S1: Women feel this tension that I felt. I want them
S1: to experience this freedom of saying, I don't have to
S1: be enough. I don't have to do all these things.
S1: I don't have to believe in myself, but I can
S1: instead believe in the capacity, the care and the character
S1: of my God. And that is enough for me.
S2: Welcome to building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman, author of
S2: the New York Times best seller The Five Love Languages.
S2: Our guest today believes our culture has been lying to women.
S2: The world defines female empowerment as believing in yourself or
S2: looking within to find the power to succeed. But what
S2: happens when women grow weary from trying to do it all?
S2: Is there a better way?
S3: Oh, this is going to hit a nerve with a
S3: lot of listeners today as we present a conversation with
S3: Becky Beresford, author of. She Believed he Could, so she
S3: did Trading Cultures lies for Christ centered Empowerment. You can
S3: find out more at the website. Building relationships.us and Gary,
S3: I find it interesting that Becky used to believe and
S3: even promote some of the lies that can shackle women today.
S4: Well, you know, Chris, I think all of us, as
S4: we get older and mature a little bit, hopefully we
S4: look back at some of the things we said and
S4: thought and taught earlier in our lives and we think, ooh,
S4: I wish I'd have had a little clearer perspective on
S4: that at that stage in my life. So I'm excited
S4: about our conversation today and this book. I think it's
S4: going to help a lot of people reflect upon things
S4: they might have believed and even taught that that really
S4: were not true. So it's going to be a good
S4: time today.
S3: Well, let's meet Becky Beresford. She's an author, speaker, coach
S3: with a master's certificate in spiritual formation and discipleship from
S3: Moody Theological Seminary. We love that place. She lives in
S3: North Carolina and is happily outnumbered by her husband and
S3: three boys. Our featured resource is her book. You can
S3: find it at the website. She believed he could, so
S3: she did. Trading Cultures lies for Christ's centered Empowerment. You
S3: can find out more at Building Relationships us.
S4: Well, Becky, welcome to Building Relationships. Hi.
S1: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited
S1: to be here.
S4: It's what Chris said. True. Did you promote and believe
S4: some of the very things that you speak against today?
S5: Yes.
S1: I did, and actually God had me write an apology
S1: letter to my readers, all of them, for it. And
S1: it was a very humbling moment. Um, I mean, when
S1: I first started being a writer back in 2015, I
S1: wanted to encourage women and help them in their walks
S1: with Jesus and basically point them towards their identity in Christ.
S1: But I didn't really want to touch on things, things
S1: that could be kind of like hot topic issues or
S1: something that like a hard truth that might cause them
S1: to be offended or just get some pushback on. And
S1: so I kind of tried to do more encouragement and,
S1: and happy things. And, and so I set a lot
S1: of these, these cultural lies that we hear today that
S1: women are kind of being bombarded with, like, you are
S1: enough or you can do hard things or, you know,
S1: you be you believe in yourself, follow your heart like
S1: they they all sound good. Um, and they're well intentioned.
S1: But the thing is, in all of those statements, Jesus
S1: is left out of the equation. And so it's all
S1: about us. It's all about self trying to empower yourself,
S1: make yourself feel better. Um, rely on yourself. Depend on yourself.
S1: When really the Bible wants us to rely on God.
S1: We want to practice God dependence, not self dependence. Um,
S1: and so when the Holy Spirit revealed to me that
S1: I was preaching the wrong or I wouldn't say wrong gospel,
S1: but an untruth, like a fake, watered down, not all
S1: the way there gospel. Um, which I'll talk about in
S1: a little bit. It was eye opening for me and
S1: it was humbling. And the Lord's like, yes, well, now
S1: you have to go back to these people that you
S1: have been saying these messages to, and you need to
S1: apologize for it. Yeah. And you need to say, I
S1: want to present the full gospel that brings freedom for
S1: our souls, that doesn't make us rely on self, but
S1: has us shift towards relying on our Savior.
S4: Why is it so important for you that you have
S4: a passion to help women embrace this? This, which for
S4: many is a different kind of empowerment, right? Depending on
S4: God rather than on ourselves.
S1: Well, I think so many women are experiencing the tension
S1: that I felt, which was cultures telling you you need
S1: to do it. You can hold all the all the plates,
S1: you can do all the things. You can just believe
S1: in yourself. And so we're getting these messages. And then
S1: at the same time, the Bible is telling us that
S1: we need to depend on God and believe in God.
S1: But we're we're trying to do both at the same time,
S1: where I'm trying to rely on myself and I'm kind
S1: of trying to rely on my savior, but they can't
S1: happen simultaneously. And if you think about driving a car,
S1: like if I have my hand on the wheel and
S1: then like someone else has the hand on the wheel
S1: and we're both trying to steer, we're going to crash
S1: like we're going to end in an accident. So you
S1: have to pick one or the other. And obviously as
S1: daughters of God, as sons of God, he wants what's
S1: best for us, which is not having that burden to
S1: do all the things, to be enough to be honestly
S1: the savior of our own story. He doesn't want that
S1: responsibility and burden to be on us. He wants us
S1: to hand that back over to him because that role
S1: was his responsibility to begin with. That is literally why
S1: we're not enough. And that is literally why Jesus came
S1: to die, so that we don't have to be enough
S1: and we can rely on him for what we cannot produce.
