1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,040
S1: Hey, it's Diana super Di and so glad you've tuned

2
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:05,920
S1: in to the Carl and Crew show cast. You know,

3
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:09,320
S1: we air live weekday mornings, 5 to 9 central. For

4
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:11,920
S1: all the great ways to listen, just head to Carl

5
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:12,720
S1: and crew for.

6
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,640
S2: Coming to you live from the call of Hope studio.

7
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:19,720
S2: This is Carl and crew.

8
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,240
S3: It's Carl and crew on a week. That is epic here.

9
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,640
S3: Ask the experts. And we've got Mark and Jill Savage

10
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,000
S3: with us right now. And we're just going to jump

11
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,440
S3: in right here. Guys, you've you've, uh. Let's see, what's

12
00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:36,520
S3: the name of this podcast, how to have a perfect family,

13
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,720
S3: marriage and everything. So how do you have a perfect. Oh,

14
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:45,320
S3: it's no more perfect. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Guys, uh,

15
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:49,240
S3: on a serious note here, if perfection is our aim

16
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:52,920
S3: for marriage, uh, we might be aiming at the wrong thing.

17
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,800
S3: What do you say, Mark? I'm going to let you

18
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:55,520
S3: kick it off.

19
00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:02,920
S4: Uh, absolutely. Uh, Perfection is the wrong perspective because we're

20
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:08,200
S4: human and we all bring our own stuff. It's impossible

21
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,160
S4: to be perfect.

22
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,480
S5: Jill Savage and Mark Savage with us right now. Jill

23
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:17,360
S5: is an author, blogger, international speaker, co founder and CEO

24
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:21,080
S5: of Hearts at Home. Mark was a senior pastor, owned

25
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:25,560
S5: a construction company before joining Jill in full time ministry.

26
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,200
S5: After serving in church ministry for 20 years, they are

27
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:32,000
S5: now meeting the needs of families as authors and speakers.

28
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,280
S5: Give us a little bit, Mark and Jill of your

29
00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:38,160
S5: own story. No more perfect. You've written a couple books

30
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,080
S5: with this title. You've got the podcast. What is no

31
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,120
S5: more perfect look like in your own life?

32
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:46,559
S4: Well, like real life.

33
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:51,440
S6: That's right, it does. No kidding. You know, we, uh,

34
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:57,160
S6: we have five children and, um, six grandchildren, and we

35
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,360
S6: absolutely love the season of life that we are in. Um,

36
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,720
S6: our marriage has, we like to say that we've been

37
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:10,000
S6: married 42 years, 32 of them happily. Um, and that

38
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,600
S6: has been quite the journey.

39
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,080
S4: And it's not that it's been ten years in one shot.

40
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:19,960
S4: It's a struggle here, struggle there, a longer struggle in

41
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:24,720
S4: other seasons. It's just the normal ebb and flow of life.

42
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:28,160
S6: Yeah. But we did go through a really dark season

43
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,520
S6: 13 years ago, and it was a season where Mark

44
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:35,799
S6: really lost his way. He lost his way spiritually, and

45
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,760
S6: it was a dark season, and infidelity was a part

46
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:44,360
S6: of that journey. And, uh, I waited for my I

47
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,000
S6: believed I did what we call standing for my marriage

48
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,160
S6: for a year. And, um, I believe that if he

49
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,919
S6: would return to his God, he would return to his marriage.

50
00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:55,720
S6: And he eventually did.

51
00:02:55,870 --> 00:03:01,750
S4: I returned to the Lord. Uh uh, Easter Sunday 2012.

52
00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:06,750
S4: I had my own personal resurrection. And, uh, really, for

53
00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:10,590
S4: the first time in my life, I fully surrendered to

54
00:03:10,630 --> 00:03:15,869
S4: Jesus Christ. And, uh, that led to Jill and I

55
00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:21,310
S4: creating what we call a 2.0 marriage. Uh, the 1.0

56
00:03:21,310 --> 00:03:26,630
S4: was a mess. The 2.0 has been the marriage that, uh,

57
00:03:26,630 --> 00:03:28,590
S4: that I personally had dreamt of.

58
00:03:28,830 --> 00:03:33,470
S6: Yeah. Yeah. And so it's been quite the journey. And, um,

59
00:03:33,470 --> 00:03:37,550
S6: some of our kids, uh, they are struggling in their

60
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,110
S6: own faith. We've walked through that. We have a son

61
00:03:40,110 --> 00:03:44,230
S6: with mental health issues. We've walked through that. And so

62
00:03:44,470 --> 00:03:47,630
S6: you can see now why we, uh, called the podcast.

63
00:03:47,670 --> 00:03:49,750
S6: And no more perfect podcast, right?

64
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,830
S5: Mark, how far were you into your marriage and even

65
00:03:52,870 --> 00:03:56,590
S5: ministry when you went through into that pretty dark time.

66
00:03:57,950 --> 00:04:03,550
S4: Well, we had been married 28 years, and, uh, I

67
00:04:03,670 --> 00:04:08,710
S4: am grateful that I had resigned from, uh, pastoring. As

68
00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:14,230
S4: someone said, I retired, uh, from being a pastor, but actually,

69
00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:17,750
S4: I ran like a dog with its tail between its legs.

70
00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:22,870
S4: I was just so frustrated with with the church, with

71
00:04:23,390 --> 00:04:28,030
S4: everybody around me, with the Lord. Uh, everybody was a

72
00:04:28,029 --> 00:04:31,190
S4: problem but me until I realized the common denominator and

73
00:04:31,190 --> 00:04:36,230
S4: all that was me. And so, um, so I was

74
00:04:36,430 --> 00:04:37,950
S4: we were 28 years.

75
00:04:37,990 --> 00:04:41,989
S6: And then he had just resigned from pastoring two years before. Well,

76
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:45,310
S6: one year before this spiral started for you.

77
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:49,430
S3: So sorry to interrupt here, Mark. I want to drill

78
00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:54,710
S3: deeper on this Radical renovation of the heart 12 years ago.

79
00:04:54,750 --> 00:04:57,429
S3: Was this. You almost make it sound like that was

80
00:04:57,430 --> 00:05:03,510
S3: authentic salvation. What was it? Just a humongous step of sanctification?

81
00:05:03,510 --> 00:05:06,270
S3: Or was it rebirth? What? What happened 12 years ago

82
00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:08,190
S3: that really caused this turnaround?

83
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:14,150
S4: Well, I had made such a mess in my life,

84
00:05:14,150 --> 00:05:18,710
S4: and I had I had convinced myself that this new

85
00:05:18,710 --> 00:05:25,230
S4: relationship was was the ticket that Jill and I were. Impossible. Uh,

86
00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:29,590
S4: I had convinced myself that my kids would would actually

87
00:05:29,670 --> 00:05:32,190
S4: celebrate me. Dad, I don't know how you put up

88
00:05:32,190 --> 00:05:36,230
S4: with mom this long. And, uh, all of that was

89
00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:44,510
S4: not true. And my kids were devastated, and rightly so. And, uh,

90
00:05:44,630 --> 00:05:48,669
S4: I had followed Christ. I actually accepted Christ at a

91
00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:55,029
S4: Billy Graham crusade, in my early 20s. Uh, and then, uh,

92
00:05:56,070 --> 00:05:58,630
S4: began the journey of trying to find a church, which

93
00:05:58,670 --> 00:06:03,070
S4: that was for a guy who's never attended church before.

94
00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:06,510
S4: That was quite a challenge, but I would say that

95
00:06:06,510 --> 00:06:11,669
S4: I needed Christ as my Savior. Um, I did not

96
00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:15,190
S4: accept him fully as my Lord, I argued. I debated

97
00:06:15,190 --> 00:06:19,870
S4: with him, I, I just really wanted him to do

98
00:06:19,870 --> 00:06:24,910
S4: what I wanted. And so at in Easter Sunday, I

99
00:06:24,910 --> 00:06:28,950
S4: would say that I fully surrendered myself to him.

100
00:06:28,950 --> 00:06:31,110
S3: Yeah. The reason I asked this mark is that one

101
00:06:31,110 --> 00:06:34,830
S3: of our mainstays here with Carl and crew, and thank

102
00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:40,590
S3: you for your vulnerability. Thank you. May your tribe increase. Um, Mark,

103
00:06:40,589 --> 00:06:46,670
S3: my heart aches for people raised in church doing mighty deeds.

104
00:06:46,670 --> 00:06:51,660
S3: Matthew seven casting out demons Matthew seven. Preaching in the

105
00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:56,100
S3: name of Jesus, but not knowing him personally. That point

106
00:06:56,100 --> 00:07:00,380
S3: of utter repentance. We don't preach repentance enough. That's the

107
00:07:00,380 --> 00:07:04,380
S3: way that we're called in Mark one to really follow Jesus.

108
00:07:04,740 --> 00:07:07,140
S3: You would say that there would be some level of

109
00:07:07,140 --> 00:07:11,340
S3: uncertainty before 12 years ago, but absolute certainty of where

110
00:07:11,340 --> 00:07:14,060
S3: you stood with Jesus 12 years ago is that is

111
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:15,100
S3: that fair, Mark?

112
00:07:15,980 --> 00:07:22,460
S4: Yeah, I would say so, most certainly. Um, I began

113
00:07:22,460 --> 00:07:29,739
S4: a journey of discovering who Jesus Christ was and is, uh,

114
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,580
S4: based upon who he says he is versus who I

115
00:07:33,580 --> 00:07:36,500
S4: wanted him to be. And that was a big shift

116
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,060
S4: for me.

117
00:07:37,380 --> 00:07:41,740
S3: Yeah. That's huge. Well, Mark, we and, uh, we're so

118
00:07:41,740 --> 00:07:43,900
S3: grateful for you and Jill being here today. And I

119
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:48,140
S3: think there is no greater teacher than the school of

120
00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:53,580
S3: hard knocks. And and then being vulnerable and authentic with it. Um,

121
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:57,980
S3: there's a lot of little things that build. And over time,

122
00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:01,780
S3: what began with great hope and expectation. Now, as a

123
00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:06,940
S3: wall between you and your spouse and it's glorified roommate status,

124
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:10,100
S3: and then all kinds of temptations can come our way,

125
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:13,340
S3: and we can talk ourselves into crazy things that God

126
00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:17,460
S3: does not have for us. As Mark has really, humbly

127
00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:20,540
S3: admitted to here. This is beautiful. Uh, this is powerful.

128
00:08:20,540 --> 00:08:24,179
S3: I'm so glad you guys are this honest with this. Uh,

129
00:08:24,260 --> 00:08:26,060
S3: I'm going to I'm going to go after it. Is

130
00:08:26,060 --> 00:08:29,380
S3: there shame? Do you get embarrassed to say this? I mean,

131
00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:32,620
S3: Satan must pummel you every time you go on air with,

132
00:08:32,660 --> 00:08:35,619
S3: like you are now across the nation and the world

133
00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:38,460
S3: to tell your story. How do you fend off those

134
00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:40,980
S3: fiery darts of Satan, even this morning?

135
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:47,140
S4: Uh, I would say that I don't struggle with them today.

136
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:49,780
S4: But in the beginning I did. I felt like I

137
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:53,780
S4: was walking around with this big neon scarlet a on

138
00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:58,579
S4: my chest. And I tell you, the Lord really spoke

139
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:01,219
S4: to me and said, Mark, it's time for you to

140
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:04,340
S4: take the A off your chest. I don't see that

141
00:09:04,340 --> 00:09:06,620
S4: on you. It's time that you put an R on

142
00:09:06,660 --> 00:09:12,939
S4: your chest for redeemed and, uh, knowing, uh, many of

143
00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:18,380
S4: the great, uh, heroes in Scripture, uh, they struggled, but

144
00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:23,540
S4: they were redeemed. And I walk among the redeemed as

145
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:27,780
S4: as anyone who fully surrenders to Jesus Christ.

146
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:31,819
S2: Get your info from a source you can trust. It's

147
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:34,340
S2: Ask the Experts week with Carl and crew.

148
00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:37,620
S3: Mark and Jill Savage with us today. They've gone through

149
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:45,700
S3: some tough stuff. Dark nights of the soul. Infidelity. trust.

150
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:50,180
S3: Being rebuilt takes time. Jill, how long did it take

151
00:09:50,179 --> 00:09:54,020
S3: you to rebuild trust with Mark after this came out

152
00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:58,340
S3: into the open? And, uh, this is this must have

153
00:09:58,340 --> 00:10:00,700
S3: been painful beyond compare.

154
00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:06,380
S6: Yeah, it was definitely one of the most difficult things

155
00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:09,860
S6: I've ever been through. Um, and I've had breast cancer,

156
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:14,180
S6: which is difficult, but I would say that, um, the

157
00:10:14,540 --> 00:10:18,460
S6: healing from infidelity was the most painful thing I've ever

158
00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:21,819
S6: been through. But it took us, I would say, well,

159
00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:26,620
S6: number one, there was such a change in him after

160
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:31,660
S6: that Easter Sunday when he fully surrendered. I knew, my goodness,

161
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:35,980
S6: something happened. I'm not quite sure what, but. And it

162
00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:42,530
S6: stayed like that. Surrendered guy stayed. So that was a

163
00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:47,770
S6: big part of me beginning to realize I could start

164
00:10:47,770 --> 00:10:51,929
S6: to trust him. But I would say in general, um,

165
00:10:52,170 --> 00:10:54,970
S6: you know, we like to say that trust is rebuilt

166
00:10:54,970 --> 00:11:00,290
S6: with consistent change behavior over time. And it took about

167
00:11:00,330 --> 00:11:04,490
S6: 12 to 18 months for me to fully believe it

168
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:06,530
S6: was for real, and it was going to stay.

169
00:11:06,730 --> 00:11:07,370
S3: That's fair.

170
00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:09,130
S6: Yeah.

171
00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:11,450
S5: Yeah. Great. All right. We've got a phone call coming

172
00:11:11,450 --> 00:11:14,850
S5: in from Fred from Ohio. Fred, I believe your question

173
00:11:14,850 --> 00:11:16,730
S5: is specifically for Mark. Go ahead.

174
00:11:18,370 --> 00:11:25,330
S7: Yeah, I'm I've been struggling with. Infidelity thoughts. Not the actions,

175
00:11:25,330 --> 00:11:28,010
S7: but the thoughts. I have done the actions in the past,

176
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:31,450
S7: but I've been I was struggling with pornography. And by

177
00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:34,650
S7: the grace of the father I have, I've been away

178
00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:37,809
S7: from that. But how do I get rid of these thoughts?

