1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:05,960 S1: Broadcasting from Chicago, across North America and beyond its cast 2 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:10,680 S1: and crew. Come as you are an experienced guide. Overcome 3 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:15,440 S1: what seems impossible and live. As you never imagined. Start 4 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:16,880 S1: your morning with a laugh. 5 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:22,119 S2: Practical from the Bible. Tips and tricks to kill. Not tricks, 6 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:23,600 S2: but tips and tricks. 7 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:28,400 S3: Tips and tricks to kill. Tips and tricks. 8 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,400 S1: Delivering the truth daily. 9 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,280 S4: All of my attempts to, you know, prop myself up 10 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,760 S4: with achievement in good works. Well, God wasn't impressed by that. 11 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,239 S4: Even if other people were. 12 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,080 S2: The gospel changes everything. 13 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,519 S5: Freedom in Christ. Man, it's like that backpack of cement 14 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,440 S5: just falling to the ground. 15 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:50,920 S1: Now, from the call of Hope Studios, this is Carl 16 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,040 S1: and crew. We're going to go back to ask the 17 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,080 S1: experts here in a moment, but we wanted to get 18 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:59,800 S1: Doctor Herman Shariat jumping in here really quick with an 19 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:04,600 S1: update on Iran Hormuz. Thank you for being with us today. Uh, 20 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,080 S1: what is going on from your vantage point, what has 21 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,440 S1: transpired and what are we looking for to come here, 22 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:12,160 S1: my brother? 23 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,360 S6: Well, thank you, Carl, much is happening in Iran. Some 24 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,920 S6: of it, you know, and it's visible. Some of it 25 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:22,480 S6: is invisible because it's a in a spiritual domain. So 26 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,319 S6: history is in the making. And that will not just 27 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,280 S6: impact Iran, but the whole Middle East and even maybe 28 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:32,959 S6: the world. Um, not just political history, but spiritual and 29 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:39,080 S6: biblical history. Uh, it's all happening. Like, for example, Jeremiah 49, 30 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,920 S6: verses 34 and on, if you read it, several of 31 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:46,399 S6: those verses has been, uh, have been being fulfilled the 32 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:50,840 S6: last few days. Even so, the people of Iran and 33 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:54,120 S6: suddenly got hope. As you know, there was a massacre 34 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:58,240 S6: in January and, uh, 40,000 of the young people were 35 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,680 S6: killed on the streets and people were hopeless. They went 36 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,040 S6: to their homes. They knew if they come on streets, 37 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,640 S6: the government of Iran will kill. And they said, we're 38 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,520 S6: going to kill 100,000. And if we have to, we're 39 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,240 S6: going to kill 1 million Iranians if we have to 40 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,480 S6: do it and stay in power. So people of Iran 41 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:21,240 S6: were desperate, hopeless, and they were crying out, hey, Uncle Trump, 42 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,240 S6: they like Trump, uncle Trump, come and help us. Come 43 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:28,080 S6: and help us. Do not negotiate. Do not negotiate. These 44 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:31,760 S6: people are deceivers. Even if they sign an agreement, they're 45 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:36,280 S6: not going to follow. They're. Yeah, they have deception. They're liars. 46 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:40,560 S6: So every time Trump said, I'm we are negotiating. People 47 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,760 S6: of Iran would get depressed and they would say, no, no. 48 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:48,560 S6: So but when this happened on Saturday, the attack on Iran, 49 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:52,680 S6: the death of Supreme leader, just guess what happened. People 50 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,000 S6: of Iran 2 a.m. when they heard the news they want. 51 00:02:56,040 --> 00:03:00,280 S6: They were on the streets singing and dancing. Suddenly, after 52 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:04,919 S6: months of mourning and hopelessness, they got hope. So right 53 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:08,880 S6: now is, uh, you know, the war is going on. Uh, 54 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:13,240 S6: Trump has asked them to stay home. Ask the people. 55 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,320 S6: Not yet. Stay home. And we are going to continue 56 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:21,639 S6: to destroy the infrastructure. And, uh, and just the government 57 00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:26,600 S6: structures and Revolutionary Guard centers and the police centers. We 58 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,480 S6: are not done yet. So, yeah, people of Iran are waiting. 59 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:30,040 S1: Yeah. 60 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,200 S4: Doctor Shariat, our guest right now, founder and president of 61 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:37,200 S4: Iran Alive Ministries. Iran Lives Channel is the most watched 62 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,600 S4: Christian channel in Iran with over 7 million daily viewers. Uh, 63 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,720 S4: what are you hearing as far as the the believers 64 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,880 S4: in that country about the spiritual temperature? 65 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:51,240 S6: Well, we have been training those leaders through our satellite 66 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,680 S6: broadcast for 25 years, and I'm so proud of him. 67 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,560 S6: They have a heart for God and they they listen. 68 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,720 S6: They want to do something. So even during the protests, 69 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,800 S6: they were out there. They were helping people. Um, by 70 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:07,960 S6: the way, um, probably a few hundred of Christians were killed, uh, 71 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:12,280 S6: in January during the massacre. Some of them were are members, uh, 72 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,400 S6: and that we knew and we are helping, uh, right now. 73 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:20,000 S6: It's the connection, the direct connection with the people inside Iran, 74 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,240 S6: Christian or non-Christian, is very sporadic because the government has 75 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:27,560 S6: turned off, uh, every communication channel between outside world and 76 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:32,440 S6: inside world. But because of Starlink, we hear, uh, now 77 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:36,400 S6: and then things from Iran, from our leaders. But I 78 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,359 S6: want to assure you, the Christians in Iran are so brave. 