1 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:09,600 S1: He's back, ladies and gentlemen, with the rest of the story. 2 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,119 S1: That band of the Love Languages doctor Gary Chapman is 3 00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:14,760 S1: going to give us some quality time today. He might 4 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:17,240 S1: give you some words of affirmation if you call him. 5 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,880 S1: His very presence is an act of service and a gift. 6 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,200 S1: And if you listen carefully today, it might just feel 7 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:27,159 S1: like he's reaching out and touching your heart. There's a 8 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,920 S1: new project out featuring Doctor Chapman and his wife, Carolyn, 9 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:33,000 S1: and I'm going to talk about that today at the 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:37,120 S1: Radio Backyard fence. Don't miss this one. Get ready for 11 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,600 S1: a behind the scenes look. The rest of the story. 12 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,400 S1: And what a love story it is. Straight ahead on 13 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,720 S1: Chris Fabry live program from the heart to the heart 14 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,040 S1: for the heart. Let's get started with a thank you. 15 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,200 S1: Ryan McConaughey is doing all things technical. Trish is our producer. 16 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,040 S1: Lisa is helping out. Josh will be answering your calls 17 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,800 S1: and we're going to open the phone lines today. If 18 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,560 S1: you have a love language question, if you have a comment, 19 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,360 S1: this is your chance to talk with Doctor Gary Chapman 20 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:05,000 S1: and tell him the difference. The love languages made in 21 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,040 S1: your life may be in your marriage, or you might 22 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:15,399 S1: have a question about a relationship struggle. Here's the number (877) 548-3675. 23 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:23,640 S1: Call early. Call often. (877) 548-3675. Now here he is. Author, speaker, counselor, 24 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:27,400 S1: radio host Doctor Gary Chapman. His book, The Five Love Languages, 25 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:30,200 S1: is a perennial bestseller. It's been on the New York 26 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:34,240 S1: Times list since 2007. Can you believe that? And by 27 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,679 S1: the way, Gary, that was the year that you went 28 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,480 S1: on with Building Relationships 2007. So it's all because of 29 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,960 S1: building relationships that you hit The New York Times. 30 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,360 S2: All right, all right, I'll give credit. 31 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,760 S1: The we could say so many different books. And there's 32 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:53,120 S1: a book coming out in January, the five chapters of 33 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:57,280 S1: grief that we'll talk about at some point. But the 34 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,550 S1: real reason I wanted you to come on here today 35 00:01:59,550 --> 00:02:04,190 S1: is the new documentary that's titled The Chapmans The Love 36 00:02:04,230 --> 00:02:08,390 S1: Story Behind the Love Languages. We have a link to 37 00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:11,910 S1: it at Chris Fabry live.org. I have seen it. It 38 00:02:11,910 --> 00:02:15,390 S1: was beautifully shot. It's just the you must have shot 39 00:02:15,389 --> 00:02:18,589 S1: this like in the late spring, early summer because it's 40 00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:21,910 S1: just green, green, green. They're in North Carolina. Do you 41 00:02:21,910 --> 00:02:22,990 S1: remember when that was done? 42 00:02:23,030 --> 00:02:24,750 S2: Yeah, I think it was in the spring as I 43 00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:25,870 S2: remember it. Yes. 44 00:02:26,030 --> 00:02:28,709 S1: Okay. Well, welcome back to the program. You doing all right? 45 00:02:28,750 --> 00:02:31,510 S2: I'm. Thank. Good to be back. Yeah. Doing great. 46 00:02:31,990 --> 00:02:35,270 S1: You were at Moody talking to the students last night. 47 00:02:35,270 --> 00:02:36,630 S1: What did you talk with him about? 48 00:02:36,950 --> 00:02:40,070 S2: I had two topics. I spoke on the purposes and 49 00:02:40,070 --> 00:02:45,950 S2: pitfalls of dating. And then we had a Q&A after that. 50 00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:48,870 S2: And then I spoke on things I wish I'd known 51 00:02:48,870 --> 00:02:52,070 S2: before we got married, which I have a book by 52 00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:55,030 S2: that title, as you know, and actually Moody Publishers gave 53 00:02:55,030 --> 00:02:57,670 S2: them a copy of that book. Excellent. It was a 54 00:02:57,669 --> 00:02:58,310 S2: great time. 55 00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:01,549 S1: Yeah. And this is the thing about you. You can 56 00:03:01,550 --> 00:03:04,550 S1: speak to any age. You can. You can talk to students. 57 00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:07,670 S1: You can talk to those who are in the twilight 58 00:03:07,710 --> 00:03:11,110 S1: years and everybody in between. How do you do that? 59 00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:13,310 S2: Well, you have to experience it all before you can 60 00:03:13,310 --> 00:03:15,990 S2: talk about it. And so I started out at birth 61 00:03:15,990 --> 00:03:20,109 S2: and then I, I'm still going. I'm reaching. I'm shooting 62 00:03:20,110 --> 00:03:22,590 S2: for 100. I don't know if I'll make it or not. 63 00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:24,550 S1: Well, your mom made it to 100. 64 00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:27,429 S2: You made it to 99. Yeah. You're right. 99. Okay. 65 00:03:28,310 --> 00:03:31,110 S1: Okay. So in the documentary, this is just some really 66 00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:34,910 S1: fun little questions here. There you in the kitchen, you 67 00:03:34,950 --> 00:03:38,150 S1: are slicing a banana for your cereal. Is that your 68 00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:39,110 S1: real kitchen? 69 00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:41,670 S2: Oh, yeah. It sounds real bananas. And that's what I 70 00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:42,710 S2: eat every morning. 71 00:03:43,710 --> 00:03:47,030 S1: Okay. What kind of cereal? Because it looked like flakes 72 00:03:47,030 --> 00:03:48,870 S1: of some sort. Like Wheaties or. 73 00:03:48,910 --> 00:03:52,430 S2: No, no. What I do is Cheerios. Yo, Cheerios. And 74 00:03:52,430 --> 00:03:57,340 S2: then put honey on that and then put, uh. Banana 75 00:03:57,340 --> 00:04:01,900 S2: and blueberries and and nuts. Walnuts. And that's my breakfast 76 00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:02,620 S2: every morning. 77 00:04:03,540 --> 00:04:06,140 S1: You are you are a connoisseur. It was worth the 78 00:04:06,140 --> 00:04:07,860 S1: price just to get in to see what you eat 79 00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:11,740 S1: for breakfast. So was this. Did you shoot this in Winston-Salem? 80 00:04:11,740 --> 00:04:13,780 S1: And then I think in in Montreat. 81 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:16,780 S2: Uh, yeah, it was a lot of it was in Winston-Salem. 82 00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:19,420 S2: It was up also near near the Billy Graham Training 83 00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:22,860 S2: Center or at the Billy Graham Training Center in Asheville, 84 00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:27,060 S2: North Carolina. And then some of it was also in 85 00:04:27,260 --> 00:04:31,620 S2: my hometown. China Grove, North Carolina, right now. 86 00:04:31,620 --> 00:04:33,779 S1: That's you say in the video that this is not 87 00:04:33,779 --> 00:04:35,260 S1: the Doobie Brothers, China Grove. 88 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:36,100 S2: That's right. 89 00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:38,300 S1: Why was it named, though? 90 00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:41,739 S2: It was named after the Chinaberry tree, which is sometimes 91 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,980 S2: called the umbrella tree because it's shaped like an umbrella, 92 00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:49,500 S2: but it has a little cherry, little, uh, berries about 93 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:53,260 S2: the size of a small marble. And when I was 94 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:55,740 S2: a kid, we used to use them in slingshots and 95 00:04:55,740 --> 00:04:58,659 S2: we'd have slingshot wars shooting each other. 96 00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:04,340 S1: My grandmother had one right outside the pump house. They 97 00:05:04,339 --> 00:05:06,580 S1: had a pump house, whatever that was. I don't know 98 00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:09,460 S1: what they kept a lot of things stored, you know, canned, 99 00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:13,660 S1: stored there in ball jars. But the chinaberry tree was there. 100 00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:16,380 S1: But the leaves are real sharp. You can't grab Ahold 101 00:05:16,380 --> 00:05:17,099 S1: of those, right? 102 00:05:17,140 --> 00:05:18,980 S2: Yeah. You don't know. You don't grab hold of the leaves. 