1 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,520 S1: Welcome to our Thursday edition of Chris Fabry Live. The 2 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:11,399 S1: program on a mission to make every conversation one that 3 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:15,320 S1: will stir your soul and mine. I have something special 4 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,720 S1: for you on this recorded edition of the program. Back 5 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,400 S1: at the end of October last year, we had a 6 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:25,760 S1: guest who said some things that really resonated so deeply 7 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:29,560 S1: with me that the conversation has kind of hung around 8 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:31,640 S1: my soul. And if you didn't hear it, you're going 9 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:33,559 S1: to do that today. And if you did hear it 10 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:37,760 S1: like me, you might need a refresher. Our guest says 11 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:42,120 S1: the quality of your life is determined by wait for it. 12 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:47,760 S1: The quality of the questions you ask God, yourself, and others. 13 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:52,200 S1: He believes there is an art to the questions we ask. 14 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:57,080 S1: So how do we move from good or mediocre questions 15 00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:02,470 S1: to a great question? what makes a great question? If 16 00:01:02,470 --> 00:01:04,990 S1: our guest is correct, the key to a deeper, more 17 00:01:04,990 --> 00:01:09,710 S1: meaningful life isn't the answers we glean necessarily, but the 18 00:01:09,709 --> 00:01:13,310 S1: questions we ask. Is that true? And what are the 19 00:01:13,310 --> 00:01:16,990 S1: ramifications of that statement, and how might it change your 20 00:01:16,990 --> 00:01:20,470 S1: life today as well as in the future? I really 21 00:01:20,470 --> 00:01:23,910 S1: believe this could be a game changer, and I want 22 00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:26,509 S1: to ask better questions here on the program in my 23 00:01:26,510 --> 00:01:31,390 S1: personal life, and then listen more. So I chose this 24 00:01:31,390 --> 00:01:33,950 S1: as our conversation that you're going to hear straight ahead 25 00:01:33,950 --> 00:01:36,470 S1: on the program with questions from the heart to the 26 00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:40,709 S1: heart and for the heart. Since our conversation is recorded, 27 00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:43,550 S1: we will not be taking your calls today and you'll 28 00:01:43,550 --> 00:01:47,270 S1: hear some dated information from October of last year, so 29 00:01:47,270 --> 00:01:50,670 S1: please disregard that. We begin with a thank you, as 30 00:01:50,670 --> 00:01:53,590 S1: we always do to our great team members. Ryan McConaughey 31 00:01:53,590 --> 00:01:57,830 S1: is doing all things technical. Tricia is our producer. Lisa 32 00:01:57,830 --> 00:02:00,300 S1: is helping out. Josh is not going to be here 33 00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:03,740 S1: today because we're not taking your phone calls, but we 34 00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:06,820 S1: are taking your phone calls at the number for you 35 00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:09,940 S1: to support us. And this month, as I mentioned a 36 00:02:09,940 --> 00:02:12,860 S1: little earlier in the week, we have a gift for 37 00:02:12,860 --> 00:02:15,660 S1: you that I think is going to pay dividends not 38 00:02:15,660 --> 00:02:19,020 S1: only for your own life, but also those of your 39 00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:22,820 S1: adult children if you have them. When those adult children 40 00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:29,020 S1: pull away, you are left feeling what grief, confusion. You 41 00:02:29,060 --> 00:02:32,180 S1: got a lot of unanswered questions. Why? Why are you 42 00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:34,780 S1: no longer talking to me? Is that happened in your 43 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:38,460 S1: family or somebody you know? There is real hope because 44 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:43,300 S1: Doctor Kathy Cook gives parents the biblical tools and practical 45 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:47,780 S1: strategies in a new book, Resolve Conflict and Find peace 46 00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:52,260 S1: and Hope with Adult children. If you want to rebuild 47 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:55,740 S1: what has been lost, I encourage you to call today 48 00:02:55,740 --> 00:03:03,010 S1: with a gift. Eight. Six. Six. 28669538669532279. Or you can 49 00:03:03,010 --> 00:03:10,010 S1: give online@chris.org. Chris Fabry live.org. And thank you for your 50 00:03:10,010 --> 00:03:14,170 S1: support of the Radio Backyard Fence. We live in a 51 00:03:14,169 --> 00:03:18,050 S1: world that has conditioned us toward answers. We've been taught 52 00:03:18,050 --> 00:03:21,010 S1: to give the right answers, yet little attention has been 53 00:03:21,010 --> 00:03:24,530 S1: given to teaching us how to ask the right questions. 54 00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:27,810 S1: We don't have a shortage of information. We have a 55 00:03:27,810 --> 00:03:34,850 S1: shortage of wisdom, curiosity, and wonder. Asking good questions is 56 00:03:34,850 --> 00:03:39,010 S1: a lost art. What if our obsession with the right 57 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:43,770 S1: answers is blinding us to the power of better questions? 58 00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:47,610 S1: What if we learned to ask the right questions at 59 00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:51,810 S1: the right time for the right reason? So begins J.R. 60 00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:57,840 S1: Briggs book, the Art of Asking Better Questions, pursuing stronger relationships, 61 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:02,400 S1: healthier leadership, and deeper faith. It's our featured resource at 62 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,680 S1: Chris fabry.org. J.R. is the founder of Kairos Partnerships, an 63 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:11,960 S1: organization committed to serving hungry leaders through coaching, consulting, and speaking. 64 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:16,560 S1: He serves on staff with the Ecclesia Network and Fresh Expressions, 65 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,440 S1: guest instructor at Friends University and the Masters of Spiritual 66 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,960 S1: Formation and Leadership Program. He's written a number of books 67 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:28,279 S1: The Sacred Overlap, Fail, eldership and the Mission of God. 68 00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:30,440 S1: But today we're going to talk about the art of 69 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,159 S1: asking better questions. J.R., welcome to the program. How you 70 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:33,880 S1: doing today? 71 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,880 S2: I'm doing great. Thanks for having me, Chris. It's good 72 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:37,560 S2: to be here. 73 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:41,400 S1: That wasn't a very good question to open. How you doing? 74 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,040 S1: You know, it's kind of a surface level. I should 75 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,719 S1: have I should have thought more about that, but I do. 76 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:51,040 S1: I'm glad that you're here. Um, first question that I 77 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,240 S1: have for you is when did you discover the power 78 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:54,240 S1: of questions? 79 00:04:55,830 --> 00:04:58,750 S2: Yeah, there are several factors, but when I first discovered 80 00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:01,469 S2: it was in my house, in my home growing up, 81 00:05:01,470 --> 00:05:05,110 S2: my parents were great at asking questions, especially my father. 82 00:05:05,110 --> 00:05:08,710 S2: And I watched him ask questions of my younger brother 83 00:05:08,710 --> 00:05:12,270 S2: and me, and with neighbors and those at church and 84 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:15,349 S2: those that we'd see out in public. And I just 85 00:05:15,350 --> 00:05:18,830 S2: began to see how he was having such fascinating conversations 86 00:05:18,830 --> 00:05:22,030 S2: with other people. And, and I so that was the 87 00:05:22,029 --> 00:05:24,390 S2: first marker in my brain. But there were others along 88 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:27,510 S2: the way in my, in my growing up years of 89 00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:30,990 S2: just realizing the people that I looked up to, the 90 00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:33,510 S2: people that were inspiring, that were fun to be around, 91 00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:36,350 S2: that were life giving, that cared about others, that made 92 00:05:36,390 --> 00:05:40,589 S2: others feel special, were those that were asking really good questions. 93 00:05:40,589 --> 00:05:43,190 S2: On the flip side, I began to notice those who 94 00:05:43,230 --> 00:05:46,070 S2: weren't all that fun or interesting to be around. They 95 00:05:46,070 --> 00:05:50,830 S2: often live very small lives, uninteresting lives. I began to say, huh? 96 00:05:51,110 --> 00:05:54,140 S2: They don't ask very many good questions. They're not intentional. 