79 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,840 S6: They're not they're not afraid that I ask them, what 80 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:45,279 S6: do you want us to pray? They say, we want 81 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,760 S6: to hear God, so we will do what he wants 82 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,280 S6: us to do at this time. We don't want to 83 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:52,360 S6: be confused. I don't want to be, uh, work out 84 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:56,160 S6: of fear. We need God's wisdom, number two. We need 85 00:04:56,160 --> 00:05:00,640 S6: his courage that we will do what he asks us 86 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,839 S6: to do and not be afraid. The church in Iran 87 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,640 S6: is there, strong is surviving and even the hard times. 88 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:11,920 S6: Just like now. The darkest it gets, the brighter the 89 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,120 S6: Church of God. 90 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:13,520 S1: Amen. 91 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,040 S6: Will shine in Iran. That's where they are. 92 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,560 S1: Amen. Doctor, I thank you for popping in here. We're 93 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,279 S1: going to have you in over these next few weeks. 94 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:24,479 S1: A lot is going to be transpiring there, and I 95 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,280 S1: want to thank you for being here. Those of you 96 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:28,120 S1: in the boom crew want to know more about this 97 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:33,479 S1: incredible ministry. Been training for 25 years via satellite. Uh, 98 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,200 S1: the estimates are that this is the fastest growing what 99 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,520 S1: used to be underground church. It's going to soon be 100 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,560 S1: coming above ground. But the the efforts there are beautiful. 101 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,360 S1: And we'd love to have you get there. Text the 102 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,359 S1: word alive to our number here. Just the word alive 103 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:56,520 S1: to 800 555 7898. One word alive to 800 555 7898. 104 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,960 S1: Wanted to get her Mose in here for sure. Right, Allie? 105 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:04,200 S4: Absolutely. That's a live to 800 555 7898. 106 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:09,200 S1: Okay, Arlene Pelican is our next expert on deck. Do 107 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,600 S1: we love Arlene? 108 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,080 S4: Yes we do. 109 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,160 S1: Yes we do. Hang on. We're going to open up 110 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:19,919 S1: phone lines for questions and comments. Buckle up and get 111 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,400 S1: that swig of water. 112 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,200 S7: Get your info from a source you can trust. It's 113 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,760 S7: Ask the Experts week with Carl and crew. 114 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,440 S1: Yeah, that's on me, man. I didn't hold the cup 115 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,880 S1: and string up to my ear. 116 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,240 S2: You gotta remember to do that. 117 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,120 S1: The old cup and string trick. I think we got 118 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,599 S1: her with us right now. Arlene, how are you today? 119 00:06:40,279 --> 00:06:41,680 S8: I have my cup and string. 120 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:46,480 S1: Good. Okay, now we're connected. Hey, Arlene. Uh, top three 121 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:49,360 S1: issues that parents are facing today. Let's go. What do 122 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:49,719 S1: you say? 123 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:55,240 S8: Top three issues one. Parent. You are the parent. You 124 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,200 S8: don't have to consult your child. You are the boss. 125 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:02,160 S8: You are the leader. Two technology. What do we do 126 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,920 S8: with all these screens? Because we are fighting about them 127 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:10,000 S8: all the time. Three is my child capable of skills 128 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,160 S8: or does my child just say to the parent, you 129 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,840 S8: do that for me? I don't feel like doing that. 130 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,680 S8: That's what I kind of see the top there. And 131 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,600 S8: of course layered into that is how is this, our 132 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,840 S8: dear children? How is this dear child of mine going 133 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,080 S8: to love God? No, God, serve God, obey God if 134 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,560 S8: they don't get these three things in place. 135 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,760 S4: Arlene, our guest this morning, speaker, author, host of the 136 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,440 S4: Happy Home Podcast. She's written several books, including Growing Up 137 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:38,120 S4: Social with Gary Chapman, calm, cool and Connected Parents, Rising 138 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:42,160 S4: Screen kids. Let's start with the last one. The cry 139 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:46,240 S4: of every parent's heart is that their children would know 140 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,320 S4: and love and serve the Lord. What are some things, 141 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:56,239 S4: maybe some approaches or tactics that generations past have done 142 00:07:56,240 --> 00:08:00,080 S4: that we need to reconsider? I guess that's the best 143 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,000 S4: way of putting it. 144 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,520 S8: Yeah, I see the generation pass kind of like a 145 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,480 S8: little House on the Prairie, is what I'm thinking. And 146 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,560 S8: for you younger listeners, please go look that up. It's 147 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:08,160 S8: really good. 148 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:09,480 S4: Best show. 149 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:13,760 S8: Right. This is a family around a dinner table that 150 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,840 S8: are always together. They work together, they do chores together. 151 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,760 S8: They have fun together, possibly plays the fiddle at night. 152 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,640 S8: You know, they support each other. They go through challenges together. 153 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,440 S8: When there's a problem, they go usually to par. They 154 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:29,000 S8: talk to Paul about it. And just this model of 155 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:33,680 S8: everyday discipleship of we go to church regularly. It's not 156 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,760 S8: a question like, oh, is there a game? Is the 157 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,480 S8: weather good? Are we tired. You know, so it's it's 158 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:44,000 S8: regular rhythms of church, Bible reading, prayer, caring, really living 159 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,920 S8: out the gospel. I think that is the the best 160 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:50,160 S8: thing parents can do is is is there enough evidence 161 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,640 S8: just by watching your family? Oh, this is a Christian family. 