179
00:11:38,370 --> 00:11:46,090
S7: You're constantly battling. I'm constantly battling these thoughts and. I've

180
00:11:46,250 --> 00:11:51,650
S7: been married 20, 27 years and I just can't seem

181
00:11:51,650 --> 00:11:54,170
S7: to get rid of these thoughts. And I feel lost.

182
00:11:54,929 --> 00:12:00,290
S7: I know the father is always there. But I keep

183
00:12:00,290 --> 00:12:01,250
S7: letting him down.

184
00:12:01,809 --> 00:12:05,490
S3: Yeah, Fred, thank you for that question mark. Yeah. There

185
00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:09,410
S3: is a distinction between temptation and sin. Sometimes Satan can

186
00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:10,850
S3: beat us up with that. But what do you say

187
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:12,450
S3: to our brother Fred from Ohio?

188
00:12:14,010 --> 00:12:17,770
S4: Uh, what I've learned, Fred, is that, uh, what I

189
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:24,330
S4: think about, uh, and ruminate on creates that struggle. And

190
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:28,850
S4: so God's word tells us to renew our thoughts, to

191
00:12:28,890 --> 00:12:33,330
S4: take our thoughts captive. Uh, I love the power that

192
00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:37,250
S4: we have in Romans eight five and six that, uh,

193
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:42,569
S4: when I decide. When I set my mind on spiritual truth,

194
00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:46,809
S4: I can have life and peace. And so what I

195
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:52,290
S4: would encourage you to do is, uh, create a mantra

196
00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:56,970
S4: based upon truth that you are no longer those thoughts,

197
00:12:56,970 --> 00:13:01,050
S4: that those thoughts no longer have control over you, but

198
00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:04,410
S4: you are a man of truth, a man of the spirit.

199
00:13:04,890 --> 00:13:09,290
S4: And that if you when you set your mind on truth,

200
00:13:09,530 --> 00:13:13,090
S4: it you are promised life and peace. Mhm.

201
00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:16,290
S6: Yeah. And I would what I would add to that

202
00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:20,410
S6: as well is that um when so if you can

203
00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:23,770
S6: find a couple of scriptures, maybe just two that really

204
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:27,809
S6: mean something to you and they, and they um, are powerful.

205
00:13:27,809 --> 00:13:31,730
S6: And when you read them you're, you're reminded of truth.

206
00:13:31,730 --> 00:13:35,130
S6: And those are your go to scriptures in those moments.

207
00:13:35,330 --> 00:13:39,450
S6: So it so the the flesh thoughts will rise up,

208
00:13:39,450 --> 00:13:42,410
S6: because Romans eight five and six says, for those who

209
00:13:42,410 --> 00:13:45,490
S6: live according to the flesh, set their minds on the

210
00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:47,850
S6: things of the flesh, and those who live according to

211
00:13:47,850 --> 00:13:51,209
S6: the spirit set their minds on the things of the spirit.

212
00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:53,489
S6: For to set the mind of the flesh is death,

213
00:13:53,490 --> 00:13:56,570
S6: but to set the mind in the spirit is life

214
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:59,850
S6: and peace. And so what we have to do is

215
00:13:59,890 --> 00:14:03,130
S6: those thoughts will come up, the temptations will come up.

216
00:14:03,330 --> 00:14:07,449
S6: You have to have somewhere ready for you to set

217
00:14:07,450 --> 00:14:12,449
S6: your mind and set your mind proactively on that every day,

218
00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:15,530
S6: and then reactively, when those thoughts come up.

219
00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:21,250
S3: Excellent. Get your calls in right now. 800 555 7898

220
00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:23,610
S3: Mark and Jill Savage going to be here with us

221
00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:26,170
S3: through the balance of this show. And if you need

222
00:14:26,170 --> 00:14:29,610
S3: to remain anonymous, remain anonymous. You can text in your

223
00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:36,160
S3: questions as well. 800 555 7898. I want to go

224
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,520
S3: back to you guys here and just really drill down

225
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:43,480
S3: on this. We see Jesus getting tempted in the wilderness experience,

226
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:48,160
S3: and it's captured so beautifully in Matthew. And what's amazing

227
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:52,800
S3: about this text is that he uses the sword of

228
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,880
S3: the spirit, which is the Word of God, Jesus himself,

229
00:14:56,080 --> 00:15:00,240
S3: by quoting back to Satan, man shall not live by

230
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,680
S3: bread alone, but by every word rhema word there that

231
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,920
S3: proceeds from the mouth of God. That's an offensive weapon

232
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:10,720
S3: of war. Speak again, spike for us the importance of

233
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,920
S3: the Word of God to do battle with these temptations.

234
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:15,359
S6: Yes.

235
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:15,880
S4: Yeah.

236
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,160
S6: Well, you know what, I. I don't remember who said it,

237
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:23,640
S6: but I once heard somebody say that when we memorize scripture,

238
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,840
S6: when we are in the word, we increase the Holy

239
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,120
S6: Spirit's vocabulary in our lives.

240
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:35,080
S3: Boom. Yes. No. That's right on, guys. Mark. Add something

241
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:35,560
S3: to that.

242
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:42,000
S4: Uh, I gained such strength from Ephesians, where we are

243
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:46,920
S4: told that the same power that brought Christ from heaven

244
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:51,320
S4: to earth to the cross to the grave, to, uh,

245
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:55,920
S4: to back to heaven, that that same power is running

246
00:15:55,920 --> 00:16:00,760
S4: through our veins and that power that we have is genuine,

247
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:05,480
S4: and we are given the power to withstand the temptation.

248
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,840
S6: Mhm. Yes.

249
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,280
S5: We're ready for your calls. You've got a question about marriage,

250
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:18,800
S5: about parenting. 800 555 7898 800 555 7898.

251
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,480
S3: Yeah. In fact we're going to do news here quickly.

252
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,320
S3: And then we're going to get back to the phone lines.

253
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,560
S3: We're going to get a couple updates. But again get

254
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:30,920
S3: these questions in right now 800 555 7898. If you

255
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:37,560
S3: need to remain anonymous. Remain anonymous 805 55 7898 Young

256
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,560
S3: Thunder couple news hits hear my man.

257
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,480
S8: A federal appeals court is lifting an injunction on foreign

258
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:48,920
S8: aid payments. President Trump's administration was handed a victory when

259
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,720
S8: the appeals court lifted an injunction that required the State

260
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:55,520
S8: Department to continue making foreign aid payments. A three judge

261
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,000
S8: panel ruled 2 to 1 against the lower court's order

262
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,120
S8: to have the Trump administration restore foreign assistance payments previously

263
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,000
S8: approved by Congress. The ruling can open a pathway for

264
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,600
S8: the Trump administration to cut billions of dollars in foreign

265
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:11,480
S8: assistance funds. Now, schools in Montgomery County, Kentucky, are leading

266
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,760
S8: the nation in using an AI system that detects weapons.

267
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:18,880
S8: Montgomery County High School implemented the AI system to detect

268
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,360
S8: possible security threats before they happen. It uses radars with

269
00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:25,959
S8: machine learning to identify weapons and explosives. Officials say the

270
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,800
S8: technology is first of its kind in a school system.

271
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,800
S8: Montgomery County became the first in the nation to use

272
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,680
S8: the new system after a student brought a loaded handgun

273
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,160
S8: to McNab Middle School last year. I'm Jonathan. That's your

274
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:38,800
S8: quick update.

275
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,240
S3: We're going to go to the phone lines here taking questions.

276
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,199
S3: Ask the experts all week long. Right now, Mark and

277
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:49,119
S3: Jill Savage, they are experts through hardship, frankly, with regard

278
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:52,800
S3: to the toughest questions and solutions for how to have

279
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:58,320
S3: intimacy in marriage even when there's been marital unfaithfulness. 805

280
00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:01,760
S3: 55 7898 we're going to get as many calls in

281
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,960
S3: here as we can. You can get your questions in

282
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:11,720
S3: via text as well. (800) 555-7898. Anonymous in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Thanks

283
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,360
S3: for holding on. What's your question?

284
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:19,600
S9: I've been married for 30 years now and I love

285
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,400
S9: my husband with everything that I am. I cannot imagine

286
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:28,190
S9: being without him, but I have no desire to be intimate. Mhm.

287
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:29,149
S9: And I don't know why.

288
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,310
S3: Thank you. Anonymous. What do you say guys.

289
00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:38,070
S6: Well that's not uncommon. Um that happens in the best

290
00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:42,510
S6: of marriages at times. What I would say first is

291
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:45,830
S6: somebody who's been married 30 years ago and put themselves

292
00:18:45,830 --> 00:18:50,830
S6: somewhere in their 50s, which is going to be perimenopause, menopause.

293
00:18:50,950 --> 00:18:53,750
S6: There's a lot of changes that happen in the body.

294
00:18:54,230 --> 00:18:59,030
S6: And sometimes that becomes that's a medical issue. In fact,

295
00:18:59,030 --> 00:19:02,350
S6: I recently Mark and I are full time marriage and

296
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:07,190
S6: life coaches, and I recently was working with a lady that, um,

297
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:11,470
S6: we were tackling this from all kinds of angles, that

298
00:19:11,470 --> 00:19:15,590
S6: very issue, and she ended up, um, going to the

299
00:19:15,590 --> 00:19:19,389
S6: doctor and getting on some hormones, and all of a

300
00:19:19,390 --> 00:19:22,070
S6: sudden it's like it came alive for her. So I

301
00:19:22,070 --> 00:19:26,750
S6: would say start even talking to your doctor because it

302
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:31,630
S6: could be a physical thing. Um, and the second thing

303
00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:36,590
S6: that I would say is, for many women, um, we

304
00:19:36,590 --> 00:19:42,910
S6: have what's called responsive desire. And responsive desire means that

305
00:19:42,950 --> 00:19:47,510
S6: we may not feel like we, uh, we may not

306
00:19:47,510 --> 00:19:53,150
S6: have that physical desire that we think we're supposed to have,

307
00:19:53,470 --> 00:19:59,390
S6: but if we actually engage sexually, then the desire will

308
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:04,470
S6: begin to kick in. And so some of us, some

309
00:20:04,510 --> 00:20:09,070
S6: have initiating desire, some have responsive desire. And my guess

310
00:20:09,109 --> 00:20:14,790
S6: is that you have responsive desire and that when you engage,

311
00:20:14,950 --> 00:20:17,630
S6: it will eventually, like your body will kick in and

312
00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:22,190
S6: you will desire that. But you have to understand that, uh,

313
00:20:22,190 --> 00:20:23,590
S6: we're not all made the same.

314
00:20:24,710 --> 00:20:25,990
S5: Anything you want to add, Mark?

315
00:20:27,190 --> 00:20:31,390
S4: Uh, I would add from a different perspective that what

316
00:20:31,390 --> 00:20:36,070
S4: I've learned, as Jill and I have, uh, aged in

317
00:20:36,070 --> 00:20:41,670
S4: marriage is that women's bodies are very complicated, and, um,

318
00:20:41,710 --> 00:20:47,990
S4: guys are probably saying, no kidding, I understand. But. Uh,

319
00:20:48,310 --> 00:20:52,270
S4: but I would encourage men to read books, to maybe

320
00:20:52,270 --> 00:20:57,869
S4: listen to podcasts, to begin to really understand the big

321
00:20:57,869 --> 00:21:04,550
S4: changes that are happening in our wives as they age. And, uh,

322
00:21:04,869 --> 00:21:11,350
S4: to be become compassionate for those changes, for all that

323
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:12,950
S4: our wives are going through.

324
00:21:13,270 --> 00:21:17,750
S5: Great counsel. Let's go to, uh, Rebecca, first time caller

325
00:21:17,750 --> 00:21:20,750
S5: from Palm Beach, Palm Beach, Florida. Go ahead. Rebecca.

326
00:21:23,109 --> 00:21:28,030
S10: Yes. Hi. My, um, my question is on marriage. I'm

327
00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:29,990
S10: having an issue right now. My husband and I, we've

328
00:21:29,990 --> 00:21:35,070
S10: been separated for a year. Um, he decided after the

329
00:21:35,070 --> 00:21:40,350
S10: third child. I guess he didn't want to be married anymore.

330
00:21:40,950 --> 00:21:44,910
S10: He semi-active in a kids life. And I'm just kind

331
00:21:44,950 --> 00:21:47,830
S10: of confused on exactly what's the next step I should do?

332
00:21:48,030 --> 00:21:52,190
S10: I understand, and I know what the Bible says about divorce,

333
00:21:52,510 --> 00:21:54,310
S10: but at this point, I kind of feel like it's

334
00:21:54,310 --> 00:21:58,229
S10: hurting me and the kids and, um, that we're in

335
00:21:58,230 --> 00:22:01,590
S10: this limbo with this back and forth. So I'm just

336
00:22:01,590 --> 00:22:03,430
S10: trying to kind of get some advice on the next

337
00:22:03,430 --> 00:22:05,510
S10: step on what what I need to do.

338
00:22:06,550 --> 00:22:08,910
S3: Thank you. Rebecca, you're a first time caller from Palm Beach.

339
00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,830
S3: The wind is blowing in the background, but they will

340
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:12,710
S3: handle your question. What do you guys say?

341
00:22:14,310 --> 00:22:15,470
S11: Uh, I think that you.

342
00:22:15,470 --> 00:22:23,100
S4: Are in a very challenging circumstance, And I would encourage

343
00:22:23,100 --> 00:22:29,460
S4: you that, uh, that if your husband is, is really.

344
00:22:30,300 --> 00:22:36,580
S4: Severing that relationship with you that I would, uh, begin to, uh,

345
00:22:37,140 --> 00:22:42,540
S4: set boundaries around yourself that would protect yourself and that

346
00:22:42,540 --> 00:22:45,979
S4: would not give him the free rein to kind of

347
00:22:46,020 --> 00:22:49,859
S4: come and go as he, uh, selfishly desires.

348
00:22:50,420 --> 00:22:54,020
S6: That was an important part of our journey, is I

349
00:22:54,020 --> 00:22:59,060
S6: was believing for our marriage. I was standing for our marriage. Um,

350
00:22:59,060 --> 00:23:02,660
S6: I was also doing the work. And that would be

351
00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:05,820
S6: what I would say is, you know, we talked earlier

352
00:23:05,820 --> 00:23:08,700
S6: about the fact that Mark had to rebuild my trust.