103 00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:22,700 S2: You just get the berries. Okay. And but it was. 104 00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:25,900 S2: And I guess apparently there were groves of these trees. 105 00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:28,619 S2: So they named the little town China Grove. You know. 106 00:05:29,140 --> 00:05:32,020 S1: The one thing that I, I learned a lot that 107 00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:35,020 S1: I didn't know, but the thing that I learned was 108 00:05:35,580 --> 00:05:38,740 S1: when you got a whoopin, there was only one weapon 109 00:05:38,740 --> 00:05:42,060 S1: that you got. Unless you want to confess to more 110 00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:45,219 S1: than one weapon. Uh, what did you do? 111 00:05:45,540 --> 00:05:50,420 S2: Well, it was on, uh, October the 31st, and we 112 00:05:50,420 --> 00:05:54,620 S2: did trick or treating, And this lady didn't give us 113 00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:57,860 S2: a treat. So we let the air out of one 114 00:05:57,860 --> 00:05:58,700 S2: of her tires. 115 00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:00,660 S1: Only one? 116 00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:03,340 S2: Well, I think I was only involved in one. I 117 00:06:03,339 --> 00:06:05,220 S2: don't know, maybe some of the other guys did the 118 00:06:05,220 --> 00:06:05,940 S2: other tires. 119 00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:08,620 S1: What's the statute of limitations on letting the air out 120 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,219 S1: of tires? 121 00:06:09,580 --> 00:06:12,380 S2: I don't know, but anyway, my parents, my parents found 122 00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:14,540 S2: out about it and I got a whooping. 123 00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:18,060 S1: Whose idea was it to let the air out? 124 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,380 S2: Well, it wasn't mine, you know. It wouldn't be mine. 125 00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:23,219 S2: It was one of one of my neighbors. 126 00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:26,020 S1: Yeah, but you you participated. 127 00:06:26,060 --> 00:06:29,700 S2: I participated, I did, yeah. Now they did one really 128 00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:33,339 S2: worse than that. But I wasn't involved in this. They 129 00:06:33,339 --> 00:06:37,860 S2: pushed over an outhouse, which was the only bathroom for 130 00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:42,020 S2: people who lived there, and they pushed it over. And 131 00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:44,940 S2: I didn't get anything in that because I didn't do that. Yeah. 132 00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:47,539 S1: Well, the only thing worse than pushing over an outhouse 133 00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:49,339 S1: is pushing it over with somebody in it. 134 00:06:49,380 --> 00:06:51,180 S2: Yeah. That's true, that's true. 135 00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:54,930 S1: Okay. So did you ever go back to the lady 136 00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:56,250 S1: and apologize then? 137 00:06:57,490 --> 00:07:00,410 S2: Uh, I don't remember that I did. I'd like to 138 00:07:00,410 --> 00:07:02,770 S2: think that I did, but I don't I don't remember 139 00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:03,450 S2: that I did. 140 00:07:04,850 --> 00:07:07,330 S1: I just. And how old were you? How old were 141 00:07:07,330 --> 00:07:08,130 S1: we talking about? 142 00:07:08,170 --> 00:07:11,130 S2: Oh, I was probably ten years old. Ten years old, 143 00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:11,970 S2: I guess. Yeah. 144 00:07:12,210 --> 00:07:14,489 S1: And and do you remember what kind of car it was? 145 00:07:14,530 --> 00:07:16,290 S2: No, I have no memory of that. 146 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,690 S1: But but if you let the air out of a 147 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:22,850 S1: tire and this was. Okay. So you're born in 37. 148 00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:24,410 S1: So this would have been late 40s. 149 00:07:24,450 --> 00:07:24,810 S2: Yeah. 150 00:07:24,850 --> 00:07:27,290 S1: Yeah. You let the air out of a tire and, 151 00:07:27,330 --> 00:07:29,970 S1: you know, that's they don't have those things that you 152 00:07:30,010 --> 00:07:33,570 S1: can plug in now to the, to the cigarette lighter that'll, 153 00:07:33,610 --> 00:07:37,130 S1: you know, blow that up. So that's, that was, you know, 154 00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:38,170 S1: that was a hardship. 155 00:07:38,210 --> 00:07:40,010 S2: Oh, it was a real hardship. And it happened to 156 00:07:40,010 --> 00:07:43,370 S2: be a lady. She and her sister lived there. And so, 157 00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:46,170 S2: you know, there was no husband to do that. I 158 00:07:46,170 --> 00:07:48,290 S2: don't I don't know how she got it pumped back up. 159 00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:50,410 S2: I mean, most of them had pumps, you know, Your 160 00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:52,210 S2: hand pups. You could do that. 161 00:07:52,370 --> 00:07:57,170 S1: Yeah. Oh, Gary. That's that's the that's the most dirt 162 00:07:57,170 --> 00:08:00,650 S1: that we can dig up on you here today from, 163 00:08:01,290 --> 00:08:04,490 S1: from that, uh, documentary. And we have it linked right 164 00:08:04,490 --> 00:08:07,530 S1: there at Chris Fabry live.org. The Chapmans, the love story 165 00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:10,410 S1: behind the love languages. We're going to open the phone 166 00:08:10,410 --> 00:08:14,010 S1: lines for you at eight, seven, seven, five, four, eight, three, six, 167 00:08:14,050 --> 00:08:16,650 S1: seven five. And Gary's going to be he's in the 168 00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:20,810 S1: studio in Chicago. Spoke at Moody Bible Institute last night 169 00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:24,690 S1: to the students. He's going to be in Chesterton, Indiana 170 00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:28,010 S1: this weekend. And this is, uh, what, what kind of 171 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:29,250 S1: a seminar is this? 172 00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:31,170 S2: It's a marriage conference on Saturday. 173 00:08:31,450 --> 00:08:34,130 S1: Okay. And it's all day. It's like 9 to. 174 00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:35,130 S2: 9 to 339. 175 00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:39,170 S1: To 330 at Liberty Bible in Chesterton. And if you 176 00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:42,410 S1: go to five Love languages.com and click events, you can 177 00:08:42,410 --> 00:08:44,570 S1: find out more about it. So if this is the 178 00:08:44,570 --> 00:08:48,490 S1: first you're hearing about it and you're in the upper Midwest, uh, 179 00:08:48,490 --> 00:08:53,839 S1: around Indiana, Illinois and thereabouts. Go to five Love languages.com. 180 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:59,120 S1: Click events with this event with Doctor Gary Chapman in Chesterton, Indiana. 181 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:11,680 S1: And there's more coming up straight ahead. A message to 182 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,440 S1: the China Grove Police Department cold Case Unit if you're 183 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,440 S1: listening today we just saw the flat tire mystery. It 184 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:22,560 S1: was Doctor Gary Chapman. He wasn't a doctor at the time. Uh, 185 00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:25,719 S1: Doctor Gary Chapman is in the house. The documentary, The 186 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:30,800 S1: Chapman's the love story behind the Love Languages is just fantastic. 187 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,400 S1: I watched it last night and I saw it again, uh, 188 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,480 S1: clips of it here this morning. And it really does 189 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:42,319 S1: pull back the curtain on who this guy is and 190 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:46,840 S1: why this concept caught on. And there's, there's a love 191 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,160 S1: story behind it. I'm going to tell you more about that. 192 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:51,880 S1: But Abby is on the line in Florida. Abby, why 193 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:52,920 S1: did you call today? 194 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,040 S3: Because I wanted to thank Doctor Chapman for this book, 195 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,280 S3: and I'm going to try to not be all emotional, 196 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:03,680 S3: but man, what a game changer in my life for 197 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:08,559 S3: our marriage. Even the five language, five love languages of children, 198 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:11,120 S3: it has just really impacted me. And so to be 199 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:14,880 S3: able to thank him. Thank you. Uh, I figured that's 200 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,160 S3: why I wanted to call and to let you know 201 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,200 S3: that when we have when we know a couple who's 202 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,400 S3: going to get married, that. Right. My husband and I 203 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:26,720 S3: will buy, um, two books and give it to them because, 204 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,280 S3: you know, it's just great. 205 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,440 S4: Uh, I can hear I can hear that. Can you? 206 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,400 S4: You've heard that before, haven't you, Doctor Chapman? 