162 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:57,200 S8: This is a family who follows Jesus because like James says, 163 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,040 S8: you know, show me faith without works is dead. That 164 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,360 S8: that this should have a reflection in our lives. I 165 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,080 S8: think that's the best thing parents can do. 166 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,120 S1: Taking your questions right now, give us a call for 167 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,720 S1: Arlene Pellekaan. She's going to be with us for this hour. 168 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:13,120 S1: It's a full week of Ask the Experts. Arlene Pellekaan 169 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,280 S1: is tremendous on this stuff, guys. It's hard truth sometimes, 170 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:25,000 S1: but it's dynamite. 805 55, 7898 800 555 7898. Text 171 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:32,240 S1: or call in your questions right now. 800 555 7898 Arlene, 172 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,800 S1: you mentioned number one at the top three is you're 173 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,559 S1: in charge, parents. You know, I think a lot of 174 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:41,320 S1: parents have, uh, I don't know how we get sucked 175 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:46,520 S1: into this. they almost think that grace and being the 176 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:51,120 S1: leader of your kids can't coexist. It's the converse, isn't it, Arlene? 177 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:54,840 S1: Grace is the ability to shepherd our children. Right? 178 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:59,200 S8: Yeah. Love corrects. You know that. You look through the Scripture. 179 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,920 S8: Look through Proverbs. What is this, my son? Be careful 180 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,000 S8: to walk in my ways. Right there is this component 181 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,040 S8: of it that I'm here to guide you. And we've 182 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:13,040 S8: been kind of sold very masterfully. Let your child guide themselves, 183 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,240 S8: let them become whoever they're well, they're three, you know 184 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:19,480 S8: what I mean? So. So it is this idea that 185 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:23,440 S8: they're both that you have. This is the challenge, child 186 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,440 S8: of mine I'm going to give you. But here's also 187 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,440 S8: the grace and the support. It's both. Same thing with God. 188 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,439 S8: God is fully love, but he is also fully, just 189 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:36,280 S8: fully worthy of fear and reverence and awe. Same thing. 190 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:41,760 S4: Arlene, we're taking your questions on parenting screens, Kids. All 191 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:50,000 S4: Things Happy Home 800 555 7898 800 555 7898. This 192 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,600 S4: question came in by text message 19 and 20 year 193 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,400 S4: old children. How do you know when to step in 194 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,720 S4: and when to let them fall on their face, especially 195 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,160 S4: in regard to choosing a spouse, which could have a 196 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,560 S4: lifetime of consequences? This is a good one, Arlene. That 197 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:09,439 S4: letting go process of a teen young adult children? 198 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,839 S8: Yes. And just look at their ages. They're 19 and 20. 199 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,640 S8: So at this point it is their choice. You know, 200 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:20,360 S8: my my husband's father, when my when my husband James 201 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,440 S8: was thinking about proposing and asking his dad for his advice, 202 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,680 S8: his dad was like, I'm not the one who has 203 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:30,000 S8: to wake up next to her every day. So, so 204 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:33,280 S8: a lot of this is is okay. I need to 205 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,640 S8: step out. You are 19, you are 20. This will 206 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:40,559 S8: be your choice. This will be what you live with. however. Obviously, 207 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:43,080 S8: if you as a parent know this is not the 208 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:46,120 S8: right choice. You you you. It's not just that you 209 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,280 S8: have little personality differences, you know this is not the 210 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,679 S8: right choice. Man, you are fasting. You are praying. You 211 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,160 S8: are asking God to open the eyes of your child. 212 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,600 S8: You're asking God to please shift my child's heart, make 213 00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,240 S8: something happen, help my child not to make a decision 214 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:03,640 S8: that's going to adversely affect them. You know, that kind 215 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,120 S8: of thing. So yes, war for your child. Battle for 216 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,840 S8: your child. But but know that it is your child's 217 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,319 S8: decision and not yours. 218 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:13,000 S1: Get a question from someone here. They say they're going 219 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,320 S1: to be coming to Moody in the fall, majoring in communications. 220 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,640 S1: Woo hoo! Uh, what are what are some issues that 221 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,679 S1: need to be addressed amongst youth? I'm assuming they're going 222 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,439 S1: to go that direction. I'm not on socials much, so 223 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:30,160 S1: I don't know. Mine was identity when I was growing up. 224 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:31,319 S1: What do you say, Arlene? 225 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:35,160 S8: Yeah. Identity is always, you know, as you're coming into 226 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,280 S8: as you're a young person, you're asking, who am I? 227 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,640 S8: Who do I belong to? Like, where do I fit 228 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,600 S8: in and what is my purpose? And so, as you, 229 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,600 S8: dear student, get ready to change the world. You know, 230 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:51,400 S8: asking those questions. How can I help them understand their identity, 231 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,679 S8: who they are, their purpose in God? How can I 232 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,680 S8: help that? How can I foster that? And I think 233 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,280 S8: a lot of people, you know, Jonathan Hite in The 234 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,800 S8: Anxious Generation, there's a chart in his book that he'll 235 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,960 S8: talk about that made him so sad. And it was 236 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,040 S8: seniors in high school who were saying, like, I feel meaningless. 