1 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:08,319 S1: Today on Chris Fabry Live. If you are married, you 2 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:11,080 S1: are in for a treat. You're in for some encouragement 3 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:16,520 S1: because tomorrow begins National Marriage Week and in observance observance 4 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,600 S1: of that, it's easy for you to say we are 5 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,639 S1: welcoming back my pal Arlene Pellekaan to get us ready 6 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,599 S1: for all the festivities. From February 7 to 14, couples 7 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,920 S1: can access live online broadcasts. There is so much to 8 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:30,480 S1: tell you about, and we have a question for you 9 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:33,960 S1: today to respond to. And it is this what have 10 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:38,360 S1: you and your spouse accomplished that you couldn't have done alone? 11 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,479 S1: I want you to think about that and join us today. 12 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:43,360 S1: Your answer might be just the encouragement somebody else needs 13 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,240 S1: to hear. And if you're in a marriage that is 14 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,320 S1: less than ideal, I want you to hear one word today. 15 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:54,400 S1: One four letter word h o p. There is hope. 16 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,560 S1: Let's get started. First with a thank you to our team. 17 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:59,950 S1: Ryan McConaughey doing all things technical. Trish is our producer. 18 00:00:59,950 --> 00:01:02,630 S1: Lisa's helping out. Josh will be answering your calls. And 19 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:05,390 S1: since it's Friday. That's right, friends, it's time for the 20 00:01:05,390 --> 00:01:08,950 S1: fabulous favorite Friday. Sigh was it Du Chris one we 21 00:01:08,950 --> 00:01:12,589 S1: oxygenate your blood. Two we get your endorphins going. Three 22 00:01:12,630 --> 00:01:16,670 S1: we raise your serotonin level. Four we promote lymphatic drainage 23 00:01:16,670 --> 00:01:20,110 S1: and five we stimulate your parasympathetic system. That's why we 24 00:01:20,110 --> 00:01:23,070 S1: call it the five lung languages. We also stimulate your 25 00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:26,310 S1: vagus nerve. We help you release acetylcholine. And don't you 26 00:01:26,350 --> 00:01:29,350 S1: dare forget what it does to cortisol dissipation. Take in 27 00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:32,110 S1: four seconds of air through your nose right now. Hold 28 00:01:32,110 --> 00:01:34,590 S1: it for seconds, and then as you release that air 29 00:01:34,630 --> 00:01:36,670 S1: through your mouth, push on the left side of your 30 00:01:36,670 --> 00:01:39,710 S1: rib cage to get rid of all that bad carbon dioxide. 31 00:01:39,990 --> 00:01:42,830 S1: Today we present a National Marriage Week. Sigh. Not to 32 00:01:42,830 --> 00:01:46,229 S1: be confused with National Mirage Week. Did you know that 33 00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:49,990 S1: new research by Gallup shows married adults are significantly more 34 00:01:49,990 --> 00:01:54,520 S1: likely to report thriving in life than unmarried adults? 61% 35 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:58,590 S1: to 45%? Now, that's not a statistic to make unmarried 36 00:01:58,590 --> 00:02:01,630 S1: people feel bad, but to encourage those who are married, 37 00:02:01,630 --> 00:02:04,150 S1: give a sigh for those who live longer and have 38 00:02:04,150 --> 00:02:06,870 S1: better health because they're married. And you thought it was 39 00:02:06,870 --> 00:02:09,270 S1: just about a ring in a ceremony. Hats off to 40 00:02:09,310 --> 00:02:13,709 S1: Marriage and National Marriage Week, which runs tomorrow through February 14th. 41 00:02:14,030 --> 00:02:16,190 S1: The Fabulous Fabi Friday site is brought to you by 42 00:02:16,190 --> 00:02:20,230 S1: the North American Married People Society of Sausalito. All right. 43 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,989 S1: Here she is for the third year in a row, author, speaker, 44 00:02:22,990 --> 00:02:25,990 S1: host of the Happy Home Podcast and Queen of National 45 00:02:25,990 --> 00:02:30,869 S1: Marriage Week spokesperson. Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only 46 00:02:31,070 --> 00:02:33,510 S1: Arlene Pelekai. Yay! 47 00:02:35,510 --> 00:02:37,829 S2: I get to be the Queen. Who knew? Who knew? 48 00:02:37,870 --> 00:02:39,310 S2: There you are. Now do you? 49 00:02:39,389 --> 00:02:42,870 S1: Do you understand? Do you recognize this song? Pull it up, Brian. 50 00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:43,670 S1: Let me hear it again. 51 00:02:45,510 --> 00:02:48,710 S2: Sadly, I really like this song. And I want to 52 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,190 S2: recognize this song. And I want to be cool enough 53 00:02:51,190 --> 00:02:53,630 S2: to know this song. But I don't know this song. 54 00:02:53,669 --> 00:02:54,389 S1: It's okay. 55 00:02:54,430 --> 00:02:55,590 S2: It's so embarrassing. 56 00:02:55,710 --> 00:03:00,990 S1: There is no shame here. Arlene, this is Orleans. Arlene. 57 00:03:01,030 --> 00:03:01,950 S2: It's coming. No, I get it. 58 00:03:01,990 --> 00:03:02,470 S1: Still the one. 59 00:03:02,510 --> 00:03:04,790 S2: Yeah, I needed that. I kind of needed that. Sorry. 60 00:03:04,830 --> 00:03:06,190 S2: And it's, you know, the pressure of being on the 61 00:03:06,190 --> 00:03:09,830 S2: radio and everything. The reason I needed still the one 62 00:03:09,870 --> 00:03:10,470 S2: we chose. 63 00:03:10,470 --> 00:03:13,870 S1: This is Michael and Eva Redlich. They've been married for 64 00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:16,870 S1: years or decades. Decades. And this is their theme. It 65 00:03:16,870 --> 00:03:20,190 S1: was playing on the radio when they were dating or 66 00:03:20,190 --> 00:03:23,230 S1: when they were first married. So there you have it. Uh, 67 00:03:23,230 --> 00:03:25,310 S1: it all fits in together. How you doing? 68 00:03:25,550 --> 00:03:28,390 S2: I love that still the one. I'm doing great. I 69 00:03:28,389 --> 00:03:31,590 S2: still have my one. So sweet. James and I, we 70 00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:35,110 S2: celebrated 27 years this year, so. Yeah, we're doing good. 71 00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:37,790 S2: We're big kids now. Our kids got big. I don't 72 00:03:37,790 --> 00:03:40,270 S2: know how this happened, Chris. So we've got a 21, 73 00:03:40,310 --> 00:03:42,190 S2: 19 and 16 year old right now. 74 00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:44,070 S3: Wow. Wow. 75 00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:46,590 S1: That's scary how fast it goes. Isn't it. 76 00:03:46,630 --> 00:03:47,270 S2: Crazy. 77 00:03:47,470 --> 00:03:50,510 S1: Because I remember talking with you about, you know, and 78 00:03:50,510 --> 00:03:52,390 S1: she's going into first grade or. 79 00:03:52,550 --> 00:03:53,110 S2: Totally. 80 00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:53,870 S1: Yeah. 81 00:03:53,910 --> 00:03:57,460 S2: Yeah. These little kids in elementary school. The iPad is 82 00:03:57,460 --> 00:03:58,300 S2: bad children. 83 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:02,860 S1: Okay, so I want you to help me with something, 84 00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:05,220 S1: because I know that we're going to talk about National 85 00:04:05,220 --> 00:04:07,540 S1: Marriage Week. And I've got that question for you, friend. 86 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:10,300 S1: Get your phone out. Something you say here today is 87 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:13,140 S1: going to encourage somebody else. But I've been talking about 88 00:04:13,140 --> 00:04:16,540 S1: Gary and the parrots, and now I'm thinking that Gary 89 00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:20,460 S1: likes to be right with people who have bird names. 90 00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:21,660 S1: Because you're a pelican. 91 00:04:21,779 --> 00:04:24,500 S2: I'm a pelican. That's true. I could be a pelican. 92 00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:26,900 S2: Now we've got the parrots. So if you have a 93 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:29,460 S2: name that sounds like a bird, you should reach out 94 00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:32,380 S2: to Doctor Chapman. He may want to talk to you. 95 00:04:32,820 --> 00:04:35,580 S1: The new book that came out last month is the 96 00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:38,659 S1: Love Language that matters Most. Have you read it yet? 97 00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:41,140 S2: I have looked at it. I've skimmed it, so I 98 00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:43,299 S2: haven't read it from cover to cover. But I've looked 99 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:46,380 S2: at it. I've taken the assessment because there's an online 100 00:04:46,380 --> 00:04:49,980 S2: assessment that you can take, takes about 15, 20 minutes, 101 00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:53,460 S2: and it's really good because you can even feel it. 102 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:56,940 S2: I know I'm words, but when you take the test, 103 00:04:56,980 --> 00:05:00,980 S2: you realize, oh, not just any words, certain words. So 104 00:05:00,980 --> 00:05:04,099 S2: they talk about dialects and so it breaks it down 105 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:08,500 S2: even more specific. So it's fantastic. It's really amazing the 106 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,580 S2: love language that matters most. 107 00:05:10,580 --> 00:05:13,620 S1: And it all fits in here because we're friend. We 108 00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:15,979 S1: are giving it in the month of love here. We're 109 00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:19,380 S1: giving that book by Doctor Chapman and the parrots to 110 00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:22,500 S1: anyone who supports the program. How do you do that, Chris? Well, 111 00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,380 S1: you don't have to sigh. You don't have to push 112 00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:26,620 S1: on the left side of your rib cage. Just call 113 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:35,620 S1: 8669538669532279 or go to Chris Fabriclive dot. Give a gift 114 00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,820 S1: of any size and we'll send you that book the 115 00:05:37,820 --> 00:05:43,740 S1: Love Language that Matters Most. Spoiler alert Arlene, they the 116 00:05:43,779 --> 00:05:46,460 S1: love language that matters most is the love language of 117 00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:48,740 S1: the person you're trying to show love to, right? 