talk hours about this. And if you
S3: have a daughter, a granddaughter, your son or daughter is
S3: raising a a girl. In today's society, we would love
S3: to put this book in your hands.
S1: Yeah. What a great gift to pass on. Dana. Thank you.
S4: My pleasure. Thank you for letting me be a part
S4: of your month.
S1: So to request your copy of Lies Girls Believe, just
S1: let us know where to send it and make a
S1: donation of any amount to bold steps you can easily
S1: give online at Bold Steps, or give us a call
S1: and make your donation over the phone by dialing 800
S1: DL Moody. That's (800) 356-6639. You can also send your gift
S1: and request the book through the mail. Our address is bold.
S1: Steps 820 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, Illinois 606 ten. And
S1: then please remember, it's not the size of your gift
S1: that matters, but that you give what God has put
S1: on your heart. And on behalf of the listeners across
S1: the country who hear this daily program, because of your generosity,
S1: we say thank you. Now, before we wrap up, I
S1: want to encourage you to download our Bold Steps app
S1: now in your app store. Explore our collection of engaging
S1: videos and enlightening teaching series. Just search for the Bold
S1: Steps app and download this free app today. Well, that's
S1: all the time we have. Join us tomorrow when Mark
S1: continues with part two of this message. It's part of
S1: our series on rock solid Living, and it's coming up
S1: Thursday here on Bold Steps with Mark Jobe. Bold steps
S1: is a production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody
S1: Bible Institute.