97 00:05:54,140 --> 00:05:57,940 S2: They're not engaging in those. And I began to say, wow, 98 00:05:57,980 --> 00:06:01,300 S2: there's a difference here. And the factor seems to be 99 00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:06,219 S2: that those who live bigger lives, lives of purpose beyond themselves, 100 00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:10,180 S2: inspiring lives. They were asking different questions. And even as 101 00:06:10,180 --> 00:06:13,060 S2: I got older, began began to force me to look 102 00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:15,940 S2: at the questions that Jesus asked. And I began to 103 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,500 S2: do a deep dive of study on this to say, huh? 104 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:22,620 S2: We study Jesus's miracles. We study his parables, we study 105 00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:26,219 S2: his teachings, we study all sorts of things. But as Christians, 106 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:30,420 S2: we hardly ever study his questions. And yet he asked 107 00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:33,820 S2: over 300 of them, and many of them led to 108 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:37,980 S2: life change and connection and participation deeper in the kingdom 109 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:40,740 S2: of God. And I began to go, oh, I need 110 00:06:40,740 --> 00:06:43,260 S2: to study this. So it was the confluence of of 111 00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:47,020 S2: these factors coming together that led me to an obsession 112 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:49,740 S2: with learning to ask better questions. HMM. 113 00:06:49,940 --> 00:06:53,020 S1: That's really the section of the book that caused that 114 00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:55,540 S1: turned the key for me because I've been asking that 115 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:58,460 S1: same thing. It's like in In the life of Jesus, 116 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:01,820 S1: there are so many times in the Gospels where I 117 00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:05,460 S1: will see him ask a question that feels like, that's 118 00:07:05,460 --> 00:07:09,380 S1: too obvious. You know, the blind Bartimaeus comes to him 119 00:07:09,380 --> 00:07:11,860 S1: and he's there and he's blind, and he's been blind 120 00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:14,060 S1: for a long time, and he's going to be blind. 121 00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:16,620 S1: And Jesus says, what do you want me to do 122 00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:18,940 S1: for you? It was like, duh, what do you think 123 00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:21,740 S1: he's going to say? Jesus. But, but you make the 124 00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:25,420 S1: point that Jesus is not just asking these questions to 125 00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:30,460 S1: get information from somebody else. He's asking deeper questions. There 126 00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:34,580 S1: are you read between the lines of his obvious, quote 127 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,660 S1: unquote obvious questions, right? 128 00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:41,660 S2: Absolutely. That's exactly right. So Jesus, asking questions as a 129 00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:44,900 S2: second member of the Trinity, there are many times he 130 00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:47,540 S2: already he knows he knows the answers to these questions. 131 00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:50,580 S2: So why is he asking them? Well, there are several reasons. 132 00:07:50,850 --> 00:07:53,330 S2: He does it as a as a way of teaching 133 00:07:53,330 --> 00:07:56,930 S2: lessons to people. We participate in something when people ask 134 00:07:56,930 --> 00:08:00,970 S2: us questions rather than giving us answers. There's honor and dignity, 135 00:08:01,010 --> 00:08:06,210 S2: redemption and compassion. There's, uh, reframing and challenging different assumptions. 136 00:08:06,210 --> 00:08:10,330 S2: It's a way of drawing people out people's deepest desires. 137 00:08:10,370 --> 00:08:12,410 S2: You know, what do you want me to do for you? 138 00:08:12,690 --> 00:08:14,570 S2: You know, what do you think? Jesus. Right? That's the 139 00:08:14,570 --> 00:08:19,890 S2: snarky answer, right? Jesus knew, but he needed Bartimaeus to 140 00:08:19,930 --> 00:08:25,290 S2: know what Bartimaeus wanted. And that's the participation. Um, Heather Holman, 141 00:08:25,290 --> 00:08:28,490 S2: who teaches at Penn State University, she said the purpose 142 00:08:28,490 --> 00:08:33,210 S2: of questions are twofold clarity and engagement. Sometimes we need 143 00:08:33,210 --> 00:08:35,610 S2: clarity in terms of information. You know, what time is 144 00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:38,330 S2: the game tonight? That's a that's a fine question. We 145 00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:41,890 S2: need that clarity. But so many of the questions that 146 00:08:41,890 --> 00:08:46,090 S2: we ask and potentially could ask are for engagement, and 147 00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:49,559 S2: that could be discovering something new, engaging with a new 148 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:53,520 S2: topic or a new idea, but especially with connecting relationally 149 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,199 S2: with others. And that's certainly what we see Jesus doing 150 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,959 S2: with many of his questions is engaging with other people. 151 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,080 S2: And he learned this from his father. You know, the 152 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,720 S2: book of John says that he doesn't do any more 153 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,000 S2: than what he sees his father doing. What did his 154 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,040 S2: father do? All throughout the Old Testament, we see God 155 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:13,800 S2: the Father asking questions. Why would the God of the universe, 156 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:19,160 S2: who knows everything, ask questions. It's to connect with, to love, 157 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:25,280 S2: to challenge, to draw deeper, closer to the his own creation. 158 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,080 S2: And what a God who would be so loving, to 159 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:31,719 S2: humble himself and to love us enough. To want to 160 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,760 S2: reach down and ask us questions to connect with us further. 161 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,640 S2: I just love it. I mean, there's just so many 162 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,959 S2: cool interplays that exist between the questions of God, which 163 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,720 S2: there are a lot, and the questions of Jesus in 164 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,040 S2: the New Testament, which there are a lot, and we 165 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,320 S2: can learn a lot from them. 166 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,070 S1: I love that in the garden, you know, walking in 167 00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:51,949 S1: the in the garden. Where are you? It's like, well, 168 00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:54,350 S1: wait a minute, you're God. You know it. You know 169 00:09:54,350 --> 00:09:56,270 S1: where he is. Why are you asking? Where are you? Oh, 170 00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:59,070 S1: so the question is not for God to know where 171 00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:04,230 S1: Adam and Eve are. It's for them to ask the question, 172 00:10:04,230 --> 00:10:06,710 S1: where are we and why are we here? And why 173 00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:10,230 S1: are we hiding? And okay, so you get the idea 174 00:10:10,270 --> 00:10:14,309 S1: behind J.R. Briggss book the Art of Asking Better Questions. 175 00:10:14,630 --> 00:10:16,870 S1: But we're going to go deeper today because there's a 176 00:10:16,870 --> 00:10:19,470 S1: husband or a wife who's listening, and you say, there's this. 177 00:10:19,510 --> 00:10:22,270 S1: I used to ask my my spouse questions I used 178 00:10:22,270 --> 00:10:24,550 S1: to have, we used to have these long conversations and 179 00:10:24,550 --> 00:10:26,750 S1: we don't do that anymore. Why is that? Or you 180 00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:29,429 S1: have a teenager in the house and you ask the 181 00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:32,950 S1: question every day. So what happened at school today, honey? 182 00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:37,270 S1: And you get, oh, you don't hear any answer. Maybe 183 00:10:37,309 --> 00:10:41,350 S1: there's a better question that you can ask your spouse 184 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:45,670 S1: or your child, or your friend or somebody at church 185 00:10:45,670 --> 00:10:49,580 S1: that your first meeting, maybe there's a better question that 186 00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:52,580 S1: will lead you to someplace deeper. That's what I hope 187 00:10:52,580 --> 00:10:57,060 S1: will happen in this conversation here at the Radio Backyard Fence, J.R. 188 00:10:57,100 --> 00:11:00,820 S1: Briggs The Art of Asking Better Questions is our featured 189 00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:08,620 S1: resource at Chris Fabry live.org. Again, go to chris.org. There's 190 00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:12,460 S1: some great questions coming up straight ahead on Moody Radio. 