118 00:05:48,779 --> 00:05:51,300 S2: Yeah, I suppose so. Right. So I think, okay, you 119 00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:53,690 S2: put that X on your spouse. If you're married, you 120 00:05:53,730 --> 00:05:57,290 S2: are the bullseye for this book, but it's a great 121 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,690 S2: book for yeah, it's a great book for parents. You know, 122 00:05:59,730 --> 00:06:01,969 S2: it could be, you know, for your your best friend 123 00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,289 S2: or your your mom or your dad. Like, it can 124 00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:06,610 S2: go to any relationship that matters the most to you. 125 00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:09,930 S1: Absolutely. And it works at work, too. Chris Fabry live 126 00:06:10,610 --> 00:06:13,170 S1: right there. You'll see how you can support us. Thank 127 00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:14,890 S1: you for being a friend or a partner right there 128 00:06:14,890 --> 00:06:17,930 S1: at the radio backyard fence. Okay, so, Arlene, you sent 129 00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:19,849 S1: me an email and you said, I don't know if 130 00:06:19,850 --> 00:06:21,489 S1: you want to have me three years in a row, 131 00:06:21,490 --> 00:06:23,969 S1: and there are all these great guests that I could 132 00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:26,250 S1: choose from. It's like, no, I want Arlene to come 133 00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:28,170 S1: back because we had so much fun the last couple 134 00:06:28,210 --> 00:06:28,690 S1: of years. 135 00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:30,090 S2: It has been fun. 136 00:06:30,130 --> 00:06:33,330 S1: Email that you sent me had a specific question before 137 00:06:33,330 --> 00:06:35,849 S1: we get to that. Uh, for those who don't know, 138 00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:38,370 S1: they've never heard of National Marriage Week. What is it? 139 00:06:38,410 --> 00:06:39,250 S1: What's it for? 140 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:43,450 S2: It is a celebration of marriage, and it's always the 141 00:06:43,450 --> 00:06:46,010 S2: week before Valentine's Day. So it's super easy to remember 142 00:06:46,010 --> 00:06:49,570 S2: February 7th to 14th. Think of National Ice Cream Day, right? 143 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:52,080 S2: It's like, yay, we love ice cream. We'll stand in 144 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,360 S2: line and get some ice cream, you know. So National 145 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,480 S2: Marriage Week is we want to shift the culture to say, 146 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,560 S2: wait a minute. Yay! We actually do like marriage. Marriage 147 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:04,040 S2: is good for society. It's good for children. It's good 148 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,960 S2: for adults. So to shift that perspective, to say it's 149 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:10,560 S2: not this old fashioned, antiquated thing that's, you know, it's hey, 150 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,120 S2: it's got to come back into style. So this is 151 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:16,080 S2: about bringing it back into style, and it's also to 152 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:21,680 S2: equip current marriages. How can we resource you? It unifies, 153 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:25,880 S2: you know, marriage leaders, clergy, uh, counselors, you know, anyone. 154 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,440 S2: And for instance, different cities might have a proclamation like 155 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:33,200 S2: marriage proclamation by their local government, or they might have 156 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,400 S2: a church that says, hey, it's National Marriage Week, let's 157 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,800 S2: host a date night. So it's a good reason for 158 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:42,440 S2: churches to support marriage and say, hey, we are with you. 159 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,000 S2: So every year you get a chance to do that. 160 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,600 S2: February 7th to 14th. 161 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,679 S1: And I went to the website. We have it linked 162 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:54,720 S1: right there. Marriage week There's broadcast, there's a toolkit. There 163 00:07:54,720 --> 00:08:00,360 S1: are help for couples proclamations, live stream archives. You sign up. Basically, 164 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,560 S1: you sign up for this and you're able to watch these. 165 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,960 S1: And for most of them, I think there's there's not 166 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,240 S1: a cost, right? 167 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,440 S2: Everything is free. So you go there and it's free. 168 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,440 S2: And like, for instance, those live streams, you're going to 169 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,480 S2: hear Doctor Chapman and Doctor Les and Leslie Parrott, who 170 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:19,040 S2: we just referred to, Shanti Feldon, Jim Berne, so many. 171 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,400 S2: And you can pick and choose. Here's what I want 172 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:23,720 S2: to listen to. And if you miss it live, you 173 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,160 S2: can get that link later. So it's a great thing 174 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,920 S2: to sign up for. A great way to grow. This 175 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:32,240 S2: year's theme is together with purpose, so these live streams 176 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,040 S2: may be just kind of that little nudge to find 177 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,400 S2: what is the purpose this year for our marriage? What's 178 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,119 S2: our next season going to look like? 179 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:43,320 S1: When you say purpose, what are you together with purpose? 180 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,880 S1: What does that speak in your own heart? 181 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:49,480 S2: Yes. Yeah, a couple things. So together, I think of 182 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,640 S2: Sherry Turkle, the MIT researcher. She wrote a book years ago, 183 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:56,360 S2: Together Alone, and it was about how we are all 184 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,160 S2: in a room together, but we're all siloed with our phones, 185 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:02,080 S2: and we are by ourselves. And in marriage, sometimes you 186 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,960 S2: can feel that way. We are together alone, like here 187 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,320 S2: we are. We're not going anywhere, but we are kind 188 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:12,359 S2: of lonely. But when you add that purpose together with purpose, 189 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,240 S2: that is a thing that can unite a couple. Whether 190 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,400 S2: the purpose is we're going to raise these kids or 191 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,120 S2: we're going to help our aging parents, or we're going 192 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,079 S2: to build a nonprofit, whatever it is, when you have 193 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:28,360 S2: that purpose, it just breathes so much life into your marriage. 194 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,439 S2: So how can you find more purpose? You know, I 195 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:36,599 S2: recently heard of a fire. It stands for Financially Independent. 196 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,360 S2: Retire early. You know, it's like a movement of of 197 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,360 S2: young people. They're like, we're going to retire when we're 198 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,800 S2: 40 and when we're 50. And what they found was 199 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:47,280 S2: when they did retire, they like six months later, they 200 00:09:47,429 --> 00:09:51,750 S2: were clinically depressed because it's like, now I'm 35, 40 201 00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,110 S2: years old and I don't know why I'm getting up 202 00:09:53,110 --> 00:09:56,190 S2: in the morning. So we do need purpose. We do 203 00:09:56,190 --> 00:09:59,430 S2: need that that, you know, work is a blessing and 204 00:09:59,429 --> 00:10:03,309 S2: and serving is a blessing. Finding meaningful work is a blessing. 