237 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,880 S8: Like I kind of don't have hope for the future. 238 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,360 S8: And it used to be a very small amount that 239 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,400 S8: would say that because you have, you know, the whole 240 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,920 S8: life in front of you. But now about 20% of 241 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,679 S8: boys and girls say that, and it made him so sad. 242 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:26,040 S8: And I think for you, dear caller, to speak into that, 243 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,880 S8: this is the meaning and the purpose God has for 244 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,079 S8: your life by showing in your own life how you 245 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,319 S8: are finding meaning and purpose. God bless you. It's going 246 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:33,920 S8: to be great. 247 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,120 S4: Heartfelt question that came in by text message that says, 248 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,760 S4: we have three children between the ages of eight and 12. 249 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:43,440 S4: We need a complete parenting reboot. For many years we 250 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,000 S4: have not disciplined and led correctly. We're seeing a lot 251 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:49,200 S4: of discipline issues and behavior issues at school. How do 252 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,480 S4: we fix the problem we created? 253 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:51,960 S1: Wow. 254 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:53,320 S8: Okay. 255 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,440 S1: Hold on. Time out. Arlene. We need to cheer for 256 00:13:56,440 --> 00:14:00,120 S1: someone who's saying, how do we fix the problem we created? 257 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:01,440 S1: That's huge, isn't it? 258 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,800 S8: It is. I was just going to say you are 259 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,199 S8: not alone. Like most people, if they were honest, would 260 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,720 S8: say like. Oh, yeah. Hear, hear on that. So first 261 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:14,120 S8: of all, acknowledging it is huge and then realizing if 262 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,520 S8: I keep going the same way, it's just going to 263 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,840 S8: get worse. So good. And then, you know, there's a C.S. 264 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,920 S8: Lewis quote that I'm going to butcher it, but it's 265 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,800 S8: basically that progress is going the direction you want to go. 266 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,360 S8: So sometimes progress is going backwards and that is the 267 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:33,280 S8: fastest way home. So for you just start with those 268 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:38,160 S8: going backwards in small ways that you can manage maybe 269 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,720 S8: 1 to 2 things at a time, because if you 270 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,480 S8: try to fix everything, you're going to get so frustrated 271 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,560 S8: and it's going to go. So think of two pain 272 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:50,080 S8: points in your life and work on those first. I'm 273 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,120 S8: going to give you one so your children want attention 274 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,360 S8: at all of those ages. My husband was just talking 275 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,760 S8: about this yesterday. They want attention and they're getting it 276 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:02,560 S8: from complaining, from being negative, from whining, from throwing a fit. 277 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:06,680 S8: And you're giving them that attention, most likely. Instead say, 278 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,240 S8: oh my goodness, when you act in those ways, you're 279 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,360 S8: not going to get my attention. I'm actually going to 280 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:15,600 S8: ignore you, and I'm going to make whatever you're doing counterproductive. 281 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,120 S8: So if you're whining because you don't want to go 282 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,200 S8: to school, I'm not going to give a speech. I'm 283 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,240 S8: just going to say no. We go to school, get 284 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,840 S8: in the car and go to school. And if they 285 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,920 S8: there's a consequence, oh, look, there's no dinner on the 286 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,120 S8: table because you were whining today. Whatever it is, have 287 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,400 S8: a consequence. So let them know I'm not going to 288 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,520 S8: pay attention to that anymore. And you're not going to 289 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,200 S8: get your way anymore. And instead give the attention when 290 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,320 S8: they're doing something right. 291 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,520 S1: Is there any value in sitting down with these kids, 292 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,480 S1: not together, but individually, looking them in the eye and go, 293 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:47,440 S1: you know what? We have messed up and today is 294 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,160 S1: a new day. Is there value in that? 295 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:49,920 S9: I love that. 296 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,240 S8: There is 100% value in that. And and even doing 297 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,400 S8: something that is of their love language. Love language. Spending 298 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,760 S8: time with them. You know, you're working on a bicycle 299 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,400 S8: together and then you're having this conversation. You're going out 300 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,160 S8: to ice cream, you bought them a gift, whatever it 301 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,520 S8: is to repair and say, you know what, we've dropped 302 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,840 S8: the ball. We're going to try to get better at this. 303 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,000 S8: Let's work as a team. 304 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:14,200 S4: Arlene Pelican, our guest this morning taking your questions. 800 305 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:22,360 S4: 555 7898 800 555 7898. Coming up, we'll tackle this one. Oh, boy. 306 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,720 S4: This one came in earlier this week, but I think 307 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,200 S4: Arlene is the one to tackle it. We have while 308 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,960 S4: summarize it's a one year old who's already wants Mom 309 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,840 S4: and Dad's phone. They try to keep her off of 310 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:38,880 S4: those screens. But the minute she is able to wrangle 311 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:43,640 S4: it free and gets it taken away, it becomes a problem. Yes, 312 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,680 S4: one years old. But this is one of you mentioned 313 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:51,200 S4: the biggest parent challenging. And it starts early. Kids and screens. 