207 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,599 S2: Oh, yeah. But it's always encouraging to hear the messages 208 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:37,320 S2: like that. 209 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:42,200 S1: Abby. Is there, is there something that it sounds like 210 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,640 S1: to me like you said, it was game changer. Is 211 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,390 S1: there something that you learned about how to love your 212 00:10:49,390 --> 00:10:54,949 S1: husband well, or him you that that really changed the 213 00:10:55,230 --> 00:10:57,030 S1: the whole relationship. 214 00:10:57,670 --> 00:11:02,350 S3: Indeed. Uh, being a words of affirmation person. Uh, I 215 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:05,750 S3: just when I exude with my love, oh, I love 216 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:08,550 S3: you so much or whatever that was well and good, 217 00:11:08,590 --> 00:11:11,950 S3: but he's an active service guy. And so when I 218 00:11:11,950 --> 00:11:14,390 S3: read the book and realized that I can say it 219 00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:16,750 S3: all day long, but it's when I do the acts 220 00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:20,630 S3: of service, something as simple as laundry or breakfast or 221 00:11:20,670 --> 00:11:25,350 S3: lunch or just anything, just any of those tangible service 222 00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:29,030 S3: or acts of service. Then he really feels the love 223 00:11:29,030 --> 00:11:31,270 S3: that I feel when he says to me, oh, I 224 00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:34,230 S3: love you so much. And so that is a practical 225 00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:37,470 S3: way that that book really changed us. And, uh, we're 226 00:11:37,470 --> 00:11:40,829 S3: coming up on 39 years and, you know, it's just 227 00:11:40,870 --> 00:11:44,150 S3: we fortunately were introduced to this book a long time 228 00:11:44,150 --> 00:11:47,069 S3: ago and it really has impacted us in a very 229 00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:48,390 S3: good way. So thank you. 230 00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:51,910 S4: That's fantastic. Oh, Gary, you must love hearing that. 231 00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:55,469 S2: Absolutely. Great to hear stories like that. And to see that, 232 00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:57,830 S2: you know, all these years later here you are still 233 00:11:57,830 --> 00:11:59,390 S2: going strong. Yeah. 234 00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:03,429 S1: Abby, thank you for your call today. I want to 235 00:12:03,429 --> 00:12:06,470 S1: take you, Gary, to that documentary. And I've got a 236 00:12:06,470 --> 00:12:11,590 S1: clip here of you at the Landis Baptist Church. Now, 237 00:12:11,590 --> 00:12:14,550 S1: this is the church that you and Carolyn in the video, 238 00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:17,830 S1: the documentary, you kind of walk through and you see 239 00:12:17,830 --> 00:12:20,670 S1: where the Sunday school place, you know, where you went 240 00:12:20,670 --> 00:12:23,710 S1: to Sunday school, Carolyn says. There's the back row where 241 00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:28,230 S1: I sat with my with my friends. And then and well, 242 00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:30,030 S1: I'll play it this this happens. 243 00:12:30,070 --> 00:12:33,670 S2: Yeah. We were married right here years ago. Well be 244 00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:35,069 S2: 60 in August. 245 00:12:35,270 --> 00:12:36,910 S5: It'll be 60. Yes. 246 00:12:37,110 --> 00:12:40,189 S2: 60 years. Yes. She's only 49. 247 00:12:40,230 --> 00:12:40,990 S5: Now. I'm 48. 248 00:12:41,030 --> 00:12:41,709 S2: Oh, you're 48. 249 00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:42,470 S5: Excuse me. 250 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:47,350 S2: That was right over here is where I was sitting 251 00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,190 S2: the night I became a Christian. And when the service 252 00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:56,189 S2: was over. I was so moved. I ran to the front. 253 00:12:58,750 --> 00:13:02,750 S2: And the practice was when people came forward to accept Christ. 254 00:13:04,190 --> 00:13:07,309 S2: Several people would just bow around them on their knees 255 00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:15,030 S2: and pray with them. But that's where it all started. 256 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,230 S1: I could hear it in your voice and I could 257 00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:21,950 S1: see it on your face. Gary. What was it like 258 00:13:21,950 --> 00:13:25,790 S1: to stand there at that pew and remember all those 259 00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:26,470 S1: years ago? 260 00:13:26,870 --> 00:13:29,590 S2: There's a lot of emotion, as you can tell, just 261 00:13:29,590 --> 00:13:33,390 S2: as I just standing there, because I remember how deeply 262 00:13:33,390 --> 00:13:36,870 S2: I was moved that night and realized that I was 263 00:13:36,870 --> 00:13:38,790 S2: not a Christian, even though I'd been going to church. 264 00:13:38,790 --> 00:13:41,990 S2: I was ten years old, but keenly aware that I'd 265 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:45,300 S2: never trusted Christ. Never turned my life over to him. 266 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:49,699 S2: Never accepted Christ as my Savior. And emotionally, I was 267 00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,939 S2: very moved, you know, to go forward that night. And 268 00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:56,580 S2: just standing there all these years later and remembering, you know, 269 00:13:56,620 --> 00:14:00,100 S2: that night and then also reflecting on my life, you know, 270 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:03,020 S2: what God has done in my life since then. I 271 00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:05,540 S2: was I was very emotional when I was standing there. 272 00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:08,660 S1: It's interesting that you became a Christian in the same 273 00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:10,660 S1: year that you let the air out of the tires. 274 00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:13,579 S1: I just thought about that. I don't know which came first. 275 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,300 S2: I think the tires came first. 276 00:14:15,340 --> 00:14:18,699 S1: Okay. Okay. Well, maybe there was, you know, you felt 277 00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:21,980 S1: real remorse there, and you knew there was something that, 278 00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:24,460 S1: you know, not that that was the worst thing that 279 00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:28,100 S1: anybody could do. I watched that part and I saw 280 00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:32,500 S1: and Carolyn's line through out this whole thing. Carolyn's, you know, 281 00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:36,260 S1: her dry wit and humor just comes through. And I 282 00:14:36,260 --> 00:14:38,780 S1: don't know, she's kind of a private person. It's been 283 00:14:38,780 --> 00:14:40,540 S1: hard to get her here on the radio. I don't 284 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:43,260 S1: know how you roped her into doing this, but she 285 00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:45,540 S1: did a fantastic job, don't you think? 286 00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:48,460 S2: Yeah, she stuck with us through that whole documentary and 287 00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:51,500 S2: various places that we went, of course, and, uh, was 288 00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,140 S2: was very involved in it. Yeah. 289 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:58,220 S1: Yeah. Um, there's another part then where you talk about 290 00:14:58,820 --> 00:15:04,100 S1: the depth of the tension that you felt in the home. 291 00:15:04,580 --> 00:15:08,340 S1: And this is, uh, Ryan, this is Carolyn runs away. 292 00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:12,260 S1: I want to play this because this is her remembering. 293 00:15:12,420 --> 00:15:15,780 S1: I think this was the night that changed everything as well. 294 00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:20,300 S1: You going forward in your conversion changed everything. But this 295 00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,460 S1: one did as well. This is Carolyn. 296 00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:26,140 S5: Yes. In the early years some of the arguments got 297 00:15:26,140 --> 00:15:31,540 S5: very heated. Uh, I remember one night we had had a, 298 00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:34,380 S5: I don't remember exactly what the problem was. You may 299 00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:39,220 S5: remember that, but I decided I am not taking this anymore. 300 00:15:41,210 --> 00:15:46,050 S5: So I put on my raincoat and I think it 301 00:15:46,050 --> 00:15:46,490 S5: was raining. 