S1: We cannot earn in our own measure. I'm passionate about
S1: it because women feel this tension that I felt myself,
S1: and I want them to experience this freedom of saying,
S1: I don't have to be enough. I don't have to
S1: do all these things. I don't have to believe in myself,
S1: but I can instead believe in the capacity, the care
S1: and the character of my God. And that is enough
S1: for me. And it's just a weight that feels like
S1: it's lifted from our shoulders when we lean into that truth.
S4: Yeah. So the title of the book is She Believed
S4: He could. So she did tell us about the title. Uh,
S4: where did that title come from?
S1: Yeah. So that has a story of its own. Back
S1: in 2015, when God called me into writing, I saw
S1: it as a form of discipleship, and it was a
S1: really cool shift away from working one on one with women.
S1: And so I was like, okay, God, if this is discipleship,
S1: what kind of book would you want me to write?
S1: And so he placed a totally different book on my
S1: heart that I ended up pitching for three different three
S1: years to different publishing houses, to, um, different agents. And
S1: I was getting rejections after rejections and no's and not yets.
S1: And so I felt very confused because I felt that
S1: God wanted me to write and write a book. I
S1: thought that book, um, but I was getting no's and
S1: it in the publishing world, they're basically saying, you're not
S1: there yet, like you're missing the mark. You're not measuring
S1: up to meet the standards of our house or our agency. Um,
S1: and so I literally felt like I was failing as
S1: a writer. And so there was this that was my
S1: professional life personally. What was going on in my life
S1: at the time. It was like a storm. My husband
S1: and I were going through a very hard season in
S1: our marriage, where we both needed to heal from some
S1: serious past trauma, and it was one of those points
S1: in our relationship where I was like, Lord, I don't
S1: know how this is going to work. And he had
S1: given me the word miracle in 2019 to pray into,
S1: and I was praying for it. I'm like, I need
S1: a miracle in my marriage, Lord. And you're you're the
S1: one who's going to have to bring this about. And
S1: he did like he's an 11th hour God like in December,
S1: God did a radical healing in my husband's heart and
S1: mind and life. And that was kind of a ripple
S1: effect for our family in a lot of ways. He
S1: has definitely done a big miracle. But during that time
S1: when this book was being birthed, I felt like I
S1: could not measure up as a wife. I was trying
S1: to be enough for him trying to fix things, and
S1: I just kept feeling like a failure in that area.
S1: And then we have motherhood. So I think all moms
S1: feel like they're failing, um, in one point or another
S1: within their journey. But we're a special needs family as well.
S1: Our oldest is autistic, and so that adds like an
S1: extra layer of, I don't know what I'm doing. Um,
S1: and so we would try all these different things and
S1: it wouldn't help. It wouldn't or it wouldn't help as
S1: much as we were hoping and then trying to have
S1: this dynamic in our family and helping all my boys thrive, um,
S1: helping all of their needs and again, I. Just was
S1: not doing it well. I felt like I was continually
S1: failing and I wasn't enough for my kids, so I'm
S1: not enough for my husband. I might be able to
S1: help my husband. Um, I'm not able to do all
S1: these hard things for my kids and be enough for
S1: my kids. And then we had, like, other stuff going
S1: on in our life too, like chronic illness and financial strain.
S1: So like I said, it was a storm, the perfect storm,
S1: but it was a god storm that he was allowing
S1: to happen. Because I got to this point one day
S1: where I was considering quitting writing, and my husband had
S1: bought me a sign and it was from a Christian bookstore,
S1: I will say that. And it said she believed she could.
S1: So she did. And I took that sign, and I
S1: put it on my writing desk with all the stuff
S1: happening in my personal and professional life no's, rejections, failures.
S1: And I stared at that sign one day and I'm like,
S1: I'm done. I'm throwing in the towel. I'm sorry. God
S1: and the Holy Spirit revealed to me that the feelings
S1: of inadequacy that I was feeling were not wrong because
S1: they could point me to Jesus. But what was wrong
S1: is the sign. And so I went and I got
S1: a marker and I crossed off the s in the she.
S1: So it said she believed he could, so she did.
S1: I'm like, there it is. That's the message of the
S1: gospel that we believe in God and His sufficiency, his strength,
S1: what he can do, what he's already done for me.
S1: And it's not about me. It's not about me having
S1: to be the savior of my story. I already have
S1: one and his name is Jesus. So it was so freeing.
S1: And then I shared that with on Instagram. Just I
S1: took the picture of my sign and I shared it,
S1: and the response that I got from women was just like, oh,
S1: now I can I can agree with that. I can
S1: agree with that statement. The other one didn't sit well
S1: because of the tension. It didn't sit well. But that
S1: that's the gospel. And that's when I knew, like, this
S1: is more than a post. I think this is a book.
S4: So, Becky, how can recognizing that you're not enough be
S4: an encouraging and even freeing message for Christian women?