191 00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:24,979 S1: He is a professional question asker. J.R. Briggs is his name. 192 00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:27,620 S1: His question is, what is the key to a deeper, 193 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:32,060 S1: more meaningful life lies in the questions you ask, the 194 00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:37,459 S1: questions that you consider for others. Also for yourself. The 195 00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:40,460 S1: art of asking better questions is our featured resource today. 196 00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:43,820 S1: Chris Fabry live.org. Okay, so your first answer to this, 197 00:11:43,860 --> 00:11:46,410 S1: you know, where did this where did you discover this power? 198 00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:51,650 S1: Was your dad? Your parents? So is there a sense 199 00:11:51,650 --> 00:11:54,730 S1: that somebody has to have the vision of this and 200 00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:56,729 S1: it's caught rather than taught? 201 00:11:57,770 --> 00:12:00,370 S2: It's a great question. I think I'd even back up 202 00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:03,050 S2: a little bit further and say it's some people say, 203 00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:04,730 S2: just tell me the tricks, you know, just give me 204 00:12:04,730 --> 00:12:06,890 S2: the tools. And I say, whoa, whoa, whoa, we've got 205 00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:10,090 S2: to back up because this isn't 17 things. Add water 206 00:12:10,090 --> 00:12:12,770 S2: and stir and you'll be able to ask questions brilliantly. 207 00:12:12,770 --> 00:12:15,050 S2: You have to want it. And there has to be 208 00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:19,809 S2: a genuine desire and a realization of the power of 209 00:12:19,809 --> 00:12:23,449 S2: what questions can unlock. You know, questions. There's so much power. 210 00:12:23,490 --> 00:12:25,569 S2: I mean, if we think if any of your listeners 211 00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:28,490 S2: are just thinking through, um, you know, what are some 212 00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:30,970 S2: questions that I've been asked that have changed my life? 213 00:12:30,970 --> 00:12:33,450 S2: It could be, will you marry me? Jesus saying, do 214 00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:35,290 S2: you want to follow me? Uh, do you want to 215 00:12:35,290 --> 00:12:37,610 S2: take this job? Do you want to move across the country? 216 00:12:37,770 --> 00:12:40,370 S2: I mean, there are several questions we've been asked that 217 00:12:40,370 --> 00:12:43,130 S2: have had a huge impact on our lives. Maybe it's 218 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:46,559 S2: a question that somebody asked in passing, but it just 219 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,720 S2: grabbed us by the throat, metaphorically and just wouldn't let go. 220 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,000 S2: Or maybe we've asked questions of other people which could 221 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,680 S2: be good or even bad or harmful, um, that have 222 00:12:56,679 --> 00:13:00,240 S2: caused an impact on ourselves or other people. Once we 223 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,800 S2: realize the power of that, then we begin. We can 224 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:06,480 S2: begin to, to move forward. If somebody says, you know, 225 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,320 S2: I want to be a great dad, but I didn't 226 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,720 S2: have a dad growing up. You can still learn. I 227 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,679 S2: really believe that Maurice Cawthorne taught. But even if it 228 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,679 S2: wasn't taught well for you, maybe you didn't grow up 229 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:19,960 S2: in a home like I did where it was modeled. Well, 230 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,960 S2: you still can learn, but it's got to start with 231 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,960 S2: a deep desire that this is important. I'm going to 232 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:29,160 S2: put some intentionality and some effort into this because it's 233 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,920 S2: worth it. Then you can build on some of the skills. 234 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:36,600 S1: I asked that question on Facebook and Laura answered, I 235 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,520 S1: had a doctor years ago that always asked, what do 236 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,750 S1: you do for fun? Life gets so busy and it's 237 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:46,030 S1: so easy to forget to have fun. I make it 238 00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:50,270 S1: a priority now. So just that question from a doctor, 239 00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:55,550 S1: in a way, helped frame her life. And however long 240 00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:57,870 S1: ago that was, it's affecting her today. 241 00:13:58,710 --> 00:14:01,429 S2: Absolutely, absolutely. And I think if we all took some 242 00:14:01,429 --> 00:14:04,380 S2: time to generate a list of the top 10 to 243 00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:06,790 S2: 20 questions that have had the biggest impact on our 244 00:14:06,830 --> 00:14:10,190 S2: on our lives, we might be surprised. Maybe it's from 245 00:14:10,190 --> 00:14:12,390 S2: an aunt or a neighbor or a classmate or a 246 00:14:12,390 --> 00:14:16,310 S2: teacher or a doctor. Um, because, you know, the beautiful 247 00:14:16,309 --> 00:14:21,270 S2: thing about questions, it forces us to think in new directions. Um, 248 00:14:21,430 --> 00:14:24,830 S2: many people have probably heard the Harvard Study of Adult Development. 249 00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:28,470 S2: It began back in 1938, and it is the longest 250 00:14:28,790 --> 00:14:33,550 S2: investigation into adult life ever conducted. And so over the decades, 251 00:14:33,550 --> 00:14:37,390 S2: these researchers studied every major domain of life mental health, 252 00:14:37,390 --> 00:14:42,060 S2: physical health, work, relationships, how people aged and after following 253 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:45,460 S2: thousands of people from their teens through their 80s and 90s, 254 00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:47,780 S2: they examined the data all the way through. In each 255 00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:49,980 S2: of those decades, to find out who would stay the 256 00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:54,260 S2: healthiest and live the longest, they discovered something remarkable. The 257 00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:57,780 S2: best predictor of who would live a happy, healthy life 258 00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:02,860 S2: wasn't blood pressure. It wasn't cholesterol levels. It wasn't education levels. 259 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:06,220 S2: It was the quality of their connections with other people. 260 00:15:06,420 --> 00:15:09,740 S2: The people who are more connected to others stayed healthier 261 00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:13,060 S2: and were happier throughout their entire lives lifetimes. And it 262 00:15:13,060 --> 00:15:16,180 S2: wasn't simply about just seeing more people each week. It 263 00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:20,540 S2: was about having warmer, more meaningful connections. All that to say, 264 00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:25,140 S2: quality trumped quantity in every measure that the Harvard Study 265 00:15:25,140 --> 00:15:29,700 S2: of Adult Development studied. And I just really believe even 266 00:15:29,740 --> 00:15:32,980 S2: even though we're quote unquote, well past the pandemic, there's 267 00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:36,140 S2: still such a longing for connection for people to have 268 00:15:36,140 --> 00:15:39,500 S2: and the ubiquity of, of screens now they're everywhere. But 269 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:42,530 S2: people long to connect. And one of the best ways, Chris, 270 00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:45,690 S2: that we can connect with other people is when we 271 00:15:45,690 --> 00:15:50,850 S2: ask thoughtful, intentional questions. Here's the simple universal rule I've 272 00:15:50,890 --> 00:15:54,090 S2: found when it comes to questions. If we ask other 273 00:15:54,090 --> 00:15:59,330 S2: people an unthoughtful generic answer, we will often get an 274 00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:03,250 S2: unthoughtful generic a question. We get an unthoughtful generic answer. 275 00:16:03,290 --> 00:16:05,730 S2: You know, like, what's up? How are you doing? Fine. 276 00:16:06,010 --> 00:16:11,850 S2: But but if we ask an intentional, engaging, thoughtful question, 277 00:16:12,810 --> 00:16:17,650 S2: we often get more often than not a really thoughtful, engaging, 278 00:16:17,650 --> 00:16:23,210 S2: specific answer. So it's ask and you shall receive. Um, 279 00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,850 S2: and that's a beautiful thing. You know, it says predictable 280 00:16:25,850 --> 00:16:29,410 S2: as a communist election, you know, you ask it specifically 281 00:16:29,410 --> 00:16:33,730 S2: and intentionally. People will often answer specifically and intentionally. And 282 00:16:33,730 --> 00:16:35,370 S2: so it's beautiful how that works out. 283 00:16:35,730 --> 00:16:39,440 S1: But it's not just the question. And this is kind 284 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,840 S1: of implicit in your book. It's not just asking a 285 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,960 S1: good question or a great question, you know, so that 286 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,320 S1: you get somebody who says, boy, that's a good question. 287 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,200 S1: And I've had that happen. You know, here on the program, 288 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,560 S1: I ask a question and I'll say, boy, that's a 289 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,720 S1: good question. You even did it here. It's like, yeah, 290 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,000 S1: I feel good about myself. It's not just the question though. 