353
00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:11,380
S6: But to be honest, I also had to rebuild his.

354
00:23:11,820 --> 00:23:16,979
S6: I had been critical. I had been, um, judgmental. I

355
00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:20,300
S6: had often used my mouth in a way that was

356
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:25,020
S6: not healthy. My words would be cutting. I had trust

357
00:23:25,060 --> 00:23:28,020
S6: to rebuild as well, and part of that time, while

358
00:23:28,020 --> 00:23:31,540
S6: I was standing and believing for my marriage, is I

359
00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:36,740
S6: began to build Jill 2.0. And so I would encourage

360
00:23:36,740 --> 00:23:41,340
S6: you during this season of waiting, that you're also really

361
00:23:41,580 --> 00:23:45,340
S6: taking a look at, uh, what you brought to the party.

362
00:23:45,540 --> 00:23:51,940
S6: And as you do that, oftentimes those changes will begin

363
00:23:51,940 --> 00:23:54,740
S6: to do a work inside of you. They can do

364
00:23:54,740 --> 00:23:57,740
S6: a work inside of your spouse, and even if they

365
00:23:57,740 --> 00:24:01,180
S6: don't do a work inside of your spouse, then it

366
00:24:01,180 --> 00:24:04,260
S6: becomes a sanctification process for you.

367
00:24:04,460 --> 00:24:05,700
S12: Yeah. Jill.

368
00:24:05,900 --> 00:24:07,420
S3: Go ahead. Mark. Yeah.

369
00:24:07,460 --> 00:24:11,620
S4: A couple more thoughts. Uh, we do have a course. Uh,

370
00:24:11,619 --> 00:24:14,980
S4: the wait is not wasted. That's a powerful course of

371
00:24:14,980 --> 00:24:21,220
S4: becoming 2.0. And then secondly, that, uh, I had convinced

372
00:24:21,220 --> 00:24:25,980
S4: myself that Jill parented me, that I was just another

373
00:24:25,980 --> 00:24:32,820
S4: child to her. And so for men that are feeling

374
00:24:32,820 --> 00:24:37,540
S4: that today, what I had to come back to is

375
00:24:37,820 --> 00:24:43,780
S4: I have responsibility to reflect Christ in my marriage and

376
00:24:43,780 --> 00:24:50,220
S4: not let my marriage reflect Jill, or to reflect my

377
00:24:50,220 --> 00:24:53,899
S4: own flesh, that I had to learn how to find

378
00:24:53,900 --> 00:24:57,459
S4: my voice. But I also had to learn how to

379
00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:04,180
S4: become a 2.0 guy that is really bent on reflecting Christ.

380
00:25:04,580 --> 00:25:07,660
S3: Beautiful, beautiful counsel here. Jill, I want to ask you,

381
00:25:07,700 --> 00:25:10,939
S3: how tough was it? You got a man cheating on

382
00:25:10,980 --> 00:25:14,740
S3: you to look in the mirror and say, God, search me,

383
00:25:14,780 --> 00:25:18,100
S3: know me, try me. I feel as a pastor for

384
00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:21,220
S3: so many years now that this when you have two

385
00:25:21,220 --> 00:25:25,260
S3: people willing to do this, you've got potential for 2.0

386
00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:27,939
S3: and only then what do you say to the person

387
00:25:27,940 --> 00:25:31,899
S3: who feels like you've got to be kidding me? I've

388
00:25:31,940 --> 00:25:35,740
S3: got to look at myself here. This guy is an idiot.

389
00:25:35,780 --> 00:25:40,180
S3: This woman's an idiot. Look, they've thrown out our family. Everything.

390
00:25:40,220 --> 00:25:41,820
S3: I mean, those are real emotions.

391
00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:42,820
S12: Right?

392
00:25:42,859 --> 00:25:47,780
S6: Yeah, and I felt them, and I said them to God. Absolutely.

393
00:25:47,780 --> 00:25:53,700
S6: I was crushed, I was angry, and I remember it

394
00:25:53,700 --> 00:25:58,980
S6: was probably three days after I discovered the infidelity. And

395
00:25:58,980 --> 00:26:04,020
S6: at that point, he is, um, he is not, you know,

396
00:26:04,060 --> 00:26:09,580
S6: it wasn't there wasn't this instant repentance. Um, my initially, uh,

397
00:26:09,580 --> 00:26:13,340
S6: when I actually confronted him, we were in a counselor's office.

398
00:26:13,900 --> 00:26:18,090
S6: I saved it for being in a counselor's office. And, uh,

399
00:26:18,130 --> 00:26:20,409
S6: he looked at me and said, yep, I'm having an

400
00:26:20,410 --> 00:26:24,050
S6: affair and I'm not starting stopping. And that I, I mean,

401
00:26:24,050 --> 00:26:26,449
S6: I just couldn't believe it. I thought, who is this man?

402
00:26:26,490 --> 00:26:31,490
S6: This is not who I married. I don't understand, but, uh,

403
00:26:31,850 --> 00:26:36,290
S6: probably I was begging God, I was on my face

404
00:26:36,290 --> 00:26:39,290
S6: in our living room where I'm sitting today. I mean,

405
00:26:39,330 --> 00:26:40,890
S6: talk about redemption, right?

406
00:26:41,170 --> 00:26:41,610
S3: Yeah.

407
00:26:41,650 --> 00:26:44,930
S6: So I was on my face, and I was begging

408
00:26:44,930 --> 00:26:47,330
S6: God to tell me what to do. Tell me what

409
00:26:47,330 --> 00:26:49,330
S6: to do. God, I don't know what to do. You're

410
00:26:49,330 --> 00:26:53,890
S6: going to have to tell me. And I heard one thing.

411
00:26:54,730 --> 00:26:59,129
S6: I want you to love him. And I remember I

412
00:26:59,170 --> 00:27:01,489
S6: got up on my feet, Carl. I got up on

413
00:27:01,490 --> 00:27:04,170
S6: my feet, and I looked up at heaven, and I

414
00:27:04,210 --> 00:27:06,770
S6: shook my finger and I said, you have got.

415
00:27:07,250 --> 00:27:08,570
S3: To be kidding me.

416
00:27:09,170 --> 00:27:12,450
S6: I did. I said those exact words. You have got

417
00:27:12,450 --> 00:27:15,770
S6: to be kidding me. I don't know, Lord, if you've noticed,

418
00:27:15,810 --> 00:27:20,010
S6: he's not very lovable right now. And you know what

419
00:27:20,050 --> 00:27:23,050
S6: God whispered back to my heart? I don't know if

420
00:27:23,090 --> 00:27:28,530
S6: you've noticed, but sometimes you aren't either. And I thought,

421
00:27:28,770 --> 00:27:32,850
S6: oh my gosh, Lord, you love me when I'm unlovable.

422
00:27:33,369 --> 00:27:35,250
S6: I don't know how to do that.

423
00:27:35,290 --> 00:27:35,649
S12: Wow.

424
00:27:36,530 --> 00:27:40,450
S6: And God began to teach me to love at a

425
00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:45,050
S6: whole deeper level, because I'd only known love when it

426
00:27:45,050 --> 00:27:50,170
S6: was easy, when it was reciprocated. I didn't know what

427
00:27:50,210 --> 00:27:55,250
S6: love looked like when somebody wasn't loving you back. And

428
00:27:55,250 --> 00:27:59,810
S6: that became this journey of going, oh my gosh, I

429
00:27:59,810 --> 00:28:03,929
S6: have something to learn. I have things that I need.

430
00:28:03,970 --> 00:28:07,570
S6: And whether my marriage makes it or doesn't make it,

431
00:28:07,930 --> 00:28:10,970
S6: God's got some work to do inside of me. And

432
00:28:11,090 --> 00:28:12,290
S6: that's how that began.

433
00:28:12,530 --> 00:28:15,090
S5: Mark and Jill Savidge, our guest this morning. If you

434
00:28:15,090 --> 00:28:18,330
S5: want more, they've got books, resources. They mentioned that marriage

435
00:28:18,330 --> 00:28:21,690
S5: crash course that's available on their website. Just text perfect

436
00:28:21,730 --> 00:28:26,810
S5: to 800 555 7898 off of their book series, Jill's

437
00:28:26,810 --> 00:28:33,290
S5: Book series no more perfect. Just perfect to 800 555 7898.

438
00:28:33,330 --> 00:28:37,010
S5: Let's go to anonymous calling in from Alabama. Go ahead.

439
00:28:37,010 --> 00:28:38,969
S5: Anonymous with your question for Mark and Jill.

440
00:28:39,530 --> 00:28:40,010
S13: Thank you.

441
00:28:40,650 --> 00:28:44,450
S14: Hi Mark and Jill. Thank you guys for taking my call.

442
00:28:44,730 --> 00:28:47,489
S14: And thank you for this program. I listen to you

443
00:28:47,490 --> 00:28:50,090
S14: guys all on my way to work every morning and

444
00:28:50,090 --> 00:28:51,050
S14: it's such a blessing.

445
00:28:51,410 --> 00:28:51,930
S12: Thank you.

446
00:28:52,050 --> 00:28:56,890
S14: What I need to say or my question, uh, I'll

447
00:28:56,890 --> 00:29:01,010
S14: begin with this. I. I have three adult children and

448
00:29:01,050 --> 00:29:05,650
S14: eight beautiful grandchildren. Um, but. And I raised my children

449
00:29:05,650 --> 00:29:10,690
S14: in church. Um, I always tried to show them the

450
00:29:10,690 --> 00:29:14,250
S14: way that I thought was right. But something happened when

451
00:29:14,250 --> 00:29:19,330
S14: I hit my 50s. I don't know exactly what it was, but, uh,

452
00:29:20,170 --> 00:29:24,130
S14: for me, it was. Well, I backslid is what happened.

453
00:29:24,130 --> 00:29:30,450
S14: So my adult children saw their mother, who they'd always seen, uh,

454
00:29:30,450 --> 00:29:35,209
S14: do the right thing. Um, making choices that were just

455
00:29:36,090 --> 00:29:42,330
S14: unbelievable to them. So now I am estranged to my two.

456
00:29:43,050 --> 00:29:47,730
S14: My two sons. Um, do not have anything to do

457
00:29:47,730 --> 00:29:50,090
S14: with me. Which means I do not get to have

458
00:29:50,090 --> 00:29:54,970
S14: anything to do with my grandchildren from them. My daughter

459
00:29:54,970 --> 00:30:00,490
S14: is so graceful, and she has been so kind and forgiving. Uh,

460
00:30:00,490 --> 00:30:03,530
S14: you know, I have. I have turned my heart back

461
00:30:03,530 --> 00:30:07,290
S14: to the Lord. I am not perfect. Uh, he's still

462
00:30:07,410 --> 00:30:11,250
S14: working on me right now. And but my question is,

463
00:30:12,290 --> 00:30:16,610
S14: is there a way? What should I do to try

464
00:30:16,610 --> 00:30:22,610
S14: to repair these relationships with my sons? And will they

465
00:30:22,610 --> 00:30:23,690
S14: ever be repaired?

466
00:30:25,250 --> 00:30:25,650
S6: Mhm.

467
00:30:26,210 --> 00:30:26,690
S12: Yeah.

468
00:30:27,290 --> 00:30:28,530
S6: That's so painful.

469
00:30:28,650 --> 00:30:33,250
S4: It is painful. And, uh, I know from my own

470
00:30:34,410 --> 00:30:40,770
S4: children that, uh. So we have five children, my uh,

471
00:30:40,930 --> 00:30:45,490
S4: youngest child and oldest child. It took five years for

472
00:30:45,490 --> 00:30:50,930
S4: me to really have a restored relationship with both of them.

473
00:30:50,930 --> 00:30:55,610
S4: They were very, um, they were hurt by me, and

474
00:30:55,610 --> 00:31:01,090
S4: rightfully so. Uh, they, uh, they set up strong boundaries

475
00:31:01,250 --> 00:31:07,640
S4: and my action towards all five of my children was.

476
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:12,200
S4: I went to them and I, uh, acknowledged the hurt

477
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:17,360
S4: that I had caused them, and I asked forgiveness. But

478
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:21,760
S4: then I also worked to stay steady and to stay

479
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:27,000
S4: committed to the decisions through the surrender decision that I

480
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:33,360
S4: had made and the relationship that they saw happening between

481
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:37,800
S4: Jill and I. And then also the interaction with the

482
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:43,959
S4: other kids began to influence them and their relationship with me.

483
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:44,960
S12: But that.

484
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:45,200
S6: Took.

485
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:45,640
S12: Time.

486
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,440
S4: It took time. It was.

487
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:47,920
S12: Hard.

488
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:52,520
S3: And was there a temptation, uh, having counseled a lot

489
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,680
S3: of couples that have gone through this, there is a

490
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,600
S3: temptation to want to grab those kids and go, look,

491
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,520
S3: Jesus has changed me. I need you to see there.

492
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:02,560
S3: You want them to get around the corner with you,

493
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,600
S3: but you need to resist that temptation, don't you? Mark

494
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:06,280
S3: and Jill.

495
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:06,640
S11: Oh.

496
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:13,320
S4: Absolutely. And, uh. And to to recognize that who I

497
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:19,080
S4: had been, uh, all of their life growing up as a,

498
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:24,600
S4: a pastor, a Christ follower, now a full on, uh, sinner.

499
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:29,360
S4: It's like that wrecked their faith. And, uh, it's it's

500
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:34,120
S4: hard to watch them struggle in their faith and try

501
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:38,160
S4: to gain footing. The promise that I stand on is

502
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:43,120
S4: that Christ? He knows this. He's working on them. He's

503
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:48,320
S4: always working. And he he is present. And I can

504
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,480
S4: trust that their story is not done.

505
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:52,719
S12: Beautiful. Yeah.

506
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,080
S6: And a big part of what I also saw Mark

507
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,800
S6: do as, as hard as it, as it was and

508
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,640
S6: as hard as it is trusting that God was working

509
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:05,280
S6: from the inside out and resisting the urge to push

510
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:06,640
S6: from the outside in.

511
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:07,200
S12: Yes.

512
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,760
S6: That's really that's when you're in this. You want you

513
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,320
S6: do want to say, you know, look, you know, God

514
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,240
S6: calls us to restoration and we want to move almost

515
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:21,560
S6: sometimes into lecture mode. And you have to let them

516
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:25,720
S6: walk their journey. And you have to be secure in yourself,

517
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:30,760
S6: in Christ, secure in Christ to know. Because a lot

518
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:36,400
S6: of times, these kind of difficulties will review, reveal idols

519
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:40,360
S6: in our heart, that we've turned our children into an

520
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:44,120
S6: idol and depending on how they feel about us, determines

521
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:48,240
S6: how we feel about ourselves. But see, God's Word and

522
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:52,440
S6: our identity in Christ never changes. It's the same yesterday,

523
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:55,200
S6: today and tomorrow and forever.