S1: So this out of all the lies, I have seven
S1: of them in my book, and this one is the
S1: one that gets the most pushback. And I think the
S1: reason is because when people are saying I'm enough, they're
S1: actually communicating something different. So what they're trying to say
S1: is I am loved, I'm accepted. I'm perfectly and wonderfully made.
S1: I'm chosen, I am called, and all of those things
S1: are 110% true. They are in the Bible. But the
S1: actual phrase you are enough is not. And there's a
S1: reason for that, because I looked up the definition of
S1: the word enough. And basically what it's saying is when
S1: you say enough, you do not need anything else. So
S1: like if I, if someone's giving me pie and I
S1: had my first piece and they come and they're like,
S1: do you want another piece? I'm like, no, I've had enough.
S1: I don't need any more. I'm good. And so when
S1: we say I am enough, even though we may not
S1: mean this, we're actually saying I'm enough. I don't need
S1: anything else. And that includes a savior. And so we
S1: are not enough. And that is why Jesus came to
S1: die for us, and came to be more than enough
S1: for us, so that we can actually be more than
S1: enough in him. And what's interesting is the very beginning
S1: in the garden. We were enough in God, we were
S1: enough in God. And then Satan came in and he
S1: actually tricked Eve into believing that she was not enough.
S1: That was his lie saying, you're not enough. You're lacking
S1: in knowledge. You're lacking in this way. God's withholding from you.
S1: How about you reach for something more to be enough?
S1: Even though she already was enough in God? And so
S1: she did that. And it was a really, really cruel,
S1: self-fulfilling prophecy where she bit the fruit. And then in
S1: that moment, that's when she became not enough. And so
S1: women now that don't know Jesus, it's like they are
S1: trying to answer that I'm not enough, that I'm not enough,
S1: that original lie the enemy had planted in them. And
S1: they don't know Jesus yet. But when we are in Christ,
S1: we actually are more than enough in him. And the
S1: Bible says, we are filled to all the fullness of
S1: the measure of God. And I will take that level
S1: of enough over my own self-made enoughness any day.
S4: You're taking me way back in my own life, Becky,
S4: as you talk, when I first realized John 15 verse five,
S4: where Jesus said, I'm the vine, you're the branches. You
S4: stay connected to me. You bear fruit. And then he said,
S4: without me you can do nothing. Oh, I remember when
S4: that dawned on me and I wept. You know I
S4: can't do anything without you. God. It's transforming.
S1: It is.
S4: Well, let's let's look at one of these other things. Uh,
S4: many people say you hear them say the phrase, uh,
S4: follow your heart. Yes. Why is that something that should
S4: raise a caution flag? And what's the biblical way of
S4: framing that?
S5: Yeah.
S1: So I think when people say follow your heart, they're
S1: trying to say, do whatever makes you happy, right? Um,
S1: follow your heart to whatever you think you deserve and
S1: your dreams. Just put that up on a pedestal. Follow
S1: your heart. And I know for me, like my heart
S1: does not know what it wants. Like it changes all
S1: the time. You know, from the beginning of the day
S1: to the end of the day. I could want something
S1: totally different. My heart could want something totally different. And
S1: so that's why God doesn't call us as believers to
S1: be happy. He calls us to be holy and whole
S1: in Christ. That that is our main calling as believers.
S1: And that doesn't mean that God is up there in
S1: heaven being like, I want all my kids to suffer
S1: and be miserable like he's he's a good father, so
S1: he wants what's best for us. But a lot of
S1: times our hearts do not know what's best for us.
S1: But God, God does. And so our hearts, when we
S1: take our desires, when we take the things that we
S1: want and we lay them before him and say, okay, God,
S1: I want my heart to be aligned with yours. I
S1: don't want to follow my heart. I want to follow
S1: my King. I want to do what you want me
S1: to do. And so if this heart does not align
S1: with your will, if it doesn't align with your word,
S1: I want you to change it, transform it to be
S1: more in line with yours so that I'm following what
S1: you want from my life, I. I love the Bible
S1: because these are human people who are like us, imperfect.
S1: They they make mistakes all the time. And it's very clear, like,
S1: this is what happens if you follow your heart. If
S1: you want to be like David and follow your heart,
S1: it's probably going to lead you to adultery and murder.
S1: You know it's not going to end well. But if
S1: we choose to follow the one who we trust because
S1: we can trust God's faithfulness, we can trust his character,
S1: we can see what he's done. And we see how
S1: the people throughout the Bible, they literally build monuments to
S1: remind them of how faithful God is. We follow who
S1: we trust, and I don't trust myself all the time,
S1: but I trust my God because he's always come through.
S1: His character never changes. His desires never change. They are
S1: always constant. So that's why following our heart is like
S1: unsteady and shaky, but following God's heart that's steadfast and
S1: it's always going to end in the best that he
S1: wants for us.
S4: That's powerful. I've often prayed, God, I want my heart
S4: to beat with your heart. You know that. That picture
S4: our hearts beating together. Yeah. Another phrase that I hear
S4: is speak your truth. Unpack what's wrong with that idea
S4: and the biblical pattern of responding to that.