291 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:01,720 S1: It's you have to go the next step. And that 292 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:07,280 S1: is you need to listen and be engaged with their answer. 293 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:11,679 S1: You have to be focused in not thinking about what next. 294 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:15,360 S1: Great question you're going to ask, but really listening to 295 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,720 S1: what they have to say, because the point of this 296 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,800 S1: whole thing is not to ask a great question. The 297 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,560 S1: point of it is to make that connection. And how 298 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,960 S1: do you make a connection if you're not really listening? 299 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:29,199 S2: Correct. Yes. I'm so glad you brought this up. I mean, 300 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:33,080 S2: what's interesting is that the Chinese symbol for listening actually 301 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:37,640 S2: incorporates the symbol for ears, eyes, and heart all together, 302 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,439 S2: which I think is fascinating. Um, and there was a 303 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,679 S2: researcher by the name, a sociologist by the name of 304 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:46,159 S2: Charles Derber. He was at Boston College in the 1970s. 305 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,960 S2: He created a study called the Attention Interaction Project. And 306 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:53,720 S2: through studying hundreds and hundreds of conversations, he was able 307 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,439 S2: to see. They broke down into one of two categories. 308 00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:00,960 S2: One category was called shift response. And this is where 309 00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:05,280 S2: somebody might ask a question, and the person would shift 310 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,679 S2: the answer away from someone else and on to themselves. 311 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,639 S2: They would take the spotlight and they would they would 312 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,720 S2: point it on themselves. But a support response is where 313 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,240 S2: someone asks a question, a response is given, and then 314 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,800 S2: the person who asked it stays supportive of that person. 315 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,760 S2: So a shift response would might be like, um, so 316 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,840 S2: what did you do this weekend? Oh, we went to 317 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,880 S2: the movies. A shift response would be, oh, we hate 318 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,960 S2: the movies. We never go to the movies. Well, I 319 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,800 S2: just shifted the focus off of the person I'm with 320 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:38,030 S2: and onto myself. But a support response would be, oh, 321 00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:40,190 S2: what did you do this weekend? We went to the movies. 322 00:18:40,190 --> 00:18:43,030 S2: Oh really? What movie did you see? Oh, did you 323 00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:45,830 S2: like it? Oh, what was it like? Was it is 324 00:18:45,830 --> 00:18:48,310 S2: that long or is that short? Um, did you go 325 00:18:48,310 --> 00:18:51,350 S2: by yourself or with friends? I'm keeping the support on them. 326 00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:54,390 S2: And that's one of the best, most practical ways we 327 00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:58,670 S2: can listen well is just being aware of our shift responses, 328 00:18:58,950 --> 00:19:02,790 S2: which are competitive interactions and our support responses, which are 329 00:19:02,790 --> 00:19:07,670 S2: cooperative interactions. And there's one small story that I found fascinating. 330 00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:11,790 S2: So Lady Randolph Churchill, which is Winston Churchill's mother, she 331 00:19:11,790 --> 00:19:14,189 S2: wrote in her journal that she had once dined with 332 00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:18,590 S2: the British politician Benjamin Disraeli. And then later, just a 333 00:19:18,630 --> 00:19:22,350 S2: few weeks later, she had a chance to have dinner 334 00:19:22,350 --> 00:19:26,629 S2: with Disraeli's political rival, William Gladstone. This is what she 335 00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:28,909 S2: wrote in her diary, she said. When I left the 336 00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:32,670 S2: dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he 337 00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:35,619 S2: was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat 338 00:19:35,619 --> 00:19:38,980 S2: next to Disraeli, I left feeling I was the cleverest 339 00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:42,060 S2: woman in all of England. Yes. And my sense is 340 00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:45,660 S2: that Disraeli, who was a master orator. He was also 341 00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:50,180 S2: really attentive, attentive listener who steered the conversation away from 342 00:19:50,180 --> 00:19:53,980 S2: himself and toward whoever he was with. And it's that 343 00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:56,300 S2: adage from Teddy Roosevelt people don't care how much you 344 00:19:56,340 --> 00:19:58,980 S2: know until they know how much you care. And one 345 00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:03,220 S2: of the ways we care is support responses. And once 346 00:20:03,220 --> 00:20:07,220 S2: you hear the difference of shift response versus support response, 347 00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:10,940 S2: you can't unhear it. It's everywhere in our culture and sadly, 348 00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:14,419 S2: in our current culture. There's a lot of shift response 349 00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:16,180 S2: and very little support response. 350 00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:18,659 S1: You know, this is one of the and I feel 351 00:20:18,660 --> 00:20:20,980 S1: shame and guilt about this every time I think about it. 352 00:20:20,980 --> 00:20:23,700 S1: And that is because I do this every day. And 353 00:20:23,740 --> 00:20:26,180 S1: there are programs that will do where there's not a guess, 354 00:20:26,180 --> 00:20:28,699 S1: but there are callers. A lot of times a caller 355 00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:31,140 S1: will call and they'll tell a story or this happened 356 00:20:31,140 --> 00:20:34,170 S1: to me in answer to a question that I've thrown out, 357 00:20:34,690 --> 00:20:37,530 S1: and immediately it will spark something in me that had 358 00:20:37,530 --> 00:20:39,810 S1: happened to me, you know, back in my childhood. I'm 359 00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:41,730 S1: so excited about it. And I start talking about that 360 00:20:41,730 --> 00:20:44,250 S1: and then I realize, wait a minute, you just shifted 361 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:47,410 S1: from their story to your own story. Why did you 362 00:20:47,450 --> 00:20:49,889 S1: why did you ask that? Why did you go stay 363 00:20:49,890 --> 00:20:52,650 S1: with them? You know, you're the one that's got the program. 364 00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:55,169 S1: You can talk as much as you want, anytime you want. 365 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:58,609 S1: This is this is their opportunity. And I, you know, 366 00:20:58,650 --> 00:21:01,090 S1: I try not to beat myself up too much with that. 367 00:21:01,090 --> 00:21:03,690 S1: But when you see it, you're right. You you do 368 00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:06,010 S1: see it. And it's hard for me in the middle 369 00:21:06,010 --> 00:21:09,889 S1: of the response, you know, when I have shifted to say, oh, 370 00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:14,090 S1: I just I did it again. There I am again. And, 371 00:21:14,090 --> 00:21:17,210 S1: and I can respond to that and just say, okay, mercy, Lord, 372 00:21:17,210 --> 00:21:20,050 S1: grace to me. I'm going to I'm going to receive 373 00:21:20,050 --> 00:21:22,010 S1: forgiveness and move on here. Right? 374 00:21:22,810 --> 00:21:25,650 S2: Absolutely. Sure. And, and to clarify this too, we don't 375 00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:28,290 S2: want to be too legalistic about it because it is 376 00:21:28,290 --> 00:21:30,609 S2: important if we're going to connect with people, that there 377 00:21:30,609 --> 00:21:32,919 S2: is a sense if we're playing pickleball, we need to 378 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,280 S2: hit it back over the net to keep the keep 379 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,160 S2: the game going. And so I think if it's only 380 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:42,920 S2: one sided, it can feel a little bit robotic and transactional. 381 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,200 S2: And so we do want to share with our lives. 382 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,960 S2: The goal isn't that we never engage in a shift response, 383 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,560 S2: but to make sure that it's overwhelmingly a support response. 