205 00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:06,110 S2: And when you can do that as a couple, support 206 00:10:06,110 --> 00:10:08,710 S2: each other's work. That's that's the sweet spot. 207 00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:11,150 S1: I've got to play something for you. And we'll do 208 00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:13,990 S1: that in our next segment from a couple that we 209 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:18,870 S1: had on yesterday. And they've been married for almost 55 years. 210 00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:21,350 S1: And so I want to play that for you, Arlene. 211 00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:23,510 S1: But first, let me give you the question, friend, as 212 00:10:23,510 --> 00:10:26,589 S1: you're listening here today. Get your dialing finger ready. And again, 213 00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:29,869 S1: I'm going to say this. What you share here today 214 00:10:30,270 --> 00:10:33,470 S1: might be something that somebody else who's listening, it will 215 00:10:33,470 --> 00:10:36,510 S1: give them a vision for their own marriage. So the 216 00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:40,110 S1: question is this what have you and your spouse accomplished 217 00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:43,870 S1: that you couldn't have done alone? In other words, what's 218 00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:49,110 S1: something you accomplished or you became together that you could 219 00:10:49,110 --> 00:10:57,150 S1: not have done by yourself. (877) 548-3675. And accomplish. Could be 220 00:10:57,510 --> 00:10:59,790 S1: you plan to do something and you made it that 221 00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:03,030 S1: goal and you reach that goal together. That's one aspect 222 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,590 S1: of it. You know, you had this shared vision, but 223 00:11:05,590 --> 00:11:09,270 S1: it also could be something happened to you, something happened 224 00:11:09,270 --> 00:11:12,310 S1: to the two of you that you didn't expect, and 225 00:11:12,309 --> 00:11:16,110 S1: you rose to the occasion. You able to accomplish that? 226 00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:19,110 S1: How would you finish or answer that question? What have 227 00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:27,989 S1: you and your spouse accomplished that you couldn't have done alone? (877) 548-3675. 228 00:11:28,030 --> 00:11:29,590 S1: I want to hear from you today. We're going to 229 00:11:29,590 --> 00:11:32,750 S1: hear from Arlene Pelican and a whole lot more coming 230 00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:40,590 S1: up straight ahead here on Moody Radio. (877) 548-3675. Call us 231 00:11:40,590 --> 00:11:55,740 S1: right now. Arlene Pellekaan is speaker, host of the Happy 232 00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:59,020 S1: Home Podcast, author of a number of books including Parents 233 00:11:59,059 --> 00:12:04,980 S1: Rising Making Marriage Easier, which is our featured resource, Screen Kids. 234 00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:07,980 S1: She wrote that one with Doctor Chapman. She's been featured 235 00:12:07,980 --> 00:12:11,579 S1: on a lot of popular media outlets and is spokesperson 236 00:12:11,580 --> 00:12:15,380 S1: for the National Marriage Week, which is what we're talking 237 00:12:15,380 --> 00:12:18,660 S1: about here today. Lives in San Diego with her husband 238 00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:22,940 S1: and family and making marriage easier. How to love and 239 00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:25,939 S1: like your spouse for life. We've talked about that here, Arlene, 240 00:12:25,940 --> 00:12:28,900 S1: and it goes right along with National Marriage Week, which 241 00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:31,700 S1: starts tomorrow. We've got a link for you. Go there. 242 00:12:31,740 --> 00:12:36,500 S1: Take advantage of all of those helps. There's date night examples, 243 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,300 S1: ideas for that. So much more, right? 244 00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:42,300 S2: Absolutely. So if you want to know like okay, we're 245 00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:44,690 S2: on the date now what did we talk about? There's, like, 246 00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:47,650 S2: a couple's connection plan. All sorts of free things. And 247 00:12:47,650 --> 00:12:50,650 S2: then every night, starting February 7th, all the way through 248 00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:54,490 S2: Valentine's Day, you can watch a live stream to teach 249 00:12:54,490 --> 00:12:56,689 S2: you about a particular part about marriage. You're going to hear. 250 00:12:56,730 --> 00:13:01,010 S2: Doctor Gary Chapman, Jim Burns, Shaunti Feldhahn, Sharon Jaynes. So 251 00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:03,690 S2: many people pick and choose what you want. It's all 252 00:13:03,690 --> 00:13:07,809 S2: free and you just sign up at your marriage. 253 00:13:08,970 --> 00:13:10,770 S1: And if you can't remember that, just go to Chris. 254 00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:15,650 S1: Org and we have the links for you right there. Okay, 255 00:13:15,730 --> 00:13:20,730 S1: so yesterday I had on Ron and Sue Sauer along 256 00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:24,650 S1: with Sullivan Williams who is the host, co-host of the 257 00:13:24,650 --> 00:13:29,210 S1: podcast that Ron Doctor Ron Sauers is doing. And we 258 00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:33,210 S1: used him for a voice of wisdom because he told us, 259 00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:36,090 S1: you know, 79 years old now. And I like to 260 00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:39,569 S1: have people on who have a little more, uh, living 261 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,610 S1: underneath them than I do to to tell us, you know, 262 00:13:42,650 --> 00:13:44,449 S1: how you do this. And they were talking. He was 263 00:13:44,450 --> 00:13:48,290 S1: talking about their marriage. And in the middle of the 264 00:13:48,290 --> 00:13:50,650 S1: program he said this. 265 00:13:51,170 --> 00:13:53,650 S4: I retired two and a half years ago, but my 266 00:13:53,650 --> 00:13:56,010 S4: wife and I believe we are at the top of 267 00:13:56,010 --> 00:13:58,970 S4: our game. We have more to offer people now than 268 00:13:58,970 --> 00:14:02,290 S4: in any other time in our life. Why older, more experienced, 269 00:14:02,290 --> 00:14:06,170 S4: more knowledgeable? We made sufficient mistakes. We've learned from them. 270 00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:09,010 S4: We and and so we've got more to offer people. Now. 271 00:14:09,050 --> 00:14:10,970 S4: Why quit? I don't want to. I don't have the 272 00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:13,930 S4: typical American retirement where we watch TV all day, walk 273 00:14:13,929 --> 00:14:16,290 S4: around the block and fly to Paris and look at 274 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:19,930 S4: the Eiffel Tower. We want to be involved with people, 275 00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:22,450 S4: and so that's what we're doing. We spent a lot 276 00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:27,610 S4: of time counseling couples, mentoring a mentor fellow. She mentors girls. 277 00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:30,650 S4: In fact, for the last 25 years on the on 278 00:14:30,690 --> 00:14:33,730 S4: the faculty here, I asked Sue, please give me your 279 00:14:33,770 --> 00:14:36,290 S4: day off once a week and come and spend the 280 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:38,250 S4: day with me at Moody and help me with the 281 00:14:38,250 --> 00:14:41,760 S4: young women. I'll counsel and mentor the fellows, please. You 282 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,520 S4: counsel and mentor the girls. So Sue would come down 283 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:47,440 S4: here on Monday and begin counseling girls at 6 a.m. 284 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:52,160 S4: and go 13 straight hours till 7 p.m. for 25 years. 285 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,800 S4: And she was a huge help with me. Uh, I've 286 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,920 S4: had girls ask me to disciple them. What does the 287 00:14:56,920 --> 00:15:00,040 S4: Bible say? Let the older women teach the younger women. 288 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,560 S4: The best teacher of women is a woman. And so 289 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,280 S4: I got her help. Now Sue and I really loved 290 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:10,200 S4: Psalm 92, where it likens, uh, a believer, an older believer, 291 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,160 S4: to a palm tree. The palm tree doesn't start bearing 292 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,000 S4: fruit till age 30, but it bears fruit up through 293 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,680 S4: a hundred. Where we're 79. I'm asking God, give us 294 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,160 S4: another 21 years. We want to be that palm tree 295 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:25,720 S4: that's fruitful up through year 100. Then we reach 100. 296 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,960 S4: We're ready to die and go to heaven. Isn't that great? 297 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:29,920 S5: I love that. 298 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,479 S2: Oh my goodness, so many things. So it's like, okay, 299 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:37,680 S2: keep going, don't retire. Do something meaningful with people. Make 300 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,360 S2: sure that it's with people. My goodness. And he found 301 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,720 S2: something to do with his spouse. So that was a 302 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:46,200 S2: crack up. 13 hours later, she's like, honey, what have 303 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,880 S2: you gotten me into? And then when I see a 304 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,120 S2: palm tree, I will think a hundred years. Lord, get 305 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,000 S2: us to 100. Let us keep serving you. That's inspirational. 