S1: So our culture is like they have a weird relationship
S1: with truth. Like they're like, we want the truth, but
S1: only if it's can be my truth and I can
S1: change it. And I don't want I want it to
S1: be subjective. I don't want it to be absolute. And
S1: I definitely don't want the truth to offend me or
S1: change my life. Like I want to live the way
S1: that I want to live, but I want the truth.
S1: And so it's like, but is that really the truth? No. Jesus,
S1: when he walked the earth, never shied away from speaking
S1: the truth in love. And there are absolutes, absolute truths, uh,
S1: that just can't be changed. You can look outside, for example,
S1: and you and your neighbor could both step outside and
S1: look up in the sky, and the sun is shining
S1: and you can say, it's daytime. Look, the sun is here.
S1: And your your neighbor could say, no, it's nighttime. It's like, well,
S1: no one of you is right and one of you
S1: is wrong. It can't be daytime and nighttime at the
S1: same time. Like nature shows that absolute truth, real truth exists.
S1: So when we think about sharing our truth, that I
S1: think what people are more talking about is sharing your story.
S1: What's going on, what's your experience, which is very valid.
S1: It's an extremely important part when you are healing, when
S1: you are in community to share what is going on
S1: in your life, that is that is important part. So
S1: if speak your truth, if you're meaning share your story,
S1: go for it. But the healing part, the transformative part,
S1: the saving part in our life that comes from speaking
S1: the truth and believing the truth in Jesus says, I
S1: am the way, the truth, the life. It's not. I
S1: am a way, a truth, and a way of life.
S1: He's saying there's one way and there's one way towards
S1: freedom and there's one way towards salvation. And so in
S1: this chapter is written in the context of healing for
S1: a lot of women as they're sharing their stories. If
S1: we want that real deep healing to happen in our hearts,
S1: we have to embrace the fact that there is truth
S1: and his name is Jesus, and he wants to have
S1: the truth of his promises and the truth from the
S1: Bible to come into our hearts and heal our hearts.
S1: And the only way that's going to happen is if
S1: we say, it's not my truth, but it's God's hmm'hmm.
S4: Well, your book focuses on the power of discipleship. How
S4: is the church doing with that? And what can we
S4: do to bolster, you know, disciple making, which is what
S4: Jesus challenged us to do?
S5: Yeah.
S1: When he when Jesus came, he didn't come to make converts.
S1: He came to make disciples. And today, when I look
S1: at our churches, I. I feel like we've lost the
S1: art of discipleship and making disciples. And we may not
S1: even fully know what a disciple looks like. Like what
S1: is a disciple? And basically, to me, a disciple is
S1: somebody who literally is like a little Christ. When they
S1: use the term Christian, which was only used a few
S1: times in the early church. Um, they were calling them
S1: that because it was almost like a mocking way, like, oh,
S1: look at you. You're a little Christ, because you look
S1: like him. You act like him. You do the things
S1: that he is doing. You have a heart like his.
S1: And so in the very beginning of the early church,
S1: people were actually called the followers of the way, or
S1: saints or brothers and sisters. They were referred to as family.
S1: And so we have to live in a way, if
S1: we are making disciples, we have to live in a
S1: way that looks like Jesus, not converts, that, you know,
S1: they come and accept Christ as their Savior. But there's
S1: also the Lord part, which is the I'm surrendering my life.
S1: I want you to transform me and make me more
S1: like you, Jesus. And that is the heart of a disciple.
S1: They're willing to let God do whatever he wants in
S1: their hearts, in their lives. Send them wherever they want,
S1: wherever God wants. And so that emphasis on discipleship is
S1: not in in the church as much. But it doesn't
S1: have to be like this secret formula. Really, what it is,
S1: is doing life on life with people and living out
S1: the gospel with one another. And you don't have to
S1: pour into these masses of people. These could be people
S1: that God puts into your your home, people that are
S1: in your small group, just a few people that you
S1: guys are doing life together. You are growing closer to
S1: Jesus together, and then you teach others how to do
S1: that as well. So it's organic discipleship. I just saw
S1: that in in Jesus's ministry too. He really poured into
S1: the 12 and he he talked to the masses, but
S1: his emphasis was were on these people that he was
S1: entrusting the gospel to and that that spiritual multiplication that
S1: happened after that is what changed the world. It wasn't
S1: preaching to the masses and making converts. It was all
S1: about disciple making. And so my heart would love, love,
S1: love to see discipleship come back into the church.
S5: Um.
S4: I've often wondered what it would have been like had
S4: I lived in the day of Jesus to have just
S4: been hanging out with him for three and a half years? Yeah, well,
S4: that's the 12. Did you know they listened to his sermons,
S4: to the large crowds? But then around the fire that night,
S4: they were asking, what did you mean by that? You know. Yeah.
S4: What he did is, is the examples, what I hear
S4: you saying of what we should be doing is, is
S4: hanging out with people, spending time with people, having relationships.