384 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,720 S2: In fact, if we ever have people in our lives 385 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,720 S2: where we say, you know, they're really good listener, my 386 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:02,240 S2: sense is that they are incredible support response people, number one. 387 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:04,400 S2: And they also give you what I call a full 388 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,720 S2: bodied yes with their body language, their eyes, their shoulders, 389 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:13,000 S2: their head is nodding, they're smiling, they're attuning to, to 390 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,960 S2: you and what you're talking about. And I think that's 391 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,960 S2: a wonderful thing. I do know people who are great 392 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,359 S2: listeners and not. Great question. Askers. I do know people 393 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:24,600 S2: who are great question Askers and not great listeners, but 394 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,439 S2: I think if we can be the kinds of people 395 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:31,119 S2: who are. Great question askers and great listeners, it's amazing 396 00:22:31,310 --> 00:22:34,590 S2: the depth of relationship and the connection that can occur 397 00:22:34,869 --> 00:22:36,430 S2: with the relationships in our lives. 398 00:22:36,790 --> 00:22:39,870 S1: Is that why some people you're in their presence? You've 399 00:22:39,869 --> 00:22:42,510 S1: already described this, but you're in their presence and it 400 00:22:42,510 --> 00:22:45,550 S1: feels I hear this from other people. I feel like 401 00:22:45,550 --> 00:22:48,510 S1: I'm I'm the only one in the room. They're focused 402 00:22:48,510 --> 00:22:52,750 S1: on me. Um, and they're, they're really interested. And I, 403 00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:55,310 S1: and it feels like, you know, they, they want to 404 00:22:55,350 --> 00:22:58,869 S1: know more about me. And I'm not just a, a 405 00:22:58,990 --> 00:23:00,469 S1: prop in their lives. 406 00:23:01,310 --> 00:23:05,390 S2: Absolutely. You can't fake curiosity. In fact, there are four 407 00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:08,310 S2: essential pillars. If we're going to be people who ask 408 00:23:08,310 --> 00:23:11,149 S2: great questions. The first one is it's got to be curiosity, 409 00:23:11,150 --> 00:23:14,270 S2: and we can't fake it. If we're not curious, people 410 00:23:14,270 --> 00:23:17,030 S2: will be able to tell. And so if we're curious 411 00:23:17,030 --> 00:23:21,630 S2: and we just cultivate a life of curiosity, it's amazing 412 00:23:21,630 --> 00:23:24,310 S2: how much easier it is to ask questions. So that's 413 00:23:24,310 --> 00:23:26,909 S2: the first one. But we also, secondly, need wisdom. We 414 00:23:26,910 --> 00:23:29,189 S2: need an incredible amount of wisdom to know, as you 415 00:23:29,190 --> 00:23:33,140 S2: just referenced, Chris, do we respond with a story from 416 00:23:33,140 --> 00:23:36,260 S2: our own lives or do we keep going? There are 417 00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:39,820 S2: a millions of questions we could ask, but to ask 418 00:23:39,820 --> 00:23:42,500 S2: a great question is asking the right question at the 419 00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:45,340 S2: right time, to the right person with the right motive. 420 00:23:45,540 --> 00:23:49,260 S2: And that requires some wisdom. So curiosity and wisdom. But third, 421 00:23:49,260 --> 00:23:53,659 S2: we need humility. Why? Because when I ask a question, 422 00:23:53,660 --> 00:23:57,380 S2: I am admitting I don't know. And if I if 423 00:23:57,380 --> 00:24:00,340 S2: I don't want people to know that I don't know something, 424 00:24:00,340 --> 00:24:03,860 S2: I won't ask a question. Which means the fourth, we 425 00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:08,100 S2: need courage. Because if I have a potential to maybe 426 00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:12,940 S2: look unintelligent or worse, to look stupid in front of others, 427 00:24:12,940 --> 00:24:15,020 S2: I'm not going to ask a question. So it takes 428 00:24:15,180 --> 00:24:17,740 S2: some courage to say, I don't know the answer to this. 429 00:24:18,180 --> 00:24:21,060 S2: So that's why I really believe that every great question 430 00:24:21,300 --> 00:24:26,260 S2: has to have a posture from us of curiosity, wisdom, humility, 431 00:24:26,260 --> 00:24:26,980 S2: and courage. 432 00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:30,890 S1: How many times in a in a college class or 433 00:24:31,609 --> 00:24:34,369 S1: Sunday school class, if somebody raises their hand and asks 434 00:24:34,369 --> 00:24:37,690 S1: a question and they say, this, this is probably, you know, rudimentary, 435 00:24:37,690 --> 00:24:40,010 S1: maybe this is a dumb question, but they ask it. 436 00:24:40,010 --> 00:24:42,770 S1: And then afterward people go up and say, thank you 437 00:24:42,770 --> 00:24:44,650 S1: for asking that. I was thinking the same thing, but 438 00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:48,210 S1: they didn't have the courage to to ask the question 439 00:24:48,210 --> 00:24:50,649 S1: that seemed like, well, you know, people are going to 440 00:24:50,650 --> 00:24:53,610 S1: think less of me if I ask this. 441 00:24:54,330 --> 00:24:57,410 S2: That's exactly right. In fact, that's why we preface so 442 00:24:57,410 --> 00:24:59,530 S2: often when we raise our hand and say, this could 443 00:24:59,530 --> 00:25:03,010 S2: be a dumb question, but we're we're kind of protecting 444 00:25:03,010 --> 00:25:05,450 S2: or trying to protect ourselves a little bit or send 445 00:25:05,450 --> 00:25:09,449 S2: a signal prefacing, hey, don't, don't, don't, don't shoot at 446 00:25:09,450 --> 00:25:12,369 S2: me here if I don't know this. Um, because it 447 00:25:12,369 --> 00:25:14,810 S2: does take courage to raise our hand. And you're right. 448 00:25:14,850 --> 00:25:17,970 S2: Oftentimes people say, hey, I'm really I'm really glad you 449 00:25:17,970 --> 00:25:19,970 S2: asked that because I was thinking the same thing and 450 00:25:20,170 --> 00:25:22,730 S2: I'm so glad you did. I learned a ton. That's 451 00:25:22,730 --> 00:25:26,210 S2: why courage and humility are so important if we're going 452 00:25:26,210 --> 00:25:27,919 S2: to ask better questions. 453 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,520 S1: That's J r Briggs. He has written a really good book, 454 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:38,160 S1: the Art of Asking Better Questions, pursuing stronger relationships, healthier leadership, 455 00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:43,359 S1: and deeper faith. Go to chris.org. Click through today's information. 456 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:48,560 S1: You'll see that right there. Chris Fabry live.org. There are 457 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:52,200 S1: more great questions coming up straight ahead on Moody Radio. 458 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,480 S1: Thanks for joining us for today's conversation at the Radio 459 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:13,919 S1: Backyard Fence Online, Chris Fabry live dot ORG. And I 460 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,399 S1: want to encourage you today to reach out with your 461 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,960 S1: support of the program and maybe consider becoming a back 462 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,160 S1: fence partner. Now, what is a partner, Chris? Do you 463 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,470 S1: get a Stetson hat and cowboy boots? No we don't. 464 00:26:26,510 --> 00:26:29,389 S1: We don't sell you that. But we do give you 465 00:26:29,430 --> 00:26:31,790 S1: a kind of a behind the scenes look. If you 466 00:26:31,790 --> 00:26:34,350 S1: give a gift of any size each month, it could 467 00:26:34,350 --> 00:26:38,670 S1: be $5 or $10 a month, could be $30 or more. 468 00:26:38,670 --> 00:26:43,310 S1: And you get 50% off everything at Moody Publishers. But 469 00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:47,350 S1: whatever you want to give, we reward you and thank 470 00:26:47,390 --> 00:26:51,790 S1: you by sending out a video every Thursday. I send 471 00:26:51,830 --> 00:26:55,710 S1: one out today thanking you for what's going on behind 472 00:26:55,710 --> 00:26:59,590 S1: the scenes. We sometimes interview a guest that's on the 473 00:26:59,590 --> 00:27:03,190 S1: program in the last week or so, or I take 474 00:27:03,190 --> 00:27:08,350 S1: pictures of of our dogs and our chickens kind of 475 00:27:08,390 --> 00:27:11,629 S1: pull back the curtain if you want the encouragement from 476 00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:14,389 S1: behind the scenes of the radio backyard fence, give a 477 00:27:14,430 --> 00:27:18,190 S1: gift today. Easiest way is to go to Chris fabry.org. 478 00:27:18,230 --> 00:27:20,110 S1: Scroll down, you'll see how you can be a back 479 00:27:20,150 --> 00:27:25,700 S1: fence partner right there. Chris Fabry live.org. We're talking with J.R. 480 00:27:25,740 --> 00:27:30,260 S1: Briggs about the art of asking better questions. Subtitled Pursuing 481 00:27:30,260 --> 00:27:35,780 S1: Stronger Relationships, Healthier Leadership, and Deeper Faith. We talked earlier 482 00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:39,540 S1: about the questions of Jesus, and Mark is on the line. Mark, 483 00:27:39,619 --> 00:27:40,980 S1: tell me what's on your heart. 