302 00:15:46,690 --> 00:15:47,450 S2: It was pouring down. 303 00:15:47,450 --> 00:15:52,730 S5: There and I just I was leaving now at the 304 00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:59,090 S5: time we were about 1200 miles from our parents, but 305 00:15:59,090 --> 00:16:00,690 S5: I don't know where I thought I was going, but 306 00:16:00,730 --> 00:16:03,930 S5: I got out of there and I don't remember exactly 307 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:06,930 S5: what the argument was because we were having a lot 308 00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:10,090 S5: of conflict, just just listening to each other. We didn't 309 00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:13,930 S5: listen to each other. And, uh, I walked around the 310 00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:17,930 S5: parking lot and walked around, got soaking wet and, uh, 311 00:16:18,690 --> 00:16:20,370 S5: there was nothing to do but go back in. 312 00:16:22,170 --> 00:16:23,650 S1: You remember that night, don't you? 313 00:16:23,690 --> 00:16:26,570 S2: Oh, I remember it very well. Very well. That's when 314 00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:29,890 S2: when she when the door slammed and I saw her 315 00:16:29,890 --> 00:16:33,730 S2: walking out in the rain, I thought to myself, oh, man, 316 00:16:33,930 --> 00:16:37,930 S2: this is really bad. When a woman walks in the rain, 317 00:16:37,970 --> 00:16:41,850 S2: you know, it's bad, you know. Fortunately, she did come back, 318 00:16:42,130 --> 00:16:45,250 S2: you know, and she she apologized for walking out. And 319 00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:48,970 S2: then I apologized for screaming at her. And that was 320 00:16:48,970 --> 00:16:52,130 S2: really the wake up call in which we realized something 321 00:16:52,170 --> 00:16:55,010 S2: had to be done, you know, and I began to 322 00:16:55,050 --> 00:16:59,410 S2: ask God to show me. Show me. Neither one of 323 00:16:59,410 --> 00:17:02,090 S2: us are happy with this. And I was in seminary 324 00:17:02,090 --> 00:17:05,210 S2: at the time studying to be a pastor. And I'm thinking, 325 00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:07,730 S2: there's no way I'll ever be a pastor and be 326 00:17:07,730 --> 00:17:10,970 S2: this miserable in my marriage. So it was a turning 327 00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:13,850 S2: point for us in which we learned eventually how to 328 00:17:13,850 --> 00:17:17,690 S2: solve our differences. And all couples have differences, but we 329 00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:20,169 S2: learn how to solve them without yelling and screaming at 330 00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:23,330 S2: each other. We had to learn to listen to the 331 00:17:23,330 --> 00:17:27,450 S2: other person in order to understand their viewpoint. You know, see, 332 00:17:27,490 --> 00:17:30,930 S2: see the world through their eyes and and then they 333 00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:34,490 S2: listen and hear and see, hear your side and then say, okay, 334 00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:37,919 S2: now we we disagree. So how can we solve the problem? 335 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:41,199 S2: So you spend your energy looking for a solution rather 336 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,400 S2: than trying to, you know, win the argument. 337 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,080 S1: A lot of people, though, never get to the place 338 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:50,000 S1: where they'll look at their own themselves. And I believe 339 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:54,280 S1: that was the night that you you had this just 340 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:58,360 S1: saw Jesus washing his disciples feet and felt like this. 341 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:02,520 S1: You know, it was you can't control her. You can't 342 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,920 S1: get her to do what you want her to do. 343 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,480 S1: That's that's up to her. The only thing you can 344 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,720 S1: control is yourself. And at that point, it sounds like 345 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,880 S1: you started to say, okay, how can I love her? 346 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,800 S1: Like Jesus loves me? Right? 347 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,920 S2: Yeah, exactly. I'd cry out to God and I just said, what, what, 348 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:23,000 S2: what shall I do? And, and I told him how 349 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:27,320 S2: miserable I was. And immediately there came to my mind 350 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,399 S2: what you just mentioned Jesus on his knees, washing the 351 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,480 S2: feet of his disciples. And I just heard God say, 352 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,200 S2: that's the problem in your marriage. You do not have 353 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:41,800 S2: the attitude of Christ toward her. And it hit me 354 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:45,120 S2: like a ton of bricks. And I wept because I 355 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,360 S2: remembered what Jesus said when he stood up, he said 356 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:51,240 S2: to his disciples, you call me teacher and Lord, and 357 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,480 S2: you are right. But he went on to say, in 358 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:57,360 S2: my kingdom the leader serves. And I knew that was 359 00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:59,840 S2: not my attitude. You know, my attitude in the early 360 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:03,199 S2: stages of our marriage was, listen, I know how to 361 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,160 S2: have a good marriage. If you listen to me, we 362 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:10,120 S2: can have one, you know? Wow. But that day, I 363 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:13,440 S2: had a different message, and I asked God to forgive me. 364 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,080 S2: First of all, and then give me the attitude of 365 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:20,680 S2: Christ toward my wife. And in retrospect, it's the greatest 366 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,119 S2: prayer I've ever prayed about my marriage because God changed 367 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:27,160 S2: my attitude. And three questions. Actually, Chris made it practical. 368 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,240 S2: When I was willing to ask these three questions, my 369 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,280 S2: marriage began to change their simple questions. The first one is, honey, 370 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,840 S2: what can I do to help you remember? I knew 371 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,639 S2: nothing about love languages. But what can I do to 372 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,000 S2: help you? Second question. What can I do to make 373 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:45,280 S2: your life easier? And the third question, how can I 374 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:48,080 S2: be a better husband? And when I was willing to 375 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,080 S2: ask those questions, she was willing to answer those questions. 376 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,960 S2: She told me. Looking back on it, she was teaching 377 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,080 S2: me how to love her. She was really teaching me 378 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,120 S2: her love language. And when I started doing those things, 379 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:01,720 S2: it didn't turn around overnight. But I would guess within 380 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,960 S2: three months she started asking me those three questions. What 381 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,600 S2: can I do to help you? How can I make 382 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,840 S2: your life easier? How can I be a better wife? 383 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,400 S2: And we've been walking this road a long time now, 384 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,200 S2: and I have an incredible wife. I mean, I've told 385 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,840 S2: her through the years. You know, Carolyn, if every woman 386 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,320 S2: in the world was like you, there'd never be a divorce. 387 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,280 S2: Why would a man leave a woman that's doing everything 388 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:27,000 S2: she can to help him? And my goal has been 389 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,040 S2: to so love her that if I happen to die 390 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,000 S2: before she does, she would never find another man to 391 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,590 S2: treat her the way I've treated her. The woman's going 392 00:20:35,630 --> 00:20:36,310 S2: to miss me. 393 00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:43,470 S1: You know. You mentioned that because as I'm watching this, 394 00:20:43,470 --> 00:20:48,310 S1: this feels very much like a heart retrospective. It's like 395 00:20:48,310 --> 00:20:53,190 S1: capturing this. See the scenes of you two walking together 396 00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:57,750 S1: and the mountains and taking this in, capturing that before 397 00:20:57,750 --> 00:21:00,110 S1: anything can happen to either of you. Yeah. 398 00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:03,670 S2: Yeah. It was. It was good. I, we enjoyed, we 399 00:21:03,670 --> 00:21:08,470 S2: both enjoyed, uh, putting this documentary together and the folks 400 00:21:08,470 --> 00:21:11,430 S2: who helped us, you know, with that and our time 401 00:21:11,430 --> 00:21:13,189 S2: up there, as you mentioned in the mountains was at 402 00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:16,790 S2: the Billy Graham Training Center, the Cove, and we go 403 00:21:16,790 --> 00:21:19,190 S2: up there almost every year. I lead a marriage conference 404 00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:22,470 S2: up there every year for military couples. Uh, but this 405 00:21:22,470 --> 00:21:25,350 S2: time we were just up there to cut, cut this video. 406 00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:30,229 S1: You know what? I think the secret is that no matter. 407 00:21:30,230 --> 00:21:32,910 S1: And for Carolyn, too, and I've got a clip of 408 00:21:32,910 --> 00:21:34,510 S1: her that I want to play here in a minute. 