S5: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
S4: Well, the culture today tells women of all ages to
S4: believe in themselves. Now, you don't think that that brings
S4: real empowerment. Speak to that issue.
S1: So I think I need to kind of make a
S1: disclaimer what I'm saying. Believe in yourself or don't believe
S1: in yourself fully. I'm not saying you can't be like, oh,
S1: I did a good job on that. Good job. And
S1: you give yourself a pat on the back. That's that's okay.
S1: We can be proud of what we're doing without being prideful.
S1: But there comes a line where we start to trust
S1: in our own performance and what we're doing above what
S1: our father can do. And so when we cross that
S1: line and we can see this in Scripture where people
S1: were they were believing in what they they were believing God,
S1: believing God, trusting him. And then all of a sudden
S1: they took matters into their own hands and they started
S1: to take control and not really trust in his faithfulness
S1: to come through. And that is when it kind of
S1: gets into shaky territory again, because believing in yourself and
S1: even doing hard work, that that is a biblical thing.
S1: We can be diligent. God wants us to be diligent
S1: and work hard, but we don't earn our salvation. We
S1: don't earn our sanctification. And so that's that's an important
S1: thing to remember. But we can be diligent but ultimately
S1: dependent on God at the same time. So we don't
S1: depend on our own strength. We don't look inside and
S1: be like, I believe I can do this. We say,
S1: I know God can do this. I believe in what
S1: he can do because of what he's already done and
S1: what he promises. And so I'm going to put my
S1: trust in that versus myself.
S2: We're dismantling some commonly held misconceptions and lies on today's
S2: building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman. Our guest is speaker
S2: and author Becky Beresford. She's written the book she believed
S2: he could, so she did. You can find out more
S2: about it at building relationships.us. That's building relationships. Dot us.
S4: Becky. Before we took our break, we were talking about, uh,
S4: having confidence in God as opposed to confidence in ourself.
S4: That's ultimate confidence. Uh, what's it look like to practice
S4: godly confidence? Uh, that is confident in who God made
S4: us to be.
S1: Yeah, well, there's another lie in here that talks about
S1: the Ubu mentality or the you do you, which I'm
S1: sure we've all heard as well. But then again, we're
S1: taking Jesus out of the equation. So who am I? Right.
S1: I know throughout my, my life I have changed who
S1: I've wanted to be. I my view of myself has changed,
S1: but God's view of me as his daughter has not changed.
S1: That remains steadfast. My identity in Christ remains steadfast through
S1: it all. So Christ is the only foundation that everything else,
S1: including our identities, can be built on. I think that
S1: godly confidence comes not from me trying to be like
S1: this best version of myself, but instead it comes from
S1: being a unique, spirit filled version of God's Son. So
S1: we're all uniquely made. We all have giftings that God
S1: has given us on purpose. He gives us dreams that
S1: are from him, and so we can be confident in
S1: what he's given us. We can be confident in who
S1: he's made us to be, versus me trying to figure
S1: out who I am, which can change all the time.
S1: Me trying to be the best version of myself. I
S1: don't even know what that is. Does that mean I've
S1: done things really well today? Is that the best version
S1: of myself is kind of a standard that is wishy washy,
S1: but when we look at Scripture, we see that we're
S1: called to be like Jesus, little Christs. You know, we're
S1: meant to be a reflection of him to this world
S1: that is getting darker and and harsher and needs to
S1: see Jesus in us. And so when we know who
S1: we are and whose we are, we can face all
S1: the hardships and the trials that life throws our way
S1: with godly confidence in who we are in him.
S5: Um, yeah.
S4: So what is what is the role of the Holy
S4: Spirit in empowering Christians?
S1: I feel like the Holy Spirit just he doesn't get
S1: as much credit as he should get. Like, we talk
S1: about the father, we talk about Jesus. And I'm like,
S1: there's a Trinity and the Holy Spirit is just as powerful.
S1: You know, he's just as important. And when it comes
S1: to enablement and empowerment, the Holy Spirit is the number one, um,
S1: source that God has given us, the number one helper. Because, like,
S1: I think it's amazing when Jesus was talking to his
S1: disciples and he was about to die, he's like, hey,
S1: it's it's better for you that I go. It's better
S1: because then the helper is going to come and he's
S1: never going to leave you. He's never going to forsake you.
S1: He will be with you, and he will speak truth
S1: to you and he will teach you. And so they
S1: probably were like, uh, no one's better than Jesus, you know?
S1: But on the day of Pentecost, I'm pretty sure they
S1: got what he meant when the Holy Spirit came down
S1: and empowered these disciples who were literally hiding. They were
S1: scared in the upper room. They had just seen Jesus
S1: die not long before. And they were they were scared.
S1: And then after the Holy Spirit comes and empowers them
S1: to go preach the gospel, they are out there in
S1: the streets and thousands are brought to Christ that day.
S1: It's just it's just incredible what the Holy Spirit can
S1: enable us to do. And it's the resurrection power of
S1: Christ that is in us if we let that, like,
S1: really sink in like that, the the God who created
S1: the universe is in us. That's how much he loves us,
S1: that he says, I'm not going to leave you to
S1: face this world and face these trials alone. I'm going
S1: to be not just with you, but in you. The
S1: Holy Spirit is the literal. It's referred to as the Dynamos.