306 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,760 S1: Well. And it fit so well with what we're talking 307 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:02,160 S1: about today. What have you accomplished together? It's like they 308 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:07,160 S1: really have poured out their lives into younger men and 309 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:11,640 S1: women discipled them. And that doesn't have to end now. 310 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,760 S2: It doesn't have to end now. It makes me think 311 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,440 S2: when James and I, you know, we have very different interests. 312 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,320 S2: So it is sometimes hard to find out, like, what 313 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,160 S2: are we supposed to do together? But the stage where 314 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,640 S2: our kids were going to public elementary school, he had 315 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:28,120 S2: it on his heart to start a Bible club after school. 316 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:32,320 S2: Now I'm more gifted in terms of like, actually liking kids, right? 317 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,400 S2: So he just thought like, this is a great idea, 318 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:37,280 S2: but I don't love kids. But what? You do it too, honey. 319 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,430 S2: And I was like, uh, I was like, okay, if 320 00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:42,190 S2: you get the permission, I will come in and like, 321 00:16:42,230 --> 00:16:44,550 S2: teach and do the lessons and games. And he did 322 00:16:44,550 --> 00:16:46,590 S2: get the permission. That's the part I would have had 323 00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:49,550 S2: a hard time with. And then I planned out the, 324 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,630 S2: the meetings and such. And so every Friday we'd put 325 00:16:52,630 --> 00:16:55,670 S2: on our little same matching t shirts, march in with 326 00:16:55,670 --> 00:16:59,670 S2: snacks and toys and prizes and Bible lessons. And Chris, 327 00:16:59,710 --> 00:17:03,110 S2: we did that for ten years in a row, and 328 00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:06,310 S2: there is no way we could have ever done that alone. 329 00:17:06,350 --> 00:17:07,030 S2: No way. 330 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:10,629 S1: And you don't know what you're going to be. You 331 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,750 S1: could have some young person who's older, you know, come 332 00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:17,110 S1: back to you ten, 15, 20 years and tell you 333 00:17:17,150 --> 00:17:19,310 S1: what that meant to them, but you don't know it 334 00:17:19,310 --> 00:17:20,070 S1: at the time. 335 00:17:20,109 --> 00:17:21,670 S2: You don't know at the time. I will still run 336 00:17:21,670 --> 00:17:23,430 S2: because it was a long time ago now. And I'll 337 00:17:23,430 --> 00:17:25,270 S2: run into, you know, like a 20 year old. I 338 00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:28,190 S2: can't recognize him, but they'll say, Miss Arlene, I know 339 00:17:28,190 --> 00:17:30,550 S2: you from Sunshine Club. And I'm like, oh my goodness, 340 00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:34,310 S2: it's amazing. So you're right. You do plant those seeds. 341 00:17:34,310 --> 00:17:37,070 S2: It's a great purpose to find something to serve along 342 00:17:37,070 --> 00:17:39,189 S2: with your spouse. And sometimes, you know, it's not the 343 00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:42,310 S2: comfort zone of both spouses. So sometimes one spouse has 344 00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:44,830 S2: to be like, okay, let's let's figure out a way 345 00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:46,150 S2: to work together in this. 346 00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:46,710 S3: Yes. 347 00:17:46,750 --> 00:17:51,030 S1: Okay. So that's her answer. That's Arlene's answer to that question. 348 00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:55,030 S1: What is something you accomplished or became together that you 349 00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:58,150 S1: could not have done by yourself? I want to hear 350 00:17:58,150 --> 00:18:04,590 S1: your answer. (877) 548-3675. And we'll give some more examples of 351 00:18:04,630 --> 00:18:06,629 S1: that Arlene here in a minute. But I want to 352 00:18:06,630 --> 00:18:13,950 S1: talk with Joy first. Who's our first caller in friends? (877) 548-3675. 353 00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:15,909 S1: If you don't call, Arlene and I are going to 354 00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:18,550 S1: play tiddlywinks for the rest of the hour. You got 355 00:18:18,550 --> 00:18:21,310 S1: to help us out. And Joy's doing that now. Hi, Joy. 356 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,390 S1: Tell me what you accomplished with your spouse. 357 00:18:25,990 --> 00:18:32,389 S6: Well, we just celebrated our 35th anniversary, and we are, um, 358 00:18:32,790 --> 00:18:35,350 S6: we've done a lot of things in life and and 359 00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:39,150 S6: maybe accomplished a lot of things. But the one that 360 00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:41,710 S6: struck me the most when I was thinking about how 361 00:18:41,710 --> 00:18:45,590 S6: to answer your question, was that the change that God 362 00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:49,590 S6: has affected in each other, um, how we have changed 363 00:18:49,590 --> 00:18:51,710 S6: each other. And I think God did that more than 364 00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:57,550 S6: we did that. But I came into marriage. Really? Um, um, 365 00:18:57,590 --> 00:19:00,190 S6: kind of like a perfect little princess. Like the princess 366 00:19:00,190 --> 00:19:05,110 S6: and the pea. It was super sensitive to everything. And, um. 367 00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:11,670 S6: Very emotional. And he came into marriage kind of like 368 00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:16,630 S6: the knight in shining armor and kind of untouchable emotionally 369 00:19:16,630 --> 00:19:22,470 S6: and not really willing to have deep talks that would 370 00:19:22,470 --> 00:19:26,669 S6: enrich our marriage together. Um, the thing I used to 371 00:19:26,670 --> 00:19:30,910 S6: say that would make him freeze in absolute terror was, 372 00:19:30,910 --> 00:19:33,030 S6: let's talk about our relationship. 373 00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:33,780 S3: Right. 374 00:19:35,740 --> 00:19:39,220 S6: And, um, I think the thing that has changed most 375 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:43,420 S6: strikingly is how we have changed because he has become 376 00:19:43,619 --> 00:19:48,300 S6: so much more sensitive and patient and kind and able 377 00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:52,740 S6: to talk. And I think I've become more resilient and 378 00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:54,580 S6: less sensitive. 379 00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:56,700 S3: Look at that. 380 00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,660 S1: And especially I think there are a lot of men 381 00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:01,939 S1: who would resonate with what your husband, you know, how 382 00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:04,379 S1: your husband felt about that. It was like, I don't 383 00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:07,940 S1: I don't feel comfortable with this. But now all these 384 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:12,060 S1: 35 years later, he's more comfortable with sitting down and 385 00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:16,899 S1: having a deeper conversation. That's changed. That's gold, isn't it, Arlene? 386 00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:21,020 S2: That's so beautiful, Joy, because you think that together with purpose, 387 00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:24,820 S2: that purpose, my goodness, it's so I can learn how 388 00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:27,980 S2: to do something new, you know? And you're both adapting 389 00:20:28,020 --> 00:20:31,220 S2: to one another and you're both maturing. You're both learning 390 00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:33,460 S2: new skills. And I think that's really beautiful. And it 391 00:20:33,460 --> 00:20:35,859 S2: is a beautiful thing about marriage is it forces you 392 00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:39,859 S2: to try things you would not normally try and respond 393 00:20:39,859 --> 00:20:42,740 S2: in ways you would not normally respond well. 394 00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:46,859 S1: And it kind of drew you out joy from one 395 00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:49,740 S1: part of your nature and what you were comfortable with. 396 00:20:49,740 --> 00:20:51,859 S1: And the same for him. So it's a it's a 397 00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:53,540 S1: both and isn't it, Joy? 398 00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:57,460 S6: It is. When he first asked me to marry him, 399 00:20:57,460 --> 00:20:59,940 S6: he said, you know, I'm going into the ministry. I'm 400 00:20:59,940 --> 00:21:02,580 S6: never going to be rich. We are never going to 401 00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:04,580 S6: be rich. But I promise you that you will never 402 00:21:04,619 --> 00:21:08,420 S6: be bored. And that is the truth, because he makes 403 00:21:08,420 --> 00:21:12,460 S6: me laugh every day. And we just it has not 404 00:21:12,460 --> 00:21:15,379 S6: all been easy, and it has not all been sunshine 405 00:21:15,380 --> 00:21:18,620 S6: and roses, but it has been good growth and I'm really, 406 00:21:18,619 --> 00:21:19,900 S6: really thankful for that. 407 00:21:20,260 --> 00:21:23,659 S1: Okay, so I'm going to put you on the spot here, joy. Okay. 408 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:27,100 S1: What is when you say, uh, it hasn't all been 409 00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:30,220 S1: easy in roses and cotton candy and all that, because 410 00:21:30,220 --> 00:21:31,690 S1: there are a lot of people who are listening right 411 00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:34,689 S1: now and their marriage is not ideal. What was a 412 00:21:34,730 --> 00:21:38,490 S1: what was a valley for you and your husband, and 413 00:21:38,490 --> 00:21:40,850 S1: how did you both respond to that valley? 