314 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,560 S4: Let's tackle that coming up. 315 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:56,800 S1: Okay. Tackle that one. And your questions call in or 316 00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:04,440 S1: text in right now 800 555 7898 800 555 7898. 317 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:09,520 S7: You've got questions. They've got answers. It's Ask the Experts 318 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,080 S7: week with Carl and crew. 319 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:15,040 S1: It is Ask the Experts week. And boy, have we 320 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,800 S1: got a great one Arlene Pelican. These are tough topics, 321 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:18,719 S1: are they not Ali. 322 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,520 S4: They are. Parenting questions are always going to hit hard. 323 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:27,480 S4: 800 555 7898 Arlene, I know you talk a lot 324 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,639 S4: about screen kids, and there's a lot of ways that 325 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,800 S4: we could go with this. But let's speak to the 326 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,240 S4: parent who texted in about a one year old who 327 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,520 S4: already gravitates toward Mom and Dad's phone, and though they've 328 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:41,320 S4: tried to limit screens, she gets really upset when it's 329 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:41,960 S4: taken away. 330 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,560 S8: I'm so glad that you called, and I'm so glad 331 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:49,199 S8: that you gave this question. So just look at this, 332 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,560 S8: you know what? Is your baby acting like an addict, right? 333 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,760 S8: Like I need that. Like, once I have it, give 334 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,000 S8: it to me. Right. So think of honestly what a 335 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,960 S8: pediatrician would say that from 0 to 5, that brain 336 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,520 S8: of your baby is developing and they're building pathways. They're 337 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,960 S8: building a cathedral in there. And if they are just 338 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,520 S8: on a phone or a tablet, there's nothing else that's 339 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,200 S8: going to be better than that. And that's what they're 340 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,440 S8: going to want all the time. But their brain, instead 341 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,399 S8: of building a cathedral, they're going to have a little shack, 342 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,880 S8: and all it's going to have is a little iPad 343 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,560 S8: in it. And instead they really need to be running. 344 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,240 S8: You know, they need to be moving their body, learning language, 345 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,439 S8: being with you, having, you know, all those things. So, 346 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,960 S8: my friend, just take that phone away all together. Go 347 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:36,640 S8: cold turkey on your one year old baby. And it's 348 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,720 S8: really up to us. And it's important enough to do it. 349 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,600 S8: Take that away. It's going to be awful at first, 350 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,560 S8: but when your baby realizes, oh, I don't get that anymore. 351 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:49,680 S8: Guess what? Your life is going to become infinitely better 352 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,760 S8: as your baby is like, oh, I would like to 353 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,960 S8: talk to my mom now. I would like to play 354 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,320 S8: with blocks. I would like to eat this little piece 355 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,480 S8: of food. You know, it's going to get so much better. 356 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,000 S8: So take it away. Do not let your one year 357 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,600 S8: old use the phone anymore. 358 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,600 S1: You know, I've talked to some parents recently that they 359 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,359 S1: feel like I screwed up and they got a three, 360 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,959 S1: 4 or 5 year old six year old maybe on screens. 361 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,920 S1: And that's what they do to keep them quiet at 362 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,840 S1: a dinner table or when friends are over or whatever. Uh, 363 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,639 S1: how do you bear with it when your kids suffering withdrawals? 364 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,910 S1: I guess it just suck it up, buttercup. It's going 365 00:19:24,910 --> 00:19:25,950 S1: to be a little bit here. 366 00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:29,430 S8: Yeah, I will give you the extreme example. So if 367 00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:31,950 S8: you have a three, four, five, it's actually not extreme. 368 00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:34,429 S8: You're old. That's on screens. What's this going to mean 369 00:19:34,430 --> 00:19:37,510 S8: at ten, 11, 12, 13. Then what's that going to 370 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,750 S8: mean at 30, 40, 50. So I know one with 371 00:19:40,750 --> 00:19:43,270 S8: a middle schooler, like a sixth grader and who was 372 00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:46,470 S8: so addicted to video games and he literally took time 373 00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:49,190 S8: off work first two weeks, then three weeks, it turned 374 00:19:49,190 --> 00:19:52,430 S8: into four weeks where he would take time off work 375 00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:55,270 S8: to be with his son from the time from after 376 00:19:55,270 --> 00:19:59,310 S8: school till he fell asleep, to block him from video games, 377 00:19:59,310 --> 00:20:03,109 S8: physically block him from video games. And it was like 378 00:20:03,109 --> 00:20:05,710 S8: seeing someone in detox. Like he was freaking out. He 379 00:20:05,710 --> 00:20:09,990 S8: was catatonic. He's just going absolutely ballistic. But after one 380 00:20:09,990 --> 00:20:13,109 S8: month of that, now they have their son back, totally 381 00:20:13,109 --> 00:20:17,270 S8: back now into swimming and sports and drawing and with 382 00:20:17,270 --> 00:20:20,350 S8: people again. Wow. So, so there is a fight. There 383 00:20:20,350 --> 00:20:22,950 S8: is something in the parent that says I must deal 384 00:20:22,950 --> 00:20:26,190 S8: with this now because it's just going to get worse later, 385 00:20:26,550 --> 00:20:29,990 S8: so be ready for that storm. But again, watch the trials. 386 00:20:30,030 --> 00:20:33,110 S8: You know, watch the trials against all these things right now. 387 00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:36,910 S8: It's all coming out that it they know big tech 388 00:20:36,910 --> 00:20:40,230 S8: knows this will addict your children. And as parents we 389 00:20:40,230 --> 00:20:41,109 S8: need to step in. 390 00:20:42,190 --> 00:20:45,510 S4: Arlene Pelican, our guest. Let's go to the phones. We've 391 00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:48,710 S4: got Steve who's calling in from Cleveland, Ohio. What's your 392 00:20:48,710 --> 00:20:49,830 S4: question for Arlene? 393 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,630 S10: Well, I just make it as short as I can. 394 00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:58,750 S10: Adult children? Yeah. My wife and I are in our 70s. Um, 395 00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:01,950 S10: some of the stuff coming out of, you know, we 396 00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:05,869 S10: have gone through many years ago before we were saved. 