S1: I hopefully I'm saying that right. Or dynamite power of God.
S1: It is an unstoppable authority that Satan and his demons
S1: can't even mess with. And sometimes I wonder, like, what
S1: does that even look like in the spiritual world? When
S1: a believer walks into a room and it's dark, but
S1: then that light, it just shines because the Holy Spirit, God,
S1: is in us. What does that look like? I don't
S1: know if anyone else has ever thought about that, but
S1: it's got to be powerful. And so when we remember
S1: that and then then allow the Holy Spirit to teach us,
S1: to convict us, to transform us and sanctify us, it's
S1: a beautiful, freeing process where we don't again have to
S1: rely on ourselves to tackle all these these hard things
S1: that are coming our way. We have the Holy Spirit
S1: in us who is there to empower us to do so.
S5: Yeah.
S4: What are some of the lies that the enemy wants
S4: women to believe about their identities? And how can a
S4: woman counteract those lies?
S5: Hmm.
S1: The enemy. I think he has two biggies that he.
S1: He either wants to make us scared, but a big
S1: one in my life that I feel like might be
S1: even more than that is, he wants to make us
S1: feel ashamed. So when we. When we mess up, which
S1: we will, and when we fall down, which we will.
S1: Satan wants to step in and tell women, oh, look
S1: at you. You call yourself a child of God and
S1: you messed up in this area again. Shouldn't you know
S1: better by now? Uh, and he kind of tries to
S1: shame us into a corner, and he wants us to
S1: stay in that corner. Because when we're in that corner
S1: and we're hiding out of shame, we're not going to
S1: make a difference. Or as much of a difference, I
S1: should say, for the Kingdom, because we're going to feel disqualified.
S1: And God does not call perfect people. He qualifies us
S1: because he is perfect. So there's a really big distinction
S1: there that we can actually use against the enemy. So
S1: when he comes and starts saying all those accusations because
S1: he that's just his thing, he's always going to be
S1: doing that till we meet Jesus. He's the accuser of
S1: the brethren. And so he's going to come and he's
S1: going to accuse us of all the things we've messed up.
S1: We can say, yeah, I know I did sin in
S1: that area, but guess what? I'm forgiven because of the cross.
S1: Because the blood of Jesus covers me, because of what
S1: he's done for me. I don't have to be perfect.
S1: And it's okay if I'm struggling in this area because
S1: God is changing me and transforming me and sanctifying me.
S1: And so I'm going to lean in to what God's
S1: already done. So thank you for the opportunity, Satan, for
S1: me to say thank you, Lord, for forgiving me. And
S1: I'm asking you to help change this area of my life.
S1: Thank you for reminding me, Satan. So we can kind
S1: of like twist it, twist it on him and he's
S1: gonna he hates it. But I think shame just in
S1: all the different areas of women because and men too,
S1: it's just, it's such a the accusations are always flying.
S1: But we can take those accusations and use them as
S1: an opportunity to practice walking in God's power, walking in
S1: God's forgiveness and grace.
S5: Yeah.
S4: The power of forgiveness. Well, you know, when you think
S4: about that, that God who is holy. Can forgive us
S4: of our sin. And this receive us into his presence.
S4: I mean, it's it's pretty powerful. Um. You know, in
S4: Genesis where God said to Adam, it's not good for
S4: man to be alone or isolated. And God's answer was
S4: the creation of Eve. And he said, I'm going to
S4: make him a helper suitable for him. Speak to that word, helper.
S4: How do how does that word affect the way a
S4: wife would view herself in a marriage?
S1: This was fascinating and really cool for me as I
S1: studied the word helper, because I think growing up I
S1: had thought helper meant almost like assistant to my husband.
S1: Like whatever he needed, I was going to be there
S1: and I was going to do it. And that is
S1: my job. That is my role because I am a
S1: helper and that's just how God has made me to.
S1: I'm a helper, so I want whenever something's someone's in
S1: trouble or something's broken, I want to try to fix it.
S1: So that's how I kind of viewed it. But as
S1: I studied helper, what helper actually means in the Hebrew
S1: is Ezra Koenig. And hopefully I said that correctly. But
S1: basically that means a life saver. And so that means
S1: that Adam, when he is in trouble, when he is
S1: being attacked, she comes as his life saver and helper.
S1: Which the word helper. This the same word. This Ezra
S1: is used of God to describe himself when he comes
S1: to the rescue of his people. And so Eve is
S1: actually a warrior. She is actually someone who says, I
S1: see that he is in need and I'm going to
S1: fight for him. I'm going to help him, I'm going
S1: to step in and battle for him. And you can
S1: apply this to marriage, and you can also apply it
S1: to brothers and sisters in Christ, too, where you see
S1: my brothers are being attacked right now, I'm going to
S1: battle for them. I'm going to, you know, help in
S1: this way or however the Lord puts it on our hearts.