414 00:21:42,770 --> 00:21:47,130 S6: Well, um, I'll give you one. We have we have 415 00:21:47,130 --> 00:21:50,610 S6: four kids and other. We have more kids than that 416 00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:54,810 S6: because we keep kind of like taking in people. And 417 00:21:54,850 --> 00:21:56,410 S6: now there are kids. So I don't know how many 418 00:21:56,410 --> 00:21:59,369 S6: kids we have. We have four biological children. Um, we 419 00:21:59,369 --> 00:22:03,209 S6: have three fosters that we have had. We have, um, 420 00:22:03,570 --> 00:22:08,450 S6: and five dogs. But, um, but in 2014, my husband 421 00:22:08,450 --> 00:22:14,450 S6: was diagnosed with cancer that had very grim survival statistics. 422 00:22:14,450 --> 00:22:18,930 S6: And we walked through, uh, we've been walking through, I guess, 423 00:22:18,930 --> 00:22:23,010 S6: now for 12 years. Um, the fallout from that, and 424 00:22:23,010 --> 00:22:27,010 S6: by God's grace, he does not have cancer anymore, but 425 00:22:27,050 --> 00:22:30,649 S6: he will have lifelong Issues with it, and he's in 426 00:22:30,650 --> 00:22:33,530 S6: and out of the hospital a fair amount still. Um, 427 00:22:34,010 --> 00:22:37,810 S6: and so though there were a lot of days where 428 00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:44,530 S6: he was not even able to think straight or to, um, 429 00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:48,609 S6: to function as a full and equal partner in our marriage. 430 00:22:48,609 --> 00:22:51,090 S6: And every time he would go in for another surgery 431 00:22:51,450 --> 00:22:54,729 S6: or a serious procedure, or he would be in the 432 00:22:54,730 --> 00:22:58,490 S6: ICU in septic, he would take off his wedding ring 433 00:22:58,490 --> 00:23:01,890 S6: because he couldn't either. He couldn't bear the weight of 434 00:23:01,890 --> 00:23:04,050 S6: wearing it, or he had to take it off to 435 00:23:04,090 --> 00:23:06,450 S6: go into a procedure and give it to me. And 436 00:23:06,450 --> 00:23:08,690 S6: I would put it on my left hand along with 437 00:23:08,690 --> 00:23:11,530 S6: my wedding ring, and we would just look at each 438 00:23:11,570 --> 00:23:15,690 S6: other and know that for that time I am carrying 439 00:23:15,690 --> 00:23:19,530 S6: the full weight. His faithful heart is still beating, but 440 00:23:19,530 --> 00:23:23,090 S6: he is not able to participate in any way in 441 00:23:23,090 --> 00:23:26,889 S6: our marriage. And then it would be a while, sometimes 442 00:23:26,890 --> 00:23:29,800 S6: a couple of weeks, And he then would say, May 443 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,320 S6: I have my ring back? And I'd give it back 444 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,360 S6: to him and we would make our commitment to each 445 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:38,240 S6: other again, that, um, again, we step into the roles 446 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:43,480 S6: that God assigned for our marriage, and we're starting fresh again. 447 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,920 S6: And for as many days as God gives us, we 448 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:51,200 S6: are a team together. And, um, I'm really, really thankful 449 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:55,520 S6: that some of those ICU days are behind us. I hope, 450 00:23:55,560 --> 00:24:00,000 S6: I think, but, um, I won't ever forget that lesson 451 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,800 S6: of taking off his ring and giving it back to 452 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:07,560 S6: him and just acknowledging again and again and again that 453 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:08,720 S6: this is who we are. 454 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,680 S3: Joy. I just. 455 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,600 S1: You know, you should have your own program. We should 456 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:15,679 S1: get out of your way. 457 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:16,480 S3: That's right. 458 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,600 S1: And you just take over here because that, uh, and 459 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,040 S1: I said this, Arlene, you know, your story might help 460 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:23,879 S1: somebody else. And then that can be kind of a 461 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,720 S1: trite phrase, but my guess is there's somebody who's right 462 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,720 S1: on the beginning stage of that, and they know exactly 463 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,600 S1: what Joy is talking about, right? 464 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,120 S2: And we want to honor you, Joy, because you have 465 00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:37,320 S2: really shown what together with purpose means that we will 466 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,119 S2: be together. And your purpose is to take care of 467 00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:43,159 S2: your husband and to be strong when he's not, to 468 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,840 S2: be present when he can't, and to continue to be faithful. 469 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,480 S2: And how beautiful, like even the visual of like, I 470 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:54,080 S2: will carry that ring and then, okay, now you're ready 471 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,200 S2: to carry that ring. Like that is just an amazingly 472 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:58,920 S2: beautiful thing that you've done. 473 00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,399 S1: Because the ring is a symbol of forever. You know, 474 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,919 S1: it doesn't have a beginning or an ending. It's just 475 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:09,320 S1: it is there. And that's what your love is all about. 476 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:12,640 S1: But it's also a choice that you made and that 477 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,520 S1: you called in here and shared that as well. And 478 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,399 S1: I'm going to ask somebody else, there's somebody who's listening 479 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,679 S1: right now who needed to hear that story. And I 480 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:28,109 S1: want to hear from you at 3675 or. Answer this question. 481 00:25:28,109 --> 00:25:31,190 S1: What have you and your spouse accomplished? What's something that 482 00:25:31,190 --> 00:25:35,230 S1: you accomplished? Or you became together that you could not 483 00:25:35,230 --> 00:25:38,670 S1: have done by yourself? You've heard Joy's answer to that. 484 00:25:38,670 --> 00:25:46,030 S1: You've heard Arleen answer. I want to hear from you. (877) 548-3675. 485 00:25:46,230 --> 00:26:04,990 S1: More straight ahead on Moody Radio. Arlene Pellekaan is with 486 00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:08,830 S1: us today. Making Marriage Easier is our featured resource, how 487 00:26:08,830 --> 00:26:11,310 S1: to love and Like your Spouse for life. You can 488 00:26:11,310 --> 00:26:15,109 S1: find it right there. But really our featured resource is 489 00:26:15,109 --> 00:26:18,910 S1: National Marriage Week and all of the actually they have 490 00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:21,430 S1: that book linked right there where you can find that 491 00:26:21,430 --> 00:26:24,780 S1: as well. But they have all of these real helps 492 00:26:24,780 --> 00:26:29,100 S1: for marriage. It starts tomorrow. National Marriage Week does, and 493 00:26:29,100 --> 00:26:32,740 S1: I encourage you to go to the website. Go to npr.org. 494 00:26:32,780 --> 00:26:37,740 S1: Click through and then you can sign up for the 495 00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:40,780 S1: the videos, the live streams that they have from great 496 00:26:40,780 --> 00:26:46,619 S1: speakers like Doctor Chapman and, uh, Shante Felton, as you said, um, uh, 497 00:26:46,660 --> 00:26:48,300 S1: Nan and uh. 498 00:26:48,820 --> 00:26:50,940 S2: Ron, Ron and Ron. 499 00:26:50,940 --> 00:26:55,220 S1: And Nan deal. They are there like I crawl over 500 00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:58,260 S1: glass to listen to them because they have been there, 501 00:26:58,340 --> 00:27:01,379 S1: you know, the whole purpose thing. Um, and so you 502 00:27:01,380 --> 00:27:03,500 S1: can just check off, you give them your name and 503 00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:06,140 S1: your email address, and then you check the live streams 504 00:27:06,140 --> 00:27:08,899 S1: that you really want to see. And I'd say check 505 00:27:08,900 --> 00:27:11,659 S1: all of them just in case. And then you'll be 506 00:27:11,700 --> 00:27:15,100 S1: able to have access to that. Absolutely free because a 507 00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:17,419 S1: national marriage week I think it's a great deal. Arlene, 508 00:27:17,420 --> 00:27:18,260 S1: what do you think? 