397 00:21:06,150 --> 00:21:08,430 S10: You know, I went through the whole 12 step program, 398 00:21:08,470 --> 00:21:12,590 S10: the whole nine yards. Um, yeah. Just being brought up 399 00:21:12,590 --> 00:21:15,070 S10: with old guilt stuff. I'm like, hey, you know what? 400 00:21:15,070 --> 00:21:17,070 S10: I don't need you to remind me what I was. 401 00:21:17,070 --> 00:21:19,830 S10: I was a ringleader in my own circus. I know, 402 00:21:20,230 --> 00:21:25,230 S10: you know. So you know dealing with that any any 403 00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:28,270 S10: any suggestions because I told my wife and I, you 404 00:21:28,270 --> 00:21:31,030 S10: know what? There's you and me. We did what we 405 00:21:31,030 --> 00:21:35,950 S10: could apologize, made amends where we could. Um, I'm not 406 00:21:35,950 --> 00:21:38,030 S10: going to sit here and get beat to death the 407 00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,469 S10: rest of my life over this. 408 00:21:39,510 --> 00:21:40,030 S2: Yeah. 409 00:21:40,150 --> 00:21:42,950 S8: No. And that's true, and that's true. And isn't it funny? 410 00:21:42,950 --> 00:21:45,830 S8: It could go either way of one side saying, like, 411 00:21:45,830 --> 00:21:49,030 S8: you didn't give me what I needed and, and and 412 00:21:49,070 --> 00:21:52,229 S8: beating them up about that. So I think you are 413 00:21:52,230 --> 00:21:55,990 S8: right in your attitude of if you've already said, hey, 414 00:21:56,030 --> 00:21:59,030 S8: I wasn't the, you know, now I would show up 415 00:21:59,030 --> 00:22:01,669 S8: in a different way, but that's what I knew to 416 00:22:01,710 --> 00:22:04,230 S8: do then. That was kind of the best I could 417 00:22:04,230 --> 00:22:06,510 S8: do then. And I'm really sorry if I wasn't there 418 00:22:06,510 --> 00:22:08,230 S8: for you the way you wanted. But I'm here for 419 00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:11,510 S8: you now, so. And then if they cannot accept that 420 00:22:11,510 --> 00:22:13,950 S8: as adult children, you know what? What is there to do? 421 00:22:13,990 --> 00:22:17,389 S8: You cannot change their hearts. But I do think, you know, 422 00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:20,070 S8: I think of of my friend Bill Farrell, who is 423 00:22:20,109 --> 00:22:23,550 S8: a wonderful speaker and author, had a very tough relationship 424 00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:25,750 S8: all the way through with his parents. But he said 425 00:22:25,910 --> 00:22:28,830 S8: his relationship with his father in his 80s. So when 426 00:22:28,830 --> 00:22:31,070 S8: his father was in his 80s, that that was the 427 00:22:31,070 --> 00:22:33,590 S8: best time of their lives. So I would just give 428 00:22:33,590 --> 00:22:36,869 S8: that encouragement to you that, who knows, maybe the best 429 00:22:36,869 --> 00:22:40,670 S8: days are around the corner and praying and hoping for 430 00:22:40,670 --> 00:22:44,429 S8: restoration and kind of good steps forward with your adult kids. 431 00:22:44,710 --> 00:22:46,790 S8: But if that does not happen, that you know you 432 00:22:46,830 --> 00:22:49,229 S8: have done the best that you could to be faithful 433 00:22:49,230 --> 00:22:51,750 S8: to them. And I'm so sorry that it is is 434 00:22:51,750 --> 00:22:53,190 S8: not better at this time. 435 00:22:53,869 --> 00:22:56,389 S1: Steve, thank you for that call. That's courageous man. I'd 436 00:22:56,390 --> 00:22:58,790 S1: love to hear 70 year old men who say, all right, 437 00:22:58,790 --> 00:23:04,510 S1: what can I do? Uh, Arlene, along that line in pastoring, 438 00:23:04,510 --> 00:23:09,590 S1: I see that a lot of parents, um, some over, apologize, 439 00:23:09,590 --> 00:23:13,189 S1: and it's time to stop asking for forgiveness over and 440 00:23:13,190 --> 00:23:17,870 S1: over and beating yourself up. But some lack clarity around it. 441 00:23:17,910 --> 00:23:21,990 S1: How important is clarity around specifics? I want to ask 442 00:23:21,990 --> 00:23:27,590 S1: for forgiveness for? Fill in the blank. Specificity versus I 443 00:23:27,590 --> 00:23:31,190 S1: wasn't a great parent. I'm sorry. I'm new now. How 444 00:23:31,190 --> 00:23:34,230 S1: important is it for even an adult kid to hear 445 00:23:34,270 --> 00:23:36,350 S1: specifics in an apology? 446 00:23:37,150 --> 00:23:42,350 S8: The specifics give weight to the apology and let the 447 00:23:42,510 --> 00:23:45,990 S8: listener like the one that's being apologized to understand, like, oh, 448 00:23:46,109 --> 00:23:49,430 S8: that person really does understand what they did. So there 449 00:23:49,430 --> 00:23:52,149 S8: is that that feeling of if they just say, oh, 450 00:23:52,150 --> 00:23:54,590 S8: I'm sorry, it doesn't it doesn't quite hit it because 451 00:23:54,590 --> 00:23:56,590 S8: you're wondering, like, what are you sorry for? You know, 452 00:23:56,590 --> 00:23:58,709 S8: like when my husband's like, I'm sorry. I'm like, do 453 00:23:58,710 --> 00:24:01,030 S8: you even understand what you're apologizing? 454 00:24:01,070 --> 00:24:03,790 S1: Honey, go back and go back and work on that again. 455 00:24:03,990 --> 00:24:06,350 S8: Yeah. Do you just want to not be in trouble? So. 456 00:24:06,630 --> 00:24:09,629 S8: So the more specific you can be, you know, and 457 00:24:09,670 --> 00:24:11,590 S8: obviously it doesn't mean you have to get out your 458 00:24:11,590 --> 00:24:16,669 S8: calendar on, you know, April 5th, 1988. I did this, 459 00:24:16,670 --> 00:24:20,469 S8: but those things that you know would have made a 460 00:24:20,470 --> 00:24:24,270 S8: big difference. I'm sorry that I, you know, left you 461 00:24:24,310 --> 00:24:27,429 S8: waiting on the corner and I didn't show up. I'm 462 00:24:27,470 --> 00:24:29,710 S8: really sorry about that. And if I could do it again, 463 00:24:29,710 --> 00:24:32,590 S8: I would have shown up, you know? So. So as 464 00:24:32,590 --> 00:24:36,470 S8: specific as you can be, that will help your child 465 00:24:36,510 --> 00:24:39,190 S8: forgive you. And that will help build that bridge. 466 00:24:39,550 --> 00:24:42,350 S4: Arlene Pelican, our guests, if you want more resources, we 467 00:24:42,350 --> 00:24:44,790 S4: mentioned a couple of books. She's also host of the 468 00:24:44,830 --> 00:24:52,070 S4: Happy Home podcast. Text happy to (800) 555-7898. Happy to 800 469 00:24:52,150 --> 00:24:57,230 S4: 555 7898. Text message question says I am a grandfather. 470 00:24:57,230 --> 00:24:59,989 S4: My daughter lives in the downstairs unit in a in 471 00:25:00,070 --> 00:25:03,030 S4: my two unit house. I can hear them screaming at 472 00:25:03,030 --> 00:25:05,429 S4: my granddaughters, ages six and two, whom I take to 473 00:25:05,470 --> 00:25:10,070 S4: church every Sunday. My daughter and her husband are not believers. 474 00:25:11,190 --> 00:25:12,230 S4: What do you say, Arlene? 475 00:25:12,990 --> 00:25:15,270 S8: This is a toughie because you have all the layers 476 00:25:15,270 --> 00:25:17,950 S8: of okay, if you were not my family, but let's 477 00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:20,830 S8: say you were my tenants, I would say, hey, I'm 478 00:25:20,830 --> 00:25:23,149 S8: trying to get some peace and quiet upstairs. Why are 479 00:25:23,150 --> 00:25:26,110 S8: you guys yelling so much? So there's that layer and 480 00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:29,230 S8: then there's and obviously, you know, he's being very kind 481 00:25:29,230 --> 00:25:31,310 S8: to extend to them that they can live there. That's 482 00:25:31,310 --> 00:25:34,229 S8: what I would assume. And then there's a layer of hey, 483 00:25:34,270 --> 00:25:37,030 S8: those are my grandchildren. And then there's the layer of 484 00:25:37,070 --> 00:25:39,390 S8: but your adult kids and I really can't tell you 485 00:25:39,390 --> 00:25:42,830 S8: what to do. So all of those things happening in 486 00:25:42,869 --> 00:25:47,430 S8: that two bedroom place. And so pray, pray about this, 487 00:25:47,950 --> 00:25:51,590 S8: listen to your adult children, maybe ask questions, hey, instead of, 488 00:25:51,630 --> 00:25:56,429 S8: you know, Jim Burns says that any unsolicited advice sounds 489 00:25:56,430 --> 00:25:59,949 S8: like criticism. So if grandpa comes and tells him you 490 00:25:59,950 --> 00:26:01,869 S8: shouldn't be doing that, you shouldn't be doing that. The 491 00:26:01,869 --> 00:26:03,590 S8: adult kids are probably going to get mad and just 492 00:26:03,590 --> 00:26:07,950 S8: keep doing it. So perhaps approach with curiosity. Hey, I 493 00:26:07,990 --> 00:26:11,830 S8: noticed that it's been really rough downstairs. I can hear 494 00:26:11,830 --> 00:26:14,990 S8: that for a long time. Is there anything I can 495 00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:16,709 S8: do to support you? Is there anything I can do 496 00:26:16,710 --> 00:26:19,550 S8: to help you? And they. And they may brush that off, 497 00:26:19,550 --> 00:26:24,070 S8: but keep in that posture of I notice this. I'm 498 00:26:24,070 --> 00:26:26,590 S8: here to help you. You know, maybe you are if 499 00:26:26,590 --> 00:26:30,150 S8: there's a podcast or something or a show or a book, 500 00:26:30,190 --> 00:26:31,790 S8: you know, you might just leave it at their door, 501 00:26:31,869 --> 00:26:34,110 S8: say like, hey, you know, not a big lecture, but, 502 00:26:34,150 --> 00:26:35,709 S8: you know, I think of Kevin Leman, have a new 503 00:26:35,710 --> 00:26:37,750 S8: kid by Friday, like here. You know, you might you 504 00:26:37,750 --> 00:26:40,510 S8: might want to look at this. So so try to 505 00:26:40,550 --> 00:26:44,670 S8: resource them gently ask questions. How can I support. But 506 00:26:44,670 --> 00:26:47,590 S8: then there really can be as as the person as 507 00:26:47,590 --> 00:26:51,750 S8: their host to say, hey, I live here, I love 508 00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:55,030 S8: you guys, but this is not working. All this yelling 509 00:26:55,190 --> 00:26:58,470 S8: is not good for me, for my health. It's not 510 00:26:58,470 --> 00:27:01,590 S8: good for you and we've got to come to a solution. 