484 00:27:42,340 --> 00:27:47,380 S3: Well, we live in a knowledge worshipping culture, and therefore 485 00:27:47,380 --> 00:27:52,300 S3: we find it difficult to hear anyone say that Jesus 486 00:27:52,300 --> 00:27:59,379 S3: was not omniscient. And that's because we think we're insulting 487 00:27:59,380 --> 00:28:02,460 S3: his deity if we say that. But I actually think 488 00:28:02,460 --> 00:28:07,580 S3: that the Bible teaches that his personal omniscience was something 489 00:28:07,580 --> 00:28:11,980 S3: he laid aside in the incarnation, and he became dependent 490 00:28:11,980 --> 00:28:16,340 S3: on the father for his omniscience. And so that's why 491 00:28:16,340 --> 00:28:20,260 S3: he can acknowledge, I don't know when I'm coming back. 492 00:28:20,260 --> 00:28:23,970 S3: Only the father knows. And I think there are two 493 00:28:23,970 --> 00:28:28,810 S3: other instances. Uh, one is when the woman with the 494 00:28:28,810 --> 00:28:32,369 S3: 12 year issue of blood comes along and he says, 495 00:28:32,369 --> 00:28:33,129 S3: who touched me? 496 00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:34,010 S4: Who touched me? Yes. 497 00:28:34,050 --> 00:28:36,770 S3: And I don't think I don't think he's asking that 498 00:28:36,770 --> 00:28:39,810 S3: rhetorically to draw her out. I really think he wanted 499 00:28:39,810 --> 00:28:43,730 S3: to know. And the other instance is the the turning 500 00:28:43,730 --> 00:28:47,770 S3: the water into wine at the wedding of Cana. His 501 00:28:47,770 --> 00:28:52,610 S3: response to his mother, Mary, indicates that he didn't know 502 00:28:52,610 --> 00:28:56,570 S3: he was going to do that miracle. He says when 503 00:28:56,610 --> 00:28:59,370 S3: she when she asks him to do something about it, 504 00:28:59,410 --> 00:29:02,450 S3: he says, wait a minute, what business is that of ours? 505 00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:06,410 S3: My time hasn't come yet. And then he ends up 506 00:29:06,410 --> 00:29:11,330 S3: cooperating with her in a way that also honors his 507 00:29:11,330 --> 00:29:15,330 S3: own wish to remain inconspicuous. And so I. 508 00:29:16,610 --> 00:29:19,050 S4: I love it, Mark. I love that you're going there. 509 00:29:19,090 --> 00:29:21,330 S1: I love it that you're thinking that deeply because this 510 00:29:21,330 --> 00:29:23,690 S1: is there's a section of this book that talks about 511 00:29:23,690 --> 00:29:28,850 S1: the engaging with Scripture and asking these questions. And the 512 00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:32,970 S1: other one that then I would go to is Jesus 513 00:29:32,970 --> 00:29:38,090 S1: as a child, as a boy, assuming that Joseph is 514 00:29:38,090 --> 00:29:41,370 S1: teaching him, you know, he's an apprentice in his father's 515 00:29:41,370 --> 00:29:46,170 S1: carpentry shop, did Jesus know exactly how to hammer a 516 00:29:46,170 --> 00:29:49,490 S1: nail from the time he was an infant on up? 517 00:29:49,490 --> 00:29:51,930 S1: Did he say to his dad, wait, wait a minute, dad, 518 00:29:51,970 --> 00:29:54,570 S1: how do you do? How do you carve this right there? 519 00:29:54,570 --> 00:29:57,570 S1: Show me how to. I can't imagine that he wouldn't 520 00:29:57,570 --> 00:30:02,170 S1: have gone through that learning. You know, that learning process. So, J.R., 521 00:30:02,210 --> 00:30:03,570 S1: jump in here. What do you say? 522 00:30:04,450 --> 00:30:07,570 S2: Yeah, you certainly bring up a good point here. I 523 00:30:07,610 --> 00:30:10,970 S2: do think of in Luke two. I think it's Luke 524 00:30:10,970 --> 00:30:13,850 S2: 252 where it says that Jesus grew in wisdom and 525 00:30:13,850 --> 00:30:16,130 S2: in stature and in favor with God and man. So 526 00:30:16,130 --> 00:30:19,410 S2: if we grow in wisdom, there's sometimes that, you know, 527 00:30:19,450 --> 00:30:22,880 S2: understanding that, uh, you know, of course, that, uh, he'd 528 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,000 S2: have to learn some knowledge, you know, along the way 529 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,800 S2: in that, um, others would argue that, no, Jesus was 530 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,160 S2: a member of the Trinity, and therefore he would know everything. Um, 531 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:35,760 S2: and your caller, uh, gave some, some good examples. I 532 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,800 S2: thought you were going to go to the road to Emmaus. 533 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:42,560 S2: I mean, what a fascinating story where Jesus asks some 534 00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,400 S2: really interesting questions, where he seems to play. I was 535 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:47,040 S2: going to say play dumb, but I'm going to use 536 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,000 S2: the term play naive, right? So they're walking along and 537 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:53,040 S2: they were kept from recognizing him, recognizing him, and he 538 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:55,720 S2: asked them, what are you discussing together as you walk along? 539 00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:59,680 S2: And their faces are downcast? And they said, what? Don't 540 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,560 S2: you know? Everybody in Jerusalem knows what's going on. And 541 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,240 S2: he responds again by saying, what things? In other words, 542 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,480 S2: what are you talking about? And then later, after they 543 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,320 S2: explain everything he says to them in a much more 544 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,239 S2: direct way, how foolish you are, and how slow to 545 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,840 S2: believe all that the prophets have spoken. Did not the 546 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,670 S2: Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory. 547 00:31:20,870 --> 00:31:23,830 S2: So then he asks a question, uh, where he's he's 548 00:31:23,870 --> 00:31:27,710 S2: it's rhetorical. Right? Did not the Messiah have to suffer? 549 00:31:28,070 --> 00:31:30,110 S2: Of course the Messiah had to suffer is what he's 550 00:31:30,110 --> 00:31:32,870 S2: trying to say. And so I just that's another one 551 00:31:32,870 --> 00:31:36,030 S2: of those head scratchers where you say, hmm, wow, even 552 00:31:36,030 --> 00:31:38,510 S2: the Son of God, it seems to be that he's 553 00:31:38,510 --> 00:31:42,070 S2: he's playing naive here. And, and I think that there's 554 00:31:42,070 --> 00:31:45,470 S2: a cheekiness and a mischievousness that we don't often give 555 00:31:45,510 --> 00:31:48,950 S2: Jesus some credit for. So I actually am wondering if 556 00:31:48,950 --> 00:31:51,430 S2: Jesus actually had a bit of a smirk or side 557 00:31:51,470 --> 00:31:56,070 S2: smile and a little wink wink, nod nod in that conversation. Uh. 558 00:31:56,070 --> 00:31:59,590 S2: And I wonder if he actually enjoyed being unrecognized in 559 00:31:59,630 --> 00:32:03,150 S2: that portion of the walk to Emmaus, so we're not 560 00:32:03,150 --> 00:32:05,270 S2: exactly sure. And again, your caller brings up a lot 561 00:32:05,310 --> 00:32:08,710 S2: of good points here. Um, but, but I think that 562 00:32:08,750 --> 00:32:12,910 S2: that Jesus was really asking questions for emphasis and for 563 00:32:12,950 --> 00:32:16,830 S2: engagement with people. And, um, you know, for example, he, 564 00:32:16,950 --> 00:32:20,260 S2: when he asks in the temple. Um, you know, does 565 00:32:20,260 --> 00:32:22,500 S2: anyone have a coin? You know, and he says. And 566 00:32:22,500 --> 00:32:25,900 S2: whose image is on this coin? Well, he knows, everybody 567 00:32:25,900 --> 00:32:29,580 S2: else knows, but he's trying to make a point. It's Caesar's. 568 00:32:29,900 --> 00:32:31,540 S2: And then he says, of course, you know what is 569 00:32:31,780 --> 00:32:34,820 S2: give to Caesar's what? Caesar, what is Caesar's give to God? 570 00:32:34,820 --> 00:32:37,979 S2: What is God's. So he knows, but he's often giving 571 00:32:37,980 --> 00:32:41,460 S2: some emphasis along the way. So there are so many 572 00:32:41,460 --> 00:32:44,540 S2: of these interplays that Jesus is using along the way. 573 00:32:45,260 --> 00:32:49,900 S2: Even the Apostle Paul, um, you you see Paul using 574 00:32:49,900 --> 00:32:53,460 S2: this throughout the book of Romans, right? Shall we sin 575 00:32:53,460 --> 00:32:56,260 S2: so that that grace may abound more and more? Of 576 00:32:56,260 --> 00:32:59,900 S2: course not. And so like a, a good preacher, but 577 00:32:59,900 --> 00:33:04,060 S2: also like a good, uh, legal analyst, he's offering a question. 578 00:33:04,060 --> 00:33:07,340 S2: And then the counterpoint here, he's asking the question and 579 00:33:07,340 --> 00:33:10,380 S2: giving evidence of what he's talking about. So I think we, 580 00:33:10,420 --> 00:33:13,740 S2: we see this throughout the scriptures of questions being used again, 581 00:33:13,740 --> 00:33:18,610 S2: not just for more information, but for other tools of connection, engagement, 582 00:33:18,610 --> 00:33:20,810 S2: participation in the discussion. 583 00:33:21,330 --> 00:33:23,530 S1: I've been doing this a long time, but I can't. 584 00:33:23,570 --> 00:33:26,050 S1: I can count on one hand the amount of people 585 00:33:26,090 --> 00:33:28,729 S1: who've ever made reference to a Monty Python sketch, and 586 00:33:28,730 --> 00:33:32,050 S1: you just did it. Wink wink nod nod. Say no more. 587 00:33:32,090 --> 00:33:35,650 S1: Say no more. Mark, thank you for your question. There 588 00:33:35,650 --> 00:33:39,650 S1: is a. On page 123, I'm going to page 123. 