409 00:21:34,510 --> 00:21:40,150 S1: But there's, there's something about you that you are the 410 00:21:40,150 --> 00:21:44,350 S1: same person when the microphone is off, when the microphone's 411 00:21:44,350 --> 00:21:49,030 S1: not on and, and on. And then when you're in 412 00:21:49,030 --> 00:21:52,070 S1: front of a lot of people or just 2 or 3, 413 00:21:52,109 --> 00:21:55,190 S1: you're the same wherever you go. How do you do that? 414 00:21:55,869 --> 00:21:58,830 S2: Well, I don't know. I just feel like for years 415 00:21:58,830 --> 00:22:01,510 S2: I've thought if I'm going to help other people, I've 416 00:22:01,510 --> 00:22:04,550 S2: got to be honest and open about my own struggles. 417 00:22:05,230 --> 00:22:07,950 S2: And I think people appreciate that. You know, you can 418 00:22:07,950 --> 00:22:11,950 S2: get up and just give platitudes, even if they're biblical platitudes. 419 00:22:12,350 --> 00:22:14,350 S2: And some people are sitting there thinking, yeah, but he 420 00:22:14,350 --> 00:22:18,629 S2: doesn't know our situation, you know? But when you're honest 421 00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:22,790 S2: about sharing your own struggles, people begin to realize, oh, yeah, 422 00:22:22,830 --> 00:22:27,430 S2: he's he's speaking from the heart here. And I think 423 00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:29,429 S2: that's what I've tried to do through the years. 424 00:22:29,550 --> 00:22:32,220 S1: Yeah. And a lot of people have been helped. Okay. 425 00:22:32,260 --> 00:22:34,859 S1: And I've got some phone lines open right now. You 426 00:22:34,859 --> 00:22:36,699 S1: want to talk with Doctor Gary Chapman? I'm going to 427 00:22:36,700 --> 00:22:46,420 S1: let you do that (877) 548-3675. (877) 548-3675. Maybe the love languages 428 00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:49,340 S1: like Abbie was saying has made a huge difference in 429 00:22:49,340 --> 00:22:51,460 S1: your life. Or maybe you have a question. Maybe there's 430 00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:54,220 S1: a struggle that you have and you want to talk 431 00:22:54,220 --> 00:23:00,620 S1: with Gary (877) 548-3675. Personal question for you Gary. Have you 432 00:23:00,619 --> 00:23:04,780 S1: ever journaled? Is this something that you've done through the years? 433 00:23:05,140 --> 00:23:08,660 S2: Yeah, I've journaled for a long time. Uh, I don't 434 00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:12,899 S2: actually handwrite. I do it on the computer. Uh, but 435 00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:16,020 S2: every day, every morning when I have my time with God, 436 00:23:16,380 --> 00:23:20,260 S2: I will journal. You know what I read? And something 437 00:23:20,260 --> 00:23:23,340 S2: that I feel God impressed on my heart in reading that. 438 00:23:23,619 --> 00:23:26,900 S2: And then I'll give a little paragraph on how yesterday went. 439 00:23:27,380 --> 00:23:31,180 S2: And then I give a paragraph on what I'm facing 440 00:23:31,220 --> 00:23:34,580 S2: today that I'm aware of, and a little prayer and 441 00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:37,179 S2: asking God, you know, to give me wisdom for whatever 442 00:23:37,180 --> 00:23:39,980 S2: comes my way today. So yeah, I've been journaling for years. 443 00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:43,979 S1: Do you go back through those and look at, you know, 444 00:23:44,020 --> 00:23:46,820 S1: see the way that God has moved in your life 445 00:23:46,820 --> 00:23:48,060 S1: and other people's lives? 446 00:23:48,100 --> 00:23:50,220 S2: Yeah, I've done that from time to time. At the 447 00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:52,780 S2: end of every year, I always print them off, you know, 448 00:23:52,780 --> 00:23:54,540 S2: and I have a, I have a whole stack. I 449 00:23:54,540 --> 00:23:56,300 S2: don't know how many years I've been doing it, but 450 00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:57,460 S2: it's been a long time. 451 00:23:58,060 --> 00:24:00,619 S1: That's fantastic. Well, one of the reasons why I mentioned 452 00:24:00,619 --> 00:24:03,739 S1: that is because our. Thank you this month here at 453 00:24:03,740 --> 00:24:07,620 S1: Chris Fabry Life you support us is Allison Bixby's book 454 00:24:07,619 --> 00:24:12,100 S1: journaling as a Spiritual practice. And she says to journal 455 00:24:12,100 --> 00:24:15,940 S1: is to trace the lines of grace and find that he, 456 00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:20,580 S1: God has been with us all along. And it's a 457 00:24:20,580 --> 00:24:23,139 S1: very personal thing that you're talking about here, Gary. You 458 00:24:23,140 --> 00:24:26,020 S1: don't want everybody reading. You know, what your your thoughts 459 00:24:26,020 --> 00:24:30,660 S1: are or what happened yesterday, But the the exercise and 460 00:24:30,660 --> 00:24:32,940 S1: the discipline. That's the other thing about your life. The 461 00:24:32,940 --> 00:24:37,580 S1: discipline to do that every day keeps you connected with 462 00:24:37,580 --> 00:24:40,780 S1: your own heart and with God. So I'd love to 463 00:24:40,820 --> 00:24:43,700 S1: send a copy of this book, Allison Bixby's Journaling as 464 00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:48,460 S1: a Spiritual Practice, tracing the lines of grace to God's presence. 465 00:24:48,780 --> 00:24:52,060 S1: It's our featured resource, our thank you. Actually, if you 466 00:24:52,060 --> 00:24:55,260 S1: go to Chris Fabry live.org, scroll down and you'll see 467 00:24:55,260 --> 00:24:57,500 S1: how you can give a gift right there, a one 468 00:24:57,540 --> 00:24:59,899 S1: time gift, or you can become a partner with us 469 00:25:00,140 --> 00:25:02,660 S1: and give a gift each month. A couple of folks 470 00:25:02,660 --> 00:25:05,660 S1: did that just yesterday. So thank you for your support 471 00:25:05,660 --> 00:25:08,340 S1: here in November. This is a great thank you that 472 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:13,459 S1: I think will get you through the rest of this year, 2026, 473 00:25:13,460 --> 00:25:17,460 S1: and then catapult you into 2027. I'd love to send 474 00:25:17,460 --> 00:25:20,580 S1: it to you. Journaling as a spiritual practice. Go to 475 00:25:20,619 --> 00:25:26,420 S1: chris.org or our number is 86695 Fabery if you'd like 476 00:25:26,420 --> 00:25:33,170 S1: to give a gift. (866) 953-2279. Doctor Gary Chapman is at 477 00:25:33,170 --> 00:25:36,369 S1: the back fence today. And we're talking about the documentary 478 00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:40,010 S1: The Chapman's The Love Story Behind the Love Languages. If 479 00:25:40,050 --> 00:25:44,490 S1: you are in the Midwest close to Chesterton, Indiana this Saturday, 480 00:25:44,490 --> 00:25:47,369 S1: he's going to be at Liberty Bible Church. Go to 481 00:25:47,410 --> 00:25:51,609 S1: five Love languages.com and click events to find out more. More. 482 00:25:51,609 --> 00:26:07,730 S1: Straight ahead. Doctor Gary Chapman with the Five Love Languages 483 00:26:07,770 --> 00:26:09,889 S1: is with us today at the back fence. What a 484 00:26:09,890 --> 00:26:12,930 S1: treat to have you in the studio in Chicago. The Chapman's. 485 00:26:12,930 --> 00:26:17,090 S1: The Love story behind the Love Languages is a new documentary. 486 00:26:17,490 --> 00:26:19,210 S1: We have a link to it right there at Chris 487 00:26:19,250 --> 00:26:25,450 S1: Fabry live.org. Chris Fabry live dot ORG. And Lee is 488 00:26:25,450 --> 00:26:28,650 S1: in Caledonia, Michigan. Hi, Lee. How are you doing? 489 00:26:29,970 --> 00:26:32,970 S6: Oh, I'm doing great. Thanks for having me on. I'm 490 00:26:32,970 --> 00:26:35,770 S6: so happy to be able to thank Doctor Chapman. 491 00:26:36,890 --> 00:26:39,090 S1: Well, I'm glad to have you. What, did you meet 492 00:26:39,090 --> 00:26:40,250 S1: him at some point? 493 00:26:40,970 --> 00:26:43,729 S6: Yes. This is my quick story is we went to 494 00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:47,250 S6: a marriage conference. My wife and I, we'll be 39 495 00:26:47,250 --> 00:26:52,730 S6: years this January. And, um, it was in Hudsonville, Michigan, 496 00:26:53,490 --> 00:26:57,050 S6: and the auditorium was starting to fill up. It was 497 00:26:57,050 --> 00:27:01,010 S6: before it started. And he come walking down the aisle. 498 00:27:01,010 --> 00:27:03,730 S6: We were sitting on the end of the aisle and 499 00:27:03,770 --> 00:27:07,129 S6: I'm just giddy. It's like I'm elbowing my wife, here come. 500 00:27:07,170 --> 00:27:08,850 S6: It's scary. Here comes Gary. 501 00:27:08,890 --> 00:27:09,250 S2: And. 502 00:27:09,930 --> 00:27:15,250 S6: And, um, he he stopped and he was so kind. He, 503 00:27:15,250 --> 00:27:18,850 S6: he started a conversation with my wife and I and 504 00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:21,770 S6: thanked us for being there. I can't remember exactly what 505 00:27:21,770 --> 00:27:26,240 S6: we talked about, but. Oh, I was so giddy. And, um, 506 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,520 S6: we took a lunch break during the conference, and when 507 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,840 S6: we came back, um, he did the same thing. He 508 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,720 S6: stopped by and talked to us again. And I was 509 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:40,960 S6: just so impressed, so impressed with the man's heart and 510 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,760 S6: felt like that was my 15 minutes of fame. I 511 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:48,399 S6: got to meet somebody that I, I really hold high, 512 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:53,560 S6: you know, and, and so when the next telethon came up, um, 513 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:58,919 S6: the share I donated and Gary Chapman or Doctor Chapman's 514 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:03,800 S6: name and he wrote me a few months after that, 515 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,359 S6: he wrote me a card that thanked me for donating 516 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,719 S6: and his name. And boy, I got that card. And 517 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,040 S6: when I opened it and read it, I'm dancing around 518 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,760 S6: the house showing my wife and I just. 519 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:16,280 S2: Thinking. 520 00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,600 S6: Oh my word, look at this. I got his signature. 