511 00:27:01,590 --> 00:27:04,030 S8: So come. So after that nice stuff. That nice stuff 512 00:27:04,070 --> 00:27:07,430 S8: doesn't work, then. Hey, you guys need. Your rent's going 513 00:27:07,430 --> 00:27:09,869 S8: to go up. Something's going to happen. Because this needs 514 00:27:09,869 --> 00:27:10,790 S8: to change. 515 00:27:11,670 --> 00:27:16,630 S1: Arlene Pelican, our guest. You got questions? 805, 55, 7898 516 00:27:16,670 --> 00:27:23,630 S1: 800 555 7898. Any unsolicited advice is felt as criticism. 517 00:27:23,630 --> 00:27:26,070 S1: That's a powerful statement, sister. 518 00:27:26,950 --> 00:27:29,229 S8: Yeah. Jim Burns I can't claim that one, but I 519 00:27:29,230 --> 00:27:30,190 S8: use it all the time. 520 00:27:30,790 --> 00:27:35,110 S1: Wow. Okay. Taking your calls or you can call text 521 00:27:35,109 --> 00:27:43,990 S1: in with your question. 800 555 7898 800 555 7898. 522 00:27:44,030 --> 00:27:46,389 S4: Coming up, I want to go to something that Arlene 523 00:27:46,390 --> 00:27:50,030 S4: had on a recent podcast. If you are parenting teenagers, 524 00:27:50,030 --> 00:27:52,230 S4: you may feel this one. What do you do when 525 00:27:52,230 --> 00:27:55,870 S4: you feel like your teen just doesn't like you very much? 526 00:27:56,030 --> 00:27:59,950 S4: 805 55 7898. If you have questions, we'll tackle that 527 00:27:59,950 --> 00:28:00,710 S4: one coming up. 528 00:28:01,390 --> 00:28:04,909 S7: When you don't know who's better to ask than an expert. 529 00:28:05,109 --> 00:28:06,990 S7: You're listening to Carl and crew. 530 00:28:07,190 --> 00:28:10,910 S4: It's the beautiful, difficult season of parenting. And that's true 531 00:28:10,910 --> 00:28:14,030 S4: no matter what season of life you are in as parents, 532 00:28:14,030 --> 00:28:16,590 S4: toddlers to teens to adult children. 533 00:28:16,790 --> 00:28:17,710 S3: Oh Nelly. 534 00:28:17,750 --> 00:28:19,949 S1: I just gotta say. Oh, Nelly. 535 00:28:20,510 --> 00:28:25,030 S4: You think it gets easier? It doesn't. Arleen. Let's talk 536 00:28:25,030 --> 00:28:28,430 S4: to parents of teenagers. I have two teenagers in my home, 537 00:28:28,430 --> 00:28:31,630 S4: and I sometimes joke with other parents, particularly having a 538 00:28:31,630 --> 00:28:34,590 S4: 16 year old daughter, that there are times when you're like, 539 00:28:34,590 --> 00:28:36,390 S4: I don't. I'm going to walk into the room, but 540 00:28:36,390 --> 00:28:39,710 S4: I don't know which kid is meeting me. Is it 541 00:28:39,710 --> 00:28:40,150 S4: the one? 542 00:28:40,190 --> 00:28:40,790 S3: Hilarious. 543 00:28:41,070 --> 00:28:43,190 S4: Is it the one who's, like, happy to see me 544 00:28:43,190 --> 00:28:45,350 S4: and wants to debrief on the day? Or is the 545 00:28:45,350 --> 00:28:47,830 S4: one that's like, mom, why are you looking at me? 546 00:28:48,270 --> 00:28:52,030 S4: Sometimes it's like, ooh, tread carefully there. What do you say, Arlene? 547 00:28:52,350 --> 00:28:55,750 S8: That is so funny. You have a daughter like. You know, 548 00:28:55,790 --> 00:28:57,990 S8: I also have a 16 year old daughter. No, this 549 00:28:57,990 --> 00:29:02,270 S8: is so funny. And realizing. Okay, my child is under 550 00:29:02,270 --> 00:29:06,310 S8: some serious construction, and I will be the parent and 551 00:29:06,310 --> 00:29:09,150 S8: not be offended if my child one day is like 552 00:29:09,190 --> 00:29:12,390 S8: besties and then one day is like glaring at me. 553 00:29:12,670 --> 00:29:15,790 S8: So I think there is that patience and that understanding of, oh, 554 00:29:15,790 --> 00:29:17,470 S8: it's going to be okay. So I think as a parent, 555 00:29:17,470 --> 00:29:19,190 S8: when your teen acts like, I don't want to be 556 00:29:19,190 --> 00:29:21,150 S8: with you, I think you kind of have to be 557 00:29:21,150 --> 00:29:23,590 S8: like my husband James, who is just like, I really 558 00:29:23,590 --> 00:29:26,550 S8: don't care. I'm going to sit next to you anyway. 559 00:29:26,990 --> 00:29:29,790 S8: So so there is that point that it's like, I 560 00:29:29,790 --> 00:29:31,790 S8: don't care what your if you look like you want 561 00:29:31,830 --> 00:29:33,230 S8: to be here or not. Your eyes are going to 562 00:29:33,230 --> 00:29:35,350 S8: roll like we are going to whatever go on this 563 00:29:35,350 --> 00:29:37,910 S8: family vacation. We are going to go out to eat. 564 00:29:37,910 --> 00:29:39,430 S8: We are going to go for a bike ride, I 565 00:29:39,430 --> 00:29:41,709 S8: don't care. Just get on your bike and let's go. 566 00:29:41,750 --> 00:29:44,430 S8: That's my husband. That's how he approaches things. And I 567 00:29:44,430 --> 00:29:47,790 S8: really think that approach with a teenager is good. Like, 568 00:29:47,830 --> 00:29:49,990 S8: I don't care that you want to sit there in 569 00:29:49,990 --> 00:29:52,150 S8: your room on your phone, I don't care. Like, we 570 00:29:52,190 --> 00:29:54,070 S8: are going to go visit grandma right now, and then 571 00:29:54,070 --> 00:29:55,470 S8: we're going to go out for ice cream, go get 572 00:29:55,470 --> 00:29:57,870 S8: in the car. And even if they're just oh so 573 00:29:57,910 --> 00:30:00,630 S8: mad about it, I still don't care. But the heart 574 00:30:00,630 --> 00:30:02,750 S8: of it, of course, is I want to spend time 575 00:30:02,750 --> 00:30:04,790 S8: with you. You know, I have a few more years 576 00:30:04,790 --> 00:30:07,550 S8: with you until you graduate out of my home, and 577 00:30:07,550 --> 00:30:09,270 S8: I want to be with you. And no matter how 578 00:30:09,270 --> 00:30:11,710 S8: much a kid kicks and screams and pretends they don't 579 00:30:11,710 --> 00:30:13,830 S8: want to be with you, they're going to look back 580 00:30:13,830 --> 00:30:16,110 S8: and think, okay, yeah, my mom and dad were there 581 00:30:16,110 --> 00:30:18,950 S8: instead of, yeah, I didn't see my mom or dad 582 00:30:18,950 --> 00:30:21,030 S8: for 2 or 3 years because I guess they couldn't 583 00:30:21,030 --> 00:30:24,230 S8: handle the eye rolls. So just stick with your teen, 584 00:30:24,390 --> 00:30:26,830 S8: even if they don't seem like they like you or 585 00:30:26,830 --> 00:30:29,790 S8: want to be with you. Of course. Don't overcrowd them. 586 00:30:29,830 --> 00:30:32,750 S8: Give them autonomy. Let them make their own decisions. Don't 587 00:30:32,750 --> 00:30:36,150 S8: make every mike. Don't make. Micromanage them, but spend time 588 00:30:36,150 --> 00:30:36,709 S8: with them. 589 00:30:37,070 --> 00:30:41,470 S1: Between birth order and just how they're all so different. 590 00:30:41,470 --> 00:30:45,150 S1: It's really funny to watch parents with one. And then 591 00:30:45,150 --> 00:30:47,670 S1: they get two and they're like, what in the cat 592 00:30:47,710 --> 00:30:50,830 S1: hair happened? Somebody changed all the rules on me mid-stream. 593 00:30:50,830 --> 00:30:52,030 S1: Speak to that quickly. 594 00:30:52,550 --> 00:30:55,830 S8: Oh, every child is different. And, you know, one child 595 00:30:55,830 --> 00:30:58,350 S8: might be ready for a phone at 15 and your 596 00:30:58,350 --> 00:31:00,500 S8: other child could be 22 or. 597 00:31:00,500 --> 00:31:01,700 S1: 40 5. 598 00:31:01,700 --> 00:31:05,430 S8: 545. So every kid is different. So you have maybe 599 00:31:05,430 --> 00:31:09,070 S8: similar values, you know, similar chores, similar those kinds of things. 600 00:31:09,070 --> 00:31:11,030 S8: But the way that you deal with them, the way 601 00:31:11,030 --> 00:31:13,710 S8: you spend time with them, their responsibilities, what you allow 602 00:31:13,710 --> 00:31:16,150 S8: them to do may be very different based on who 603 00:31:16,190 --> 00:31:19,030 S8: they are. And usually it's a reflection of one is 604 00:31:19,070 --> 00:31:21,310 S8: kind of not usually, but many times one is more 605 00:31:21,310 --> 00:31:24,110 S8: like the mom, one is more like the dad, and 606 00:31:24,110 --> 00:31:27,390 S8: so have those insights. Keep a light heart about it 607 00:31:27,390 --> 00:31:30,110 S8: and just be a student of your child. 