524
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,720
S3: It's beautiful. All right, here's the deal, guys. You got

525
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:01,480
S3: questions for Mark and Jill Savage? They are our experts here,

526
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,040
S3: and they're going to be on here for a little

527
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:04,960
S3: over an hour. And we're going to ask you load

528
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:09,239
S3: them up right now, call or text to 800 555

529
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:17,520
S3: 7898 800 555 7898. Great question came in from Anonymous

530
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:22,480
S3: in Bridgeport, Alabama. How can I help my husband get saved? Oh,

531
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:24,759
S3: I'll bet you got a thought on that. We'll get

532
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:26,760
S3: it from Mark and Jill. Straight ahead.

533
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:32,320
S2: Breaking chains and running free. You're listening to Carl and crew.

534
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,600
S3: Had a question here. Oh, I just lost it. It

535
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,080
S3: was on the board. Do you remember Dolly?

536
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:40,440
S5: Anonymous. Yeah. Anonymous from Bridgeport, Alabama, asked. How can I

537
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,799
S5: help my husband get saved?

538
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:45,200
S11: Uh, I think.

539
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:50,000
S4: That that is, uh, it's a great question, but it

540
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:54,880
S4: also can be one that drives us to, uh, to

541
00:34:55,040 --> 00:35:01,149
S4: especially the challenge for, uh, For women is to be

542
00:35:01,150 --> 00:35:08,830
S4: very aggressive in what they want to be verbally challenging to.

543
00:35:08,870 --> 00:35:12,750
S4: In my case, I felt parented and managed and I

544
00:35:12,750 --> 00:35:16,910
S4: felt like everywhere, every which way I turned, uh, Joe

545
00:35:16,950 --> 00:35:20,549
S4: was telling me what I needed to change, what I

546
00:35:20,550 --> 00:35:26,310
S4: needed to do. And the biggest way to lead and

547
00:35:26,310 --> 00:35:31,830
S4: love our husband to Christ is to, uh, reflect Christ

548
00:35:32,110 --> 00:35:36,629
S4: in everything that we do. Our thinking to reflect Christ

549
00:35:36,630 --> 00:35:40,670
S4: in our words and our the tenderness of our touch.

550
00:35:41,070 --> 00:35:41,590
S12: Yeah.

551
00:35:41,910 --> 00:35:47,310
S6: Yeah, absolutely. I would 100% agree is, uh, you, your

552
00:35:47,350 --> 00:35:50,790
S6: Jesus with skin on to the best of your ability.

553
00:35:50,790 --> 00:35:56,550
S6: That's going to be far more effective than words. And, um,

554
00:35:56,550 --> 00:36:00,670
S6: those actions. You know, I think about, um, one of

555
00:36:00,670 --> 00:36:04,430
S6: the verses that was so powerful for me during our

556
00:36:04,430 --> 00:36:10,710
S6: season where I had compassion for Mark's lostness. So I

557
00:36:10,710 --> 00:36:15,629
S6: want to encourage you to have compassion for your husband's lostness. See,

558
00:36:15,630 --> 00:36:19,470
S6: we can grow bitterness and disdain in our hearts sometimes,

559
00:36:19,670 --> 00:36:22,630
S6: and we need to stay in that place of compassion.

560
00:36:22,950 --> 00:36:26,710
S6: But it was Romans 12, and it was Romans 12

561
00:36:26,750 --> 00:36:32,510
S6: nine through 21. Those verses were so powerful for me. Um,

562
00:36:32,790 --> 00:36:35,790
S6: but in the end, um, at the end of that,

563
00:36:35,830 --> 00:36:39,790
S6: it says, um, uh, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. Now,

564
00:36:39,790 --> 00:36:42,550
S6: I'm not saying that your your husband is the enemy,

565
00:36:42,550 --> 00:36:46,430
S6: but you have to think about this is hard. Feed him.

566
00:36:46,430 --> 00:36:48,830
S6: If he's thirsty, give him something to drink for. By

567
00:36:48,870 --> 00:36:51,630
S6: doing so, you will heap burning coals on his head.

568
00:36:51,750 --> 00:36:55,270
S6: Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

569
00:36:55,950 --> 00:37:00,390
S6: And eventually I was shared this verse after Mark did

570
00:37:00,390 --> 00:37:03,310
S6: his U-turn and came home and I shared it with

571
00:37:03,310 --> 00:37:05,549
S6: him and he goes, oh my gosh, you did that!

572
00:37:05,550 --> 00:37:08,750
S6: You heaped burning coals on my head and I'm like, Mark,

573
00:37:08,750 --> 00:37:10,910
S6: I don't even know what that part of the verse means.

574
00:37:11,230 --> 00:37:12,230
S12: Well, what it.

575
00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:17,390
S4: Means is virtually that the goodness of your actions and

576
00:37:17,390 --> 00:37:23,470
S4: your compassion towards me, it burned away, though that area

577
00:37:23,469 --> 00:37:27,590
S4: of my mind that was limiting and hindering and keeping

578
00:37:27,590 --> 00:37:29,070
S4: me from saying yes.

579
00:37:29,510 --> 00:37:29,910
S12: Mhm.

580
00:37:29,950 --> 00:37:32,509
S4: So you were treating me better than I deserved.

581
00:37:32,550 --> 00:37:35,430
S12: Wow. And it was it was powerful. Yeah.

582
00:37:35,469 --> 00:37:37,629
S5: Mark and Jill Savage, our guest this morning got a

583
00:37:37,630 --> 00:37:40,150
S5: question that came in by text message. What do I

584
00:37:40,150 --> 00:37:43,549
S5: do if I suspect my spouse is being unfaithful? Do

585
00:37:43,550 --> 00:37:45,670
S5: you wait for God to make it clear, or do

586
00:37:45,670 --> 00:37:47,910
S5: you approach your spouse about it? What do you say

587
00:37:47,910 --> 00:37:48,590
S5: on this one?

588
00:37:49,910 --> 00:37:51,870
S6: Well, the first thing I would say is the Holy

589
00:37:51,870 --> 00:37:55,750
S6: Spirit is your guide. And so you need to really

590
00:37:55,790 --> 00:37:58,990
S6: seek the Holy Spirit on that, because the Holy Spirit

591
00:37:58,989 --> 00:38:03,510
S6: will show you, like when I did discover it. Um,

592
00:38:03,750 --> 00:38:07,310
S6: and I asked the Holy Spirit to to what do

593
00:38:07,310 --> 00:38:10,149
S6: I do? The Holy Spirit guided me to remember that

594
00:38:10,150 --> 00:38:13,390
S6: we had a counseling. We were in counseling at the time,

595
00:38:13,390 --> 00:38:16,710
S6: and we had a counseling appointment. And even though I

596
00:38:16,710 --> 00:38:20,030
S6: wanted to wake Mark up at 1:00 in the morning,

597
00:38:20,030 --> 00:38:23,270
S6: when I discovered it, it was best that I did

598
00:38:23,270 --> 00:38:26,950
S6: that in the counselor's office. So the Holy Spirit is

599
00:38:26,950 --> 00:38:29,790
S6: your guide. So I would say that's what you want, um,

600
00:38:29,790 --> 00:38:34,550
S6: to follow. Um, but it is always I mean, you know,

601
00:38:35,910 --> 00:38:39,790
S6: we can pray, father, show this from the inside out,

602
00:38:39,790 --> 00:38:44,589
S6: bring conviction. And and if they do not respond to,

603
00:38:44,630 --> 00:38:47,630
S6: you know, that the Holy Spirit is bringing conviction, then

604
00:38:47,630 --> 00:38:52,860
S6: sometimes we do need confrontation, but we do that with love.

605
00:38:53,060 --> 00:38:56,339
S6: We do that in a way that we don't become

606
00:38:56,340 --> 00:39:01,219
S6: an additional problem to the situation. What often happens is

607
00:39:01,620 --> 00:39:05,180
S6: our emotions will. And of course, this is very emotional,

608
00:39:05,180 --> 00:39:09,700
S6: but they'll rise up so much that then it doesn't

609
00:39:09,739 --> 00:39:13,739
S6: it doesn't make it safe for honesty. And so the

610
00:39:13,739 --> 00:39:16,339
S6: last thing they want to do is say, yep, I

611
00:39:16,380 --> 00:39:18,580
S6: am because they're just they're going to get more of

612
00:39:18,580 --> 00:39:22,380
S6: the screaming and the yelling and the anger. And so, um,

613
00:39:22,420 --> 00:39:25,940
S6: I think that, you know, the Holy Spirit will show you, um,

614
00:39:25,980 --> 00:39:29,980
S6: whether it, you need to, uh, ask, uh, for that

615
00:39:29,980 --> 00:39:34,140
S6: need to be revealed further. Um, and, uh, what I

616
00:39:34,180 --> 00:39:38,940
S6: found is, um, you know, I, I stumbled on it

617
00:39:38,940 --> 00:39:41,980
S6: both times. Um, when I say both times, there was

618
00:39:41,980 --> 00:39:44,060
S6: a time in the summer when it was only with

619
00:39:44,060 --> 00:39:48,380
S6: this person was only an emotional affair. And then, um,

620
00:39:48,420 --> 00:39:51,900
S6: when it became physical again, I, I would say I

621
00:39:51,940 --> 00:39:54,100
S6: stumbled on it, but I believe that the Holy Spirit

622
00:39:54,100 --> 00:39:55,260
S6: led that as well.

623
00:39:55,860 --> 00:39:58,500
S3: You're going to want some resources here, guys. You're going

624
00:39:58,540 --> 00:40:02,739
S3: to want them. And what a powerful opportunity we have

625
00:40:02,739 --> 00:40:06,340
S3: here today with Ask the Experts, Mark and Jill Savage.

626
00:40:06,739 --> 00:40:11,260
S3: Great resource. If you hit this keyword, I promise you

627
00:40:11,260 --> 00:40:15,299
S3: it's going to open up a lot of, um, it's

628
00:40:15,300 --> 00:40:18,100
S3: going to open up the doors to providing answers for

629
00:40:18,100 --> 00:40:21,980
S3: some of the most difficult questions and trials you face

630
00:40:21,980 --> 00:40:27,980
S3: in marriage and parenting. Text the word perfect to (800) 555-7898.

631
00:40:28,180 --> 00:40:33,620
S3: Perfect to 800 555 7898.

632
00:40:34,660 --> 00:40:38,860
S2: You've got questions. They've got answers. It's Ask the Experts

633
00:40:38,900 --> 00:40:40,380
S2: week with Carl and crew.

634
00:40:40,820 --> 00:40:43,620
S15: We are rolling. Alan Ali told me.

635
00:40:43,620 --> 00:40:47,220
S3: This feels like share. We just go, go, go. But

636
00:40:47,219 --> 00:40:49,939
S3: we are in a power packed week here. It's called

637
00:40:49,940 --> 00:40:54,100
S3: the Ask the Experts and this is important. We've got

638
00:40:54,100 --> 00:40:56,540
S3: Mark and Jill Savage here with us today talking all

639
00:40:56,540 --> 00:40:59,940
S3: things marital intimacy. How do you restore a love that's lost?

640
00:40:59,980 --> 00:41:03,220
S3: What do you do if there's been unfaithfulness also woven

641
00:41:03,219 --> 00:41:05,580
S3: into this? What do you do with wayward kids? Kids

642
00:41:05,580 --> 00:41:09,220
S3: that were raised in church but have never been in Christ?

643
00:41:09,219 --> 00:41:11,180
S3: We're going to get into some of those questions as

644
00:41:11,180 --> 00:41:15,819
S3: well today. Nicole, first time caller in Davenport, Iowa. What's

645
00:41:15,820 --> 00:41:16,620
S3: your question?

646
00:41:16,980 --> 00:41:20,299
S16: Um, my question is my husband and I are separated,

647
00:41:20,340 --> 00:41:22,540
S16: have been for the last five months. This is our

648
00:41:22,540 --> 00:41:27,820
S16: second time in this past year. And, um, I didn't

649
00:41:27,820 --> 00:41:30,339
S16: know if I should just keep staying around. Um, we

650
00:41:30,340 --> 00:41:36,540
S16: both have dealt with, um, alcohol, and, um, it's kind

651
00:41:36,540 --> 00:41:41,660
S16: of been an abusive relationship, physical and verbal. On his

652
00:41:41,660 --> 00:41:49,219
S16: side with with me, and. I just found out that

653
00:41:49,820 --> 00:41:56,739
S16: I knew before about his, um, sexual. I don't know,

654
00:41:56,739 --> 00:42:00,260
S16: preference for when he was younger, but I found out

655
00:42:00,340 --> 00:42:04,419
S16: it was more than what he said with men. And

656
00:42:06,380 --> 00:42:08,259
S16: I just don't know if I should stay and wait.

657
00:42:08,260 --> 00:42:11,980
S16: I did the last time we were separated. Um, I

658
00:42:11,980 --> 00:42:14,540
S16: did cheat on him. And I do continue to talk

659
00:42:14,540 --> 00:42:17,859
S16: to this person when I get angry with him. And

660
00:42:17,860 --> 00:42:22,140
S16: I just didn't know how to move on or to stay.

661
00:42:22,340 --> 00:42:24,540
S3: Yeah. Nicole, before I give it to Mark and Jill,

662
00:42:24,540 --> 00:42:28,020
S3: let me be definitive here because I feel very responsible

663
00:42:28,020 --> 00:42:31,299
S3: to say this. You do not stay in a physical,

664
00:42:31,300 --> 00:42:37,259
S3: abusive relationship under any circumstance. And I would go to

665
00:42:37,260 --> 00:42:40,580
S3: your pastor first and foremost and get yourself removed from

666
00:42:40,580 --> 00:42:45,450
S3: this situation. There is nothing righteous nor spiritual about you

667
00:42:45,450 --> 00:42:48,490
S3: persisting in that. In fact, you're only feeding the beast.

668
00:42:48,489 --> 00:42:50,770
S3: I had to say that guys, Mark and Jill come

669
00:42:50,770 --> 00:42:52,570
S3: in behind me here. Now. Take it away.