521 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:25,080 S6: He handwritten this and It's just it just shows the 522 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:29,200 S6: heart of this man has. And it just really, really 523 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:31,280 S6: made an impression on me. I'm a big fan. 524 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,199 S7: Ah. Wow. 525 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:38,160 S2: It's always encouraging, you know, and I do at my conference, 526 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,600 S2: I do try to hang loose, you know, during the 527 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,760 S2: breaks and all that sort of thing and not hide 528 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,120 S2: from people, but, you know, interface with them. Obviously, you 529 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,880 S2: can't talk to everybody when you have a large audience. But, 530 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:53,320 S2: you know, there's, there's several that I have conversations with 531 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,960 S2: before or after and at the break times. 532 00:28:56,440 --> 00:29:00,360 S1: None as giddy though as Lee and you, you're really 533 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,080 S1: big on the writing of notes. This is one of 534 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,800 S1: the things with our technological world, the digital stuff, you know, 535 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:10,320 S1: it's fine to send an email or text, but a 536 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:14,080 S1: handwritten note, that's something that really has stuck with you 537 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:15,360 S1: through the years, isn't it? 538 00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,400 S2: Yeah, it is. And I don't know you. Maybe it's 539 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,360 S2: because I grew up in the in an age in 540 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,920 S2: which you had to write letters or notes. There was 541 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,640 S2: no no technology. You know, which to send letters or 542 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,000 S2: ideas to them. In fact, my wife and I had 543 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:31,840 S2: a two year letter writing relationship and we were dating. 544 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,360 S2: She was in one state, I was in another state, 545 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:38,200 S2: and we wrote letters back and forth for two years. Uh, 546 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,800 S2: so yeah. And so I guess I guess it comes 547 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:41,760 S2: from my history. 548 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:42,480 S7: Yeah. 549 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:46,000 S1: Uh, Lee, thank you so much for calling in here today. 550 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:50,040 S1: I want to take you to Gary's barbecue. This is 551 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:53,520 S1: the place. This is the the moment in the video 552 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:56,120 S1: that was like, yes, I wanted to see this because 553 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:59,800 S1: I've heard Gary talk about this through the years. Uh, 554 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,600 S1: and is this where this is not China Grove? 555 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,920 S2: It's in China Grove. Yes, it is Grove. Yeah it is. 556 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:06,400 S7: Yeah, it's. 557 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,280 S1: In China Grove. And the first voice you're going to 558 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:13,160 S1: hear is Kimberly, who works at Gary's Barbecue. And this 559 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,920 S1: is not you. You're not the Gary. No, Gary is 560 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:19,520 S1: Gary Richey. He is the owner. And you'll hear his voice. 561 00:30:19,990 --> 00:30:22,350 S1: This is from Gary's barbecue. 562 00:30:22,470 --> 00:30:25,310 S8: I usually suggest the barbecue plate because it's got your barbecue, 563 00:30:25,350 --> 00:30:28,310 S8: your slaw. We have red and white slaw. Locals. They 564 00:30:28,310 --> 00:30:31,150 S8: love the red slaw with their barbecue. And then the 565 00:30:31,150 --> 00:30:34,110 S8: more northern, you know, they look at me cross-eyed. 566 00:30:34,150 --> 00:30:38,510 S9: Barbecue is a noun or a verb. Uh, now you 567 00:30:38,510 --> 00:30:41,310 S9: go out west. You go to a bar. I went 568 00:30:41,310 --> 00:30:43,230 S9: to a barbecue out there one time, and they were 569 00:30:43,230 --> 00:30:46,230 S9: cooking hamburgers and hot dogs, but they were grilling, and 570 00:30:46,230 --> 00:30:49,750 S9: they call it a barbecue in North Carolina. When you 571 00:30:49,750 --> 00:30:54,590 S9: say barbecue, it's a noun, and it's pork cooked up 572 00:30:54,590 --> 00:30:58,270 S9: and chopped or pulled and usually got the vinegar sauce 573 00:30:58,270 --> 00:31:00,590 S9: and all on it. Well, I like everything on the menu, 574 00:31:00,590 --> 00:31:04,310 S9: but that hot dog is hard to beat. You're right. Um, 575 00:31:04,430 --> 00:31:06,870 S9: we are pretty famous for our hot dogs. People come 576 00:31:06,870 --> 00:31:09,709 S9: in here and what makes me feel good, people say 577 00:31:09,710 --> 00:31:11,790 S9: I was in here 25 years and got that hot 578 00:31:11,830 --> 00:31:16,070 S9: dog and said, I want another one. And then when 579 00:31:16,070 --> 00:31:18,950 S9: they get through, they'll say, it tastes just like I remember. 580 00:31:19,190 --> 00:31:21,350 S2: Well, that's what my mother always ordered. So every time 581 00:31:21,350 --> 00:31:25,310 S2: I come back, I order that in her memory. That's great. 582 00:31:25,830 --> 00:31:26,470 S2: That's great. 583 00:31:26,990 --> 00:31:30,190 S1: That's what I've heard you say, Gary. Yes. You take 584 00:31:30,190 --> 00:31:32,550 S1: your mom there in her 90s? 585 00:31:32,590 --> 00:31:33,070 S2: Yes. 586 00:31:33,350 --> 00:31:35,750 S1: And she'd get that hot dog. How did she order 587 00:31:35,750 --> 00:31:36,150 S1: it again? 588 00:31:36,190 --> 00:31:38,150 S2: It was a foot long hot dog. That's what she 589 00:31:38,150 --> 00:31:39,830 S2: ordered every single time, you know? 590 00:31:39,870 --> 00:31:41,550 S1: Yeah, but she said all the way. 591 00:31:41,590 --> 00:31:44,550 S2: All the way. All the way. Yeah. Oh, that means everything. 592 00:31:44,590 --> 00:31:46,990 S2: All the onions and everything. Yeah. Okay. 593 00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:49,910 S1: Do you do you like the, uh, white slaw or 594 00:31:49,910 --> 00:31:50,470 S1: the red slaw? 595 00:31:50,510 --> 00:31:53,710 S2: Oh, no. The red slaw. Yeah. Barbecue slaw. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 596 00:31:53,750 --> 00:31:55,590 S1: Why? Why is the red slaw better? 597 00:31:55,630 --> 00:31:56,710 S2: Because I just. 598 00:31:56,710 --> 00:31:58,350 S1: I looked at it. It was the white was like 599 00:31:58,350 --> 00:31:59,190 S1: what I would take. 600 00:31:59,230 --> 00:32:01,470 S2: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't know. It's just that's 601 00:32:01,510 --> 00:32:04,110 S2: what I've always had through all these years, you know. Yeah. 602 00:32:04,310 --> 00:32:06,270 S2: Now I do ask them now to leave. They leave 603 00:32:06,310 --> 00:32:10,230 S2: the onions off. Okay. All right. 604 00:32:10,270 --> 00:32:10,910 S1: You've changed. 605 00:32:10,910 --> 00:32:11,830 S2: A little a little bit. 606 00:32:11,870 --> 00:32:14,950 S1: Through the years. Jay is on the line. Jay, you're 607 00:32:14,950 --> 00:32:16,910 S1: on with Gary Chapman. Go right ahead. 608 00:32:18,220 --> 00:32:23,100 S10: Hello. Thanks for taking my call. I've been married going 609 00:32:23,100 --> 00:32:28,540 S10: on 12 years, and I'm struggling, uh, because my wife, 610 00:32:28,540 --> 00:32:32,900 S10: she's struggling with alcohol, and we had an incident where she, uh, 611 00:32:32,940 --> 00:32:36,300 S10: she hit my child, she hit me, and then, uh, 612 00:32:36,300 --> 00:32:40,260 S10: she went to jail. Uh, and I'm struggling with. She's 613 00:32:40,260 --> 00:32:45,060 S10: she's wanting me to drop the charges against her, but, uh, 614 00:32:45,100 --> 00:32:48,060 S10: I'm struggling with that because I really want her to 615 00:32:48,060 --> 00:32:50,980 S10: get help. And then the, the other thing I'm struggling 616 00:32:50,980 --> 00:32:55,459 S10: with is moving forward with a divorce. So I was 617 00:32:55,460 --> 00:33:00,260 S10: just seeking some guidance. Guidance, your opinion on that. Thank you. 618 00:33:00,300 --> 00:33:03,900 S2: Well, I appreciate you calling. I wrote a book called 619 00:33:04,140 --> 00:33:07,540 S2: One More Try What to Do When Your Marriage is 620 00:33:07,540 --> 00:33:11,220 S2: Falling Apart, and it's written to people who are in 621 00:33:11,260 --> 00:33:16,300 S2: situations like, like you're in. Uh, I got no question 622 00:33:16,300 --> 00:33:20,060 S2: about it. When alcohol is involved, the person needs help, 623 00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:25,620 S2: and I would tend to lean toward encouraging you to 624 00:33:25,660 --> 00:33:29,420 S2: see if she would make a commitment to get help 625 00:33:29,420 --> 00:33:33,700 S2: with the with the alcoholism. And that if she is, 626 00:33:33,740 --> 00:33:36,420 S2: and you can get it all set up so that 627 00:33:36,420 --> 00:33:40,020 S2: it's not just words. Uh, to me, that would be 628 00:33:40,020 --> 00:33:42,739 S2: a step that would open up the door to the 629 00:33:42,740 --> 00:33:47,739 S2: possibility of reconciliation. But obviously you have to deal with that, 630 00:33:47,740 --> 00:33:51,100 S2: especially when there's physical abuse going on, you know, toward 631 00:33:51,100 --> 00:33:55,340 S2: you or toward or toward the child. Uh, but it's 632 00:33:55,380 --> 00:33:57,219 S2: not without hope. I mean, there are many people that 633 00:33:57,220 --> 00:34:00,380 S2: have been alcoholics that have been able to break that pattern, 634 00:34:00,780 --> 00:34:03,380 S2: but they do have to decide in their own heart, 635 00:34:03,380 --> 00:34:05,580 S2: I don't want to keep doing this the rest of 636 00:34:05,580 --> 00:34:08,459 S2: my life. And this is a crisis point for her, 637 00:34:08,460 --> 00:34:11,500 S2: to be sure. And it's often in a crisis that 638 00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:14,300 S2: a person makes the decision, I'm going to get help. 639 00:34:14,300 --> 00:34:17,330 S2: I'm not going to allow this to destroy me or 640 00:34:17,330 --> 00:34:20,250 S2: my family. So I would I would just encourage you 641 00:34:20,290 --> 00:34:24,210 S2: kind of walk that road. Don't, don't push for divorce quickly, uh, 642 00:34:24,370 --> 00:34:26,650 S2: but kind of begin to walk that road and see 643 00:34:26,650 --> 00:34:29,250 S2: if she's open at all to, to that process. 