509 00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:20,660 S2: You don't even have to crawl through glass. You can 510 00:27:20,660 --> 00:27:23,020 S2: just all you have to do is sign up, and 511 00:27:23,020 --> 00:27:26,460 S2: it's great. So yeah, it's wonderful because part of it right, 512 00:27:26,500 --> 00:27:29,780 S2: in marriage is growing. So that your marriage today isn't 513 00:27:29,780 --> 00:27:32,219 S2: the same as it was ten years ago. You know, 514 00:27:32,260 --> 00:27:34,939 S2: it's growing, things are happening. And and sometimes you get 515 00:27:34,980 --> 00:27:38,060 S2: kind of stagnant and you need that extra resource. So 516 00:27:38,060 --> 00:27:41,300 S2: this these live streams are to help you to figure out, hey, 517 00:27:41,340 --> 00:27:43,899 S2: how can we leave a legacy? Hey, we're different. How 518 00:27:43,900 --> 00:27:46,340 S2: can we take advantage of that? All different topics. So 519 00:27:46,340 --> 00:27:48,500 S2: you can look through there and it's all free. So 520 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:49,260 S2: check it out. 521 00:27:49,460 --> 00:27:52,820 S1: So encouraging. Just go to Chris. Org we've got the 522 00:27:52,820 --> 00:27:54,500 S1: link for you right there. What have you and your 523 00:27:54,500 --> 00:27:59,300 S1: spouse accomplished. You couldn't have done alone. Debbie's in Indiana. Hi, Debbie. 524 00:28:00,619 --> 00:28:02,420 S7: Hi Chris. How are you. 525 00:28:02,460 --> 00:28:03,300 S8: I'm doing great. 526 00:28:03,300 --> 00:28:05,460 S1: Glad you called. Thank you for doing that today. 527 00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:08,060 S7: Yeah. No problem. 528 00:28:10,580 --> 00:28:11,300 S1: Give me your answer. 529 00:28:11,340 --> 00:28:16,340 S7: I wanted to well, I wanted to, uh. I heard 530 00:28:16,340 --> 00:28:19,420 S7: what Joy had to say, and my story kind of 531 00:28:19,460 --> 00:28:24,090 S7: aligns with hers. Um, I, my husband and I have 532 00:28:24,090 --> 00:28:29,770 S7: been through multiple battles with his sicknesses and illnesses. Um, 533 00:28:29,970 --> 00:28:34,530 S7: he was a paraplegic and we were married for 24 534 00:28:34,530 --> 00:28:37,290 S7: years before he passed away last year. 535 00:28:37,530 --> 00:28:37,889 S2: Oh. 536 00:28:38,330 --> 00:28:44,250 S7: And he, uh, when we first got married, he was 537 00:28:44,250 --> 00:28:48,370 S7: extremely verbally abusive, and I didn't think that the marriage 538 00:28:48,370 --> 00:28:53,650 S7: would last. And obviously, with that abuse, we were used 539 00:28:53,650 --> 00:28:57,210 S7: to dealing with each other in a certain way. You know, 540 00:28:57,250 --> 00:28:59,610 S7: he would come on the attack and then I would 541 00:28:59,610 --> 00:29:05,530 S7: attack back to defend myself. And that's how we approach things. 542 00:29:05,530 --> 00:29:09,650 S7: And then when he got saved, uh, a few years 543 00:29:09,650 --> 00:29:14,410 S7: into our marriage, he began to change, and I didn't. 544 00:29:14,450 --> 00:29:17,970 S7: I was always looking to defend myself, like I was 545 00:29:17,970 --> 00:29:22,490 S7: always assuming he was attacking when he wasn't, and I 546 00:29:22,490 --> 00:29:27,050 S7: had to change my approach based on his. His whole 547 00:29:27,050 --> 00:29:33,650 S7: personality change. And over the years we grew to accept 548 00:29:33,650 --> 00:29:38,410 S7: each other's. Uh, in in the new way, you know, 549 00:29:38,450 --> 00:29:42,570 S7: we would say I'm sorry. And especially him. He would 550 00:29:42,570 --> 00:29:45,530 S7: say he was sorry when, you know, he started to 551 00:29:45,530 --> 00:29:50,050 S7: fall back into old patterns. And I would learn that 552 00:29:51,050 --> 00:29:54,730 S7: some of the things he he said he was, you know, 553 00:29:54,770 --> 00:29:58,210 S7: he was really attempting to make the change. And, um, 554 00:29:58,370 --> 00:30:03,209 S7: last five years when he was in the hospital and 555 00:30:03,210 --> 00:30:08,290 S7: in and out and, you know, I was fighting alongside 556 00:30:08,290 --> 00:30:14,330 S7: him with doctors and nurses and against the disease itself. Um, 557 00:30:15,370 --> 00:30:21,040 S7: you know, we started growing together more. Um, God really 558 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:25,960 S7: showed me that, uh, it was my purpose to care 559 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,520 S7: for him in a different way. 560 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:29,400 S2: Um. 561 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:34,120 S1: So let me ask you this, Debbie. What would you. 562 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,600 S1: If you fill in the blank? We. What was your 563 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:38,400 S1: husband's name or what is his name? 564 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:41,120 S7: His name was Tom. 565 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:46,160 S1: Tom. Okay. What did you and Tom accomplish together that 566 00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:47,960 S1: you couldn't have done on your own? 567 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:57,440 S7: Well, I think that, um, I when I was young, 568 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:07,400 S7: I was impulsive, and he was more steady, and, um, together, 569 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:13,360 S7: we started managing our finances a little bit better. Um. 570 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:18,680 S1: And he changed everything. It hit every, every aspect of 571 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:23,120 S1: your life and and to me, what you accomplished, what 572 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,840 S1: I would put over. And I'll ask you this, Arlene. 573 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,840 S1: What what would you put over top of that? What 574 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:33,160 S1: I'm hearing is what you accomplished was love, sacrificial love 575 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:37,680 S1: for each other that gave him rope, you know, to 576 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:41,680 S1: to change and to say, I'm sorry. And then you 577 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:44,160 S1: saw the same thing. What would you say, Arlene? 578 00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:48,080 S2: Yeah. I thought of the word grace, Debbie, for you 579 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:52,280 S2: and Grace. Now, as you miss him, that this journey 580 00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:55,320 S2: has taught you both how to be more gracious toward 581 00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,600 S2: each other. And how interesting that, you know, the thing 582 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,160 S2: that comes to destroy us, that that disease. Right. But 583 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:05,040 S2: you you guys came together through that. It didn't make 584 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:08,920 S2: you more separated. It brought you together. And that is 585 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,840 S2: a beautiful. Romans 828 kind of thing that, wow, God, 586 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,720 S2: you can still work here when there's sorrow that you're 587 00:32:15,870 --> 00:32:17,830 S2: still working in the background? Yeah. 588 00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:22,550 S1: So, Debbie, how long has it been since Tom passed away? 589 00:32:22,590 --> 00:32:23,550 S2: I think one year. 590 00:32:24,070 --> 00:32:26,590 S7: Just a little over. Well, a year, a little over 591 00:32:26,590 --> 00:32:27,150 S7: a year. 592 00:32:27,310 --> 00:32:30,070 S1: Okay. So how are you doing after a year? 593 00:32:31,790 --> 00:32:36,510 S7: Um, there are days when I just scream and I'm like, 594 00:32:36,550 --> 00:32:37,870 S7: why aren't you here? 595 00:32:38,950 --> 00:32:40,350 S9: Yeah. And then other days. 596 00:32:40,350 --> 00:32:44,510 S7: I feel like, you know, I can handle this. I'm good. 597 00:32:44,550 --> 00:32:47,310 S7: God's got it. You know that type of thing? It 598 00:32:47,310 --> 00:32:48,910 S7: just depends on the day. 599 00:32:49,150 --> 00:32:53,030 S1: Right. Well, and I've heard that the first year is 600 00:32:53,030 --> 00:32:57,670 S1: really hard. The second year sometimes is even harder because 601 00:32:58,070 --> 00:33:01,790 S1: you still remember. But others have moved on, you know, 602 00:33:01,830 --> 00:33:04,510 S1: and they don't bring Tom up anymore. They don't want 603 00:33:04,510 --> 00:33:07,990 S1: to hurt your feelings or whatever. So you have to, 604 00:33:08,030 --> 00:33:11,950 S1: you know, realize in in one sense, you're on that 605 00:33:11,950 --> 00:33:15,630 S1: journey alone, but you're not alone. You know that, right? 606 00:33:16,310 --> 00:33:20,190 S7: Right. Absolutely. I mean, God got me through it all. 607 00:33:20,230 --> 00:33:23,350 S7: And without him, I don't know where I'd be right now. 608 00:33:23,550 --> 00:33:23,990 S9: Yeah. 609 00:33:24,830 --> 00:33:27,830 S1: And that's the secret sauce of the whole thing. Uh, Debbie, 610 00:33:27,870 --> 00:33:30,470 S1: thank you for sharing your heart today. Again, I'll say 611 00:33:30,470 --> 00:33:33,950 S1: it just like Joy. Somebody needed to hear that, Arlene. 612 00:33:33,950 --> 00:33:38,150 S1: Somebody who's going through that fresh grief or anticipating it. Um, 613 00:33:38,390 --> 00:33:42,070 S1: let's go to Donna in Colorado. Donna, what's your answer 614 00:33:42,070 --> 00:33:43,110 S1: to that question? 615 00:33:43,990 --> 00:33:50,510 S10: Hi, there. Um. Excuse me. My husband and I, um. Well, 616 00:33:50,510 --> 00:33:54,950 S10: we've been married almost 33 years now. Um, we put 617 00:33:54,950 --> 00:34:01,070 S10: together a small production company, and together, we were able 618 00:34:01,070 --> 00:34:06,830 S10: to bring Ken Davis into our small town in concert, 619 00:34:06,830 --> 00:34:13,109 S10: while our small town is 180,000. Um, and, uh, also 620 00:34:13,460 --> 00:34:17,100 S10: Keith Lancaster's group a cappella. I don't know if you've 621 00:34:17,100 --> 00:34:19,820 S10: heard of them. Sure, but we were able to bring 622 00:34:19,820 --> 00:34:26,379 S10: them to our our little city. Um, three different times and, uh, separately. 