608 00:31:30,150 --> 00:31:31,350 S1: Yeah, I hate to say it, but I was glad 609 00:31:31,350 --> 00:31:34,550 S1: for the mom kids. Okay, so here we go. Roberto 610 00:31:34,590 --> 00:31:38,070 S1: in Florida. You're driving, my man. What's your question for Arlene? 611 00:31:39,590 --> 00:31:42,350 S11: Good morning. Thank you for taking my call. I'm going 612 00:31:42,390 --> 00:31:46,270 S11: to try to be real quick. Um, well, it's on 613 00:31:46,270 --> 00:31:49,030 S11: behalf of my wife. My wife has two kids, you know, 614 00:31:49,070 --> 00:31:52,110 S11: they're both are grown. And, um, every now and then, 615 00:31:52,110 --> 00:31:54,470 S11: they always come. They said that they need some help. 616 00:31:54,470 --> 00:31:59,950 S11: And we've been helping for many, many years. But, you know, um, 617 00:32:00,150 --> 00:32:03,430 S11: just recently there was an incident that one of them 618 00:32:03,430 --> 00:32:06,470 S11: from another state called my wife and said that, you know, 619 00:32:06,510 --> 00:32:10,390 S11: the water heater breakdowns. So my wife is sending $500 to, 620 00:32:10,430 --> 00:32:14,469 S11: you know, just to parch the water heater. Um, and 621 00:32:14,470 --> 00:32:19,550 S11: then the, the the call later the same day, they 622 00:32:19,550 --> 00:32:21,870 S11: called my wife and they said that they need to 623 00:32:21,870 --> 00:32:25,630 S11: pay their mortgage, and it was $2,500. And I told 624 00:32:25,630 --> 00:32:28,990 S11: my wife, don't do it. You know, they're already grown. 625 00:32:29,270 --> 00:32:32,310 S11: It's time for them to take responsibility. But my wife 626 00:32:32,310 --> 00:32:35,390 S11: did it. So I was upset because I feel like 627 00:32:35,390 --> 00:32:38,830 S11: my wife wasn't respecting me. Yeah. What should I do? 628 00:32:39,910 --> 00:32:42,790 S8: Yeah. That's so good. I wonder, I hope your wife 629 00:32:42,790 --> 00:32:47,270 S8: is listening. Or listen to this later on. So I 630 00:32:47,270 --> 00:32:51,550 S8: think what your wife is doing, she thinks it is kindness. Right. 631 00:32:51,750 --> 00:32:55,150 S8: But it is not kindness because it is showing your 632 00:32:55,150 --> 00:32:58,830 S8: adult children. Hey, you're not capable of doing this yourself. 633 00:32:58,830 --> 00:33:01,550 S8: So anytime you hit a rough spot, I'll help you. 634 00:33:02,030 --> 00:33:04,910 S8: So honestly, your approach of saying, you know, no, you're 635 00:33:04,910 --> 00:33:07,230 S8: an adult. You need to figure out how to do 636 00:33:07,230 --> 00:33:11,670 S8: this yourself. That is actually the kinder thing to do, 637 00:33:11,950 --> 00:33:14,390 S8: so that your adult kids can figure out how to 638 00:33:14,430 --> 00:33:16,430 S8: stand on their own two feet because you and your 639 00:33:16,430 --> 00:33:19,390 S8: wife will not be there forever. And so for your 640 00:33:19,390 --> 00:33:23,310 S8: wife to understand that it's economic outpatient care, it's a 641 00:33:23,510 --> 00:33:25,750 S8: one of a book called it that, that you're giving 642 00:33:25,750 --> 00:33:28,750 S8: them economic outpatient care. And when they get this care, 643 00:33:28,790 --> 00:33:31,190 S8: they realize, I don't have to care for myself because 644 00:33:31,190 --> 00:33:33,150 S8: my mom will bail me out. Notice they call the mom. 645 00:33:33,150 --> 00:33:36,510 S8: They don't call you. Right. So so that's that. And 646 00:33:36,510 --> 00:33:39,270 S8: then in terms of the respect piece, yes. That you 647 00:33:39,270 --> 00:33:42,670 S8: feel disrespected. You went against what I said you didn't respect. 648 00:33:42,670 --> 00:33:46,030 S8: You didn't back up. So try to listen to her, honey. 649 00:33:46,030 --> 00:33:48,430 S8: Tell me all about why you want to give that 650 00:33:48,430 --> 00:33:52,390 S8: money and listen. Okay, I get that, but. But you 651 00:33:52,390 --> 00:33:56,190 S8: need to also respect that I have an opinion and 652 00:33:56,190 --> 00:33:58,990 S8: that I am the leader of our home. And when 653 00:33:58,990 --> 00:34:02,150 S8: you go against me, I feel very disrespected. So have 654 00:34:02,150 --> 00:34:05,190 S8: that conversation as well. But you did. You did the 655 00:34:05,190 --> 00:34:08,310 S8: right thing by by withholding so that they can figure 656 00:34:08,310 --> 00:34:10,670 S8: out how to how to do their mortgage. 657 00:34:10,710 --> 00:34:13,669 S1: Yeah. Because those Amazon packages are still on the front 658 00:34:13,670 --> 00:34:15,630 S1: porch and they're still going out to choke and pukes 659 00:34:15,630 --> 00:34:18,190 S1: for lunch. You know what I mean, Arlene. Still happening. 660 00:34:18,989 --> 00:34:19,750 S8: That's right. 661 00:34:20,510 --> 00:34:24,830 S1: Oh my goodness. Okay. Uh, boy, this is amazing content 662 00:34:24,870 --> 00:34:28,510 S1: here today. And some of you are wondering, hey, might 663 00:34:28,550 --> 00:34:31,229 S1: there be a clearinghouse where I can get everything that 664 00:34:31,230 --> 00:34:34,589 S1: Arlene has to say about these different topics and bada bing, 665 00:34:34,590 --> 00:34:35,750 S1: bada boom. Look at this. 666 00:34:36,030 --> 00:34:41,469 S4: So glad you asked. You can text happy to (800) 555-7898. 667 00:34:41,510 --> 00:34:45,550 S4: Arlene has written extensively books, but also she's got a podcast. 668 00:34:45,670 --> 00:34:49,510 S4: Other resources, some video courses. Uh, she's even done something 669 00:34:49,510 --> 00:34:52,109 S4: with screens where she sits down and talks to her 670 00:34:52,110 --> 00:34:55,230 S4: kids who did not get phones until I think most 671 00:34:55,230 --> 00:34:57,990 S4: of them are now late in high school, even into college. 672 00:34:57,989 --> 00:35:00,110 S4: So you'll get to hear about that as well. Text 673 00:35:00,150 --> 00:35:03,550 S4: happy to (800) 555-7898. 674 00:35:03,590 --> 00:35:07,190 S1: Arlene. We get this big enchilada next week called share 675 00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:10,989 S1: about 4 million bucks. And I wanted to because I 676 00:35:10,989 --> 00:35:13,750 S1: want our boom crew to hear hearts of our experts. 677 00:35:13,750 --> 00:35:17,550 S1: And this has been awesome. You know, it's it's part 678 00:35:17,550 --> 00:35:22,589 S1: of that training thing. But give us your best response 679 00:35:22,590 --> 00:35:26,390 S1: to why jump in to share. We're listener supported here. 680 00:35:26,390 --> 00:35:28,670 S1: I don't even know if you knew that we're listener supported, 681 00:35:28,710 --> 00:35:29,870 S1: but why? Why do that? 682 00:35:29,870 --> 00:35:33,830 S8: Even when I get in the car and I can 683 00:35:33,830 --> 00:35:36,589 S8: listen to the radio, right. And need like that, that 684 00:35:36,590 --> 00:35:39,069 S8: piece of encouragement. I can't tell you how many times 685 00:35:39,230 --> 00:35:42,470 S8: growing up as a young adult, as a young mom, 686 00:35:42,510 --> 00:35:44,589 S8: young wife, you know, all of those things. Let me 687 00:35:44,590 --> 00:35:46,750 S8: just turn on the radio and listen to what these 688 00:35:46,750 --> 00:35:49,950 S8: people have to say about my situation. And time and 689 00:35:49,950 --> 00:35:52,230 S8: time again, it would. I remember when I was struggling 690 00:35:52,230 --> 00:35:56,109 S8: with infertility. And I heard a message about Abraham and 691 00:35:56,110 --> 00:35:59,310 S8: I thought, okay. And Sarah. She waited, and God was faithful. 692 00:35:59,310 --> 00:36:01,830 S8: And it would just hit you exactly at the right 693 00:36:01,870 --> 00:36:04,350 S8: time when you need it. And when you give to 694 00:36:04,390 --> 00:36:09,950 S8: Moody Radio, you're allowing that lifeline to keep flowing. For 695 00:36:09,950 --> 00:36:13,589 S8: someone who just either accidentally flips on the radio and 696 00:36:13,590 --> 00:36:16,190 S8: is like, oh, who is this Jesus? I want to 697 00:36:16,190 --> 00:36:19,390 S8: hear more about this Jesus. To that intentional person who 698 00:36:19,390 --> 00:36:22,670 S8: wants to follow Christ, just doesn't know how to unpack that. 699 00:36:22,670 --> 00:36:25,910 S8: And they're listening to amazing people like Gary Chapman or 700 00:36:25,950 --> 00:36:29,589 S8: Janet Parshall. You guys, you know, Chris Fabry, and they're 701 00:36:29,590 --> 00:36:32,910 S8: hearing these things. It's so, so powerful. So I am 702 00:36:32,910 --> 00:36:34,910 S8: such a big fan of Moody Radio. 703 00:36:35,230 --> 00:36:40,150 S1: Thank you Arlene. That's a blessing for sure. Alright. Text happy. 704 00:36:40,190 --> 00:36:46,310 S1: Get the resources 800 555 7898 text happy to 800 705 00:36:46,350 --> 00:36:51,950 S1: 555 7898. Ask the experts. Oh my goodness.