S1: But we are going into warrior mode. It's not necessarily
S1: just this assistant like helping. Which serving of course, is
S1: is helping too. But I feel like if we just
S1: focused on the the serving part, we are missing the
S1: whole other, deeper level of helper that God intended for women,
S1: the warrior heart of women. And so that really opened
S1: my eyes in my own marriage, not seeing myself as
S1: like just this assistant I actually was. I'm equal. The
S1: rib is taken from the side. She stands beside him.
S1: She doesn't stand behind him. She doesn't stand in front
S1: of him. They are equal and they are united. And
S1: you can go to battle United and you are there
S1: to fight for your husband and he is fighting for you.
S1: And so it really helped open my eyes that like,
S1: this is how God describes himself as an Ezer, a
S1: life saver. You are a life saver to your husband.
S4: You know, Becky, there's a lot of division in the
S4: church today over a lot of issues. But on this
S4: issue of male female relationships, how do we pursue unity
S4: in marriages and unity in our churches?
S5: Yeah.
S1: I mean, we can definitely see this a lot. And
S1: you know, to to give another disclaimer, I know that
S1: women have experienced hurt and pain and discrimination. I know
S1: I have in my life. There's a chapter in, in
S1: my book where I talk about the popular phrase the
S1: future is female. And I crossed that out and I say, actually,
S1: the future, according to the Bible, is found together. The
S1: enemy wants to divide us, and he wants to make
S1: us blame one another and shame one another and kind
S1: of point out these differences that are we view it
S1: in a negative light and that's that's the enemy's game.
S1: But when we think about God's original plan back in
S1: the garden. Men and women were made to rule together,
S1: to have dominion together, to multiply together. It is not
S1: a part, is not one or the over the other.
S1: It is together. And so when we talk about not
S1: being together in unity, I think something that we can
S1: focus on is that we are building the kingdom as
S1: disciples first and foremost. We're all called to be disciples.
S1: And so that means we are united in Christ. And
S1: like I said before, a united front will always win
S1: the war against the enemy's schemes to divide. And so
S1: a big way that we can celebrate unity together is
S1: to actually celebrate one another's giftings. We're all made uniquely,
S1: and we can also celebrate each other's differences, because this
S1: is how God has made us to specifically reflect his
S1: personhood in different ways. So I think if we kind
S1: of have a kingdom mindset and not play in to
S1: the enemy's scheme to divide because it's always going to
S1: be there, um, that will help our marriages and our churches,
S1: because we know the ultimate goal is to spread the gospel.
S1: The ultimate goal is to build up each other in Christ.
S1: And when that is what we're fixing our eyes on,
S1: it's a lot easier to ignore all the other distractions
S1: that the enemy is going to try to throw our way.
S5: Yeah.
S4: Yeah, you talked about that. The whole female empowerment, you know,
S4: concept in our culture. And we talk about, you know,
S4: personal rights and a woman's rights and so forth. What
S4: are our God given rights as God's children, male or female?
S5: Yeah.
S1: So when we think about Jesus and we're supposed to
S1: model him and have our lives look like him, he
S1: was the Son of God. And so when he came
S1: down and made himself like he became a human, he
S1: could have had all these rights and be like, well,
S1: I'm the Son of God, so you need to listen
S1: to me. I'm the Son of God. So you you
S1: got to change. And da da da. He didn't do that. Instead,
S1: what he did was just the most opposite polar thing
S1: that you would think as a king, what a king
S1: would do. He took his rights and he laid them down.
S1: And he said, I'm choosing to serve and I'm choosing
S1: to be humble. If you look at his life, the
S1: beginning and end, the book ends of his life were
S1: marked by humility, a stable, a manger and a cross.
S1: I mean, that tells it all he lived an intentionally humble,
S1: loving life. And so if we want to say what
S1: are our God given rights? And if we want to
S1: model ourselves after Jesus, that means humility is our God
S1: given right. It's not the easy right at all by
S1: any means. But if we want to look scripturally at
S1: what Jesus did and what he taught his disciples by
S1: washing their feet and going on the cross for them
S1: like it and saying, love your enemies, bless them. Pray
S1: for them like forgive them. That is humility. And so
S1: it's totally the opposite of culture that says me and
S1: my rights, my choice, what I want. And he says, well, no,
S1: it's actually about love. It's actually about service and humility
S1: to the point where it's worth it to lay down
S1: yourself for the sake of somebody else.
S4: Becky, you share that you and your husband went through
S4: some difficult times in your marriage. How did the concept
S4: you've just talked about impact your marriage?
S1: Yeah, it changes it all because I can't sit here
S1: and think, okay, God, I can't pray for transformation. And
S1: I will say, I will admit I have done this
S1: and been like, okay, Lord, change my husband, change this
S1: about him, change that about him. Da da da da.
S1: Because it hurts me. No da da da. And I'm, like,
S1: focusing on myself and how I'm being affected. But when
S1: the Lord just stepped in and he transformed my prayers
S1: to be like, Lord, bless my husband, bless him into healing,
S1: bless him, heal my heart. Lord, how do you want
S1: to change me? How do you want to transform me?