623 00:34:26,380 --> 00:34:29,100 S10: There's no way we could have pulled something like that off. 624 00:34:29,420 --> 00:34:34,180 S10: But together it happened. It was totally God's grace. That's 625 00:34:34,180 --> 00:34:37,259 S10: so sweet. And and having that happen. 626 00:34:37,540 --> 00:34:40,219 S1: So was your husband. You and your husband. Probably a 627 00:34:40,219 --> 00:34:42,500 S1: little bit different. Did was he the one who would 628 00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:46,380 S1: find the venue or would he contact. What was the 629 00:34:46,540 --> 00:34:49,300 S1: the delineation of duties there? 630 00:34:51,260 --> 00:34:57,020 S10: I don't really recall. Uh, we we just worked together. Um, 631 00:34:57,620 --> 00:35:01,219 S10: we would have these dreams. Wouldn't it be cool if 632 00:35:01,219 --> 00:35:03,980 S10: we could do this? Would what? I wonder what it 633 00:35:03,980 --> 00:35:07,939 S10: would take to do that. And before we knew what 634 00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:13,500 S10: we were really into, it was happening. And, um, I think, 635 00:35:13,660 --> 00:35:17,500 S10: you know, we just worked together. Yeah, we just. 636 00:35:17,780 --> 00:35:20,779 S1: Shared a shared dream. Arlene, that. 637 00:35:20,780 --> 00:35:23,740 S2: Resonated with you? Yeah. I really like how Donna talked. 638 00:35:23,860 --> 00:35:26,339 S2: How you're saying it's a dream together. Because that's a 639 00:35:26,340 --> 00:35:29,140 S2: really fun thing of marriage. That. Hey, what can we 640 00:35:29,140 --> 00:35:31,979 S2: dream about in this next phase of our life? And 641 00:35:31,980 --> 00:35:35,380 S2: then what you were describing also is very tangible. So, 642 00:35:35,420 --> 00:35:37,100 S2: you know, a lot of times it's our character, which 643 00:35:37,100 --> 00:35:40,060 S2: is obviously very good and very beautiful. And with these 644 00:35:40,060 --> 00:35:42,419 S2: tangible things, you know, you can have a picture with 645 00:35:42,420 --> 00:35:44,380 S2: you guys and Ken Davis or maybe Ken needs to 646 00:35:44,380 --> 00:35:46,700 S2: come back if you didn't get a picture taken. But 647 00:35:46,739 --> 00:35:48,940 S2: but you can look at that, right? And you can 648 00:35:48,940 --> 00:35:53,020 S2: remember look at what we accomplished together. And that's a 649 00:35:53,020 --> 00:35:56,500 S2: really beautiful thing to have these tangible memories of things 650 00:35:56,500 --> 00:36:00,500 S2: you have worked through and been able to benefit from together. 651 00:36:00,540 --> 00:36:03,060 S2: It's really sweet. And and your community benefits. It's not 652 00:36:03,060 --> 00:36:06,500 S2: just you guys, but you're making something that benefits other people. 653 00:36:06,500 --> 00:36:08,100 S1: That's what I was going to say. There are people 654 00:36:08,100 --> 00:36:11,569 S1: who came to those events who aren't going to still 655 00:36:11,570 --> 00:36:13,969 S1: remember some of the jokes that Ken told. You know, 656 00:36:14,010 --> 00:36:15,730 S1: and the way that he kind of went around the 657 00:36:15,730 --> 00:36:18,049 S1: back door of their heart and knocked on it, as 658 00:36:18,050 --> 00:36:20,890 S1: well as the music and everything, I hadn't thought of that. 659 00:36:20,890 --> 00:36:24,609 S1: Starting the business together. That's another thing that you could 660 00:36:24,650 --> 00:36:31,250 S1: have accomplished and have got room for you. (877) 548-3675. What 661 00:36:31,250 --> 00:36:35,770 S1: is something that you accomplished or became together that you 662 00:36:35,810 --> 00:36:38,650 S1: could not have done by yourself? Give us a call. 663 00:36:38,650 --> 00:36:41,290 S1: I want to read you some from Facebook and make 664 00:36:41,330 --> 00:36:45,690 S1: sure you go to Chris. Org and click through National 665 00:36:45,730 --> 00:36:49,890 S1: Marriage Week. Together with purpose is the theme. This year 666 00:36:49,890 --> 00:37:01,610 S1: there's more straight ahead. For the last three years, Arlene 667 00:37:01,650 --> 00:37:05,650 S1: Pellekaan has come alongside us during National Marriage Week or today, 668 00:37:05,770 --> 00:37:10,370 S1: the day before. It starts tomorrow and there's some great resources, 669 00:37:10,370 --> 00:37:13,489 S1: absolutely free, that you can click through the website. If 670 00:37:13,489 --> 00:37:17,009 S1: you go to Chris Faber, you'll see the link right there. 671 00:37:17,170 --> 00:37:20,650 S1: And you'll also see more about Arlene and one of 672 00:37:20,650 --> 00:37:24,649 S1: her books. Making Marriage Easier is our featured resource, How 673 00:37:24,650 --> 00:37:28,250 S1: to Love and Like Your Spouse for life. Before we 674 00:37:28,250 --> 00:37:31,210 S1: go back to the phones, though, Arlene, uh, that story 675 00:37:31,210 --> 00:37:34,489 S1: that you told me about the the ministry that your 676 00:37:34,489 --> 00:37:38,370 S1: husband and you had with the kids, that was one example. 677 00:37:38,370 --> 00:37:41,489 S1: Is there another example of together with purpose? 678 00:37:41,530 --> 00:37:43,770 S2: Yeah, I think of like, what could what could I 679 00:37:43,770 --> 00:37:46,770 S2: do with James that I couldn't do without him speaking 680 00:37:46,770 --> 00:37:49,049 S2: and writing? Can you imagine all I do is speak 681 00:37:49,050 --> 00:37:51,650 S2: about marriage and parenting, and if there was no James, 682 00:37:51,650 --> 00:37:54,930 S2: there would be no nothing. And I remember Chris, when 683 00:37:54,930 --> 00:37:58,650 S2: I was 16, I had this dream like, Lord, I 684 00:37:58,810 --> 00:38:00,890 S2: really want to speak, I really want to do this. 685 00:38:00,890 --> 00:38:02,649 S2: But Lord, what am I going to talk about? What 686 00:38:02,650 --> 00:38:05,850 S2: am I going to do? And years into our marriage, 687 00:38:05,850 --> 00:38:09,840 S2: when I had my first Baby Ethan. So he's 21 now. 688 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,200 S2: When I was home, he said, you know what, Arlene? 689 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,799 S2: You've always dreamt of speaking and writing books. You should 690 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:17,640 S2: do that while you're a stay at home mom. You 691 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,520 S2: should start blogging was in. Then you should start blogging. 692 00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,160 S2: You should do those things. I'll support you. I will 693 00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:25,359 S2: help you. And so when I would go away to 694 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,480 S2: my first speaking engagement, right, for two people, you know, 695 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,560 S2: whatever it is, he would be there to watch the kids. 696 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,000 S2: And if it wasn't for James being there for me, 697 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,839 S2: giving me a lot of material, if you've read my books. 698 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,560 S2: But if it wasn't for him being there, there would 699 00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:43,280 S2: definitely be no, I mean, I feel like this was 700 00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:46,120 S2: that calling of I'm here to encourage the family, and 701 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,640 S2: without James, there would not have been a family. And 702 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,080 S2: on the flip side of that, he works as a realtor. 703 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:54,320 S2: He's independent, doesn't have a boss, he's his own boss. 704 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,640 S2: And if I spent too much money, if I asked 705 00:38:57,640 --> 00:38:59,279 S2: him lots of questions all the time, how are we 706 00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,439 S2: doing on the finances? How are you doing? Sell any 707 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,400 S2: houses lately? So? So I try to do my best 708 00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:08,360 S2: as well to support that. So we support one another 709 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:12,120 S2: in in our jobs, in our careers, in our ministries 710 00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,960 S2: and our callings. And we could not do that by ourselves. 711 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:20,280 S1: You know, what I hear from James is he saw you. 712 00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:24,799 S1: He he knew the desire in your heart. He could 713 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:26,959 S1: see that. And he wanted to lift you up. And 714 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,920 S1: there are some families, either women or men, who say 715 00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:34,320 S1: he she has always dreamed about or he's always dreamed about. 716 00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,640 S1: Fill in the blank. Getting. Getting more education. Going back 717 00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:40,400 S1: to college. Going back to school. I want to support. 718 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,800 S1: You know he's got the medical degree now. She wants 719 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:46,480 S1: to get her master's in whatever or her PhD. And 720 00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:50,040 S1: that's something that you accomplish together, right? 721 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,920 S2: Yes. Yes. To support one another's dreams and to do 722 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,239 S2: what's best for the family. It's it's really beautiful. 723 00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:58,840 S1: Mallory is in Illinois. Mallory, tell me your answer to 724 00:39:58,880 --> 00:39:59,680 S1: that question. 