670
00:42:52,930 --> 00:42:53,169
S6: Oh.

671
00:42:53,410 --> 00:42:54,010
S4: Right on.

672
00:42:54,050 --> 00:43:00,290
S6: Yeah, I was going there first, too, so thank you. Carl. Yeah. Uh, absolutely. 100%

673
00:43:00,290 --> 00:43:06,410
S6: agree with that. Um, your safety is the utmost importance. And, uh,

674
00:43:06,410 --> 00:43:10,049
S6: that is what has to happen, uh, that you need

675
00:43:10,050 --> 00:43:13,009
S6: to be in a safe place. And then again, I

676
00:43:13,010 --> 00:43:15,690
S6: would say, as I shared earlier, the Holy Spirit is

677
00:43:15,690 --> 00:43:22,290
S6: your guide. And whether you choose to, uh, remain married

678
00:43:22,290 --> 00:43:27,009
S6: and wait for a turnaround and, uh, believe for a

679
00:43:27,010 --> 00:43:31,210
S6: turnaround in your husband, um, and then you would have

680
00:43:31,210 --> 00:43:37,370
S6: to see that consistent change behavior over time, so long

681
00:43:37,370 --> 00:43:39,569
S6: enough to believe that you would not be in an

682
00:43:39,570 --> 00:43:43,050
S6: unsafe environment again. I mean, he would have to have

683
00:43:43,250 --> 00:43:48,610
S6: a complete turnaround, a surrender. Um, and, uh, you can

684
00:43:48,610 --> 00:43:52,689
S6: continue to use this for your growth. That's why we

685
00:43:52,690 --> 00:43:56,770
S6: say the weight isn't wasted. So if you feel that

686
00:43:56,770 --> 00:44:00,810
S6: you want to stand and continue to believe for your marriage, um,

687
00:44:00,850 --> 00:44:05,810
S6: from a distance, uh, then use it for your own growth.

688
00:44:06,210 --> 00:44:10,489
S4: And I would add that, uh, no matter whether your

689
00:44:10,489 --> 00:44:15,930
S4: marriage makes it or not, it's, uh, it's a huge

690
00:44:16,290 --> 00:44:21,330
S4: decision on your part to become the very best that

691
00:44:21,330 --> 00:44:22,330
S4: you can be.

692
00:44:22,370 --> 00:44:23,810
S6: The best version of yourself.

693
00:44:24,170 --> 00:44:31,370
S4: Yep. And so strengthening your, uh, your inner resolve, your

694
00:44:31,370 --> 00:44:37,410
S4: inner identity in Christ. And, uh, and the more you

695
00:44:38,010 --> 00:44:43,770
S4: affirm your identity in Christ, the more clarity you will

696
00:44:43,770 --> 00:44:46,370
S4: have in your next step. Yeah.

697
00:44:46,969 --> 00:44:51,210
S3: Yeah. Great words. Um, guys, I, I mentioned this and

698
00:44:51,210 --> 00:44:53,890
S3: I want to go back to it. I'm glad. Uh, Savannah,

699
00:44:53,890 --> 00:44:56,130
S3: our call screener alerted me to this. We had a

700
00:44:56,130 --> 00:44:58,489
S3: caller come in from Tennessee. I won't even give her

701
00:44:58,489 --> 00:45:01,450
S3: name to emotional. Appears to stay on the line. Had

702
00:45:01,450 --> 00:45:05,530
S3: to go. Just apparently has. I'm trying to interpret this.

703
00:45:05,530 --> 00:45:09,450
S3: Apparently just discovered adultery in marriage. What do you do

704
00:45:09,489 --> 00:45:14,170
S3: in those first hours and first days and first weeks? Jill.

705
00:45:15,050 --> 00:45:17,770
S6: Yeah, well, I wish I could give her a hug.

706
00:45:17,810 --> 00:45:21,130
S6: That's what I wish, I know. So here's a hug

707
00:45:21,130 --> 00:45:25,770
S6: across the airwaves. Um, so Mark and I, um, we

708
00:45:25,770 --> 00:45:29,049
S6: did write two little booklets. Um, they're available on our

709
00:45:29,050 --> 00:45:36,330
S6: website at Mark and Jill. Books? Um, one is called

710
00:45:36,330 --> 00:45:39,969
S6: My Heart Is Broken and the other is called I

711
00:45:40,090 --> 00:45:43,689
S6: really messed up. And so you can guess whose is

712
00:45:43,690 --> 00:45:48,410
S6: for who, right? Um, but, um, uh, I would say

713
00:45:48,650 --> 00:45:51,810
S6: get a copy of that, uh, that is designed for

714
00:45:51,810 --> 00:45:58,529
S6: those early moments and those days and weeks after discovery. Um,

715
00:45:59,330 --> 00:46:02,250
S6: the second is you have to have a say. You

716
00:46:02,250 --> 00:46:05,130
S6: have to have somebody that you can be honest with

717
00:46:05,130 --> 00:46:07,770
S6: and you can. So I would say you want to

718
00:46:07,770 --> 00:46:11,850
S6: keep your circle small. Do not you don't you don't

719
00:46:11,850 --> 00:46:14,890
S6: want the world to know. Um, but you do need

720
00:46:14,890 --> 00:46:19,410
S6: a couple of safe people. Your pastor, uh, your, uh,

721
00:46:19,410 --> 00:46:25,170
S6: a best friend, uh, somebody that you know is trustworthy. Um,

722
00:46:25,690 --> 00:46:30,890
S6: when I discovered, um, that, you know it, I had

723
00:46:30,890 --> 00:46:34,170
S6: friends that stood in the gap for me and held

724
00:46:34,170 --> 00:46:39,400
S6: me up. And so you do need that. And, um,

725
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:43,640
S6: and so I, I think that those are your first, uh,

726
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:49,799
S6: important steps. Um, and then asking, you know, I mean, ultimately,

727
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:55,200
S6: I remember my counselor saying, if he is willing to

728
00:46:55,239 --> 00:47:00,920
S6: get help, if he is willing to recommit to the marriage,

729
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:05,200
S6: he can stay if he is unwilling to get help

730
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:09,040
S6: or unwilling to commit to the marriage, you need to

731
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,640
S6: ask him to leave. And man, that was hard for me.

732
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:16,839
S6: That was so hard for me. But I understood the

733
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:21,279
S6: wisdom of that. And um, so my hope and my

734
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:24,480
S6: prayer is that your husband will be willing to get

735
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:27,960
S6: help and we can provide that help. That's what we

736
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:33,320
S6: do full time. We are marriage coaches. And, uh, about 60%

737
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:37,880
S6: of those that we help are dealing with infidelity because

738
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:40,680
S6: we we offer what we wish we would have had

739
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,759
S6: back then. You know, Carl, one thing I'd love to

740
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,440
S6: add on this, since this topic has come up a

741
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:51,200
S6: couple of times. Boundaries are God's idea.

742
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:52,759
S3: A men.

743
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:58,280
S6: Boundaries. We see boundaries in the Garden of Eden from

744
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:03,120
S6: day one where God said, hey, you can have anything

745
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:06,920
S6: in the garden, but don't eat of this tree. And

746
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:10,680
S6: then when they did eat of the tree, he said,

747
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:13,480
S6: I'm so sorry, but you're going to have to leave.

748
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:17,920
S6: And so I think a lot of times we think

749
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:21,759
S6: I can't set boundaries. It's not the Christian thing to do.

750
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:27,440
S6: And we see from God's word that God created those boundaries.

751
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:31,279
S3: Yeah, yeah, that's a great word. I mean, this is

752
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:35,040
S3: so difficult. Um, you know, it's interesting here. I've seen

753
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:39,000
S3: this many decades now as a pastor. There is a

754
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:45,359
S3: weird over spiritualization around abuse, even mental abuse. And I

755
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:49,239
S3: will be this bold. This notion sticks and stones will

756
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:52,640
S3: break my bones. But words will never hurt me. What

757
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:56,680
S3: a stupid, ill informed nursery rhyme that was that we

758
00:48:56,680 --> 00:49:01,760
S3: learned in school. They hurt their abusive and even mental

759
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:06,400
S3: abuse and verbal verbal abuse. You do not sit back

760
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:09,279
S3: like a punching bag. A quick comment on that Mark

761
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,240
S3: and Jill. Then we'll go back to the phone lines here.

762
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:15,880
S4: Uh, totally agree with you. And the hard thing is

763
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:21,799
S4: that many pastors or church leaders don't really have a

764
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:27,080
S4: healthy view of that very thing, and so they perpetuate

765
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:29,440
S4: a you got to stay in this for the glory

766
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:38,000
S4: of Christ. And that that just continues to strengthen the abuser.

767
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:42,480
S6: Yeah. And I will say, um, when I had to

768
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:44,360
S6: set boundaries, um.

769
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:45,279
S4: I didn't like.

770
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:50,040
S6: It. Nope. You didn't like it? You did not like it. Um,

771
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:53,719
S6: but I, I think we both can look back and

772
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:57,600
S6: say God was even glorified in those in those boundaries. Like,

773
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:01,319
S6: for the glory of Christ is not just saying and

774
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:05,399
S6: being that punching bag. Um, but it is. It is, uh,

775
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:09,560
S6: you can still glorify Christ even in setting those boundaries.

776
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:11,000
S17: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

777
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,240
S3: It's it's a it's a great act of love.

778
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:16,399
S5: Let's go to anonymous calling in from Florida. Go ahead.

779
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:17,799
S5: Anonymous with your question.

780
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:22,880
S18: Yes. Uh, the issue I have is the my spouse

781
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:26,879
S18: says in her mind that we're technically divorced, yet she

782
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:30,200
S18: considers it, uh, ended, but does not want to make

783
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:34,070
S18: it official and wants us to cohabitate for the kids.

784
00:50:35,430 --> 00:50:37,870
S18: Am I wrong for wanting her to end it so

785
00:50:37,870 --> 00:50:40,550
S18: I can walk away? But the Lord says I can.

786
00:50:40,910 --> 00:50:42,669
S18: Or whether you think I should do.

787
00:50:44,190 --> 00:50:46,750
S3: Thank you for that question. Anonymous. What do you say,

788
00:50:46,790 --> 00:50:47,510
S3: Mark and Jill?

789
00:50:48,270 --> 00:50:50,350
S6: Can you repeat that? Carol? We.

790
00:50:50,750 --> 00:50:51,870
S17: Yeah. We've got a spouse.

791
00:50:51,950 --> 00:50:52,669
S3: Go ahead. Ali.

792
00:50:52,710 --> 00:50:52,950
S17: Yeah.

793
00:50:52,989 --> 00:50:56,830
S5: Our anonymous caller, essentially his wife does not want to

794
00:50:56,830 --> 00:51:00,509
S5: be in the marriage anymore, but wants to continue living

795
00:51:00,550 --> 00:51:03,549
S5: together and being legally married for the sake of the kids.

796
00:51:03,910 --> 00:51:06,989
S5: The husband does not want that arrangement. He wants her

797
00:51:07,030 --> 00:51:09,830
S5: if she wants out to actually end it so that

798
00:51:09,830 --> 00:51:12,630
S5: they can have a clean break. He's asking for counsel.

799
00:51:13,750 --> 00:51:14,150
S6: Mm.

800
00:51:14,510 --> 00:51:19,950
S4: Yeah. Um, well, my first thought is that that is

801
00:51:19,950 --> 00:51:26,750
S4: incredibly unhealthy. That you. You're call in marriage is to

802
00:51:27,150 --> 00:51:31,029
S4: cleave to one another to become glued to one another,

803
00:51:31,350 --> 00:51:34,509
S4: and the focus of the marriage relationship has got to

804
00:51:34,510 --> 00:51:39,110
S4: be the priority of the husband and wife. And if

805
00:51:39,230 --> 00:51:44,109
S4: she doesn't want to be married, uh, to the to

806
00:51:44,190 --> 00:51:49,310
S4: the man, I would say that. Step up and you

807
00:51:49,310 --> 00:51:55,310
S4: make that decision that you draw a boundary, uh, between

808
00:51:55,350 --> 00:51:59,950
S4: yourself and her, that you communicate that you want your

809
00:51:59,950 --> 00:52:02,950
S4: marriage to work, you want to become a better version

810
00:52:03,190 --> 00:52:08,950
S4: of yourself, but you will not live cohabitating and pretending

811
00:52:09,390 --> 00:52:11,230
S4: that you're going to be married or you're not going

812
00:52:11,270 --> 00:52:15,589
S4: to be married, and that if she's unwilling, then you

813
00:52:15,630 --> 00:52:18,390
S4: make the decision and pursue the that.

814
00:52:18,390 --> 00:52:21,629
S6: That is so, so hard. And I want to just

815
00:52:21,630 --> 00:52:27,230
S6: be compassionate, um, to this, uh, this caller, um, because

816
00:52:27,230 --> 00:52:32,350
S6: I can only imagine how difficult this is. And, but

817
00:52:32,510 --> 00:52:36,630
S6: but what I'll echo what Mark said is that is

818
00:52:36,630 --> 00:52:41,550
S6: not a healthy scenario for your children. No. And so,

819
00:52:41,790 --> 00:52:44,790
S6: you know, she's telling herself that we can tell ourselves

820
00:52:44,790 --> 00:52:47,150
S6: all kinds of lies, that if we stay in the

821
00:52:47,150 --> 00:52:49,870
S6: same house, it's going to be helpful for the kids.

822
00:52:49,870 --> 00:52:53,830
S6: But that isn't any more of a healthy scenario for

823
00:52:53,830 --> 00:52:58,189
S6: your kids. Um, than to actually be living in two

824
00:52:58,190 --> 00:53:01,790
S6: separate places because they feel the tension, and then they

825
00:53:01,790 --> 00:53:05,590
S6: get mixed messages and they get mixed messages. Yeah.

826
00:53:06,190 --> 00:53:10,870
S4: And, uh, Jill and I sit across from so many

827
00:53:10,870 --> 00:53:15,710
S4: couples who were raised in that environment and the bitterness

828
00:53:16,150 --> 00:53:20,670
S4: they hold against their mom and dad today. They're grown adults.

829
00:53:21,070 --> 00:53:26,030
S4: And the anger and frustration they have that their parents

830
00:53:26,590 --> 00:53:32,070
S4: made those types of decisions. They just lingered and, uh.

831
00:53:32,590 --> 00:53:37,950
S4: And so become the best version of yourself. Be be calm,

832
00:53:37,989 --> 00:53:43,110
S4: a strong Christ follower and lead. I would say lead

833
00:53:43,110 --> 00:53:44,989
S4: and love your wife like Christ.