644 00:34:29,450 --> 00:34:33,530 S1: Jay, you mentioned her desire to please drop the charges. 645 00:34:33,530 --> 00:34:37,530 S1: Don't make this harder on me. Um, what what are 646 00:34:37,530 --> 00:34:40,690 S1: you thinking, Jay, about that? It sounds like you're leaning 647 00:34:40,730 --> 00:34:43,489 S1: toward the tough love kind of thing that this needs 648 00:34:43,489 --> 00:34:44,690 S1: to run its course. 649 00:34:46,450 --> 00:34:50,890 S10: I am, but at the same time, uh, you know, 650 00:34:50,930 --> 00:34:54,930 S10: I don't want this to affect her her more, any 651 00:34:54,930 --> 00:34:57,850 S10: more than it has. But I do feel like she 652 00:34:57,850 --> 00:35:01,770 S10: is in a state of denial. And so the tough love, 653 00:35:02,770 --> 00:35:05,529 S10: I feel like it has to be applied. But at 654 00:35:05,530 --> 00:35:10,489 S10: the same time, uh, I'm just conflicted. 655 00:35:12,730 --> 00:35:15,930 S1: Yeah. And you don't know what to, you know which 656 00:35:16,330 --> 00:35:19,129 S1: to choose because you can't control her. You can't make 657 00:35:19,130 --> 00:35:22,610 S1: that decision and you can't control with, you know, okay, 658 00:35:22,690 --> 00:35:26,049 S1: if I do this or if I don't, you know, 659 00:35:26,090 --> 00:35:29,529 S1: if I pull back on the charges, what's that going 660 00:35:29,570 --> 00:35:33,250 S1: to be? It's like this is in her court. So, Jay, 661 00:35:33,250 --> 00:35:35,010 S1: I want you to hang on. We're going to your 662 00:35:35,130 --> 00:35:38,810 S1: your information when Gary's done here. But Gary's as far 663 00:35:38,810 --> 00:35:42,170 S1: as dropping the charges. I know you don't know the case. 664 00:35:42,170 --> 00:35:46,770 S1: You can't give, you know, professional advice, but just a 665 00:35:46,770 --> 00:35:48,650 S1: general idea here. 666 00:35:48,850 --> 00:35:53,690 S2: Well, I think some conversation with her about getting treatment 667 00:35:53,690 --> 00:35:57,770 S2: and all that sort of thing would precede that decision 668 00:35:57,770 --> 00:35:59,730 S2: that you would make on whether to do drop the 669 00:35:59,730 --> 00:36:02,930 S2: charges or not, drop the charges at this point. But 670 00:36:03,330 --> 00:36:06,489 S2: just simply being in jail is not going to is 671 00:36:06,489 --> 00:36:09,370 S2: not going to change her. You know, she's going to 672 00:36:09,370 --> 00:36:12,650 S2: have to have help in understanding herself and in understanding 673 00:36:13,090 --> 00:36:18,410 S2: the detrimental effects of alcohol. So that's what I would 674 00:36:18,410 --> 00:36:21,649 S2: I would suggest some conversations with her. And you know, 675 00:36:21,690 --> 00:36:25,009 S2: if there's if there's got somebody else, a pastor or 676 00:36:25,010 --> 00:36:27,290 S2: somebody else that can maybe walk with you in that 677 00:36:27,290 --> 00:36:29,569 S2: process that might be helpful to you. 678 00:36:29,610 --> 00:36:32,729 S1: Yeah, absolutely. J. Hang on. We'll get your information. Doctor 679 00:36:32,730 --> 00:36:35,890 S1: Gary Chapman is with us at the Radio Backyard Fence. 680 00:36:35,890 --> 00:36:38,690 S1: If you go to Chris Fabry live.org, we have a 681 00:36:38,690 --> 00:36:42,610 S1: link for you there for that documentary. We've been playing 682 00:36:42,610 --> 00:36:46,370 S1: clips from the Chapman's The Love Story Behind the Love Languages, 683 00:36:46,690 --> 00:36:49,810 S1: as well as a link to the the Last Conference 684 00:36:49,810 --> 00:36:55,210 S1: this year, Liberty Bible Church in Chesterton, Indiana. More straight ahead. 685 00:37:03,610 --> 00:37:04,850 S11: This is Chris Fabry live. 686 00:37:04,890 --> 00:37:07,410 S1: Doctor Gary Chapman is in the house with us. We're 687 00:37:07,410 --> 00:37:11,440 S1: talking about the documentary The Chapman's The Love story behind 688 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:15,080 S1: the love languages. It will, it will, it will give 689 00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:18,080 S1: you all the feels, friend, because that's what it does. 690 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:22,160 S1: Because there's just something about the relationship of Gary and 691 00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,479 S1: Carolyn that they pull back the curtain here. And one 692 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,080 S1: of the things I'll say there are these pictures of 693 00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:34,200 S1: you getting married in the church, the church, the party there. Um, 694 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:38,480 S1: but there's a picture of you in the, in the 695 00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:43,400 S1: car with just married that's written along the side. And you, 696 00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,480 S1: your son Derek is going to get a kick out 697 00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:49,960 S1: of this because the glasses that you were wearing and 698 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:54,840 S1: your tall, thin body, you look to me like buddy Holly. 699 00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:03,520 S2: I've never heard that one. I'll take that one. My 700 00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:07,520 S2: son was into buddy Holly in high school, and we 701 00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:10,960 S2: actually went to Lubbock, Texas, and spent 2 or 3 702 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:15,480 S2: days there. Just checking out Buddy Holly's background. Going to 703 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,839 S2: the school, he went to, the church he went to, 704 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,839 S2: and all sorts of things. Yeah. Yeah. I knew. 705 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:21,319 S1: You'd get a. 706 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:21,600 S2: Kick out. 707 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,560 S1: Of that. But it's true, friend, if you see the video, 708 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,800 S1: you tell me if you agree. He looked like buddy Holly. 709 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:29,839 S1: The other thing I noticed is you look like you 710 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:35,040 S1: weigh about £150 soaking wet there in, uh, 19. What 711 00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:39,160 S1: is 60 years ago, whatever that was. Yeah. Uh, and 712 00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:43,439 S1: and you maybe have grown to 155 now. You, you 713 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,600 S1: are stayed just about the same. 714 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,200 S2: Yeah. You're right, you're right. I haven't changed much in 715 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:51,040 S2: the last year. Many years. Yeah, many. 716 00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,879 S1: Okay, here's the other thing that I wanted to talk 717 00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:58,040 S1: about that just screamed at me. And that is about Carolyn. 718 00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:01,560 S1: Because everybody knows about Gary. Everybody knows your story. And 719 00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:04,440 S1: the woman who sent you the the Dear John letter 720 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:08,470 S1: and all of that. What they don't know is the 721 00:39:08,469 --> 00:39:11,549 S1: the other half of this. And there's a part in 722 00:39:11,590 --> 00:39:15,629 S1: the documentary where Carolyn starts talking about how it was 723 00:39:15,670 --> 00:39:18,750 S1: kind of hard for her when she became a Christian, 724 00:39:19,030 --> 00:39:22,549 S1: and then she faced in the church some legalism and 725 00:39:22,550 --> 00:39:25,509 S1: people wanting her to fit into a certain mold. And 726 00:39:25,510 --> 00:39:28,989 S1: she just didn't because she was seems like she's more 727 00:39:28,989 --> 00:39:33,549 S1: creative type. Uh, and so she didn't fit into that mold. 728 00:39:34,030 --> 00:39:37,390 S1: And there's a, the testimony of a woman that's coming 729 00:39:37,390 --> 00:39:39,270 S1: up and she and her husband, I think, had gone 730 00:39:39,270 --> 00:39:43,430 S1: through infertility. But I want you to hear what she 731 00:39:43,430 --> 00:39:48,710 S1: says about the the person of Carolyn Chapman. Here we go. 732 00:39:49,270 --> 00:39:53,950 S12: Carolyn loves people. She doesn't care who they are. She connects. 733 00:39:53,950 --> 00:39:57,550 S12: And she seemed to float. She always had flowy outfits on. 734 00:39:57,550 --> 00:39:59,509 S12: And so she would kind of just come into the 735 00:39:59,510 --> 00:40:01,750 S12: room or the hallway, and you just kind of see 736 00:40:01,750 --> 00:40:05,630 S12: this person floating down the hallway and just stopping talking 737 00:40:05,670 --> 00:40:10,030 S12: to people and then moving on. And there was just 738 00:40:10,030 --> 00:40:13,310 S12: a genuine you just knew there was a joy within 739 00:40:13,310 --> 00:40:17,110 S12: both of them, although very different. When Carolyn was around 740 00:40:17,110 --> 00:40:19,469 S12: and he was in the room, his eyes would sparkle. 741 00:40:19,510 --> 00:40:22,750 S12: You would just, I'd see this love and joy that 742 00:40:22,750 --> 00:40:27,230 S12: would come from him as he watched her do her ministry. 743 00:40:27,270 --> 00:40:29,710 S12: It was sort of like he was applauding from the, 744 00:40:30,070 --> 00:40:33,470 S12: you know, back in the back saying, yep, you go 745 00:40:33,670 --> 00:40:35,550 S12: that that's your that's your call. 746 00:40:36,590 --> 00:40:41,350 S1: I love that, Gary, because she, she captured Carolyn so well. 747 00:40:41,390 --> 00:40:42,469 S1: How do you respond to that? 748 00:40:42,510 --> 00:40:46,190 S2: Yeah. No, I think she's right. Carolyn never met a stranger. 