589 00:33:39,650 --> 00:33:42,650 S1: In the Art of Asking Better questions, you are. You 590 00:33:42,650 --> 00:33:45,290 S1: were at a pastor's conference in San Diego. There was 591 00:33:45,290 --> 00:33:50,450 S1: a breakout session with other pastors, and the presenter asked 592 00:33:50,450 --> 00:33:53,610 S1: a question that you said broke you open. Can you 593 00:33:53,610 --> 00:33:54,490 S1: talk about that? 594 00:33:55,330 --> 00:33:58,570 S2: Yeah, there was someone there, a room full of people 595 00:33:58,570 --> 00:34:01,330 S2: and we were just instructed to close our eyes. And 596 00:34:01,330 --> 00:34:05,890 S2: the question was asked, when you think about Jesus looking 597 00:34:05,890 --> 00:34:08,009 S2: at you, when you think about God looking at you, 598 00:34:08,050 --> 00:34:11,570 S2: what is the look on his face? And, uh, and 599 00:34:11,610 --> 00:34:16,279 S2: that was just a fascinating, fascinating exercise. And I think 600 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,600 S2: if we're honest, a lot of us think that that 601 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:24,560 S2: look on on his face is one of scorn, disappointment, uh, sadness, 602 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:31,400 S2: maybe distance. But it was this smile of. And I 603 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,560 S2: was reminded in that time that God only loves you. 604 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,960 S2: He likes you. And I think there are times, especially 605 00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:40,800 S2: as professional Christians paid to love Jesus, which is often 606 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:45,120 S2: what pastors are seen as to realize that, you know, 607 00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:48,800 S2: the gospel. The good news is actually available to us to. 608 00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:52,440 S2: We aren't just dispensers of it or communicators or proclaimers 609 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,319 S2: of it. It actually relates to us too. And that 610 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:59,640 S2: Jesus doesn't love us because he has to. Theologically, he 611 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:03,880 S2: loves us because he wants to relationally. And that idea 612 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:06,520 S2: of Jesus not only loving me, but liking me, was 613 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:09,160 S2: a really freeing thing for me in that point in 614 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:10,960 S2: my life and ministry. Yeah. 615 00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,960 S1: I feel the same way because I, I've often put 616 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,070 S1: it this way, that many people see God looking over 617 00:35:17,070 --> 00:35:20,710 S1: the portals of heaven and shaking. You know, with a 618 00:35:20,750 --> 00:35:25,229 S1: furrowed brow, shaking his head. Oh, you know, again. And 619 00:35:25,230 --> 00:35:27,910 S1: I was thinking about Jesus and the disciples, you know, 620 00:35:27,950 --> 00:35:30,270 S1: with a face palm, you know, and it's like, you 621 00:35:30,310 --> 00:35:33,310 S1: guys are not getting this. How can you not get this? 622 00:35:33,350 --> 00:35:37,710 S1: You know, that's that's the way I feel. But juxtapose 623 00:35:37,710 --> 00:35:41,589 S1: that to the, the father and the prodigal son story. 624 00:35:41,630 --> 00:35:44,990 S1: Who's waiting, who's looking, who's looking down the road waiting, 625 00:35:44,989 --> 00:35:48,910 S1: just hoping, praying, you know, waiting for the just a 626 00:35:48,910 --> 00:35:52,189 S1: little glimmer of on the on the horizon there. And 627 00:35:52,190 --> 00:35:56,350 S1: what if you saw God looking at you smiling? What 628 00:35:56,350 --> 00:35:59,509 S1: if you saw him, you know, with this twinkle in 629 00:35:59,510 --> 00:36:05,470 S1: his eye with delight and wonder about you rather than 630 00:36:05,510 --> 00:36:09,270 S1: scorn or frustration, or shame on you for having that 631 00:36:09,270 --> 00:36:12,350 S1: thought and that that would transform your life. 632 00:36:13,020 --> 00:36:15,340 S2: Yeah. And that's why it was so impactful for me. 633 00:36:15,340 --> 00:36:17,540 S2: And Chris, it's interesting that you brought up the story 634 00:36:17,540 --> 00:36:20,980 S2: of the prodigal son because several years ago it was 635 00:36:21,100 --> 00:36:23,980 S2: it was a series of a few questions that actually 636 00:36:23,980 --> 00:36:27,780 S2: changed how I saw that story, because I had to ask, 637 00:36:27,780 --> 00:36:29,979 S2: what does prodigal mean? You know, we sort of use 638 00:36:29,980 --> 00:36:33,140 S2: it in Christian circles as a, you know, rebellious one. 639 00:36:33,140 --> 00:36:37,620 S2: But a prodigal is a squanderer, a radical waster. And 640 00:36:37,620 --> 00:36:41,340 S2: so then I began to say, huh, who wasted more 641 00:36:41,900 --> 00:36:44,899 S2: in this story? Was it the younger one that went 642 00:36:44,900 --> 00:36:47,180 S2: out and spent everything, or was it the older one 643 00:36:47,180 --> 00:36:50,980 S2: who was told, everything I have is already yours, and 644 00:36:50,980 --> 00:36:54,580 S2: you're not even willing to embrace it? And we don't 645 00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:59,219 S2: know exactly what the older brother does. It's the story ends. 646 00:36:59,219 --> 00:37:01,979 S2: It's a cliffhanger when he says everything we have is yours. 647 00:37:02,020 --> 00:37:04,259 S2: We had to throw a party. It doesn't tell us 648 00:37:04,260 --> 00:37:07,939 S2: the response of the older brother. And I began to say, oh, 649 00:37:07,980 --> 00:37:11,620 S2: maybe it's the story of the prodigal sons, plural. And 650 00:37:11,620 --> 00:37:13,969 S2: then I began to say, ooh, you know what? I 651 00:37:13,969 --> 00:37:16,489 S2: think it is the story of the prodigal son. I 652 00:37:16,489 --> 00:37:20,009 S2: just may be thinking of the wrong son. And so 653 00:37:20,170 --> 00:37:22,049 S2: as I began to think about that, and then, of course, 654 00:37:22,090 --> 00:37:25,089 S2: you know, prodigal son is not not in there. You know, 655 00:37:25,130 --> 00:37:29,450 S2: that's that's sort of given later, you know, that subject heading, 656 00:37:29,450 --> 00:37:32,410 S2: that that section heading. But as Tim Keller talks about 657 00:37:32,410 --> 00:37:35,930 S2: the prodigal God, the, you know, that, that we love 658 00:37:35,930 --> 00:37:39,129 S2: so much when no one else would to be able 659 00:37:39,130 --> 00:37:42,290 S2: to just quote unquote. And those are in quotes waste 660 00:37:42,290 --> 00:37:45,450 S2: his love and his grace on sons that don't deserve it. 661 00:37:45,730 --> 00:37:49,290 S2: And it was through those questions that that story began 662 00:37:49,290 --> 00:37:52,009 S2: to open up for me in some new ways. And 663 00:37:52,010 --> 00:37:54,170 S2: I began to see some layers of the gospel and 664 00:37:54,170 --> 00:37:57,169 S2: the good news and the heart of Jesus, the heart 665 00:37:57,170 --> 00:37:59,570 S2: of God our Father, in ways I had never seen before. 666 00:37:59,730 --> 00:38:01,370 S2: And it all came about through questions. 667 00:38:02,810 --> 00:38:06,370 S1: The art of asking Better Questions is written by J.R. Briggs. 668 00:38:06,370 --> 00:38:09,450 S1: It's our featured resource. I have so many other questions. 669 00:38:09,450 --> 00:38:11,279 S1: I want to take our final break. And when we 670 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:15,439 S1: come back, I'm going to let Jay take over. And 671 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:17,960 S1: he's going to ask a few questions here at the 672 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,440 S1: end of the program. Let's see. Boy this is making 673 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,200 S1: me nervous. But I'm going to have him do it. 674 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:26,520 S1: Go to the website Chris fabry.org. Click through today's information. 675 00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:40,000 S1: You can see more right there. Chris fabry.org. Our remaining 676 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,480 S1: moments with Jay are Briggs here at the Radio Backyard 677 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:45,720 S1: Fence and a best of broadcast from the end of October. 678 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:51,600 S1: And this was probably the scariest part of the conversation 679 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,040 S1: that we had, maybe the scariest part of any program 680 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:58,359 S1: that we did all year long because, uh, Christa, who 681 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:04,160 S1: works with the publisher InterVarsity, reached out to me and said, hey, J.R. says, 682 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,600 S1: if you would like, he'll turn the tables on you 683 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,790 S1: and he will ask the questions during the program. So 684 00:39:11,830 --> 00:39:14,870 S1: at any point, if you want him to take over, uh, 685 00:39:15,110 --> 00:39:17,830 S1: go ahead and let him. And I had no idea 686 00:39:17,830 --> 00:39:19,830 S1: what he was going to ask me, but I thought, 687 00:39:19,870 --> 00:39:22,190 S1: you know what, let's take a let's take a chance 688 00:39:22,190 --> 00:39:25,430 S1: because then he can model exactly what he is talking about, 689 00:39:25,469 --> 00:39:29,150 S1: you know, of asking better questions. So without further ado, 690 00:39:29,710 --> 00:39:33,350 S1: I turned the tables. Here is J.R. Briggs. 691 00:39:33,750 --> 00:39:36,990 S2: Yeah, great. And thanks for playing along here. I'm slapping 692 00:39:36,989 --> 00:39:41,430 S2: down the reverse Uno card on the table, I guess, but, uh, yeah, 693 00:39:41,469 --> 00:39:43,670 S2: no zingers. I'm just curious if getting to know you 694 00:39:43,670 --> 00:39:45,670 S2: a little bit more, Chris, and for your listeners to 695 00:39:45,710 --> 00:39:47,989 S2: get to know you. So I'm curious, what is a 696 00:39:47,989 --> 00:39:51,950 S2: question that someone's asked you that's had a significant impact 697 00:39:51,950 --> 00:39:54,870 S2: or had significant implications on your life? Is there one 698 00:39:54,870 --> 00:39:55,670 S2: that comes to mind? 699 00:39:55,950 --> 00:39:59,910 S1: I just had it happen the other day. Um, when 700 00:39:59,950 --> 00:40:02,110 S1: I went to my wife and I, there was something 701 00:40:02,110 --> 00:40:04,629 S1: about I had a meeting and it was like, I 702 00:40:04,670 --> 00:40:08,340 S1: want to do this. And I said, and she just said, okay, What? 703 00:40:08,420 --> 00:40:12,300 S1: What is it that you want? And I hadn't thought 704 00:40:12,300 --> 00:40:15,060 S1: about that. You know, with the. What was the outcome 705 00:40:15,100 --> 00:40:16,940 S1: of the meeting? What is it that you really want? 706 00:40:16,980 --> 00:40:20,180 S1: What are you asking for here? And it made me 707 00:40:20,180 --> 00:40:24,860 S1: stop and think. Yeah. I, I, I really hadn't thought 708 00:40:24,860 --> 00:40:30,900 S1: that through. So just the question made me look deeper and, 709 00:40:30,900 --> 00:40:34,100 S1: and caused me to go into the meeting, uh, with 710 00:40:34,100 --> 00:40:35,620 S1: a little different idea. 711 00:40:36,260 --> 00:40:38,779 S2: Mhm. Yeah. I love that. That's great. Is there a 712 00:40:38,780 --> 00:40:42,180 S2: question that people don't ask you, Chris, but you wish 713 00:40:42,180 --> 00:40:44,700 S2: they did or you wish they asked you more often? 