834
00:53:46,070 --> 00:53:50,029
S2: Take your next step with Jesus today. You're listening to

835
00:53:50,070 --> 00:53:51,110
S2: Carl and crew.

836
00:53:51,590 --> 00:53:54,589
S3: We're covering as much ground as we can. Mark and

837
00:53:54,590 --> 00:54:00,790
S3: Jill Savage with us experts on marriage, family, toughest questions.

838
00:54:01,550 --> 00:54:04,069
S3: They have experienced dark night of the soul in their

839
00:54:04,070 --> 00:54:10,430
S3: marriage with marital infidelity, and I appreciate so much their honesty.

840
00:54:10,469 --> 00:54:13,270
S3: This has been rich. Let's go to Thomas. This is cool.

841
00:54:13,270 --> 00:54:17,350
S3: Cuyahoga falls, Ohio. You got a heart for your mom

842
00:54:17,350 --> 00:54:19,430
S3: and dad. What's your question, my man?

843
00:54:19,910 --> 00:54:23,790
S19: Hi. Yes. Uh, I am a I'm an adult now,

844
00:54:23,790 --> 00:54:28,470
S19: and I went through a hard season and I struggled

845
00:54:28,469 --> 00:54:32,830
S19: a lot. And in that my parents, uh, both both

846
00:54:32,870 --> 00:54:35,830
S19: felt for me and it led them astray. And now

847
00:54:35,830 --> 00:54:40,069
S19: as I'm recovering, they're having problems with each other. And

848
00:54:40,070 --> 00:54:42,670
S19: I really relate to the anonymous caller from Florida that

849
00:54:42,670 --> 00:54:46,109
S19: you just spoke to, because I'm now in the position

850
00:54:46,310 --> 00:54:49,710
S19: that you were talking about where I'm having relationship issues

851
00:54:49,710 --> 00:54:53,430
S19: with my parents because they are trying to stay together

852
00:54:53,430 --> 00:54:56,629
S19: for me now because they were concerned and I don't

853
00:54:56,630 --> 00:54:57,350
S19: know what to do.

854
00:54:58,310 --> 00:54:58,750
S6: Mhm.

855
00:54:59,270 --> 00:54:59,670
S4: Mhm.

856
00:55:00,870 --> 00:55:04,950
S6: First I want to encourage you that um you've got

857
00:55:04,950 --> 00:55:08,470
S6: to be careful to not experience some guilt that doesn't

858
00:55:08,469 --> 00:55:13,270
S6: belong to you. Mhm. And so that is I mean

859
00:55:13,310 --> 00:55:16,870
S6: I understand where you're connecting the dots to the difficulties

860
00:55:16,870 --> 00:55:19,509
S6: that you went through. And it now appears to have

861
00:55:19,510 --> 00:55:24,540
S6: affected your parents. But they are also they're adults. They

862
00:55:24,580 --> 00:55:29,379
S6: are uh, they are probably some of these issues that

863
00:55:29,380 --> 00:55:32,980
S6: they're dealing with were there before you were ever born, right.

864
00:55:33,100 --> 00:55:37,100
S6: And so just be careful to not, uh, you know,

865
00:55:37,140 --> 00:55:41,219
S6: the enemy is the accuser. And so the enemy is

866
00:55:41,219 --> 00:55:44,660
S6: going to want to point the finger at you. And

867
00:55:44,660 --> 00:55:48,860
S6: you have to really resist that because you are not

868
00:55:48,860 --> 00:55:50,420
S6: the cause of this.

869
00:55:50,460 --> 00:55:56,700
S4: Yeah. And what I would add is, uh, it's easy

870
00:55:56,700 --> 00:56:02,980
S4: for parents who are struggling to, uh, place their kids, uh,

871
00:56:03,580 --> 00:56:09,420
S4: in the middle. So to triangulate, uh, their child in

872
00:56:09,460 --> 00:56:13,900
S4: between their relationship. And if that is where you are,

873
00:56:14,780 --> 00:56:18,620
S4: allow yourself to step out of that and just keep

874
00:56:18,900 --> 00:56:24,380
S4: encouraging your parents to pursue Christ to become the very

875
00:56:24,380 --> 00:56:31,420
S4: best reflection of Christ they can be. And, uh, just

876
00:56:31,420 --> 00:56:33,820
S4: to keep pushing them back to Christ.

877
00:56:34,380 --> 00:56:35,420
S6: And pointing them.

878
00:56:35,660 --> 00:56:37,820
S20: Pointing them. Yeah. For sure.

879
00:56:38,300 --> 00:56:41,660
S6: Yep. And, you know, this is really interesting. Um, so

880
00:56:41,700 --> 00:56:45,180
S6: Mark and I host a marriage 2.0 intensive. We work

881
00:56:45,180 --> 00:56:48,540
S6: with one couple, um, throughout a weekend. And do you

882
00:56:48,540 --> 00:56:52,660
S6: know that, uh, about 65% of those that we work

883
00:56:52,660 --> 00:56:57,620
S6: with have been married 25 years or longer. And, um,

884
00:56:57,620 --> 00:57:01,220
S6: that's because a lot of times the kids have served

885
00:57:01,219 --> 00:57:06,740
S6: as a buffer for marriage issues. The kids have been.

886
00:57:06,940 --> 00:57:09,540
S6: And it's it's been this buffer. And then when the

887
00:57:09,540 --> 00:57:13,580
S6: kids leave or in the case like this caller, when

888
00:57:13,580 --> 00:57:19,100
S6: that child's problems are, um, you know, solved or they're

889
00:57:19,100 --> 00:57:21,180
S6: in a better place now.

890
00:57:21,700 --> 00:57:22,419
S3: What? Do we have.

891
00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:26,140
S6: Evidence? Yep. And it becomes evident that. Oh, wait a minute.

892
00:57:26,180 --> 00:57:28,180
S6: Our problems have been on the back burner for a

893
00:57:28,180 --> 00:57:32,580
S6: long time. And it's time. And it's. Here's what I

894
00:57:32,580 --> 00:57:36,140
S6: want people to know. It's never too late. It is

895
00:57:36,140 --> 00:57:41,260
S6: never too late. Um, last year we had three weekends

896
00:57:41,260 --> 00:57:42,980
S6: in a row that we had one couple that had

897
00:57:43,020 --> 00:57:45,820
S6: been married 49 years, one couple married 50 years and

898
00:57:45,820 --> 00:57:48,820
S6: one couple married 51 years. They came to our marriage

899
00:57:48,820 --> 00:57:53,100
S6: intensives three weeks in a row. And even at that

900
00:57:53,100 --> 00:57:58,180
S6: stage of life, 50 years of marriage, they wanted to

901
00:57:58,220 --> 00:58:02,420
S6: move beyond some of the places they got stuck. And

902
00:58:02,620 --> 00:58:05,300
S6: what a joy. What a joy that was.

903
00:58:05,580 --> 00:58:09,060
S5: Wow. That's great. Mark and Jill Savage. Our guest this morning.

904
00:58:09,100 --> 00:58:12,180
S5: Text perfect if you want to get to their website. Resources.

905
00:58:12,180 --> 00:58:16,180
S5: Books that marriage intensive. They mentioned text perfect to 800

906
00:58:16,220 --> 00:58:20,540
S5: 555 78. 98. Let's go to Lindsay. Calling in this

907
00:58:20,540 --> 00:58:23,540
S5: morning from Venice, Florida. Lindsay, give us your question for

908
00:58:23,540 --> 00:58:24,260
S5: Jill and Mark.

909
00:58:25,060 --> 00:58:28,100
S21: Hi. Um, thank you so much for taking my call. Um,

910
00:58:28,100 --> 00:58:31,660
S21: so I'm trying to find a way to say this.

911
00:58:31,660 --> 00:58:33,900
S21: So my, my husband and I and I have been

912
00:58:33,900 --> 00:58:36,820
S21: together for 16 years. We have an amazing marriage. I

913
00:58:36,860 --> 00:58:40,100
S21: am so blessed. He's an amazing guy. Um, I would

914
00:58:40,100 --> 00:58:42,980
S21: say 90 to 95% of the time. Things are great

915
00:58:43,140 --> 00:58:46,340
S21: where I find us struggling and where a lot of

916
00:58:46,380 --> 00:58:49,180
S21: like our little fights and even our big fights happen

917
00:58:49,180 --> 00:58:54,500
S21: from are from decision making. And, um, oftentimes I feel

918
00:58:54,500 --> 00:58:57,700
S21: like I'm conceding more just because I want to be.

919
00:58:57,740 --> 00:59:00,860
S21: I know it's very important to respect the husband and

920
00:59:00,860 --> 00:59:02,900
S21: really make sure he feels like a leader and that

921
00:59:02,900 --> 00:59:05,820
S21: his thoughts are valued. Um, but what I find ends

922
00:59:05,820 --> 00:59:09,100
S21: up happening is like, I don't feel like I'm trusted.

923
00:59:09,100 --> 00:59:12,939
S21: And then a decision is made, and then he, in hindsight,

924
00:59:12,980 --> 00:59:16,690
S21: realizes I was right, which I appreciate that he admits

925
00:59:16,730 --> 00:59:18,610
S21: he was wrong, but then it's like the big decision

926
00:59:18,610 --> 00:59:20,290
S21: is made and then we're kind of in it more

927
00:59:20,290 --> 00:59:22,610
S21: than we really want it to be. Um, just as

928
00:59:22,610 --> 00:59:26,490
S21: an example, um, we moved down here a couple years ago. Um,

929
00:59:26,490 --> 00:59:29,570
S21: by the grace of God. And, um, he's now working

930
00:59:29,570 --> 00:59:33,130
S21: in a private Christian school, and I didn't want to

931
00:59:33,170 --> 00:59:36,570
S21: buy a house. I wanted to rent. And he doubled

932
00:59:36,570 --> 00:59:38,530
S21: down and said, I really want to put down roots.

933
00:59:38,530 --> 00:59:40,810
S21: And I was worried about his commute. And long story short,

934
00:59:40,810 --> 00:59:43,010
S21: he's now realizing it was a mistake. And we need

935
00:59:43,010 --> 00:59:47,050
S21: to think about pivoting. And so it's this happens in

936
00:59:47,050 --> 00:59:49,450
S21: these big and little decisions. And we had a small

937
00:59:49,450 --> 00:59:52,250
S21: fight over the weekend about just a small repair that

938
00:59:52,250 --> 00:59:54,650
S21: needed to be done to the house, and it both

939
00:59:54,650 --> 00:59:56,730
S21: came out that we both felt like we weren't being

940
00:59:56,730 --> 01:00:00,210
S21: heard and we weren't trusting each other. And so I

941
01:00:00,250 --> 01:00:02,210
S21: appreciate that. It felt like a little bit of a breakthrough,

942
01:00:02,210 --> 01:00:04,530
S21: because I often feel like I don't I'm not heard

943
01:00:04,530 --> 01:00:06,810
S21: by him and that he doesn't trust me. And to

944
01:00:06,850 --> 01:00:09,970
S21: hear him feel like he. That was the same thing. Um,

945
01:00:09,970 --> 01:00:12,410
S21: I want to find a way where we can both

946
01:00:12,450 --> 01:00:15,650
S21: feel heard and both feel trusted, but also like if

947
01:00:15,650 --> 01:00:18,930
S21: I feel like the decision maybe needs to be pivoted

948
01:00:18,970 --> 01:00:20,850
S21: a little bit, a different way that I feel like

949
01:00:20,850 --> 01:00:23,730
S21: I'm heard while still respecting him as the head of

950
01:00:23,730 --> 01:00:25,169
S21: our household, if that all makes sense.

951
01:00:25,210 --> 01:00:27,610
S5: Yeah, I think we got it. Lindsay. Go ahead, Jill

952
01:00:27,610 --> 01:00:28,090
S5: and Mark.

953
01:00:29,050 --> 01:00:33,450
S6: Yeah, well, one of the things that, uh, we have, uh,

954
01:00:33,450 --> 01:00:36,689
S6: instituted in our relationship and we help other couples do

955
01:00:36,690 --> 01:00:39,770
S6: as well, we call them discussions of no decision.

956
01:00:40,610 --> 01:00:41,250
S5: I like that.

957
01:00:41,290 --> 01:00:45,450
S6: And this has really been a game changer for us,

958
01:00:46,170 --> 01:00:50,250
S6: because when we are trying to make a decision about

959
01:00:50,250 --> 01:00:54,530
S6: something like, in the case of this, this caller, you know, your,

960
01:00:54,730 --> 01:00:57,050
S6: you know, let's just go back to when you were

961
01:00:57,050 --> 01:01:00,370
S6: moving and you were relocating and you guys had to

962
01:01:00,370 --> 01:01:01,770
S6: make a decision, are we going to buy or are

963
01:01:01,770 --> 01:01:04,170
S6: we going to rent all of that? So what we

964
01:01:04,170 --> 01:01:06,410
S6: would do in a case like that is we'll sit

965
01:01:06,410 --> 01:01:08,850
S6: down and we'll have a discussion of no decision. And

966
01:01:08,850 --> 01:01:14,010
S6: the reason this is powerful is because Nobody's trying to

967
01:01:14,010 --> 01:01:18,530
S6: convince the other person of their way. All we're doing

968
01:01:18,970 --> 01:01:24,210
S6: is putting all of our thoughts on the table. And so, okay,

969
01:01:24,250 --> 01:01:28,130
S6: these are the things I'm thinking about. And literally we'll

970
01:01:28,130 --> 01:01:30,850
S6: sit with a piece of paper and we'll start listing

971
01:01:30,850 --> 01:01:34,890
S6: those out. And and each of us will talk about

972
01:01:34,930 --> 01:01:37,450
S6: the our perspective and our things, but we're not trying

973
01:01:37,450 --> 01:01:41,250
S6: to convince the other person of it. And so then

974
01:01:41,250 --> 01:01:44,810
S6: we walk away from that. Now I have his thoughts

975
01:01:44,810 --> 01:01:48,730
S6: and his perspectives in my head, and he has my

976
01:01:48,770 --> 01:01:51,930
S6: thoughts and my perspective in his head. Nobody was trying

977
01:01:51,930 --> 01:01:56,730
S6: to convince each other. We literally are just sharing our thoughts.