725 00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:07,189 S11: Hi. Thank you for taking my call. I, um. I guess, uh, 726 00:40:07,190 --> 00:40:11,470 S11: to start. My husband and I both come from very 727 00:40:11,469 --> 00:40:20,069 S11: interesting backgrounds. Um, parents, a lot of drugs and alcohol, brokenness, uh, 728 00:40:20,070 --> 00:40:24,870 S11: failed marriages, divorce. And we met in high school. So 729 00:40:25,350 --> 00:40:28,830 S11: when we met, it was terrifying for the for the 730 00:40:28,870 --> 00:40:33,469 S11: both of us. Because we knew we we really adored 731 00:40:33,469 --> 00:40:36,549 S11: each other and felt like we might be soulmates. And 732 00:40:36,550 --> 00:40:40,150 S11: this would be forever. So we carried on our relationship 733 00:40:40,150 --> 00:40:45,069 S11: for ten years, um, at that point into college and 734 00:40:45,070 --> 00:40:53,030 S11: beyond and dated, uh, lived together with a mortgage, unmarried, uh, 735 00:40:53,070 --> 00:40:57,150 S11: ended up having two beautiful daughters at that time and 736 00:40:57,510 --> 00:41:00,870 S11: with our parents really just being unbelievers and the fear 737 00:41:00,870 --> 00:41:05,230 S11: of marriage and commitment, but having the conviction of just 738 00:41:05,870 --> 00:41:09,870 S11: not living to our ultimate selves and having this fire 739 00:41:09,870 --> 00:41:14,910 S11: inside for Jesus. I don't know how, and I don't 740 00:41:14,910 --> 00:41:19,470 S11: really have an explanation outside of God, but God brought 741 00:41:19,469 --> 00:41:23,509 S11: us to himself and and convicted us and how we 742 00:41:23,510 --> 00:41:28,070 S11: were living. And, um, my husband was more or less 743 00:41:28,070 --> 00:41:34,030 S11: the one afraid to propose and to take that next step. And, um, 744 00:41:34,430 --> 00:41:36,549 S11: I will say, what we did for each other is 745 00:41:36,550 --> 00:41:41,230 S11: somehow I think God aligned us together, seeing where we 746 00:41:41,270 --> 00:41:45,790 S11: came from and the potential of his future creation and 747 00:41:45,790 --> 00:41:48,750 S11: what we can bring to the world through, through our 748 00:41:48,750 --> 00:41:52,830 S11: children and through being the light to our friends groups 749 00:41:52,830 --> 00:41:57,470 S11: and our families even. Um, so we ended up getting 750 00:41:57,469 --> 00:42:04,219 S11: married and have been together now probably 25 years. We 751 00:42:04,219 --> 00:42:08,500 S11: have five beautiful children who we raise, you know, through 752 00:42:08,500 --> 00:42:13,779 S11: church and in Christ. And, uh, looks different than a 753 00:42:13,820 --> 00:42:15,540 S11: lot of people that we know and a lot of 754 00:42:15,540 --> 00:42:19,660 S11: our family, and we are the ones who are, quote unquote, 755 00:42:19,660 --> 00:42:25,379 S11: going against the grain, I suppose, in society. Um, but okay. 756 00:42:25,420 --> 00:42:28,020 S1: So here's here's the word, here's the word that had 757 00:42:28,020 --> 00:42:30,420 S1: come into my mind. You see, if you agree this early, 758 00:42:30,580 --> 00:42:36,739 S1: it's transformation transformed. They you you two have been changed. 759 00:42:36,780 --> 00:42:39,700 S1: And I get the fear. It's like I understand the 760 00:42:39,700 --> 00:42:42,219 S1: fear of if you've been through this, it's like, I 761 00:42:42,219 --> 00:42:44,660 S1: don't want to go through that, you know, or put 762 00:42:44,660 --> 00:42:48,299 S1: our kids through that, but you push past that fear 763 00:42:48,300 --> 00:42:51,420 S1: to the to the forgiveness and the love and the 764 00:42:51,420 --> 00:42:56,340 S1: mercy and the grace of God that brought you together. Uh, Arlene, 765 00:42:56,340 --> 00:42:57,140 S1: what do you say? 766 00:42:57,500 --> 00:43:00,339 S2: And what a beautiful think of, like, the legacy like 767 00:43:00,340 --> 00:43:04,020 S2: that together with purpose. You're changing the legacy of both 768 00:43:04,020 --> 00:43:07,940 S2: of your families of origin, and that's amazing. And then 769 00:43:07,940 --> 00:43:10,459 S2: your kids are going to grow up and say, oh, wow, 770 00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:14,020 S2: my mom and dad. They stay together. And they made 771 00:43:14,020 --> 00:43:17,379 S2: this commitment. And it's also showing, like wherever we are 772 00:43:17,380 --> 00:43:21,459 S2: in our life, that we can make that turn towards 773 00:43:21,660 --> 00:43:24,580 S2: what is right. Like when you guys were together and thought, okay, 774 00:43:24,620 --> 00:43:26,620 S2: we are together, we have these kids, but we're going 775 00:43:26,620 --> 00:43:29,620 S2: to get married. Like that was a step in response 776 00:43:29,620 --> 00:43:32,500 S2: to God's calling us to do that. Let's let's do it. 777 00:43:32,500 --> 00:43:35,340 S2: So I see this together with purpose thing. It's like, 778 00:43:35,380 --> 00:43:38,540 S2: obey what God says and God will make a big 779 00:43:38,540 --> 00:43:41,660 S2: difference in your life as he has yours. My goodness. 780 00:43:41,980 --> 00:43:44,540 S1: And if there's somebody listening right now, Arlene, who says 781 00:43:44,780 --> 00:43:46,859 S1: we don't have we don't have a shared purpose. We 782 00:43:46,900 --> 00:43:49,739 S1: we we we have a lot of conflict. And I 783 00:43:49,739 --> 00:43:51,339 S1: don't even know if we're going to be able to 784 00:43:51,380 --> 00:43:54,299 S1: hang in there. It's less than ideal. What do you 785 00:43:54,300 --> 00:43:55,380 S1: say to that couple? 786 00:43:55,700 --> 00:43:59,020 S2: Yeah. And so the the beginning may just be like 787 00:43:59,489 --> 00:44:02,930 S2: we want to just our shared purpose is to be 788 00:44:02,930 --> 00:44:07,009 S2: curious about each other again and to be slightly affectionate 789 00:44:07,010 --> 00:44:10,650 S2: to one another. So if you start there, start somewhere 790 00:44:10,650 --> 00:44:14,410 S2: where you can attain it, where it's not like so impossible, 791 00:44:14,770 --> 00:44:19,770 S2: but start because it's trajectory. You want this trajectory of okay, 792 00:44:19,810 --> 00:44:21,649 S2: maybe it's not. Oh, I listen to this program and 793 00:44:21,650 --> 00:44:25,330 S2: now wow, here's my three point plan for purpose. But hey, 794 00:44:25,489 --> 00:44:29,130 S2: I listen to this and let's start dating again once 795 00:44:29,130 --> 00:44:32,090 S2: a month, you know, and National Marriage Week, lots of 796 00:44:32,090 --> 00:44:34,890 S2: date night ideas. Hey, let's listen to those live streams. 797 00:44:34,890 --> 00:44:37,930 S2: Let's just pick one and, like, eat popcorn and, like, 798 00:44:37,969 --> 00:44:42,650 S2: listen to it. So just that trajectory of let's. Instead 799 00:44:42,650 --> 00:44:46,410 S2: of walking away from each other, let's walk towards each 800 00:44:46,450 --> 00:44:50,490 S2: other and let's seek together what could be a purpose 801 00:44:50,489 --> 00:44:52,730 S2: and obviously the purpose of getting to know one another, 802 00:44:52,730 --> 00:44:55,090 S2: supporting one another, loving one another that's always going to 803 00:44:55,090 --> 00:44:56,049 S2: be there underneath. 804 00:44:56,650 --> 00:45:00,210 S1: We don't have time for more calls. But Mallory thank you, Donna. 805 00:45:00,210 --> 00:45:03,290 S1: Thank you. There in Nashville, Colin says he and his 806 00:45:03,290 --> 00:45:06,890 S1: wife started a Bible translation project 30 years ago for 807 00:45:06,890 --> 00:45:11,210 S1: the people of Cameroon, and it was just completed. They 808 00:45:11,210 --> 00:45:13,609 S1: could not have you talk about purpose. They could not 809 00:45:13,610 --> 00:45:18,050 S1: have completed it without their togetherness. Pamela says. We raised sons. 810 00:45:18,050 --> 00:45:22,410 S1: We homeschooled them. Doctor Kesler Trisha John Kessler wrote just 811 00:45:22,410 --> 00:45:26,490 S1: about everything that I considered to be significant in my life. 812 00:45:26,530 --> 00:45:29,569 S1: I love that, Robin says. We were caregivers of our 813 00:45:29,570 --> 00:45:33,969 S1: son who had frontal temporal degenerative brain disease during the 814 00:45:33,969 --> 00:45:37,250 S1: last 17 months of his life. We watched the angels 815 00:45:37,250 --> 00:45:41,049 S1: carrying him into the bosom of Abraham. So you can 816 00:45:41,050 --> 00:45:43,690 S1: see there's a lot of pain here. You know, the 817 00:45:43,690 --> 00:45:46,690 S1: shared purpose sometimes comes out of the pain and the 818 00:45:46,690 --> 00:45:49,969 S1: struggle of life. Other times there are dreams. There are 819 00:45:50,010 --> 00:45:53,529 S1: goals that you have that you move toward together. And 820 00:45:53,530 --> 00:45:56,569 S1: I've just found this really encouraging. Arlene, thanks a lot 821 00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,080 S1: for coming alongside us. One more. What would you say 822 00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:01,719 S1: to anybody who's thinking, oh, I don't know if I'll 823 00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,800 S1: click on that National Marriage Week website. What do you say? 824 00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:08,200 S2: Why would you not want free help? Right. You could 825 00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,560 S2: pay a lot of money for counseling, but you can 826 00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:13,239 S2: hear Doctor Gary Chapman, you can hear Doctor Les and 827 00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:16,120 S2: Leslie Parrott for free. So go sign up right now. 828 00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:19,399 S1: There you go. Just go to Chris. Org. We've got 829 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,399 S1: the link right there and you'll see more about Arlene. 830 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:25,399 S1: You come back. Other than being on National Marriage Week, 831 00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,520 S1: you know I enjoy this. Let's do it again. Okay. 832 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:29,560 S2: I would love it. 833 00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:33,239 S1: And she's the author of Making Marriage Easier. That's our 834 00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:36,640 S1: featured resource today, as well as the link to National 835 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:40,200 S1: Marriage Week. Abdu Murray is coming up on Monday. Have 836 00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:43,399 S1: a great weekend. We're going to talk about AI on 837 00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:45,920 S1: Monday right here on Chris Fabry Live, which is a 838 00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:49,680 S1: production of Moody Radio, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.