749 00:40:46,790 --> 00:40:49,350 S2: She could meet a lady in the grocery store and 750 00:40:49,350 --> 00:40:52,430 S2: 30 minutes later knows her whole story. If she just 751 00:40:52,469 --> 00:40:55,390 S2: asked questions about a person, you know, and she's just 752 00:40:55,870 --> 00:40:58,069 S2: that's just a part of who she is. It's been 753 00:40:58,070 --> 00:41:01,590 S2: very interesting through the years, a lot of young pastors 754 00:41:01,590 --> 00:41:06,870 S2: wives have come to Carolyn and asking, you know there. What? What? 755 00:41:07,150 --> 00:41:09,189 S2: How do I have to live as a pastor's wife? 756 00:41:09,230 --> 00:41:14,150 S2: You know, and Carolyn's advice as always, honey, you just 757 00:41:14,150 --> 00:41:20,230 S2: be who you are. You just be yourself. 758 00:41:21,590 --> 00:41:25,710 S1: Well, and you have allowed her. You didn't force her. 759 00:41:25,750 --> 00:41:27,710 S1: As a matter of fact, you know, when we the 760 00:41:27,710 --> 00:41:31,790 S1: first few years of doing building relationships, I would say, 761 00:41:31,830 --> 00:41:34,069 S1: and Janice backing has helped us all through the years. 762 00:41:34,070 --> 00:41:37,070 S1: But I'd say, hey, Gary, let's get Carolyn on here. 763 00:41:37,070 --> 00:41:40,629 S1: And you would say, if you want to call and 764 00:41:40,630 --> 00:41:43,029 S1: ask her to do this, you know, go ahead. She 765 00:41:43,030 --> 00:41:45,950 S1: doesn't she doesn't do a whole lot of that, which 766 00:41:45,950 --> 00:41:47,910 S1: surprised me when I saw her on the video, because 767 00:41:47,910 --> 00:41:50,509 S1: she's so good, you know, and every time we've had 768 00:41:50,510 --> 00:41:53,990 S1: her on, on building relationships, she's just so warm and, 769 00:41:53,989 --> 00:41:58,750 S1: and genuine. But you allow her to, to be who 770 00:41:58,750 --> 00:42:00,989 S1: she is rather than. No, you've got to toe the 771 00:42:00,989 --> 00:42:01,750 S1: line here. Right? 772 00:42:01,790 --> 00:42:04,899 S2: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You know, and I think I think 773 00:42:04,940 --> 00:42:08,020 S2: a lot of pastors wives live under pressure because they 774 00:42:08,020 --> 00:42:10,739 S2: feel like their husband expects them to, you know, play 775 00:42:10,739 --> 00:42:13,020 S2: a certain role or do a certain thing or behave 776 00:42:13,060 --> 00:42:17,219 S2: a certain way. And I've just always encouraged Carolyn because 777 00:42:17,219 --> 00:42:19,580 S2: she's got a good spirit. She's got a heart for people, 778 00:42:19,620 --> 00:42:22,220 S2: you know, and, and she, she talks more to people 779 00:42:22,219 --> 00:42:25,060 S2: than I do. And if you take away the time 780 00:42:25,060 --> 00:42:28,219 S2: I spend counseling in the office. And so I just, 781 00:42:28,260 --> 00:42:31,620 S2: you know, really encouraged her to be who she is. And, and, 782 00:42:31,700 --> 00:42:33,340 S2: and she, she enjoys life. 783 00:42:34,540 --> 00:42:34,980 S11: Yeah. 784 00:42:35,420 --> 00:42:39,060 S1: It comes through. The other thing she does is, uh, 785 00:42:39,060 --> 00:42:41,660 S1: and I've face to face with her, you know, a 786 00:42:41,660 --> 00:42:44,940 S1: handful of times, but every time she looks you in 787 00:42:44,980 --> 00:42:48,140 S1: the eye, she doesn't look at anybody else in the room. 788 00:42:48,140 --> 00:42:50,779 S1: She is connected with what you're saying. And she'll ask 789 00:42:50,780 --> 00:42:54,420 S1: a question and then she'll listen and be able to, 790 00:42:54,460 --> 00:42:57,700 S1: you know, not just have a conversation, but it's almost 791 00:42:57,700 --> 00:43:00,300 S1: like she can put a finger on what's going on 792 00:43:00,300 --> 00:43:01,700 S1: inside of you. 793 00:43:02,020 --> 00:43:05,980 S2: Yeah. She she relates to people really well. And whatever 794 00:43:06,020 --> 00:43:09,940 S2: the wherever the conversation leads or she goes, she goes 795 00:43:09,940 --> 00:43:12,859 S2: with it. And whatever the interest the person has, she 796 00:43:12,860 --> 00:43:16,100 S2: explores that with her, you know, and, and of course, 797 00:43:16,140 --> 00:43:18,380 S2: you know, most a lot of that kind of conversations 798 00:43:18,380 --> 00:43:21,299 S2: with other women, but she, she relates to men the 799 00:43:21,300 --> 00:43:25,420 S2: same way she'll carry on conversations with anybody that she 800 00:43:25,460 --> 00:43:28,180 S2: runs into and has a few minutes with them. 801 00:43:28,620 --> 00:43:31,460 S1: You make a great team, you two. Yeah. Don't you? 802 00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:35,340 S2: Though I've been greatly blessed. Greatly blessed in spite of 803 00:43:35,340 --> 00:43:37,380 S2: the fact all the problems we had in the early 804 00:43:37,380 --> 00:43:41,020 S2: half of our marriage. But God used all those troubles, 805 00:43:41,020 --> 00:43:44,219 S2: I think, to give me a heart for other people 806 00:43:44,420 --> 00:43:47,500 S2: who are struggling. And I had no idea in those 807 00:43:47,500 --> 00:43:49,779 S2: days that I would ever be doing marriage counseling and 808 00:43:49,780 --> 00:43:53,620 S2: writing books on marriage. But I think having gone through 809 00:43:53,620 --> 00:43:57,459 S2: our struggles, God gave me empathy for people who are 810 00:43:57,460 --> 00:44:01,100 S2: going through struggles and, uh, God, God wants to use 811 00:44:01,100 --> 00:44:04,250 S2: our problems to help us not only help us, but 812 00:44:04,250 --> 00:44:05,450 S2: help us help others. 813 00:44:05,489 --> 00:44:06,009 S11: Yeah. 814 00:44:06,050 --> 00:44:09,530 S1: And there it is again, the wound in your life, 815 00:44:09,530 --> 00:44:14,170 S1: the wound in your marriage became a place of healing 816 00:44:14,450 --> 00:44:17,969 S1: and growth for the two of you. And then it 817 00:44:17,969 --> 00:44:22,529 S1: spilled over onto everybody else. And the story about it 818 00:44:22,530 --> 00:44:25,850 S1: wasn't in the documentary, but the story about you wanting to, 819 00:44:25,890 --> 00:44:27,649 S1: you know, go on the mission field and the two 820 00:44:27,650 --> 00:44:29,649 S1: of you and not being able to do that, and 821 00:44:29,650 --> 00:44:33,129 S1: then seeing how far God has taken the books that 822 00:44:33,130 --> 00:44:37,450 S1: you've written overseas, it's just a wonderful thing. So let 823 00:44:37,450 --> 00:44:40,129 S1: me if you go to Chris Fabry live.org, you'll see 824 00:44:40,130 --> 00:44:44,089 S1: that new documentary, The Chapmans The Love Story Behind the 825 00:44:44,130 --> 00:44:47,410 S1: Love Languages I've been. You and I have been doing 826 00:44:47,410 --> 00:44:51,890 S1: building relationships for, you know, 18 years or so. This 827 00:44:51,890 --> 00:44:55,570 S1: is the first time I've ever seen the desk that 828 00:44:55,570 --> 00:44:59,930 S1: you broadcast from, and that beautiful window behind you. So 829 00:45:00,010 --> 00:45:03,089 S1: you'll get to see that also, the desk that you 830 00:45:03,090 --> 00:45:06,210 S1: had at the church and at your home. Do you 831 00:45:06,250 --> 00:45:08,450 S1: do you keep a cluttered desk or do you keep 832 00:45:08,450 --> 00:45:09,770 S1: everything nice and neat? 833 00:45:10,250 --> 00:45:14,570 S2: Everything is cluttered there in stacks, there in stacks, you know, 834 00:45:15,090 --> 00:45:18,930 S2: and that's really not my personality. I'm very, very organized otherwise. 835 00:45:18,930 --> 00:45:21,690 S2: But on my desk at the church and my desk 836 00:45:21,690 --> 00:45:25,090 S2: at home, there's just stacks of books, you know? And 837 00:45:25,090 --> 00:45:27,730 S2: I told my assistant the other day, I said, I 838 00:45:27,770 --> 00:45:30,130 S2: got to take some time and go through these things 839 00:45:30,130 --> 00:45:32,330 S2: and kind of straighten things out. And she said, well, 840 00:45:32,330 --> 00:45:34,450 S2: I don't know when you're gonna find time to do that. 841 00:45:34,489 --> 00:45:37,489 S1: Yeah, exactly. Well, you know where they are though. 842 00:45:37,930 --> 00:45:39,410 S2: Where they are. Yeah, they're where they are. 843 00:45:39,690 --> 00:45:43,850 S1: Where everything is. Gary, uh, great to get to talk 844 00:45:43,850 --> 00:45:46,930 S1: with you today here in the studio. And for those 845 00:45:46,930 --> 00:45:52,370 S1: who are in Indiana, Illinois, in the Midwest, Chesterton, Indiana, 846 00:45:52,410 --> 00:45:55,290 S1: Liberty Bible Church, there's going to be a marriage conference 847 00:45:55,290 --> 00:45:58,130 S1: there this coming Saturday. If you want to find out 848 00:45:58,130 --> 00:46:02,520 S1: more about it, Just go to five Love languages.com and 849 00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:06,719 S1: click events. If you go to Chris live.org, you'll see 850 00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:09,600 S1: the documentary that we've been talking about today, the Chapman's 851 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:12,759 S1: The story Behind the five Love Languages. Keep doing what 852 00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:15,000 S1: you're doing, Gary, and come back real soon. Okay. 853 00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:16,320 S2: All right. Thank you Chris. 854 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,600 S1: And tomorrow at the back fence, we're going to have 855 00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:23,560 S1: a little fun. We're going to ask you would you rather. 856 00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:28,000 S1: We've got a really creative devotional for kids. That's for 857 00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:31,160 S1: the whole family. I think Trisha's going to get involved here. 858 00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:35,040 S1: Would you rather eat pig slop or locusts? We'll ask 859 00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:38,200 S1: that question and a whole lot more. And there's a 860 00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:41,279 S1: point to all those questions, and we'll talk about that 861 00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:44,800 S1: right here at the Radio Backyard Fence tomorrow. And remember, 862 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,960 S1: Chris Fabry Live is a production of Moody Radio Ministry 863 00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:51,680 S1: of Moody Bible Institute online, Chris favorite.org.