978
01:01:56,770 --> 01:01:59,770
S6: And and so we'll walk away from that for maybe

979
01:01:59,770 --> 01:02:02,970
S6: two days and we'll come back and we'll say, all right,

980
01:02:02,970 --> 01:02:05,730
S6: do we need is there any other thoughts like did

981
01:02:05,730 --> 01:02:08,650
S6: the things that we shared two days ago bring about

982
01:02:08,650 --> 01:02:12,170
S6: any additional thoughts? And again, we're having another discussion of

983
01:02:12,170 --> 01:02:15,650
S6: no decision. We're just trying to. Two heads are better

984
01:02:15,650 --> 01:02:18,450
S6: than one. There's a reason we're married is that God

985
01:02:18,450 --> 01:02:23,690
S6: wanted us to work together. And so then once we

986
01:02:23,690 --> 01:02:26,210
S6: feel like we have all those thoughts on the count,

987
01:02:26,250 --> 01:02:29,650
S6: you know, on the table, then one of us will

988
01:02:29,650 --> 01:02:32,770
S6: make a proposal and one of us will say, all right,

989
01:02:32,810 --> 01:02:38,010
S6: considering all of these things, I propose that we do x.

990
01:02:38,570 --> 01:02:42,050
S6: And at that point, uh, the other person might go,

991
01:02:42,090 --> 01:02:44,450
S6: all right, let me think about that and give me

992
01:02:44,490 --> 01:02:47,970
S6: 24 hours on it. Or they might go, okay, I

993
01:02:47,970 --> 01:02:52,370
S6: like that, but I'd like to just slightly make a

994
01:02:52,370 --> 01:02:57,370
S6: counterproposal to this. And both of you are now operating

995
01:02:57,370 --> 01:03:00,250
S6: with the same amount of information, and you can make

996
01:03:00,290 --> 01:03:03,210
S6: a wiser decision. That's been a game changer for us.

997
01:03:03,250 --> 01:03:06,130
S3: That's great. You know, an interesting thread here. Just a

998
01:03:06,130 --> 01:03:09,800
S3: quick one. There's something messed up, um, When we think

999
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:13,920
S3: about headship, the role of a husband. This is not

1000
01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:18,880
S3: about authority as much as it is responsibility. Loving your

1001
01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:24,640
S3: wife as Christ loved. The church is contemplative. It's information gathering.

1002
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:28,000
S3: There's there's a lot of guys maybe listening right now

1003
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:30,040
S3: that want to pull that as kind of the ace

1004
01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:33,400
S3: in the hole. Well, I'm the head of the home headship.

1005
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:39,520
S3: Speak to it being about responsibility way before authority. Mark,

1006
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:40,400
S3: what do you say?

1007
01:03:41,320 --> 01:03:45,960
S4: Absolutely. And I think this whole idea of headship, uh,

1008
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:52,440
S4: because it's confusing to, to people and, uh, the message

1009
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:59,800
S4: is one of authoritarian leadership. It, it creates, uh, hurt

1010
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:04,919
S4: and it creates confusion in, uh, the marriage relationship. And

1011
01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:09,680
S4: so Jill and I, we really function from the true

1012
01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:13,760
S4: head of our marriage is Jesus Christ, and we are

1013
01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:20,920
S4: a team and we play to each other's strengths. We cooperate, we, uh,

1014
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:25,920
S4: we pray together. We're trusting Jesus to to lead us.

1015
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:34,640
S4: And so this whole idea of cooperative decision making, uh, has,

1016
01:04:34,680 --> 01:04:37,880
S4: has really gone to a whole different level.

1017
01:04:37,920 --> 01:04:42,760
S3: Yeah, yeah. It's huge. Yeah. Great word on that one, guys. Um, remember, men,

1018
01:04:42,800 --> 01:04:45,720
S3: we're called to love our brides as Christ loved the church.

1019
01:04:45,720 --> 01:04:49,240
S3: That is self-sacrificing. It's willing to step in the way

1020
01:04:49,240 --> 01:04:53,240
S3: of harm, even. And that's a totally different perspective than

1021
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:55,240
S3: what a lot of guys want to wield out there.

1022
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:59,680
S2: When you don't know who's better to ask than an expert,

1023
01:04:59,880 --> 01:05:01,760
S2: you're listening to Carl and crew.

1024
01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:03,680
S3: Ali, what's on your heart here?

1025
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:06,760
S5: You know, we've had a lot of questions come in

1026
01:05:06,800 --> 01:05:12,240
S5: very specific instances of obviously marital discord and infidelity. It

1027
01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:15,120
S5: is this constitute cheating or not? Do I have a

1028
01:05:15,120 --> 01:05:18,120
S5: path out here or I don't? Carl, I'd just like

1029
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:20,640
S5: to ask you just to speak generally as a pastor,

1030
01:05:20,680 --> 01:05:23,520
S5: what's the wise way? Obviously we can't tackle all the

1031
01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:26,560
S5: questions and even the ones we're getting to, we can't

1032
01:05:26,560 --> 01:05:30,280
S5: speak to sometimes the heart of every issue. Who do

1033
01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:33,160
S5: you involve when you're trying to make these big decisions?

1034
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:35,960
S5: When you want to be guided by be true to

1035
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:39,000
S5: the Scripture and seeking wise counsel?

1036
01:05:39,360 --> 01:05:41,840
S3: You know, I loved what Jill said earlier. Keep the

1037
01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:46,400
S3: circle small. For starters, keep that circle small. I would

1038
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:51,680
S3: go to a respected person in spiritual authority a pastor,

1039
01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:57,520
S3: an elder, an elder's wife, a pastor's wife, someone who

1040
01:05:57,520 --> 01:06:01,040
S3: is not going to betray a confidence. But there are

1041
01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:05,280
S3: nuances to all of these issues That isn't one size

1042
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:07,800
S3: fits all. Is that fair to say, Mark and Jill,

1043
01:06:07,800 --> 01:06:08,760
S3: these things have.

1044
01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:09,040
S6: Yes.

1045
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:10,200
S13: Absolutely.

1046
01:06:10,680 --> 01:06:11,800
S4: Yes, yes.

1047
01:06:11,840 --> 01:06:15,160
S3: And there's no substitute for the local church. Right, guys?

1048
01:06:15,200 --> 01:06:17,320
S3: I mean, we live in a world today. That and

1049
01:06:17,360 --> 01:06:20,919
S3: I'm not diminishing your intensives. Those are beautiful. I mean,

1050
01:06:20,920 --> 01:06:22,880
S3: I'm a big champion of this. My Brad and I

1051
01:06:22,880 --> 01:06:26,720
S3: spoke for 11 years with Family Life Weekends to remember.

1052
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:31,120
S3: They were transformative, but at the same time, we we

1053
01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:33,600
S3: need to tap into that local church. I think this

1054
01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:36,400
S3: is a call out. Don't don't go to church. Be

1055
01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:39,440
S3: the church. Uh, tackle that one. Thank you, Ali, for

1056
01:06:39,480 --> 01:06:42,600
S3: that question, because I think that that's really that's an

1057
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:46,200
S3: undercurrent for all of these issues that we're facing today, guys.

1058
01:06:46,960 --> 01:06:50,600
S4: Yeah, yeah. Uh, and Jill and I, we are we're

1059
01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:55,320
S4: very committed to the local church. In fact, we, uh,

1060
01:06:56,040 --> 01:07:00,760
S4: even partner with local churches to help train mentors and

1061
01:07:00,840 --> 01:07:05,070
S4: even coach marriage coaches because we want the church to

1062
01:07:05,070 --> 01:07:09,430
S4: be better at coming alongside of those who are hurting

1063
01:07:09,630 --> 01:07:10,910
S4: and offer hope.

1064
01:07:11,310 --> 01:07:13,390
S20: And to be equipped. Yeah. Yeah.

1065
01:07:13,590 --> 01:07:17,190
S6: Um, but yes, I would agree, uh, with that. Carl,

1066
01:07:17,190 --> 01:07:21,270
S6: there's a lot of nuances to, um, all of these situations.

1067
01:07:21,270 --> 01:07:25,590
S6: They have some common threads. Um, and that's why also

1068
01:07:25,630 --> 01:07:27,350
S6: the Holy Spirit is your guide.

1069
01:07:27,390 --> 01:07:27,830
S20: Yeah.

1070
01:07:27,910 --> 01:07:33,630
S6: Um, because of those nuances, uh, as well. And so, um,

1071
01:07:33,670 --> 01:07:37,950
S6: you know, trusting the Holy Spirit understands that. And so, um,

1072
01:07:38,510 --> 01:07:42,350
S6: you know, but the Holy Spirit speaks through those, uh, some,

1073
01:07:42,390 --> 01:07:45,750
S6: you know, through those around us, those believers around us.

1074
01:07:45,750 --> 01:07:50,030
S6: His word, um, the Holy Spirit speaks through his word. Um,

1075
01:07:50,070 --> 01:07:53,830
S6: and so those are that's where also some of that, uh,

1076
01:07:53,830 --> 01:07:57,190
S6: those nuances are going to be, uh, understood. There was

1077
01:07:57,230 --> 01:08:02,510
S6: a situation in our relationship, when we were separated and

1078
01:08:02,510 --> 01:08:07,870
S6: we were separated for about five months, and we were

1079
01:08:07,870 --> 01:08:11,550
S6: supposed to go to a wedding in Mexico. And it

1080
01:08:11,550 --> 01:08:15,910
S6: had been on the calendar for, you know, over a year. And, um,

1081
01:08:15,950 --> 01:08:18,030
S6: I was like, do I go, do I not? Do

1082
01:08:18,030 --> 01:08:21,870
S6: I go? Mark was officiating the wedding for the friend.

1083
01:08:22,150 --> 01:08:23,910
S6: And do I go, do I not? Do I go

1084
01:08:23,910 --> 01:08:26,950
S6: do I not? And honestly, most people around me were

1085
01:08:26,950 --> 01:08:30,309
S6: saying don't go, don't go. And the Holy Spirit said, go.

1086
01:08:30,750 --> 01:08:32,990
S6: And I went. And it became a part of our

1087
01:08:32,990 --> 01:08:38,389
S6: healing journey. And so, um, that's why I say so

1088
01:08:38,430 --> 01:08:41,430
S6: much that the Holy Spirit is your guide.

1089
01:08:41,470 --> 01:08:41,790
S20: Yeah.

1090
01:08:41,830 --> 01:08:45,030
S3: Yeah. Love it. Great words. Uh, got a question that

1091
01:08:45,030 --> 01:08:47,990
S3: came in via text here. What is something we can

1092
01:08:47,990 --> 01:08:50,950
S3: do day to day together? To plant a seed for

1093
01:08:50,950 --> 01:08:55,549
S3: a stronger marriage? Emotionally? I love that question. Let's sharpen

1094
01:08:55,550 --> 01:08:58,990
S3: up here, guys. As iron sharpens iron, there's always a

1095
01:08:58,990 --> 01:09:01,790
S3: few sparks that fly. But what can we do together?

1096
01:09:01,790 --> 01:09:02,590
S3: What do you say?

1097
01:09:04,150 --> 01:09:07,670
S6: Well, one of the best things that we can do is, um,

1098
01:09:07,870 --> 01:09:12,189
S6: obviously pray together. I mean, anytime we are going to

1099
01:09:12,270 --> 01:09:16,790
S6: the Lord together, uh, that is going to strengthen our marriage.

1100
01:09:16,910 --> 01:09:20,510
S4: And yet so many of us struggle. Uh, we can

1101
01:09:20,510 --> 01:09:27,589
S4: pray with anybody, but yet our spouse. Are you kidding me? And, uh, I, Jill,

1102
01:09:27,590 --> 01:09:31,030
S4: and I, uh, we teach, uh, eight God tools. One

1103
01:09:31,030 --> 01:09:34,630
S4: God tool is courage. And to take hold of the

1104
01:09:34,630 --> 01:09:38,110
S4: courage and get rid of the mindset that I got

1105
01:09:38,110 --> 01:09:41,830
S4: to talk a different, a separate, a perfect way. I

1106
01:09:41,870 --> 01:09:46,790
S4: have to, um, say the right words and just talk

1107
01:09:46,790 --> 01:09:50,110
S4: to the Lord, to Daddy God together.

1108
01:09:50,150 --> 01:09:53,710
S6: You know, our favorite times to pray is. And of course,

1109
01:09:53,710 --> 01:09:56,910
S6: we're empty nesters. So, um, if we're in the car,

1110
01:09:57,189 --> 01:09:59,269
S6: it's usually just the two of us, and we'll pray

1111
01:09:59,270 --> 01:10:00,430
S6: as we drive somewhere.

1112
01:10:00,470 --> 01:10:00,750
S22: Amen.

1113
01:10:00,790 --> 01:10:02,430
S4: We'll pray as we walk.

1114
01:10:02,630 --> 01:10:04,790
S6: Yeah. Like we'll just say, you know, one of us

1115
01:10:04,790 --> 01:10:09,030
S6: will even just start sometimes. Um, and we've developed that

1116
01:10:09,030 --> 01:10:13,750
S6: over time. Um, but, uh, and here's the deal. You

1117
01:10:13,790 --> 01:10:16,230
S6: got to push through awkward to get to a new normal.

1118
01:10:16,910 --> 01:10:22,070
S6: If you haven't prayed together or, you know, whatever that

1119
01:10:22,310 --> 01:10:25,950
S6: thing that you do to, um, you know, be intentional

1120
01:10:25,950 --> 01:10:29,070
S6: about making connections. It may feel awkward in the beginning,

1121
01:10:29,550 --> 01:10:34,309
S6: but in time you begin to, um, it begins to

1122
01:10:34,350 --> 01:10:38,830
S6: create that new normal. The second thing I would say is, um,

1123
01:10:39,630 --> 01:10:43,350
S6: I think we need to learn to listen better. Um,

1124
01:10:43,990 --> 01:10:47,509
S6: one of the things that often happens is one person

1125
01:10:47,510 --> 01:10:51,469
S6: shares and then the other person shares, and we're we

1126
01:10:51,550 --> 01:10:56,180
S6: we really are not listening to understand. We're listening to

1127
01:10:56,220 --> 01:11:01,340
S6: debate or we're listening to respond. You can deepen the

1128
01:11:01,380 --> 01:11:06,940
S6: intimacy in your marriage by beginning to actually listen better.

1129
01:11:07,380 --> 01:11:11,970
S6: So I encourage you to, um, ask maybe 2 or

1130
01:11:11,970 --> 01:11:15,260
S6: 3 questions or even just when your partner shares something. Say,

1131
01:11:15,300 --> 01:11:18,740
S6: tell me more about that. Just go a little deeper.