S1: It becomes not an accusation prayer. I don't know if
S1: you guys have ever done that, but like you're praying,
S1: but you're really kind of like jabbing, like, God, this
S1: person's done this. I need you to change this about them.
S1: And da da da. Instead, it's Lord work in their
S1: heart to bring healing and your truth and your love
S1: into their life. But first, start with me. Like you
S1: need to do your work, your holy work in my
S1: heart so that I can love him the way that
S1: you love me. And you know, a quote by C.S.
S1: Lewis that keeps always rings in my mind when I'm
S1: having a hard time forgiving him or not. C.S. Lewis
S1: forgiving my husband when I'm having a hard time forgiving
S1: him is that we can forgive the inexcusable in others
S1: because God has forgiven the inexcusable in us. Yeah, and
S1: so when we have a humble heart, we also realize
S1: what have we been forgiven for? And if God has
S1: been able to forgive me for those things that are
S1: many and many and many, like all the time, then
S1: by his strength and power, I'm going to be able
S1: to forgive my husband or anyone else that has hurt me,
S1: my kids, my whoever, because he's forgiven me and he
S1: loves me. So it's a different shift in it. It
S1: helps us heal and it helps us forgive, and it
S1: helps in the unifying, restoring process of a relationship.
S5: Yeah.
S4: You talk about cultivating holy courage in whatever circumstance we face.
S4: What is holy courage look like?
S1: Holy, holy courage is usually a courage that isn't our own.
S1: So once again, there are so many times when I
S1: start feeling scared about a certain circumstance that I'm in
S1: and I'm like, oh my gosh, God, how is this
S1: going to work out? What's going to happen? And that's
S1: when the Holy Spirit reminds me that I don't have
S1: to work up all this courage and bravery on my own.
S1: I can I can actually lean into Jesus and borrow
S1: some of his, because God is the most courageous person
S1: that has ever been. When we. When I think about courage,
S1: I think one of the most courageous things that you
S1: can do is to love somebody and know that they're
S1: not going to love you back, to know that you're
S1: probably going to be rejected. And so God so loved
S1: the world that he gave his only son for everyone.
S1: And not everyone knows them. And some people hate them
S1: and they they will try everything to get other people
S1: to turn away from him. You know, they reject him
S1: and yet he still loves. And so that's such a
S1: courageous act. And that's our God who empowers us with
S1: his courage. When we're feeling scared, we can lean into
S1: his courage and say, I'm scared, God. But I know
S1: that with you by my side, you will help make
S1: me brave.
S5: Yeah.
S4: Powerful story. Powerful truth. You know, talk to the woman
S4: who's listening today, who has bought into, you know, some
S4: of these concepts of believe in yourself or follow your heart.
S4: How do you begin to change something that that you've
S4: kind of believed all your life? Self reliance. How do
S4: you begin to change that?
S1: I think the very first thing to do is to surrender.
S1: It's an honest place of sitting down before the Lord
S1: and saying God. Am I believing some of these things?
S1: Am I living my life in a way that reflects that?
S1: I believe some of these lies, and if so, I'm
S1: going to sit here with open hands and say, I
S1: want to surrender those lies to you. I want you
S1: to transform me with your truth. Are there things in
S1: my life that I'm trying to hold on to that
S1: I don't trust you with? If so, I'm going to
S1: sit down with open hands again, and I'm going to say,
S1: these are yours. Lord, I want I want to live
S1: a life that is surrendered to you, Holy Spirit. And
S1: I think I'm not. I think I know that God
S1: honors those prayers when we surrender everything. That's how salvation starts,
S1: and that's how sanctification is worked out. It's a continual
S1: act of surrender, and I never want anyone to feel
S1: like I have arrived at this, because I have to
S1: choose this every day, to not live empowered by self,
S1: but to live empowered by the Savior. And the first
S1: thing you have to do is to have an honest
S1: conversation and honest release to the Lord of this. This
S1: is your life. My life is yours, God, and I'm
S1: surrendering all these things that I'm believing. Let them line
S1: up with your word, Lord, and transform them. If what
S1: I'm believing is not true.
S4: Well, Becky, this has been a fascinating conversation, really focusing on,
S4: I think, something that's so important not only for women
S4: but also for men. And so I want to thank
S4: you for being with us today. Thank you for writing
S4: this book. And I believe the book is going to
S4: help a lot of people understand that we don't have
S4: to we don't have to be strong. He is strong.
S4: We just have to be connected to him. So thank
S4: you for being with us today.
S1: Well, thank you for having me.
S3: This been a thought provoking discussion for women and for men.
S3: And if you want to go deeper, check out our
S3: featured resource at Building Relationships US, the book by Becky Beresford.
S3: She believed he could, so she did. You can find
S3: out more at building relationships.us.
S4: And coming up next week. You can't control your children's
S4: mistakes or hardships, but you can parent with hope.
S2: Hear that encouraging conversation in one week. A big thank
S2: you to our production team, Steve Wick and Janice. Backing
S2: building relationships with Doctor Gary Chapman is a production of
S2: Moody Radio in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of
S2: Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.