714 00:40:45,980 --> 00:40:55,219 S1: Um. Uh, do I owe you something? How much do 715 00:40:55,219 --> 00:41:00,020 S1: I owe you for that? Um, no, I you know, 716 00:41:00,380 --> 00:41:02,020 S1: what it makes me think of is when I get 717 00:41:02,020 --> 00:41:04,259 S1: my hair cut or when I go to the bank 718 00:41:04,739 --> 00:41:08,020 S1: and I'll have these obligatory questions. So how's your day going? 719 00:41:08,260 --> 00:41:12,100 S1: Or what do you have this weekend that's really important 720 00:41:12,100 --> 00:41:15,140 S1: to you? Or what's what's different this weekend? There'll be 721 00:41:15,140 --> 00:41:18,419 S1: these kind of innocuous questions. And the reason why they 722 00:41:18,420 --> 00:41:22,580 S1: fall flat to me is because I know that the 723 00:41:22,620 --> 00:41:26,060 S1: person there is only asking or I feel like the 724 00:41:26,060 --> 00:41:31,580 S1: person is only asking them. Obligatorily. Uh, it's out of obligation. 725 00:41:31,820 --> 00:41:34,900 S1: I got I got to make the conversation go here. 726 00:41:34,940 --> 00:41:38,219 S1: It's like, no, you don't need to do that. I'm fine. Just, 727 00:41:38,420 --> 00:41:41,299 S1: you know, doing this transaction or getting my hair cut. 728 00:41:41,380 --> 00:41:44,460 S1: I don't have to have you ask me a question. Um, 729 00:41:44,739 --> 00:41:47,779 S1: so that really doesn't answer your question. I'll have to 730 00:41:47,820 --> 00:41:48,259 S1: think about that. 731 00:41:48,300 --> 00:41:50,299 S2: But that's a good one. What are the questions? What 732 00:41:50,300 --> 00:41:52,940 S2: are the questions people ask you that you wish they didn't? 733 00:41:52,980 --> 00:41:55,580 S2: I mean, that's another one that we and we want 734 00:41:55,580 --> 00:41:58,540 S2: it said and you just answered that and that I've 735 00:41:58,580 --> 00:42:01,140 S2: actually not considered that. And that's a question I'm going 736 00:42:01,180 --> 00:42:03,580 S2: to start thinking through some more. Chris. So look, you've 737 00:42:03,580 --> 00:42:06,330 S2: even pushed me a little bit, which is which is fantastic. 738 00:42:06,410 --> 00:42:08,250 S1: Look at what I did. Can I tell you one 739 00:42:08,410 --> 00:42:11,850 S1: one question I asked of my father and he worked 740 00:42:11,850 --> 00:42:14,250 S1: at a. We lived on a farm. I grew up 741 00:42:14,250 --> 00:42:17,529 S1: on a farm. And I always thought, you know, if 742 00:42:17,530 --> 00:42:20,690 S1: my dad could do this full time, he would raise 743 00:42:20,690 --> 00:42:23,649 S1: cattle and corn and beans and all that. That's what 744 00:42:23,650 --> 00:42:25,730 S1: he would want to do. But he worked at a 745 00:42:25,730 --> 00:42:28,810 S1: chemical plant for 30 years, and he worked shift work, 746 00:42:29,050 --> 00:42:32,730 S1: meaning days, evenings, and then midnights get a week off 747 00:42:32,730 --> 00:42:36,290 S1: and then do the same thing, days, evenings and, and 748 00:42:36,290 --> 00:42:41,730 S1: midnights for 30 years. And one day I said something 749 00:42:41,730 --> 00:42:45,170 S1: like that, that must be really, you know, terrible to 750 00:42:45,210 --> 00:42:47,730 S1: have to work at a plant for as long as 751 00:42:47,730 --> 00:42:52,890 S1: you've worked and when you would want to, to be here, 752 00:42:52,930 --> 00:42:56,170 S1: you know, doing the farm. How did you feel about that? 753 00:42:56,810 --> 00:42:59,529 S1: And he said, I loved it. He said, I loved 754 00:42:59,530 --> 00:43:03,610 S1: the challenge of every every shift that I work, keeping 755 00:43:03,610 --> 00:43:07,640 S1: people safe, keeping the work going. It was as if 756 00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:09,160 S1: and when he talked about it, he just kind of 757 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:12,399 S1: came alive. It was as if the work provided a 758 00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:16,440 S1: mission for him, not just a paycheck. Solving a series 759 00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:20,560 S1: of problems every day that made him important. It gave 760 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,360 S1: him a purpose. And if I hadn't asked the question, 761 00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,120 S1: I'd never have known that. 762 00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,279 S2: That's a that's a fantastic example of the power of 763 00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:32,040 S2: questions where we don't assume that. We just go ahead 764 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:34,719 S2: and ask. And what did you do? You got to 765 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,000 S2: know and connect with your father and learn a side 766 00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,359 S2: of him you didn't know before. Which again, is the 767 00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:42,160 S2: whole point and purpose. So, um, yeah, how would you 768 00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:46,120 S2: assess your own question asking? I would say you're good. 769 00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:47,600 S2: I mean, I don't think you'd be in the spot 770 00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:50,120 S2: that you're in right now if you didn't have some 771 00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:52,359 S2: skills in that. But how would you assess your own? 772 00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:54,399 S2: And then maybe a part B, if you were to 773 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:58,839 S2: grow by 10 or 15% in your question asking ability, 774 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:00,320 S2: what would you do? 775 00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:05,469 S1: Um, my analysis is I can. If you turn the 776 00:44:05,469 --> 00:44:10,030 S1: microphone on, I'm good. When you turn the microphone on, 777 00:44:10,510 --> 00:44:14,870 S1: I'm not as good because here I'm up front here. 778 00:44:15,270 --> 00:44:18,510 S1: You know, it makes a difference how other people see me. 779 00:44:18,950 --> 00:44:22,109 S1: When you turn the microphone off, then I'm just with 780 00:44:22,110 --> 00:44:26,069 S1: people that nobody else sees this, these conversations. So and 781 00:44:26,070 --> 00:44:27,549 S1: I said to one of my kids the other day, 782 00:44:27,590 --> 00:44:30,350 S1: I said, I feel like I'm, I'm a really I've 783 00:44:30,350 --> 00:44:33,790 S1: not been the father I want to be to know 784 00:44:33,790 --> 00:44:36,509 S1: my kids as well as I want to and to 785 00:44:36,550 --> 00:44:39,950 S1: my wife and other family members to. I'm not there. 786 00:44:40,430 --> 00:44:43,910 S1: And I think this thing that you have written and 787 00:44:43,910 --> 00:44:46,830 S1: that we've talked about today is the is the finger 788 00:44:46,830 --> 00:44:50,310 S1: on the nerve of my life. And that is, have 789 00:44:50,310 --> 00:44:54,630 S1: the courage to ask the questions and dive deeper into 790 00:44:55,150 --> 00:44:58,870 S1: what they're doing and how they're feeling. And it will 791 00:44:58,870 --> 00:45:02,180 S1: draw you together. It may make you a little more 792 00:45:02,180 --> 00:45:05,740 S1: uncomfortable in some ways, but it will draw you closer 793 00:45:05,739 --> 00:45:09,459 S1: to their heart and you'll see yourself more. That's what 794 00:45:09,460 --> 00:45:11,779 S1: you've done in this book for me. J.R.. 795 00:45:13,100 --> 00:45:15,500 S2: Well, thanks so much. And it's been a real joy 796 00:45:15,500 --> 00:45:17,900 S2: to to be on the program. I really appreciate you 797 00:45:17,940 --> 00:45:20,299 S2: even trusting me to ask you some questions here at 798 00:45:20,300 --> 00:45:20,780 S2: the end. 799 00:45:21,100 --> 00:45:23,940 S1: We should have started earlier. You should do the whole program. 800 00:45:23,980 --> 00:45:26,419 S1: I think we can do the whole program just on 801 00:45:26,420 --> 00:45:29,620 S1: the questions of God and the questions of Jesus, you know, 802 00:45:29,660 --> 00:45:31,700 S1: and that's just a small part of the book. And 803 00:45:31,700 --> 00:45:33,980 S1: there's one story at the end where there was a 804 00:45:33,980 --> 00:45:36,180 S1: guy at the at the back, folks, you got to 805 00:45:36,180 --> 00:45:38,300 S1: get the book and read this. There was a fellow 806 00:45:38,300 --> 00:45:40,460 S1: at the when he was doing a seminar, J.R. was 807 00:45:40,460 --> 00:45:42,980 S1: doing this seminar, and this fellow at the back just 808 00:45:42,980 --> 00:45:48,540 S1: wasn't interested, wasn't. And J.R. challenged him. And months later 809 00:45:48,540 --> 00:45:51,380 S1: this fellow came back and said, what you have done 810 00:45:51,420 --> 00:45:55,060 S1: has changed my life. It might do that for you. 811 00:45:55,460 --> 00:45:59,900 S1: The Art of Asking Better Questions by J.R. Briggs, J.R.. 812 00:45:59,980 --> 00:46:03,290 S1: Keep doing what you're doing. Keep asking questions and listening 813 00:46:03,290 --> 00:46:05,450 S1: well and come back real soon, okay? 814 00:46:06,250 --> 00:46:08,649 S2: Thanks so much, Chris. Really appreciate the opportunity. 815 00:46:09,489 --> 00:46:12,610 S1: Well, I survived that segment with J.R. asking the questions 816 00:46:12,610 --> 00:46:15,490 S1: and I'm so glad. And thank you for listening today. 817 00:46:15,489 --> 00:46:18,130 S1: If you go to the website and click through today's 818 00:46:18,130 --> 00:46:23,490 S1: information at Chris fabry.org, you will see more about J.R. 819 00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:27,730 S1: Briggs and the book the Art of Asking Better Questions, 820 00:46:27,730 --> 00:46:32,890 S1: pursuing stronger relationships, healthier leadership, and deeper faith. Put this 821 00:46:32,930 --> 00:46:36,330 S1: into practice. In your own life, in your own relationships 822 00:46:36,330 --> 00:46:40,450 S1: and your family, and in your workplace and in your church. 823 00:46:40,450 --> 00:46:46,290 S1: And see what happens. Again, go to Chris dot Chris 824 00:46:46,330 --> 00:46:49,930 S1: Fabry Live is a production of Moody Radio, a Ministry 825 00:46:49,930 --> 00:46:53,130 S1: of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks a lot for listening.