1132
01:11:19,020 --> 01:11:22,820
S6: Rather than jumping right in with your thoughts and your opinion.

1133
01:11:23,660 --> 01:11:26,860
S2: Get in the know with life's biggest questions. It's Ask

1134
01:11:26,900 --> 01:11:28,979
S2: the Experts week with Carl and crew.

1135
01:11:29,140 --> 01:11:33,099
S5: Mark and Jill Savage, our experts, this morning. Author, blogger,

1136
01:11:33,100 --> 01:11:37,820
S5: international speaker. They have been ministering to families and marriages.

1137
01:11:37,820 --> 01:11:41,019
S5: Great resources on their website you can text perfect to

1138
01:11:41,060 --> 01:11:48,340
S5: 800 555 7898 text perfect to 800 555 7898.

1139
01:11:49,220 --> 01:11:52,259
S3: Got a text that came in guys? Is porn equal

1140
01:11:52,300 --> 01:11:55,540
S3: to an affair? They go on to explain. It has stopped,

1141
01:11:55,540 --> 01:11:59,500
S3: I'm sure on that. But spouse never showed remorse or

1142
01:11:59,540 --> 01:12:03,740
S3: said sorry. It was a multiyear problem. It killed our intimacy.

1143
01:12:03,740 --> 01:12:07,820
S3: There's some resentment there. There's some pain there. And what

1144
01:12:07,820 --> 01:12:08,979
S3: do you say to that?

1145
01:12:10,740 --> 01:12:16,420
S4: Uh, definitely. It is, uh, like having an affair because

1146
01:12:16,420 --> 01:12:22,339
S4: you're giving yourself away to something or someone else that

1147
01:12:22,340 --> 01:12:28,660
S4: is not your spouse. And, uh, for the spouse to

1148
01:12:28,700 --> 01:12:34,460
S4: not show remorse, to be repentant is, uh, it's like

1149
01:12:34,460 --> 01:12:42,219
S4: driving a huge a huge spike in their wife's heart. And, um.

1150
01:12:43,020 --> 01:12:45,259
S4: And I love what you said in the beginning, Carl,

1151
01:12:45,260 --> 01:12:50,780
S4: that there's just not enough talk about repentance and that

1152
01:12:51,260 --> 01:12:56,540
S4: for us to take repentance seriously and surrender our flesh

1153
01:12:56,540 --> 01:12:58,700
S4: to Christ is huge.

1154
01:12:59,420 --> 01:13:04,260
S6: What I would also add is so often attachment styles

1155
01:13:04,300 --> 01:13:08,580
S6: begin are a part of this journey. My guess is

1156
01:13:08,860 --> 01:13:15,019
S6: this man is maybe avoidant attached. And so those that

1157
01:13:15,020 --> 01:13:19,660
S6: are avoidant and attachment styles are the way in which

1158
01:13:19,660 --> 01:13:27,019
S6: we handle relationships based upon our childhood. So most of

1159
01:13:27,020 --> 01:13:30,580
S6: us are either anxious attached or avoidant attached. And what

1160
01:13:30,580 --> 01:13:33,540
S6: we want to become a secure attached when we are

1161
01:13:33,540 --> 01:13:37,820
S6: secure attached. Jesus was securely attached. And when we become

1162
01:13:37,820 --> 01:13:40,380
S6: more like him, that's our goal. But a lot of

1163
01:13:40,380 --> 01:13:44,260
S6: times that dynamic is playing out in a situation like this,

1164
01:13:44,460 --> 01:13:47,700
S6: because the man might be going, well, I stopped. What

1165
01:13:47,700 --> 01:13:49,540
S6: more do you want? I don't want to talk about

1166
01:13:49,540 --> 01:13:54,939
S6: it anymore. And and so they what that often is

1167
01:13:54,939 --> 01:14:01,700
S6: revealing is this place of insecurity in him. And uh,

1168
01:14:01,700 --> 01:14:04,900
S6: and that may be getting in the way of him

1169
01:14:04,900 --> 01:14:08,979
S6: fully being able to own that. Uh, because there's a

1170
01:14:09,020 --> 01:14:14,420
S6: lot of shame involved and, uh, that those dynamics, I

1171
01:14:14,420 --> 01:14:18,980
S6: think is important. Yes it is. Uh, porn is very

1172
01:14:19,340 --> 01:14:24,460
S6: it is a form of infidelity. But understanding the dynamics

1173
01:14:24,460 --> 01:14:27,540
S6: that have played out in that, um, and the healing

1174
01:14:27,540 --> 01:14:30,540
S6: process may have some more layers to it.

1175
01:14:30,700 --> 01:14:33,420
S5: Great counsel. I love this question that came in by

1176
01:14:33,420 --> 01:14:36,740
S5: text message. Uh, says, as a young, single woman, how

1177
01:14:36,740 --> 01:14:40,019
S5: can I prepare myself well for marriage? Hearing you talk

1178
01:14:40,060 --> 01:14:42,540
S5: makes marriage sound so difficult.

1179
01:14:44,620 --> 01:14:48,970
S3: It is difficult. It's not impossible. But it is, I

1180
01:14:49,010 --> 01:14:52,010
S3: can imagine a single person listening is going, I think

1181
01:14:52,010 --> 01:14:55,290
S3: I feel God. Paul's call to singleness I wonder if

1182
01:14:55,290 --> 01:14:56,370
S3: I have the gift.

1183
01:14:57,250 --> 01:15:00,929
S6: Yeah. Oh I know. Oh my gosh. I know. Such

1184
01:15:00,930 --> 01:15:04,769
S6: a great. So I would say again, you know, we've

1185
01:15:04,770 --> 01:15:07,570
S6: we've used this phrase a few times and that is

1186
01:15:07,610 --> 01:15:11,610
S6: become the best version of yourself. So, you know, for

1187
01:15:11,610 --> 01:15:14,250
S6: you to be you know, we don't talk enough about

1188
01:15:14,290 --> 01:15:20,769
S6: becoming emotionally healthy. And, um, and so there's some incredible

1189
01:15:20,770 --> 01:15:27,050
S6: value in becoming emotionally healthy, um, and getting after that.

1190
01:15:27,050 --> 01:15:29,290
S6: You might go to some counseling yourself not because you're

1191
01:15:29,290 --> 01:15:31,729
S6: in crisis, but because you go, I want to be

1192
01:15:31,729 --> 01:15:35,849
S6: emotionally healthy. I want to bring my best, um, my

1193
01:15:35,890 --> 01:15:41,930
S6: absolute best self to a future relationship. And so I

1194
01:15:41,930 --> 01:15:44,929
S6: think that there's some, uh, some great opportunity there. But

1195
01:15:44,930 --> 01:15:47,929
S6: the second thing I would say is let's have some

1196
01:15:47,930 --> 01:15:52,170
S6: realistic expectations about marriage. I think a lot of times

1197
01:15:52,410 --> 01:15:55,770
S6: we think, you know, oh, I saved myself for marriage

1198
01:15:55,810 --> 01:15:59,969
S6: and my my husband saved himself for marriage, and and

1199
01:15:59,970 --> 01:16:03,610
S6: things are just going to be perfect. You know, that's

1200
01:16:03,610 --> 01:16:06,290
S6: where we go. Oh, wait a minute. That's probably an

1201
01:16:06,290 --> 01:16:10,490
S6: unrealistic expectation because the reality is you bring two imperfect

1202
01:16:10,490 --> 01:16:16,170
S6: people together and that is, you know, I love what

1203
01:16:16,210 --> 01:16:19,170
S6: Gary Thomas says. What if marriage wasn't designed to make

1204
01:16:19,170 --> 01:16:23,049
S6: us happy, but to make us holy? And and so

1205
01:16:23,210 --> 01:16:26,970
S6: it is a great sanctifier. And that's part of the

1206
01:16:26,970 --> 01:16:30,810
S6: reason that we're having this conversation, these conversations this morning

1207
01:16:31,050 --> 01:16:35,090
S6: is because this a lot of this is that sanctification

1208
01:16:35,090 --> 01:16:38,290
S6: process that that marriage provides.

1209
01:16:39,050 --> 01:16:41,809
S3: We've got someone texted in, this is so heartfelt. My

1210
01:16:41,810 --> 01:16:47,050
S3: friend's 25 year marriage ended. She divorced him for emotional abuse.

1211
01:16:48,050 --> 01:16:51,689
S3: She now struggles whether she had the biblical grounds to

1212
01:16:51,729 --> 01:16:55,290
S3: leave him. What do you say to not only that friend,

1213
01:16:55,290 --> 01:16:58,010
S3: but to someone else that may be feeling that today?

1214
01:16:59,650 --> 01:17:08,410
S4: Uh, what? My thought is that as she pursues a health, uh,

1215
01:17:08,410 --> 01:17:13,530
S4: her own emotional health, her own spiritual health that God

1216
01:17:13,530 --> 01:17:18,530
S4: can restore, and he he he's in the redemption business.

1217
01:17:18,530 --> 01:17:25,250
S4: And so, um, what what she has made the decision

1218
01:17:25,250 --> 01:17:29,570
S4: to do can be redeemed if that's, uh, how the

1219
01:17:29,570 --> 01:17:30,769
S4: Holy Spirit would lead.

1220
01:17:31,210 --> 01:17:36,530
S6: And the other thing, though, is, uh, an emotional abuse

1221
01:17:36,610 --> 01:17:43,930
S6: is a toxic relationship. And that that is not what

1222
01:17:43,970 --> 01:17:48,970
S6: like God does not want us to stay in toxic situations.

1223
01:17:48,970 --> 01:17:54,170
S6: This is because that is also unsafe. Yeah. Um, they

1224
01:17:54,170 --> 01:17:57,769
S6: may not be. They may not be beating you up

1225
01:17:57,770 --> 01:18:00,650
S6: with their fists, but when they beat you up with

1226
01:18:00,650 --> 01:18:04,769
S6: their words, uh, that can be very damaging. And you

1227
01:18:04,770 --> 01:18:08,849
S6: have to understand, uh, that that isn't what God designed for.

1228
01:18:08,890 --> 01:18:13,610
S3: Marriage and separation can be a great tool of boundary

1229
01:18:13,610 --> 01:18:18,570
S3: building that gets the other person's attention without severing that marriage.

1230
01:18:18,570 --> 01:18:19,769
S3: Is that fair, guys?

1231
01:18:20,689 --> 01:18:21,849
S4: Oh, totally. Yeah.

1232
01:18:22,530 --> 01:18:23,290
S6: Sure is.

1233
01:18:23,729 --> 01:18:29,290
S4: Uh, separation with intent, um, is a healthy thing. Separation,

1234
01:18:29,290 --> 01:18:32,330
S4: just to separate many times will lead us in the

1235
01:18:32,330 --> 01:18:33,450
S4: wrong direction.

1236
01:18:33,490 --> 01:18:37,490
S6: But yeah, separation with the plan can be very helpful. And.

1237
01:18:37,770 --> 01:18:40,290
S6: And you're right, it can really make a difference. I mean,

1238
01:18:40,330 --> 01:18:43,120
S6: I would say that was a big part of our journey.

1239
01:18:43,160 --> 01:18:43,559
S22: Yeah.

1240
01:18:44,479 --> 01:18:46,840
S3: All right. Uh, this has been incredible. I want you

1241
01:18:46,880 --> 01:18:49,200
S3: guys to give a banner ad what all is here

1242
01:18:49,200 --> 01:18:52,920
S3: when folks, uh, text in the word perfect, what can

1243
01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:55,080
S3: they find? I want you to cheer for what God's

1244
01:18:55,080 --> 01:18:56,559
S3: grace you with on your site.

1245
01:18:57,439 --> 01:19:01,679
S6: Oh. Thank you. Well, um, I'll tell you what they'll

1246
01:19:01,680 --> 01:19:04,880
S6: find is, um, they'll just find a ton of resources.

1247
01:19:04,880 --> 01:19:10,120
S6: But it has been, uh, designed that if if you

1248
01:19:10,280 --> 01:19:13,640
S6: click on, for instance, um, marriage, you're going to get

1249
01:19:13,640 --> 01:19:15,320
S6: a drop down and it's going to give you all

1250
01:19:15,360 --> 01:19:19,360
S6: of our marriage resources right there. And so you'll see

1251
01:19:19,400 --> 01:19:24,360
S6: our marriage intensive, you'll also see different categories for marriage.

1252
01:19:24,360 --> 01:19:27,640
S6: It'll say for happy marriages, for hurting marriages, for marriages,

1253
01:19:27,640 --> 01:19:31,800
S6: dealing with infidelity. And if you click on the the

1254
01:19:31,840 --> 01:19:35,680
S6: category that most applies to you, then it's going to

1255
01:19:35,720 --> 01:19:37,880
S6: take you to a place where you're going to get

1256
01:19:37,920 --> 01:19:42,559
S6: our curated Content, meaning that it's going to have all

1257
01:19:42,560 --> 01:19:45,640
S6: of our podcast episodes for that kind of a topic.

1258
01:19:45,640 --> 01:19:49,160
S6: It's going to have all of our blog posts for that, uh,

1259
01:19:49,280 --> 01:19:53,559
S6: that category or the circumstances that you are dealing with.

1260
01:19:53,960 --> 01:19:57,400
S6: So definitely, you're going to find our No More Perfect podcast.

1261
01:19:57,560 --> 01:20:03,160
S6: You're going to find information about our marriage 2.0 intensive.

1262
01:20:03,320 --> 01:20:06,240
S6: You're going to find information, um, we have a transform

1263
01:20:06,240 --> 01:20:11,759
S6: weekend that we do twice a year. And that is

1264
01:20:11,760 --> 01:20:15,960
S6: for personal growth. Um, and you know, when only one

1265
01:20:15,960 --> 01:20:18,679
S6: person wants to grow or even singles, uh, we help

1266
01:20:18,680 --> 01:20:21,880
S6: them have that emotional health. And so you're just going

1267
01:20:21,880 --> 01:20:25,479
S6: to find all kinds of resources, uh, depending on what

1268
01:20:25,479 --> 01:20:27,120
S6: your circumstances are.

1269
01:20:27,160 --> 01:20:32,720
S5: Just text the word perfect to (800) 555-7898. You'll get all

1270
01:20:32,720 --> 01:20:36,640
S5: of those resources on their website. Text perfect to 800

1271
01:20:36,720 --> 01:20:38,960
S5: 555 7898.